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turquoisebooks · 2 years

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Once upon a time, I wrote about All of Us Villains by Amanda Foody and Christine Lynn Herman that it definitely belongs to the category of books “to devour” and now I want to say that its sequel All of Our Demise belongs there too. I went into this book pretty hyped and it did not disappoint.

Disclaimer: The following text includes spoilers for All of Us Villains so if you haven´t read it yet, proceed carefully.

Cured or not, there was no end to the monster story if, all along, the monster had been him.

All of Our Demise picks up where All of Us Villains ended. Cursed Alistair got Hendry back. The Lowe family got massacred kind of Game Of Thrones style. Briony is determined to end the tournament once and for all. Isobel is in the hands of Reid MacTavish. Gavin is still convinced that fighting is the only real way out. A new champion enters the game.

“To be fair, a lot of people have accused us of murder over the last week.”

“Yes, but those were the murders we actually committed!”

As well as AoUV, the sequel is told in 3rd person through 4 of the champions (Gavin, Alistair, Briony, Isobel) with POV-less Finley, Reid, and Hendry more or less joining the game - the deadly over 800 years old lasting tournament - and influencing its outcome.

The characters split into two groups — those who want to break the curse by dismantling the tournament piece by piece and end the bloodbath for good, and the ones who still want to fight as was always intended. The question is what they are willing to sacrifice to see their desired result being the one that gets to play out. As the synopsis states, “Long-held alliances will be severed. Hearts will break. Lives will end. Because a tale as wicked as this one was never destined for happily ever after”. Just read the book to see for yourself how these two converging storylines come together in an epic and heartbreaking finale.

After the boundaries protecting Ilvernath from the arena fall down, the whole city gets more involved in the plot - let's talk the government agents, members of the Ilvernath Spellmaking Society, and people of the seven ancient families, all of them having their own goals, as well as the all-too-eager reporters seaming the battlegrounds to capture the course of the tournament and get peppered stories for their newspaper or magazine.

The seven Landmarks and seven relics play a key role in the plot. Their pairing, the following trial the characters have to go through, and the ultimate destruction of the place provide enough action throughout the book It is well balanced with more quiet moments - magic planning and strategy talks, intimate and funny moments, peering into the character´s hearts - to keep you turning the pages.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.” Alistair’s voice drifted through the woods, sounding straight out of a nightmare.

When it comes to the characters, I loved that they are irrecoverably flawed and they know it. Plus we delve deeper into their backstories - learning more about their homes, lives before the tournament, and their relatives - and how that all influences their choices. It was delightful and satisfying to watch their personal growth, to witness their fears and their hopes, and finally see them come out of it definitely not unscathed (more like heavily traumatized) but as better people.

Alistair Lowe is considered by everyone to be this dark, ruthless monster but while he brings a certain level of weight and wickedness to the story, deep down he´s just a broken boy who needs a hug and deserves someone to see him and love him no matter what. When you are “his person” he becomes fiercely protective and loyal. Just ask Hendry. He can tell you all about it. All in all, Alistair is my precious multilayered monster boy and he needs to be protected at all costs.

Gavin Grieve intrigued me from book one - like, who would not root for the underdog whose family has ever raised him only to be slaughtered and never actually love him - but now he just swept me away. His journey made my heart ache.

Alistair aka my bisexual disaster monster boy still owns my heart and throughout the sequel, Gavin sealed its place in it too. I love them separately and as a duo as well. I´ve highlighted so many scenes with them!

One character I initially did not expect to like because of all the s**t and manipulation he had done but he won me over is one and only Reid MacTavish. I found myself really intrigued by him. As I began to understand him I surprisingly enjoyed his role in the story. This rascal simply grew on me.

I loved seeing Isobel Macaslan dealing with the aftermath, owning up to her deeds, and accepting herself for who she is. She goes through quite a journey too. Nevertheless, while I still enjoyed her parts very much I feel like the reason why her POV was more interesting for me than Briony´s is those boys, first Alistair and now Reid.

Briony Thorburn was never exactly my all-time favorite character in this world but I still appreciated her deep conviction and her determination to carve out her own path rather than an obedient champion following the Thorburn legacy footsteps. She´s a rebel through and through.

I actually do not have many thoughts about Finley Blair. He was just kind of there, playing the second (or maybe more like sixth or seventh) fiddle.

“So welcome to the bad guys’ club. You learn to get used to it.”

I love how truly morally grey and cunning all of them are. Nobody´s safe there as everyone in this bunch is capable of swift betrayal of one another, i.e. thinking about killing the allies and even (former) friends. Anyway, while I like them all, the fact that I love Alistar, Gavin, and Reid the most now speaks volumes. These three completely won me over. They are my precious disaster trio.

During the first book, I had a feeling that a certain character may harbor a secret crush (so secret that he doesn't know it yet) on another one but I still thought that the authors will go down the quite obvious route that had been laid out in book one. While this change may upset many readers who favored a certain ship, it made me happy. One thing that these two authors can apparently do excellently is to make you change your perspective and feel happy even though you initially rooted for the pairing as well and could not imagine them not ending up together. Due to my prior hunch, I started thinking that there is no way I am imagining and reading too much into this pretty early on (in the first quarter or so) and it delighted me that I was right. I enjoyed the scenes with them so much! All that tension! It´s the enemies to lovers I didn´t know I needed so much. Their interactions full of snarky remarks stole the show for me. They ensnared me. As I held my breath - my heart aching - I prayed for a happy ending for them.

I have a fan club who draws me with fangs and a six-pack.

The writing is truly beautiful, with deeply captivating and absolutely spell-binding descriptions. I was immersed in a lush portrayal of a harsh and pretty macabre world filled with spells and curses imbued crystals, ancient magical objects, dark alleys, spell shops, andaged stoned walls of magic-filled champions´ shelters. One thing is certain, this author duo knows how to build an atmosphere and pull you in.

Plotwise, All of Our Demise is a truly ripping and captivating story full of twists, turns, and revelations. Alliances are forged, tested, and broken, love and attraction explored, tension increased, and the battle getting inevitable. It is all so damn enthralling cocktail of pain, heartache, love, ruthlessness, desperation, and hope, carefully and gradually unveiling thoughts and motivations of the champions.

I love the intriguing plot, the fantastic setting, the unique magic system, the multidimensional characters, the tense relationships, the high stakes, the twisted mind games, and that (I think quite realistic) ending. All of it! I was not able to put it down. The action and plenty of twists and turns had me on the edge of my seat, kept me on my toes, and forced me to turn the pages at lightning speed.

Overall, it was delightfully and heartachingly addictive to follow the journey of Ilvernath´s Slaughter Seven. I am satisfied with how it ended but also deeply miserable that it´s over. I loved being swept away into the fascinating world of high magick! Overall, All of Our Demise is a bit bittersweet but a wonderful conclusion to a fantastic duology.

With thanks to Netgalley and Gollancz from the Orion Publishing Group for a copy of this book in return for an honest review.

#netgalley #Netgalley ARC #all of us villains #all of our demise #turquoisebooks #turquoisereview #ya fantasy #fantasy books #amanda foody #christine lynn herman #Moodboards

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dalekofchaos · 2 years

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If you could've had your way with TWDG season 2 with Christa and Omid's baby and the 400 days gang, how do you think it could've gone?

First. Clem never finds Christa and Omid.

The beginning of season 2 would be about Clem finding Christa and Omid.

Christa is still pregnant and Christa is under the care of the 400 Days crew, everyone but Bonnie left Carver and are on the run. They are all suspicious of Clem when she arrives at their cabin, but when Christa tells them who she is, they let Clem go to Christa.

We'd find out Omid and Christa got separated when they were looking for Clem. More on that later.

Vince takes the role of Luke/Carlos in the game. Russell and Becca are wary around Clem but come around, Wyatt is the chill older brother and Shel is the mom friend. Kenny of course returns and when Kenny sees both Clem and Christa, there is a big reunion of them together.

Episode 2, instead of meeting Carver, we meet Troy(as was teased) same situation but he says “my boss needs me to find them”

When we get to the ski lodge, instead of meeting Kenny, we would meet Omid. Happy reunion between Clem, Omid and Christa

Kenny would take the role of Carver. Now before ya’ll come at me with pitchforks and torches, Kenny was supposedly planned to be the antagonist character for the second season. Gavin Hammon revealed this during his OMG!Con 2015 Q&A Panel alongside Melissa Hutchinson. He said that Kenny was supposed to be the leader of the community Luke and the cabin survivors fled from, so Kenny would be in the Carver role. I think it could’ve worked. Losing his family, losing Lee and nearly dying to save Ben or Christa could’ve pushed him over the edge.

Episode 3, you are tempted in choosing between your new friends or our old friend Kenny. But Clem realizes the Kenny she knew is long gone

Kenny blames Clem for everything. In Kenny’s POV, if Clem didn’t listen to The Stranger, Lee wouldn’t have gotten bitten, he wouldn’t have had to risk his life to try to save an already dying Ben or save Christa and they wouldn’t have lost the boat, they all would’ve gotten away. But due to Clem’s foolish childish desire to see her parents, everything fell apart. Again, this is Kenny’s perspective in this version

When the walkie-talkie plan goes down south, Vince is caught and as Clem prepares to turn herself in, Omid takes the blame is the one who is beat to a pulp

Seeing as Kenny has no attachment like Carver had for Rebecca, he does not catch them in the act(you’ll see why later) they are able to free themselves. Troy still gets shot in the dick but this time, it's Clem who shoots him.

In place of Carlos, Shel is the one who gets shot and eaten. Becca runs

Episode 4. They all make it to the meet up spot. The deal to get ready for the baby happens as planned. Clem and Russell find Shel and Wyatt. While Becca was not sheltered like Sarah, she finds apart of herself died with Shel, but Clem is able to get her to snap out. I like to think Clem, Becca and Russell would begin to have a close friendship rather than Clem and Jane. Before giving birth, Clem and Christa are picking out names and Clem suggests "Lee Jr" both Christa and Omid like that. In place of Arvo, it’s Eddie. Christa gives birth, but she dies. Before dying, Christa tells Clem to promise that she will take care of LJ no matter what, Clem promises. Near the end Eddie would bring back survivors from Kenny’s camp. Kenny has them surrounded. Bonnie tries to talk Kenny out of this and telling him they can all work together to survive. Kenny looks like he’s come to his senses, but raises the gun and shoots Bonnie. Episode 5. Kenny is hunting everyone down. He wants to kill Clem and Omid and take the baby for himself. The last survivors are Clem, LJ, Becca and Russell. Omid sacrifices himself to save Clem. Clem shoots Kenny and for a brief moment, the old Kenny resurfaces and realizes the horrible things he’s done and apologizes. We would have a choice to forgive him, say Kenny will see Duck and Katja or to condemn Kenny

TNF and The Final season. Ideally I would just mix both seasons together. It would just be Clem, Russell and Becca protecting LJ in Wellington and LJ coming into his own. Lilly returns as the villain to attack and raid Wellington and we have to protect our home. We can choose between Russell or Becca to romance. I would honestly have us go to The Delta and face the leader. The only person who makes sense to be the leader for The Delta is Nate from 400 Days. Nate will try to kill our love interest and Clem kills Nate. The Delta falls apart and after freeing Wellington's people and our friends, we escape. Lilly takes Minnie's place. Clem gets bit and LJ chops her foot off. Clem shares a tender moment with her love interest and a cutsey moment with LJ and end with Chloe looking at peace.

That way we have a season that actually gives us answers about Christa, Omid isn't killed instantly, we take care of Omid and Christa's baby instead of AJ and does something for Vince, Wyatt, Shel, Becca and Russell instead of minor cameos and never doing anything for them again. While it's sad that this version doesn't have Javi, Kate, Gabe or the Ericson school. I think it's more important to have the final season be about Clem and co living in Wellington and defending their new home.

#TWDG #Clementine #TWDG Clementine #TWDG Christa #TWDG AJ #TWDG Vince #TWDG Wyatt #TWDG Shel #TWDG Becca #TWDG Russell #TWDG Lilly #TWDG Nate #TWDG Kenny #TWDG Omid #TWDG Bonnie

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rinharu-purple · 3 years

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Gavin with the Black Queen- An encounter that never happened

SPOILER ALERT!!! DUH! ^_^

One thing keeps bothering me ever since the Black Queen has ceased to exist (as of March 2021). She had various interactions with the other Lis, including Shaw, and yet she was in the same room with Gavin only for a brief moment and neither of them has truly realized the other’s presence. Why was that? Why did PG deliberately refrained from bringing those together? The answer might hide in the behind the curtain chapter.

Behind the curtain final part

Kicking off things with a memory refresh. CH5 of behind the curtain event revolves around the final moments of MC in the black cabin before making her decision and revisiting the piano concert as well as the infinite future era. There, the NW troops under the command of NW717 (Gavin from Infinite Future) enter the venue the BQ was in and cause mayhem by destroying everything in his way “I will destroy all of this!”. MC doesn’t face Gavin, but still got injured by his cutting currents of wind, unable to avoid him completely.

This encounter happens only in the background. The BQ knows that Gavin is there, but Gavin doesn’t see her. They don’t look each other in the eye, they don’t exchange words. Just a cut on BQs cheek.

This remark at the end is crucial, because the BQ only says this after Gavin’s left the venue. Meaning from this moment on, there is only one future possible. Does that mean a different future would’ve been possible if Gavin hadn’t left? I guess we won’t ever find out.

BlackQueenxNW717 vs. MCxGavin

Another aspect to this question could also be that the only time BQ and Gavin were in the same venue was when the Black Queen already has lost her faith in humanity and Gavin has spend his youth without MC, under the shadow of his father. In a way, the two versions of them meeting at this point are their alternate personalities, which came to be because those two had never met. In my opinion, this is the strongest reason for why PG didn’t put Gavin and the BQ in the same narrative. Black Queen only exists in a world, where she never meets Gavin and Gavin only chooses to join his father after high school because he never gets to know MC’s kindness. The strong bond between them which keeps their faith was never created.

In that case, those who meet in chapter 21 were actually a lost Gavin and a lost MC in the void, because they have never met and therefore weren’t there to catch each other when one of them was falling like they always do in our original timeline. They have both crashed and scattered into pieces, thus broken. We know for a thing that the BQ is lost because she says this in CH18

See the words she is using? Love and FAITH. Remember CH15... Name of FAITH. Exactly... MC and Gavin would be lost if they didn't have love and faith. Also during the Daybreak Era and Dream edge Gavin is without love and faith, He is in a completely different sprite and mental state then the Gavin we know, love and worship.

