#Look at his little hard hat and high Vis jacket | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

littlesugarwords · 3 years

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omg modern au with ericson kids + james with a HIGHLY, i mean were talking on the runway looks, fashionista reader. Not like s/o, i wanna see the younglings reactions to someone like that too OMG PLZ???

OOOOOH OH MY GOD THIS IS SO CUTE YES PLSSSS

I’m writing this as the fashionista is part of their friend group :’)

Clementine: Everyday, Clementine smiled, her fingers knit together in excitement “You know the drill.” Y/N would twirl, strut a pose or two, and Clem would giggle and silently clap. “A solid 8/10. Good work.” “Ugh, you’re so hard to please. I’ll never get a perfect rating.” Clem giggled. “/That’s/ because the perfect rating is only with my hat. And needs a leather jacket.” Y/N just giggled. “I guess I’ll just say I’m a misunderstood artist then, hm?” With gleeful giggles, hand in hand, the two friends would walk to class.

AJ: AJ was mystified at how fabulous their friend always seemed to be. Brand names, a fab fit for every class, and every extra-curricular, every everything. AJ had to work up the courage for 4 days to ask if he could borrow some of their things. “Of course! Come over whenever you have free time.” AJ was over the moon - more so over the universe - excited.

Marlon: Marlon would smirk every morning. “You act like the hallway is a runway.” Taking off their designer sunglasses, Y/N scoffed. “That’s because the world is a runway, Marlon. You’d know that if you wore anything other than your football jacket.” Feigning offence, Marlon scoffed. “This is as designer as it’ll get for me.” Giggling and jostling each other, they parted ways. “I’ll see you at lunch!” Y/N called. “Of course, you dork.” Marlon called through a laugh.

Louis: Louis would always beam, offering them brief applause and taking pictures for their social media. “God, I really should become a fashion photographer.” “Only if you tour the world with me.” Y/N said, sticking their pinky out toward the male, smirking, the two promised. “We’re gonna be famous, you and me.” Y/N teased, strutting on their way. They were so extra, Louis couldn’t help but laugh.

Violet: Violet smirked, drinking them in as they strut down the hall. “You are so dramatic. It’s just high school, Y/N.” Y/N scoffed drastically, lowering their glasses to the bridge of their nose. “Nothing is ‘just’ anything when you’re trying to become a famous model.” Y/N said. Readjusting her shades, she continued to strut on her way. “Don’t hate, Vi.” Violet could only giggle, a hand pressed to her cheek, in awe at Y/N’s ability to just be themselves.

Mitch: Mitch was jealous as shit. He had so badly wanted a style as defined as theirs, but he never had the money. It wasn’t until they became close friends did they start planning squad outfits everyday; matching and playing off of the outfit of the other. “Are you a couple?” People would always ask. In sync, the two would scoff. “Please.” Mitch would say. “We’re just icons.” Y/N would finish.

Willy: Willy would immediately ask - the literal first day they started hanging with their friend group - if they had any dresses in his size. “I have dresses in every size, hun.” Y/N said with a smirk. “What colour and fabric are you looking for?” From that day forward, Y/N and Willy would create outfits for Willy together. They both had so much fun, they did it every day until graduation. Y/N loved dolling him up, and Willy loved the fashionable feeling.

Aasim: Aasim would smile, gesturing for them to twirl for him. “Hand me your phone. What pose are you thinking for today’s picture?” Aasim was always so supportive of Y/N’s fashion lifestyle, even if he didn’t fully understand it. “You’re the best.” Y/N would thank him with a shoulder squeeze. “I’ll buy you lunch as thanks!” Aasim smiled. They did it every day, without fail. He giggled. “I’ll see you then.”

Ruby: Ruby would smile and clap as they walked down the hallway. “Stop! Do another lap.” Ruby always said, smiling and tugging out her phone. It reminded Ruby of when she was a little girl, doing fashion shows in the basement with her siblings and her mother’s clothing. “You’re working it, girl.” Ruby said with a grin. “I better get photo crews when you post that.” The two supported each other endlessly and were practically attached at the hip, even if their styles differed greatly.

Omar: Omar would smile and clap, fake bowing in their presence. “Wow, aren’t you looking stunning today.” He’d tease. Playfully, Y/N would swat his shoulder. “You’re such a dork. Do you actually like it thought?” They twirled, so excited about their look that day. “As always, yes. Of course I do.” Omar said with a playful nudge. “I’ll see you after class fashion icon.” Y/N beamed, strutting away.

Tenn: Tenn would smile, nodding every day they were showing off the details in their outfit for the first time. Tens was fascinated on the artist side of fashion. “How long would this have taken to stitch?” “About 20 hours.” “Woah.” Tens and Y/N had a deal that he would be their fashion designed once they made it big. “We’re gonna be rich, Tenn.” Smiling, they high fives and went about their days as per normal.

Brody: Brody would smile, cheeks bright and red, fingers knit together in front of your chest in awe. “Wow! I love the look today.” Y/N loved being able to ask Brody for style advice; little things that didn’t make her feel overwhelmed. “Why do you think? Yellow vibes for tomorrow? Maybe I’ll use that white headband you love?” Brody eagerly smiled and nodded. She loved having a hand in their fashion moments.

James: James would smirk, his hand brushing at his chin as he admired them, strutting down the hallway like it was a catwalk. “You’re gonna do this all the way until graduation, aren’t you?” Y/N scoffed. “Duh, of course.” Every day they would twirl, showing off their fabulous outfit to their friend. “So? What do you think?” “I feel like I can’t comment since I know nothing about fashion.” Y/N scoffed playfully. “Fine.” They playfully smacked each other’s arms and went about their days. Total opposites, but they got along so so well.

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laurazepamwrites · 4 years

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The Chemicals between us ~ Chapter 13

After their visit to Pix Elle, Mei and Angela had tried the other addresses of the missing omnics without further luck. One had refused to let them in at all and the other address was abandoned altogether, the premises ransacked of what little possessions left. The only thing to remain was the strange Omnic graffiti again. After this Angela insisted on some downtime to collect their thoughts by going to the fashion museum then feeling inspired by this, went shopping for ‘just one new pair of shoes and a dress.’ The boot of the car now loaded with a number of high end bags, they made their way to the bustling Port of Calais to find answers at Hubs most recent place of work. Seagulls screamed overhead and the salt in the air was strong. Huge cruise ships and cargo containers lined the docks. They parked close by and followed the signs for the shipping and logistics companies further along. Mei looked around as they walked past surly looking men, huge cranes unloading steel containers and security droids scanning for anything illegal. She caught sight of a sketchy looking Omnic in shabby clothes who stopped to give her and her companion a look of suspicion. Mei glanced away quickly and kept her eyes peeled for the Global freight logo. Luckily she did not need to search far.

‘Hey hey hey you ladies cant be down here!” A large man wearing a hi vis jacket and hardhat shouted across to them in a french accent. “Cruise ships are on the other side! Bloody tourists..”

“Is this Global Freight?” Angela asked, ignoring him.

“You health and safety? You're not due to next wednesday.”

“My name Is Amander Muller and this is Lin Chang, we’re looking for Hub 0.5. We understand he works here?”

“You police?”

“Non monsieur, we’re journalists for the Connexion. Might I know your name?”

He scratched his stubble of a beard and looked them both up and down. “Too pretty to be pigs I guess..names Vic Dubrand. I'm the foreman here. Now why are you after that rust bucket Hub?”

“He may help us with a report we are working on but have unable to locate him. Even his wife hasn't seen him for days.” Said Angela.

“You think I have? Look lady, Hub came to work as usual then never shows up again. Far as i'm concerned he don't work for me no more. Already got a bot to replace him.”

“How was he? When you last saw him?” Mei asked

Dubrand smirked at her. “Its an Omnic sweetheart, you think they have feelings or bad days like we do? He comes to work, does what hes programmed to, goes home. Ah mind you, he did argue with some other bots down by the old containers last week. I think they were some layabouts with no jobs causing trouble.”

Mei and Angela exchanged glances. “When was this?” Angela asked.

“Dunno exactly, about two days before he disappears.”

“Did you see the Omnics he argued with again?”

“Non, they just come by, paint their stupid propaganda and leave. Hub scrubbed most of it off.”

“Where's the container?”

Dubrand turned and vaguely gestured behind him. “Somewhere over there, I don't give a shit about what Omnics get up to as long as they know their place. Not much else to tell you.” He adjusted his hard hat and began walking back to his site office. “You get hit with a falling container not my fault!” He added before shutting the door.

“Charming man..” Mei said bitterly.

It only took them a couple of minutes to find the container Dubrand mentioned. It had been scrubbed hard to dispose of the spray paint but the strange code was just about visible. It was the same they had found at nearly every site an Omnic had disappeared. “This cant be a coincidence can it?” Asked Mei, kneeling down to run her fingers over the paint which flaked off at her touch.

“Its certainly suspicious, but keep in mind there are posters and art everywhere for pro and anti Omnic. This could just be the latest one..see? look over there, there's a sticker that says ‘Humans cant be trusted.’”

“I think you're right, but I'm going to send Athena a picture of this code just in case.” Mei replied, taking her camera out and taking a few snaps.

Angela looked at her watch. “Good idea..we should head back, not much else to do until the rally tomorrow.”

They headed back along the docks and to the street where they had left the car. As they walked Mei noticed Angela glance around behind them. “Act normal Mei and walk straight past the car.” Mei frowned up at her. “Whats wrong?”

“We’re being followed. Look ahead and stay calm.”

Mei did as she was told and resisted the urge to look behind her, she had no idea who was following them or how far behind but she was glad Angela had experienced enough to know they were in potential danger. She followed Angelas lead and soon the doctor led them to an alleyway. Angela pulled Mei behind her and took out her gun, aiming it at the entrance then at the head of their stalker who turned into the alley seconds later.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Lady, that's a bit much!” The shabby, rust speckled Omnic Mei noticed at the docks threw his hands up in surrender.

