#Imma call this au ' unexpected allies' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

byunbaekcult · 4 years

Text

i’d tell you i miss you (but i don’t know how)

or the one exboyfriend!calum one shot no one asked for!

CW: mentions of food, minor mentions of mental slump and loss of appetite (tagging just in case ^^)

words: 7159 words

tags: exboyfriend!au, calum hood, (sad attempt) angst

dedicated: @kouchos & ally, my supporters!

i got carried away, and i proofread this like five times at most. ENJOY. scream at me or with me on twitter tho <3 also alternative title was “ it’s time for me to admit that i’m an asshole “ yep, angst. also partly self indulgent, actually majorly sorry imma stop now-

“ Maybe one day, one day you’ll learn to treat a girl right but today is not that day. Neither am I the girl for that. “

The words ring in Calum's head since the day you walked out. It was a huge toll on his pride and ego before he even realised it himself. He was an asshole.

He can’t imagine how difficult it could have been for you to even confront him, knowing how difficult it was for you to make a decision for yourself. Always needing to consider others before your own well-being. If it weren’t for the fact that you broke up with him, he would have been so happy and proud for you. Now, he’s left with regrets and a broken heart.

He only has himself to blame. After all, he was the one who treated you badly. He was the one who took advantage of your love and kindness. It was unimaginable to Calum on how he even ended up that way, but it did happen after all.

It’s been a full year by now, wallowing in self pity and hatred was Calum’s new past time. He’d like to think you’re doing better without him. He’s always known you were strong, independent and an amazing person. He was just dead weight in your life.

You were still healing, learning how to love others more than you love Calum. Deep down though, you knew you’d always want him back. But you didn’t know where he was mentally, emotionally and physically even.

Last you’ve heard, he’d shut out from the world. Occasionally meeting his best friends but never really out and about. Sure, it hurt. It stung and crushed your very being to be the one to make the call but you knew if you didn’t, you’d both be stuck in a constant hell-loop. The toxicity was suffocating and you couldn’t hold yourself up anymore under the weight of it.

So you left.

It felt selfish, you spent several months seeking help and learning to understand your emotions are valid. Learn to stop sabotaging yourself. You’d turn to healthier coping mechanisms, try new things. You’d been apprehensive but you knew if you kept to your old habits, it would only add salt to the wound.

However, you still kept in contact with everyone except for Calum. At first, it was weird. No one really knew where the boundaries really laid but it quickly got resolved once you opened up to them fully. Of course they were sad about your breakup, but once they got the full picture they were supportive of you.

Happiness is personal and if it means going separate ways with their own best friend, they would still try to support you.

You felt fresher these days. You didn’t have to drag yourself out of bed much these days. A more relaxed expression painted your face these days. Sometimes you find yourself wondering about Calum in general. You’d hope he’s doing well, even after all the turmoil. You don’t hate him, you could never hate such an amazing soul. You were just disappointed you can’t have him the way you want to.

Life goes on, you started dating casually in the past three months. None of them really tugged on your attention, instead ending up as friends by the end of the dates.

Currently, you’re on your way to meet Andre. You met him for a date, the two of you linking up through Twitter. By the end of the date though, you two agreed you’d be better off as friends. It was a friendship you’d quickly learned to cherish, enjoying his presence and personality.

The Autumn air was always one you relished in, despite getting cold easily. You wore your favourite coat, as well as a beret. Any close friends of yours could pick you out of a crowd, knowing how attached you are to your accessories.

Apparently, so could Calum Hood.

He was hunting for coffee, needing that energy boost to help him get through the recording session. It was an area he wasn’t familiar with, hence his troubles locating a coffee shop.

It was pure coincidence when he looked up, spotting you walking down the pavement. You hadn’t noticed him though, too busy looking down at your phone, a small smile present as you mumble to yourself. In the midst of his own shock, he’d ended up staying still on his side of the pavement.

You passed him, as he eyed you, eyes widened in pure surprise and even a tinge of panic. His staring didn’t go unnoticed by you. You were already a couple steps away but you looked up, knowing someone was watching. The frown on your face was visible to Calum, only to watch it deepen when you catch the culprit staring at you.

Normally, you’d give a stranger a dirty look and a once over but this was no stranger. You stopped in your steps, seeing Calum’s body half turned as well. Confused and taken by surprise, you raised your free hand, waving at him lamely. You saw something in his eyes change, and he made his way to you, calling out your name softly.

“ Hey, “ you greeted him breathlessly.

He had tucked his hands in his front pockets, trying to play nonchalant. He pressed his lips together, taking you in. You knew he wouldn’t make the first move, so you decided to save him.

“ Change of scenery? “ He looked at you confused.

“ Uh, I’ve never ran into you around here before. So this is unexpected and new. What brings you here? “ The implied message that you moved on in your life without him didn’t go unnoticed by Calum.

Still, he pushed that thought of his mind and replied. “ Recording session down the street, needed some caffeine. “

You smiled softly, pleasantly surprised. “ Oh? That’s cool. I didn’t know there’s a studio around here. How’s it going? “

Calum hums, looking down at his shoe. “ It’s going. “

Noticing his change in behaviour, you decided it’d be best you excuse yourself. After all, you are keeping your own friend waiting. “ Uh, if you don’t mind I’ll have to get going. Good to see you Calum. “

His head shot up, looking at you in the eye for the first time. “ Wait, “ he sputtered, his right hand reaching out to your arm. Your eyes darted down to it briefly, before looking at him expectantly.

“ Uh, do you mind if we could catch up? Like some time, any time? My number’s still the same. If you still have it, if you don’t then, uh it’s understandable. If you don’t want to meet up it’s fine by me too it totally- “

You couldn’t help the fond smile from appearing, interrupting him. “ Calum, I haven’t changed my number and I’ve still got yours. I’ll text you sometime this week. I’ve got to run. “

You flashed him one last smile before turning on your heels, without waiting for his reaction. You’d miss the dazed look on his face and the gummy smile that broke out afterwards.

Staring at the screen of his phone, Calum contemplated his next move. He had already unlocked his phone to read the notification, to ensure that it really was a message from you and that it wasn't a prank. He was certain you were just being polite when you said you'd text.

He's nervous, which is stupid to him considering the fact that you two were once good friends before dating. Still, he felt slightly light headed when he decided to open the chat to type out a reply.

hey, Y/N here :] wondering if you're down for pizza at our old regular spot on friday, dinner time?

Shakily, he sent his message but not before reading it three times, once out loud and the twice in his head.

sounds great, see ya around 7 : D

It suddenly dawned on him that Friday was two days away. He ran into you on Sunday. Many thoughts were running through Calum's mind, but he needed to ground himself. Obviously, you two wouldn't be dating the moment after Friday. He knew you, and he'd like to think he still does. This means that your walls were already back up, and if anything, they’re even tougher and taller. He'd need to work his ass to gain back your trust, even as a friend.

You were the best thing that happened to Calum, if he's being completely honest. He didn't show you enough care, more often than not finding himself prioritising third parties opinions regarding himself, regarding you two. He was too focused on losing the love of the world he didn't spare a thought about losing yours. In the end, it felt like he lost everything when you walked away from him.

If he even got the chance to be back in your life as a friend, Calum was going to jump on it. The past months have been living hell for him and he hasn't felt more alive than he's been in the past year. Calum's hoping his change will pull through.

On the other hand, you were worrying slightly. You're never one to let people back into your life so easily. This was the quickest you'd try to reunite with someone you'd cut off. But if you could learn to grow into a better person, you believed Calum had taken the time to learn too.

At first, you hesitated texting him. You wondered if you should even be talking to Calum in the first place. It was kinda ridiculous though, considering the fact that you're still good friends with his bandmates. You can't even lie about how your mind would drift towards Calum in the past month before your run in with him.

Taking the run in as a sign of fate, you decide to gamble all your hope into the universe. If Calum truly had changed for the better, you know you'd be able to live with one less heartache. Losing a good friend has always been difficult for you but to lose both a lover and a friend, it got hard to cope with at times.

Realistically speaking, you'd know even a small thought of considering dating Calum again might come in at a later point in life but for now, you're just hoping to rekindle the friendship you had.

