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luvhu9hes · 2 months

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Part of Me QH43

You had been in love with your best Friends brother for as long as you could remember. So much so he was a part of you.

Word Count: 3.3K

Warnings: SMUT 18+ Minors DNI, oral (f receiving), not proofread, I think that's all of it please lmk if there's anything else.

This is only my second fic i've actually posted, if you like it please let me know. Also this is kind of rushed at the end, but I'd be stressing about this for over a week so hopefully i've done it some justice. Anyways I love all of you who take the time to read my work! Go Canucks and all that jazz.

Summer was quickly approaching in Ann Arbor Michigan, and you were all but prepared for your trip to the lake house this summer. Every summer for as long as you could remember was spent at your best friend Luke’s family lake house. Your mom and Ellen Hughes (his mother) had met their sophomore year in college from playing on the women’s hockey team together. Their friendship had continued over the years and became even stronger when they became pregnant around the same time having you and Luke only a week apart from each other (him being the older of you two).

You and Luke were destined to be best friends, practically inseparable. Always going to the same schools, hanging out daily, becoming part of each other's families. Growing up with Luke meant growing up with his older brothers; Jack and Quinn as well. Jack was like an older brother to you, always being so protective over you. Even back when you were in elementary school, Luke’s other friends would tease you about being a girl and having cooties. After Jack had threatened them, they never bothered you again. Quinn was a different story, you had always had a little crush on him, (you’d never admit that to Luke, but it was true). Even though you had been so into him, he had never seemed to reciprocate your feelings, making you feel like his younger brother’s annoying best friend. For years you tried to get over your crush on Quinn Hughes, but to no avail, your heart still belonged to him even at the end of your sophomore year of college. You knew deep down, he would always be a part of you.

Always going to the same schools with Luke led you to where you are now, at the University of Michigan, sitting in your dorm room, clothes scattered everywhere. It was the end of the term, and you were meant to be leaving for the lake house in a mere 5 days, but excitement filled your mind. You were excited to be reunited with Luke, considering you hadn’t seen him in over a month due to him leaving for Jersey to fulfill his lifelong dream of playing in the NHL with his two older brothers. Though you were extremely proud of him for all of his hard work and accomplishments, you still missed him more than anything, having never spent this much time apart from him.Even though you were excited, the mere thought of spending another summer around Quinn had your stomach in knots. The two of you kept contact throughout the years, even with his busy hockey schedule and your school schedule you still made time to stay in touch. You weren't sure if it was your imagination, but something felt different about this summer, even if you weren’t quite sure what it was yet.

The drive to the lake house was peaceful as you listened to music and traffic was low. As you got closer to the lake house the more free you felt. All of the stress of the school year slowly leaving your body and the relaxation of summer being let in. Luke had texted you the day before that he and Jack were on their way, considering it took far longer to get to the lake house from Jersey. You had expected to be the first one there as you usually were, but to your surprise, there was already a car in the driveway when you had pulled up. It was not a car you had seen before, both Quinn and Jack had gotten new cars since the last time you had seen them, but considering you hadn't heard anything from Luke since yesterday you had a very strong feeling that it was Quinn's.

You entered the house voicing a quick “Hello?” announcing your arrival to whoever was in the house. At the sound of your voice a very tousled looking Quinn came rushing down the stairs to greet you. The sight of his messy brown hair and bright but tired eyes brought a smile to your face. Your smile was contagious as it brought one upon his face just before he engulfed you in a bone crushing hug. The hug was comforting, like coming home after a long time away, but that didn't stop the feeling of butterflies from erupting throughout your stomach. “Hi Quinn” your voice came out barely above a whisper, being slightly muffled against his chest. “Hey y/n/n, long time no see huh” he jokes. You can't help but chuckle at him as you begin to pull away. Though, Quinn clearly wasn't ready to pull away, as he pulled you back in and gripped you tighter than before. The slight action had you flushing and you were grateful he couldn't see your face at that moment.

Finally as the two of you pulled away, Quinn spoke up asking “Have you heard anything from tweedle dee and tweedle dumb? They haven't said a word to me since they left Jersey yesterday.” The old nickname had you grinning as you responded “No, I haven't heard from them since about the same time.”

“Well then,” Quinn smiled, “it looks like it's just you and me for a while.” You were sure he didn't mean to sound so suggestive when saying that, but that didn't stop the warm feeling you got from his words. Your time together was slightly awkward at first given the fact that you hadn't truly seen each other in a year, but as the minutes passed the awkwardness subsided and you both began to grow comfortable in each other's presence. Conversation came easily with Quinn, talking about anything ranging from your favorite music to how life at U of M had been. It shocked you how comfortable talking to him was, because even though you had grown up around him, Jack and Luke had always been there as a buffer, even when you had wished they hadn't. After about an hour of talking with Quinn you heard the familiar sound of another car pulling into the gravel driveway announcing the arrival of Jack and Luke.

Quinn and you immediately hopped up heading towards the door to meet the two boys. You were surprised when Luke dropped his suitcase bounding towards you before spinning you around in his arms. The suddenness of it all caused you to burst out with a pure laughter having missed your best friend so much. You and Luke had missed the look Quinn had given the two of you, but Jack sure didn't, smirking at the look of jealousy on his big brother's face.

“Let he breathe Lukey” Jack spoke teasing his brother “not all of us have had the chance to say hello to her yet” Jack had finished his thought as he pulled you out of the other boy's grasp enveloping you in a hug of his own. Luke pouts as his best friend is stolen from a grasp, crossing his arm as he speaks up. “Last time I checked she was MY best friend, not yours” His whiny tone elicited a laugh from all of you as you pulled away from Jack.

“Oh Lukey, you don't know how much I've missed you.” Noticing Jack's smile falter at your words you spoke up again “before you say anything, I missed you just as much Jack” your words caused a giant smile to break out on the two boys faces.

After you all spent some time together catching up, you had excused yourself up to your room to begin unpacking for the summer. Your room was just as you left it, your bed made nicely and littered with stuffed animals from fairs and arcades that you had collected over the years. The walls were covered in pictures that seemed to show the story of you growing up, with photos of you at your first birthday party leading up to a photo of you and the Hughes boys last summer. That newest photo was your favorite, it was taken your last day of the trip when Ellen and Jim had stopped by, you were on Luke's back smiling as widely as your face would allow, while Jack was trying to act all cool for the camera. Your heart always seemed to stop whenever you looked at Quinn in that picture, he was wearing just a pair of swim trunks, showing off his toned body, but that wasn't what caught your eye, it was the way he had looked at you and Luke, he had so much admiration in his eyes, and if you didn't know any better, you would've believed that look was pointed at you and you only.

You're broken from your train of thought by the sound of a knock on your door. You muster a quick “Come in” expecting to see Luke, and are pleasantly surprised to see Quinn. “Hey Quinn, what’s up?”

“Nothing I just wanted to spend some time with you, I don't see or hear from you as much as the others do” Quinn admits rubbing the back of his neck.

“To be fair Quinn I you've never made me feel like you wanted to talk to me so I’ve given you your space.”

“I always want to hear from you y/n/n.”

Quinns confession has your heart beating faster in your chest, so much so that you're almost certain he can hear it from across the room.

“Yo- you do?” you struggle to form the words as you try to process what Quinn just said to you.

“Of course I do, I care about you, I want to know what's going on in your life, hell I want to be a part of your life, and not just in the summers.” his eyes are watching you so closely, as if he's trying to read your mind, trying to know your every thought. Your mind is running a million miles a minute as you try to think of a response, as you try to pinpoint the context for which he's saying these things.

“What do you mean Quinn, you are part of my life, you always have been” you finally utter out.

