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deus-ex-mona · 2 years

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this is just a very questionable shin jidai english tl

sorry~

Throw a punch for a one-hit Kill

Let’s bid farewell to the old era

We’ve defeated it for good

We’ll make a declaration here and now

It’s time to raise the curtains on a new era

Let’s raise a ruckus

How long are you gonna remain here? You’re such a burden

Isn’t it about time for you to leave?

Even though you glare at me for my bad manners

I’m sick and tired of your outdated rules

I don’t need your boring instructions

Who cares about expectations? I’ll just fight head-on

Don’t make light of my abilities

Even a fallen mic onstage still counts as a drop

We’ll sing till our throats completely burn dry

We’ll dance till our bodies collapse

The current era has gone stale and we’re longing for more

So let’s fight it out the moment our eyes meet

Throw a punch for a one-hit Kill

Let’s bid farewell to the old era

We’ve defeated it for good

We’ll make a declaration here and now

It’s time to raise the curtains on a new era

Let’s raise a ruckus

Competing and clashing with each other for all eternity

Keeping our distance from each other

Affirming that we’re necessary to each other

Entrusting our lives to each other, we live on

You’ve been cast out of the leading role

You’ll never be able to erase your loss from your memory

Feeling sympathy for you, as you ran away tearfully,

I should’ve apologised with a “sorry” before you got hurt

I turned down your challenge for a fight,

I’d only be seen as a villain if I clashed with you in your victimised state

Don’t show me this side of you

I’ll be sure to forget it all by tomorrow. bye bye

There is nothing that cannot be broken

There is nothing that we cannot achieve

There will definitely be a future for us

So let’s fight it out the moment our eyes meet

Fire a bullet for the Kill

A single hit to your vitals spells the end

We’ve defeated you for good

Let’s show the new generation

A gamble of life and death

Checkmate

Hurry up and realise that you’re no match for us, that you’re way too weak for us

You don’t even have the right to speak to us

We’re the only special ones around

Too bad for you, just give up already

Can you hear us?

Are you wavering?

Are you feeling joy all the way down into your cells?

We’ll transmit it to you through your skin

Empty your thoughts and just feel it

It’s the birth of a legend

We’re passing the torch to you

You can’t move forward if you keep grieving forever

Just abandon your fate

Having accumulated things like feelings of pity,

We will

Throw a punch for a one-hit Kill

Let’s bid farewell to the old era

We’ve defeated it for good

We’ll make a declaration here and now

It’s time to raise the curtains on a new era

Let’s raise a ruckus

Competing and clashing with each other for all eternity

Keeping our distance from each other

Affirming that we’re necessary to each other

Entrusting our lives to each other, we live on

Let’s sing

Let’s dance

With this song

We’ll defeat it all

#a better translation is here yay!!!!!!!!! yeeting this from the main tags go—#but yeah please (still) don’t reupload/repost this nonsense anywhere!! i’m just leaving it up for ✨posterity✨#well. um. looks like it was videoified anyway. lmao. so ig you can go check it out on yt if you wanna see who sings which part?#ngl i didn’t put the ‘who sings which part’ thing bc i can’t tell the voices apart i’m sorry—#please take this with a hugeeeeee handful of salt and tears thankssss #please correct me where necessary i have no idea how languages work anymore _(:3 」∠)_#fedora translations4 #i used ‘defeat for good’ instead of that ‘we’ll sink ‘em’ or sth in the original bc lol #it’s 4am and i had like 2.5 hours of sleep from yesterday and idek why i even did this lmao #no clue how tf mobile is gonna format it so yolooooooooo #this is why i don’t tl songs lmao. if it sounds good it’s good enough for me—

