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bamf-jaskier · 3 years

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What the fuck are the Trials

Since the show is based on the books and not the games, and more people are more familiar with the games that the books, I thought it might be helpful to sort of officialize the posts I’ve done about specific topics in the books.

Here are the previous posts on Triss&Geralt as well as Coën

TLDR: So looking at this process, according to the books the way a Witcher becomes, well a Witcher looks like this:

There is the Choice which is the decision to become a Witcher made when you are a child

Eat a lot of magic mushrooms that give you the strength and ability Witchers are known for

Then the Trial of the Grasses which is a concoction of mutagenic elixirs injected into the bloodstream which mutates you into a Witcher

Then finally there are the Changes. This is a big step and one that requires a mage. This is when the hormones are changed and a Witcher becomes permanently sterile

then there is training until you earn your medallion and BOOM, out onto the path with you

Now, have a post about what the trials are as far as the books are concerned

It’s important to note that in the books, The Witcher are a dying breed so the Trials are really only mentioned in Blood of Elves when Ciri trains with the Witchers and the two prequels, Sword of Destiny and The Last Wish.

Let’s start out with the basics of the Trials, here is a passage from Blood of Elves where Triss is wondering why the Witchers at Kaer Morhen are being so secretive in regards to Ciri:

“It’s obvious. They want to mutate the child, subject her to the Trial of Grasses and Changes, but they don’t know how to do it. Vesemir was the only witcher left from the previous generation, and he was only a fencing instructor. The Laboratorium, hidden in the vaults of Kaer Morhen, with its dusty demi-johns of elixirs, the alembics, ovens and retorts…

None of the witchers knew how to use them. The mutagenic elixirs had been concocted by some renegade wizard in the distant past and then perfected over the years by the wizard’s successors, who had, over the years, magically controlled the process of Changes to which children were subjected. And at a vital moment the chain had snapped.

There was no more magical knowledge or power. The witchers had the herbs and Grasses, they had the Laboratorium. They knew the recipe. But they had no wizard.”

Later:

“And now they want to mutate the girl but can’t. And that might mean… They may ask me to help. And then I’ll see something no living wizard has seen, I’ll learn something no living wizard has learned. Their famous Grasses and herbs, the secret virus cultures, the renowned, mysterious recipes…”

Now, what Triss doesn’t realize is that Geralt and the others are not planning on subjecting Ciri to the trials at all but are instead trying to hide Ciri’s magical ability from Triss. They are worried she will report them to the Chapter.

Of course, until they tell Triss this, she is deeply suspicious and goes on to talk about the mushrooms Witchers have access to which are extremely unique.

“Of course, thought Triss. They’re feeding her those legendary cave saprophytes – a mountain plant unknown to science – giving her the famous infusions of their mysterious herbs to drink. The girl is developing quickly, is acquiring a witcher’s infernal fitness. Naturally, without the mutation, without the risk, without the hormonal upheaval. But the magician must not know this. It is to be kept a secret from the magician. They aren’t going to tell me anything; they aren’t going to show me anything.”

Later:

“I don’t give a fig for your trust, witchers. There’s cancer out there in the world, smallpox, tetanus and leukaemia, there are allergies, there’s cot death. And you’re keeping your “mushrooms”, which could perhaps be distilled and turned into life-saving medicines, hidden away from the world. You’re keeping them a secret even from me, and others to whom you declare your friendship, respect and trust. Even I’m forbidden to see not just the Laboratorium, but even the bloody mushrooms!”

Triss as a mage has extreme bias against the Trials and for good reason! Most of the populace doesn’t have access to any information on the Trials outside of vague ideas but Mages have access to first hand accounts such as this from Blood of Elves:

“On the third day all the children died save one, a male barely ten. Hitherto agitated by a sudden madness, he fell all at once into deep stupor. His eyes took on a glassy gaze; incessantly with his hands did he clutch at clothing, or brandish them in the air as if desirous of catching a quill. His breathing grew loud and hoarse; sweat cold, clammy and malodorous appeared on his skin. Then was he once more given elixir through the vein and the seizure it did return. This time a nose-bleed did ensue, coughing turned to vomiting, after which the male weakened entirely and became inert.

For two days more did symptoms not subside. The child’s skin, hitherto drenched in sweat, grew dry and hot, the pulse ceased to be full and firm – albeit remaining of average strength, slow rather than fast. No more did he wake, nor did he scream.

Finally, came the seventh day. The male awoke and opened his eyes, and his eyes were as those of a viper…”

~Carla Demetia Crest, The Trial of Grasses and other secret Witcher practices, seen with my own eyes, manuscript exclusively accessible to the Chapter of Wizards

When most people think of the Trials, they are thinking similarly to Queen Calanthe in Sword of Destiny.

Here is what Calanthe says to Geralt when talking about what he might do with his child surprise:

“You are astonished,’ she stated. ‘Well, I’ve studied a little. Since Pavetta’s child has the chance of becoming a witcher, I went to great pains. My sources, Geralt, reveal nothing, however, regarding how many children in ten withstand the Trial of the Grasses. Would you like to satisfy my curiosity in this regard?’

‘O Queen,’ Geralt said, clearing his throat. ‘You certainly went to sufficient pains in your studies to know that the code and my oath forbid me from even uttering that name, much less discussing it.’

Calanthe stopped the swing abruptly by jabbing a heel into the ground. ‘Three, at most four in ten,’ she said, nodding her head in feigned pensiveness.

‘A stringent selection, very stringent, I’d say, and at every stage. First the Choice and then the Trials. And then the Changes. How many youngsters ultimately receive medallions and silver swords? One in ten? One in twenty?”

Later Calanthe asks Geralt:

“Do you believe a Child of Destiny would pass through the Trials without danger?’

‘We believe such a child would not require the Trials.’

‘One question, Geralt. Quite a personal one. May I?’

He nodded.

‘There is no better way to pass on hereditary traits than the natural way, as we know. You went through the Trials and survived. So if you need a child with special qualities and endurance… Why don’t you find a woman who… I’m tactless, aren’t I? But I think I’ve guessed, haven’t I?’

‘As usual,’ he said, smiling sadly, ‘you are correct in your deductions, Calanthe. You guessed right, of course. What you’re suggesting is impossible for me.’

‘Forgive me,’ she said, and the smile vanished from her face. ‘Oh, well, it’s a human thing.’

‘It isn’t human.’

‘Ah… So, no witcher can—’

‘No, none. The Trial of the Grasses, Calanthe, is dreadful. And what is done to boys during the time of the Changes is even worse. And irreversible.”

Later:

“The risks are too great,’ Geralt said quickly. ‘As you said. At most, four out of ten survive.’

‘Dammit, is only the Trial of the Grasses hazardous? Do only potential witchers take risks? Life is full of hazards, selection also occurs in life, Geralt. Misfortune, sicknesses and wars also select. Defying destiny may be just as hazardous as succumbing to it. Geralt… I would give you the child. But… I’m afraid, too.’

Then in The Last Wish, Geralt describes his own experiences with The Trials:

“Kaer Morhen…That's where the likes of me were produced. It's not done anymore; no one lives in Kaer Morhen now. No one but Vesemir. Who's Vesemir? My father. Why are you so surprised? What's so strange about it? Everyone's got a father, and mine is Vesemir. And so what if he's not my real father? I didn't know him, or my mother. I don't even know if they're still alive, and I don't much care.

“Yes, Kaer Morhen. I underwent the usual mutation there, through the Trial of Grasses, and then hormones, herbs, viral infections. And then through them all again. And again, to the bitter end. Apparently, I took the changes unusually well; I was only ill briefly. I was considered to be an exceptionally resilient brat…and was chosen for more complicated experiments as a result. They were worse. Much worse. But, as you see, I survived. The only one to live out of all those chosen for further trials. My hair's been white ever since. Total loss of pigmentation. A side effect, as they say. A trifle.

“Then they taught me various things until the day when I left Kaer Morhen and took to the road. I’d earned my medallion, the Sign of the Wolf's School. I had two swords: silver and iron, and my conviction, enthusiasm, incentive and…faith. Faith that I was needed in a world full of monsters and beasts, to protect the innocent. As I left Kaer Morhen, I dreamed of meeting my first monster. I couldn't wait to stand eye to eye with him. And the moment arrived.”

So looking at this process, according to the books the way a Witcher becomes, well a Witcher looks like this:

There is the Choice which is the decision to become a Witcher made when you are a child

Eat a lot of magic mushrooms that give you the strength and ability Witchers are known for

Then the Trial of the Grasses which is a concoction of mutagenic elixirs injected into the bloodstream which mutates you into a Witcher

Then finally there are the Changes. This is a big step and one that requires a mage. This is when the hormones are changed and a Witcher becomes permanently sterile

then there is training until you earn your medallion and BOOM, out onto the path with you

This is why it’s such a big deal that Triss was brought to Kaer Morhen. Without a mage, someone cannot become a full Witcher and Triss believed that was why she was there. Of course, this wasn’t true but it’s a valid concern to have.

One thing I want to note, there is absolutely NOTHING in the text that says that being a Witcher is limited to any sort of gender boundary. The fact that Triss so readily jumped to Ciri becoming a Witcher and the fact that Geralt didn’t specify boys until he was talking about the sterilization process...well, there is a likelihood female Witchers actually existed.

Again, in the books Witchers are a dying breed and you can literally count on one hand the number of Witchers we meet. Of course, considering mages are the ones who made Witchers, it makes sense that female Witchers are either strongly discouraged, banned or simply not talked about.

One big point Triss has against Ciri’s training is that she won’t “develop” correctly like a woman “should” due to the mushrooms and harsh training and considering how so many northern mages place importance on beauty I could definitely see mages not wanting to have female Witchers, considering it a “perversion”.

Just a fun thought I often have about the books that I haven’t seen anyone point out.

So overall, here is what the books have to say about the Trials, it’s a touch different from the games but I find this very fascinating and interesting. Let me know if you want me to do a specific topic or relationship next, but for now, thanks for reading!

#I was actually thinking about making a post about what the schools look like in the books tonight #thought it might be intersting #the witcher #wtf series #the trials #the trial of the grasses #the changes #geralt #The Witcher netflix #the Witcher books #asaps #andrzej sapkowski #sword of destiny #blood of elves #the last wish #quotes #myposts #meta

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witchbythebay · 4 years

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Philter or Infusion?

I came across a post describing types of potions, but got curious about its descriptions of philters and infusions.

