i cant tell you how much i ADORE this first episode of my beautiful man s2. there’s something about the pace of it, especially in hira and kiyoi’s interactions, the quick back and forth, hira saying something, kiyoi catching him out, hira backing down, kiyoi getting mad about that, hira stuttering to try and say the right thing. the way they interact is this seemingly endless cat and mouse going in circles around this big, huge centre thing that is ‘the point’. they both want to convey so much but neither can put the plain and simple words to it, hira is too much and kiyoi is too little. and yet they still have these moments, when they let the plain truth slip, hira saying you’re just too cute, or kiyoi earnestly asking hira not to leave him, it peels back at their true sentiment that’s always being danced around.

and the thing is, if you didnt watch the first season, this relationship could so easily be seen as bad bad really bad, the way they almost bicker and get mad, how kiyoi appears to pick at hira and gets mad so easily, how hira acts more like an avoid stalker than a boyfriend and always seems on edge or off in his head catastrophising. some people still might. i can see how it can be a difficult relationship to digest. its weird, awkward and uncomfortable at times, and almost absent of the usual softness of a bl couple. but thats why i adore it. because i think its so important and interesting to portray a different kind of relationship, even if maybe exaggerated to fit the king and servent original premise that hira still holds onto. bc the thing with these kinds of relationships is it doesnt matter what we think of it, whether we like it or think its ok, its about the people in it. some people are just different, they act differently, and interact differently, and thats ok if its ok for the people involved, and thats what i think the case is for hira and kiyoi. obviously they still have problems, this relationship isnt perfect, and i think this series is gonna show that, but thats also ok. just bc a relationship isnt perfect, doesnt mean it shouldnt exist. there has to be something there in the first place for it to be worked on. and there is. at the core of it all, these two people really really love and care about each other, they just express it differently, and maybe need to learn how to express it in a way that makes it easier and better for the other to feel it. maybe hira needs to let kiyoi off that pedastal, and maybe kiyoi needs to not view his feelings as this weird, gross thing. but that takes time, and i think is truly worth it.

and what makes it work and so thrilling and interesting to watch as a show is that kiyoi and hira somehow both encourage that detrimenal behaviour but are also so incredibly good for each other, and good at challenging that behaviour. hira wants to see kiyoi as a god and kiyoi wants to be loved, so he can be that godly figure. you can see it in this almost entitled way he acts, pushing hira around, even when he just sits down in the rocking chair, above hira, very mch the image of a king and his bowing servent. as someone that was starved of love as a child, he laps that up. but its when his feelings grow for hira that he realises he doesnt want to be some god or king, he just wants plain and simple, human, equal love. so he ends that scene lying on hira’s lap, lower than him, airing his insecurities of being abandoned and asking hira to stay with him, very much that lonely child wanting someone else’s love. not devotion, not sacrifice, just love. and its his feelings for hira that allow him to push hira in a good way, challenge him, bring him out of his shell, which he desperately needs. hira is so stuck in his head that he hasnt reared his head enough to learn how to act like an actual person. so used to blending into the background, he doesnt know how to be his own person and not an object or a piece of the furniture. you see it at the party, that he doesnt know enough small talk words to get through a conversation, let alone actually be himself and interact with others on an equal level. thats why he takes on this servent role, bc he’s never seen himself as enough of a person to be anything else. he can only be made real when characterised by his actions for others. kiyoi’s rejection of these roles means he can challenge hira to step up, to be on his level, and in that find himself. there’s hints, you can see it, in his love of phtography, when he talks about the moon, when he’s around others and even kiyoi and they have these softer moments where it feels like hes breathing and calm instead of stuttering and panting through an interaction and his brain is running a mile a minute. kiyoi has seen it too, and thats why he fell in love with him. ok, maybe he likes his eccentricities too, but he sees a person that he wants to be with, on equal terms, and in that he wants to pull hira up and see him be himself, realise himself as a person, just as much as he has to step down. and they dont explain these things plainly, voice that they want to help each other in this way, but you see it so clearly. its the subtext of this almost other language that they speak together thats full of twisted meanings and hidden intentions, at the heart of it is, like i said before, actual love and care for each other. do they need to get better at it? yes. but do they need to become our idea of a normal relationship to do that? no, absolutely not. after all, hira will always be hira, and kiyoi will always be kiyoi, and if they lost that, they’d lose themselves and their love for each other. so stay weird, stay unconventional, and stay yourselves, my beautiful couple. 