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jemmo · 2 years

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the eclipse ep 2 - the reprieve

i cannot tell you how much i absolutely love the moments in this ep where it’s like akk is considering and testing out his feelings for ayan. im talking mainly about the series of scenes from akk with ayan’s hoodie to when they’re in the bathroom together after feeding the dog, it’s the sweetest moment in the whole show so far, bc we actually get to see akk at ease around ayan. that’s so rare and so surprising, it makes me wonder what prompted this softness, but you can see it when he approaches the hoodie, when he picks it up and feels it in his hands, analyses it, smells it, you can see his brain ticking thinking “what is it about this boy that’s getting to me like this? what is that i can’t stop thinking about? what is it that’s making me confused?”.

but it’s not like he even approaches those thoughts in a hostile way, it’s more genuine curiosity, you see it in how wide and wondering his eyes are, and even more in the expression he makes when ayan catches him, there’s no initial anger or annoyance to it, it’s wide-eyed and caught out, like he’s been snuck up on in a moment of innocence and vulnerability.

and then of course he puts on that anger, let’s the harshness to return to his voice and words, which just makes it even better when he’s confronted by ayan’s innocence and sweetness. he tries to insight an argument but there’s no argument here, just ayan doing something kind, and that face returns, the wide eyes, the genuine shock, bc oh fuck he’s not fighting, he’s just being cute.

It’s the pin all over again, except this time he doesn’t run away, he lets himself slip into this rare moment of being relaxed and real and genuine. they feed the dog, they mess and joke with each other and at no point do either of them try to start something, they don’t get hostile, and notably they don’t bring up anything about the school or rules or morals, it’s them without all that exterior stuff that fuels their fight, without it there’s really nothing to fight about.

and then the bathroom. i adore this scene. like seriously, genuinely, with all my heart this scene is my favourite so far. ayan looking up and across at akk tentatively, almost as if he’s thinking “he’s being nice… why is he being nice?? what kind of move is he trying to make??”.

but then akk looks back and again he’s so wide eyed, idk just something about how big and shining akk’s eyes are in these scenes, it makes it genuinely feel like he’s opening himself up to feeling something, giving it a chance. and he doesn’t even look away, doesn’t do that classic thing of being caught staring and avoiding it, he just openly stares for so long with so much boldness and curiosity.

and I don’t think ayan knew what to do with that, bc instead of taking the interaction somewhere else, he offers up something familiar to them, he tries to start an argument, comes at him with an argumentative tone, like saying “come on, let’s do what we always do”. it’s a chance for akk to back off, to explain away these subtle things he’s doing, this different way he’s acting, ayan gives him that out.

but akk doesn’t take it. instead he considers ayan for a while, eyes flitting around but still not leaving him, and then he says “nothing”. if he wanted to start an argument, if what was on his mind was something hostile, he’d voice it, we know he has no problem doing that. so by saying nothing, it’s not just him for once backing down, not going in to attack mode, it’s almost giving away that he’s not here for that, not even thinking about that, this interaction is so removed from this back and forth fight they’ve had going on.

and that’s only made more clear when he says the dog is cute and then splashes him with water. that’s such an un-akk thing to do. we’ve maybe seen him have more fun when he’s in his dorm with his friends but we’re so used to seeing him straight laced and and controlled, considered, that this free smile, this silliness, this compliment, it’s so shocking, to us and to akk.

and that’s not even getting into the line about the dog, bc we all know what that means, us, akk and ayan. he compared ayan to a dog and then called the dog cute, it couldn’t be more obvious. what has my mind reeling is what was going through akk’s mind when he said that, was it spur of the moment, an impulse, was it considered, did he have to work up the courage to it. what made him 180 so much, feel so free and relaxed in himself and so bold and confident to say that, it’s insane, bc this isn’t some huge turning point, all their other interactions carry the same tone of tension and hostility, this doesn’t change anything, it’s almost like a reprieve, an oasis, some kind of aside, it’s so polar to all else and so interesting bc of that, bc you have to wonder why. akk and ayan’s interactions to me are very much dictated by how they’re both feeling coming into them, is akk partially frustrated, has he just spoke to a teacher or his friends about needing to crack down on rules, is ayan particularly focused on uncovering stuff about his uncle or equally are they just not in the mood to fight, they just wanna have some space and not have to deal with it. to me, this interaction is almost like they found each other in a rare moment where they both weren’t fixed on their goals or morals, where they were both off guard and more them than the things they represent, and that’s what gave us this moment, and that’s how all the external factors made it this isolated thing that didn’t continue after.