Papergames actually put a very subtle comparison to this phenomenon by showing in CH 22 how the dynamic of Gavin and MC works even if only one of them is their original self. In CH 22, MC meets NW717, who has never met MC during high school and yet she succeeds in bringing out the original Gavin hidden deep inside him, at least in fragments, hence preventing a greater destruction or even worse Gavin’s demise (he is utmost self-destructive in this chapter).

Gavin and MC always manage to bring the best out of each other so if this had happened in the case of MCxNW717, then we can safely assume that this could’ve ended the same way in a GavinxBlackQueen encounter.

Needless to say, it wouldn’t have been convenient for the plot, so the PG obviously didn’t take this route and it only exists in my head ^_^

Chapter 18: Gavin’s Route?

Taking this into consideration, let’s take a moment to imagine how would CH18 have gone, if it was Gavin accompanying MC instead of Victor in their last stance in the quarantine zone. Let’s assume Gavin didn’t know about the existence of the BQ up to this point, just like Victor, and there she was abruptly standing in front of him. Surely he would be appalled at first, but then he would show her the MC, he has always known, the MC he has always believed in and the MC she genuinely is. I don’t believe that Gavin would reject her identity as the MC like Victor did, because her eyes are different. On the contrary, I believe Gavin would say that he still knows that she is the girl he knows, because he can see it in her eyes. I think that Gavin would accept the fact that MC and the BQ were the same person and therefore would give everything in his might to save her, to save them both, without having to sacrifice any of them. There is no way on earth Gavin could’ve stabbed MC in the heart. Nothing could have ever convinced him that there wasn’t any other way. On a side note, I also don’t think killing her was really the only way and maybe not taking Gavin into consideration was Victor’s flaw in his plan.

Did MC really had to die? What would’ve happened if after MC and BQs union, MC’s mind has prevailed and both of them stayed in the same body? Thus melting two timelines together? If Gavin was there, then I think that would’ve been the case and I also think that the BQ also knew that. Which is why she deliberately avoided Gavin because he was her weak spot. Gavin would have never killed any of them. It wouldn’t have mattered to him what words had came out of BQs mouth. For him she still would’ve been “his girl”. Plus, Gavin is a person, who has faith in the good heart in everyone. Therefore his choice of action would be to fight for the MC in BQs heart. Remember, these two young women are the one and the same person with different experiences from different timelines.

In CH 18 the BQ even goes to the lengths of using Gavin to lure MC to her side:

It is really uncanny how almost everyone constantly use Gavin and MC against each other. Even the BQ shows Gavin annihilating Perry to convince MC to merge with her. It has happened at least for 6-7 times until now that people use their relationship for their end.

Final battle

In CH 36, when MC and the Black Queen have one last battle did you realize that every single LI is present except for Gavin? Kiro/Helios is there and bravely takes her on directly, Lucien is present with MC, Victor joins the group and even turns back time to allow MC to recuperate. What does Gavin do during this you may ask? He is trying to control the situation in the city as Commander of STF. Again, Gavin and Black Queen don't meet, because Gavin has the duty of saving the world from the other end and ensure the safety of Loveland citizens.

To sum this analysis up, I think there was a purpose for PG keeping Gavin and the Black Queen separate in S1, because Gavin would be the greatest threat to her existence. We see at the end that it was MCs persuasion that has led to BlackQueen leaving voluntarily. At the end she's also decided to believe in her and in the power of love (as cliché as it sounds). So in my opinion, Gavin could've persuaded her way way earlier and we couldn't have enjoyed 37 chapters of angst, drama and romance ;) I would still love to watch them interact with each other and see how the whole thing would unfold. Who knows, maybe she makes a comeback in S2 and perhaps their ways collide this time around.

Masterlist

#meta #mlqc #mlqc gavin #mlqc behind the curtain #black queen #mlqc black queen #mlqc mcxgavin #mc x gavin #mlqc haku #mlqc bai qi #mr. love queen's choice #I really need someone to proofread my posts #I always find mistakes afterwards #I think I need a masterlist btw #will work on it soon #after the Lucien analysis #its coming I promise

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voltagesmutter · 4 years

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MLQC ALL x MC - Prostitution .

Pairing: Victor, Lucien, Kiro/Helios, Gavin, Shaw x MC (F).

Fandom: Mr Love Queen’s Choice.

Prompt: Prostitution || Aphrodisiac || Impact play

Warning: Sex work, rough sex, breath-play, angst, protected sex, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, oral (male receiving).

Spoilers for chapter 14 and up.

Thank you to @crystal13unny, @marytheredqueen and @theinariakuma for being my beta’s.

She’d lost count how many months she’d been present in the winter world, a sacrifice to save the world had left her own shattered and broken. Those she loved with all her heart have forgotten her, no trace of existence of her anywhere and yet there she stood living and breathing.

Amongst the sea of familiar faces there was only one who knew her, one person who remembered her, a friendly face that she grew to love over time, Shaw. The younger brother of her one closest lovers, Gavin, the man who would protect her to the end. He bore the same eyes as Gavin, liquid amber that dazzled like pooling honey, glistening and pulling you in deeper into a sticky trap of self worth and love. Regardless of his boyish personality, his eyes were a home comfort giving some warmth to this bleak life. If it wasn’t for Shaw, the young woman wouldn't know how she’d survive this askew world.

In normal reality she was a producer, taking over her dad's company to bring new life to the show ‘Miracle Finder’. Proving time and time again her strength and ability to overcome obstacles and challenges that life threw at her. Only then, she had the help of her closest friends to guide her and keep on the right track, now she faced these new challenges alone.

She’d grown close with four men she encountered daily, her life and theirs intertwined in bumpy paths, full of laughter, love and heartbreak. Each of them having a reason and purpose to be in her life, build up caring relationships and tender moments.

Victor, LFG’s CEO, the man who funded her company, only in this reality LFG is now owned by HBS, only here he wasn’t her boss as she didn’t exist leaving her a stranger to him. The man who saved her over and over again, searching for almost 20 years of his life to find her, to finally be reunited. A romance sparking between them, love and admiration pouring from into another. A hole in Victor's cold heart that healed to finally have the woman he’d been searching for in his arms.

Gavin, the young cop who’d fallen in love with her in high school. Proving time and time again he would be there for until, until the very end. Rekindled feelings of pining and love resurfaced as they grew close, everytime she was in danger it was Gavin who was there to save her. Finally plucking up the courage to kiss her, to love her, to claim her. The woman he’d loved since a boy was finally part his.

Lucien, he’d betrayed her the most and caused the most pain in her world. That characteristic scientist who took her on dates to the butterfly sanctuary, cared for the small children in the orphanage, moved in next door and would share meals with her in her home whilst he brought offerings of small plants which he tendered for. Only to have the mask of this persona broke, shattering the lie of reality in front of her as he perceived his true self, Ares. And whilst she was heartbroken by the betrayal of Lucien, she still found herself falling back into his arms on a regular basis, unable to resist his addictive touch.

And finally Kiro… No longer stands the sunshine boy who’s smile would light up the world, the playful nation's sweetheart who was adored by all. But in giving up his past, his present and future self came forth, the icey-hearted Helios remaining. The flirty relationship from Kiro to Helios was lost in translation, whilst the physical attraction and sexual-activities still remained between her and him, the loving feelings were no more. But she was unable to keep away, craving the harsh touch partnered with the loving glances he’d give her when he thought she wasn’t looking. Neither able to keep apart, even under life-threatening situations.

Four beating hearts all chasing hers, fragments of them making up her own which she reciprocated to all them, each one holding a shard of it in their hands. She’d been unable to choose one man, each of them holding a place in her heart even if they’d broken it, the physical need outweighing the emotional side. They all knew of her relationships with each other, nothing defined allowing her to freely choose from each suitor per day. Not that she was cheap or easy, she just loved them all dearly and they all loved her back, knowing she would be unable to justify picking one of them.

Only in this world, her heart was still beating for them but the way they looked through her, like a stranger on a bus, sent her heart shattering to pieces with no-one but herself to piece it back together. When she slowly put it back together, another added to the situation, Shaw; the lavender haired boy managed to steal a piece and become the glue holding her heart together. An emotional vulnerability shared with him as he was the only one she should confine in.

She would do whatever it took to be a part of their worlds again, a part of her which slightly died inside to realise the only way to become close to them. To seek comfort and affection in a way that she could live like she had done before. A way to keep them placed in her heart, whilst they didn’t remember her.

With no producing job to fall back on, relying off the kindness of Shaw who gave her a place to call home, her options ran thin. Deep inside she knew her choice was the only one, the only way to try to restore the physical intimacy of the men she once called hers.

Victor was the easiest to reach and seduce with her “services'', whilst he put a resistance on the outside, she could tell with the ways his purple eyes softened and a small smile twitched at the corner of his lips that he showed no means of protesting her offer. She found him in the gentlemen's club late one Friday night, sitting beside the open fireplace swirling whisky in the cup of his hand. His jawline looked fiercer than ever as it was defined by the low light, the wonder in his gazeas his eyes fell upon her, radiance and confidence pulsing from her from head to toe. She knew him better than her own back hand, able to land in conversations and pieces on topics that pulled his attention, the way her breasts were pushed up in the burgundy little dress had captured his wandering eyes. “It’s merely business Victor,” The tumbler clinking from the sound of the ice hitting the glass, crossing her left leg over her right and leaning in, “There’s nothing wrong with mixing in… a little pleasure now and then.” Her calculated movements and words, the right amount of perfectly timed eye contact had him almost growling, heat rising across the tips of his collarbones and down his chest. They’d barely gotten into the backseat of his car, hidden in the underground car park as he took her there and then. The feeling of “we’ve done this before” cursing over Victor, having no recollection of who she was and yet feeling like he was reaching home each time he thrusted into her. Even though it was “their first time” it felt so familiar and so comforting to him; like a bubble bath on a cold day, leaving you blissfully content.

An arrangement was made between them, every thursday he would pick her up from a set location and take her to his. She silently wept the first time she entered, the nostalgic feeling of being home in a sense. The stacks of documents that lay placed on the coffee table, the array of tablets dotted from room to room, the perfectly placed random ornaments that lay upon the fireplace, nothing changing and making it hurt more as she was treated as a stranger in a place she had once called a second home.

He treated her with nothing more than she was, a woman of the night, indulging in his own pleasure with the added bonus of hers. And whilst he didn’t kiss her, didn’t interlace his fingers through her hair or hand, only taking her from behind in a rough pace, it filled her purely. Too long had she gone without being pinned against the silk sheets, too long she’d been starved of his touch with nothing to quench it, too long without feeling his muscular body rocking against her nor the warmth of his palms upon her skin. His hands holding her petite waist pulling her back into his thrusts as he set an almost punishing pace, warmth and tightness eloping him over and over, luring him deeper until he was buried to the hilt. He didn’t say her name when he came, like he used to do, but she said his even if it was into the sheets below. By the time the condom was in the bin, they were both already dressed, no sense of lingering or loving after care they once shared.

He’d offered to drive her home, but she simply left on her own accord, if she got her emotions involved she would run the risk of losing them before she had fully begun. She simply took the bus home, thighs still damp with her arousal and a warm fuzz on content buzzing around her body. A rolled stash of notes inside her handbag, a few bruising prints upon her waist being the only favour of remembrance of their night together. One quarter of her heart restored.

Lucien was just as easy to lure, whilst he tried to intimidate her with his Ares persona, again she won him over. Posing as a student for one of his classes, capturing his eye the minute she walked in, “I’ve never seen you before, I would have noticed someone so beautiful in my class.” The chemistry was still there between him, Lucien's charismatic charms wooing her over within seconds, bantering as if they were old friends. Her confession of why she was really there, threw him a little at first but deeply intrigued him, practically unable to say no. He was unable to keep his hands off of her the minute they entered his apartment, the facade of Lucien fading to reveal Ares as his touches threatened to leave bruises on her skin. There was no intimacy, only teasing kisses on the corner of her lips or upon her cheek, reckless thrusts and touches which left her over-stimulated well into the early hours of the morning. A familiar hand snaking its way up her body to wrap around her throat, no signs of fear or being scared at the motion. It was his signature move in bed, nothing spurred on his pace than seeing her slightly gasping for air by methods of his hand. Of course in this and that world he’d never cause her harm, only enough to leave her panting and desperate for more. He fucked like Lucien used to nearer the end of their ‘relationship’, legs thrown over his shoulders as he gripped her ankles, her voice past the point of screaming as he brought her to what felt like a never ending streak of orgasms.

By the end of their time together she was well and truly spent, feeling like she’d been fucked to an inch of her life. She’d spent the night in his bed, awaking to the familiar scent of fresh-tea being brewed. Many nights she had spent in his apartment, often falling asleep upon the plush sofa waiting for him to return back from a long night at the lab. How he’d wake her with gentle kisses and sighs of “Silly fool,” unable to hide the smile on his face as he effortlessly carried her to his bed. None of that resembled now, instead was minimum eye-contact as she left his apartment, an agreement of future encounters happening on friday nights after he finished lectures. She’d appear like clock-work at his 2 p.m. lesson, sitting with a delicate smile as she watched him for the next hour. Unable to stop the beam on her face to watch him captivate the room with a meer sentence, power pulsing from each word which he continued to show in their time as he ruthlessly fucked her the moment the class left. His sex drive still matching of her Luciens, taking her against his desk before continuing through the night in his apartment before parting ways the next morning. If he’d been particularly rough with her one night, she’d find a few extra notes stashed in her bag as if a compensation, even though he could see the glint in her that she enjoyed it.

The first day she left his and wandered past what was her apartment in her real world, the tears were unable to be held back, stinging and leaving her eyes red. The place she lived and had created her life in, the apartment with the bed that was kept warm with her four lovers now lay still with no-sign of existence upon it. A dainty hand pressed against the flat of the oak door, wishing and praying to a high power that she didn’t believe to bring her back to normality. But when she opened her eyes she was still in the barren, lifeless world.

If Kiro still remained he would be easy to pursue, a flirting fan-girl who was obsessed with food, her favourite treat being him. Alas, it was Helios who was like finding a needle in a haystack. He would randomly appear, always questioning and always seeming like he knew more than he let on. She never found Helios, he found her instead. He didn’t care for a location, often taking her in the nearest place he could whether it be an alley, a cheap hotel or his van, he simply didn’t care as long her lips were wrapped around his cock or he was buried deep inside her cunt. He was rough with her, almost tormeting with his words when he mocked her for coming so fast as he pounded into her the wall, legs tightly around his waist as her hands fisted his silver hair. Unlike the others they didn’t set up an arrangement, he called her when he could and needed her which soon fell into a pattern on sundays or mondays well into the early hours after midnight, but she’d always be there and waiting for him. “Fuck you look so pretty with my cock shoved down your throat like that,”, “Thats it baby, take it all like the good slut you are,”, “Your so fucking tight and wet for me, I’ve barely touched you,” He’d mock, groaning to feel her clench over him at his words. She knew he never meant it, that he was only saying it to keep up his dark persona and that underneath it lay Kiro who would sometimes peak through.