°Philtre: water based, delicate ingredients

Infusion: water based, delicate ingredients

I was familiar with infusions but not at all with philters (philtres?), so this got me wondering what actually differentiates the two. That ended up leading me down a big ol’ rabbit hole, so I’ll share what I found in case anyone else has ever wondered the same thing.

Literal Definition & Etymology

I started with the dictionary definition of philter (also sometimes spelled philtre). While the generic denotation may not capture the nuanced meaning of a word within a specific domain (like witchcraft!), I figured it couldn’t hurt to start with the basics.

Borrowed from Latin philtrum, itself a borrowing from Ancient Greek φίλτρον (phíltron, from φιλέω (philéō, “I love”)) A kind of potion, charm, or drug; especially love potion intended to make the drinker fall in love with the giver. [from the 16th c.] x

So not just a potion, but a love potion. Note that the root of the word itself has to do with love. But, obviously definitions change over time and can become quite removed from their original meaning, so this is by no means conclusive.

For what it’s worth, here’s infusion’s definition as well:

Borrowed from Old French infusion, from Latin infusio, infusionem (“a pouring into, a wetting, a dyeing, a flow”), from infundo.

A product consisting of a liquid which has had other ingredients steeped in it to extract useful qualities. An extract of rooibos and chamomile makes a refreshing infusion. The act of steeping or soaking a substance in liquid so as to extract medicinal or herbal qualities. x

Popular Usage

Next, I decided to look around some witchy and occult spaces online and see how other practitioners were using the word (if at all), particularly if there was any consensus about how a philter is made and what distinguishes it from other elixirs or potions, such as infusions.

Online resources can be pretty dicey; I think we’ve all seen “witch tips” that may have started out as something reasonable, but have been passed through so many people and platforms, changing a little each time, that the end result is incorrect, incomplete, or even dangerous. So, my hope here wasn’t to find a single definitive Answer, but rather to collect a variety of them and see what they had in common.

In the interest of saving space since this post is already really long, I won’t list all the results verbatim (although I have them saved if you’re just that curious), but the gist is this:

Unsurprisingly, few modern witches even seem to use the word philter; it seems antiquated or maybe literary at this point

It’s almost always used to describe either a love potion or other potion intended to evoke strong emotion in another person

Bibliographic Usage

To round things out, I also looked for written sources, which can also be kinda fraught, especially when you don’t have many trusted sources on hand.

To give you an idea of what you might find, one example I came across is Ellen Dugan’s Book of Witchery: Spells, Charms & Correspondences for Every Day of the Week (2012):

"No, technically, it is generally thought that a magickal potion is to be brewed or steeped over heat, while a philter is mixed together like a potion but the ingredients are not brewed. Another definition of a philter is simply "a magickal liquid" (which says classic potion to me). Potion and philter recipes both typically contain the following: water or a base oil, various essential oils, and other magickal ingredients such as herbs, flower petals, shed animal fur, or even tiny chips of crystals."

So this seemed concerning for something meant to be ingested, but it does then clarify that, "the magickal philters featured in this Book of Shadows are not meant to be taken internally," or “worn on the body”; they’re meant to anoint and bless objects instead. Still, I didn’t find any other source that mentions this “lack of brewing” distinction, although Dugan may have cited a source later in the book somewhere?

There were also lots of references to philters/philtres in older texts of all kinds, usually love potions or aphrodisiacs, but sometimes used interchangeably with any kind of liquid with pharmacological properties.

For an example of the magical variety, in Henry Cockeram’s The English Dictionarie or an Interpreter of Hard English Words (from 1626), a philtre is, "an amorous potion to procure loue."

Another example, philters get a shout-out in the lyrics to A Christmas Cantata by Stanley Schell (Werner’s Magazine, 1899):

"A love philter which I need; Make it sweet, and good, and strong (...)The poison philter that I need; Make it heavy, swift, and strong."

Finally, I found something that, based on the wording, seems like it could be the actual source of the info in the tumblr post that started this all.

"A Philtre or Infusion is a form of water based potion, similar to a tea, and best suited for immediate ingestion of delicate ingredients such as leaves or petals."

This is from Advanced Potion Making By Noel Green (2015). We see the same “water based”, “delicate ingredients” wording as the tumblr post. However, the description of the work itself says, ”Note: this is NOT a real potion book but is made for the fan of all things magical." So there’s that.

Summary

tl;dr

My takeaway from all this is that the word philter:

is kinda antiquated

typically describes a love potion or aphrodisiac specifically

isn’t a subtype of potion in the same way as infusions, tinctures, decoctions, salves, etc, which each entail specific methods of creation or physical properties

As always, double-check what you read online. You might not find a conclusive answer to your questions, but you can still find out if what you’re being told is from folklore, or if it’s (probably unintentionally) sourced from (what seems to be) a narrowly-avoiding-copyright-issues HP fanwork.

BUT I’m not a terribly experienced witch myself, so if anyone has further insight, clarification, or corrections to offer (or suggestions for further reading!) please don’t hesitate to add on or send it my way. Cheers!

#potions #philters #infusions #researching witchcraft #newbie witch #long post #gonna be humming love potion no 9 all damn day i just know it

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boymeetsweevil · 6 years

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Dead Man Sells no Toes

Grouping: Witch!Reader x ??Namjoon

Word Count: ~5.2k

Summary: Your thoughts have a mind of their own when it comes to the cute delivery human with the mysterious tattoos

Warnings/Themes: SMUT like basically PWP but also where is that plot, sis?, 69, fingering, blowjobs, cunnilingus, mind reading, species-ism? Too many Halloween Town references, Joon with tattoos (lol is that a warning) , its unedited rn

A/N: This is my late af submission for the BTS Smut Club Halloween Smut Fest. Prompt #18 “Please don’t touch the human remains”

You’re grinding up the last of your final case of artificial dried newt when the sound of the crows cawing alerts you to a customer entering your shop. It’s still early, and though you do get customers throughout the day, they’re usually fairly consistent in the times that they come to pick up their orders now that you’ve been open for business for almost 8 months.

“Hello, dear,” a creaky voice greets you.

There’s no visual sign of the body the voice comes from, but that’s not at all unusual and you know exactly who the customer is. It’s the old ghoul who comes in regularly to get a fix for her wrinkles. She’s a couple hundred years old and it’s starting to show on her face, so she comes in without an appearance every time she’s out of product. The unusual part is that you just gave her a fresh batch yesterday; one that’s supposed to last her two weeks. If she’s back and without a form, something is wrong.

Your familiar, Augustus, and his best friend flap down from their resting post on one of the high shelves to sit next to you on their respective perches on the counter. You set the half-ground newt aside and reach out to pet at Gus’ inky black feathers.

“Eudora,” you nod at the air in front of you out of habit, “How can I help you today?”

“I’m sure you can guess, child. It’s your youth elixir,” Eudora says matter-of-factly.

“I figured as much. Did it not work this time? Because I promise you, I used pure Italian imported moonbeams, like I always do.”

“No, no. I dropped it, so I have no idea if your moonbeams are the issue. It’s all over the floor of my kitchen and its reverting the wood back to shoots!”

“Oh,” you breathe. It’s a relief that your recipe is still working, though you know your gifts wouldn’t fail you in such an elementary area. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Yes, so I’d like to purchase another batch now.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“Why ever not?”

“Because I can only ever make so much with the shipments of dead man’s toes I order each time and you clear me out every time you’re in here.”

“Are you telling me you don’t have any toes? Because I can see a carton right behind you! I may be invisible right now, but I still have my eyesight about me.”

“You’re right, I have some left,” you put emphasis on some, “But that’s reserved for other customers’ orders. I can’t use all the toes on just your orders, that’s not fair to the others.”

“I have an anniversary dinner tonight. Isn’t this more important than anyone else’s order?”

You suppress the urge to sigh and roll your eyes. Eudora may be difficult at times, but your youth elixir is ingredient heavy and time intensive and you charge a hefty price for even smaller samples. But thanks to her vanity, she pays for a rather large amount each time. You’re almost certain that you could pay the whole shop’s monthly ley line bill with just the profits from her orders alone. This time, though, your hands really are tied.

“I can’t violate my customers’ privacy by revealing to you what products they’re purchasing, but I can assure you that some of the orders that require the dead man’s toes are quite important.”

Eudora’s quiet for a moment as she contemplates her options.

“Well, what about leftovers? Can’t you do something with that? Make a smaller batch?”

“I could,” Augustus pecks at your long bell sleeve until you stick a hand out so he can hop up your arm and perch on your shoulder. “But it wouldn’t even take a half-century off. I don’t think you’d be happy with that after getting used to the original strength.”

“When’s the next shipment coming in?”

You pick up the parchment that has your list of scheduled delivery dates. Turn it over so that Eudora can see it, though you’re not sure where she’s standing exactly.

“Perfect,” the scroll dents as she sticks her finger on the most recent scheduled delivery. “It’s scheduled for today.”

Your eyebrows shoot up and you realize you don’t have the schedule memorized correctly. A wave of giddiness washes over you and suddenly you need Eudora out of your shop so you can clean up and get things looking presentable.

“I’ll just stop by later today to pick it up. You can do a rush order, can’t you, dear?”

“Eudora, you know I can’t. Potion making really is a delicate process, you can’t rush it even if you buy those new high-tech speed catalysts everyone keeps talking about. If I were to rush your order, you might experience reverse effects.”

“Oh,” she gasps. “Alright, fine. I suppose I can wait. Alan won’t mind seeing my haggard face this one time.”

“Allan loves you face, regardless of whether or not you’ve used the elixir. Besides, you’ve been paired ghouls for centuries longer than you’ve been using my little old mix.”

Eudora scoffs. “Your little old mix is what makes Allan cough up the extra urks to take us to Cauldron Bleu tonight.”

“Then, I suppose you had better go pick a dining robe.”

“Yes, I really should. But I expect a batch double the size next time around, child.”

“As long as you know that’ll cost you twice the amount, Eudora.”

“I don’t care how much it costs as long as I look how I should. I’ll see myself off, now.”

You wave goodbye, knowing she’s not looking, and tell her to have a good day. You receive no response, but you’re expecting as much.

“Is she gone,” you whisper after a while.

Augustus and his friend squawk an affirmative, so you turn around and immediately put the newt you were grinding in the store room. The large sundial on the north wall tells you that you have a little less than an hour to clean up the shop and perhaps put an enchantment on your skin and hair to make you look a little more put together. For professional purposes, you remind yourself. Not to make yourself more pleasing to the delivery man’s eye, of course.