You wonder if he noticed the change in your texting style, was it obvious that you're truly a different person now? Or does it reveal your own conflicted feelings even through a simple message? Not wanting to worry anymore, you threw your phone to the side and focused on your laptop to take away your frustrations.

The pizzeria wasn't fancy, it was a hole in the wall store. It'd been a long while since your last visit, the last time you were there was not long after the break up. The burning curiosity as to whether Calum visited the pizzeria after your fallout was dizzying your mind. To your surprise, Calum was there first. He had just found a seat, eyes drifting towards the entrance to check for your arrival.

A soft expression took over his features as he admired you. You'd always been one to dress up regardless of the activity and location. Even being in an ordinary pizzeria was no exception for you. You wore your favourite pair of Docs, the one Calum gifted you for your birthday two years ago. It wasn't intentional, it was just one of your favourite shoes that was still in mint condition.

The rest of your ensemble reminded him of the long time away from each other. You wore a plaid pleated tennis skirt, with a buckle at the side. You layered it with a white turtleneck and a knitted vest, on top of it all were various necklaces. New outfits that change you, just like the time apart.

" Hey, did you just get here? " You greeted as you settled opposite him, straightening yourself out to avoid looking him in the eye.

Calum's eyes were still on you, taking in your appearance. " Uh, no I just got here too. Are you ready to order? "

You finally looked at him, taking in his appearance across of you. A band tee (The same Nine Inch Nails shirt you used to steal,) and a simple silver chain adorning his neck. His tattoos were peeking out from the short sleeves of the shirt, drawing your attention to his arms. It was buffer than you last remembered it to be, that you were sure of. Calum was looking at you, waiting for your response.

Right, you're about to have dinner with Calum in your old hang out spot with him. You nodded at him, about to get up from your seat to order when he shakes his head. " Two slices of beef pepperoni, and a side of root beer right? "

" Yeah, I- "

" It's okay, it's on me. " He quickly replies and leaves you at the table. You stare at his retreating figure in disbelief. You settle back in your seat, deciding to berate him when he returns with your orders.

Within minutes, Calum returns with your meals. " You didn't have to do that you know. " You narrow your eyes at him, automatically fixing the placings of the food on the table.

" It's okay, I insist. " He smiles, muttering a quick thanks for setting the table.

You heaved a sigh of exhaustion, shaking your head. " Alright but I'm buying us dessert later and you can't deny it. " You threatened him, the fond smile never leaving your lips as Calum laughs at your antics.

The rest of dinner carried on naturally, as if you two have always been in this pizzeria for the past one year of your lives. It was a little unnerving but it mostly felt right, like the stars had aligned. Time flew by, like it always did when the two of you were tucked in your own bubble together. Finishing up the last of your drink, you two lapsed into comfortable silence. He watched you as you downed the remains of the cup, containing melted ice cubes.

" Good to know you still have iron deficiency. "

You rolled your eyes, deciding to chew the ice cubes a little loudly. " It's an addiction, I truly can't help it. Come on, let's go. " You urged Calum, grabbing your bag and standing up. He quickly picked up his leather jacket and stood up too. You got a good look of his full outfit, surprised by the lack of Docs to be replaced by a pair of Vans instead. You watched as he pat down his pants, ensuring he got all his belongings before coming up to your side.

Once you two left the pizzeria, you took a quick glance at the street you were so used to. Wordlessly, you turned right, Calum having no other choice but to follow along. It wasn't even nine yet and it was a Friday night, so you were in no rush to go home. You'd hope your intuitions were right as it led you two towards one of your favourite book stores, the one you used to drag Calum in to hide from the rest of the world.

Calum's heart swelled, he recognised the direction they were headed towards the second you chose to turn right. He wonders if it was just as natural for you as it was for him, muscle memory to go to the book store after the pizzeria now that you're with him. It was just like the many times you've done so all those years.

It was silent between you two during the short walk to the store. Calum, ever the gentlemen opened the door for you. You thanked him, before looking back at him. The feeling of nostalgia was mutual between the two of you. Feeling brave, you stuck your hand out to him, nodding towards the endless shelves of books. " Come on. "

He gently took your hand, letting you pull him along. You automatically made a beeline towards the Young Adult section, ever the hopeless romantic you are. The thought brought a fond smile to grace Calum's lips, loving how some things will never change.

You awakened to the sun shining through your window. Days like these made you regret not getting a blackout curtain. One hand stretched over your eyes to shield you from the light. You had gone out the day before, only returning towards midnight. Calum had invited you out, taking you out for lunch and dinner which you fought to pay for, refusing to let him treat you to a meal twice in a day.

After dinner, you two went to a bowling alley that you'd never been too before. It had ended with you losing but you were the one that scored not one, but two strikes so really who's the real winner?

( " That's not how it works Y/N. " Calum rolled his eyes, causing you to giggle.

" Well, you had one strike while I had two. We haven't even gotten to the part about my spares. "

Calum just took your bowling shoes from your hold, " Whatever you say Y/N. " )

You'd been spending more and more time with Calum, meeting up with him at least once a week. The excitement and happiness that washed over you each time you texted or met never seemed to fade. It alarmed you a little, reminding yourself of the times you were crushing on Calum big time. You were confused. Sure you can't deny that you're attracted to him but you were also just really really grateful to have him back in your life.

Maybe that was a little too much gratefulness but could you really blame yourself? It was Calum freaking Hood! Who could resist such a divine being? If anyone could, please send some tips your way.

After accepting the fact that you won't be continuing your slumber, you reached out for your phone on your nightstand. As always, numerous notifications greeted you. This time however, you noticed you’d been tagged in multiple posts on Instagram, noting how they were all from fan accounts. You groaned out loud, not ready to deal with blatant haters all over again.

As if they hadn't already made your life a living hell when you were still with Calum, the first two to three months of your breakup was somehow, one of the worst. Calum had never once said a word to the fans to keep themselves in line. It was painful and harmful to live that way. His own silence was ultimately a factor leading to your downfall with him.

The rest of the band almost posted a statement to tell the fans to shove their useless hatred up their asses but you stopped them, not needing to complicate the situation of your breakup even more. Thankfully, it all ended up dying down but it wasn't something you'd like to relive in.

Going onto Twitter, you contemplated on going private. You were starting to get tagged in conversations on 5sos stan Twitter. You were quick to mute those conversations, not even sparing a single glance to read the tweets. Deciding to tone down your fear, you just double checked on your settings across Instagram and Twitter, twitching it so only people you follow can contact you directly from those accounts.

The two of you have skid past the topic of the breakup. Which was why it surprised you when you received a long message from Calum, filled with apologies.

It wasn't selfish of you to walk out from me because I was the selfish one. Seeing the commotion online has only pushed me to get this overdue apology out of me. I'm sorry you're getting this through a text, first thing when you wake up. It's been hard for us to approach this but in order for us to properly start a new chapter, we have to address the matter. I feel like I should take full responsibility for causing you unnecessary pain. I admit, the pressure of the fans and the media got to me, letting them dictate how I treat you. I'm easily one of the biggest fools you've ever known, it surprises me how you even found it in your kind soul to love me once upon a time and even, forgive me. If you don't mind, I'd like to do this right. Defend you from the fans for a start, even though we aren't dating anymore you are still my friend and a human being. You don't deserve the relentless spite from the internet, you don't need my own issues to become yours. Do know that I'm not doing this out of guilt but because I truly care for you and it's time for me to stop being a coward. If you're not comfortable, fine by me too. Just know that I won't hesitate to defend you from now forth.

You were moved by his words, knowing how he always got a way to craft words in the best ways possible. Your thumb hovered over the call icon before pressing on it. You didn't even have to wait three dials for him to answer.

" Y/N, " he answered softly.

You brought your knees to your chest, leaning against the headboard of your bed. " Calum, thank you. I don't want to stand in the way between you and your fans again. Do what you think is right for your own well-being as much as mine. "

" No offence Y/N, but it was hard back then not really realising how much backlash you'd receive just by existing around me. You don't have to suffer again by being associated with me. It irks me that I just stupidly stood by you, oblivious to the hate you got. Maybe worse things did happen and you didn't tell me. I don't want that to go on anymore. I want you to know that I'm fully here now. "

You cringed at his words, remembering how crude those remarks could get. Even when you were alone in public and a hater recognised you, they'd send you a dirty look and mutter a nasty remark for you to hear. Sometimes some fans would use the crowd as an opportunity to hit you more roughly than you'd expect. Those experiences made you stop showing up to huge events and surprising Calum.