Tears leaked from her eyes the first time it happened, able to play them off as tears of pleasure but she knew Helios wasn’t dumb and was able to see there was behind them but dared not to question it. She was riding him in the back of his car, hands gripping on to his shoulders as she bounced in his lap, his lips meeting the crook of her neck just like Kiro’s use to kissing in a specific trail down to her breasts. A tight roll of her hips that would always be Kiro’s undoing proved to also be Helios’s, a high-pitched almost sing of, “I’m gonna cum” replicated in the exact way Kiro used to let the whole building know he was reaching climax. The second time was when he had her spread out on a hotel bed, his tongue lapping at her clit as she withered from the sensation. “My favourite treat,” he hummed, two hands holding beneath her ass to keep her close to his mouth as he devoured her, his actions and words screaming Kiro. The final time broke her completely, to the point Shaw had to come pick her up from the hotel because she fled crying. He’d fucked her to the point she was on the verge of passing out, letting her rest on the bed as he slowly cradled her from the side stroking her hair. Helios not realising she was still very much awake and could hear the soft humming of one of the song’s Kiro used to sing to her when she was frightened. Memories and pain flooded back, her slowly healing heart feeling like it was being broken once more, physically torn from her body as he hummed soft notes so gently against her ear. No torture could come close to this, a man she had so deeply loved, who left her one before to become Helios, who she finally managed to become a part of his life; only for the winter-world to once again rip him from her hold and replace the softness he had slowly opened up to her with an icy-heart. It was like a cruel twist of fate, finally being back in Helios’s arms only for Kiro to re-emerge at times making the harshness of this reality slap her in the face.

Helios would always ensure she got home safe, even if she didn’t realise it. Stalking from behind to find her apartment, waiting beside her bedroom window until he knew she was asleep, creeping in to leave the money beside her bed with a green candy on top. One time he lingered too much and almost got caught by Shaw, his smokey scent still loitering in the room as Shaw burst in after hearing footsteps.

Then finally was Gavin… Sweet, sweet Gavin who had loved her since high school, the man who rushed home after missions to hold her in his arms, to kiss her with a passion that wouldn’t die. Only for him to look at her like she is nothing more than a speck of dust in this world. Getting into his life was a struggle, it took time and adjustment but slowly she worked her way into it. Their first encounter was when he pinned her to the wall, a side of Gavin that only came out when he was either a. Jealous or b. Angry, and in this case he was angry. From then she didn’t see him for weeks on end, she tried to figure out where he would go, using her old memories of him to find him. But none of it worked, everywhere she went, Gavin wasn’t there. That was until she went to a hotpot restaurant, one Gavin took her to on their first date and just like fate there he was… Sat hunched over a bowl of fresh ramen, his usual spice level that made your eyes water, was Gavin alone slurping noodles. Gone was the friendly persona, the best friend of Minor, instead was Gavin who kept himself isolated from the world. It took a few weeks of ‘accidental bump ins’ at the restaurant every Tuesday until Gavin finally spoke to her, the first real human interaction he had with someone who wasn’t on his force team for almost a year. A kindling friendship slowly built up over the following weeks, she knew Gavin and that he wouldn’t just succumbto her like the others, he needed to feel something towards her before anything would happen. And just as it started, it threatened to be destroyed completely.

He followed her home one evening, ensuring to keep a few good paces behind before watching her dive into an alleyway where a van he instantly recognised was parked. Helios. It was obvious to Gavin what was happening, the way the van rocked as he waited outside in the blistering cold until she re-emerged back out with her hair a-skew and skin flushed. “G-gavin!” Her eyes widened with horror as Helios came out with a smirk, a roll of notes in his hand that he pushed into her coat pocket, winking at Gavin before getting back in the van. Her heart felt like it could stop, all this time she’d tried to make her way back into his life, it could all be undone in the blink of an eye. But all Gavin said was, “Can I see you next Tuesday?”.

She wore baby-blue lingerie beneath a silk nightie, hidden beneath the depth of her warm coat as he took her back to his apartment. No longer homely or filled with joyous memories of them, instead barren and empty with little resemblance of anyone even living there. She thought he would be gentle, like in the beginning stages of their relationship but the way he roughly took her against the wall, pounding her until she was nothing more than screaming his name as her knees buckled, the neighbours slamming on the wall for the disturbance. It reminded her that this wasn't Gavin who loved her. This was the Gavin who just wanted to fuck her. All the emotions he was unable to convey were translated into his actions, thrusting his fingers into her til she was begging for him to fuck her, for his cock to fill over and over until she could no longer walk. Everything she thought she knew about Gavin and what he liked was flipped in this world, no more savouring kisses shared in the morning as they basked in the sunlight, no more blushing on his cheeks as she kissed down his body to wrap her lips around his cock, no more soft, panting groans to her ear as he came. Instead he bent her over every surface he could, fingers either gripping her waist, circling her clit or pushing into her mouth until she gagged over them, his cock pushed to the back of her throat as he smirked lowly to see her choke repeatedly over, only low humming groans as he came, always pulling out, throwing off the condom and spurting release onto her thighs or face.

There were moments of tender times, when her Gavin would fall through the cracks, one’s that gave her hope that maybe normality of her real-life before could come back. She had worn white instead of the blue, Gavin in awe of it upon her skin as he touched her so gently, fearing if he pressed too hard she would break. White was the colour she had worn with him their first time together in her world, a vision of purity as he gave her his first time, saving himself for the woman he had loved since a boy. He’d taken great care of her that night, not even considering his own pleasure until he’d made her sing like a sweet angel, his own piece of heaven upon earth as she sank down onto his cock. Slow burning with no desire to rush, touching every inch of her body as his hands freely roamed her skin whilst she leisurely rocked in his lap. What came after brought her to tears.

“Just… just take this, all of it, please,” A large sum of rolled up money being pushed into her hands, “You don’t need to do this anymore.” He felt wrong in himself to hand her the money after a boarderlining intimate time together. How was she so beautiful and innocent like the silk she had worn... Him forgetting she didn’t belong to him. “Gavin we’ve spoken about this… please it’s not that simple,” Taking the notes he owed, placing the rest back down onto his bed wear he lay. The sheets still warm, his skin still having a layer of sweat mixed with her delicate scent. Standing, baring herself to him and the affectionate markings of his love, reaching for the clothes that lay so perfectly placed on the floor. “Take care okay, I’ll see you soon.” She whispered so softly it almost didn’t register in his head. Dressing, she pulled her coat around her to shield her from the outside weather. If not for the soft kiss of her lips upon his forehead, the divine smell of her lotion still upon his pillow and the glimpse of coat as she left, Gavin could have believed she was a figurative angel in his head.

As days rolled into weeks, weeks rolled into months, the snow came down heavier as did the weight of reality. Her body was sore, her muscles ached and a stash of money that was enough to provide her with more than a good life living for the next years sat hidden beneath her bed. But she never spent it, it was never her desire for the money, it was always about just being with them.

“You can stop this, it doesn’t have to be this way,” His finger softly curving around her wrists, his attempt to be gentle as she looked at him. Her night free from the others, a night she dedicated to Shaw instead who found himself utterly weak for her too. She was thinner than before, her face looked tired, both emotionally and physically drained without her usual makeup on. “I love them, if this is the only way I can with them, why wouldn’t I?” Her fingers gently tugged from his grasp as he freed her from his grip. “Besides, you're paying me for something else, not to sit here and talk, Shaw.” Pushing herself off the worn-sofa and onto the floor, sinking herself onto her knees between his legs as she undid his jeans, pulling them down with his boxers until his cock was free. She handled him until he was hard, the words he had started stopped as he threw his head back to feel her lips wrap around him. Setting a steady pace, with a deep groan he came down the back of her throat, he never lasted long when it came to her.

Living together, sharing a new life together as she told memories to him of her life before, her life with the others and how wonderful it had been. They became each other’s support, he pushed harder at university whilst she went off to ‘work’. He made it clear he didn’t agree with what she was doing, but that never stopped him from burying his cock in her when he could. The first time was a drunken mistake on both of their parts, but as time went on and feelings grew, so did their intimate times.

“No… No not tonight,” He whispered with a strain as she straddled him, she looked too exhausted to continue and Shaw just wanted to let her rest, “Here,”. He took his wallet out but she wrapped a hand around his wrist to stop him, ‘There’s no need’.

“But you make them pay, why never me?,” He quizzed as her head rested against his shoulder, a question he wanted to ask her since their first time.

“I make them pay because I have too, otherwise I wouldn’t.” Her voice wavering as Shaw slowly wrapped his arms around her to hold her. A motion none of the others did. Clutching to one and other, two lost souls in the dark world of nothing as they found themselves thankful to have found each other. Leaning back she pressed her lips to his, over the course of time they’d still managed to keep their softness. They embraced as he kissed her back before lifting in his arms like she weighed nothing and carried her to his room. Spending the night together as lovers would do, rather than the role she played. It was like tasting stardust, fragments of heaven upon them both from their intimacy, tending to each other as if no-one else in the world existed but them.

Morning came too quickly, strands of lavender hair stuck to Shaw’s forehead as he groaned to see her rising from his bed. He nuzzled his head into the warmth of where she had been lying, inhaling her scent as best as he could. The evidence of their night together had dried onto the sheets, the heavy scent of sex still in the air.

“Don’t go,” He yawned, reaching fingers to her and missing her by just an inch.

“Go back to sleep, I’ll see you when I’m home,” She whispered, mimicking the actions of his brother to him as she pressed a kiss to forehead.

“But.. last night I-” Shaw struggles to find the words as he watches her pull on her negligee from the night before.

“Last night doesn’t change anything Shaw, they need me,” She headed towards the door, an innocent smile graced her face as she looked over her shoulder, “And I need them.”

Kinktober masterlist here.

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demonologist-in-denim · 3 years

Text

Okay, let’s get into this, because I have put off talking about Crowley’s cut monologue from 12x23 for long enough. If you haven’t already, you can read it here, or in this great gifset.

I absolutely see why this was cut. And I’m only acknowledging it here to talk about why I not only think it doesn’t add anything to Crowley’s story or our understanding of him, but how it actually detracts from it. After that, I intend to ignore it and let it fade away into the ether of the spn fandom. That being said, deleted scenes and cut scripts live in a sort of canonical limbo – you can choose for yourself whether to accept them as canon, consider them glimpses from some alternative universe, or do away with them entirely. I’m choosing the latter in this instance.

(This was meant to be a post, but it turned into an essay.)

Whomever wrote this was either unfamiliar with Crowley as a character, or was intentionally twisting the character in such a way as to fit into the convenient narrative that removed him from the show. Blame it on Chuck in text, blame it on the showrunners outside of text, whatever your preference – this doesn’t read like Crowley.

There are very few parts of this monologue that felt in character, that read like something Crowley would say. Not just in the tone or the choice of words, but the openness of it. And that’s coming from someone who writes reformed and/or human Crowley, with his admittance to remorse and shame and love. In this cut script, he is uncharacteristically vulnerable, sharing self-reflections he would never have shared aloud at this point in his character development. His dialogue lacks the layers of meaning or deflection that Crowley would normally employ, that he employed everywhere else in the show, even when being emotionally vulnerable.

That’s not to say that Crowley didn’t think or feel these things – I will argue to the end of my days (in spn fandom) that after the cure, Crowley hated himself. He hated that he was alone and unloved. Some part of that was due to being a demon and the horrible, evil, messy things he’d done, and some of it he believed was due to his inherent lack of worth. And I think this monologue was written in part to have Crowley make that final confession out loud. Final because, if that’s the case and he’s willing to admit it – to his former enemies and now the only people he really has in his life – his story can only take one of two directions: redemption or death. Embrace the desire for change and move forward as a reformed demon and full Winchester ally, or dramatically (and unnecessarily) sacrifice himself.

And there is a way to write that, but with Crowley properly in character and with the emotional complexity we know him to possess, not this blatant declaration. Maybe the line would have worked depending on how Mark Sheppard played it, and it only falls so flat because it’s just a script – I’m willing to allow for that. But this moment, facing down the boys after letting Lucifer loose, in front of an audience of Mary Winchester that he doesn’t know well and isn’t comfortable with, it doesn’t feel like a moment for Crowley to be this open, this vulnerable, about something so personal and so monumental.

I’ve no doubt that Crowley expected the Winchesters would one day kill him, “for good this time.” He was a demon working alongside a pair of hunters; there was always going to be that risk. Crowley was intelligent, one of the smartest characters on the show. He had to know that was how things would play out – either that, or he would die on their behalf, or because of their actions, even if he had ended up leaving Hell and joining Team Free Will. That was what happened to people around the Winchesters. Crowley warned Kevin of that himself. “They use people up, and leave them to die bloody.” Crowley knew. And as he internalized more and more of his blood-born conscience, Crowley had to believe on some level that he deserved it, especially if he hated himself and what he’d done.

But once again, if Crowley was going to say something like that, that’s not how he’d say it. It would be as a dismissive aside, or a knife in Dean’s gut in a moment of intense emotion between the two of them, or as a rebuke that the Winchesters badly deserved. Or better yet, as something remarked between himself and Cas, who Crowley likely suspected would outlast him but also ultimately die in service of the Winchester cause. Words like those have power. And it’s unlike Crowley to lay them down in supplication like this. It doesn’t even feel like a heart-felt confession, like his monologue in 8x23. It reads like someone wrote what was meant to be under Crowley’s words, the intention behind his dialogue, the much-exalted subtext, but failed to add all the layers on top of it, to put it in actual character.

I’m just going to bundle the whole beginning of the monologue together and toss it out entirely. Firstly because I’ve argued more than once that Crowley is an unreliable narrator when it comes to his human life. What we know of it from Rowena comes with an agenda, and what we know of it from Gavin comes from a man who had a difficult relationship with his father. It’s about as reliable as young Dean telling stories to Sammy about their parents’ time together. And there’s canonical errors in this monologue to back that up – we know Crowley wasn’t buried in a pauper’s grave, because we saw it 6x04. The “dying in a puddle of his own sick” is a great detail in terms of storytelling, but it’s almost directly repeated from Rowena, who said it as a belittling comment to a young Fergus. It’s too forced. And we know at least Gavin came to the funeral, because he tells us so in a deleted scene in 12x13 (remember what I said about getting to pick and choose when it comes to cut scripts and deleted scenes?).