Watchlist Tag Game!

Thank you @waitmyturtles for tagging me!

Currently watching

A Boss and a Babe - cute, easy to watch

Bed Friend - cute, easy to watch HA! who am I kidding. Despite the icky trauma I love this one. Let's hope it sticks the landing.

Chains of Heart - I was going to wait to watch this one (like Big Dragon) but I got SO DRAWN IN and now I'm obsessed.

The Eighth Sense - I knew a kbl would be gorgeously made but this one is knocking all other kbls out of the park. It's also stabbing me in the heart. But I love it.

Future - a little cringeworthy, a little slow, but it's light and easy.

The Promise - I have to watch this a week behind since I don't have a subscription hence I miss the analysis and discourse, which is needed because the characters' motivations can be frustrating. Plus colours!

UMG - I wish this could have had a midnight museum level of depth, even a 10 years ticket, but it's slapstick crack. Which doesn't make it bad per se but it's a little too light and throwaway whilst also trying to be sort of a character study. I also wish they had given the aliens a blurred focus because they're much less menacing when you can see it's just prosthetics and make-up.

3 Will Be Free - I started this a while ago but stalled mid-way through ep 3. I'll get back to it soon but I find Joss a bit wooden.

Looking forward to watching soon

New shows: 

Our Skyy 2 - I might end up having to watch each ep later than everyone else (and thus hiding the tag for the whole series sadly) because Wed and Thurs evenings are the WORST time for me. But SO EXCITED!

Double Savage - I might also have to wait and binge this one later because it might be difficult to squeeze this in with all the above.

Older shows:

The Director who buys me Dinner - the eps are only short, so I could binge it at some point.

HIStory 5: Love in the Future - the ep lengths daunt me, so maybe I'll binge it during my next long break from work?

Big Dragon - not sure when I'll get round to this but it's been on my list since before Christmas.

Ai Long Nhai - this has also been on my list for a while, maybe too long now...

Remember Me - ditto (I can't even remember what this one is about).

To Sir With Love - starting to think I won't watch this though...

Would like to watch but can't for region locked/subscription reasons

Our Dining Table - it looks so soft and domestic!

Destiny Seeker - the colours!

Also - any gl recs gladly taken! It's harder to keep track of what's airing and when with gls...

Tagging some peeps whom I haven't interacted with much recently (it's me not you) and some who have popped up in my notifications recently: @seeking-moonscapes @jemmo @markpakin @elnotwoods @youdontloveme-yet @airenyah @ablazenqueen @wen-kexing-apologist @vegasandhishedgehog @colourme-feral @kyr-kun-chan @lurkingshan

CRAFTS TAG GAME

tagged by @chickenstrangers to show a crafty thing i've worked on so this is my most recent finish

i'm more of a knitter but i've been trying to get some crochet skills underway, so i made this bunny whose pattern came in two sizes. I opted for the smaller one but he still came out big enough to SIT ON MY DESK CHAIR LIKE A FULL HUMAN CHILD so. idk what i did wrong but i've christened him longfella and he lives w his gangly self up on top of my bookshelf now

tagging with wild abandon and a very loose interpretation of the word craft. if you can look at it and say "i made that" i feel it qualifies. @jemmo @panncakes @morkofday @lovepattranite @alienwlw @sunongsas @sunsongsa @khaotunqs

CRAFTS.

My lil frustrated post about frogging has given me a new term (hello tink!), bl thirst (hello @dribs-and-drabbles and @waitmyturtles!), and the realisation that so many of you are involved with crafts in some way and I wanna see it all.

I'll start - a dice bag I made myself a little over a year ago. It was a simple pattern but I just love it so much

Tagging some people - share your creations and pass it on!

