#I’m the little top right person
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#coney island#ocean#beach#sand#seagull#footprints in the sand#sky#sailboat#clouds#I’m the little top right person
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Aka Riders Lullaby from Centaurworld
Lay your head on my chest so I can sing you a lullaby and gently run my fingers through your hair until you slowly drift off to sleep 🥰🫶
#I got some microphones on a super good deal and I wanted to try it out 🥰#also I’m finishing centaurworld and I love it so so so so much#I got an ask recently#and I think it might have been the sweetest ask I’ve received#and that’s saying something#cause all of you guys are sweeties!!!#but basically they were complimenting my voice#and if you don’t know voice compliments are probably top tier for me#obviously love personality compliments and all that but voice compliments hit me fucking deep#I’m going to reply to that ask soon#just whenever I get a super sweet ask that BLOWS me away I need a little bit to recover and find the right words to say!#anywhoodedoodly#I was crying while I was driving and singing my heart out#and remembered my microphones!!#was gonna do some sort of heavy ballad but I’m too much of a perfectionist right now#gotta start small#idk if I’ll keep this up or I’ll remake it#cause I always feel like I could do better ya know??#me#mine#rosicheeks#singing
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something about finding the people who sit through your info dumps with joy on their face and enthusiasm for your passions. something about finding the people who info dump right back at you because they know you love hearing about their passions. something about finding the people who manage to sum up your being in one niche, oddly specific sentence that lives in your mind rent free for the rest of time. something about finding the people who not only accept you for who you are but embrace you for who you are. who not only tolerate your quirks and differences but love and cherish them.
#i’m in my feels today if you couldn’t tell#just thinking about one friend in particular who i don’t get to see in person nearly enough but i text all the time#idk it’s the little things#the way we send each other videos of ourselves explaining whatever we’re learning about right now#the way we don’t write it in a long message because the emotion and vibes don’t translate properly#the way he’s told me that the way i dress is so gender nonconforming in his eyes#how even though i’m afab and i wear glittery makeup and crop tops and have pink hair#i still look so queer and so gnc and so Not Girl in his eyes#how that felt so validating#how i could feel the genuine love in his words#how he told me once that i’m ‘not a person with lore but rather a person with a schtick’#and how he explained to me what my schtick was and how accurate it was#how he told me he can’t wait for me to get my degree(s) and be an openly queer person in stem#how he can’t wait for me to defend my thesis sometime in the future and be wearing the brightest makeup and the biggest earrings#and the tallest boots#how he loves that i go to my chem lab every week with glitter on my eyes#how it’s cool that i don’t care if i stick out like a sore thumb because i’m me#i remember how he dropped the she/her pronouns immediately upon ne saying i didn’t really vibe with them#(even when they were still technically on my list of ‘ok to use pronouns’)#how his boyfriend who i don’t know very well has always they/them-ed me because my friend does#and if my friend is doing it then it must be the right thing#idk i just love my friends#and this friend in particular is someone i’ve gotten really close with over the past 6 months or so#and i’m so glad to have him in my life#platonic love#friendship#tell your friends you love them
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Thinking so hard about sertegra dancing fic that has not yet been created
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#seras victoria#integra hellsing#sertegra#a#okay so hear me out you got fancy balls n shit integra was definitely taught how to do that stuff#so like idk how it gets brought up but seras like damn you gotta teach me 🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢 so like ong they’re close it’s so intimate ahhhh#and maybe it’s a little bit of a flop and seras feels bad for distracting integra from work but like#integra’s like I don’t care if it’s good when it’s with you because I’m dancing with you oooohhhhhh#you get the vibe that’s my brain I am not inherently a writer#😾mutual pining for REALsies#the mortifying ordeal of being known (attempting to accurately portray personality)#AHHHH anyway uh on a mission to find my personal favorite album for each year which is requiring me to listen to a bunch of random things#so I can be as Right as possible like some are easy years nothing will top them but like 1956? shit I’ve no clue what exists then#so then I have to learn but like God Damn so much Music exists it’s crazy I will never listen to everything that exists in my life time Damn#on a lil Chet baker run what a funky lil guy