Angela kept her pistol well aimed. “Who are you and what do you want?”

“Sal! My names Sal, short for Shipping analysis lo-”

“What do you want!” Snapped Angela.

“Gee are you always this cranky? Can you put the gun down? it's making me very nervous.”

Angela narrowed her eyes at the strange Omnic and lowered her weapon but kept a firm grip on it. “Talk.”

“I heard you, back at the docks? You said you're looking for Hub..I know him.”

“You're not the only one so why follow us? What do you know?” Asked Angela.

“Know you’re not reporters. Old Sal here knows the media cares not for me and mine unless its something bad. You think they care if we go missing? If I had a mouth I'd spit!”

Angela began to raise her gun again. “If you have no viable information than..”

“I saw Hub get taken!” Sal exclaimed, cowering slightly. “He..he saw some strange omnics graffiting at the docks. He told them to clear off but they just stood there, Hub didn't move either! I couldn't understand what they were saying, we Omnics speak to each other in Omnicode but I couldn't understand this. It was like another language but Hub.. he understood. He let them go. I tried to talk to him after but he was acting weird..said he needed to ‘wake up’. Then Dubrand shouts at us to get back to work but I followed Hub home that night. I was worried..I watched him walk to the front of his apartment and the same image was there, he just stares at it and looked like he was waiting for something.”

“Did you try to talk to him at all?” Mei asked, feeling slightly unnerved by Sals story.

“I shouted his name and was about to go to him but a car comes round the corner, black windows. I couldn't see who was driving. Hub he..he just gets in! I think they saw me. They didn't drive away until I left. I can't go to the police, they don't care and then you ladies show up!”

“Can you read the code on the painting?” Mei showed him the picture she took at the docks but Sal just shook his head. “Nothing Ive seen before. We Omnics all speak the same code, its how we communicate. Its how the defected had such an upper hand in the war. But this? This is just gibberish!”

Angela holstered her gun. “Sal, I think you need to come with us. From what you have seen I think you may be in danger.”

Sal shook his head and back off. “No thanks lady, still don't trust you. You could be the bad guys for all i know..oh I think I made a mistake talking to you. See Sal you just need to keep ya head down and shut up. That's what Dubrand always told ya..Ol Hub is probably just fine.” He backed up to the end of the alley and briskly walked away muttering to himself. Mei looked from Sal to Angela. “Do we follow him?”

“It would draw too much attention trying to force a twitchy Omnic like that in the car, besides we need to get this information to the Commander as soon as possible. Has Athena come back with any results?”

Mei checked her phone for any contact. “No, not yet.”

“Lets go. We’ll head back to the hotel and write up what we know so far, this isn't good Mei. I dread to think what this could all mean.”

-----------------------------------------------------------

Ana and Satya watched each other intensely, waiting for the other to make their move. Satyas gauntlet glowed as she prepared to manipulate a cube of hard light between her fingers and Ana had her sleep dart aimed at her heart.

“Ill ask again..what are you doing?” Satya asked coldly.

“Would you believe me if i said i was the cleaning lady?” Ana smirked.

“You kill a vishkar employee and you make jokes?”

Ana tutted. “Oh shes not dead, just asleep. You are welcome to join her unless you power down that glove of yours.”

“You think to challenge me?” Satya scoffed. “Do you know who I am.”

“Yes my dear I know who you are. I wonder if you do.”

The question confused Satya and the lack of focus showed in the hardlight that quivered in her hand. Ana saw the lapse in concentration, she could have shot her there and then, wipe Satya’s computer and leave the way she came, but she decided not to. Instead she placed her sleep dart at her feet, kicked it away from her and raised her hands, all the while smiling at Satya. As quickly as the sleep dart had fallen still on the spotless carpet had hardlight binds wrapped around Anas wrists. Ana looked down at the near transparent, crystal blue solid light. It was hard not to admire the craftsmanship behind it.

“Well you caught me, and what will you do now I wonder?” Ana cheerfully asked. “Call security? Police? Maybe you and I can have a little chat before you do that?”

“Silence! Before I bind your mouth too.”

“A pity my dear, wouldn't you like to hear what an old Overwatch Captain has to say?”

The binds flickered for a split second but Satya held firm. She could not keep this up for longer. Focusing hardlight was incredibly difficult which made Architects highly valuable. Soon she would need to make the decision to call security, drag her there herself or release her and talk. She had surrendered after all and the curiosity over this womans strange actions were dulling her focus.

“Who are you?” She eventually asked.

“My name is Captain Ana Amari. I am not here to hurt you or anyone else Satya. I'm trying to prevent that from happening to anyone.”

“Why have you come here?”

“Because Vishkar are potentially a threat, and you are much easier to get to then Mr Korpal. I wonder dear..do you know who you work for?”

The binds cracked and loosened before solidifying once again. “How dare you.” Satya breathed hard. “Vishkar is building a better future for humanity, we have built home for the displaced, we-!”

“Impose martial law to control people? My dear you are not unintelligent, did you ever stop to think what Vishkar was doing was unethical?”

“We...I..I just want to make a better world.”

Ana smiled sympathetically at her. “So do we Satya, but i don't think you’ll get the world you want by being Sanjay's puppet.”

The binds disappeared completely in specks of light that glinted as they fell. A bead of sweat ran down Satyas face. “I owe him everything.” she said weakly.

“No dear, i think you owe yourself that credit.” Ana said, pulling the microchip from the computer. She handed it to Satya. “Take it. I don't think what I am looking for is here after all.”

Satya took it from her cautiously. Ana fished in her bag and pulled out a small notepad and quickly jotted down something, tore the page out and gave it to Satya.

“This is my personal number, listen to your gut feeling and you call me when you really want to change the world.” Satya stared at it, plagued by questions and her head swimming with confusion. She opened her mouth to ask Ana more but instead a soft “ Oh!” escaped her lips as she felt a quick sharp prick on her arm. Looking down she saw a tiny dart sticking in her skin like a small insect, she felt woozy.

“Im sorry Satya but I really must be going.” Ana said sincerely, like she had stopped by for a visit with an old friend. She gently took the Architect's unresisting arm and sat her down on the sofa. Ana brushed a loose strand of her behind her ear. “Nxt time you see Sanjay..ask him. Ask him about Talon. Soon you will understand.”

Satya mouthed silent words, unable to speak, her eyelids grew heavier and heavier. She heard the door to her office shut softly, the ding of the elevator as it arrived on its floor. She slumped softly onto her side.

“Am I a puppet?” She thought before falling asleep.

------------------------------------------------------------

Mei tossed and turned in the hotel bed, struggling to sleep. It was more frustrating here, she was on a mission and needed to be rested. As soon as they returned from their strange meeting with the Omnic named Sal, Angela had called back to base and updated Morrison on their investigation. He was concerned with their findings and warned them to be cautious and to find out what they could at the rally. She looked at the time on her phone. It was almost two in the morning. Feeling the insomnia defeat her for now she opened up her messages to check for the millionth time if she had any feedback from Athena. As she expected there was none, but something did catch her attention. Athena had set up a private network for the occupants of the Gibraltar base to stay in contact when out in the field or on opposite ends of the building. Mei occasionally checked it for messages, usually very late at night. Most of the time she noticed Junkrat was also awake at stupid o clock in the morning, just like he was tonight. Mei considered messaging him but what would she say? Her first thought was ‘Haha turns out this mission was a lot bigger than you thought.’ But that wasn't very becoming of her, she thought maybe she could just say hi, but she felt awkward doing even that. Especially if he poked fun or even ignored her. Still, she did wonder why he was up so late and so often. Angela mumbled something in her sleep and rolled over, Mei yawned and decided it was time to try and sleep again before she got herself annoyed again over the Junker. Still, he did prove to be a good distraction as Mei was soundly asleep a short time later.

Mei woke up before her alarm the following morning, she had quietly slipped out of bed, washed and changed before heading down to the breakfast bar alone. She kept checking her phone, no update from anyone back at base. Mei took note of the time, It was nearly eight in the morning, another ten hours to go before they were due at the extraction site. She mulled over what they had found out from yesterday's leads and kept coming back to the strange conversation with Sal. Who were the Omnics who spoke to Hub? Had he really just left with them on his own accord? And what about the strange code on the graffiti? Did it connect to the strange language Hub apparently used? Mei had begun to wonder how much of Sal’s story was even credible. She jumped slightly as a coffee mug was placed on the table, jolting her from her thoughts. “Sleep well?” Angela asked brightly, sitting opposite Mei.

“I think so, how about you?”

“Hmm the pillows were too soft.” Angela complained, massaging the back of her neck. “Still, the mattress is a lot better than my one back at base.” Mei smiled in response and absent mindedly pulled apart the croissant in front of her.

“Nervous?” Angela asked.

“I guess? I'm worried how the rally will go. They start off with good intentions..but you know how some get.”

“If that happens we leave as quickly as possible. We’re not in a position for combat and we can't give ourselves away. Just stay with me and we’ll be fine.” She gave Mei a reassuring smile which Mei returned, the anxiety still gnawing away at her. They finished up their breakfast and headed back to the room to start packing their belongings. Mei trying to coax an angry snowball to go into sleep mode and to be placed in a large duffel bag again and Angela delicately placing her new clothes into her luggage with as little creasing as possible. It was past ten in the morning when they checked out and loaded the car with their suitcases. They planned to be at the rally location by midday to get a good spot for surveillance so had spent some time wandering the streets and had a light lunch at a local cafe near to the square where the rally was to be held. As midday approached they headed to the square, it was already filling with people and omnics alike. Some held placards with pro omnic slogans whilst others opted for banners and flags. The atmosphere was jovial as music began to play as sound checks were being made on stage. Angea and Mei inched further forward,opting to be close to the stage and the large marquee next to it which Mei assumed was for the organizers and guests.

