#I'm terrified that I won't be able to go | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

midnightsgetawaycar · 1 year

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I'm so behind on my assignments. It's like I'm so ready to do them but my anxiety gets the best of me and then I freeze and just listen to random shit and online shop, except I don't buy anything.

#ramble #anxiety #tw anxiety #I've been an online student for like 7+ years and it still gets me #although this is a masters program and I'm just terrified #it just makes me spiral about life and what my future holds #will it go to plan? probably not #I still have to fucking dream and hope because otherwise life is sad as hell #but I'm going to the eras tour so that's a solid win #I'm terrified that I won't be able to go #I couldn't go to the reputation tour because I was hospitalised after having a grand Mal seizure #so I'm terrified that even though I'm doing well on my meds something bad is going to happen #so then that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop just boosts anxiety like crazy #I have epilepsy for context #no one is going to read this and that's a good thing lol #I'm spilling way to much here #putting it all in the tags #I didn't do work today - I just researched makeup and stuff for my eras outfit #because if I focus on that I can hope #one could say...to live for the hope of it all #august supremacy tbh #alright - that's my ramble for the night #I write a lot when I'm on Tumblr on my computer #I'm normally on mobile #I hope everything works out #I'm so scared of something happening and my life gets set back #it's like whenever something good happens shit has to ruin it #like last year was so fucking bad - I lost my grandpa and my dog #my mom and I had to help put my grandparents dog to sleep because he was sick #all of this happened within 2 months or so

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that-was-anticlimactic · 3 months

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just accidentally spilled an entire water bottle on my bed :)

took my sheets off and put a towel over it. then looked up what to do just in case and. like everything said "use a fan" and "mold could happen so be careful" and now i am Terrified of getting mold since so much spilled and since i don't have any fans. i am so tired oh my god i just want to go to bed

#like genuinely terrified of it molding now #so that's great :)#i just wanna go to bed but i feel like i have to tend to my mattress #but i won't be able to work well tomorrow if i stay up super late tending to a mattress i can't even sleep on tonight #ugh sorry the thought of having to buy a new mattress bc of mold Terrifies me #i am a teacher universe like i save a lot but i do not make a lot of money :)#anyways sorry for rambling it's been one of those nights #i was actually having a pretty good day until then #i was getting settled in for the night... put my water bottle down on my bed while i went to piss #and then i was going to get in it and lie down after a long day of work #aND IT FELL AND SPILLED #like yeah that's on me for being stupid but i like keeping water in my room!!! that one hadn't spilled before so i thought i'd be fine for #the few minutes i'd be gone but nooooooo #okay i'm done now sorry #super tired and super paranoid #and my mom said to put my mattress pad over the shower like bestie i live in an apt you think i'm putting my WHITE mattress pad on the rod?#absolutely not i know that's pathetic of me but idc i DON'T do stains not at all nope nope nope #okay done now for real sorry #just freaked :)#corey talks:)

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finexbright · 2 years

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so much of what happened holds great significance not only to harry but to every single one of us. him acknowledging the flags, asking the fans to hold them up proudly, and thanking the audience for creating such a safe environment at his shows -- all these things weren't done in solidarity alone, they came from the heart of someone who's very much in the same community as us. he wants those flags there, he wants that pride there, he wants this safe space for both himself and for us, as has been the case for years now. the speech that he gave today came from a place of familiarity, he couldn't have said those words in the way that he did if he were just an ally. it was one of the very few times he acknowledged the flags using his words and i think that's monumental. rainbows are basically synonymous to harry's concerts now and it's because we felt safe and proud enough to do it and he wanted us to do it because he feels safe and proud too. i hope every single person who's been part of this fandom knows just how important whatever you do is. you are all important.