but then my final thing about this scene is the way ayan looks after akk leaves, bc you see the initial confusion, the way it goes from “wait he’s not fighting back??” to “wait did he just call me cute?” like did he understand wrong, did that just happen?? but it’s like as he accepts that it did happen, his mouth creeps up more and more into this smile, this grin, and that’s what I wanna know.

I wanna know if this smile is one of those “this school is gonna be fun” smiles, where he’s kind of delighted that he’s affecting akk and making him act this way and getting to see this side of him, almost like the joy of actually being surprised by him. or is it a genuine “that was cute, I liked that” smile, bc how akk feels is already pretty obvious, it’s his ability to accept how he feels and let it out that is gonna be his set back and how he grows. ayan is different, bc he has no issue voicing things, he’s bold and in your face, he’s not holding himself back, the thing is we don’t know how he feels, we haven’t had a sign yet that tells if he does like akk too. all his flirting in ep 1 was always combative, and he dropped that vibe as soon as akk walked away from him, stopped smiling, cold reset to what he was thinking about before. he doesn’t do that here, mainly bc he wasn’t trying to get akk to get off his case, he wasn’t up to anything, and the fact that instead of one of them walking away and ending the interaction, the fact that ayan says “hey, wait”, he’s going after him.

this is the kind of tiny, subtle storytelling I adore bc as I said, we don’t know how ayan feels, bc in a way he voices so much and puts on such a front with what he says that we almost can’t trust his words, there’s no knowing what’s true and what’s just to get a rise out of akk, to cover his truth, to get what he wants. so how do we get an impression of how he really feels? by how he acts. and when you look at their past interactions, through all of ep 1 and 2, the scene always ends when their interaction ends, either bc one of them walks away or bc they stop talking, we always see the conversation end. this is the only time we get any kind of allusion to an interaction continuing after the scene cuts, as well as the only time that one of them leaves and the other one pursues, tries to carry it on. and it says so much that it’s in this single scene where they don’t fight, that when it’s all dropped they seek to be around each other more, and that it’s ayan who is going after him. mr ‘mind your own business’ is trying to make this fun, relaxed interaction go on longer.

#oh no I’m back on my shit again #and by my shit I mean unnecessarily long rambles about the gays being on their shit #I just can’t tell you how much I love these 3 tiny scenes next to each other #it’s such a great flash in to what’s to come #and why they will eventually gravitate to each other and develop feelings #with enemies to lovers it’s so easy and so common to just go from hatred to love almost like a switch #and for it to have no build up #it’s just tension growing and growing until it snaps #but here’s this sweet scene that shows us exactly why they will fall for each other #and how their dynamic will work #like a little glimpse into the future neither of them know is waiting for them #it’s establishing them as having amazing chemistry outside of their feuding #that it’s not just their hostility that brings them together #but in their softness they can be close too #agh I need to stop I seriously like this bit too much #the brain rot is not just real it’s coming at me full force #the eclipse #also sorry I can’t put a read more on this I’m on mobile #apologies for plaguing all your dashes #made by jemmo

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zukkaoru · 1 year

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how are we supposed to kill the king of england now 😐

#i actually can’t even see the poll on mobile but i can’t believe you guys would do this to reigen #also no one tell corey i’m awake #hello grace here

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leonardalphachurch · 1 year

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man i’ve just like, i’ve been saying for years that season 14 was a terrible decision that killed so much fandom interest in rvb and it’s just nice to be validated in that. bc it’s NOT that interest in the show was just waning over time; 15-17 are consistently above 20, if just barely. 15-17 wasn’t losing anyone like 14 did. 14 killed the momentum, and while 15–17 didn’t bring anyone back, it did hold the show steady.