It was unfair to Calum, that you didn't tell him about the other happenings but it would break your heart to break his heart about his fans. You knew how far his loyalty for the fans stood. For him to genuinely offer you proper protection was really a shocking change. You were silent for a moment; taking in the gravity of his words.

" Alright, " you nodded. " But if this ruins your reputation- "

" I don't care about that anymore, I care about you Y/N. "

You pressed your lips together. " I've got to go back to the studio, I'll talk to you later. Bye. "

Later that evening, Calum sent out a tweet that couldn't even be replied by anyone but him, calling out fans to watch their own words regarding the band and their loved ones. You simply liked and retweeted it before exiting the app to send a quick text to Calum, expressing your gratitude before choosing to ignore the world for the rest of the night.

Normally, Calum wouldn't be worried as he knew you well enough to know that sometimes you needed space. Sometimes you'd fall into a mental slump and just needed to slack throughout the days. But he hasn't heard from you in almost a week now, he was really starting to grow concerned about your well-being. You never had much friends, he knew that you prefer a tight knit circle of friends. After checking in on your social media accounts to track your online activities, he decided to pay you a surprise visit.

You'd told him before on how you moved into a new apartment, on a completely different side of town away from him. A fresh start for you. He input your address in the gps of his car, letting it lead him towards your apartment.

He double checked your building before driving towards the security post. He was under the guise of dropping off delivery for you, easily slipping past security. After they jotted down his name in the log book, they let him enter the car park. He found an empty space, luckily and made his way to the lift lobby.

He only had his memory to help him, previously having mentioned what level and unit number you lived in when you shared about your new life to him. Calum also remembered how you loved living in a high rise building. Calum was alone in the lift, riding up to the sixteenth floor. When he got out, he noticed there were only five units on this floor.

Carefully, he examined the exterior and read the different unit numbers of the apartments. Reaching outside the furthest unit, he hesitates to ring it. Calum reads the unit number, seemingly ringing a memory in his mind about the same numbers plastered on the door before him. With a deep breath, he presses on the doorbell of the apartment and awaits for your arrival.

" Calum? " He had been staring at the ground, hoping to calm his nerves.

His head shot up, once again looking at you, feeling relieved. " Thank god I got the correct unit. Surprise? "

You stepped aside to let him in, " Right uh, sorry I look like a mess right now. " You smiled sheepishly, tucking your stray hair behind your ears to look somewhat presentable. You'd been lounging in an oversized tee and some cotton shorts, not even wearing a bra underneath.

" I brought us some food, if you don't mind. " Calum raises the paper bag from McDonald's. Your stomach starts to churn slightly at the sight of fast food.

" I'll be right back but make yourself comfortable on my couch. Turn Netflix on, or Disney+ or whatever makes you comfortable. " You quickly headed for your room, putting on your most comfortable bra. Sure, he'd seen you naked on multiple occasions but this was different. You quickly fixed your appearance, grabbing your glasses, hair tie, as well as your blanket, head pillows and jacket.

By the time you returned, Calum had already laid out the food on the coffee table. You didn't have the heart to tell him that you didn't have much appetite to eat, despite being attracted to the food presented to you.

" Thanks Calum, " you mumbled softly, settling on the end of the couch. He settles down gently beside you, leaving a small gap between the two of you. You opted to look at the television instead, refusing to open up. Calum was waiting on your every move, so you had to be fine. You wanted to be fine.

He took one last look at you before his eyes adverted to the screen, pressing play on the film he's chosen. You tried to relax as the Disney introduction clip rolled through, only to jump slightly in surprise when your favourite film introduction came on afterwards.

You couldn't help the smile from forming, peeking to look at Calum only to find him already grinning at you. You blushed, shyly looking away and reached out for the packet of fries he laid out on the table for you. You absentmindedly offered Calum some fries, holding it in between the two of you to munch on.

Calum was still worried about you. Sure you were eating the food you brought over but you weren't fully enjoying the moment. You didn't sing your heart out like you normally would. Instead, you were muttering some lyrics under your breath. He knew when the next song sequence would come up, deciding to take action from there.

You were surprised when you heard Calum singing along to the film, looking at you earnestly. It was always the other way around, being the Disney fanatic that you are. You didn't think he'd notice your subtlety today, but he did. It was almost the end of the first verse, and you were quite tempted. Maybe it showed on your face because Calum was inching closer, singing louder.

As the pre chorus kicked in, you finally gave in, singing a little louder than you had all day. Calum harmonised with you, encouraging you to take the lead. You rolled your eyes, but it held no threat as you smiled widely, feeling your burdens slightly lifted off your chest.

By the end of the song, you were breathless, leaning close into Calum and laughing. His one arm instinctively wrapped around you, pulling you close. It's the first intimate contact you two have initiated in a long while, but you didn't care. You felt him tense up, before Calum pulled away feeling shocked and apologised.

" It's okay, " you assured him and snuggled into him. His once tense body relaxed in a matter of seconds, giving into your needs. The comfortable silence returned, but this time you truly felt calm as Calum ran his fingers through your hair as you leant against him.

Since his visit, you decided you were ready to go back to socialising. You were sure to express your gratitude multiple times towards Calum, forgetting how safe and sound it was like to be by his side. However, you were positively sure those feelings were all on the platonic side. It only made sense right? Ignoring the facts, Calum was being a great friend and you seeking comfort in him can be purely platonic. (Even when your heart is trying to convince you otherwise.)

You went about your week as per usual, going to work, coming home, talking to your friends and meeting up with them. It was a rare day for you, as you had ended work earlier than usual. You were getting ready to meet your best friends when Calum randomly rang you up on FaceTime.

" Hello? " You answered, pausing to stand in front of your phone where you had balanced against your makeup brush holder.

" Oh hey, sorry am I disturbing you? " You noticed he had his bass clutched on his one hand, probably using his laptop to FaceTime you as his phone was on his lap. You got a clear view of Calum on his couch.

" Uh, no not really? I mean I can get ready while talking to you. Not like I've never done it before. What's up? " You settled down in your chair, mindlessly moving things around to make it easier for you to get ready while sitting down.

Calum curses, " Oh you're going out today. Sorry I forgot I'll just, I'll just call someone else or something. "

This made you stop your movements, glaring at Calum as best as you can through your screen. " Calum Thomas Hood, you called me, I stayed until now. What makes you so sure I don't wanna listen to whatever song you magically conjured up? "

" How'd you know it's a song? "

" From the way you're set up. Quick, I wanna hear it! "

He looks at his phone then back at you. " Okay, I just need some new perspective okay? Be brutally honest if you have to, " Calum trials off.

You sat back in your seat, making sure all your attention was on him and only him. He cleared his throat once before strumming the bass. He was singing loud enough for the two of you to hear, singing the melodies at some parts he was unsure of. After a minute or so, he stopped and looked at you for approval. Even through the small screen of your phone, you could see the eagerness to be praised and showered with love. Writing can get vulnerable and it made you wonder how he'd come up with such a beautiful song.

" I love it, I really do. " You smiled sweetly, hoping all your appreciation towards him are being expressed. " It's an amazing song, Calum that bass line is really really good too. That's so genius! " He looks at you with his doe eyes, smiling in disbelief.

" You trust me right? "

His face harderns, " Of course. "

" Then believe me when I say that your song is on its way to be one of the most amazing songs ever! I'm a music snob, you know I take music to heart. " You tried to lighten the atmosphere, succeeding in doing so when Calum broke into a smile.

The two of you stayed on the line, Calum working hard on shaping his song while you worked on your face. Even when you were driving, you made him stay connected despite his protests.

( " That's so fucking dangerous, I'm not sure if we should. "

" I'm wounded, I'll be fine! " )

Much to Calum's relief that his prayers regarding your safety were answered, you made it to your designated location without a hassle. You ended off with a cheerful farewell, promising to talk later that day.

Being around you was both the best and worst time of Calum's life. He loves you, he really does but it kills him not knowing where the two of you stand. He's aware that he's already pushed his luck with you, getting a chance of reconciliation which is rare especially coming from you. Calum doesn't want to fuck things up with his own feelings becoming a potential problem but he's sure at times, you feel the same.

