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linilou-von-hevring · 7 months

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Mind and Heart - Heart

First | AO3

Please, Sothis, let this be the right choice.

Calloused fingers curl over the tactician’s hand.

Please, Sothis, let this not be a mistake.

Silence engulfs the conference room as Byleth walks out of it alongside Claude. There is no plausible scenario where she chooses both leaders, no matter how much she wishes she could have. No matter how much she wishes she could have continued watching Claude and Edelgard grow, watch them take their places as the respective leaders of the Alliance and of the Empire, watch them come together over a shared goal, she knows such a fantasy is impossible. They don’t share a goal. At least, not anymore, not in the fine print of their desires. Until now, everything had worked in their favor. Until now, the war had opposed them to a common enemy. This had been a two-sided war. Now, it splits into three camps.

The walk through the monastery halls is eerily quiet. Neither Claude nor Byleth dare say a word; there is no reason to test the monastery ghosts. There is no reason to draw attention to them as they thread the shadows, avoiding the gaze of every passing soldier. A single sound, a single out-of-place movement, that could be enough to send them both tumbling, the floor caving in under their heavy steps.

Please, Sothis, let this not be the end.

“Teach?”

The voice startles Byleth, but the squeeze of her hand brings her back to her senses. Claude is there, right by her side, his fingers still tangled with hers. He’s looking at her with his green eyes, eyes that remind Byleth of pastures and the few idyl days she had had in her youth. She didn’t enjoy them enough; she realizes this too late. She didn’t enjoy the peaceful days until they were taken from her. She didn’t enjoy them enough until she was plunged into the midst of a war with no winner, even once it would finally come to an end. Everything had been ripped from her hands before she could enjoy them, but not this time. She won’t let this bit of joy and comfort be taken from her as well.

The sun shines brightly outside the north court. It blinds her, but Byleth won’t let a little sunshine stop her. She marches forth, marches with conviction, refusing to give in to the gloom that had started to build in the back of her mind. She marches forth to her chambers, her fingers tightening around Claude’s as he follows without questions.

“We need to gather our things and leave before Edelgard sends someone after us.”

Claude gives her a curt nod, but he makes no move to free himself from her grip. He makes no attempt to leave her side, to rush to his own room to gather his stuff. He doesn’t change anything, nothing but his speed as he falls into step with Byleth. He simply follows, follows her lead as he always has. And for this, Byleth is grateful. She isn’t sure what she would have done had she been left to her own devices.

The professor’s room is tidy, as always. The bed looks untouched; the shelves are lined with books and papers. The only place that seems lived in is the desk, a mess of papers covering the wooden surface, notebooks and quills left lying around. It stands out in the small room, as if it belonged in some place else. The mess, Byleth realizes, it’s the only thing that shows that she has spent any time in this room. The rest, it’s as neat as the first time she had stepped into the small room that would soon become her home. Become her hell.

Byleth makes her way to her desk, rummaging through the papers. She doesn’t need the multitude of battle plans – she’d need an army to execute them. She doesn’t need the scribbled notes on everyone’s strengths and weaknesses – she’d memorized what she really needs, anyway. All she needs are a few memories. All she needs are a few things to keep her from forgetting the past. All she needs are the few remains of happy days, days without doom looming overhead.

Letters collect between the professor’s fingers. They come from everyone that has impacted Byleth’s life in some way or another – supply lists from her father, flirtations from Sylvain, invitations to tea from Ferdinand, idle monastery gossip from Hilda. Innocence plagues the letters, an innocence that pangs against Byleth’s chest. Those days, those school days with all the students, those days spent roaming the monastery in ignorant bliss of the future, they seem so far away now. It feels like a lifetime separates her from those days she wishes she had enjoyed just a little more.

A notebook rests against the tactician’s palm, a notebook that once belonged to her father. It’s one of the few things that remains of him. Even the memories feel like they’re fading away. But this notebook, it contains so many memories that haunt Byleth’s dreams. She can still perfectly picture the scene, the way Jeralt would be hunched over the little table in the rooms they would rent, scribbling away in his journal. She remembers the way he would hold his quill, the way he would use his pinky to guide the ink rather than his index. She remembers all the times he had caught her sneaking out of bed, hoping to get a few more minutes to look out the window and up at the stars, counting them until she’d fall asleep on the windowsill. She even remembers the strength of his hands as he would scoop her up, whispering his adoration for his child before gently placing her back into her bed. Now, those memories are all Byleth has left of her family. It’s all she has left of her own innocence.

A ring. It glistens as it rolls across the desk. A ring. The silver against the dark wood of the desk. A ring. Jeralt’s ring. A ring he had gifted Byleth’s mother. A ring he had gifted her. A ring she’s supposed to gift back to the person she loves.

It’s only ever happened once, the world suddenly going blurry. Byleth can feel the dampness of her cheeks, but she doesn’t dare touch her face. The confirmation of such a reaction is too much for her to bear. Jeralt had been the only person for whom she had ever shed a tear. He is once again the reason she feels the tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Teach?”