“Over here Mei.” Said Angela, signalling to a free space by the metal crowd control barriers. “So now we wait.” She said, leaning on the barrier. “Chances are nothing will happen so may as well try to enjoy ourselves. There's a band playing after the speeches.”

“I’m not sticking around so you can have a dance.”

“You’ve really lost your sense of fun.”

“We’re working!”

“We’re blending in, go on - shout something pro Omnic!”

“Angela I really don't want to draw attention to my-Owww!” Mei whined and covered her ears as Angela winced, most of the crowd copied their behavior and complained loudly as the speakers on stage blasted a high pitch feedback.

“Désolé! Je suis désolé! Sorry everyone!” An omnic rushed to the mic to apologize for the noise. “Bad soundcheck but we’re almost ready to begin!”

“Huh, earlier than expected.” Noted Angela as she looked at her phone which had started to vibrate. “Hello? Jack?” Angela answered her phone and looked confused. “Hello?” She looked at her phone and pressed the screen. “Weird.” She said, hanging up. “Maybe he called by mistake.”

“What do you mean?” Mei asked.

“I couldn't hear him, just strange noises..maybe there's a bad signal here.”

“Maybe..” Mei hoped it was something that simple, looking around she noticed some omnics still recovering from the harsh feedback noise. Some were shaking their heads, others looked rather dazed. It must affect them more than humans. “What if he was calling about the code?” She asked Angela. The Doctor was already on it and had her phone pressed to her ear. “No..nothing.” She said hanging up. “Can you try?” But Mei had the same result, she even tried Winston and Reinhardt, stranger still was that she had full signal on her phone. Out of the corner of her eye she saw an Omnic stumble on the spot..her anxiety started to flare up and she barely heard the announcement on stage. She heard the crowd cheering louder and she glanced up at the stage, her eyes widening.

“Angela..its Liberte..!” But Angela was fully aware the presumed missing Omnic had made a sudden appearance. The crowd cheered as the artist came on stage. “Maybe it was personal reasons after all.” She looked up at Angela who was frowning at the Omnic, “What is it?” Mei asked, following her gaze. Liberte had reached the microphone and simply stood there, not greeting his audience, not saying a word. The cheering had died down and there was awkward laughter and mutterings from the crowd. “Maybe this is a live art piece!” Mei overheard someone say.

Liberte stood silent a minute more then very slowly his head began to raise, it jerked to the side suddenly as if he just got shocked. He began to speak. “Brothers, sisters. What a sad sight you are before me..” The crowd murmured, confusion rippling among them. “We have been victims from the day we were born from our Mother Omniums into this ravaged planet. We have been made scapegoats to Mankind's own failures. We have been murdered, mutilated and made into slaves by our oppressors!” Mei looked through the crowd, some were nodding their heads in agreement, others looking nervous. Some humans had already begun to leave, she saw some of the Omnics affected by the high pitch noise from earlier and felt her stomach knot. They stood completely still, heads down, no glow to their eyes. As if they were sleeping. “Angela…?” She said nervously.

“We’re leaving. Nice and easy and keep calm” The doctor said, taking Mei’s arm and turning her around. As they began to push back through the crowd Liberte continued to speak. “You traitors that slave under human rule.” His head jerked violently, his eyes flashed. “You cowards that live in fear of flesh and blood! We are the stronger race!” Liberte screamed and jerked. “ We are the cure! - Jerk- We will rise from the ashes of our dead and the bones of our oppressors!”

The crowd was getting stirred up as humans and Omnics alike tried to leave, there were shouts for Liberte to leave the stage and a bottle was even thrown at him, the glass smashing on stage yet he did not even flinch, shouts for uprising, shouts for a new crisis. Scuffling broke out nearby in the crowd and one of the sleeping Omnics was shoved hard, falling to the ground. Mei looked back and hesitated. “Angela wait!” She shouted, making her decision and rushing back to the fallen Omnic. She crouched by him and shook him but there was no light in his eyes and he made no movement. “Leave him Mei!” Angela grabbed her and half dragged her upwards on to her feet. She had her phone pressed to her ear again. “Dammit!” She shouted, still getting no signal to contact base. “This was planned! We need to get out of here before a riot happens.”

“Liberte! Angela look at Liberte!”

Liberte was jerking more violently, his eyes flashing from blue to red, he gripped the microphone stand to support himself and a burst of sparks flew from circuits on his neck. “The eye is lost but the eye will open! It's time to wake up.” A final jerk and his eyes went dead and his head slumped forward, mirroring the ‘sleeping’ Omnics standing like sentinels in the panicking crowd. Slowly his eyes glowed red and he raised his head, a strange sound erupting from the speakers. High pitched noises of different frequencies almost sounding like a song as it pulsated from the speakers. It took a few seconds for Mei to realize Liberte was making the noise. “Wha..What is that?”

The strange noise stopped and Liberte began to laugh as oil started to drip from his red glowing eyes, his omnic mouth and from joints in his body. “The eye is opening!” He screamed as his body jerked and crackled from exploding circuits within him as he slumped forward and fell from the stage.

“We need to get to him! Mei, head to the barriers.” They went back on themselves, finding it much harder as the crowd pushed back against them as they tried to leave. More projectiles were being thrown and the atmosphere increasingly heated. Mei saw the fallen omnic on the ground, his metal fingers twitching, she barely registered him this time, she was scared and felt incredibly exposed. Angelas hand on her shoulder was the only thing keeping her grounded as her small frame was shoved and pushed by those around her. She gasped and ducked as something smashed against a wall close by. The shouting was getting too much..she could hear sirens blaring and getting closer. “Keep going, almost there.” Angela said. Fuelled by adrenaline they reached the barriers, Angela vaulting herself over them and reaching back to help pull Mei over. She felt instantly safer with the barriers between them and the increasingly angry crowd. As she caught her breath she spotted Liberte sprawled on the ground below the stage, Angela was already rushing to him.

“Liberte? What happened? Who did this to you?”

His eyes had gone back to their normal blue, he was gasping like his body was in pain. “Where-am-I?”

“Sshh It's ok, its ok. We’re gonna help you, we’re getting you out of here.”

Mei’s head snapped to the crowd as the shouting suddenly began to change pitch to frightened screaming. More pockets of fighting were breaking out and others had started to rush the barriers, she backed up against the stage, broken glass cracking under her feet.

Liberte gasped and reached up, pulling at Angela's shirt. He rasped and gurgled. It was an awful sound, an awful sight, as the oil bubbled as it leaked from him like blood. His eyes began to flicker and dull. His voice crackled as he tried to speak. “The-They are-c-c-calling.”

“Who? Who's calling? Liberte..? Liberte!?” Angela shook him but his eyes were now dull. He was dead.

“Angela! Behind you!”

Angela felt something claw viciously at her back, She scrambled up, half stumbled over libertes dead body and fell against the stage, spinning herself she aimed her pistol and fired. One of the ‘sleeping’ Omnics fell heavily to the ground, a smoking hole between its eyes. Angela and Mei looked on in horror as the omnics that stood silent were now very much animated and attacking whatever was near them, their eyes glowing red. Mei watched as the one she tried to help had risen from the ground and was viciously attacking someone. She felt sick.

“Mei! Down there!” Angela pulled her along after her, pistol in hand, towards a small side street lined with boutique shops and cafes that had closed for the rally. The graffiti with the strange code was hastily painted on one of the shutters, wet paint dripping down the metal. Mei looked over her shoulder as she ran and faltered, stopping in her tracks as people ran past her to escape.

“Hub..?”

It was him. The gentle looking omnic from the photograph with Pix Elle, he staggered down the street towards her, swiping and grabbing at anyone that came near, a spatter of crimson blood across his metal face.

Angela fired and shot a red eyed omnic that had burst from an adjourning street, it crashed to the ground, its eyes slowly burning out. ‘ How many are there!?’ Thought Angela. ‘ Is the whole city affected?’ An omnic pushed past her and she aimed her pistol, it raised its hands and cowered before her, its eyes blue. She lowered her weapon and the omnic continued to run. ‘ Only certain ones ?’ Close by a shop window smashed and she heard more sirens and shouting back towards the square, the combat medic in her urged her to return and help the wounded but with no valkyrie suit or medical supplies what use could she be? No, get to extraction. Just keep moving. “Mei keep going, I’ll cover you!..Mei?” She was here, she was next to me!” . “Mei?!” Angela screamed, desperately trying to see her through the rush of panic and terror.

Hub shambled slowly towards Mei, his head jerking as Libertes did and he was struggling to stand. Whatever was causing this seemed short lived. The omnic weakly grabbed at anything that got to close as they ran past but his grip was too weak. Mei winced as he stumbled and fell to his knees, a lone drip of oil running from his eye and blending with the blood. Mei crouched down slowly, picking up an empty bottle left in the street and tentatively stepped forward.

“Hub..?” She said gently and took a step forward. “Hub, my name is Mei..I..I know your wife. Pix Elle?”

Hub stayed motionless, he remained on his knees and seemed fixated on the slow drip drip drip of oil as it fell to the ground. His head jerked at the mention of his wife's name.

“I don't know what's happening to you Hub.” Mei took another step forward. “But I know it's not your fault.”

Drip drip drip

“Its ok..we can help you.” Another step.

Drip drip drip

“We can find Pix Elle. We can try and stop this..”

Drip drip drip

Mei was close to him, he was ignoring everyone that rushed by now, she was sure he could hear her, understand her. She knelt in front of him.

“I know you’re in there Hub..I know you don't want to do this. None of you do..im so sorry this has happened..”

He slowly raised his head, oil now leaking from all eyes. He looked like he was crying. “Pix..Pix..Pix.” His head jerked with each word.

