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riddle-me-ri · 1 year

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Headcanons of the Riddlers please? Their s/o is feeling kinda flirty/and a bit bad😉. So what do they do? They decide to parade around the place in as little clothing as possible. Nothing immediately obvious like lingerie or kinky outfits. Maybe booty shorts or underwear and a croptop or a bralette. Something casual but still risqué. They just really want to tease Eddie. They also hope he’ll be able to take the damn hint and screw them, or at least make out.

A/N: hehehe not even gonna lie this is some shit I'd do. Something subtly, casual, not an obvious cry for attention but also like they'd know I'd only wear this kind of get up for one reason lmao.

Also sorry for the lack of posts lately, well into the new year and your girl experienced burnout whomp whomp (not to mention almost spiraled comparing myself rip) plus I've been trying to get back into drawing again so that's taken up some time too! I'm slowly getting back into it though…slowly but surely.

Trigger Warning: highly suggestive, touching, flirting, nothing entirely explicit

Reader Trying to Get Different Riddler’s Attention

Arkhamverse Riddler:

- It was a rare occurrence when you were allowed in Eddie's workshop.

- It was even more rare for him to give you attention which is why you were down there in the first place.

- However, you had a plan for this visit.

- You wore one of Edward's button up shirts that he hasn't fully "riddler-ed" yet, but it was dyed green with some question marks on it.

- However it remained unbuttoned...

- Ed rolled his eyes, already forgetting he let you down here, but when he turned to scold you about disturbing him-

- "What do you think you're wearing?!"

- Ed's breathing increased, his brain working into overdrive.

- How dare you distract him like this, how dare you come down so foolishly exposed…how dare you look so good…

- He stammered like a fish out of water

- He reminds you, but not without also dutifully removing your previous outfit.

Reevesverse/Dano Riddler:

- Oh, so you wanna kill him?

- You’re just scrolling through your phone on the couch.

- Waiting for him to come home from work.

- You really don’t think you’re in anything too...obscene.

- Just a tank top and underwear.

- However, you’re spooked by a loud thump by your front door.

- You look up to see Edward silently blinking at you, after unceremoniously dropping his briefcase.

- You stand up from the couch and walk over to him.

- He gets a good look at how slim fitting the tank is along with how your underwear slightly rolled up over your ass from being on the couch.

- He acts like he’s seen a ghost or maybe something less ominous…an angel maybe?

- While he’s distracted…

- You take the chance to tiptoe over to him, wrap your arms around him and pull him into a gentle kiss.

- With hopes it’ll turn into something more.

Gotham Riddler:

- Ed wasn’t sure what to expect when he got back to his apartment.

- He didn’t expect you to be dancing around the living room and walk-in kitchen half naked though.

- You were twirling and humming about to some song on the radio while cooking dinner.

- Clearly, enjoying yourself, and very comfortably, he might add.

- You were wearing your favorite (and his too) green off the shoulder pullover and the shortest sport shorts you owned.

- Simultaneously, Ed is hanging his jacket and loosening his tie and watching you parade around.

- Perfectly unaware of his presence.

- You practically jump out of your skin when he wraps his arms around you from behind.

- You're terrified shriek turns into a giggle fit when you realize it’s just Ed.

- However, he doesn’t let you turn around to properly greet him.

- He’s too busy leaving kisses on your exposed skin and his hands slowly sliding up the sweater to touch more of your skin.

BTAS Riddler:

- He's not stupid…

- Oblivious…ehh maybe.

- I mean we all saw the giggle fit he became at the slightest flirtatious interaction.

- Eddie's mind is racing with ideas, designs, and schemes

- So it may take a minute or two…

- To see you walking around in an almost nude mesh bralette and green boxer shorts.

- You would notice that every time he returned back to his room, he lingered in the room you were in for longer and longer periods of time.

- He may be oblivious but once he catches on, he's quick to act.

- Before you know it you feel his arms wrapped around your waist as he pulls you into him.

- It doesn't take long for him to start kissing along your exposed skin

- Making his way to kiss your lips.

Zero Year/Capullo Riddler:

- I’m fairly certain he’d rather you wear next to nothing on a regular basis.

- He’d consider you being more of a tease if you, ACTUALLY wore a proper shirt, sweatpants, something that actually covered you up.

- However, one day you actually indulge him and his selfish if not slightly scummy desires.

- The wee bastard had to do a double take.

- However it doesn't take long for him to catch the hint.

- Whether you're wearing short and revealing clothes.

- Or something long and plain but nothing underneath.

- He’ll notice and he'll take…ehh…appropriate inappropriate action?

Twojar Riddler:

- You teased him once that you’d look just as good in his shirt unbuttoned than he did.

- Of course, being the egomaniac he is, he denied that claim

- (dummy didn't stop to think of how hot the idea was…dummy)

- Or he did and he wanted to trick you to try it out…that seems more on brand for this Ed.

- You let the suggestion marinate for a while, hoping Ed will forget, so you can use it to get his attention again.

- There you were in a signature white shirt, buttoned down extremely low like your partner.

- You even went the extra mile and snatched a green suit jacket too.

- Double take #2, he almost walks past you and to another room until he looks back at you.

- He's chuckling as he slowly stalks his way over to you.

- Slowly hovers above you, removing his own shirt and jacket before attentively removing your own.

Gotham City Sirens Riddler:

- Edward was locked up in office again, mulling over a case.

- He hasn’t been home in days. He used to reach out to you, at least a phone call.

- Now, you have no choice but to reach out yourself.

- Of course, in public you were properly covered in a long trench coat.

- When you get to the office however, you reveal to be wearing a lace green bralette and short booty shorts.

- You didn’t knock on his door or anything you just hung out in his waiting room.

- When Ed finally walked out he was shocked to see you lounging on the couch. He forgot he had given you a key…

- Ed was about to interrogate you, then he saw what you’re wearing

- You grinned as he scoffed.

- Yet, when you got up to answer the question you knew he was going to ask

- Edward silently grabbed your hands and slowly walked you back into his private office.

- You didn’t fail to notice he locked his door too…

Telltale Riddler:

- He’s well aware what you’re trying to do.

- Just so you know, it won’t work.

- At least, that’s what he’ll tell you to deter him.

- While on the contrary, it’s having way more of an effect on him than he’ll ever care to admit.

- The fact he tried to vocally discourage you shows he can’t even ignore you at this point.

- You were just wearing an oversized t-shirt, with a few holes here and there.

- Showing sneak peeks of your bare body underneath.

- It was absolutely juvenile of you to parade around in that…

- Looks like he’s going to have to discipline you for trying to distract him…

Young Justice Riddler:

- Oh, so you wanna kill him 2.0

- He can barely handle you when you wear a normal fitted shirt and jeans most days.

- Let alone something even slightly more provocative.

- Although, you don't see it that way. It's just an oversized green shirt and underwear…

- Yet whenever the shirt rolls up and shows more of legs

- Heaven forbid if it teases in showing your underwear too

- He's a steaming, red faced dork, squirming around on the couch two cushions away from you.

- You look over your phone and ask what's wrong.

- Eddie tries to exclaim its nothing, nothing at all

- But the redness of his face and the tent in his pants say, it's DEFINITELY something.

Hush (DCAU) Riddler:

- No one could build up his confidence as much as you do.

- The fact you willingly wanna be with him and love him…even through all the ridicule he gets from both the good and the bad guys.

- It's not hard to get his attention.

- However, there are days he's too wrapped up in his schemes or to be honest bummed down to even get out of bed.

- Yet the one time he does get out of bed, he catches you wearing a crop top and sweats.

- He shouldn't have reacted the way he did.

- Honestly what you were wearing was perfectly normal…

- You’re so beautiful though…

- The fact you’re so comfortable with him, open with him, and that you love him.

- Immediately forgetting what he was initially in the room for and made a beeline for you.

- As you looked up to greet him, his lips landed over yours before you could say anything

- You have no idea what you did (ehh maybe you do) but you definitely make plans to do it again.

#ri writes #arkhamverse riddler x reader #reevesverse riddler x reader #dano riddler x reader #gotham riddler x reader #btas riddler x reader #zero year riddler x reader #capullo riddler x reader #the war of jokes and riddles riddler x reader #twojar riddler x reader #gotham city sirens riddler x reader #telltale riddler x reader #young justice riddler x reader #yj riddler x reader #hush (dcau) riddler x reader

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polkiuu · 7 months

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2023 Dive Into Aquaplus

After having been into Utawarerumono for well over a decade, and having one foot into Tears to Tiara for the longest of time as well, I decided to finally take the plunge this year to try a variety of Aquaplus' very colorful catalogue.

I got into Utawarerumono a long, long time ago, back when the 2006 anime adaption of it was still airing. At the time, my like of it was mostly superficial. I was still a kid, and I just liked the aesthetics of it. I only started watching it because the name was long and nonsense to me who didn't know a lick of JP at the time. But it stuck with me as it was one of the first few anime I had started watching as it was airing in Japan and subbed. It also introduced me to Suara, who my love for has been anything but superficial.

If it weren't for the 2015 anime adaption of Utawarerumono Itsuwari no Kamen, it may have just stayed as a memory of aesthetics. A few episodes into its airing, I had a strong urge to buy the game, and so I asked for it for Christmas. I was never the same since.

While waiting for the release of Utawarerumono Futari no Hakuoro later in 2016, I got my hands on Tears to Tiara 2 to try and fill the void. I had previously seen the Tears to Tiara anime back in 2009 while it was airing, as I had immediately recognized the art as being similar to Utawarerumono. Looking it up I learned it was from the same company, and Amazuyu had also worked on some of the designs for it as well.

Unfortunately, the game was incredibly difficult for someone like me who is terrible at strategy games, and the writing didn't manage to hook me early on, so I ended up putting the game on hold indefinitely about 10 hours in. At some point in 2017 I picked up the remake of the first game, Tears to Tiara Kakan no Daichi, and really loved it. It still wouldn't be until this year though that I fully threw myself into the Tears to Tiara franchise.

Fast forward to 2023, through various Utaware phases and burnouts, and the release of Monochrome Mobius: Rights and Wrongs Forgotten along with the 3rd anniversary event in the Utawarerumono Lost Frag mobile game re-igniting my mood for the series at the tail end of 2022, I finally decide that this year is the time to make due on my desire to play more Aquaplus titles.

Tears to Tiara II: Heir of the Overlord

Seven years after my first attempt, I finally went back to this in January and finally completed it. My issues from my first attempt never really went away, however the writing managed to hook me around chapter 5, and I had a lot more enjoyment with the OST and various small things now that I had actually experienced the first game, and not just the anime. The uses of Until and Tears to Tiara 凱歌 will live in my head rent free until the end of time.

Tarte became not only my favorite TtT character, but maybe even my #1 Aquaplus favorite. ああっ女神さまっ…

This game got me to start paying attention to Honjou Tatami.

The nostalgia for the first TtT game wrecked me hard and I ended up replaying it right after.

Tears to Tiara: Kakan no Daichi

我が友よ

My Tears to Tiara mood was unstoppable, and so I finally bought its fandisc.

Tears to Tiara Gaiden - Avalon no Nazo

Nothing could have prepared me for the Lidia content in this game or the dragon stage straight from the ninth level of hell.

I still haven't recovered from the ending and the double whammy of realizing what the start of the OP is. The bastards really did it twice.

After this I went on a spree and bought all the LEs and the novels and manga... it is criminal how little supplementary material the games have, and how 2 has none. I have nothing to go on now but copium and offering my life to Marui Takeshi.

Tears to Tiara Gaiden 2 and Tears to Tiara 3 when.

Next, I played my first dating sim in 8~9 years, and a more obscure one at that.

Routes

You don't know what you're getting into until you've already beaten this game.

One of the more unique things I've experienced, to the point I don't know how to talk about it without spoiling it, and it is definitely a game best played blind. Quite possibly the most unique script-writing I've seen. The way the two scenario writers duties were split is one of the best uses of multiple writers that I've seen in a game.

The voice acting in this game is a masterpiece.

One thing I really love about both Routes and Tears to Tiara is the kind outlook on life they have.

I started this just before the Dungeon Travelers 2 series re-release and still have not touched those.

Next, I somehow ended up on one of their most famous.

White Album 2 ~Introductory Chapter~

Short, but emotionally loaded. After All ~Tsudzuru Omoi~ changed me as a person.

I started this one just a few days before the first White Album game's re-release because of course I did.