#i guess we can’t know the world where 15 came directly after 13 #maybe 15 wouldve killed momentum just as much as 14 did.#if 15-17’s quality wasn’t enough to bring ppl back maybe it wouldn’t have been enough to keep ppl here #but? i don’t think so. i tried looking up specific weeks and from what i could tell 14’s premiere did put rvb back up in the top weekly #while 15’s didn’t. HOWEVER. i will 100% admit trying to track down posts on tumblr mobile is doo doo garbage #and i might have just not seen the post about 15’s premiere #but. ANYWAY.#i’m right fuck you

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m1d-45 · 1 year

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Any advice for writing Genshin fanfics? Asking because I have a lil fanfic side blog and I want to start posting Genshin stuff, but nervous

imma be straight up…. i don’t know what i’m doing-

Seven Points to Success(™️) beneath the readmore

hi :) i have no idea how to tumblr :))

in all honesty, i started posting bc i wanted this as a sort of archive for all the shit i write. i have a habit of deleting docs i don’t like and eventually wishing i didn’t so i could read them, so i figured what better motivator to write and encouragement that no, this isn’t shit, then the internet?

i guess that’s my first point: don’t write for anybody but yourself. write what you want, and then post it in case somebody else likes it. otherwise, you’ll probably end up losing motivation and getting burnt out. write what you want, and don’t be embarrassed to do so.

two: as with any fanfic, get to know the characters! please! the last thing you want is for readers to be flung out of a story because somebody was out of character. the genshin wiki is a goldmine!! the voice lies can give you an idea as to how a character speaks, and their story will let you in on, well, their story.

uhhh three: grammar. this isn’t pointed at you specifically, just genuinely… please refresh yourself on grammar rules. fics could have an excellent premise, but it’s not gonna be read if everything is a run on, with multiple speakers per paragraph.

what not to do:

“isn’t the sunset pretty?” kazuha said his hand brushing yours. “it is”, you agreed leaning into his shoulder. “i knew you’d like it” he smiled.

^ don’t do that. don’t. paragraph changes every time someone new speaks, and commas go before the quote.

in addition, try reading out your dialogue (out loud or in your head doesn’t matter) to check it sounds real, and like it’s in that characters ‘voice.’ kinda goes hand in hand with point 2.

(minor point: while some grammar rules can be bent or a bit fudged—such as my entirely writing in lowercase and excessive use of commas—there are lines that cannot be crossed. that sounds serious but all it means is that some fundamentals need to be followed.)

point 3.5: use a readmore. please. do it. if you’re on mobile, click an empty line, type ‘:readmore:’, then hit enter. idk how to do it on desktop but please. do it. everybody will thank you. i will personally thank you. just type out a title, summary, maybe a paragraph of the fic to get readers hooked, then a readmore. makes everybody happy, and it’s easier to navigate your blog that way.

point four: practice! please please please practice. you will get better with time. trust me. i am sitting you down, handing you a warm drink, and asking you to promise to keep writing. just do it. it’s gonna be bad sometimes. it’s gonna make you cringe when you look back on it. whatever. keep. writing.

obviously don’t burn yourself out, but if you’ve got an idea, open up a doc and start writing. what starts as an idea put to page tends to spiral into fics for me, but even if it doesn’t for you, you have started. you have done the hardest part. you can keep going, i promise, you can always rewrite what you don’t like.

take it from me: i start every fic as a short blurb outlining the idea, and always have to redo the introduction for tumblr to neaten it into something presentable. it doesn’t matter if it isn’t perfect, it just has to work.

