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serravi · 8 months

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I've cursed myself

I didn't have much time to draw, but I wanted to do something small, so I decided to try to be funny, have a little reaction panel to the last nsfw drawing I made with Remus. But how am I going to stop myself from posting this everywhere?? ANYWHERE???

AAAANNYYYWHEEEERE???

IT'S GOING TO GO TOO FAR!! I KNOW IT IS!!

(https://www.tumblr.com/kingshitviva/729434997929525248/cleric-beast) @kingshitviva

AHHHHHHHHHH

#I've cursed myself #throwing it back #screaming and crying #bloodborne #good ass #nsft #small artist #monster fucker #funny #funny?

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halfbit · 18 days

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some brief advice for characters with small scars from a head injury (from my specific experience) since i do see people give these types of scars to characters sometimes

mine is like this for reference:

specific info:

i didn't receive in-hospital treatment for it even though i lost consciousness i was kicked by a horse, the metal horseshoe is what did it it was a long time ago (over a decade now)

it doesn't effect me much day to day, it is always visible but it has become less prominent over time. certain expressions (anything eyebrow raising especially) make it very obvious.

it is physically raised and lacks pigment.

sensation wise, it used to itch but i haven't felt that for awhile now. if i pay attention when touching it, there's a slight difference in temperature from the rest of my skin. if i scrape it (even just lightly, like scratching with a fingernail) it feels like its bleeding even when its not.

if i accidentally hit it (i dont like doorways), it is extremely painful, it burns, my vision flashes white and i see stars, and it feels like its bleeding all over again of course. it feels like the irl equivalent of being stunned by an electric arrow. if your character has a scar like this, having them get hit on it in a fight is a good way to make them go down for a bit. the sensation also lingers for a decent amount of time afterwards, depending on how hard the hit was. the lingering feels like a heavy pulsing/throbbing, similar to a strong headache but localized on the scar. personally, it feels like even minor impacts can have a really strong effect still as long as its a pretty direct hit.

so yeah just my personal experience having a scar like this! i like seeing characters with similar scars but it often feels like it was just a cosmetic choice to show that they're tough. it's not something that is super high-impact for me, but it still has its effects, and when you aggravate them you can't really focus on anything else until it goes away.

#writing advice #writeblr #dont really know what to tag this with ngl #i've been meaning to briefly ramble about it for awhile tho #its not like its a big thing but its just something i think about now and then #i imagine its similar for vertical scars? but ofc anyone with different scars is welcome to chime in lol #lowkey this is just an excuse for me to rant about how much it fucking hurts when i accidentally hit it tho #like come on why'd you have to do that <- me to myself #usually on doorways because i am so good at moving through gaps #also yeah i wrote this instead of the story im supposed to be writing #king of procrastination #god i need to do that now tho #i just want to see some tough guy have to bowl over and curse because he accidentally got hit on one of his old scars

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shinuko · 2 months

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tw/cw: cursing (the one that rhymes with duck, x1), kissing (it's like the entire point actually, sorry), reader intended to be shorter, suggestive(!!!) + read tags for more info! (expect nonsense and mistakes lol it's like 12am okay i'm delirious ;-;)

you're peppering kisses all over his face, and he chuckles, his cheeks still squished in between the palms of your hands.

"missed me that much, huh?"

"isn't it obvious?" you roll your eyes but you smile, pressing a longer kiss on the tip of his nose. "now be quiet, i'm busy."

but he's not listening anymore. he falls back onto the bed, taking you with him. and you yelp, both of your hands outstretched on the mattress as support, caging him under you. you look down at him, glaring. to which he laughs but his gaze soon drops to your lips and his chin lifts slightly, and he appears unable to restrain himself any longer. his eyes return to yours, "give me one more?"

you huff but oblige, closing the distance between the two of you, your lips meeting his softly—slowly—at first, his lips moving in tandem with yours, but you were beginning to get swept away in the ocean called geto suguru. he's kissing you greedily, with a hunger like that of a starved man seeing bread again. he slides a hand down to your lower back, steadying you as he hoists himself up again. you respond immediately, wrapping your legs around his waist and arms around his neck. his other hand is placed naturally at the nape of your neck as he gently sets you against the wall.

he groans into the kiss, moving a hand to angle your chin. breaking away, he trails kisses down your jaw and to your neck, stopping at your collarbone. you let out a shaky breath, eager with anticipation, your hands find their spots in his hair, brushing through and twirling the ends.

you whine and he lets you drop down, both of your feet standing at the tips of your toes as you lean in further into the kiss. his hands slide down again, feeling you and this time squeezing in places that made your knees weak. you bite down softly at his bottom lip, tugging at it, and you giggle at his confused expression.