But more importantly – and this is the part that really grates – Crowley’s iteration of his human life reinforces the narrative of absolute morality in the spn universe. It supports the argument that if a character becomes a demon, it must be because they were a terrible person. There is no room for human flaws, for characters to have made mistakes – and that doesn’t just hinder characters in terms of backstory, but in character development and emotional growth moving forward. It’s a stance spn takes more than once, and especially with non-human characters, though never in regards to the Winchesters. The Winchesters can become soulless or demons, but they were “always good” before that, so they are deserving of redemption. If Crowley or other non-humans were “always bad,” that absolves the Winchesters from seeing them as people deserving of help, or of their ability to change, or even to be seen as beings deserving of any level of respect or agency. And it absolves the showrunners from writing a character capable of development, of being able to grow beyond their previous flaws.

That’s not to say that Fergus MacLeod wasn’t some or all of those things. But if he was a complex character – if he was a person, as all stories should aim to present their characters – then he was all of that and more, just as the Winchesters are their virtues and their faults all wrapped up in an individual person. And if Crowley had brought this up some other time, in reference to his human life, none of this discussion would be necessary. It would be easy to say: he’s an unreliable narrator, and this provides us with insight into how Crowley feels about himself, and it would be interesting and valuable. But here, it’s used in justification for Crowley’s status as irredeemable – which is not true – and as part of justification for what happens next.

Crowley’s death was written by the showrunners as an excuse to remove him from the show – attribute that to budget costs for the show, or running out of story ideas for Crowley, or creative laziness, whatever you want. And within spn, it can be attributed to Chuck not wanting another character like Cas muddling up his Winchester Brothersᵀᴹ grand narrative. I’ve written before both in posts and in fic about how Crowley’s character-central instinct for self-preservation crumbles into depression after losing Hell and the seemingly-irreversible depletion of his and Dean’s friendship in 12x23. And that this ushers in a desire to End in such a way that achieves revenge against Lucifer (not a significant motivation, in my opinion, you’ve got to outlive your enemies to win against them), earns him the appreciation of the Winchesters, saves the world (proving his capacity for good), and brings about an end to his waiting. Glory through death, redemption in death – tropes that are hard to associate with Crowley unless you buy into his character’s devolvement in the latter half of season 12, but which the writers do their best to smooth into place and the fandom was forced to choke down.

And I won’t argue that Crowley didn’t wanted an end to his waiting – I’d argue the opposite in fact. This blatant preference for suicide, however, is antithesis to everything Crowley. What Crowley wanted in that End wasn’t an end of himself, but an end to existing in a state of perpetual limbo. Be accepted by the good guys, embrace his more human aspects, or return to the full dark depravity of demonkind. An end to the emotional rollercoaster, to continuous and destructive self-doubt, to striving to be both the king Hell needed and the ally the Winchesters refused to admit they benefited from having. That’s entirely different than wanting to end himself. As much as Crowley hated himself, he would never have considered death to be a preferable option – not unless some outside force, be it Chuck or the spn showrunners, decided otherwise for him.

Even if that had been the case, and I am wrong about Crowley’s characterization and his motivations, I still do not think he would have been as open about that motivation as is written in this cut script. It is just not like him. It is too vulnerable, too self-pitying. Crowley was always concerned about the others around him, and especially the Winchesters, thinking less of him. He never would have said something like this to them, not as this is written. Nor would Crowley have gone to the Winchesters with the intention of them killing him. He might have known it was a possibility, once he confessed his actions, (and from his perspective, there was the chance the Winchesters didn’t know of his involvement in Lucifer’s escape anyway), but it would never have been his intention. It’s not unknown for Crowley to encourage abuse from those he’s wronged, and to revel in the attention and emotions of it (here I’m thinking specifically of Kevin beating him in 9x02), maybe considering the punishment just and due. And Crowley at this point likely suspected he would eventually meet his end in some way involving the Winchesters. But death by their hands in this moment would have involved none of the justifying benefits of death by his own hand only a few scenes later – glory, revenge, redemption, a sense of closure.

Compare this cut monologue and its potential death – at the hands of the Winchesters after confessing his role in Lucifer’s escape – to this cut line of dialogue from later in 12x23. “Tell Dean he was right – you bloody fools have rubbed off on me.” This is Crowley. This is emotional complexity, admittance to a change of heart, self-awareness, and a brave act of equal defiance and sacrifice, with his usual smug, snarky dismissal. This isn’t suicide brought on by depression, by an uncharacteristic vulnerability. It is resolved, determined, if reluctant. This is Crowley choosing the greater good and the boys, even if it means sacrificing himself.

For me, this small addition smooths over much of the unevenness in the showrunner’s attempts to justify Crowley’s death. He has lost Hell, he believes he’s had an irreversible falling out with Dean – all of which could be overcome, grown beyond. But then a rift opens, and Lucifer is an immediate danger, and it requires a life to save the day. Crowley knows it can’t be either of the boys – that tends to have world-ending effects – and it can’t be Mary Winchesters or Castiel, because of “Winchester man-pain.” So that leaves Crowley. And having exhausted all immediate alternatives, Crowley does what internalized Winchester logic and conscience tells him is right. It would still require a moment of hesitation, a moment we see him combatting his deeply imbedded trait of self-preservation. But at least that would have been in character and show definitive character growth on Crowley’s part.

So yes, I completely agree with the decision to cut this monologue in 12x23. It doesn’t tell us anything about Crowley that we don’t already know, and is uncharacteristic of him, and provides out-of-character justification for his actions that wasn’t needed. You don’t have to agree with me, obviously. And I’ll end this rather long rant of an essay by saying what I always say: that Crowley deserved better. He deserved better than the mangling of his character’s motivations in the latter half of season 12, and he deserved better than this monologue. I’m glad it was cut from the final script.

#crowley #character analysis #spn season 12 #spn script #crowley deserved better #happy sulphur saturday #this has been your pre-scheduled lunch time rant #not back to your regularly scheduled postings

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aerinsfables · 3 years

Note

How many goats must I sacrifice for part 5? (p.s., may I suggest “Blooming Friendship” or some sappy ,punny line for the title?)

No goats necessary, but I will accept a donation of cookies! 😁

Also your title suggestion is hilarious and much appreciated (I love puns). I was thinking “love amongst the flowers” or something, but haven’t been able to bring myself to be quite that corny yet 😂 (can you tell I’ve been watching ATLA lately?). Will give it some more thought. Whyyyy is naming things so freaking hard sometimes?!?

——

Flower Shop AU Part 5 below. Read part 4 here!

——

Bracken didn’t hear back from Kendra until Friday, when she sent a short email.

Long story short, he was my fiancée. Gavin. I caught him cheating. Among other things.

Seth tells me you’ll be coming over for tomorrow’s barbeque. I’m sorry if he harassed you. He can be such a busybody sometimes, but he means well.

He replied with a short message of his own.

I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but I believe you’ve truly dodged a bullet with regard to Gavin. That’s a very, very good thing. You deserve someone who will treat you with kindness and respect, and who will mirror your loyalty.

Seth was fine. My father liked him. He was nice, and I appreciated the invitation. To be honest, I’m more apprehensive about potentially forced conversation with people I don’t know. I’m good at small talk with prospective vendors and with customers, but it’s been a while since I’ve socialized with people in a friend setting. Most of the friends I’ve had historically have either moved out of town or have their own busy lives and fell out of touch. Many are married, some have children, and I fit into neither of those categories.

Anyway. Enough about me. You’ll be there tomorrow, right? Would you care to help rescue me from awkward socialization if I need it? Who else will be attending?

He typed his personal email address into the CC field and wrote another bit:

I’m copying my personal email address here, as well, in order to move this conversation to a more private setting. I hope you don’t mind. My mother, father, youngest sister and I all have access to the company email. I run it primarily, but still.

The “send” button was clicked before he could rethink his words too much. He returned to his tasks for the day and paused a few minutes later when he heard his phone ding with a new notification. Kendra had already replied to his email, this time to his personal address.

You’re right; I dodged a bullet. It’s just not so easy to recover from it all. I’ll get there.

You have siblings? How many? Are they always up in your business like my brother is?

Attendees for tomorrow’s BBQ are largely family members of mine. My parents, grandparents, Warren and his girlfriend, Dale, Seth. Maybe a few family friends. This had been planned for a while, and Warren and Seth both wanted to invite you. I’ll help protect you from the masses, but my family is honestly pretty great. I doubt you’ll need any rescuing.

He smiled as he finished the corsage he’d been working on, then replied back to her.

Healing is a process. It’s okay to take time for that. If he was your fiancée, then that means you felt strongly for him; you probably still feel strongly for him. There’s no shame in that. Take your time to heal.

I have four sisters, and they are all constantly ‘up in my business,’ as you put it. I’m number four in the lineup of children; my oldest sister lives about five hours away with her husband and my only nieces - no nephews yet. Sister Number Two is quite introverted and lives at home with our parents. She runs a small sewing business from there. Sister 3 is only a couple years older than me; she is a lawyer in the city and lives downtown near the courthouse with a couple of roommates. Sister 4 works at the shop with me part-time while she’s going to school. She’s working toward becoming a nurse, and just got engaged this week. She’s the bubbly, outgoing type.

What about you? Have you any siblings aside from Seth? What is your family like?

He started in on another corsage - he had to have 25 of them ready to go before he left that evening, and he’d done 11 so far - and smiled when he heard his phone ding again several minutes later. A quick glance at it told him that Kendra had replied again.

Four sisters! That’s a lot of siblings. And a lot of estrogen. Just the one brother for me. I’m pretty sure my parents decided to quit having children once they realized how difficult Seth was going to be. Mischief and trouble are his best friends. I’m amazed he’s survived into adulthood.

I have two sets of grandparents that live nearby. We’re all pretty tight-knit. Warren and Dale are cousins of my dad’s mom. I have no idea how many times removed or whatever that is, so I just call them my cousins. Vanessa, Warren’s long time girlfriend, is a tattoo artist. I’ve been staying at their house since Monday, instead of my apartment.

The BBQ will be at my dad’s parent’s house. Other people who might drop by are Elise, who works with Vanessa, Mara, who works for one of the nearby wineries and is dating Elise, Tanu, our family doctor who we’ve become very good friends with, and Trask, who knows my grandfather somehow. That’s never been super clear to me, to be honest. He’s an old family friend. At any rate, we’re an eclectic bunch of people, and I expect tomorrow will be lively and fun.

What kinds of things do you like to do in your free time?

Bracken thought on these things for a little while, and finished another corsage, before he answered.

It sounds like there will be a good mix of people. I look forward to meeting them.

I’m a bit of an artist in my free time. Drawing and painting are my preferred methods. I enjoy cooking, too, but don’t often do anything too fancy since I’m usually only cooking for myself. Puzzles are nice. Honestly, I spend most of my time at the shop. Sunday evenings are when my family gathers for dinner, minus my oldest sister, who lives too far away for that to be feasible. She usually visits once every couple of months, and stays with my parents for a few days. That’s when I steal my nieces and spoil them to death.

What do you like to do in your spare time?

The rest of the day passed with a fairly steady stream of emails between the two of them. Kendra loved books, and would love to be a novelist one day, but hadn’t found her inspiration yet. Her favorite colors were blue and pink, she had studied French in high school but hadn’t made it to France yet (a dream of hers), and she was thinking about going back to college to get her master’s degree in English Literature. She’d asked about how Bracken found his way into flowers, and he’d explained that his parents had established the shop when he was in elementary school. He’d learned the business over the years and enjoyed leaning into his artistic side, so it was a pretty natural progression for him to work there after he’d graduated from the local university with a degree in business (his goal being to inherit the shop someday). To his pleasant surprise, conversation with Kendra flowed easily, and he left the shop that day with a positive feeling about the next day’s gathering.

---

Part 6 is here!

#fablehaven #dragonwatch #brackendra #aerinm writes #side warrenessa #they may become more mainstream later #we’ll see #anonymous #thanks for asking!

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op-peccatori · 4 years

Text

blooming devotion | MLQC Gavin

Fandom: Mr Love: Queen’s Choice

Pairing: Gavin/Reader

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 5k

Summary: He sees it as the ultimate expression of his love, pure and unselfish in nature. His thinks his life is a fitting price to pay, one he never intends for you to be aware of. But things don't always (rarely) go according to plan, and you have a lot to say when you find out. The real question is–will you make it in time?

A/N: this was meant to be sad but I’m too soft. also need to fine-tune it because I wrote it in a bit of a rush so can I run back to Gavin smut lmao

Warnings/tags: (chronic) hanahaki disease, minor campus date spoilers, blood

Nimble fingers fly over the piano keys, spinning a web of nostalgia and longing, trapping their audience with ease.

Even as you’re engrossed in playing old melodies, eager to share them with him, his eyes stay riveted on you.

A memory, old yet vivid, flashes through Gavin's mind. He can see it clearly in his mind, ginkgo leaves swirling fiercely around him, heralding his rebirth, his awakening; your arrival a watershed in a life he had thus far lived without purpose, piano chords striking at the wound up agony in him until it gave in to your light.

He had no one to live for, not since he lost the only person who ever loved him. He had his own code to follow, but it wasn't enough. The itch beneath his skin grew with each passing day, roaring for him to be noticed, to be cared for.

Falling to his demise brought him to his salvation.

You became his purpose.

Gavin believes in forging one's own path, but he secretly thinks fate had a hand in bringing you into his life. It felt right.

At first, he had just been grateful and had committed himself to your protection in the name of that gratitude. But you had hooked him in, heart and mind, and with each passing day, his young heart throbbed harder for you. His eyes sought you out the moment he stepped foot onto campus, his attendance in classes rising with that strange yearning in his belly.

To be the kind of knight you deserved, he needed to change. He needed to be better. For the first time in so long, he had hope. He had something other than the bitterness and rage that had been drilled into him, he had a chance to be more.

He watched over you; you liked to eat lunch outside, and you had a terribly sweet tooth. You almost always had your homework finished on time. You were unaware of his presence outside the window to the music room while you played, and you were oblivious to the way he burned when he watched hopeful teens ask you out.

He had thought that, perhaps, he should talk to you, or thank you, to make this tight feeling in his chest fade.

Gavin had tried to speak with you then, an attempt he's sure you don't remember. But that one unsuccessful conversation had been a pivotal moment; banal in the eyes of everyone watching, but as he had watched you trip, watched you close your eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath before sinking down to one knee, he came to a quick decision. He had walked over and bent down to help you gather your things; you had glanced at him appreciatively, your small smile quivering, but something in Gavin bloomed.

The curious sparkle in your eyes, the rebellious strands escaping your bun, the subtle shine of your lips–captivating. The hint of bags under your eyes, the pensiveness in the twist of your mouth, the two fingernails that had clearly been victim to nervous chewing. It was the beginning of the end for Gavin, the moment the true purpose of his life became clear, the first drop of water to this new love that took root in him.