#soni says things #harry styles #i just. look. the thing is #it matters so so much to me and i wasn't even in the crowd and i know there's thousands others who feel the same #given how bleak things are with the stunt or whatever it was a big deal him being able to say those words #and i can't even imagine how incredibly difficult it must've been to navigate through that #to hold so much back and yet to be able to convey just how much he supports us too #rainbows at his concerts have been a thing since 1d days and he's been carving this space for us to be free ever since then #and we've received so much hate for it and we've been bullied and abused and faced with such brutality just for holding flags up #i won't lie to you. i was terrified of going to my harry show with my flag and thanks to some lovely friends i had an amazing time #and i know so many others were too and i hate that. i absolutely hate that the space harry created is shattered #and it hurts my heart to see it #because he needs those flags as much as we do #and i'm so glad that there's more and more projects being made and that the safe space is coming back again #i guess this is just me saying -#i am proud of harry and i am proud of us #and i hope we don't rest until his shows are nothing but a blur of happy faces and rainbows and colours and pride #we did that once we can definitely do it again #we are in this queer shit forever bbies

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altruistic-meme · 8 months

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genuinely so upset about not being able to scream to my mom about my cardigan :')

#genuinely. not happy.#it sucks guys!!!! it sucks sooo much you don't get it!!!!!!!!#this is the first time I've ever been making something and not been able to go to my mom about it and thats so #its just #im sad #especially bc like. i could be asking her help. for an idea. for a stitch. when i mess up. and i cant.#man.#and i can't share my joy either!!!!#I'm almost done!!!!! and i can't send her photos!!!!!! i won't be able to send her finished photos either!!!!!!!!!#I'm gonna cry about this while i work on the border some more i just wanted to yell for a moment <3 #but bc its trans colored and she KNOWS the tran flag and im not out to her and she'll understand what it means and im!!!!!!!#maybe i do it anyway and thats how i come out LMAO im kidding thats terrifying. its all terrifying tho so yolo amirite #tell her im making it for my friend abram :')))#which very possibly ALSO would be seen right thriving bc i HAVE talked to get about aftg fjsjfjsjjsjf #but that situation gives huge 'elephant in the room' by confetti vibes #anyway #back to crocheting i just got really hit with the sad #shh ac

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iero · 9 months

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I've been lucky as to avoid going to any kind of doctor, practice or hospital of any sort for the past year-ish or so after I had some insurance issues, but I think it's time, besties...

#personal #I'm fucking wide awake at 1:30 AM from an IBS attack I had hours ago.#And I'm getting them more and more frequently which is abnormal and I'm terrified it is root cause for a bigger issue.#I just don't have a PCP so I... don't know who to go to. Not gonna clog up an ER with my non-emergency and I don't think an urgent care #can help me... can they?#Not to mention I don't know what my new insurance will cover so I don't wanna have to pay like fucking $500 for them to tell me something #I already knew or worse they won't be able to help me specially at an urgent care where they probably don't deal with that.

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thethingything · 2 months

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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #posts made on pain meds #I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever #but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave #I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up #I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault #and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to #I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in #and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen #like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept #than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it #and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do #and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening #and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that #but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse #also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this #I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly #I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection #I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline #hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma #I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything #which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place

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aparticularbandit · 5 months

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Alright - this is not an official goal, persay, because this is a super stretch, and I don't know how well I'll be at keeping it up.

But, as a result of this poll (yes, I know y'all said all days are equally hard, but Mondays was very close, and I don't think I can maintain posting something every day, y'all, I'm sorry), I'm going to try to start having weekly updates.

I actually used to do this back in 2020. I think I started in 2019? and stopped in 2021? sometime? But I used to post weekly on Mondays because I realized I had a backlog of stuff I hadn't posted and I thought that would be a way of helping out and encouraging people on what I thought was the worst day of the week and...I want to try and start doing that again. Primarily for the helping out on the worst day of the week thing. Giving you something to look forward to.

This doesn't necessarily mean I won't post on other days. I might! Right now, I've mostly been in the pattern of posting fic or chapters as soon as they're completed.

But I...would like to return to the weekly scheduled update.

It could be a lot of things - it could be a chapter or update in a long-standing fic or series, it could be something new, it could be a one-shot, it could be a completed prompt (although I'm not sure prompts will be held to that, they'll probably be posted as I finish them? I'm not sure, I haven't quite thought this through that completely yet) - and it could be with a variety of characters or ships - just...something.

Something on Mondays.

Like something pretty much every day through December.

Because life is hard and Mondays are Mondays and it's nice to have something to look forward to after the weekend.

It's nice to have something to look forward to at all.

So. I will try! And we'll see how it goes!

