It makes me nauseous thinking about the idea of 911 not following through with Buddie, not just because it’s the most deeply romantic best-friends-to-lovers build up I’ve ever witnessed, but because there is no way that these two clearly heterosexual actors could play a clueless bisexual man (Buck) and an in-denial-closeted gay man (Eddie), with such authenticity and emotion, so believably in love with each other, if they weren’t trying to make it obvious. Which means either their relationship has been the endgame plan this whole time, or they have chosen an act of violence against the hopes for representation the queer community has for these characters, with the ugliest baiting in the history of television

Pt2 to this post is here 🤗 | AO3 link

When Eddie stumbles out of his room the next day, still half asleep and purposefully headed towards the coffee machine, he notices a crumpled piece of paper on the table. He frowns when he sees it's the note he tossed in the trash a day earlier. It's folded open again, and there's a mysterious, slightly gross looking stain on it, but the number is still clearly readable.

He takes a good few seconds to stare at the digits, written neatly with a blue ballpoint, as if the guy was doing his very best to make sure that none of the numbers would be unreadable. He can't believe that Wayne is invested enough in this to get the note out of the trash for Eddie, even though Eddie already made more than clear how utterly uninterested he is in this Steve person. He shrugs, crumples the note back up again, and tosses it back into the trash.

It goes on like that for a while: every time Eddie wakes up or gets back home, the number is staring at him from the table, only to be crumpled in Eddie's fist again and again and again. Neither Wayne nor Eddie say anything about it; it becomes a tacid game of who can be the most stubborn, and they both know that both of them can keep that up for a very long time. Eddie knows he could just tear it up, or burn it, or poetically bury it at the base of a tree at the edge of the woods outside the trailer. But something's stopping him. It isn't the guy, or even the idea of the guy – he's sure as hell that this Steve wouldn't be for him at all. No, it's the memory of the look on Wayne's face after he gave Eddie the number, all excited and proud of himself. It's the knowledge of how immensely lucky he is to have an uncle like that, who supports him and loves him exactly the way he is, even actively wants him to be happy with another man. It's the flash of disappointment that crossed Wayne's face that first time Eddie made a whole show of throwing the note away. That's the reason he eventually, after almost a whole week of moving the note from trashcan to table and back again, finds himself standing at the phone with the piece of paper in his hand. The note has become truly disgusting by now, with all kinds of unrecognizable smudges on it, but thanks to Steve's clear handwriting, Eddie can still read all the digits.

It doesn't take long before 'Steve Harrington' picks up the horn on the other side.

'Hey, um, this is Eddie,' Eddie says, suddenly feeling awkward about the whole thing and wondering if he should've thought through what he was about to say to Steve. 'You met my uncle at a baseball game, last weekend?'

'Oh!' Steve sounds surprised. 'Eddie! Yeah, yes I did – Wayne, right?'

'Hmhm.'

'I didn't really expect a call anymore, to be honest,' Steve says.

'Yeah, sorry 'bout that,' says Eddie. 'Listen, to be honest, I'm not calling because I actually think this is gonna be something. From what I heard – not to sound like a dick or anything, I'm sure you're perfectly nice and all that – you just, totally don't sound like my type, you know? But my uncle won't drop it, and it'd probably make my life a whole lot easier if I could just prove to him that not every random queer guy he meets is a good match for me, so... Do you wanna meet up for coffee sometime? We can establish what a terrible match we are, I'll pay for your drinks, and then we can move on with our lives without any gnawing guilt or “what if”s playing around in our minds, and we'll never have to think about each other again. How does that sound?'

'Um...' There's a pause of a couple of seconds on the other side of the line, then a small sigh. 'I guess the free coffee sounds good?' It sounds more like a question than a statement, and suddenly, Eddie feels a bit stupid about the whole thing.

'I'm sorry,' he blurts out. 'I totally get it if it's not really what you expected of this. You met my uncle, and I know he's pretty awesome, and, like, wildly attractive and stuff, but if you expect me to be like him – that's not at all what I'm like, you know. So it'll probably be good for both of us to get that out of the way. To establish that we are not at all attracted to each other and happily move on.'

'Yeah, yeah, sure,' says Steve. 'Sounds good. I can't wait to find out what a terrible match you are for me.'

Eddie is relieved to hear the guy softly chuckling. 

Pt3 Seriously the response to this silly lil AU has been sooo lovely, thank all of you so much for your kind words and hilarious tags, it made my day 🥹 Altogether the whole thing will probably get to +/-7 parts, so if you feel like that’s a bit much to keep following, please don’t feel awkward about telling me you’d like to be removed from the taglist, I don't wanna spam anyone!

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have never talked about this on my blog before so will leave my rambling after the break for those who follow for my f1/football content but the final episode of utsukushii kare came out today and oh lord do i need to RANT

holy fucking shit. it’s been a LOOOOONG time since i’ve watched a tv show thats genuinely got me hooked like that 😵‍💫 literally from the second i saw the trailer i knew it was gonna be great and then the first episode just exceeded my expectations even more than i ever thought possible

i knew from the trailer it was going to be my type of vibe just purely from the kind of morally grey relationship between a social outcast and the most popular guy in school (who lowkey bullies him but at the same time never lets anyone else bully him???) i won’t try cover myself in glory ok? i’m predictable. i like angst and misunderstandings and hurt/comfort and those relationships ALWAYS have those things in abundance so i was SOOO excited for it. but jesus the direction they went with that trope was insane

having hira so obvious in his affections for kiyoi was predictable enough, maybe a tad unpredictable was HOW obvious he was, but it was almost endearing how completely and utterly whipped he was for this boy. how he wanted to worship kiyoi like a god because he felt it was only right. the thought of leaving him be never crossed his mind, no matter how many times kiyoi told him he was “gross” or a “stalker” and no matter how many times hira himself thought nothing would ever happen between him and kiyoi - he never stopped following him and buying him ginger ale and taking photos of him. it was almost as though deep down he knew him and kiyoi were equals, and that kiyoi was slowly but surely falling for him too, but his mind just wouldn’t let him consider the possibility.

i could probably write a thesis on the intricacies of kiyoi’s character but i’ll try keep it brief 😭 what was an amazing breath of fresh air for the trope was how the popular guy didn’t have this massive ego - kiyoi, whilst he did abuse his power over hira somewhat, protected hira from his friends when they tried to push him around, gave hira the change to buy himself a drink if he wanted and let hira take photos to his hearts content. the end of the series really got into kiyoi’s vulnerabilities and shit his final insistence that he is “just a man” and not a god tore me open. he said he wanted to be an idol so people could worship him and pay attention to him, but deep down i don’t think he ever wanted that. he assumed emotional warmth would come from being idolised by millions, when in reality being idolised was far from what he wanted, he just wanted someone to care. care for him for more than his looks or social status, but instead for who he really was.

kiyoi’s fascination with hira developed so naturally and i’d have loved to have seen it drawn out a bit more (though with the presumably limited episode time i understand) but the way they still managed to show his gradually changing feelings from a first general confusion as to why hira was acting that way to the oh moment where he realised this boy was sticking around. he was sticking by his side when others wouldn’t and standing up for him when he needed and THAT, that was what he wanted. he didn’t want anyone else, he wanted this strange boy with a stutter who looked at kiyoi like the stars shined in his eyes. he wanted him so bad he kissed him against all better judgement. his first kiss. “it was so intense. just like him.” he was hooked. hooked onto hira’s obsession that he thought he wanted so desperately at that time

and then as quick as a flash, they ran out of time. kiyoi had only just come to terms with how he felt about hira and then they parted ways. whilst kiyoi began to feel everything, hira forced himself to feel nothing at all. he found someone in koyama who was a genuine friend, someone who understood him and didn’t see him as a weirdo or social outcast, but as a human being. without this, there would’ve been no chance of hira ever coming to terms with the fact he was worthy of kiyoi’s affection. and having kiyoi so confused and jealous and unsure of everything was just AHHHH so good!!! after all the buildup of him being this untouchable creature way above anyone else through hira’s eyes, seeing him actually being so vulnerable and shaken by his feelings for hira felt so real.

plz do not ever get me started on kiyoi’s monologue about it all. because i will NEVER stop. usually with this outcast/popular boy dynamic, the outcast is always seen as the victim of sorts and never does anything wrong in the buildup to the relationship but OH BOY did this show flip that on its head!! YES hira was given a hard time by kiyoi, but being able to see the situation from kiyoi’s point of view made you realise, hira wasn’t completely blameless. in fact, he contributed as much to their failure to communicate!!!!!!!! kiyoi sums it up perfectly in one of the best lines of tv i’ve ever heard: “i doubt he would believe that i’m thinking about him. in a way, he was just as selfish as me, and he didn’t even realise it. he never cared to know how i felt.” hira was so blind-sighted by his obsession with calling kiyoi a god amongst men, he failed to acknowledge kiyoi was just like him - a boy with problems and grievances that leaves them with little self worth. with hira that lack of self worth manifested in withdrawing himself whilst in kiyoi it manifested in being greedy for devotion and popularity. they were never dissimilar.

the confession scene has been replaying in my head ever since i finished and for GOOD. REASON. firstly i just wanna say how amazing the actors are because WOW it felt so real???? kiyoi in particular seemed so genuinely distraught and desperate and hira so dumbfounded that someone was confessing to him. the shift in kiyoi’s emotions when hira asked if he could touch him was heart wrenching, his face brightens instantly but he hesitates still, unwilling for them to fall back into the obsession he once thought he wanted but grew to realise he never did. he didn’t want to be placed on a pedestal and worshipped - he realised that was far too lonely. he wanted someone to treat him like an equal, and so did hira.

the bike scene was the 2 minutes of fluff we needed after almost 6 full episodes of angst, and i’m not lying when i say i SOBBED. their smiles just tore me apart because THEY FINALLY GOT WHAT THEY WANTED!!! THEY WERE FINALLY HAPPY AND HAD EACH OTHER and it shows!!! hira’s giddy smile when kiyoi says “why did i fall in love with someone as disgusting as you?” and kiyoi burying his head into hira’s back with a disgustingly lovesick expression was all i needed. i’m as close to content as i possible could be considering i wish will all my heart that there was more 🥲

aside from the plot the aesthetic of the show just gripped me from the start in a way that i’ve never had before which was honestly such a nice change! the camerawork was phenomenal and the lighting and colouring was so so so so SO beautiful it was honestly a masterpiece. props to the acting as well cuz it was amazingggg it all felt so real and genuine and ahhhh im in love

that’s all! <3

Late beginnings

Summary: Mac goes out for a drink, and happens upon some advice he takes into consideration about his skewered relationship with Wukong. Before finally taking some action to mend the long burnt bridge. (Author’s note: I barely did any beta reading for this so if it’s worded strangely that’s just how I write without the normal filter on. I’m country so HOWDY) Next Page ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The night was late, but he didn’t care, he might as well have been nocturnal with the way his whole life revolved around the whole stereotype of shadows and shit. He’d walked into a bar he’d passed through a few times before, donning his human disguise of course beforehand, and walked in without sparing anyone else a glance. Before planting his rear in one of the stools seated at the front bar, ordering a drink to get the night started. “I’m really looking forward to seeing that new Monkey King movie with the trailer they just released. You saw it too right?? The whole style of the film is on par with their most recent game- OH, you think they’re gonna make a game of it?? I bet you they wiiiill!~” Ugh, great, just what he’d come here to avoid.

Mac’s eyes glanced to the blabbermouth boasting about whatever new movie was being made about his ex, to see two girls residing a ways down near the other end of the bar a few seats away from him. Both looking to have had a fair night themselves already if any of the cups and plates hanging around their spot was anything to go by. “Probably. I hope it’s better than last game that came out on the Brick 360, the bugs in that thing were gross to deal with.” Their friend commented back. Before looking down at their phone and claiming that it was getting late and that they had to go. “Yeah I’ll see ya Monday!” The chick waved their friend off a lazy farewell after they’d paid their bill before going back to their drink, now taking less tedious sips as the mood seemed to smooth out from their conversation prior. “I see someone’s a pretty big fan of that ol’ man.” Macaque piped up from where he sat, earning the attention of the stranger he’d directed his comment towards. “The Monkey King yeah?” Sparks danced in the chick’s eyes at the recognition of the name, before the stranger perked up and beamed a smile back at him, “You betcha! I’m a total nerd for that legend.” ‘A legend, hah.’ “S’the whole reason I moved to China in the first place.” She jabbed a thumb at her chest, “All the way from America!” Mac whistled, “That’s a pretty far leap to take, even for a legend. What, you hopin’ you’ll get the chance to see em’ or somethin’?” He sneered, taking his glass and lazily swirling it in his hand. “I wish!” She laughed, “Nah I mostly just moved here for work. If anything though it’s cuz a them for where I am now. I’d never even heard of him till about five years ago!” Mac blinked, lowering his drink from his lips, “You’re joking…”

“Not at all! No one hardly knows the story back home. Only reason I found out was cuz I just started gettin’ into anything monkey-related as a hobby.” She pointed at him, “Don’t laugh either, it’s a wildly popular standpoint to have these days online.” Mac quirked a brow at that, he’d hardly touched the internet these days save for whenever he needed some quick info on something he couldn’t find elsewhere. He held his hands up, “Hey I ain’t judging…” He smirked a little to betray the look that he totally was though. It was kinda funny how ironic it was him being there right then. She squinted at him, “Anyways...Yeah, I’d seen stuff of him online, but I’d never paid much attention to it up until recently.” “What made you change your mind?” Mac boredly probed, taking a sip. She simply shrugged, “I was in a dark headspace, guy made me laugh.” He paused, “Wait, seriously??” “I mean have you HEARD half the crazy shit he’s done??” ‘Babe I’ve LIVED through half the shit he’s done.’ “Like, literally, the guy is HILARIOUS. My favorite story out of them all being one where he literally tricked THREE taoist immortals into drinking his own piss!!” She burst out laughing while Mac choked on his drink a little, not having expected to hear that of all things. Sure he’d heard a few of the shenanigan’s his peaches had gotten up to throughout his journey to the west but he’d never heard that one before. Nor had he the patience to read through all that mess of context that had been published either. “Ahhh man, it still gets me…” The chick sighed with a few leftover laughs as she wiped a tear from her eye. “What about you? What’s your favorite story?” She asked. And suddenly Mac felt like he’d been put on the spot as he stared back at her. “Come ooon, surely there’s one that’s gotten your gut rolling.” She pried. ‘Plenty, but there ain’t no way in hell I’d tell a soul.’ “Bahh...there ain’t the first one that comes to mind that I’d like. Honestly I’m not even much of a fan.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Whaaat?? Aw come on! There’s tons of cool n’ funny stories!” “Heh..can’t imagine what you find so charming about a guy who’s too good for his own friends.” Mac spitefully twacked himself mentally for spewing something so personal like that out. Ugh, and he hadn’t even finished half his drink yet… The chick sitting to his left seemed to tilt her head a little before she squinted at him. Her silence being what brought his attention from his drink to her as he blinked back with a quirked brow. “What?” “Your eyes, they’re like raging storm clouds.” She pointed out. He blinked, not really sure how to feel about that. The only one who’d ever really pointed that out to him before was… “...So?” “Nothing!...” She shrugged, turning back away towards her own drink as if no conversation at all had happened between them. Whatever...he had his fill of shit to drink to either way. The night might’ve been late but he was just getting started. “He makes me laugh though.” She pointed out, earning her a glance. “All his stories n’ stuff. If there was ever a man I’d want, it’d be one who could always make me laugh.” “Hmph, not one for strength?” He took a long sip. Ignoring the bitterness of others fawning over someone he’d come to love before he’d gotten so popular. “Strength is fine n’ all, but it can only take a relationship so far..you gotta have more pieces to put in that crockpot of a relationship if you wanna make it taste good. Stuff like patience, honesty, a little bit of everything to help it all come together to make it juuuuust right.” “Hm…” “It can’t be all just you putting the stuff in there either, it’s gotta be a contribution from both gardens. Otherwise you’ll just barren your lands and be left with nothing to spare yourself or others in your life with.” She glanced at Mac, “Relationships are tricky like that, but they should always be a 50/50 split~” She winked. That...actually sounded like pretty sound advice. Something he’d heard a little here and there before but never so simply laid out. Though it made sense from his standpoint, fairness n’ all that. But he’d been that way with Wukong before and it had never worked out, all the bickering and such, so what had gone wrong? “Can I...ask you something?” Mac inquired. “Shoot.” “What’re your thoughts on..a relationship that seemed fine, but then the other changed so much that everything about it fell apart?” “Mmm...care to sprinkle in a lil more context?” The chick eyed him. Mac’s face scrunched up a little, no idea why he was asking some random mortal for relationship advice of all things. “Hey man. We’re both probably never gonna meet again after tonight, so if you’ve got skeletons in your closet, your best place to let em’ out is here. Bartenders are known for being the most well kept secret keepers in all the world after all~” She winked at the bartender in question who simply looked the other way with a look that might’ve suggested such a fact as truth. “Hm…” Ah screw it, “Alright alright…” He sighed and put his drink down, “There’s..someone. We used to be real close, we were strong together but then uh..shit got real and he had to go deal with it. But when he came back he uh, wasn’t the same as before, an I might’ve sorta assumed he was cheating on me so…so we kinda fell out.” The chick nodded, “Ahh..the classic misunderstanding of change and cheating, a tale as old as time.” She seemed to hum a moment before she turned from where she was seated, if not to hop down off her stool and plop down on the one right up next to him. “Uh-” “Shhh, lemme see those eyes.” She squinted, leaning in and staring deep into his. It’d would’ve been really unnerving if she hadn’t said anything about them before, now he was a lil put off that he might’ve been asking a witch of all things for advice… “Right. Well, at least you feel bad about it. So there’s that.” He blinked and his brows furrowed, “Wh- of course I feel bad about it, it was his fault-” He suddenly had a finger pressed to his lips. “Nope! Nooononono, you do not get to throw all the blame elsewhere like that sweetheart. There ain’t no way in hell you’re gettin’ a second chance with them if you keep that up.” She pulled her hands back. His face scrunched up and he found himself crossing his arms, if he had his tail out it would’ve been irritably swaying behind him right then at just how annoyed he was getting at this weird lady and her words. “Oh yeah? An what do you think’s best then huh?” “I dunno if you’d be up for that kinda challenge…” She idly fiddled with an imaginative piece of lint off her sleeve, which only seemed to irritate Mac further at the thought of him not being able to handle Wukong of all people. Like sure he’d gotten his ass handed to him before but he could still hold his own! “Try me.” The chick glanced back at him with a smirk, which caught him off guard for a second before he shot her a glare back. “Alright, but it’s definitely not gonna be as quick or easygoing of a recovery as you might hope it’ll be. Nor is there even a chance of you recovering it in the first place. But, you at least got that spark enough to try so who am I to deny?” ‘Hmpt, dam right I got a spark.’

