#Maybe let them see a therapist???
Video
#Jancyweek2022 Day 1- Lyrics
You know how scared I am of elevators never trust it if it rises fast it can't last/You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back Just like that - Labyrinth by Taylor Swift
#jancyweek2022#nancy x jonathan#jonathan byers#nancy wheeler#Back on my Midnights is Jancy coded bullshit#Also pls my children are traumatized let them live#also let them rest????#Maybe let them see a therapist???#That's not Murray#or sit them down with Murray again that'll work#I also added Flo's quote because while Jonathan loved his family enough to be that crazy that man just drove 2000 miles#With a known serial killer on the loose in Hawkins#And if that isn't love then idk what is#also this is a little bit anti-stancy my bad#and also a little anti-steve again my bad#but I really didn't like how he dismissed Nancy tbh#I suppose this is a bit healing too#again my bad#ONE MORE THING#Jonathan finding Nancy and taking her home and then LYING TO COVER FOR STEVE????#peak romance#Jonathan Byers just out here like If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more#St video edit
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
good morning everyone :( i am in a Funk really bad and i wanna say it’s school but i know it’s a bit deeper than that. i dunno what to do i just feel weird… i hope everyone is having a good day tho imy guys :’)
#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#yk when you wake up and you just feel like you haven’t slept at all#pretty sure i even dreamed abt my problems bc when i woke up they were instantly on my mind#it’s like this sick feeling#ik it’s a lot of stuff combined and the feelings r just manifesting thru smaller stuff but it still sucks so bad#idunno…. what if im not good enough for f/os and i should drop them all and let them Be Free..#im just not feeling good abt myself i guess. i think im scared to go home tbh#one week til i go home… :(#then i have to get my wisdom teeth out and start my new job and see my friends again who bully me for fun#can’t wait………..#im going to try to keep learning japanese hopefully that helps me yk#to have a hobby to throw myself into#i don’t know… i guess it’s a plus that i don’t have school again til august#maybe something good will happen in that time. maybe i’ll get better#maybe i need a therapist but aaaahhhh…… scary….. it’s harder now that im older and no one can make me go#i just am unsure that i can be fixed atp i don’t know if i can have a normal life or if i’ll just always be this way#hhhh…. i don’t want to go home at least here i feel somewhat happy
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just
like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings
but like
I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.
like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.
#red said#the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early#metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of#Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together#but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant#i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning.#what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose.#i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy#so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that#but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person.#but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go#i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it#but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving#i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry#right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone.#that kind of thing. it's a safety thing.#it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it#but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that#and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time#anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
and that's on top of pinning my distress and suffering and the awful time i'm going thru on the fact i'm on hrt
#why are cis people so obsessed with our transition when it has nothing to do with the situation#why does every therapist psychiatrist and other professional keep asking me if i've “fully” transitioned#if i see any huge side effects#if i find it hard to adjust to changes in my body (it's been 4 years btw)#and then when i try and tell them hrt is going well and i don't have any problem in that regard#they ignore me and keep saying it's hard to deal with your body changing even if you wanted it to and it's understandable to be struggling#literally so so tired of this. you guys aren't even listening to me. you guys don't care about me#you only care about your weird beliefs that hrt is harmful and you're so uncomfortable with my transness (always have been) that you don't#even want to help me for real you just want to have the satisfaction of saying see i was right see you're suffering bc of your “choice” to#be like this#well honestly i don't know who would ever choose to ask for help when you either pay lots of money or maybe get lucky or pay more money and#try again until you hit jackpot or just get no help just transphobia from public healthcare#i'm tired. i'm so tired. and i don't know how to stand up for myself. i'm sorry i wish i was one of those trans or fat people who fight lik#hell to get the respect they deserve but i'm just a scared traumatized mentally ill person who struggles to talk to people#so i just get stuck in these feelings of helplessness and no wonder i let myself reach my limit and would rather die instead
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i try my best not to think of it and i havent in years but the fact the only people who were ever supposed to be my friends irl would always dump their love on me and then to leave me & say they dont like me over and over and over again only so they could watch my reaction n make fun of me together maybe did affect me huh
