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purplesurveys · 3 years

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What would you say is your favorite food? Sushi. < Ahhh, this is a good one. My favorite is down to a tie: it’s either chicken curry or burgers.

What color eyes does the person you like / love have? Are they pretty? Dark brown. I’m not too sure what the second question is referring to but yeah, she and her eyes are both pretty.

What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Hi-5, omg. That show was my life in preschool and I always watched the 12 NN replay as soon as I got back home from school, back when I was still on a half-day sched. I was so hooked I remember having legit tantrums before starting Grade 1 because grade school meant full days in school and thus having to miss out on the show entirely.

Do you like Mexican food or any other foreign foods? For sure. All my favorites are Asian (Indian, Japanese, Indonesian, Chinese, etc.) but I also enjoy Italian, Mexican, Greek etc cuisines. I generally haven’t tried African cuisines but I really, really want to.

What color is the keyboard you are currently using? The keys are black with white lettering.

Do you own any of those ‘chunky’ and cute rings? Nope, not my style.

What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I saw my dad cooking up something deep-fried; it was like his own version of katsu or something, or maybe it’s fish fillet? I’m not too sure what it is yet but I’m excited and will probably eat lots of it as I skipped all my meals and have only been running on coffee and vape all day - not good.

Do you own an iPod or MP3 player? If so, when did you get it? Technically I still do. Haven’t used it since high school. I got it when I was 10 back in ‘08; I was envious of the kids in school who had iPods, so I asked my dad to buy me one even though I wasn’t super into music at the time. Not the best kid in the world.

When was the last time someone took your picture? Last Saturday when my package came. Apparently online deliveries now require your photo to be taken upon receiving your package and I think it’s for the seller to keep track of their transactions. I’m not a big fan of the new procedure, but it’s whatevs.

Would you rather write a report or type it on a computer? Type.

What color was the last jacket or hoodie you wore? Gray.

Do you receive more compliments or insults on a daily basis? Neither, really. I haven’t been talking to people a lot; and when I do it’s for work, where I receive neither compliments nor insults.

Who is the lead actress / actor from your absolute favorite movie? Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney, or Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

Can you recite the alphabet backward? [continued from last night] Slowly, but I’m sure I can finish it.

Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? We don’t do hotdogs with chili here. I generally don’t see chili much where I live and I wouldn’t call it a common dish.

Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? At first I thought it was, but I’m slowly realizing that it isn’t.

What would you say is your favorite cereal, if you even like it? Cookie Crisp is the only one I like. I don’t have cereal often.

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where was it? It was a quick weekend getaway to Tagaytay and then Cavite, if it counts.

How many states have you been to in your lifetime? Zero.

Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Yep, especially with Andi and Angela.

Have you ever been an outcast at your school or anywhere else? I was definitely one in early grade school, and again in Grade 6 when both my closest friends migrated in a span of six months, and I spent nearly all my lunch periods alone. Looking back on it, I’m really glad I powered through and made it here because I truly wasn’t happy at the time.

Do you own any dresses? If so, what colors are they? I have lots of sundresses and little black dresses because I was into those for a very long time at one point. Some of them are black, obviously, but I also have dresses in blue, maroon, and olive.

Would you say you drink more pop / soda than you should? I never drink soda as I’ve always felt like I spend more time complaining about how drinking it feels like burning my tongue and throat than actually enjoying it.

Would you rather have orange juice or milk with your breakfast? Water.

How many different colors has your bedroom been painted? Just one. The walls have been white ever since we moved here 12 years ago.

Do you cuss? If so, do you ever cuss in front of your parents? I’ll slip in front of them sometimes but I never get in trouble for it anymore.

Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Our humor together can be raunchy sometimes but I don’t think I’d ever do this. I dunno if she wants to hear I’ve had sex with a girl either.

Is there anyone out there who can make you cry very easily? Yes.

What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? *In the last week, hearing about the typhoon’s effects in other cities didn’t feel good. This entire country is literally only getting by with donations from the private sector because the government isn’t doing shit for cities and families who got severely affected by the typhoon; it’s almost depressing to hear and read about.

Have you ever been in a car wreck? I’ve been in minor car accidents but it would be too much to call any of them car wrecks. They had all just been tiny bumps or thuds.

Do you have your ears pierced? If not, what do you have pierced? Yes, my mom had my earlobes pierced when I was an infant. I don’t plan on getting any more new ones as I’m not really into piercings.

Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Nope.

What is your biggest pet peeve? When people reach out first via text/IM then even if I get back to them in 5–10 seconds, it takes them a long time to get back to me. It’s especially annoying if they classify it as urgent, I drop everything to reply quickly, then they end up disappearing. Like why?

Do a lot of people understand you completely? Who does exactly? No, I like keeping a wall up.

Would you say you’re really good at cooking and baking things? Haha no. But it’s something I want to be skilled in, definitely. I’d love to be able to make the food I usually just thirst over on the internet. I’m taking baby steps, like figuring out how to make certain sandwiches, but I have a long way to go before I can consider myself any good.

How is the weather outside right this second? It’s been a little cloudy this morning but it might start to get fair seeing how I’m beginning to see the sky turn blue. I’m just hoping there won’t be too much sun, period.

Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? No buildings as I live in a gated village. We have a number of trees around, but I wouldn’t call it ‘a lot.’

Would you say either one of your parents are 'pack-rats?’ No. I have that title, and I believe I inherited it from my great-grandmother who was a bit of a pack rat herself, as I’ve been told.

Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? Kinda. I don’t associate with one of my uncles because he has a terrible drinking issue that he never got to permanently fix. Whenever I see him at family gatherings he just smells like stale gin or whatever it is he drinks, and it just ruins the essence of family reunions for me. As recent as Christmas Day last year he drove drunk and crashed into a car with an entire family, but as always his ass got lucky because 1) no one in the family got hurt, and 2) said family let go of the lawsuit they were planning to file against him.

Have you ever seen That 70’s Show? Do you watch it regularly? I tried watching the first episode but genuinely could not find it entertaining for the life of me. Sorry, Mila :(

If you could choose, what decade would you rather live in? I never really think about revisiting decades - they’re already behind, so what’s the point? As bad as the 2020s have been looking, I’m okay with staying here.

How often would you say you get sick? Once a year at most.

Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? I used to wish they would die, but I don’t feel that way anymore.

Has anyone ever called you a socio-path before? I don’t think so.

When was the last time you watched a movie in theaters? December.

Have you ever moved to a completely different state before? We’ve moved to different regions before.

Do you mind it when surveys ask you really personal questions? No. Isn’t that part of the point of surveys?

When was the last time you told someone you love them? Thursday or Friday I think, when Andi said it to me first and I said it back. I wasn’t having a good day and they were just looking out.

Which one would you like more: kiss on cheek / kiss on neck? Depends on my mood. Right now a kiss on the cheek sounds nice.

Does it bother you when people steal your stuff on MySpace? This never happened to me because I had Myspace for such a short time and I never caught it at its peak. Also, how do people steal your stuff over there? That’s pretty intriguing lmao

Do you have freckles? Do you like / dislike them? I don’t have any.

Who would you say is the best actor / or actress in your opinion? My biased ass would rally for Kate Winslet all the way, but some other great ones for me are Toni Collette, Emma Stone, Jodie Foster, and Natalie Portman.

How many times have you been drunk in your life? Many.

What would you do if the last person you kissed said they hated you? Be confused and ask them to give me a few concrete reasons. I don’t think too highly of myself, but I know I’ve never done anything to make me deserving of hate, especially with regard to us.

Do you ever think you might be pregnant? No, it has never been a worry of mine.

When was the last time you acted really immature? The weekend.

Do you enjoy watching comedies or horror movies more? Horror. I never watch comedies and the only subtype of it that I watch is romcom.

As a child, did you ever have an imaginary friend? Yeah but it lasted all of five minutes until I got bored with the concept.

Does anyone call you baby? Who would that be? No.

Can you rely on one or more people to take up for you? I have no idea what take up means. If this also means ‘stand up for me,’ then yeah I can.

#survey #surveys

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vedj-f-bekuesu · 4 years

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Change of plan, decided to get season 1 out of the way, so I can really get some groundwork. So technically, this is the first true experience of Ninjago.

-Right off the bat, 13 episodes felt too much. I’m glad that future seasons after S2 go down to maximum 10 for the most part. -Honestly the plot is all over the place. The first six episodes are kinda moral episodes, then apparently someone writing Tick Tock said “Actually, I have this kickass angst idea for Zane and I want to use” and the show decided now would be the time to drop the original approach. -Speaking of which, how many fetch quests can you squeeze in one season where there’s just absolute failure on the protagonists’ part? They couldn’t stop the five tribes getting together, and they did not stop one Fangblade being taken by Pythor. It got ridiculous. -That said, the Serpentine are way better than the Skeleton Army, or at least Pythor and Skales are. Pythor is just so hammy it’s fun, and Skales has some real neat setup in the first episodes to establish his moral root (and his eventual heel-face in later seasons, I’m aware of that one). -Some surprising character debuts. The mailman isn’t, but Mystake is already here which I wasn’t expecting for a few seasons yet. -In terms of main characters, Wu and Garmadon are weird. Wu spends half his time in the same bitchy sensei mode as the pilots, but then he has this side story in the underworld and it becomes a story of him trying to save his nephew and he gets all fatherly and it’s like what. Meanwhile, the story keeps drilling in your head that Garmadon is this evil dude yet his evil acts can be counted on one hand. He eventually steps up his game right at the end so I guess that was all S2 set-up (meaning the OG Garmadon was a central villain for one season. He had more evil time after his SoG resurrection!). The family bonding was nice to see after he was so bland in the pilots though. -Nya is more active in S1 which is nice, but it’s still moonlighting as Samurai X as I mentioned. I did not realise that the mystery lasted for all of one episode, so at least there’s not lengthy periods of time where Nya is pretending to be on the sidelines when out as Samurai X. Still really weird that they chose to do it this way until S5 but hey. -Lloyd is fantastic. He’s amusing as a brat and as the green Ninja, and my heart just sorrows at the pain is about to be put through. Weirdly enough, even ignoring the foreshadowing, Lloyd was always the perfect candidate to be the green Ninja. Think about it; he’s adaptable, cunning, determined, persevering, trusting, reflexive, agile, and this all traits from before he even turned good. He was gifted for a 10-12 year old. -Zane is a sweetheart who only had minor fumbles with the green Ninja thing, but he should still be protected at all costs. -Jay’s character is shaky at times, but overall comes out pretty good. The Jaya moments he has in S1 are sweet, and both Nya and Jay drive it naturally (which is good, because the way it was started in the pilot was really clunky). -Worst characters by far in S1 are Kai and Cole. They spend 90% of the time are meathead bullies, and some of it dips so cruelly I can’t root for them. They try to clear it up once we get to the full potential stuff, but too little too late man. Just let me punt these bitches off a cliff and let their S12 selves take over. -The choreography is still pretty piss poor. I didn’t mention it before but now you know. -The Great Devourer ain’t that great. Giant generic snake, woo. -That being said;

Ed: *Trying to start his jalopy* Oh, boy. Oh, gosh. Oh, golly. Oh, gosh. *Meanwhile Harumi’s parents lie dead under a building collapse while the child is scarred for life*

-Worst episode by a country mile is “Home”. What were they thinking, making a whole episode where all the ninja bully Zane for being different, regardless of how much Zane does not deserve that and how little sense it makes for Jay and Cole to do that with their history prior to Kai. And it wasn’t a special episode, it was set-up for a different twist. -Best episode...my heart wants to say “The Royal Blacksmiths” because it comes so out of left field in terms of how Cole and Kai are characterised, plays out like a near-legit coming out story (how did they do it this way by accident??) and has so much homoerotic tension between said Ninja. But the correct answer has to be “Tick Tock”. I know Zane is a robot (it’s a central point in S11 and S12), but I was expecting the reveal in S3. So when I realised where the episode was going it was a gut punch all the same, and Zane getting his memories back is legit heartbreaking. -The season also has one of the better first episodes. -Also yeah this entire season is pretty good for Lava, although Jay and Zane do get plenty to do this time.

As it’s own thing, S1 is generally decent. However, there are some big lows in this season (mostly near the start), and I think some characters just can’t get through it without mud on their face.

As part of the wider Ninjago story, it’s made something apparent that kinda more depressing; the writers have lots of ideas for where Jay and Zane’s characters can go, even if the direction isn’t always met with enthusiasm. Even Nya and Lloyd have had strong stories to run off from the start. Kai and Cole feel like the writers don’t know what to do with them. They had to throw some drama for Cole, so they shoved in the dance thing, Kai needed more conflict, so they tacked on him being more obsessed with the green Ninja power than anyone else even though this was equal for all four at the start of the season. Outside of S1, they either get no arcs, get shunted into other arcs thus wrecking them (Jaya...:( ), repeat arcs that were done with seasons prior or just the most cliche, uninspired stories you could make.

With the last two seasons going back to roots, I wonder if they have looked at S1 again and realised that this is something that should be examined again, what with the spoilers for S12 and S13. Only time will tell.

I won’t review seasons over the weekend, that time is reserved for Prime Empire, and I know I’ll enjoy that more.

#VEDJ-F talks #a lot #vedj-f reviews #ninjago #ns1

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krumbine · 4 years

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Creative Every Day: One Month Later

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With the start of April, I wanted to challenge myself to work on something creative every day. Here’s how it went.

First, I’m a liar.

I didn’t actually work on something every day because I mostly took weekends off. Also, if I found myself staring into a black abyss of meaninglessness and depression, I ended up taking the weekday off, too.

Creativity’s Unbreakable Rule #1: you can’t force creativity.

So let me tell you how I forced creativity.

A disclaimer: it helps to not have anything else to do. Although I set this challenge for myself first, shortly afterwards I was furloughed from my job as a video editor at Visit Orlando. A lot of people look at unemployment and quarantine as the worst possible time to “finish that novel” and these people are not wrong! I personally dove into the aforementioned abyss, ate a box of donuts, and cried myself to sleep while rewatching old episodes of Psych.

Three days later, I hit peak boredom. This is a brilliant phase of life that precedes an even more brilliant period of creative productivity––a period where you’ve gotten so bored doing every imaginable un-creative thing possible (including sorting and throwing out that pile of old mail and cleaning out the junk drawer in the kitchen) that you have absolutely nothing else better to do than stare at a flashing cursor on a blank screen.

My friends, peak boredom is one of those massive bean bags that sucks you deeper and deeper into its squishy abyss.

This. Is. A gift.

The rules for my creative every day challenge were as follows:

Work would be split amongst the two categories of writing and video projects.