“First of all, no more blaming, if you’re gonna tackle this properly, you gotta do yourselves a favor an quit it with the blame placing. Sure it’s easy, but it ain’t gonna get you nowhere but back to square one. It’s all in the past, the now is now. So push forward to fix it and put it behind you two so you can focus on the more important things.” “Easier said than done…” “Hey man, even if they don’t follow the same ruleset at first you could always work things out to make it one later on. I’m just tellin’ ya right now so you won’t just go diggin’ yourself a deeper hole.” Honestly at this point he was pretty much six feet down under, death to him would’ve been a mercy right then. “Fine…” He rolled his eyes. “Next up, apologizing…” -----------~----------- “I thought I told you to stay off my island.” Mac didn’t really glance back from where he stood high up on one of the breathtaking ledges that which Flower Fruit Mountain bolstered. His arms crossed, eyes sternly held against the leftover warmth of the late afternoon sun as it shifted the skies hues from blue to blood red. Hopefully that would be the only tinge of red the Mountain would see after today. “I know.” “What, no witty remark? Give me one good reason-” “I just wanted to talk.” Mac stated plainly. “Why the hell should I give you the chance?” “...” Mac wasn’t sure if he could come up with a good enough reason after the shitshow he’d caused him the last few centuries, most recent being his spat with him between MK. “I’m sorry.” That seemed to catch the king off guard, as he paused in his vicious glare to stare at the other. “Excuse me??” “I’m.Sorry.” Mac turned finally to Wukong, that look of fiery malice having softened immensely upon meeting their eyes. “I was wrong for what I did and I’m sorry.” Wukong’s face looked like it had had a stroke with how frozen in place it was, almost like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Hurting everyone around you just to get back at you, I was wrong for doing that. And I just wanted to apologize.” Mac’s face twisted a little, the words coming out a little rougher than he’d liked, but he’d managed to get three steps in so far… “If you think a few sorry’s are gonna be enough to make up for all that crap then you gotta nother’ thing comin Mac.” Wukong finally shook off the surprise and crossed his arms with a steely gaze. “Nah I know they ain’t worth shit with as long as it's been...which it’s been..a really, really long time come to think of it..nearly 3000 years…” Fucking yikes. “What’s your point?...” Wukong raised a brow at him. “My point is...my point..” What was his point? To make amends and hope they’d get back together? To go back to the way things were? That couldn’t be done with the way things were now. Wukong had a successor, a moral compass, a lotta shit that Mac didn’t. A lotta shit that he wanted but never could figure out how to get his own. His face scrunched up a little and he sighed, “I..just wanted to make things right.” “Oh-hoh? After so long you finally decided to admit you were at fault? Sorry Mac, but it’s waaaay too late for that.” Wukong huffed, “Honestly, this is probably just another one of your stupid tricks if anything. The old Macaque would never throw himself down like that.” “Well maybe I’ve changed!” Mac exclaimed suddenly, his temper flaring a bit as his eyes flashed lightning. “3000 years later? As if…” Wukong rolled his eyes and turned away, “You’ve still got that same look in your eyes you always do whenever we fight. Do me a favor and just keep away from the hot springs this time yeah? The last time you were here you sent a whole dam boulder over there and smashed half the pools.” He waved his hand dismissively. “And I happen to take my once a month bath’s very seriously.” Mac’s nostrils flared a little at just how flamboyant Wukong was acting towards him and his attempt to make amends. How he just saw his attempt as a joke and nothing more, it pissed him off. Wukong had changed and everyone had accepted him, well not everyone, but still, why couldn’t the same be for him? Had he really fooled himself into believing that there was a chance he and Wukong could be together again? His shoulders slumped a little. Of course, who was he kidding. A 3000 year old pit of grudges wasn’t about to just up and disappear at the wave of a white flag. This was Wukong, the same guy who still playfully pestered the gods and demons around him for past conflicts that had happened between them. -----------~----------- “But you can’t just go, ‘ooo I’m so sorry for what I did.’ Nah, you gotta follow the five steps.” The chick claimed. “Yeesh, this a learning course now?” Mac tilted his head to the side. “It is if you wanna make things right.” She claimed matter a factly. “The five steps have never failed me before and have worked wonders for any an all my relationships. Might not quite have the same range of effect you’re going for but it’ll at least be a good start.” “Heh, you got the guts to back up that case?” Mac sneered. “I will if you don’t manage to screw it up.” The chick pointed out. “The five steps go as follows.” - express sorrow (I’m sorry) - own guilt (I was wrong) - name specific wrongs (I did X) - name impact (I hurt you) “And finally...” -----------~----------- “What can I do to prove myself to you?” Macaque asked finally. “What can I do to at least make it to where we can..not fight anymore..and just talk?...” Wukong stood there for a long moment, his features unreadable as their silence was muffled by the wind bellowing between them both from being so high up. “You really are serious about this aren’t you?...” Wukong’s head shifted ever so slightly, but not enough to where Mac could get a reading on his emotions. “I’m tired of fighting and waiting and thinking that if enough time passes things’ll go back to the way they were...when they never will. Trying to hurt you isn’t gonna make the old you come back, no matter how many times you beat me down...It’ll never be the same.” Mac admitted finally. A quiet gust settled down between them, before Wukong seemed to let out a dry chuckle and shook his head. “Can’t believe it took me 3000 years to beat the sense into you.” He turned and looked back at the other, where he no longer held a look of seething hate, but more akin to that of the same tired look just as the one Mac wore. Mac felt a sliver of guilt wriggle its way into one of the cracks of his heart and he glanced away, pulling a hand back and scratching his head. “Yeah well...your kid hit me pretty hard last time, enough to knock it in place.” A small smile crept a little onto his face. “Hm~ He’s gettin’ pretty good at hittin’ stuff with that old stick.” Wukong’s eyes glinted a little at the appeal of how proud he was for MK having taken Mac out the way he did. A little over the top and flashy, just like him.” “He’s got a pretty strong master to thank for that…” Mac found himself yearning a little for that same glint to be reflected on his memory the same way as MK’s. Not that he couldn’t see himself holding the same appeal for MK the way Wukong did, kid was strong, just a lil desperate in some of the cracks that shaped his outline. Something Macaque found that was easy enough to take advantage of, and something Wukong held a blind eye to. “Hm.” Wukong’s reply pushed him out of those thoughts for the moment as they shared a brief look between one another. A glimmer of reconsideration flashing between the two before Wukong finally turned his head away to drink in the sunset before them. “One chance.” Mac felt his heart nearly stop at that answer. “I’ll give you one chance, but if you screw this up, don’t even think about showing your face to me again.” Wukong replied, “I mean it this time…” Mac swallowed a little and nodded. Anything, he’d be willing to do anything to gain back what little trust he could from Wukong. “Good...you can start making up for it by apologizing to MK.” Mac blinked and sputtered a little as Wukong turned away and began to make his way back down the mountain. A smile playing on his lips while Macaque groaned to the heavens about his next trial.

white collar and leather

part one of five

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the rumble of the motorcycle underneath her was normal. the cool leather of her jacket against her skin was normal. the pressure of the helmet against her ears was normal. what wasn’t normal, was parking her bike in front of riverdale high in the north side. as much as she somewhat cared about her education, she’d much rather go to school literally anywhere else.

fuck this.

betty unclipped the clasp from underneath her chin and took her helmet off, shaking her head a little to loosen up her hair as she hung the helmet over the handlebars. she straightened up her jacket before she swung her leg over the bike to stand up, sighing as she looked up at the school.

for the town with pep this was probably the peppiest place that riverdale had to offer. riddled with annoying cheerleaders and noisy jocks and everything that betty pretty much despised about high school. at least at south-side high, everyone was too worried about getting stoned to bother her. now she actually had to face people. gross.

“cooper!”

betty turned her head, and leaned back against her bike as she spotted sweet pea walking over towards her, toni and fangs following shortly behind him. they were probably just about the only people she could actually tolerate. on a good day, anyways. sweet pea tended to get annoying a lot. although she had stayed at his place for the past few nights, which she appreciated. anything to get away from her trailer.

“you guys better get your pep on.” betty commented as they walked over and fangs snorted.

“can’t believe we actually have to go here, it’s bullshit.” sweet pea rolled his eyes and dropped the cigarette he was smoking on the ground, stepping on it afterwards.

“bullshit we’ll only have to put up with until we graduate.” betty pointed out as she pushed herself up from her bike, glancing over at the school with a sigh.

riverdale high was a completely different experience from south-side high. as soon as they walked in betty could see that, even just in the air. it was clean, and didn’t smell like weed. at least they wouldn’t be second hand smoking all day. it looked like it had just been renovated, honestly. none of the lights flickered constantly. the floor looked like it had been polished five seconds ago. none of the lockers had dents in or had been spray painted. and all of the students looked so… pristine. honestly, they looked like they were all about to walk into the set of some dumb teen drama. it was a joke.

everyone was looking at them strangely as they walked through the school. betty could feel them burning holes into the side of her head as she walked past, and she had to roll her eyes. it was like they had never seen other people before. before they could even get to the end of the first corridor the intercom crackled to life, and a voice traveled through the building. “will all new transfer students please come to the main hall.”

great. an assembly just for them.

“ten dollars we spend the next half an hour being told the dangers of gang activity in school.” toni scoffed, and betty chuckled as she looped her arm through the pink haired girl’s.

“i bet so.” betty nodded, catching the blue eyes of a boy staring at her down the hallway before she carried on to the main hall. she didn’t know where it was, though sweet pea seemed to have an idea of where it was so she just followed him.

toni was right, of course. they were lectured on all sorts of things for thirty minutes; drug use, fighting, weapons, even the indoctrination of other students into the gang. they had to be joking by the end. and if they weren’t then sweet pea and fangs must’ve been laughing over nothing. betty just wanted nothing more than to start her lessons and let the day go by as quickly as possible. as much as the south-side was a shit hole, she much preferred it to the north. at least there she wouldn’t be judged on her shitty life, and she could live said shitty life in peace.

when the principal had finally let them go, under a final warning to “behave like proud students of this school” she took a beeline for the exit and left quickly, promising to catch up with her friends at lunch. during the assembly of mostly patronising nonsense, something had caught her attention; the blue and gold, which was the school’s newspaper. when it had first been introduced, betty had run the red and black for a while, though with the lack of funding and minimal interest that students had in it betty stopped after a few months. though the blue and gold seemed promising, and maybe it would help make her experience at riverdale high a little more bearable.

when betty had finally found it’s office after five minutes of looking (seriously, this school was huge) she pushed the door open and stepped inside, honestly a little disappointed that someone else was there. she had been looking forward to spending her time there alone. the boy sat in the office turned to look at her, and she briefly remembered meeting his gaze earlier when he was staring at her.

sheesh, he looked like he was full of enough pep alright. the boy was almost too pristine. he was probably the epitome of “small town boy“, with a shirt and round-neck sweater, polished shoes, and small riverdale high badge pinned to his bag which sat on the desk. the only thing that stuck out was a grey beanie that sat atop his head, though even that screamed soft. he was adorable.

“oh, hi,” he smiled, obviously surprised to see her there. “what can i- how can i help?”

“your dumb principle mentioned the blue and gold being open to new members,” the boy blinked at her, obviously taken aback. though whether it was about the name-calling to the principal or her willingness to join the newspaper that she was uncertain of. “i’m interested.”

“oh,” he seemed to come to after a moment, and a smile covered his once bewildered expression. “great. yes. we’d gladly have you,” he nodded and stood up from his seat.

shit, she’d underestimated how tall he was. at least he had one thing going. he must’ve been six foot tall at least, and when he stepped out towards her she had to tilt her head up to look at him. at least he wasn’t as tall as sweet pea.

he held his hand out and smiled again. “nice to meet you.”

betty stared at him for a moment before she gripped his hand in return and shook it for a moment. “right. likewise.”

when she had pulled her hand away the boy nodded, and he opened his mouth to say something, though the bell ringing for the next class got to it first and cut him off.

“oh, well i’ll see you soon to sort out what times you can be here?” the boy asked, and betty nodded as she headed to the door.

“hey white collar?” she called back to him as she swung the door open, and his blue eyes met hers again across the room. “what’s your name?”

“jughead,” he responded after a moment, and if he was embarrassed at her entertained smile at his answer he didn’t show it. “what’s yours?”

“betty cooper.” she told him, and before he could say anything else she stepped out of the office and shut the door behind her. that was enough social interaction for one day, even if she’d be working with jughead every day now.

-

“so, what, you’re going to be working with her? alone?” veronica gasped, as she leaned across the table towards jughead. “what if she, like, has a knife on her or something? oh my god, what if she had drugs-“

“veronica, i highly doubt she has drugs.” jughead shook his head as he took another bite of his apple. the way that people were reacting to the south-side high students was mostly irrational, and it was getting a little annoying. he’d had to listen to reggie ranting about how he thought that one of the new students was going to kill him for an hour in his english class.

“some of them do. aren’t they all drug dealers? they’re in a gang.” she pointed out with a huff.

“none of them would be dumb enough to actually bring their drugs into school, even for lowlifes like themselves.” cheryl piped in from beside veronica. jughead wasn’t particularly friends with the redhead, but he tolerated her for veronica’s sake as they were on the cheer team together.

jughead found himself looking past the girls as veronica carried on about drugs, and found betty sat across the room. she was sat with another girl with pink hair, and two guys - one of them taller than the other. all four of them were wearing those gang jackets, though he could see the snake symbol from the jacket on the taller guy’s neck.

jughead didn’t believe that betty was dangerous by any means, but he was a little worried. there were a lot of rumours surrounding the south-side serpents, and it was hard to distinguish gossip from actual facts. were they really drug dealers? did they actually carry weapons on them? did the big guy sat next to betty actually kill someone? okay, jughead was less inclined to believe that one as it had come from reggie, but still. he was unsure on the situation, but there was nothing any of them could do. they’d just have to stick it out.

the rest of the day passed relatively quickly. in history jughead had to listen to a few cheerleaders giggling and fangirling over the taller serpent who had sat in front of them, and then in biology he had to put up with another thousand questions from veronica, though as soon as the bell went he managed to escape and headed to his locker quickly. as he was packing up his things betty passed him in the hallway with the tall guy again, and he couldn’t help but wonder if they were dating.

jughead closed his locker as he shrugged his bag onto his shoulders before he made his way out of the building, and put his headphones in for the walk home. he took the long way back to his house, putting off what he knew was coming. his dad had been more annoyed by the south-side high students joining the school than anybody in his class, and he knew when he got home he’d have to hear it all over again. jughead had decided to not tell him about betty, at least not yet. he didn’t want to give his dad an aneurism or something.

his father’s car was in the driveway when he got home and jughead frowned as he unlocked the front door. he had been hoping that fp would be out of the house for whatever reason, so he could avoid the bombard of questions that was sure to come and just escape upstairs to his bedroom.

“jug? that you?” he heard from the kitchen, and jughead rolled his eyes as he shrugged his coat off. no, he wanted to say, it’s a stranger who somehow has a set of keys to the house.

though instead he called out “yeah.” and walked through to the kitchen, where he found his father sat at the table surrounded by paperwork and his laptop.

“those students all in school todsy, then?” fp asked, and jughead sighed as he took off his bag and went over to the fridge to get a drink.

