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cherry1sblog · 8 months

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PAIRING: Lee heeseung × fem!reader

PART 1 PART 2

GENRES:smut, fluff, bullying, alcohol,party, unprotect ed sex (rember to wrap your Willy so the out come won't be silly

WARNINGS there is bullying in this heeseung is basically a dick to y/n and nothing in this story is real!!! This is fan fiction and the way I write about heeseung is not the way I portray him as he's a person himself this is simply for entertainment only !!

SUMMARY:heeseung had always bullied you through your 3 years of Highschool but never let anyone touch you other then him and if he found out someone did that was the end of it you were basically marked as his toy that's until the summer of your junior year you had enough you were done with him always making fun of you and you hated the fact that after all he did I to you you still adored him and liked him but it dosent matter cause you wanted to leave your senior year with a banger so you were no longer your nerdy self still smart asf obvi but appearance wise different you got contacts new clothes thank god you guys didn't have a dress code and most importantly you spent all summer learning how to do your makeup..

“Heeseung hyung do you know why y/n just left?” Sunoo asked “we had an argument cause she was being a bitch again “ sunghoon heard heeseungs remark and was upset “heeseung I know it’s your birthday but fuck you dude y/n was the one who organized everything with sunoo” “yeah hyung she even spent all night planing the decorations I know that you only do this to get her attention but we’re not in 7th grade anymore bulling her isn’t and was never going to work so stop being such an asshole “ heeseung washed with guilt he felt bad yes but sometimes he didn’t know any other way to show you how he felt and right now he felt really bad and realized how messed up he was being to you leaving his own party in his car trying to find you he realized it started to rain as it was the middle of October he knew you weren’t home yet cause the drive was around 20 min so the walk would be twice as long he felt the horrible now realizing you were walking in the rain but then he doted you sitting on a curb on a couple minutes from jakes house crying concer he got off and walked to you being to your level “hey y/n why don’t we go into the car it’s rai-“ you had pushed him he landed on his ass and now his butt was wet upset but not saying anything besides picking you up and putt you in the car slamming the door “what the hell heeseung “ “doll please just let me take you home it’s the least I can do enless you wanna walk in the rain” you hated how he had a point but you really didn’t wanna walk in that rain you were already soaked “here my coat “ he handed you his coat realizing that you were going in the opposite detraction of your house “hey my house isn’t this way” “my house is closer” you were gonna argued with him but you really just wanted to get out of these clothes “oh and um t-hanks for setting up my party “ you were surprised they Lee heeseung was saying thank you not even caring that he found out you were the one who planned it all “wow they Lee heeseung is thanking me “ he laughed “don’t get ahead of yourself now “ he said as you guys pulled into his driveway and hell heeseung house was big not as big as jakes but still really fucking big “are you coming inside or just gonna chill in the car “ running to his front step cause of the rain “my parents aren’t home there on a business trip so you can spend the night “ nodding at him admiring the decorations in his house followinghim up stairs and into his room “uh I don’t really have anything that will fit you” he said as he handed you some pj pants and a t shirt “thanks “ you said him just nodding thinking he was gonna leave or go change in his bathroom but he just looked at you “um where can I change” “oh right sorry you can change in my bathroom” walking into his restroom you not I’d it was a lot more clean than you thought everything was organized you put on the clothes as they were obviously super big but that was fine walking out you saw heeseung changing you covers your eyes “you can open your eyes “ peeping realizing he had clothes on now cheeks red as you just saw heeseung shirtless “sorry I was. Just about to get my shirt “ “not its okay” he laughed at you “what’s so funny “ he just shook his head “havent you seen a guy naked before or without a shirt? You saw sunghoon without one so what’s the big deal “ you’ve obviously seen guys shirtless before many times in porn at the beach but for you to see them all alone with just the two of you it made you nervous your stomach turend with butterflies and sometimes you thoughts being in the gutter “I have obviously but still” he lifted his brow “but still what exactly?wait don’t tell me your….” You don’t under stand what he meant you looked at him as he smirked and laughed you didn’t get it “ wow doll are you still a virgin” you got embarrassed “ you really had me thinking you were actually a lit when really your just a innocent bunny” you scoffed at his words “you didn’t even let me answer” “ go on then answer

He told you but you had no idea what you were going to say so you just blurted anything “we’ll um if you reallly wanna know I’m not a vigrin anymore I’ve had a lot of sex before and given amazing head “ he look like didn’t believe you one bit with he shouldn’t you felt so stupid you says yeah I’ve given so much head before ughh “um okay? Yeah doll it’s okay if your a virgin it’s natural “ you shook you head “ but I’m not I just told you I’ve-“ “ then show me “ you didn’t know what to say mouth hanging open “ if your so good at giving head then show me “ you really didn’t know what to do only what you’ve seen on porn but you weren’t going to let heeseung win so you were just gonna try and reenact what you’ve seen on porn “ u-um okau” he say on the bed man spreading you walked over kneeling down infront of him undoing his belt but he grabbed your arm stoping you “ wait I know your lying y/n it really is okay i was just messing with you “ he looked at you with sorrow “ I don’t want you to do something and feel forced into it it’s okay to be a virgin and this is something you should lose with someone special “

You smiled at him knowing he cared but you were already infront of him so you might as well do it so then you could maybe learn “ I’m already infront of you and I want to do it you can help me along the way “ he looked confused “wait a minute you want me to be you what sex guide?” You nodded “ only if your sure “ you were sure and on the inside heeseungs heart was pounding and now growing hard thinking of you around his cock just as he always wanted you nodded to his question he released your arm you rubbed your palm over his pants as you seen the girls do before heeseung crowed to it throwing his head back you slowly zipped his pants down ridding him of his sweats and then you saw the tent in his boxers the outline already scared you heeseung saw that panick in you face “you don’t have to continue doll if you don’t want “ you shook your head your wanted to do this you pulled his boxers down and he was so pretty that your mouth started to drool “ so big” you started to moved your hand up and down spitting on his shaft moving up and down then adding your mouth to his tip swirling on his slit his eyes rolled back “fuck y/n you feel so good “ he bunged your hair “may I “ you nodded he started to fuck your face he was so big he had you stuffed gagging on him he kept rolling his eyes back “ah fuck you like being a slut for me don’t you “ you didn’t say anything but you were getting wet “my own slut my doll so I can use you whenever I want right” you gagged on him again and he can you couldn’t breath but it was worth it he came all in your mouth you swallowed it he pulled out of your mouth “did you swallow doll” you stuck out your tounge to show him “did I do good “ he grabed your jaw “you were amazing “ he placed you gently on the bed your heart was racing you were nervous and I’m pretty sure heeseung can tell by the way your eyes were closing “hey pretty girl look at me we don’t have to do this we can take it slow okay “ he looked at you like you were the most important thing to him you felt wanted by him “I want to do it “ you said it but with hesitation he held your hand “look we’ll see if you wanna go thrue with the rest after I’m done eating this pretty little pussy” you smacked him as he giggled he slowly took off your pants seeing the wet patch on your cute pink underwear rubbing his finger over you there was a barrier you needed more it felt to good already “he-heeseung m-ah” he licked a strip on your underwear sliding your underwear done now feeling a bit exposed you closer your legs “don’t hide from me cause now this pussy belings to me and only me okay doll” you nodded he went down on you he licked sucked and fucked your hole with his tounge and fingers and it felt so good but you wanted more you wanted him as close to you as he could be “ah hee-“you moans so loud as he started to go faster you were close “please heeseung don’t stop feels so fucking good “ your eyes rolled back you couldn’t hold it any longer cumming all over his tounge “ you taste so good doll” you blushed at his comment “heeseung please “ “please what baby?” You go shy you didn’t wanna say it “use your words or I don’t know what you want “ checks turning a bright rosy red as you told him what you wanted “please fuck me need it so bad seungie “ the nick name was knew to him but he loved it

Aligning hip tip with your entrance before he put his tip in he was so big in you he could feel just how tight you were “holy fuck your so tight” heeseung and you throwing you heads back as he bottomed out “tell me when I can move baby” you didn’t want to wait anymore “please just fuck me heeseung “ and with that he slowly thrusted not wanting to hurt you witch it felt werid at first but it felt so good after awhile “omg fuck” heeseung starts kissing you slowly “been wanting to do this for so fucking long always have that big ass mouth of yours “ you couldn’t say anything other than “fuck y-“ heeseung started to pound into “what’s wrong doll I swear you were saying something “ you were to fucked out to say anything you felt a coil in your stomach but at the same time it didn’t feel like how it felt when you would touch yourself so you had no idea what was happening it felt so strong “omg wa- ah” heeseung pressed on your stomach wear his duck was bulging from it felt so god that right then I’m the the coil broke it felt so good your body felt so warm “did you cum baby” heeseung starts kissing down your neck and still keeping his pace you feel sensitive but I’m a good way “fuck keep clenching on me doll” and you did you could feel heeseungs dick twitch inside you and then you felt the warmth of his cum you felt so full heeseung panting both of you out of breath as he laid besides you “holy shit that was amazing “ you said “wait shit “ heeseung looked at you confused realizing that you just slept with heeseung your biggest enemy it was too late now but you didn’t want anyone to know “can we maybe keep this beetween us?” Heeseung seemed hurt “uh yeah sure” you didn’t understand why but he did but he always makes stupid remarks of course “ wait is it cause you don’t want people to know how dumb fucked you were over my dick” playfully hitting his chest “no heeseung cause I don’t want people knowing my business but I’m tired can I sleep now “ he nodded giving you a shirt and holding you while you slept

//The next morning \\

You woke up in heeseungs arms and it actually felt nice you didn’t want to get up but you had to you slipped as careful as you could not wanting to wake him as he looked so peaceful grabbing his and your clothes and making way to find his washer and dryer you went to go washed up from your pervious night activities and by the time you were done you undies were done drying slipping them on and throwing one of heeseungs black shirts on going to make breakfast but before that you wanted to wake heeseung so you tried to wake him up by tapping on him but that didn’t work so you set on him and slowly started to kiss his lips then his cheek and then his jaw you were going down more but he stopped you “doll it’s too early for you to be acting bad “ you faced him “all I wanted to know was if your hungry I wanted to make you some food “ he smiled at you and pecked your lips the rest of that day you spent with heeseung not answering anyone just the two of you together until someone showed up at his door you opened the door not knowing who it was but you found out it was Sunghoon you were fucked “y/n? What are you doing at heeseungs place “ you didn’t know what to say at all “um he took me here after I left cause I was walking home in the rain so he said it would be bad for him to just leave me in the rain “ he didn’t seemed like he believed it not one bit “so where’s heeseung then “ the dort opend more “right here “ heeseung said as he showed himself “why are you just standing at the door come in werido “ you were so confused heeseung was acting to normal “I’m the werido you had everyone thinking you two were dead “ and really hit you your parents but then also realizing your parents weren’t home either they too were on Bissnens trips “well I’m not see we’re standing perfectly fine “ sunghoon rolled his eyes “well I can see that now but if he just wanted to make sure you don’t get sick why are you still here then it’s like 6 pm not only that you wearing hyungs shirt ?“ you looked at heeseung sunghoon got you both there I mean to everyone eles you guys are enimes in reality heeseung should have just left you there to walk in the rain but this isn’t like that At all “uh that’s a good question “ heeseung looked back at you both no knowing what to say but before sunghoon could speak you interrupted him “ I stayed because both are parents are on trip right now so we thought it be better to stay together cause I get scared being home alone and I wasn’t going to sleep in my dress duh “ you were hopeful he believed that “oh ok I mean I Gusse that makes sense but why haven’t you guys answered anyone “ see we’ll for the past like 8 hours you and heeseung have been bing watching the summer I turend pretty so that wasn’t something you had to come up with

“y/n wanted to watch the summer I turend pretty and I thought it was stupid but it’s actually a really good show we’re almost finished with it wich you actually interrupted” Sunghoon honestly was questioning why he’s even freinds with the both of you but sunghoon also came to say that “we’ll another reason I came and why we’ve been calling you nonstop is cause jake got into a fight with someone at the party “ you were conceded Scince jake was super nice like a golden retriever and seeing him hurt would upset you “WHAT is he okay????” Sunghoon nodded assuring he was fine but the other guy was not “ I don’t get it what was it wall about? Why did they even fight “ sunghoon sighs “well actually I think it good that y/ms here now but it’s a bit upsetting” you were confused what’s so bad that invoked Jake getting into a fight cause of you “the guy I Guess was taking pictures up girls dresses and skirts and you were one of them “ you were grossed out your heart sank you felt like you were gonna puke tears forming at the corner of your eyes “but there’s more I Gusse he had posted the pics he took of girls on accident and a bunch of people are calling all the girls whores “ you were definitely upset but still didn’t get why jake got into the fight “not only that but the guy got all up in jakes face cause he called him out for it and then he said some stuff about you being a whore “ heeseung looked at you to see a reaction they both did “I’m. Not sure what to say who tf is this guy?” He wasn’t really sure either he saw him but didn’t know who he was “apparently your freind soobin knows him but the dude is like a complete loser his name is minje that’s all I really know “ Minje that name sounded so familiar to you but you don’t know why after that sunghoon ended up calling the boys and chu and some of the other girls so everyone was at heeseungs you all decided to have a game night