“We’ll find her ok? Lets find her.” Mei smiled warmly at him and slowly held her hand out. Hub looked at it and his eyes started to flash back to blue. “I..I..”

“It's ok Hub..” She said softly.

“I..”

She could hear the low hum of engines overheard and the crowds were getting thinner, maybe the French authorities were taking control of the situation. Close by a window smashed, Mei flinched at the sound and Hubs eyes flashed to red, He snapped his head at Mei.

“Hub no !” Mei fell backwards as he launched at her, she scrambled back desperately as he clawed at her legs, his metal digits painfully scratching her, Mei kicked him hard in the face, one of his eyes cracking from the force. She struggled back and attempted to stand but Hub snatched her ankle and pulled her down roughly, the side of her head hitting the pavement as she fell. Mei gasped in pain and instantly felt nauseous and her vision blurred, she was barely aware that she was screaming. She thrashed viciously and felt his grip weaken, using the opportunity to pull herself up more before she smashed the bottle down on his head with all her strength, his grip slackened and finally he let go. Whether she killed him or not she did not know, her mind race and before she knew it she was half running half feeling her way away from the Omnic. “Angela!” She tried to scream, her voice feeling hoarse. “ Angela!”

But she was too disoriented, she had no idea how far she had run and no idea where she was now. She felt people running by, the ringing in her ears adding to the confusion. Someone tried grabbing her wrist and shouted but without her glasses she couldn't tell if it was someone trying to help or harm her, she wrenched her arm free and ran once again but she was feeling more sick by the second, she stumbled on something and she reached to steady herself, feeling cool brick wall beneath her fingertips. Mei involuntarily leant against it and slid to the ground, catching her breath and fighting the urge to vomit. She was sure she heard her name over the distortion in her head, but the world was too blurry to make sense of, her glasses cracked and useless. The throbbing in her head was intense. She tried to sit up but the pain made her feel more nauseous. Over the ringing noise she heard her name being shouted again but maybe she imagined it. Mei blinked trying to focus, something was in her eye, she blinked again, It was wet and red and hot. Mei gave a startled cry, squeezing her eyes shut and tried once again to move, her body feeling like lead, panic bubbling in her stomach and chest growing tight as her mind began to catch up on what was happening. She needed to find Angela. With effort she braced her arm against the wall and attempted to push herself up, ignoring the urge to throw up and the pain pulsing through her skull. Suddenly hands were on her pushing her firmly back down, Mei yelled in alarm and lashed out, her fist connecting hard with whoever was in front her.

“Ow! Fucks sake woman, you wanna be left here?”

Her hair was sticking to the blood on her face as it began to dry. “J-Junkrat?”

“...Gotta keep still ok Mei, dunno how bad you are. Just focus on yer breathing before shock gets to ya alrite?” He gave her arms a reassuring squeeze.

Mei gave a small whimper in reply, trying to touch the bleeding wound on her head. Jamison grabbed her hand and held onto it.

‘Nope, no ya dont wanna touch that ok. Trust me it's not that bad, just a lil nick.’ He reassured her.

Tears now joined the blood streaming down her face as her choked on a sob. “I can't..I can't see”

“Yeaahhhh...ya glasses wanna bit o’ glue i won't lie. But don't worry about that kay? Lets just get you moving.” He reached up to his communicator. “Yeah hi, whoever's listening I found Frosty- I mean Mei! Mei! I found Mei..yeah she's ok, bit of blood. Maybe concussed to fuck...Uh huh..yeah..yeeaah..ok bored now bye!” He reached into one of the leather wallets on his belt and pulled out some gauze. “Sorry this might hurt.” He said, pressing the gauze against the wound.

“Ahh!” Mei squealed in pain.

“Told ya. Keep it pressed on coz we gotta move, Jesus Christ what the fuck happened here?” He crouched next to her, hooking an arm around her as she gingerly placed hers around his shoulders. “Ok on three..three-!” He vaulted her up onto her feet with ease but the sudden movement threatened her stomach and her head felt like it was about to split.

“Ahhhoowww oww owww! Why did you do that?” Mei whined loudly.

“Your up aren't ya? I don't fancy hanging around! Fucking hell you are tiny!”

“Can someone else come get me?” Mei whimpered.

“Ok down you go.” Junkrat replied bluntly as he began to lower her.

“No no no no!” Mei clung on to him in panic, her nails sharply digging into him.

“Yeah that's what I thought...”

#The Chemicals between us #Junkrat #meihem #mei ling zhou #junkmei #Overwatch #fanfic #Im aliiiiive!!

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enygma0710 · 4 years

Text

Once in a Lifetime... Outtake

So yesterday I was tagged in a Author tag game and going through it I realized I have shit ton of unused scenes that could easily be drabbles or outtakes as I like to call them for all my fics but ALOT for OIAL.

So i dug up one that was initially in Chapter 4 and it didn’t work or add anything to the story but gets referenced in an upcoming chapter. So I’ve decided to share it here...maybe eventually on Ao3 but it was Valentines Day event that got cut and seeing that it is Valetine’s Day, fuck it why not share it.

This take place in grade 7 for Jon and Dany and the awkwardness of Valentines Day when you kinda start like boys/girls but don’t know how to navigate it. Terrible years I know but here is the Outtake from Once in a Lifetime.

__________________________________________________

“Daenerys, just pick something or we’re going to be late,” Rhaella sighed giving her daughter an exasperated look.

Dany stood in front of the Valentine’s Day card selection, chewing on her nails. For the past month, Margaery had stressed the importance of this year’s Valentine’s Day. They were in grade seven and the cute silly cards from the years before were no longer appropriate 'We're no longer children,' Margaery informed both Missy and Dany. 'Those are childish things and we are now women and as my grandmother says women leave childish things behind them’

But that’s what made Valentine’s Day great. It was the fun of exchanging goofy cards with friends and eating candy, cupcakes and all types of pink, red, white sweet confectionary delights that made Valentine’s Day one of her favorite holidays. Every year they would end the school day in their homerooms and feast upon generous amounts of treats till their stomachs felt like they would burst, leaving them twitching in the blissful rush of a sugar high. Why did this year have to be any different? Dany pouted as she stared at the card arrangements varying from the extravagant saccharine glittery cards to simple brown cards with only a red heart.

“Dany?”

Dany snapped up to see Rhaella scowling at her. “Now, please?”

Dany reached back over, grabbing a safe Tiny Toons card box as she rushed over towards her mother to check out.

Later after her dance practice. Dany bounded up the stairs towards her room. She flopped herself down on her bed, an arm covering her face, an earlier irritation still throbbing behind her eyes. Today’s dance lesson had been a disaster. She had been distracted and missing ques, very much unlike her and so much so that her instructor chastised her and informed her mother. Dany remained silent while her mother reminded her of the importance of paying attention even with tomorrow's events. Dany agreed but her thoughts kept wandering back to the box of cards now lying on her desk with Margaery cooled voice ‘it’s different this year, just trust me’ ricocheting through her thoughts.

“Tough day sister?”

Dany cracked her eyes open to see Vis leaning against her doorframe, studying his nails. “I’d thought you’d be all excited about tomorrow little party. It’s your favorite holiday.” His voice taking a condescending tone.

Dany pushed herself onto her elbows, narrowing her gaze at her annoying brother. "Shut it, Vis."

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, walking into her room settling against her desk. She hated it when he just invited himself into her space. It only aggravated her. "Attitude I see, this wouldn't have something to do with the little ragtag team that came by earlier would it?"

“Who?” Dany perked up. Margaery as she told them that afternoon was ‘prepping’ for tomorrow. Missandei had indoor soccer practice, so who was Vis referring to?

“Oh you know, those boys the three of you hang out with?”

It couldn’t have been Jon he had swim practice and gods know where Theon and Robb were but they never came to her house, she always met them.

“It was probably for homework, no big deal.” she shrugged.

Vis gaze narrowed in on her, his lips pulling into a scowl. "That's it? no blushing, no giggling?"

Dany brows pulled into a perplex expression under Vis’s scrutiny. "Well, your no fun. At least Margaery and Missy bite when I tease," he smirked.

Dany rolled her eyes tossing a pillow at Vis. Ever since he discovered a few magazine clippings of Keanu Reeves that he had become unbearable with his taunting and teasing, jokes and questions about who she had a crush on and his condescending advice. She hated it and wished Rhae was home. Dany stood up from her desk, failing to forcefully remove him from her room. “Bye Vis.”

He resisted her pushing and prodding, chuckling at her efforts until their mother called up the stairs that a ‘Jayla’ was on the phone for him. Dany bit back a giggle of seeing the perpetual smirk drop from his face, the top of his ears now pink as he ducked out of her room to receive the phone call.

Dany closed her door, settling behind her desk as she started her homework for the night.

Margaery had been right. It was different.

Dany peaked out from behind her hand as people around them open up their bags of Valentine's cards and candy. Dany had thought she had done it right by picking a safe set of Tiny Toons cards with the candy hearts. She signed her name on them and randomly handed them out. Easy right? Oh, how wrong she had been.

“So, Dany?”

Dany lifted her gaze to see Theon leering at her, holding the Buster Bunny card she had given him in his hand. “You’ll stand on your ear for me eh?” he chuckled.

Dany closed her eyes, wincing. It was a joke, one that Theon’s had to misconstrue into something more. She felt her face flush with embarrassment. “It’s a joke Theon.”

He shook his head still grinning. “Nope, I don’t think it’s a joke. I think you like me.” He winked.

“I told you,” Margaery sing-song whispered next to her.

The nervous embarrassment churning in her stomach quickly turned into hot anger. Dany brushed her silver bangs out of her eyes, glaring at Theon.

“Careful Theon,” Robb warned from an adjacent seat. “Dragon Queen remember?”