White Album 2 ~Closing Chapter~

One very charged, and very long work. I had to sit on it for quite a while after. I also binged all its supplemental material.

I haven't had a love/hate relationship with something this strong since, well, Inuyasha. You have issues, Maruto.

Kazusa Normal was a great route.

WHITE ALBUMの季節はまだまだこれからだよ。

White Album ~Tsuzurareru Fuyu no Omoide~

A little underwhelming, honestly. The way the gameplay and routes are structured makes the writing very fragmented. Had some nice moments, but overall I enjoyed the writing of Sayoko's route most, as it feels most coherent, likely due to it being added into the 2010 remake.

Despite the fragmented writing, I did like many of the heroines quite a bit.

White Album has been stuck in my head for months, and now the season for it is upon us...

And what would be most fitting to follow it up with another winter-related game, if not...

Tenshi no Inai 12-gatsu

It might be time to lay off the depresso games for a bit, as I had a hard time getting into this one. In a weird way it reminded me a lot of how screwed up my own mentality was when I was younger, and it's not something I cared to remember. I suppose it gets points for realistically depicting the unstable nature of the adolescent mind.

It had some interesting underlying themes, and I don't dislike the message of it, but I was unable to feel any investment in the heroines. I may have liked it more if the characters were a little more fleshed out.

I've only just beaten it, so I need to sit on my thoughts for it a little longer.

And then a special mention to none other than:

Utawarerumono Lost Frag

I finally picked this back up in November 2022, during it's 3rd anniversary event when they added Raikou. It's not every day you get an entire event dedicated to your only OTP in the series.

I got especially into it after my TtT marathon, and I've read most events, various character stories and a little of the main story. I always wanted to give it another chance, and I'm glad to have finally found something to pull me back into it. I really enjoy what it offers, from the expansions of various Utaware lore, to doing things only a social game really can. The event writing is out of this world.

It gave me 2 of the top 3 things I wanted to see for 7 years from the series now and I can only pray it delivers on the last someday.

Final thoughts

I've had a lot of Aquaplus vocal tracks in my library for many years, and its fun to go through their backlog and realize what songs are from what, and which ones I had that I didn't even realize were from Aquaplus games. And since I've followed Suara since 2006, making the connection between her discography and where her non-utaware songs are from has been a blast so far.

I look forward to diving further in in 2024. I want to give their other famous series like Dungeon Travelers and ToHeart a shot. Comic Party is still waiting on my shelf, as well.

Going through different time periods with their artists is a really fun adventure from an artist's perspective. It's fun to see where they've improved, what habits they've kept, the areas where they adjust things to be more modern, and how their painting evolves. For a long time I only knew Amazuyu by name, but now it's fun to glance at an artwork and be like "Oh, so and so drew this around xxxx year."

I want to see another game with Tatami as the main artist...

I also recently realized the only things I've finished since March have been various Aquaplus fanarts (I have drawn other things, just not finished...) Something unlocked in my brain and I'm enjoying drawing again to an extent, and for that I'm glad.

#aquaplus #utawarerumono #tears to tiara #white album 2 #white album #routes #tenshi no inai 12gatsu #tears to tiara 2 #polka talks

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theawakenedstate · 9 months

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Does your Spiritual Practice meet your Actual needs and give you peace of mind? Let’s talk about the Bold, untold truths of Spiritual Practice when you have a kundalini awakening. These might be a little bit ballsy or unconventional. However, they will grant you way more Peace of Mind when practiced. Let’s face it, I like being a different, bright hot pink colorful face in a sea of black-and-white conformity.

Let’s go

1. You Actually Might not Need More Meditation – #saidit

You Actually Need More Embodiment Practices and Movement In Your Life.

If you are always:

Spacey

Dizzy

Overthinking obsessed

Prone to Headaches and exhaustion

Here’s WHY:

Kundalini Awakening opens up our higher chakras causing a FLOOD of Energy throughout our nervous system.

It’s VERY COMMON for beginners to have OVERACTIVE higher chakras (seen it so many times) and they need to nurture the lower chakras.

And Stop Trying to OPEN their third eye. It’s already open.

The irony with this, is most people THINK they need more meditation as it’s regurgitated EVERYWHERE to silence the mind or ‘control their thoughts’, right?

What they actually need are embodiment practices that nurture, root them in, and ground out the EXCESS energy they are experiencing.

And this is a very common problem with spiritual teachings that lament meditation as the only tool to enlightenment.

**PSA. it’s possible and I’m boldly saying this, those people did NOT have a Kundalini awakening. They are having the process of a spiritual awakening which is why they stress the importance of meditation and connection to higher self because that’s what THEY NEED.

When you have a Kundalini awakening – you are energetically opening up dormant energy and your higher chakra are overactive as you turn on all these hidden gifts or higher faculties in the mind (we’re exploring this in the Kundalini Book on Substack)

Spoiler Alert: You need the OPPOSITE OF MEDITATION for peace.

2. You need a Spiritual practice that focuses on the Body, Not Just the Mind

A Spiritual Practice Involves both the Mind, body and the Soul, many heavily neglect the body in their spiritual practice and wonder why “it’s just not working for me”

One thing that is written in older metaphysical books is they talk about the importance of the different types of energetic bodies in the bio-field. You have the Physical body, mental body, the energetic body, the emotional body, the spirit body, the astral body and so forth. (graphic below)

while it might be a bit INSANE to start dissecting yourself and asking how do i do spiritual practice will all these different dimension bodies of consciousness? like whaa, You’re missing the point. LOL

Most people just focus on the MENTAL body:

Meditation

Visualization/vision boards

Mindset/ Affirmations /Journaling

Sound Healing

Visual Color Therapy

This means we’re not working with the Emotional body, or etheric physical body, we’re just hanging out in our Head(our higher chakras) and not allowing that energy to travel, move, or be released. It gets stuck up there.

It’s like when you hold back from saying what you REALLY need to say. YOU KNOW YOU JUST NEED TO SAY IT, but you bite your tongue and hold back and it bottles up inside of you as annoyance. That’s what you do with your energy when you strictly focus on Mental Spiritual practice alone. ( cough symptoms cough 😉)

Soul Medicine: Design your Spiritual practice around Mind-Body Ritual Practices that help you both with the mind and the body. So you do NOT experience what i lovingly call “Spiritual Burnout”

RELATED – Here’s an old-school video on that if you’re curious to learn more: Why Overactive Third eyes lead to Spiritual Burnout

Examples of Mind-body rituals: Yoga followed by meditation or journaling, Embodiment practices, Somatic dance, Movement breaks, Mindfulness, mindful eating, Exercise that is not hardcore cardio, followed by journaling, etc.

Thinking Point: Begin to think about how can you MERGE your Practice so it supports both your Mind and your body.

3. You don’t need to “Get Grounded” – You need to feel safe in your Nervous System.

I’ve been around the block or two in the spiritual community and the MOST COMMON COMPLAINT IS: “Ashley, meditating & EFT isn’t working for me, how do I stay grounded?”

this is Root Chakra Work 101 – You need to feel safe in your body – you don’t need to visualize yourself as a tree! 🌳🌴🌲

Which tree are you? 🤣

For Realzy – Let’s break the new age bullshit with a hefty dose of psych 101. A lot of what is felt as ‘being ungrounded’ is you feeling activated in your N.S. as not feeling safe, supported or secure in your body.

You are tripping on past and future thinking (eckhart tolle fans know what i mean 💃 )

Soul Medicine: Stop visualizing – and MOVE YOUR ASS. (said with love)

Start playing with the dirt and get in the garden, get an exercise routine, take a walk, put on music and dance, do jumping jacks, take 10 min house chore break,

and the same goes for Manifesting! Visualizing is only one part of the entire process.

Here’s the secret to really getting grounded and getting rid of the anxiety,

Move the energy with yo body 😉 💃

You’re welcome

Which tip stands out to you the most? Let me know 👇

P.S. Need Help getting more consistent with your Spiritual Practice?

It’s easy to lose sight of your personal growth or get more inconsistent with your spiritual practice when life, kids, college, mid-life crisis, or you know inflation – gets in the way.

USE THE RECONNECT TO SOUL CHALLENGE OR INTUITION MASTERY(COMING NEXT MONTH) FOR A CRASH COURSE ON YOUR INTUITION

COMING SOON: INTUITION MASTERY

Getting more confident with your intuition

Establishing Easy Rituals to Create Automated ways to Reconnect with Soul & Spiritual Guidance on REPEAT

Defeat your Self-Sabotage around not taking action forward on your goals and desires

Learn Unique Clearing Tools for your Third Eye to help Empower your communication energetically with your Intuition

And much more!

The Soul Aligned Life Academy is your All-Access Pass membership to navigating spiritual awakening successfully for more Confidence, Peace of Mind and soul-aligned living. Join the community Soul Tribe and receive Over 60+ Lessons on Aligned Living. Learn more about enrollment at the link below.

http://www.theawakenedstate.net/3-bold-untold-truths-of-spiritual-practice-for-more-peace-of-mind/

3 Bold Untold Truths of Spiritual Practice for More Peace of Mind

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themomsandthecity · 7 months

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How Can I Manage Holiday Parenting Stress?

We know that every holiday season, parents have lots of questions - whether it's how to deal with stress-inducing in-laws or ways to keep their kids healthy. That's why, this year, we tapped four advice columnists and experts to help us. Enter: The Holiday Nightline, where we're answering your most burning questions about parenting during the holidays. Keep reading for a Q&A advice column from Aditi Nerurkar, MD, a Harvard physician whose new book "The 5 Resets" releases early next year. --- Dear Dr. Aditi, What are some super-simple strategies and tips I can employ to feel more calm in my day? Can you offer ideas for some things that are easy for a busy parent like me to start right away that aren't "too stressful" or don't feel unattainable, especially heading into holiday season? - Stressed Parent Dear Stressed Parent, With everything happening in the world, it's easy to feel stressed and overwhelmed in your day-to-day. It also doesn't help that your role and responsibilities as a parent seem to exponentially grow with the holidays around the corner. Just thinking about the holidays makes me want to crawl into bed and hibernate until January. But there's a better, more effective way to cope with your growing stress in the short term - and prevent it from worsening in the long term. You can reset your stress with a little help from the science of the mind-body connection. You can reset your stress with a little help from the science of the mind-body connection. Never mind the fancy name, the mind-body connection is nothing more than the basic premise that your brain and your body are in constant communication and inextricably linked. What's good for your body is good for your brain and vice versa. When you do better, you feel better, and it's all in the doing. While this may be the first time you're hearing about the mind-body connection, you've experienced it throughout your life, especially during stress. Under stress, your brain sends a stress signal to your body called the fight-or-flight response. This biological response is what you'd describe as "feeling stressed": racing heart, feeling flushed, quicker breaths, and negative thoughts. This stress response is governed by your amygdala, also known as the primitive part of your brain, which is focused only on survival and self-preservation. Humans may have evolved through millennia, but your stress response is unchanged from when we were cave people fighting or fleeing tigers in the forest. A key difference now is that our modern-day tigers - like parenting stress during the holidays, managing family dynamics, and work stress - don't just go away after a short, intense battle in the forest. They can linger for months. Related: How Do I Deal With My In-Laws Undermining Me as a Mom During the Holidays? Because your amygdala is doing exactly what it was designed to do - protect you from tigers - it stays activated in the background, which results in chronic stress and eventual burnout. So if you're stressed right now, there's nothing wrong with you and everything right with you. Your brain and body are working exactly as they should. Give yourself some grace and a healthy dose of self-compassion, and let's use the science of the mind-body connection to redirect your amygdala and reset your stress, together. Here are three quick, effective, and free techniques you can use today to manage your stress this holiday season. 1. Diaphragmatic Breathing Your breath is the gateway to less stress. Your stress response activates quick, shallow breathing. Slowing down your breathing to take deep belly breaths sends a signal to your amygdala to shift away from fight-or-flight mode and toward rest-and-digest mode. Here's how to practice diaphragmatic breathing: * Place one or both hands on your belly. * Inhale slowly through your nose, letting your belly rise up. * Exhale slowly through your nose or mouth, letting… https://www.popsugar.com/family/holiday-nightline-parenting-stress-49312730?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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saphiremomo · 3 years

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My thoughts on systemic sexual harassment in male-dominated industries based on personal anecdotes, in response to the current goings-on at Blizzard Entertainment.

TW: Discussion of sexual harassment directed towards minors.