#i am normal i am not affected ii do not see ◡_◡#[distant sounds of me crying & screaming && gasping for air &&& ripping myself to shreds like a bear]#i was always an autistic lil freak who didnt speak so i guess i shouldnt be surprised#but like. i always just wanted them to like me#i always just wanted the chance to like them back and let be allowed. always just wanted someone to be pals with. someone i could trust to#have my back for once vs everything else#i remember such a specific moment right#and we were going on a roadtrip w her and one i already had#and they ended up talking before we left#the worst part is i had to keep seeing them. i had to just keep reliving the humiliation over n over again n it got so deep in me#& the og one had a plan that we would sit together in the back n n we had like. tons of stuff brought we could do n snacks n all this#n then at the very last second literally as i had just sat down she was like . actually. i dont want you back here. i want her she's way be#better#and i remember so specifically she was like. LOL look at ur face..........#and so i had to sit up front alone w nothing to do the entire ride but listen to them make fun of me for it#i feel like it would be better if they had left it at that but then they always came back n treated me so sweetly so i was like . ok i have#a chance#maybe they do like me#like the same girl went on to share cookies she had bought w me and we sat on the lawn for hours hanging out n eating them#and then she did it again#and again#but i was so alone in the world otherwise that i stayed#for years n years#my therapist always talks about how because of how long ive had anxiety means itll take either equally as long or longer to recover#and all i can think ab is how i lived with everything horrible at home#always just wanting to escape#to living through bad things outside of it too#just piling on top#from 6-16#and i kept going back
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Crying screaming rolling on the floor sobbing knock me back out so I can go back to my Venture dreams PLEASE
#i love them now let me see them again#uh oh is this a concerning post...................... maybe for my therapist#🫠#i will cherish these dreams forever#rambles
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love you guys so much meme left is Mia and Ethan from Resident Evil and Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin from t100
#the 100#resident evil#bellarke#mithan#will i elaborate? maybe#simple answer (as I haven't watched the show in a bit)#characters make mistake and do very dark things#hated by the fandom to a extortionate amount? check#ethan for killing the lords/ not being a therapist to the people trying to fucking kill him#mia for being involved with evie (valid however most of the hate i've seen has positioned Mia in a position of power)#and made no mention of her boss director (actually called that in game) douche and makes no mention of how much worse lucas/miranda is#clarke for being forced into hard choices (both in show and out of show she is hated for being forced between bomb or gun so many times)#bellamy for attacking an innocent army of grounders (bleh) and just daring to exist in the presence of a white woman etc (lot of it is bs)#and the positives clarke protecting bellamy not knowing what will happen to her/ sending her daughter to the frontlines of a war#(i do have problems with the latter on account of 12 year old and other things)#bellamy seeing morse code being tapped out on clarks arm and going clarke is still alive lets get her back/ the entire CPR scene#valeveira (and cleon) is somewhere between them and jeresa n a bi4bi way#you know devotion connections etc#mia winters#ethan winters#bellamy blake#clarke griffin
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
drove my mom to the ER.
#that’s it that’s the text post#no pity or condolences pls#just… felt like I needed to post this. to say something instead of just reblogging shit#not sure it’s necessary…. it’s not… but I dunno maybe I just think my life is so important I need to post vaguely about it#also canceled my therapy appointment for tomorrow because fuck it let the psychic trauma fester#didn’t go last weak but I had a decent reason. I suppose ‘being with sick mother’ is also a decent reason#I just kinda dread seeing my therapist now#funny how he went from cool dude to another person I’m afraid to disappoint in one session#anyway I’ve been in this hospital for about 5 hrs now and it sounds like it’ll be an overnight thing#very sad stuff#but also I hate ‘I’m so sorry’ messages#I know they mean well and I know I’m basically inviting them but let’s like… not do that dance okay?#let’s just keep it loose#band on the sinking titanic vibes#anyway… this is my little injection of my personal life before going off to reblog softcore shit hours later#I didn’t mean to write all of this but it seems I can’t be vague to save my life#you can ignore this#text
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
fun aside, my therapist is also neurodivergent, which is great because they can very much relate to a lot of issues I have and have been extremely effective at helping work with/through them.
but it also means that last session we somehow spent at least five minutes talking about veggietales songs and pulling them up on spotify before we got back on track and neither of us has any idea how the hell we arrived there. we were having a serious conversation before that.
#somehow they'd never heard the water buffalo song how were we supposed to let that go#for real though I love my therapist and I am in such a vastly better place from when I started seeing them#an unfathomable upgrade from the guy who couldn't remember which direction I was transitioning from one session to the next#and asked me every single time we met if I'd thought about presenting as male in public spaces#I was fully socially transitioned and passing as cis to most of my clients in the salon#I was dressed like a dude as we were speaking#I told him every time that I'd been out to literally everyone in my life for over a year and had been on t almost as long#but he always asked again#maybe my long hair confused him?#idk he was also old as shit
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
🦇.