It wasn't all that uncommon, for people his age. And so when Gavin sprinted away from you, rushing to the bathroom with his hand clamped over his mouth and leaving you to stammer out a thank you, acceptance had started to set in. And when the first petal dropped into his palm, sunny and ironically cheerful, he held it to his chest as if clutching the most precious gem in existence. He vowed to give everything to his new purpose. The wretched, crashing waves of his existence met your steady cliff.

He was a stranger to you, but you became his world.

He never told a soul.

There weren't a lot of people in his life that could be trusted with something of this much importance, even then. His father was out of the question; even estranged as they were, Gavin knew the man, and he knew that he would be strapped down as soon as his father found out, and his purpose would be carved out of him. The man would look at his flowers and see weakness.

Gavin would die before he lost the only light in his life.

He never told a soul, but that does not mean no one ever found out. Mr Keller suspected, as did his brother. He never admitted to anything, not at the concerned questions, nor the aggressive yelling.

But the one eventually caught him was Minor.

Minor, who insisted on following him around, who had been observant enough to figure out who had caught friend's eye, who cheered him on, praised him, shook off his attempts to push him away.

Minor, who had trembled as Gavin had succumbed to a sudden attack. Gavin remembers the warmth of his palm on his back, comforting even as he had hacked uncontrollably. The attacks weren't frequent back then, but he had watched you play the piano earlier that day, had indulged himself in fantasies he had no right to dream up, and he had paid the price.

His devotion was fierce and pure, and every great thing demands a sacrifice. It was a way to prove his will, his love, even if only to himself. In his eyes, this was tangible proof of his devotion; quiet and invisible in its expression, yet raging and fervent in its depth.

"...Why haven't you gotten them removed?" Minor had asked, teary-eyed and terrified. Gavin debated not answering before slumping back to rest his back against the fence. His...companion sat next to him, hugging his knees as he waited for his answer.

"I can't," Gavin had said simply. "I can't lose this. The surgery messes you up, it takes away your ability to feel and this is what I live for now. If need be, this is what I'll die for. I’m okay with that."

Minor had looked at him like he was insane.

"It's not a this, it's a person. Have-have you even told her?" Because it could only be you. Minor had looked furious, then, imagining that you had turned your back on his friend. That you had looked at this beautiful boy with his jagged edges and guarded eyes and looked away.

"Told her what?"

"That you love her."

It was the first time it had been put in those words. Gavin had never thought of it explicitly, had never thought I love her. He had just felt, and he had let the feeling consume him so deeply he felt it in every breath he took. It wasn't very painful, not then.

"Not yet," he had said, various scenarios swimming through his mind at the very thought of telling you. Of the expression on your face when you found out. You didn't really know him beyond what you'd been told, so he had a lot to work on. "I'm not ready."

I'm not good enough, not yet. But I will be. And then I'll tell her.

He made Minor swear he wouldn't tell. Minor agreed on the condition that Gavin keep him updated on the 'situation.'

Even as the years went by, and you were no longer in his sight, the flowers grew, and his love for you continued to grow in the tiniest of ways. All he had was a yearbook, but it was enough. His memories were enough to nurture his love.

All throughout, he tried to avoid Minor as much as he possibly could, but the other boy–man, now–tracked him down every now and then and demanded updates. He also took it upon himself to give Gavin updates on you. College, your father, and your new job.

He struggled with the need to go to you, and to offer whatever help he could. Not yet, he told himself. You’ll be of no use to her as you are.

It seemed that your absence, while not enough for the flowers to wither, was enough to keep them at bay. He grew stronger every day, forged himself a body and mind of steel, a man who would protect you for...for as long as he could.

And, once again, your reappearance in his life turned it upside down; he loved you all the more for it, and it wrecked him. With each droplet of blood that dribbled down his chin, with every beat of his heart, he loved you.

When you came back to him, Gavin found out why his condition could be considered fatal.

God, but you had grown even more beautiful.

You no longer looked at him with barely hidden fear, only wary surprise. You were more confident, running your own company, and you needed his help.

He felt it, constricting in his ribs, and he prayed– not now. He felt his heart race, felt the tips of his ears heat up, tried to keep his eyes from glancing at you again and again and again.

Gavin had been quite amused by your uncertainty at his willingness to help. But you couldn't have known the lengths he was willing to go for you, had been going to for years. He had never told you. But he would.

He had hoped to get the chance to do it, to tell you how deeply he feels for you. And so he had allowed himself this luxury of growing closer, of really getting to know you. Of letting you see the man he had grown up to be, scarred and powerful and as just as he could be, hoping that you would love him, never really believing you would.

It ruined him.

Because now you smiled at him. You clung to him as he flew you home, and he could always smell the faint traces of your perfume, could feel the softness of you against his body. Now, you cared for him. You cared about his diet, his missions, his burdens.

You allowed him to come to your rescue, and it made him want to dance. It also had him on his knees, coughing up flower petals with more frequency.

He almost hated it. Sometimes he wondered if he should’ve stayed in the shadows, if only to keep that worried expression far from your face.

But he had to stay close, because there were forces in the world around you, stirring awake, ready to make their move and sink their claws into you.

He loved his flowers, fiercely and protectively. One would think they would be a certain kind of leaf that symbolizes so much in his life; but this was a symbol of his love for you. It would only make sense for it to be your favourite flower.

But now, they grow faster.

You finish playing the last notes of the symphony, smiling up at him, and he smiles back almost helplessly.

‘I love you.’

He...can’t die now. But it hurts to breathe, and it means his feelings have grown deeper. A part of him feels satisfied–it’s the ultimate show of love. Pure and unselfish.

It happens as you’re leaving the campus together; he can barely breathe, and the tip of your little finger brushes his. Gavin nearly doubles over, turning his back to you and coughing violently. He can hear you, frantic and worried, and he can feel your warm hands. His vision swims with the tears in his eyes.

He shakes you off, struggling to get the words out. He doesn't look at you, pressing your handkerchief to his mouth. He knows it's stained with blood. Don't let her see, don't let her see, please don't let her see. “It’s...it’s from...the mission.” The wind picks up, and his feet lift off. “Sorry...you’ll...have to go on...” He’s gone before you can say anything, desperate to find a safe place to ride it out.

He doesn’t dare to look back at you, and so he has no idea your attention has been snatched by something else in the wake of his departure. He doesn’t see you bending down to pluck a bloodstained petal off the ground, doesn’t see the sorrow that steals your breath away.

He doesn’t see you for a while, after that.

Business is booming, and the work keeps pouring in. You've been working hard to fulfil your father's dreams and your own, and you hope he's proud of you.

You can’t bring yourself to devote yourself to any of it today, weighed down by the accidental revelation brought to light in your last meeting with Gavin. You've been cursing yourself for never noticing, for daring to think that you had a chance.

He's loved someone for a long time and it's killing him.

You’ve been trying to reach him for nearly two weeks, but there’s no response. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t breathe until you see him, until you ask him why.

Anna worries. Kiki and Willow try to make you talk, but this isn’t something you can discuss with anybody else. This is a secret you will have to shoulder alone, until you can talk to Gavin.

Minor takes a day off, and he comes in the next day looking like the life has been drained out of him. You track him down to the break room, but stop and step to the side when you see him by the coffee machine with Kiki. A quick glance around ensures there’s no one to witness your attempt at eavesdropping.

“Minor, are you okay?” Kiki asks, whispering loudly, utterly unaware of you hovering nearby.

The man nods, more miserable than you’ve ever seen him.

“Aw, cheer up! Whatever it is, it’ll be fine.” Kiki pats him on the back. “Where’s Gavin? Why don’t you go grab lunch with him? You’ll feel better.” She walks away with that suggestion given, greeting you cheerfully, and so she doesn’t see the way he crumbles.

But you do. And you’re hit with another realization–Minor knows.

His eyes meet yours and he freezes, caught in your fierce gaze; before he can flee the room, you act. Silently, you apologize for cornering him, but this isn't something you can just move on from.

“Minor, in my office please.”

He doesn’t say anything as he falls into step behind you, nor when he closes the door behind him–not that you expected him to start confessing. He fidgets, hesitating when you gesture for him to take a seat, before sinking into a chair.

You let the silence stretch on for a moment, collecting your thoughts and weighing your words.

“How long?”

Minor looks startled, peering up at you in confusion. You reach into the drawer in your desk, withdrawing the single withering petal from it. A sunflower petal, from what you can tell. Your heart aches with something bitter. From the look on the man’s face, he’s seen it before.

“How long has Gavin had it?”

“Since...since high school,” he rasps, wincing at your quick, sharp inhale. That's too long. And the man has been continuing with his duties like literal flowers aren't growing in his body.

You're angry, you realize belatedly. Because Gavin is one of the most important people in your life, and he's always treated you with just as much care, but apparently you're not...important enough to be told this.

“How bad is it?” The words taste like ash in your mouth.

He stays quiet, staring down at his sneakers.

“Minor. How bad is it?” You expect him to try and hide it.

Minor bursts into tears instead. You reach for him instinctively, a hand on his shoulder and the other reaching for a tissue, but Minor grabs your wrist. He looks devastated but his grip on you is secure.

“It was okay, before, but Boss,” he stumbles over the words, tears flowing freely down his cheeks, as if they can't be stopped. “He was in the hospital. It’s...it’s not looking good.”

You can barely speak through the numbness spreading through your limbs. Your mind spins chaotically but you'll be damned if you leave this conversation without getting your answers.

“He won’t...why won’t he remove them?” The words feel pointless even as you choke them out, because if Gavin loves someone this much there is nothing in the world that will make him sway. He's not a man who changes his mind, or his heart Your heart burns at the thought. “Has he told them?”

“N-no.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“I don't know. Every time I ask," Minor blows his nose noisily. "He says not yet. I feel like, like he thinks they'll reject him?"

You take a deep, unsteady breath. “Who is it?” Who could look at this fierce, beautiful man and not want him? Who is it that has everything you want in the palm of their hand, and not even know it?

Minor stares at you, an odd look on his face. You're seized by impatience, shaking him lightly. There’s no time.

“Minor, this is no time to keep secrets. We need to do something. Who is it?” You'll talk to Gavin. You'll help him talk to them. This can be fixed.

Something like pity flashes in his eyes, and his fingers slip down to curl around yours, hesitant yet meaningful. An unpleasant feeling curls along your insides. “Boss...”

You can’t breathe.

He’s had it since high school.

The I’m sorry hangs in the air. The it's you tightens around your throat.

You vomit all over Minor's shoes.

The sky looms with the promise of rain, grey clouds drifting and arranging themselves to conceal the sun.

Your entire body aches with regret, even as hope sprouts in your heart. You don't think you've ever run this fast. You don't think you've ever had a reason to.

As you had suspected, Minor had gone to see Gavin yesterday, escorting the man home once he was discharged. He told you that the doctor was very clear about how severe Gavin's condition had grown. That there isn't much time.

It hadn't come as a surprise to Gavin.

You told Anna you had to leave, and you took off, refusing to waste another minute of his life. The answer lay with you all along, it's you. Even as a part of you rejoices, the tears spill over. It's you. You've been the cause of his suffering all this time.

The sunflowers.

There's a stitch in your side by the time you reach his apartment. You hit the button outside the elevator urgently, again and again; the trip up is nearly unbearable. You see your reflection in the doors–sweat drips down your face, and your dress feels damp in several unfortunate places. Your skin is flushed unattractively, your eyes swollen from all the crying you had done on the way over.

It all falls away when he opens the door, eyes wide and bleary from sleep. He looks awful.

And it's your fault.

"Y/n, hey," he lets you in without question, and the sweet concern in his eyes makes you nauseous. Even now, even when he's dying he's thinking of your well-being. He looks gaunt, like he hasn't eaten or gotten proper sleep in months. "Is everything okay?"

You're nodding automatically, used to responding to that question, before you stop forcibly. "No, actually, I'm not."

He looks worried now. "What can I do to help?"

You had considered just bringing a ring. "You can start by telling me why you never thought to tell me about your illness."

You spot the moment he connects the dots, his shoulders tightening in that endearingly and exasperatingly defensive way that comes so naturally to him. "Illness?"

You reach into your pocket, and worry that he's stopped breathing when he sees the petal in your hand. "Looks familiar?"

He reaches for it, and you watch with sickening fascination as he holds it reverently. "It's...not an illness." You hope that the slight quirk of your brow is enough to convey your demand for him to elaborate. "I mean, I know it's considered a disease, but I've never really seen it that way."

"For someone so devoted to his work, you're rather accepting of something that hinders it," you remark casually, trying to resist the urge to put your hands on your hips. You don't want to push too hard, but you're not leaving without letting him know how you feel.

"I guess my devotion to something else trumps it," he closes his fingers around the tiny petal. "It's a price I'm willing to pay."

The urge to do something drastic takes hold of you when he smiles at you so softly. You step closer to him, your hands rising to cup his, before you pry open the cage of his fingers to reach for the petal.

He watches you carefully.

You crush it in your fist.

"What if it's a price I'm not willing to pay?"

He swallows heavily, retreating until his back hits the wall. You follow him without a word. It could be almost funny, the way you're both standing in this little hall at the entrance, but there's no urge to smile. You don't think you've ever been more serious in your life.

"...Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it," he replies evenly, and this time you do almost smile at his nerve.

"Really? That's odd, because Minor believes otherwise." Your words are delivered casually, but with the way his skin pales one would think you've dropped a threat.

"It's not his business–"

"But it is mine," you cut him off, before wavering. "I...isn't it?" Because, maybe, Minor had gotten it wrong.

You stare at each other, studying, hoping, trembling on the inside. And then the fight leaves him. He looks defeated, ashamed and you begin to think that isn't going to be as easy as just telling him how you feel.

"Yes, it is," he shrinks in on himself, and you've never seen him look so small. "I...I love you."

You stare at him, wondering why he's looking at you with so much anguish.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, and you snap back into reality.

"Why? I feel the same way," you say, sure and gentle, and reach for his hands. "I love you, Gavin."

His hands slip from your grip, and he's stalking away from you before you even realize what's happening.

"This is why I never wanted to tell you," he says roughly, taking a seat on his couch to rub his temples in agitation. He looks deeply upset.

"What do you mean?" You follow him, baffled, and sit down next to him, rubbing his back comfortingly when he coughs wetly. "Gavin, please–"

"The last thing I wanted was for you to find out and feel pressured to do exactly what you're doing." He sounds miserable, and you feel helpless in the face of his abject refusal to accept your feelings.

"What, confess my own feelings?"

"There are no feelings," he tells you, insistently. He sounds so sure and it hurts. "You're just...you're too nice."