"should i stop?" you whisper teasingly as you pull away just enough to break contact as you flick your gaze up to his.

"fuck no," his voice is hoarse and he pulls you closer to him, finding your mouth again with his, "come here."

koi's notes: i dropped 2 of my 2k+ (wc) wips for this because i was CRAVING physical intimacy and oh my god... please don't perceive me >.< (also sorry for the poorly placed cut and name drop, it was the most natural place to introduce the name to me and yeah ;-;)

#s.k.#sort: jjk #cw: cursing #cw: suggestive #geto suguru x you #geto suguru x reader #geto x you #geto x reader #geto fluff #i think it's from business proposal?? this is the same energy as that kiss scene where that one guy is kissing his girl(?) and he has to-#-stop to take off his glasses before kissing her again #i never got around to watching the drama but i've seen that clip so many times it's been burned into my memory #anyways yeah it's that energy #there's a specific way i'm imagining this scene and the best way i can put it and i hope it came across that way is that he has the i wanna #-f you eyes #do y'all know what i'm talking about #those eyes #god those eyes would actually be the death of me i would fold IMMEDIATELY #thinking about this with almost any character (that i like) would have me spinning actually #this is the most self indulgent thing i've ever written and i'm terrified (for myself)

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zerodaryls · 7 months

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it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.

i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.

there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.

'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.

to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.

and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.

but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.

#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private #calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao.#but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me #who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad)#who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother)#who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public)#like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it.#but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say #'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill'#(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖)#so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity.#the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even.#the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY.#i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate.#i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me.#i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way.#in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more.#but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME #/end rant #any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3

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rubenesque-as-fuck · 4 months

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Sometimes I think back to all the times growing up that I was told that I was too fat/ugly/stupid/etc. to be worth loving and feel like it was not just terrible parenting but an actual magic curse. And that that same curse now follows me everywhere like a can tied to a sad dog's tail, keeping everyone away and leaving me empty

#help I've been cursed #today is hard #drowning in the lonely #sitting here reminding myself over and over not to send anything to the last person who made me feel wanted #not even a silly valentine meme in jest #because they've made it perfectly clear that they don't care for me the same way and I feel pathetic begging for scraps of attention #once again just a sad dog #depression

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skinnypaleangryperson · 2 months

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I can't imagine how quality my life would be if people were willing to listen to niche, incredibly strange cornered personalities. I'm such an interesting person, but people don't speak my language 98% of the time and nobody cares to unless you speak the mainstream, boring oversaturated languages that people speak with celebrity pop culture, influencers, and the so forth. The worthlessness that I feel from not being able to fit into mainstream society has made a black mark. Still, the niche incredibly strange personality persists.

I'm just a incredibly strange mentally ill, genuinely schizophrenic incredibly imaginative maladaptive daydreaming mentally ill person who cannot tell fantasy from reality, but I feel like it could have been so much more than that if society had spaces for more niche corners like us to speak.

#I'm so depressed that I promised myself I wouldn't post anymore #but looking at the four neurodivergent people that post in the tags I check even if they end up paying me #*hating me #is enough to get me going again at least for a little bit #I don't even bother with fandom anymore nor does it excite me because I've been rejected from BoJack culture in every way #but I'm still madly in love with him and have psychotic maladaptive disorders about him so it doesn't matter #so I just casually interact #assume that people are going to treat me like trash and move on #most Bojack fans are excessively neurotypical much like the characters and the people that made it #and neurotypicals absolutely despise me especially since I'm becoming increasingly more insane as I get older #just internet junk anyway so it barely matters #I learned plenty from the discord and of the cursed thing that you call a reddit group

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amethystina · 2 months

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Girl you're calling that a sex scene? That was the ART OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. You are the best at what you do and I'm sorry I know I'm shameless but your fic got me thinking, understanding the boys as good as you do, how do you think Yo Han would react if he got some indications or evidence that Ga On is cheating on him? Not that I'll ever believe Ga On to be capable of it, but I'm just wondering if some signs pointed that way, what do you think Yo Han would do or think?