Theon’s eyes instantly widened, the bobbing of his throat as he nervously swallowed, looking away. He glanced down at the pile of candy in front of him, picking up candy heart that Dany taped to his card. She groaned, closing her eyes.

"Kiss me? Huh, Targaryen?" He waved the heart at her, grinning as he puckered his lips making kissing noises at her.

Missy snorted next to her, giggling as she ate more chocolate. Dany grip tightened on the table and was about to reach over, swatting his stupid lips off his face when Jon thwacked him hard against the back of his head.

Theon yelped, his head jerking forward and snapping towards Jon. He pulled his arm back ready to retaliate but Robb intervenes with a patient arm separating the two. Jon looked over to Dany giving a small smile that Dany returned. The tension at their table quickly returned to normal banter when Robb asked Missy to trade his third chocolate heart for two of her sugar cookies. They continued to trade candy, eat cookies and cupcakes till they were dismissed by the bell.

Dany stepped out of the school, tucking her jacket firmly around her, her hat pulled low, protecting her from the chill in the air. She started her familiar route home when she heard someone call her from behind. She turned to see Jon jogging to catch up with her.

“I thought you had practice today?”

Jon shook his head. “Cancelled, problems with the pool’s pump room. What about dance?”

“My instructor has a hot date tonight so canceled,” she giggled, wagging her eyebrows.

Jon chuckled as he fell in step next to her.

“Did you get any good cards this year?” she asked.

“Not really, a lot of generic ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ ones. I did get a big heart one from Ellie, the girl that sits between us in history. What about you?”

Dany smirked, shaking her head. She did get some generic ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ cards, and some cute ‘You’re my Valentine’ ones from Missy and Margaery. She did get one sweet card that read ‘Be mine’ from a guy she had never spoken to in her English class, that left her unsure of how to respond to the sweet gesture. “Same, I told you, Jon, when you smiled more and aren’t brooding you’ll get more today and look what happened you got a heart card from Eleanor,” she teased, nudging her shoulder against his.

Jon looked down at her, shaking his head. Muttering about she’s just a friend as they reached the corner. Dany turned to head the rest of the way when she turned to see Jon kicking at the frozen thatch of grass. He looked up at her, his grey eyes intently studying her before he huffed pulling his backpack off his back, opening and settling it on the ground. He dug around for a few minutes before he stood up with a dark red card in hand.

Dany looked at the card and back at him. He had given her an X-men Valentine with a dark chocolate heart. He wordlessly gestured for her to take it. Dany took the card from his hand.

“What’s this?”

“Just something extra,” he looked away, focusing on his shoes while rubbing the back of his neck. “To say thanks.”

“For?”

Jon sighed, “Just, thanks.” He grimaced, turning to walk in the opposite direction but stopped, looking over his shoulder. “What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?”

“After dance lessons, nothing why?”

A mischievous grin pulled Jon’s features. “I’ve found an abandoned tower in the Wolfwood's. Wanna explore it with me?”

“Of course,” she grinned.

“I’ll meet you at two, and wear something that can get dirty, not like last time,” he warned.

Dany two steps forward, reaching out, shoving him in his right shoulder. Last time had been one of their spur of the moment adventures that led them to an isolated section of the park. Her mother had been furious when she returned covered in mud with her new jean jacket ruined.

She made a funny face, sticking out her tongue. “Fine, later McBroody.”

Jon returned a mocking expression, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue. “Bye Dragon Queen.”

They went their separate ways towards the others home. Dany reached her house and quickly greeted her mother before running up the stairs to her bedroom. She closed and locked the door behind her, Jon’s card burning in her hand.

She sat down on her bed to open it. Inside was what looked like a homemade card. She pulled it out to see a hand-drawn picture of Batman and Robin. I didn’t know Jon could draw? It was Batman and Robin flying through the air with the illuminated Gotham city sprawled below them. Dany ran her fingers along with the drawing, the detail was fantastic. It reminded her of a panel from one of her favorite comic books. Hang on, she reached over to her bedside table and shifted through the magazines and books there, retrieving a copy of All-star Batman. She opened it to see the artwork in question. Jon had recreated the entire scene down to the tiniest detail. It was beautiful. She stared stunned at the card when she realized it opened up. Inside she discovered a winter rose pressed in wax paper. She remembered seeing these in his uncle’s greenhouse last year. She lifted it from the card to see on the inside written in Jon’s familiar scrawl. ‘You are the Robin to my Batman, thanks for being my friend- Jon’

Dany beamed at the message. Jon could get on her nerves and they could push each other’s buttons that cause them to constantly bicker but all aside ever since last spring Dany knew she could count on him being there and considered him as one of her best friends. Dany leaned back on her headboard a silly grin plaster across her face as she pressed the card to her chest, a warm fuzzing feeling radiating from the sweet gesture. The front door opening and her father and Vis’s voices breaking through her bliss. She quickly but gingerly returned the card to its envelope and tucked them both away into the trunk she kept hidden under her bed.

“Dany!” Vis yelled. “It’s your turn to put the dishes away!"

“I did it last week it’s your turn!” she yelled back, closing the door behind her as she jogged down the stairs into the kitchen. Her father glanced up from behind her blushing mother. Vis mocked gagged behind them, before pulling her over to the dishwasher.

She opened her mouth to protest but her father raised his hand with a stern look. “I don’t care who does it. Just get it done.”

He turned leading her mother into the living room, where Dany spied a bouquet of lilies on the table. Dany smiled and started unloading the dishwasher while Vis started washing the dishes. She noticed a reddish bruise on her brother collarbone, Vis turned back towards her catching her staring. He smirked, “You’ll learn all about these one day soon D, but” his eyes darted towards the dining room, voice lowering. “If you ever get one of these make sure it’s where it can’t be seen or Father will kill the guy…or girl.” He winked.

Dany gave a bewildered expression at Vis, he’s always been hard to anticipate. Dany chalked up his comment of another moment of Vis being Vis and continued her chores while she thought about what tomorrow’s adventure with Jon would entail.

A/N: If you made it here, thanks for reading. This may go up on Ao3 eventually so we’ll see. OIAL is wrapping up on my end just gotta start posting it.

#OIAL #jonerys fanfics #fanfics #enygma fanfics #modern au #outtake from Once in a Lifetime #enygma fics #fluff #cute #its not angst idk what my problem is lol

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sherlockholmesandhisinability · 6 years

Text

Sherlock Holmes and His Inability to Sing.

“Oi, Sherlock! Put the bloody heater on- it’s freezing in ‘ere.” Whined Greg as he slammed the ice laden 221B door. Gossamer shards slid from the wood and landed on the pavement with a shattering crescendo, sounding like the twitching chirps of a wind-chime long forgotten and surrendered to the December robins.

“Brr, God’s sake- how cold is it in here? Lads? Lads?” He marched up the stairs and pressed his ear up against the door, before falling silent and listening. There was nothing to be heard.

“Right! I’m coming in!”

He stepped back, oblivious of the perilous drop of stairs behind him, and ran forward, throwing his body weight against the door and swinging it open violently with the power of his shoulder. He stumbled into the room and scrambled to his feet,

“Police! Police! John? Sherlock?!”

Instantly, sprang up a blanket woven around a slim frame and pulled over its head. It unfurled with such force that it couldn’t handle its momentum and so plummeted forward inelegantly.

“Argh, J-John? John?!”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake. Sherlock, it’s me- Greg. You texted! Said it was an emergency. Ring a bell? God, I was panicking! Here, get up,”

He scooped the bundle from the floor warmly and held it by the shoulders. “You alright, then?”

“Yes. Fine.” Ached Sherlock as he wriggled free.

“Come on, you soft git- take that off and tell me what’s happening.“ He reached to unsheathe the man in the blanket, but he swerved and writhed his way to the desk. He sat down wearily and began to explain,

“John’s doing Christmas this year, but a ‘proper family Christmas’, so he calls it. With a bird of somesort-”

“A turkey?”

“Yes, that’s the one. And it’ll be just us; John, myself and Rosie. With presents.”

“Presents, eh? Oh lord no, not presents!” The Detective Inspector chuckled.

“Yes, presents, Greg. Do keep up. Anyway- it’ll be the whole affair and I don’t really know what to do about it.”

“Hang on. You called me over here in the middle of rush hour, because you can’t handle Christmas?! Bloody Hell, Sherlock! You’re a Dad now!”

“I’m not a Dad!” He screamed, “That’s just the issue! I am not a Dad! I am not Rosie’s father…” He paused solemnly, “But I am the reason she does not have a mother.”

Greg’s eyes softened. He sighed sorrowfully and pressed his lower lip into his other.

“Oh, Sherlock. I- I didn’t know- I didn’t know you felt like that. Heck, I didn’t even know you felt at all!” He placed his hand on the plush throw. “You can’t change what happened, but you can change what will happen. What’s the biggest issue you’ve got with the big C?”

“Rosie’s having a little concert with the children from the nursery later on today.”

“Yes, go on.“

“And the parents are supposed to sing with their children.”

“Oh, that’s nice. What’s it called then?”

Sherlock’s nose flared and he breathed in and out slowly, before spitting,

“Mummy and Daddy Sing-a-Long Christmas Bonanza.”

“But… you’re two Daddies.”

“Yes, wait no! No and yes. Yes, that’s true and the name of the event is utterly stupid in every sense- and no, that is not the issue. The issue is… I can’t sing.”

“Now, come on! I’m sure you’re not that bad! Gimme a quick rendition.”

“No.”

“Go on. Just a quickie. Oh shit, I meant a quick one. Shit! A quick song!”

“No.”

“Oh, I see,” Said Greg as he shook his head, “I see the problem. You’re Sherlock Holmes. The Sherlock Holmes! It’s not that you can’t sing- you just won’t.”

“Can’t, won’t, whatever. What should I do?”

“I think you should just suck it up and do it.”