@dribs-and-drabbles @jemmo @ginnymoonbeam @my-rose-tinted-glasses @twig-tea @chickenstrangers (this post also removes all frogging related curses now, I'm sorry Kay!) @silvercrystal1 @leneyxis

Minato's Laundromat Ep 2x05 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Shu experienced jealousy from misunderstanding Asuka’s relationship with his friend; Asuka was pretending to be her boyfriend to get another guy to back off. Meanwhile, Minato panicked when he didn’t think Shin wanted him around the school, so decided to upgrade his look in the hopes of being more worth for Shin. Of course, Shin is a simp, and didn’t want Minato around his school because he’s worried some other college kid would fall for him. Shu decided to talk to Shin about some of his issues, which has now confused Asuka. We left with Minato seeing Shin receiving physical affection from a different older man, who is a cameo we’re very excited about.

Welcome to Minato Shouji Coin Laundry, Takeda Kouhei. Lovely seeing you again after Old Fashion Cupcake.

Excited to see Minato consider that Shin could be drawn to someone else and leave.

Dr. Kirihara is rather physically affectionate. Love that he’s about to make both of them jealous.

I think this is the first time they’ve been introduced as boyfriends to someone.

The food matches Minato’s shirt. Too bad he’s still holding on to the closet.

Oh, Shin, this man is not going anywhere. He’s all yours.

Shin, I don’t know if all the things you rattled off about Minato are necessarily his best traits, but go off! It’s his turn now!

Trust is an interesting component alongside this form of possessiveness Shin has been expressing.

I’m feeling an ache for Asuka. He doesn’t even understand everything going on.

Despite this fight, Shin still brought him water. I’m thinking about the post @jemmo made about how the crux of their fight is how each perceives childishness in the other.

He really divided the damn dining table, too! All he can do at breakfast is fuss about the fan? That doesn’t make you more mature or responsible than Shin, baby boy.

Shin is just going through it. First Shu makes him touch his chest. Then he describes chest pain. Now he’s mooning over Asuka. Shin doesn’t even like Asuka enough to care about another grown man being unable to process his feelings!

Shin may have been kind to Shu, but he’s still going to refer to Asuka only by his family name.

Oh, Minato, don’t let your insecurities run away with you. Shin is not messing around with his teacher. Commit to the hamburgers and the apology!

I’m having such a good time with this show. I really like seeing a couple with some major challenges work through them. The staying together part is so much more complicated than romance is usually willing to tackle. This has been such a strong season for me, and I’m looking forward to the Minato-Kirihara conversation the most next week.

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

I was tagged by @dudeyuri to answer these BB related questions by @fiercynn Thank youuu <3 these are always fun but I often forget to do them u_u

note: i consider "fanworks" to pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc. please include this note with the meme unless you have a different definition

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

I’m Maggie (Magui), from Argentina, in my 30s, just enjoying the creative burst this show (which I love very, very much) gave me until it petters out. I’ve been in a loOOooOOoot of fandoms under different usernames over the years and I tend to delete stuff from the internet without much warning, so save what you like (but don’t repost, please!)

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

I watched it from episode 1 as it aired and could feel the brain rot spreading week after week but didn’t write fic until the day after the last episode came out, and I don’t think I posted any drawings until one or two months later? But I have the first couple of doodles I made on an old sketchbook after the first ep! (note I needed to write their names to remember what they were)

favorite ship(s)

PatPran and InkPa

favorite character(s)

I really can’t choose so I’ll say Nong Nao.

favorite episode(s)

I have a soft spot for ep 11 - running away together to a safe place, both trying to understand each other, the silly guy scene, Our Song, the imaginary montage at the end, the memory of watching it for the first time and being sucker punched by the ep 12 preview??? perfect all around x_x

favorite scene(s)

Off the top of my head (and in chronological order): the trashcan scene in ep 1, the bus stop role-play, rooftop kiss, the last scene/montage in ep 7, the simultaneous parent confrontation and rooftop meeting in ep 10, the silly guy convo at the beach, the last scene with the tin cans on ep 12 ;_;

one thing you would change about the show if you could

I think everyone answered the same thing but the whole Wai conflict and how they resolved it (including maybe Pat getting shot, though at this point would it really be BBS without Pat getting shot?)

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people? 

I'll stick to people instead of particular fanworks, and only those I know for sure are on Tumblr so I can tag them, I'm really sorry if I forget someone!!