Back when I was in junior high I took various shop classes because I found working with my hands fun. In the first one I was the only girl. In the second I was one of three.

I was harassed for quite a while, with a small group of boys hiding my projects, whispering obscenities behind my back, and culminated in one of them shouting 'if I had kept the condom from last night' across the shop room. I was 13. I got my parents involved, who got the teachers involved, who got the principal involved. The ringleader got a 3-day suspension. I was quietly shunned the rest of the semester, and never took a shop class again.

(My sister tells me that when she went through the same junior high a few years later, that more girls were taking shop and the teachers were more vigilant for potential harassment.)

When I think back on this event, I wonder if that ringleader remembers it as well as I do. I wonder the same for the boys that joined in. I don't even remember their names these days, but I remember their faces and I remember their words.

In 2015 I was making a video game as part of my senior thesis project for graphic design. This was also the prime time for gamergate, which was a frequent topic of discussion between the students and professors of my more computer/coding-focused classes.

I realized as I started looking for jobs, that going into the video game industry as I had planned - as I had dreamed - that I would be inviting that sort of harassment that I encountered at 13 back in my life. That not only would it come from players, but also more than likely from my coworkers. It wouldn't matter how competent I was - I had experienced what happens when a woman goes into a man's space. I had seen what happened online to women who spoke out.

I applied for graphic design jobs instead. I make websites for small businesses now. The video game I was working on as my senior thesis project remains unmade. I've never had to work over 40 hours in a week. I've never been harassed.

Sometimes I think about the impact these sorts of stories like those that just came out of Blizzard, out of Riot, out of yet another AAA studio. Stories of harassment and mistreatment, of long hours and little pay and terrible management.

Is there a young woman or a PoC or a queer person who wanted nothing more than to work with video games, who has loved video games since a young age, who is now seeing it taste like ash in their mouth?

I wonder how many talented people we've lost due to burnout. I wonder how many we've lost due to not wanting to invite that sort of terrible treatment into their lives.

I wonder what sort of games I might've made if I had gone into the industry.

#saphire says #about that blizzard stuff #but also about other things #i miss working on video games sometimes #but other times i'm glad i don't have that stress

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jewishmuseummd · 4 years

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Mental Health Monday: Work-Life Balance

Welcome to our new series, Mental Health Mondays! Right now, being an Upstander, or someone who takes action when something wrong is happening, can be difficult. Staying home and self-isolating in order help slow the spread of coronavirus and COVID-19 is the most important thing that we can do right now. By flattening the curve, you’re helping healthcare workers as they fight to save lives and provide care to each and every person who needs it. But practicing social distancing can be really difficult. And this overwhelming and scary time can cause a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression.

We are not mental health professionals. If you are feeling overwhelmed with these kinds of emotions or they are impacting your daily life, please reach out to professionals who can help you. If you need immediate help, use the National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-8255, which offers online chats as well. Jewish Community Services also offers help for people experiencing emotional crises.

We aim to provide some tips and guides to help those who are self-isolating, and to connect with our JMM community. These ideas might not work for everyone, but we hope that by starting the conversation about mental health, we can inspire you to take a moment to breathe and reflect on what you need today to feel good.

~Talia Makowsky, JMM Visitor Services Coordinator

Today, we are talking about work-life balance. For many of us, especially myself as the Visitor Services Coordinator, work directly relates to being at our office. Indeed, my hours directly coordinate to when the Museum is open to visitors, so I can support them with whatever they need. So, working from home has definitely been strange. For one thing, I don’t need someone to cover the front desk when I get lunch or use the bathroom. But I’ve also needed to figure out ways to be productive, even when I’m not at the Museum helping guests. I’ve come up with a few ways that help me, and I wanted to share them with you. Please note, I do not have any children or pets to take care of, and so my daily routine might look a lot different than yours. JMM also provides flexibility while working from home, to help support its staff, and this may not be the case for everyone.

a. Create a designated workplace:

This one is fairly obvious, but it can make a huge difference in how productive you are during your work time. Find a place in your home, whether it’s at a table, on a couch, or outside on the porch, and make it your regular work spot. Set it up so that it’s comfortable to sit or stand at for stretches of time, and you have all the supplies you need within easy reach. While you set up this space, think about the background as well.

A quick peek at Talia’s home office set up!

We’ve been doing quite a few video meetings and so I’m always aware of what people might see behind me while we meet. Try to find a space with natural light, if possible, or else a place that is well-lit, so you’re not straining your eyes. This will also help you to have nicer looking video meetings as well. Do your best to limit distractions (though some people prefer to work with some background noise), and let the other people in your household know that this is your designated workspace. If the space can’t be permanently set up as your workspace, try to figure out a way to easily set it up and clean it up, so you’re not spending lots of time getting things together. I also recommend tidying up your workspace once a week at least, so that you don’t mix your work papers and materials up with household items.

b. Keep a regular schedule:

This one is especially useful for me. I’m the type of person who prefers to have a routine, and so keeping my work schedule has helped me to stay productive. Keeping a regular schedule is also important for working with your colleagues. Whether you chose to keep a 9-5 schedule, or shift it depending on childcare, household duties, and other needs, make sure you communicate your hours with the rest of the staff! This way others know when they can contact you and when you’re busy. In addition to just scheduling your work hours, make it clear when you’re done with work for the day. When we work from home, it can seem easy to just keep checking your email, or to just finish up that last project. However, work life and home life can start bleeding together, making you feel like you’re working all the time and causing you to burnout. Have a set time for when you are no longer working (and if you need to adjust, make sure you take the time for yourself elsewhere).

From the JMM Collections: Photo of a decorative clock presented as an award to Dr. Barry Gittlen by the Bosonova Biblical Archaeology Society of Northern Virginia. Baltimore Hebrew University Archives Collection, JMM 2009.40.4311.

One other way I’ve tried to use my routine to keep calm is by using the time I normally commute for other activities. In the mornings, before I start working for the day, I do a writing prompt for ten minutes. This creative task gets my brain working and helps me to transition from breakfast to work. In the evenings, after I finish work, I take a walk with my partner, if the weather is nice enough, so that we both get some fresh air and stretch our legs. Again, this may not be possible for everyone, especially as parents use this additional time for childcare. But if you can take ten minutes to meditate, write, breathe, walk, do a facemask, or anything else that is self care, I highly recommend it.

c. Get ready for the “office”:

Working from home can be an opportunity to work more casually. Maybe you’re tempted to wear pajama pants because no one will see your legs in the Zoom call. Or maybe you’re going to sit on the couch with the television on, because you can do that data entry work while watching Parks and Rec. However, I highly encourage you to try to act like you’re actually going to the office, to help your brain feel like it’s in productive mode. Instead of dressing in sweats, at least put on jeans or slacks. Wear something a little nicer than a t-shirt. If you know you’re having Zoom meetings, wear your regular office clothes, as though you’re seeing these people in person.

Dress for success! From the JMM collections, left to right: Abraham Kravetz, c.1915. JMM 1991.22.2; Dr. Julius Friedenwald, 1905. JMM 1984.23.25; Marian Lansburgh, c.1937. JMM 2004.78.61.

I know everyone has their own ways of staying focused (I have definitely listened to a lot of lofi hip hop) but try to work like you’re at the office. Let the people in your household know you’re at the office and let them know when you’re available to meet. Avoid turning on the television while you work. And make time to regularly check in with your coworkers, as you do projects together. If you act like you’re in the office, your brain will recognize that you’re currently in work mode, and you’re more likely to be productive. And don’t be afraid to take breaks. Whether you’re taking a few minutes to get coffee and read a book, or you need to walk around and stretch your legs, taking breaks is important to staying productive. Just make sure you set a time for when you’re going to dive back into work and stick to it.

Those are just a few tips that have been helping me as I adjust to the work from home (or WFH) life. If you have any suggestions for what helps you stay productive and focused while WFH, share them with us! If you need any more help with how to balance work and life, there are tons of guides online that have suggestions for staying positive, focused, and balanced.

We’ll be back next Monday with another topic related to mental health. If you have a suggestion for a topic, or a question you’d like us to contemplate, feel free to share it with us!

#mental health monday #upstanders #be an upstander #museums on tumblr

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bardovelho · 5 years

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3rd Habitversary in 2019

Today , April 14th, I celebrate my 3rd year Habitversary. The second one was skipped, forgotten along with all my tasks and Habitica itself, by the time I was experiencing my longest, hardest, and most teaching burnout of my Habitican life!

I learned that burnouts happen to me when I take too much pressure on myself and have too many difficult Dailies that I can't face. So, I faced not a single one instead of trying to do the best that I can, by avoiding Habitica almost completely. The magical key to break this bad vicious cycle is to Rest in the Inn WHILE doing the Dailies that I feel like doing, with no pressure. Then, I will only leave the Inn when I'm able to reach one Perfect Day, maybe 3 to make sure. This way, I'll still be leveling up, building motivation, but with no stress. Because Habitica is not about adding all the tasks that I can remember and doing as much as (im)possible; it's a tool to build motivation, which will generate progressive productivity. It can be like a muscle\battery of will power (as I read in The Power Of Habit), if well designed and oiled.

The (other) problem is that I'm now noticing that each task is unique, and it only stays without change when I don't evolve in it. So, it's a good thing to constantly adapt (at least, the most important) tasks title and description accordingly to my evolutions and consequent adaptation of new techniques that I'm building. This means that I need, with great awareness, to periodically check if each task is working as it should, and edit it accordingly to how it should be right now, specially Dailies and Habits. I'm thinking about adding a monthly revision about this. Adding monthly summaries instead of only the weekly ones helps a lot, too.

I'm now facing 20 dailies and more, the double of what I could do in the past, and challenging my comfort zone every day, without breaking the Perfect Day streak (I'm amazed with myself every day!). The Big Mountain of ToDo's is still to be conquered, but I'm managing it slowly: I'm using a dedicated Trello board to manage this, but it needs a serious update.

Priority monsters of the past (that is, during 1st Habitversary): I'm getting much better with my passive-aggressive behavior (thanks to a dedicated Habit), and avoiding conflict like a stealth ninja. But the world is a mess, so I'll still find opportunities for better training. I'm also understanding others better, but there will be always room for improvement on this topic. Plus, I'm building positivity and optimism behavior. These all might look like simpler things nowadays, but after reading my 1st Habitversary, I noticed how I was really struggling with these. Evolving on these issues made my life significantly better.

Tools: Forest has become a game changer for my Pomodoro Technique: I now have a tree code: Starry Tree and Rainbow Flower - Frogodoro (priorities) Moon Tree and Ghost Mushroom - Work after midnight Cactus and Ball Cactus - Avoiding priorities, but working Scarecrow and Pumpkin - Procrastinating Treehouse, Rafflesia - Domestic tasks (previously Habitica Tasks) Nest - Nap Ginkgo and Sunflower- Professional Wisteria - Writing, paperwork Mushroom - Plan Still working on it (specially the tags), but these ones will probably stay. The rooms are specially motivating, since I can invite someone else to work at the same time as me, helping me to share the burden and avoid laziness. I have now a LOT of Forest friends, and I'm very happy that some of those are Habiticans. Some conclusions: The 1st Pomodoro of the day is always the hardest. Frogodori make the day easier and easier. Habitica public challenges improve my Pomodoro dedication.

Duolingo is my go to App to start learning a language, and I'm in a streak with more than 100 consecutive days. Anki is now also used for affirmations: very useful! Trello is used for several projects that involve several tasks, and I find this very organizing, especially when I add specific quality tags to each board. IFTTT adds some cards. RescueTimer is still running on the background, but I haven't checked it for months. OneNote has more detailed notes about how I play Habitica: after this big burnout I struggled a lot to remember what each symbol and task meant, so now I have a dedicated section with everything that I'm doing regarding game mechanics (plus extra notes from specific tasks), because I can't trust my memory every time. Stylish is my permanent eye saver companion when using Habitica site (added some personal styles too), and the Chrome\Firefox extension Dark Mode (#4 (pitch dark)) is very useful, also. WunderList is not perfectly configured and I'm lazy to make it work, but will probably be using it again. Productivity Challenger and Toggl are the only two tools that I stop using since my last celebrated Habitversary.