“I mean..” he says as he steps closer to you grabbing your hands “I want to be in your life as more than just your best friend's brother. I want to be the first person you talk to when you wake up in the morning and the last person you talk to before you go to sleep. I want you in the stands of my games cheering me on. I want to spend more time with you than I get, whether that means me coming down to Michigan, or you coming up to Vancouver. I want to be with you y/n. I’m so in love with you, and I have been for years. I can't keep that to myself any longer.”

Never in a million years would you have expected that from Quinn. You stared at him in such awe trying to figure out if this was real or some cruel prank the boys thought would be funny. And as if he knew exactly what you were thinking, Quinn speaks up again

“I know you weren't expecting this from me, I wasn't expecting it either, but after we spent all of that time talking before Jack and Luke got here, and after I saw how touchy Luke was with you, I just knew I couldn't hide this anymore.

After you still hadn't responded, Quinn began to panic a little.

“y/n… please say something.” That was all it took for you to snap out of the trance you were in and respond.

“Quinn, I’m so in love with you. I have been since I was eight years old and you held my hand after I had scraped my knee open. I've tried for years to push my feelings down for the sake of Luke, but also because I never thought you would be interested in me. I've never seen you as just ‘my best friend's brother’ , you're so much more than that to me, and I want all of those things too.”

The second those words left your mouth, Quinn wasted no time grabbing your face and bringing your lips to meet his. At first you were shocked, but you were quick to kiss him back as this has been something you had wanted for years. The kiss was full of passion and promise. Years of pining being made up for by one breathtaking kiss. You only pull away when you're both out of breath, leaning your foreheads together. It's in that moment you remember one detail. Luke.

“Quinn?” you ask, breaking the silence, only receiving a hum in response. “What are we going to do about Luke? How are we going to tell him? Are we even ready to tell him?” you start to ramble, leading Quinn to cut you off with another kiss. This one is much shorter than the last, as he begins to speak “Let's not worry about Luke right now hm? We can focus on us for now and tell him, and everybody else when we're ready. Okay?” The look in his eyes is so comforting, it genuinely has you questioning if you'll ever be able to say no to him. You know deep down you won't, which is why you say “Okay.”

So that's what you did. You and Quinn spent the whole summer focusing on your relationship by keeping it to yourself. That consisted of sneaky make out sessions in dark corners of the house, sneaking into each other's rooms in the middle of the night, holding hands under the blankets during movie nights, and sneaking glances that lasted longer than they should have. It sucked keeping such a big secret from your best friend, but you weren't ready to tell him yet, and you were enjoying your time with the man you loved.

Summer had come to an end much faster than you had ever expected, and that meant you would all be going back to your regular lives soon. You were worried about what that meant for your relationship with Quinn, being new to the whole long distance thing, but you were hopeful nonetheless. Today was the last day you would all be together, and you wanted it to be memorable. Luke had decided that going out to the local club would be the best way to spend your last night together, and of course Jack agreed 100%.

That's how you ended up here in a crowded sea of people cradling a vodka cranberry trying to make your way back to the booth the boys had saved for all of you. You hadn't even made it more than three feet away from the bar when a hand was grabbing your wrist. Turning you come face to face with a strange man who's very clearly drunk. You try taking your wrist back, but his grip only tightens and he speaks up in a dark gravelly tone “What's the rush doll, I jus’ wanna dance” his words slurring as he speaks

“I don't think my boyfriend would like me dancing with you, i’m trying to get back to him if you don't mind” you tried to stay calm as you tried pulling your wrist free again, his grip bruising now.

“You don't have to lie about having a boyfriend doll, if you don't want t’ dance jus’ say that”

before you get the chance to respond you feel an arm wrap around your waist and hear the voice of your boyfriend say “She doesn't want to dance pal, leave my girl alone before we have problems”

My girl, even though you knew you were his girl the words still sent butterflies to your stomach and a heat down to your core. At the sight of your boyfriend, the creep lets go of your wrist putting his hands up in surrender leaving you and Quinn alone.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Quinn practically screams, trying to speak to you over the music. It doesn't take you more than a minute to respond with a yes. The two of you find Jack and Luke and tell them what happened and that Quinn had offered to take you home, and let them enjoy the rest of their night. Luke was worried and didn't want to leave you alone, but you managed to convince him to stay and have fun.

The ride back to the lake house was torture. Quinn's hand rested on your thigh while his other gripped the steering wheel, and he was drawing shapes into your skin, his hand occasionally going higher messing with the hem of your dress. He knew exactly what he was doing, though it was the slightest of touch, it still had you squeezing your thighs together. You glanced over to look at him seeing the mischievous smirk on his face. Shaking your head you tried not to focus on his touch and focus on the scenery on the drive back (it didn't work.)

The second you had made your way into the lake house Quinn was on you. His lips attached themselves to your neck leaving open mouth kisses and nibbling just below your ear eliciting a gasp from your mouth. You turn around in Quinn's hold bringing him in for a needy, almost desperate kiss. His tongue running against your bottom lip requesting access, which you'd be crazy to refuse him. He slips his tongue into your mouth massaging your tongue with his, as his hands start to explore your body. You break away trying to catch your breath as you grab his hand dragging you up to your room. You attach your lips to his again once you're in the safety of your room, hands reaching up to unbutton the slutty black shirt he was wearing. No matter how long you had been with Quinn, you still got nervous in intimate situations like this with him causing you to have shaky hands. You could feel him smirk into the kiss at the shakiness of your hands, as his own reached up to slide the straps of your dress down your shoulders. He was pleasantly surprised to find out you weren't wearing a bra, groaning into the kiss as his hands groped your breasts nimble fingers flicking over your nipples. The sensation had you pulling away from his lips letting out a low moan, spurring him in further as he lowered his mouth taking your left nipple into his mouth. Your hands made their way into his hair holding him to your chest, Quinn backing you up until your knees hit the bed causing you to sit on the edge of the bed. Lowering himself in front of you, Quinn looks into your eyes looking for permission as he hooks his fingers into your panties, you mutter out a quick yes and he wastes no time pulling them off and licking a long stripe up your pussy. The sensation has you arching your back lacing your fingers through his messy brown hair. The only noises that can be heard through the room are the pornographic moans and groans coming from you and Quinn as well as the slick sound of Quinn eating you out. It doesn't take much more before you're coming undone on Quinn's tongue as he helps you ride out your high. You and Quinn spent your last night together, sanctifying your love for each other and cherishing each other's bodies as much as you can before you get separated.

Nothing could ruin the bubble of bliss you and Quinn had made for yourselves. Or so you thought until you were woken up in the morning by the sound of “WHAT THE FUCK” causing your head to shoot up to see your best friend, whose eyes are locked on the sight of you and his older brother laying naked in your bed.

This was not how you wanted him to find out.

Fin

#quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes smut #quinn hughes x y/n #quinn hughes #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes #jack hughes #jack hughes imagine #hockey smut #vancouver #vancouver canucks #hockey imagine

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yandere-fics · 3 months

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♡ How She Acts When She First Brings You Home ♡

(sorry I struggled to end it, I hope you still like it, this is also funny because I do not eat lo mein anymore, I don't eat any noodles or bread.)

You'd nearly crapped your pants yesterday when The Boss spotted you at the office and told you that you were her mate and you would be moving in with her the following day. She wasn't there the next morning when the security team helped you move your stuff into her penthouse but there were little sticky notes everywhere explaining things, perhaps she thought you'd have an easier time adapting to your new home without your new mate lurking over your shoulder but either way you did appreciate having time for yourself before you were thrust into being her mate.

That peace did have to come to an end though because sometime around 4 PM she knocked on the door lightly calling out, "My Beloved, I'm going to come inside now, okay?" Someone might think you were her new cat with how she was treating you, stepping lightly and talking quietly to not spook you.