I have to say, this ask nearly gave me a heart attack x'D Because the notification only said: "Girl you're calling that a sex scene? That was" before it cut off, so I definitely had time to start panicking, wondering just how terrible that sex scene must have been. A part of me didn't even want to open the ask x'D

It was fine once I did, obviously, but man, I was scared there for a second.

ANYWAY. I think Yo Han's reaction depends on how long they've been together. And also what kind of hints and evidence he's seeing, of course, but his actions depend mostly on how long they've been together and how secure he feels in their relationship.

Like, I think that after a couple of years, once they've gotten settled, gotten better at communicating, and Yo Han has learned that no, he won't actually end up devouring Ga On because Ga On has enough darkness of his own to withstand whatever Yo Han can throw at him, he'll calm down significantly. He'll realise that Ga On doesn't want someone else and, even if Ga On did, he's bold enough to just flat-out say that. He wouldn't go behind Yo Han's back and cheat — he'd tell Yo Han to his face that he's found someone else and wants to separate.

Not that Ga On ever would, but he's too honest and righteous to sneak around and lie, basically.

So, like, after a certain point, even if they ended up in the cliché, dramatic scenario where Ga On comes home with lipstick on his shirt collar, Yo Han's first thought wouldn't be: "Are you cheating on me?" but rather: "Did someone try to assault you?"

Quickly followed by: "Who is she?" and "Where does she live?"

Yo Han, NO.

And when Ga On explains that he was just trying to help a drunk woman get a taxi home and she collapsed against him as they were waiting and must have smudged lipstick on his collar as she did so, Yo Han would just go: "Yeah, that checks out. That's definitely something Ga On would do — and much more reasonable than him cheating on me."

(Partly also because Yo Han kind of expects that if Ga On truly was cheating on him, despite all odds, he would be much better at hiding the evidence. He trained his sugar baby better than that, okay?)

But if it's earlier in their relationship? When Yo Han still thinks that he's going to suffocate or scare Ga On away? And Ga On hasn't learned to open up yet? So he won't tell Yo Han what he's feeling and thinking? Then things might develop differently — and can turn quite ugly, unfortunately.

Like, it can start with something as simple as Ga On being tired. Perhaps work is being difficult — forcing him to stay late a lot — and maybe it's getting close to the anniversary of Soo Hyun's death and Ga On is closing himself off more than usual. But Ga On doesn't want to bother Yo Han with something as silly as him being tired, or reawaken the jealousy Yo Han feels towards Soo Hyun, so he just doesn't say anything. And tells white lies when Yo Han asks if something is wrong. But Yo Han would notice that Ga On starts brushing him off, is home less often, and probably isn't as physically affectionate as he usually would be.

And once the thought that Ga On might be cheating on him appears, it'd be difficult for Yo Han to let it go. He'd probably push it aside at first, with the very reasonable explanation that, no, Ga On is too honest and good for something like that. But it would resurface the next time Ga On brushes him off, and get even worse when Ga On seems tense and a little awkward when he hugs Yo Han — as if he's feeling uncomfortable.

Or guilty.

And Ga On is feeling guilty, because he's missing Soo Hyun and he knows that Yo Han wouldn't like that if he knew. And so Ga On clams up even more, refusing to talk about it. But Yo Han would assume it's because of something else — something even worse.

And, sadly, once the suspicion gains hold, I think Ga On would be guilty until proven innocent in Yo Han's mind. Because Yo Han is never wrong, right? So, clearly, it's just a matter of finding the evidence. And so he'd try to find said proof by invading Ga On's privacy, having him followed and investigated — all that unacceptable shit Yo Han does. Because now Yo Han has something to prove and he'd lose sight of the fact that, in doing so, he might just be causing an even bigger problem that will, sooner or later, blow up in his face. He'd lose himself to the hunt.

Because it's not like there will ever come a time when he goes: "Okay, I've had Ga On followed for three weeks now and he hasn't done anything, that probably means he's not cheating on me." It'd be: "He just hasn't slipped up yet."

On pure habit, he'd start treating Ga On like a target — like someone he has to expose.

And since Yo Han can't exactly talk to Ga On about this — who is now one of the few people who'd try to hold Yo Han back when he crosses the line (R.I.P. K, we miss you) — there's literally nothing stopping him. And so it just becomes a question of what happens first: Ga On figuring out that Yo Han is having him followed for some reason, Ga On catching Yo Han invading his privacy, or Ga On getting unsettled enough by Yo Han's behaviour to ask what the hell is going on.