“yeah, they’re all-“

“they didn’t give you any trouble, did they?”

jughead clenched his jaw and willed himself not to snap at his dad. of course they didn’t, they weren’t monsters, they were still people, no matter where they came from. he couldn’t understand why that thought was so hard for people to grasp.

“no, it was all fine.” he forced a smile as he turned to face his dad, and met his eyes in his reflection of the laptop screen.

“good, just don’t get too close to any of them. god knows what they all get up to.” fp scoffed, and jughead gripped the bottle in his hand tighter as he took a drink from it. they went through all of this yesterday. and the day before. and the day before that. and every day since it had been announced that the schools were merging.

“i’m going upstairs. i have homework.” jughead excused himself to get away from the conversation, and he watched as fp nodded before he grabbed his bag and headed for the stairs, escaping from the lecture that he was sure fp would finish at dinner anyways.

You Don’t Remember?

EZ Reyes x Reader

Warnings: language (mild)

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: This one was a lot of fun. 🥰 Drunk EZ with some light angst and some fluff to wrap it all up. Enjoy, and as always, feel free to shoot me any requests you have! 

You groaned as the sound of your phone vibrating jolted you from your sleep. You blindly groped around your nightstand until your hand found it, forcing your eyes to open to see who the fuck was calling you at this hour. You saw EZ’s name flashing across the screen. Of course. But there was no way you could let the call go to voicemail.

“What, EZ?” you grumbled.

It was loud in the background and you knew that he was partying, “Y/N, I miss you.”

You laughed, forcing yourself to sit upright, “So much that you had to call me at 2AM?”

“Can you come get me?” Your brows furrowed when you heard his question. If he was partying at the clubhouse his trailer was a very short walk away. You wondered where he had ended up. As if he could hear your thoughts, he spoke up, “I’m at the clubhouse. Lights and water are out in my trailer and I really don’t wanna call Pop.”

You laughed, not being able to blame him. Felipe would do anything for his sons, but this wasn’t something that he would be necessarily happy about. You sighed, “Fine. I’ll be there in 20. Grab some clothes to change into…I don’t want your gross party clothes ruining my couch.”

“You’re an angel, Querida.”

You rolled your eyes—he was always such a flirt when he was drunk, “See you in a bit, EZ.”

The two of you were close, you knew that you didn’t need to change out of your pajamas to go and get him. You pulled on a beanie and slipped into your sneakers before heading out the door. The whole drive there you just had to chuckle and shake your head. Sometimes you worried that EZ was going to grow apart from you as he got in deeper with the MC, but if you were his first drunk call at 2 in the morning after a night of partying with the club, you had to have been doing something right.

You rolled into the compound, the music outside filtering into your car. You laughed, shaking your head as EZ came stumbling out of his trailer, clothes balled up in his hands. You left the car running as you opened the door and stepped out to greet him. His smile grew wide when he saw you, wrapping you in an extremely tight hug. You laughed, but couldn’t bring yourself to pull out of it.

“Hey, beautiful,” he smiled down at you, “Thank you so much.”

You chuckled, shaking your head, “Thank me in the morning when you’ve got a killer headache.”

You both climbed into your car and EZ melted back into the passenger seat. You put the radio on low to kill the silence as you pulled back out onto the street. As you drove, you felt EZ’s eyes on you. You glanced a quick look at him as you were driving and chuckled to yourself when you saw the starry-eyed way he was staring at you.

“You’re still in your PJ’s, Y/N,” his voice was always a little softer and lighter when he was drunk.

You laughed, nodding, “Yea, because you woke me up at like 2 in the morning, EZ.”

His eyes grew wide, “Are you mad at me?”

You looked over at him for a moment flashed him a smile, “Of course not. I’d always rather have you call me than try to drive or something while you’re drunk. Please don’t think that I’d be mad at you for that. But, it will mean that I am picking you up in my pajamas.”

“We should do pajama parties more often.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes, “You sleep in your goddamn jeans, EZ. I don’t even think you own pajamas.”

He laughed, turning in the seat to face you, “They are my pajamas, Y/N.”

“Just because you wear them to bed doesn’t mean they’re pajamas,” you glanced at him and couldn’t stop yourself from laughing at the way he was staring at you.

A few more minutes passed and you were pulling into your driveway. Your house wasn’t much but it was a safe place for him to crash until whatever was wrong with his trailer got fixed. You hopped out the car and walked around the other side to open his door for him. He stumbled out, leaning slightly onto you for support as he tried to get his footing. The two of you walked up to your front steps, bodies somewhat entwined as you dug around your purse for your house keys.

You pushed the door open and led EZ down the hall to the bathroom, “You can get changed and stuff in here. I’ll grab some blankets and a pillow for you for the couch.”

His arm lingered around you for a little longer than necessary but you didn’t feed into it. You shut the door behind you and walked down to your bedroom to grab some blankets for him. A few minutes later light flooded into the hallway as EZ exited the bathroom. You waved him over, trying not to gawk at him in his tank top and basketball shorts.

He laughed, “I brought shorts because I know you hate when I sleep in jeans.”

You smiled, shaking your head, “Then maybe we can have more pajama parties in the future,” you stepped in and hugged him, “I put some water and advil on the coffee table for you. Let me know if you need anything else, okay?”

He squeezed you close to him, taking a deep breath as he rested his head on top of yours, “You’re beautiful.”

Your whole body warmed at the sentiment but the realistic side of you said not to put too much stock into drunk words. You had said you fair share of dumb things while intoxicated, too. You pulled back and smiled at him, “And you’re handsome even when you’re drunk. Goodnight, EZ, give a shout if you need anything.”

You went to walk away but he pulled you back by your arm, pressing his lips against yours and snaking his hand underneath your beanie into your hair. You let yourself melt into it for a few moments before realizing just what was really happening. You slowly pulled back and looked at him, and the smile on his face made your stomach flip.

“Goodnight, Querida,” his voice was tired and he was beginning to mumble, “Thank you for everything.”

You couldn’t force yourself to say anything else as you all but ran off down the hallway, shutting your bedroom door behind you. You leaned back against it, trying to catch your breath as you processed everything that had just happened. You listened against the door for a minute and you were met with complete silence and you assumed that EZ had already fallen asleep.

You crawled into bed, pulling the blanket up over you as you stared up at the ceiling. You had no idea what the next morning was going to be like. What were you supposed to say? Was he going to be the one to bring it up? The thoughts raced around your head until they tired you out enough to fall asleep.

You woke up the next morning to the sound of your shower running. You sat up and stretched, trying to gather your thoughts. You still had no idea how to approach the subject of what happened. You were hoping inspiration would hit you when you saw him. You changed into a pair of shorts and a hoodie before heading out towards your kitchen to get breakfast started. It wasn’t going to be anything fancy but you also assumed that in his hungover state he wasn’t going to be in the mood for food that was too complex anyway.

A few minutes later you heard footsteps behind you. You looked over your shoulder at EZ to see what state he was in and you weren’t disappointed. “You feelin’ alright?” you asked with a smile.

He chuckled, shaking his head as he pulled out a chair at your table to sit down, “I’m not feelin’ alright, thanks for asking,” he pressed his fingertips against his temples, “Not gonna lie, I woke up and got very worried because I wasn’t in my trailer,” he laughed, “I do not remember getting here last night.”

Your heart sank but you tried to hide it. You forced a smile, “You don’t remember callin’ my ass up at 2AM to ask me to come and get you?”

He looked over at you and was trying not to laugh as he apologized, “I’m so obnoxious I am so sorry.”

You shook your head with a smile as you brought two plates over to the table, “Don’t be sorry. You weren’t that obnoxious.”

“Did I say anything stupid?”

You contemplated telling him what happened, but if he really forgot maybe it was better for the both of you if you kept it to yourself. You shrugged, “Nothing stupider than some of the shit you say when you’re sober.”

He laughed, rubbing his head again, “You gotta stop talking to my brother. You sound more and more like him all the time.”

“You mentioned last night that you have no water or lights? What’s up with that?”

He sighed, shaking his head, “I don’t know. I called Pop to ask him who I should call and he gave me a couple names. Called one guy and he said he’d be out sometime this weekend to look at what’s going on.”

“You need a place to stay until then?”

“You offering?”

You wanted to backpedal but you also didn’t want to seem like a dick. He didn’t remember what happened and you wished that you could wipe it from your memory but you couldn’t. You didn’t know how to tell him that you might need a couple days of space. You cleared your throat, nodding, “I mean, yea, if you need to crash you know my door is always open for you. Just figured that Angel would’ve offered up his spot.”

“Yea like I’d wanna be crashing with him,” he laughed, “But, um, it would really help me out. I shouldn’t be here more than a couple days.”

You nodded, regretting everything you were doing, “Yea, of course. I always got you,” you paused “I got a couple errands to run today though. So, if you want, I can drop you back at the clubhouse and you can pack some stuff and take your bike back here?”

He nodded, “Sounds good.”

After breakfast you dropped him off at the clubhouse and tossed him your house keys, knowing that he was going to be back before you were. You gave a quick goodbye and took off, needing to go and clear your head. You left EZ in the dust, slightly confused on why things felt just a little bit off.

The rest of the day you managed to find more things to do to keep yourself from having to go home. You wanted to see EZ but you hated living with the fact that he had kissed you, and you had loved it, and he doesn’t remember any of it. You contemplated reaching out to Angel, but you weren’t sure if you were up for that.

You pulled into the driveway and sighed. The lights were on, and EZ’s bike was parked in the driveway. You had a few bags of groceries, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to come home empty-handed without cluing EZ in to the fact that something was wrong.

You walked in, the smell of food instantly hitting you. You walked to the kitchen and saw EZ at the stove. He turned back to you with a smile, “Hey, hope you don’t mind, I kinda helped myself to your food,” he laughed, “But I did make enough for both of us.”

A smile spread across your face without you even thinking about it. The sight of EZ cooking in your kitchen after a long day made your heart swell inside your chest. You lifted up the grocery bags, “Well, good thing I went shopping today.”

You unpacked and put away everything that you had bought, trying not to let yourself get caught up in the domesticity of what was going on around you. You wanted to lock yourself up in your room so that your mind wouldn’t get carried away. This wouldn’t be messing with you so much if he hadn’t kissed you—it would just be two friends spending time together. But he had kissed you, and now it all felt different.

You ate dinner together, and you tried as hard as you could not to act different. But you could tell that EZ was picking up on the fact that something was off. He didn’t say anything about it specifically, but you could tell that he was choosing his words carefully.

At the end of the night you gave him a hug before disappearing into your room, shutting the door firmly behind you. You let out a breath that you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. If he was going to be here for a few more nights you didn’t know if you were going to be able to keep it together. You texted Angel, “I need your advice. Can we meet up tomorrow?”

His reply came quickly, “Yea come on down to the clubhouse.”

“Not there.”

“Pop’s shop?”

You sighed with relief, “Yea sounds good.”

The two of you firmed up a time and it helped you be able to fall asleep. Maybe he’d have some insight that would help you navigate the whole situation. After all, no one knew EZ better than his own brother.

EZ left early in the morning. He left a note saying that he had some club stuff to take care of and you would be lying if you said that you weren’t relieved. You called Angel up, “Hey, change of plans. Wanna come over to my house to talk?”

“Uh, yea,” he sounded confused, “Sure. I can be there in like half an hour.”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you soon,” you hung up and set about making yourself a cup of coffee while you waited.

You heard a motorcycle rolling into your driveway about thirty minutes later. Angel let himself in and found you sitting at the table in your kitchen, still in your lounge shorts and an old t-shirt. “Hey, Y/N,” he walked over to give you a hug and a kiss on the top of your head, “Everything alright?”

“I need your advice.”

“Shoot.”

“So, I picked your brother up from the clubhouse the other night, and he was…pretty drunk.”

“What’d that motherfucker do?” his whole body tensed up.

You laughed, waving him off, “Relax, nothing terrible. Anyway, he was pretty drunk. And he kissed me. But, Angel, it was a real kiss, a game-changing kiss. The only thing is…well…he woke up the next morning and didn’t remember it,” you buried your face in your hands, “And now I’m left with all these feelings and he’s currently living in my fucking house and he has no idea about any of it. And I know I’ve been off with him and he knows it and I just can’t fucking say anything about it.”

“Why not?”

“What?”

“Why can’t you say somethin’?” he looked genuinely confused.

“Because he was blackout drunk, Angel. I don’t wanna make things weird.”

“No offense, Y/N,” he chuckled, “But it sounds like you’re already making things weird. How much weirder can it get if you tell him what happened? Who knows, he’s probably actually into you.”

“You think?” you hadn’t let yourself entertain that thought for too long, not wanting to set yourself up to get disappointed.

He laughed, “He’s not me, you know. He’s got a much more…narrow scope when it comes to hookin’ up with people. I’d find it hard to believe that he would do that to someone he didn’t have some kind of feelings for, even if he was drunk.”

You sat there in silence for a few moments, soaking up everything Angel had just said to you. You sighed, “I gotta talk to him, huh?”

He chuckled, nodding, “Yea, you do,” he stood up, placing another kiss on top of your head, “You got this. And, if he’s a dumbass about it, call me and I’ll beat him up.”

You laughed, nodding, “Thank you, Angel. For everything.”

“I gotchu,” he shot you a wink before heading out.

You took a couple minutes to catch your breath before reaching for your phone to call EZ and ask him to come home. It rang a couple times before he finally answered. You forced the words out, “Hey, are you…are you gonna be back soon?”

“Umm, I mean, I can come back whenever. It just…it seemed like you needed some space.”

“Can you come back? I need to talk to you.”

You could hear the nerves in his voice, “Yea, I’ll be there in ten.”

He strode through the door, looking around eagerly for you. He saw you sitting on the couch cross-legged with your phone in your lap. You looked up at him and offered a small, nervous smile. He walked over and sat down close to you, fighting the urge to reach out and take your hand in his.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

You nodded, “Uh, yea. I, I think so,” you ran your fingers through your hair nervously, “I just…I know I’ve been acting weird the past couple days.”

“If me staying here is too much, you can say so. I’ll go crash with Pop or Angel.”

You shook your head, “No, no. It’s not that. I just, I’ve been really confused about a couple things,” you took a deep breath, “You know how I picked you up the other night?” you looked over to him and he nodded but didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt you, “When you were saying goodnight to me, you kissed me. And,” you chuckled despite the tears welling up in your eyes, “it was a hell of a kiss, EZ. But then, you…you didn’t fucking remember. And I’ve just been kinda fucked up about it.” You could see it on his face that his heart sank at the sight of you in tears over him. “I just,” you took an unsteady breath, “I need to know what your actual feelings are. Because I really care about you and I…I wouldn’t mind getting kissed by you like that all the time,” you smiled, “But I’m not looking to put you in a weird position either.”

“Jesus, Y/N,” he leaned back against the couch with a laugh, “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“I thought I could just forget about it too, but, apparently not.”

He scooted closer to you and finally took your hands in his own, “I’m really sorry that you had to find all of that out while I was drunk,” he shook his head at himself, “I know it wasn’t me at my best. But I really do care about you so much. And I’m pissed that I can’t remember my own first kiss with you but—”

You cut him off by pressing your lips against his. The shock faded out of his body and you felt him relax and lean into you. Just like before, his hand naturally crept up into your hair and you smiled through your kiss. You placed your hand on his side and pulled him closer to you. The heat from his body seeped through your shirt and you never wanted to pull away.

Finally, the two of you had to come up for air. EZ leaned back slightly, his hand falling to rest on your leg. Both of you were smiling, and you could feel your cheeks getting hot and you knew that your whole face was turning red.

“Was it like that?” EZ finally asked with a chuckle.

“Something like that, yea,” you laughed.

“Yea,” EZ pulled you over to you were lying on top of him, “we should definitely be doing this all the time.”

“Did you steal that?” JJ and Clem

To be a Pogue meant that you had to be good at thinking on your feet. It meant that even when all plans didn't pan out, you used anything and everything you had left in you to reevaluate and to adapt. Being a Pogue meant that you had to have something akin to cockroach mentality — even in the face of nuclear disaster (or any form of adversity, really), you had the survival instincts to keep pushing through with the plan.

The thing was, however, more often than not the Pogues were coming up with the plan on the fly and not thinking through obstacles and possible setbacks.

Like today.

None of the Pogues anticipated that the HMS would be out of commission after sitting in front of the ghost of the chateau for so long. They needed a boat, desperately, and it wasn't as if JJ could go ask his dad for the keys to the Phantom again...not after what happened to John B. and Sarah. No one knew it but JJ still carried a lot of guilt and felt like he was partially to blame for what happened in the storm. It was his plan, his dad's shabby cigarette boat. He should’ve known that an open boat wouldn't be strong enough to beat the storm, yet it was the only plan he could come up with. JJ didn't think it through and now his best friend since the third great was dead, drowned with the Kook Princess turned half Pogue, Sarah Cameron. 

“If we're gonna get there we need a boat and we need it now” Pope wipes the sweat from his brow as he mentally goes back to the drawing board, trying to think of a way that the four of them could remain unseen while still moving in the direction that they needed to. 