if you don’t like your sentence structures, vary the length of your sentences. short. long. semicolons, m dashes, paragraphs in parentheses, it doesn’t matter. if you don’t like your word choices, pop open a thesaurus and find a different word. do not do this for every single word ever, obviously, but if you’re using the same word over and over, it might be better to have some synonyms in mind. additionally, they can make the emotional points stronger—i.e. ‘cried’ vs ‘sobbed’—or emphasize the point you want to make more—like ‘hissed’ vs ‘seethed’.

the point above does not apply to ‘said’. ‘said’ is not dead. obviously use dialogue tags, but also use ‘said’. everybody who says ‘said is dead’ is a liar and a fraud. it is okay to use ‘said’. ‘said’ ‘say’ and ‘says’ are our beloveds.

(minor point: i use apostrophes as quotations as a stylistic choice, but you never use these in technical, grammatically correct writing. “he said ‘purposeful,’ so it wasn’t an accident.” <- that is not a grammatically correct line of dialogue, but it’s how i would stylize it. this is just to let you know that i am not grammatically correct—after all, i type entirely in lowercase because i think it looks better, so…)

point five: tag things! but don’t over tag them. tag whats relevant, tag whats important, and nothing else. i don’t know how to draw the line here bc it can get blurry, but try reading a fanfic and then looking to see what was tagged if this is confusing. tag whats relevant so people can find things, and leave out stuff unrelated so others can scroll through that tag in peace.

(minor point: tag warnings if your piece contains triggering topics. i’ve seen varying opinions as to how obvious these warnings should be, but at the very least some form of tag about it is courteous, in my opinion)

(minor point 2: if you write ‘x reader’s—you didn’t specify, but you asked me for advice, so—then please, please, pretty please, mark your readers gender. it’s ok if you solely write fem! reader, but please just say so. nobody wants to enter a fic only to get hit with the she/her without warning. i didn’t do this for a while because i solely write for a gn reader w/ you/yours pronouns, but i know better now. tag your readers. write what you want, just make sure others can find it too)

point 6: organize. do it. i know it can be annoying but pls. a masterlist saves lives. mine isn’t the best example but hey, it works.

in the same vein, have a navigation post pinned, with stuff like rules, whether requests are open, a link to the masterlist, and whatever else you deem important. again, mine isn’t the best example, but it works. this way, people can easily find your works, and return to where they were if you write a series/ a lot in general.

point seven: take everything i just said with a grain of salt, no matter how small. i am just one guy. i don’t know everything. i don’t even know what i do know. you think i know how i have almost a thousand followers? no. i just write about boys i find pretty and put them online for the internet to read. maybe you write best by solely writing for the community. maybe you work completely off any sort of schedule. i don’t know. i’m not you.

you are you. you know you best. take breaks, take care of yourself, and just go for it. i promise, the worst that can happen is that nothing happens. you’ll be okay. you can do it.

— midas.

(p.s.: sorry if this reads particularly incoherent i have an illness again :) sick three times within three months, call that f2p luck)

#m1d : [chats]#can’t tell whether to be honored or concerned you came to me of all ppl for advice-#also unrelated: FUCK tumblr. wholeheartedly. why do i need a whole tab for the shop??!#< reminder i’m a mobile user #also hands and knees begging somebody to give me an idea for an event. i desperately wanna do something to celebrate but. what.#nobody saw my tags for 500 and nobody will now probably but like…. pls………. what do the people want… tell me…. i shall give….

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jenanigans1207 · 1 year

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Good evening. Today I am feral with the need to introduce you to my OCs. You don’t understand the unrelenting desire I have to share them with you. I love them so much and I want so desperately for someone else to love them, too. So if you are so inclined, please read this scene for them that has me foaming at the mouth.

(Tw: mentions of death (nobody actually dies), mentions of blood (not graphic))

—x

“I swear to god.” Cam huffs, nearly collapsing alongside Cayden as he tries to slowly lower him to the ground. “If you think you can die by someone else’s hand—”

“What are you going to do?” Cayden rasps around a painful, choked off breath as he falls to the ground uncerimoniously— and far more quickly than Cam intended, if his wince of sympathy pain is any indication. “Kill me?”