"I'm really not–"

"You don't have to do this, y/n," Gavin tells you gently, ruffling your hair in a bizarre attempt you comfort you. "I'll be fine."

You smack his hand away.

And when he looks hurt, your fingers curl in the neckline of his cotton t-shirt and yank him towards you, your head tilting just the slightest to fit your lips against his. He tastes like iron and gatorade, with a hint of something floral that sinks into your tongue. It's brief, and soft, and when you pull away he looks stunned.

"I love you," you whisper, and he trembles.

"No, you don't." It's barely a whisper, so faint you nearly miss it, and you don't know what to do. “I know that this...this is unpleasant–”

“Yes. Yes, it is,” you cut him off, tears springing to your eyes and this time, you don’t stop them. You don't swallow your words, allowing them the taste of freedom. You feel weak, impuissant. “I hate this. I hate that you’re so willing to die. That you’ve known for years, suffered every single day with the knowledge that you will die for it. I h-hate that you never even thought to live for it instead. You never...you never...”

He looks at you, mutely and pleadingly, robbed of words.

You breathe in forcefully. "What I'm here to do, is to tell you how I feel, and to knock down the pedestal you seem to have placed me on."

There's that familiar defensive look creeping into his eyes, and you rush to continue.

“It’s selfish, Gavin.” Your anger subsides, suddenly and dizzyingly, and the longing that rushes in is tinged by sorrow. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

His head hits the back of the couch with a soft thunk, eyes sliding shut as if he's got no strength left.

“I’ve loved you for so long,” he finally whispers, and a part of you trembles at the way his voice shakes. “And all this time, it’s been the one true, pure thing in my life. I loved you. I love you. I always will. And then one day, my always was...uncertain. You would never feel the same way–that was also a truth I’d come to accept.” He shakes his head when you open your mouth, ready protest, and the sight of him trying to hold his tears back stops you. “I’ve loved you so much it’s killing me and I’d accepted that. How do I go back from that?”

You reach for his hand, bringing it up to your face. “By giving us a chance. Give me a chance, please, Gavin–I’ll show you, every single day for the rest of our long and healthy lives because I refuse to consider any other alternative.” You press your lips to the tip of his index finger, and the flush on his cheeks spreads further.

“You deserve–“

“Love,” you emphasise, kissing the pad of his middle finger, “is rarely about what we think we deserve. It boils down to what we want. And I want you.”

“I want to kiss you before we leave for work. I want to kiss you when you come back from your missions. I want to kiss you goodnight every night.” You nip at the flesh of his thumb lightly, suppressing a smile when he jumps.

“I want to use every bit of my limited knowledge of first-aid on you, although I dearly hope those occasions will be sparse; I want to share every secret I have with you, I-I want to wash your hair when you’re too tired to do it.” You bring his other hand to your mouth, holding it carefully.

“I want to get mad at you for not eating your vegetables, and for having the audacity to disapprove of me doing the same. I want to go to bed with you, I want to hold you, I want to love you.”

Gavin stares at you, dazed and on the verge of tears.

"Is it because I don't have flowers growing in me?" you ask softly. "Is that why you don't believe me?"

"No. No, that's not," he stammers as he pulls you to him, holding you tightly. Your chin rests on his shoulder as he struggles to process your words, and get his out. "I would never wish this on you. I couldn't bear it."

"Then why do you expect me to be okay with it?"

He doesn't have an answer.

“I know it’s taken me too long to get here, but I don’t want to lose any more time. I don’t want to lose you.”

You press the curve of your lips to his jaw, relief coursing through you when he melts against you.

“I want you to live. With me. For me. And I won’t give up. So, please–give me a chance.”

By the time to finish you’re both struggling to breathe, sniffling messily; you’ve pulled Gavin halfway onto your lap, stubbornly holding his weight, arms wrapped around him in a silent declaration–you won’t be letting go.

His head is tucked into the cradle of your neck and shoulder, his fingers curling into the fabric of your dress. “Y/n, I...”

“I love you.”

You crane your head down, a little awkwardly, as he looks up. There’s a spot of crimson on the corner of his lips and before you can think it through, the pad of your thumb is there, rubbing it away. Warmth blooms through you at the contact, at the way Gavin stares at you, and it’s alarming how your mind quietens when you’re with him.

Your lips brush his, achingly soft, and the breath he sucks in is quick and sharp. But his fingers curl around your neck and his mouth slots against yours firmly; a distant part of your mind is concerned by how hard your heart is throbbing, determined to burst out of its confines and reach Gavin, its true keeper.

He tastes like iron, and you vow to ensure Gavin will never taste bloodstained flowers again, no matter what it takes.

“Gavin,” you murmur, mesmerized by his flushed cheeks and glazed eyes. “Gavin, I love you.”

He doesn't say anything, but he buries his face into your hair, and he doesn't let go.

And so you drift off feeling more content than you have in days, hopeful and determined to keep Gavin in your arms, snoozing adorably.

You’re pressed closer than ever, curled around each other, and Gavin wakes up feeling warmer than he has in years.

The sky seems to have cleared up, sending the last eager rays of sun through the glass before it sets for the day.

He's nearly on top of you, and wonders how you're breathing, before the thought has him trying to pull away in alarm. You make a sleepy noise of complaint and follow, holding onto him even in your slumber.

The force of the affection that seizes him nearly sends him tumbling back into oblivion. And then you're stirring awake, mumbling his name tiredly, smiling up at him when you spot him staring at you like a man starved.

There's love in your eyes.

The thought has him tearing himself away from you, stumbling from the couch to fall to his knees on the floor, coughing more violently than he should be. He can hear you crying, your hands rubbing his back as he nearly throws up on the carpet.

Well, he does throw up, but something he hadn't expected to see.

A fully bloomed sunflower lies on the ground before you both, more vibrant than any other flower he'd ever seen. He lets you fold him into your arms, allowing himself the comfort of your warmth, slowly, finally believing that it's for him. Your smile, your laughter, your complaints–they're all his.

Everything will be okay. And for the first time in his life, with your arms around him, Gavin begins to believe it.

#mlqc #mlqc gavin #mlqc fanfic #mr love queen's choice #mr love: queen's choice #mlqc bai qi #hanahaki

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ginkgowritings · 4 years

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May I ask for a HC for all Boys, how they plan their own wedding with their MC? Like, would they like a big or small wedding, would they let MC make most of the decisions?

Thank you for the request! This is such a cute request to do as my first request here. Headcanons under the cut.

Gavin

Gavin doesn’t care much about what the ceremony is like, he mainly just cares about the marriage itself and wants to be married as soon as possible.

However, he’d still want to have some sort of ceremony as it’s the only time in his life he ever plans to get married and he wants to see you walk down the aisle.

Would leave most of the planning to you, mainly only offering his opinion if you ask him for it.

The only thing he’s dead set on is wanting to make your rings. He designed and made your ginkgo bracelet, and he would’ve made your engagement ring as well.

He wants to make the wedding rings perfect so he’ll get the help of a professional jeweller if he needs it. He sees the rings as one of the most important parts of the wedding since you’ll still wear them after the ceremony and he wants to be the one to create them.

He also would want to get an amazing photographer to perfectly document the wedding, he wants to be able to look back on it forever. You’ll end up with a huge wedding album and beautifully shot videos of the ceremony.

You go to several wedding venues together to decide which one you want to book. Internally, he gets super excited at every venue as he’s imagines getting married to you there.

After going to several venues you go to a beautiful outdoor venue together. As you talk with the venue manager you notice the wind picking up unusually and look at Gavin only to see him staring off into the distance with a contented look on his face.

He imagines getting married to you there and gets a bit too excited, unknowingly letting his wind evol rustle through the trees as the site manager stares on in confusion. It’s the biggest reaction you’ve gotten out of Gavin so far so you immediately decide to book that venue.

He would prefer a small to medium ceremony as he thinks it’s more intimate but would let you have a large ceremony if you wanted to.

Knowing what he wants will be hard sometimes as he is happy with everything you choose.

Ask him about something and he’ll usually reply with some variation of “If that’s what you want” while smiling softly at you.

“Gavin, if I asked to decorate with corpse flowers would you let me?” “... Would that make you happy?”

You start asking him to choose between multiple things as it’s the best way to actually get his opinion.

As you focus on planning the wedding he will plan the perfect honeymoon. He knows wedding planning is stressful, so he wants to plan a honeymoon where you can both relax and get some much-needed rest.

He just wants everything to be perfect for you.

Kiro

Kiro will want to plan everything together! However, his schedule makes it hard to come with you sometimes.

If he is unable to make it he’ll ask you to send him pictures of everything and he’ll give you his opinion as soon as he can.

Savin gets annoyed because Kiro is constantly on his phone responding to your wedding planning texts and it’s even harder than usual to get Kiro to listen.

He may miss when you go to pick out some decorations but he’ll make sure he can come to the cake tasting! He can’t experience those delicious cakes through texts and pictures after all.

Both of you feel a bit sick after the cake tasting because you ate way more than one bite of each one.

You end up doing more than one cake tasting because it’s so hard to decide, they all taste amazing.

Both of you continue to make the mistake of eating way too much at the cake tasting. It’s the perfect excuse for Kiro to eat cake without Savin being able to stop him.

He loves his fans but he’s worried about the few jealous misbehaving ones and journalists interfering with the wedding. Due to this, he makes sure to hire the best security, he can’t have anyone ruining the wedding.

Might suggest a destination wedding to make it harder for fans and media to find it, but he wouldn’t push the idea if you were against it.

You both get overly excited and order way more food, decorations, etc. than what’s needed. Your guests will need to eat a lot to get through all the food.

Neither of you could decide between all the amazing options so your wedding lowkey ends up becoming a mini food festival, there’s plenty of variety!

Your wedding won’t be huge but it won’t be small either, he wants everyone important in your lives to be there to witness your marriage.

He wants to sing to you at your wedding, but he wants it to be a surprise so he plans it in secret.

Writes a song just for your wedding day and it encapsulates all his feelings perfectly.

He’s way more nervous about performing at his wedding than any concert he’s done. Having a song displaying his feelings for you so openly in front of everyone important in your lives makes him feel vulnerable, but he’s determined to still do it and do it perfectly.

You’ll end up with a wedding perfect for the both of you.

Lucien

Lets you take the lead when planning the wedding, but is still involved and overviews everything.

Regularly improves your ideas. When you choose your main flowers he’ll know the perfect way a accentuate them, knows the best place to put the lighting to make everything look beautiful, know the perfect venue, etc.

Writes amazing wedding vows. He’ll write several different versions before settling on one and all of them will be ridiculously poetic.

Small ceremony with only a few guests.

Helps you organise everything so planning will go as smoothly as possible and you don’t stress out too much.

Sometimes subtly hints at things until you suggest them. You’ll think it’s your own idea, but he planted the idea in your mind.

Listens to all your ideas carefully and tries to bring all of them to fruition.

Smooth talks vendors into giving you discounted prices.

Lots of planning together in the evening after you’ve both returned from work. You’ll sit on the couch together with your laptop or tablet as you scroll through countless websites to get inspiration and find everything you need.

You probably have a shared Pinterest account with countless wedding boards. You’re the one who pins things most of the time, but Lucien is the one to carefully organise it so everything is easy to find when needed.

He notices you staring at a particular dress picture even longer than usual and immediately finds a store nearby with a similar one ridiculously fast.

He just finds everything you need with scary precision, you have no idea how he does it.

He can do it because he secretly researched heaps in advance and has basically memorised everything wedding related in the area before he even proposed.

Due to his research and organisation planning goes incredibly smoothly.

Though it isn't big everything will be more than perfect, creating a wedding straight out of a fairytale.

Victor

Originally says he’ll let you plan everything but then proceeds to constantly be involved “Just to make sure everything goes smoothly”

He really just wants to be involved.

He’s way more excited than he lets on, even just watching you pick out decorations makes him excited.

The wedding will be big as he has a lot of people to invite, he’ll handle the seating arrangements to make sure the people who are important to both of you are the most involved though.

He will oversee everything to make sure it’s perfect, no matter how much it adds to his schedule.

“Instead of a cake can we have a giant pudding?” “Don’t you want something special? I always make you pudding” “The giant part makes it special, and your pudding is the best”

Acts like he’s exasperated but is actually super happy you like his pudding so much.

Proceeds to design the entire menu instead of hiring outside chefs to do it. He’ll still other people to cook the food on the day so he can focus on the ceremony, but all the recipes will be his.

Though he’s getting other people to cook the food he insists on making the giant pudding himself. He works hard to make it perfect and has to try a few times before he gets it right.

You get to try all his attempts so you’re definitely not complaining. Everything you both can’t finish yourselves goes to your employees so you’ll have a very happy office.

While Victor lets you make most of the general decisions he can be a bit picky as he only wants the best, so he ends up making the final decision on most of the specifics.

Like you choose what flowers to decorate with and he will choose how they’re arranged, you can choose what type of much you want to be played and he chooses the perfect band for it, etc.

Gets a first dance choreographed and takes dancing lessons with you so you can both learn it perfectly. These lessons end up being one of his favourite parts of the planning process, it’s such a fun activity to do with you.

One of your dress requirements becomes something you can easily dance in. He doesn’t want to risk you tripping over or being too constricted.

He also just wants you to be comfortable and not wear something that will take your focus away from your happiness because you’re too worried about falling over.

Of course, he won’t sacrifice beauty for comfort though and makes sure to help you find a dress that is just as beautiful as it is comfortable

Gets a suit that compliments your dress perfectly.

Together you’ll create the perfect movie-like wedding.

Shaw

Honestly doesn’t care much about the ceremony. He just wants to be married to you and would be perfectly happy to just go to the courthouse and sign the papers.

But since you want a wedding he starts caring about it to make you happy. He’s certain you’ll only be married once, so he isn’t going to take the chance of a wedding ceremony you want away from you.

Thinks weddings are too expensive and he doesn’t understand why. He’ll regularly think something is extremely overpriced and have to stop himself from being overly snarky with the vendor/manager/etc.

Due to this, you will end up doing most of the planning, and when he is involved in the planning you’re still usually the one to talk to anyone else involved.

Small ceremony with only the most important people in your lives attending.

You’ll set a budget together and then split it with half of it going to the ceremony while the other half goes to the honeymoon.

You know Shaw cares more about spending time with you than the wedding ceremony, so you let him plan the honeymoon while you plan the wedding.

Just hope he doesn’t plan anything too crazy.

You’ll make sure to stay within budget, but you also won’t tell him what most things costs unless he asks. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Though he isn’t that interested in the ceremony itself he loves watching you get excited while planning everything and finds himself starting to look forward to it.