"H-hello Ma'am?" You stood up from the couch still surrounded by boxes because you really weren't sure where you were allowed to put your belongings. As she walked closer you realized she was so much fucking taller than you, at the very least 6'4 but her shoulders were broad which also gave her the appearance of being a behemoth, yeah she was gonna tear you apart at some point.

"It's Sawyer, Beloved. Why haven't you unpacked yet?" She tilted her head at you, she had only got you yesterday so she hadn't had time to install cameras in the pent house yet, if she had then she would have called you and asked you why you hadn't unpacked much sooner in the day. She'd need to remedy the camera problem quickly.

"I-I don't know where I'm allowed to put my stuff." You tried not to look up at her, her eyes felt like they were constantly sizing you up though that was actually just her appreciating finally having her mate in front of her.

"Anywhere you'd like, or if you prefer I can help you tomorrow?" You nodded, sure spending time with her was hard but it was your life from now on and hopefully if she helped then it would minimize the risk of you moving things too much and having her get angry at you. "First we should have dinner though, you must be hungry I'm sure."

"Yes m-ma'am, uhm S-sawyer, I'm hungry..." She hummed in approval when you said her name and went to go order dinner for the both of you.

"I ordered Lo Mein for us, Beloved, I heard this place was popular amongst the humans nowadays but I'm willing to order something else if you wish." She didn't want to let you know the place was extremely expensive and usually took a reservation to get, you likely wouldn't be comfortable with that at this stage of the relationship. "Would you care to take a bath while we wait? It may help you de-stress, I have lots of oils. Oh! Also I have bathrobes prepared so you need not worry about that part yet, My Beloved."

Okay so she was a lot more nicer than you had expected but this was likely the part where she jumped you like a wild animal and your suspicions would be confirmed right? Wrong! Because here you were ten minutes late as she rubbed scents into your hair complimenting how beautiful it was and how she appreciated you allowing her to care for it.

"Uhm Ma- Sawyer aren't you going to do something with m-me?" You had to bite the bullet if you wanted to get this over with quick, you didn't want to live in fear of when it was coming, afterall weren't supernaturals supposed to be instantly attracted to their mates, you'd heard people usually mated same day as they met and Sawyer was the boss so shouldn't her desires be increased?

"Do you want me to do something with you?" Sawyer already knew the answer was no just by your smell alone but she did hope that you would when she had gotten home, still even if she wanted you she was more than willing to wait for it.

"N-no, it's just-" "It's just you thought I'd jump your bones the moment I had you in my penthouse?" She cut you off frowning only for a moment when you nodded in response before returning to a straight face and continuing to take care of your hair. "Here come on out, Beloved."

"I'm sorry. I s-shouldn't have assumed." You took her hand as she stood up from the bath and pulled you up gently, passing you a towel and some of your pajamas.

"I'll buy you better pajamas as soon as I can get the tailor in, he's from the demon realm so it may take a week or so." She looked away from you going behind a partition to change into her clothes though you could still see the top of her head poking out. "Not to worry, I will never look unless I know you want me to."

"I'm alright, I d-don't need much." She tutted, leaning against the wall as she waited for you to finish dressing, getting an alert on her phone that her security team had placed the food on the kitchen table for the both of you. "Well maybe just one outfit." It wasn't what she wanted clearly but she did seem pleased with your response.

"The food arrived, My Beloved, shall we go eat?" She looked at your wet hair with a frown as you walked over to her letting her know you were dressed, snapping it dry with a partial grin and offering you her arm.

"Y-yeah that sounds nice." This was still shaky territory and you made sure to remind yourself that the entire time you ate, sure she was nice now during dinner but what might she be expecting come nightfall, you couldn't fall for her charms yet, this was still very much your former boss who held the entire city in her pocket. There was no such thing as too much caution with her.

"We could cuddle now that we've eaten, if you would like, My Beloved." She took your plates to the sink, setting them there for her to deal with at a later time, for now she just wanted to hold you meanwhile you wanted to skip straight to bedtime despite it being early in the day, at least that way her intentions would reveal themselves early.

"A-actually I'd like to go to sleep if that's okay with you?" Finally you could get rid of these confusing thoughts because the true her would show itself, the moment she had you on her bed, surely you would finally see for yourself what things she truly had in mind for you. Except no because she laid you very carefully in the crook of her arm and barely even seemed to want to breathe too heavily, scared of disrupting your rest.

"S-sawyer? W-why haven't you done anything?" You must be ugly, that must be it, that is the only reason a monster like her has not jumped you yet, except it didn't really make sense if you gave it even a second of thought because soulmates where supposed to be the most desirable thing to a person and she had showered you in praise and compliments the entire time she watched you eat what you suspected was highly expensive Lo Mein.

"My Beloved, I already told you, nothing will happen until you want it, so be at ease and sleep." She placed a tender kiss on the top of your head, frowning slight as you rolled around to face her. "Are you having trouble sleeping, My Beloved? We could always move elsewhere and try to fall asleep again later."

"N-no, uhm would you just talk to me while I fall asleep? I'd love to learn more about you?" She smiled and gave you a kiss on the forehead before chatting away about some goats that she used to see on the mountain where she grew up which was boring enough for you to finally drift off to sleep, finally convinced she was not in fact going to do something awful to you.

#my oc sawyer

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ghostintheheadset · 5 months

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watchmojo's top five headphones_haver fics of 2023 (not clickbait)

I'm looking at my 2023 stats on ao3 and fandom disparities are really funny to me lmao, my main fandom at the moment is fe3h, and of the 22 fics I posted this year, 19 of them were fe3h.

All three of the non-fe3h fics are my top three most kudos'ed fics of the year:

It goes without saying ofc that these numbers don't really matter, if I was only doing this for the kudos I'd be writing m/m genshin fic, and it's not really surprising why the numbers are the way they are- both my Pokemon and Zelda fics were posted within a few months of the game coming, and gwitch is also relatively new and I was writing for far and away the most popular ship. Meanwhile, 3h is now past the 4 year mark, and largely m/m dominated while the majority of my fics are f/f. While I would certainly enjoy all my fics getting popular, seeing the numbers like this makes it easy to remember that engagement isn't a metric of quality.

(In that vein, Falling is probably the fic I spent the least amount of time on this year, being impulse-written in about 2 hours. Sometimes niche fics you pour your heart and soul into can't reach the same level of popularity as wider-appeal stories you wrote much more quickly, and that's okay)

That said, though, I am happy with the fics that made top 2. There's something satisfying about my first and last fics of the year being the most popular, and I am very happy with how the both of them turned out. They're both representative of the themes I like writing about and are both wholesome yuri, so I think they "belong" in the top 5 as much as any fic could be said to.

Numbers 4 and 5 are kind of a surprise to me- Pegasus Knight Dysphoria is a gen fic about a trans girl and Someday is an f/f rarepair. Of the 19 (wow) 3h fics I've written over 2023, these are not the two I'd expect to break into the top 5, but it's a pleasant surprise that they did!

Anyway, none of that actually matters beyond being mildly interesting to me specifically. Onward to 2024:

According to my stats page, I posted 126k words of fic in 2023, which averaged out to a little over 10k words a month or about 345 words a day. Not bad! Looking to get those numbers up next year though. If I don't, then that'll be okay, but 126k is the Word Count To Beat if possible.

I would also like to do some more fandom events! Apparently there's a FE rarepair week happening literally right now that I wasn't aware of until yesterday. Hoooopefully I'll be able to see more of that kind of thing now that I'm here, as they've always been a lot of fun when I could participate. I'm not leaving 3h just yet, but I would like to branch out a bit more- I definitely have more gwitch fics lined up, and I'd like to also branch out a bit and write for some other fandoms I haven't gotten around to yet.