While you’re in the middle of trying to get your broom to sweep the snippets of rat’s hair from the last hair growth cream you’d been experimenting with, the bell rings again. You curse under your breath and wipe your hands on your apron.

“Welcome to Circadian Apothecary, how may I help—oh, its just you. What are you doing here, Jolluck?”

“That’s a great way to greet your friend.” When you stare blankly at her, she rolls her eyes. “You said we’d have lunch today, remember?”

The wet sound of her webbed feet smacking across the floor remind you that you’ll have to mop after you kick her out. She rests her forearms against the countertop, smudging the surface with the thin, clear mucus that coats her scales when she leaves water for longer than a few minutes. You’ll have to clean that too.

“Can we please take a rain check? Or maybe we could get dinner. I just…I have a delivery coming.”

“Oh! With the human! I’m sticking around. I wanna see him.” “Jolluck!”

“What? Is that not what he is?”

“You don’t know his background.”

“You’ve smelled him right? If it smells like a human and it looks like a human and it walks like a human, it’s a human.”

“If he’s human, how did he cross the veil, huh?”

“Humans cross all the time.”

“Only when they’re screwing vampires, though!”

“Or werewolves,” she points a webbed finger at you.

“True,” you purse your lips. “Either way, you can’t be here. It’ll be weird if you stare at him.”

“You just wanna keep him for yourself. I heard he’s not bad-looking for a flesh puppet.” She grins and swipes her tongue across her fangs playfully.

“Jolluck, seriously, you can’t think about him like that if you want to be here. That’s so offensive.”

She raises her hands in surrender. “Sorry, when did you become such a fan of humans?”

“I’m not a fan, I just…think they’ve changed a lot since the pitchfork days.”

“You’re just saying that because you went to their realm for schooling. Why did you do that again?”

“I swear I’ve told you this, like, 20 times. I think they have a really interesting way of understanding the elements.”

“I heard they’re kind of wrong, though.”

“No, they are. But they raise some interesting issues. And they have some really nice stories and their view of history is so funny. They don’t realize half of their royalty were just warring Goblin tribes that got a little land hungry.”

Jolluck’s eyes widen and she lets out a laugh. “How could anyone not know that? That’s so sad, they’re such simple creatures.”

“Yeah, well, they’re still not as bad as anyone here makes them out to be. And I think you and the rest of town hall needs to stop crowding Namjoon.”

“Fine. But don’t let him know you’re so smitten with him. He’ll try and burn you at the stake or something.”

“I told you, they don’t do that anymore. Oh shit!” You spy him out the corner of your eye, wheeling the cart full of your new inventory towards the front door. “Don’t say anything stupid, okay?”

You say a few words, an unnecessarily powerful hex, and the air crackles around your heads. A sudden gust of what seems like wind runs through the shop before circling back and passing through you roughly. When it clears everything is glistening likes it’s just been freshly scrubbed, but you’re instantly weak and visibly paler.

“Are you crazy?” Jolluck runs to your side, her wet footsteps evaporating off the wooden floors like she never stepped there. “All this for a human male?”

“Look, you can see your reflection in the countertops,” you smile dizzily at her.

Namjoon stands politely in front of the glass, waiting for the shop’s magic to acknowledge you of his presence. Seconds later the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, though you know he’s there because you can see him. With a feeble flick of your wrist, the door opens. He rests his open palm on the doorjamb as is customary and pulls the dolly laden with goods behind him.

“Morning,” he greets, with his back turned to you so he can set the boxes on the ground. His bare arms flex as they work to keep the glass jars inside from jostling. The tattoos running from wrist to shoulder are a web of black lines of varying weights. They suit him.

“Hi there.”

He turns quickly at the sound of Jolluck’s voice and notices that she’s holding you up like she’s carrying your dead weight because she is.

“Hi, I’m Namjoon,” he takes a few hesitant steps forward until he can make out the swirling pattern of Jolluck’s scales. He gestures towards you. “Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. She was just biting off more than she can chew and now she’s half dead. Isn’t that right?”

“Shut up,” you mutter.

You manage to prop yourself up on the counter so you can look up at Namjoon. A large, sleepy smile parts your lips as you take in his adorable dimple and plush lips. He really is very nice-looking, regardless of what the townspeople say. You don’t even mind his smell that much.

His cheeks flush and he bites down on his lip, grinning at his shoes.

“Are you okay to check the inventory and sign off?”

“Hmm, yeah. I just need a drink. Jolly, can you get me a drink?”

She huffs, but brushes past the heavy velvet curtain to find a bottled energizer somewhere in the back of the store room. She returns moments later with a little glass flask that’s stopped with a cork. Which would be fine if you had some strength in your arms, but you’re still very much 80% noodle.

“Namjoon, you can open this, right?”

“Sure,” he smiles and takes the jar from you. His hands are oddly soft for someone whose job consists of heavy lifting and sorting through tons of perilous ingredients to sell to people like you.

Your head lolls to rest on your shoulder and you wonder briefly what his hands would feel like against the skin of your waist or your arms or your inner thighs. He chokes a little and nearly drops the vial but manages to snap it out of the air before it can shatter.

He gives it back to you wordlessly and wipes his now sweaty palms on the fabric of his pants.

“So, what do you have for me?”

“Just the usual shipment.”

“I know, but maybe you can, uh, read it out loud for me. Jog my memory?” You’re being over the top, you know it. But you really like his voice, too. Everything about him is just so…nice.

“Alright. The first thing on the list is standard toadstools, a grade and rehydrated.”

“Hand-picked?” You take a shot of the energizer.

“By yours truly.”

“Nice,” is all you say as you eye his hands once more.

Jolluck leans over to hiss into your ear. “This is disgusting and I’m starving. When are we doing lunch?” “When he stops telling me everything I ordered,” you hiss right back out of the corner of your mouth. “What else is there?”

“There’s more lilac, sage, thyme, and wolf’s bane. Those are all local except for the sage. But I got you a good deal at the market.”

“How nice of you.”

As he lists the other supplies he brought with him, you take the time to nurse your bright green energizer and look Namjoon over some more.

Perhaps you spent too much time in the human realm, but you really do think he’s loads better than that daemon boy Yoongi, who breezes through the shop every so often to show off his solid gold watch collection. Namjoon is tall and nice, and always has a pretty blush around you. You don’t even mind the way he smells, it’s actually not as bad as you remembered during your time at human college.

“Sorry about not bringing the dead man’s toes. I guess the graveyards were a little empty this week. But that’s everything, I think,” he says with finality, folding his list and shoving it in his back pocket. He begins deconstructing the rolling cart he took with him, now that it’s no longer in use with the boxes having been unloaded onto the ground.

“Oh.”

You can’t help but be disappointed that your time with him is ending so soon. And right when you got your strength back, if the tickling hum running through your veins is any indication of the energizer’s effect. So much energy is coursing through you that some magic starts to spark out of your fingers. You quickly hide your hands behind you back, not wanting him to see the sparks and think you’re some young witch with no control over her magic. Although, wiping yourself of nearly all your energy moments before he arrived just to clean the shop sounds like something you might have also done when you were a mere teen.

Jolluck emerges from the stairs in the back that lead to your apartment on the second floor. “Your cabinets are all empty. And your fridge. I’m going shopping.” She waves something that looks suspiciously like your wallet, the urks in it jingle mockingly.

A thought pops into your head, so you decide to just run with it.

“N-namjoon, do you think you could stick around? I’m still feeling kind of shaky and Jolluck is heading to the southern market.”

“The southern market? Why would I go there when I could just go to the one by the Elder woods?”

“Just go,” you give her a smile of mostly bared teeth. You turn to Namjoon again, once Jolluck is out the door. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t mind. Where should I put them?”

“In the back. I’ll show you.”

You wait for him to pick up the first box, relishing in the way the muscles in his back bunch and coil as he hefts it up into his arms with a soft grunt. He follows behind you quietly while you lead the way.

“Wow.” He takes in the rows and rows of shelves behind the curtain. Each one packed full with various ingredients or preserved things for rituals that are shelf-stable. “You’re no joke.”

“Guess you could say that,” you lean against a wall and watch him open the box. “I was the top of my classes.”

“In witching school?”

“And at a human college?”

“Really,” he stops to peer down at you. “So, you don’t mind humans, then?”

“Not anymore than I mind the folks here. They both have their ups and downs.”

“And I suppose you’ve heard what everyone’s had to say about me?”

He holds up two jars of pickles hooves, unsure of where to put them. You push yourself off the wall and take them from him. He follows behind once again to move the box, and hand you each jar as you stack them on the appropriate shelf.

“I mean, people definitely like to talk to me about you.”

“About my being a human?”

“Yeah, sort of. But probably more because you’re human. People think I love all things human just because I went to school with them.”

“Well, what do you think?”

“About humans?”

“About me.”

Before you can stop yourself, your tongue sticks out playfully between your teeth. “You really wanna know?”

“I do,” he smiles down at you, another jar in hand.

With a crooked finger, you beckon him closer and he moves in with head cocked to the side. You lean in close enough that your lips just barely graze the shell of his ear. He shivers.

“I don’t think you’re really human,” you whisper before grasping the jar and tugging, but it doesn’t budge.

Namjoon stares down at you, wide eyed, before snapping out of his surprise and tugging the jar back, bringing you stumbling with it.

“How’d you know,” he says back in an equally hushed voice.

“What’s that saying you guys have? The nose knows?”

“It was because of my smell? Seriously?”

“What can I say? I spent a lot of time with humans while I was at school with them. I know that smell anywhere. And you do smell like them, but…you also don’t.”

“How do you know it’s not just because I spend a lot of time fae people?”

“Is that why?”

“No,” he grins. You swear it must be a trick of the light, but his eyes flash unnaturally for a second. “My dad was human, but his dad was a seer and my mom was a quarter elf.”

“I knew it. You smell too much like silver to be a human. Not enough copper in you.”

“Congrats on guessing right.”

“Can you do any magic? I know it tends to be weaker when it’s not matrilineal, but genes are funny things.”

“I can’t do much outward production. Mostly just life-force projection, see?”