Future ideas (brainstorming): Hard Mode: Forest in Hard Mode (every second I lose a little bit of focus, a tree dies). Try first: tree dies after 2nd or 3rd distraction. Wardrobe limits: Thinking about paying GP + a negative medium Habit every time I want to change a piece of battle equipment. I'm always using the best equipment for the best Habitica points, and because now I can beat this strategy, it's probably making the game too easier, and less dynamic. Timeclock: if I don't do a Daily by x hour or x hours after waking up, press a specific negative Habit. Offline experiment: Going back to Wunderlist, or use another extension that syncs to Habitica Dailies (shouldn't be Habits because they don't have 21 streaks). Try other extensions to improve game mechanics, automation and time spent on managing Habitica tasks. I need to reduce the time that I spent with habit tracking: although it's giving me great results, it's also probably consuming more energy and time than it should, I suspect.

Other notes: Depression and anxiety still attack from time to time, but now I have tasks and list of routines that I can do to prevent and recover from it faster than ever before, and healthier! Adding the Morning and Go To Bed Ritual is being very difficult, so instead of risking to lose the Perfect Day streak, I prefer to use my second account to get familiar and test this new routine. I inserted a limiting cheat system for Dailies: to skip a Daily, I have to pay 100 GP for each 1000 GP that I own, I can't do this more than 3 times per day, I also have to press 3 negative habits, and a £ marker needs to be added as a checklist item. A Daily cannot have more than 3 £ markers, and every time I want to remove a marker, I have to pay the same penalty as before. This makes me delay the Daily (and pay a penalty) instead of really skipping it, and if a Daily has 3 markets then I know that I really have to spend special focused time on it! I also added a -£ option, for when I do twice as much of that Daily than I should on that day. This helps me to keep doing my daily goals around the time that they need to be done, instead of EXACTLY at the time they need to be done. It brings more flexibility to the daily routines, and helps me to not avoid them, because I delay them instead of skipping them. It also makes me be focused on several Pomodori for a specific task instead of a single one per day.

I'm now (30/04/2019, updating and revising this text) on my 3rd Adventure, at level 103. I'll make a better resume of this 3rd Adventure In the beginning of next month.

P.S.: I just now realized that I haven't published the Report of my second adventure yet! So that's why I was delaying this Habitversary update… Oh well, I have to deal with it next month too. More to come!!

#Habitica #Habitversary #EN

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drmikemoriearty-blog · 5 years

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Make your Body With Recovery Routines

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vibration platform I previously introduced the actual concept of recuperation routines and explained how you can boost your long-term health along with fitness good results. If anyone read that or maybe identical articles, you already recognize precisely why they are essential. This article moves the step further and is put in more of the sensible information in addition to explains exactly how to design healing work outs and incorporate these people in to your overall training software.

vibration platform

Just like all forms involving exercise, the application of recovery exercises varies for every person and is actually influenced by your general program goals, current conditioning, genetics, and the total desire you put about your body. For that reason you actually can have many distinct types of recovery workout routines, depending on the condition. I previously expressed in which recovery workouts can even be routinely scheduled into your exercise plan, but explaining that might involve discussing all the particular essentials in an overall workout prepare, so intended for now I will consider explaining how to increase restoration workouts to your own personal existing work out program.

There tend to be basically two other ways for you to incorporate recovery workouts directly into an existing program as well as you can employ sometimes or both approaches, relying on your particular demands. The initial way is merely to replace a preexisting work out with a recovery 1. The second way will be to maintain all your personal existing workout timetable typically the same and add healing period routines on top connected with your current routine. Every single approach can be valuable, but one particular approach can work better than often the various other in certain conditions.

When updating an active workout with a recuperation one, you are primarily triggering a small minimize in exercise level (total amount of work performed) and ultimately lowering the entire difficulty of your physical exercise routine. Landscaping design good issue if you do a lot of difficult workouts in any week, specifically if you find your self getting run down as well as experiencing higher than typical degrees of muscle soreness and also hardness. On the different hand, if your regimen is simply not very demanding, regressing the general volume and issues can be quite a bad thing, especially if bodies are not becoming challenged enough by your local standard workouts.

If you retain all your current work outs a similar and add brand-new recovery exercises to the actual mix, you will become adding to the entire amount in your program. Though recovery workouts are made to make the body experience better, increasing the whole function of a training course this already has some sort of high volume level may not necessarily have the desired beneficial effect. If you are usually already forcing your entire body too hard and performing too much total perform, including more exercise might make suddenly you become run along even faster. Additionally , incorporating new workouts raises the particular amount of time a person spend training, which could possibly be a problem when you have a busy schedule.

Right now there are naturally a range of things to feel about ahead of using healing workouts in the routine, however with a few as well as a little planning, an individual will see that it is definitely not too complicated. All this starts with simply taking note of your body and getting aware of your feelings, both equally in general and soon after a variety of workouts. Everyone comes back through workouts at several charges and when anyone understand how your whole body takes action to exercise, you will understand just how hard you can force oneself and figure away when you need to scale back on your training along with combine some recovery workout routines.

I would also point out there that it is not simply your workouts that figure out how much recovery you require. Nutritional, stress, sleep, extending, moisturization status (water intake), your own fitness level, in addition to other factors in addition have a important impact on your power to recover from exercise. While a result, your current potential to recover may modify over time, depending with what is going upon that you simply. The good reports is that even however things alter, the symptoms that show you when to help include recovery routines ought to be fairly constant u will give you a number of tips to help discover what to look to get and what to accomplish in most situations.

Some associated with the most common indications that you need in order to add recovery exercise is improves in muscle inflammation and joint stiffness. Significantly rigid joints and tender muscle groups can be caused through executing a lot regarding challenging workouts or even carrying out workouts that are long, incorporate too little sleep, and/or too intense. Typically the problems are generally compounded any time the use of huge weights is combined with a new lack of stretches. Throughout these situations, a great method is to acquire a day involving weighty weight training and buy a new toothbrush with a workout applying gentle weights (around fifty percent of the first weights).

Or better yet, you may stay away from dumbbells altogether as well as perform the workout primarily employing cable television exercises. Cables or perhaps some other types of resistance tubing/bands are perfect for recovery workouts, simply because they lead to minimal joints stress whilst still being provide any decent stimulus for your muscular tissues. They will not get the same influence because lifting heavy weights, however your goal with this training is to extract and definitely not to increase maximal exercise attributes. Using cables may help your joints recover more rapidly, decrease muscle soreness, create your body feel a lot better than when you regularly push yourself using large weights.

Another great substitute for the recovery workout, in the event that offered, is swimming or maybe doing other exercises throughout the drinking water. A swimming is a great natural environment for recovery workouts, due to the fact water significantly decreases the effect on your body. This kind of is specifically useful if you are trying to be able to decrease the stress in your joints. Much like utilizing cables, exercising with h2o provides a stimulus in your muscles, while allowing your own personal joints to recover. Cable television and also water workouts not really only protect against further pressure to your articulations, yet they actually increase typically the rate that your physique recovers, and so the name recovery work outs.

Sore muscle tissue and firm joints are definitely not the merely reasons why you may possibly need to work with restoration workouts. Many people, specially those who have used for a long time period, will start to feel often the effects of burnout as well as mental fatigue. These headaches are often due to some sort of lack of assortment within a training program, and so an improvement workout should entail accomplishing workouts or pursuits which might be significantly different coming from your usual routine.

Intended for instance, if you normally lift weights, then simply using new exercises or even making use of lighter weights may well not be the best option. Some sort of better idea would end up being to start a completely various type of activity, for instance biking, jogging, or diving. If you prefer, you actually could also participate in a new sport or other work out instead of doing the more traditional sort of workout. When training in order to avoid termes conseillés or mental low energy, your personal goal is really for you to perform an exercise routine that a person can enjoy, which must in order to mind off your own regular regime.

Regardless connected with the type of exercising or perhaps activity you utilize for your healing period workout(s), the important thing is usually execute a workout that accommodates the recovery you will need. For example, for anyone who is experiencing run down from carrying out too many hard exercises, subsequently replacing your regular exercise routine with a absolutely different type of training will not help significantly in case the new workout is definitely just as demanding since your original one. Bare in mind to keep the function of your recuperation exercise in mind.

Another crucial place is that any recovery workout could assist a purpose in improvement to simply endorsing healing. Recovery workouts works extremely well with regard to working on weaknesses or maybe improving things that could not be tackled simply by your regular exercise system. As an illustration, you could make a recovery work out which is made up associated with injury reduction or rehabilitate exercises. Also you can use the actual workout to work about attributes such as harmony along with stabilization, which usually are often ignored inside classic training programs.

It is certainly most up to you whenever it comes to deciding what type of restoration workout work best throughout a given situation. Maybe you have to experiment a very little to comprehend how different healing period workout routines impact your human body, but merely pay consideration to how you truly feel, factor in what is happening the particular rest of your lifestyle, and consider what would help make you feel better. Soon you will become very good at applying recovery routines to make system really feel better, which will inevitably make your entire workout program.

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zinefeed · 6 years

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Before You Launch A Zine: Scouting For Competition

Back again with some more zine advice since I've noticed another issue with the community lately, most notably popping up in the BNHA fandom since it's exploding right now: competing zines and extremely tight deadlines. Read more below!

I don't write this to single out BNHA content creators, as this is a potential issue for all fan communities, but it's most visible in this particular fandom right now. There are several new BNHA zines popping up on the daily, and lots of them have themes that are similar or downright the same! What this means is that whichever one pops up first, or gains more traction, is going to get all the attention and the other is going to totally flop. This is bad for both organizers and content creators -- from a participant's perspective, they've poured 2 or so months of work into a beautiful piece that's now not being appreciated. For the organizer, you'll likely have to end up releasing a free PDF zine instead of the fantastic physical copy with cool merch you were planning on, because you don't have the customer base to support it. If, god forbid, you go to print anyway, you'll wind up with an expensive zine that no one is going to buy, and you'll end up in the red if you try to provide contributors with their standard free copy.

What this is going to lead to is eventual content creator burnout and market oversaturation. Artists and writers are participating in way too many zines (I mysalf am in, like, 8 at this moment, which is crazy) and will tire out and not apply for them anymore while they recover. And with so many zines to choose from as a customer, everybody ends up making less money than if these projects were staggered properly.

So the lesson to be taken from this is: check out zine blogs like this one (and others) before you even get serious about a zine. Make sure nobody is already doing a holiday-themed zine or a zine for your favorite ship before you start yours. If one's ongoing and you want in, see. if you can apply or be a co-mod! Otherwise, tuck your idea in your back pocket for now, because it's just not going to be successful if you try to compete with the other one.

A secondary issue that I've seen cropping up lately is tight schedules. Obviously every zine is different and schedules should be made accordingly, but one month is not enough time for any zine. Zines employ a wide variety of creators, and invariably your timeline isn't going to work for someone, because life gets in the way. People have school and jobs and health issues they need to work around to do work for your zine. You'll have far less stress on your hands if you loosen your schedule to a two-month (or slightly longer, even) creation period. Less people will find that time frame unsuitable, so you'll have to grant fewer extensions. And as a bonus, you'll end up with more high-quality work that does your zine justice, because you weren't rushing your creators and pushing them to produce something on a ridiculous schedule. The downside to a longer work period is that you have to keep people interested while they wait for preorders, but there are ways to keep people's eyes on your zine blog while your participants are working. One of my personal favorites is to post "meet the writer/artist/etc." posts periodically, where you put a spotlight on one of your creators and showcase their work and a little about them personally. It gives customers an idea of the varying styles present in your zine, and it's a free promo for your contributors!

The connection between these two problems seems to be, again, newbie zine organizers running headlong into projects without any prior experience or direction from a more knowledgeable co-mod. I don't say any of this to discourage people from doing zines. They're great fun to participate in and to organize, and they're a huge part of online fandom culture. And obviously you don't learn how to do something without trying it out. BUT, they're also huge undertakings and often require a collection of skills lots of people don't just have: time management, interpersonal skills, leadership, decision-making, planning, marketing/advertisement, budgeting, graphic design/formatting, customer service, and more. You as a zine organizer have to wear a ton of hats, and it's really not a one person job, or something you should try to learn by doing on your own. There's a huge amount of trust placed in you, and failures and scams hurt the entire zine community. They're not things to be undertaken lightly! You need a lot of time, energy, and skill to run a really successful zine.

Now I get that nobody likes being told what to do, but it concerns me that a lot of these new zines run by people who have no idea what they're doing are stubbornly going forward and ignoring any and all advice from more experienced zine organizers. If things keep going as they are, content creators and customers are going to get burned! Zines run by newbies tend to be unsuccessful, be poorly managed, or be abandoned altogether, leaving participants adrift. This post is my way of saying, Listen to the advice given you by people who know more than you! They aren't trying to railroad you or take over your project, they want it to be the most successful it can be! And sometimes that means listening to advice you don't want to hear, like 'There's already a zine for this,' or 'You should have co-mods helping you,' or 'The way you're managing this is inadvisable.'