“During the game “

“Fuck you this ain’t fair jake hyung keeps Stealling my money “ it’s been 30 min into the game and the boys were already arguing “it’s not my fault you don’t notice this monopoly dosent have rules so suck it up” everyone was laughing at them but this game was gettin absolutely no where so you asked if they wanted to play a diffrent game “what game did you have in mind?” You were think but you didn’t really know “uh I’m not sure this game is boring that’s all I know “ “oh oh wait I have an idea “ chu said “how about we play spin the bottle scince there’s a good number of us “ there were 7 girls and 8 boys so chu was right we all went into a circle heeseung grabbing a beer bottle placing it in the center “okay who wants to go first “ Jake being jake he went first “oh shit I’m scared “ Jake said but it landed on chu every one in the room went ooooooo chu and jake ended up kissing but you guys weren’t in middle school anymore so you suggested a little more “istead of just a kiss why don’t we do make outs scince well kissing is a bit boring “ everyone agreed with you beomgyu went he needed uo kissing yerim and then jungwon went he kissed Yuna and then it was your turn you were nervous but exited you kinda were hoping for heeseung but you landed on sunghoon it’s not like you haven’t kissed before but you guys didn’t really understand what you were anymore more confusing at the fact that we’ll you had slept with heeseung nothing really made sense to you about this but it’s just a game right no actual feeling involved right? “Do I have to come to you or ?” You spaced out but went to sunghoon and he just grabbed your wait and pulled you in you guys probly made out for a good minute but when you went back to your spot you could see heeseungs death glare at you after 2 more people went it was heeseungs turn he spined the bottle and what do you know thank you lord for making this more awkward then it had to be you were really reconsidering your life “holyyy shit y/nnie your got two kissies in one night” but then as sunoo said that jake smacked him “shut the fuck up sunoo rember there not the best of freinds “ everyone kinda gose silent “hey if you don’t want to y/n it’s ok “

Sunghoon said “no it’s fine I mean it’s just a game after all” you said it’s so nonchalant but you were nervous for some reason acting like you didn’t just sleep with heeseung “hurry up doll your taking to long “ heeseung was sitting down man spreading as you went to his side of the room with the couch you say on his lap you knew he was tryna be a bit of an ass but no everyone was kinda shocked that you were being so bold before heeseung could even initiate the kiss you grabed his jaw and started to make out with heeseung for a good 2 min “okay okay we get it stop before I bulge my eyes out “ jungwon said “I felt like I was watching the intro to a porn “ Everyone laughed at yunas comment “okay well I thinks it’s time for a movie no” everyone got exited but offfff course it had to be a scary movie you liked scary movies but y’all were gonna watch the nun but honestly something even scary happend the fact that you were sat tight in between sunghoon and heeseung you wanted to kys in that moment but something happens while you and sunghoon were giggle to the point where heeseung just didn’t wanna sit next to you guys anymore wich was werid “I’m actually gonna head up to bed you guys I’m getting tired but feel free to do whatever “ you guys all looked confused but continued with the movie

\\half way thrue the movie//

You had gotten scared 3 times and by this time sunghoon suggested you just on his lap instead of jumping on his lap like 70 diffrent times so you were seated on top of him sunghoon was grabbing onto your shirt but cause we was also trying to cover his eyes and then “BAM” you all jumped and screamed chu thru all the popcorn on the floor “ your so fucking stupid we should have known you didn’t have to pee” yuna told Jake “first of all that’s was rude second of all you all looked like you shit yourself” you were moving so much you forgot you were sitting on sunghoon put his hand on you thigh and squeezed it “please stop moving “ thats when you felt it you felt bad but also felt butterflies you didn’t stop moving through the movie it wasn’t like sexual it’s just when a scary scene came up you’d move more then you needed too that’s when “hey y/n come get more drinks with me “ you looked at him confused “huh?” But everyone ofc wanted a drink but no one wanted to get up “ommggg get me another soda please “ chu said so you went with sunghoon as you walk in sunghoon closed the kitchen door and went behind you whispering in your ear “you think your little game is cute huh?” You were confused “what game “ you said defending yourself “I know you and heeseung fucked if he really only let you borrow his clothes he woulda gave you some pants “ you were caught in your own lie you were fucked “so you let heeseung fuck you before me “ he said as he started to kiss your neck you turned around to get him off of you a bit “cmon pretty gurl I already know it obvious let me make you feel good hm”……….

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I’m so sorry this took so long. I know you guys have been waiting for this so I try to make it as long as possible there was a lot going on so I didn’t have as much time but I hope you guys enjoy this in the meantime. also this is a proofread inside so long, but I have been wanting to start another series so for the next part of this might be may be a bit longer or maybe sooner but I’ve been wanting to start a new series so I’m trying to figure out some stuff, but I think you guys will be very patient and I love you all so much🩷

#enhypen #enhypen smut #jungwon #cherry1sblogs #jungwon smut #kpop smut #jake sim #sunoo #enhypen fluff #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen hard hours #heeseung smut #lee heesung x reader #lee heeseung #sunghoon #sunghoon smut #park sunghoon

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inkformyblood · 6 months

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chance encounter (CWFKB2023) #2

Modern AU. Bloodsoaked kiss fill @codywanfirstkissbingo

There’s a man covered in blood sitting at the edge of Cody’s bar.

He’s pretty enough that the blood doesn’t detract from it, somehow enhancing the bright flash of his eyes as he twists to stare at the door he’s just trudged in from. Cody follows his gaze, settling his elbow on the door to peer down at the trail of footprints that the man’s left in his wake — Cody could line up his footsteps with a ruler, each perfectly placed to try and minimise the damage , and he’s seen habitual drunks who’d run for a bar with less efficacy than this man has — and he catches the man’s eye as he straightens up.

“I’ll pay extra for the cleaning,” the man says. His mouth twists like he wants to say more and he’s found it tastes bitter, hitting his palate like a pick-axe. “But am I able to order?”

“You hurt?” Cody asks instead, gesturing to the man’s, well, everything. It’s impossible to distinguish his natural hair colour beneath the blood, and every blink on one side grows longer with the sticky slide over the previous finger-smudged space to try and clear it. His clothes haven’t fared much better, a simple button-up destined for a long soak in some peroxide if not an immediate sentencing to the bin and a tight pair of jeans that will make Cody’s brain light up in all the wrong places if he thinks about them too long, blood splatter and all.

The slow grin that dawns over the man’s face could only be described as wicked, enough to convince a priest to tear off his collar and renounce his crusade if only for a second glance, and Cody isn’t particularly adept at denying himself small pleasures anymore. Nearly dying would do that to a man. The stranger peels his hand off of the bar, his fingerprints embossed in the wood in deep red marks, and Cody’s starting to reach for a rag before what he’s seeing catches up to him. The man’s teeth are pointed, his tongue a flash of pink amongst deep red as he licks over the expanse of his palm, culminating the motion by removing the prosthetic fangs with a wet slick. He sets them next to the soak of his fingerprints. “All entirely fake. A prank I interrupted I believe or it may have been intended for me all along. But now I am soaked to the bone, already sticky and that is only going to get worse, and I’m in desperate need of a drink.”

“We’ve got a small bathroom round the back.” Cody’s mouth moves without his brain’s input, cogs that had already stuck on the intensity of the man’s gaze as he had licked over his palm — that hadn’t been a fascination Cody thought he had possessed but now he can think of nothing else — grinding to a further halt at the thought of the man undressed in the cramped confines of a shower, soap clinging to his shoulders, the soft plane of his belly, lower. “You could wash up there.”

”You won’t get in trouble?” The man asks softly, leaning closer to Cody like they’re in a confessional, his voice so gentle that Cody flushes from the dichotomy of it all. “No trade secrets I should stay away from, overbearing bosses, jealous exes?”

“Why would my exes be jealous?” Cody asks before he can stop himself, rocking back on his heels to pinch the bridge of his nose, trying to force his headache with nothing more than the pressure and a fervent prayer.

The man chuckles, ducking his head to make an attempt at hiding his grin behind the back of his hand. The pale swipe over his palm is briefly visible and Cody’s stomach twists, his head swimming with how much he’s craving something he’s only just learned is possible.

“They’d be jealous because I’m getting to talk to you and they’re not.”

Cody grumbles something unintelligible at the man, refusing to look at him directly. He hadn’t had much of a religious lean in his childhood, the house packed too full for anything else to seep in through the cracks. But he had dutifully sat through the parade of speakers from every faith while he’d been at school and sang the hymns like he was supposed to but it hadn’t meant anything special, it just was; the same way got the second pick of the chairs around the tv and he always chose the low armchair that would tip over if he leant back too far, the same way he got third pick of the sweets whenever his family all piled into the car for a trip and sixth choice of where they got takeaway from on the rare nights they could order. It had always been there, braided into his swearing and the way he structured his breaks around the holidays just like he would for the school breaks. But he must have done something right, somewhere, somehow, because this man, blood-stained and smiling like there’s never been anything wrong with the world, is in his bar.

He holds out the rag, a clean one, uncurling it from his fingers as he does so. There’s an indented line cut into the hollow of his knuckles, thanks to his own actions, and the man murmurs out his thanks as he stands, taking the rag from Cody. He roughly scrubs it over his eyes, revealing patchy pale skin littered with freckles and glitter in equal measures. The glitter is red, clinging to the natural hollows of the man’s face, the furrow of his brow and the corners of his eyes.

“Bathroom’s just through the door marked ‘Staff Only’, take a left and it’s the second door on your right. Ignore the skeleton in the closet. His name is Lewis.”

“And your name, my most beloved bartender?”

“Cody.”

“Cody,” the man repeats, lingering over the scant few syllables like he’s savouring them, swirling wine round in a glass as if that would make it taste any better. Closer now, he smells sweet, the fake blood beginning to dry tacky and stick around his joints, a rusting puppet too stubborn to lie down and let the world spin to nothing around him. “That is a lovely name. I’m Obi-Wan.”

He holds out his hand — blank line on his palm, a gold ring on his thumb, and Cody was already halfway in love without Obi-Wan ever saying a word — and Cody takes it. Obi-Wan tugs Cody forward, the edge of the bar catching on the rough curve of his hip, and kisses his cheek, sweet and sticky and smelling of artifical strawberries. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Cody manages, smoke spiralling from his ears as his overworked brain kicks up another gear, dust torn free from pathways he hasn’t touched in years. “You can have that drink when you’re back out.”

“You’re a treasure, Cody, truly. What would I do without you?”

“You’d be sticky and thirsty in someone else’s bar.” Cody squeezes Obi-Wan’s hand before he lets him go. “Now, go. I’m not going anywhere.”

#codywan #cwfkb2023 #cwfkb #codywan first kiss bingo #codywan first kiss bingo 2023 #star wars #commander cody #obi wan kenobi #my writing #fanfic

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voxofthevoid · 8 months

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Now that the Amnesia Fic is over (only took 14 chapters and 72k words *sobs*), we're moving on to my next set of word crimes—fondly but unofficially titled the Double-Dong Dickfest.

Yes, really.

Age reversal (but no role reversal) with 15-year-old Gojou and 29-year-old Yuuji set in canonverse. This was meant to be just a oneshot featuring dubcon public sex of the chikan variety, but then the outline escalated into an 8-chapter porn fest where Gojou gets wrecked seven ways to Sunday. For once, nothing is @nearalways' fault; teen!Gojou animated just...inspired me too much.

Let Dickfest Wednesdays commece! Since the first chapter is just a setting-establishing prologue, there's a total of 0 dicks in the excerpt below.

"Nobody sane would want to walk around in this heat.”

Yuuji grimaces. “That’s fair. The summers are getting worse every year, huh?”

“You don’t get to talk,” Satoru says, eyeing him up and down. “What’s with that outfit anyway? You tryna look cool or something?”

Yuuji looks down at himself. It’s not a particularly outlandish outfit by sorcerer standards; it’s pretty simple even—a hooded, full-sleeved jacket and thick pants, all a deep, gleaming black. In literally any other weather, Satoru wouldn’t bat an eye, but this July has been scorching. Satoru’s sweating through his summer uniform, and he can’t even look at Yuuji without feeling five degrees hotter.

“Is it working?” Yuuji asks.

“You’re too old to be cool.”

“Ouch,” Yuuji intones, even clutching his heart. “I’m not even thirty yet. But I guess twenty-nine would feel ancient to a kid your age.”

“Don’t call me a kid!” Satoru wants to throw something else at Yuuji, even knowing it’d be pointless. “And you’re missing my point!”

“Oh, you had one?” The teasing is mild, Yuuji smiling like he’s inviting Satoru to laugh with him. Even the thick scars cutting across his eyebrow and mouth don’t detract from the sheer niceness he exudes.

Satoru’s tempted to scoot away, half afraid it’ll spread like some contagion, but they’re already on the far edges of the park bench. Alright, maybe Satoru’s taking up most of it, but he’s a big guy. Yuuji’s not small either, six feet tall and obscenely broad, but somehow, he doesn’t take up much space.

“Satoru-kun?”

Satoru drags his eyes up from Yuuji’s thick thighs, running right into two sets of warm brown eyes. It’s still a little weird to look at someone’s face and find double the expected number of eyes, but it’s an interesting kind of weird. And Satoru definitely prefers this to the way Yuuji closes the lower two when they’re with other people. They might look like just weird scars to non-sorcerers, but Satoru’s own eyes are metaphorically triple the usual number, and all four of Yuuji’s eyes are violently visible to him even when he’s playing at normal. It’s much better to just see all four open instead of watching the second set swim under Yuuji’s skin.

As if sensing this thoughts, Yuuji’s eyes narrow into a frown, concern creeping across his expression.

“What?” Satoru asks a little belatedly.

“You were saying something,” Yuuji prods.

What was he—

“Oh, right, the assistant managers. Fushiguro Tsumiki isn’t the only one, and you still haven’t told me why we can’t just call someone else.”

“So spoiled,” Yuuji repeats with a sigh, but before Satoru can protest, he adds, “You already know why. They’re scared. Tsumiki-san is the only one who doesn’t mind working with me. I have Megumi to thank for that.”