Because Yo Han wouldn't be able to just keep behaving normally. He's a good actor, yes, but Ga On knows the difference between Yo Han's genuine affection and when he's trying to fake it. And Yo Han has to start faking it after a while, once his doubts grow strong enough. Because it's difficult to keep giving it your all when you think your partner is cheating on you.

And Ga On would be able to tell when Yo Han starts acting weird. But there's also a danger that he might assume that it's because Yo Han has figured out what's going on with Ga On. As in, Ga On thinks that the displeasure he's picking up on is lingering jealousy over Soo Hyun, not this new threat that Yo Han has conjured up in his mind. Because the day Soo Hyun died is a date both of them know, and all that. So, maybe, Ga On wouldn't actually say anything at first, afraid that would just make Yo Han more agitated.

Meanwhile, Yo Han would be so goddamn confused because he really didn't think Ga On was this good of an actor. Because despite a bit of awkwardness, Ga On is still mostly himself, not showing nearly as much guilt as Yo Han had expected. Yo Han is surprised that Ga On can act that well.

(It's because he's not acting, you pickled cucumber)

So, most likely, I'd say that it all comes to a head when Yo Han gets caught snooping. Either because Ga On figures out that, yes, he truly is being followed, or catches Yo Han looking through his phone or something. And the resulting argument would, uh, not be pretty.

Because even if some part of Ga On could probably see that Yo Han's actions are mostly founded in insecurities — Yo Han thinking he doesn't deserve Ga On, being sure he'll scare him away eventually, thinking Ga On can easily find someone better, etc. — it's also incredibly painful to hear that Yo Han thought he'd do something like that. Like, I think Ga On could forgive the invasion of privacy and light stalking relatively easily, but the fact that Yo Han genuinely thought he'd cheat on him? That his trust in Ga On and Ga On's devotion to him is apparently that weak?

That hurts.

And, sure, Yo Han's doubts are understandable to some degree but, as per usual, it's the way he chooses to act on them that's the biggest problem. Instead of having Ga On followed like a criminal, he should have just asked to have an adult conversation about it.

Not at all helped by the fact that Yo Han would, of course, get defensive when Ga On points this out, and insist that he had very good reasons because Ga On was behaving so weirdly. Which of course means that Ga On has to explain why that is, and then Yo Han does end up feeling jealous over the whole Soo Hyun thing again, but also kind of terrible because Ga On has been suffering for weeks and he didn't notice. Like, jealousy and all that aside, Yo Han still loves Ga On with every fibre of his being and wants to protect him from everything that can hurt him — including the lingering grief after Soo Hyun's death. Ga On shouldn't suffer, period.

And it's not until after he's had that thought that Yo Han suddenly realises just how badly he's fucked up. Because Ga On would definitely be crying by then, in between the angry yelling. Like, Yo Han only has to look at him and see how devastated Ga On is, and then he'd realise that's all on him. It's Yo Han's fault.

He did that.

And, in that moment, Yo Han would also realise that he isn't immune to the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies. Since, in all the time he and Ga On has been together, this is definitely the closest he's actually come to scaring Ga On away. Because Ga On would, at the very least, move out of their shared bedroom for a while after that. If he still has his apartment, he might even go so far as to return there, too hurt and humiliated to stay at the house.

(Let's hope Elijah is somewhere else — exploring the world or something — because, otherwise, she would smack the everloving shit out of Yo Han)

And so they would both be miserable for a while and, not so surprisingly, Yo Han would feel terrible. Like, that man would spiral, probably faster than he ever has in his entire life. Because, understandable trauma and insecurities aside, this is his fault. The situation got out of hand because of his choices. And Yo Han can't say for sure if Ga On will be able to forgive him.

Meanwhile, Ga On has the dubious benefit of being the wronged party. Which, in theory, means you'll be hurt and angry, but don't have to take the blame onto yourself quite as much. Or at least it would — unless you're Kim Ga On. Whose abandonment issues run so deep he's rivalling the Mariana Trench. He'd of course begin to wonder if, just maybe, it's his fault. Maybe this happened because of something he did. He must have done something to make Yo Han doubt him that much.

And, tragically, that's probably what will eventually make him reach out to Yo Han again. Because Yo Han certainly won't try to approach Ga On but, for once, it'd be more out of guilt than pride.

And he'd be wary — then horrified — when Ga On comes to him and instead of being angry, Ga On is just sad and subdued and asks what he did wrong. What did he do to lose Yo Han's trust? Should he have been kinder? Less abrasive? Less angry? What can he do to earn it back?