@architectxengineer @kit-teung @kornswasianguyswag @miscellar @dimplesandfierceeyes @yourunwiththewolves @icouldhyperfixatehim @fiercynn @charthanry @isaksbestpillow @pransobrave @faillen @jemmo @snickerdoodlles @alexshenry @nanons @mantrisanu

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

Have I shown you the fridge magnets I made over a year ago? They’re pretty wonky but I think they're cute, considering I don’t know what I’m doing

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

I'll tag the same people I mentioned above, if you haven't done it and want to:

@architectxengineer @kit-teung @kornswasianguyswag @miscellar @dimplesandfierceeyes @yourunwiththewolves @icouldhyperfixatehim @fiercynn @charthanry @isaksbestpillow @pransobrave @faillen @jemmo @snickerdoodlles @alexshenry @nanons @mantrisanu

get to know me ask game

thanks for tagging me lizzie @nongnaos and antania @ayan-sukkhapisit ♥

RULES: bold the ones that are true and tag 15 people to do it.

APPEARANCE

Blonde hair (kinda) // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // my parents are together (more or less) // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online (several ♥)

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend (against my will) // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift (i should) // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

tagging: @dimpledpran @patspran @leonpob @oswlld @i-got-the-feels @feralmuskyscentedhoepran @stormyoceans @forcebook @bienmoreau @milkpansa @jemmo @seanwhites @snimeat @thanawins @liyazaki ♥

stardust au for the wip ask game!! its one of my favourite movies and i love your writing, so im very curious to your spin of it

can you believe i tried to scroll back nearly two months of DMs while also messaging jemmo to find this AU's convo before i remembered that i copied it all into the doc sitting in my drive folder?? brilliant, i am not

but okie dokie so!! stardust AU! it's a bit of a hot mess rn ngl--i have a lot of the story's start figured out, but im still working out where it's going to go. as a quick note, my current name claim for Pat and Paa's mother is Nam. anyways, we begin here:

Many would say this story begins in the far past, quite possibly all the way back to when their country’s ancestors decided blood should not be the only consideration when choosing a ruler. They’d tell you all the ways the rules to choosing a new king were refined, the ways people have always tried to lie and cheat their way to the throne. Maybe they’d even tell you how fallen stars are a blessing or a curse, depending on a point of view, for even things as grand as the night heavens are relevant to this tale.

But for Pat, everything began here: his childhood, coloured gold and warm, his sister in their father’s lap and him tucked against his side as he set aside his crown and tells them a story.

we're playing hot and fast with worldbuilding atm, but in this version, the rival prince thing is not between the sons of one king, but rather the ruler chooses a successor that they think will suit the country best from a group of candidates. a lot of candidates do mostly come from noble houses because resources and biases and other such annoyances, but there was that one time the mad king sent out burnt seeds and chose the person who made it grow best

and in Ming's case, he became king because when a star fell almost twenty-five years ago, he was the one who found the star and consumed its heart. the king was impressed by his decisiveness and given that Ming was already a favourable candidate for the throne, a king with a star's protection against harm pushed him to the top

well. one little problem.

Ming never ate a star's heart.

in fact, Paa's been secretly living as his daughter and Pat's little sister ever since she fell and Ming and Nam scooped her up. so when, at the start of this whole story, the assassination attempt against him works, suddenly everyone's questioning just what the hell this guy's been playing at for all these years. if he didn't eat the star's heart over twenty years ago, did someone else take it, or is the star still out there?

the main story begins with Nam waking up Pat and Paa in the middle of the night with the dire warning "your father is dead, you need to leave, now." Pat's already pretty worried, but then his mother also hugs him, fresh tears in her eyes, and says "I'm so sorry, my son, i've failed you. i never should have let your father become king, or let him die like this." Pat tries to ask her what the fuck that's supposed to mean, but then Nam's back to business sneaking him and Paa out of the castle (“who do you, completely and absolutely, would stake your sisters life on it, trust?” “Ink” “good, you have someone. convince her to go with you, Paa’s life depends on it”). she and Korn get the two siblings out of the castle within the hour, Pat and Paa scoop up Ink on their way out, and two days later Pran pops up to smack Pat upside the head because "you need to cover your tracks better idiot!!"

so the four of them are gallivanting across the countryside, where they eventually get scooped up by Chai (Chai's the Captain Shakespeare equivalent in this AU btws). and in amongst their various adventures there, Chai's accidentally going to say that he's glad Ming never killed the star like he planned to in Pat's hearing vicinity, and Pat's "wait, what" startles about 20 years off of Chai's life because fucking shit, he did not ever want Pat to know this