He pushes up the sleeve of his T-shirt and flexes his bicep, bringing the tattoos into focus. You realize upon closer inspection that they’re moving now. The lines weave together in a periodic fashion, an organic rhythm. Like the tides or another being’s pulse. He pulls up the hem of his shirt to reveal that the tattoos continue down his flanks and spread onto the ridges of his otherwise flat abdomen. Your hand itches to reach out and traces the lines. Would you feel his life-forces thrumming under your finger? Would yours expel to meet his? Were they even compatible enough to do that? You hoped so.

“Wow.”

“I can also um,” he trails off.

“You can also what? You can tell me. Is it embarrassing?”

“Not for me,” he smirks. When you squint out of confusion, his cheeks color and he looks down at the ground. “I have level 2 telepathy.”

“Oh. That’s cool. Why is that embarrassing?”

“I mean, it’s not embarrassing for me. But it sometimes is for other people. Since it’s combination mirrored and tactile telepathy.”

You choke on an inhale and get sent into a coughing fit when you realize that Namjoon can feel your thoughts about him on his skin. It’s probably a side effect of the tattoos he has, so it’s probably not super strong, but it still means that every time you made eye contact with him and thought about how broad his shoulders looked, he felt it in his shoulders. All those times you’d lusted after him while he brought in your orders, he’d felt them.

“I am so sorry,” you gasp with tears of embarrassment pricking at the corners of your eyes. “Had I known, I would have never, ever asked you to stick around so much. I hope I didn’t make you too uncomfortable. For what its worth, I am truly sorry.”

“It’s really fine. It’s a lot better than what everyone else was thinking when they thought a human had managed to infiltrate town to burn everything to the ground.”

“But still! You shouldn’t have to endure either of those. You could have sent your friend drop things off, I wouldn’t have gotten offended. I just… I don’t know what else to say.”

“It’s really fine.”

“How could it be fine?”

“Because I wasn’t bothered by it,” he admits with a soft smile.

Silently, he takes your hand and places it just millimeters above his forearm. Your life-force, a pale yellow liquid fire, crackles up on the edges of your skin and tangles with his own syrupy black one. A phenomenon that occurs when life force resonance frequencies are compatible.

“Shit.” “Yeah,” he parrots back quietly. “Shit.”

You take a chance and hurl yourself at him. The force takes him by surprise and you manage to knock him onto the floor, barely missing the box containing precious jars of dead man’s toes. But you don’t care because his instantly come to skate up your arms, down your back, to cup your butt. He squeezes appreciatively and lets out a low groan when you reward him with wet, open-mouthed kisses down the column of his neck.

His hands find their way underneath your uniform tunic and press brands into your skin. You keep kissing the parts of his face in a disorganized fashion. First his chin, then his clavicle, then the deep dimple in his cheek, and finally the corner of his mouth. He turns and captures your lips with his own, startling you into submission. At first, he explores the landscape of your mouth with fervent presses and caresses, but eventually he grows curious enough to probe. His tongue sneaks out to lick at the seam of your lips and you open up for him immediately, air from your pants puffing out in between you.

The feeling of his tongue sliding lazily against the tip of yours, dancing along the tender inside of your lip, has you clenching in vain. You move unconsciously so his thigh slots in between yours and begin to rock your hips against him, hoping for a bit of friction.

He chuckles against your mouth before pulling away from a soft, slick sound. “In a hurry?”

“Yeah. I want you to fuck me. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing wrong with that.”

He curses when his hands finally meet the globes of your breasts. They’re free in the loose material of your tunic and they make for a pleasant weight in his large hands. His thumbs come out to swipe a finely mirrored pattern over your nipples. When you respond with a high whine, he twists them roughly. Almost as if he has control over them, your hips snap against him. Your writhing over him eggs on the growing erection in his trousers, which you can feel nudging your pelvis with every inward thrust.

Your life force is excited enough from the amorous activity that its flowing steadily around your limbs like a ribbon satellite. You ignoring the way thick globules of Namjoon’s life force start to raise from the tattoos to trade spots with some of your own fiery energy. You read about what that means once, but now you couldn’t give two shits about whatever class notes you internalized from school.

“Namjoon, touch me,” you whine when the beginnings of your arousal start to soak your underwear.

“I thought I was touching you.”

You roll your eyes and redirect one of the hands that been rolling your breasts down into your pants. He hisses at the sticky coating that drenches his fingers the moment you pulled your underwear to the side for him. He crooks two fingers and traces your hole as best he can with his wrist turned awkwardly. You shift until your heat sucks him in and begin to grind your clit against him. His other hand snakes around to grab at your ass semi-roughly.

“That’s right. Get yourself off on my hand.”

“I don’t want to cum like this,” you pant against his neck.

“How do you want to cum?”

“On your tongue,” you admit. You’re glad he can’t see how hot your face got, but you let out a yelp when he shifts his palm even closer to your heat.

“I like that idea. Get up here.”

You scrabble onto your knees above him and slip out of your clothes as best you can without kneeing him anywhere important. As soon as you’re bare, his hands land on your hips and tug you until you get the hint and shuffle forward until you’re almost seated over his chin.

“You smell good,” he says with a deep inhale. He stretches his neck out and presses an open kiss to your clit, making sure to suck as he pulls away, bringing moisture with him. He licks his lips clean before doing it again and again until you’re shaking and have to brace yourself by leaning forward on your hands.

Finally, he pushes down on your hips, motioning you to sit on his face properly. The moment that you do, the flat of his tongue comes out to collect the dew and undulate against you in broad strokes. When he reaches your entrance he dips in shallowly, collecting more of your arousal, and then repeating. During the first few swipes of his tongue, you try to be courteous of his neck and face, try not to overwhelm him. But once he starts slurping obscenely, your hips move on their own accord. You grind yourself sinuously on his tongue, moaning without any restriction.

When he adds a thumb into the mix, rubbing at your clit, so he can attempt to fuck into you with his tongue. Your head drops forward and you notice that Namjoon is still wearing all of his clothes. You decide this won’t do and put your weight on one hand so you can undo his trousers with the other. It’s a little fumbly and it takes a few tries, but you manage to not only loosen his pants but also push them and his underwear down far enough that his erection can swing forward. You swipe away at clouds of his life force that are happily bumbling around your hand and stroke the length of his shaft. He’s not expecting the sudden touch and jumps, bumping you a little bit.

You spit into your palm before going back into to stroke him in earnest. Its doesn’t take long for your arm to get tired trying to jerk him off from your far away position. You try to inch forward without moving out reach of his mouth.

“Why are you moving away,” he mumbles against your inner thigh.

You don’t answer at first, so he sucks a teasing hickey on the sensitive skin there, causing you to nearly topple over face-first onto his lower stomach.

“You’ll see why. Just be patient.”

Soon you’re hovering over his pelvis and readjust your lower body so that you’re still positioned over Namjoon’s mouth. He tries to peer up curiously but the feeling of your mouth engulfing him instantly clues him in to what you’re doing.

“Fuck,” he groans at the feeling of you bobbing the warm, wetness of your mouth over his length.

The tip of your tongue nudges at his slit and his eyes roll into the back of his head. Before he gets too caught up in the feeling of you caressing the bottom part of his slick shaft, he returns to your center. He starts licking back into you with a vengeance, almost like he’s competing with you. His head moves up and down with the added force his lips parting your petal-soft folds. Your clit is still trapped in the loop of constant figure eights that he skates over the nub. You whine around him and the vibrations wring a moan out of him.

He senses that you’re losing the battle with your orgasm. The way your thigh’s tremble on either side of his head clues him in as well. He pulls back briefly and you hum around him from above.

“Ride my face,” is all he says before gripping your thighs and pressing you tightly against him. He flexes the body of his tongue before shaking his head back and forth against your clit.

The direct stimulation short circuits your brain and you nearly forget to keep jerking him off while the quakes of your high take over your body. Short, choked breaths leave you as you climax, dripping onto his tongue and the lower half of his face. Part of you bemoans the fact that you won’t see his face when he cums, so you soldier on as best you can and redouble your efforts to make him feel good as well.

Almost like a feedback mechanism, your indecent thoughts coupled with the actual onslaught of your mouth have him giving you all he still can until you sneak up on him with a well-timed deep swallow as he thrusts up into your throat and just the right amount of pressure near his perineum. His body goes rigid as he spills into your mouth, and you bob your head to milk him of every last drop. Even after muscles in his thighs stop rippling, you suckle lightly at the tip to clean him up, and he squirms under you out of sensitivity. “Please don’t touch the human remains,” he drones with closed eyes, feigning death by blowjob.

“Oh, stop it,” you drum your fingers against his abdomen. “You’re not even human.”

“Not completely.”

“At least you’re not dead.”

“No, I think I am. I think you swallowed my soul.”

“Well, if you’re really dead, can I borrow your toes?”

#btssmutclub #bangtan bookclub #networkbangtan #bscproject #btswriters #bttnetwork #hyunglinenetwork #bts smut #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts fanfction #bangtan fanfic #bangtan scenarios #namjoon fanfic #namjoon imagine #namjoon scenarios #kim namjoon

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mayhemxmugglesxmagic · 4 years

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Headcanon – Draco/Alchemy/ Elemental Magic

Note: Some of this headcanon is was inspired by a conversation with the lovely @holmesdepot, and their amazing headcanon. Credit where credit is due!

Alchemy: General/History

-- Based on this.

Alchemy is a branch of magic and an ancient science concerned with the study of the composition, structure and magical properties of the four basic elements, as well as the transmutation of substances; it is thus intimately connected with Potion-making, chemistry and transformative magic. Alchemy also concerns philosophy -- one interpretation of alchemical literature, which is known to be dominated by mystical and metaphysical speculation, were that the study of Alchemy was symbolic of a spiritual journey, leading the alchemist from ignorance, or base metal, to enlightenment or gold. While Muggles for the most part largely dismiss it as an outdated forerunner of modern chemistry, there are some wizards who actively study and practice it in modern day, and who have held it to be some of the most difficult magic known

Alchemy has been a field of study since antiquity. As the time went on, the lack of common words for chemical concepts and processes, as well as the need for secrecy (presumably to avoid Muggle persecution though it may have also had something to do with cultural feelings towards Alchemy and the growing cultural divide between elemental instinctual magic and more institutionalized conduit based magic) led alchemists to borrow the terms and symbols of biblical and pagan mythology, astrology, and other esoteric fields. This marked a progress in alchemical research, as it allowed the exchange of ideas between alchemists without outside meddling. However, this also ended up making the plainest chemical recipe read like an abstruse magic incantation, probably confusing the learning and spreading of alchemy as a science.