Cam’s sharp glare is anything but intimidating to Cayden who has gotten that glare more times than he can count in his life. From the first time they met, when his glare really was filled with malice and disinterest, all the way to about ten minutes ago, even to thirty seconds ago— Cayden is a master at parsing that look.

There are subtle nuances to it that indicate what Cam is really feeling. For a long time, Cayden had thought that it was all in the eyebrows. The more furrowed, the sharper the lines of Cam’s eyebrows, the more genuinely angry he was with Cayden. But that wasn’t it— or rather, that wasn’t only it. There were little subtleties in all aspects of the look— the corners of his lips, the shape of his eyes, the set of his jaw— that really told Cayden what he needed to know. In this case, the look was exasperated, fond and worried. Definitely worried. That was the largest emotion that was swimming in Cam’s eyes every time he had looked at Cayden in the last ten minutes.

“I’ll haunt your stupid ass,” Cam remarks instead of addressing anything that he’s currently concerned about.

Not that he really needs to say anything— the gaping wound in Cayden’s side is a pretty big indicator of Cam’s worries. Not to mention the way he can’t put any weight on his left leg without it feeling like it’s going to buckle underneath him. He’d had to be partially dragged by Cam all the way to cover. He’d attempted to limp as much of it as he could but somehow, even when he was making active effort to go as fast as he possibly could, ti was slower than if Cam just dragged him. And really, he’d been so tired that he hadn’t minded the dragging,

“Pretty sure I would be the one doing the haunting.” Cayden tries to ease back against the wall behind him, his side sending sharp jolts of pain through his body that caused him to jump and pause periodically. He tried to breathe through it, doing his best to relax his muscles. It was incredible how much pain made a difference in such simple things. “Living people don’t haunt ghosts, it’s the other way around. So I would haunt your stupid ass.”

Cam doesn’t reach for him immediately but Cayden can tell he wants to. Cam’s hands hover at his side, just a little bit in front of him as if they had started to reach out to him immediately and it had taken Cam a second to notice and stop them.

“I’ll be the first one.” Cam replies, but the downturn of his lips tells Cayden that all the humor has bled out of the situation. Now Cam is just outright worried, somewhere on the verge of panicking, he thinks. “I’ll make history by haunting you in the afterlife.”

Cayden manages one huff of a laugh before the pain spikes again and he’s wincing, taking in a deep breath through his teeth and trying to keep his head on straight, “You’d go that far for me?” He tries to tease because he knows his reaction is only making Cam more anxious and right now they can’t afford for either one of them to lose their cool. “And here I thought you wanted to kill me.”

“Shut up.” Cam whispers as he finally reaches for Cayden and there’s so much tenderness in those two words, so much fond adoration, so much fear that Cayden almost does lose his mind.

Tenderness is something that hasn’t been meant for him in years. Ever since his mom had passed away, he hadn’t had anyone treat him with the same kind of concern and kindness that he saw in Cam’s eyes now.

And that wasn’t strictly true— for awhile now, Cam had been caring for him and trying to tend to him in ways that felt similar to the love his mother had but somehow entirely different. He tried not to look at it too closely sometimes, afraid that he would scare it off if he acknowledged it. Because he was used to a lot of things, but by now he certainly wasn’t used to this. He wasn’t used to deft but delicate fingers pressing his side, wasn’t used to listening to Cam murmur concerned half-sentences under his breath as he bit the corner of his lip in an attempt to keep whatever darker thoughts he was no doubt having from slipping out. He wasn’t used to being cared for so openly, so honestly.

Because this tenderness— this cut worse than a knife.

Cayden knew that with absolute certainty because he had been cut with a knife before.