Chai: ah, sorry. I shouldn’t say more Pat: no, please tell me Chai: the man is dead Pat, what good will me telling you things now do? Pat: it’s precisely because he’s dead that I’m asking you. Chai, please. all I ever hear now is how my father was a liar and a cheater. that’s all I ever will hear about him now, I won’t get any truth from listening to rumours from strangers who didn’t know him. but I’ll be dishonouring his memory if what I know is a lie. please (and what goes unsaid by both of them is that Nam is the one he should truly be talking to, but he doesn’t even know if he’ll ever see her alive again)

see, for Pat, he's always known his father had lied about consuming the heart of a star. he and Paa's favourite stories as children always revolved around a trickster lying to protect something smaller and more precious than them, just like their Papa does for Paa. for weeks, Pat's been living with people whispering vile things about his dead father, someone who he dearly loves and respects even when he's gone, and the knowledge that his father was only what the rumours say he was to protect his sister from someone else's greed has been a huge source of strength for him.

but then he learns that that's not the case at all. that Ming could have very well scooped up Paa with the full intention of killing her. Nam was the one who planned to save Paa, the one to come up with the plans to hide Paa's identity. the ruse where Ming claimed to have eaten the star's heart started with Ming, but it's unclear if that was a compromise or him working angles. either way though, it was never the selfless, caring act Pat believed it was. when his mother said she failed him, she meant this--not recognising that Ming's genuine offer to help was also a power grab until it was too late, not until after she and her children were trapped in it. Ming loved his family, all three of them, and he did try to protect and provide for his wife and children. but he never truly considered all possible options, or what might be best for them, not if it meant that he'd have to sacrifice. Ming tried to keep his family safe, but he could’ve done so much more had he given up his pride

it hurts, but it hurts more when he goes to tell Paa. Paa's emotions on their father is a lot more tricky--there's a lot more cognitive dissonance. she was so young and confused when she fell. she recognized that Ming was using her in some capacity, but he was also one of the kind people that helped her and cared for her and swung her up on his shoulders when they walked through the gardens and made her laugh until her belly ached

When Pat tells her, Paa mostly just curls in on herself. "I think, on some level, I always knew that I was a tool for him," she says quietly. "Just like how you were a tool for him as well."

"I wasn't--" Pat begins to protest.

"He loved us," Paa interrupts, not in disagreement. "But I was his way to succeed in this lifetime, then you were there to carry on his legacy." Paa hugs her knees closer. "Even when he thought of us, he was thinking of himself. We couldn't ever be just his kids.

"I knew this Hia. I think I always did." Paa curls in on herself smaller.

"So why does it hurt so much?"

tbd on how this growing monster ends, but there's a loooooot of Jindapat (not you Ming) love in it. i think the only thing i have jotted down for the end is that Pat gets a chance to go to Ming's grave and let out a lot of his feelings about everything. he loves his father, he's so grief stricken that he's dead, and the most selfish thing the man ever did was die and leave the mess to his family to clean up, and Pat deserves to yell at him for that

[[ WIP ask game ]] | [ 1, 2, 3 ]

favorites tag game

tagged by @liankuea & @aheartandashirt- Nisa: loving the moot mind meld happening right now because I was going through old tag games I never finished when I saw this/you clearing out yours 😂 (sorry this took me forever, Rae!)

favorite time of year: fall, even though I haven’t been out of the subtropics to experience it in almost a decade 🙃 I’ll be making up for it with a girls trip to the mountains this fall, though.

comfort food: Mexican food (authentic, Taco Bell- I don’t discriminate)- nothing can be wrong when the queso and salsa are flowing. also chicken & waffles made with a caramelized, crunchy glaze- bye 👋 *passes away*

do you collect something: I don’t collect a bunch of any one thing- then again, no person on this earth needs the amount of tea I own (and yet-).

oh, and weird purses- can’t get enough of ‘em. I have one that looks like a tombstone, one that looks like a pineapple- the quirkier, the better.

favorite drink: I love tea but coffee is essential for my continued survival. my default alcoholic drink is a gin & tonic or a Moscow mule, but if a place has a good sour beer, that’s all I’ll be drinking.

favorite song: Into the Mystic or Moon River.