Byleth turns as Claude slowly rises from her bed. He must have made himself comfortable there, waiting for her to finish packing what she deemed important for their adventure into the unknown. But now, his usual mischievous grin doesn’t shine across his face. Worry stains every trait of his, from the look in his eyes to the way his hand extends towards her. And under the touch of his fingers to her arm, Byleth crashes. She crashes against his chest as arms wrap around her shoulders, holding her upright. Tears: The Ashen Demon’s greatest weakness.

Byleth can’t think of a single time she’s ever sobbed like this, clinging onto Claude’s cravat. She can’t remember the last time she’s ever felt so many things at once; perhaps she never has. Legends say that goddesses don’t feel human emotions, that they’re heartless creatures that gaze from above. The world of mortals is their painting, filled with splatters of cries and rage and tenderness, everything a goddess wishes she could feel but has done nothing but create in the other. Goddesses are numb until they become human with a beating heart. They are devoid of all until they’re overflowing with feelings, feelings they’ve never experienced before.

Byleth feels it all: fear, desperation, grief. All those feelings she had watched pain the faces of others, she suddenly feels them surge within her core. She feels the emotions crashing against her chest, beating against her ribs, trying desperately to break through. She feels everything. Everything feels lost. Everything but Claude, Claude who holds her tightly, his nose buried in her hair as he hushes her.

The moment is quiet, peaceful even, if it weren’t for the looming threat outside the chamber door. It could have been so good had it not been for the war raging on outside the window.

“I’m scared.”

It’s barely a whisper, muffled by the many folds and layers of Claude’s attire. The words barely leave Byleth’s lips, but Claude hears them. He hears her silent cry. He hears her; he always does. He hears her and holds her tighter, the only comfort he knows. It’s not the first time Byleth has found solace against Claude’s chest.

“It’ll be okay, Teach. We’ll make it okay.”

There’s no promise, but Byleth believes him. How could he promise everything will turn out the way they dream of? Such a promise is setting oneself up for failure. So he doesn’t promise, but he does promise that he will try. He doesn’t say it, but the kiss at the top of Byleth’s head is enough of a promise for her to believe in their strength. It’s enough to keep her there, pressed against him, searching for a fleeting moment to add to her collection of memories. It’s enough for her to trust his every word, trust his affection, trust that they are strong enough as long as they’re together. He isn’t a liar, or so Byleth hopes.

Claude’s touch lingers, the weight of his nose against Byleth’s hair. His breathing is steady, as are his hands. This, this could have been their every day had it not been for the wretched war. He could have been more than just a general of an army. He could have been more than just one of her most trusted allies. He could have been more than just her Little Fawn, a boy turned a man before her eyes. Her Little Fawn…

Please, Sothis, let this not be the last time.

“Claude?”

Green meets green for the first time in what feels like forever. Green is drawn to green as naturally as deer are drawn to meadows; it’s instinctive. Green finds green, a treasure one searches for their whole life. Green finds green, just as it should.

“What is it, Te—?”

“Don’t.”

Byleth turns away from Claude, making her way back to her desk. This isn’t the time to be sentimental, but she can’t help it. She can’t help the pang in her chest, but this time it’s different. It’s not the feeling of loss that fills her with dread; it’s something completely different. It’s the way he says Teach, a nickname that started a lifetime ago. It’s a name she normally likes, but right now, she can’t bear hearing it. It’s not the name she wants. It’s not the name she wants to hear.

She knows his eyes are still on her, probably trying to figure out her next move. She knows that his green eyes are following her every move, following the curve of her arm as she pushes the papers aside. She knows he’s watching as she curls her fingers around her prize. She knows he’s watching, but when she turns back to him, puzzlement coats the green of his eyes. He hasn’t figured her out, not yet. And yet, he still complies as she outstretches her empty hand towards him. He complies just as she had back in the conference room, placing his hand in hers. They’re alone in this; they only have each other to trust.

Claude doesn’t say a word as Byleth curls his fingers over themselves. He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes have always been the window to his soul. He stares at his closed hand, at the smaller hands enveloping his. And when she pulls her hands back, confusion pulls at every one of Claude’s beautiful traits. Confusion, then something new. Something she’s never seen on him. Confusion followed by the unknown as he opens his hand.

“For when the war is over.”

Emotions play all over Claude’s face: surprise, confusion, and a cast of expressions Byleth is unfamiliar with. Emotions pull at every one of his features, leaving a trail of beauty for Byleth to memorize. This, this is how she wants their future to be. She wants to see every expression cross Claude’s face, and she wants to know them all. She wants to know the names of every little thing he’s feeling. She wants to know everything that makes him, him. She wants that window to his soul to be as clear as day to her, not foggy with lies and schemes.

“Byleth…”

There’s a softness in Claude’s green eyes, a softness Byleth’s never seen before. There’s a softness in his voice, a softness that Byleth’s never heard before. There’s a softness in the moment that envelops them, a softness Byleth wants to cling to. And when Claude takes her hand in his, a pang echoes in her chest once more.

“Byleth, I can’t possibly accept this. Not now.”