“No what we need is a plan” Kiara rolls her eyes, trying the choke on the HMS Pogue one more time just to see if the old girl had any life left in her. 

JJ scoffs. “Okay here’s the plan, Kie: We need a boat!” He peels off his favorite red hat and runs a hand through his sweaty hair. 

Clementine, who had been quiet for awhile (as she was the only one who was actually thinking through the beginning stages of a real plan) has a lightbulb moment and she realizes, she has a boat. Well, it’s not hers, and it definitely wasn't hers to use or to borrow, but there was a boat that she could get her hands on easily. 

“Okay new plan, all of you guys are banned from making plans” Clementine speaks up, making the rest of the Pogues turns towards her with their eyes wide in disbelief. 

“Come again?” Pope asks, quirking up his eyebrow. “If you have an idea, Clem, let’s hear it because I’m fresh out of good ideas.” 

“What about my plan?” JJ pouts 

“You especially are banned from making plans!” Clem laughs. “Look, I can get us a boat. It’s not mine, but I know where the spare key is. If this is gonna work we don’t have a lot of time” She kicks at the metal base of the HMS with the toe of her sun bleached high-tops. “And if my plan doesn’t work...then we go to Plan B” She looks over at JJ, who had pulled a joint out of nowhere and decided to light up. 

Pope grabs the tightly-rolled paper from him and tosses it aside. “Keep the signals clear”

The three of them put their heads together and speak in hushed voices as Clementine lays out each step of the plan. 

“First, Pope I need you to drop me off back at my house. That’s where I can get the boat keys. You guys go straight to the docks, I’ll meet you there but I’m gonna have to take my bike and keep my head down so my dad doesn’t see me. The Flea’s tied off to the dock but we’ll only have a few hours before anyone realizes that it’s gone. We go from the docks, through the marsh, and we’ll be out of here. That’s the plan”

Both Pope and Kiara nod along and head back towards Heyward’s rickety old truck that was parked under the overgrowth around the untouched chateau. 

“Your dad’s got two boats, Clem?” JJ asks, hopping into the bed of the pickup truck. “What are you, a Kook in Pogue’s clothing?” 

Clementine would usually stop and make a comment to further fuel JJ’s fire but they didn't have much time and arguing wasn’t a part of the plan. She rolls her eyes and sits in the middle seat between Pope and Kiara, trying not to notice the tension between the two of them. The ride back to the Adams household is short enough, only made quicker when everyone peer pressures Pope into speeding despite his perpetual fears of his father’s precious truck overheating. He skids the truck into the dirt driveway and Kiara rushes to let Clementine out of the truck. 

“Meet me at the docks in twenty minutes. That should give me enough time to find the key and get back to you guys so we can snag the boat. But I’m telling you now, if anyone finds out that I’m stealing the keys, I’m cooked. So discretion is of the utmost importance right now, okay?” Clementine looks straight at JJ, feeling pretty confident that if anything went wrong it would probably be his doing.

“You don’t gotta worry about me, Clem, discretion is my middle name!” JJ waves a noncommittal hand and dismisses her concerns as he slides into the old truck next to Kie. 

Clementine rolls her eyes again and ducks her head into the window of the truck to better address Pope, the holder of the brain cell most times. “Meet me there in twenty minutes, no more no less. I’ll have the keys.” She turns on her heels and runs up the driveway, pulling a ceramic pot from the front porch and grabbing the front door key that she had taped there only a few weeks before. She hears the truck tires skid over the gravel and knows that now shit just got real. 

No one was ever home at this time, which was helpful, because Clementine was running from room to room looking anything other than discreet. She walks over to her dad’s roll top desk, pulling out the middle drawer and rooting through the pencils, paperclips, loose fishing lures, and other miscellaneous office supplies until she found what she was looking for: the spare key to Gat’s trailer that was parked in the side yard. She takes a mental picture of everything rightful place and hopes that she remembers it later when it mattered. She walks through the laundry room and opens the door, walking down the two concrete steps and stopping in front of Gat’s shabby little trailer. 

Liam Gatwin was old enough that he probably could’ve afforded his own apartment if he wanted one but he didn't. He preferred the moving, on-the-go lifestyle that came with fishing and the switch of seasons. All he had to do was hitch his little trailer to the back of a truck and he could take home with him wherever he went.  Clementine grabs the door latch and pulls. The door pops open easily, it wasn’t even locked. Oh. She puts the spare trailer key in her pocket and looks over her shoulder carefully before stepping inside. 

Immediately she's overtaken by the smell of stale beer and smoke, too much cheap cologne to hide the gross, manly smell of dirty laundry and the too-wet, briny smell that came with working on a fishing boat every day. Clementine had never been inside, but she knew that Kimber had. She wonders how her sister dealt with the pinup centerfold posters of the half-naked women, the greasy pizza boxes littering the small, crowded counter. She can’t help but wonder what of Kimber’s stuff was still here in his trailer, hiding among everything else, but she didn’t have the time to snoop around and look. Clementine was on a mission. 

There's a rack above her head that’s crowded with hats and other small items but Clementine swears she can see the silver gleam of a keyring in the midst of it all. She’s too short to be able to reach it on her own so she hikes herself up onto the cracked laminate counter, stopping in her tracks as a slew of beer and soda cans rattle and roll onto the dusty floor. She jumps to grab at what she hopes is the right key and drops it into the front pocket of her overalls. Clementine closes the trailer door behind her, but not without taking note of something she swears that she’s seen before: dangling from one of the cabinet knobs is a small, silver ring, tied to an old boot string. It’s a small silver band, much too slender for Gat’s finger, with a small purple stone embedded into it. There’s a fleur de lis engraved into one side of the ring, the number 17 on the other. Suddenly the pieces come together and she realizes that its Kimber’s class ring, the one that she wore every day of her senior year of high school and most if not all days after that. 

Without thinking much of it, Clementine grabs the ring and takes it with her as she head back to the front yard, retrieving her beach cruiser from where she’d thrown it down earlier. 

Patting her front pocket to double-check that she hadn’t somehow miraculously lost the boat key and the mysterious silver ring, Clementine sighs with relief and slings one of her legs over the bike seat, kicking off and pedaling as fast as she could. It’s a quick ride to the dock, a ride that was only made easier by the big downhill slope that helped Clem pick up speed as she made her way up the road from the Cut and towards the docks. She spots the Pogues waiting for her and comes skidding to a stop in front of them. 

“Made it with five minutes to spare!” Pope calls out to her, looking rather impressed. 

Clementine dismounts her bike and takes a second to catch her breath, hunching over to put her hands on her knees. “Yeah I would’ve said gimme fifteen but I didn't wanna get too cocky” She wheezes. 

JJ laughs, opening the truck hatch for Clementine to be able to climb in. He grabs her bike frame and pulls it into the truck bed with the two of them, making it look effortless. Clementine scoffs at him but sits down in the bed of the truck, getting ready to regroup with her friends and go over the next phase of the plan. 

“So...Did you get it?” Pope asks hesitantly, as if he was wondering about the reason why Clementine came back so fast and whether or not it meant that she was able to score the keys to the getaway boat. 

Clementine pulls the keys out of the front pocket of her overalls and tosses them over to Pope. Kiara gives her a slow clap, clearly impressed at her new friend’s ability to deliver on her part of the plan. It wasn’t that Kie (or any of the Pogues for that matter) doubted Clementine, it was more like they were comforted by the fact that she could keep up with how wild things could get around the island. 

“I must say, Clem, I’m impressed with how fast you’ve dedicated yourself to the Pogue life” JJ smirks over at her.

“Thank you” She laughs breathlessly. “I’m really susceptible to peer pressure” Clementine jokes, shrugging. 

“That’s better for us probably” Kiara laughs, only half-serious. 

“Definitely better” Pope agrees. 

The four of them get out of the truck and try to make their way down the docks as discreetly as possible as they each split up to find out where the Flea was docked. It was a small little boat, smaller than the HMS at least, and that was already pretty small. Clementine steps down into the boat and gets her started as JJ ties off, and everyone gets in. 

“Keep your head on a swivel until we hit the marsh, cause if we see the Caprice, I’m absolutely cooked” The blood drains from Clementine’s face as she thinks about it but she keeps going forward. 

JJ notices the sudden drop in her enthusiasm and gets curious. “Did you steal that? Did we just help you steal a boat?” 

Kiara looks over at him judgmentally. “As if any of us haven’t stolen a boat before” She looks over at Clem, shielding her eyes. “Clem’s a real Pogue now” 

Clementine’s too busy looking around and keeping an eye out for the Vita Caprice, the boat that both her dad and Gat worked on, so she doesn’t actually hear the compliment. Beforehand, everyone joked that Clementine’s status as a Pogue was only on a trial-run basis. Sure, it was in part because Kiara, Pope, and JJ were all grieving the loss of their friends and didn’t quite have the room (or the want) to make new friends, but Clementine had felt like she had to work twice as hard to make the Pogues like her at first. But she was a Real Pogue now, and that mattered to her. 

They finally make their way into the marsh and Clementine feels like she can breathe again. She doesn’t really know where she’s going though, so she relinquishes the captain’s duties to Pope, who had an impeccable sense of direction once he’d familiarized himself with a place. Everyone seems to loosed up a little, knowing that there would be some time before they could get to the Lighthouse, the place that was in one of the many polaroid pictures sent ominously to Clementine at her new address in the Outer Banks. She had a gut feeling that it was Kimber, calling out to her somehow, leaving a message or a clue there like she often did. Maybe that’s why Clementine didn't feel bad about stealing Gat’s boat. Because she was looking for a message from Kimber, and because she still thought that Gat was the reason that her sister had never come home in the first place. 

“Yo, who’s boat even is this?” Kiara asks, her curiosity getting the better of her. 

Clementine’s face scrunches up as she thinks about how to breech the subject. “Uh....its Gat’s” Kiara and Pope didn't know much about Liam Gatwin and his history with Kimber and the family so they don’t react in the same way that JJ does. His eye blow wide, having heard a handful of Clementine’s rants about how suspicious Gat was, how he was the one who picked Kimber up the last time that Clementine ever saw her. 

“Crazy Gat?!” JJ questions whipping around to sit facing Clementine. “Your missing sister’s ex-boyfriend? He’s like the number one suspect here and we’re stealing shit from him?” JJ shakes his head adamantly and everyone can tell that he was gearing up to go on one of his rants about some shit that no one else but him would know about.

“I never called him a suspect!” Clementine argues, her voice going tight and up an octave as she tries to defend herself although she  really couldn’t argue with JJ. She never explicitly called Gat a suspect or a person of interest in Kimber’s missing person case, but she also didn’t not call him a suspect, either. 

“C’mon Clem, that’s textbook suspicious! You’re the last person to see your sister get into this dude’s truck, she doesn’t come home, and then all of a sudden here’s there to help your family thorough the whole process, only to come out the nice guy and your dad’s right hand man?” JJ raises an eyebrow at Clementine as he lays out the ‘facts’ for her. “Like, watch a podcast, Clem, this shit happens all the time and everywhere!”

“How do you watch a podcast, J, most of them are just audio” Kiara butts in with a snarky comment in order to diffuse the situation, but it didn't work. Clementine suddenly feels like Kimber’s class ring is burning a hole in her pocket so she pulls it out, dangling it out in front of herself.

“I guess this would be a good time to mention that I found my sister’s class ring in his trailer when I broke in to find the boat key...” Clementine gulps, passing the ring over to Pope to get a look at it first before handing it over to Kiara. 

JJ jumps, an exasperated look on his face. “Clem, there’s so many things that were wrong with what you just said that I don’t even know where to start...” He makes a fist and bangs it against the metal side of the little tin-can boat. “When we get back we’re going to have to listen to some people talk about some murders, alright, this is research”

Clementine rolls her eyes and flips JJ off but she can’t deny the sinking feeling in her stomach.

Can I request a imagine where Charlie Gillespie in Canada filming Julie and The Phantoms netflix show but with his girlfriend aka reader but He and Jeremy and Owen are dress as clowns for Madison Reys’s halloween party but the boys want to scare the reader and she was in the bedroom getting dress as Stitch from Lilo and Stitch disney movie.

Halloween

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Word Count: 2,097

A/N: I know I haven’t written in a while but this might be my favorite one I’ve written so far. I changed it a bit since misread “bedroom” but I hope you like either way

—————————————————————————

Halloween. The spookiest time of the year. However, for you this was the most wonderful time of the year. Your boyfriend was currently filming the first season of his new show, Julie and the Phantoms.

Halloween is your favorite day of the year and it sucks that you’re supposed to spend it far away from him. You decided to book a flight last minute to surprise him. The only person you told was his roommate and best friend, Owen.

“He’s going to be so excited to see you. He won’t shut about you and hopefully this will stop him for a little while,” Owen says over the phone.

“Haha iI can’t wait to see him and I especially can’t wait to finally meet you in person.” You and Owen have been talking a lot ever since he answered Charlie’s phone when FaceTiming and after Charlie found his phone, you and him exchanged numbers.

“I know FaceTime’s fun and all but now we can bully Charlie together in person” He replies.

“Hey remember he’s still my boyfriend. I can’t be mean to him all the time. I call you when my plane lands, okay?”

“Alright I’ll see you then. But (Y/N)!”

“Bye Owen!”

After what feels like ages you board the plane and a then after 8 hours and 1 stop you finally make it to Vancouver. You take a few moments to collect yourself and then call Owen to let him know you’re here. You grab your stuff from the baggage claim and grab a coffee from Tim Norton’s for a pick me up. Sitting on a plane for a full work shift can really drain the energy out of a person.

It doesn’t take long for you to hear someone call out your name.

“Y/N)!!! Over here!” You turn around and see Owen standing there and you run over and give him a hug.

“Owen! Oh my god!” After a minute you let go and he can’t help but grin at the big smile on your face, the face that Charlie won’t stop talking about. He never misses a moment to tell his co stars about how gorgeous you are and how much he loves your smile.

“Okay so I’m thinking we stop by the apartment and drop your stuff off and then head to set. We’re in the middle of filming but I may have asked Kenny if I could take a break to get something to eat.” You chuckle at that before answering.

“Actually I was wondering if we could just go right to set. I can’t spend another minute without Charlie.”

“Good. I can. So please take him from me.”

You laugh at that and spend the entire car ride counting the moments till you see your boyfriend again.

Owen parks the car and you don’t spare a moment jumping out of the car and running towards the closest door before realizing you have no idea where you're going. You stop and turn waiting for Owen.

“C'mon let’s head to the main stage. That's where they were when I left.” You follow Owen to a group of people.

“Hey guys have you seen Charlie anywhere?”

“No why?”

“This is his girlfriend, (Y/N)! She’s surprising him.”

“Oh my gosh! You’re (Y/N)? He’s going to be so excited. He never shuts up about you!” A girl with long blonde hair says.

“Yeah he might explode,” A guy wearing a leather jacket replies.

“Yeah I’m sorry about that. Hopefully it’s all good things.”

“Definitely. That boy is 100% in love with you. I’m Savannah.”

“And I’m Jeremy”

“The third phantom and Carrie right? He talks about you guys all the time too”

“Well this is fun but we need to go find Charlie before he sees you first.” Owen drags me in a different direction. You wave to Savannah and Jeremy hoping to talk to them more.

You see that you end up at Charlie’s trailer and Owen knocks on the door.

“Coming!” You hear on the other side and your heart leaps. It’s him. Owen pushes you behind him.

“Owen! Where’d you go running off to? That was a king lunch, dude.”

“Oh you know just out.”

“Well it must’ve been good enough for Kenny to stop production until you got back. All that was left was your stuff with BooBoo. Mads is getting here soon.” You start to feel bad for causing them to stop filming.

“Oh believe me it was. I have a surprise for you.”

“Please! No more dead birds!”

“No it’s good I swear! Close your eyes”

“I don’t wanna-!”

“CLOSE YOUR EYES!”

“Fine!” Charlie closes his eyes and Owen pushes you right in front him.

“Okay...Open!”

Charlie opens his eyes expecting something gross but is completely in awe of the view in front of him.

“Wait…(Y/N)? How are you even here right now? What? How? I don’t even know what to say!”

“Just kiss me you dork.” He doesn’t say anything just wraps you in his arms and gives you the biggest kiss possible. You kiss him back and just soak in the moment of you two. It feels like there’s no one else around and forget about where you are.

“Okay...I’m going to go leave and find Kenny.”

Charlie lets go and just stares at you in shock. “That son of a bitch went to the airport didn’t he?” You just nod chuckling to yourself. “I’m sorry but oh my god. I can’t believe your standing here right now.”

“Neither can I. Last week I was missing you so much and Owen convinced me to get a ticket.”

“Well you came just in time. We’re having a Halloween party tomorrow night and now you can come! Everyone’s going to be so excited. You’re all I can talk about.”

“So I’ve heard. I better live up to the expectations huh?”

“You already are just by being you...God I love you.” He kisses you again.