This, though— this wasn’t a physical wound. There would be no marks of Cam’s concern marring his skin, no scar he could point to and explain this situation. The cut that Cam gave him with his distress was entirely emotional— it cut much, much deeper than any blade possibly could. It would leave the kind of scar that nobody could see, but Cayden would be able to feel forever. If he ever lost this, if he ever lost Cam—

“If one of us has to die here,” Cayden mumbles as Cam presses a hand over the wound in his side to see if pressure makes any sort of difference. “I’m glad it’s me.”

“Don’t say shit like that,” Cam growls immediately and the pressure on Cayden’s side increases for a moment as Cam’s anger flares. He leans into Cayden, his eyes flashing and for a moment, he looks as lethal as he actually is.

It’s a rare sight for Cayden because Cam is his best friend and he knows only the good sides of Cam. That is to say, he knows Cam for who he really is. It just so happens that who he really is is made up entirely of good sides.

Cayden presses his own hand over Cam’s, the temperature difference between their skin stark and probably alarming if Cayden had the energy to be alarmed. “I’m serious.” He breathes, trying to catch Cam’s gaze but Cam steadfastly refuses to allow it. “Not just because the world would be better off if you were the one to survive, though that’s true, but because I don’t want to see a world without you in it.”

“And you think I want to see a world without you in it?” Cam all but roars, only their dire situation keeping his temper even the tiniest bit in check, preventing him from raising his voice as much as he’d probably like to. His chest heaves as he takes ragged breaths, his shoulders rising and falling with so much effort, Cayden can feel the strain of it. “You think that it’s okay for you to just leave me here? That I would be okay if you— If I lost you?”

The air is cold— or maybe that’s Cayden, he can’t quite tell anymore. But he knows there’s a chill creeping across his skin. Despite it, he can feel the warmth of Cam’s meaning pressing against his heart, nestling into a home between his ribs.

“You’d find a way.” Cayden’s hand slips off of Cam’s, his arm feeling weak. He lets it drop to his side, lets his head fall back against the wall behind him. “To be okay, I mean.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” Cam says with so much sincerity it steals what little breath Cayden had managed to get into his lungs. “I would never be okay, do you hear me? I would never be okay if you died on me here and now. So don’t you even fucking think about it.” Cayden blinks slowly back at him, trying to get his hazy mind to focus. “Cayden, you asshole, do you hear me? You’re not allowed to die right now! You’re not allowed to— I wouldn’t— I couldn’t—“

There’s a pressure on his chest and it takes Cayden a moment to realize that Cam has bowed his head, pressing it against his sternum. His shoulders shake, his hand trembles where it’s pressed to Cayden’s side, Cayden can feel it. He’s so warm, like a personal furnace who is here specifically to fight off the chill that’s threatening to steal all the way across his skin.

And maybe it’s the fact that Cam’s breaths are as ragged as his own, maybe it’s because Cam has been so raw and honest in his words. Maybe it’s because a small part of Cayden is afraid that he actually is dying right now, afraid that any fo these words could truly be his last. He isn’t sure and at the moment, he doesn’t really have the time to make himself sure, all he knows is that he has a truth he has to ay and this very well may be the last chance he ever gets to say it.

“I’m glad I met you.” The world is starting to seem hazy around the edges, the background fading away until it’s only Cam that Cayden can see. “I’m glad you showed up that first day and interfered with my fight. I—“ He takes a shuddering breath and raises a hand to gentle cradle the back of Cam’s head. Cam’s still pressed against him but Cayden knows he’s listening, absolutely rapt. “I didn’t know it then, but I needed you in my life. “

It’s silent for only the length of one, slow heartbeat before Cam pulls away and looks at him, “And, what? You don’t need me anymore so you’re just going to leave me?”