current favorite song: another tie- Plum, Troye Sivan or Seven Devils, Florence + the Machine (thank you, VegasPete brain rot).

favorite fic: I hardly ever read fics but I’ve read 10+ VegasPete ones this week, which really goes to show how extremely normal I’m feeling.

real answer: this 21K (!!!) Bad Buddy AU masterpiece written by my brilliant wife @gilly-bean, which I still haven’t finished because I’m a monster & I don’t deserve her- BUT. I know it’s amazing.

tag 9 people you want to get to know better: @moerusai @mrdumpling @namchyoon @nellsdani @jemmo @kinnsporsche @villaneelle @florenzim @rashfcrd (only if you feel like it)

🎶✨when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)🎶 kayla my darling hope you’re keeping well 🥰🥰

Hello Jemmo my dearest! I am doing better now that I'm no longer dying in the heat wave! This is also for @miscellar, who also sent me this little ask.

Ah music questions... I'm afraid I've got no real answer to this because the only thing I've been listening to recently are various instrumental playlists that allow me to focus or whatever songs are on the radio while I'm driving somewhere.

However, whenever I've got too much energy or my brain is just being a bit of a dick, one of the ways I like to deal with the problem is singing. So here's a few songs I like to karaoke in my kitchen on my bad days:

She Used To Be Mine - from the musical, Waitress

Back to Black - Amy Winehouse

I Wanna Dance with Someone - Whitney Houston

Just Friends? - Nanon Korapat (Bad Buddy brainrot is real guys, I made my own English version of the lyrics to be able to sing this song haha)

At Last - Etta James

not bad buddy related but… i finished my jumper!!!! 🥳🥳

More Thoughts about Kinnporsche ep 6

After episode six I wrote: “Kinn's love language is in his words but Porsche's love language is in his actions.” Some time after that I read a fabulous post by @iffervescent about how miscommunication is being handled in the show…which seemed to contradict the conclusion I had come to. It made me stop and think about whether I had interpreted things ‘wrong’…but once my Thoughts started forming I came to a slightly different inference. I’m going to attempt to spread out those thoughts here…and you might need to bear with me. (For the sake of this post I’m treating ‘communication’ and ‘love language’ as the same thing…which might not technically be correct but I'm doing it anyway.)

So @iffervescent’s take is that (pre ep 6) Kinn communicates through his actions whereas Porsche communicates through words and therefore neither were getting what they needed from the other. (Apologies if I've butchered your amazing analysis through my summary!)

However, after ep 6, I felt that Kinn was much more open to talking honestly…much more than Porsche, who seemed to shut down a little when Kinn tried to talk about that night and his wrongdoings and then Porsche defaulted to a jokiness soon after. And since Porsche found it hard to talk (I mean, he literally faked choking at one point, symbolising how he couldn’t get his words out), he instead did a lot for Kinn, using his actions to show his care towards Kinn.

And so I thought Kinn showed his affections through his words and Porsche showed his through his actions...And Kinn (pre ep 6) may not always have the right words or say them in the right way but that’s how he wants to communicate…and therefore it’s all the more tragic for him because his position and need to be distant makes him say the opposite to what he means to Porsche...and that’s probably why he ends up only being able to show Porsche that he cares in his actions. And similarly, Porsche wants to be there for Kinn, to show him he's there for him, to do things for him, but which is made hard because Kinn doesn't let him, by removing him as his bodyguard.

But in ep 6 we see a change in both of them. They’re removed from their real lives, alone in a place of limbo where they can be free to be themselves, and we see them gradually shift into their true nature – Kinn can speak freely and openly, without his father and the pressure of The Family and his obligations within it, and Porsche can act freely and openly, on equal ground since the boss/bodyguard hierarchy is rendered obsolete (as @jemmo wrote in a comment, "them being cuffed together is giving them something else...they’re two equals, tied together, both made to cooperate and listen and be on a level playing field.")