The best known goals of the alchemists were the transformation of common metals into Gold or Silver, the creation of a Panacea (a remedy that would cure all diseases and prolong life indefinitely), and the discovery of a universal solvent. Two of the three primary alchemical goals were achieved by the famed French alchemist Nicolas Flamel sometime in or after the 14th century, with his creation of the Philosopher's Stone and, by extension, the Elixir of Life. Flamel went on to live to the 1990s and to six centuries old, til the destruction of the Stone.

Alchemy: The Elements (Basic)

-- Based on this:

What we know --

EARTH: In alchemy, earth was believed to be primarily dry, and secondarily cold, (as per Aristotle). Beyond those classical attributes, the chemical substance salt, was associated with earth. Earth can represent physical movements and sensations, and it’s associated with the colors green and brown, and the humor black bile. Earth is associated with matter, foundation, manifestation, money, incorporating, employment, touch, empathy, understanding, fertility, security, safety, home, prosperity, and business. Represents stability and physical endurance.

AIR: Aristotle stated that air represented heat and wetness (the wetness is from water vapor, which was thought to be part of air). The air symbol in alchemy can also represent a life-giving force, and it is associated with the colors white and blue. Hippocrates associated air with blood. Air is associated with thought, creativity, knowledge, mental activity, study, speech, intellect, ideas, communication, hearing, travel, messages, eloquence, freedom, discovery, revealing hidden things, and secrets. Represents intelligence and the arts.

FIRE: In alchemy, fire represents emotions such as passion, love, anger, and hate, which are sometimes referred to as “fiery” emotions. Aristotle labeled it as hot and dry, and it is represented by the colors red and orange, as well as the humor yellow bile. Fire is associated with energy, spirituality, passions, light, vitality, health, goals, desires, destiny, sexuality, purification, and sight. Represents courage and daring.

WATER: Aristotle labeled water as cold and wet, and Hippocrates connected it to the body humor phlegm. Additionally, it’s associated with intuition as well as the color blue, and is often linked to the alchemy symbol of mercury (as both are seen as feminine symbols). The Greek philosopher Thales believed water was the first substance created in the world. Water is associated with feelings, happiness, pleasure, love, children, friendship, marriage, family, ancestors, veils, home, taste, dreams, sleep, divination, purification, cleansings, healing, psychic and intuition, and the sub-conscious. Represents emotions and intuition.

(I’ll go into more detail on specific metals, etc later)

Alchemy: Hogwarts

-- Based on this:

What were know --

The sixth-year Potions curriculum at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry covers alchemy and, as such, Libatius Borage's Advanced Potion-Making includes a brief historical and scientific overview of alchemy. According to Horace Slughorn, the preparation of an antidote for a blended poison following Golpalott's Third Law incurs in an almost alchemical process. However, Alchemy itself is an elective subject offered at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and only when there is sufficient demand from sixth and seventh-year students only.

What this could mean --

Ministry regulations on Alchemy and the study of elemental magic due to the unpredictability of it have made learning Alchemy in depth is highly discouraged. As such even when there is an acceptable amount of students who wish to take the course it does not go forward. There are fears of individuals who are able to harness the elements in magic, specifically the element associated with their magical core. It is powerful but unstable in most peoples hands -- and alchemy is a stepping stone toward the understanding of that.

Alchemy: Draco’s research

Draco isn’t interested in eternal life, or a cure for all illness. He’s interested in harnessing the properties of the here and now -- making the most of the time given to him, and the transformative potential of life itself. That's why he's so intrigued by Felix Felicis. While commonly understood to be a luck potion that’s not exactly what it is. It’s a complex potion that aligns the users magical core with the elements and their properties in perfect harmony. People have described being on Felix Felicis as just knowing -- everything goes right. This is because it heightens the users instincts, and their magic pushes them to trust themselves, guides them in the right direction. The potion is little more than an add blocker for the wizards brain -- it removes doubt and creates a direct line from the users magical core to the universe around them.

Most wizards in the modern day have trouble tapping into this part of themselves due to an over reliance on wands, incantations, potions, etc, as well as being told that there is a right way and a wrong way to do magic. But Felix Felicis removes the barrier that’s been built by cultural reliance on things like wands and the idea of proper magic.

Through his research Draco learns of old magic -- magic based on elements and wordless/wandless casting from a time when wizards and witches instinctually knew how to cast and harness the energies around them. Their magic was directly related to their physical and emotional states as well as the stars (birth charts) they were born under. However, this often made magic unstable and unpredictable to those who did not understand or were not powerful enough to user their own magic safely. As such under the guise of creating proper magic -- wands and other tools were slowly normalized while the old ways died out or were removed.

Alchemy came about in the UK during the cultural shift from this more instinctual wandless magic to the strict conduit and incantation based magic of modern wizarding Europe. Alchemy was a way for those who remembered a time when magic was more element based and instinctual to try and make sense of the properties within their magic -- Why does lead interact the way it does with the human spleen? Why is my magic more powerful if I cast while holding tin on a Thursday, but my sisters isn’t? etc. If they could make sense of it, if the could quantitate it then they could harness the elements to do their bidding and justify further research into the link between the elements, the stars, etc, and magic. In modern times however, many witches and wizards find this field of study obsolete or foolish -- much like the way they view divination.

Birth charts, Alchemy, and Old magic: Draco

A wizards or witches birth chart dictates the elements their magic relates to so for example a wizard born under a fire star sign (Seamus such an Aries Finnegan) would find spells using fire, heat, etc easier to use and more powerful than a witch or wizard who was born under a water sign. The witch or wizards dominate star sign also can narrow down the type of accidental magic they may perform as children.

Back to Draco as an example (I’ll post Draco’s birth chart later) Draco’s dominate element is Earth with 37.04% of his birth chart falling under a planet associated with the element of Earth. (It’s important and interesting to note Water (29.63%) and Air (29.63%) are very close while Fire is almost nonexistent (3.7%) And the fact he almost died in a fiendfyre becomes very understandable). As such much of Draco’s accidental magic as a child would be Earth based, such as small manifestations and summonings (a toy he wanted suddenly appearing, or flowers blooming all over his room), or small circles of protection surrounding him when he felt uncertain or afraid.

This also means that things associated with Earth are things that can help him cast stronger and more intuitive spells. That is if he’s able to connect with the elemental core of his magic, and over come the societal and cultural norm of using a conduit. Things associated with Earth are also things he’d find easier to use, and would be more potent in potions and alchemic transmutation for him. For example potions using salt (Associated with Earth) brewed by Draco would be more potent than if they were brewed by someone whose dominate element was fire.

However, due to the close nature of the elements in his brith chart, its safe to say that most magic concerning earth, water, and air Draco would be rather good at instinctually, but wouldn’t be as strong as someone who had a single dominate element. Percentages matter.

#hc: Alchemy and Arsenic (Draco)#[outofmagic: This post got a bit out of hand]#[outofmagic: not sure if it makes sense or if I've just rambled but still here it is]#world building: Alchemy and Arsenic (Draco)#holmesdepot #[A bit like what we were talking about]

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sage-nebula · 7 years

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Not meme, but headcanons about Link's and Zelda's lives post-game? I like to think they just stuff Zelda's library in the Hateno home eventually since I don't think they'd spend much time in the house anyway, Link would be out there helping people and Zelda would be in Purah's or Robbie's labs, or otherwise warping around with the Sheikah Slate (or not, idk if it would allow non-Hero to warp. Regardless, she'd be out there for her archaeology passions). (I still need to finish 😅)

Sure!! I have lots of headcanons about this. ♥ I do include some information from the Golden Ending, so I’ll put that bit under a cut to give you the option of whether or not you want to read it. As for the non-spoiler stuff:

I do think they actually live in the house in Hateno. In my headcanon, Link bought it not only so that he would have a place to store the special weapons / a place to rest when he got tired, but also with the thought in mind that he and Zelda could possibly live there together once all was said and done. He was still regaining his memories of the past at the time, and they were disjointed and out of order; but the more he remembered, the more he remembered how close they once were, and aside from that, he figured (correctly) that Zelda wouldn’t want to live in the castle when all was said and done. She did spend one hundred years in there with Calamity Ganon, after all. Wouldn’t she want to spend her days somewhere else?So after the events of the game, he brings her back to Hateno. He already has his horse there with him thanks to the Dark Beast Ganon fight (in my headcanon this is Keith, but it could be any horse for any others), and so he helps Zelda onto the back of the horse and brings her back to Hateno. He blindfolds her with a scarf when they get near, leads Keith over to the little mini stables and puts him in the stall (next to the royal white horse, named Allura in my headcanon, but again, the name is irrelevant), and then when he goes back over to where Zelda is in front of the house, he removes the blindfold … and lets her see the house.“Ta-da!”Zelda blinks, staring at the house for a moment before she says, “… It’s a house.”“Yeah. It’s our house. I bought it.”“You … bought a house?” Zelda turns to look at him, staring, and Link laughs a bit awkwardly.“Yup. They were going to tear it down, so I bought it for 3,000 rupees and some wood. And, uh, some other stuff inside—it’s all decorated. Here, come see.”He takes her hand and leads her inside. Shows her the Champions’ weapons on the wall (“I figured it’d be best to honor them, instead of breaking their stuff in combat”), the table, the desk and bed on the second floor. He stutters and stammers over getting a bigger bed, or a second bed, before Zelda laughs and says it’s all right, she doesn’t mind sharing. They’ll need a bigger one, of course, but for now this one will do.“Really?” he says, his blush fading, but his heart still racing.“I’ve spent one hundred years alone, with only a brutish pig-beast for company,” she says, and Link’s heart cracks as Zelda wraps her arms around her middle. “I wouldn’t mind having someone soft and warm to lay next to at night.”They’re both blushing, now, their cheeks pink and indeed warm, so Link clears his throat. “All right. Well, then, I’ve got one last thing to show you.”That’s when he takes her hand again and leads her back outside, to the stable beside their house, where their two horses each have their own individual stalls. Zelda is in shock; she goes to the white horse and tentatively reaches out her hand. The horse sniffs, and then bumps her snout against Zelda’s palm.“That’s a descendant of your old horse, I think,” Link says. “I’ve been calling her Allura, but you can call her whatever you like.”“Allura is a nice name,” Zelda says, and she turns to look at Link in wonder. “Where did you … ?”“Plenty of time for that story later,” Link says, mostly because he has just remembered the room in the back. “Come on. One last thing, for real this time.”