“Claude, I—”

“But please,” his eyes find hers once more, eyes filled with beauty and adoration, “please allow me to hold on to it until the end of this war. Allow me to hold on to it until I can ask for your hand in marriage during a time for peace. Allow me to love you in silence until our futures are ensured, one where we can lead a world of tranquillity. Let me love you in silence until I can proudly say that I’m the reigning king of Almyra, when I’ll have proven myself worthy of being remembered as a man of myths. Let me love you then, when all our fears will not coat our proposals. So Byleth, my friend, my love, let me love you in silence until then.”

Silence. Silence had always been one of Byleth’s sharpest skills. Silence, until now, had it not been one of her greatest flaws as well? Had Claude not tried to coax more words out of her over the years, always searching for more information about her? Silence, it had always been one of the Ashen Demon’s deadliest skills, be it for better or for worse. Silence; Byleth could deal with that for now.

Please, Sothis, let this war soon come to an end.

Warmth spreads through Byleth as she lifts herself up just enough to lay a kiss on Claude’s lips. Warmth spreads through her, right through where she must have had a heart. Warmth spreads through her as he returns the kiss, pulling her closer. Warmth spreads through her, leaving a trail of sparks under her skin, under every fleeting touch of Claude’s.

Silence. This would be their silent love. Stolen kisses in the dark as they remain on the run, escaping from Imperial Soldiers. Stolen glances as they fight for a brighter tomorrow. Their love would be silent, but still, the yearning stays. The yearning for peace and for each other. The yearning for sunny days. They yearned for the day when war won’t rage on outside their windows, and they know that day will come. Together, they will end this thing. A new dawn is coming for Fódlan.

“Let’s end this war then, Little Hart.”

“Whenever you’re ready, Teach.”

#Not me writing a pick your own adventure type of fic depending on who you wanna marry like in the game #Because yes I did. I really did #so here's the claudeleth one <3 #claude von riegan #khalid von riegan #claude #byleth eisner #f!byleth #f!byleth eisner #byleth #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #claudeleth #lils writes #fe16

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nightswatchdisbandmentera · 7 months

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Might be a hot take but a major character’s death is really only as good as the weight and the treatment that the narrative gives it. Sure, any author has the ability to write death as they see fit. But whether the consumer (of any given form of media) is actually able to emotionally connect and resonate with the departure of someone who has occupied a good chunk of narrative space very heavily depends on how it’s treated within the story. If it’s a major character, the narrative needs enough built-in breathing space. As in, the consumer doesn’t have to fill in the blanks as to how the death impacted the plot or the remaining characters. Let the narrative do that for them, and that would actually allow the consumer to better react and relate to that major death (sadness, anger, joy, etc). Allow the rest of the characters (who were impacted by the deceased) to react to their parting. Let them engage with the death in a manner that helps justify the character’s inclusion in the narrative to begin with. Make it clear how the character’s life and (especially) their death relate to the larger themes of the story. Because most consumers aren’t stupid. We don’t want our hands held at every waking moment, but we also don’t want our investment in a story to be insulted just for the sake of a cheap shock. Give us time to breathe and grieve. And respect that we have put in a lot of emotional investment in a story and its characters, and we deserve to have that acknowledged.

#recent developments in a very popular ip have forced me to think about how creators treat the deaths of major or main characters #and the discourse of ~ohh we don’t need to see every single thing~ has got me thinking #like sure we don’t need to be spoon fed everything but consumers have varying emotional investments depending on the characters #a side character it’s passable if we don’t get any fanfare but a MAIN???#we’ve invested so much into their journey and the themes in their arcs and how they affect the world around them #is it too bad to want that to be actually acknowledged by & within the narrative?#so that whole thing got me to think about main characters whose deaths were well done in fiction #ned stark imo is a really good one because the immediate payoff of his death is the start of the wot5k and long term effect was #that the stark kids now had to fill in their father’s shoes and rise and become leaders in their own right and while we still have twow an #ados we can also tell as shown in adwd that the long term effect of Ned’s legacy is that house stark will be preserved even when it’s on th #brink of extinction #so that’s a well done imo because we also see throughout 4 books just how much his death meant to the kids #his death hurts because we see how his kids are hurting - jon arya sansa bran are GOING THROUGH IT AND IT HURTS!#I’d argue MCU did a pretty good job of showing tony’s everlasting legacy after his death and they did that through Peter who was the proteg #we can love and grieve for tony though peter whom we love and have come to relate to so Tony’s death has a lot of narrative weight #and how it’s handled is satisfying even though we’re hurt that he’s gone #same with sirius and dumbledore in HP - sirius’ especially hits sooo hard because Harry goes absolutely apeshit in ootp and then has to #pick up the pieces in hbp + dumbledore’s life and death is given quite a good amount of narrative space for both harry and the reader #the recent developments in jjk have me worried that a certain someone’s departure won’t be given the narrative weight it deserves #and part of that is gege’s pacing being wonky because oops it’s another big fight that will take god knows how many chapters idk #I’ll wait and see but as of right now….i feel like fan complaints about it shouldn’t be brushed aside because they’re super valid 😕#asoiaf #harry potter #jujutsu kaisen #mcu #marvel #comics #manga