Big writing goal is to finish Together We Ride, and also work on it more consistently. I was putting off starting it for a while because I wanted to "wait for a good time", but I realized if I kept that up it would never get started. Considering I started it in April and there's currently 7 chapters, it was in fact "not a good time", but! I am committed to seeing it through in the upcoming year.

That's about it I think. It's been lovely writing fic over the past year (and a great way to unwind from the Grad School Stress), and I'm very much looking forward to exploring more next year.

(might do a roundup later today of some fics from this year I really liked we'll see)

#ramblings

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souryogurt64 · 1 year

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It's my birthday! I am 24. Semi mixed feelings!!! Birthdays are always really hard for me and also I feel like 24 is legit Adult and for a lot of this year I felt really frustrated and like my life was really stuck and I was like sobbing in the shower listening to "Teen Idle" on loop

But then all of the sudden I got to see fob at the Metro and I got my first big girl job out of nowhere on the same day (and it's a really really really good job!! Like better than anything I ever thought I'd get!!!)

And some of my best friends are coming to stay with me to celebrate this weekend and it's going to be very silly!!! So I feel okay about it now!!!

I'm also proud of myself for writing 2 huge dissertations this year. And for getting actually asked to cover the launch of PWs kinda label thing which was a huge honor and the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. And getting to attend record label press conferences for the first time and I got to ask a real celebrity a question which was fun. I've written and posted well over 50k words this year which is way more than I think I've ever written in that timeframe in my life and I feel like I've gotten a lot better as a writer

And also I'm proud of myself for fostering 17 cats. And for doing Accutane because it's been really hard and scary. I also got to fulfill a couple of smaller more private goals this year. Like I solved a lot of Nancy Drew computer games

I didn't notice when it turned midnight last night because I was working on the Gray dissertation which is on brand lol, I'm very stressed and feel behind on it but I feel good about the progress I made yesterday !!

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millerflintstone · 1 year

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So much of my career in software development was under high stress. There was always the background stress I put on myself for taking care of my mom and sister financially. Then there were the jobs themselves. Looking back on what I've done and where I've worked, my two most enjoyable jobs were based in Michigan - my first job in Ann Arbor and then my 2013 based in Flint. The first one ended because we moved to GA. The second one ended because that company was acquired by another and they did not renew contractors, which is what I was.

I'm thinking about this because I sent off code samples to yesterday's interviewer. I sent 3 and they were all recent-ish (2016- 2021). One was Java related, which was from the 2016 crazy project I agreed to do because i was wanting to get out of database crap. I wrote a ridiculous amount of code and set the web front end up and I honestly cannot remember how I did that, but I did it.

The other two were from the TX job that sold off their IT department to services provider company. One was C# script related to a project that was squeezed in and had ridiculous timelines. The other was for the project I was assigned when I was hired on. That was UNIX/SQL. That project I also stressed about because I just really hated having gotten stuck in database land again. I also ended up needing a hysterectomy and worked my surgery date around the deadlines. Only had two weeks off, too.

After I got the samples together and emailed them out, I had SUCH a headache. When I had prepped last week for this same interview, I was wiped out because of having gone over my resume to have talking points. Last night I had a really hard time falling asleep and just felt on edge and I think it was due to going over that code and my body remembering the stress it was in as it was being written.

I've said this before - apparently work related PTSD is a thing. think I might have PTSD related to these past jobs. There's a combination of feeling both awed and unhappy while thinking, "holy shit how did I do all of that in a short period of time?" Just thinking about it now is exhausting and unsettling. I'm actually involuntarily crying right now as I'm writing this.

Maybe if my mom and/or sister were still alive, I'd still be pushing down my feelings and working at the same pace due to my own feelings of obligation. I really think that because they're both gone and I don't have that worry, my brain recognized I don't have to do this anymore.

Now as for the job that I'm interviewing for, it seems different. For all tech hires at this place, they go through a month of training. They don't expect people to jump in at the deep end and swim.

The tech reminds me of the excitement I felt when I was learning programming. I loved all of the programming courses I took to see if I even liked it. I didn't expect to love it. Then working in healthcare sucked that joy right out of me eventually.

I have no idea how I'll do for the next round of interviews. My gut tells me I won't be advancing and honestly, that's fine. While I would love to learn something new and feel that joy again with this place, I would also be fine just doing something kinda mindless that pays halfway decent and doesn't stress me out to where I feel like I'm feeling now from just thinking about the stress that I've felt in the past.

#job search 2023

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fuck-customers · 1 year

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I was going to submit a big long rant about how annoyed I am that customers keep asking for tissue paper instead of, idk, wrapping their shit at home and not making my job harder than it needs to be when it's two days before Christmas and I'm literally the only one working (my store is small, but still) but I think my real frustration is with my managers for knowing we were going to be insanely busy leading up to Christmas and still refusing to schedule more than one person to work at a time. We had over $5,000 in sales yesterday (which is a lot for us) and it was packed nearly from opening to closing, but sure, don't schedule any additional staff to help handle the rush, that's fine, one person at a time is plenty (sarcasm). Not to mention that I haven't gotten a raise in over a year despite inflation being so wild (made worse by my needing to cut back on my hours for my physical & mental health because my job is a stress-filled nightmare) and my "holiday bonus" last year was a $10 gift card to some obscure local restaurant I've never heard of, which I wound up giving away to someone who would actually use it. I'd rather have just had $10. Not sure if they're even going to do anything at all this year. I'd quit if I didn't need what money I do make.

Oh, and we don't even get holiday pay, so since I'm normally scheduled to work on Sundays and we're going to be closed for Christmas, I just completely lose out on part of my usual paycheck. Lovely. 🙃

Fuck my managers for their perpetual understaffing and fuck customers for waiting until the last goddamn minute to do their shopping. I finished my gift buying in November; what's your excuse?

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procrastinatorproject · 9 months

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Procrastinator's Kitchen Countdwon - The Measuring

About 6-7 weeks to go (with any luck)

In my quest to buy a new kitchen, I first turned to my trusty provider of decent, sensibly-priced furniture: IKEA. I'm sure I could have gotten better quality for less money elsewhere, but given that I will probably take this kitchen with me when I move and will have to fit it into a new space, the modularity and continued availability of IKEA furniture is a big plus.

So, I sat down with their 3D kitchen planner, diligently did my best to measure out each nook and cranny of my convoluted kitchen, and got to work.

One of the problems is that the very large slanted roof is 1. very hard to measure with furniture still in the room, 2. also hard to measure because it's fairly old and there are very few straight lines or crisp edges, and 3. extremely confusing to the 3D planner. Normally, you put in a detailed floor plan and the IKEA algorithm will spit out some suggestions for furniture placement in your kitchen.

When I tried it, at first, the model refused to show the slanted wall at all, because it couldn't believe it would come down as far as it did. After a bunch of prodding, I managed t oget the walls set up, but was then informed that there were n osuggestions available for a kitchen like mine. And every time I add a new piece of furniture, the software complains that there is absolutely no place it could possibly fit that and defiantly places it in the middle of the room.

I did eventually manage to play around with furniture options and got some ideas for what I might need and where it could go. But as soon as I really got serious about it (and climbed around my kitchen with measuring tape and chalk pens to sketch out possible cupboard-placement on the current furniture), it became abundantly clear that there was a huge margin of error. I might not know if my desired kitchen furniture fit into the space I had chosen for it up until the moment it actually arrived at my flat - at which point, exchanging it for something more fitting would be a fairly big hassle.

When I mentioned this to the IKEA kitchen adviser on Tuesday (because IKEA offers to go over your kitchen design with you free of charge, whether you end up buying the kitchen from them or not), he made a suggestion: they could send someone to my place to take measurements with a laser tool, that would give them an accurate model down to the milimeter! It would also allow things like ordering a pre-cut counter top from IKEA, rather than having to worry about cutting it myself to the extremely wonky shape required.