The shed / room in the back of the house becomes Zelda’s new study. Link never minded her intellectual curiosities; aside from the incident where she almost made him eat a frog (Zelda pls), Link was actually always impressed by how smart and studious she is, and loved seeing how passionately happy she got when talking about her interests. So after he helps clean the room of spiders and cobwebs, they install nice lights and move the desk from the second floor of the house to the back room, so that can be Zelda’s study. She still does study with Purah, Symon, and Robbie, but she also has her own study at their house where she can go for private thoughts and reflections, just as she did at the castle.

Link does most of the cooking, because he’s gotten rather good at it over the course of his adventure, and Zelda—being a princess—never actually learned. She does have Link teach her, though, and he’s happy to show her new recipes. He’s less happy when she tries to add actual monster parts to food.“Zelda, no,” he says.“What? Monster parts can be used in elixirs. It stands to reason that they could be mixed into food as well. It’s worth a try, at any rate.”“No, it’s not. That’s disgusting.” Link pulls a face. “You should go hang out with Kilton. He’d love to lick Lizalfos with you.”“Who’s Kilton?”“I’ll introduce you sometime.”

They go horseback riding a lot. Since my headcanon gives them Keith (my black horse, my beautiful and brave and best boy) and Allura (the royal white horse), they actually make quite the striking pair. Only Link can warp with the Sheikah Slate (given that he’s the Hero), and he does warp them around sometimes, but Zelda also enjoys seeing the world by traveling on horseback, and Link can’t blame her. Even if there’s so much reconstruction to be done, Hyrule is still a beautiful place. So they go horseback riding a lot, either because they have somewhere to be or simply because they want to enjoy riding for the sake of it. One hundred years has not done very much to diminish their love of riding.

Although only Link can warp with the Sheikah Slate, Zelda is the one who carries it the most often. It was originally hers, after all. That said, they more or less share it now. Zelda was very thrilled to see all of the information Link had added to the Compendium. He, meanwhile, is very pleased that she’s so happy.

After showing Zelda the house, Link took Zelda to Kakariko so that she could reunite with Impa. Both Impa and Zelda cried at this reunion.

Now that she can actually practice and learn without King Rhoan being all D:

With that said, Link ends up taking her by Jini’s Mounted Archery Course, so that she can drill and get good at mounted combat. Jini is excited to have a new pupil, and warms up to Zelda just as quickly as he had warmed up to Link.

And then the kind of #spoilers things:

Although Link takes Zelda to a variety of other places for fun reasons as well (diving in Zora’s Domain, sand seal racing in the desert, listening to Kass’ kids sing in Rito Village, et cetera), they are still focused on reconstructing Hyrule. They maintain upkeep on the Divine Beasts and are actively working to try and unite Hyrule into one kingdom again, given how splintered the various settlements have been ever since the calamity. They do a lot of traveling for this reason, so even though they do return home when they can (either by warping or otherwise), they do spend nights out in the world as well, either by campfires or at inns, stables, et cetera.

Zelda, as mentioned, doesn’t want to live in the castle, ever again. But that said, she is still the kingdom’s princess (queen, now), even if she’s not sure she’s ready for that responsibility, either. Link thinks she is—she has always been a magnificent princess, and will be an amazing queen—but Zelda herself isn’t sure. Even so, she knows that if Hyrule is to be united and truly come together as a kingdom again that she’s going to have to start introducing herself as the queen, and so—with the help of their allies—they do start spreading that word. Zelda formally introduces herself to King Dorephan, Riju, et al as the Queen of Hyrule shortly after she is freed from the castle and is able to travel again. At least by starting with the leaders of each place, it can make it easier for people to see her for the queen she now is, whether she’s ready to be or not. (Although, running a kingdom out of a house in Hateno Village will be tricky, but …) So there’s a lot of political stuff to figure out, but Link assures Zelda that they can take it one step at a time.“We still have to figure out what those steps actually are,” Zelda tells him. “We can’t just … fly by the seat of our pants!”“Why not?” Link asks, and as Zelda gapes at him, adds, “It’s worked pretty well for me so far. Well, actually I was flying by the handles of my paraglider, but—”Zelda swats his arm.

They don’t come together romantically right away. It’s been one hundred years, after all, and things were complicated even back then. So for a long while they live together as friends, platonic roommates even as they share a bed and cuddle and find comfort in each other. Romance builds up slowly over time, and they don’t actually come together romantically until about another year has passed. That said? No one is surprised when they announce this. “Splendid! I must admit I thought you were already together, but even so, superb! Well done!” Sidon gushes.“Were you not … already together?” Kass asks, confused.And so on and so forth.

And that’s all for now!

#tofukitten #loz spoilers #botw spoilers #legend of zelda spoilers #breath of the wild spoilers

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theconservativebrief · 6 years

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Welcome to the weekly Vox book link roundup, a curated collection of the internet’s best writing on books and related subjects. Here’s the best the web has to offer for the week of June 3, 2018.

Loving Nabokov as a woman is a little bit like being a ballsy girl in a high school classroom, for the rest of your life. You know that, in all likelihood, he wouldn’t have thought much of you, no matter how scrupulously you pronounced his name (apparently a point of contention with his co-eds when he taught university; the correct pronunciation is Nah-BO-kov, not NAH-bo-kav). He would’ve palmed you off on Véra, taken your praise and smirked behind your back. This, I learned, was the dark underbelly of being a “cool girl” who can handle tough men: you have to prove yourself with each and every one of them, and after a while, it can stop feeling worth it — especially if the object of your interest is dead, and thus beyond persuasion.

Last year, chief New York Times book critic Michiko Kakutani left her post at the paper where she became an institution. Now she’s writing a book on Donald Trump. Vanity Fair has a brief interview with her, mostly notable for featuring the first new picture of Kakutani in years, possibly decades:

After reviewing thousands of books and winning a Pulitzer along the way, she did not find it difficult to write her own. “It was an evolution of what I did at the Times, where I tried to take part in the conversation of ideas, both in fiction and nonfiction. This was like running a marathon instead of doing a lot of sprints.”

Are children the enemy of writing? Are children the saviors of writing? Does writing ruin you for parenthood? Does parenthood ruin you for writing? Do children launch you into new heights of creativity? Do children sap your energy until you are a talentless blob? How many children should you have? Can only men be art monsters? Should only women be art monsters? Is it perhaps different for everyone?

“I remember once, him saying, ‘I hope you’re putting these away for yourself,’” [Enrico] Adelman recalled.

”‘Phillip,’ I said, ‘You’re my 401K!’ He said, ‘I am!’”

Classifying and rating is an easy game for critics, and perhaps the least of our duties. It’s tempting to rate Wood’s fiction alongside his criticism and find it wanting or to consider it alongside the fiction of Wilson, Trilling, and Susan Sontag, and conclude that writing fiction tends to be a mug’s game for great critics. Those writers were operating at a time when modern notions of professionalization were sorting writers into categories that hadn’t had much meaning before, when every writer tended to try everything and history was left to do the classifying.

Sex and the City turned 20 this year. At the New York Times, Steven Kurutz tracks the creation of the column that became the book that became the TV show:

What one forgets going back after “Sex and the City” became this zeitgeist-y television series is it is a really well-written book. It’s so good, and it’s not just about sex. The character descriptions are so incredibly spot on. The crazy international girl, Amalita Amalfi. The way Candace talks about 19-year-old models and how your life will never be like them, so let’s see what their life is like. And it’s so boring and deadening.

In Europe, alchemists were obsessed with generating gold, but in China, they preferred to work on youth elixirs. A string of Chinese alchemists claimed to have created a rejuvenating potion; Joseph Needham, the historian, scientist, and Sinologist, was so struck by the frequency with which Chinese emperors were poisoned by these drugs that he tabulated a list of victims. In around 300 A.D., a Chinese alchemist called Ge Hong collated various recipes. Three centuries later, a more detailed treatise specified the inclusion of obscure, exotic substances such as mercurial salts and compounds of sulfur. There are more than a thousand different names for these potions, most of which carried the same basic mineral ingredients.

A thought process, which has been going on for months or even years, might begin to arrange itself into a sort of pattern. Like a pebble in my pocket I carry the notion around, collecting other pebbles which look similar, until I have a pocketful. I’ll spread them out on the table, these notes and observations, looking for the points of connection. Then there comes the moment, hopefully, when I see it. In that way fiction and nonfiction are not so different, that part of the process is the same. With fiction, though, I will begin to search for a narrative with which to veil those ideas.

Happy reading!

Original Source -> Remembering Sex and the City before the book became the TV show

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief

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crazyblondelife · 6 years

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Intermittent Fasting - The Best Way to Loose Weight and Have Beautiful Skin

It's almost the middle of February and we're all ready for spring and warmer temperatures. The holidays are a time when most of eat more food than we should and it's so much harder to exercise when the weather is cold and rainy than it is when it's beautiful outside. Part of this is mental, but I would much rather go out for a walk or even get up and drive to a yoga class when the weather is beautiful. My point to all of this is, it's time to get ready for bathing suits, shorts and Spring because we all want to look and feel our best! Intermittent fasting is one way to get healthy and improve the quality of your health and visibly improve your skin. I've been practicing this method off and on for about a year and it definitely works when I work it! This isn't about depravation, it's about being your best healthy self. You can download my e-book - A weeks worth of Recipes for Healthy Eating, to get you started with some healthy food as you try intermittent fasting. It's on the home page of this blog, so keep scrolling and you'll see it!

I'm sure by now that you've all heard about Intermittent Fasting, but there are so many different ways to fast, that I thought it would be good to break it down.

Intermittent fasting may be beneficial if you are bloated, have itchy or blotchy skin or acne, heartburn, or difficulty loosing weight.

Fasting has been used by different cultures throughout time for different reasons, one of them being for the purpose of healing the body and skin. We've all been taught to believe that we need "three square meals a day" to be healthy, but that's not necessarily true. Fasting can have positive effects for the body. We've all fasted at some point...because of a stomach bug or other illness, we've stopped eating and maybe even drinking. This causes our bodies to go into repair mode. We also fast in the night while we sleep. Intermittent fasting allows the body to redirect it's energy from digesting food. The energy goes into repair and detoxification, giving the liver and kidneys a beneficial break. Other bodily processes speed up during fasting making it helpful for addressing problems with the skin, including contact dermatitis, hives, eczema and acne.

Intermittent fasting is a tool we can use whenever we need to reboot our system, and it can provide dramatic results. If you switch something on and leave it running without giving it a break, it will soon show signs of wear and tear. Giving your body a break from digestion will have a positive impact.