“No,” whimpered the blanket. It stood and shuffled back to the sofa, where it’s sulking sessions usually took place. “No, that’s not what I wanted you to say!”

“I don’t know what to tell ya, Sherl. No, I don’t that. Sher…ly? Ack- no. Right, I’m off. Things to be done. Actual problems to be solved! I’m an important man you know!”

“If you are so important, then how does the station run without you?”

“It doesn’t! Oh forget this- I’m goin’. See you round. I’ll probably see you online actually! ‘Sherlock Holmes Sings ‘Jingle Bells’. What a video that’d be!”

“Ngh.”

“You’re gonna go viral! London loves you!”

And just like that, he was gone. The only trace was a trail of ice and water, mixed with the dirt from boots never cleaned.

“I won’t sing!”

Two shots rang out, as two very neat bullet holes were made in the wall. The sniper coughed feebly as the dull plaster snowed into the tussled mahogany mop that his face was buried in.

“Sherlock?!”

The door slammed again, this time with the brute force used to open it. The walls reverberated from the impact that struck the room. The same force plundered its way up the stairs, but slowly. Carefully. There was another force, a minute one, in front of it.

“Rosie, honey, go and play in my bedroom. Here, take my phone. There you go. Daddy wants to talk to Dad.”

“Okay Daddy, I love you, Daddy.”

“I know honey, I love you too. Now go on, go and play.” I said warmly as I advanced. Sherlock’s ears pricked up and he turned to face me. He sprung around with his dark hair thickly shot with grey.

“John! How was shopping?”

I gave him a hard stare. The coldest, most stern look on my face spoke only of rage and disapproval. I was just thankful I took that bloody Santa hat off outside because Heaven help Sherlock if he laughed now.

“The wall.” I grunted through my teeth. “I asked you not to shoot at the wall.”

“I didn’t think you were going to know. You were out, and you’re not the most observant of people.” He giggled.

I scowled more, carving the lines deeper into my worn face. “I think I’d notice bullet holes, Sherlock.”

“Can you see them now?”

I looked at the wallpaper. Black and white motif. It was useless trying to see anything, a high-vis jacket could get lost in that pattern.

“I- I… I- no. I don’t see it. But, that doesn’t mean you can go tearing up our flat just because you’re pissed about something!”

“Daddy,” toddled in Rosie, “Can I put my show dress on? My Chi- Crisna- Chra-”

“Christmas. Rosamund, listen, Christmas.”

“Sherlock, when you’re correcting our daughter, please be more-”

“Our daughter? John, no. This, it’s too much!”

“Dad?”

“Sherlock?

“No, no, no! I’m not her father, John, you are!”

“Sherlock.”

“I can’t do it!”

I tossed my head back ever so slightly, so I could swallow the bulge in my throat. I croaked,

“Can’t do what, Sherlock?”

“This! Any of it!” He shrunk and crouched on his knees, eyes level with Rosie’s, and spoke firmly, “I will not be singing with you this evening, Rosamund. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Dad.”

“And… Daddy might ask you to stop calling me Dad, okay Rosamund?”

I drew in my shaking breath and clenched my sweating palms. I felt my pulse raise and pound through my whole body. The heartbeat heated my burning face. I was so consumed with fury and despair, that the edges of my vision blackened and blurred, and I struggled to stay on my feet.

“And why, Sherlock… why would I do that?”

“Because I am a terrible parent, an unfit guardian and a danger to those in this flat. I am not meant to be like you! Warm and affectionate and kind and-”

“Do you still want to marry me?”

“I, John-”

“On October 31st, just under two months ago, you got down on one knee- in this very spot- and tried to propose to me. I said ‘yes’ and it was amongst the most spectacular nights of my life. But if you don’t want to marry me, then, then, then leave!”

“John, calm down-”

“Do you want to marry me or not?!”

He looked into my bloodshot eyes and at the oceans flooding my face. I stood defensively, with the look of a wild animal stitched into my skin.

He then looked down at the dainty girl staring up at him sorrowfully.

“I’m going out.” He stated as he wrapped the mauve scarf around his neck and grabbed his coat.

“Sherlock, Sherlock if I don’t see you at that ‘Sing-a-Long’-”

“Ugh!”

“If I do not see you at that event tonight, then do not even think of showing your face around here ever again! Do you understand me?!”

He looked at me expressionlessly and turned to face the door. He stopped. He thought. He continued and left me with my crying daughter, equally as broken as I was.

The hours passed and I found myself at the nursery with my face wizened by the bitter air drying my tears. It was dark, but Rosie’s face was bright with excitement. She was bounding up and down, and the light from her hands shifted as she moved.

“Careful honey, don’t burn yourself on that Christingle.”

“Okay Daddy.”

It was dark and melancholy. Though there was a warmth in my hand, there was none within me. I looked at my watch. Quarter to six. We started at six. I waved at Mums and Dads galore as I waded through the crowds of harmonious parents. I looked at so many faces, but I was only looking for one.

I couldn’t forgive him, but I needed him to be here with me.

Six o’clock came and we all gathered at the front of the tiny hall. Grandparents and assorted relatives perched eagerly on the edge of their metal fold-away seats, with camcorders and flip-phones at the ready.

On came the music from the CD player, ‘Silent night, holy night…’

“Wait! Stop! John! John!”

The hall was filled with the sharp echoes of wooden soles on a polished floor. From between the rows of chairs, ran a lanky suit, with a black case under his arm and a wide grin on his cadaverous face.

“Sherlock!”

“Daddy!”

“One moment! Terribly sorry folks, I will be just one moment!”

From his case, he produced an ornate violin and bow, much to the amazement of the octogenarians in the audience reciting the famous Detective’s name in awe.

He bounded up to the front and floated down gracefully to Rosie’s level and embraced her. He didn’t say anything, but simply crossed his legs, plucked her from the floor and placed her on the right side of his lap, with the instrument on his left shoulder. He tapped the bow on the floor jovially and waved at the elderly lady at the helm of the CD player,

“From the top, if you please!”

As the music began to play, Rosie giggled and shoved the flaming orange in her hands into Sherlock’s face.

“Da- Sherlock? Do you like my Chr- Cwi- Chee-”

“Christingle, my dear Watson, the word is Chris-tin-gle”

He then synchronised his notes with that of the music and occasionally played different ones, deepening the richness of the multiple tones of what otherwise would have been a very simple melody.

He whispered lowly, “Rosie, dear, call me Dad.”

I wasn’t done with him just yet, but the walk home was going to be a lot less lonely with my fiance at my side.

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the-synergized-heroes · 3 years

Text

Reboot - Part 2: Internships and Invasions

Synergy looked around the empty classroom, confused. It was empty, like no one had been in the desks in months. He was also pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to be here. Why was he-

“Can you wonder a little quieter, I’m working here,” Aura Palm said, more notes in front of him. He chuckled to himself. “The kids have been busy, Chapu is especially coming along well…”

“Oh, those are the internship reports…uh, how’s that going?” Synergy said, getting close to Aura Palm but looking for the exit out of the corner of his eye. He was sitting in the chair across from Aura Palm.

“Take a look.”

Name: Denshō Minato - LoreSight

Quirk: History Lesson

Hero Gear: A blue trench coat, high collar, with yellow highlights and gloves. A hat that hides their third eye until it opens, protecting it in the meantime. Combat cuffs: weighted handcuffs he can use like nun-chucks.

Interned with: Wanted to work with Night Eye but after they…well, you know, he ends up interning with the Wild, Wild Pussycats primarily under Mandalay. He rounds out their group as a much more ‘relaxed’ persona and even gets some cat-ears on his hat for a time.

Name: Nikkō Hachirou - Helioscope

Quirk: Solar Glare

Hero Gear: Black and white tights with curved orange padding, rings simulating sunrays. A rounded helmet that allows them to adjust their brightness and can focus their light into an intense burning laser.

Interned with: X-Less to practice w/ his hero gear’s offensive capabilities (laser) and develop his support skills. Welcomed X-Less’s cautious nature, emphasizing cause and effect. Glad he learned of his death while it was raining, it’s hard for him to see past through his light in-between his tears.

Name: Shōgekiha Nariko - Rumble

Quirk: Concussive Strikes

Hero Gear: Salmon colored leotard with a single gold pauldron and a wrestle championship style belt w/ mask. Reinforced arm bracers to protect her arms from the recoil of her talent in open air.

Interned with: Death Arms to better hone her quirk in more than combat situations. Scolds her often for rash action and over-bravado, but she still appreciates his advice…even if she won’t admit it.

Name: Haiga Umeko - Mekogen

Quirk: Sickness

Hero Gear: A helmet semi-shaped like a bacteriophage, rainbow-chrome hazmat hoodie. Capture nets: deployable mesh netting best used for capturing groups of villains simultaneously.

Interned with: Her family wanted her to work at their agency, but she very bravely ignores them to work with Ectoplasm, getting her acquainted to crowd control and working under pressure. He pushes her very hard, but she manages to hold it together. He floods her with praise afterwards.

Name: Tanaka Daitan - Guts

Quirk: Fearless

Hero Gear: Black tights with green highlights, knee, and elbow padding. Straps and hook-loops for climbing gear and swinging around.

Interned with: Mt. Lady! He demands to work with her and reluctantly, she takes him on. He constantly flings himself at the larger enemies she tends to fight, much to her dismay (even if she is a bit impressed.) He literally tells giant villains to “choke on him” and…well, they do.

Name: Hōshasen Yoko - Xeta

Quirk: X-Ray Touch

Hero Gear: Black short jacket with white highlights, a skeletal pattern. Thick boots. A pair of stun batons that use her quirk to project their x-ray light over a distance.

Interned with: Centipeder at Night Eye’s Agency. Primarily there to work on her support skills, providing a look into rooms before raid breaches and unknown containers, alongside Jaehee. Gets better at using her batons and unexpectedly, infiltration.