I had seen on their website that this option was available, but I'd dismissed it because of the additional cost. However, the IKEA employee told me that if I decided to purchase my kitchen furniture from them (which I had already decided to do anyway), I could get reimbursed for the measuring fee afterwards!

My next objection was that it might delay the whole process even more. Once you order a kitchen, it takes about five weeks to be delivered. Which, on the one hand, is good, because I still need to get rid of the old furniture, clean and paint the entire room, order new appliances, and hope that the construction site in front of my house will finally get done so a delivery truck can actually park on the street. But on the other hand, uni starts again in late October, giving me a deadline after which the whole endeavour will get exponentially more stressful.

Luckily, when my friendly IKEA adviser checked his system, he found that there was a measuring appointment available two days later, meaning I could be back at IKEA the following Tuesday for the final planning and ordering, and my kitchen furniture could potentially arrive in the second week of October! Or hopefully the third at the very latest.

So, yesterday, I had an appointment for someone to laser-measure my kitchen! Because the room is still fully furnished, I would have to remove everything from the countertops and empty the cupboard under the sink to allow an accurate measurement of the water pipes.

The technician was supposed to call me an hour before arriving, which would have given me plenty of time to move everything into the living room (and to make sure there were no crumpled clothes or other embarrassing clutter left anywhere in view in the rest of the flat). When the very nice man from the measuring company called me, however, he told me that if I was currently at home, he could be with me in 20 to 30 minutes. And of course, as someone who rarely thinks these things through properly, I agreed, since I didn't want to cause him any unneccessary delays in his day.

It was then that it occurred to me that I really, really should have emptied out the kitchen the night before. Alas, there is a reason this is the procrastinator's kitchen adventure 🙈

As it was (and with some lovely moral support from @regionalpancake, with whom I happened to be on a Discord call when the technician announced himself), I just managed to get everything out of the kitchen in time. 35 mintues after the technician's call, I was just about to run the hoover through the half-empty room when the doorbell rang.

I have to say, I am fairly prod of myself for actually getting everything out in time, and for removing as much stuff as I did. I even took out the 2 by 2 Kallax shelf after emptying it, since I figured the corner it was in was one of the more vital parts that needed accurate measurement. The technician was also very pleased, because apparnelty, a lot of people are not as diligent about making space!

Looks like I am getting a good grade in kitchen emptying, something that is entirely normal to want etc. 🤣

The measuring itself happened with the door closed. I got a brief glimpse of the futuristic device the technician mounted on an impressive tripod, and I could hear it beeping through the door for 40 minutes or so, but when he called me to say he was done, it was all packed away again.

It's wild to think, as Pancakes pointed out, that there is now a laser-accurate 3D scan of my kitchen just... out there in the world somewhere. We live in a time where that's possible! And where I can use it to sit down with the IKEA people on Tuesday to order furniture that will actually fit my space! Hopefully that means I won't have any of the issues we had with the current kitchen, like suddenly being unable to open the oven because we had pushed it a liiiiitle too close to the wall when installing a new countertop and now the door frame was in the way.

(Have I mentioned that any time I mention to someone who's cooked here that I'm getting a new kitchen, their reaction is "Finally!!"? 😅)

I really hope I'll get to take some version of the 3D scan home with me or at least get access to the model they build based on it. If I do, I will definitely post some screenshots here :D

For now, I need to finish moving all my Stuff back into the kitchen - because of course it's still spread all over the living room, 24+ hours after the technician left 🙈 I have moved about a third of it, which is pretty good by my standards, and part of taking it easy for a few weeks is not getting mad at myself for procrasitnating chores. But I think I'll try to tear myself away from blogging and mapping now to at least put cleaning supplies and spices back where they belong. I do enjoy smelling the potato spice blend when sitting in my armchair, but the occasional whiff of bathroom cleaner is not exactly a harmonious addition.

Next step: second IKEA meeting on Tuesday, at which we will hopefully put in an order for the furniture and I'll learn how long my countdown is actually going to be!

#kitchen countdown #procrastinator's home projects #lili's personal adventures #long post #I Am Doing The Blogging Thing!#and now i need to find something to support my wrist while typing because it's starting to hurt a bit #the joys of no longer being in my 20's 🙈

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genopaint · 1 month

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Hello everyone! Now that we're nice and early into April I wanted to give a little update on my work and where I am with everything! The move I just had went incredibly poorly and was very stressful and down to the wire, sad to say. BUT we pulled it off and it's DONE!!

However, the move taking so much of my time combined with getting INSANELY sick right before all that, combined with unpacking going slow, combined with generally sadness and stress over life changes means... yeah I haven't really gotten much work done sadly

I've done one or two commissions since getting sick but in the mean time my waitlist has been growing a lot. Thank you all so much for your interest in commissions! And, genuine apologies for the fact I've made no progress on them. Just know I'M NOT IGNORING ANYONE!!

I haven't forgotten you, you're on the waitlist and I will reach out when I get to you! At the moment, my work time is being taken by bigger projects like indie games and other stuff and of course MOONLIGHT PULSE which launches this month!!

Generally speaking, I do give projects where I'm working on games/projects and being part of a team priority over personal commissions. Please understand (and if you want me to make characters for your game... feel free to ask-) And I will announce when my comm schedule clears!

As for the future? Well... I think there's a good chance I'll have to up commission prices very soon. I'll go into more detail when I figure out what's a good price increase but currently while I don't think my art quality warrants it 100%. The demand is a LOT aha

And, it's almost guaranteed I will have to move again next year. Which means I'll be busy repacking stuff soon. And I never really fully recovered from how expensive moving LAST year was. And I'd really like to have more money for my 3rd year moving in a row

This isn't to sound super pitiful or beg for money online I'm just laying it out as it is. Please understand I don't WANT to increase commission prices but I do feel like I'm not getting payed properly for a lot of the work I'm putting in if that sounds fair and not whiny

In the mean time if you want something smaller from me my Ko-Fi is always there, if you leave a request I'll sketch it for you AND you can even request those little dragoon creatures there. I do also have a Patreon and while I am working on patreon related stuff like new podcast things and more games to put patrons into credits, the well of content there has dried the last few months. So no pressure if that's not enticing/you want to unsub

Again I apologize for all the slowness. I promise the daily dragon thing isn't cutting into work time and it's actually been very relaxing for me. Thank you all for your understanding and support. I appreciate you all! I also wanted to post this yesterday but... lol

As a last call to action, if you've made a request for a commission from me or work from me and I just never got back to you, that is ALL MY FAULT, I don't think this is the case but accidents happen. Please feel free to reach out again!

And again I hope this doesnt make me seem full of myself or I think I'm more important than I am. It's just that yknow, this is money stuff so I want to be transparent especially to those who have been waiting for a while. This is why I don't take payment until I start a comm aha

#update #just a random little update i copied from twitter ahaaaaaa #life's crazy man

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0junemeatcleaver0 · 5 months

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Dear Anon,

Just wanted to take a moment to apologize to yesterday's anon. I got a bit snippy and I'd like to explain why.

IRL stuff has me pretty stressed right now. I'd just gotten non-ideal news like, less than an hour before that message made it's way into my inbox so I already wasn't in a great headspace. And

I'm not someone who takes fandom super seriously. I'm here for a bit of fun. To kick my feet up. To laugh about the exploits of undead idiots and be horny about them.

I've only been in one fandom previous to this. It was a very small fandom and actually where I met my partner. She insists that I was a BNF over there, which I still deny. Because I don't feel like I was. There were plenty of bigger fans over there who I was friendly with but didn't see as my peers in any true way.