Zines are such great fun and we all want them to succeed. But as a community and within individual fandoms, we have to put forth the effort to help them succeed. Doing your homework and planning well in advance before launching into a zine project is one of the best ways to do that.

-- Mod Lav

#zine help

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personalcoachingcenter · 3 years

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Research Paper: Maternal Burnout and Transcending Boundaries

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/research-paper-maternal-burnout-and-transcending-boundaries/

Research Paper: Maternal Burnout and Transcending Boundaries

Research Paper By K.Mariam Jafri (Parenting Coach, INDIA)

Before becoming a parent, it’s hard to imagine just how much of paradox motherhood can be. You’ll be the happiest, and saddest you’ve ever been, you’ll be elated, infuriated, and peaceful; and that’s all before breakfast! Kear Murphy (Clinical Psychologist, mother of three)

Motherhood is an emotional roller-coaster that comes without an instruction manual. Very few women would count the physiological discomfort of pregnancy and childbirth as the most challenging part of motherhood. It is mostly what follows after; the dedication required to fulfill every need of the child, juggling with constant criticism and expectations that the society throws at you, dealing with an identity crisis, judgments, and to continue being a partner, an employee, a friend and everything else. I have met many mothers from different parts of the world. What surprises me is how little difference there is in their experience of motherhood regardless of their culture, faith, level of education, and what part of the world they come from.

I knew parental burnout was a reality, but to what extent did it affect women who happen to be the primary caregivers universally? I set out to discern this phenomenon by talking to 20 mothers from 20 different countries (from Europe, North America, Asia, and Africa). I designed a short questionnaire focusing on how women experienced motherhood, if they had ever felt burnt out and why the challenges they face, and the support they think they need.

The phenomenon of burnout refers to a specific syndrome of exhaustion related to prolonged situations of emotional imbalance, where the burden of perceived stress exceeds personal resources to cope with it. Furthermore, parental burnout is defined as exhaustion occurring as a result of being physically and emotionally overwhelmed by one’s parental role. Since my paper was focused on mothers, I prefer to call this ‘maternal burnout’.

Out of the 20 mothers I interviewed, 15 are professionally engaged. All of them have multiple children, ages of children ranging from newborn to 21 years. They all have partners and come from financially comfortable homes. Most names have been changed as the majority of the mothers preferred to stay anonymous.

The starting of this research coincided with the global lockdown of 2020. All the mothers were struggling to cope with this unprecedented situation, working harder than ever before and dealing with unforeseen challenges daily. I am extremely grateful to each one of them for investing their precious time in my research.

The Complicated Emotions of Motherhood

Whether your pregnancy was meticulously planned, medically coaxed, or happened by surprise, one thing is certain – your life will never be the same. Catherine Jones, Welsh actress, and mother of two

What are the most prominent emotions felt by mothers? The first words mentioned were love, happiness, and gratitude, and then; exhaustion, frustration, guilt, fear, and anxiety. The words happiness, love, and gratitude were mentioned 29 times, while the latter 45 times!

While motherhood can be joyous and fulfilling, it can also be emotionally and physically draining.

I was always stressed in the first years with my children because I felt I was not doing enough. Instead of accepting that I was tired, I kept pushing myself to do more and more. I put myself under so much pressure that I did not enjoy being a mother. Anonymous, Italy

I mostly have regrets. I am a working mother and I cannot spend most of the time with my children. I feel sad that I miss their special moments. They have a better relationship with their nanny than with me. It makes me sad and it also makes me angry. – Anonymous, Turkey

From what I observed, mothers were not having an easy time parenting. Was it their fault, or were their partners not supportive enough or was the society failing them? Or was it all of the above?

What is Stressful about Motherhood?

My biggest challenge every day is to be a great mother and a great businesswoman. Tory Burch, businesswoman and a mother of three.

Expectations – From Self and Others: They were all trying to be the perfect mother through multi-tasking and trying to achieve a work-life balance with limited time and unlimited responsibilities. This came at the cost of neglecting their own basic needs of nutrition and adequate rest which eventually led to mental and physical stress.

Expectations from ourselves, from those around us and the society in general; the biggest problem is that a mother wants to be everything. Anonymous, Austria

The children have so many needs that I find it impossible to fulfill them. It’s very stressful. – Anonymous, Egypt

Self-Doubt and Fear: I found many mothers doubting their parenting style and decisions. The fear of failing as a mother seemed to be another underlying cause of the stress that women subjected themselves to. This often led to feelings of unreasonable guilt and frustration. The fear of something unfortunate happening to the children seemed to be deeply rooted in most of the mothers I interviewed.

Will they be treated unfairly because they are girls? – Anonymous, Italy

I worry a lot! Am I screwing them up by doing or not doing something? I worry about whether I keep them safe; from others, themselves, and this mad world. I worry about whether they will make it on their own as adults or if they’ll flounder and wind up on the streets as homeless people. Just worry!- Debbie, USA

Isolation: I, personally have never felt more isolated in my life (despite living in my own city) than I did in the first two years of being a mother. None of my other friends had children. I stopped relating to my childhood best friends because I felt they did not understand me. And these were the people I was closest to.

It can be very isolating. People should support mothers instead of telling them what to do. It’s the structural problem of the society. – Anonymous, India

Lack of Time and Support: Striving to find time for everything important, from child care and career to social commitments and household responsibilities, often results in frustration and exhaustion. All the mothers complained of not resting enough.

There just never seems to be enough hours in the day! Hamida, Wales

I don’t sleep enough and that exhausts me and amplifies the stress. Anonymous, Ivory Coast

Household Responsibilities: Parenting is a 24×7 job, yet women are expected to somehow continue managing the household. Less than 50% of women could rely on their husbands for support.

My husband told me that I am only a good mother. Neither am I a good wife nor a good house manager. It is said that there is no appreciation for what you give to your children. Anonymous, Turkey

Running around is exhausting! When I’m exhausted; I’m less patient, less of a good listener, just less! We turn into doers – do your homework, do your extracurricular, clean up your room, take a shower, go to bed. That’s not parenting; that’s being a warden. I don’t like that! It becomes stressful because I want them to feel loved, cared for and special – not like little prisoners. Debbie, USA

How Common are Burnouts among Mothers?

Burnout is a bone-tired, soul-tired, heart-tired kind of exhaustion. Pennebaker, American Social-Psychologist

16 out of 20 mothers (80%) experienced burnout at some stage of parenting. 13 of them felt it was completely from parenting whereas, for others, the burnout happened as a result of other factors as well.

According to recent research published inwww.dailyvoice.com ( an Americanhyperlocal news site), the root cause of parental burnout is an imbalance between the demands and rewards of parenting.

Burnouts have become a part of my life. – Carmen, Germany

Neil D. Brown (LCSW) in his book ‘Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle’ says, “Parental burnout is a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. It leaves parents feeling chronically fatigued, often experiencing sleep and concentration problems which can lead to depression, chronic anxiety and illness.”

What Does Maternal Burnout Feel Like?

When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children. Jessica Lange, American actress, and mother of three.

From crying incessantly to emotional eating, from fearing that they will never be able to sleep again to reach a point where they felt they couldn’t offer anything to anyone anymore, mothers have battled these emotions and experiences without even acknowledging them.

While one respondent suspected her hormones to be the cause of these feelings and consulted a gynecologist for her condition, another participant went to a psychologist assuming the problem was in her mind. A third mother figured out her condition much later after discussing it with a friend.

I reached the break down point where I had to be hospitalized and have blood transfusions. My body lacked nutrients, I wasn’t eating well but I kept ignoring my needs because I was only consumed with the idea that I wasn’t doing enough for my family. Anonymous, Egypt

Cooking is considered the purest form of expressing love in our culture. I realized how exhausted I was when I didn’t even have the energy to cook for my family. Anonymous, Japan

I feel exhausted and start losing my temper. Anonymous, China

Other common feelings and experiences that the mothers shared were; feeling irritable and demotivated, unable to enjoy life, falling sick often, rapid weight loss/gain, and living with the feeling that irrespective of how much they do, it’s just never enough!

The Truth Behind Maternal Burnouts

Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears. Kate Winslet, a British actress, and mother of three.

Lack of Support: The unfortunate truth is that parenting is largely considered to be a woman’s job. Motherhood in itself is not tiring, having to parent alone is. The most common reason for burnout among mothers was lack of support and empathy first and foremost by the family (partner and other family members). 9 out of 20, i.e. less than half the mothers, said they could count on their husbands for support. The partners either had very long working hours or did not offer support even when they had time. These partners have assumed the traditional role of contributing by bringing money home. However, 15 out of the 20 mothers I interviewed were professionally working mothers. This implies that even when the finances were shared, parenting responsibilities weren’t.

I wonder if it was me who started parenting alone or was I simply never offered any support. – Anonymous, Egypt

If you don’t have emotional support from your husband, you will burn out. I had to go to a psychiatrist to be sure of my stand. I was so lost. I could not think logically. No one understood my feelings. People told me that since I had two beautiful boys, what more could I possibly want? Anonymous, Turkey

Maternal Guilt: The website www.healthline.com defines maternal guilt as “that pervasive feeling of not doing enough as a parent, not doing things right, or making decisions that may ‘mess up’ your kids in the long run”. Its universality is apparent since it’s felt by both working and stay at home mothers.

A mother’s guilt is a trap that women unknowingly fall into. Unfulfilled expectations lead to guilt and frustration. These expectations could either come from within or outside i.e. family or society. Motherhood is glorified to such an extent that it tends to dehumanize women. Not sleeping for several nights, forgetting to eat, inability to take time out for social interaction, and self-care are unfortunately considered as a part and parcel of parenting for women. Yet many mothers worry and doubt themselves; “am I good enough?” or “what if everything that I am doing is wrong?”

My expectations towards myself make life as a mother challenging sometimes. I want to give each child-specific attention depending on their individual needs; quality time, affirmations, physical touch, acts of service or gifts and that is not always easy. Anonymous, Switzerland

I feel disappointment and guilt when I see my children misbehaving and being unkind. I feel it’s because I was working full time up until one year back that might have caused these issues. Anonymous, Sri Lanka

If the mother works in a professional role, she will feel she doesn’t spend enough time with her family. But the stay-at-home mums feel they are not appreciated because there is no recognition for the work they do at home. Anonymous, France

Psychotherapist and author, Hilary Jacobs Hendel refers to guilt as an inhibitory emotion that blocks our core emotions. In her book ‘It’s Not Always Depression’, she writes: “Consistently prioritizing the needs of others is not good for our mental health, nor is it good for our relationships, as it breeds resentment.”

Life with Newborns: Many mothers felt high levels of stress while caring for newborns, especially with their first child. Dr. Benjamin Spock, an American pediatrician whose book ‘Baby and Child Care’ is one of the bestselling volumes in history wrote, “She (the mother) has been through an intense physical change. If it’s her first baby, she can’t help feeling anxious. Any baby will make great demands on her strength and spirit at first. Most women need a great deal of support from their partners at this time. They need help with the care of the baby and any other children, and with housework. Even more, they need patience, understanding, appreciation, and affection.”

“Dr. John Gottman, University of Washington, has spent years studying marriage. He has found that 40-70% of all couples experience stress, conflict, and a drop in satisfaction with their relationship when a baby comes home. Why? Well, moms often provide most of the hands-on care for infants, including nursing the baby, walking the floor when he cries and getting up several times during the night. A new mother may experience postpartum depression and may have little energy for fun with her dad. Fathers, on the other hand, often report feeling excluded by the mother-and-baby duo and may find other ways of occupying themselves while their child is young. Sometimes the patterns that form during a child’s early years are difficult to change as that child grows.” – A Conscious Parent’s Guide to Raising Boys- Cheryl L. Erwin and Jennifer Costa

Postpartum was a challenge as I had to tie some loose ends at work while also recovering and caring for a newborn. Anonymous, Lebanon

I never rested even when I should have because my inner voice was telling me that mothers don’t rest. Anonymous, Italy

Balancing Household and Professional Duties: Double responsibilities imply a double amount of stress. A mother confessed she regretted working because she neither liked her work nor was she comfortable leaving her children in other people’s care. The world calls them ‘supermoms’ or ‘superwomen’, thereby acknowledging that no normal human being is capable of managing everything that is expected from a working mother.