Had he made Yo Han feel unloved? Neglected? Unappreciated?

Or was the love Ga On had to give simply not enough?

Should he give Yo Han more? Try harder? Be less of a burden?

And Yo Han would shatter.

Because there is not a single part of Yo Han that sees Ga On as a burden. And of course Ga On's love is enough. It's literally impossible for Ga On to give more than he already is.

It would break Yo Han's heart, especially since he can tell how desperate Ga On is. That if Yo Han told him that, yes, he has to try harder, Ga On would. Ga On would do whatever it took to try and fix this problem he now thinks he's the cause of. And, what's worse, Yo Han knows he could use that to push the blame away from himself. If Yo Han wants to spare his own pride and come out the victor, all he has to do is let Ga On believe it's his fault. And it would be so easy, since Ga On is already halfway there, all on his own. Ga On wouldn't even argue.

Suddenly, Yo Han has to make a choice between his own pride — his own kneejerk reaction to never admit to a fault, never appear weak, and never surrender — and Ga On's well-being.

And the only thing Yo Han has to guide him is his own sense of morals.

Which, as we all know, are not only questionable but, a lot of the time, entirely optional.

He'll obviously pick Ga On's well-being in the end — he loves him too much not to — but Yo Han hates himself for even considering the other option. Never mind that it's based on childhood trauma and years of abuse, Yo Han hates that his first instinct is to save himself, at Ga On's expense. That realisation, more so than admitting he's done wrong, makes him feel weak.

(... many of these answers are just (unintentionally) turning into various ways to make Yo Han break for some reason?)

And, to be entirely honest with you, I can't say exactly what Yo Han's reaction and actions would be without writing it in detail and following his thoughts more closely. Mainly because there are a couple of options and which one it ends up being will depend on literally the smallest shift in his and Ga On's expressions and mannerisms.

But what I can say is that it would be a struggle for him, both to find his words and keep his emotions in check.

And he would cry.

In that way we've seen him do in the drama, where his emotions overwhelm him to the point where not even he can stop them from spilling over. So not violently or anything — he'd try to talk through it, pretending it's not happening — but he would cry. Because he'd feel so wretched over how far he's accidentally pushed Ga On. Like, forcing Ga On to the point where he'd go: "Should I be less angry? Should I give you more? Will you love me then?" is exactly what Yo Han has always criticised Soo Hyun and Professor Min for. And now he's done it himself.

But, thankfully, that also means he's going to be pretty damn motivated to fix this. Sure, some part of him might feel that, maybe, he should just let Ga On go if this is what happens when Yo Han is left to his own devices, but he's a little too selfish for that. And, deep down, he knows that Ga On wouldn't actually want Yo Han to let go.

So they would Talk.

And it would be awkward and kind of stilted for them both, but, in the long run, they both love each other too much not to. And sure, the pain and doubts wouldn't magically go away, but they'll keep working on it. And, if nothing else, the whole disaster will teach them just how important it is to communicate — even if the issue might seem small at first glance.

Like, yes, Yo Han shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and gone to the lengths that he did, but if Ga On had been a bit more open, maybe Yo Han wouldn't have. That's not to say it was Ga On's fault — Yo Han was the one to blame — but it could have been avoided if Ga On hadn't tried to keep his suffering to himself.

Communication is key, and all that.

SO YEAH.

Something like that.

There is also a middle option that would probably happen when they are, unsurprisingly, somewhere in between these two scenarios. As in, they've been together for a while so Yo Han feels a bit more secure (and his Abyss tendencies have softened a bit), but not secure enough to just brush it off. Then I think he would be tempted to have Ga On followed and that whole shebang but, after some thinking, he'd realise how much Ga On would hate that. And, eventually, he decides to just ask Ga On instead.

And Ga On will look at him and go: "I'm sorry, what? And give you a reason to start planning another unhinged, ten-year-long revenge plot?"

Which, Yo Han can admit — fair point.

And then they'd actually talk it through, too, and Yo Han can (grumpily) explain why he's feeling insecure and Ga On can (patiently) explain why he doesn't have to. And smother Yo Han with little kissies until he stops being such an idiot.

... at this point, I'm basically writing fics in these answers, aren't I? x'D

AH WELL. Thank you so much for your kind words (even if they gave me a scare) and thank you for the interesting question! Clearly, I had a lot to say on this subject.

Take care! 💜