And I think this ties into the handcuff and lighter symbolism that I (in a post) and @jemmo (in her tags) have written a bit about already…

Ep 6 was an opportunity for Kinn and Porsche to both let their inner-child play and have fun (unlike how they were both prevented from doing as children for different reasons) as well as deal with their issues and get closer to one another. Porsche was able to lead on the former - since he enjoyed teasing and playing with Kinn, to draw out Kinn’s true nature, the lighter side of him – and Kinn led on the latter – keeping them handcuffed together unnecessarily because he needed this time with Porsche for them to connect, to understand one another, to form a stronger attachment. Here’s what @jemmo said on this:

#…the thing about the lighter and the handcuffs #Porsche wanting to see the light kinn has suppressed and buried deep inside him #and kinn wanting to desperately hold on to and build this bond between them through any way he can #…it’s such a perfect metaphor #for the things they hide and keep from each other #Porsche doesn’t let them bond bc he’s been hurt and it’s too difficult to let it happen #and kinn doesn’t let his lighter side show bc he can’t he cannot be that person the world won’t let him #but the irony is when they both give in they both get what they want #in showing his lighter side kinn gets to build a stronger bond with Porsche #and in letting them connect Porsche gets to see kinns lighter side

So in giving in to each other, they get closer and feel more comfortable in being themselves, and therefore are able to revert to their true nature – Kinn can talk openly and Porsche can act as he wants.

BUT this doesn’t quite solve the communication issue…because having thought about it I don’t think it’s as clear cut as one uses words whilst the other uses actions. I think it’s a four-way mesh…and I’ll try to explain succinctly.

I think both Kinn and Porsche show love and communication with their actions but they both also need to hear communication and love through words. Which makes it tricky because they’re both basically offering the same (or trying to and being blocked by different obstacles) and not receiving what they need (again for different reasons).

I think ep 6 opened the way for them to both realise this - in that isolated place, and helped by their growing closeness, Kinn was able to give Porsche the words he needed to hear and in turn this helped Porsche reciprocate…to some extent. Kinn, already in the habit of showing his care of Porsche through his actions, was still able to do things for Porsche (or at least tried with the fire and fishing!), and Porsche, free to be himself, was able to also finally do things for Kinn (like show him how to fish!).

Now, I said ‘to some extent’ there because I think it’s still harder for Porsche to speak honestly than it is for Kinn and I think this imbalance will be the cause of some continued miscommunication between them. The small exchange in ep 6 they have about 'doubts' has stuck with me… Kinn says to Porsche, “Then, from now on, there won’t be any doubts between us anymore,” after which Porsche agrees but looks nervous or uncomfortable about it. Kinn then frowns and I wonder if there’s a small part of him (his insecurities) that maybe doesn’t believe (i.e. trust) Porsche is being genuine in his agreement (and the thing is Porsche probably was but was just feeling increasingly awkward about having to speak honestly). And it makes me think of that scene we haven’t seen yet where Porsche slaps Kinn and tells him, “You never trust me,” and it just makes me wonder if this will be a miscommunication issue grown from this small exchange in ep 6 - Kinn needed to hear a stronger affirmation from Porsche which he didn't get and his insecurities will only grow until he gets it.

Anyway, I’m not sure if I’ve been clear with any of this…but if it sets off other Thoughts or interpretations in people then it’s been at least worth it. I think this is a fascinating dynamic, especially because there are so many external factors preventing Kinn and Porsche from being genuine and true to themselves and each other, and I can’t wait to see what will happen between them. How will they go back to the Family compound and act, knowing what they know about each other and their feelings?…even if they don’t actually see each other (because Porsche is with Vegas and Kinn is recovering) it's bound to affect how they interact with everyone.

This or That

tagged by @pharawee and @jemmo to do this. unfortunately for you all i am bisexual and i envision very few true this or that choices being made but let's take a stab at it anyway

crying in the shower or making out in the shower [i simply Understand this more and making out in the shower seems to guarantee that Someone Is Cold]

give cute boy line ID or stalk his IG [i like seeing the soft little looks that privacy grants]

share his earbuds or share his closet

manga or manwha [not enough XP to make a ruling here]

long dangly silver earring or dark leather cuff [we love an aesthetic accent piece in this house]

time loop or reincarnation [this one is tricky bc I don't like either as a rule, but there are always blow everything out of the water trope justifying exceptions: triage and the untamed (sort of) respectively]

blue engineering smock or red engineering smock

kisses at the beach or kisses in the mountains [people still looking put together enough to kiss after cLiMBinG a MOunTAin is deeply immersion breaking to me lmao]

cactus or chili plant

fairy lights or spot lighting

ghost boyfriend or vampire lover [support your local ghost ✊ the narrative ground of hauntings is too rich for me not to yearn for it]

hard sub or soft sub [no opinion as long as everyone has fun and do be themselves]

stray cat or … actually that’s your only option [i accept my cat gift]