“The hell does the Zen'in head have to do with any of this?”

“Tsumiki-san is Megumi’s sister.”

Satoru takes a moment to mentally compare the two. He doesn’t know Fushiguro all that well, but she’s sweet-faced and mild-mannered; Zen'in Megumi is anything but.

Well, whatever.

“You’re wrong,” he tells Yuuji.

“That so?” Yuuji asks, and Satoru really doesn’t like how indulgent he’s acting, from the pretty little smile on his lips to the way he tilts his whole body toward Satoru, but none of it feels mean or mocking. It never does with Yuuji. “What am I wrong about, Satoru-kun?”

Satoru leans into Yuuji’s space, staring right into those four glimmering eyes. “She ain’t the only who’s not scared of you. I’m not. I don’t give a fuck that you were Ryomen Sukuna’s vessel. That guy’s ancient history, and you chewed him up anyway. Who the fuck cares?”

It’s subtle but there, the slightest widening of Yuuji’s eyes. Satoru grins, victory sweet between his teeth.

“Thank you,” Yuuji says. “I appreciate that.”

Satoru’s grin sputters and dies. “What the—no! It’s not a compliment! I’m trying to—”

“But isn’t it a little too early to decide?”

“Huh?”

“You barely know me,” Yuuji points out placidly. His face is still very close, and Satoru’s sunglasses have slid down to his nose, leaving him exposed to every minute shudder and shift of the muscles on Yuuji’s face as those lips curve into a crooked smile. “What will you do if it turns out I’m a monster after all?”

“You?” Satoru laughs; it comes out a little too breathless. “I’ve met puppies more evil than you.”

Yuuji’s smile widens, exposing a gleaming line of pearl-white teeth. His canines look unusually sharp.

“That’s sweet, Satoru-kun,” he says. “I hope you won’t change your mind. They all do eventually, even cocky ones like you, but I guess it’d be nice if you didn’t. You’re a fun kid.”

Satoru hisses at him. “Stop calling me a—”

Cold metal cuts him off, Yuuji pressing his can of soda to Satoru’s mouth. He rears back, condensation smeared on his lips.

“You can have that,” Yuuji says before Satoru can start cursing him out.

Satoru wraps his hand around the can; it’s nearly three-quarters full. “It’s yours though.”

“I’m good. You’re all red—cool down a little. It’s a long walk to the station.”

“I’ll be fine,” Satoru says, thrusting the can at Yuuji. “Just drink it. I hate martyrs.”

Yuuji sighs, his whole body drooping. “You’re impossible to please. I’m not being a martyr. You asked why I dress like this. I run cold. The heat doesn’t get to me as much. Will you drink it now?”

Satoru narrows his eyes at Yuuji, the can still held out. But the pleasant chill of the metal against his palm is kind of making his throat ache.

It is hot, and he is very thirsty.

Yuuji’s expression softens. He wraps a hand around Satoru’s wrist, using it as a handle to raise the can to his own mouth. He takes a small, wet sip.

Satoru’s throat clicks around a swallow.

“There,” Yuuji announces, licking his lips and letting go of Satoru’s hand. The skin he touched burns, even though Yuuji was right—his skin is much cooler than Satoru’s. “Finish the rest. That’s fine, right?”

Satoru wordlessly brings the can to his mouth, downing its contents in a single, shuddering gulp.

Yuuji’s approval simmers in the air—the ferocious focus of those four eyes branding Satoru.

#goyuu #jjk snippets #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #wip wednesday #fic: your looks can kill #my fic

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atanx · 5 months

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Since I've been replaying Subnautica recently, I've been thinking more about Below Zero.

From what I've seen, people tend to give Below Zero more shit than I think it deserves. Now, out of the two games I would very much say that Subnautica is my favourite, but I think comparing the two games is a bad idea in general because of how fundamentally different they are.

The premise of Subnautica is that you're a janitor whose spaceship crashed on an alien planet, leaving you as the only survivor when you wake up 8 hours after the crash. You aren't prepared for this. You're all alone. And you have been infected by a bakteria with a killcount in the billions. You know nothing at all about this world. This sets up real terror, helplessness and the knowledge that even if someone were coming to save you, they would experience the same fate as the rest of your ship's crew. You're not stranded on 4546B BY CHOICE.

Below Zero however, is drastically different. You have gone to great lengths to willingly smuggle yourself onto the planet to find out just what happened to your sister to cause her death. You come very much prepared and you're more than willing to face all the risks. You can also theoretically leave at any point. All you'd have to do is show yourself to Alterra and they would probably escort you to a prison themselves. You do not get infected. You are also not alone.

This willingness and initiative in Below Zero is a huge detractor from the terror of it all. And it is why I think a comparison is unfair.

(Also, you have a Truck. In Below Zero. And Truck-kun is there, ready to deal massive damage for you! Honestly I think it's way too OP. Fucking Shadow Leviathans become nothing more than a NUISANCE. But well, it fits with the theme of the game.)

All in all, Below Zero had nice environments, nice creatures, nice gameplay, a better base building system and some pretty intruiging storylines!

In my opinion, the endgame is pretty lacklustre. Any terror I felt regarding leviathans or the like abated very quickly, even though I have barely 30h in Below Zero. Meanwhile, going to the Aurora in Subnautica still scares the shit out of me 80h in.

Although I have to mention here that some of the familiarity you build up in Subnautica carries over. You can never get the same experience as playing Subnautica for the first time ever again. Because now you've already experienced it once.

Below Zero isn't really a worse game for not being able to do this, though. It's a good game, it's just... not as memorable. Because Subnautica is truly special. From its stellar soundtrack to its satisfying gameplay and moving story and setting, Subnautica is a fucking masterpiece. Sure, it has its flaws, but they're more charming than detracting. To me.

And it's unfair to expect anything else to deliver the same experience. Because nothing can.

And when comparing Below Zero to Subnautica, so many cool things lose their shine in its shadow. I still vividly remember jamming out in the seatruck to Diving In Too Deep from Nerdout. The story of that one old wreck that managed to survive by distracting the big gun was some really good writing. The frozen leviathan terrified me so hard even though I knew it wasn't going to come alive. Robin and Al-An's conversations are genuinely interesting an entertaining. The kelp area is really cool and the oxygen flowers are such a good gameplay change! Sam's storyline hit me right in the feels! MARGUERIT. The ice worm hit me straight off of my snowfox and down a cliff so I had to run the rest of the way. The research crew are also lovely characters!

There are a lot of things to love about Below Zero and we shouldn't let them pale by judging the game with standards Subnautica lifted to the fucking moon <3

#subnautica #below zero #atanx.txt #yes im aware bz came out like 2 yrs ago but ive been replaying subnautica and its just BEEN ON MY MIND SO MUCH AHHHH #also this is tumblr so who cares #and if you havent played the game(s) and somehow stumbled on this post: theyre really worth it #and i havent really spoiled much of anything #SO GO PLAY IT its so much better when ur playing it blind!!#if you have to choose one go with subnautica tho because its just so good #lolol the whole point of this post was to say dont compare the two yet choosing between them is a comparison of sorts XD #hey i never claimed i was consistent :P #but fr i love the characters in Subnautica. my little blorbos <3 theyre all dead but hey! fanfiction exists :333 #THE SOUNDTRACK IS SO GOOD AKCKQLC IT GAVE ME FEELS AND THEN I WROTE THIS POST

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shizuostrans · 7 months

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Which artist do you think portrays Shizuo the closest to your vision of the character? Thank you and have a nice day!

ooooh this is a good question. there are a lot of amazing designs for him that call to me as shizuo on different levels and that’s the beauty of art! i could go on and on about each manga artist’s portrayals of him and fanartists’ unique art styles and how one captures the best warm smile or scowl or hair tufts or sad brown eyes to me. there’s just. so much to love.

but i'm too shy to tag my fave fanartists and the shizuo i see when i think about him has been yasuda for a long time.

i have beef with how he developed several of his other designs but to me he far and away does the best job at bringing narita’s description of shizuo to life. i've seen a lot argument over narita’s design choice (that i'm not sure how much is genuine?) but each passage written about his appearance is filled with intention and it shapes and means the world to me. :)

bc beyond his height everything about him screams and should scream Most Normal Guy Ever.

even how he presents himself is said to make him appear like he’s playing dress up as someone imposing than actually being imposing. and that’s the kicker. once he’s seen in action he goes from being an unassuming person that anyone with the slightest bit of fighting prowess believes they can take out to the most terrifying person in the room for the exact same reason.

suddenly those traits that make him no different than the next guy become the traits that place him Starkly Outside Normalcy. every part of his design is etched with purpose. he’s lanky without visible muscle bc his body and power and character brute force past logic, he wears sunglasses to hide how soft his eyes are remarked to be, his bleached hair and bartender getup come from those he respects and he uses them all to create an identity to warn others off bc nothing else about him does UNTIL he makes it known how out of the mold of conventionality a freak of nature like him is. then everything clicks into place.

unrelated but it’s not mentioned in the anime that shizuo’s anime-typical vein throbbing is an uncanny phenomenon remarked on by various characters with izaya even saying most would think it’s due to a medical condition which is such a hilarious creative choice that i love to bits.

narita put SO much thought into his character design to the point where every facet of it is tied into his narrative and even slight alterations can detract from that. it makes every one really resonate with me and you can feel that attention to detail that yasuda does with shizuo too. any artist that incorporates all those components into their design of him care for him and his character a great deal which has had the most impactful effect on me. and that amount of care is almost impossible to replicate beyond the artist who was first tasked with drawing him.

(satorigi akiyo is a very close second tho. yasuda is obviously more limited in the amount he draws but she gives shizuo a greater range of expressions even for the same emotion and honestly yasuda walked so she could run in every other capacity but i can not and will not forgive her for giving shizuo blue eyes.)

#thank you for the ask and i hope you have many nice days!!!#durarara #shizuo heiwajima #shizuoposting

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nakanotamu · 2 months

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Alright so I finished watching a Stardom show and I had a lot of thoughts about it and stuff I wanted to say and normally I would dump this all in my discord server but rn I'd feel weird about spamming this in there bc of brain reasons so tumblr gets it instead. So here are my probably needlessly long thoughts about Stardom's 2023.09.09 5 Star GP show from Korakuen Hall:

Alright so just right off the bat I'll say that this show was pretty packed (~1300 people) and the crowd was very hot and that... did nothing for me. Moments that make me feel very alienated from what is apparently the average wrestling fan, let me tell you. People make such a big deal out of loud active crowds and idk I mostly just found this one annoying. There's something about them being so audibly almost exclusively men that is really not fun. Rossy spent 10 years being so bad at appealing to women that I think it's fair to say it just wasn't a concern of his at any point, and Harada was absolutely gunning for a product in that same vein and it SUCKS. Oh my god it sucks. idk why it bothered me so much on this show, it's not like it's anything new, but it was really getting to me. I'm looking forward to getting to the show from, I think late November, when Kid specifically commented on how many women were there and seeing if it feels any different. Shout out to the one very loud woman who was a huge Komomo stan though, mood.

This show was originally billed as the Generational Struggle Part 3, the culmination of the Generational Struggle stuff from earlier in the Summer, a storyline that nobody ever understood and none of the wrestlers had any interest in, ultimately just completely dropped by the time this show actually happened, really emblematic of Harada's era of booking. I think this show stands out in a similar way, a peak of popularity and hype during a period where the quality was already starting to steeply decline, but before people had really noticed in numbers and before things had really cratered, with the wrestlers still mostly able to cover up the increasingly obvious holes. As such I think it's worth talking about as a shining example of this incredibly weird and bad period for Stardom.

Lady C & Hina vs Miyu Amasaki & Hanako - I like the sort of QQ vs QQ feeling to this match, but iirc it was one of those matches that were frequent at the time that had to be changed at the last minute bc someone was hurt or sick. So idk it was a fine opener though, no strong feelings but like it's the first match it's fine.

Mariah May & Waka Tsukiyama vs Mei Seira & Megan Bayne - Okay I hate to say it but Megan is kind of growing on me. I still think the way they brought her in was all wrong, and trying to push her for singles matches again later was still a mistake, but I do think she found a pretty entertaining niche in these less important tag matches. A lot of it is everyone else figuring out how to play off of her, and I don't really think it's a *good* thing when one wrestler warps an entire match around her every single time like she does, but in a match that's not all that important so there's less to detract from, yeah it's actually pretty fun. I just like seeing Mei Seira get thrown you know? Or when Mariah tries to knock her off the apron and she just doesn't move. It's annoying as hell when it gets her title shots, but in contexts like this, it's a pretty good bit.

Natsupoi & Yuna Mizumori vs Syuri & Saki Kashima - I'll talk more about it later but this whole undercard felt really disposable to me, which is always disappointing, especially given how much character Stardom packed into even their smaller matches before this period. Yunamon was in the middle of her joining CA story (still, somehow) and Poi and Syuri are always entertaining together, and they still are here with some fun spots and stuff, but I just didn't care. Like I said though, broader issues going on during this period so we do know why it was like that and I'll get to it later.

Mayu Iwatani, Koguma, & Momo Kohgo vs Natsuko Tora, Fukigen Death, & Rina - Again, perfectly servicable undercard match that doesn't really have anything fun or interesting going on under the hood, but we know why now so I'm not trying to like, criticize, just saying yeah wow it was bad huh. This was Komomo's second last match before she got injured iirc which is incredibly depressing, I don't think she even tagged in once during this match so she was probably already hurt and I hate it.