Writing projects were either short stories or musings. Video projects were split into animation projects, short stories for YouTube (a teleprompter-based dramatic performance of sorts), long-form Behind the Final Cut vlogs, and miscellaneous work (such as my “Creative Wizard” title sequence for YouTube or the animated title cards for my written short stories).

All of this work was meticulously tracked in my production schedule board on Trello––and I’m pretty sure this is a big reason April went as well as it did.

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Friends, it’s one thing to do the work but it is something else altogether to see the cumulative total of all the work. Trello does that for you––especially if you’re like me, a jack-of-all trades creative that loves doing a little bit of everything.

The other component of this challenge was to share a finished project every day.

What did I learn in the first month? Again: I’m a liar.

I think I did an okay job maintaining a 24-hour period, but my typical day isn’t a nine-to-five jam.

(Remember, we can’t force creativity, so we have to figure out ways to hack our lives to make it flow with more ease.)

My best case writing example was, “The Insufferable Silence in Apartment 616”. I spent the day writing this 2400-word tome in a midday and then a nighttime burst. I posted it late the next morning after doing the graphic design work on the title card. So, kinda-sorta within a 24-hour period, with the graphic design caveat.

My worst case writing example was “Red Alert in the Department of Human Asset Management & Existential Mitigation”. Marginally shorter than “Insufferable” but legit took a few days to write.

Definitely not abiding the “share every day” rule, but I still worked on it every day.

To that end, even the days when I didn’t post something, I was still taking notes, plotting, or giving my creative fuel tank a chance to refill.

Here’s what I actually created in April.

Of nineteen total projects, ten were videos. Eight of those videos went up on YouTube (the other two were title sequence/animation pieces).

8. Wizard of Speed and Time Vinyl Unboxing 7. Quarantine’s End Short Story 6. Tiger King Quotes 5. Trello and the Art of Creative Project Management 4. The LEGO Wizard Digs a Fossil 3. Rexzilla! 2. The LEGO Wizard Builds a Car; a T. Rex Stomps a Car 1. Stygimoloch vs Raptor Fetus

The remaining nine projects were in the writing category, totaling 12,614 words. Seven short stories and two musings.

9. The Insufferable Silence in Apartment 616 8. Red Alert in the Department of Human Asset Management and Existential Mitigation 7. Explorers of the Unknown vs the Last Gift Shop on the Left 6. A Sinful Pivot 5. Thoughts on 35: Birthdays in the Time of the Pandemic 4. Karen Finds a Hobby 3. Max Nebula and the Simpering Spark of Hope 2. Quarantine’s End: Smoke ‘Em If You’ve Got ‘Em 1. There’s Just So Much Noise

Here are a few more things I learned:

- I like to write to read. Like, aloud. Firstly, I think it just sounds better in your head. Secondly, one of my video projects is to adapt my short stories for YouTube, so I’m basically writing a video script each time I sit down at the keyboard.

- The screenwriter in me prefers to write (mostly) only essential description. It speeds up the process and, I’d like to think, helps engage the reader. When I offer a short, three-sentence description of Jason in “The Last Gift Shop on the Left”, I’m painting a very broad tough-guy image and letting your imagination fill in the details.

Jeans, t-shirt, leather jacket. Strong features and a stronger chin. He wore his hair long and in a ponytail because manly men have pony tails.

- I’m a big fan of the em-dash. Like, seriously.

- The volume of complications in video work is the fastest way to psych yourself out of doing anything at all. Even when I’m not producing, I’m outlining my stop motion sequences, arranging sets, placing lights, setting up shots.

- There’s a saying that goes, “The hardest part about running is putting on your shoes.” The same is true for any creative work, which is why I spend a lot of time making it as easy as possible to just get started. That’s also why as soon as I have an idea for something, it goes on my Trello board––I’m never casting about for the next thing to work on because I have an entire catalog with ripe ideas waiting to be plucked.

Despite the pandemic outside, despite the unemployment, despite uncertain futures, April was a good month for me. It was good because at the end of the day––hopefully every day––I want to feel like I did something creative.

Mission accomplished.

Stay creative. Stay quarantined. And be gentle to yourselves, my friends.

Krumbine

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jordan Krumbine is a professional video editor, digital artist, and creative wizard currently quarantined in Kissimmee, Florida. When not producing content for the likes of Visit Orlando, Orlando Sentinel, or AAA National, Jordan is probably yelling at a stubbornly defective Macbook keyboard, tracking creative projects in Trello, and animating quirky videos with LEGO and other various toys.

Leave a dollar in the Tip Jar: https://ko-fi.com/krumbine

Short stories: https://bit.ly/2XY5D7I Books on Amazon Kindle: https://amzn.to/3bsqK5Y YouTube: https://bit.ly/2W41nSG Twitter: https://bit.ly/2VH0Vbu Facebook: https://bit.ly/2VpnylZ LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/2xnmk1e

http://www.krumbco.com

#krumbine #jordan krumbine #musings #creative #creativity #video production #video editor #writer #short stories #creative process

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raven-whisperer · 5 years

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Personal

I kinda just wanted to write some stuff down, so feel free to ignore (Suicide + Depression Trigger Warning).

Last year I was suffering under some seriously bad depression. I posted one in a while about wanting to die and got very close to actually killing myself. Thankfully a good friend of mine saw me (legit as I was about to order sleeping pills) and she took me out to Dutch Bros. It was the first time in so long I felt human, I was laughing and it was like waking up from the worst dream. However, as we started back toward school I realized it was going to end as it always did when I felt I had woken up. I knew the moment we got back to school, she’d go back to her dorm, I’d go back to my dark room and I’d get in my bed and cry myself to sleep. However, this didn’t happen. My friend stopped her truck and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie and the excitement I felt could have fueled a country. I started to look for Studio Ghibli movies she hadn’t seen and wouldn’t bring about an episode (I was super sensitive to media at this time, something that had never been a problem before). We drove to Little Caesars, got a deep dish pizza and went back to her dorm. It was what I needed after five months of isolation. I was talking with her dorm-mates and laughing and I felt good.

That night was so important, because without it, I wouldn’t be here. It was like being thrown a life preserver after drowning in the ocean.

Its been almost a year since I came out of my depression and I haven’t had an episode. To be clear, I mean I haven’t gone back to that dark place where I let self deprecating thoughts assault my conscious until I beg for death. So I’ve had periods of doubt where those nasty thoughts nip for attention, but I’ve been able to hold them at bay or push them away. Whenever I think of my depression I can feel those thoughts locked away and it would be very easy to let them back in. Obviously, I don’t want to and I’ve been doing my best to stay afloat.

Recently I’ve been noticing that I’m isolating myself from some of the few people who do actually want to spend time with me. This isn’t the first time its happened, this was a reoccurring thing I did as a child. I always sought after people who didn’t give me the same kind of attention/affection I gave them. I’ve never dated, but I imagine this would be a problem there as well.

I want to be able to understand “Hey, that person doesn’t want to be friends with you the same way you want to be friends with them” and just let it be instead of putting energy into something that will only ever be nothing. I can always feel when it happens, the dissapoint and “Oh...” feeling that sinks into the bottom of my stomach. These feelings are what usually causes my depressive episodes. Normally they don’t last more than a few hours, but the constant rejection I felt from my then closest friend caused a five month long episode (it could be categorized as a Major Depressive Episode, but its not because I don’t have clinical depression).

I had this problem last year as well with my depression. I misjudged my relationship with my roommate/then best friend which lead to my isolation. She didn’t care for me as much as I did her and despite knowing that, I still was desperate to cling to her and her friendship. I’m not friends with her anymore, and its because of her that I’ve actively decided not to put energy into people who won’t give back. I sometimes feel this is selfish, after all, what if I’m misreading them? (I try to trust my gut on these things).

The reason I’m making this post is because of something recent. Another good friend of mine has been distant, and I highly doubt she’s even aware of it (ADHD, choir involved, psych major) because of how busy she is or how much time she spends her best friend (my ex-best friend). I keep trying to make plans on the weekend but she always has an excuse or is overstimulated from something. It hurts to be rejected so often and I want to respect her boundaries but I’m starting to feel like I’m putting my energy into nothing again. I only really see her at night when we’re both in the bathroom.

I don’t have much room to complain about loneliness when I’m not talking to my current roommate much, which I don’t know why??? I’ve suddenly become irritated when she wants my attention and I feel bad about it - like why the fuck am I being a bitch for no reason? Maybe I’m just mad about the smell and the snoring thing and its coming out in passive aggressive ways? I dislike the thought of that.

Uhhh, I think that’s it. I want to cry a little bit tbh, but I think a shower and singing loudly to the Heathers will help a bit.

#Raven Speaks #Personal #TW Suicide #TW Depression #This hopefully makes sense

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lovingtrance · 3 years

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I got dumped

On December 21st my partner of 5 years, who I lived with for 2 and a half, told me he��s no longer attracted to me and only views me as a best friend. He said there’s more in store for him than “just a safe relationship.”

While we were together I was keeping a running list of all the reasons I loved him. But for my own well-being I’ve decided to start keeping a running list of annoying and toxic things about him. I’m posting it here for your viewing pleasures:

1. I had to constantly remind a grown man he had to brush his teeth. Often times having to convince him to not skip it bc he would sometimes go days without brushing. And this was NOT due to depression. Truly. It was just laziness and a lack of urgency to practice basic hygiene.

2. He would pick his nose and wipe it on just about anything. Furniture, his clothes, his side of the bed, my side of the bed, his car seat no matter whose car, etc.

3. He’d constantly ask “are you gay” as if it was a joke.

4. In general he reveled in pushing my buttons and saying things that I found boarderline offensive.

5. Near the end especially, but in general it was like pulling teeth to get him to spend time with me doing something he didn’t have a personal investment in. If it wasn’t an activity he enjoyed he didn’t want to do it with me.

6. When I would try to spend time with him 9/10 he’d say “I’d rather play call of duty.” His call of duty playing was a daily occueance. On weeknights it was from the time he got home from work until bed. He’d stop just to spend about 30 minutes with me for the dinner I made. This was EVERY NIGHT. And on weekends it would be about 3/4 of the weekend every time.

7. A few days before NYE of 2019 (to celebrate the start of 2020) he went out with a few of his friends to drink. Apparently someone said they didn’t like my plan for NYE and another person agreed. He took offense to that and came home drunk and angry. He ranted about how much he hates them, hates our home town, and how mad he was. I tried to calm him down and he got mad I wasn’t on his side and threw a chair across the room while yelling so loud it woke his parents and sister. He then went to his bedroom and I tried to calm him and he got mad I was “taking their side” and tried to physically kick me off the bed. As if he was a toddler.

8. When I said “no you will not treat me that way. I’m not your punching bag” and called a friend to pick me up he tried every manipulation tactic in the book. First he called to apologize. Then when that didn’t work he tried to plead and promised he didn’t mean it and he wasn’t trying to hurt me. Then he turned and said it was typical that I left bc everyone leaves him and I don’t care. I’ve never cared. After that tactic didn’t work he said he was going to kill himself. All while his sister was texting me saying he was just eating chicken strips on the couch watching TV.

9. The next day he gave me the silent treatment and treated me like I was the one who hurt him and I was the problem. He was trying to give me the cold shoulder so I’d break down, beg for his forgiveness, and beg him to open up and forgive me and talk to me. This was a typical thing for him in the past. If I ever told him he hurt me or tried to put up a boundary for my own mental and physical well being he’d flip it and put up a wall so I’d have to beg him to open up and I’d end up being the one apologizing.

10. He cheated on me in 2016 with women he’d meet up with from Craigslist for casual hook ups. He then insisted we were never exclusive even though we absolutely were and had already said I love you to each other.

11. On my 22nd birthday we went out to bars together. He had a list of bars he wanted to stop at. We’re from MO and were in San Francisco. The 3rd or 4th bar had a bouncer who saw his MO ID and insisted it was fake. I was using my passport since my ID expired on my birthday. When I told the bouncer I’m also from MO and the ID is legit they gave it back but turned us away. That made him mad so we went home and then he got upset I didn’t want sex. I sort of agreed anyway but then withdrew consent. He got SO mad about that. He started screaming and shouting about how I was jerking him around and he was upset and confused. He threw his fan at the wall and broke a hole in the wall. He started pacing around the room and then I called a friend and said I was leaving for my safety. That made him even more upset and he started pacing around the hallway of his apartment building while NAKED. I convinced him to cover up but the manic episode continued and he paced in the street as well. The cops were called by a neighbor. I was mortified. But we stayed together bc I couldn’t find my ID to be able to leave that night. Then we slept it off in separate buildings and came back together the next day to talk it out. We both apologized and stayed together.

12. About a year before that he got upset I couldn’t have Skype sex with him every night even though I was a full time student working a full time job. He frame it as though he was willing to make compromises for me but I refused to do the same for him. Even though I’d already forgiven him for the Craigslist cheating caused by his “sex addiction”

13. He said he was breaking up with me bc he wanted more “intimacy” and knew that he was meant to have a relationship that had more spark basically. He made it seem like yet again I was the problem for not having enough sex with him. Despite the fact I tried to initiate sex with him many times over the last few months and we would reject me almost every time. Often times saying he would rather play call of duty.

14. When we first moved in together I did some laundry. A few days later he realized a few random things were missing. A pair of underwear or two, a shirt. He accused me of losing them by forgetting them in the apartment laundry room. I swore I didn’t but he didn’t believe me and yelled at me. I told him they’re just clothes and I’ll replace them and he still yelled. I suggested maybe he forgot them back at his parents’ house but he swore he didn’t. A few days later a package arrived from his parents containing all the “lost” clothes. I did not receive an apology until I requested one.

15. We were long distance for the first few years of our relationship. I would go to visit him every spring break and fall break (my school had fall break). Once when I went to visit we went over to his frat house for a party for st. Patrick’s day. I was having a good time getting two know two foreign students (one girl and one guy). When we walked back to his place we were sitting outside the building while he smoked a cigarette and he got mad at me and asked me why I acted the way I did at the party. I was confused bc I didn’t think I was acting differently than usual. He said by making friends with those people I was basically being obnoxious and annoying- like I was trying too hard. It broke my heart. It was like he expected me to just be a wall flower or hang on his hip the whole night. It was so unfair bc obviously I didn’t know anyone there it’s not my school. So did he just expect me not to have a good time?

16. The one other time he had me go to a party at the house I went to the bathroom on my own. I remembered where it was and told him “I’m going to the bathroom” and got up from my seat. When I came back he was being weird to me and basically implied he thought I walked away to go cheat on him?... even though I was gone less than 5 minutes and I knew no one there!