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anotherpapercut · 8 months

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sometimes I feel like there's a narrative on here that like. people who work and live not with their parents in their 20s are somehow privileged and its really annoying as someone with 0 family and 0 built in support system lol

#this has nothing to do with the previous post i was just reminded of some unrelated posts I've seen #like i get what people mean but i really dont consider it a privilege to have to graduate at 16 and immediately start working to pay rent #causing a severe worsening of ny physical and mental state so that i can afford to eat #and i would just like to say for the record that id never judge someone for living with their parents because im so envious lmao #just like. of the idea of having parents that would take care of you. ive always been so fascinated by that #because my sister got married at 19 to get out of the house and then depended on her husband bc she also has trouble #working due to disability. were both physically and mentally disabled so we have that in common lol #and then she had to contend with becoming entirely dependent on a man who then had incredible power over her #and now theyre divorced and she has to try to figure out how to do all this stiff at 33 that our mother never taught us #and that ive figured out on my own over the past 7 years. and i just think damn i wish we had family lol #like maybe if we even had 1 relative who cared enough to like. check in with us even?? let alone help #thats always just seemed really incredible to me. and ill never really be able to wrap my head around it

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yeonban · 2 months

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I could play the 'spot the differences' game for 7-11 y.o Tobias and 17-21 y.o Tobias and frankly the only things that'd stand out are his build (taller & more masculine as he grows older) and the fact that kid him never smiled whereas if adult him doesn't smile... you've fucked up beyond reparation and are going to find yourself at the gallows the next time you wake up

#muse: tobias.#You know how people have a general tendency to go through several phases of how they look before they hit a certain age.#Yeah well Tobias never had that LMFAODSAJDSAS good thing barely anyone knew him as a kid and those who did are already dead #bc imagine faking your death and being listed as dead on all govt documents only for sb you knew to spot you on the street 10 yrs later #Wammy's House did one good thing about his personality and it's that he's now Friendly. or at least friendly-ish depending on who you are #bc man kid him would've cut your hand off with a FORK if you so much as Tried to touch him. regardless of whether it was for a pat or a hit #Wammy's House the domestication center for feral gifted children except it also trains them with various weapons until mastery AND #gives them all knowledge available to mankind for their own use. oopsie if the orphan in question becomes a criminal instead of a detective #Unironically Tobias lucked out so hard w this orphanage which makes it all the more hilarious that he can't stand Watari. WHO GOT HIM THERE

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lulousims · 4 months

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It's been officially longer than a year since I last posted gameplay pics...

For the most part of 2022, I couldn't play The Sims because I shared a computer and we couldn't agree on it. Then I played it for like, 2 months (in 2023!) on my bf's computer, but I couldn't take any screenshots 😭 And now, since October of 2023, I've been in England working as a volunteer, with no access to a personal computer. My friend was kind enough to lend me his laptop a few weeks ago so that I could finally play a bit, but it's not ideal because, well, it's his, and he needs it for work outside of the volunteering. I might be able to get my hands on a new laptop soon though (!!!!!!), and I'm really excited about finally being able to remove the "hiatus" from my bio! Or at least replace it with "semi hiatus", you know lol

I obviously won't be able to even remember what's gone on in my households, but at least I'll be back to playing once every few weeks and documenting my stuff. If everything works out, I should be here in one or two weeks, posting unedited screenshots of my game, like I used to, and getting 2 to 5 likes on each post <3 Just how I like it!

#text #i'm so excited to be back #i missed the game and sharing my love for it on tumblr #i miss my households and my sims and my neighborhoods #i miss danika and tessa. i miss their children #i miss my gameplay of alt pleasantview that i didn't even get to post #btw i've made it soooo gay you wouldnt believe it...#daniel pleasant and darren dreamer are married #they have a baby boy #hhhh i also have a new legacy save which i may or may not give up on depending on how creative i manage to be with the 1st generation #there's three kids. one of them is an alien who builds a shitton of servo-androids to be sold in a store that he owns #and he's married to a vampire #the second one lacked personality so i have him a grilled cheese secondary and had him as the main guy on a bachelor challenge #and the third kid i'm still trying to figure out what to do with her #like. she's a pleasure sim which is one of the most aimless aspirations in my book #she's sharing a small house with a romance sim and they're both so... “idk what to do with my life i'm just having fun”#IDK WHETHER TO MARRY THEM OR NOT? THEY LIKE EACH OTHER BUT THEY HAVE NO LONGTERM PLANS WHATSOEVER.#they're a mystery i swear #can i just say. i'm very shy and bad at conversation but i'd like to make more friends who are simmers #if you'd like to make friends or even just talk to me feel free to comment on my posts <3 #i probably won't comment on urs unless u do it first for fear of looking weird #that being said. i wish all simmers a very pleasant morning/afternoon/evening #it's 3 am and i should be sleeping i need to be up at 7

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hella1975 · 2 years

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guys i have my trial shift tomorrow and ive never had it before when im actually bothered about the job in a specific way like in the past it's always been about GETTING a job and not really giving a toss where im working so long as im working but this is a place i actually really really want to work and will bummed if i dont get. like it's right by the river and it's a really upmarket bar kind of scene so hopefully i might even get proper training in that area and it'll be my first non-minimum wage job AND i'll get tips (every other job i've had i dont even SEE my tips bc the managers take it even if it's given directly to me) and the hours will be super good and it's fast-paced and yeah. im not actually stressed so much bc a trial shift is a trial shift and yeah it's hard getting used to a new place but i can waitress in my sleep but i just reallyyyyyyyy want the job