Mirai vs Saori Anou - God, okay, this match was kind of the one that made me think about typing up my thoughts about this show. I did not like this match anywhere near as much as I expected to. It just was not clicking for me, like, at all. This felt like a very clear "first time singles match", especially between two wrestlers who I guess don't really know each other outside of wrestling and haven't trained together or anything. There's a reason first time singles matches are rarely actually all that good and I really felt that awkwardness and lack of chemistry here. Mirai and Anou are both good so it was like, fine, but I was really taken out of it and unimpressed after I had assumed this would be really good. I do like Anou winning the white belt, and I do think Mirai's run needed to end bc it was not... working, but man I would not have devoted like Mirai's entire Fall to this feud after watching this match. Shining example of why you should put wrestlers together with people they want to work with and not just whichever names you think sound good against each other.

Hazuki vs Starlight Kid - This match on the other hand totally lived up to expectations. Hazuki and Kid obviously know each other super well and are both freaks, it was great. Brawling through the crowd always gives me kind of, idk, a sort of secondhand embarassment feeling? It just feels wrong my brain doesn't like it but I still appreciated what they were doing with it, with Kid angry and desperate and trying to prove herself more intense and bad than Hazuki. Hazuki always looks amazing getting tortured in submissions, and Kid's whole gameplan being trying to build to the Black Tiger Leg Killer makes sense. I couldn't actually remember who won this so I was even biting on the near falls at the end and liked Hazuki's quick, desperate win. They're both so great and I liked this a lot.

Tam Nakano vs Suzu Suzuki - This was like, the exact opposite of Mirai vs Anou to me. It still had a little bit of that first singles match awkwardness I think, but the amount you would expect given that's what it was, and they both brought enough to compensate for that. Tam really does have the same chemistry with "mini Giulia" as she does with the big sis herself and this match was really great for it. Again exactly opposite to Anou vs Mirai, this match totally would have left me excited for a title match program between these two - which ofc unfortunately never actually happened. I think the booking was incredibly stupid though, because of course it was, but why give Suzu the win over the champ to build to her winning the tournament and... earning a title match she already earned with this match? I guess there is the possibility that as people seem to believe Utami was meant to win and Suzu was an audible when Utami got hurt, which would make some sense booking wise. I still think Utami winning would have been extremely nonsensical from a story standpoint, but all the rest of Harada's booking was disjointed and very obviously ignored story too, so it would be consistent in that way at least. But anyway, I really enjoyed this match.

Giulia vs Maika - Wow, man, I liked this match so so much more than I was expecting to. Idk why it quite feels like this because I haven't skipped any of these shows, but if 2023 was the Maika starmaking year, this was the match where her popularity really felt like it exploded basically overnight. Like she was already liked, but this match out of nowhere was where it was suddenly like, oh my god Maika is SUPER popular, god damn. I think all of Giulia's singles matches have some holes, like, I wouldn't exactly say she is "good" at "selling" even at the best of times, but Maika is really good at compensating for her weaknesses, and most importantly the match really really excels at her strengths, namely intensity and homoeroticism. Given the things I've heard or seen I think this might be the last Giulia singles match I really enjoy, uh, either in her time in Stardom or possibly ever, but still if it does turn out that way for me, what a note to go out on. Really really fantastic, I thought this match was great, even if the story stuff and the booking around it was extremely inconsistent and stop and go with a whole Giulia vs Maika storyline they teased repeatedly and clearly wanted to do and never actually got to. At least they got to do this one.

Which I guess brings me to how weird this period of Stardom was. There have definitely been times I've wondered myself why I'm so dedicated to not skipping anything even when I don't exactly think it's fantastic, but I don't know, I still want to see what it was like, you know? I want to see what the wrestlers cared about even when there was no guarantee at all the booker would pay attention to any of it. There are definitely still good moments, even if there are a lot of bad and a lot of it is disjointed and weird around it. I just want to see it for myself.

I did improv in high school, and I remember after regionals one year we tried to do our regular weekly practice the next week, and it was terrible. Everyone was just creatively tapped and needed to recharge too badly, but we didn't realize that at first, and there was just this feeling of like, "we're doing the same things we always do, why isn't this working?" A lot of stuff from this period gives me the impression that that's how the wrestlers were feeling during this time.

The next show, on September 10th, was Dream Tag Fes, which seems to me to sort of be when this era of Stardom jumped the shark. (And I say that as someone who used to be way too much of a nerd about sitcoms and is extremely specific about what that term means.) The one last truly top to bottom great show for this era of Stardom, amidst some decline already starting to show, before the management issues and terrible schedule would become too much to ignore and they wouldn't be able to reach those heights again. I mean I think they're already on their way back up, I'm glad Harada has already been fired and Rossy being gone too is a bonus, but for this period at least. I might skip some stuff in the future, I know at least the Money Ball Scramble that was a mess where they didn't even run by the wrestlers what was in the boxes for sure, but I don't know, I still worry about missing out on the good stuff too, you know? That's my problem with wrestling, I'm so quick to tell others there's no actual obligation to watch everything, and yet I feel it myself. But even if it was another one that was all over the place, I'm still glad I watched this show.

#kind of been missing talking about wrestling and blogging so ig this is a little bit to scratch that itch

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bookaddict24-7 · 3 months

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REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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42. Identity by Nora Roberts--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

One of the best things I did for myself with this book was going into the story without reading the synopsis. I legitimately knew absolutely nothing about this book and man, when that first twist happened I was HOOKED.

The familial relationships in this book were everything and I loved that there weren't any of the usual tropes in this one when it came to the romance. It was a thriller first and a romance/familial story second. I did love how all of the characters communicated and worked together, even if their dialogue was sometimes a little awkward--especially when discussing intimate things. I know all families are different, but I wouldn't confess to my mom and grandma that I just came back from a night of pure sex LOL. But hey, to each their own.

The love interest was interesting. I really liked him and his blunt delivery, but sometimes he DID push that line of like "Alright, I guess we're just going with this." It was funny watching these two come together and I'll be honest, when he was a certain way (which I know is just his personality), I thought "wow, our standards are flat against the floor." While the relationship sometimes felt stilted, it didn't detract too much from the story for me.

Now the villain was something else. He was creepy and horrendous. I actually pictured his face changing from when he first meets the MC to when he sees her sick friend. It's horrendous and he was so well written--especially when we get to see his steady decline into even more madness.

Overall, this was FUN and had some very disturbing moments. Roberts is a little too good at writing someone who thinks so horrendously and does some horrible things to his victims. I recommend this for the sweetness of the family and a character who loves her job, but also for the creepy POV of the serial killer.

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43. The Unknown by Katherine Applegate--⭐️⭐️

It's been a few weeks since I've read an Animorphs book because the library holds time is sometimes brutal. Why am I mentioning this? Because this was one of the rare books in this series that I didn't feel any urgency to read. I'll be super honest: This one felt like a weird dream. Half the time I was confused about how the characters got to certain points in the story.

I'll still be reading the rest of the series, of course, but this one was just okay. I do love these adventures, but this felt almost like a filler book?

Anyway, onto the next one!

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44. The Titan's Bride Vol. 1 by ITKZ--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will admit that while this storyline was actually sweet and pretty intriguing, this book is...nearly all porn. Had me blushing through the whole thing. I'm intrigued by where the story is going and I'm kicking myself for not having ordered the rest of the books yet, but yeah, this was basically porn with a sprinkling of a sweet and fantastical storyline.

I will say that the artwork is stunning!

Sigh. LOL.

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45. Once There Was by Kiyash Monsef--⭐️⭐️⭐️

ONCE THERE WAS would have been better as an adult fantasy book. Why? Because so many things in this book felt like an adult fantasy book--there weren't any adult themes, but a lot of the circumstances were a bit of a stretch. I think I, as a reader, wouldn't have had to suspend my disbelief so much if this had simply been an adult.

I mean, a fifteen year-old inherits her dad's Vet practice and and lives alone?

By the end of the book, I had forgotten this was YA.

Moving on from that, this book had a really cool concept. I loved the idea that there's a vet out there destined to take care of mythological monsters. I also loved that it was such a diverse set of characters too, including the MC. We get to see more about her culture and her father and what happens when Western society stamps out that aspect of an identity. For example: food, language barriers, and culture.

While the book felt a little all over the place, I really liked seeing the MC in action when it came to these magical beings. I also really liked how Monsef explored the concept of grief and how important it can be to just feel the emotions.

Overall, this book was OKAY. There were points where I was a little bored and a little confused as to why this was YA, but I can also see why so many people might love it. This was like Dr. Doolittle for mythological creatures.

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46. Raiders of the Lost Heart by Jo Segura-- ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I didn't know what to expect from RAIDERS OF THE LOST HEART, but I had a pretty good time with what Segura gave us. From the badass FMC to the stuttering and himbo of a MMC.

I think with books like this one, I need to not take the storylines too seriously so I can fully enjoy it (which I did). The romance, tension, and spice were great. The adventuring was fun (even though I would have loved to see a bit more). I think reading the author's note also helped in realizing how much leeway was given to the characters' adventuring, since it isn't really like this in real life.

This really felt like I was watching a movie. It was a quick and addicting read and had me hooked from the very beginning.

There is one character, however, who is clearly Pansexual and I do wish they had said that instead of having the FMC confused as to how one person could like more than one gender. I do like that this character explains it, but I do wish Segura had gone the extra step of saying the term.

Anyway, I enjoyed this for what it was and I'm glad I didn't pay attention to the rating!

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47. Olive Harvest in Palestine by Wafa Shami & Shaima Farouki (Illustrator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I don't normally rate or talk a lot about the storybooks I come across. But I came across OLIVE HARVEST IN PALESTINE while scrolling Instagram and I knew I immediately wanted it on my shelves. It's beautifully illustrated and the story it tells of an event that was a yearly tradition of harvesting and pressing olives in such a beautiful place like Palestine was both eye-opening and heartbreaking.

It breaks my heart to know that all of that beauty is now only on pages of storybooks, memories, photographs, and videos taken in passing. My heart ached while reading this important book. My heart cries for those olive trees that were hundreds of years old.

If there is a storybook you pick up this year, let it be this one.

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48. Block Shot by Kennedy Ryan--⭐️⭐️

When I read the first book in this series, I was hooked. I thought it was powerful, heartbreaking, and incredibly addicting.

And I don't know if it's because I spent yesterday sick in bed, but BLOCK SHOT was the last thing I wanted to finish (even though I only had like 4 hours left in the audiobook). I finally finished it earlier today but because I knew I wanted to finish it so I could get to the third book. Normally, I tell friends to DNF books but sue me, I wanted to give this book a shot.

All of that being said, I WAS intrigued at the beginning. I loved how these two knew each other from way back when and how, even years later, they still couldn't fight the chemistry between them. Call me wild, but I personally don't know how I would have reacted if I the FMC and the events of the first part of the book happened. On one hand, I get it because being a fat girl has always been my identity. Being the butt of fat girl jokes? Been there, done that. But on the other hand, I found that this FMC had a massive chip on her shoulder that she carried for the majority of the book, which she then moulded into a slightly unhealthy thing.

I'll admit, I found the portrayal of her body and how even the MMC referred to it (like being fat is a horrendous thing) really icky. I know that this was written a few years ago, but it made me so uncomfortable that the fat girl's humiliation was one of the big motivations for the FMC to "better" herself, as if her intelligence and already existent beauty wasn't enough. Don't get me wrong: wanting to feel a certain way and looking a certain way isn't a bad thing, I think the phrasing of it was just not it.

Which leads me to saying that...the FMC was one of those characters who supposedly had a powerful presence and was touted as this saint, but LOL, let's be real. She wasn't. Sure, she could put her business face on, but man, she was someone who was so easily manipulated. There were so many instances where I wanted to shake some sense into her. Like, we KNOW the MMC was an asshole, but at least he admits it? He was honest about who he was, while she was the one play acting.

I won't even touch on the fact that there's cheating in this and it's not like in the first book, where it felt like a glimmer of hope and fear. Here it was all pure selfishness. And I don't think we should always like the main characters in books, but like...at least make them consistent. I don't know, the FMC annoyed me and again, while I didn't like the MMC, at least he was honest.

Also, that twist. I saw it coming, but it added a whole other level of ick to everything and the FMC.

I'm disappointed with this book, but I'll still be picking up book 3.

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49. My Love Mix-Up! Vol. 1 by Wataru Hinekure (writer), Aruko(illustrator), & Jan Cash (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I loved MY LOVE MIX-UP! and how much fun it was. The storyline was entertaining and while I think things happened a little too quickly in this first volume, I did love the antics and honesty the MC had for his situation. I can never tire of these kinds of stories where kids are just casually living their lives and falling in love with the unexpected person.

This reminded me a lot of BLUE FLAG, which was one of my favourite reads a couple of years ago. I loved the friendship aspect and how, even though things have the potential to be messy, that friendship perseveres.

I also laughed quite a bit at that twist at the end. Will definitely be aiming to get this entire series!

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50. Happy Place by Emily Henry--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I think I always kind of know what to expect from an Emily Henry novel, so while I went into HAPPY PLACE with a bit of nerves, I also knew I would probably enjoy it. I didn't read the synopsis, as per usual, and I was (unsurprisingly) hooked from the beginning. This book was a shot of melancholy, heartbreak, and that magic feeling that summer sometimes brings out in us that anything is possible.

At first, I was put off by the going back and forth with the past and present. Mainly, I've always found these kinds of stories feel a little abrupt when they have a flashback chapter every so often and I become impatient for the present day story. But as the story progressed, I realized it was impatience mingling with anxiety. I was afraid to see what broke these two up; what had the power to come in between these proclamations of forever I-love-you's and soulmate-y kind of love stories. I was worried and while I had to force myself to face it, I'm glad I did. I obviously won't say what it was, but I will say that it felt like a very real reason, even though these two would heavily benefit from couple's therapy.