When you eat, more food energy is ingested than can immediately be used. Some of this energy must be stored away for later use. Insulin is the key hormone involved in the storage of food energy. When we eat, insulin rises, helping to store the excess energy in two ways. Sugars, or glycogen are stored in the liver, but there is limited space in the liver so the liver starts to turn the glucose into fat. Some of this fat is stored in the liver but most of it is stored in the body.

When we fast, insulin levels fall and the body starts to burn stored energy because no more is coming through food. Blood glucose falls, so the body pulls glucose out of storage to burn for energy. We are either storing food energy or we are burning it. If eating and fasting are balanced, then there is no weight gain.

If we start eating the minute we get out of bed and don't stop until we go to sleep, the body stays in a fed state. Over time, we will gain weight because we have not allowed our body any time to burn food energy.

To lose weight, we simply need to increase the amount of time we fast. Fasting allows the body to use its stored energy. If you are constantly eating, as is often recommended, then your body will use the incoming food energy and never burn the body fat...you'll only store it. Your body will save it for a time when there is nothing to eat.

Try this recipe for Avocado and Beet Salad from makeup artist Wendy Rowe.

The most obvious benefit of intermittent fasting is weight loss, but there are many other benefits including:

Improved mental clarity and concentration

Weight and body fat loss

Lowered blood insulin and sugar levels

Reversal of type 2 diabetes

Increased energy

Improved fat burning

Increased growth hormone

Lowered blood cholesterol,

Potential prevention of Alzheimer's disease (this is huge for me since both my parents have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and live in memory care)

Reduction of inflammation

Improved skin

There is no more powerful method than fasting for lowering insulin and decreasing body weight.

Here are the different ways to practice Intermittent fasting:

16:8 - This is my preferred method. This involves daily fasting for 16 hours. You eat all your meals within an 8 hour time period and fast for the remaining 16 hours. You wait 16 hours after your last meal at night before you eat again the next day. Generally, I eat only 2 meals, skipping breakfast. If dinner is finished at 8pm, I don't eat again until noon the next day (I do have water with Welleco Super Elixir, Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides, and coffee, and have recently added several cups of Wild Hibiscus Blue Tea).

20:4 - This is the same as 16:8, only the fast is for 20 hours instead of 16.

24 hour fasts - This involves fasting from dinner to dinner (or lunch to lunch). If you eat dinner on day 1, you would skip the next day's breakfast and lunch and eat dinner again on the second day. This means that you are still eating daily, but only once during that day. This could be done as much as two or three times per week.

5:2 fast - This method was popularized by Dr. Michael Mosely in his book The Fast Diet. This involves eating 5 regular eating days and 2 fasting days. However on these two fasting days, it is permitted to eat 500 calories each day. These calories can be consumed at any time during the day - either spread throughout the day, or as a single meal.

36 hour fast - This involves fasting for the entire day. If you eat dinner on day 1, you would fast for all of day 2 and not eat again until breakfast on day 3. This provides a more powerful weight loss benefit and it is very beneficial to the body.

Contrary to popular belief, studies show that fasting increases the metabolism. Another benefit is that if you exercise, your body will burn body fat for energy.

Fasting will not burn muscle. The body first breaks down glycogen into glucose for energy. After that, the body increases fat breakdown to provide energy. Excess amino acids are also used for energy, but the body does not burn its own muscle for fuel.

If you decide to try intermittent fasting, here are some tips:

Drink water,

Stay busy,

Drink decaffeinated coffee or tea

Ride out the hunger waves (they will pass)

Don't tell anyone who is not supportive

Give yourself at least a month to get used to it

Follow a low carb diet between fasting. This reduces hunger and makes fasting much easier. Don't binge after fasting, eat a healthy meal that you could hold in your two palms and eat slowly, chewing each bite at least 10 times.

You can also support the liver during fasting by starting each day with warm water and a squeeze of lemon juice, and drinking dandelion or milk thistle tea.

When you do eat, eat lots of fresh vegetables, add garlic and turmeric to your meals. Choose foods that help the liver function better, such as onions, broccoli, kale, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, beets and cauliflower. Also take a break from alcohol and caffeine (this one is difficult for me).

This may all sound very complicated, but it's not. For the record, I drink cream in my coffee, even when I'm doing the 16:8. You don't have to be a zealot who says no to everyone during a fast, you have to live. Adjust your fast if there is something you really want to do and start again the next day. Living in a constant state of denial is not mentally healthy.

This recipe for Tumeric-Ginger Chicken Soup comes from Martha Stewart.

Having said all of this, I truly believe that eating should be a pleasure. All to often, I find myself in a hurry, standing at the kitchen counter eating something before rushing out the door. While I do try to eat healthy food, this is not the way to do it. My goal is to try to be present when I eat and enjoy what I'm putting in my mouth.

Over the next few weeks, I'll be making and blogging some super healthy recipes to jumpstart getting our bodies ready for those bathing suits!

The information in this post comes from Eat Beautiful by Wendy Rowe, Nerd Fitness, and Diet Doctor.

I also have tutorials for some really healthy recipes on my YouTube Channel that you can check out here!

#healthy eating #intermittent fasting #healthy lifestyle #weight loss

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crijoh · 7 years

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I wrote a post a little over a week ago when I fully figured out the duration mechanics of food. Now it's been over 24 hours since someone broke my potency system - the only thing standing in my way of saying I'm done! I think it's time to redo my post and make all my final changes... so without further ado, I present to you:BOTW CookingBasic MechanicsTotal health is equal to the sum of the health restoring ingredients' values multiplied by 2 or Health=Sum(HealthValues)x2An effect's duration is controlled by the sum of it's ingredient's time values (all cold resist/attack up/stealth up/etc share the same time) plus 30 seconds for every ingredient.Potency is controlled by a point system. To figure out the potency of a dish, you must sum up the potency points of the ingredients and check if you've passed a certain threshold.Dishes can "crit", you'll hear a musical cue to signify that it has occurred (you'll pick up on it pretty easily).DurationThe duration of an effect is handled by the effect, not the ingredient. All attack boosting ingredients, for example, contribute 20 seconds to the duration, totaling 50 seconds for counting as an ingredient.Attack Up 0:20Cold Resistance 2:00Defense Up 0:20Fireproof 2:00Heat Resistance 2:00Shock Resistance 2:00Speed Up 0:30Stealth Up 1:30With this we can calculate a dish's duration when using a voltfruit and two apples like this: First, you get 2:00 for each voltfruit (1) in the dish. Then you add any time boosting ingredients (I'll talk about them later) of which there are none. Finally, add 0:30 for each ingredient (3) totaling 1:30. Add your 2:00 to the 1:30 and you get 3:30. (If you get different results, make sure you listened for the crit music).PotencyFor potency, it appears each ingredient has a specific "tier". Each tier provides X amount of "potency points" specific for each effect type detailed in the brown section labeled "Potency Table" in the spreadsheet:Tier 1 (Low) - X PointsTier 2 (Mid) - 2X PointsTier 3 (High) - 3X PointsTo reach a certain tier, you must accumulate a number of points. As such:Mid Threshold = 30High Threshold = 45For example, add a Mighty Porgy (28) to one Mighty Thistles (7) and a Mighty Banana (14) to get a High level Attack buff (potency of 49). For more information, check the "potency" and "effect tier" column in the spreadsheet.Time BoostsFor add-on ingredients (in my inventory it starts with Hylian Rice and ends with 'Dragon' Claw) you get a time boost. Important things to note are:Sometimes time boosting ingredients provide less than the actual effect yielding ingredients themselves.They do not increase potency.They can only be used once in a recipe before losing their duration increase and acting as only ingredients (IE: 1 Bird egg = 1:00 + 0:30, 2 Bird egg = 1:00 + 0:00 + 0:30 + 0:30)For more information, see the cyan section in the spreadsheet.Critical Dishes (Courtesy of /u/ErsatzCats)When you experience a crit while cooking, you'll hear a musical cue and one of 5 effects will proc depending on if you dish supports it:+3 Hearts Restored.+5:00 Duration.+1 Potency Tier (IE: Low -> Mid, Mid -> High).+1 Extra Temporary Heart.+2/5 extra green or yellow stamina.If you want to circumnavigate the RNG aspect, you can add a Star Fragment or any dragon parts. Additionally, cooking while a blood moon is in effect (11:35pm-11:55pm) will trigger a crit automatically.In the realm of RNG, Monster Extract randomly randomizes health recovery, potency tier, and duration. The latter of which will be randomized to either 1:00, 10:00, or 30:00.Temporary StatsFor Hearty ingredients and Stamina restoration/boosting ingredients they follow a surprisingly basic set of rules:All Enduras and Heartys fully restore stamina and health respectively. This operates regardless of any other health restoring ingredients (IE: Apples/Raw Meat).The total temporary stamina/hearts provided is the sum of the individual ingredients' effects.For more information, see the pink and orange section in the spreadsheet.Elixir SpecificsElixirs are no different from cooking apart from being far superior in duration and producing a dubious dish (even if the other ingredients are correct) if you do not include a reagent. Elixirs take precedent in a dish, but the label is purely aesthetic. Here's some important things to note:To include an elixir ingredient, you must also include a reagent from a monster. This will establish the dish as an elixir.You can turn a normal dish into an elixir even using cooking ingredients like time boosts and effect ingredients.Reagents follow three tiers:Tier 1 - 0:40 (40sec)Tier 2 - 1:20 (80sec)Tier 3 - 2:40 (160sec)Important to note is the mixture of cooking and elixirs can yield very powerful dishes. Take for example Mighty Porgy + Mighty Porgy + Bladed Rhino Beetle + Bokoblin Guts + Bokoblin Guts providing a high level 8:50 attack up buff.Interestingly, monsters don't influence the duration enhancing effect of a reagent. Most monsters have a Common, Uncommon, and Rare drop. For example, a Bokoblin's drops are horns, fangs, and guts in order of common to rare. Lizalfos' are horns, talons, tails. The only case where variants (IE: Icy Liz Tail) matter are with Chuchu jellies where regular jelly is Tier 1, but colored jelly is Tier 2.This tier system means using your Lynel hooves for elixirs you'll be using is pointless since they're as good as Bokoblin fangs. For more information on which ingredients belong in which tier, check next to the green section in the spreadsheet.Conclusion - ImplicationsSo from all this information I draw these conclusions:Acorns suck, they're no better than the worst duration effect ingredient and offer no additional potency. They're alright for some early/mid game health restoration though!The game wants you to use ingredients out of scarcity, thus acorns aren't too bad if you have one razorshroom and 9 acorns.While bugs can be annoying to catch, they let you make some really long lasting potions (with reagents) for effects that are otherwise short lived.For speed and combat buffs, time boosting ingredients can be great! Toss in a mighty thistle for an attack up and stack the duration with an egg, butter, milk, and sugar and suddenly your food is giving you a few minutes of Low Attack Up with only one thistle.Hearty ingredients shouldn't be mixed with health bearing food - nor should they be mixed with effects. Cook them alone for a full HP restore and some added temporary hearts - or together to save space and reach up to +25 temporary hearts with a Big Hearty Radish dish (there appears to be a cap of 30 hearts TOTAL)Don't use those mini-boss drops on usable elixirs, sell alone or as an elixir. Use whatever parts you accumulate a lot of for your personal stash of elixirs (I like bokoblin stuff since it sells for nothing).If you want to make a "perfect dish", try to reach 45 potency points with as few ingredients as possible and fill the rest with time boosts. If you use a bladed rhino in an attack up dish you can add in some tier 3 reagents for an extra 2:40. For Stealth Up and the Resistances/Fireproof, any combination that reaches above 45 will do since they don't benefit much from time boosting ingredients unless you turn it into an elixir and add only tier 3 reagents.MOST IMPORTANTLYDon't take all this too seriously. Yeah you can game the game as you can with every other game, but the best way to enjoy Breath of the Wild is to enjoy it. Don't let some random guy on the internet tell you not to use Acorns on food! Make whatever food appeals to you because in the end, you really don't need to minmax your food. The game's difficult, but not that difficult.Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go cook a Hearty Durian with two Hyrule Basses and a couple Acorns. via /r/zelda