I also watched a few of those people jump a bit too far up their own asses due to their 'status' in the fandom. That fandom is basically dead now, but I still look back on some of the egos it bred and cringe.

I am not a BNF in VC fandom. It's not a title I would ever claim. But I know my inbox is seen as a bit of a 'safe space' among those who don't like/hate the show. And I see the importance of that. Shit is very contentious now. I think it's nice for people to have a place to scream into the void or whatever.

It's difficult for me to understand other's perception of me because it's not a thing I think about very often. It's not something I really care about, frankly. I know the people who hate me really seem to hate me and the people who like me really seem to like me and that's about it.

I'm rambling now. My point is, not only do I *not* want to be a BNF it's also like, my worst fandom fear. I've seen that shit break bad too many times. Whether it's the fan drinking their own Kool-Aid to the point of mistaking themselves as a big deal or the people that hate them mistaking them for being a big enough deal to harass them or the people who like them mistaking them for being a big enough deal to take the BNF's thoughts and ideas at face value as fact or as some how gospel...that sounds like hell to me.

I guess I just let my stress commingle with that underlying fear and the tone I may've misread in your message and well. Here we are.

And while I stand by the TL;DR of my response (IE: I'm just one fucking idiot on this platform trying to have a good time; I don't hold any real power or expertise here; I don't especially love people even jokingly pretending as though I'm some expert on things, etc.) I probably would have phrased it differently if I wasn't up to my eyeballs in cortisol.

So, if I hurt your feelings or caused any offense, I am truly sorry for being so snippy with you yesterday.

#talk hard

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sadbeautifulttragic · 5 months

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hiii omg I’m so sorry for being late to message you! yesterday was a whirlwind! I blinked and the day was over.

how are you? if you do celebrate the holidays and buy presents, have you gotten your holiday shopping done? I’m stressed because I have NOT done much holiday shopping and tbh I’m not sure what to get people! I am also participating in a White Elephant, and I have absolutely no idea what to buy for that!!

one more question to make up for yesterday: what song are you currently loving?

secret santa 🎄

oh don't worry we all get busy!! I'm doing ok, I have to do a sleep study tonight at the hospital which is kind of freaking me out cause I'm worried I won't actually be able to sleep cause of anxiety and also insomnia (which is why I'm doing the sleep study anyways). but hopefully it's ok!

I've got it mostly done, just a few little things to get but I can manage over the next week! oooh white elephant is hard, I think I'd do like a cute candle and then something funny like a gag gift or something. or you could do a bottle of wine and one of those silly little wine jacket things that look like real jackets??

oh gosh I've been playing Christmas tree farm on repeat hahaha. you?

#anons #secret santa

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ellies-cycling-notes · 9 months

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Day 15: Pittsburgh to Mill Creek

Distance Covered: 87.30 miles

Total Time (including rests): 8:24 (8:46am-5:10pm)

Time spent riding: 7:07

Average Speed: 12.3 mph

Apples Eaten: 3 (??? - 5.5/10, ??? - 7/10, fuji - 7.5/10)

Today's ride was pretty good. Not on the level of the GAP trail, but still better than most of the rest of my rides. It was close today, which was really nice as I didn't have to drink too much water and didn't get overheated. I actually only took 1 "real" stop on the ride, about 70 miles in. I stopped a couple of times before that for refilling water and such, but those stops were 5 minutes at most. I would have liked to go the entire ride without having to stop, but the last stretch was rather tiring so I had to take a break. The first part of the ride took me through several small townships and industrial regions in Pennsylvania. Then, once I crossed the Ohio River for the final time (my route actually had me take several bridges over the Ohio River and back to be able to stay on bike-friendly roads), I entered rural Ohio, which was mostly just flat stretches of road. There were some rather hilly parts, but most of the ride was flat, and even the hilly parts were better than the area around Philadelphia and Baltimore.

A Change in Approach

Now that I've gotten the overview of the ride out of the way, I'd like to address a change that will be happening to this blog. In short, I will be probably writing less, and about less consistent topics for the rest of the ride.

I have finally started to reach the point of mental exhaustion, and was barely able to think about anything other than just riding on today's journey. I was able to focus a lot more by not distracting myself with other thoughts, which is what led me to making rather good time. I still expect to write things as I think about them, and will still give a general overview of the ride, but the "Notes on the Ride" and "Design Notes" categories may not appear at all some days. For example, today I don't have any design notes to write about. I've been feeling overly stressed about making sure I have things to write about, and that's not why I started this blog at all. In fact, when I started this blog, I note that I might not even post every day. I've just gotten too wrapped up in my own perception of the blog, and I need to take a step back and use it in a less systematic manner. With that being said, today I do have some notes from the ride, so here they are:

Notes on the Ride

Bugs on clothes - it is not unusual for me to encounter bugs on my ride that slam into me. However, today had two interesting specimens that were rather different that the usual "fly hits the face". (1) a butterfly flew onto my shirt while I was riding, and latched on, staying attached for a good 2 miles or so before flying off again; (2) a wasp flew at my chest and actually went under my shirt. Luckily, it soon flew out and away from me, but it was quite a scare in the moment.

Industrial train area - the most annoying part of today's ride was only a little bit outside eof Pittsburgh, when my mapping took me on a route through an industrial train area, on rocky gravel paths right next to various traincars.

Water bottle - I got my water refilled by being given a bottle of water from a very kind couple who I encountered on side roads in rural Ohio.

Switched site at campground - I'll discuss the campground more in detail later on, but here I'll mention that, due to the storm, there was great damage to my campsite, so it had to get switched with another one.

Plastic log cabin - I saw a plastic log cabin in the yard of one of the houses I passed by. This wouldn't be interesting, except for the fact that I realized it was the exact same model cabin as the one my family had when I was a kid.

Campsite Issues

I just need to complain a bit here. Mill Creek is not the worst campground possible, but I was rather unlucky, in that the storm from yesterday knocked out the power in the camp, so they don't have running water or working bathrooms. It's a relief that I'm doing alright on water consumption and it's not too hot today, or I might've had to take my bike out for a ride to a store to buy bottled water. Part of me feels like I should've searched for other campsites nearby and gone to one of them instead, not caring about the reservation I made here. This does give me an excuse, though, to go to sleep early, because there's nothing like a shower or such to keep me awake.

That's all for today. No design notes today, a rather good ride but not so good campsite, and getting mentally tired. I'll probably start riding early tomorrow, riding through rural Ohio all day. Tomorrow's ride is supposed to be a similar distance to today's, but I hope it's flatter.

Previous -- Today's Pics -- Next

#blogpost

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we-were-made-of-stars-once · 10 months

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QUICK LIFE UPDATE:

So yesterday was a really terrible day for me. I had just gotten fired from my job and I've been moping around all day. I was already in a tight financial situation for the past few weeks (taking out multiple loans and losing more money due to commuting issues) and now I don't know how I'll be able to afford my rent, food, etc. Till I find a new job. I felt really hopeless since finding a new job is already a hurdle in and of itself and I've got bills to pay pretty damn soon.

But I've realized this could be a perfect opportunity to pursue something that only seemed like a pipe dream. Let me explain. . . At my previous jobs, my coworkers and even a few customers would always say how they liked my digital art (because I'd mention that I dabbled in drawing whenever they wanted to get to know me more and my hobbies. Y'know ✨socializing✨) and how I could probably get into making money from my art. . .of course I always doubt myself too harshly even when the compliments and praises come from my family and friends. . . But now, I think I might have a shot at honing in on my skills. Now that I have the time and I still have my art tablet and a brand new computer (that I still have to figure out how to pay off 👀. . . .)