#musings #bandit does an update #bandit writes fic #the reason this is not going on the goals is because it is a stretch and i'm honestly a little terrified to post this #because i'm scared i won't live up to it #i mean i didn't even get something posted YESTERDAY even though i intended to start this pattern YESTERDAY #start the schedule on the first day of the year the first monday of the year after posting something pretty much daily for an entire month #and i already slipped #so like #it's like with december #i will TRY #i WANT to TRY #but i don't know if i'll be able to do it or to maintain it or...or any of that #you know?#anyway #we'll see what happens!

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watermelinoe · 7 months

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the worst part is i know what i actually want to do as a career and i can't do it so i'm just scrambling for these backup ideas and i have too many interests and not enough time

#i wanted to go into museum work but i just can't do grad school. my body won't be able to take it #what a waste.#but i'm terrified of it being like i'm 23 again

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girlpetrarca · 1 year

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I can't sleep and I'm terrified about my future

#I'll give only two exams this semester and that means I'm going to give four exams the next semester #I'm not going to cry over the decision I've made #it's irrevocable now . done #but I'm scared because i have to prepare a thesis for November #and im afraid I won't be able to do so if my exams ends in july #i haven't written something since high school #im afraid I've forgotten how #i don't know if ill manage to write a thesis for November when my exams ends in july and in September classes will start again #im terrified #why. why. my first two years have been so fucking good #why do I have problems now??#now everything should go smoothly and instead it doesn't #im fucking scared #because frankly.. what do I have apart from this?#nothing #and the worst thing is that im not even that good #I can't remember a single thing about the exam im preparing #I'm scared and tired and I want to sleep and im angry amd disgusted by myself and my laziness #now ill try to sleep #i need to wake up early to study these past few days have been so unproductive they make me want to throw up #ill see if tomorrow ill be better #but of course I will #I always forget about my problems during the day #personal #university things

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likeclarabow · 1 year

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my toxic trait is that when i get stressed about something unrelated i start researching grad programs

#currently stressed about planning classes for my second year which is more important than trying to decide if i want to go to grad school #or teachers college after undergrad #but it feels further away and safer to speculate about #the real problem is that i cannot visualize a future for myself that doesn't involve school in some way or another and i can't figure out #if thats because i have a passion for education and learning or if i'm just terrified that i won't be able to function as an adult without #school being my primary environment (/career i guess)#abby.txt #uni tag

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cappurrccino · 10 months

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the problem with trying to look for haircut reffos is that every picture is like "oh there's a ton of styling and products that went into that, there's no way to know what it'll look like if you don't do that every day"

#//juri speaks #i am so! sick! of the frizz and the fluff #and i kind of want to chop it shorter to see if that helps (it won't)#but i'm also like. terrified the stylist will give me something that doesn't work right #bc i don't know hair terms and don't know what to ask for #and i know that i like. simply will never be able to style my hair like they do #nor can i handle any of the 500-step wavy hair care routines that are everywhere online #''soak your hair in a bucket then add 30 products then diffuse upside down with low cool air until dry'' like.#do y'all have anything else to do during the day or is it just 8h of hair care #aaaaaaaaaauuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhh #i've made myself despondent once again so i guess i'll go... idk make biscuits for dinner later or smth. maybe baking will cheer me up

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asordidbarwere · 11 months

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gggggggg

#i spent so long being wilfully misunderstood about my gender that im just terrified to come out to anyone now #i see so much ''there's no wrong way to be trans'' on here and still feel like im not enough #unless i go for t or surgery #i don't want those.... or do i? do i feel sick thinking about hrt because i secretly really do want to try it?#also having an indescribable gender i think means you can't really advertise who you're available to #how am i supposed to be on the market? lesbians shouldn't want me cause I'm not a woman - straight girls won't bc im afab....#im positively terrified of pregnancy so that rules out cis men and trans women....#god #i don't feel allowed to date or fuck. ever. lmfao. I'm disgusting #im the one fucking freak who doesn't fall into anyone's categories of ''compatible''#just watch I'll find some cute girl and she ''won't swing that way''. WHAT WAY??? hahaaaaaaa #I'm screwed forever #also I'm 30 which basically means I'm gross and off limits lol #SO glad i spent my entire youth in a depressing miserable relationship and now that I'm able to live #I'm at an age where it's just embarrassing.

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the-cinnamon-snail · 1 year

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