His favourite part of the planning process was watching you try on dresses. You looked so happy and beautiful doing it.

Tries to get you to buy a dress that shows a lot of skin.

“When there’s less material the dress is cheaper, plus you look hot”

It being cheaper is only an excuse it’s really just because you look hot.

Planning a wedding with Shaw will be a bit chaotic, but it'll still be a beautiful wedding.

#mlqc #mr love queen's choice #gavin #mlqc gavin #kiro #mlqc kiro #lucien #mlqc lucien #victor #mlqc victor #shaw #mlqc shaw #I haven'r written fluff in so long #how do you not cause characters pain #idk but I hope it's fine #jasmine writes

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mlqcconfessions · 4 years

Note

Can I request a some hurt/comfort? How would our guys react to MC being in a coma and waking up from it? Take care of yourself!

We are always reminded of MC’s unnecessary courage, especially towards the later chapters. Every time she gets into trouble, the boys are there to save her.

But from Chapter 10+, we see that they won’t come to our rescue every time.

And that made me really sad (I JUST WANT HAPPY ENDINGS Y'ALL)

So I’m using this opportunity to write alternate endings for some of the darkest stories for each of the boys (and I had to use my imagination for these, so they may be a little lacking)

This took me a LOT LONGER than I expected, so that’s why my headcanons weren’t updating lately

Warning: There are spoilers for the main story (Ch 11-15)

MLQC Headcanon - As long as you’re here

Victor (Spoilers for Ch 11)

He’s been through this once already as kids

He’s never been prepared for another one

He always thought...since he’s here with you now.....he would be able to protect you

He believed he had changed

That he was no longer the weak boy from years ago

This is why he’s taking it so hard on himself

You were the only thing on his mind (even work was irrelevant)

He’s looking at you sleeping so soundly in the hospital bed

It’s as if you would wake at any moment

But he knows.....it’s not good to raise hopes

How long has it been.....8 days?

He glances around the hospital room (a daily routine he does)

Just to make sure everything is in pristine condition

But he doesn’t realize that he himself was in shambles

He prepared the best amenities for your hospitalization

The nurses kept talking about him, the CEO of LFG

Some attempted to get noticed by him (which did succeed to a certain extent)

They paid more attention to him than to you

“Are you going to keep doing your job halfheartedly?”

“P....pardon?”

“I have no need for unprofessional workers who can’t focus in front of their patients. Please leave” (The hospital’s Chief had to bow his head in apology)

Of course, Victor didn’t care about such trivial matters

All he was concerned about was your health

He had been watching over you nearly 24/7

He regularly calls Goldman to bring over his work to the hospital (he says he can’t go himself because then he’ll have to leave you)

For once, Goldman doesn’t care that he’s not paid enough

--------------------

You wake up to blinding lights, forcing your eyes to stay closed

After getting adjusted, you look around

Am I....in a hospital? (your eyes fall on the IV drip above you)

You turn your head (a short pain rings in your back), finding Victor laying his head on the bed

His hands are tightly grasping yours, knuckles shaky and pale

You raise your other hand to smooth his hair (it’s a little oily?)

He slowly opens his eyes, realizes the hand on his head, and quickly shoots up

His mouth is open, but he’s not saying anything

You laugh a little at this new Victor (you wish you could’ve taken a picture)

“Haha...good morning, Victor”

It’s only until you show him your usual smile that he regains himself

“......dummy....”

He bends down to pick up some papers that had toppled over

You don’t notice that he wipes a tear that was falling on his face

Kiro (Spoilers for Ch 14)

He didn’t want to have to do this

But it was the only way to save you (to keep you safe)

He hadn’t planned on using absolute control on you

After all, he knew you wouldn’t want to leave him by himself on that rooftop

But he had no choice

He would much rather sacrifice himself if it meant protecting you

And there was no telling what he would do if you got hurt

He dare not meet your eyes when he made you walk by him

There would’ve been a resisting force, making him want to hug you right away

It took him everything he had to not cancel his evol at that moment

As soon as he heard the door lock with a click, he turned to focus on his enemy

There wasn’t much to the fight anyways (his evol was overpowering)

But he couldn’t help but worry about you on the other side of that door

He figured you would be crying your eyes out, but there was nothing he could do

You, on the other hand, were trying your hardest to break Kiro’s control

But to no avail

All you could do was pound on the door, until your hands started to bleed

This went on for who knows how long

At this point, you were slumped over on the ground (your poundings have gotten much weaker)

You balled up your hands into fists, your last attempts to stay focused

Your nails dig into your palms, but it doesn’t faze you one bit (although it does quite hurt)

Was it fatigue, or was it exasperation.....but you started to lose your sight until everything was pitch black

Meanwhile, the noises outside come to a halt

Kiro hobbles over to the door (he wasn’t injured, just overwhelmed with fatigue)

He’s surprised to find you lying on the floor, unconscious

As much as he wants to take you to your home, he knows he doesn’t have the right to do that (not after what he just did to you)

But....it’s even more dangerous to leave you here

--------------------

He treats your hands with the first aid kit in your apartment

You slowly wake up to see Kiro struggling with the bandages (he was never great at things like these)

With your other hand, you reach up to cup his face

He’s startled (he wasn’t expecting you to wake up this quickly)

“Kiro.....”

He doesn’t say anything, but just looks at you with a pained expression on his face

He gets up to leave, but you grab onto his shirt

“No...please.....don’t leave....”

He turns around, bites his lower lip, and gently tugs your hand off from him

“......I’m sorry....I command you....”

“Kiro.......!”

“.....go to sleep”

You don’t remember anything after this point, not even the fact that he tucked you in

Or the fact that he stayed a little longer by your side (to burn you into his memories before leaving)

“.....sweet dreams, MC”

Lucien (Spoilers for Ch 13)

He knew you were brave

But he also knew you were careless

You hadn’t realized how deep your punctured wound went, and quickly lost consciousness

He wanted to rush towards you, to catch you in his arms

He wanted to apologize that he’s made you go this far

But he just stood there, looking at your fragile figure with indifference

He slowly walked over, and got on one knee to inspect your condition

He had to pry Iridescent out of your hands (for fear that you would try to stab yourself again)

All the while, he remained calm

As if what he just saw affected him no less than a falling leaf

But of course, the truth was much different

If he showed the slightest bit of emotion, the men would take you away from him

He was already being suspected of a traitor by them (it’s more advantageous to be seen as your enemy......for your sake)

“She’s fainted (he pushes some hair out of your eyes). I’ll take care of things from here”

“Ares, you can’t—!”

“We need her alive, wouldn’t we?” (the other agents can feel the hostility in his voice)

After he receives silent confirmation, he picks you up in his arms and takes you to his apartment

He rests you on the bed, and prepares everything to treat you

He effectively manages to stop the bleeding, but he’s unable to close the wound

It’s going to scar.....

As he looks at you, his heart becomes foggy

He has so many things to say.....so many things to explain

If only you realized his true feelings

But he knew it would only bring you harm if you got close to him

After all, HE was the one deceiving you this entire time

And that’s all you needed to believe

--------------------

When you open your eyes, you realize you’re back in your house (it’s dark except for some light from outside)

As you try to stand up, you flinch as your neck stings in pain

It’s bandaged.......Lucien!

You quickly look around the room, grabbing on to the slightest hope that he would be here

Your shoulders slink back as you laugh to yourself (at your own foolishness)

He lied to me.......he......

You cover your face with the pillow, trying to take everything in

You reach out to the bedside table for your phone, dropping something in the process

As you go to pick it up, your heart feels like it’s about to explode

Iridescent is lying on the floor, the tip no longer covered with your blood

As if it’s unaware of your muffled cries, it shines brightly in the moonlight peering through your windows

Gavin (Spoilers for Ch 15)

The wind had been blowing for hours on end, keeping his tears from falling down his face

There wasn’t much he could’ve done to prevent this

To prevent you from taking a bullet to your shoulder

No, he thought

I was right there next to her.....

There were so many things he could have done

That he SHOULD HAVE done

He looks down at you, writhing in pain, clutching at your shoulder

He knows how bullet wounds feel like (all the more reason why he’s so hard on himself)

Luckily, the two of you managed to escape STF during that chase

That doesn’t mean he was unscathed, as well

When heard you scream, he lost control of his evol

It did throw the STF agents off-course (but it also pushed you along the edge of a cliff)

He quickly grabs hold of you, twisting his body so he breaks the fall

The currents help soften the landing, but the rocks and branches leave scars on his body (he’s just relieved that you’re alive)

He brought you inside an abandoned warehouse, a beat-up Sparky guarding the front door

Lots of thoughts run through his brain while he’s treating your wound (now he knows who his true enemies are)

He skillfully manages to reduce the bleeding (but it doesn’t stop completely)

Meanwhile, your breathing becomes heavy and your heartbeat spikes up

He quickly takes off his shirt to dab the sweat off of your forehead (it’s not the cleanest, but it’s better than nothing)

He looks around for a water source

No luck (but he does find some wood for the fireplace)

--------------------

He quickly returns to the warehouse, nervous about leaving you alone

“..Gavin....”

The firewood in his hands clatter as they fall to the ground (without a moment’s hesitation, he’s by your side)

“MC....?” (the tears he had been holding back are now falling, each drop hitting your hand that he’s desperately clutching)

You find it hard to speak, only capable of muttering sounds

There’s so many things you want to say...that you NEED to say

But the sounds of agonized crying fills your ears (you’ve never heard him cry before, let alone this loud)

Little did you know that these tears were not of pain, but of relief

He’s holding onto you so tight, as if he’s trying to make sure you don’t leave him

The sun slowly rises once again, a gentle breeze blowing over the fallen leaves in the silent environment

Welp this was more hurt than comfort

This is not what I had initially planned.

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years

Text

WIP Wednesday: Whumptober Previews, Take 2

I still have a few more to go, but I am in the final stretch for writing my @whumptober2020 pieces! I already posted one preview of what I have so far (you can see Days 1-12 here), so here are previews for the rest of what I have written - and sneak peeks at what’s planned out but not written yet!

Whumptober starts tomorrow - we’ll see how you feel about my work this go-round! Last year, Whumptober Day 1 introduced Daniel Michaelson. This year... it starts with Danny, too.

Day 13:

“Vanni, they thought he was you.”

“I know, Ridley!” Rossi never snapped at Ridley, but here it was, and Connor forced in a hitching, shaky inhale around the tremendous, inescapable weight pressing down on him, determined to keep breathing long enough to understand. “I know they did.”

“And they fucking poisoned him and then dumped him to fucking die-”

“I know!” The two men went silent for a second, Ridley staring with shock at Rossi and Rossi glaring furious towards the window without looking back. Connor’s breath, rattling in his struggling lungs, was the only sound in the room.

Day 14:

Peter glanced over his shoulder, back towards the house. The thermometer had climbed a little more, reading 98.5 degrees Farenheit now, and Peter blinked as he shivered again, swallowing without any saliva. His mouth felt dry, and strange. Why was he shivering - how did he have goosebumps - if it was almost one hundred degrees?

As if he’d heard Peter’s thoughts, the side door opened and Micheal came out, wearing his weekend outfit of slim black slacks and a pale heathered gray t-shirt, what Madam allowed him to wear. He was carrying a glass of water with ice and a little striped straw stuck in the top. The black shock collar he was never allowed to remove - not yet, Madam said, not until Micheal learned how to be silent without needing encouragement, to her satisfaction - cut a wide band across his neck, the black box small and nearly perfectly blended in at the back.

“Peter,” He said in a low voice - not quite a whisper, but just as quiet. “I brought you a drink, I-” He looked up, squinting towards the sky. “It’s hot. Should you be out here?”

Day 15:

He drops back to the ground, groaning, eyes fluttering open and shut, before he reaches out to grip onto Ora’s arm again. He turns to look at them, and his eyes are glowing so brightly he can see the reflected light on Ora’s face, the flicker of yellow against their irises. There are things that move beneath the light in Ryan Michaelson’s eyes, and he no longer feels them pushed back under the surface of his skin.

“I’m so fucking hungry,” He whispers, and his fingernails dig into Ora’s arm until they begin to bleed and whimper, but they don’t - can’t - pull away. Not until he lets them.

They will be lost in his eyes until he decides to let them go.

Day 16:

Count to ten, Tris! One… two...

Her voice is so loud he jumps, but when he looks to the left, nothing’s there. Just the white walls, plain and featureless, white tiles that were smooth under his fingertips back when he was allowed to touch them.

Everything is cold, and the boy has been shivering for so long that his muscles ache from the constant tense-and-release, tense-and-release, struggling to keep him warm.

Day 17:

She giggles a little, then glances over her shoulder, mouths something at the cameraman. Oliver can guess what. Edit that out.

Kelly Donahue doesn’t want the episode to be aired with her giggling like a schoolgirl at a bit of idle flattery. Well. Everyone has their things they like to hide, don’t they?

She has her giggle. Oliver has a teenage boy locked in his bedroom.

Day 18:

“Your mother,” Patrick interrupted, with gentle violence, “believes that you are squandering an opportunity.”

“An-... a what-”

“We respect your decision - and your brother’s - to refuse interviews, especially at his early date.” Patrick sounded like he’d rehearsed this answer, delivered with the same smooth cadence he had during his speeches before the Board of Directors. “But, considering the effort it took us to find you-”

“The effort it took Nate to find us,” Ryan corrected, ice growing along his veins at the same time it took over his voice. “Nate. It was Nate who watched the videos, it was Nate who talked Abraham into showing him the yard, it was Nate who spent fucking night after fucking night trolling fucking satellite photos to try and find us. Don’t act like the effort came from you. It came from my brother’s goddamn fiance.”

Day 19:

“If this is a trap, I’m going to owe Gavin fifty bucks.” Vera checked and rechecked her handgun, as though it would suddenly be less loaded than it was just a few minutes before. Her jaw was set in a grim line, eyes flashing a kind of damped-down fire, embers ready to spark. Her thick black hair, showing growing hints of gray, was pulled into a tight bun at the nape of her neck, and she wore a pair of black pants and a tucked-in t-shirt, ready for the fight she was definitely expecting. “I don’t want to owe Gavin money, Isaac.”

“It’s not a trap,” Isaac replied, making his own nervous check and recheck of the table and chairs. “I don’t think it is, anyway. My instincts are saying it isn’t.”

“Your instincts-”

“My instincts have been spot-on for a decade, Vera. Just trust me on this. She let us pick the day, the time, the location… she let us give her the location with less than four hours’ notice, even. If this is a trap, she’s piss-poor at setting it.”

Day 20:

He’d been flying, and the fall had been worse than the arrow, at first.

The sudden burst of white-hot pain had stunned him, caught him mid-spin enjoying an early-morning chill, and sent him tumbling to the ground below.