#though i do wish ‘i don’t want to go to therapy bc i don’t want to’ was a real statement i can make#now im going into a justification spiral alone in my living room <- annoying#i just want to trust myself and see what i can do i just think it’s unfair bc the only thing i want from a therapist is a diagnosis not much#else so at least i would have that peace of mind#im not really worried abt the processing or unpacking i just want my goddamn diagnosis so i can tell someone im not faking it#but i also know what good is that? it won’t change much and i don’t want to fall into the trap of over identifying with trauma and the like#so i go back and forth#it doesn’t matter how horrifying my past is i wish i didn’t look crazy when saying i don’t want therapy#bc it’s not about learning self care grounding and choosing myself it’s much more serious than that#like institutionalization serious some of this stuff. when i can even see out of my own eyes everything is unrecognizable#and i would lose months of my life in the part of therapy that ‘gets worse’ before getting better i don’t necessarily need to be going#backwards w a stranger i am fully committed to going forwards with myself however#i also just think it’s hard bc i feel better now that ive let myself be more reserved which looks like moving backwards#my biggest issues are sleep and interpersonal these are things that take practice#or maybe im just going on and on abt it bc that person just talks without listening#so now these are things that will go unheard forever#but i said this to them i know they’re hearing ‘denial’ and not hearing ‘me’ bc they keep assuming our brains are wired the same when they#never where. im just a nostalgic dream to them and i hate being pitied#it’s not the same as being cared for#idk i know myself at the end of the day and i don’t have to prove to anyone that im making the right decisions for myself but therapy isn’t#going to fix me and there’s no ‘normal’ i can become that’s why im deciding not to for now i care for myself in the best way i know#and im not necessarily looking forward to fighting with someone i don’t know to believe in me i already have to do this with the people i do#i have little to no memories <- this is my main concern my lack of memory permanence continuous brain fog#when did i get home i don’t remember saying that i thought today was thursday <- these worry me more than they used to since ive started#noticing it i don’t remember my little sisters graduation#but this is the life i was dealt im trying#what the hell am i saying#personal
1 note
·
View note
Text
-. all these gifsets... making me think about bu.llet t.rain... critics are such FOOLS, not only is the movie genuinely everything to me and also hilarious like come on, it’s visually so frucking pleasing, every single colour palette in action, every wagon, every tiny bit of costume detail, the way everything comes together, like? how the hell do you handle so many strings at once and still have them tie in that insanely we, it’s so diverse and multicultural too like WHAT DO YOU WANT, that stupid #### ######## cameo WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT
#;ooc#ladybug's therapist being a true off screen hero#thE FUCKING NURSE#bullet train spoilers#i blacked out the cameo but GOD THAT WAS SO DDGKFJH i literally had to sCREAM INTO MY HANDS BECAUSE OF COURSE--#they literally do not get rid of the characters they killed off LIKE we've got like three characters that die after#5 minutes of screen time AND THEY WON'T LET THEM GO#the other cameo just being about wanting to get railed by the various good looking men on the traIN I???#this is me subtly trying to get more people to watch it#i see people picking up characters NASSY SAID SHE'D WANT TO WRITE ONE I wanna write one == i'm gonna... HMM#maybe try Prince she was ridiculous throw her off the train i love her
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#SO funny thing#last year around this time i signed up for classes to catch up with my education#and i signed up for a very basic class because i assumed that degree is needed as a requirement to take higher education classes#as therapists and people at the job center continuously let me know wherever i went#well turns OUT they were wrong#i could've just signed up for the higher degree one that i was working towards when i was younger nbd and i could have spent#the past 6 months on studying THAT#anyway today i called the college and asked if i can sign up for the next one and they told me i theoretically could but it'll start#in NOVEMBER 2024 and that's ages away#but they have ongoing classes rn and maybe i can switch to just attending those#which sounds fine up until my mental health and the fact that i'm doing this with the help of therapists and counsellors come into the#equation#see those classes are from mon-fri#and my current ones only twice a week which we all agreed on was the most i can do at the moment without sliding into another#burnout type of situation#SO the tl;dr of this is i could attend the higher education classes nbd but they are likely to stomp my mental health entirely back into#the ground and i am very likely not gonna be able to finish them if they do which means i would end up with no degree at all considering#i would have to sacrifice the classes that i'm currently attending for the other ones#so the reality here is that i will have to finish this degree so i can focus on getting healthier between this year and the next in order#to have the strength to attend the next one and it's very frustrating to know that's standing in the way of attaining a higher education is#my mental health. like. i wanna go back to being able to work and socialise without this thing gnawing at the back of my mind#i guess i'm getting there but it's not happening fast enough for me
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why are you sitting there in self loathing over being jealous :( beg for my attention and tell me how you want to kill the other person, it's okay, it's cute! I'd never let you do anything to get yourself put in jail, I'll help you with your urges as much as I can :3 you're doing so good but you don't have to pretend to not get jealous, ily!