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#personal#I dropped my fav mug earlier :(#luckily it wasn’t that high and it didn’t seem like it had cracked or anything#but only just now like 7 hours later did I notice the MASSIVE hairline crack that’s running down the entire side#starting from right where I usually put my mouth#and the top half of the crack is stained with the tea I was just drinking#how did I not notice that before?#I’m a little bit sad#I’ve had this mug since year 4#that’s like…. god that’s like 17 years already#it seems stable rn… I hope it doesn’t get worse#the crack is just wide enough to be felt#there’s gotta be a better way to phrase that sentence man…#anyways. I’m a bit sad but like. it hasn’t died yet!#I’m still gonna be sad about it for the next 15 mins tho
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#life has just been nothing short of hard thing after hard thing the past little while#and me. being the emotional person that I am. it hits me very hard.#drama and death and mental health concerns and sickness and broken relationships and#well now I’m sick and it’s a really bad cold. one of the worst I’ve had for sure. may have to go to the doc tomorrow if I’m not any better#could be worse I know#but on top of everything it just makes it worse#brushing my teeth has become a last resort because I’ve just been exhausted past what a normal human should experience#productivity right now is very low#sleep has been a nightmare#I really need a break.#I’ll get one. I know I will. things will clear up. all will be fine.#God is good. I know He’s with me through this.#but boy is there a lot going on right now.#and I’ve just. a stupid part of me just wants to disappear and cut contact with everyone.#not that it would help. I know it wouldn’t. humans are social. people care I guess.#life is just. it’s rough.
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NOW THAT IM BACK ON WIFI
LOOK AT MY HUSBAND I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM
#this picture drives me wild bc you can see how his jacket is a lil big on him#and it makes me imagine walking up to him and putting my hands inside his jacket and pulling him close to me by his waist 🥺❤️#just wrapping my arms around him and hugging him and laying my head on his shoulder….#he’d get so giggly when I do that 🥺#god if I was in person with him I wouldn’t be able tos top myself from doing that kinda stuff all the time ahdjfl#don’t care if the gang is right there. Charlie always needs a hug ahdjfl#maybe I would show a little more PDA than I initially thought…#I’m realizing how touchy I am AHDJFL maybe the gang would be right to try to split us up for a night 😂#ren speaks#renlie#im gushing out here folks#caps lock tw
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boyfriend™
#helloo i haven’t been here in a while#my personal life is a mess lol#BUT I just saw Niall for the first time ever#was able to see him literally 20 minutes from my hometown with some of my closest friends#who don’t care about 1D but waited with me in the crazy crowd for 90 minutes regardless#and on top of that Niall announced a show in Prague on st Patrick’s day..also known as my birthday#I’m just so overwhelmed right now in the best way possible and I love this little muffin SO much🤧
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To this day I think one of the best friendships I ever had was my color guard friend. We got super super close cause we were both in love with our best friends and refused to tell them. They were one of the only people who would listen to me go on and on and on and talk to me about what was going on without losing interest partway through cause they’d heard it a thousand times. Bestie would let me talk their ear off all the time. And we’d turn right around and I’d do the same for them
#i miss bestie so so so much#nothing happened between us we just lost touch after I graduated#neither of us are good at responding to one another over text anymore#we talked the other day#it’s like no time has ever passed between us when we do talk#I’m actively fighting texting one of my friends bc I know a life update is gonna turn into me venting and I don’t want that#but man. i miss my color guard friend. we’d send each other mile long paragraphs back and forth all day and night long#it was never too much. it was never just waiting for the other person to finish so we could talk about something else#it wasn’t multitasking and being like oh sorry what I wasn’t listening#if ever it was hey I gotta do a thing for a little I’ll reply later. and then we would in depth reply#i loved my little therapy sessions with them#they were a Lot more successful at love than me. i learned a lot with that friendship#if I could have one person teleport to college with me they would so easily be in the top two#bestie for life right there. I’ll be thinking of them a lot in color guard this fall#i wonder how much they work this summer. I’d love to see them#i wanna know every single detail of what’s up with them and what’s new#soup talks
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my dread levels are sky-high this morning and I know exactly why: I am already freaking out about clothes for tonight lol. I went and reread this Woolf short story just now and am struck again by how exquisitely it captures the unbearable agony of picking out an outfit for a social event, feeling excited or positive about it, and then arriving to discover that the outfit is utterly Wrong and humiliating and bad, and you by extension are also wrong, humiliating, bad. total emotional meltdown that snowballs into a total existential meltdown. this is so relatable to me that I have to laugh aha even as I also claw at my face because SO RELATABLE. like I feel this in my BONES:
I have this memory of being in middle school and shopping for dresses for the first last & only school dance I ever attended, and I just had a total silent meltdown in the dressing room and then sobbed all the way home and said to my mother WHY CAN’T WE BE BRAINS IN JARS I WISH WE HAD NO BODIES OR CLOTHES I WISH WE WERE BRAINS IN JARS. these days I have largely moved beyond my ‘wish to be a brain in a jar’ phase but all it takes to plunge me right back into it is an unfamiliar social situation where I don’t fully understand the dress code or the framework of expectations through which other people will interpret my clothes. really makes me feel like I am losing my goddamn mind and also my grip on reality & on my own identity lol. I wish we all wore sacks I wish we all wore uniforms I wish we were all brains in jars communicating via electrical signals
#the only way to master this is to decide well in advance what I am going to wear and then to allow absolutely no deviations from the plan#like I must be absolutely fixed in my mind and absolutely unwavering#i am leaning towards the dress and tights with a cardigan to dress it down#because I think it is better for my emotional state to be a little overdressed than a little underdressed#but we will see. i am doing laundry and then I am going to try on one alternate outfit (jeans and nice tshirt and cardigan) and decide#i already know I do not have the right kind of top#which is why I am leaning towards the dress#also I’m rereading the story again and I want to teach literature again soooo bad oh my god#that opening passage is six sentences! and look at how much it conveys!!! you have this unbelievably rich and nuanced understanding#of who this person is and how she’s situated in the world and how she perceives herself and how others perceive her and how bad the meltdown#is going to be!
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you alreayd know who im gonna ask. give me the bingo on the little prison boy
MY BELOVED
#those top right ones are just slightly valid hence only slightly colored in#wasted potential because he is just a side character and not even a plot relevant one but he deserves so much more imo#done dirty is only slight because mark redeemed himself with iswm. before that it would’ve been full.#that ahwm livestream where mark said yancy doesn’t love y/n and is a bad person who only cares about being in prison.. how dare he#and the popular ships one is cause like. i still don’t understand why ppl shipped him with illy for a while there#it’s not. bad. it just. is strange to me#but god yes the blorbo of all time my beloved little guy 100% listening to songs thinking about him#may or may not have a playlist for him whose to say#he’s never done anything wrong ever. yes he killed his parents yes he stabbed people regularly but also that’s fine actually#my little guy with like 15 minutes of screen time my best friend my pal my homeboy my rotten soldier my sweet cheese my good time boy#and god his character arc;; my guy;; going from believing he’s this terrible irredeemable guy to *applying for parole* god i love himmmm#i’m shaking him violently look at this DUDE he’s so good he deserves the world#crazwaz posted#audience participation
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#anxiety tw#i just watched lewis’ documentary#this is gonna be a little tmi so bear with me#genuinely did not know that much about him personally so it’s fucking wild to see all the pressures and anxieties he had to face after#the success of his first album like i can’t even imagine feeling so much pressure over something so complex#huge love to him honestly#i’m gonna side step a little from bc i was watching it with my mom right#and mental illnesses are so fucking complex and different for every person that has them right#so we get to the big climax in which it all starts to build up for him right#and i’ve never said this online before right but my brother’s has diagnosed autism since he was a toddler and he has add and anxiety on top#and my mom’s always been very on top of that with him and tried to get him therapy and shit for it for years#and medication and all that stuff#like to the point where i remember going out of town to get him to a doctor and get him meds and shit#and he hasn’t taken anything in a while and my mom kind of chilled about it after he graduated high school#so she goes ‘you know that’s how your brother is like’ while we’re seeing lewis experience his own anxiety etc#while i’m over here almost crying bc it definitely hit close to home for me and my own personal experience#and it feels so fucking shitty that like bc a professional has never told us that i have an anxiety disorder or depression or any other#fucking mental illness that my mom just brushes off my own feelings and struggles#when some days i can barely get up in the morning and somedays i think about not doing it anymore and every day i sort of harm myself#so i just tell her to shut up and she gets mad when like#i’ve had to hide it for years so she doesn’t get worried then hit the breaking point and asked for help and they didn’t do anything about it#idk i guess i’m just tired of being pushed aside when i’m clearly aching
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2/2 How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better?