You however, were still in denial of your own feelings. To be fair, you denied the first time you thought you liked Calum beyond the friendship zone. To be there again, for the second time in your life was something you're struggling coming to terms with.

Maybe it's the nostalgia getting to you. Maybe he really is charming. Maybe he is the love of your life. You're not sure. No living soul could tell you the truth and it's tearing you apart. If only feelings weren't so complex, especially when Calum's the subject of the topic.

As the days go by, your feelings grow stronger and stronger, making you realise many things. Wanting to kiss your very good friend isn't platonic, at all. Wanting to wake up to your friend every day and to fall in bed with your friend every night isn't platonic. Needing to see his face and hear his voice when you're at your lowest low isn't platonic in the slightest. You are still in love with Calum Hood, but the feelings just felt more vigorous.

As it comes to be, you grew even more in love with him as the times went by. It was scary, the familiar feelings coming back at fuller force. It was like speeding without brakes because you didn't know how to stop. You never learnt but you don't really know if you wanted to. He made you feel so much and none at the same time. Being him felt like being at the top of the world but also feels natural, meant to be. How seamless it was to be back in each other's lives. It should seem like a huge deal but it's Calum, it felt all too natural to you.

It was weird, once you started thinking hard about it. What are you to do now? If you acted differently, it'll probably be noticeable and he'd ask you about your feelings but how do you control yourself around Calum to be more friendly? It seems like life's a never ending struggle when Calum's involved in the equation.

The day of your routine meet up with Calum had arrived, and you were trying to stay as nonchalant as possible. Surely Calum could distract from, well himself in your own mind. He was dropping by your house today, opting to cook you your favourite pasta dish. You were whining about how you lack the time to travel to your favourite Italian restaurant, which only transpired into a banter between the two of you. Calum insisted to cook for you, in the comfort of your home. Who were you to deny free food, let alone his company?

It started out fine, you helped Calum prepare some ingredients from your pantry, setting it aside for him. The natural playful attitude came out easily when you’re around Calum. He shooed you away right before he started cooking, urging you to relax. After sending him one last half hearted threat, you complied and retreated to your room.

Getting lost in your thoughts was easy, especially as you laid on your bed with your music playing beside you. The very thought that Calum was in your kitchen, preparing dinner right now for only the two of you sends your head spinning. It feels like a fever dream, having him regularly back in your life. Your thoughts almost made you nauseous from clogging up your senses. You’re only brought back to earth when Calum comes knocking on your door, calling you.

He cautiously pushes the door open, widening the small gap you had left behind. From your spot on the bed, you look at him and you nearly swoon. It’s like every moment that happened before today blends into your mind, rendering you speechless over such a simple sight. He truly looks like he belongs in your space all along, as if he never left. It’s scary, yet you fucking loved it.

“ Hey, you good? “ His forehead creases with concern, taking a tentative step forward.

You flash a small, tired smile. “ I’m fine, sorry. Just spaced out there. “

Calum stares at you, before his body language swiftly relaxes. “ Well, don’t keep our food waiting. “ He smiles teasingly at you, an effort in lifting your atmosphere. One, you recognise and still feel grateful for.

He watches you as you slowly rise from your bed, sauntering towards him. His lips quirk up as he leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms. “ Last one to the table is a loser! “ You exclaim, pushing him lightly and running out of your room. Your laughter fills your apartment, shortly accompanied by Calum’s groan. Obviously you reached first, appreciative of the fact that Calum had set the table up. As you take your seat, Calum finally makes it to the dining room.

“ You know you’re dirty right. “ A smile plays on your lips as you shrug, looking away from him.

“ Sounds like a loser is saying something. “ You joked, getting up to wash your hands.

Calum grumbles to himself, but his eyes are full of mirth. “ Whatever, you’re lucky I love you. “

You stared at him, hands hanging by your side. He stares back in disbelief, a look of conflict flickers across his face. “ Yeah, “ he lamely concludes, eyes drifting away from yours.

Now or never.

“ I love you, so you’re lucky too. “ You see his ears perk up, shoulders risen again. When he looks at you, he’s frowning, a little sad even. Calum shakes his head, smiling sadly. “ No, don’t say that. “ He weakly protests.

It makes you frown, causes your own hope to vanish. “ Why? “

Calum breaks eye contact again, staring down on the ground. “ Don’t say it like you mean it. Or worse, like you feel obligated. “ Your frown only creases deeper, feeling hurt by his own assumptions.

“ That’s rude. “ You find your voice, despite feeling the growing pain in your throat. You want him to look up, to see if he could see your anguish on full display right now, all triggered by him. “ I’m in love with you Calum Hood. I never stopped and I don’t think I ever will. It would take the entire universe for me to fall for someone else. “

The sound of your own heart was deafening for you, beating loudly in your ear. You want to get out so badly but you didn’t want to leave Calum, nor did you want him to leave you. You don’t think you could handle it. “ Are you sure? “ Calum gulps, braving himself to look you in the eye.

The exasperation in your voice makes you cringe inwardly but you can’t find it in you to care all that much. This could be your only chance. “ Yes, I am very sure. “ He stares hard at you, his face void of emotions but you can tell his mind is making many contemplations. It was up to him now, you can only hope. It’s kinda humorous, you’d never imagine yourself confessing your feelings to him again. This time, it feels much more surreal but it was Calum. He’s always going to make you feel this way, you knew that deep in your bones.

“ I’m speechless, “ is all he could come up with.

“ I can tell. “

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. His composure breaks, shoulders slumped forward. “ You’re all I ever wanted, and even more than what I deserve. Don’t, you know it’s true. It’s a miracle you even forgave me and reconciled with me. I didn’t treat you right the first time, Our love may not be perfect, but I hope it’s enough for both you and I. I’m sorry that it took time apart for me to finally change, but I know you believe in the fates. If the fates are signalling that we’re the endgame, then I’ll trudge through every hardship by your side, not up ahead without you. That is, if you’ll have me. “

You approached him, taking every step closer as a chance for him to break away but he didn’t. Calum stood his ground, straightened up as he looked right into your soul. If he was looking hard enough, you’re sure he could even see the red string that pulls you two close, tugging you back to him. He reaches out, hands fitting back into place on your hips, closing the gap between you two. The adoring smile on your face calms Calum down, indulging in the feel of having your arms wrapped around his neck once again. Your foreheads meet, inhaling the electric feel of finally having your worlds return into one.

Your eyes flutter open, staring deep into Calum’s. Instantly, you both leaned forward, finally getting rid of all the space between you. The kiss was igniting, the blazing feeling was pretty much mutual as you felt Calum smile into the kiss. It was a little desperate, but still fulfilling the yearning that had accumulated in the past year. You’re left feeling hazy, laughing as you pulled away gently. Calum laughs too, out of giddiness. His right hand leaves your hips, coming up to cup your cheek. Once you look up, you catch his signature gummy smile directed at you. Your mind should be in overload but instead, it’s peaceful, the silence comforting you. It’s like a missing puzzle piece has been recovered in your life. In that moment forth, you knew love was truly everlasting.

#calum hood #calum #calum 5sos #au #y/n #5sos #5sos writers #5sos writing #ex boyfriend #ex boyfriend calum #angst #i tried #writing #fanfic #oneshot #ex lovers #calums curls #calum thomas hood

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sinner-as-saint · 5 years

Text

Kill For You (Mob! Seb AU)

Part 3 of: Back For You and Want You Back.

Run-through: A phone call from your dad changed your life instantly. One moment you were cuddling in bed with the mob boss, and the next you were rushing out of your house; running away from the one who claimed you as his. Were you right to do so?

Themes: dark! Seb, violence, smut, mob! Seb, dark family history.

A/N: The symbols “^^^” means a change in POV. Also, this is a long fic, grab your food.

A/N: OMFG IMMA SAY THIS AGAIN, i will always be a hoe for this shoot!!

Your heart was pounding; like a prey’s when trying to escape the jaws of death. Was Sebastian chasing you? No, not yet.

You drove with one hand, while the other one rubbed your temple in weak attempts to alleviate the excruciating headache which you were experiencing.