Hawaiian shirt or blue shorts [i don't like to yuck any yums but do some people pick blue shorts??]

evil ex-girlfriend or predatory fujoshi [cannibalising this and funneling the raw energy into manifesting gl]

suit jacket or leather jacket

high school or university

kitchen drama or office drama [i come from a heavily cheffed family - struggle to see the romance in the environment, and haven't seen one i enjoyed enough to overcome it]

forehead kisses or cheek kisses [i simply cannot choose between affection 🥺]

Viki or GaGaOOLaLa [yo ho ho and no strong opinion]

Japanese arthouse depth or Korean high concept

pink milk or yakult [oishii honey lemon]

censored Chinese BL or trashy Thai pulps [it's not censored in my heart and the untamed is my ride or die, apologies to the pulps]

body swap or dead body

sexy or story [society has progressed beyond the need for me to choose between these, and they are not/should not necessarily be mutually exclusive.]

back hugs or lap sitting

piggybacks or cradle carry

ty for tagging me 🥰🤍🤍 tagging: @nongnaos @talaypuens @talays-portkey

Wait one whole mother-loving second...it was your birthday as well yesterday?!?! (23rd sept? - it was @jemmo's too, and you are two of my most favourite people on here). Happy freaking birthday!! And I'm sorry it didn't properly register in my brain when I read the tags on your post yesterday (the vice versa real red brain rot had obviously set in). Well, I hope you had a wonderful day and that today vice versa goes some way to making both our red/dol agendas real (did you see what I did there!). Anyway, here, have a candy cake to stare at the candles...🎉💖🎁

It was! Thank you so much 💖💖💖 (and happy birthday to @jemmo too!)

I got to have an absolutely wonderful day with my friends, bookended by Kayla's Fine Line update literally 10 minutes after midnight on one side and The Eclipse on the other with a lovely heaping of theorising over real red (!!!!) with you in the middle

I really couldn't have been happier 🥰

...until you made it possible with a candy floss cake. I love it, I’m going to stare at those candles forever 🥳🎉💓🍰

(...or maybe I shouldn’t get too attached to the candle🤣)

I think it is very important that people see my new sweater because it speaks an all important truth….

PATPRANS’ two year anniv! (cr: apr 2020)

First off, thank you! I know this milestone doesn’t warrant a whole post, but I couldn’t wait until my next follower milestone to shower my appreciation. Although, I am very very close to the 1K mark… Below are people that have made the last two years, esp the last four months, worthwhile — the longtime followers, the content creators, people I interact with despite our current follow status, and those I admire from afar. Everyone here has inspired me at one point or another, in this era and in the past, so there’s a lot of people below the cut.

Bolded are longtime, lifetime followers. No need to interact with this post if you don’t want to, just know that I am sending you all my love and support today and whatever time we have together moving forward. Thanks again for an amazing two years -

@actually-yikes @ahsung @anakinskvwalkcr @anthnybridgerton @badprophetvx @billlkin @caribaheine @carricfisher @cassicpeia @coldties @crowleyaj @curious-earth @danielsousa @determined-overthinker @displayheartcode @dramaism @elnotwoods @epiphanjins @evepolastrri @facinaoris @ginnypcttcr @gunsatthaphan @haillily @highwarlockkareena @hurmione @icouldhyperfixatehim @jamesbvck @jemmo @laowen @laralaralara @leightonmurray @liyazaki @lovepattranite @loversmore @lulabo @lupismaris @megapotionss @melpomens @messrprongs @milkpansa @missmarthanightingale @mrdumpling @nanons @nattawins @niveni @notations @noxclara @ohneets @pateldevs @patspran @pinestwiins @poirot @pranparakul @pranpats @resetme @reyskvwalker @river-song-has-left-the-library @shirehobbit @skyvalkers @snimeat @starryreys @sunmayshine @sunsetandthemoon @taeminie @thecookiemonster77 @tophbefong @winterflell @wondcrwomans @xuxialling @yarasflor