Society’s idea of a supermom!

Seeing myself failing professionally gives me maximum anxiety. Anonymous, Ivory Coast

I manage everything on my own; the kids, the house, my work, drop off, pick-ups, doctors, etc. In French, it’s called, ‘la charge mentale’ or the mental load! Anonymous, France

I grew up in the countryside but now our lifestyle is very city-based. To make up for that, we have enrolled them in several activities. It gets a bit stressful. I feel like a taxi service a lot of times. Anonymous, Scotland

Sickness: When the mother is already overworked, a child’s sickness can take a toll on her health. Not only do sick children need visits to the doctor but also extra attention and care. Mothers often spend sleepless nights caring for their young ones. Saba, a mother from Pakistan, reported that she often fell sick by the time her kids recovered; from the stress and from completely ignoring her needs.

When Children are Dealing with Stress: “Emotional and situational challenges that affect my child also take an emotional toll on me because I am so connected with my kids. So it’s not just one thing – it’s a collection of reasons that leads to parental burnout.”- Debbie, USA

Having to Parent Alone: In many cases, the partner was either traveling frequently for work or was working in another country.

My husband was away for work and I was parenting my kids alone in a foreign country. Balancing chores and deadlines was so stressful that I felt I couldn’t take it anymore. Anonymous, Afghanistan

There are no parenting books on living in a pandemic. I had to move to my country without my husband and now I am the only one responsible for the children. – Anonymous, Turkey

The Support Mothers Have:

Only 31% of mothers said they could count on their partners for support. Talking to friends and other family members were the next best option for most women.

Relying on oneself through exercise, rest, and scaling back is quite uncommon as was reaching out to professionals such as psychotherapists, coaches, and counselors.

The Support Mothers Wished They Had:

You are in a much better position to serve others when your basic needs are met and your tank is full. Michael Hyatt, Author

Professional Help: Individual/couple counseling to strengthen the relationship between partners and with children to deal with stress and burnouts, coaching and free online counseling, expert childcare and helplines to deal with stressed out and anxious mothers are some of the ways mothers thought families could be supported professionally.

Norman Gabriel in his book, The Sociology of Early Childhood, writes, “With the growing trend towards more men and women employed full-time in the workforce, a range of professionals have to be employed to care for many of our young children.”

Support from the Workplace: 75% of the mothers I surveyed worked full time professionally and felt that maternity leave and flexible work hours could help ease their pressure to a great extent.

Informal Support Groups: These can create opportunities for child support, catering to individual needs. Mothers and children with specific issues need more structured support. One mother shared her experience with churches in England where exchange evenings were organized for parents to share common challenges and they proved to be very beneficial.

I wish there was a trustworthy daycare where I could send my children for some time. I had to devote myself completely to my children and had no time for myself. Anonymous, Korea

An Empathetic Society: Parenting can be isolating. Awareness of issues like Postpartum Depression and maternal burnout could make it easy for women to reach out for help. Most importantly, we need a society that is empathetic towards mothers and does not judge them. An article on ‘Identifying Signs and Symptoms of Parental Burnout’ published by www.daily.com affirms; “there’s a stigma associated with parental burnout. As a result, parents hide what they’re going through, and don’t reach out for practical and emotional support”.

Family Friendly Public Spaces: Affordable public places where families can relax and children have the freedom to run around, without parents having to worry about their safety.

People should realize that kids are occasionally frustrating. Having time to do things apart from parenting, going in a different environment where people don’t interact with you as parents can be good ways to decompress for mothers. Julia, England

How Can Coaching Help Mothers Manage Burnouts?

Surround yourself only with people who are going to take you higher. Oprah Winfrey

The inspiration for this research came from the regrets I accumulated over the years as a mother. “I wish I knew then” came to define the subsequent stage of motherhood where I felt in better control of my time and emotions and more accepting of a flawed version of myself. I never understood why motherhood was glorified. I assume that it is society’s way to prepare women to make every sacrifice that may come in their way and put themselves last, with a smile and without complaints.

Since my coaching niche is parenting, I decided to dedicate my research paper to understand motherhood across cultures and geographical boundaries. Irrespective of differences, the struggle for mothers is the same universally. It is largely related to navigating with emotions such as fear, loneliness, and guilt, managing expectations, balancing life and work, and believing in themselves.

There is clearly a dire need for support and compassion for mothers, irrespective of the background they come from. Unfortunately, very few mothers find this support when they are at their most vulnerable. In many cases, what follows is burn out. Some of the respondents took years to recover, while others have been unable to break the cycle.

To be able to raise little humans, a mother needs to prioritize her own well-being. I believe that coaching can be an excellent service for mothers who are looking at making crucial life decisions, are struggling with parenting, or even trying to rediscover themselves. Mothers want to be heard, understood, and accepted. This is the space that coaching can offer, to listen without judgments and assumptions. Since every mother and her journey is unique, a coach can provide the right tools and resources suitable for her. A professional coach is sensitive to different cultures and contexts, to values and underlying beliefs, and can motivate the client by sharing appropriate intuitions and observations. Coaching could enable client mothers to create structures and frameworks that would support them in creating sustainable change. By offering unconditional positive regard and asking powerful questions, the coach can change disempowering feelings to empowering ones. Coaching can help mothers focus attention on themselves because unless their own cup is full, they cannot pour into others.

Parenting is a journey that no mother should have to suffer. However, a mother can only have healthy relationships with her children when she has one with herself. The safety guidelines in flights always instruct us to help ourselves first before we help others, including our children.

I do hope that the findings of this paper will help me and other coaches facilitate a helpful and rewarding journey for mothers through their difficult times.

References:

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/research-papers/k-mariam-jafri-maternal-burnout-transcending-boundaries/

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cathymartinnez · 3 years

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7 Ways for Social Marketers to Avoid Social Media Burnout

The fuse of a social media manager burns at both ends. Most people experience social media burnout and workplace fatigue at some point. But social media managers often feel the burn of both at the same time.

For social media professionals, self-care tips smack a little differently. How do you unplug when being plugged in is your job? Can you actually downward dog your way out of a downward spiral? Where do you schedule a “digital detox” into the daily grind?

i’d be interested to know if the events of the past few years, especially 2020-present, have any other social media managers considering changing careers. i don’t know how much longer i can do this.

— amy b (@arb) January 7, 2021

The need to address social media burnout is urgent as pressures mount, conditions worsen, and the number of qualified professionals willing to stick it out in the industry plummets. Experts and professionals offer advice on how to combat burnout and advocate for a more supportive work environment.

What is social media burnout?

Social media burnout is a form of occupational burnout, which the World Health Organization defines as “a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.”

Burnout can transpire in any line of work but occurs at a high rate in the social media industry where it’s often more difficult to unplug.

Stressors unique to social media burnout identified in a study by West Virginia University include the need to be “always-on,” being underpaid and under-appreciated in their role, and lack of buy-in from leadership.

Causes of social media burnout:

Unmanageable workload

Unclear job expectations

Stigma associated with social media

Lack of support from leadership

Limited autonomy or control

Negative workplace environment

Work-life imbalance

Social media burnout can be compounded by systemic and social inequalities such as gender, race, age, and disability discrimination. As the Black Lives Matter movement and pandemic-related gender parity setbacks have revealed, the added tolls of race-based traumatic stress, emotional labour, compassion fatigue, etc., are often experienced on a personal and professional level. Financial struggles, family crises, health problems, and lack of support at home also exacerbate work pressures.

I see and read a lot about social media burnout from professionals in the field. Advertising and social is extremely white. It’s a bit fascinating to me that this very racist time our lives has seemingly affected the mental health of others much more than it has me, a Black man.

— DAKARI is booked. (@dakaridunning) January 14, 2021

Signs of social media burnout may be subtle at first but can result in a breakdown if left unattended. According to the World Health Organization, symptoms include:

Energy depletion or exhaustion

Job dissatisfaction

Negativity or cynicism related to work

Inability to fulfill responsibilities

10 ways to avoid social media burnout

1. Set boundaries and expectations

Social media may be “always on,” but that doesn’t mean you should be. “24/7 social media coverage is just not realistic or healthy,” says Nick Martin, Hootsuite’s global social engagement specialist.

“I always set firm work hours,” he explains. “You need to set expectations right off the bat, in my opinion. On my team, we all made it very clear that work-life balance is really important.”

To keep work-life boundaries in place even while working remote, he keeps his work accounts off his personal phone.

Whatever boundaries you choose, it’s essential that you communicate them with your colleagues and managers, says Sallie Poggi, director of social media at UC Davis. “Boundaries are just another word for expectations,” she explains. “So set those expectations with your supervisor, with your teams, and also with your audience. Tell them when you will respond and when you won’t.”

My phone is on DND 24/7 since 2016. Zero notifications. Life is so much better!

— Kenneth Dimalibot

(@kendimalibot) May 5, 2021

Need help drawing boundaries? Try website blockers or internet restriction apps.

2. Know and show your worth

The work of social media managers is often underpaid, under-appreciated, and unrewarded. Misconceptions about the industry abound, and while skill-level expectations are high, social jobs are often relegated to the intern economy.

Plus, social media platforms themselves have earned a bad rap for their role in spreading misinformation, hate, and harassment.

“Don’t allow the stigma of the tools you use to disseminate your work define you. You don’t just work in social media,” says Nikki Sunstrum, director of Social Media and Public Engagement for the University of Michigan, in a tweet. “You are a strategic communicator, public relations expert, marketer, customer service provider and so much more! Know your value and ensure others do too.”

I was reminded today after 25 years in my profession I still qualify recommendations. “This might be…I was just….I think….”

A senior leader once called me out on it “Do you THINK Jennifer, or do you KNOW?”

LPT: Lose just, might and think from your vocabulary

— Jen Hartmann (@jenalyson) May 8, 2021

Look for opportunities to advocate for your work on and off the job. Ask to be included in relevant meetings and on appropriate committees. And use data to show the value your work provides, whether it’s crisis aversion, community building, or return on investment.

If the “social media” part of your job title proves to be a hangup, propose an alternative title.

3. Work smarter, not harder

Across the globe, the pandemic has pushed people to put in more work hours.

A recent survey by Blind, an anonymous community app for professionals, found that 61% of parents are working three additional hours to complete typical workday tasks. For many working from home, scope creep has crept way out of hand.

Overworking puts people on a fast track to burnout. Instead of putting in extra hours, implement tactics that make you more efficient. Martin recommends the Pomodoro method, which involves 25-minutes of focused work interspersed with five-minute palate cleanses. “It helps me focus on one task and saves me from getting locked into a social vortex,” he says.

Dividing your day and tasks into segments through time blocking is another effective productivity technique. “I use time blocking to set boundaries on how much time I spend doing notifications and comments, and I’m very strategic with my time blocks,” says Poggi. “If you have a really intense task, say it’s comment moderation, time block something after that that allows you to unplug and refill.”

4. Recognize your warning signs

It’s not easy to pinpoint where a doomscroll begins and ends. But the sooner you learn how to spot the signs, the better you can equip yourself for when the downward spiral beckons.

“Treat your mental fortitude as a muscle you have to condition and exercise,” says Poggi. “Observe when it just gets to be too much. And pause in those moments.”

How do you spot signs of burnout? Start with questions like these from Mayo Clinic.

Do you feel negative or cynical at work?

Do you lack energy and motivation on the job?

Do you find it hard to concentrate?

Do you lack professional satisfaction?

Have you become more isolated?

Have your sleep habits changed?

Take your responses seriously. If taking a walk or other coping mechanisms don’t seem like viable solutions, it’s time to ask for help. Notice a colleague experiencing burnout? Offer your support.

Sometimes we recognize burnout ourselves and the need to take a break, other times we need to be told. Let’s keep an eye out for each other and make sure we are encouraging those we care about to take breaks. #Mentalhealth

— Rinki Sethi (@rinkisethi) May 5, 2021

5. Ask for help

Social media managers are often self-starters. Just because they can handle the work of an audience analyst, graphic designer, copywriter, and conflict resolution specialist in a single tweet doesn’t mean they should. And no one should have to tackle management, systemic, or mental health issues alone.

When the workload starts to get too heavy, “build out a business case to hire a contractor, part-time support, or a new role,” says Martin. “A social media manager can’t be a blog writer, and Google Ad Words specialist, and Photoshop expert, and so on.”