17. Once in late 2017 early 2018 one of my close friends came over to hang out and drink wine in my living room. She mentioned she’d done this app called Cake where you live stream whatever and people pay you. We decided to just sit around in our underwear and drink wine to make her some extra money. I told him about it and he freaked out. He contacted her on FB and went off on her telling her she disrespected our relationship and manipulated me. He told me I was drunk and let my friend manipulate me. I told him that’s not true at all and everything I did I did bc I wanted to and was comfortable doing so. I never crossed a line. I never even interacted with a person. We just set up a camera and barely acknowledged the comments. He was acting like I was his child or property and I didn’t have agency of my own. He also told me I cheated and I needed to admit I cheated so we could move on. As if it’s not my body and my choice who I allow to see me wearing the equivalent of a bikini. And he definitely had no right to contact my friend and scold her and shame her. He acted like I was his to control and I was a toy my friend took and misused without his permission. It was disgusting and so painful to deal with. I felt awful about myself for days.

18. He was and is such a hypocrite. He even admitted to me before the Cake incident that he once did cam stuff but quit bc he was bothered by how many men tuned in and barely any women. He was also hypocritical about spending money. He would criticize me for spending $50 on new clothes at target or wanting to spend $30 every few weeks to splurge on eating out. But then he’d spend $100s-$1000s of dollars at a time on his hobbies like gaming, bowling, his guitar, etc.

19. In April of 2020 I told him I wanted us to be more romantic. I wanted us both to be better about making an effort to show each other we had a romantic attraction to one another. He told me “you expect too much. You ask for too much.” This is the same man who 8 months later told me he was leaving me bc there was no more “spark.” I EXPLICITLY asked him to work with me to keep the spark going and he said “you ask for too much.”

20. Also in April of 2020 he got upset the recycling bin was starting to smell. Over time some of the containers had leaked the small bit of contents they had left and created a film on the bottom of the bin. He blamed me because he “always rinses containers before recycling them.” I tried to explain “yeah but that’s just because you leave them sitting on the counter to be rinsed and then never rinse them. I too am bad about not rinsing, so I just put your pile and my stuff straight in the bin.” I explained that technically yes, I recycle more items, but only because he leaves me to do it. He told me I HAD to clean the bin. I said “I’m not your servant. I’m not at your beck and call and I don’t HAVE to do anything.” That made him angry so he said “maybe I should just pour milk all over your clothes then?” Shocked I of course asked “why would you do that?” I also wondered “what clothes? The clothes I have on the drying rack next to the kitchen? Or the clothes in the closet? The ones I’m wearing?” He said “you pour milk in the recycling bin. It’s the same thing.” Like truly- what a manipulative, illogical ASSHOLE.

21. When breaking up with me he told me “I’m sure you’ve noticed I haven’t wanted to have sex with you the past few months.” I said “yes I thought it was stress from work.” Then he said “no I’m just no longer physically attracted to you.” I asked what we could do. Should we spice things up? Should we go to a sex therapist? He said there was no point. But fear not reader- it’s not that he’s gay (yes he felt the need to clarify that) it’s just that he’s not attracted me specifically. He said honestly he just wasn’t happy because there was no spark. And there was this (apparently) indescribable element that had never really had been in all 6 years. There had always been something missing that he had in other relationships. I said THERE WAS ONLY ONE OTHER RELATIONSHIP WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! He had one other serious girlfriend before me and they were together between the ages of 15-18. Yes he’d had other flings and sexual partners obviously, but nothing that even came close to the level of commitment or sheer length of relationship we had. But sure- go ahead and compare what we have to a high school relationship and a handful of college hookups.

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idealisticrealism · 6 years

Text

Blindspot 3x03 recap

(Aka the Patterson and Rich show lol)

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I LOVED this episode. Cute Jeller, supportive team, and of course, PATTERSON AND RICH BEING KICKASS BESTIES. Can the whole season be just like this ep bc good lord it is totally up there with my fave eps of this show ever and ugh I just loved it so much guys

Which in a way is kind of a bad thing because it means this review is gonna take me like 6 hours on account of all the screaming, but ah well. Worth it.

And to the lovely Anon-- I may very possibly struggle to do these from now on due to my travelling, but I’ll try my best to keep them happening if I can. Thankfully none of the other people in my hostel dorm here in Madrid have minded my hectic late-night typing for the last couple of hours lol...

Anyhow, more gushing below the cut.

Ugh look at this. Our babies are dressed all fancy and having drinks and it’s kinda reminiscent of 1x09 except this time instead of just alluding to their interest in each other, Weller is BLATANTLY HITTING ON JANE, his WIFE, who he is MARRIED TO, and ugh it’s simultaneously delightful and almost nauseating haha. Zapata and Reade definitely agree with the nauseating part, because they’re stuck in the surveillance van being forced to listen to every word. Oh, kids. As the child of two people that love to make jokes about their sex life just to gross me out, I totally understand your pain right now. Lbr tho they probably kind of missed this. And lol I love that Jane giggles and apologises while shooting heart-eyes at Weller. You two are the worst. I actually didn’t expect this scene so early but I’m totally into it. And so Jeller keep an eye on the suspect and his daughter/wife, while Tasha works her hacking skills and hacks his computer. Also awww her cousin asked for Patterson’s autograph, that is so cute and I now love her cousin. I love that Patterson is now super rich and kinda a celeb lol. Hahaha I love that Jane delays the guy by telling him she loves his charity work and then literally like 10 secs later the team is into his files and Weller is arresting him. That would have had to feel kinda like an abrupt turnabout lol

Aww Zapata is checking in on Patterson and making sure she’s okay D: I love these ladies supporting each other. But in what sounds like depressing deja vu of both of the previous seasons, Patterson insists she’s fine to be there. Also her puzzle solving skills clearly haven’t suffered-- she figured out that random specks on Jane’s back could be translated onto a grid and brought together to form words? Dude. Tbh I like that the show gives us a brief explanation of how things were cracked without putting any pressure on us viewers-- we get to just smile and nod and be like ‘yep, sounds legit’ and then move on haha. Now Aunty Hirst has rocked up to hear the deets, considering their suspect is a big fish. And basically there’s some evidence that he caused a train to derail which was previously called in as an anonymous tip, and which made him super rich due to something to do with stocks. Can you tell I have very little understanding of the stock market lol, which tbh is kinda unfortunate considering my father keeps wanting me to invest haha.

Oooh Patterson goes to Reade bc she’s been investigating Stuart’s murder on her own despite there already being a team on it, and she tells him that Stuart had a Siri/google home/Alexa equivalent thing and that she thinks the thing recorded his murder, since they’re sneakily recording everything. Makes you worry about Siri and Alexa, doesn’t it… Anyway she wants Reade to go demand the recording from the company before it’s deleted within 72hrs. Go Reade go! Meanwhile Patterson goes to talk to their suspect’s lawyer, and walks in to find her playing Wizardville. I love that she knows exactly which part she’s at just by hearing the sound effects. Ugh you giant nerd I love you so much. When Jeller show up a minute later (maybe held up in the locker room because of… activities…) lawyer lady insists that the emails are planted by a hacker group who is targeting her client. Lol “Mr Lowie can afford better specialists than the FBI has. No offense”/”Offense taken”. Damn right, Patterson, none of those specialists could hold a candle to you. But uh oh, the lawyer mentioned the hacker group-- the three blind mice-- and Patterson suddenly got all shifty. What do you know that you’re not telling, honey??? Also the lawyer lady is threatening them with a very large lawsuit which is bound to make all of this a little awkward….

RIIIICHHH. God I will never get over the delight of seeing him appear in an episode. Patterson visits him in his office, which is literally just a room for cleaning supplies, and she turns on a radio jammer which has him spitting coffee (if that is coffee) out of his ‘best daddy ever’ mug. So either he stole the mug from Weller or someone, or it’s alluding to a weird sex thing. You never know with Rich. (Yes you do; it’s usually the weird sex thing). Ugh and when she demands to know if he hacked into the suspect’s server he’s all “What?? No?? Who??” and god I just love his FACE. Ennis how do you do this??? God. And then ugh he promises her he’s not lying and ugh I believe it. And then she tells him the tatt points to the 3BM and that the FBI are gonna try to track them down and ugh you can see the ‘oh shit’ on his face. I just love the way these two interact, like they’re legit real friends?? Ugh my babies. I adore Jeller and all, but tbh this is my favourite duo on the show rn. And now Weller wants to see them both and they’re both like ‘oh shit’ lol. And then lol he totally ignores ‘ladies first’ and calls Weller mademoiselle and you can hear that he’s nervous and aaahhhh his joke about the 3 blind mice from the nursery rhyme and then insisting he’s a crime fighter now and I just love him so muuuchhhh and this whole time he and Patterson are both half shitting themselves and ugh I feel like he’s using his ridiculousness to keep attention on him and not Patterson bc she doesn’t like lying to her team and ughhhh they’re such broooos. And Hirst appears to tell them all that they need to catch the 3BM asap because the emails were planted and their dude might sue, and to which Rich suggests a simple ‘I was wrong’ to patch things up lollll. And then Hirst has a picture of the 3BM and Patterson and Rich are all !!!!!!!!! and then it turns out it’s a person in a mouse mask and they’re so relieved lol. Also dude after Patterson, i love Rich’s dynamic with Jane the most. She’s basically like his long-suffering mom hahaha. Back in the closet, Patterson’s freaking out and wants to come clean but he’s all ‘how about no’ lol. Also he says that they dropped out because ‘someone thought it was getting too dangerous’ and he points to her but then jabs his thumb toward himself as he’s speaking and now I’m confused?? Which one wanted to bail?? (Probably Patterson lbr). Ughhhh by the sound of it they were such little Robin Hoods, and ugh I NEED the spinoff about this whole partnership over the last 2 years ughhhhhhh. And hahaha omg “so we make it a little harder for them, if you catch my drift”/”by obstructing justice??”/”drift caught.” UGHHHHH GIVE ME THE SPINOFF. GIVE IT TO ME. I will sell my soul for this I stg.

Meanwhile awww Reade is honouring Patterson’s request and talking to a representative from the kinga company about the recordings, and when she tries to deny it he and Zapata totally roll their eyes at each other haha. These bros. And then she’s texting his gf which feels a little weird, and also she says they hung out ‘last weekend’ but uh wasn’t stuart’s murder less than 72hr ago, and so all the events of last ep including Zapata meeting the gf happened then as well (that did happen in 3x02 right?)? Maybe that was friday and this is monday and she meant to say ‘on the weekend’? Also “You better put a ring on that before I do” LOL I love it. I’m sure it’s just a joking comment but dude could Zapata be bi? Because I would totally be down for that. I like Zapata being friends with Reade’s gf and encouraging them as a couple, since I want Reade and Zapata to remain just bros. I seriously miss Reade/Sarah though. Lbr I’m still totally bitter about that one, Gero.

Patterson found the person in the mouse mask by creating a ‘biometric map’ of the person from the video and using ‘gait recognition’?? Mmmmmkay, sure, I’ll roll with it. Nice little mention of Patterson’s NSA access, though. The woman they find has a bunch of dating profiles and works for Nerd Herd (awww a Chuck reference, I’m so happy) which makes Rich pity her, but uh dude don’t you know she was Miss United States?? And she’s besties with Sandra Bullock, so she’s doing just fine. And ugh when Rich says that they tracked her location, Jane actually praises him and ughhhh look at that parental approval he’s getting, I’m so happy for him. And then haha Hirst wants both Patterson and Rich in on the interrogation and ugh you can just see my poor Patterson getting more and more tightly wound lol can someone just give her a hug before she explodes? Preferably Rich giving her a slightly stilted but genuinely sincere hug. I want it. Nope, need it. Also looks like Jeller now have nothing on their schedule…. time for another locker room rendezvous perhaps?

Lollll their suspect has said like two lines and all I hear is Miss Rhode Island… also she looks so cute in her lil Nerd Herd outfit. I wonder if she ever met Chuck? I mean she’s based on the other side of the country, but still… what if she trained under him over in Burbank before moving to NYC? Anyhow she gushes about how famous the 3BM are and both Rich and Patterson are looking SO UNCOMFORTABLE in their own ways and I’m loving it. Also ugh Hirst’s soft southern accent is so soothing. Could she narrate audiobooks or something bc I would legit buy all of them. Although rn she’s describing bad stuff that the 3BM did and that doesn’t feel right, but then Kathy decides the jig is up and explains how each of those things was actually them helping people/semi-saving the world. Also man this actress is amazing in how she can sound simultaneously kinda deranged but also kinda sweet?? I just want to protect her and her adorable lil face haha. Lol at Rich and Patterson exchanging looks across the room the whole time she’s talking. Subtle, guys. And Rich’s face when she says that the three of them are still best friends?? Maybe he’s starting to think Patterson was right to have made them both cut ties with this wacko. But duuuude why are you so vain, you literally just let her goad you into revealing yourself as one of her former partners. But still, “Oh so by ‘pretty close’, do you mean 100% correct, or?” ughhhh I love the sass. And then Kathy mentions people being in danger and it draws Patterson over, putting all three of the blind mice at the same table for the first time in a year.... And also ever, when you think about it. Also turns out that the wealthy guy might be planning to blow something up to earn money from stocks like he did last time or something, which prompts Patterson to admit to Rich that she has backdoor access into every phone that downloaded her app. Firstly, wow, glad that power is in the hands of one of the good guys. Secondly, that’s a huge show of trust to tell him that, knowing that he could then steal her phone or something and use the access for his own gain. Ugh these bros!! Lol I do love that he gets carried away with thoughts of Hirst’s browser history tho haha. But anyhow by hacking the lawyer’s phone she figured out where the attack was planned to happen, and aawwwww Rich immediately wants to head to tell the team and Patterson is the one holding back. Also LOL: “Hey Gary.” “His name’s Gary? I’ve been calling him Rick…” ugh how is his every line just SO GOOD? I love the thought that he talks to their coworkers as well, probably talks the ear off of anyone who happens to come near him lol. Ugh my baby just wants to be loveddddd. I love the bickering-siblings thing they’ve got going on though, and “Well now who’s obstructing justice??” ahhahaha. Seriously who do I have to bribe to get the show with just these two? And then when she suddenly decides that they need to come clean, he’s all ‘woah no no, gross’ lollll. And then he has a little lightbulb moment about how to solve their problem-- a ridiculous and very conveniently timed anonymous tip lol. Well, tbh the team never really cares HOW Patterson managed to get their intel, only that she gives them stuff they can use/excuses to go beat people up. Aww but Weller trusts his lil team and acts immediately on their intel, prepared to take the fall for it if it turns out to be a dud. He’s very martyr-ish lately, I feel-- but I guess maybe he just feels invincible now that his wifey is back in his lifey?