sorry i only fall up (clouds of spilt milk, but am i the cup)
#why am i quoting this. you’re tearing me apart jacob#in any case this might sound a little weird to say but i’m...not sure i know what falling in love feels like?#being in love certainly#but what led up to that point is a mystery. apparently it’s said of demi people that we lack primary attraction and thats why we’re demi#but idk if it really IS that or if i’m just the densest motherfucker alive#the last bunch of times it happened it took me 2.5/4 and 7/8 years of knowing the person respectively to realise any feelings#it’s kinda just been like i’ll be hanging out with them for years like hell yeah!! woohoo!! friendship!! and then oh fuck. oh shit. oh god#no prior warning or anything it’s like climbing up a staircase only to be hit by a freight train upon reaching the top#i guess for the most part thats turned out about as well as it could have#i like being in love but still it always feels like being smited. lord knows i should be more in tune with my emotions anyway#ironically though i seem to be pretty good at telling when other people are into me or are starting to be#i kinda just get a hunch? but both times it’s happened i’ve eventually turned out to be right#so that’s weird#not sure how i’d answer ultimately
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hi so this started as a life update and then turned into a major vent and i am very sorry so i am putting it under a cut. content warning for medical stuff and surgery and also college and also generally being upset
oh hey arthur update the medical issues i’ve been vaguing about for the past like week are officially not life threatening or anything and will be getting resolved in a surgery this tuesday. so recovering from that will be a super fun way to spend the last three weeks leading into my senior year, which i really badly overbooked with babysitting nearly every day and working my pizza job extra hours, both of which jobs are the kind where just calling in sick for one day causes actual problems for real people in ways that other jobs maybe wouldn’t. so i’m taking off both my jobs on the actual day of the surgery but otherwise i’m just. powering through it all
#starting on monday i’m taking on a whole other family to babysit on top of everything else!! wasn’t planning on a surgery in the midst#on the bright side maybe the money i make from the extra work will maybe possibly kinda sorta make a dent in the fees for all the#surgery and appointment costs even my fifteen minute visit at the cvs pharmacy cost a hundred freaking dollars#so umm let’s hope that the working i’ve been doing this summer amounts to a little more than just. not being in debt#also the family i babysit for hasn’t texted me back after i told them i had to schedule the surgery during a time i was supposed to be#babysitting. and i think they will understand but i feel terrible because they’re supposed to be able to count on me#and i also don’t want them to know i have a surgery because then they will ask me questions and i want my relationship with this family#to start and end with how i do puzzles with their kids. i don’t want to talk to them about scary personal stuff#plus what if they try to send me a care package or something they think i’m a cis girl named ari they wouldn’t know they have to be discreet#and i don’t want people irl to know about the surgery before it happens because then they’ll ask to see it and i don’t want them to see it#because at work i’ve been wearing a mask and nobody knows i’ve had a potentially cancerous growth for a freaking month#and anyway it’s not cancer or anything it’s just my stupid macrophages but i don’t want people to see it or talk to me about it until it’s#gone. in other news my older sister starts college on monday at the local community college that i will probably go to despite my efforts#so. no anxiety here tonight why in the world would i be terrified about anything right now what are you talking about how could there ever#(/s)#i sincerely hope everyone here is doing okay. i am sorry for kind of venting but i have been holding this stuff in a little bit too long#two people total outside from me and my family know what’s going on and i’m not looking to have any more irls find out#but i am bursting at the seams and a little bit terrified. not to mention the stupid college everything piling up on me right now it’s just#a little bit much. anyway the medical world is ridiculous and stupid and if i have to be on hold with one more surgeons office i will cry#and i’m just kind of here. i’ll put a thing at the top so that nobody has to read this. and trigger warnings and everything#and i really hope everyone is okay i am sorry for being a little too much right now#vent tw#medical tw#ask to tag#anyway i’m going to bed really soon i just. really really needed to yell about how much everything is. even if it’s going to get fixed#me. my post. mine.#delete later
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just read My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness. bawled my eyes out. never felt so seen. considering hiring myself an escort.