But anyways. . . Earlier I was super depressed and stressed out the whole day. Until I randomly remembered to check my mail and got my package from a Patreon subscription that I'm subscribed to and I'm a huge fan of! The sticker above is a gift from one of my favorite extremely underrated creators. @hasaniwalker . His story of Doris Doodle and Dawn Doodle is super inspiring to me (even tho it's about silly haha cartoon characters 😅) the emotional journey and the protagonists story really resonates with me. . . and for a moment, I kinda correlated Doris' experience of losing her career with my own. The hopelessness, the despair, the fear of what's next. . .

Doris' struggles in some weird way were like my struggles. . . (Or maybe I'm just projecting and over analyzing too much pfffttttt 😅) But I digress. . . As I stared at this silly little sticker, I started contemplating the efforts and dedication he must have put into this passion project. The trials and errors of trying to bring this project up off the ground. The creator of this underrated comic is one of my many artist role models. A real life glimpse of what I could become someday. An artistic storyteller. A visionary hoping to make something meaningful to my audience. A Creator.

So this is my official notice to y'all if anybody is actually caring to read all of this lol I will try my hand at doing ART COMMISSIONS. I've still got a lot of research to do first though, like how to price stuff and all the other technical details. But I've got a lot of support from my loved ones and artist friends to help me on this journey of pursuing my dream job as a artist (even though I might not be good enough right now and it sounds naive and a bit too optimistic. . . I can at least try, right. . .?)

TLDR: LIFE SUCKS AND IM GONNA DO ART COMMISSIONS SOON TO MAKE IT POSSIBLY SUCK LESS???

@dawnanddorisqna @hasanistories @hasaniwalker

Honorable mention to my irl art mentor friend @en1gmat1c for being cool beans 😎

#deadass once i learn to draw furries ITS OVER FOR U BITCHES #my post #art commissions #drawing commisions #art #commissions #doris doodle #dawn doodle #stickers #maybe someday i could have a artist booth at a convention #or maybe even work in the animation studio #who knows #maybe dabble in tattooing???#idk as long as i can keep doing what I love

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gurugirl · 11 months

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hi! same anon about the boyfriend who broke up with me. can i be 🍸 anon? i've been drinking my weight in vodka lately to drown my sorrows so a dirty martini emoji might just be for me. 😭

the ex called me yesterday after i posted a selfie on ig. i knew i was looking fly so i had to post it. did i do it so he'd see it and feel like he'd made a mistake? yes. a little. but also i was just really cute last night with my new haircut and color (some highlights) and I was wearing this dress i hadn't worn in forever.

anyway... the asshole called me an hour later and apologized about how it ended so he wound up coming over and we fucked 😫 i know it was a bad idea. and we aren't back together or anything either. he just came to "apologize" he said and then he like had me on the couch and kissed me and i just didn't stop it. and i really liked it though.

you know how i said he was boring? well. he wasn't boring last night. he ate me out (first time ever) and i didn't cum but then he begged me to let him fuck me and i really liked him begging me cause i told him no but he was like holding onto my dress and pushed his face into my stomach and begged me and i felt so powerful. but i know i was actually just weak but he fucked me so good and i came so hard.

i don't know what to do. i was gonna wait to start up my dating profile again but now he's gone and fucked me proper and i'm confused. i haven't even heard from him today at all.

and my boss was really nice to me. told me i did well on fixing the issue at work and then bought me a starbuck's coffee just now 😭

i'm in the bathroom sending this to you while i'm at work. i was gonna tell my bff about my ex but she's going to kill me and figured i'd send this to you first and see what you think. she's gonna kill me isn't she?

what do i do guru? i'm not getting back with my ex. i still hate him right now but my brain is all messed up after last night. i sound crazy and i'm really not.

Hi babe! Yes you can be the dirty martini emoji 🍸

Yay about your boss! Sounds like you worked out the issue :)

So, you have gotten yourself into quite the conundrum with your ez. I cannot say I've not dealt with what you're going through, though. I've hooked up with a few ex's before. And the only thing I can really say is that it never winds up being a happy ending. Not for me anyway.

I feel like your ex was regretting breaking up with you and since you two are familiar and are used to one another he probably just figured he'd test it out. It's actually not that uncommon to have sex with an ex. It's not a great idea, but humans are like that - we are full of bad ideas and can be messy.

Don't worry too much about it, don't beat yourself up over it - and I know that's easier said than done but you can look at it like this... you got a little closure, you know he still thinks you're hot and now you know he kind of regrets letting you go. But he did let you go, so that part you need to hold on to and remember.

And just because he was a little more adventurous last night (girl that was the first time he EVER ate you out and you didn't drop his ass from the start?) doesn't mean he'd continue that. It was hot, spur of the moment sex with an ex thing.

I would also say it might be too soon to start up your dating profile yet. You literally just got out of this relationship. Give yourself some time to be single. If it happens it happens! Just go out and have fun.

As for your bff... if she knows the story then yeah, she might be disappointed but she's your bff for a reason. She's gonna love you and tell you her thoughts openly. She'll probably also be able to offer better advice than I can since she knows you.

Don't stress. Don't call him or text him. Just think of it as your closure and you do your best to move on and live your life.

Good luck, babe!! xoxo

#ask #🍸 anon

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sukugo · 8 months

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Yeah I wasn't sure if you're okay with leaks and spoilers so I tried to be vague. It's alright, I'll wait till you're seen the chapter! Do you typically read the official translation on Sundays/Mondays or fantranslations that come out 1-2 days after the leaks? There's another thing I noticed actually, I'd like to think that it proved my theory right? I'll save that for later as well.

Oh yes please read The Path To Insanity, on AO3! I highly recommend it. It's so good to the point where I couldn't stop thinking about it for few days lol.

Hmm I think so, most of us have been suffering after some Bad Shit™ happened and I think you'll be affected too. Sending you positive vibes in advance! It's good that you're actively avoiding leaks because the fandom is literally imploding rn, it's chaos everywhere. Though surprisingly it didn't hit me as hard as I thought it would. I think it's due to the fact that I'm too busy being conflicted at how it was executed and stressed over how future chapters would turn out so I don't really have the capacity for sadness atm.

I wonder what you'll think after you've read it. Like personally I found it pretty haphazard and laughable lmao. It just feels strange and surreal in a bad way, maybe Gege meant to set tone like this on purpose? Idk. This chapter has a vastly different vibe from the rest of the manga to me so I'm trying to refrain myself from being reactionary and impulsive like others. I'll wait for Public Enemy #1 (Gege) to continue the story instead lol, based on some context clues there's still a slight chance that this might be just another sick and twisted joke from that demonic cat. Hopefully. I wanna beat his ass though he'd better sleep with one eye open

i usually just read the chapter on sundays when it comes out (which is kinda funny bc i DO read the fan trans too haha). but im gonna be honest, im considering reading the scanlation earlier this time agdkdhskd. i'll see what i do dgfdgd

but well. even tho i havent seen the leaks i do know What Happens (there's quite literally no way to not know, it's everywhere). bc oh boy is it imploding. yesterday i decided to take a small peek into twitter and it was. on fire. i closed it immediately, i was not gonna deal with all that csjdhdjd. but my tumblr's been pretty peaceful! it's so easy to avoid things here if u have the tags filtered, tho even then, i just haven't gotten so much of it on my dash anyways

and about the last thing u say, from the little things i came across, i did see that there were mixed feelings about the chapter, but as i haven't actually seen the leaks i can't really comment. so yeah ill come back to give u a proper reply after ive read the chapter!! :D

AS FOR THE PATH TO INSANITY I STARTED READING IT YESTERDAY ACDJHDJSH. ive only read 2 chs but GDJDH EXTRA BRATTY TEEN GOJO WITH SUKUNA!!!!! lately I've just been so into specifically that, so yeah im enjoying it <3333

#f.ask #but yeah anon i am verymuch aware of what happens. thank u for the positive vibes im really gonna need them 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#truth is even yesterday. i was out of it. sure i haven't seen the leaks but just knowing that it happens. had me so gloomy and sad #i was on the verge of crying so many times just thinking about it 😭😭😭😭😭�� but i stopped myself bc i decided to have a proper crying #session when i actually read it agdkdhsjfhjd #part of me starting to read TPTI was literally to distract myself and not think about 236 #bc even if i try not to. i just can't stop thinking about it #jjk leaks #jjk

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authoratlas · 1 year

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Flares

A short original work with some OCs. Whumpy fic about a pain flare. Partly because I've seen exactly one fic with a character who had costochondritis and I feel underrepresented.