I also appreciated the friendships and how this book isn't just about the romance that broke, but the relationship between friends. There are different kinds of happy places in this book and many of them include these amazing friends who are guilty of a huge crime: growing up. I find that I related a lot to the one friend who spent her time chasing that high of youth caught in a summer breeze. I remember summers long past full of memories that will never be replicated, but growing up means knowing that those memories exist, even if life and time changes everything.

Much like many other Henry books, this delves into deeper topics as well, like familial trauma, grief, mental health, and abandonment issues. Those were palpable on the pages as the characters faced these very real parts of themselves.

I'm not giving this a full five stars because of the flashbacks and how messy the MC and her love interest were. Communication is a golden rule I wish more romances adopted, but I also can understand that in order to have diverse characters, we need to be mindful of the ones who genuinely have a hard time communicating--usually because of mental health and traumatic responses. All of that being said, I still stand by this couple being chaotic--even if they were probably my second or third favourite couple in the Henryverse.

ALSO, DID EVERYONE PEEP THE BEACH READ EASTER EGG?? Hell yeah.

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Have you read any of these books? What were your thoughts?

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Happy reading!

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nikkiitalks · 10 months

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Race Baiting - A thoughtument by Nikkiitalks.

Okay.. Here we go.

Firstly, for the sake of absolute transparency, when I was first contacted by @olivaraofrph in a tirade of a novel of a response, my skimming through it had me starting to be swayed in her favour, mostly because of the depths of which her privacy was invaded for the sake of the allegations against her. And in that moment, I prematurely forgave her. Told her I understood. But it turns out, after much more has come to light, that I in fact do not understand. And in turn my forgiveness is recanted.

I did not have all the information. Hell, I had a fraction of it. Natalie and I, we were friendly, but not close. We don't talk every day and we never did. We had, though, stood arm in arm against that moment's hot button issue that I had felt strongly about, and so had she. It seemed. We'd held each other in places of mutual respect, shouting each other out and praising each other's advocacy.

Now, it all feels so... silly. This performative display that I so willingly let be pulled over my eyes. But that's beside the point. That was all I knew of her, really. There are others in this tiny niche of our already tiny community, that were far closer. Those that ran servers, indigenous servers, with her. They weren't even afforded the respect of being given an explanation to, but I did?

I was the one, who when I it was brought to my attention, when I was urged to send a DM which I already had, that was deemed the one to get that? A novel, let me be clear, the contents of which I won't make public upon request. A lot of it had nothing to do, truly, with the issue at hand but served to distract from it in a wall of text. It was overwhelming, and it felt just a teeny, tiny bit, manipulative.

There's so much evidence now, even evidence regretfully obtained, that the only place her advocacy extends to is Tumblr. None of your public, irl facing socials having anything there about it. Your own admission of percentage, (how that had been confirmed as she claims I can't speculate), and other things that don't line up. Those of us in the community affected haven gotten together to compare and talk through our feelings toward it all and there is a consensus.

It fucking sucks.

Just the fact that this needs to be brought up absolutely sucks. It detracts from the credibility of other indigenous creators in the space. Not all press is good press, and Natalie right now, is bad press. Beyond myself and the others being lied to. Beyond the personal offense I take to that. This is what bothers me the most. For all the posturing and all the 'talking in wrong and confusing ways' it makes us all look bad. And for what?

The other personal and religious or spiritual beliefs she believes doesn't mean anything to me. The other racism claims about her I can't confirm, whatever. Talking shit about a beloved creator, real or not. Doesn't matter.

What matters is there is damage done to the indigenous community here on the rpc, and before we came together to discuss it, it was distressing to all of us. There is no such thing as clout on tumblr and I don't know why people can't seem to get that through their heads? What need is there to claim to be something you're not, even through insinuations, half truths and vague details? I don't understand.

Yes, the indigenous community is so willing to accept anyone with any indigenous blood, and it's the fact that this is what was taken advantage of by someone... that really gets me. That's what really makes it sting. It's a blow to every white passing Native out there, in my opinion. That's where my hurt is. It's the fact that there is question of the validity of the claims toward a shared familial and generational trauma to myself. That still impacts my father's side of the family to this day.

I don't even know where I'm going with all this, and I feel like I'm typing myself in circles, but it's all to say that I don't care about all the other stuff that serves to muddy the waters of the real issue. Race baiting does nothing but end up hurting those who's real life experiences you're roleplaying.

#olivararph #race baiting tw #rpc #discourse tw

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pearl484-blog · 10 months

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Well, That Went Suspiciously Well Adrien AUGreste Entry 2: Truth

After all the revelations from the Season 5 finale, Ladybug tells Adrien the truth. Adrien doesn't react as expected. Link to AO3 story. Link to Adrien AUGreste 2023 series.

Cards on the table, I originally made this as a joke, but my stupid writer brain can't resist adding character drama in there. Fire Opal says it detracts from the joke, but I say it adds to the plot so it's staying. After all, a joke MIGHT be funny one time if it lands well, but a sincere story can be enjoyed for awhile.

Like last time, this is an entry for Adrien AUGreste, but unlike last time, I can actually post this on time. Whoo! Considering my schedule, that's will probably going to be rare. As per usual, this was not Beta'd, so if you see errors or if anything is unclear, please let me know. ~*~ Ladybug took a deep breath as she tapped lightly on the window to Adrien’s bedroom. She had to do this. She needed to do this. It was the right thing to do, she told herself, even as her heart practically screamed at how wrong it was. She was going to have to tell Adrien the truth, even if it shattered him completely, and she had to do it tonight.

Ladybug knew Adrien wouldn’t take it well. He’d just lost his Father, and things were…complicated after Monarch’s defeat, but after her fight with Monarch, the truth had begun eating Marinette alive. So, she’d done the only thing she could think of. She’d told Alya, and that had kicked off a massive argument that had lasted for weeks.

Alya was insistent that this truth was way too big for Adrien not to know, that he had a right to know, even if it wasn’t a problem anymore since he had his amoks on him at all times. Alya had fought hard to get Ladybug to confess, and she’d pulled out all the stops.

Alya had called Marinette a liar. She’d demanded to know what would happen if Adrien figured out the truth from someone else. She’d told Ladybug that she had crossed a line. She reminded Ladybug how all it took for evil to win was for good people to do nothing. She pointed out how Monarch had terrorized the city, and Marinette had just given him what he wanted, and as much as Ladybug hated to admit it, Alya had a point.

But, Adrien was still at a fragile point in his life. He’d just lost his father. He’d just narrowly escaped being shipped off to London, and he’d been pushed to his limits again and again. Ladybug didn’t know that Adrien could even survive this, but Alya didn’t understand that.

Instead, Alya had given a final ultimatum. Either Ladybug told Adrien the truth tonight or Alya would tomorrow. So, Ladybug had caved. It would be easier coming from her, especially if he had an entire night to process it before he went back to school, and she could stay with him throughout the whole night if she had to.

It barely took a minute for Adrien to notice her tapping and rush over to let her in. It almost physically hurt to see the happy, innocent look he gave her as he invited her in.

“Hey, Ladybug,” he said, smiling at her just a little starstruck -Adrien starstruck, with her!- as he helped her get down from the window gracefully. It felt like all the times that he’d helped her out of the car on those dates like a true gentleman, and Ladybug tried to stop her traitorous heart from beating too fast and hide her blush.

This was serious, and Adrien didn’t know he was dating her. No matter how cute he was, she absolutely, positively could not flirt with her boyfriend now. It was time to get down to business.

“It’s nice to see you, Ladybug,” Adrien said, with that infuriatingly adorable smile of his. “Do you want to take a seat?” He gestured to his couch like it was an offering to royalty, and Ladybug really had to fight back a blush. Dang it. Why was her boyfriend so friggin cute?

Focus, Ladybug, she told herself as she took a seat. This is about to really hurt Adrien. You have to be sensitive. Scolding herself internally, she immediately gestured for Adrien to sit beside her. This was going to be a shock, and he’d want to sit.

Thankfully, Ladybug was able to wait until Adrien was sitting before she started talking, but unfortunately, her mind was running too fast to wait much longer.

“You're a senti-monster,” she blurted out before wincing at the tactlessness of her approach. Yeah, that was how to be sensitive to her boyfriend. Just throw it out in the open with absolutely no warning whatsoever. No build up, nothing to soften the blow, just go straight for the throat. God, Adrien must hate her.

Yet, instead of being shocked, Adrien kinda frowned, confused as he asked, “Me, a sentimonster? Are you sure?”

Mutely, Ladybug nodded her head, meekly averting her eyes as she waited for the truth to settle in.

“That’s pretty cool,” Adrien said instead, and Ladybug opened her eyes to see that Adrien looked genuinely excited. “Am I super-strong? Invincible?” He gasped. “Do I have powers?”

“No, no no, you’re perfectly normal,” Ladybug said, before correcting herself, “I mean, you’re amazing, but you’re not, you know, superhuman. You should be completely perfectly human, or like a human, I guess, except you can be controlled by a ring.”

“Oh, that’s it?” Adrien deflated before he straightened up in surprise. “Wait, did I hurt anyone? Did I do something without realizing it?” In a quiet voice, he whispered, “Did I hurt you?”

“No, but your dad controlled you,” Ladybug admitted. “I don’t know what all he did, but from what I know about him,” Ladybug fidgeted anxiously, “it wasn’t nothing.”

“Oh,” Adrien nodded, taking a deep breath. “Okay, wow. That-that explains a lot, actually. I-”, Adrien laughed, a little self-consciously, “I thought I was going crazy, really. I thought I was just weak, you know? Everyone said I was a coward, but he had my amok.”

Adrien sighed, looking… relieved? Ladybug marveled at her boyfriend’s resilience as he muttered, “All this time, I thought I was a coward. I couldn’t understand…but it wasn’t my fault. It was his.”

Adrien laughed, and Ladybug wondered if this was it, this was the moment her boyfriend lost it before he relaxed completely into the sofa, running his fingers through his hair. He almost seemed satisfied, like Chat Noir did when one of his puns actually made Ladybug laugh.

“Oh my God,” he said with a crooked half smile on his face that didn’t look happy, but it didn’t look sad either. “I want to say I can’t believe it, but he would, he totally would. All my life, he wanted to control me, and he found a way.”

“You’re taking this really well,” Ladybug said, a little worried since she’d gotten this far, and Adrien had actually managed to take this a little too well. It shouldn’t have been possible. How was Adrien, the sweetheart of Paris, the one who had been made into a puppet by his own father, taking this better than Ladybug, an actual superhero?

Adrien shrugged, as if he’d heard news this life-altering all the time. "Well, yeah,” he said. “Mind-control akumas are a dime a dozen. It's not the first time I've been mind-controlled. Heck it’s not even the first time someone I cared about mind-controlled me. I've been through this like a bazillion times. It sucks, but,” Adrien shrugged in a ‘what can you do?’ way, “that’s life.” He paused for a second before he asked, “Do you happen to have my amok?”

Ladybug could’ve facepalmed. Of course Adrien would want his amok back. They were the things that could control his very existence. Who wouldn’t? Thankfully, that had already been taken care of.

“It’s your parents’ wedding rings,” Ladybug said, grasping Adrien’s hands and holding them so they reflected the light. “The ones your father wanted you to have. Your amok’s in those.”

“Huh,” Adrien said, staring softly at the rings. “I guess my dad really did love me, in the end.”

“Of course he did,” Ladybug said. “Trust me, his last thoughts were of you.”

Adrien was quiet for a minute longer before he finally said, “Thanks, for giving these back to me.”

“Yeah, absolutely,” Ladybug said, “It was the right thing to do.”

“Are you sure though?” Adrien asked, still staring at the rings. “We don’t know if I still have to obey any of the commands people gave me before I had these, and I know Felix hurt you when he took the Miraculous last time. If you’d kept them, you would have had someone you would’ve known you could trust, who would never disobey you or hurt you. You would’ve felt safe with me.”

Ladybug shifted uncomfortably, not liking how the conversation was going. “It’s your free will, Adrien,” she said. “How could I have kept it and still been a hero? How could anyone have kept and still seen themself as a good person? This is yours, Adrien, and nobody else’s. There is no one else that I trust with this more than you.”

Adrien still looked doubtful, and so Ladybug grabbed him by the hands, careful not to touch the amoks. “You’re a good person, Adrien,” she told him. “Yeah, Felix hurt me, but there was a reason I gave you the Dog and the Snake Miraculous in the first place. I trust you, Adrien. I know you’d never hurt me.”

Adrien fidgeted again, weighing something in his mind, before he said, “My father never approved of my relationship with Marinette, my girlfriend, and he didn’t exactly keep it a secret. Near the end,” Adrien frowned, “a lot of the weird things that were happening messed with my relationship with her. I couldn’t do the things she wanted me to do, be there when she needed me to be.”

Adrien sighed, staring towards Marinette’s house. “I really hurt her,” he said, his voice cracking under his sorrow, “And I never wanted to do that to her. I just wanted her to be comfortable with me, but if my Father was using my rings to make me do that stuff, what if I still do it? What if I can’t undo those commands? What if I hurt her even more?” He rubbed the amoks. “She’s scared of me, Ladybug. Scared that I’ll break her heart. Do you know how hard it was for her to tell me that she loved me? Maybe if I gave her the amoks…if she knew that it was okay…”

“NO!” Ladybug cried, before she realized how harsh that came out and corrected herself. “No, Adrien, you can’t do that. You shouldn’t do that. Listen, I know what it feels like, worrying that you’re going to hurt somebody, but it’ll be okay. Now that you have your amok, no one can make you do anything anymore. All those orders are in the past now.”