Work in social media also has a heavy toll on mental health. Let your managers know when you find things difficult.

“We need to start normalizing asking for help and asking for people to share the mental load,” says Poggi. “The first step in asking for help is actually to ask for it before you need it.”

While seeking support early tends to be more effective, it’s never too late to ask for help.

Establish check-ins. Take mental health days. See if you can incorporate therapy into workplace health benefits. Build a support network. Seek professional help.

6. Prepare response protocols

Most days social media professionals rate their mental health and well-being as a 6/10, finds a study by West Virginia University. During a crisis, that number drops to around 4.5/10.

Dealing with sensitive subject matter, public emergencies, online harassment, and other conflicts is understandably stressful. No one should have to handle it alone or without a proper crisis communication plan in place.

Work with your team to develop scenarios, determine protocols, and identify appropriate stakeholders. “One thing we’ll do in the event of a crisis is press pause on social media,” says Martin. This strategy prevents rash decisions and allows the team to properly assess the situation and choose the best plan of action.

In our webinar, How to Combat Mental Fatigue for Social Media Professionals, experts also suggest forming or joining an emergency response team or committee.

Put plans in place for non-emergencies as well. Establish a protocol that defines how team member responsibilities should be covered when someone needs to take a mental health day. If the idea of taking mental health days stresses people out, it kind of defeats the purpose. With a predetermined support plan, people can check out without worry.

7. Advocate for equitable mental health resources

While the conversation around mental health has advanced, the stigma lingers. In the workplace, mental health discrimination remains common. As a result, more than 70% of people with a mental illness actively conceal it from others.

If you manage a team, foster a climate that puts employee well-being ahead of like counts and sales leads. Researchers from the London School of Economics found that employees who feel able to talk openly about depression with their managers are more productive at work. Normalize talking about depression and anxiety, and you also normalize talking about solutions and coping mechanisms.

what helps you with anxiety?

— Hina Surani (Hee-na) (@hinasurani) April 16, 2021

There are significant differences in how mental health is experienced and viewed across racial backgrounds, gender, age, sexual orientation. If you can, advocate for equitable support, resources, and culturally appropriate assistance within your organization.

Employee Resource Groups, for example, can provide safe spaces for employees to connect around shared experiences, support each other, and feel less isolated.

I led our Black ERG – Blackflow – last Friday through a mediation exercise to acknowledge the grief and trauma we’ve experienced as Black folks in the last year.

This is a great 10 minute exercise you can do with your own ERG or even as a team.https://t.co/ca25QmtPkj

— Sean Page

(@SeanTalentW) May 4, 2021

8. Maintain healthy habits

Set yourself up for success with healthy habits.

Here’s a non-exhaustive list of things you can do to stay healthy on the job:

Protect your eye health.

Take regular breaks.

Exercise.

Meditate.

Eat healthy meals, away from your desk.

Keep your phone out of the bedroom.

Get a full night’s sleep.

9. Celebrate victories

The dark side of social media has the gravitational pull of a black hole. Combat the darkness by placing emphasis on good outcomes and personal victories.

Create a folder or presentation of positive feedback you’ve received. Pin your best tweets to your wall. Reward yourself and team members for hitting benchmarks, milestones, and other major achievements.

Pay it forward, too. Call out great work when you see it. Even the smallest gestures can leave lasting impressions.

One of the nicest moments I’ve had as a social media manager was when I worked at @TXST. I was walking on campus when I saw that a professor had printed up one of my Star Wars Day posts & pinned it to their door. It was a small thing, but made my day more than 5,000 likes could. pic.twitter.com/4DAj3AoYcq

— Jon-Stephen Stansel (@jsstansel) May 10, 2021

10. Make time to do what makes you happy

The “eat, work, sleep, repeat” routine gets tired real quick. Don’t let your #CareerGoals get in the way of time with family, friends, and the things that make you happy.

“Research shows that those who feel time-poor experience lower levels of happiness and higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress,” writes Ashley Whillans, assistant professor at Harvard Business School, for Harvard Business Review.

“They experience less joy. They laugh less. They exercise less and are less healthy. Their productivity at work is diminished. They are more likely to get divorced.”

Remember: there’s more to life than what happens on your social media timelines.

Take a walk. Get some air. Spend some time doing something that truly brings you joy.

Have a good weekend + take care of yourself, friends

— Nicole Tabak (@nicoletabak) April 23, 2021

On the flip side, research proves that pursuing passions lowers stress and ups dopamine. A 2015 study found that people were 34% less stressed and 18% less sad when they engaged in hobbies. Another study found that creative activities have positive effects both on and off the job.

These are just a few tips you can use to help keep social media burnout at bay, or get back on track if you’re already experiencing it. Remember, no job is more important than your own mental health.

Hootsuite can help you stay organized, focused, and prepared to handle anything on social media. Try it for free today.

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spydre · 3 years

Text

How Was Your Day?

(game date: March 25, 2021)

I spent my day arranging a meeting with, and hiring, a thief. I'd decided to go this route because the alternative method to retrieving the Ci from Gipson would likely be messy. As the Dragon had said, he would not willingly part with the thing. That, however, did not mean we should draw attention to ourselves if we didn't need to. I don't think Dragons believe in subtlety.

I reached out to one Steff "Novaspark" Camden, who has been our main contact with the Hoods since we noticed their activities at ER's benefit concert. She (or her comrades) did an excellent job planting the bug on General Stone, and she knows that she'll get paid when she deals with us.

Once we'd arranged our meeting, I transferred 1,000 credits to a datachip, which I handed over, first thing.

"That," I said, "is for your silence, whether you take the job or not."

She scanned the chip and made it disappear. "'Kay, you've got my attention."

I nodded once, then laid it out. "Our illustrious council leader has, in his possession, an object that does not belong to him. It looks like a handle, with nothing attached. My friends and I would like it back. He doesn't appear in public often. There are two instances coming up, that I know of. You would have free reign as to the how. You can use your people, and/or my people. You would have my gratitude. And at least one other rather powerful organization wants this done, too. I have some information on some expected public appearances, if it would help."

She took a moment to reply. "You don't aim low, do ya," she said, flatly.

I had no rebuttal. The girl was not wrong. "I wish I could choose my enemies," I said. "I comfort myself that I can choose my friends."

We bantered a bit. I wasn't sure that she was going to take the job; the high profile of the mark seemed to spook her. I did what I could to assure her that my team would provide backup. In the end, the price tag for her friendship was a 20,000 credit advance, with an unspecified amount upon delivery. I chose not to haggle, and made the transfer.

---+++---

Vamir spent his morning interviewing for an executive position at SunTek. He hasn't said much about it, yet, but if I know my father, he handled the interview personally, and absolutely none of it consisted of the kind of empty questions that you can research on the Matrix. Vamir's background would have been thoroughly researched, and Dad would be investigating my motives for recommending him. The fact that Vamir was hired could mean any number of things, but I don't think for a moment that it means that we have fooled him.

---+++---

Aru was in self-imposed exile. He blames himself for leaving his family in a vulnerable position, and by way of atonement he has been performing all the scut work at the estate for several days now. He and I have very different responses to guilt. I invented a "silver bullet" that should ensure that the manor is never undefended again -- and I look forward to it being used on the next intruder, even if they are only trying to "test" us. Maybe especially then.

---+++---

I am sorry to admit that I do not know anything about Gordianus' day. As the newest member of this team, and the least experienced, she deserves more of my time and attention. I'll have to try to correct that.

---+++---

Varfana, while performing inventory that afternoon, found a bag of powder hidden in the shelves. She called for the employee on duty, Heznik.

"I found this in the back room, any idea what it is or where it came from?"

Heznik looked guilty, then he sighed and fessed up. "You know my son, Lorhig, he's been doing some of the deliveries. I found that in his things earlier today, and took it. I knew he was hanging around with the wrong crowd, but I was hoping getting him involved in the business would help to pull him away. I don't know what sort of drug it is, but it does not look like caffeine pills. I am worried. He is out on deliveries now. I was going to confront him about it when he got back."

The man probably thought that he was about to be fired, but Varfana isn't like that. She sympathized completely, and offered up Vamir's chemical expertise to analyze the powder. Heznig wasn't sure he wanted to know. He didn't seem sure about anything; the realization that his son was involved with this at all had shaken him. After waffling for a bit, he decided that it was best to know the truth, and Varfana called up Vamir.

It didn't take him long, even with his portable setup, to identify the stuff.

"The common street name is 'Ash,' but some of the more honest dealers call it 'Burnout.' It's a highly addictive, very powerful, stimulant. Makes the user feel invulnerable, but it brings a nasty crash when the high wears off. It's killed a few people." He pushed the bag away with distaste. "That's at least fifteen doses."

Varfana set her jaw. "The boy's mixed up with the Masques. They'd be the ones in this neighborhood with the hard drugs."

From what I heard later, Heznik didn't take the news well. He was angry, and worried, and he needed someone to blame for this, so for a couple of minutes he swung like a pendulum between blaming his son, to blaming himself, and back again. As Varfana was trying to calm him down, the kid returned from the delivery route.

Lorhig looked like a frightened slugbunny that had narrowly escaped a hunt, only to blunder into a nest of antkegs. He sported a nasty bruise on one cheek, and a wary expression in his eyes. He scanned the room, saw his dad, his dad's boss, a stranger in a lab coat, and he very nearly turned right around again. To his credit, he didn't, and the whole story eventually was revealed.

When Lorhig told his "friends" (that he was getting drugs from, to use) that he wasn't going to be able to hang out anymore (because of his dad getting him a job at Oakenshield's), they grilled him about the job and basically told him that he would use this new job as a delivery boy as a cover to deliver drugs for them, too. Or Else. The bruise on his cheek was an Or Else moment, when it was discovered he had lost some product -- that being the bag which Heznik had taken from Lorhig's things.

It was at that point when Varfana called the group to let us know what was going on. Katrya said she had a plan, and I (for one) was entirely too happy to let her (or anyone) handle planning. Especially since this particular situation was not likely to call for a lot of subterfuge nor intricate hacking.

---+++---

EllieRocks had an earlier curfew, so I didn't get a chance to discuss much with her - another failing on my part. I'll have to check in with her soon - is it too late to see if she could entertain at the debutante ball? She would certainly hold everyone's attention, giving Novaspark the best chance if she should decide to pull the job then.

---+++---

Ryatt has been learning what it's like to run a business. We did our best to set things up so that this doesn't take up the majority of his time, but it's not a good idea for him to isolate himself from it completely, because that would just make it too easy for unscrupulous executives to steal too much from him. I snagged a few minutes before he had to leave, and proposed that he and I design a drone for the upcoming Sunspot Games. He could list Rintendo as an official sponsor, it would be good publicity, and give us all a good excuse to be present at the Games if needed to back up our hired thief.

He agreed that it sounded like fun, although he seemed more interested in designing a VR game based upon drone racing - which, if I know anything about this kid, means that he will end up designing an intricate system for players to design their own drones, with race courses based upon the entire history of the Sunspot races (and a few based upon alternate laws of physics), and the resulting product will end up being used as a tutorial for future participants of Sunspot.

Which, in turn, probably means that I'll be the one doing most of the work on the actual drone we'll be using in the real-life race, but that's okay. His VR work will point toward the best design, if he completes it in time to be useful to us.

---+++---

Katrya spent her day as she has several days since the SunTek job - avoiding being seen in public. She also made a point of having to stay outside of both planned events. When I asked why, she stared at me blankly. "Do you not read the news, Zeke?"

Apparently I don't, at least not often enough. Shortly after we all had our faces flashed in relation to the SunTek break-in, Border Patrol issued a 500-credit reward for information leading to Katrya's arrest. Specifically her. And I'd missed it.

500 credits seems a little insulting, all things considered. I slept on the problem.

The next day I started work on a new type of holographic projector. Actually, I built three mini-projectors into a necklace, and programmed them to project an image of a face over the wearer's own visage, approximating the same movements and expressions. It was finished by early afternoon, and turned out better than I expected.

Before turning the prototype over to the foxkin, I studied and documented my work carefully, and by late evening I was able to program the machine shop drones to duplicate it - they can turn one out every six hours, so in a couple of weeks each of us should own one. The materials are pricey, about 10K each, but if we ever get out of the saving-the-world-business, we could sell these on the black market for ten times that.