Turns out the ‘tip’ is legit, and Jeller find our baddies, proceeding to beat the hell out of them in true Jeller fashion. There’s also a bomb, because of course there is, and Rich makes a suggestion only to be smacked down by Patterson and is properly apologetic haha. Jane then actually takes his advice, using the sped-up clock to convince the baddie to disarm the bomb, then takes him out and shoots the guy grappling with Weller by firing through a bottle of oil or something. Nice. She really is a woman of endless talents, a fact that Weller very much benefits from, both in the field and… elsewhere haha. Also Sully’s accent has dropped at least twice in this ep already, someone must be tired lol. Anyway back at the office, Aunty Hirst drops by to tell them all how proud she is. Also I want to marry the way she says ‘Lowie’. It’s just so damn cute. She then tells everyone to go home, and Rich and Patterson have a quiet little celebratory fist-bump (which they have clearly done before AAAHHHHHHH) over the 3BM investigation appearing to be closed. God they’re the cutest.

Oh yeah, forgot about Reade and Zapata for a minute there, too distracted by the other show-stealing partnership haha. They’re putting heavy pressure on the boss lady at Kinga, and I love that she calls him ‘sir’ and that he’s so firm and authoritative with her. This seems more like a true AD of the FBI! And you know Zapata’s pretty impressed too haha. Well done, Reade.

Loll Patterson and Rich meeting in a deserted parking lot and Rich stepping in a puddle and then both of them realising that neither of them actually sent the message that they received. Tbh I just love that each of them got a message from the other telling them to come to a random parking lot in the middle of the night and they both came?? Without question?? Ugghhhhhhh have I mentioned lately that I love them. Also what’s Rich’s sitch at the safe house? Does he have a team watching him that he had to evade to get here, or? And lol she calls him dumbwad and everything is so cute and fun and then RICH GETS SHOT IN THE CHEST. Ngl, I gasped far louder in this moment than I even knew I was capable of. There was a split second of sheer, unadulterated panic before I remembered he’s going to be returning for multiple eps throughout the season and therefore has to be okay. But good lord that one second was an awful experience. I swear to god, if they do ever kill Rich then I’m out. I will walk away from this show, Gero, don’t think I won’t! And ugh the shock and horror on Patterson’s face-- for all he drives her crazy, he’s literally one of her best friends, and she’s already lost enough people around her. And then Kathy appears and even though she assures them (and us) that they’re just beanbag rounds, it’s still freaky as hell to see her shooting them both with a shotgun at point-blank range. My poor babies… Aaaand then they wake in a Saw-esque setting and ugh he pokes her so gently to wake her and they’re so cute when they’re kidnapped. Sounds like it’s a semi-regular occurrence for Rich, whose main concern is that he doesn’t get to be kidnapped anywhere fun lol. Aw, is someone using humour to make their friend feel less scared? “And not the good kind of dungeon” haha. And then he goes for the door and she tries to stop him but too late, he gets zapped by a shock collar and lol my poor baby. “Oh my god, she’s gonna make us play the hunger games, isn’t she??” Which tbh would be pretty interesting between these two. I’m tempted to bet on Patterson as the winner, but then again, the first time we met Rich he did shoot a guy in the chest and was going to have Jeller killed as well, so tbh I think he shouldn’t be underestimated. But ugh it’s so cute that Patterson is desperately trying to get his collar off rather than her own, and then suddenly heeeeeeeere’s Kathy! Who is holding the collar remote threateningly in one hand while sweetly offering them snacks at the same time lol. Sh figured out it was them because of Rich showing off in interrogation and Patterson saying ‘opposite, opposite’ which I did think was a bit of a weird phrase to use lol. And ahhh Patterson calls him Rich and Kathy suddenly goes into Rich DotCom fangirl mode, and tbh I feel you on that one, sister. I would react the same. But now she’s ranting about them being brainwashed by the feds (lol at Rich telling Patterson that she did just sound like weller, awwww) and that she’s ‘saving’ them haha. Then suddenly she whips out a to-do list of hack-tivities, but instead of Robin Hood stuff, it’s more Sherriff of Nottingham stuff this time. Their arguments don’t work, which means it’s hack or zap….

Weller texts Patterson about dinner; everyone’s gathered at his and Jane’s place having drinks and hanging out and ugh they’re all so cute. And Jeller are so casually touchy and he calls her ‘my love’ and I’m seriously caught between finding that corny and super cute. Maybe both. Zapata’s playing Wizardville, which apparently Jane does too, and then they realise Reade must as well and lol Zapata’s innocent little ‘Reade?’ is so CUTE. Weller’s all “You too??” and yeppp, Sully has apparently forgotten what an American accent is haha. Oh well. I love that he goes and snuggles with Jane on the couch (aaawwwww) as they watch Zapata and Reade bicker like it’s a spectator sport hahaha. I love the sassiness omg.

Meanwhile Rich is perfecting his mime-in-a-box routine as he tries to figure out any gaps in their electric prison, and tbh that’s actually pretty brave? He probably got zapped at least a few times doing that. Patterson is trying to figure out how to get word back to the team, but Rich tells her that the only way they’ll get out of this is to go along with Kathy’s plan, because he has ‘a lot of experience with psychotic women who desire him sexually’ and lol at the disgust and annoyance on Patterson’s face and her “What is your point.” Yep, those are siblings right there.

The team are still being cute when Weller gets an email from Patterson saying she’s having dinner with Rich instead, but Zapata notices that it’s signed with her first name, WHICH NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY MENTION. TELL US THE DAMN NAME, YOU JERKS. So I guess that means that Patterson sneakily sent an email when Kathy wasn’t looking? I think that’s what they’re getting at, rather than Kathy covering her tracks by sending that to Weller so he won’t be concerned when Patterson doesn’t show up for dinner. I feel like Patterson totally has the skills to pull that off right under someone’s nose...

Back in the dungeon, the dynamic duo have picked some of the less harmful hacks to start with, including revealing some politician guy as a sex fiend (no surprises there), and Kathy gushes that watching them hack is like watching Picasso paint the Mona Lisa and lolll you can see Rich’s eyes narrow and he really wants to correct her but Patterson is already telling her to let them go, but nope Kathy wants them to crash Lowie’s private jet now, and wow she really seems to have it in for this guy. Also is it even possible to remotely crash a plane? But ohhhhhh crap, Kathy’s brother died in the train crash that Lowie caused. Well, that explains that. She tried to hand them the evidence to put him away, but now she’s taking matters into her own (or the 3 Blind Mice’s) hands. And Rich kinda seems to side with her a little bit after this revelation, causing Patterson to shoot him a look of betrayal and Kathy to beam at him. Oh man I really hope this is a ploy. Ugh Patterson is basically pleading with him not to help Kathy, to stay on their team, the good guy team, and then Kathy zaps her and ugh he’s immediately on his feet but knows he can’t do anything. He has to roll with this if he’s to save either of them and ugh I love himmmmm???

The team is at the office, trying to track down their missing buddies. Again Zapata is the one to see the clue-- the IP address the email came from is in antarctica, just like Kathy’s earlier hacks. They discover Kathy got out on bail, and then that both Patterson and Rich’s cars were found in Brooklyn. I love that they all practically run for the exit. I wonder if they’re remembering the last time Patterson was kidnapped, aka the only unlikable episode of season one?? Better hurry team, go save them! And lol conveniently they find out every place she’s ever worked and one of those happens to be an old zoo, and therefore a nice private place to keep prisoners. How lucky for them….

Poor Patterson is bound and gagged and tries to cry “Rich, no!” as he successfully hacks the jet and sets it on its collision course with the ocean. Or its fake collision course, I hope. And ugh then he and Kathy are dining together and okay why does she respond ‘kinda’ when he asks if it’s foie gras? Is she pulling a Hannibal Lecter rn??? Also I love the little red glow of the collar through his napkin lol. And then there’s a perimeter breach and Kathy is starting to freak out and so checks on the plane, only to see that it landed safely and Patterson looks at Rich in shock and HE WINKS AT HER. Look at my baby all grown up and fighting on the side of good with his lil FBI family who he lovessssss. Ughhh save me. And then omg she flips out and literally smashes the wine bottle over his head and I gasped super loud again bc do you know how hard those things are???? Ugh both Patterson and I are so worried for our bestie Rich, but meanwhile Kathy hacks the team’s car and tries to crash them?? I love their super synchronized dives out of the car lol. And then omg she literally sets everything on fire while crying over their ruined friendship hahahaha. Tbh I’d be pretty devastated if Patterson and Rich didn’t want to be friends with me too lol…. And then omgggg she is literally about to shoot Rich and Patterson tackles her, saving his life and causing herself to be electrocuted. THAT IS FAMILY RIGHT THERE. I hope Rich someday acknowledges what she did for him just then, bc ugh it was everythinggggg. Thankfully the team is there and Reade is clever enough to order Jane to find a fusebox. I love the tasks each of the team takes-- Jane cuts the power, saving Patterson, Reade arrests Kathy, Weller helps Patterson up and is checking her over all concerned, and Zapata FLICKS RICH until he comes around hahahaha. “He’s fine” lol. I love that she’s all blase about it but they would have been genuinely upset if he was seriously injured. Pretend all you like, I know you care!!

Back at base, the rest of the team calls Rich and Patterson into the conference room to tell them that Hirst wants the other mice caught, but Kathy is refusing to give up names (‘she’s a mouse, not a rat’ hahahaha), and when Reade asks why she kidnapped them, Patterson answers that she was a huge Rich DotCom fangirl, which is technically a true statement. Rich says he didn’t know that was even a thing, which is a completely untrue statement haha. And then Reade says how lucky it is that there’s no evidence whatsoever to point to who the other two are because if he knew who they were he would have to prosecute them and ugh the team has clearly agreed that this is a ‘what happens in the team stays in the team’ situation and then even literally discuss how these tattoos are about them as a group, that Roman wants to expose their secrets specifically. But they have no idea why. (Punishing Jane, no?)

Naw look at this domestic Jeller. Jane is cooking her implausible vegan lasagne, and then Kurt tells her he loves her like ten times, which is super cute but still in an Australian accent!! Sully, c’mon, lol. But ugh he runs to the shower and wants her to join and lord I do love me some established relationship… but then of course lil bro has to call and cockblock, and ugh poor Jane is so upset about how things are between them but he’s all ‘grrrrrr must punish you for making me sad grrrrrrr’ and sigh I look forward to a little bit of character growth on his part lol

Oooh Patterson calls Reade and Zapata in to the lab to listen to the Kinga recording that they got, and finds out that it's been doctored, meaning someone is hiding something. And also, through magical genius means, she figured out the tattoo that Stuart was working on relates to Van Gogh’s famous self portrait. Which is super confusing until the next scene where an ominous man threatens the Kinga CEO never to talk about doctoring the recordings, and turns away, revealing… DUN DUN DUN….. he’s missing an ear. Ooooooooohhhhh intrigue. Who is Creepy Van Gogh and what does he want with the team????

#I made it!#just #good thing I'm still a few hours ahead of the states #Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller

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lotrewrite · 7 years

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8/19 Chat Recap

Same as the previous recap - I'm mostly keeping the comments intact! Putting the more fun/general stuff above the cut:

SNEAK PEEK of the COLORED tarot cards: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/jq1lm3nd64sx9d3/AAC5qUDB6EvTK28tqE1zffExa?dl=0

Playlist: I think we really need an official playlist for this? There's no depression in new zealand, yo ho, come on eileen, istanbul not constantinople...POC crossed with AC Black Flag music...XD Backstreet boys in the 90s! ep. 13 playlist has to be mercedes sosa; argentinian singer who had to go into exile during the dictatorship. I’m Henry the Eight I Am for the Tudor episode, plus Pastime With Good Company someone should make a playlist for all the episodes maybe when we're posting the episodes I'll make a music suggestion post each day :) that way people can suggest songs based on the final version

INTROS:

We should try to split them up semi-evenly, but also depending on who the episode focuses on.

1 – Mick?

2 – [Ray] [proposed]

3 – [Nate] [proposed]

4 – Sara

5 – Jax

6 – Lisa

7 – [Stein] [proposed]

8 – Rip

9 – Mick

10 – Amaya

11 – Jax

12 – Gideon

13 – Len

14 – Sara

15 – Stein

16 – Hosts

17 – [Ray] [proposed]

18 – Amaya

19 – Mick

20 – [Legion] [proposed]

21 – [Legion OR Sara]

22 - Len

Thoughts? There's only one Ray one so far, despite him having several Ray-centric episodes. Not sure what we would switch, though!

General Points:

can O!Len change his clothes? He had a beer from somewhere in ep6 I think, so can he have objects? i think it'd make more sense if he's 'full ghost' so to speak; I think he can't change his clothes or interact with objects until later in the season. As much as I'd love for more dress-up for Len, I think he works best as a ghost

Interesting consistency note: Because Anne gave away the spear piece, her life went to hell. That is a terrifying but wonderful thought. we have something similar with Ching and her history, because she also suffers defeats after her spear piece is gone And technichally the ship in new zealand sinks after they take the piece, too They could have had a chance to change their fates but they lost/gave away the spear pieces and thus couldn't

Stephanie Fisher - we should at the very least give her a shout-out for all her wonderful comments. I vote we give Stephanie some kind of award, not just for the comments, but for ALWAYS catching Damien Darhk's name and correcting it!!!!!

just generally, I really love the snarky Gideon we have. And Jax. I love Jax so much this season. and I even like Stein again! I wasn't a big fan of Ray, but I think we've managed to redeem him as well and Sara is actually the badass captain we wanted her to be

Sara's journey is soooo good. Ray here is isolated, but not so terribly self centered like he was on the show. Like, as the season goes, he goes from being traumatized and lonely, to struggling with his identity, to accepting his identity and...I guess, growing more comfortable with himself and others??