You spend the rest of the day watching him film scenes and meeting the rest of the cast. They were all so nice and welcoming. You kinda regret leaving your stuff in Owens truck but you had to Charlie to help you unpack so it didn’t take too long. After that the three of you went out for dinner and then cuddled with Charlie the rest of the night Because of the party everyone had a later call time. This meant more time with Charlie.

The next morning you woke up to an empty bed but a noisy apartment. You walk out of the room to see Charlie and Owen arguing over a pan of burnt eggs.”

“Good morning, old married couple. What’s going on? It’s too early for this shit.”

“I’m sorry, (Y/N), but SOMEBODY decided to let the breakfast I was making you burn.”

“How is this my fault?”

“I asked you to watch over it while I went to the bathroom and I came back out to you going live and not even paying attention.”

“Well sorry I got distracted but you were in there a long time.”

“It wasn’t that king oh my god!”

“Boys!! Stop arguing,” You walk up behind Charlie to give him a hug, “It’s okay. Thank you for the breakfast, baby.”

“I’m sorry for him over there. It would’ve been amazing.”

“Amazing or Charlie amazing. I saw the peanut butter out?” Owen says staring at Charlie.

“Oh...maybe it was a good thing they got ruined. You eat some weird food babe.”

“Hey! Who’s side are you on?” Charlie says low key offended but he can’t stay mad too long. “Whatever, we'll just get Starbucks or something. Are you coming to set babe?”

“I was actually thinking about going to the store to find a last minute costume. What are you going as?”

“It’s gonna be a surprise. We’re not telling anyone.”

“We?”

“Yeah. Jer, Charlie, and I are gonna match.” Owen replies.

“Oh god. I hope it wasn’t Charlie’s idea.”

“What is this? Pick on Charlie day?”

“No it’s Halloween! Best day of the year. Tomorrow is Pick on Charlie Day.” You laugh at Owen.

“Which reminds me I have to go to get a good costume.” You go back to Charlie’s room to get dressed before saying goodbye to the two idiots.

“I’ll see you later! Bye I love you!”

“I love you too!” Owen yells back.

“She was talking to me. Love you!”

“I don’t think so. She loves me more.” You hear them start to argue again and you leave quickly.

At the store you find a cute Lilo costume that there was one left of. You also buy a Scrump backpack and a little Stitch plush to carry with you (plus that fits in the bag so your hands don’t get tired. Spirit Halloween really has it all.

Charlie said to get to set around 6 and gives you the address of the school around 6 since that’s when they were supposed to done filming. You go through the door you and Owen walked through the day before. You start following the decorations until you get to the Cafeteria. You start to recognize people from yesterday. You see Sav is Kim Possible. Madison as the devil and Jadah as an angel. Sacha was also a devil. You look around but don’t see the three boys. You haven’t known Jeremy long but if he is willing to along with Charlie and Owens' plan he must be just as big as a doofus as them. After about 20 minutes you go to find a bathroom.

You look in the mirror fixing your dress and we’re fixing your eyeliner until the light turns off. You look around confused, feeling your way around. You got close to the light and feel a person.

“Hello?” You whisper.

You just hear footsteps walking slowly toward you.

“This is it. This is when I die.” You think to yourself. You walk backwards before feeling another body behind you.

You close your eyes to accept fate before seeing some light against your eyelids.

You open your eyes and see three scary ass looking clowns in front of you. You scream and run out the door. You take a moment against the hallway wall before realizing there were three people missing in the party. You wait hoping they would walk out soon. You see the door open and see one of the boys step out. Not caring which one it was you walk up against the door so they couldn’t see you. When you see his face you yell, “BOO!”

The clown screams and runs out pulling the rest of them behind him.

“Not so fun is it?” You let yourself be seen.

“I’m sorry (Y/N). I didn’t think that Owen was going to turn out the lights.” Charlie said walking slowly up to her.

“You wanted to scare her. It’s a small room and there's not many options.”

“Still I’m so sorry.”

“I actually thought I was going to die. I’ve never been more terrified in my life. Why would you do that?”

“I thought it would be funny.”

“Funny to watch your girlfriend terrified is it?”

“(Y/N)...I don’t know how to be anymore sorry.”

“Yeah we're really sorry.” Jer says hoping to calm the situation down.

“Yeah really sorry.” He was going to say something sarcastic but saw how traumatized you actually looked.

“It’s okay. I mean it is Halloween. I should have expected something like this from the three of you.”

Charlie walks the rest of the way to you and gives you a hug and kisses you on the head. He feels you calm down and says “You look really cute.”

“Thanks you don’t at all but it’s okay.”

“Hey you said Pick on Charlie day was tomorrow.” You smile before pulling away from Charlie and yell “Hey Owen!”

“Yeah?”

“Charlie just agreed to tomorrow being Pick on Charlie Day!”

“He did? Cmon lets tell everyone!” You run after him back to the cafeteria.

“Wait no I didn’t!!! (Y/N)! OWEN!!” Charlie just shakes his head knowing it wouldn’t do anything.

Later that night everyone got a text saying this:

This is your healthy reminder that 11/1 is now officially Pick on Charlie day! To celebrate, please spend the whole day picking on Charlie Gillespie. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

Let’s just say when the next year came around, the fans had a field day and Charlie was not a happy camper.

————————————————————————-

A/N: oh look another 2 am post! Anyway I hope you liked it!

- Maddie xx

talking about toh | season two, episode four: keeping up a-fear-ances

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previous | first | next spoilers under the cut, as always

the beginning

my goodness that owl thing is terrifying! i think we saw it briefly in that one promo but still!

young eda is back!

honestly, i thought eda ran away from home after she was cursed. i guess i was wrong.

when the healing coven dude gives eda the gem and says it's in style for young witches, i'm reasonably sure that's a reference to the fact that her gem wasn't originally meant to be an indicator of her curse. if i'm correct, that idea didn't even come about until "the intruder".

i love how eda has a poster in her room for rats, clearly a paridy of the musical cats. musical theatre nerd eda? anyone?

i'll talk more about this later, but we finally get to meet eda's mom! i like how she isn't painted as good or evil, just in between. she also seems to share eda's distaste for the coven system (though not as severe).

so even eda doesn't know where the door to the human realm came from, huh? interesting.

it doesn't look like eda's nickname came from her mom, or from lilith, since they both call her "edalyn" a majority of the time. did she start going by eda in school? did it come from her dad? did it come from somewhere else? huh?

the plot

i think it's kinda neat how eda's gold fang isn't actually meant to be a tooth replacement. it just makes her look cool. very on-brand for eda.

we now have confirmation-- more or less-- as to how the elixir tastes. apparently it's gross.

big fan of eda's new outfit. very much her style.

when eda said "beans" i thought she said "memes".

i love some of the visual humor in this show. the tea leaves "shrugging" made me giggle.

poor luz, she really wants to see her mom again. i can't imagine what that's like given that my mom is mediocre at best and makes me feel like shit a lot of the time but that must really suck. oops, sorry, too personal? let's move on.

i am a huge fan of how much closer eda and lilith seem to be now. they aren't enemies anymore, and that's great.

so witches can't detatch their limbs unless they're cursed? for some reason i thought that was universal.

okay, now we can talk about mrs. clawthorne. i saw her in the trailer, and i knew she wasn't eda because of her palisman. as a matter of fact, it's interesting that all three known clawthornes have bird palismans (palismen?). "escape of the palisman" reveals that not every palisman is a bird. is it a coincidence? is it a family tradition? i'm leaning more toward the latter.

but wow, gwen clawthorne. right off the bat i knew there would be people simping for her. i mean, people simp for both of her daughters, so it only makes sense. now, i'm ace, so i don't know much about milf, but does this make her a gilf? since she'd the mother of two milfs? (or are they still milfs if i don't want to--? never mind.)

i was expecting to dislike gwen, but i honestly ended up enjoying her character. sure, she can be a bit... much... but she loves her daughters.

oh, here's an odd detail. both gwen and eda's names end with "lyn", but lilith's doesn't. coincidence? no?

i would love to hear gwen's "strong words" for belos. let him get told off by an old lady!

aww, poor lilith just wants her mom to acknowledge her. it's not fun being the least favorite. i feel you on that one, lily. the older child is always less favored.

canon confirmation that lilith dyes her hair! i think dana said she did in an ama but now it's truly canon.

i knew something was fishy with wartlock from the beginning. there is no way he could have been legit.

i feel so bad for king. now that he knows he has a dad out there, all he wants in the world is to find him. poor thing.

what the hell is "knife season"?! is that a thing?

not gonna lie, i thought king and lilith got drunk off that ice cream. or maybe they did, and i'm just that bad at recognizing that stuff.

also, loving the lilith-king development. always great when two characters bond over angst.

"you know things are bad when hooty is the voice of reason." ~me, to my friend

honestly, a jar of bees would certainly help me with existential dread. i love bees.

i can't say i'm surprised that gwen's "cure" was just a bunch of made up bs. there's no way they could heal eda so early in the season.

gotta say, owl beast lilith looks dope.

i'm really happy that gwen learned to listen to eda. that's not something every mother learns.

i noticed that gwen was from the beastkeeper coven since we saw her in the promo, because i'd recognized the logo on her arm, but i think her controlling the bees was really cool. maybe i know what coven i would join. then again, i'm pretty much with eda on the "covens bad individualism good" front.

also, it looks like badassery runs in the family just as much as bird palismen do.

can we start a petition to help morton stay in business? he deserves it.

it was really interesting to see eda's point of view when she's the owl beast. it looks like she has to fight with the creature from the beginning for dominance over her own body.

the end

hoo boy. h o o b o y .

okay, let's start at the beginning. of the end. okay.

first of all, it shatters my heart into pieces that lilith is going to live with her mom now. i was just growing to like her, too.

and poor hooty! he found someone who considered him a real friend, only to have her ripped away just three episodes later. i hope she comes back soon.

is episode five going to be the episode where we find out that amity works at the library? (don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question.)

okay, now let's get to the real mind-boggling part: false luz. what--or who--the heck is she?! i've seen a lot of theories about that, ever since we saw the letters at the end of "enchanting grom fright", and we have options. i'll go more into those in the next section.

predictions

belos being behind this new false luz makes a lot of sense, since he's the main bad guy as of now. it's the most likely theory for now, but i feel like it's a bit too predictable.

eda was an option before, but now that she has no powers or access to the human realm, that's off the table.

i've seen theories about amity being behind it, but i suggest a new (and probably false) one.

what about the twins? it could be a situation similar to gwen's determination to heal eda's curse. ed and em seem to care about their sister (more or less), so it makes sense that they would do anything for her to be happy, and for her to be with the person that makes her happy-- even if it means trapping said person in a realm that isn't her own. besides, they're both in the illusions track, and from what we've seen they're very good at it. what if they're the ones who made false luz? i don't know if illusions can interact with things around them, like false luz does with the tissue box, but maybe advanced ones can? also, can you cast illusions in the human realm without a portal? out of all of guesses so far it's probably the least likely, but it's still an interesting concept.

on the topic of illusionists, we also have gus as a suspect. however, we can tell when he's controlling illusions, so surely we would have seen it by now. that does provide an argument against the blight twins being the culprits, but they are both older and more experienced. i'm sure their expertise in their track is similar to amity's in the abominations track, if their parents' expectations of them are anything like their expectations of amity. maybe skilled illusionists can control their illusions with their minds alone? or they can create semi-sentient illusions?

okay, that's enough crazed conspiracy-theorist rambling for today. see y'all next week for episode five!

The One With Daddy

Summary: Nine months after Pedro met Female Reader at a Mandalorian convention and they start a relationship, Pedro surprises her son for his birthday. 

Word Count: 1,846

Warnings: It’s so fluffy, puppies google this to look at something cute

Author’s Note: @laubeck10 this one’s for you babe. Part two of the series that’s not a series lol. Thanks for reading and feedback is always welcome/needed.

"Uff!" The loud sound of the body next to you groaning in pain jolted you awake as you sat up and looked around in worry. 

"W-what- what happened?" You were half asleep as you tried to figure out what was happening before a low groan pierced through your thoughts. You looked down to your side seeing Logan, who had jumped onto Pedro as he was sleeping and you sighed in relief, letting yourself fall back and lay down, watching the display with sleepy amusement. Logan was wiggling as he sat on top of Pedro. 

"Mando, mando, wake up!" Pedro chuckled quietly, albeit still a bit strained as he held one of Logan's legs in his hand as the little boy jumped up and down. "Wake up! Come oooon!" The little boy's voice echoed through the room as you laughed and reached out poking his belly. 

"Why are you excited baby?" Logan swatted your hand away gently before raising his hands in the air in excitement. 

"It's my birthday mama!" Logan decided this was the best moment to leave, jumping off of Pedro and the bed, running out of the room towards his. You giggled, watching him before turning your gaze towards Pedro. What you didn't expect was for him to already be staring at you with a goofy smile. You blushed and looked away. 

"Is there something on my face?" Pedro reached forward, grabbing your chin gently, making you look at him before leaning in and giving you a sweet kiss. 

"Yes, my kisses." Before you could say anything, Pedro was peppering your face and chest with kisses as you giggled loudly, trying to push him away. 

"Stop it!" All your squealing did nothing to deter him. Finally, he relented and plopped a finishing kiss on your lips. You heard a small 'gross' from the door and you both turned, seeing Logan standing there watching the two of you. He had a small scowl on his face and you couldn't but giggle. "What's wrong Logan?"

"That's gross mommy." Pedro chuckled as he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his chest so you could rest your back against him, as you smiled widely. You patted the space as you watched your son's face quickly change to one of excitement as he ran and jumped onto the bed, laying where you were only minutes before. You wrapped your arms around him and in the bed you turned, so he could lay between you and Pedro. 

"What do you want to do for your birthday baby?" Logan took a second to think before smiling widely and pointing at Pedro. 

"I wanna hang with daddy, and eat cake, and presents!" You both visibly stiffened as Logan spoke. He had never used that word before. Your husband had passed away before Logan had even been born and you never dated after having him. Pedro would be the first father figure in Logan's life. You felt guilty but you didn't want him to get attached to someone who could just walk out of his life if they wanted to. You didn't want to hurt your little baby. You looked up frantically hoping it didn't scare Pedro away. He was frozen in place and you worried. After what felt like eternity, he finally looked up to meet your eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. Then he smiled. He laughed and wiped the tears away as quickly as he could. 

Logan frowned and reached up, cupping Pedro’s cheek in his little hands. “Daddy, what’s wrong? Is it ‘cause I called you daddy?” A choked sob escaped Pedro’s lips before he reached down, ruffling Logan’s hair before pulling him into his chest, hugging him tightly.

“I’m okay little buddy and yeah, it is.” Logan’s frown deepened and he pouted.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad. I know you’re not my daddy but you’re always here with me and mama and you make her laugh a lot, like a lot!” You laughed as Logan enunciated the words with exaggeration. ”And- and you play with me an’ you make me food like pancakes.”

Pedro laughed as he listened to your son intently. His eyes never left his face and your heart swelled at the sight. Pedro had always been super attentive of Logan since the moment they met at the convention. That was almost nine months ago. Ever since, Logan has stuck to him like glue. Pedro always gave him the time of day, giving him his full attention. You appreciated that particular quality with all your heart. You thought back on the last nine months realizing you hadn’t been that happy in a long time and it was because of Pedro. “Of course, why wouldn’t I make you pancakes?”

Logan smiled widely and laid his head down on Pedro’s chest before yawning. “I know you’re not my real daddy. Mommy said he died but…” You watched as Pedro moved his hand to lay over Logan’s back, holding him tightly. He reached his other arm towards you, pulling you into him as well, so he could hold the two most important people in his life. “I want you to be my daddy.” Pedro let out a shaky breath as he tried to speak, feeling a big knot in his throat. He just nodded his head before placing a soft kiss on Logan’s head as he silently fell asleep on Pedro’s chest. 

“You okay?” You whispered out to Pedro. His eyes flickered up to you, all the emotions he was feeling being displayed for only you to see.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.” Pedro reached out and pushed a stray piece of hair from your face behind your ear before cupping your cheek, concerned starting to paint his eyes. “How about you? Are you okay with… this?”

You placed a soft kiss on his palm as you nodded. “Logan’s the most important person in my life. If he trusts you enough to want you to be his dad.. then I’ll trust him. Besides, daddy really suits you.” You winked and Pedro felt a dark blush color his cheeks as he cleared his throat. You laughed quietly and leaned in to kiss him, being wary of not waking Logan.

You left Pedro and Logan in your room, leaving the warmth of the bed to make breakfast for the three of you. When you were close to finishing, two sleepy bed heads slumped into the kitchen, ready to divulge into your food. You spent the rest of the morning eating and laughing together. Pedro had promised Logan an amazing day so he got ready. As soon as Logan left, Pedro cornered you and told you how much he loved you and his appreciation for letting him into your little family. He kissed you fondly and left you breathless as he told you to get ready, You left with a squeak as you were walking away, Pedro smacked your ass. 