#I’ve thought about it since I turned 18 but always chickened out for lots of reasons#I don’t agree w the idea that sex is Special and should only be with someone Special#as much of a romantic I am if I keep up that attitude I’ll be lonely forever#I’m so touch starved and broken I pity the hypothetical first lay of mine who will have to be subjected to my insanity#so why should it be with someone for free? they deserve compensation for that. so I should pay a professional. they know what’s up#maybe it won’t feel so bad. knowing they don’t love me and we’ll never have a Real relationship#that could happen w anyone I sleep with? and why should I feel entitled to a relationship with that person? I shouldn’t.#I should just enjoy the activity for what it is and move on with my life. it’s not special. and it would hopefully be cathartic#and maybe heal a little bit of me.. and on top of it all they’ll be compensated for it.#but just like the mangaka my body is disgusting too. I can’t stick w a proper grooming routine to save myself#and rather than a bald spot holding me back from physical intimacy it’s my cystic acne#maybe my acne won’t go away ever. should I really obsess over it so much? should I really prevent myself from being with someone?#maybe I could just wear a mask or tell them not to touch my face.#I've been telling myself for months not to give a fuck about what my parents want of me. what anyone thinks I should be doing#just do what feels right to me. what I know I can handle even if it's not impressive#even if it's the bare minimum to prevent me from killing myself. just try to enjoy the simple things. enjoy being alive#i can be a shitty stay at home writer/artist and a friendless loser and that's okay. I have to try things to start loving myself somehow#being loved shouldn't be my ultimate goal#uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu#my bullshit
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soap x reader x simon
soap doesn't know how to make you cum on his cock so he asks his trusted lieutenant to teach him how.
sub!reader, dom!simon, switch?soap, getting fucked by soap in simon's lap, wet&messy, cumming untouched, size difference/kink, threesome, fat dick!soap, MDNI
<3 just some horny nonsense that was spinning in my brain!!!
When Simon found out that sweet Johnny was struggling with something personal and even as embarrassing as making you cum, Simon’s mouth moved faster than his brain with an offer he never thought he would utter.
“I could help you out with that,” he had said, making Soap pause, mouth agape. Simon almost rescinded those words, brushing it off as a crude joke.
But then Soap spoke.
“Would you?” he asked, blue eyes glistening hopefully.
And Simon felt his cock twitch in his jeans.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t make you cum, Soap had defended on the drive over to your shared flat. Soap was good with his tongue and his fingers, could make you squirt by just rubbing that sweet little spot inside your gooey cunt.
The problem was whenever Johnny got his cock in you, he just could never get it right. The pace was wrong, the angle was off, he went too deep – anything that he could do wrong, he would do wrong.
“It’s never been like this with other…partners,” Soap shyly whispered. Though it was dark in the truck, Simon knew his friend was blushing in embarrassment, “I-I don’t know what I’m doin’ wrong this time.”
“Well, we’ll figure it out, Johnny,” Simon assured, shoving the door open the second Soap turned the engine off.
You and Soap lived on the top floor and the elevator ride up was stifling. Soap was fidgeting, clearly more than a little nervous about how this night was meant to go.
You and he had been together for a while – long enough to move in together. Simon wondered what finally made Soap reach out for help on this little problem after so long.