Oh, question: Does Gideon still call Rip Captain Hunter and Sara Ms Lance? Or Mr Hunter and Captain Lance now? I think I went with both of them being called Captain

MaryWisdom might just do a German translation; DaughterOfScotland can help

just checking, we're all having Queen Bee use the amulet for her powers, right? Yes

Episode 9 Turncoat was my favorite canon ep and I feel like it only got better Jax and Amaya were so much better here than canon's "cuddle for warmth pwp" I feel like the rat sequence in ep 9 is actually a really great lead-up to episode 10 btw since we're talking about Ray, I really hope somebody makes one of those little things that fly across your screen with Ray and his rocket boot, and maybe the poor rat too XD

Episode 10 Because ep 10 was /also/ AMAZING that intro sequence was gold from start to finish There was so much world-building, character-building, and humor I really liked the villain sequences too There's some great exchanges there! The interactions were really in character! Oh, and the Amaya sequences with the British? PERFECT I love how Amaya continues to question her own knowledge and keeps evolving it was just such a fun ride honestly I think the lead up to Ray using the cold gun worked too? Oculus!Len giving it the tacit OK was such a balm Len is SO BORED he just wants to see Ray totally fail and laugh and Ray screwing up just worked so well as symbolism for his identity struggles also, I am so sad this isn't actually visual/audio because now I want someone to put together a short clip with the Waverider flying away, then pan down to a ship and you hear the "yo ho" song

Episode 11 I'm a bit bummed we haven't been able to fit in Stein singing, but I'll look over it again and maybe we can find a spot Maybe we could get that into episode 11? I've had there's no depression in new zealand stuck in my head for almost two days now btw episode 11, any more comments, or should we go back to it next week once people have had a chance to look it over? prob the best to look at it again tbh

Episode 12 OH MY GOD 12!!! THE TERROR! it was so good KAKO YOU MADE ME SCREAM literally, my phone rang during the Mick scene and I legit screamed the way you worked in the movie references so organically was genius THE LEN REVEAL WAS PERFECT was the ending scene of 12 okay? the scene with Mick and Sara I liked it a lot that was beautiful I knew I was gonna love this episode the moment it was pitched, but you exceeded all my expectations <3 so well done it's perfect That episode is definitely going to turn heads. It is very different compared to the rest and will stand out! perfect for the mid-season finale Is there a way we can make it a real mid-season finale? aka not post for aday or two afterwards? Well, if we start posting on the 1st and it's 22 episodes, with a month of 30 days... if we started on Sept 4 and posted every day, I think we'd end up with it falling on a weekend Sept 4, posting every day, would make 12 fall on a Friday We could then restart the next Monday

Episode 13 I LOVE THE INTRO I like the "did you learn that in school?" mention. Because the history classes suck yes that is a GREAT cold open the episode was really powerful also, the umbrella scenes were hilarious it really was, the tension followed throughout and was quite perfectly cut through with the UTTERLY FLAWLESS umbrella scenes Also, bitching Legion. This is great, seeing as we want them to implode also: the Len and Gideon scene <3 basically everything was fantastic i know we need to add the rip intro scene, but is there anything else you think we should work on? there were a few suggestions, but those are already in the google doc - overall I think it was an incredible episode, and you guys should be proud - you dealt with a really heavy topic really well Quick question to eisode 13... the Spanish they all got the pill, but we kind of wanted to show the other side of it, like what it sounded like to the woman at the bakery Like the Legends go into the bakery - then we see the woman working inside and it's from HER perspective, and there's spanish dialogue and then it switches to english and we're back to the Legends POV If you wanted it from the woman's POV, maybe start the scene with the woman? as in, she's working inside the register, and then some guys come in and buy stuff and then stay with her a second as they walk out and she's kinda wondering what's up, then shrugs and goes back to work then we jump back to the Legends talking in English she picks up on Mick being distracted by something that's not there i keep craving churros every time I look at this episode I loved how you guys mixed in the light-hearted scenes in with all the heavy stuff yeah it was really well balanced RIP EXITS, PURSUED BY MICK!!!

Episode 14 Sara saves the timeline with a threesome XD nuff said LOVED the bit where Amaya realises that Sara is dancing with the King! So fitting, too, because of my episode following with all the Shakespeare :D I think... I think I didn't actually mentioned an abberation? Just the spear piece rip found there Alternatively Rip is using his Time Master skills to find a piece before it ever causes an abberation That was what I was going for. He finds it, or thinks he did ooh. i like that. but if it is that then i don't think you should mention the witchcraft rumors The rumors that she bewitched Henry had been around for a long time already. Thy say that tht's the reason he left his wife and Rip thinks it's related to the spear piece but it's just generally people being shit can I just say, I really loved all the scenes with Amaya and Jax? seconded My only thing to add is, and I think I mentioned that in the comments, that it would be great if you could fit the Legion in somewhere Yeah, I agree with you. I'll put it in that they arrive late and Len is like "I got this", I think Before I forget: can I suggest Sara to narrate the intro? the last one she did was ep4

Episode 15 basically Kendra's Old West incarnation and the New York Riots incarnaton exist at the same time OW!Kendra doesn't have a name, so she *could* be Josephine from the NYR 8 years prior and that would make that Carter Hannibal but then her Carter should be named Hannibal, not Shay :( his name could be Hannibal and then he goes by Shay Or he could've changed his name when they moved out west due to being wanted under his old name Just... don't explain it. Leave it for the reader to figure out. And wonder :P (for what it's worth, I thought 15 was delightful and SO GOOD at actually USING history the way a time travel story should) More next week

Episode 19 I could knight Ystina! that would be AWESOME!

#episode 9 #episode 10 #episode 11 #episode 12 #episode 13 #episode 14 #episode 15 #recap #fanart

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mariapilardiaz · 5 years

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In L.A., there is nothing like the day after it rains. In the last few weeks, we had a lot of rainy days. But the days after were still cloudy, gloomy, and cold. As a Coloradoan who grew up with 300+ days of sunshine, I fear seasonal affect disorder, or SAD, a legit type of depression due to seasonal change. Thankfully, the sun was out in full force this past weekend and it was glorious! Glorious, I say! It’s finally really, really springtime! *happy dance*

One of my absolute favorite things to do when it’s nice outside is taking long walks. But my walks are akin to a mini-excursion. I walk at a faster-than-leisurely pace, still in sight-seeing mode with photo stops, but often with a destination in mind. For example, I once walked from Marina Del Rey (end of Washington Boulevard) to Primo Passo Coffee Co. on 7th and Montana. These long walks give me a chance to get to not just see but experience different parts of L.A. They are a purposeful way of getting to know the city.

I kicked off my walk by having my favorites at Hilltop Coffee & Kitchen: Smoked Salmon Drop Top (salmon with basil cream cheese, pickled red onion, crispy capers, soft boiled egg, dill, cucumber) and coffee. Hilltop is locally owned and has an awesome community vibe. In addition to the coffee hours, they have an open mic once a month.

After I had some nourishment, I drove to Reuben Ingold Parkway, just up the street. This park is really a .4 mile track. It’s on the top of the View Park Neighborhood and overlooks Norman O. Houston Park and Kenneth Hahn Recreation Area. It has a great view of the ocean and sunset on most days. You can also see LAX and watch the planes land or take off.

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I walked around the .04 mile track then made my way down to cross Stocker Street to Norman O. Houston Park, a City of Los Angeles park.

As many times as I have been to Norman O. Houston Park, you’d think I would know who Norman O. Houston is. Nope. It wasn’t until this past Saturday when I walked around the track that I discovered the small monument in his honor that explained who he was and his contribution to the community.

As I walked around the track, I saw a large group of dogs and their owners participating in an obedience class. I also saw a folks exercising, older teens playing basketball, little ones at the playground, a few runners on the track, and families starting to gather for picnics. My park-obsessed heart was tickled watching the community gather and use this public space to connect and learn.

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My next park, Kenneth Hahn Recreation Area, was just across the street. While waiting at the crosswalk, I silently recited a quick Hail Mary and freestyled another quick prayer that I don’t get hit by a car crossing La Brea.

Kenneth Hahn State Recreation Area (KHSRA) is straight up a gem in the middle of L.A. KHSRA is State-owned but managed by L.A. County Parks & Recreation. I have picnicked here many times, hiked, and even organized a cross-country race for middle schoolers at the Bowl Loop area a few years ago. Still, I often discover something new: an area, a trail, or a quiet space. This time, I stopped and enjoyed the Hummingbird Garden. I pass this area almost every time I’m at KHSRA, but I have never stopped to look at the hummingbirds. This time, there were so many that they could not be ignored.

I continued my walk down to La Cienega and took in the varying scenery– from forests to bounce houses.

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I even WITNESSED a wedding proposal as it was happening!!!

Happy to say that I made it to my goal: La Cienega Boulevard! Right now, La Cienega is where Park to Playa Trail ends. But there is a plan to connect Kenneth Hahn Recreation Area to Culver City, where Ballona Creek Bike Path begins. Ballona Creek Bike Path goes straight to the beach! Projected completion is 2020. Can’t wait!

Until then, this is where my walk ends.

THE END! For now.

Notes:

1. Park to Playa actually begins on Stocker Corridor Trail, which runs just below Reuben Ingold Parkway, from La Brea east to almost Crenshaw Boulevard. I thought about walking east but it got too hot and I was getting hangry.

2. Miles Walked: 5.98 RT. This includes the three loops at each park.

3. Podcast: Armchair Expert by Dax Shepard. Episodes: Gillian Flynn and Michael Peña. I super highly recommend this podcast. It’s entertainment and other pop culture interviews conducted in a thoughtful way. It gets very real but it’s also very smart, not gratuitous or crass.

A Walk In The Parks In L.A., there is nothing like the day after it rains. In the last few weeks, we had a lot of rainy days.

#Baldwin Hills #City of Los Angeles Recreation and Parks #Kenneth Hahn Park #La Brea #Los Angeles County Parks and Recreation #Parks #state parks #View Park #Windsor Hills

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azhaneeothman · 7 years

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Dokkaebi: The Closest Thing to Magic Anyone Could Possibly Experience

This is a personal rant, so spoilers abound.

At around 3 AM on the 22nd of January 2017, I completed Dokkaebi with one of the biggest emotional breakdowns (read: world-shattering cryfest) caused by any form of writing I had ever loved - be it a book, a play or a drama script. My whole face was covered in tears and I couldn’t even see the screen clearly anymore when Ji Eun Tak greeted Kim Shin in Quebec after being gone for at least 70 long years. I was sobbing - almost unable to breathe - into Memilgun (thank God I had the sense to cover him in a towel - he was expensive and my tears would have spoiled him) like a mad woman. I’m not exaggerating, I have no reason to. The final episode was definitely one of the most fantastically shot finales of a TV drama anyone could have ever written, and I can promise you this - I have taken everything into consideration before saying so; writing, direction, acting, cinematography, score and transitions. But then again, I would say the same thing about the previous fifteen episodes – at least for ten more years.

So yes, that marks the possible end of the roller coaster ride of extreme emotions I had never thought a drama could make me feel, and I am deeply saddened by it. No more sleepless weekends with the Dokkaebi Squad - discussing, fangirling and theorizing plot development. No more refreshing six different streaming sites every 10 seconds to watch the next episode. No more yelling, ‘Dah keluaq!!!’ in the Dokkaebi Squad group every time an episode is out. No more waiting for every week’s releases to download the OSTs. No more getting all emotional about unexpected plot twists. No more suffering 5 days like 5 months every single week. And no more misleading previews to wreck the group into smithereens of feels until the next episode airs. *sigh* This drama came into my life and brought with it so many things I am not willing to let go as it ends, even now and I really don’t know how to deal with this so I’ll just write my heart out. Basically, I trust that this whole production team must have given everything they had and traded a few really pure souls to the devil in exchange for one of the strongest line-ups of cast in the history of Korean dramas. I have to hand it to both Gong Yoo and Kim Go Eun, though. Their slow-burn chemistry is pure on-screen conflagration - so addictive, so engaging, so raw and real and thank God for their amazing abilities to deliver convincing emotions through their voices, eyes and facial expressions – your success as the Dokkaebi couple are a gift to humanity, hands down.

Let me tell you that I am a well-read person (most of my friends know this), I go for every genre I could in my reading and writing (but I do have favorites, though) so all these excessively destructive feels I am currently suffering are as legit as your very existence. You don’t have to agree with me, or even believe it but yes they are as real as you. This rant will be long and personal and very honest from my heart so if you hate the drama for any reason, I would really appreciate it if you leave now - there is nothing for you here. And if you have loved everything about Dokkaebi and are experiencing withdrawals - I am happy to invite you to stay and let’s do this together.

At a glance, if you have a bit of knowledge in literature, Dokkaebi is a TV drama that has rich poetic content and sky high standards of visual production; you don’t have to wait long to see these, they are in every frame of every episode for you to appreciate and gape at. I do that; gaping and covering my mouth and staring in awe and gaping again, LOL. Every episode is show-offish and spectacular on so many levels, every actor is perfect for their roles, the impressive score is always on point and every scene was gorgeously shot it felt like I was watching a series of 16 art films, instead of an on-going cable TV drama. The first few seconds of the first episode definitely stole every possible amount of emotional and intellectual investment I could ever offer to a literary work and hooked me to it until the last moment of episode 16. The plot is laced with light-hearted comedy and heart-wrenching drama, which are the stuff I live for so it was a heartbreakingly incredible journey, but it was worth it. And I never knew that it was possible to be so dedicated to a TV drama like that – I have only been this obsessed with books my entire life. So this was a new experience for me. It was refreshing. It felt great.

The cast and characters are a pool of polished talents, which was the major reason I went out of my mind every single week waiting for the next episodes to air. The chemistry – either slow burn or violent lightning bolts trapped in a glass bottle – were some of the best I’ve seen in any production. And the line deliveries, God, it’ll be difficult for future dramas to top the ones in Dokkaebi. Everyone went all out for this particular production – and no effort went to waste. No one fell short behind anyone in leaving a memorable performance, and no one will be forgotten. Because every moment spent watching each and every one of them, shined. However, it’s the Dokkaebi couple that made everything work for me. Both of them are in their own leagues, it was electrifying to watch them on screen together because:

Kim Shin is the dokkaebi who set hearts of women on (blue) fire. Our lonely dokkaebi used to be a highly accomplished general of Goryeo, and he has spent 900 years existing and offering miracles to people who need them. He’s ancient and wise but he bullies his Joseung Saja housemate and Deok Hwa whenever he thinks he should, he is righteous and heroic but he summons gold bars to boast about them whenever he gets drunk – he has so many dimensions to his character that are amusing to watch and I enjoy every single one of them. I’ve written a whole post about him, so I won’t be ranting much about him here. But I will say that he’s the first representation of a dokkaebi I have ever seen so I have no one to compare him to, thus he becomes the benchmark for future dokkaebis if there will be any. He is the kindest, majestic though shattered immortal soul I have ever encountered in my entire reading career - he reminds me of the person I hope to one day meet and befriend, and that’s just magical. I love that Gong Yoo embodies the lonely gentleman that is Kim Shin – his physical approaches towards Ji Eun Tak are always pure and loving, never aggressive, never possessive, never lustful – unlike some of his previous roles. Hehe. Just when I thought nothing from Gong Yoo will ever surprise me anymore after Busanhaeng, he delivered a perfectly flawed Kim Shin and took my breath away. *sigh* And I also love his smitten face in this drama, LOL. Would you look at that?