Name: Koizumi Rei – Figurina

Quirk: Figurine

Hero Gear: A very toyetic costume, light blue spandex adjacent to dance tights with an goggles, arm and shin guards and bandolier belt. Arm mounted grappling hooks for better mobility when she’s shrunk as well as a headset w/ a megaphone function.

Interned with: Gunhead to better improve her close quarters combat skills. Begins developing new ways to use her shrinking in a fight. The two playfully tease each other in several ways, primarily on Rei’s clumsiness.

Name: Miyamoto Takuya - Scatter Point

Quirk: Scattering

Hero Gear: Something simple, like a hi-vis vest and shorts.

Interned with: As an admirer, he requested to work with Cementoss. Cementoss however passed him over to Edgeshot, believing the fold-a-body hero would be a much better fit for improving his skills. Takuya was disappointed but trained hard as to not let his idol down!

NEW MOVES: SCATTER SHIELD – Holds his body in a wall-like configuration to protect others

POINT MASK - Reassembles part of his body around a target’s head to deprive oxygen

Name: Hayashi Chāpu - Tricket

Quirk: Cricket

Hero Gear: Body armor-esque acrobatic gear with a set of goggles designed for his eyes.

Interned with: She doesn’t like teams but ends up with Mirko, to better improve his combat skills. She tries to hype him up often, much to his dismay since it usually comes off as teasing. Develops the TRICKET KICK, storing energy before the kick connects and pushing off, launching the target further.

Name: Wasureru Akira - Miss Step

Quirk: Immediate Memory Wipe

Hero Gear: “Tactical turtleneck” under a holster vest. A set of custom-made dart pistols commissioned by her father.

Interned with: Her father pulled some strings and managed to pair her with Snipe, to improve her firearms skill and draw speed. She dislikes her dad’s tampering and Snipe tends to use this frustration to motivate her.

Name: Shimizu Shirogane - Hydrogane

Quirk: Wave Ride

Hero Gear: Deep Blue surfing tights with black highlights. White chunky boots, almost sculpted like jagged seashells, and hooked to an excess water storage tanks to better activate their quirk.

Interned with: Was going to work with Manual but ends up with Kamui Woods. Better develops his ability to move civilians to safety and control the flow of villains. The two get along well, Kamui Wood's focus maximizing Shiro's training. But Kamui gets very emotions if Shiro gets hurt, viewing his mentor-status as an honor.

Name: Rizumikaruna Isao - Groovemeister

Quirk: Flow

Hero Gear: A break-dancer’s jumpsuit with throwable weighted glow-sticks. A pair of headphones wired into the jumpsuit, turning his movements into sound, and better allowing their moves to flow.

Interned with: Present Mic to become better acquainted with his hero gear and further push/strengthen the rhythm matching aspect of his quirk. Every day is a party with them,

Name: Jiba Rinko – Lady Flux

Quirk: Magnetic Tide

Hero Gear: An almost Victorian style ball gown, but with more of a modern fashion flair. A reinforced metal umbrella she uses to move around with while using her quirk.

Interned with: Dragoon Hero Ryuko, finding new ways to apply her quirk. Ryuko encourages her playful pompous attitude, finding it a good way to psyche out villains. The two get a long great!

Name: Gyaku Samara - Tearway

Quirk: Dimensional Tear

Hero Gear: Dark blue cloak with neon red lining. A dark black helmet with a set of red eyes, acting as thermal goggles for better tracking targets while moving through her dimensional tear.

Interned with: Thirteen, maximizing her ability to move other people around for search and rescue. Maximized avoiding villains or surprising them at opportune moments. Starts spending a lot of her downtime with Thirteen and her agency whenever her parents are out of town on business.

Name: Tatsumaki Hideo - Winning Top

Quirk: Spin

Hero Gear: White, Red, and orange Armored suit with a wide-brimmed pointed hat and arm-fins. Designed to be blunted for fighting people or deploy sharp edges when tearing and drilling are necessary.

Interned with: Crust, who almost bursts into tears every time Hideo pulls off something new. Hideo always shows up early for their patrols and Crust makes sure he has everything he needs. Hideo is the angriest anyone has ever seen him when he learns about Crust’s fate during the war.

Name: Watanabe Yuzuki - Zipstream

Quirk: Frictionless Plasma

Hero-gear: Speed-suit coveralls with orange-lensed goggles. A belt that uses air tanks to change direction quickly and provide thrust, controlled by little controls near her wrist and fingerless gloves.

Interned with: Ingenium’s Agency to maximize her speed and control in combat with her quirk alongside Kotsuke. Uses the other heroes as a springboard for jokes and small pranks every day.

Name: Ikeda Ago - TIGRANTIC

Quirk: Giant Tiger Shark

Hero Gear: Orange and Black leotard.

Interned with: Selkie, getting her more actual experience in the water and acting as their heavy hitter. Enjoys Selkie’s attempts at being cute and lowkey wants to be seen as “cute” too.

Name: Moyasu Hiromitsu - Artillery

Quirk: White Phosphorus

Hero Gear: Black hooded cloak, steel facemask w/ visor, metal belt. Steal boots and gauntlets with vents for their quirk.

Interned with: Endeavor’s Agency. Doesn’t say much, is mainly focused on further controlling his dangerous quick. Didn’t get along with many heroes, teased a lot by sidekick named “Burnin.”

Name: Bāsuto Kosuke - Kosuke the Roaring Star!

Quirk: Rear Rockets

Hero Gear: Full on Kamen Rider-esque suit of armor, with retro-thrusters to give him better control in the air. Red, Black, Gold with star symbols. Long golden scarf.

Interned with: Ingenium’s agency, to maximize his speed in pursuits, as well as his aerial tracking skills, alongside Yuzuki. Tests out a lot of catchphrases and poses before taking off, much to the amusement and dismay of his colleagues.

Name: Junji Jaehee - JunJammer

Quirk: Disrupt

Hero Gear: A yellow jacket with white highlights. Gloves that shoot taser-like progs from her fingertips to extend the range of her quirk and the number of targets at once.

Interned With: Centipeder at Night Eye’s Agency. P rimarily there to work on her capture and restraint skills by shutting off communications or stunning multiple foes, alongside Xeta. Ends up becoming the lynch-pin in several operations.

Name: Kane Eito - Deluxium

Quirk: Golden Body

Hero Gear: A purple wrestling leotard with black highlights.

Interned with: Thought he would be working with someone like Best Jeanist but ended up working with Fourth Kind as some sort of punishment from his parents, picking up trash for a lot of his internship. Gains a bit of much needed humility.

Name: Rīchi Ryouta - Para-Hype!

Quirk: Monstrous Parasite

Hero Gear: A magnetic and off-set white colored spacesuit-like costume. Ports for his parasite’s eyes, mouth, and tentacles.

Interned with: Fat Gum! Trained to improve his general combat skills and primarily get a better handle on his parasite’s biological needs in balance with his own. Ate lots and lots of good food. Gets a lot wider after his internship and the two of them are happier for it.

“Uh…uh, AP,” Synergy said his throat dry. “That’s all neat and everything but uh…you kept mentioning heroes dying, and a war. What are you talking about?”

Synergy blinked and AP was now standing near a board. He raised a sword and pointed to the board, no swirling with images and diagrams.

“Heroes and villains. Modern society and a better one. The one raging right now. The one that needs troops, Sundowner.”

“Who the hell is Sundown-Aagh” Synergy felt a sharp pain in his head and tried to duplicate, ready to counterattack. But he found himself alone, clutching his head in an empty classroom.

Synergy looked around, realizing the doors were gone. He turned back to AP, but simply found a similarly empty chalkboard. Wait, no, there were…little shapes on the board, repeating. He crept closer, squinting at the board.

It was him. Tiny little chalk drawn versions of him, marching in perfect tandem.

The board seemed to go one forever, trailing into some impossible space.

“Okay you got me, haha, very funny.”

No response.

“Seriously, it’s great, this is awesome hahaha please let me!”

Silence.

“No…nonononono, let me out! Stop it! I don’t-I don’t want to be alone!”

#MORE #I promise the third one will actually just be like...narrative!#no list keeping I promise #to the one person reading this #(sup gato!)#synergy #aura palm #sundowner #class 1-v

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gyrlversion · 5 years

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Workman is almost engulfed by a fireball when electrics explodes

EXCLUSIVE: Shocking moment workman is almost engulfed by a fireball when an electrical blaze explodes on exclusive London street – and blows the helmet off his head

The blast happened on Montague Street, Holborn at 8.40am this morning

A workman drags a piece of equipment away from a smoking hole in the ground

As he runs for safety, sparks begin to flash before a huge flame bursts upwards

By Jack Elsom For Mailonline

Published: 06:33 EDT, 10 April 2019 | Updated: 07:07 EDT, 10 April 2019

This is the heart-stopping moment a fireball exploded up from the pavement on an exclusive London street and knocked off the hard-hat of a nearby workman who was sprinting away.

The exclusive footage obtained by MailOnline from Montague Street, Holborn, shows the man desperately dragging a piece of equipment away from a cordoned-off hole in the ground which had smoke billowing out of it.

As he scrambles away, sparks begin to flash inside the hole before a huge flame bursts upwards, sending the workman’s hat clattering on to the pavement.

A fireball exploded out of a building site outside a property on Hoborn’s exclusive Montague Street at 8.40am today

A witness to this morning’s 8.40am explosion told MailOnline: ‘The guys were climbing up the scaffolding when they saw there was a commotion across the road.

‘They saw the smoke and the flames and then there was a lot more fire.

‘Then it died down a little and the chap came running back to clear the equipment away when it exploded.

‘The fire blew his helmet right off – it went sailing across the street.

‘They were absolutely crackers, going back to the fire.