But Simon wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He’d wanted to get his fucking hands on you from the second you bounced into the room, radiant and so sweet in the way you shyly clung to Soap’s arm. You were precious and Simon’s not proud to admit he had gone home and tugged his cock fucking raw over the way you had batted your pretty lashes at him when you looked up at him – so much smaller than him.
He knew he would be a fucking wreck the second he had you within his grasp and fuck, he was right.
His hands were shaking as he held you in his lap, gripping your knees to keep you spread wide for Soap to slot his hips between them.
You were a sensitive little thing, Simon learned. You came so easily around Soaps fingers when he worked to stretch you open for him. If you came so easily then why the fuck couldn’t Johnny get you off from his cock?
You were trembling, wide eyes teary as you watched your boyfriend carefully work his cock into you. The stretch was always so good, always making your eyes roll back in your head. Your cunt was so slick and sticky, eagerly swallowing every inch of Soap. So fucking messy. It made Simon's mouth fill with saliva at the sight of how wet you were, he wanted to taste you so badly.
Johnnys cock was fat, thick and heavy, no doubt burning your poor little cunt with how wide he had you stretched around him. You creamed around him, juices dribbling down his balls and wetting his sweatpants. You even dripped all over Simon who held you in his lap.
When Johnny started thrusting, Simon immediately understood why you couldn't seem to cum. Sure, it felt good, and you were moaning - twitching and gasping every time Soap sunk in and brushed against any sweet little spot inside. But Soaps rhythm and pace were inconsistent and he didn't seem to have any idea how to aim his cock to really hit those gooey spots that would have you falling over the edge into bliss.
Simon took a few moments to admire the scene unfolding right in his lap. You, creaming all over a cock that couldn't make you cum. Soap desperately humping your pretty cunt haphazardly and sloppily. He wasn't even bothering to touch your clit. Beneath his mask, Simon grinned.
It was so cute how Johnny went so stupid the second he got his cock wrapped up in a tight, hot pussy.
“Johnny…” Simon finally spoke, “Slow down.”
Immediately, Soap did as he was told. His pace slowed, careful rolls of his hips replacing the jackhammering.
“There's a good boy,” Simon praised, eyes darkening at the sight of Soap’s ears turning red, “Go nice ‘nd deep You gotta hit all those nice spots inside.”
Soap’s pretty, blue eyes were half-lidded as he watched you writhe and twitch in his Lieutenant’s arms. With every deep stroke, both of them could hear the sticky, wet noises of your pussy swallowing every inch.
One of Simon’s hands trailed down your thigh, inching down and down. Soap’s eyes followed every movement until his fingers finally found your hard little clit. Immediately, your cunt clamped down around Soap’s cock and the Scot moaned.
“You gotta touch this cute little clit,” Simon teased, “If you really wanna know how it feels to have a pretty cunt cum around you.”
Soap nonsensically nodded, blunt nails digging into your hips as he held himself back from fucking you like a madman again. He kept Simon’s words in mind - deep and slow. Aim for those little spots. He knows where they are, he knows where it feels good. Just don't think with his cock - that's all he had to do.
With Simon’s callused fingers swirling over your sticky clit and Soap’s fat cock stuffing you full just right, it came as no surprise when you finally came.
Soap wasn't able to stand how good it felt with how tight you were squeezing around him, pulsing through every wave of your orgasm. You were gushing, creaming sticky and wet all over him. Simon could feel you clit twitching under the pads of his fingers.
With a shout, Soap filled you up with his load, “Fuck!”
As the two of you came down, Simon’s big hands carefully stroked up and down your thighs until their trembling ceased.
“You know, Lt,” Soap panted, looking up at him through his lashes, “I think I could use a little more hands on training. How about you really show me how it's done.”
Even though Simon had quietly came in his own pants, his cock was chubbing up again at those words.
“I like the sound of that, Seargent.”
do not modify translate, or repost to other websites. reblogs welcome!
#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley smut#cod x reader#cod smut#ghost x reader#ghost smut#john soap mactavish x reader#john soap mactavish smut#soap mactavish smut#soap mactavish x reader#soap x reader#soap smut
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