And Ji Eun Tak is the heartbeat of Kim Shin’s eternal life. She is also the heartbeat of the whole story. I admit, one of the reasons I decided to watch Dokkaebi was writer Kim Eun Sook – I love how she wrote Descendants of the Sun, and the other reason was Gong Yoo; he was incredible in Busanhaeng. But I fell in love with Ji Eun Tak first before I fell for the story and the insane force that is Kim Shin, and I couldn’t even believe it. I love that her character is so wonderfully written – she is a breath of fresh air. When I saw a nine-year-old Eun Tak in episode 1 talking to the ghost of her mother, my heart swelled at how strong she was. There was no sobfest; and instead of comforting her with loving words of departure, her mother gave her instructions because she was smart enough to get over the loss, carry them out and mourn later. She was nine, people. Nine. When I was nine, the only thing I did on my own was my homework. My mother helped me with them occasionally, too. Pft. And ten years later, she surprised me again by being able to survive in such a toxic household – mentally and physically abusive aunt, downright stupid and evil cousins, I hate all of them and the rice bowl scene will forever be ingrained in my memories as one of the most insulting things anyone could ever do to another person. You would think she would be gloomy and depressed all the time, having to live with such vile creatures and not having a single friend at school; but she looks at life so positively that it’s hard to not adore her strength. She doesn’t let these side characters bring her down and continues to dream and hope for a better future, and she strives hard for it.

I’ve come across some hate on her character and even Kim Go Eun for no real reasons apart from the fact that Ji Eun Tak is too young compared to Kim Shin (WTH?). Look people, I really can’t comprehend this – if she is played by an 80-year-old halmoni, she would still be 800 years younger than our dokkaebi so what exactly is the issue here? Nothing. There is no issue and you people are just dirty-minded. The age gap is already addressed by Joseung Saja Kim Woo Bin in episode 6, which means the whole production team knows what they’re doing and it is irrelevant to the plot, so why exactly? LOL?

Some other haters thought they were being critical by saying she is childish and clingy, but I’m really waiting for at least an evidence to prove this claim though. So far no hater has come forth with any so I’m just going to brush this off because it’s just groundless hate. But if you’re referring to how playful and carefree she was around Kim Shin when they first went to Quebec, I’m going to have to call you psycho or just dangerously bitter and I suggest you get help - that’s one serious mental illness you got there. It’s disturbing how people find a way to hate on someone not deserving of hate. Some people just have so much time to waste. If you expect a friendless high school senior who had lived under constant abuse for ten years, been treated unfairly by her teacher and classmates, been told that she wasn’t supposed to be born when she was perfectly healthy at 9 right after her mum’s death to NOT be overwhelmed by excitement and brightly grinning around the first person who had shown her a bit of kindness (buckwheat flowers and a magical trip to Canada) - you have an unreasonable standard for how such a person should act. So playful and carefree, yes. Childish and clingy, no. This girl practically grew up on her own, dealt with all the shit the world had in store for her all by herself, never backed down despite being pressured by negativity from every possible aspect of her life and fiercely refused to give up on surviving despite knowing she was living on borrowed time. Like hello, she works hard at growing up and not getting corrupted by her surroundings and succeeds. How do you hate a character like that? How?

*sigh* Anyway, Eun Tak never fails to surprise me over and over again with her thoughtfulness, endearing quirks and impressive character development – helping the ghost girl to refill her fridge so that her mother deals with her departure easier, laminating the maple leaf as parting gift for the dokkaebi, sweet-talking the dokkaebi into telling her the lottery numbers to help the ghost ahjumma’s children, working out to pull out the sword in one go so as to not hurt our dokkaebi (even while knowing that he would have to leave) because that’s what he wanted and needed from her, picking up the pieces of his heart when Chairman Yoo passed away, defending her ghost unnie from being punished by Kim Shin because she already apologized, graduating college with a degree while battling clinical depression all on her own, becoming a radio PD who inspires her co-workers every day despite having to deal with unspeakable grief every night, suffering hard core abandonment issues for ten years and never really getting over it but still treating undeserving people with kindness, saving a whole group of kindergartners in a heartbeat because someone should and no one else could – I could write a whole paper on why Ji Eun Tak is one of the most inspiring women in literature and get an A+ for it, but I have another paper to finish so I will leave you with this: She is one of the most selfless, courageous, forgiving, loyal and unpredictable characters ever written, and I adore everything about her (and if you think otherwise, I will fight you because you’re wrong). She shines so dazzlingly and honestly all the time without even trying and that means a lot to me, who wishes to write better women in my own fictional works. For the magic that is Ji Eun Tak, I thank writer Kim Eun Sook. You’re inspirational, writer-nim, and Eun Tak is no less.

Alright. That should be it about the main leads. Let’s move on.

Now, one of the best things about Dokkaebi that I really appreciate is the fact that it does not spoon-feed the viewers the character and plot development, and major messages of the drama through straightforward line deliveries and scenes. It respects the viewers as people, who are thinkers, so they are instead done with genius transitions, stunning cinematography, precisely and symbolically placed props and elegant poetry in the multi-layered dialogues. You see all these in every episode but the one part that stunned me the most was when the two school girls were eating at Samshin Halmang’s fish cake stall.

The friend comments on the girl’s hairclip saying that she could just wear it when the father is around because it’s embarrassing. But the girl with the hairclip would not remove it, because she loves her dad and love isn’t something that exists just because the person is there with you. Following this scene was another in which our lonely Kim Shin walks by, wearing Ji Eun Tak’s red scarf around his neck – because his love for her does not fade just because she is not physically there with him. I choked back tears as I connected these two scenes because they were both disheartening and magnificent at the same time and I thanked God for the years I spent attending Literature classes in university. I would have missed half of these flashes of literature brilliance throughout the series if not for the classes. *sobs some more*

Right. In this production, literally no line is delivered for nothing, I promise. This is one of the most powerful conversations in the drama;

Kim Shin: There is no sadness that lasts for eternity. And there is no love that lasts for eternity. Eun Tak: I’m gonna vote that there is. Kim Shin: Which is it? Sadness or love? Eun Tak: Sad love.

and you have to wait until the end of episode 16 to witness the impact of this dialogue on the foreshadowed truth of their cruel yet beautiful destiny. What they had was pure, innocent love, and it was too sad to comprehend, let alone endure. It had and will always be true love, as it had and will always be too sad. But it lasts for eternity, and that’s the most important thing to them – and the rest of the fandom who actually gets it. Because God gave them such fate as a question, and their answer to Him was the best anyone under their circumstances could offer, that’s why they both win in the end. *wow, the feels*

Also, literally no prop is placed in a shot for nothing – buckwheat flowers that symbolize lovers, Joseung Saja’s brooch which hints who he was in his previous life, cotton flowers given to Ji Eun Tak by Samshin Halmang, Memilgun, laminated maple leaf, Eun Tak’s mother’s red scarf, Sunny-not-Sun Hee’s jade ring, star hairclip, candles, rose gold necklace with the word Destin as the locket, red scarf worn by Kim Shin; I could go on and on but let me just tell you that the writing of this drama is no joke. It calms me down a bit, knowing that our writer-nim took six years to complete the manuscript. If she had taken lesser, I will have no choice but to stop believing that she was ever human. So yes, the props. Just do a little research on what they mean and how they fit in each scene and you’ll realize how inventive the direction of this drama is. I’m really running out of adjectives here, people, so I really hope I’ve been making sense.

If you have read my rant up to this point, you would realize that I had been very attentive during the airing of every episode to the point that it’s almost psychotic and I am a rabid worshiper of the writing of this drama. I love it with my entire capacity of appreciating someone’s work and that is huge, even for me. I will defend everything and everyone fiercely so if you’re hating, you need to stay off my radar. And you would also realize that if you haven’t watched it, you really should and that if you already have but didn’t end up crazy, you’re cool. But in all honesty, the writing of this drama is on another level so if you’re the kind of viewer who needs to be told everything (like why didn’t Ji Eun Tak just summon Kim Shin instead of going to Quebec to find him? Or how did Kim Shin made it back? Or why did Ji Eun Tak so easily say ‘I love you’ in the first episode? Or how can this be her first life if Kim Shin first saw her in late Joseon? – I still can’t believe someone actually asked this in the comments section, but yes, I hope you get the idea), then this drama is not for you. You’ll get distracted by the loose ends you thought weren’t tied but were actually knotted in the decisions made by the characters, and that would definitely suck. So you stay happy, and watch another drama. I mean it. I’ve seen enough hate that was based on ignorance and lazy thinking so believe me you don’t wanna be a part of that. It’s really embarrassing to watch and it hurts the people who appreciate the production team’s hard work.

It’s not a difficult drama to revel in, it’s just very intricately and delicately written, the details could be overwhelming, which is why some lazy thinkers won’t and don’t get it thus ending up writing hate comments on both story and characters (although the only character they seem to hate for no obvious reason is Ji Eun Tak but yeah really whatever). I guess that’s the problem with non-thinking people, they go around writing shitty opinions about something they cannot even comprehend, instead of doing something about their disability (read: shallow-mindedness) and I swear to God I have yet to find a hate comment on Dokkaebi that’s not a personal attack on Kim Go Eun and Ji Eun Tak - because as hard as it is for them to accept, these haters have literally nothing on the show. No hate post has ever provided significant instances of the so-called flaws, non-existent chemistry and wonky execution they claim to have noticed in the episodes. They are just making empty claims with no substance or evidence and really, I don’t feel sorry for them at all. They don’t deserve it. I’m just glad I don’t belong to their group. Because honestly, I don’t think people who hate on fictional characters who are all around good and affectionate will ever be good friends to anyone. Seriously, if a person is helpful, brave, warm and compassionate and you still find it inside you to hate on him or her - what does that say about you and your mental state? Right. Exactly my point.

So I really hope that if you haven’t watched it, you would give it a shot. I can’t guarantee you would love it as much as I do, but from where I am, everything I have written about it up to this point is all true. So yes, think about it. I’ll wait. Heh.

OK, my rant is almost over so I’ll jump straight to the most powerful message in the drama that got through to me - selfless love always wins. In the beginning – both Eun Tak and Kim Shin desperately tried to keep each other alive because neither wanted either to die because they wanted to have each other for as long as possible; Kim Shin stopped a huge traffic collision because Eun Tak was on the bus, Eun Tak left the house and disappeared because she could never draw the sword knowing he would perish. This is selfishness, in the sense of wanting your life partner to always be with you at the expense of others (read: Joseung Saja working overtime and Kim Shin having to suffer his punishment longer). But as the drama draws to a close, they both came to realize that love isn’t about holding on to each other no matter what, it’s about returning to each other no matter how far you are separated, by time or distance.

Selflessly and surprising me yet again, Eun Tak decided that her time was up and she should leave the world of the living, but not before earning herself the title Cheonsa for taking the full impact of the crash and saving the lives of innocent children. She was 29, she was a Missing Soul – a Gita Nurakja (thank you, @bodashiri), she has lived long enough on the time that she wasn’t supposed to have and she has always had it coming – so she left because it was for the best. I can’t even begin to tell you how difficult it got from the moment of the crash to Kim Shin falling to his knees, crying out the agony of his most painful loss in 900 years (it must have destroyed him into unrecognizable pieces; being a god and not being able to reach her on time) – my tears wouldn’t stop falling, and my heart broke for both of them. The last time I cried this much was when Dumbledore died and it was so devastating. It wasn’t easy. But it helped a lot to have the Dokkaebi Squad and @supaliaxpress with me through it all, though it was still so overwhelming.

Yet my heart swelled with pride when she decided to not drink the tea of oblivion, because in her short life, she had no regret whatsoever. Most of her 29 borrowed years were filled with suffering and heartaches, but she chooses to keep all of the memories because somewhere among them, there is Kim Shin. And selflessly too, Kim Shin agreed to wait. He could have just accepted God’s forgiveness then and there, cross over and be granted peace, but he let go of that opportunity because he wanted to wait for her in her future reincarnations. He didn’t know if they would be reincarnated in the same lifetime. He didn’t know if they would be able to find each other and we didn’t know how many lives he still has. But she still has another three. So wait for her he did. *sobs OMG WTH* I couldn’t help but smiled tearfully at Eun Tak’s genuine happiness when told that it was her first death. She knew that she was coming back, and she promised to come back running. And came back she did, although it took her many years later. It was perfect. So perfect. So selfless and sad but magically eternal. I couldn’t have asked for a better conclusion. I wouldn’t.

However, some fans have been complaining and suggesting alternate endings all over the internet. I couldn’t bring myself to agree to any of them. An ending where the dokkaebi chooses to become a human and grow old with his bride is an absolute betrayal to the title of the drama and the entire premise the story was built on. And an ending where Eun Tak somehow becomes another dokkaebi and lives forever with Kim Shin would be an insult to the viewers’ intelligence because it was stated loud and clear in episode 4 - if any of them complainers were actually paying attention – that she believes in a love that’s sad but everlasting. And that kind of love wins everything, every single time. Because it is selfless.

Sure, she will grow old and will have to leave him again in the future, and he will have to wait for her again and again until she uses up all her lifetimes. But I’d like to believe that the white butterfly would be merciful towards both of them at the end of her fourth reincarnation, and let them cross over together. Besides, the white butterfly likes Kim Shin for his good looks, and his punishment was long over – so if he asks to go to the afterlife with her, I bet it’ll be granted. I believe that our Dokkaebi couple will get their happily ever after in the end, without either of them having to leave the other, ever again. It’s bittersweet, but it’s the most perfect ending for their story. *uglysobs* So, so perfect, God.

*breathes deeply*

Alright. Congrats upon making it here, if you did. And thank you for taking the time to revisit the story that we all love so much, with me. It’s been a pleasure writing this out. The chaos in my thoughts is now calm so I think I can go back to writing my thesis. But that doesn’t mean I’m moving on. I’ve seen some bloggers writing posts about not being ready to move on from Dokkaebi and I thought to myself, ‘Why should we? Why can’t we just love it forever, re-watch the episodes like we re-read our favorite books and re-live the wonderful memories over and over again?’ Right? So I’ll take my time. I’m in no rush. It’s a beautiful love story. We should let it live.

And finally, I would like to thank the entire production team, especially writer-nim Kim Eun Sook and director-nim Lee Eung-bok for everything that made Dokkaebi the masterpiece that it is. Everything and everyone was right for the drama in their own magical way and it’s an honor to be watching all 16 masterpieces as the rest of the world was. Writer-nim, I don’t know if you will ever see this, but you’re amazing and I hope you hear people telling you that every single day because you deserve it. Thanks for sharing your beautiful story with all of us; Dokkaebi could easily be the closest thing to magic anyone can ever experience, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

#naniwrytes #goblin #dokkaebi #gong yoo #kim go eun #lee dong wook #yoo in na #yook sung jae #goryeo #kim shin #ji eun tak #wang yeo #kim sun #sunny #destin #quebec #canada

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problemsforapl · 6 years

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1/5/18

I’m not sure what I want to write about tonight. Like, there’s stuff going on with me and H but my heart’s not in it to process that stuff right now, I guess. There’s things I could, but I’ve been in a more positive mood these past few days which is an excellent deviation from the couple weeks I spent struggling with being sad and confused all the time, both for chemical and real life reasons, so spending my time when my energy is up focusing on things that make me sad sounds entirely unpalatable to me.