An hour later, the three of you were showered and ready. Pedro was driving you towards the destination. He didn’t tell you anything and you were just as excited for what he had planned for Logan. Pedro held your hand as he drove, occasionally bringing your hand to his lips, mumbling about how he hoped Logan would like the surprise. You reassured him several times that Logan would’ve loved. Hell, he would’ve loved if it was just the park. It was that he was there that made it special. Pedro smiled wide and it seemed to calm him but there was still an underlying sense of nervousness and you held his hand tightly. 

Finally, after a long trip of driving through unknown streets, you came up to a gate. Pedro waved at the guard and the door slid open. You furrowed your brows in confusion but you decided not to say anything until you saw the large warehouses lined up. You looked around in amazement as you saw the word ‘Studios’ painted on several of the warehouses. Then you saw it, in big letters, ‘The Mandalorian Studio’ on the side of a large warehouse. Pedro parked the car right beside the door as you looked at him wide eyed, a cheeky grin on his face. “Surprise?” You shook your head in disbelief as you stepped out of the car, moving quick to help Logan out of the car. He wrapped his arms around your neck as you pulled him out, holding him in your arms. He looked around confused before turning to you.

“Where are we mommy?”

“I don’t know baby. You should ask daddy.” You glanced up at Pedro who looked like he was going to have a heart attack. He definitely wasn’t going to get used to the word but in a good way. He moved towards you, taking Logan into his arms before giving you a chaste kiss.

“Come on buddy. I want to show you something.” You followed Pedro inside the warehouse and to say the air was knocked out of your lungs was an understatement. There were sets set up back to back across the warehouse space of the well known scenes in the show with props scattered about. “This is where I work, Logan. This is where we film for Mando.” Logan gasped in amazement as he tried to take everything in at once. Logan wiggled and climbed down Pedro’s hold, wanting to walk. He reached up and grabbed Pedro’s hand before tugging him, wanting to see everything up close. Pedro laughed as he was dragged off by the little boy and you followed just as enthusiastically. All of the crew welcomed you and some even stopped to talk to you.  Finally Jon approached you and introduced himself. He gave you three an official tour of the set, letting Logan see everything up close. You took a lot of pictures of him, wanting to remember his bright smiles forever. After the tour, Pedro took you towards his trailer where he had a little cake and gifts ready for Logan. Logan almost screamed his appreciation and you couldn't help but cry at how considerate Pedro had been about your son. 

After finally setting everything up and lighting the candles, the two of you sang to Logan. The moment you finished, Logan blew out his candles in a haste and reached in, taking some cake into his hand and eating it. You burst out in laughter as he got frosting all over his cheeks. Pedro wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him as you watched your son. You didn’t notice the happy tears falling down your cheeks until Pedro wiped them away. You mouthed ‘Thank you’ silently as he nodded quietly. He kissed your forehead and kept his lips there as he mumbled something quietly. You pulled back with curiosity, wondering what he said. Pedro looked nervous but he took a deep breath and reached into his shirt, pulling out the simple chain he was wearing, an engagement ring hanging loosely at the end. “Marry me.”

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Pedro Pascal Tags:  @thesadvampire​ @le-roman-rose @mcudisiac​ @someone-take-my-bagelseverywhere​ @chibi-liz05​ @marvel-avengers01​ @themandjalorian​ @floccodineveautunnale @jassiepoohbear @gollyderek​ @retrobhaddie​ @wolf-lover74​ @paryl​ @laubeck10​ @ithinkwehitametaphor​ @wizard-b1tch​ @domino-oh-damn​ @c-ly-g​ @rosamedina92​ @sunshinepascal​ @ariespedro​ @libellule2001​ @ohpedromypedro​ @two-unbeatable-beaters​ @menacingmandalorian​ @scribbledghost​ @blushingwueen​ @stevieharrrr​ @aint-that-a-mcfreakin-bitch​

Dreams

After a dream about you, your co-star Chris has been avoiding you. When you confront him about why he’s avoiding you, he tells you something surprising.

-

           Chris shot awake, gross and sweating, and he was so fast that the dog beside him barked, thinking there was an intruder of some kind. Chris sighed, his hand moving in the darkness to calm down the panting dog.

           “Sorry, buddy,” Chris said to the dog. He rolled over to look at the time - 5:24 AM. He only had a few minutes before his alarm, but he was going to have to take an extra long, very cold shower. He’d had dreams like this before, but not over a co-star. Not over someone he wasn’t dating. Not over someone, well, you. He thought you were pretty, of course, he thought you were gorgeous. He thought you were one of the sweetest people he’s ever met. He thought there might be something there, but dear God, he’d never thought about something so intensely that he needed a cold shower at 5:30 in the morning. He had to see you in a couple of hours, too, and the scene you were shooting had you wearing clothes that made him feel… He wasn’t going to finish thinking about you.

           He went on about his morning, trying to get the image of you doing those things to him and with him, but it was hard. It was especially hard when he got in his car and smelled your perfume from where you’d gone to lunch the day before. It was sweet, like you, and reminded him of your delicate hands and your smile and, oh, really, Chris? he thought. Get yourself together. You’re working together, not having sex, so stop thinking about it. He turned on his 80’s playlist as loud as his Bluetooth would go and tried to forget about it, at least until he got to set.

           Your car was already there, probably because you spent way more time in hair and makeup than he did, and he mentally prepared himself to see you before he walked into the trailer. You were sitting there, getting your hair done, scrolling through your phone as your favorite Cranberries song filled the trailer. You were wearing a t-shirt that was far too big on you and a pair of athletic shorts that were just a little bit too short, and Chris could already feel himself going into shock.

           “Hey!” You said to him, giving him a smile. “I got the coffee you suggested.” He smiled.

           “Really? Do you like it?”

           “Oh, it’s fantastic.” He laughed and his makeup artist came up to him, grumbling him about his hair. Usually the two of you carried conversations across the room, laughing so loudly that people had to tell you that it was too early to be like that, but today he was quiet. He stuck his AirPods in and said he was listening to an audiobook, and your heart sank a little bit. Lately he’d been giving you little hints that he liked you, which was fantastic because you liked him too. But the sudden silence made you a little sad. He was one of your best friends, and considering that you had almost every scene together, you figured that he would be a little more friendly. But you understood. He went through days where he just needed to focus on himself or on something else so he didn’t get burned out, so you just let him be.

           You were the first one ready, and you gave him a little smile when you were getting ready to go to wardrobe. He only gave it back halfway, and it made you a little sad. You touched his shoulder on the way out, since the trailer was so narrow, and walked out into the sunlight.

           “Was it just me or was he acting weird?” You asked your hair stylist, who was going to help you fix your hair after putting your costume on.

           “Oh, he was acting weird,” she responded. “Definitely.”

           “Glad I’m not the only one who thinks so. I wonder if I did something to piss him off. He was fine after lunch yesterday, and he responded to the Tik Tok I sent him. So I don’t know if I just pissed him off or what.”

           “I’m sure you didn’t. He probably just likes you. Guys are mean when they like you.” You rolled your eyes.

           “My mom says the same thing. It’s usually just ‘cause they’re assholes. I just don’t know what I did,” you sighed. You reached the wardrobe trailer and went to put your costume on, quite honestly forgetting all about Chris, at least for a few minutes. You dreaded seeing him on set again, just because you didn’t know what the hell was going on.

           “Alright, we did this scene a few weeks ago, we have our fight choreographers on, we have doubles in the event that one of you gets hurt, just let us know if you need it,” the director said to you and Chris as you took your marks. The red electrical tape had you just a foot away from Chris, who wasn’t looking at you. At all.

           “Chris?” You asked, elbowing him slightly to get his attention. “Marks.”

           “Right,” he muttered. He wasn’t looking at you, still, and you were beginning to get frustrated.

           “We’re going in three...” The director started counting down from three and you moved your hands to where they needed to be. Your character was punching and Chris’s was blocking, and even though it was a few days ago you still remembered everything. You did what you were supposed to do, at least you thought you were doing what you were supposed to, but evidently not because they called cut. You sighed, tightening the ponytail a little.

           “Chris, you’re not on the mark, try and get a little closer, you can ignore the marks for now while we’re getting most of these!” Chris took the direction, and when he looked at you there was something weird about it. Like he was annoyed at your very presence. You huffed right as the cameras started rolling, doing a second take. They called cut because this time you weren’t on the mark. You must have done it five or six more times, just the one shot, which was way more than you usually had to do.

           “Why are you acting so weird?” You asked Chris as they decided to set up another angle. You held your pose so that could see everything properly, but you were glaring at Chris like you wanted an answer. Because you did want an answer.

           “No idea what you’re talkin’ about, sweetheart,” Chris grumbled back.

           “That! That’s exactly what I mean!” You said, holding your arms out like it would make him realize how stupid he was being. “Why are you acting like an asshole?”

           “Maybe I am an asshole, did you ever think of that?”

           “We’ve been working together for six months and you haven’t even come off as one once, so unless you’re going through some severe personality changes, you’re acting like an ass. Did I say something?” He blocked your punch when the director called action, and as soon as they cut the shot you were moving on to the next step. This was where your characters were supposed to give up fighting and kiss each other, but you had a feeling that wasn’t going to happen, at least willingly.

           “No,” he responded with a shrug. You did the next shot in only a couple of takes, and now it was time for the kiss. You had never had a problem doing them before, mostly because usually you weren’t in a position as weird as this one, and you weren’t fighting with your co-star. But, then again, up until that morning, everything between you and Chris had been fine.

           “Just tell me what I fucking did!” You said loudly, pushing him away from you. His damn cologne didn’t allow you to breathe, no matter how much you wanted to breathe it and only it.

           “Alright, what’s going on, you two?” The director asked. He left his chair and walked over to the two of you as the crew resumed setting the shot up again. “Really. Come on. You’ve never had a problem.”

           “Ask him,” you responded, arms crossed, “because whatever it is it’s his problem. I’m just trying to get this scene done.”

           “Oh, of course you’d fuckin’ say that,” Chris said as he rolled his eyes. His Boston accent came out loud and proud, like it did when he was drunk or angry.

           “Okay, both of you! You’re fighting like kids!”

           “He started it,” you explained. “I don’t even know what’s going on and I’m asking him.” Your director sighed, pinching his fingers at the bridge of his nose. He looked at you and then Chris, who was standing there, arms crossed, looking smug as hell.

           “You two need to work this out for yourselves. Take an hour break and be back here after lunch. If the two of you aren’t worked out, I’ll call your doubles in. And you know what that means?”

           “Re-shoots?” You asked. He nodded.

           “Re-shoots. Now go, and don’t come back here if you’re going to act like kids. You’re like my twelve year-olds, God.” You started walking away and grabbed onto Chris’s arm. Some part of him wanted to come with you because he didn’t resist. If he didn’t want to come, he wouldn’t have moved, and you would have been knocked onto the floor. You brought him out to the parking lot, but he didn’t stop walking. He walked into his trailer, sighing, and shut the door behind him. You rolled your eyes, knocking, and he opened the door.

           “You’re being such a diva,” you said. “Chris, why are you acting like such a fucking-”

           “Just a bad day,” he sighed.

           “That’s a lie.”

           “No, it’s not.” His voice was so defensive that you could tell he was lying. “Fine. You’re pretty.”

           “What? I mean, I’m flattered, but what?” He sighed.

           “Not how that should’ve come out. I think you’re really pretty, and evidently, so does my body.”

           “What?” You were even more confused and tugged at your hair, trying to make sense of what he was saying. “Stop being so cryptic!”

           “I had a sex dream about you, okay?!” He exclaimed, so loudly that someone outside the trailer could probably have heard. Your first reaction shouldn’t have been to laugh, but it was. And then he was looking at you and he was actually blushing.

           “Okay,” you said, “so are you going to explain further?”

           “Why would I do that?”

           “Because you brought it up.” You crossed your arms and sat down on the bench seat. He walked over to his coffee maker, probably to get another cup. “Chris, it’s fine. Just tell me.”

           “We were doing, well, things, as us, not like in the movie, like, seriously, and you were calling me sir, and…”

           “Chris.”

           “It’s not as gross as it sounds. I mean, actually, it was, but it means that I like you because I do and I don’t know what to do about it, so I had a fucking sex dream instead of telling you I like you, so now we’re stuck in this mess and I feel like I’m going to get hard every time I look at you!” He was speaking so quickly that you could barely understand what he was saying. You sighed.

           “You should’ve told me you liked me,” you responded.

           “Well, I’m dumb.”

           “Yeah, you are kind of a meathead. I like you too, and this could’ve been much easier if you’d just said it out loud. Because now I’m imagining things I’m not sure I want to imagine.”

           “Ouch.” That was the first smile he’d given you all day.

           “I didn’t mean it like that.”

           “Or did you?” You stood up and crossed the small trailer to him, making him turn to look at you. He had the coffee carafe in his hand and put it down to look at you.

           “What I’m saying is that I’m not so sure I would hate doing those things you were describing. But I’d really like it if we could, like, go on a date first or something. Maybe lunch?” Chris nodded, swallowing, and looked into your eyes.

           “I’m sorry for acting like that. I just didn’t know how to handle it. Lunch sounds good.”

           “I’ll meet you back here in five?” He nodded. You started to walk out of the trailer, but you turned toward him. Your had your eyes on the place that you probably shouldn’t, and smirked. “By the way, I usually say Daddy, not sir.”

           “Oh, come on!” You walked out of the trailer, grinning.

A/N: I LOVED writing this! It was borderline 18+, but I think I was crafty enough to avoid that! 

Taglist (if you’d like to be added, send me a message!): @an-adventureland, @firstangeldragonranch, @ssebstann, @winterreader-nowwriter

Final Space: And Into The Fire Review or Now with 110% More Homoerotic Telepathy

Welcome  new and old to my first Final Space review! If you’ve never seen the blog before, and given this is the first “new” series i’ve covered as it come out in some time that’s probably quite a few of you, welcome. I’m Jake, I do recaps and reviews of various animated shows and comics, mostly just stuff I want to do, often on comission (5 dollars an episode if theres any episode of the first two seasons of this show or any episode of any other show you’d like tos ee me cover), or for my patreon patreon.com/popculturebuffet. And it is my utmost honor to add this show to my rotating roster of shows I cover as they come out. 

I friggin love Final Space. I was intrigued by it back when TBS released the animatics alongside Close Enough (Wth the two shows ironically finally together on HBO max as of earlier this month), for their doomed block. I heard a lot of good things about season 1.. and let it get away from me, not watching it till Season 2. But both seasons had more than enough to pull me in with intriguging characters, even greater jokes and a truly unique idea for a premise involving giant monsters, an edltrich god and lots of cookies. 

So while it took an extra year given Covid, I’m super friggin pumped to get into season 3 at long last after the hell of a cliffhanger, especially since ironically last night I saw Steven Yeun’s oscar nominated performance in “Minari”. Now i get to watch him play a cat teenager again too.. and in a few days Mark friggin Grayson. It’s a good week to be a fan of his is what i’m saying and a good week in general. 

Previously on Final Space Yo!: Since it’s been a year and while the series provides  a recap , I’m going to be doing these anyway so:

Our heroes finally got all 5 dimensional keys and freed Bolo, and in the process also freed Avacato from Invictus, the horrifying entity controlling final space. Meanwhile Tribore got Sheryl to stop being a selfish prick and she joined the team trying to be a better mother from now on. But freeing Bolo came at a high cost as Nightfall sacrified herself as the sixth key (KVN was natrually both Gary and Bolo’s first choice, but was inllegible. ) So we ended the season with our heroes entering Final Space and Gary reuniting with Quinn.... while Invictus loomed. So over a year later we finally get some answers so join me under the cut for spoilers, recaps, and homoerotic text ahoy. 

Something i’m doing since both the roster keeps changing.. and as I correctly guessed from the trailer, and the general tone of the promos for this season, that everyone won’t be all together all season.. or even in one piece.. i’ll be doing a silver age style roll call to let us know who all we have on the Team Squad for the episode Roll Call: Gary, Quinn, Avacato, Little Cato, Ash, Fox, KVN, HUE, AVA, Sheryl, Bolo, and Tribore

So we pick up right where we left off, Gary tearfully reuniting with Quinn, with Quinn wishing he hadn’t come for her, and Gary being Gary naturally having ignored that, and actually been more determined since that made it forbidden which made it extra tempting and him want to extra do it. God I missed this glorious idiot let me tell you. 

So things are quickly interrupted by invictus, who turns out to be a giant flaming head.. thing... and chases them and the crimson light, which has to start speeding with our heroes tethered to the outside, Quinn holding onto Gary. 

So we get one hell of a thrilling chase as the Crimson Light outspeeds the demon head and runs into two titans, but Bolo shows up to take out one, with Mooncake trying his dimension shattering blast thingy on Invictus.. and naturlaly g ven this is the big bad we need to show off how horrying they are, and it does NOTHING. But Gary catches his little buddy so we’re alright. 

Sheryl also shows off her badass bonafieds by LIGHTFOLDING THROUGH A TITAN... granted she still has some parenting skills to learn as “lightfolding while your son is hanging out the back through an edltrich god” really isn’t a motherly thing to do.. but neither is trying to murder your child several times or blaming him for how shitty your life turned out so ANYTHING is a step up for her. 