God, what am I doing? You asked yourself, but again, your conscience did not reply.

Your eyes flicked to the folded piece of paper which was carelessly thrown on the passenger’s seat. The address which was written was not far; only a 15 minute drive from your dad’s house. Yet, it felt scary.

Actually the whole situation was scary; sleeping with a mob boss, running away from him, him eventually finding you and now the recent phone conversation with your dad.

You just hoped Sebastian would give up on you.

Yet, a little part of you; hidden in the depth of your heart; a little bit of hope burned bright – and it made you wish that Sebastian comes and takes you away like the prince charming on his white horse that you talked to him about, the first time you met him.

You sighed remembering that night in the pub. If all of this wouldn’t have happened, if Sebastian didn’t turned out to be a mob boss, how simple and easy things would’ve been?

You’d go to work the next day and brag about it to Liana, your co-worker. You’d tell her you met with a fine piece of man last night, that he took you home and disappeared in the morning without leaving behind any note or making any promises of coming back for you.

Things would’ve been easier that way. So much easier.

Lost in your thoughts, while the GPS gave you the necessary direction; you didn’t realize that you reached your unfamiliar destination already.

And the sight of it caused a familiar upsetting feeling in your gut.

^^^

Sebastian walked in the room once again when he ended the call.

“Sorry babe, that was- babe? Babygirl, you’re in the bathroom? Y/n?” he called out, checking every corner of the room but was unable to find you.

He could’ve sworn he left you right here in bed. He was gone for barely five minutes, where could you have gone?

“Babygirl, come on,” he called out again and the only thing he heard back was his own voice echoing in the empty house.

He approached the bed and set his phone down on the bedside table. Where is she?

He thought you probably went to get a drink, but he was just outside, he’d see you stepping out of the room. Right?

Suddenly, he noticed a folded piece of paper on the table beside him. The pen next to it had its cap off so whoever used it must’ve been in a hurry.

He was weirdly calm as he reached for the folded piece of paper. He held it in his hand and almost scoffed at the sight of it.

She wouldn’t, would she? She won’t leave me, again. She can’t. She’s mine.

He unfolded the pale yellow piece of paper and read the words scribbled upon it. Once, twice, three times.

It took him 3 reads to finally make sense of what was written on the paper; in a rushed, messy handwriting.

-I can’t do this.

Love can’t be forced onto someone.

You need help.

He chuckled, darkly. Oh you did it, you ran away again.

He liked chasing you, but you took it too far this time.

He folded the note again and placed it beside him carefully. He hurried to find his clothes and put them back on and while he did so, he stared at the spot on the ground where your unpacked luggage was just a few minutes ago.

He was trying his best not to let his anger get to his head. Because God knows what he would do when blinded by his anger.

He took the note and slide it into his pockets. Sebastian let out a sigh as he stepped out of the room, taking a deep breath to get one last whiff of your floral scent which lingered in the air around the room.

Oh how he missed you already.

He sighed again when he entered the driver’s seat of his car; the same one he drove to the pub, where he met you for the first time.

He grabbed the steering wheel and leaned his head back against the cool leather and closed his eyes. For the first time in all of his life, the notorious mob boss found himself in a dilemma. For the first time in years, he had no idea of what his next move should be.

Should he call Chris and ask him to track you down?

Should he go after you himself? He was experienced, one way or another he’ll end up finding you, but since you disappeared in thin air; that was gonna be difficult.

What would people say if they found out? What would his allies think of him if they found out that he could even keep his girl in check, that he couldn’t control her?

If people found out that his girl ran from him, which would be an ultimate embarrassment to the mob boss.

So, starting the car with a press of a button, pressing the gas and putting his ego and his reputation above everything else; the mob boss set out to look for you.

And he prayed that you knew that if the pathway that’ll lead to you ever required him to eliminate someone; he wouldn’t think twice. As he loved you enough to kill for you.

^^^

You sheepishly got out of your car, clutching the folded piece of paper which contained the address. You looked up and in front of you was a house, identical to your dad’s in structure; only it was slightly larger. The front yard was a bit messy and it looked like it hadn’t been maintained in a long while.

The paint on the outside walls of the house looked a bit old, and certain places were covered in moss.

You walked timidly till the front door and knocked, hoping to see your dad but instead; an unexpected person appeared and pulled you in for a bone crushing hug.

“Y/N!! Oh my Goodness! Thank God you’re okay, what did he do to you? Did he hurt you? Did h-,”

“Liana? What the hell are you doing here? Who- what- what is happening? Is my dad here?” to say you were confused would be an understatement. You were completely baffled at this point.

“Yeah, he’s inside. Come on in, we’ll explain everything to you. I know it might be a lot to take in, but, please you have to believe us,” Liana said, closing the door and dragging you into what seemed like the living area.

She was your friend/co-worker at the pub. What in the world was she doing here?

As she pulled you into the living room across the long hallway, you managed to take a brief look around. You saw pictures of your mom and dad, when they were still together. The pictures looked old, and the frames looked like they were covered in thick layers of dust. You looked at the pictures rapidly, and a lot of them made sense.

There was one of your mom and dad from when they visited Paris, before you were born. There was another framed which held the picture of your mom and dad dancing at their wedding. There was one of your dad, and another man; whom you didn’t know, and he looked a lot like him.

You rushed through the pictures rapidly, and one in particular caught your attention. It was of a man, standing next to a woman, and the woman was holding a two year old. It looked like a normal family picture until you realized that the two year old was you, and the ones holding you weren’t your parents.

Who were they?

“She’s here,” Liana announced as the two of you stepped into the living room. You stood awkwardly behind her and in front of you were your dad, Mariah, your mom and an unknown young man.

“Mom? What is- what’s going on?” you asked again, out of confusion. You prayed that this was all a dream and that you would wake up in your bed back in your little town. You wished none of this ever happened.

“Hey peanut, come here,” your dad took a step forward and extended both his arms. You hurried into his arms and closed your eyes, letting your tears fall.

“Dad! I missed you!” you spoke through the tears and opened your eyes to find your mom sniffling too. She looked like she was in shock, she looked scared.

“Hey mom,” you spoke as you pulled away from your dad and hugged her. She hugged you tightly, and sobbed.

Ever since they broke up, you rarely saw your mom.

“Oh my baby, I’m so sorry I had to leave you, I’m sorry,” she sobbed against your shoulder.

What does she mean ‘had to leave you’?

“Mom, it’s okay,” you tried calming her down, and since she wasn’t getting a grip on herself, your dad had to step in.

“Ellie, please, I need to talk to Y/n,” he spoke in a tone you did not quite understand.

“Let’s go upstairs, peanut. We have a lot to talk about,” your dad spoke again, giving you a faint smile.

Your mother finally let you go and your dad ushered you upstairs. You followed him in pure confusion, and a slight bit of fear.

He led you to a study room, similar to the one he had at his place. Only this one was empty; dark red walls, and only a wooden desk and two chairs on either side of it. The shelves were free of any books, and the table was empty as well.

“Have a seat honey,” he pointed to one of the chairs as he settled on the other one.

“Dad, please. Just tell me what’s going on,” you pleaded and he did everything to avoid your eyes.

He sighed. He looked upset.

“Honey… Y/n, promise me whatever happens, no matter what I tell you, will change nothing between us. Can you promise me that?” he asked and an unsettling feeling formed in your gut. Again.

“Yes, yes okay, fine. Just tell me,” your voice was desperate. Desperate to finally figure out what was going on.

Your dad sighed again.

“You were two years old, when my brother and our wives went on a family trip including you. We stayed at a cabin in the woods and were having a great time when my brother’s wife told us a man with a gun was at the door. My brother was, well, a bad person. But he loved his family more than anything. And when it came to protecting it, he wasn’t afraid to sacrifice himself,” your dad spoke, his eyes glossy with tears as they threatened to fall.

Woah, you thought, you never knew all this.

“Dad, what do you mean by bad person? Was he like Sebastian o-,”

“Y/n! Don’t you dare utter his name in this house!” the chilling tone he used was enough to shut you up.

“My brother was nothing like them. He was just, helpless. When we were young, and abandoned by our mother, he had no choice but to join the mafia so he could raise me. The day he died was the worst day of my life, I lost my brother and… you lost your dad,” he spoke softly, his eyes searching yours.