#do NOT get me started on the tip thing my god #because basically one thing about me is that my customer service is IMPECCABLE #idk what it is idk if it's just bc my mum comes from a waitressing background and basically trained me up behind the scenes #or if im just naturally good at it but i can really switch it on for customers #the only time i start slipping is when customers are rude but luckily the jobs ive had so far kind of let me get away with that #bc they hated rude customers as much as me and kinda used my temper as their own buffer to get the customers to fuck off lol #but when customers are behaving i absolute SHINE like im being so arrogant about this bc i know for a fact im good at it #like they used to purposely put me on till/front of house bc i had the best customer service out of all of them #including the middle-aged workers who'd been there longer #and my fave barista once told me that he did a little experiment and compared how many tips we got when i was working #vs when i was away at uni and it was actually RIDICULOUS how much more tips i got us #and you know what? my boss would split the tips every few months (whenever he remembered) and he'd weight them #depending on who did what jobs. despite tips being PURELY bc of customer service and nothing to do with jobs #so the chef who could barely grunt at people would get a bigger share of the tips i almost singlehandedly earnt us than i did #so yeah i know for a fact this place does it differently bc they're a lot more professional #and also ive been going there for years now it's just genuinely a really nice place #wish me luck besties #hella slaves to capitalism

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wingsyliveblogs · 1 year

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"Being around Willow definitely gave Amity a strong foundation in knowing how friends should treat one another that the other rich kids probably didn’t get."

It's me, your resident Boscha apologist here to say that you made me sad with that line. At the end of the day the only thing that made Amity subject to a redemption arc is that she got lucky enough to have a Willow in her life. Boscha didn't, and it's tiresome that she often gets demonized (no pun intended) for that

also speaking of Understanding Willow, someone needs to give Amity a crash course in how to end relationships cause "Don't go to their birthday party without explanation" is a poor way to do it.

(In reference to this post.)

Yeah - that's definitely something I was keeping in mind when rewatching! The two main differences between Amity and Boscha at this point seem to be:

Boscha’s general attitude is genuine, but Amity is faking it in order to fit in. There are a few points where it appears that Amity’s outright imitating how Boscha acts, but she doesn’t pull it off nearly as well. (Translation: somehow, it’s just not as funny when Amity tries to be mean as it is when Boscha does it. This might be because Boscha has fun being mean and Amity does not, but it’s hard to say!)

Amity once had a good friend who was outside of her expected social circle and even after being forced to cut off her friendship, she could still remember what it was like to have a genuine friend like that. Boscha has not experienced real friendship.

It remains very funny to me that the show pulled a bit of a bait-and-switch by introducing Amity as the Mean Bully Character and then being like “sike, actually she’s sad and misunderstood and the Mean Teen is someone else!” but it’s also unfortunate (though unsurprising) to hear that people tend to give Boscha a disproportionately hard time for it.

The Willow situation aside (which can’t be placed solely on Boscha’s shoulders, since even Amity was complicit in that), she... really isn’t all that bad?? Her most prominent appearance so far has been in Episode 8, where she was cast as the ringleader of some fairly normal troublemaking teens... and a large part of the conflict in that particular situation came from King’s pride rather than from Boscha herself, anyway.

I do hope they’ll follow up on what happened with Skara’s birthday party at some point, but in Amity’s defense, I don’t think she’s really had enough friendships to have had the chance to learn how to end them properly...

#wingsy liveblogs #ask #wingsy watches owl house #owls ep 15 #at least it's a step up from kicking your friend out of your own birthday party with a fake explanation...#or would it be considered a step down? hmmm... I guess it depends on how you look at it #either way Amity needs some communication skills FAST #I am very curious as to what the situation between Amity and the other rich kids is at this point #I assume it'll be brought up eventually though #all that aside #as someone who enjoys many characters who get demonised by their fandoms #I really do feel you on this one #(though sadly I'm usually not brave enough to defend my faves in public eheh)#it's for this reason that I'm doing my best to keep an open mind about characters as a liveblogger!

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orangerosebush · 2 years

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I think one of the things that most helped me chill out and not worry about people behaving in ways I both do not understand and can’t control is finally leaving for college. Looking back, it’s no wonder I was so combative in this vaguely “hall monitor way” during high school. It sucks growing up in an environment where if you don’t know exactly how to tailor your behavior and hide parts of who you are, shit gets bad. I was constantly surveilling my own behavior so I didn’t get harassed by my dad (who also had no control over his life in the sense he was too depressed to hold down a job for long). Just a constant diet of meanness and cynicism for the brain. So when I see stuff online that’s a bunch of (unhappy) gay teens being shitty and policing each other over pointless community in-drama, I feel like that particular personal history I have is one of the biggest “it gets so much better for you one day, I promise, and a lot of the b.s. you’re going through right now is coming from other teens who are profoundly messed up in a similar way — though that doesn’t excuse it” I can offer.