Or at least, Ladybug hoped so. She hadn’t exactly had the chance to confirm it with Duusu before Felix left with him, but that had to be how it worked. It worked for Senti-bug. It had to work that way for Adrien. It just had to.

“This is your choice,” she told Adrien. “It’s your future. You can’t let anyone, and I mean anyone else have those rings, no matter how much you trust them.”

Seeing that Adrien was still hesitant, Ladybug stared him in the eyes. “Promise me you won’t let anyone else have your rings, Adrien. Promise me.”

Adrien nodded, averting his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “I promise.”

“Good,” Ladybug said, letting out a smile. “I hate to have to beat up your girlfriend just to get it back for you again. Can’t let just anyone wander around with that sort of thing, you know what I mean?”

Adrien nodded, giving her one of his least sincere smiles. “Yeah, thanks, Ladybug.”

“Anytime,” Ladybug said, her smile only just a little forced.

They sat together for a minute, staring at Paris’s skyline before Adrien looked at Ladybug.

“Do you think,” he asked hesitantly, “that there’s another me around?

“Another you?” Ladybug repeated dumbly. “What do you mean?”

“You know,” Adrien shrugged, “did I replace anyone? Did something happen to the real me,” Adrien stopped and corrected himself, “the human me, and that’s why Dad suddenly started being so nice to me before he died? Because his real son-his human son- died?”

Then Adrien frowned, shaking his head. “No, wait,” he said, “that doesn’t explain..” he trailed off, lost in thought. Ladybug wanted to ask what he meant, or why he thought that he wasn’t the real Adrien, but Adrien had already pulled himself out whatever reverie that he’d gotten stuck in and started pacing agitatedly.

“Unless,” Adrien said slowly, “the other me left or something and then something happened to him, and Dad got scared.”

Ladybug grabbed him by the arm, holding him firm. “Adrien, you are the real deal, and you’re irreplaceable. I’m pretty sure that you were born a senti-monster.” Ladybug took a breath as she decided to strike the lethal blow. “I think your mom making you with a broken Miraculous is what made her sick.”

Adrien stopped pacing, thinking for a moment, before he simply said, “Huh. That explains so much.”

Ladybug blinked before asking, “It does?”

Adrien nodded. “I always wondered why Father avoided me all the time and why he was always so over-protective.” Adrien hummed thoughtfully. “He must’ve felt really bad because Mom died. I get why he’s upset, but in a way I guess that we were lucky.”

“Lucky?” Ladybug repeated in disbelief, unable to believe that Adrien -her sweet little drop of sunshine- could be so calm about this whole deal. His mom was dead because she’d made him, and now Adrien was saying that he was lucky? Did Adrien not understand what Ladybug was telling him? Was she doing this wrong?

Adrien suddenly realized that he was being a bit too insensitive and his face flushed as he avoided Ladybug’s eyes. “Yeah,” he said, suddenly sounding much less confident. “I mean, I guess. Look, all I’m saying is that if you’re saying having me is what killed her, then I got lucky to have 13 years with her. Not everybody gets that.”

Adrien must’ve seen the skeptical look on Ladybug’s face because he continued, “I mean, look at Chloe. Her mom left her when she was really little, and she didn’t come back till the akumas drew her back. Plus, there’s Mylene’s mom, or Jagged Stone, or what about the people whose moms never even make it through childbirth. Some of them would’ve killed to have one day with their moms. I had 13 years.”

For a minute, Ladybug stared at Adrien, looking for a sign that Adrien wasn’t really as calm about this as he seemed, that he was just putting on a strong front for his sake, but in the end, she had to admit defeat.

“I don’t get it,” Ladybug said, shaking her head in disbelief. “How are you so calm about this?”

Adrien hummed, thinking about it for a moment before he finally said, “I guess it’s because I came to peace with Mom dying a long time ago. This doesn’t really change much.

Then realizing how awful that sounded, Adrien backpedaled hastily, “I mean, I'm glad I finally know what happened. It's not GREAT news, but she was sick for awhile, and then when she disappeared, I mean, I wanted for her to be alive, but,” Adrien shrugged, “after awhile, I knew she was dead. There was no way that she would’ve been gone for so long and not be dead, you know?”

Adrien shrugged helplessly, and Ladybug wanted nothing more than to hug him, but she didn’t know if that would be crossing a line. Adrien was Marinette’s boyfriend, not Ladybug’s, and they weren’t exactly friends, or were they? Ladybug didn’t really know, and she didn’t want to push it.

In her hesitation though, the moment ended, and Adrien forced himself to relax as he sat back on the couch.

“Besides, it’s not like I chose to be born,” Adrien said blithely. “Mom said she'd always wanted a kid, and she called me her little Miracle all the time. Mom wasn’t the sort of woman who let anyone make her do anything. I think she knew what she was getting into, but she still chose to have me anyway. She never regretted it, and I dunno,” Adrien hummed. “I guess I don’t either. I’ve had a good life, a good career. I’ve made some mistakes, but…I’m happy with who I am, I guess.”

Ladybug didn’t know what to say to that. She’d always known that Adrien was mature, but she’d never thought that this entire thing would go so smoothly. It was just such a relief. Honestly, it was silly that she’d be so worried about it. This was Adrien, probably the calmest person that Marinette knew.

As if to prove that point, Adrien spoke up to say, “Thank you, Ladybug, for telling me this. I know this must’ve been really hard for you, but it means a lot, coming from you.”

With that, Ladybug’s mind was made. “Adrien,” she said, laying her hand over his, “About your dad,” she took a deep breath. “He was Hawk Moth.”

“WHAT?”

Ah, there was the reaction Ladybug had been expecting.

#AdrienAugust #miraculous ladybug #miraculous lb #fanfic #adrien agreste #fanfiction #sentimonster #AdrienAUGreste #miraculous season 5 #recreation spoilers #ml recreation

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thesinglesjukebox · 2 months

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BEN PLATT - "ANDREW"

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"Andrew! Andrew! Andrew! You're gonna love meeeeeeeeee..."

[6.36]

Jeffrey Brister: Platt’s an incredibly talented vocalist, there’s no doubt there, and a good performance can do a lot to elevate average material -- like, say, a pleasant but unremarkable folky song about being sad and gay. His delicate falsetto dancing over top of the guitar, how the chorus blooms with yearning in a name, staying away from theatre kid pyrotechnics -- it’s a laundry list of good choices, and I’m just bowled over by its simple and straightforward beauty and earnestness. [8]

Alfred Soto: Depending on my diet that day I can embrace this unmitigated schmaltz or vomit at the sight of it. Neither the falsetto nor the lyrics have heard of subtlety. I am past the age when unrequited lust wears the drag of lachrymosity, but I hope I'm not callous enough to understand when young adults need it. [6]

Hannah Jocelyn: A friend and I made a list of songs about unrequited queer love, specifically when it comes to incompatible orientations. This is Ben Platt’s entry in the canon, and it’s the best song I’ve heard from him, the first that doesn't sound like rejected tracks from either Dear Evan Hansen or Blue Neighborhood -- it starts off very Simon & Garfunkel, but the more ambient Sufjan Stevens territory on the chorus fits him shockingly well. One problem: the Melodyne detracts from how sincere and pure the writing is (isn't Dave Cobb known for his authenticity?), to the point where Platt sings "if I can't get closer then I am destroyed" and sounds like a Dalek. Normally that would be a dealbreaker, and maybe I would dismiss this if I hadn't, in fact, had an Andrew or five. Cobb's production is gentle and tender enough that I can just lie back and think of all the pretty girls. [7]

Isabel Cole: I do appreciate the concept of this aching little ditty about the specific wrenching futility of crushing on a straight guy, and the idea of “wasting heartbreak” on someone who would never even be able to grant you the dignity of being rejected for your actual self is poignant. I can imagine the teen for whom this hits at exactly the right time, and that’s not nothing. But the first-love adolescent yearning of the lyrics fits oddly with the meandering melody and the folky arrangement (it’s giving Harry Styles Presents VH1’s I Love The 60s), and Platt… listen, whatever you think of Dear Evan Hansen, no one’s ever denied that the guy can sing. Here, it’s hard to shake the sense that he’s deliberately trying to differentiate his solo work from his Broadway past by avoiding sounding too musical theater, choosing instead to flatten his clear, resonant tone into a dull, nasal drone that feels like he’s playing Barefoot Guy With Guitar in a mockumentary about hippies. It doesn’t really work -- his falsetto sounds grating, and like a lot of stage singers trying to branch out, there’s a certain mannered quality he can’t quite shake -- and the few more vibrant lines towards the end make me wish I could hear a version of this aiming for the cheap seats. [4]

Ian Mathers: As someone who has disliked Ben Platt in everything I've seen or heard him in, I was absolutely prepared to reject this song from its Cat Stevens-ass opening, but then I kept listening and... I don't know, I keep thinking about that classic tumblr post that ends with "I am cringe, but I am free." I listened a few more times and... it's kind of lovely? Something about it reminds me of Gordon Lightfoot? I remember how much songs that seemed to speak to my particular romantic torments meant to me as a teen and I can absolutely imagine the kid who is going to play this on a loop like I did Sloan's "Deeper Than Beauty" or whatever? Don't make me regret this, Platt. [8]

Nortey Dowuona: The frustrating parts of this song have nothing to do with Ben Platt's voice. Whatever his faults in Dear Evan Hansen, Ben has a mellifluous tenor that comfortably floats in the higher parts of his range, allowing certain lines that feel clunky ("what a time-wastin', sweet happiness-takin', self-esteem, mess-making, heart-breakin' shame") to float past so pleasantly that when your own voice begins to sing them, they jumble together in your throat until they all flow out with the delivery of "Andrew." Producer Dave Cobb's helium guitar chords are also not the problem -- they lift Platt's voice and remain so close to it that when they lean back and let him take center stage, they allow Platt to send his melody up and catch it comfortably. The frustrating thing is the drums; they are so thin and yet so rigid that when they enter, the song loses the butterfly subtlety it needed to soar. Derrek Phillips, who has played with Vanessa Williams and Rahsaan Barber, somehow had to anchor the song in a way that would give it heft and keep its light, breezy charm, but instead he reinforces the dull structure of a second-verse drum groove, and all the hard work done by Platt and Alex Hope is squandered. A bolder choice by Platt or Cobb would've been to lean into the acoustic guitar arrangement by adding the bass and keyboards, and maybe the percussion (also done by Phillips) would act as the anchoring factor. Instead, the rigid structure kills probably the second-best thing Ben Platt has done. [7]

Jackie Powell: Ben Platt has had difficulty translating his vocal talents from film soundtrack music (the Pitch Perfect trilogy) and show tunes (The Book of Mormon and Dear Evan Hansen) into pop music. On songs like “Grow as We Go” and “Rain,” he sounded like slightly more adult versions of the characters he played. He’s leaned into motivational songs without any sort of foundation. “Andrew” works better than his previous pop offerings because of the story he paints of falling for a straight (or maybe not) friend who has led him on. A lot of these stories are coming out of the woodwork as of late with tracks such as Reneé Rapp’s “Pretty Girls” and Fletcher’s “Two Things Can Be True." These stories need to be told and provide a certain type of respite for queer people who too have felt a similar level of pain. Platt calls the situation a “cruel joke” and self-deprecates in a witty but incredibly depressing bridge. He’s not questioning whether falling for “Andrew” wastes his time but rather declares the infatuation as a time vampire that robs more than it gives. What’s less than desired, however, is the Simon & Garfunkel cosplay he attempts in the verses. The Auto-Tune that helps layer his vocals isn’t needed. The folksiness in “Andrew” is a step in the right direction for Platt in his journey to translating better into pop. I just wish he could have paid homage to Simon & Garfunkel in a way that didn’t come across as just another Broadway character he’s playing. [7]

Taylor Alatorre: I feel the exact same way listening to this as I do when reading the Urban Dictionary definition of any relatively common male first name. [3]

Katherine St. Asaph: What is it about guys named Andrew that inspires plaintive folk songs? Having no longings for any Andrews, I can only connect to these songs through my nostalgia, and thus Platt's is my favorite because it navigates those channels best -- which is to say it sounds exactly like Simon & Garfunkel. [6]

Mark Sinker: Not sure I remember a song where the jump from chest voice to head voice for the high notes feels so extremely foregrounded as a DECISION NOW BEING TAKEN. AND IT'S DONE! I can imagine arrangement where this works with the content: except here’s it’s like literally everything else about the song is funneling your attention to this choice instead, and I don’t think it’s what I’m meant to be thinking about? You have a nice voice mate, sorry your crush didn’t work out, that sucks. [5]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Every time I've tried to write this blurb it's come out too ironic -- couching my appreciation for it in my disbelief that Dear himself could make such a perfect rendering of the version of Sufjan Stevens' music that exists only in the minds of 2014 Tumblr users, things of that nature. But let me meet sincerity with sincerity and say that "Andrew" wrecks my shit completely every time I listen to it, every achingly beautiful guitar arpeggio and breathy note from Platt activating all of my sentimental impulses. Most of all I admire the commitment here -- there's never a moment of performance from Platt or his producers that shies away from the full teenage gay melodrama of the lyrics. Weaker souls would have tried to subvert the maudlin stuff here. I'm glad they didn't. [9]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#ben platt #music #pop #music writing #music reviews #music criticism #the singles jukebox #Youtube

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voxiiferous · 6 months

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**| Interesting revelations of the evening!

I’m not certain Vox has ever actually fired a gun. He’s certainly never owned one. Most of the time if he needs to cause pain his just sort of… goes zappy on them. Flesh doesn’t take kindly to massive amounts of electricity!