The last few words he spoke replayed in your head like a broken record.

You lost your dad… you lost your dad… you lost your dad

“What- what does that mean?” you managed to choke out. Your head was spinning as you tried to wrap your bran around what he had just said.

“Oh peanut, you promised this wouldn’t change anything between us. You, well, you’re my brother’s daughter. One of the Stans murdered him that night, and your mother Ellie hasn’t been the same ever since, which is why she moved away from you. I had to take care of my own family, that’s why when you came of age, I left you at home. That boy you saw outside is my son, and Mariah is my wife, she has always been. We’re so sorry we had to hide this from you,” he spoke and stopped for a second just to make sure you were still following.

“We thought you would lead a normal life, away from your father’s past and our buried family history. It would all be well if that rascal did not lay his eyes on you. He ruined everything. And when I found out that you were coming to New York, I knew something was up. I had, uh, my people look into it and they said a certain…Stan visited you at home. So, I had to step in. You will always be my daughter, Y/n. I have loved you like my own, kept my own son away from me. This won’t change anything between us, right?” he continued, leaning forward slightly.

He watched you as your heart broke into a million pieces, and silent tears fell down your face. His face was surprisingly expressionless.

Your whole life had been a lie, hadn’t it? You tried to cry but you couldn’t find the energy to. Your mind was blank, unable to think.

“Honey? Hey, peanut come on, I know it hurts. But you still have your family here with you. You belong here, with us. You’re home sweetheart, and you’re safe. You’re away from him,” he spoke again.

“I just- the pictures they, mom is- I, I’m sorry. I think I need to be alone for a while,” you whispered, closing your eyes and allowing the hot tears to fall down your cheeks.

It was too much, way too much. You were afraid you would lose your mind if you didn’t step away to get a grip on your racing thoughts.

Your… uncle agreed and let your step outside. He yelled a name, you heard it but your brain didn’t register it. You felt like you were gonna faint.

You felt a pair of hands grabbing you.

“Y/N! Hey, hey you okay? Take my hand, let’s go to your room,” your heard a voice say. Liana, perhaps.

You walked, and walked while your thoughts raced. You saw your feet move, and with each step; the words repeated themselves.

You lost your dad…you lost your dad…One of the Stans murdered him… that rascal laid his eyes on you… you’re home now… you lost your dad.

It was too much, way too much.

You didn’t realize you were sobbing until your body hit the ground. Liana was no longer there. The carpet upon which you curled up in a ball was dusty, the room was well furnished but it looked old.

Your tears didn’t stop.

Liana was right outside the bedroom door. She heard, she heard everything when your uncle explained all the stuff to you. She has known you for a little bit, but the girl really liked you.

She was sent to befriend you and become your co-worker at the pub; she was sent by your own uncle. So she knew from the beginning. She knew it all, and she knew just who to call.

As she heard your sobs, she grabbed her phone, made sure no one was around and dialed a certain number.

It rang once. Then twice, and then they picked up.

“Hello?” the husky voice said from the other side.

“Boss, they have her,” she whispered, turning around to make sure no one was hearing her talk. Liana told him everything he needed to know. Including all the lies which were involved.

^^^

Sebastian toyed with his shiny gun in his hands as he sat in the living area of his home in New York. Scotch in his hand, and his most trusted friend in front of him; the thought of you gone was driving the mob boss crazy.

“Liana called yet?” Chris asked from the other side of the room. A minute ago, he was barking orders at his people too, but when he saw his boss/best friend looking all upset for the first time in his life; he realized that you being gone was actually harsh on Sebastian.

“No,” was all Sebastian said.

Oh he was angry, very angry. At himself, at you, at whoever it was that took you away from him; at everything.

He missed you, your face, your touch, your voice; everything about you. He needed his girl, and she wasn’t here.

He gulped down the burning liquid at one go and poured himself another. Not even alcohol was helping him in getting rid of the thought of you.

He had sent his people everywhere; Paris, New York, back in your town, even sent some at some nearby airports. But none could find you.

Chris sighed.

“Dude, it’s just a girl. You’ll find a thousand more, just say the word. Women basically throw themselves at you, man, if she doesn’t want this, then let her go. You’ll find someone else, someone better,” Chris reasoned with his friend and all he got back was a death glare.

Sebastian gave him his signature death glare from the stool of his indoor bar. He leaned against the counter, and even that reminded him of you. He thought about the day he first met you, and how gorgeous you looked with your dark green polo shirt, and your messy hair and shiny e/c eyes.

“Oh come on! Look at you, you’re Sebastian Stan, the most notorious mob boss in this fucking country. Look at you being a softie for a girl who left you and ran away to someone else! Get over it-,” before he could finish his sentence, he had to duck down till his body hit the ground because Sebastian aimed in his direction with his gun.

A series of cuss words left his mouth as he covered his ears while on the ground.

The gun shots boomed across the entire house as Sebastian fired at nothing in particular; a vase or two broke. Maybe even a glass pane, but Chris wasn’t hurt – luckily.

And once the booming gunshots stopped, Sebastian spoke up.

“Stop talking,” was all Sebastian said, after which he gulped down another shot of whiskey and as he began pouring himself another glass, his phone rang – vibrating on the counter top.

“Hello?” he answered the call without even bothering to check who the caller was.

“Boss, they have her,” came the female voice from the other side. Sebastian sat up straight in the stool, while Chris walked up to him; trying to figure out what caused this sudden change in his demeanor.

Fuck! He should’ve known that you’d fall right into whatever trap they would lay out in your path. He should’ve known.

“And?” Sebastian wanted to know more from Liana, after all, she was his spy. He sent her to the rivals just so she could keep an eye on them.

He didn’t know that they would buy her façade so much that they’d send her to keep an eye on their daughter who knew nothing of her family’s criminal background.

Liana was working for the Y/L/Ns but she reported back to Sebastian whenever there was something he needed to know. And right now, he needed to know how they were treating his girl.

“They’re feeding her lies. He told her the made up cabin story he tells everyone, and told her how one of your family killed her dad and everything. I think she bought it because she, well, she…” her voice came to a halt, and Sebastian’s heart skipped a beat.

He jumped off the stool at the mention of his girl and as worry washed over him. He thought he’d be angry at Y/n, but he wasn’t. He was worried, he needed to know that she was safe.

Was he actually being a softie like Chris said?

“What? She what? Where is she? Is she okay?” he asked in exasperation and Liana explained everything much slower once again.

Sebastian understood that your uncle had you, and that he was feeding you lies. He wanted to see you, hold you in his arms, look into your e/c eyes and tell you the truth. He didn’t want you to hate him, he wanted you to trust him.

Your uncle was…not to be trusted. He knew that, but you didn’t. You were being manipulated and he hated that.

I need to see her.

“I need to see her,” he repeated at Liana and she almost lost her shit.

“What? Are you insane? I can’t let you I-,”

“I’m Sebastian Stan, I do what I want. And when I want to see my girl, no son of a bitch will stop me. Do what you have to do, I’ll be there tonight. I need to see her,” he spoke in his bossy tone. And it shut Liana up.

“Will do, Boss,” was all she said and ended the call.

Sebastian placed his phone back on the counter top and let out a sigh of relief.

“So… you’re going to see her? At Connor’s place? You’re going to the Y/L/Ns? You know he hates you more than anything, right? Take some men with you, I’ll h-,” Chris got cut off by Sebastian’s annoyed voice.

“Do you ever stop talking, man? Don’t tell me what to do! I have a plan, just handle their security cameras,” Sebastian ordered as he made a mental plan on how to reach you.

He grabbed his phone again and sent a text to Liana, telling her to get everyone out of the house by 10 p.m. He’d drive there and see you, while Chris will have his people hack into your uncle’s security cameras and delete all the footage which needed to be deleted.

He would a couple of his men guard the premises while he talked to you. He really needed to clear things out. And he needed to you know the truth.

^^^

“Are you sure, honey? You know you can come along, just say so,” your Uncle Connor said while he stood right at the door frame of your temporary bedroom.

It seemed unreal to you how just hours ago you thought this man was your dad. Your biological father, but now he’s just… Uncle Connor.