First-person POV

Cw: pain, pain thoughts, mentions of past physical assault.

(Author's note: sorry to others who have costochondritis that don't like whump. Also, mentioned in the fic is "like the breaks that didn't heal quite right". This is a reference to character's backstory, but costochondritis affects the intercostal cartilage and is not supposed to directly involve bone.)

It hurt to move.

Sure, it usually did, but not quite so bad.

I knew the flare was coming; I'd gotten pretty good at spotting the triggers.

Stress was a big one. It was Spring Break of Senior Year. Graduation was coming up and then I'd start college. I didn't feel ready and neither did any of my friends.

Physical activity often played a role, and I had definitely done a lot of that by walking everywhere with the group. In my defense, it had been fun at the time.

Sleep was another factor; the more sleep I got, the less shitty I usually felt, but the nightmares had started up again. It wouldn't surprise me if the sleep-thrashing and fighting added to my pain as well.

Finally, of course, it's worth mentioning that Matt's Spring Break Parting Gift was a pretty solid punch to the chest. That's probably actually what did it.

Either way, I had known the flare was coming, but knowing was unhelpful; at best, I could take some Aleve and hope that it wouldn't last long. It was still morning, after all.

By noon, the Aleve either hadn't kicked in, or it had, but to little effect. I was still in bed, having taken my meds with one of the granola bars I keep in my room for days like that. I'd hoped getting up would be easy enough, since the group would be coming over tonight, but most movements were instant demotivators; even something like rolling onto my side, something that simple, scored about a 6.5, which was high enough to make me want to stay still and not move ever, ever again. The problem was that when I heard my phone chime, I completely forgot about that little detail, and rolled over to grab my phone. The thought of My People outweighed the threat of pain.

Pain that felt like fire, like the breaks that didn't heal quite right. I curled up, hoping it would make the pain stop. The movement only seemed to aggravate it. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to level out my breathing. Before long, the pain would fade, and it would suck less.

It took about a minute for me to be right; sure enough, the burn returned back to the dull ache that I knew would stick around for a while. I took the opportunity to grab my phone and read the message.

Nico: Shea, are you alright? You haven't said anything in the group chat yet today, and I know you're usually up by now.

Nico. I made Nico worry.

Shea: Yeah, I'm up, just distracted.

Nico: What's up? Is it because of yesterday?

Shea: You could say that. It's not entirely the case, but yeah.

Remember earlier, when I mentioned Matt's "Spring Break Parting Gift"? Well, that was yesterday. Matt is this guy from school that hates my guts over drama from 8th grade, of all things. The funny thing is that the thing he hates me for didn't even affect him, but rather a friend of his. He's just the one that hits the hardest.

Nico: What's going on, Shea? I mean, you trust me enough to fill me in, right?

Shea: Of course I do, but I don't want you to go do something stupid.

Nico: Of course not, silly, why would I do something stupid? I'm not going to walk over to Matt's house, which is just down the street anyway, and kick his ass on your behalf or anything.

Nico: Why would I do that?

Nico: Fuck him and his stupid-ass friends.

Nico: I'm going to kill him with my bare hands.

Shea: Nico, stop it. Matt has never been worth it. He didn't cause the flare anyway, I'm pretty sure.

Nico: You're in the middle of a flare right now?

In theory, of course, I shouldn't have said that. But I wasn't thinking when I sent the reply, and who knows what would come of that?

Shea: I am, but it's not from that

It was a lie, but it was one that could keep Nico out of trouble. In theory.

Nico: How do you know?

Nico: How could you possibly know that for sure?

Nico: Because as far as I recall, you weren't flaring yesterday, and he punched you, and today you're flaring. Sounds to me like he fucking caused it.

Shea: I just don't want you to do something stupid because of it. He's an idiot and he's not worth it. And you going over there and starting shit isn't going to make the rest of the school year easier for me.

Nico: He's not about to just fuck with my boyfriend and get away with it, and I'm tired of him thinking it's okay.

Shea: Okay, you're not friends with him anymore, so here's how that's gonna go:

Shea: Option 1 is you go over there and fight him and he kicks your ass.

Shea: Option 2 is you go over there and fight him and you kick his ass, and then next week, when school starts again, he beats me half to death in a broom closet and leaves me there.

Shea: So tell me again how worth it this is?

There was a knock at the front door; it couldn't have been Mom, because she, of course, had a key. Slowly, cautiously, I got up and walked to the living room and looked through the window next to the front door.

"Come on, dude, let me in."

I opened the door, closing and locking it again behind Nico. "Why...?"

"I had to do something, and you didn't want me at Matt's house, so..."

I sat on the couch, motioning for him to do the same. "Okay, fair I guess."

"Can I ask you a question?" He'd rushed it out almost immediately after I finished talking.

"Uh... Yeah? Anytime?"

"Did that actually happen to you?"

I frowned. "What?"

"The broom closet thing. Did that actually happen to you?"

A flash of memory came through, of falling backward onto a pile of brooms, breathless and bleeding. Of being sure no one would find me until I got myself up and out of there. "Not exactly?"

"It was too specific to be completely made up."

"It wasn't. It just wasn't Matt."

Nico made eye contact for a moment before having a staring contest with the living room rug. "Can you explain?"

It wasn't an order or a request so much as a genuine question, which was something I loved about him. He understood how hard some memories can be.

I nodded. "Yeah. Uh, it was back in 10th grade, and Matt and Ross were out of town."

"So it couldn't have been any of the main 3. Jesse was already expelled by that point."

"It was Patrick and Seth. They swore they needed to do something to 'keep me in line', whatever that means. I'd woken up to a pain flare, too, so I had stabs of pain from my left shoulderblade to about here," I said, gesturing to a part of my back. "It was, uh, the broom closet I got ice-bucketed with, too. Insult to injury, y'know? Patrick locked Seth and me inside and I had pretty much given up by then. How can you run when you're literally locked in there with the dude that wants to beat your ass?"

"Fucking cowa--..." He stopped himself halfway through the word, and it took me a moment to process why.

"No, I agree, they were cowards about it. You can say it, it's fine. I went non-speaking for part of the day after that. Almost had my mom take me to the hospital. Then she decided we were going anyway. It was... a lot of bruising and inflammation. Nothing else. But... I wouldn't put it past Matt to talk to them and do the same thing. And I also don't trust Matt not to, um..."

Not to actually kill me.

"Yeah, I know. I get why you want to leave it alone. But it's hard for me to just accept it. We both know I haven't been going through this with you nearly as long as Jamie or Oliver have."

"We graduate in about two months. Then I don't have to deal with them. And neither do you."

Nico didn't have to deal with the worst parts of them. Not the same way I did. But he had to deal with the aftermath, now, and he had to see me hurt because of them. If I was honest, I'd stopped caring about the pain around the same time my body decided to work against me, but it hurt to see my friends worry. It hurt to feel like my existence made theirs heavier. I knew the trauma would weigh on me long after I was out of school, but I had a good therapist and a great support system. Eventually, I could heal.

All I needed was to make it two more months.

#whump #beaten #costochondritis #ocs #wdid #shea luna #nico cardoso

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