Hah! Now that I have drawn you in with fun hc there’s the more serious examination of themes. A consequence of when I started writing Vox is the fact that I could not turn off the university part of my brain that’s just like “if you were to write an essay for him what are the themes you would focus on? What DEFINES him???” And the answer was performance, because clearly right? He’s TV man.

And this had the unintentional side effect of earning him the “not as bad a person as you could have been” award because if he was a really bad boss, and I leaned more into the corrupt businessman aspects of him, then that core theme would have been less performance and more consumerism and capitalism. Which I decided was not thematically relevant and would have just detracted from the overall character I wanted to write.

If I had to pick his main three vibes it’s: performance in big bold letters (more on that in a sec), modernization (not capitalism or consumerism, but specifically that transition of technology and opinion), and a very sci-fi concern of what is a human? Is he still?

but but but going back to the performance. It’s so key to how I write him. Like there’s the literal performance aspect on screen, but it’s more than that. As Vincent he performs a veneer of, if not heterosexuality, than at least… not queerness. But otherwise he’s still very much him. Sure his charm was taught, but he made it a part of himself, it’s not a performance anymore, he has things he enjoys and doesn’t, and is, more or less, honest in that. Vox is… not that. It’s why in the 1946!Vincent content, the fun is forcing Vox to acknowledge himself. He has to step beyond the performance, he has to see backstage essentially. He has to be vulnerable.

And vulnerability is something that cannot exist in the Overlord Vox persona, which he is constantly inhabiting. But at the same time that’s not who he actually is, but it’s who he’s performing as, even to himself. He’s always on this knife’s edge of self reflection and juuust missing the point, because if he goes to close to the truth, the masquerade falls apart.

There’s this line from the song All for Believing by Missy Higgins that’s great here, and it’s “But I see you painted your soul into your guard”, and it’s super true for Vox. Overlord Vox is the face of every new product, he derides the old as outdated, he’s ruthless, and powerful and confident. Nothing gets under the skin of Overlord Vox, not even a broken screen, see him laughing in Voxtagram? Laugh with him. It keeps him safe, it’s the image that’s given him power and control and the successful end result to all the ambition that is still a core part of him.

Vox however??? Vox is a bit of romantic, and he loves swing music, and black and white game shows, he’s an insomniac and a bit of nerd. It’s not that Overlord Vox isn’t him, because like the lyrics says, it’s been painted into. Overlord Vox is the strongest parts of himself people take seriously and made into a living, breathing part of himself. It’s a shield and a half truth.

Money does play a role, but it’s a tertiary one at best. He has more money than God, he owns everything under the sun, great, great, it plays the role it needs to and is otherwise vague. What is he doing with his money??? Uhh, I don’t know, who cares?

The modernization works in with the performance, though that’s another post of its own. So please enjoy this somewhat rambling roundabout examination of why my Vox is, all things considered, not that bad a dude. It’s about the pretentious English major themes, and that being the least interesting thing to explore for me. (Just see his playlist, it’s basically all “look at me, look at me, look at what I’m showing you, don’t look over there behind the scenes).

#*personnel file (hc)#*no signal (ooc)#*cathode rays and rock and roll (vincent price)#I barley even know that this is #is it a hc? A meta??? Incoherent???#shoutout to my class this morning and the direct thought process of:#that would be a fun theme for him! Wait no #that would require breaking the he’s a fine boss hc #well why would that be an issue?#because it’s not Right^tm it’s about the performance #Queue the lightbulb moment of THEMATIC RELEVANCE!#I love Vox he’s a perfect disaster #the embodiment of the performance goes off without a hitch #but if you look behind the curtain the costume closet is in shambles #the props are scattered all around #there’s an actor frantically reading lines in the corner #the moment you look at him for more than 5 minutes the whole illusion falls apart #Expect more in this vein to come!#probably a giant tag ramble in a post for the Gladiator by Jann song #which is GREAT for him #And sort of touches on a lot of the themes mentioned here

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elvisabutler · 1 year

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how many kids do professor presley and belle have? (I imagine 2 or 3) omg the part that really got to me is when he’s being absent and she’s worried sick! can we headcanon where maybe its months later and he gets sick again and doesn’t show up and she leaves right away and stays w him for two to three days despite him urging her to go to class? and when she’s pregnant he takes vitamins/eats better/goes on walks all bc he doesn’t want to add any stress on her by getting sick himself? i imagine by the time she graduates she’s already 3-4 months but it isn’t noticeable but they know. And he always assures her he isn’t going anywhere any time soon bc he has to be around to help her take care of their young ones

my main thought has always been four at least so you're not far off my dear sweet anon. and listen, that was always my way of trying to lean into the big daddy era elvis i set for the two of them. because he wasn't going to ever have a drug problem- in that he sort of nipped the one he developed in the army driving the tanks in the bud when he got back and found- well- that bit's a long story but suffice it to say so i don't detract from the point of this ask, i really just wanted something that had the effect of scaring belle and bringing them closer together. mildly unleashing her helpful nature that most people never really- bothered to relish in/get to really know about.

but we most certainly can headcanon that since she definitely would do exactly that. because she'd be in bed with him when he realized it was going to be a rough day, a bad day that would mean staying home and he'd try to kick her out of the bed to go to class only to have her tell him that she would be doing no such thing and honestly babying him and just trying to nurse him back to health/help him with whatever he'd need. finally manages to kick her out on that third day when he's like "goddamn belle, already feelin' loads better just go to class, ain't gonna die if ya leave me be for a few hours." and she of course smacks him in the chest for even the implication before you know- actually going to class. comes home to find him cooking a little tiredly but that's when she knows okay he's on the mend, he's fine.

and yes you're right about him taking better care of himself when she finds out she's pregnant. though he does start once she moves in since she's having none of this "him still living like a bachelor" bullshit let alone smoking as many cigars as he does/being as sedentary as he is. she gets why he has been but it's nothing she can't cure with a bunch of bullying all the pre med majors she knows. because even before she gets pregnant she just want him to be healthy for her. especially since he says and i quote. "belle, i might- i don't know if i can give ya kids." which makes the accidental pregnancy right before she graduates hilarious in hindsight.

as far as her first pregnancy goes since it's twins she shows pretty early despite not necessarily being on the thin side. so people know when she graduates and i'm saving the bulk of this for a headcanon post i got from another anon asking for more headcanons but she's going to eventually be teaching so she's immediately gonna be heading right back in to get some requirements sorted out so that she can take over an empty spot in the department. because nepotism or not elvis makes a case for her as do multiple other professors- not the ones she slept with mind you- that she'd do well as one.

basically anon i love you for this ask and you already basically get what i had planned out to be perfectly honest. i'm also truly and deeply delighted that him missing classes his as good as it did.

#( don't necessarily read into the gif usage it's kind of a visual idea of belle but you reader insert so not actually her. )#i just didn't wanna use an elvis pic or gif.#big daddy elvis #big daddy elvis fanfiction #ally answers asks #ally writes #professor presley #elvis presley #( did i need that tag. maybe not but still. )#seriously so delighted people liked my little fic series enough to want to know more about it.

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xxrainshadowsxx · 8 months

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Interpersonal Chapter 15

Oncie meets the family, Aurora continues to cause mischief, and there's a few more Big, Big Words.

“Wait, let me wake up,” he mutters, yawning and stretching. “Your family? Are they coming to visit or something?”

“No,” you sigh. You take a seat next to him and grab his hands, more for your own comfort than anything else. “I just got a call from my sister. My dad is in the hospital. He had a stroke and… well, they don’t think he has much longer than a week. I know this is really last minute, and that I’m disrupting your whole week, but if we could take your plane–”

“You don’t even have to ask,” he cuts you off. “Don’t worry about getting there, I’ll take care of it, alright? Let me make a few phone calls, why don’t you get some bags packed? What city are we flying into?”

You dive into his arms. “Thank you so much,” you whisper. “You don’t know how much this means to me.” You start getting choked up, so you bury your face in his chest, just needing him to hold you for a while.

He gives you all the time you need, slowly rubbing his hand up and down your back. “I’m here for you,” he murmurs. “Whatever you need, I’ll be here.”

You pull your head back to look at him. “You sure you want to come? I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. Are you going to be okay with being away from work for up to a couple weeks?”

“That’s not important,” he brushes off. “The important question is, do you want me there?”

“Yes.” It’s the easiest answer you’ve ever given. Having him there to help be your strength… even the thought of it is unbelievably soothing. You didn’t just want him there, you felt like you needed him there. The thought of facing any ordeal without his help now was a terrifying unknown, a repelling thought. You didn’t even want to consider it.

After several minutes, you finally extricate yourself from his arms. “We really should get going,” you say, walking over to the dresser to start pulling out clothes. “You think we can fly in by tonight?”

“I’ll make it happen. What airport are we going to?” he asks, phone already in hand. You give him the name of the airport closest to your hometown as you continue gathering things together. Though he claims to be most comfortable in them, you decide not to take any of his suits. Besides the fact that you don’t really want him to be recognized, his mega-billionaire side and your hometown couldn’t coexist in your mind for some reason. You don’t want him to wear the façade he shows to the public around your family. You just want him to be himself.

At some point, he puts two suitcases on the bed and you hurriedly roll the clothes and toiletries into them. You’re a fairly quick packer, and by time he hangs up, you have nothing left to do but look around for any miscellaneous items you may have forgotten.

“Okay, I think we’re good,” you decide as you give the bedroom a final once-over. “What’s the schedule for flying?”

“I managed to fast-track it. We can leave in an hour,” he says. “Are you going to be okay with flying? I know you want to get out there fast, but I also know how much you hate planes.”

“It’ll be fine,” you insist. “Besides, you’ll be with me, right? This time I don’t have to stop myself from climbing into your lap if I need it.”

He raises one eyebrow at you. “While I’m definitely not complaining, I have to say, I wasn’t expecting you to flirt, given present circumstances.”

You shrug helplessly. “It’s my coping mechanism,” you sigh. “I use humor, or, with you, flirting apparently, to detract from all the negative thoughts. I have no idea what I’m feeling, so I just default to what’s most comfortable so I don’t self-destruct.”

“You don’t have to hide what you’re feeling around me,” he reminds you gently as he grabs the suitcases and takes them to the entryway while you wait for a car.

“I know,” you assure. “It’s not that. I literally just don’t know what I’m feeling. When my dad was in that accident that killed my mom, his personality changed. He doesn’t know who me or Aurora even are. To me, that was when my dad died. I mourned him then. I didn’t think him actually dying was going to have such an effect on me, but it is. It’s like losing him a second time.” Your mouth twists. You hate yourself a bit for what you’re about to admit, but if anyone will understand, it’s him. “And I hate this, I really hate this… but part of me is glad in a way. He’s not going to be in pain anymore, and he’ll be with my mom again, and I feel awful for even thinking that.” Your lower lip quivers again as you come dangerously close to crying.

He puts his hands on your shoulders. “Hey. Listen to me,” he urges, and reluctantly, you look into his eyes. “Everything you’re feeling is valid and none of it is bad. You’re in a terrible situation that I can’t even begin to imagine, and I’m so proud of how you’re handling it. You have to process your grief in your own way. And I’ll be here to help you the whole time,” he vows.

“And I am so grateful for that,” you murmur as a car pulls up. He holds the door open for you, so you take one of the suitcases. He tries to stop you from doing this, but you simply tell him “Please? I need to be doing something to keep myself from overthinking, even if it’s something this small. I just want to turn my mind off until we get there.” He relents, but you can tell it’s a struggle for him. It’s in his nature to take care of those he loves. It’s one of your favorite things about him, and you don’t ask him to give it up often, but right now it’s what you need.

You get yourselves and your luggage to the car quickly enough, and then you’re speeding to the airport. You give your phone to Onceler so he can text Aurora the flight details. By the time everything is squared away with her, you’ve reached the airport hangar.

You keep your eyes off the plane as you help to get the suitcases out of the car, but as a flight attendant comes to relieve you of your burden, you’re forced to confront the thing. Even wanting to get home as soon as possible doesn’t make the prospect of flying any more appealing.

“Hey. It’ll be okay," Onceler says as he comes up to stand next to you. “Just think of the last time we were on here, yeah?” You can’t help but laugh softly as you shake your head.

“You mean when you kissed me and then left like nothing had happened, which was really confusing by the way. Yeah, those were the good old days,” you say with a massive eye roll.

He wraps both his arms around your waist and kisses the back of your neck as you board the plane, so you can’t be too annoyed at him. Once you’re seated, you lay your head on his shoulder, and he’s positioned you both so that you can’t see out the window and further freak yourself out.

“That one kiss led to all of this,” he points out. “I was trying to figure out if you liked me, too. And if you want to make accusations of being confusing, that was you,” he teases, pressing his forehead to yours as the plane starts moving. You tense, but by now he’s learned how to keep you as calm as possible. He runs his hand up and down your arm and continues speaking in your ear. “You kissed me back but then you distanced yourself. I was thinking of giving up when I asked you to go driving with me.”

“Were you planning on fucking me that night?” you ask, both out of genuine curiosity and to keep him talking as the plane begins its ascent.

“Not initially,” he says slowly. “But I won’t deny that the thought did creep into my head pretty early that night. I wasn’t sure if that was going to mess up my chances of dating you though; I knew I wanted a relationship with you, but that was unfamiliar territory.”

You peek up at his face. That can’t be right. “There’s no way I’m your first girlfriend,” you say disbelievingly.

“Not technically, no,” he shrugs. “I dated in high school, but not very seriously. Between then and you, it’s just been one night stands. Then you brought emotions into the picture and I didn’t know how to deal with it. You turned my whole world upside down.”