But.. it’s not enough. While she does manage to kill ONE the Crimson Light is too badly damaged to go on and we get two tragic deaths in one go... The Team Squad is forced to abandon the Crimson Light.. and AVA is too damaged to Upload into HUE. “I’m Sad” “For who?” “For you.. and for us. “ God damn Tom Kenny is amazing. You don’t need me telling you that, but sometimes you need a reminder. 

So our heroes end up on a desolate mystery world, stranded in final space with no ship, no suplies and no hope. The only thing to do now is survivie and hope they can continue the mission at some point. 

ONE MONTH LATER

Things have not gotten any better, as naturally , our heroes have only found weird cartoon eyed worms that regrow their heads when you bite them off. So while this means unlimited food, it’s also disgusting and Garry hates it. “This may be a head but it tastes like a butt”. Quinn and Tribore are with him and Quinn hasn’t been ready to talk about her experiences trapped in this hellscape and still isn’t but being a good dude, Gary dosen’t push her on it. Though the weird red veiny thing on her arm tells me maybe one of you should speed that up before she explodes or gets cronnenburgy. Just saying. I’ll also say i’m not huge on the one month time skip, as while I feel they probably have a reason for being that specific i’ts a bit TOO long and I question why have that long a period of a jump, not the longest but still long enough for things to happen with nothing changingin that time? Still it’s a minor nitpick in an otherwise fantastic episode so I can let it go, I just don’t get it. 

What we do get is some Gary Corpses dropping and Invictius puppeting them... i’m with gary that is bowel openingly scary. I also do like how despite the FAR more dire circumstances, they still get in the requisite shenanigans this series requires. I’ts not to the network mandated subplot levels where it distracts, but it’s enough to help ease the terror of the situation and isn’t around for situations like the opening where it really SHOULDN’T be. As the series always has when something big happens, the bollocks goes away. Once we’re in between we can get back to literal pissing contests, KVN leading a crowd to their deaths and HUE in a pimp hat like god intended. 

So yeah our heroes have to outrun the horrible horde of Gary’s, though Little Cato catches on something’s wrong as Tribore makes gary cary him as foreshadowing for later and Sends mooncake down to asssit. Our heroes escape.. but a cave in happens.

After the break, Gary wakes up confused with the party now split in two: Gary, Quinn, KVN, Tribore and HUE on one side and Avacato, Ash, Fox, Little Cato and Sheryl on the other. So Gary does the logical thing... and take his shirt off telling Avacato to feel him. 

I mean I didn’t even ship them before this scene but... Gary claims because of their bond he can telepahtically connect with Avacato. That’s normal Gary shenanigans.. except not only does he shrug off his girlfriend asking why they can’t do that.. but it WORKS. We have a scene of the two telepahtically talking in a wheatfield that is so homerotic I guarantee there only wasn’t the Careless Whisper sax because they couldn’t afford it.. or their saving it for later this season. Look sometimes you don’t ship a ship because you just.. dont’ care that strongly one way or another and sometimes you just need an incredibly gay scene to see the light. Same thing happened with Weblena same thing here. 

Fox also says “that was glorious to watch” same man. That was freaking art. So our heroes split up into three plots. As usual for me

Team Gary: So yeah... Triobore’s pregnant. No way to really softball into that. He’s been pregnant this whole time. So we get a stupid and mildly horrifying gross out sequence with Gary having to look Triobore in teh eyes and Quinn having to “uncork him”. Which is code for ... you know what i’m not going to say it. If you’ve seen the episode you know and if not your better off not visualizing it trust me. Point is this whole sequence is dumb and the worst part of the episode by far. And the series CAN do good gross out. While Olan Rodgers regrets it, the pissing contest was one of the funniest scenes of season 2, and managed to make a gross idea on paper actually pretty damn funny. This.. this is just “Haha males giving birth and tribore’s an asshole”. There’s no joke here just a .. plug. .. gah.. the vomit is rising let me tell you. 

We do get something good out of this nightmare, Tribore’s son who hatches as the army of gary’s dig their way in, Quanstranstro, who rapidly ages into a stylsih spanish speaking adult badass. He is fucking awesome and a great addition to the team and the sheer.. oddity of his birth is wonderful even if the actual birthing was not. Then the climax happens so before that. 

Team Avacato:

Avacato and Co come across a sleeping giant robot cyborg .. thingy. Naturally Fox wakes him up. Little Cato remains not suprised. It occelates between panicking over it’s legs being gone and amenisa and is pretty damn funny. It’s voiced by John Dimagio. But it gets serious as we find out nothing has ever made it out of final space, and things.. change the longer there there. And Quinn’s been there several months if not a year. Whuh oh. This part is much better both due to better jokes and plot advancment.. though again Quanstrano is still fucking amazing. 

Team Bolo: Bolo meanwhile returns and fights a titan, and has mooncake help him rather htan join the others, but looses, hitting the planet with his body.. I mean he might not get back up.. but the impact shatters the caverns and causes an explosion. Everyone but Gary, Quinn, KVN and HUE are MIA, as our remaining party find earth floating overhead. 

TO BE CONTINUED> 

Final Thoughts: A decent start to the season. Like I said the whole birthing sequence can die in a fire and reminds me of the terrible comedy subplots adult swim wanted grafted onto two episodes.. but otherwise it’s a tense stark opener that sets up the bleak tone while still keeping the series rediciulous shenanigans in tact. It’s the perfect welcome back after so long. I mean the gay telepathy alone would make it a winner. 

Next Time on This Blog: We dive into a little history with HIsteria. See you at the next rainbow. 

dina for the character thing 👀

This got kind of long so...

First impression

The first time I watched the dance trailer, I wasn’t sure what to think. I was fuckin HYPED that Ellie had a gf, and I figured if Ellie likes her then she has to be cool. But of course I saw that Ellie was wearing her bracelet and became PANIK. And also knowing the game was going to be a revenge story I was so afraid that Dina was going to die.  I was like are they really going to kill off every girl Ellie kisses?

Kind of only semi related, but I remember a really early interview where Halley Gross mentioned that she “got someone pregnant”, and I was like “well they didn’t establish that Dina was with a dude before Ellie for nothing.” So I had a hunch Dina was going to be pregnant since the beginning. I was super excited at the idea of Ellie having a kid 👀

Impression now

QUEEN

GODDESS 

DESERVES A DLC OR A WHOLE SPINOFF GAME TO HERSELF

But seriously, I think she’s an amazing character, even though she’s not in the majority of the game, they managed to give her so much backstory and history. I’m also really glad she stands on her own and isn’t just “the love interest”. 

Favorite moment

God so hard to choose. If I have to though, the one where she shoots the guy through the roof. Because what a badass. She got blown up, fell off a bridge, fought through soldiers, and somehow climbed up to the roof. 

Idea for a story

My first thought was to list of one my AU ideas, but I’ll use my idea for a Dina DLC (and then post my AUs).

My idea for a Dina DLC would be very similar to Left Behind, with switching back and forth between the past and present. It would start off when they get separated on Day 1. 

You’d play as Dina and fight through the WLF to get to Ellie. You’d get a second of downtime and Dina would be reminded of a time when her, Talia, and their mother were running from/fighting some Ravens (that was the name of the gang in NM right???). It would be more of a stealth based thing, since you’d be just a lil 10 year old Dina. At the end, it would be the part where Dina had to kill the guy attacking her mom. She’d be super upset about her first time killing someone, and her mom and sister would have to comfort her. It would switch back to current time when she’d go back to mowing people down without a second thought.

Then the next part would maybe be set on Day 2, while Ellie is out looking for Tommy. Dina would be worried about Ellie of course, and upset over not being able to help her. Some WLFs would roll through, and see the lights on and investigate. Dina would have to fight them off alone. The flashback sequence to for this would be right after her mother dies. Her and Talia would have just buried her. That night they’re both still grieving, then get spotted by some Ravens. They can’t run, so they have to fight. During this Dina would be angry and be really savage in the way she fights and the things she says. It would be a way to show that she does understand how Ellie is feeling at that moment.

After that would be some Gentle Farm Time. It would be mostly like the farm section in the main game. Taking care of JJ, farming, and herding sheep. But we’d get to see a lot of Ellie’s flashbacks and outbursts. It would give us not only a deeper look into that, but a better understanding of Dina’s traumas and how she handles them, and puts Ellie and JJ before her own self. 

The last part would show Dina adjusting to post-Ellie life. She’d be working toward a job doing something really important to Jackson, maybe an electrician. Maybe the final battle would be some Hunters attacking the dam. She can still fight, but prefers not to if possible. The very last scene would be her at home with JJ. There’s a knock at the door, then it cuts to black. We all know who it is, but it ends ambiguously just like the main games.

As for my ridiculous AU Dinas...

There’s the poor Dina with her very chronically ill son, the pro gamer AU where Ellie is her #1 rival, my TLoU3 concept Dina, the Apex Legends crossover (lmao) Dina who is techie/medic, the Flower Shop AU Dina...

The stripper AU

We really need to post our AU masterlist sometime.

Unpopular opinion

I don’t even know. I think most people generally think she’s a great character, and I agree. If anyone disagrees I’ll fight them myself.

Favorite relationship

Ellie of course. 

They’re relationship is just so amazing. Like where do I even begin?? They compliment each other so well, but have so many similarities. They’re both so strong and capable. 

Favorite headcanon

Her faith grows stronger after Seattle. I still don’t think she’d be SUPER religious, but I think that having that familiarity would be comforting for her to fall back on after everything she went through. It would also be a wonderful way to help JJ connect to his grandmother and aunt. 

She tells Ellie she’s “not much of a believer”, yet her home is full of Jewish symbols and books. I even noticed they have mezuzah on most of their doors.

I also hc that once Ellie returns, she would see how much it helped Dina manage and take an interest and eventually convert herself.

welcome aboard, clementine martinez, student #2. we are excited to set sail with you !  has anyone told you that you look like alexa demie? according to our records, you hail from florida, usa, prefer she / her pronouns, are a cis woman, and are here to study creative writing. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your online lottery win — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + charming, + free-spirited, but also - restive. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the billiards room. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a casino chip carried around for luck from home. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

hi friends! i’m very excited to be here. i’m jay (est, she/her) n i used to play astrid nyland a few months ago if anyone remembers bt i had to leave for personal reasons. i’m so glad to be back now that i hve life sorted and some free time for summer break <3 read on for some details abt this new muse of mine, clementine. 

01. biography !

so ! clementine was born in florida. & yes, her real name is clementine. her mom thot it was the cutest name idea ever. clementine mostly goes by clem. she comes from the town [redacted] in florida bcoz i am too lazy to look up a specific town <3 but alas ! it was swampy and humid and she lived in a trailer park. 

her parents got knocked up at nineteen. clem was born nine months after a particularly wild 1999 fourth of july. her birthday is march 26th and she’s an aries. 

(TW: addiction, child injury) clem’s dad was a gambling addict and petty criminal—he wld steal credit cards n whatnot. he wld gamble away diaper money n it would cause constant fighting until her dad finally left. her mom took this very hard n began drinking a bit too often, leaving clem to to make cereal for dinner n fend for herself. once clem tried to make hot dogs on the stove and spilled boiling water on herself. got a p bad burn on her arm/shoulder and still has a big scar.

the soundtrack of her childhood was cicadas buzzing and stray dogs barking. the sizzle and pop of natty light cans. turning up her ipod to max volume to drown out the sounds of her mother fighting with her new boyfriend.

throughout her upbringing, clem’s dad was always in and out of the picture. he’d blow into town when he hit it big. he’d take her on these little “adventures” like staying in a motel 6 n renting movies at block buster n ordering good pizza nt the dominos shit she ate with her mom lol. ofc he was charging it all to someone’s stolen credit card. he’d always promise to, like, take clem away. n clem was a daddy’s girl so she believed him. the last time it happened was her h.s. graduation. her mom didn’t show ( "overslept” after a bender ) but her dad did and surprised her n said everything wld be different. bt then he bailed on their plans for the next day n when she called his cell, the number was disconnected. tht was the defining “i’m done” moment. clem promised to never be disappointed by her father again.

(TW: racism) her mother has mexican ancestry and clem’s always been called her twin. but clem was raised in a predominately white area and honestly ?? it was really hard without her even realizing it. she’s still unpacking a lot of things today abt her youth that jst weren’t okay bt she thought were normal. like microaggressions, stereotypes, being fetishized by boys in high school. gross shit.

as a kid, clem was rumored to be really poor bc she wore tattered clothes n got free lunch at school. once she invited a friend to her house & the next day they told everyone it’s in a trailer park. that reputation—the “trailer park girl”—was really hard to shake. and clem got almost desperate to shake it. she was endlessly trying to set her old self on fire and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.

eventually clem became more “popular”. in school she was, like, a straight b student. very average although super creative and quick-thinking. she always had street smarts. problem solving skills. independence. more of, like, practical intelligence as opposed to book smarts because academia bores her tbh. she was like why am i reading these overrated boring books by dead white men or learning abt polynomials when i know nothing abt how to pay a mortage or do taxes. like...she saw the american education system as bullshit and put in modest effort because she didn’t believe it deserved her sweat and tears. 

however, she entered the online lottery for the seas program on a whim and got in. so she’s studying creative writing now.

02. personality !

first thing you shld know abt clem is that she’s a compulsive liar essentially—she tells various stories to make her life seem better than what it was. to one person, she’s an heiress to a real estate company and grew up wealthy. to the next she was raised by nomadic hippies. some of her lies are small fibs while others are grandiose tales. she rarely talks about her actual upbringing. she hates talking abt her family or the v real trauma of growing up in a household where both parents struggled w/ addiction; the uncertainty, the broken promises, the fact that she had to grow up so soon and deal w/ so much. it wasn’t fair, and if she thinks about it too much, she feels this anger. anger at the universe. anger at her circumstances. she doesn’t know where to put this anger. she doesn’t know how to shrink it. so she avoids it.

despite her rough upbringing, though, clem is actually really sweet and kind. she’s adventurous, fun-loving, free-spirited, and bold. 

bt ! she can also be closed-off, competitive and restive. 

she’s seemingly tight with everyone? like she’s jst that girl who can get along with anyone tbh. 

in her spare time you can catch her tanning by the pool, hanging at the bar, playing pool ( which she learned from her dad ), and socializing. she’ll never say no to hanging out with people. 

she learned a lot from her little “adventures” with her dad, who was very good at conning others and often involved her in his dumb little scams. clem is suuuper good at pulling the ‘im baby 🥺’ card to get what she wants.

she can be a little selfish, because she grew up looking out for herself. 

stubborn and dogmatic as hell !!!

she doesn’t do too many relationships but when she does fall, i imagine she falls hard and fast. she refuses to be made a fool of, tho. when she gets vulnerable she flashes back to being a kid, waiting all day for her dad to show up only to have him bail on her. again. she hates that feeling. so if she, like, senses a shift in someone’s energy she’ll b like, “i’ll break up with u before u can do it to me” and the person wasn’t even tryna dump her lmao.

has a lot of sex. too much ?? sex?? mayb. but she’s v sex positive.

her personal style is v late 90s. hair clips, big scrunchies, neon, fur trim, crop and tube tops, hoop earrings, chokers, patterns, platform shoes, biodegradable glitter cuz it’s good fr the earth *winks*. clothes from o-mighty.......actually jst google o mighty, pull up the images and That is clem. she dresses like a bratz doll. she’s dedicated to the aesthetic.

03. headcanons !

her item brought from home is a hot pink poker chip from a casino. her dad gave it to her. he said it reminded him of her because of the color; he got it during one of his winning streaks and said it was lucky. she has a complicated relationship w/ her dad n doesn’t even speak to him anymore, bt she will never go anywhere without it.

she’s a smol bean—only 5′4

an astrology girl and she reads palms ! she absolutely makes astrology tik toks that people only watch because she’s hot. her flirting technique is to ask you to read your palm.

she doesn’t typically drink to get drunk. but she does love a good sugary cocktail. to her, a drink is like an accessory. a blue fishbowl by the pool, a jack and coke as she stands around a bar. usually she'll nurse the same beverage for a while. if you see her wasted it usually means she’s going thru it emotionally lol. the one thing she does do is drugs tho 

pretty much listens to exclusively female artists.

a bit of an activist. environmentalism, feminism and the like, she’s v outspoken. vegan for ethical reasons (TW: drugs) bt still does cocaine. she wears shirts with ‘my pussy my choice’ bedazzled on the front.

loves to rollerblade ! back home she didn’t have a car so she’d bike or rollerblade. now she still has her blades and she’ll use them when the ship docks. 

03. wanted connections !

Friends, bffs, ride or dies, friends who are like siblings to her, maybe a friend with an unrequited crush on either side ??

an ex she dumped/cheated on/otherwise self sabotaged their relationship because she was afraid of vulnerability.

an ex friend who realized she lies a lot abt herself n felt betrayed. OH ! ESP if they opened up to her on many occasions abt intimate, personal stuff. imagine the betrayal they felt when they found that everything they thought they knew abt clem is a lie.

someone who she actually opens up to. a confidant. or, maybe, like, a stranger she drunkenly spilled her soul to and now she avoids them like the plague.

a rival. clem can be competitive.

her drug dealer 

someone she knows she shouldn’t hook up with and… does it anyways. like a friend’s ex or smthing. spicy <3

i welcome anything !