- 🌻
#🍰 is more the one to go 'im going to stab them' when theyre jealous#but i still support u and ur lil homicidal thoughts. its adorable how in love you are!! ill keep you safe until they pass#id say id let you cut me but my therapist says im not supposed to self harm anymore so maybe you can just draw your name on me in red#also shockingly this post isnt even abt my partner its abt my bff. i just get obsessive love so much that when i see them all jealous my#mind is immediately like. its okay if you want to murder them mate ily no mattwr what youre okay#like dont murder them but its cool if youre jealous#tw death#yanderecore#obsessive#jealousy#violent posts
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Found my old diary from when I was 15-16 the other day. On one hand, it's really cool that I kept it up, almost every single day, for a whole year. On the other omg this poor girl neded therapy so so badly and I never got it.
But what has me thinking, is masking. Now idk if I'm autistic or adhd or anything, but the thing is, I used to write a LOT of stories where the main character dropped her charade, and didn't know who she was underneath.
These irked my mom.
See she used to read my diaries and journals, anything I wrote on a computer that she didn't like? She deleted. If I wrote something she didn't like on paper and she found it, she'd give me lectures about it.
Wrote letters to somebody and my mom didn't approve? She shut that down quick and compared the other person to a pimp. She's my aunt.
I think this is part of the reason why I'm finding it so hard to self treat my (mild, so I'm told by actual doctors) depression now, I've been hiding and putting on a mask for so long, I don't know who I am.
I have trouble keeping journals bc I can't write down the truth, what if somebody reads it. I can't talk to my friends offline about it, what if they decide they don't like me.
But
Here on Tumblr, I think I'm a lot more myself.
I don't have to be smart, I don't have to be funny, I don't even have to be kind. I just enjoy myself while not intentionally hurting people.
My stupid lil thoughts are just that, and they're allowed to be, I'm not trying to BE somebody, I'm just being me.
Now if I could be me outside this little phone that would be nice too
#Idk#I ran out of my antidepressants a week ago and let me tell you that was NOT a fun day#Got a refill asap and am feeling much better#But still thinking a lot about this#Doesn't help that I HAVE to talk to a coworker about how she's been treating me#Sigh#Idk man it's just#Everybody sees the personalities I try so hard to show them but any time I feel I let myself out they hate me#Maybe I'm too over sensitive maybe I'm just a whiny little bitch!! Maybe I think too much!! This is what I want a therapist for!!
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
-
#honest anon i wont publish your ask cause it’s a bit triggering and it’s not the right time for that#i see where your concern comes from#but I don’t agree because we don’t have any reason to be worried for that#at least for now#i agree someone shouls step up and speak loud and clear about some habits of his#let it be his doctor his therapist his friends his manager or someone from his family#but in this moment there’s no need to go there with these thoughts#all the cases you mentioned are suis generis and we don’t know what happened with them in reality#(for example i think the Z thing was really staged by the monsters of the fucking family im so glad he escaped)#all of them need help (and when i say all i mean ALL including the ones you let out)#but as for now we don’t know much more#I’ve seen someone saying he has a long history of broken arms#this is his 4 time 😵💫 and even before the band#it’s just sad it happened on this weekend#maybe his security team and management should be more careful with him and advise him better tgan this
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sure gotta love when people try to guilt trip you into seeing them.
Imma be honest, it just makes me want to see them less.
#yes manipulation tactics that the toxic half of the family would use all the time is absolutely going to change my mind#you'd think when this tactic has worked for years they'd realise it isn't working. but no.#maybe actually talk to me instead of just telling me who died or is sick every damn time and i want to talk??#nooooo gotta just sit and talk about how horrible everything is EVERY SINGLE TIME.#which is a great idea when the person you're talking to is already depressed and barely holding together 🙃#and if i do see them they get bored of me within like 20 minutes anyway and just walk off to watch tv#very worth all my energy for a few days as you can tell. 🙄#i just saw that the hasn't worked for years turned into has... too lazy to change it now. ty phone#like ffs i can't even be up on the right side of the day now a days ... just try and work with me instead??#maybe if you stop pushing and trying to make me feel bad all the time I'd called ages ago?#like I'm sorry but i ain't no therapist and you sure af ain't paying me so no i won't spend the little grain of energy i have on it#i hear enough of sickness death and misery every single fucking day... i do not need someone to put theirs on me too#and then expect me to constantly make them feel better about it. like i can't even describe how exhausting it is#and we tell em.... and they don't give a shit .#sorry for the rant but i just... i already felt so shit rn and now i get this too#like the past months stress that has ruined my brain ain't enough...or the super bad body ache ain't enough#or the super bad stomach isn't enough... or the lack of sleep and effed up day night cycle ain't enough#it's just.. i do not need this right now please stop... please stop..#i just stopped going 150% and pure survival the past 2 months.. don't start this shit now i literally cannot...#i am exhausted to a point I never thought possible... and it keeps going down cause it never let's up.#... i need a hug...#rant#ryder speaking
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
zoyalina
[gay silence]
stellasinatra-blog
Homebase STELLA
altmodelbox-blog
ALTMODELBOX
grenggoo7
Untitled
she-screams
My Girl