I’ve got so much to look forward to right now. L and K are coming over tomorrow to make ramen and hang out at my place, and it’ll be L’s first time over here, which is cool. Sunday I’ll maybe spend part of hanging with Z, depending on how scheduling works out. Then next week I’m going on a road trip with J and T for K’s birthday and I get to see tons of people I don’t get to see often enough for the weekend, which I’m so incredibly jazzed about. And then the week after that is the second women’s march (not sure how it’s gonna turn out, but could be cool), and then the week after that is Harry Potter world with my parents and H.

There’s so much cool shit going down just in the first month of the new year and has been going on and I’m just not in the mood to think about possibly ending one of my relationships right now. Part of it is that sort of mellowness that comes over me when I know a thing has to happen but hasn’t happened yet, so I can rationalize it away. It was like with my kitty having to be put down. The day before I basically knew that it was going to happen, but because it hadn’t happened yet, I could let myself not worry about it. Then the day came and I was devastated.

If it goes that way I’ll be so upset because it’s so many years of us together done in one motion, and since we’ve already broken up once, the likelihood of this legit being the end is high. And H has this thing that they do where they’ll entirely cut someone out of their life because they need to get over them if they break up. And like, I get needing space away from someone you just got out of a relationship with, especially if that person ends up doing *super* well, because your brain on break up drugs can be super mean and be like “You were holding them back, look how happy they are!”, but like, they’ll unfriend the person on FB, cut all ties, not talk to them, avoid them like the plague, get territorial over certain spaces like they need to divvy up people and places like kids in a divorce.

We’ve known each other for over 10 years at this point and they’ll probably give me that treatment which is so incredibly frustrating and upsetting. Initially, before the first time we split, that was part of why I held off on breaking up with them and ended up waiting until they did it. Despite the fact that they and I might not end up working as a couple anymore, they’re still important to me as a person and I want them in my life, but they want to rip themselves out of it entirely, and that fucking hurts.

I say I don’t want to talk about negative things and I do. Lul.

But I’m proud of myself for sticking to my guys, routine wise and resolution wise. Taking care of myself was less a resolution and more of a continuation of an effort I was trying to make last year. I fell flat a couple times, but the times I was brushing my teeth, scrubbing my face, doing laundry, doing the dishes, keeping the house in order, I was infinitely happier than when I let things go to shit around me. I’m sitting in my livingroom after cleaning it last night and I feel so at ease because everything is where it needs to be versus thrown around everywhere, same goes for the kitchen. So like, I’ve been brushing my teeth, washing my face, and because I take hot showers and the air is so dry, I’ve been moisturizing to help with that to some success.

This is my third day journaling and I found myself really excited to do it tonight. Having an outlet for all my thoughts and feelings, knowing this is a place where I can dump all my thoughts, shitty or otherwise, so that I can look at them later with a rational mind, helps a great deal.

I’m making plans with friends, like inviting K and L over to spend time, being more open when it comes to physical affection with people I’m not romantically involved with, and giving new people a shot rather than hiding from new opportunities and sticking with just old friends. I gotta branch out, expand my networks.

The therapists office I got in contact with called me today to do a placement interview and they have hours that work with my schedule, which is the bomb, so I’m on my way to getting regular help *knock on wood*.

I’ve started keeping a doc with all my song ideas so they don’t float away and I’m going to look into mixing software so I can start playing with that and making songs to put on youtube. I haven’t picked my guitar up except once since my depressive episode, but it’s there and I like playing it a lot.

J and I seem to be in a good place, he and I both love each other, and although I don’t get to see him enough, he makes me happy. *knock on wood*

And I’ve adopted a policy of taking no shit. I put on a tough exterior, but in reality I hate confrontation, so I often just let people walk all over me rather than talk with them about what’s bothering me. It’s cause me a lot of grief and is definitely a part of my martyrdom issue, so I’ve resolved to just... fucking not. I bring it up when I’m bothered, and that’s that. Respectfully, mind you, but I’m not going to ignore my feelings as to not inconvenience another because then I’m just inconveniencing myself and whatthehell is that? I’ve got to protect me.

I’m thinking of genuinely trying to date as well. I’ve been on exactly one date from meeting someone on a dating site and it was bleh, and anxiety has kept me from doing so since. I tend to hide behind the screen and put off meeting them until it’s too late and they’re not interested or I go through one of my dryspells of using the app and then start the cycle all over again. But it could be fun. Maybe meet a cool girl, see how things go. Preface that I have a relationship already that takes some amount of priority, as I don’t see J often enough, but that rarely will get in the way, I think. It’s something I need to talk about with my therapist.

Focusing on the positives, trying to complain less.

Certainly not diet, but monitor what I’m eating in terms of... nutritional robustness, and edging towards a more vegan way of living.

Reading way more. I’m thinking of starting to maintain a list of the books I’ve read by year, see if I can’t up my score each year.

Making patches and selling them on Etsy.

Just... lots of good effort that I’m proud of and things to look forward to.

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radreviews · 6 years

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2017 SQUAD PICKS

Hello, it’s us. It’s been awhile, but we’re back with our favorite art, moments, and trends from 2017. I usually have a whole preamble to set the stage for our picks, but let’s just get into it:

RADHIKA

In-Theater Experiences Every year I have a few movies that remind me how great the movie theater experience can be. A couple of years ago it was Magic Mike XXL; this year it was Get Out and Spider-Man Homecoming. I saw both films in packed houses, with the audience reacting to every line delivery, cameo and plot twist as it happened. It was exhilarating, and I can’t imagine seeing the films any other way. It reminded me that sometimes film needs to be a collective experience—that peer reactions can be the very thing that makes a good movie great. The same thing can be said of live theater, an inherently shared experience. Humblebrag time… we finally saw Hamilton this year and it exceeded the hype and expectations. I also listened to the soundtrack a million times and memorized all of the words after seeing it so, yep, I’m one of those people now. Also! We saw Mean Girls: The Musical in its previews in DC and holy wow you’re all in for a treat. Lady Bird Forget what I said about collective experiences because I saw this incredible film by myself, crying quietly through the entire third act. There are always films whose stories don’t necessarily overlap with my experiences, but make me feel everything (last year’s was La La Land). This film has universal love from every critic with a beating heart and it’s one thousand percent deserved. Lady Bird was my favorite film of the year — a beautiful portrait of the confusion of adolescence, of familial frustration and of love. It was note-perfect. Despacito CALL ME BASIC but I love this song. I will not apologize for how happy it makes me, for how secretly sexy the lyrics are, for how directly my mood is impacted by those opening chords. Also, I prefer the Justin Bieber version don’t @ me. “Remember Me” from Coco

Let’s not talk about how much I cried during Pixar’s Coco (but if you must know, it was A LOT), let’s talk about the five different versions of its original song “Remember Me” that appear on the official soundtrack. There’s the three versions directly from the film (each BEAUTIFULLY sung by Benjamin Bratt, Gael Garcia Bernal, and Anthony Gonzalez), a Spanish version, and inexplicably a version by Miguel?!!??!? It’s a classic case of I didn’t know I needed it until now, but thank you for this gift. CTRL - SZA Everything is all caps, and wow, what a debut. “The Weekend” spoke quiet sadness about being the ‘other woman,’ “Supermodel” delved deep into being unloved and retaliating, and everything before and after touched on the intricacies of relationships and heartbreak. It was personal and it was stunning. “Lemons” - blackish Eleven days into the new year, we already had one of the best episodes of the year. In a pointed middle finger to Trump, blackish became a mouthpiece for what all of us were feeling two months after the election—anger, confusion, and helplessness—and instead of harping on the negatives, it made lemonade. Traveling I was 2 steps away from going full “wanderlust”-Instagram-caption mode this year. I’ve always wanted to travel, but 2017 was the first year where I threw caution (and money) to the wind, and just…booked stuff. I went to Cuba, Philly and Nashville for the first time, explored San Francisco and Boston again with friends, and flew back to Michigan, Chicago, and Cleveland for various engagements and weddings. If ever there was a year where a few days of distraction were not just welcomed but needed, it was 2017. There’s only more exploring to be done in 2018. Pod Save America I think it’s safe to say we all feel more politically angry and engaged in this era of backwards politics. Twice a week, I relied on the educated discussion, hilarious banter, and informed opinions of former Obama staffers Jon Lovett, Jon Favreau and Tommy Vietor to fill me in on what I should be angry about that day. It’s a podcast that just feels necessary. Also, I now own a ‘Friend of the Pod’ t-shirt and I feel like I’m part of a cult, but it’s the coolest cult ever. Bojack Horseman

It’s common knowledge that I love art that makes me cry, but I never thought I’d cry while watching a cartoon. This show is equal parts acerbic, hilarious, and downright depressing (read: I love this show so much). Harping on the fragility of time, the fourth season of Bojack Horseman continued its upward trajectory and gave me one of my favorite quotes from and about television, probably ever. Bojack is one of the smartest, most thoughtful and well-written shows on this incredibly vast television landscape. We are so lucky to have it. The Emergence of Timothée Chalamet Relatively unheard of before 2017, Chalamet starred in two of the best films I saw this year — Lady Bird and Call Me By Your Name. Chalamet inhabited two completely different, complicated characters but made them both vulnerable, empathetic, and mesmerizing. He’s a star and even if the Academy doesn’t recognize him this year (which would be objectively incorrect), I’ll watch anything he’s in from here on out.

PROMA Trailer Hype

I have never experienced a theater crowd cheering for a freaking trailer before – titters of excitement for Harry Potter, at best – but once the Black Panther full trailer dropped there was only one logical response. We cheered for it before Spider-Man: Homecoming, before Marshall, before Thor: Ragnarok, and I hope to cheer for it again before February 2018, which is finally close. Seeing Things in Theaters Multiple Times Since moving to New York, I’ve never seen a movie twice in theaters - first because of cost and then because of time. Honestly I probably haven’t done it since high school, but I used to love it, and this year I finally returned to that with The Big Sick and Spider-Man: Homecoming. Worth it. A First Time with an Oldie

I’ve loved Titanic since I first saw it in 2000, but of course I was too young to see it in theaters. It was re-released in 3D for a quick stretch in 2012, but I was in India at the time, so this year marked the first time I saw Titanic in theaters, that too in impressive 3D. I will never tire of watching old favorites in packed theaters full of people who love the film as much as I do and hum along with the music or clap for big moments. The Year TV Got Angry In a year when we were all perpetually existential or angry, it was cathartic to see TV mirror that state. I reveled in the female rage of The Handmaid’s Tale, the intersectional activism of Dear White People, She’s Gotta Have It, and the straight-up middle finger that was Difficult People. Having an AppleTV is almost as gratifying as screaming into the void! Facemasks A pack of facemasks literally arrived on my and Radhika’s doorstep at a point in 2016 when we didn’t realize we needed them. Since then, I’ve tried to always have some sheet masks around and let myself splurge on a charcoal mask that I’ve done almost every weekend without fail since September. Put on a mask, start an episode, remove and rinse. Treat yo self. Mean Girls: The Musical Seconding Rads on this. I was lucky enough to catch Mean Girls in the workshop stage before it left New York for a summer hiatus and then previews – even in that early stage it was fantastic. It’s exciting to have been with a piece of art through all these iterations (not even including the movie and its decade of cult-status), and I can’t wait to see it blow up next year. Existential Twitter Twitter was always at its most funny and weird during ungodly night-time hours; The night is darkest before the dawn and now it’s like Night Twitter 24/7. From politics to entertainment, we are at least winning at hilarity on social media. But seriously, delete his account. The Return of MoviePass This squad has been preaching the gospel of MoviePass since like, 2014, and I’ll admit I faltered in the middle there when it hit $50/month (I took the 3/$30 plan instead). But now it’s $9.99/month and people have heard of it and don’t make that blank face when I talk about it and wow guys we are saving so much on movies I feel so alive!!! People still regularly ask me if it’s legit/worth it/a scam, but I am happy to answer them and spread this joy. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Listen, some shows are just pure joy and this is the second Amazon show to give me this jarringly unfamiliar sunny feeling in my heart when I watch (shootout to you, Mozart in the Jungle). This show is like eating ice cream covered in candy (but with some sweet wine) and the best part it gets me inspired to create. Oh, Hello Dittoing Rads again because our first theatre experience of the year was one of the best of my whole life. I laughed so fucking hard at Oh, Hello — I’ve never seen a piece of comedy so meticulously crafted, down to every word of every joke, and you could hear the payoff in the laughs, which hardly ever stopped.

ARJUN

“I’m not a body/the body is but a shell.” Like so many of us, I spent a scary amount of time this year being resentful and confused about a million different things happening in my hometown, state, and country – things outside of my own body, bigger than myself. It is then maybe my (our?) subconscious trying to tell me something else in the shared themes of the music I was coming back to the most. While I would say I was consumed by questions of the foundation our entire world rests on, my iTunes would counter that my existential questions this year were actually pointed inward, contemplating over what constitutes a relationship in 2017. “Is it warm enough for you inside me?” With the full acknowledgement that there was a LOT of great music from other artists, when I look back on what set music in 2017 apart from other years, I think I’ll most remember albums like SZA’s ctrl, Moses Sumney’s Aromanticism, and Charli XCX’s Pop 2. These three have some pretty big differences (namely, how they literally sound), but I would argue that they are all contributors to the same internal dialogue that a single 20-something year old living in New York was having, if not always aware he was having it. They ask questions about all forms of love and affection, including (but not limited to): What does it mean to love? What does that even look like in 2017? Is it co-dependent? Is it more than an initial attraction? Does it give us our worth? Is it harmful to tie our worth to it? How stupid are we for putting ourselves through it? If the stupidity makes us happy, is it actually stupid? How do we handle heartbreak? Do we take on an arrogant braggadocio? Do we show the utter lack of confidence hiding under that? And hey, what role does sex play in all this? “I’m not tryina go to bed with you/I just wanna make out in your car.” Admittedly, some of these aren’t the most original questions of all time. It’s the way these artists answered (or tried to answer) them that felt special to this point in time. When SZA says, “Lately you’ve been feeling so good/I forget my future/never pull out,” there isn’t even a question if they’re having sex, and no narrative build-up of her career; they are conditional to even be at the point in time being confronted. For the narrator, the to-pull-out-or-not debate is less a sign of carelessness and more one of carnal satisfaction (though she points out it's pretty careless too). In a borderline companion piece, Charli XCX adds on, “I just wanna spend the night/Fucking in your bed tonight/Watch a little TV/I love it when you need me.” Sex and what comes after are given equal weight in all of the toiling, tossing, and turning. “Ooh no she didn’t/Ooh yes, I did.”