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mrs-kelly · 1 year

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Man I wanna think a lot more about what Charlie and my living situation would be like, like I imagine we’d be living in his apartment together for awhile. A good while. But then I’d want to go to school to get a better job so we can have a comfier living situation. Especially if we start talking about wanting to have kids in the future. Cuz no way am I raising children in that dingy one-room apartment shfjfl

#it’s just not safe or sanitary #plus I grew up not living in the best places you know. and I wouldn’t want that for my kids #so I’d be ready to work rly hard to get us a nice place to live #ideally a house but. idk how likely that is with Charlie working at the bar #and I wouldn’t ever wanna ask him to get some rat race job #if we could at least get a nicer apartment that has its own kitchen and bathroom that’d be the main goal ahdjfl #I think at some point that would happen. we’d get a nicer apartment. and depending on things maybe a house #but in the meantime hoooeeeey it’d be rough goings in that apartment lol #like I said. no bathroom. bc it’s broken #maybe I’d just fix it myself #actually now that I think about it. Charlie literally cleans and fixes toilets??? why doesn’t he fix his bathroom?? ahdjfl #maybe that’s something we’d look into ahdjfkl #but I guess we’d still be sleeping on the couch bed. I’d just buy us a new mattress bc Frank was sleeping on it #and who could forget the infamous poop incident. I know I sure couldn’t #so no way am I sleeping on that mattress ahdjfkfgl #idk I wouldn’t wanna uproot his lifestyle or anything but I’m definitely more clean and sanitary than he is ahdjffl #ren speaks #renlie #fankids tw #tokophobia tw

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katamarigender · 10 months

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I don't feel 20

#my stuff #like... i feel like my life should be so different. but its not aside from me having a job.#i feel immature in a lot of ways.#i don't drink i don't do any drugs i don't date or have sex. when im not working im playing video games and drawing.#like i have been for my entire life. my friends are going to clubs and living in their own houses with their own cars and meeting new people #and i feel like ive stagnated.#and i know the dating/sex thing is just who i am. and really theres nothing wrong with not drinking either tbh. i dont even really like the #taste of alcohol anyways.#but idk. i feel like a coward for not trying. i feel like im too clingy and dependent and small and soft and lazy.#ugh.#this is probably the time talking.

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universestreasures · 11 months

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@crimsonkaiser Sent: An 𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐀 Sentence Starter (Accepting!)

❝ it may have started out that way, but everything’s different now. ❞ [to Aichi

Wounds don't go away easily, especially ones of the heart. In fact, some say that there are wounds that will never be healed, no matter how much time has passed. And the wound Aichi had suffered due to the dragon who reappeared before him seemed to be one of those unhealable ones, at least at this moment.

He had been hurt, badly hurt, by Kai's departure. Aichi understood needing to repay a debt. If it was just healing the head of the Eden House who the flame dragon accidentally burned during his escape from the Pale Moon Circus all those years ago, that would be one thing. However, Kai had decided to go back with her permanently, to leave his 'mates' behind, to leave Aichi behind, without the intent of seeing them ever again. Not since his father's death had the young man experienced such despair. The wound inflicted upon his gentle heart still continued to bleed, even now as Kai faced him and was clearly trying to take back what he did.

"I don't...I don't want to hear it..."

His voice was unusually cold and low as he continued to avoid the other's emerald gaze, as if the words he spoke were not his own, but they were. That just was a testament to how deeply what happened had affected him, was still affecting him. It had broken his heart to the point he too decided to separate from his two remaining friends, but unlike Kai, it in order to find his own path. Plus, he promised he'd come back to them. He had found himself traveling with the mysterious knight girl Kourin and the blueish flame dragon Olivier Gaillard, two people who knew about the mysterious power his eyes held, known as Psyqualia. With their help, he hopes to find out a way to control his power, to prevent himself from becoming like the person Kai feared more than anyone.

"You abandoned us, even after risking our necks to save you from Ren and his circus. You abandoned me, even after I begged and pleaded for you not to go because I couldn't bare the thought of not seeing you, someone very near and dear to me, again. And now..." His fist clenches at his side, his body following suit as bent up anger begins to boil to the surface and show itself. "And now you just want to take it all back? Take it all back like it was no big deal?! Sorry, it doesn't work that way."

He then begins to walk away, walking forward and not looking back. A small part of him wanted to run into Kai's arms, embrace him and let this all go, but...he couldn't, not right now. Until he can, Aichi reasoned it was best to stay as far away from Kai as possible, less he lose control of his power and do something he'll regret. He saw what terrifying things Ren could do with his when his emotions were high, after all.

"Goodbye, Kai..."