You were curled up in bed, holding a pillow under your chin as you politely refused him. They all to leave suddenly, to… meet someone? An old family friend, maybe? You didn’t bother listening to wherever it was they were going. You were way too caught up in the chaos which occurred in your mind.

“Okay then, Liana and Dylan will be right here, okay. You kids be safe, alright? I’ll see when we get back, we won’t be long I promise,” with that said, he shut the door and you sighed as you heard his footsteps walking away.

You didn’t want to talk to anybody, you didn’t care who kept you company or who went away. You just discovered that the one you thought was your dad, is actually your uncle. You just found out that your family has a criminal history. You found out that someone actually murdered your real father, and that someone was a family member of the mob boss you slept with a few days ago. And although you were never close to your mom, you felt bad for her. And even though you don’t remember you real father, the revelation of his death did cause a void in your heart.

Fuck. This was a lot to take in.

You weren’t crying anymore. You didn’t want to. You just needed to get away from here and never look back. You wanted to be back at your small town, and wake up complaining about going to work at the pub.

The thought of going back home was comforting. But going back home would always remind you of why you wanted to leave in the first place.

Sebastian…

You whispered his name under your breath and close your eyes as his face popped into your mind. He was, unforgettable. The power he carried, the way he knew he could do whatever the hell he wanted, the recklessness in him; the danger which lurked around him – it was addicting.

You were afraid and ashamed to admit it, but you wouldn’t dislike him being here right now, with you.

Yup, all this mess has finally made me crazy. You thought.

A few seconds later, you heard knocking at the door. You had no energy left to physically open the door so you yelled from your unmoved spot on the bed.

“Yeah?”

“Y/n, its Liana. I, uh, I just wanted to let you know that if you need anything I’ll be downstairs in the basement playing video games with Dylan. Okay?” came Liana’s slightly muffled voice from the other side of the room.

“Yeah, okay,” was all you replied with and listened intently to her fading footsteps as she walked away.

You laid around in the bed, and admitted that it was weirdly comfortable and expensive looking. Maybe this whole mob/criminal business really did pay well.

After a while of doing nothing at all, you glanced at your phone and saw that it was quarter to 10, so you decided to take a shower because long, hot showers made everything much more bearable.

You opened your luggage and fished out a sleeping garment; boy shorts and a white tee, your daily PJs. You walked into the bathroom attached to the room and began undressing, then slipped under the hot water.

The door was slightly opened, and the air got slightly colder than before; felt like a breeze just rushed through. Weird, you thought, you don’t remember opening any windows.

After your long shower, a full 30 minutes later; you quickly got dressed and stepped out of the bathroom, untying your hair from the topknot and letting it fall down your back.

You through the towel in the hamper and walked over to the wide open window. You wanted to feel scared. But you didn’t.

You felt numb. Like as if nothing would surprise you anymore. Not even if a certain mob boss barged into your room like he did in your other house.

You scoffed. He wouldn’t come here. Not if he knew about the whole t-

“We really need to stop meeting like this,” said a voice from behind you.

You were halfway through closing the window, but his words got you frozen in your spot.

You closed your eyes and almost laughed at the irony. If this was a book you were reading, this would be the part where you’d close the book, take a breath and sigh, and open the book again to keep on reading. Unfortunately, you couldn’t pause time in real life.

You knew you’d have to turn around eventually. You knew you’d see his face. You weren’t ready for it, yet a part if you knew that his face would, surprisingly, act as a balm to this situation.

You turned around reluctantly. You thought you would scream and shout until either Liana or Dylan, your cousin, came upstairs to help you out; but it seemed like your body refused to listen to you.

You could feel the blood rushing through your body, you could hear your heartbeats ringing in your ears. Your hands were shaking slightly; you didn’t know if it was out of fear or because you needed to hold on to someone.

“You need to go. Now,” was all you could say to him, and his face fell.

His eyes held an emotion you had never seen in them before. Pity? Repentance? Care or worry? You didn’t know what it was.

“I promise I won’t be long, I just need to talk to you. Just let m-,”

You cut him off.

“There’s nothing to talk about Sebastian. Just go. He, my- they’re gonna k-,”

He cut you off.

“Just hear me out! Please, please just hear me out once. Just give me five minutes of your time. And after that, if you want me gone, I’ll go away without a word and you’ll never see me again. But please, baby, just listen to me,” he pleaded. He looked miserable and your eyes were quickly filling up with tears.

You simply nodded and took a step forward.

“God! Fuck! I don’t even know where to- okay, listen. Your uncle, Connor. He’s a conman, a manipulative ass-,”

You cut him off again.

“Watch it! He’s my-,”

He took a step forward, and for the first time, you didn’t take one back.

“He’s your what? What did he tell you, huh? That he watched his brother get murdered, and that he raised you up like a daughter because he loved you? He lied, baby. It’s all a lie, the whole story is a lie!” he raised his voice slightly, emphasizing on the fact that your uncle lied to you.

“And how would you know? You could be defending your-“

“I’m not defending anyone! I know because my family was there too. My dad told me all about that night before he- before he died! Connor took you and your parents to that cabin, but not because he loved his brother, but because he wanted to kill him! He killed them both, your mom and your dad. That woman, Ellie only looks like your mother, she’s no one to you. She was hired,” Sebastian spoke and your heart broke a little more with each revelation that he made.

You were waiting to feel something, anything, but again all you felt was nothing. Just numb.

“Connor had a plan. He would kill his brother and the brother’s wife, and get their money. He needed the title that your dad had, of that of a well-known boss in the world which I’m from. Your dad did what I do. Our families weren’t enemies long ago, they were allies. That night, on which your parents were killed, my dad and some of his men were nearby. They heard gunshots and when they later discovered what happened, they threatened your uncle. Because we don’t kill our family, we protect them,” he continued and you listened calmly.

You were lied to again.

“My family thought what Connor did was terrible and were planning to get him out of the way but we heard the news that him and his wife took you and ran away to a small town. We tried to reach you, but Connor already had a gang of his own. He wanted your dad’s money, but your parent’s already had a will. A will which states that their money will be given to you when you turn 25. So, Connor had no other choice but to raise you like his own, until you turn 25. Baby, he is someone who is willing to do anything for the fortune that your parents left you. If he killed his brother, he won’t hesitate to… hurt you,” Sebastian finished and took a deep breath and waited for your reaction.

“How do you know all of this? How do I know you’re no lying to me, because clearly everyone else is,” you asked, your eyes glossy with tears.

He sighed.

“I just needed you to know this side of the story. You deserved to know that you were being lied to. And now that Ellie has played her part, I have a feeling they’ll get rid of her soon. This world, this life is a dirty game, babygirl. There are few you can trust, if any. And right now, I need you to trust me,” he said, walking up to you and placing his hand softly against your face.

Oh how he missed you.

You closed your eyes briefly at his touch and opened them against, the back of your eyes burned as the tears threatened to fall.

“Is that why he lied about you? I- how can I just believe you? You’re, you- you are one of them as well,” you asked, feeling slightly bad for comparing him to your uncle Connor.

God, what even is this life anymore?

“That’s up to you, baby. All I wanted was to let you know that you shouldn’t trust him. Connor is capable of anything. Just, be safe for me. Please,” he looked you deep in the eyes with his worried blue ones.

You finally let the tears fall. And sobbed.

“I just want to go back home. I’m tired of this. I don’t want to be in this crossfire, I never asked for this. I just, want my old life back,” you sobbed and he pulled you in for a tight hug.

The mob boss was surprised at his own actions. He never thought he would be the type to care so much, but apparently he did.

“Don’t cry, babe,” he said and lifted your chin up to look at your teary face. He didn’t like seeing you in tears.

He could be lying as well, your brain projected at you. But after all that happened today, all the things you learnt; you believed that Sebastian wouldn’t sneak in the house of his rival’s house just to lie to you. He had to be telling the truth.

Well, then you just spent your whole life calling a murderer ‘dad’. What makes it worse is that he killed his own brother. The thought of it made you sick; you were just a pawn in their game. He didn’t love you like a daughter, he kept you as a bargain, as an assurance which he would then exchange for money later.

Would he kill you though? Was the love he showered you with all fake? All those Sundays you spent baking in the kitchen when you were younger, was that all for show? All the trips you went to as a family? All the promises he made of walking you down the aisle one day?