No doubt, these songs have selfishness and over-dramatization at work. But elsewhere, there’s a clearly embedded sense of self-awareness, too. On “Indulge Me,” Moses Sumney’s verse starts and ends with a bit of a call and response when he sings, “All of my old lovers have found others…All of my old others have found lovers.” There’s meant to be some sadness here, but the wordplay suggests a certain irony; he’s far from shocked. Similarly, on “Out of My Head,” Charli XCX, Tove Lo, and ALMA begin singing, “You got me doing all this stupid shit/you fuck me up like this,” before finishing with, “Secretly I’m kinda into it, though.” It’s as if the narrator is fully aware that she’s enveloping you in her own problems and she’s totally cool with that – she’s even giving you a wink while doing it. The listener is simultaneously watching a card trick and listening to the magician explain exactly what he/she is doing each step of the way. “I blame it on your love/every time I fuck it up.” All of that is to say nothing of the music. Throughout, we are sent on a journey of eclectic sounds & compositions, ranging from no-fucks-given aggression to dancefloor escapism to soothing near-lullabies. The fully-formed picture is ultimately what made these works feel alive in the present. They’re messy, they’re self-important, they’re dramatic, they’re self-deprecating. They’re 2017.

ADITYA

Master of None, season 2 It’s exciting to watch talented people swing for the fences. Master of None, Aziz’s love letter to New York, millennial aimlessness, Italian cinema, food, and about 45 other things, is a start-to-finish shot at greatness. It’s filled with terrific performances, and breathtaking shots. It also radiates intelligence in its observations; Dev might be aimless but Aziz has a point of view.

In a toxic 2017, the show’s generous nature stands out. In ‘New York, I Love You,’ Dev is completely absent; the exhilarating episode instead elevates viewpoints that are often reduce to stock clichés – the doorman, the driver, etc. In ‘Thanksgiving,’ Dev plays a clear supporting role as Lena Waithe’s Denise accepts her sexuality and hopes for her family to do the same. In episode after episode, Master of None pursues interesting stories, whether they’re with Dev or Arnold or Denise or Francesca or a taxi driver. The show insists that it’s worth caring about other people, and the spirit of empathy and curiosity is refreshing. The show is unabashedly cinematic in its aesthetic. The first episode is a surprisingly detailed (if low stakes) homage to Bicycle Thieves, presented in black & white with dialogue entirely in Italian. Later references include L’Avventura and La Dolce Vita. Despite these influences, Master of None makes excellent use of the episodic nature of TV, with installments devoted to big issues, like the theme episodes of old. ‘First Date’ uses an inventive structure to highlight the bleak fun of app-driven dating. ‘Religion’ tackles..religion. ‘Door #3′ is a portrait of career indecision. Sprinkled throughout are observations of fame and celebrity, and Aziz’s (and Dev’s) status as a minority provides a unique observational lens. Let me point out that the season is also fun. It doesn’t matter how many hours of Fellini Aziz has watched; the moment he sings about eating food, it’s clear that Tom Haverford is irrepressible. The show is consistently funny, both sharp and silly (I’ll laugh at any framing of the tiny Dev next to his immense buddy Arnold). Dev’s relationship with Francesca is, for me, the best rom-com of the past few years. It’s bracing to watch funny, charming people fall in love, and there’s a thrilling prolonged scene in ‘Dinner Party’ - where Dev is sitting in an Uber processing the fact that he is desperately in love – that ranks among the best of the year. Mask Off + I’m the One + Red Bone I’ve been told that I’m bad at “good” music. Because of the pretentious circles within which I reside, I’m often faking musical expertise. ‘You know who’s great?’ I’ll say. ‘Ess Zee Ayy. Yeah, no, SZA, that’s what I meant. They’re good.’ But when no one was looking over my shoulder, it was these three songs all day all year. That’s a liability! Get Out & Lady Bird Two brilliant debuts. Get Out is a biting satire/comedy/polemic built on a horror movie chassis. From the creepiness of the “No, no, no, no…” scene to the “haha…wait a minute” guilty recognition of the liberal family to the shoulder-slumping devastation of the keys scene, the film takes no false steps. Lady Bird is great all the way through, led by Saoirse’s fiery performance and a sparkling, hilarious script. Greta Gerwig’s love and understanding for the characters on screen shines through. NYT’s “Trump’s Daily Life” Pieces The NYTimes has grown essential in the Trump era. Sure, sometimes they Disney-ify Nazis, or allow David Brooks to moan about the difficulties of getting a sandwich with a poor person. But have you seen the WSJ editorials, or the ever-multiplying panels of “experts” on CNN? I’ll take the Gray Lady. While there’s plenty to appreciate, I want to call out the Sunday night articles, usually by Maggie Haberman and 300 unnamed sources, that offer hilarious insight into Trump’s daily life. I can’t get enough of these. 8-12 Diet Cokes? 14 hours of TV? Tries to impress John Kelly by doing a push-up? Sexts himself from Melania’s phone? Tell me more. We laugh so as not to cry. I Am Not Your Negro

The startlingly powerful documentary relies exclusively on Baldwin’s own words, culled from various letters and writings, and read by Samuel L. Jackson. Even if you’ve read Baldwin, to sit in the theater and drown in his unparalleled eloquence is a shattering experience. The director, Raoul Peck, works with Baldwin to underline the film’s relevance to present day. Images of police brutality in the 1960s fade into images from Ferguson; Baldwin’s words close the gap in time. Another standout section involving a clip of Baldwin explaining his “fixation” on racial issues onThe Dick Cavett Show- a Tonight Show forerunner - is a sharp rebuke to the anti-intellectualism that is currently pervasive. I was hanging on to Baldwin’s words, amazed at their relevance in the world I would walk into when the credits rolled. I can’t recommend this highly enough. Revisiting the Godfather A back-to-back screening of The Godfather Parts I & II was a lovely experience. I was particularly moved by the father and son seated behind me. Most of us learn to appreciate the Corleones through our fathers, forcing ourselves to stay awake the first time we watch it because our infallible dads insisted it was brilliant. The pair behind me was all too familiar. The father patiently entertained his son’s incessant questioning (who’s that again? Wait, why did they kill Luca? Can we get more popcorn?), leapt to cover his son’s eyes during the topless scene, and nudged his son excitedly during the Baptism. The kid is now mixed-up in the family business for life. Twitter I love Twitter. I love retweeting things I agree with and I also love retweeting things I disagree with with a “get a load of this guy”-type comment. I love jumping into the fray and tweeting something like “call your senator!” and then patting myself on the back. I love seeing what other people I follow like, and seeing that they like things that are very similar to what I like, further affirming the idea that everyone is on my side. I love political twitter. I love sports twitter. I love movie twitter. I love reading the first sentence of an article and immediately knowing that I want to tweet it out. I love twitter. Protests For when Twitter isn’t enough. I was dreading Trump’s inauguration day, fully anticipating tears when the Obamas finally helicoptered away to a much deserved peace. When the moment came, and Trump was sworn in, it was…bearable. I knew that in less than 24 hours, I would get to witness thousands of women marching in defiant response. The Women’s March had an incredible energy that I assumed was rare. But it was replicated repeatedly - at the airports after the attempted Muslim ban, outside the courthouse where the ACLU challenged the administration, throughout the city after the DACA decision, etc., etc. I’m a longtime petition signer, but I’m a novice protestor. I’m not great at chanting and I’m bad at estimating how big to make letters. A lot of my signs looked like I’M WITH her. But with the Trump administration determined to reduce the idea of America, protests were catharsis. They were a messy, vital declaration to the administration that they would be met with a response. They’ve recharged and inspired and reassured, and they’re what I’ll remember most about 2017.

#best of #2017 #arts #movies #film #tv #music #sza #master of none #blackish #titanic #twitter

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coreyrayhorn-blog · 7 years

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A year in infamy, a year of sorrow, and depression that followed

2016 was probably the worst year of my life with the exception of my closets grandfather passing away in 2005. Simply saying 2016 was awful because Clinton lost isn’t adequate as in my case. I did work for the Clinton campaign as a phone volunteer, I donated money, tracked the polls, and devised personal strategies to watch for on election night. Not to mention I also ordered several bumper stickers for the campaign (all of which were removed by bystanders.) But blaming a years fait on a single event isn’t enough, although a lot but not enough. 2016 also marked the first year of college for my friends and I. Some of us took the transition to college better than others, I did not. I make decent grades, ranging form a medium of Bs and As primarily, but grades don’t gauge my mental physic. Moving to college was an adjustment, nights of personal pity due to homesickness, trying to figure out the ends and outs of college, and other personal mountains to climb. One thing that got me through 3/4 of my first semester was the thoughts of a woman winning in November. Being that those dreams were crushed within 7 hours of television coverage, my life went on hold after that. Since the election, my dedication to college has plummeted. There are clubs, elections, and benchmarks I would love to meet but the desire isn’t there. At the end of the day, the only thing I can think of is going home. I have friends which have helped me on my worst days, they may not have knew it but depression is always around the corner. Personally I try to stay reserved on my slight depressionistic tendencies, but it always find a way to creep out. I’m thankful for my friends of now and those I have lost along the way. From 2016 to now, my friends of now have all been solidified by college. Many of the friends I communicate with now have only been around for a couple of months in my life. I’ve had friends and significant others that I have lost along this journey called college. I don’t regret having those relationships and in fact I wouldn’t have changed them for the world. There are some people in my life that I have removed; not because of who they are but because of me. Some days pass by without a thought of those who have came and gone in my life, but other days it feels like they are always on my mind. I don’t want to rekindle my previous friendships, it would be too hard to turn back. I believe with all my heart, quoting an episode of Hannah Montana of course, that “some friends are in your life for a reason and some only for a season.” That quote does have some merit, but everyone who has ever been in my life or will ever be, will always be remembered as having a reason. I don’t hate any of my prior relationships, I just hate the process of letting go. Moving on, 2016 has affected me in more ways than the loss of friends or the huge election defeat of my lifetime, it provided me with something I never knew before, depression. Depression isn’t something you mess with or wish you had so others could pity you, it’s scary. This dark shadow in my life hangs over me like death over a stage four cancer patient, the threat is imminent but the strike is unknown. Depression will sneak up on you in the most random times in life, one day in class, talking to your friends, or even in the midst of falling asleep; depression sucks. I refuse to seek help in a doctors office because the only thing that would happen is being put on drugs to ‘help’ the problem; it actually only eliminates it for a short while. I wish I was being over dramatic, that my thoughts of depression were fake, but they aren’t. It feels like my life is comparable to a car, I should be the driver but I’m stuck between passenger and taking the wheel. I’m not going to lie, the election did push me over the edge but it revealed something that was lying deep inside me for years. The best solution to my problem was a free medicine called refuge in Christ. Since college, I lack the effort and want to attend church every Sunday. I claim that I’m tired or I don’t have enough time to do everything I want on the weekends, but that’s only a half-truth. All of those things said prior about not attending church are very much true, but my willpower is not controllable. Directly after the election my church was ablaze with “We are now hopefully going in the right direction”, “Pray for our leaders”, and other prayers that have never seemed to work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in prayer, but I also believe that you can’t pray for those who don’t want to be prayed for. I’m far from perfect and I expect God to still watch out for me regardless of what I do in my daily life. Now this doesn't mean shoot someone and be like “yeah its okay, I got Jesus” because no, it’s not. What it means is God got me through some rough times in my life, one of which was the election. As you can tell I talk about this ‘election’ like it was WWIII but it was to me. I wish I could explain it and if I could maybe I could cope 100% with the loss, but I can’t. Anyways, my depression was somewhat relived with the power of prayer and the Holy Ghost (Spirit.) There I was on a December night, the time was around 3AM and my mind was racing with the threat of January 20th (Inauguration day.) With nothing else to do and for the first time since election night, I had a little talk with Jesus; by little I mean huge… I got down beside my bed, which means you know I’m about to have a serious talk, and folded my hands for a man to man talk with the light of my life. My first words, that I can recall, were “Why did you do this to me?” I wont lie, I was mad at God for over a month and a half. I prayed for months upon months that she would win, “Protect her God”, and he just let me down big time. Yeah I’ve said it’s all in God’s hands, but I didn’t know why in the world he chose that joke of a racist, xenophobic, trashcan spray painted orange to be put in the White House. But during my long talk with Jesus, it came to me, the revelation I was looking for, Trump needed to be President for something better to come. Now what do I mean by that? I mean that, yes Hillary would’ve made a good president in my opinion but in order for our country to be truly ‘Great’ something ‘Bad’ must happen, that was Trump. Regardless of your feelings towards Obama, you can’t say that Trump is better than, I don't know…Bush 43 and 41? No you cant! Id settle for a good ole country boy any day over a born rich, small loan of a million dollars, idiot and chief any day. But my conclusion of my talk was what I said prior: we will be even better one day in the end. Not to sound like a crazy pastor out to scare people into becoming Christians, legit the end of time for America. America isn’t the only country in the world and it’s not God’s only country either, but it’s important. America is #1 in world leadership, military, and economy; eventually you have to fall. America will never fall out of the top 5, but maybe it was time for a reality check like “hey buddy, if you don't check yourself before you wreck yourself you will be nothing.” I also refer to the literal end of time, Revelation, stars falling out the sky, the works. I don’t fear my place of burial and my soul’s direction when I die, I do fear the end of time before I get my life going. I don’t think the world has much longer according to my faith. It’s not because of the ‘gays’ or ‘liberals’ either, it’s just about that time. I feel like the world was taking a step forward since the last World War: civil rights in the US, more democracies around the world, space travel, science, living longer, advanced nations. Sadly, the world is getting back into more wars, nations are leaning more on the ‘conservative route’ which means to conserve civil rights and religion, finally I also think it could be 40+ years from now too. Because if we truly follow the Bible, we know that no one can literally project the end time, it’s just signs. Since time for God is everlasting, our lives may come and go before the end, but to God it could only be the 8th day. This post was starting in one direction but diverted to another. I will later write about my reading of “What Happened”, a Hillary Clinton memoir about her election loss, that it hopefully helps me come to a full close on the loss. Just remember to stay close to God if possible, don’t let politics completely rule your life, and know the education is key, just know what lock to put it in.

#hillary clinton #liberal #god #jesus #Democrat #Whathappened #2016 #depression

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