#💎 Solitary King Of Apocalyptic Flaming Thunder (Crimsonkaiser)#💎 Paladin Treasure (Aichi Sendou)#💎 Paladin Answers (Aichi Asks)#💎 Paladin's Home Of Magical Nobility (Aichi Nobles Of Nature AU)#tw mention of death #(SO I WAS GONNA DO THE ASTEROID DIVERGENCE FOR THIS #(BUT THEN I REMEMBERED OH YOU WANTED TO SEE NOBLES AICHI GET MAD #(WELL HERE YA GO #(THIS IS 100% SUBJECT TO CHANGE DEPENDING ON HOW WE GET TO THIS POINT BUT I WONDER IF BEFORE AICHI GETS CAPTURED BY KAIBA #(KAI TRIES TO MEET UP WITH AICHI WHO PROBABLY WENT OFF ON HIS OWN WITH KOURIN AT BEING HEARTBROKEN KAI LEFT #(AND MISAKI AND KAMUI GO TO THE EDEN HOUSE TO FIND KAI AND BRING HIM BACK #(AND THEY RUN INTO AICHI WHOSE JUST...JADED #(THATS THE VIBE I RAN WITH ANYWAY BUT AGAIN ALL SUBJECT TO CHANGE #(i NEVER GET TO WRITE AICHI MAD SO THIS WAS FUN #(ALSO NOTICE HOW AICHI DROPPED THE KAI KUN AND JUST CALED HIM KAI #(YOU CAN TELL HE'S MAD

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dork-a-doodle · 2 years

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Concept: Yogs but make it TOH

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celestial-kestrel · 5 months

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It's that time of year again where Mari Lwyd starts to be talked about and shared around and an INCREDIBLY misleading post gets shared a lot. As someone who grew up with Mari Lwyd I wanted to clear some things up.

Also hello, if you are unaware who Mari Lwyd is. This is about the Welsh tradition of the horse skull who visits houses during the Christmas to New Years period in Wales asking for alcohol.

First off and probably the most important one:

Mari Lwyd is not a cryptid!

I can not emphasise this enough. She. Is. Not. A. Cryptid. There is no story or mystery about a ghost or zombie horse roaming the Welsh valleys. She's not even supposed to be a ghost or a zombie. It's just a horse skull on a stick with a guy under a sheet. She's a hobbyhorse and a folk character used to tell Welsh stories and keep songs alive. When people spread the misinformation that she's a cryptid, it's the equivalent of saying Kermit the Frog is a cryptid.

She is actually only one character in a wider cast of characters who go door to door or, in more modern times, pub to pub. The cast of characters can change town to town and village to village but there are some common ones I see time and time again. The Leader, the Merryman, The Jester and The Lady are just some I see regularly. Punch and Judy used to be more popular a few years ago but I haven't seen them in a while as their tradition has mostly fallen out of popularity. In most cases, almost the whole cast will be played by men. Even the characters are considered and referred to as female. Though this again depends and varies by which group is partaking in the Mari Lwyd tradition.

This point also goes onto my second point,

Mari Lwyd does not rap.

I think this comes from a very common misunderstanding of what rap is vs spoken word. Rap is a very specific style of music originating from the African American communities of the USA and has it's own structure and motifs unique to it. It's a lot more complex than people give it credit for as a style of music and just flippantly assign anything similar to it as being rap. If someone is talking fast or reciting poetry, it is not rap. Or anything that is an exchange of words between two people is not a rap battle. Mari Lwyd does not do rap, actually something that gets left out of these posts is the fact Mari Lwyd does not even speak. It's actually the Leader, who does all the speaking and song based banter between the house/pub owner for entry. Mari Lwyd just clicks her mouth, bites people and bobs her head around.

I think Mari Lwyd is a really beautiful and unique part of Welsh culture. She's not actually as wildly celebrated as a lot of the posts make her out to be. Actually, I think most Welsh people themselves learn about Mari Lwyd through the internet as well. Her popularity is increasing thanks to the drive of local groups wanting to keep the traditions alive and a renewed desire to document Welsh traditions before they're gone. Which is why it's such a shame that she's turned into something she's not to earn horror points on the internet. I think this is why it bothers me so much to see the misunderstandings of the culture and the folk tradition. Mari Lwyd's origin is very hot debated as well as how long it's been going on for. But I think it's thanks to a lot of traditions like this that the Welsh language and our stories weren't lost forever. Welsh culture is recovering as is the language. But it's still in a very fragile place. I think it's why it's important to document and correct information when it's spread.

Anyway, if you want to see the tradition in action, here's a lovely video from the Cwmafan RFC going to one of the pubs for charity. It includes the song exchange with the pub owner for entry and the whole pub singing and joining in once Mari Lwyd and the rest are inside.

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As well with another video from St Fagan's showcasing the more traditional and door to door form with the larger cast.