What movie or tv show scared you the most?

OH HEEHEEHEEEEEE MY TIME HAS COME

I think this was probably the sign I was meant to be a horror fan, because I'm gonna talk about two movies here and neither one is a standard horror film. Now, I avoided horror films like the plague, but I now realize that's because of my aversion to jumpscares and gore, which have very little to do with actual scary stuff. I feared actual horror imagery as a small child, but basically once I read Coraline it all just turned around because that book gave me nightmares but I actually WANTED those nightmares and kept going back to the book. So what are the movies I just COULD NOT contend with?

First up, I have found that a lot of people have said this one, but really and truly, fuck Chicken Run.

I was...maybe ten when I watched it. Signed up for a goofy claymation adventure. What did I get? First of all, a whole lot of bleak color palette that warned me that this was not going to be a happy story. We are then shown the stakes right away: our entire main cast lives in a dystopian prison and if they do not find a way to escape, they will die. One DOES die. This is where a lot of people say they noped out right away, but actually, the execution of the dinner chicken in the first scene was tame for me compared to what would come next.

The pie machine. It's assembled, it's talked about, and eventually our two leads fall into it in a way that is designed to be fatal. Look, there are a ton of horror tropes in this scene alone. I haven't seen it SINCE THE ONE AIRING and I can still vividly tell you a lot of this. And if I walked into a horror film and asked for this, I'd come out super satisfied, but I was not expecting horror from this. First of all, I remember vividly the shot where you're looking from Ginger's POV falling down the shaft and the divider comes up to shunt her into the "meat" line. It's incredibly claustrophobic and you just get this almost jumpscare reminder that the character through whose eyes you see is regarded as nothing more than meat to be consumed. There is then an array of blades designed for close calls, and dough that essentially glues the lead characters down to a conveyor belt so they have to helplessly watch the death machines that are coming. Sticky stuff that roots you to one spot; that's another thing that just REALLY unnerves me and I love it if I'm reading CreepyPasta but I was not reading CreepyPasta; I was watching a children's film. The leads escape certain death by jamming the gravy system, causing the machine to overload on pressure, and here I feel like I should've been relieved that they escaped but instead I was the most unsettled of all when the pressure meter started climbing. I don't know if this film *gave* me a phobia of industrial accidents or if it just awakened what was already in my OCD little brain, but suffice to say that after this movie, I was hyper-aware of my own fear of things like hissing steam, rising pressure meters, and being in a room where large metal things were clanking. (I'm since over it; I've been exposed to it in enough things.)

Now, I was no quitter. I should have just noped out. But I didn't. I continued to traumatize myself. The next part of the film until the climax I don't remember so well - it wasn't as traumatizing - EXCEPT for the part where Ginger finds and rebuilds Rocky's circus poster. And now, as an adult, I can see how that was kinda supposed to be funny, like, "The goddamn chicken padded his résumé and the way they found this out was a circus poster." But little me was invested in these chickens, I wanted them to be happy, and what I saw was basically their death notice being signed with that scrap of paper with a cannon on it. I FELT that in my bones.

STILL NOT HAVING THE GOOD SENSE TO JUST EJECT THE TAPE ALREADY, I proceeded to the climax, in which what happens to Tweedy might be one of the most fucking awful things I've seen ever? Pinned upside-down in a superheated, confined space with rising liquid from below as the pressure meter starts climbing again. And her husband arrives just in time to see her like this but not in time to actually stop the explosion. Thank God it didn't actually kill her because even though I was already traumatized, that would've absolutely made it worse.

Thing is, ever since this movie scared the absolute shit out of me - and was probably the cause of the weird stomachaches I had for A WEEK after - I've kinda had this thing about reclaiming the scary parts and stomping on them while laughing maniacally. I feel like every time I've done a crossover project, there's been a temptation to write in an arc where the mains go up against THE PIE MACHINE and fucking win. And also there's whump with tons of comfort in my version to mitigate it all. I haven't done any such thing for TBTC...YET. But I know what I must do. I know who must destroy the machine and the Tweedys along with it. Buckle your seatbelts.

My final word before I move on is that as I ascend into adulthood, I think that for the most part, a rewatch of this film wouldn't traumatize me so badly. It'd still be gross and creepy in a way I think shouldn't be sent to children without warning, but I could deal with the imagery, maybe enjoy using it as whump fuel even more, maybe my horror side would really get into the peril this time. But the one thing I've realized is that this premise is fucked EVEN MORE if you're a grown-up, because as a child, you're sympathizing with the chickens. You want them to get free of this death camp environment. But as an adult, you start to realize that all Tweedy wanted to do was be a chicken farmer who sold pie, and her supposedly nonsentient animals ganged up on her in a display of unheard-of intellect among farm stock. This would then lead to her undergoing at least one near-death fate. Think about being a farmer in our world and the animals you keep GANG UP ON YOU LIKE PEOPLE because you're killing them for food. No thank you, no THANK you.

But surely this was a one-of-a-kind phenomenon. Surely, after this...after so many other people agreed with me; "Fuck Chicken Run"...no animation studio would ever pull shit like this again.

I had hoped that was the case until Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.

This is one I don't actually see lambasted as often. Maybe because the Chicken Run trauma crew grew thicker skins before this movie. I only sort of did. Maybe because no one ever actually invested in this film, having already predicted how much it would be garbage from the dumb humor in the trailers. Oh, but not me. I was a fool. Also my family picked it for a movie night so my fate was sealed anyway.

The original book is actually pretty frightening on its own. Food falls from the sky in such great numbers that it starts to destroy the world. Okay, that's terrifying. But kind of in the alluring way. I would keep coming back to the one page about the giant pancake on the school because the way it was drawn unsettled me so, with something huge and immovable blocking off the way to a building that usually has hundreds of innocent children inside. The film built on this and made it a thousand times worse.

Let's start with the goddamn Spray-On Shoe. Our main character is a mad scientist (but the good kind, apparently) whose list of bumbling failed experiments dates back to when he was a child and invented a spray you could put on your feet to coat them in shoes. He then gets laughed at because he didn't engineer a way to get the shoes off, and runs home in humiliation. Guys, the teasing/bullying factor is...not the most worrying thing about this story. There's a throwaway line about how Flint wears THE SAME SHOES into adulthood because to that day they simply cannot be removed. This seems like an incredibly urgent medical problem? Having your feet encased in the same rubber for years? The same rubber as when you're a kid? I just found myself thinking "What if my shoes never came off one day" and that terrifies me, okay? It's stupid and it's silly and it scares me. Even more than that, though, is the canonization of a polymer in this universe that can be sprayed on sticky and will literally never break no matter what you do to it, because that goes back to the pie machine dough principle. Being glued to a surface permanently is inherently terrifying and we'll go over this later because this is not the last fuckin time the glue shoes get brought up.

Flint invents a food-spewing machine. It ends up in the sky. He rides his popularity as it rains larger and larger food down upon the town and also the world. Most of this film up until the climax is unsettling but not AWFUL. Where it starts to go to shit is when Flint realizes his machine is too dangerous and shuts it off, only for the town's local greedy politician to switch it back on into an apocalyptic mode. So can we start with "Local town finds out its elected official is willing to sabotage their well-being in order to capitalize on the fame of a disaster-causing object?". Like, the whole film would've been solved so much sooner if there hadn't been a saboteur in the works - not a fun campy villain, mind you, but a saboteur who exists to drive the plot to the scary place. But I guess we need that narrative tension to justify having a film in the first place, so fine, I'll ride it out.

The main crew saddles up to fly out to the machine, which is now encased in a FLESH LABYRINTH of food, and...I'm just gonna rapid-fire the shit that happens at this part:

-The food turns sentient in order to defend itself. The cute animal sidekick brutally dismembers an army of gummy bears that is fully sentient and rips them apart to devour them.

-We enter the flesh labyrinth and it's exactly as much a horror RPG setting as you think it is.

-Now sentient cooked chickens besiege the party. The comic relief character is consumed by one, only to kill it from the inside and decide to WEAR ITS SKIN in what is seen as his defining character arc's conclusion. Wearing the skin of a dead monster allows him to forge his new identity.

-One of our party has to go back because of a tight passage lined with her deadly allergen, causing her to undergo anaphylaxis after an accidental mild nick. In the flesh labyrinth.

-The entire horrific journey is instantly INVALIDATED when it turns out that instead of the kill code for the machine, all Flint has is a file of a cat video. Which he finds out as the town is about to be obliterated off the face of the earth.

-So he solves it by jamming the works with the spray-on shoe and DID I NOT JUST GO OVER HOW HORRIFIC INDUSTRIAL EXPLOSIONS ARE IN KIDS' MOVIES? DID I NOT? ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS AGAIN? Anyway it's canonical proof that NOTHING can break the shoe glue and I should be happy for the town and happy that there's no more flesh labyrinth of living meat but instead I'm just terrified because of the door we have opened. We have imparted the existence of an indestructible sticky polymer upon the world.

-It's later seen used in a credits sequence to repair damaged houses. Which, first of all, given its flexible nature, is fuckin stupid. It won't serve as an actual wall. Second, that got me thinking about construction accidents involving the fuckin shoe glue. If that stuff gets dripped on a person's face -

-So then cue me sitting awake in bed later thinking wide-eyed about Cloudy with a Chance of Fucking Meatballs and realizing that this compound that is essentially a chemical weapon in the making is now in the hands of the mayor who deliberately caused an apocalyptic event over the town because he wanted the food rain. And THAT'S not going to lead to pretty circumstances.

I think you'll see that a lot of my fears with these two movies is "THINK OF THE IMPLICATIONS!" and I think that just shows how my mind works and why I'm drawn to fanfic so much. I'm all about diving into a universe, exploring its corners, analyzing it to death.

And with the industrial horror stuff, I kinda wanna bring it around to two other films that actually really subverted my expectations and made it fun. 102 Dalmatians was a fave of mine through middle school, but I remember when the climax took us to a big ol' factory and I got plumb nervous. After the usual blades and ovens of horror, the fact that it concludes with Cruella basically wearing a cake and a lengthy montage of the dogs kicking toppings onto her is just one of the most wholesome imageries. She survived the thing and now you get to watch her be decorated Lisa Frank style by her victims who are more interested in humiliation than murder, and I love that.

But maybe more prevalent is that I'm well aware that if certain filmography or plot points had been handled in different ways, The Boxtrolls might've actually frightened the ever-loving fuck out of me what with all the industrial stuff and medical horror, but I just...felt like that film was holding my hand the whole way through going "It's okay." The industrial stuff was framed in a way that was just campy enough and yet also taken seriously. Putting a really charismatic villain - ACTUAL VILLAIN, NOT CHICKEN FARMER OR CORRUPT POLITICIAN SABOTEUR - at the wheel was just such a mitigating factor that it gelled the whole thing together and I ended up LOVING what was done with giant machines and garbage crushers and explosions. And as for the medical body horror, I really appreciate how it was so baked in that Snatcher did that to himself - that everyone, EVERYONE warned him "Do not do this, you will probably die, I'm serious, bad fucking idea" up to the point of Eggs trying to plead him during an anaphylaxis attack, one last time, DO NOT continue down this path, we can find a way to heal you psychologically and get you some self-fulfillment. And Snatcher fully chooses hubris over the many, many opportunities offered him to be able to step down onto a safer path and that removes the fear and pulls it more into a tragedy for the villain. Not at all the same thing as "Sam the reporter is trying to save the world and doing her best until a fixture of the landscape accidentally sends her into anaphylaxis."

(Oh, and by the way, can I just - when I do see CWACOM brought up these days, it's always in the context of "This is the one movie where the guy tells the girl it's okay to look nerdy!". Well, no, not the way I remember it. The way I remember it, Sam basically tells Flint "I used to have really tacky style but have since changed it up of my own volition" and Flint is just like "NOOOOO YOU NEED TO WEAR GLASSES AND A SCRUNCHIE. I WANT A HOT NERD GIRL." This could've been pulled off right with some more introspection into female beauty standards, even in a tongue-in-cheek way, but right now it really looks like Sam just wanted to make herself more glam for a new image and Flint bullied her into regressing her style. Which I've also realized meant he bullied her into dressing more like she did as a teenager and normally I think that kind of shit is just "You're overthinking it" but since it's CWACOM and I spelled it out on paper like that, I'm just now realizing how that can be seen as pretty...icky.)

The one saving grace of CWACOM is that I was older by that time, and so it didn't affect me as hard as Chicken Run. But I still hold it dearly to my heart as one of the MOST DISTURBING movies I know, and by "dearly" I mean "fuck this movie, really and truly." I want to extend my thanks to 102D and Boxtrolls for giving me industrial-horror-based climaxes that were actually really comfortable, and again, probably what drove both of these was the fact that we had a campy diva villain in the lead for the potential scary stuff to surround and radiate off. Not a fuckin...ordinary chicken farmer who is just trying to make bank but is somehow passed as a Nazi allegory for trying to live her life as a farmer? I dunno, maybe if I rewatched that film I'd see she has a thirst for human blood too, and if I could fix fic Chicken Run my first order of business would be to give her a thirst for human blood instead of/in addition to chickens.

Anyway. Fuck both these films, EXCEPT for the fact that traumatizing scenarios can always be recast as whump material, and the next time I wanna do some crossover aftercare from a physically and psychologically damaging mission, I have a pie machine and a flesh labyrinth to exploit. REALLY HEAVY ON THAT AFTERCARE COMFORT THOUGH!

Oookay, so Sia's excuse for not casting an autistic actor in the main role of her film is gross. She tried, but it was "cruel to cast someone at the character's level of functioning"?

Well isn't that because the film is clearly made with only neurotypicals in mind? I for one couldn't comprehend half of the trailer on first watch because there were so many flashing bright colours and quick cuts. Seeing that, I have a really hard time believing that anyone REALLY tried to understand the needs of the autistic actor Sia says they considered casting.

And even if the film's nature really did make it too uncomfortable for ONE autistic person to play the lead, I'm sure they could have found someone else. Even some highly verbal autistic people would intuitively understand a big part of the non-verbal autistic character's world, better than a neurotypical actor can.

I'm "high-functioning", highly verbal and a high masker, and I had a friend as a kid who was mostly non-verbal and "lower functioning". I didn't even know I was autistic, but he still made more sense to me than other kids. I could completely understand why he reacted to loud noises in a way that seemed over the top to others, his meltdowns made perfect sense to me and I could sense them coming, and when he repeated dialogue from Disney movies I didn't feel so alone, because I was always repressing that same need. Everything about him made so much more sense to me than why other kids wanted to play house or truth or dare the way they did. I wanted to play too, but it was obvious I didn't play with the same rules and I always made a mistake somewhere and I didn't understand why everyone was laughing. To this day I'm not in on that secret although I'm 27. But I never have to wonder why that boy, now a man, obviously, does what he does, though I very rarely see him anymore.

It would be ideal if the actor resembled the character as closely as possible when the experience they are trying to portray is commonly misunderstood, but ANY autistic actor would have had more insight into the main character than a neurotypical actor, because you can't understand an EXPERIENCE by simply observing, no matter how much you observe, because experiences are invisible and I think this is especially true with neurodiversity. And yes, all autistic people are different too, but we still share a lot.

All humans understand other people's experiences from behaviour, but if you don't speak the same language with your behaviour then you'll be misinterpreted. Studies show that autistic people communicate with autistic people just as well as neurotypicals communicate with neurotypicals. So we can and do understand ourselves and each other.

After seeing how clearly the trailer failed to consider any autistic audience I'm skeptical about whether the autistic actor's needs were really impossible to meet if more effort was made, but since I don't know the circumstances, I'll just say that there's no excuse anyway. The fact that autistic actors replied to Sia, saying that they could have acted the part on a short notice, and Sia replied "Maybe you're just a bad actor" speaks for itself, even if it was said in anger and she didn't mean it literally. Obviously not every autistic actor would have been "just a bad actor", so it's obvious the issue is that it was not a priority.

Sia had a vision and wanted a person who fit her vision to act it. The intention was never to represent real people, just her view of them. Sometimes people can't really tell the difference.

And believe me, as a writer, I get it. Sometimes it's really compelling to combine different elements of human reality in a way that feels pleasing in an aesthetic way, (=dead girl in a red dress on snow), plotwise (=a character's blindness is an important plot point but nothing else), thematically (=a character who can't walk learns to fly) or some other way. Sometimes a theory feels compelling to us because it seems "cleaner", more satisfying, than reality. and YES we have artistic freedom but we should still consider whether our choices are harmful because stories don't exist in a vacuum. Freedom should also mean responsibility.

[Edit:] My fiancée just pointed out how the word "cruel" in Sia's comment implies the actor was at the mercy of others, as if she had no agency. Didn't even realize that myself.