“Sorry for being such an inconvenience,” you tease. The plane seems to be at an acceptable height for you now; a glance out the window reveals that, sure enough, you’re in the clouds and shouldn’t have to deal with any severe jerking.

“You’re the best inconvenience that’s ever happened to me,” he promises, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I love you. That in and of itself is a miracle. And I wouldn’t change any of our decisions because they brought us together.” He gives you one more brief kiss, sending a warmth throughout your body, all the way down to your toes. “Now. How’d you want to spend the flight? Movies? Sleeping? Just talking?”

“Let’s go to the bedroom,” you decide after little consideration. “We were woken up pretty early. And I have a feeling we aren’t going to get much sleep over the next few days.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he agrees before leading you into the other room. You lay down next to him, drifting off into an uneasy sleep as you try not to think about what’s coming in just a few short hours….

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What does Aurora look like?” Onceler asks as the two of you make your way through the airport several hours later. You’re both dressed casually and wearing sunglasses despite the evening having set in in an attempt to hide your faces, but you still see a few heads turn in your direction, causing your paranoia to flare up. You don’t want the press to bother you this week. Unfortunately, he sticks out in a crowd just based on his height alone. Someone’s bound to figure out it’s him.

You force yourself to focus on his question instead of worrying if anyone recognizes him. “Um, she’s pretty tall, short hair, it’s just a little lighter than mine unless she’s dyed it. We’re not identical but you can tell we’re related.”

“I see her,” he mutters, and starts guiding you in the right direction. You crane your neck to try and see, but the throng of people is too thick. You trust his judgment, however; he stands a head above most everyone else.

Eventually, you get through enough people to find that it is indeed your sister he’s leading you towards. You seem to spot each other at the same time and close the gap quickly. You hug her tightly the second you can.

“You need to come home more often,” she admonishes gently before releasing you and taking her first look at Onceler. “Well shit,” she grumbles. “The pictures I’ve seen don’t do you justice at all. You’re tall as all fuck.”

“Um, thanks?” he guesses, looking to you for help, but you offer him nothing more than an apologetic shrug. If he wants to be with you, he’s going to have to learn to deal with Aurora on his own. She was part of the package.

“Oh, don’t be scared. I’m not going to bite today,” she teases, holding out her hand for him to shake it. Now it was your turn to be nonplussed. Aurora was never this nice. Granted, you’d never had a relationship serious enough to do a formal “meet-the-family” thing until now, but she’d met a couple before. And she’d never even pretended to be nice.

If either of them notice your expression, they don’t comment on it. “Come on,” Aurora says as she leads the way to the parking lot. “Dad was still conscious and able to talk when I left. He’s asking to see you.”

Now it was Onceler’s turn to quirk an eyebrow. “So… what am I expecting here?” he asks carefully. “I was under the impression he didn’t know who you two were. And I really don’t want to fuck anything up by saying or doing anything I’m not supposed to.”

You let Aurora take that question. She’s better equipped to answer it. “He doesn’t remember us, and every few days I have to remind him I’m his kid because he does forget, but when I told him his other daughter was coming to visit, he did say he wanted to see her. I mentioned you, too, but we’ll see if he remembers that.” By this point, you’ve reached the car and have loaded the suitcases into the trunk.

You get into the passenger’s side next to your sister while Onceler awkwardly clambers into the backseat. “Get comfortable, it’s a bit of a drive,” she informs him, looking highly amused at his attempts to get his long legs into a manageable position.

“Do you want me to get you gas?” he asks once the car starts moving, making you freeze. While probably an innocent sounding question to anyone else, you hadn’t gotten the chance to explain to Aurora how delicate the money situation was. You hoped this was a one time thing and that he wouldn’t try and do something like pay off your dad’s medical bills.

“Deal,” Aurora agrees easily enough before turning to you. “So, catch me up on everything I’ve missed since our last phone call.”

The rest of the car ride is spent in much more comfortable conversation. You hadn’t seen Aurora in person in nearly a year, and phone calls weren’t a substitute for the real thing. You talk about everything, from mundane things like work, to reminiscing about past stories, occasionally having to give Onceler context for some of those. She asks about your relationship, of course, but doesn’t treat it as though you’re dating one of the richest people in the country. It’s such a lovely return to normal that you nearly cry in relief.

Eventually, you pull up in the hospital parking lot. “We better hurry,” Aurora mutters. “There’s only a couple more visiting hours left.” She leads you through the sterile white halls that she seems to know a little too well. Soon enough, you stop outside a door. “I’ll go in first,” she murmurs. “Let him know you’re here, make sure he’s not too overwhelmed.” She slips through the door and you hear her soft voice, but you’re not able to make out any individual words. You settle instead for holding Onceler’s hand in a vice-like grip as your heart threatens to pound out of your chest.

But he's there next to you, strong and steady, a lifeline to cling to if you break. His presence is the only thing that enables you to step into the room.

Your father is lying on the cramped hospital bed, looking like he's aged twenty years instead of just one. He looks up groggily when you enter. "Who are you? Are you my other daughter?" He looks to Aurora, who nods in confirmation. He's only speaking out of one side of his mouth, so his words are extremely slurred, but you're able to just barely make them out.

"Yeah, I am. Hi Daddy," you whisper, taking a chair on the side of his bed. He frowns at you.

"I don't remember… I don't know…" he mumbles before glancing at a picture next to him. It's a family Christmas photo from when you were eleven. You were just hitting that awkward phase where you no longer looked like a child but the components that made up your adult face weren't quite there yet, but he seems to believe that you're the same person in the picture. "You grew up," he says with what you think is a smile.

"Yeah," you choke out, not trusting yourself to say any more out of fear you might burst into tears.

His gaze travels north to land on Onceler. "Who is this?" he asks uncertainly, looking to Aurora again, but you're the one who supplies an answer.

"Daddy this is Onceler. He's my boyfriend. He wanted to meet you," you explain carefully. Onceler nervously clears his throat.

"It's nice to meet you sir," he says, and you're suddenly hit with a strange urge to laugh. It was surreal to mesh the two sides of him together. Twenty-four hours ago you were at a party with the richest people of the country, all in his honor. And now he was meeting your family, and you knew him well enough by this point to know he was desperately hoping they approved of him.

Your dad studies him wearily. "You… treat her well. That's my daughter."

Onceler nods seriously. "Of course sir. I always make sure that I'm doing the best I can."

Even this short conversation seems to exhaust him, so he lays back in his bed, eyes mostly closed, but occasionally he'd open them and look around. The three of you sit in silence, not wanting to disturb him.

Eventually, a doctor knocks on the door. "Would I be able to speak with family for a moment?" he asks softly. Aurora stands immediately. You hasten to follow, but hesitate, looking back at Onceler.

"You go," he murmurs. "I'm not family. I'll stay here." You don't miss his darkened expression, but you'll have to wait to talk to him about it. You follow Aurora and the doctor into the hall.

"So I'm afraid the prognosis isn't good," the doctor says as gently as possible. "His brain is fighting a losing battle at this point. The injury he received a few years ago severely weakened him. That part of his brain has all but shut down, and the rest is following suit. We're not sure how much longer he'll be able to hang on, but I'm so sorry to tell you his brain can't recover from this."

You take a shuddering breath. Nothing he said was surprising, but that didn't make it any easier to hear. Aurora takes a deep breath herself but looks resigned. She's always been the stronger one out of the two of you. "So what's next?" she asks. "Do we just wait for him to pass? Do you recommend that he stays here?"

"We usually advise hospice care in these scenarios since it can be difficult to predict how long he actually has," the doctor answers. "We can work on moving him tomorrow if you want to make that decision. We also need to know if you want him placed on a DNR list."

"Yeah. At this point, make him a DNR," Aurora agrees before turning to you. "Are you comfortable with all of this? You have just as much say here as I do."

You take in yet another shaky breath. "Just make him comfortable," you whisper. "I don't want him to be in a bunch of pain."

The doctor nods. "Of course. Then we'll just do a little bit of follow up blood work tonight and plan on a hospice transfer tomorrow. We have one on our own campus." With one last apologetic smile, he walks off.

Aurora gives you a look. "It's nothing I wasn't prepared to hear," you sigh before hugging her quickly. "I'm glad I came though. I thought I'd already said goodbye, but I needed this closure."

"Yeah, and I'm glad you brought him," she grins. "Not only is he actually a really great support system for you, but now he has the chance to ask Dad for his permission to ask you to marry him."

You start choking on air. Aurora just watches you with amusement as you violently cough in an attempt to get your breath back. "That is not why he's here!" you sputter as soon as you manage to find your voice again.

"Oh, I'm not suggesting that was his only motive," she clarifies. "I'm just saying I'm willing to bet my life savings that as soon as we left the room, that's exactly what he did."

"He did not," you complain. "We're not at that point yet." Even as you say it, your stomach twists in a way you can't identify, so you decide to just ignore it for now.

"Well, humor me. Do you want to marry him?" Her tone was light enough, but her expression has gone deadly serious. You knew from experience that she was not going to let you off the hook until you gave her an honest answer.

That didn't mean you weren't going to try to get out of it. "I think it's a little early to even think about marriage," you huff, attempting nonchalance.

Aurora just snorts. "Please. I've been watching the way you look at him." Her eyes suddenly soften. "I don't know if I've ever seen two people more in love. You're enamored with him. And it seems like it's the healthy kind, because you clearly haven't lost yourself in him. So stop thinking and give me your gut-reaction answer. If he asked you right now, would you agree to marry him?"

"Yes." The word falls from your mouth before you're aware of what you're saying. When it does register, you nearly fall over; you have to grab a wall for support. "Oh fuck," you whisper before looking at Aurora. "Is now really the best time to be doing this? Dad's dying."

"And he can pass with the knowledge that he's giving his blessing to a man that's going to be good to you," she smiles. "I know you haven't seen it, but Dad's still in there. And this would make him thrilled."

You can't refute that, but still didn't think it was the best conversation to be having in the hospital hallway. You glance up and see a nurse coming with supplies for a blood draw, which gives you a perfect excuse to end said conversation. "Come on," you murmur, holding the door open for the nurse.

As you step back into the room, you can't help but notice that your dad is awake and that Onceler looks extremely happy about something. You're trying to convince yourself you're imagining things, but you make the mistake of looking at Aurora. Her smug expression clearly says 'I told you so.'

You barely resist the urge to stick your tongue out at her and instead turn back to your boyfriend, who's eyeing the nurse's instruments with a stark white face. When she pulls out a needle, he abruptly stands up and walks to the other side of the room.

Aurora, obviously, picks up on this immediately. "So is it the blood or the needles you don't like?" she snickers.

"Needles. Definitely the needles," he mutters as he focuses on the sink until you tell him it's safe. Aurora makes a sound of disgust in the back of her throat.

"If you can't handle a tiny little needle like that, how the hell are you going to handle it when she's getting a giant one threaded through her spine to give you a baby?"

After her needling earlier, that kind of comment from your sister doesn't faze you. You just sigh and offer her a glare. Onceler, on the other hand, was clearly unprepared; he flails so badly he hits his head on the small TV hanging from the ceiling, stammering incoherently, his face cherry red. Aurora looks between the two of you with narrowed eyes.

"Do not tell me you haven't talked about kids yet?" she asks incredulously. "You should probably have been on the same page about that before getting serious! Fucking idiots. This is why I don't bother with this shit."

She continues to mutter darkly under her breath until the clock hits nine a quarter of an hour later. "Bye Dad. We'll be back tomorrow," she says, before giving the two of you a meaningful look.

You don't need to be prodded. You take your father's hand. His eyes are closed again, so you're not sure if he's awake, but you still whisper a "Goodbye, Daddy," as Onceler puts his hand on your shoulder for support. Almost absentmindedly, you reach up to grab that hand before giving him a small smile as you leave the hospital. This really would have been so much harder without him.

The drive to your childhood home is swift and mostly silent. All three of you are exhausted. You also know your family's three bedroom rambler is a far cry from the luxury Onceler's gotten used to, but to his credit, he never says a word.

"You know where everything is," Aurora yawns. "I'll see you in the morning." She heads off into the master bedroom she's claimed as her own while you open the door across the hall to your old bedroom.

Aurora's converted it into a mix of a guest bedroom while still leaving vestiges of your youth. She's put in a queen bed that's only just long enough for Onceler, but she's also left up all your old volleyball awards. It's a stark contrast between your old life and the new one you've carved out for yourself.

Onceler doesn't say much until you both get into bed and you curl into his chest. "So that's what an actual family acts like?" he asks quietly.

You pull back just enough to look at him. "Just mine. And you're part of it now," you remind him firmly.

He gives you a grateful smile before looking nervous. "About what Aurora said at the hospital…" he starts.

"Later," you decide. "I don't have the capacity for that heavy of a conversation right now. And I don't think it's as big of a deal as she's making it out to be."

He visibly relaxes. "Okay. Sounds good. Let's just sleep then," he says, pressing his lips to your forehead. And with all the emotional turmoil of the past twenty-four hours, it doesn't take long for sleep to find you.

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You're awoken the next morning by Aurora coming into the room, wearing a grave expression. You immediately shake Onceler awake, and only when you're both conscious does Aurora say, "I got a call from the hospital. Dad had another stroke last night and slipped into a coma. And… he won't wake up. Ever. They want to know if we want to pull the plug."

You let out one choked sob, and Onceler immediately puts his arms around you. It takes several minutes before you're able to look up at your sister. The words stick in your throat. All you can do is nod.

And then the sobs come all at once. You bury your head in Onceler's chest and cling to his shoulders, needing this one pillar of support as so much comes crashing down.

#fanfiction #onceler fanfiction #onceler x reader #the lorax #the onceler #also on ao3 #onceler

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