#IFTTT #reddit

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lenaglittleus · 7 years

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{VIDEO} The Foodie’s Guide to Israel

Blogging has afforded me some pretty cool experiences, but I’m pretty sure taking a culinary tour of Israel might be the coolest. A few months ago, Vibe Israel reached out to see if I wanted to participate in a foodie tour of their beautiful country. Since you guys know I have a deep love affair with Israeli food and have considered cheating on C with tahini, I jumped at the opportunity to partake in this experience. I had no idea I was in for one of the best trips of my life.

Before I jump into what we ate, I just want to thank Vibe Israel for bringing me on this trip and letting me share this experience with you. There is no doubt that Israel has had its fair share of publicity for reasons that I won’t be getting into, but there is also so much more going on there besides the political landscape. The food scene is just one of the many cultural aspects that makes this country one of my favorite places in the world. I feel honored and privileged to highlight through this one lens and I hope one day you can get the chance to see it all for yourself.

Over the last few years I’ve written a lot of travel guides. Most of them are just my personal opinion or an itinerary of my trip. They rarely cover everything or are based on anything other than my experience, but with this trip I can say confidently that this truly is the foodie’s guide to Israel. We basically ate our way across Israel and if we could have, we would have eaten Israel itself. This is to be expected when you go on a culinary tour, but combined with the fact that Israelis have an incessant need to feed, I’m pretty sure we ate every dish in the history of Israeli cuisines. Needless-to-say, it was amazing.

I also filmed a video highlighting the best experiences and what you definitely shouldn’t miss so check it out here!

I’m going to go through and highlight restaurants and foodie experiences in each city we visited (Jerusalem, Tel Aviv and Nazareth) as well as not-to-miss dishes and places in between. For my health-focused foodies, fear not! There were some dedicated healthy restaurants, but you should know that pretty much every place we ate at had many healthy options. Because there is an emphasis on local and vibrant agriculture, you would be surprised at how many different ways they’ve come up with cooking vegetables. Each meal had at least 5 different types of veggies or salads so I was basically in heaven. I’ll highlight the ones that are health focused but pretty much every single restaurant can cater to your needs without even trying.

Let’s jump in…

JERUSALEM

Menza Restaurant – This was the perfect place to kick off our trip. The food is here is just plain good. Like so good I could have probably eaten there everyday. There’s an emphasis on fresh, local ingredients and the vibe is awesome. Do not miss the cocktails either!

MachneYuda Restaurant – This place is an experience! The food is tremendous and it’s not out of the ordinary that waiters are dancing on tables and passing around shots. At one point they put tinfoil down on our table and literally threw dessert across it – they call it the “dessert jungle”. Don’t miss the polenta, fresh salads or pretty much anything on the menu since it changes so frequently.

Atalya’s Place – By a landslide my favorite experience of the trip. Atalya is truly a gem and her food is fresh, local and full of so much love. Check out her website to see when she’s hosting her next meal because it is so soooooo worth it. You can thank me later.

Machane Yehuda Market – If you’re a foodie, you must visit the Machane Yehuda Market. This market is huge and covers pretty much every cuisine under the sun. Since there’s so much going on, I highly recommend downloading the app BiteMojo which offers a culinary tour of the market. A must-stop place is Uzi-Eli juice bar and try their ghat and etrog juices.

Artisanal Food Tour of Ein Karem – Atalya (see above) took us on a tour of Ein Karem where we explored local artisanal food like Ein Karem Sweets and freshly made Kubana. Inquire on her website to set-up a tour.

TEL AVIV

Cafe Europa – easy, and delicious food right in the heart of Tel Aviv. There’s pretty much something for everyone here, but their fresh salads were my favorite!

Hotel 65 Restaurant -Go here for breakfast or brunch! Israeli breakfasts are notoriously huge and Hotel 65 is no different. We actually stayed here, but everyone who heard where we were staying told us how epic the breakfast and brunch was. We discovered this first hand, but it was nice to know the locals felt similarly.

Quattro Restaurant – I never would have expected I’d have the best Italian food in the middle of Tel Aviv, but hey! roll with it. Everything on the menu here is amazing, but save room for dessert because they are SO worth it.

Manta Ray Restaurant – It’s hard to say whether the food or the ambiance was better here, because both were stellar. Situated right on the beach boardwalk, you can enjoy your mezze or brunch with an ocean view.

Carmel Market – Similar to the Machne Yehuda Market in Jerusalem, but on a much smaller scale. The perfect place to pick up a quick bite to eat and then head to the beach for a picnic.

Lewinsky Street Market – I LOVED this place. It’s less of a market in the conventional sense, and more a street full of small artisanal shops with specialty goods. Rotten Lieberson (a local food blogger and culinary wiz) took me there to pick up ingredients for her shabbat dinner. We weaved in and out of little shops trying different foods and ingredients. This was where I fell in love with Tel Aviv.

Farma Cultura – Words cannot possibly describe how beautiful this place is. About 20 minutes north of the city center, this is a stunning organic farm serving up fresh ingredients, green smoothies and local CSA boxes to the surrounding communities. Stop in for a smoothie, pick up local produce or just take in the beautiful space.

NAZARETH

If you’re in Israel, it’s worth paying a visit to the food scene in Nazareth. I highly recommend going on a Saturday since most of the city is open when things are closed in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv on Shabbat. Let yourself get lost in the narrow streets and cobblestone walkways. Such a unique city!

Elbabour Galilee Mill – Find Tony and have him tell you the history of this 3rd generation spice market. Don’t leave without picking up some homemade za’atar!

Deewan al saraya Restaurant Museum – Come meet Abu Sharaf right in the middle of the old city of Nazareth and try his famous cookies. He’s also an old antique collector so even if you don’t stop for cookies (which you should), at least check out his shop!

Beit Seif Adin Zoubi – a beautiful home built in 1888 where Fatina will host you for a traditional Nazareth dinner. You need to email her to book, but the food is delicious and the home is a sight to see! The roof offers the best view in Nazareth.

NOT TO MISS…

Go to a Shabbat dinner – We were so lucky to have been invited to Moshe David’s for a traditional Yemenite Shabbat Dinner. This was a super special experience for us, but if you can get connected to a local, it’s so amazing to feel the shabbat vibes in Israel. Check out Eat With, an app that connects tourists to locals who love to cook and host!

Al Arz Tahini – we had the chance to explore the Al Arz Tahini factory, but you can pick up this golden elixir all across Israel. Lana, whose mom runs the factory gave us the rundown on how they make the best tahini and you can totally taste the different. FYI this is the only tahini Ottolenghi uses!

Hummus…everywhere! – everyone in Israel has their own opinions on the best hummus. Ask people their favorites and try it out. From spicy to creamy to chunky, you’ll be on an endless search for the best hummus!

Shakshuka – you guys know I love this traditional Israeli breakfast! If you can’t make it to Israel, you can make at at home using my recipe, but when in Israel, you eat shakshuka!

Halva- This is a traditional middle eastern dessert made with tahini. I’m working on a healthier recipe for you guys, but honestly, when in Israel go for the real stuff! I’m a sucker for the pistachio but they pretty much have every flavor under the sun. Be sure to check out the Kingdom of Halva in the Machne Yehuda to see every single flavor!

The Bread -I swear I took the bread tour of Israel. We had some of the best food of our lives, but it was often the bread that stole our hearts. Because of the rich mix of cultural traditions, there are so many different types of bread to try. From pita, to spelt sourdough to yemenite kubana, it’s worth breaking as much bread as possible. I also decided that gluten is not a thing in Israel, and honestly, my stomach was a total champ about it. EAT THE BREAD.

One of the greatest takeaways from this experience is that everyone in Israel has a different take on what makes up “Israeli Food”. It is a culture made up of people from so many different backgrounds so the food is often an interpretation of these backgrounds but then all mixed together. There’s North African influence, Persian influence and European influence. What makes Israeli food so special is that there is no one identity. It is up for interpretation, which makes it ever-evolving and creative. I know that the next time I’m in Israel, my foodie experience will be entirely different. I could honestly go on for days about this trip and the food scene in Israel, but I did my best to get as much info into this post as possible. There’s still so much I didn’t cover, so stay tuned for more posts and recipes inspired by our trip!

Disclaimer: I was invited to explore Israel’s Culinary Scene by Vibe Israel. While the experience was gifted to me, all opinions expressed are 100% my own. This was truly a trip of a lifetime!

*All pictures taken by me or Amir Menachem Photography

Have you been to Israel? Did you know there was such a vibrant food scene there?

The post {VIDEO} The Foodie’s Guide to Israel appeared first on The Healthy Maven.

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