“Cam, you idiot.” Cayden’s arm falls to Cam’s shoulder and he lets it rest there, lets it connect the two of them, a physical representation of their paths that crossed that day. Cayden would’ve never guessed that Cam would matter like this to him some day, that he would be one of the only people Cayden would burn the world to the ground to protect. “I will never stop needing you. I’d spend every goddamn day on this Earth by your side if I could.”

“You can!” Cam cries, throwing his hands up into the air. He pauses for a moment and then settles his palms against Cayden’s cheeks, cupping his face gently. He repeats himself, quietly this time and it’s so much more broken when it’s spoken so softly, so overflowing with fear. “You can. You can fight, you can get through this and then we can spend every goddamn day together. Cayden, you must.”

“I’m so tired of fighting.”

And it’s true— it’s so painfully true, it hurts more than his throbbing leg, more than his bleeding side. He is so tired. He’s been fighting since his mom died— fighting for a place in his dad’s heart, a spot in his own family and then a spot in this world. He’s been fighting Malumbra, he’s been fighting the Dargobiu, he’s been fighting himself. He’s so tired of fighting because he hasn’t been given anything in his life without a fight. Even this, the potential last moments of his life— he had to fight for these, too. He had to fight to make it out of there alive, to even get to this place where he can have this fleeting moment with Cam.

“I know.” Cam’s thumb strokes gently across his cheek and the motion is so soothing that Cayden can’t help but close his eyes. “I know, but you have to keep fighting. You have to do it for me. Please, Cay? Please? For me?”

“That’s not fair.” Cayden coughs once and it rattles his whole frame, His ribs feel like they’re bumping into each other as he does, loose and brittle and just as close to falling apart as the rest of him is. “It’s called a dying with and I’m the one who’s dying. Stop trying to steal my wish.”

“It’s too late.” Cam leans forward again and Cayden can feel Cam’s forehead press against his own. “I already took your wish. If you want it back, you’re going to have to stay alive and come get it from me.”

Cayden laughs. It tries to turn into another cough but he fights it off. “Always playing dirty.”

“You know it.” Cam all but whispers, so close that Cayden can hear him perfectly anyways. “Anything to keep you here with me.”

“Cam—“

“No,” Cam shakes his head and it disturbs the hair falling across Cayden’s forehead, jostles him just enough that he feels momentarily more awake. “You don’t get to say anything else to me unless you’re promising to survive this.”

“What if—“

“I know you don’t ever listen,” Cam cuts him off gently. “But listen now. I won’t hear it unless it’s you promising me that you’ll survive.”

“I can’t make that promise.”

“I can’t hear you.”

“Cam—“

“I can’t hear you!”

They’re silent for a long moment and Cayden fights to blink his eyes back open. Cam is there, barely an inch away, his own eyes closed. He isn’t crying, but Cayden can see how tightly he’s clenching his jaw to fight off the tears or any other unwanted emotions. He knows that he would do anything for Cam, he’s known that for a long time now. And anything, he knows, includes fighting to survive, even when every cell in his body is begging him to give up, to let them rest like they haven’t done in so many years.

He takes in a slow inhale, focuses on really expanding his lungs.

“Fine,” He says, and Cam’s eyes fly open to stare back at him. “I promise, I’ll survive.”

“Really?” Cam sounds breathless as he sits upright.

There’s blood on his hands, blood on both of their shirts and no doubt blood on Cayden’s cheek. He’s aching from head to toe, from his skin all the way down to his bones. There isn’t a single part of him that isn’t protesting his promise but he knows that he can’t give up now, not when Cam is asking him to fight,

“Really.” He nods weakly, “But I’m going to make your life hell when I recover.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Cam agrees with a smile.

#I’m sorry I can’t do a read more cut #I’m on mobile and we all know mobile tumblr sucks #please love my boys though #please talk to me about them #or ask me about them #or give me any reason to scream about them #I want so so so desperately to share them with other people #it would mean more than I can express in words if you read this #they have a story that I want so badly to tell #original writing #original characters #writing #my writing

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