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#Mari Lwyd #Wales #Welsh #Welsh culture #Youtube

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deviantartidentitydisorder · 3 months

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horses arent scary but i think i just have psychosis around domesticated animals

#a lot of the time i jsut feel like WHY ARE YOU HERE #WHY ARE YOU IN A WOODEN HOUSE #GO OUTSIDE #GO RUN BE FREE!!!!!!!#bc im realizing the way i feel about horses is just how i feel about dogs and i love dogs. just from a far. bc when i get close to them im #like flooded with the knowledge that humans did this to them and that theyre like man made animals and i freak out #and hores are even worse bc im like THEY ARENT MAN MADE #THEYN EED TO GO BACK OUTSIDE #STOP TRYING TO MAKE THEM LIKE BIG DOGS #so much of this depends on modern day stuff though #like if youre a farmer and you own horse? thats awesome #if youre some white 13 year old who got their mommy to buy them a horse and are now an adult who still has a fat unused horse? i ahte you

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walks-the-ages · 5 months

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For screenreaders this is a poll:

The question is: "If you won 100 Million Dollars, what would you spend it on?"

the options are:

Buy house for self +friends and family, use money on smaller splurges for yourself (such as buying a bunch of books, movies, fandom merch, etc) plus giving a lot to charity and direct Mutual Aid (including local mutual aid by directly giving $ to the homeless, for example)

Buy house for self, splurge on lots of Big things (thousand dollars and up each), put a bit towards charity and Mutual Aid, but keep a lot of it for big spending.

Buy house for self, splurge on big things, keep it all to myself + invest in the stock market or crypto or something similar to make even more millions.

#polls #lottery #if you won the lottery what would you spend it on?#signal boost #money #finances #if I won the lottery you bet your butt i'd be buying a house with a giant yard to garden in #buying friends and family their own homes or paying off their home for them #probably buying a huge plot of land explicity so houseless people could camp there without having to worry about police #which would also clearly have heat water electricity proper shelter if not mini homes depending on my budget and idk about building laws #but yeah i'd be dropping 5k to anyone struggling with rent or groceries #buy a whole bunch of rare/out of print books for my favorite fandoms (hi doctor who faction paradox and quantum leap)#uhhh oh! getting every single fucking stray cat in our area spayed neutered and taken off the streets #build a giant enclosure just for ''outdoor cats'' to roam in without hurting wildlife while receiving medical care and proper food #huge ass publicity campaign to get people to stop fucking putting their cats outside #giving the aspca and other rescue orgs millions just so they can spay peoples pets for free #walking up to vets offices and giving them a million each for people's vet fees #etc etc etc #leaving $500 tips to food delivery people if not more #hire a personal chauffer so I can actually get to places around town without having to walk everywhere because I don't drive

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tossawary · 5 months

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One of my personal nitpicks for historical fantasy is a lack of servants, staff, subordinates, and... idk... subjects? Like, their absence is not... a total dealbreaker for me, depending on the situations the characters are in and whether or not I can just assume that other people are there in the background... but so many of the protagonists in historical fantasy stuff are higher-ranking (very often royalty), and/or have busy jobs, and/or have enormous houses that would necessitate having at least part-time staff.

Like, girl, you should have a maid! WHERE is your chaperone?! WHO is driving this carriage?! Where are your footmen? Are you trying to imply that a WEALTHY DUCHESS is taking a CAB?! You know that you probably have tenants, right? Where is your steward?! Where is your lawyer? Your accountant?! (Like, yeah, you're not going to have your lawyer living in your house, but you HAVE one, right???)

Or, man, you're supposed to be a military commander and you don't even have a single secretary?! Where is your SQUIRE?! (In the spirit of historical fiction, I am jumping wildly across time periods with every sentence here.) Man, I know you aren't looking after your own boots. Where are your GUARDS?! Who set up this tent for you?! Who is looking after your horse?! Who is making and carrying the incredibly valuable maps people are recklessly stabbing daggers into?!

SOMEONE has to be scrubbing these floors and delivering the mail and cooking the meals and doing laundry, and they're probably all DIFFERENT people! My dentist has at least three different receptionists and we can't even get ONE for our court wizard here? A sorcerer's apprentice to take notes? Someone like Sherlock Holmes could get away with just having a housekeeper and taking taxis, sure, but your character is supposed to be a KING?! Why is he answering his own front door? He's going to get assassinated. His SERVANTS should have SERVANTS.

Like, yes, I understand that a lot of servants in certain places at certain times were supposed to make their labor invisible, but there have always been servants who still had to interact directly with the masters of the house?! Yeah, there are potentially really messy ethics here, class divisions are bullshit, but I don't think that completely ignoring the reality that humans have ALWAYS been doing work for other humans is better than just including some well-paid and well-treated servants and employees? Because a complete absence of them, especially where logically for the worldbuilding there MUST be servants (and probably exploited servants, or worse, for some particular worldbuilds to work), often makes me think that your main characters just don't care enough to notice the "lower class" people or know their names.

Also, even Frodo Baggins had a gardener and Samwise Gamgee might be the best damn character in the story?! Sam saved the world?! Servants are PEOPLE. Servants are often the funniest and most interesting characters, tbh, with the most to say about a society and its workings (yes, Discworld is a very good book series, highly recommend), and also the joke of some romantic scene being carefully orchestrated by a stage crew of servants frantically diving into bushes to stay out of sight never gets old to me. Teamwork makes the dream work!

I don't want to gatekeep historical fiction, especially not historical fantasy, because the worlds don't necessarily have to conform to our own and may have magic and characters are often in very unique circumstances, but... sometimes I pick up a story and it's like... "Author, please tell me that you know there is a difference between a butler and a valet?!"

#tossawary reading #tossawary watching #I don't know what to tag this as #tossawary fandom #long post #where are your servants

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