Turns out it was all fake.

It could be the built up frustration, anger, fear and all the other emotions which you were feeling, you weren’t sure; but it somehow caused you to pull his neck down and connect his lips to yours. You could sense his surprise as he slowly kissed you back.

The kiss was messy and you could taste your salty tears in it, along with his raw taste and suddenly, there was just the two of you that mattered in the moment.

His arms circled around your waist as he deepened the kiss, tilting his head to the side slightly. He groaned as your lips lightly stroked the inside of his mouth.

Your hands wrapped around his shoulders as you felt him walk the two of you back until you hit the edge of the bed.

“Baby, I missed you so much,” he whispered as he took off his suit and his button down shirt, leaving him shirtless in front of you.

Despite the messy situation, you couldn’t help but traced a finger along his bare torso, down until his Adonis belt. Driven by the recklessness of the moment and the lust in your veins, you started unbuckling his belt when he stopped your actions, causing you to look up at him.

“Take your time later, babe. We have to be quick, and I need to be in you. Now,” he spoke in between kisses as he pushed you back on the bed, got rid of his pants and briefs and climbed on top of you again.

His hand slipped into your shorts and he pressed his fingers against your core, which started dripping with desire as soon as his cold fingers made their way into your folds.

“Sebastian. . .” you moaned out his name and felt his fingers circling your clit faster at the sound of it.

His mouth was on your neck as you lifted your back off the bed slightly to get rid of your white shirt. His tongue slipped out and licked along your jaw and you let out a breathy moan. Fuck, his touch felt so right.

He lifted himself off of you just for a moment, taking your shorts off and admiring your bare body under him. And he was in awe of your beauty.

“Seb!” you broke his reverie and dragged him back to reality and he chuckled and got back to kissing you again.

His mouth on yours and everything was alright in the world. Here you were, you thought, seeking refuge in the arms of a notorious mob boss who was feared by most people in the country. Life really took you to unexpected places.

You lost your train of thoughts when you felt a bulge pressed against your heat. His mouth was still assaulting the skin at your sweet spot and soon, he teased your entrance with his tip.

You moaned out loud as your back arched off the bed and your hands gripped the sheets tightly as the familiar wave of euphoria washed over you.

Seeing your squirming body, he placed his mouth onto one of your breasts and gave the erected bud a soft suction.

He kissed his way upwards across your skin once again and captured your lips in a longing kiss; his tongue slipped past your lips while he slowly slipped his length past your glistening folds and into your entrance.

You whimpered as his thick cock stretched you to your maximum, you felt his length pulsating inside you, against your walls and in that moment that was all you could focus on. Just him.

His touch, his scent, his voice as he whispered your name over and over again under his breath as he filled you up to the brim.

He lifted his head to look at you with hooded eyes, he was breathing heavily and you were too. Both driven by lust and desire and an unexplainable trust in each other, you felt connected when you looked into his stormy, ocean eyes.

Slowly, he moved his lower body and slipped out of you slightly before rocking into you once again. He never broke eye contact and your whole body shook under him.

“Tell me you’re mine,” he whispered in between ragged breaths, more like demanded, while he was buried in you; unmoving. He looked like he was determined not to move until you answered him.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and noticed the little smirk which made its way onto his gorgeous face.

You wrapped your arm around his broad shoulder while the other hand held his face gently.

“I’m yours,” was all you whispered. And it was all that he needed to hear before he could pound into you like he owned your body.

He supported himself above you by placing his elbows on either side of your head; while he rocked in and out of you at a fast pace. He dipped his head back down and kissed you again.

You felt him, all of him as he slipped in and out of your tight entrance. Your lips were slightly parted as you gasped at each of his movement.

His mouth moved wonderfully against yours as he filled you up nicely with each sinful stroke of his length.

Your eyes rolled back as he gripped your jaw tightly with one hand as he broke the kiss. He lifted his head slightly to get a better look at you; at you completely at his mercy under him.

“You’re mine, you get that? You belong to me, and I won’t let anyone hurt you. You’re mine alone, babygirl . . .” he said so more to himself than to you, but still you couldn’t help the warm feeling that washed over you when you heard him.

“Daddy, I- fuck!” you yelled as he hit a sensitive spot you didn’t even know you had. As he kept thrusting relentlessly into you, you heard him chuckle.

“I’m right here, baby. I got you,” he whispered against your lips and tugged on your bottom lips as you felt the pressure forming at your core once again.

The hot, burning desire coursed through your veins and his name and a series of cuss words escaped your lips as his quickened his pace; rocking in and out of you with ease.

A thick warmth surrounded the two of you as you basked in each other’s body heat. This was comforting; he was comforting.

Your moans got louder, and he pulled his length all the way out of you then slammed into you almost immediately and that was all you needed to let go.

The sweet pressure became too much to handle so you came around his length as his name left your lips like a chant.

He came right after you as well, coating your walls with his hot load as he had his throbbing length buried inside your warm entrance.

You were gasping for air under him, you felt as if your throat was slightly sore from moaning his name over and over again earlier. Once he came, he moaned you name under his breath as well.

He gave you a sloppy kiss as he carefully slipped out of you and plopped on the bed right beside you. When he did so, you felt his warm load slowly trickle out of your pulsating entrance.

You heard him sigh, after which he pulled you into his arms, placing your head on his chest – you let out a sigh as well.

A thin layer of sweat covered both your bodies and the air smelt like his cologne mixed with the scent of sex.

“If they find us like this, they’re gonna kill you,” you whispered, feeling weirdly safe in his arms. His chest vibrated under your head as he chuckled at your words.

“No one’s taking me away from you anytime soon,” he replied and you smiled, feeling the tears coming back once again. Your heart was racing, and so was his still.

“Take me with you. I don’t wanna live my parent’s murderers. Please, Seb,” you choked out as a hot tear escaped your eyes and fell down your cheek and landed on his torso.

You didn’t know why you were asking him for help, but it seemed as though you would be safer with him than here in this house filled with murderers.

The mob boss felt helpless. This was all he wanted from the beginning; to have you with him. And here you were, asking him to take you along with him, but he couldn’t do that. It was too risky. And he knew he wouldn’t gamble or played this dirty game if you were at stake.

He could easily take you with him, bring you wherever you wanted to, but if Connor or his men ever found you; he was certain that he would kill you on sight. And he couldn’t take that risk. He would take you with him once he has Connor out of the way, and right now, he couldn’t do that.

He pained him to say that, but he had to refuse.

“I can’t,” was all he said and both your hearts broke a little bit more. He felt more tears landing on his torso and he wanted nothing more than to just empty bullets into Connor’s skull for making you cry.

You sniffled and your whole body shook as you silently sobbed against his chest.

“So you’re just gonna leave me here? You followed me this whole way, and now I’m literally asking you t-,”

“I’m not abandoning you, baby. You have to understand, please, I can’t put you at risk by g-,”

His words came to a halt as you heard knocking on the door.

You both froze, you searched his eyes to see if he was as frightened as you but he wasn’t.

“Boss, they’re here,” came Liana’s frightened voice from the other side of the door.

Boss?

“Gotta go babygirl, I’m sorry. I love you, just be safe. Keep Liana close, and don’t trust Connor. I’ll figure this out, I just need you to stay safe okay. Don’t go anywhere with him alone, don’t trust anyone here, except for Liana, you get me? I love you,” he spoke while putting his clothes back on.

And he left after giving you a kiss on your forehead.

I love you . . .

^^^

Sebastian managed to sneak out of your room using the dark of the night to his advantage and he hurried to his car. He noticed that Connor’s car was parked right in front of the front door, and he was getting out of it.

He saw the ugly smirk on his face and it took everything in his willpower to not grab the always loaded gun and shoot him dead right in front of his house, on his own property.

But he didn’t.

Connor, having done what he did; including having used and manipulated you all this time, didn’t deserve such an easy death.

Sebastian smiled sinisterly as he sat comfortably in the leather seat of his car; he was gonna take Connor down painfully. He would make him confess whatever dirty tricks he played in the past, he would destroy him; butcher his existence until he begged for death.

They hurt his girl, and in doing so; they unleashed the beast he had buried long ago. The beast left no room for mercy; he only knew how to kill.

So, he would kill for you . . .

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