‘The workmen returned to the fire several times to moves equipment and kept replacing the plastic barriers which repeatedly fell to the ground.

The source added: ‘I don’t know what they were doing – trying to maintain safety? The fire brigade arrived a few minutes later.’

Moments before the blast, the man is seen desperately dragging a piece of equipment away from a cordoned-off hole in the ground which smoke was billowing out of

As he scrambles away, sparks begin to flash inside the hole before a huge flame bursts upwards, sending the workman’s hat clattering on to the pavement

The minute-long dramatic video begins by showing the workman, dressed in a high-vis jacket and trousers, pulling a large appliance away from the side of the property.

He then races along the edge of the pavement, around the red fence cordon, as the explosion bursts out the hole.

His white hard-hat is blown off his head and crashes down on to the ground, where he quickly retrieves it.

While one of his colleagues rushes over, the workman scoops up another piece of equipment and pulls it clear of the blast zone.

But this tool is attached to another item by a cord running under the fence, and so when he pulls it, part of the cordon is knocked over.

The plume of smoke continues to pump out of the hole as two more helmet-clad workers arrive to help move the rest of the tools away.

Paul, 28, who also witnessed the explosion told MailOnline: ‘It was amazing that nobody died.’

He added: ‘Soon after the National Grid came looking at it.

‘The [surrounding] buildings’ power has gone out and one lady who lives nearby came out screaming ‘I have no electricity!’

The workman narrowly escaped being hit by the blast and can be seen running from the scene, but he reportedly returned later to replace the barriers before the fire brigade turned up

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#Entertainment News

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adambstingus · 6 years

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Are Kylie Jenner & Khloé Kardashian Hiding Their Baby Bumps In This New Video?

Well, friends, I hate to say I told you so, but it is possible that I fucking told you so. Remember when we all found out Kylie Jenner and Khloé Kardashian were both pregnant at the same damn time? And remember how I wasn’t convinced? Mostly because I stan too hard for Travis Scott to accept that he will be tied to this garbage family for the next 18 years, but that’s neither here nor there? And remember when I hypothesized that these pregnancy rumors are all a cleverly orchestrated publicity stunt to sell some Kylie lip kits? Well, strap on your tinfoil hats, because Kylie and Khloé did a video together for—wait for it—KYLIE COSMETICS IN LOVE WITH THE KOKO COLLECTION. Check and mate.

First of all, Kylie and Khloé look nearly identical because Kylie decided to swap out her whatever-the-fuck-her-last-hair-color-was locks in favor of some long blonde loose waves. Just like Khloé’s. I mean, I know that they say you start to look like people you spend a lot of time with, but this is a little out of hand.

But aside from that, let’s discuss WTF is going on with these outfits. Kylie is wearing, just like, a man’s overcoat? Whatever it is, it’s clearly way too big for her.

Seriously, this brings me back to literally this past Sunday, when I was cold at the beer garden and my dad insisted I wear his jacket. So I’ve got to ask: Literally why is she wearing this, when her usual M.O. is to show as much skin as possible? Is Kylie covering up a baby bump? Was the AC in their recording room on too high? Is she secretly three toddlers standing on each other’s shoulders? I obviously don’t have the answers. But consider what Kylie was wearing in her last lip kit reveal video, which came out right after the pregnancy reports hit the news.

Ah, yes. That’s the Kylie we know and love: wearing some kind of vaguely athletic tank situation that shows off her boobs. Not this giant overcoat! I mean, it’s kind of comical actually. If Kylie is trying to hide a baby bump, there are a lot more subtle ways to do it. Then again, Kylie Jenner is not exactly known for her signature brand of subtlety.

I have no real comments or insights into Khloé’s situation vis-à-vis this video, other than to point out that the camera never really pans below her neck. That is at least a little suspect. Stay with me, though. News literally just broke that sources have confirmed to UsWeekly that Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson are expecting a boy, so this could really be real. Yes, I said so do with that information what you will. I would like to add that I watched Kylie and Khloé’s entire five-minute video and learned nothing of importance, other than that Khloé must give a lot of head. Seriously, she talks about sucking dick in those lip kits multiple times. Like, fam, your little sister is RIGHT THERE. Is that not weird to you? Also, if your first thought upon seeing a lip color is, “This is going to look great on my man’s penis!” then 1) you’re wrong, because Kylie Lip Kits do not come off, even when wrapped around a dick, and 2) you have issues.

Until I see this information reported on by a media outlet owned by Ryan Seacrest himself, I’m going to continue to lead the charge of Kardashian Pregnancy Truthers. One thing’s for sure, though: It’s Kris Jenner’s world, and we’re all just living in it.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-kylie-jenner-khloe-kardashian-hiding-their-baby-bumps-in-this-new-video/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/174448107822

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allofbeercom · 6 years

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Are Kylie Jenner & Khloé Kardashian Hiding Their Baby Bumps In This New Video?

But aside from that, let’s discuss WTF is going on with these outfits. Kylie is wearing, just like, a man’s overcoat? Whatever it is, it’s clearly way too big for her.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-kylie-jenner-khloe-kardashian-hiding-their-baby-bumps-in-this-new-video/

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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FAKE NEWS!! The best and worst April Fools’ Day stories

Believe it or not, newspapers and PR agencies have once again marked 1 April by publishing made-up stories and press releases

Post-truth and fake news have been etched, perhaps indelibly, on the publics consciousness in recent months; each of them having been named phrases of the year by different dictionaries.

Among the most memorable were the claims that we send 350m per week to the EU, printed on the side of the Brexiters battle bus, and Donald Trumps inflation of his inauguration crowds.

By lunchtime on Saturday, a dozen or so more could be added to the list as newspapers and press officers continued the age-old (tired?) tradition of April Fools Day stories. Here are some of the best:

The Guardian

The paper reports that the professional multi-tasker George Osborne is launching his own clothing line. The MP, newspaper editor, after-dinner speaker, chairman, hedge fund adviser and thinktank fellow is known to favour high-vis jackets and hard hats.

Daily Telegraph

Science correspondent Rollo Piaf (no prizes for unscrambling the anagram) reports that a polar bear is living on a Hebridean island, having been forced to head south after finding itself stranded on a melting sheet of ice that broke away from the Arctic ice cap.

Daily Mail

Harrys secret wedding screams the Mail across pages six and seven. The prince and Meghan Markle have eloped, the paper reports, but the fact that it is tucked away inside rather than on the front page may arouse suspicion among the Mails more discerning readers. The rather paunchy Harry look-a-like and brides well-placed veil may also give the game away.

Daily Mirror

Horses in the Grand National will be allowed to wear headphones so they can listen to music, the Mirror reports – in a story confirmed by the music streaming firm Deezers spokeswoman, Avril Foal (top marks there).

Photograph: Handout

Daily Express

In todays actually-not-that-bad-an-idea April fool news, the Express reports that a pizza firm is planning to introduce a new heated letterbox that will keep food hot for up to 12 hours. Those who follow the instruction to turn to page 35, however, are dealt a bitter blow.

Photograph: Express Newspapers/Handout

Meanwhile, never one to miss a chance of some free publicity, PRs across the land have been beavering away for weeks on their April fool press releases in the hope of a few column inches. Here are some of the worst/best:

Virgin Atlantic: the airline reveals the Dreambird 1417, which boasts wings that bend and flex to create a flapping motion that not only propels the aircraft forward but generates its own power to meet every electronic need on board.

To be fair, they have made a well produced and quite convincing video to accompany the not-all-too-convincing press release complete with an appearance by Beardy himself. Virgin pride themselves on April fool releases, and Atlantic is just one of many flooding into reporters inboxes from Bransons subsidiaries.

Virgin Atlantics Dreambird 1417

Marmite: the makers of Britains most love-it-or-hate-it spread announce the launch of Meh-Mite a blander version of the yeasty toast-topper designed to prove breakfast neednt be divisive.

Meh-Mite

Paddy Power: seahorse racing. Thats right, seahorse racing.

Its one of those ideas thatll sink or swim but were delighted to be the first sponsor to take the plunge. The little blighters are tough to train and their tiny saddles keeping falling off but I reckon weve backed a winner, a spokesman says.

Despite initial challenges with training weve found them to be one of the most competitive species on the planet, adds Stephen McMeel, new product researcher at the bookmaker.

Paddy Power have also made a video, of course.

Photograph: Paddy Power

Chill Factore: the UKs longest indoor real snow slope, in Trafford, announces a new snowboarding school for dogs proving that you can teach an old dog new tricks. Its PR agency has also gone to the trouble of making a video, which was definitely worth the effort (71 views so far…).

The Beano: the tweet says it all.

Beano (@BeanoOfficial)

Words are so last week. We know it’s ALL about #emojis. So we’re excited to reveal that BEANO is now an emoji-only comic! #SOBeano http://pic.twitter.com/gdrFzIKbep

April 1, 2017

Coca-Cola: while the launch of a helium variant of the soft drink is not going to fool too many people, full marks for the quote from Kate Miller, its UK marketing manager.

She says: Were delighted to be launching Coca-Cola Helium this year it really inflates our range of drinks and lifts our fans spirits. Popularity of Coca-Cola continues to balloon and this new variant is set to be a flyaway success.

Virgin Trains: not to be outdone by their airborne colleagues, the rail operator announces the launch of an innovative new contactless ticket system – Tick-InkTM – that lets customers have their season tickets tattooed on their body.

John Sullivan of Virgin Trains says: We wanted to provide people with a clever way of always having their ticket on them. What better way than to have it permanently tattooed on their body?

See? Branson loves 1 April.

The Cornish Bakery: last, and quite possibly least, is their Easter egg-shaped pasty, which founder Steve Grocutt says is for customers who cant bear to replace their daily pasty with chocolate this Easter.

Cornish Bakery founder Steve Grocutt

These are, genuinely, pasties on their side.