For now, though, I'm keeping this tek a secret. Well, I did take the first drone-assembled FakeFace to another meeting with Novaspark. I figured, with this tool in her kit, her chances of nabbing the Ci would be much greater. I made it clear that this bauble wasn't going on the market; it was just for her use, but she was so excited about the potential of the thing that she didn't care. She even offered to return the cash advance, which I firmly declined for several reasons (most of them relating to goodwill, but there are also expenses involved with ripping off the upper crust, and, as I said at the time, a girl's gotta eat).

---+++---

So, that was my week so far. It could be worse. I could have a

boring

job.

..::Kai::..

#Æstas #gaming #writing #FreshWebs #text

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warriorinthegarden · 3 years

Text

Current Dealings: Empathy and Compassion Burnout

Recently, it was brought to my attention by two individuals that I admire that I might be experiencing empathy and/or compassion burnout. In my line of work, this feeling is quite common and to be expected. This kind of burnout is characterized by mental, emotional and/or physical exhaustion which can lead to diminished ability to empathize or feel compassion for others. I have been feeling frustrated, irritable, inpatient, judgmental, harsh, and cold. And dare I say, I have been feeling like a straight up bitch. I have been feeling this way for some time now but I didn’t really question it because I thought it was justified under the circumstances. And maybe it is justified. I ask my counterpart and they don’t think it’s necessarily that I’m being harsh but rather, I’m being real. I’m beginning to question my heart and motivation. How can I do this line of work and be so cold. It’s funny. I can kind of understand that cynical cop on TV that sees the world in black-and-white. I never used to see the world that way. Maybe the job has changed me. Or maybe the job just added to what already was. I’m not sure. As it was explained to me, this feeling is normal in my line of work. I deal with people in crisis and I’m expected to have all the answers. When the reality is, I don’t have all the answers. And I don’t know how to make it better. I am a small fish in a large pond. Some days I feel like none of this matters. And on some days, I feel like the system has worked in a person’s favor. Those moments are few and far between. At times, I am angry that someone has misused the system. And at times, I feel helpless that the system can’t help the person that it was actually designed to help. I feel like I’m drowning sometimes. And sometimes I kick myself for choosing such a difficult and heart wrenching field. Like, dam dude, why are we doing this? We should have chosen a different path! Well, why did I choose this field? I chose this field because I want to help people. Plain and simple. But shit, no one told me it was going to be this hard. And I knew on some level that it would be hard; I had enough experience already to know what I was getting myself into. I think what kills me the most is that people are self-sabotaging themselves. That is honestly one of the most frustrating parts of my job that does not receive enough attention. We want to point fingers at the macro-structural issues of society to justify people’s crappy situations. And I agree, to a certain extent, that structural issues and barriers are real and hinder people’s ability to achieve upward social mobility. At the same time, I have found that sometimes people’s crappy situations can be explained by looking at their micro-individual issues. The decisions that people make will either help you or harm you. For many of my clients, they consistently make choices that cause them or further their shitty circumstances. This is honestly the most difficult thing to grasp. The fact that people will self-sabotage whether they know it or not. At times, I want to hit my head with a hammer or wish an anvil would fall on my head to make the madness go away. I have to contend that people make their choices regardless of the outcome. I think what also frustrates me the most is that people will make (in my opinion) dumb decisions and they expect an agency or the government to make it better for them. Like dude, what would you do if you knew that this service was not available to you (truth bomb: even though the resource is available, it’s extremely difficult to access)? So while I would love to be able to tell them: “Dude you need to figure it out because X is most likely not going to happen for you. It’s not! And it would behoove you to find an alternative because I KNOW you have alternatives because you yourself said you have other options AND yet you do not want to exercise them because you think this magical resource is “available” to you.” Fuck.

And see most of my clients have other options but due to pride and pettiness (which are the most common reasons in my experience in my capacity), they do not want to exercise them. OR they want what they do not rate. Now I think it’s perfectly fine to want what you want. By all means. At the same time, you need to have a realistic plan on how to achieve said thing. And actually be actively working on achieving said thing. Most of my clients have no plan. They have nothing. They expect me to provide the instruction manual, tools, materials, labor, cost, and assembly. With ZERO work on their end. All they want is the reward at no cost to them. That is not realistic or how any of this works. Now, this is NOT all people or all of my clients. This sub-group does make up a huge percentage of the people I deal with on a daily basis. Can you see now why I may be burnout? I am just now beginning to see that maybe I am not crazy after all. Well maybe just a little. I do an extremely challenging job that is constantly testing me and yet, I still show up everyday ready to tackle the day. Despite this long rant, I enjoy my job...most of the time. And I love my coworkers and the environment I work in. It has its moments. Definitely. I am very fortunate to work in my field and to feel, at times, that I am making a difference in my capacity. Because despite my long rant, I do encounter people that genuinely want to better their circumstances and are willing to do the hard necessary work to actualize the life they desire. I live for those clients. And those clients energize me and remind me why I chose this field in the first place. Maybe it’s been a minute since I’ve had one of those clients. I don’t know. I guess what I know now is that what I am feeling is completely understandable based on the circumstances. And it doesn’t mean that I am not capable or that I don’t care. I do care. I care a lot. It’s just hard. And I’m only one person. I am human. And I get tired too. Being frustrated is human. And maybe this burnout is just a reminder that I need to pay closer attention to my self-care routine. And to take breaks more often. And to be kinder to myself. And to get away from the “hustle and bustle” more often. I am doing just that.

#compassion #burnout #human #self care #reflection

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pandemicstress · 3 years

Text

Writing process for Pandemic Stress

For those who don’t know me, I’m Kathy Mann – a writer, speaker and stress alchemist. I am passionate about shifting people’s beliefs about stress to be more collaborative and positive. Why? Because our beliefs drive our behaviour which drives our outcomes. Research is clear that our beliefs about stress impact our health, happiness and longevity.

My first book, Avoiding Burnout, is the story of how I developed a stress-induced illness. I wrote the book to process how it happened, for my own benefit and to share the story for others who might be able to change the trajectory of their own lives before becoming so ill. My second book, Harnessing Stress, was written from an entirely different place. It’s evident that my own relationship with stress changed in the process of writing the book and that I came to appreciate how stress can help me. I share this knowledge to others in the form of webinars, workshops and speeches for my clients.

The process of writing the two books was very different. Avoiding Burnout was written on my own, working as much as I could at a time when I was very ill. It took two years to release the book and I learnt a great deal about writing and publishing in the process. It also took great courage. I wrote about the reasons for becoming sick and some of these aspects involved childhood experiences and challenges with family members. It felt scary to release my very personal and vulnerable story into the world.

I was also afraid of what people would think of me burning out. There is a lot of misunderstanding in terms of what burnout means. I was afraid that people would see me as unstable, mentally ill or unable to cope with life. I’m sure many people did think that and perhaps they still do, but that’s their business, not mine. I recently fell in love with Anne Lamott’s writing. My favourite quote of hers is “And everything that has happened to you belongs to you. If people wanted you to write more warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” Too bad for the family members who thought I should not have exposed our very dysfunctional family dynamic. Too bad for people who had a different reality to mine. My story is mine and I suffered deeply in the process of living through this journey into burnout and beyond. I wrote my story and I don’t regret it. Many people have resonated with my story and I hope that I have impacted some people by my journey of recovery. I’m sure that what I’ve relayed has influenced people into caring for themselves better, seeking better medical care and putting up stronger boundaries. I’m happy to have had that impact on others, even if it cost me some grumpiness from family members who did not stive to understand my suffering.

My recovery from burnout involved a great deal of healing in many forms. I spent many years in deep introspection and personal development. I was forced into fixing my life because it became obvious that it was broken. Part of that healing was reading many books about personal growth and as much as people sneer at ineffective self-help books, they certainly helped me.

I was writing for online publications and hoping desperately that I could turn writing into a profession. The search for my passion resulted in the knowledge that writing needs to be a regular part of my life. It isn’t easy to find well-paid writing posts from my experience or perhaps I was looking in all the wrong places. I saw writing for free as an opportunity to build my brand and to reach new audiences. One of the publications was a human capital website. At first, I really enjoyed writing for them but after a while it felt like a grind. And they stopped publishing my work.

My insecurities bubbled up and I was feeling very uncertain about this new path that I developed for myself. I wanted people to love my writing, to discover this great talent and for a publisher to commission a few books out of me. Instead, the editor of the human capital portal fired me. She told me that I could come back when my writing “matured”. I asked my husband for his opinion and he grimaced and said, “Hmm, your writing is a bit samey.” My self-worth took such a knock and I felt like I’d been kicked in the gut. How could I possibly make a future for myself as a writer when I’m being fired for my free content? How worthless I felt and how embarrassed by it all.

As usual, I went into deep contemplation and spent a lot of time thinking about what had transpired. I knew that I wasn’t enjoying writing for them but did they have to be so cold? It took a few weeks of misery and furious journal entries cursing fate, my life and the world which kept me feeling like a failure. I spent a lot of time reading Brené Brown and figuring out how I can rise strong from yet another setback. Would I ever be able to make a comeback? Would I ever find a path that led to success, competence and income again?

After I emerged from my introspection and picked myself up again, I realized that I could no longer continue to speak and write about my own burnout story, but I had to start connecting with others and finding out how they deal with stress. I spent years recovering from the chronic fatigue that accompanied my burnout, which entailed staying at home while the world continued on. I was removed from what was happening out there and I realized that it was probably reflected in my outlook and my writing. I had to stop naval-gazing and start reaching out to others.

I set up some interviews with other people who had experienced burnout, to understand their stories. Burnout is as unique as we are because of our different personalities, backgrounds and genetic predispositions. For some people it looks like fatigue, for others depression and for others it can trigger auto immune disease or a heart attack. I was fascinated with these stories and I so empathized with their struggles in getting back to work and picking themselves up again.

I am an eternal optimist and I love a good story about overcoming adversity. I set up more and more interviews and decided to design a survey around stress for others. I surveyed 300 people about how they experience stress, what causes it and what symptoms show up for them. I was interested in whether women or men experience symptoms differently and whether business owners have different stress from corporate workers. I loved slicing and dicing the data and I consolidated many interesting themes. I interviewed 50 people, some everyday people about the more qualitative stories around stress and also some experts in the areas that cause stress for people – financial advisors, relationship specialists and those who offer career advice. It was an incredible journey and I could not wait to put it into a book.

My husband is an agile coach in the field of software development. He encouraged me to read a book that was written with this philosophy in mind. I read the book and was inspired by the idea of releasing a chapter to an audience to obtain feedback during the writing process. I included a pop up on my website to get people to sign up and put it out there on social media. I eventually had 36 people contributing to each chapter that was released once a month. I incorporated their feedback, suggestions and stories back into the book and I kept my word in releasing the chapters on time. I was so grateful for this collaboration which allowed me to make a higher quality product before release.

The launch of Harnessing Stress was a wonderful celebration and this time, I included my little girls in the event. I was very proud of what I put together, weaving international expert advice with the stories of everyday people together in a beautiful blend. The process of writing the book was so much fun and it felt as if I was truly on my path and aligned with my calling.

I find stress interesting and I have a series of ideas in the pipeline regarding what I want to write about next. With the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, I realized that I would like to write a book about the stress related to it and the lockdowns. Many people have experienced stress in a completely new way. The uncertainty, the micromanagement, the balance of working from home and the difficulties in home-schooling children. I started interviewing people, this time exclusively online, but I didn’t want to follow the exact same process as for Harnessing Stress. Creative people prefer to mix things up and to try new approaches. I sat with the output of the interviews, not knowing which way to turn. I also struggled to balance my own life in terms of supporting my children through online schooling and getting my objectives met.

At times, with the isolation and the challenges of load shedding, life felt too difficult to bear. In South Africa, we have inadequate power due to incompetence and corruption. There are time periods when we are without power regularly, for four and a half hours per day, often at very inconvenient times like dinner time. Trying to stay safe and to juggle schooling with no Wi-Fi is very frustrating at these times. I almost gave up on the idea and I felt like the book was going nowhere. But then, I had the idea of publishing the stories of people I had interviewed in blog posts and obtaining feedback on these.

I plan to release stories I have uncovered once a week in a new blog that I have created just for this purpose. I hope to obtain feedback and input. But whether or not anyone offers insight, the very act of making a public commitment to blog once a week, will encourage me to do more interviews and to get more content out. I so value the insights I gain from other people and I hope to offer inspiration, perspective and something of value to you, the reader in this process.

#pandemicstress stress pandemic burnout Covid