He’d heard his own frantic keens of panic and fear as if from a distance, and then they’d been drowned out when he slammed into the trees, feathers flying all around him as they were ripped free by the branches he smacked into one after another on the way down.

Day 21:

"Mmhmmm. Christopher. Stanton." Nat listens for a long time, then says quietly, "No known health problems. Autistic."

Jake looks up, and Nat calmly looks back at him, while speaking into the phone. "Yes. Yes, I'm confident. He is sensitive to fluorescent lights, scared of needles, and terrified of sedation. Yeah, I realize that I just described the exact environment we’re sending him into.” Chris whimpered, and Nat’s voice went ragged, her eyes closed tightly against the sight of his face pale, sweaty, twisted with pain. “Listen. Just-... just put on the fucking papers that Christopher Stanton is fucking autistic, because that's what my goddamn rescue is - I'll sell someone else's firstborn to fucking Satan if he isn't, mark my fucking words - and we're wasting time while he gets worse!"

Day 22:

Rossi picks the glass up and just as he tilts it up to his lips, Connor rears back and up on his knees and swings one of his hands, the black leather ‘paw’ smacking into the rim of the glass and spilling it in an arc across Rossi’s suit, onto the table, soaking his cards and hitting the next person at the table right in the eyes.

“Connor, what the fuck?!” Rossi’s voice isn’t furious, not yet - he’s too shocked to get beyond the simple surprise.

Day 23:

The drugs in his system weigh him down, he is too exhausted to understand what’s happening or how to begin to fight it. His eyes keep trying to close and stay closed, and he whimpers, forcing them back open.

“Pozhaluysta…” He groans, collapsing forward against the heavy solidity of the man, the soft tailored fabric of his expensive suitjacket, the scent of clove cigarettes that clings to him like a woman’s fingers clutching tightly. “Pozhaluysta, otpusti menya…”

Day 24:

“My name is Melody,” The girl said, nearly extending her hand, but then she realized the creature’s right hand was nothing but wickedly sharp talons, and it was bound in front of him to his left. “Oh, I’m sorry. What’s your name?”

The creature blinked once, twice. Watched her, tense and maybe suspicious, and then shook his head. “No… no name.” He spoke slowly, as though words came only with difficulty but a soft little trill sounded under one voice, layered it with another. “Pet.”

Day 25:

“Wh, where, where, where-where, where am, am I-”

“Sssshhhh.” The person in the dark blue uniform presses a plastic-gloved hand to his shoulder as he tries to sit up, pushing him back down. ��Hey no, you gotta stay steady, there. Don’t move.”

“Please-... please, sir, h-hurts-”

“Not sir,” The person says, gently, a bit of auburn hair falling over their forehead. “Can you see?”

“K-Kind... kind of... hurts-”

“Sssshhhh. I know. I know it does. Just hang on. Tori’s going to help me get you some paperwork going. Don’t worry, kiddo.” The person pats him, lightly, and then looks up, brown eyes scanning the hallway outside. “You’re not the first we’ve pulled through this.”

Day 26:

Calon Nie hummed to himself, tapping talons on the floor, watching the boy sit so still, as though stillness could protect him from the dangers of the world. “Good. Failed, you, to keep new eyes. Costs a life, to give something new. Killan Josta, human boy, he fail Calon Nie. He fail the life given, when eyes don’t work. Did not respect sacrifice.”

“I’m… I’m sorry,” The boy said hoarsely, curling in on himself even more, his wings instinctively curling protectively around him. “I… I don’t want anyone to d-die for me. I didn’t mean to-... I didn’t mean to fail. I, I tried to p-pray for them, to stars, to-”

“Paugh! Mysteries do not hear you.”

Day 27:

Jake answers, and on the other side of the door, the old woman stands holding a large cardboard box in her arms, her grandson present, as nearly always, at her side. He holds a large box, too - so big, in fact, that only the top half of his face is visible.

“They’re sayin’ it could be a week before we get power back,” Ruth says, with a world-weary sigh. “A full-on week. We figured we’d bring you some supplies.”

Day 28:

Ora Collins is hungry.

Day 29:

Jake is a tall man, but the emergency room always made him feel so small. Even now, part of him rehearses the scripted stories. I fell while climbing a tree. I crashed my bike. I tripped going down the stairs.

He has lies to tell today, just like he always has, but today the lies are for Chris, not himself.

He’s my brother. No, different dads, that’s all. His mom lives a few states away, I handle all his medical stuff.

Day 30:

(AKA Possession, Part 2)

Ryan and Nate take down Abraham Denner.

Day 31:

Danny is left for dead.

#ash does whumptober #whumptober previews #whumptober prep #whump

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vagrantblvrd · 4 years

Text

Super self-indulgent FAHC AU wherein for whatever reason Geoff doesn’t come to Los Santos to start the FAKE AH Crew until ~later.

Meanwhile, everyone ends up in Los Santos anyway - because reasons - and have to scrape by without the support of the crew behind them?

Like, hacker/thief/??? Gavin ends up in Los Santos via a series of unfortunate events in which he is a total shit and sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong?

Cue his ~fleeing to the US and meandering his way along - getting in trouble along the way, because of course he does, but also amassing a rather impressive list of contacts and such as well - to Los Santos.

Where, lol, of course he gets in over his head yet again? Young and stupid and tries to get one past the wrong guy and before he knows it he’s got himself an arrangement, right?

Work for the guy he tried to fuck over or be horrifically murderized, and oh, hey? The family and friends he left back in England? Sure would be a shame if something happened to them, you know? They seem lovely.

(Why would you just look at the pictures and videos this guy has of them doing all sorts of everyday things and accidents happen, you know. Awful, that.)

Anyway, anyway, Gavin keeps his head down and plays good little hacker/thief/???.

Gives his new boss what he asks for out of him and no more, doesn’t volunteer information or skills or anything he may have himself or know someone who knows someone who might be useful.

No.

Gavin does what’s asked of him and lets his boss’ goons and thugs push him around - little weasel, a coward and so on?

But also Gavin is making a list (or two or three) that has all kinds of interesting information to be had in them? Things his boss’ enemies or other such interested parties could use to utterly ruin the bastard.

Gavin’s got plans, you see, it’s just a matter of time and all that.

Until then he’s meek and mild and does his part whether it be hacking or off to steal some shiny little bit of interest to his boss or whatever else his boss knows he’s capable of. (Nasty stuff, when you get down to it, strange how his boss never wonders how Gavin knows how to do any of this stuff or rest easy thinking they won’t be used on him, but arrogance will do that to people, I guess?)

ANYWAY.

Things are going along...well enough when Gavin’s boss brings in a new hacker.

This kid (not really a kid, if anything a couple of years younger than Gavin at most, but he seems young) who buckles down and plays nice without the rough treatment Gavin and the handful of other hackers and “specialists” like him that have been through the base where Gavin works most of the time.

Gavin would let things run their course for this “Matt Bragg” but he’s not like the others Gavin’s been forced to work with?

They were always the same kid of wrong as his boss and his boss’ favorite goons and thugs. Mean and cruel for the sake of it and didn’t worry who they were hurting so long as they made a profit off it.

But Matt Bragg, okay.

Quiet kid, keeps to himself and gets this pinched look on his face when their boss decides whatever information he handed over to him was to be used in the most “efficient” way possible.

Matt gives their boss two different routes to obtain whatever shiny he’s after, one with minimal casualties on all sides but it’ll take a little longer. The other requires guards and security to be killed, but it shaves a hefty chunk of time off the entire operation, and no bet which one their boss chooses.

And, look.

The fact that Matt took the time to come up with two different approaches like that - contingency plans, yeah, sure, that’s a given - but Matt went out of his way to devise a tactic to avoid having to kill people.

Other things like that crop up from time to time, and Matt gets into trouble for it sometimes, taking too long to get the boss the information he wants because he’s concerned about having to kill some hired guns in a batch of mercs or rent a cops or whatever.

But he keeps on looking for those alternatives, and Gavin takes an interest.

Realizes Matt’s in the same boat as him with regards to working for their boss. Details might not be exactly the same, but whatever they are he ended up here same as Gavin, and that’s.

Interesting?

interesting.

Enough for Gavin to take that interest in Matt, sabotage him here and there so the boss gets pissed, yeah, punishes Matt by restricting his “privileges” and so on?

But there’s a good reason for that.

Because Matt’s good at what he does, too good, and there have been others like him through here before.

Got chewed up and spat out and left to fend for themselves when the cops (or worse) came looking.

Got set up, put on a job and left high and dry in the middle of it while the boss and his flunkies got away with the shiny they were after and a pretty little scapegoat/sacrifice left behind.

It’s where Matt’s headed if he’s not careful, and he isn’t.

Careful, that is.

Goes along with what the boss wants, but he’s the stubborn kind of idiot, you know?

Mouths off when he shouldn’t, and it gets him knocked around a bit. Gets him noticed by their boss’ goons and thugs when it’s the last thing people like them need or want.

Matt’s not stupid, realizes what’s going on and goes to confront Gavin about it, grabs his arm and freezes when Gavin lets out this little hiss f pain, pulls his arm back when Matt’s left staring at him.

Because in all the commotion Gavin’s sleeve got pulled up and there are these marks, bruises and worse and faded scars and -

“What - “

Gavin scowls at Matt, because rude, and also, idiot.

“Leave it alone, Matt Bragg,” he says, meaning Gavin deliberately fucking Matt over and everything else, because you know, because.

Those jobs and tasks and whatnot of Matt’s that Gavin sabotages him on?

Have to get done by someone, and Gavin’s reliable about things like that, isn’t he. (Has to be with everything he’s got on the line and all.)

So Gavin does the jobs/whatever Matt was supposed to and since Gavin has certain skills and the whatnot Matt doesn’t he ends up in the field when Matt would have remained at the base.

Gets hands on experience with whatever conundrum was posed to Matt, and sometimes that means he gets hurt because like hell will his boss offer him helpful support and such, you know?

It’s Gavin thieving about in hostile territory and with the odds stacked against him and shit always goes wrong.

And if it’s not the job/whatever where Gavin gets hurt you can bet their boss’ goons and thugs have something to say about things. (Gavin’s got a mouth on him even now, and makes enemies like you wouldn’t believe without trying.)

So anyway, anyway, Matt is like !!! and oh, you fucking moron, and drags Gavin off to get propery patched up.

Cue Friendship montage in which they realize they’re more or less working towards the same goals - Gavin wants the fuck out of this arrangement he was forced into and would rather do that than burn things to the ground while he’s still inside.

But Matt?

Lol, fucker would cheerfully burn the place down around him and figure his way out from there.

So.

Montage sequence in which they team up and utterly wreck their boss and his operation.

And, you know, because hackers end up filthy rich afterwards.

Fuck around for a while because Freedom and Choice and :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD but then they get word their boss had enemies who are looking to take over his territory and such and Gavin and Matt are like “...wait.”

Between them they have the resources and connections to set themselves for life in Los Santos, so they do?

Start setting up their own little criminal empires in the remains of their former boss’, and they start by bringing in assholes like this Rimmy Tim guy Matt met out at a bar one night?

Recently liberated from their boss and getting a drink to celebrate while Gavin was making sure things were good back in England and his boss’ allies/whoever couldn’t touch them and Matt’s more than a little tipsy, you know?

Mouths off to the wrong guy and almost gets the shit beat out of him but this weirdo in purple and orange (”I remember yellow, too?”) comes along and plays white knight for Matt.

At which point Matt has to buy him a drink as a thank you and the two of then end up getting shit-faced drunk.

Also you know.

Smooches are exchanged because oh, hey, he’s cute/hot/I like his face a lot before the alcohol kicks in and they end up snuggled together on a bed and passing the fuck out.

Not important whose bed, so much as the !!! the morning afterward realizing they went home with some weirdo and...smooched? Before snuggling and passing out???

And then awkward dating, because of course, and hey, since we’re building a criminal empire I totally know a guy, Matt says to Gavin, and then has to add, “It’s uh. We’re dating? But he’s exactly what we’re looking for for the whole...criminal empire thing???”

Gavin would be highly critical of Matt and his everything if it weren’t for the fact a bounty hunter he tangled with a ways back finally tracked him down?

Michael is super not thrilled with him, because of course?

This whole Thing where Michael got sent after this asshole hacker/thief/whatever in Gavin and they ended up being all 80s movies romcom/action flick flirting while avoiding the legit hitmen sent after Gavin?

Saving one another’s lives - at one point administering mouth-to-mouth - and getting matching flesh wounds in a shootout followed by a teensy amount of torture by some baddie?

And then!

Michael rethinking turning Gavin in only for Gavin to make that decision moot when Gavin knocked him out and chained him to a motel radiator before fleeing to parts unknown?

Only not so unknown as Michael finally found him.

There’s a cat and mouse game that ends up with both of then soaking wet - caught out in a rainstorm/went for a swim in a river/body of water - and Michael scowling at Gavin like he’s about to beat the shit out of him?

Only he kind of does...not that, what with the Angry Kissing that’s happening and Gavin’s !!! that turns to :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD and Michael’s >:((((((((((((((((((((((((((( that turns to >:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( becuase Gavin is a piece of shit and Michael hates him so fucking much, stop laughing you little shit!!1! >:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Anyway.

Gavin and Matt have Jeremy and Michael, and then the rest trickle in?

Like.

Gavin worked with a gang a while back that hired this sniper - odd sort, but damn good with a sniper rifle and the kind you can trust to keep their mouth shut.

Ray’s not in it for the long-haul, not looking for a crew, but he’s always up to do a favor for friends and such.

And then Michael meets Lindsay through -

“Don’t fucking ask, seriously.”

And then!

Some friend of Jeremy’s in Trevor - this !!! You!!1! - moment between Gavin and Trevor because Thieves!!1! who may or may not have run into one another in the field and ensuing shenanigans as they were after the same shiny and oh, what a fun night that was, eh?

Alfredo just.

Suddenly fucking there???

Seems to know Michael who is like, “Oh, this fucker,” and no one can tell if he likes Alfredo at first? But then it comes out Alfredo used to be a bounty hunter too before he decided it was more fun being a “bad guy”

(Extenuating circumstances in which he was hired by some people to bring in some poor bastard who was innocent of whatever crime they said he committed because reasons? Alfredo finding out and then shenanigans in which he saved the poor guy’s life and set them up with a new life somewhere and ended up being framed for crimes he didn’t commit and all that. And since he was being framed for crimes he didn’t commit, why the hell not go out and commit actual crimes?

But.

Like.

Fun crimes.)

And then!!1!

Just as things are going smoothly, Gavin and Matt’s old boss manages to hire some assholes to kill Gavin? Matt would be great, sure, but the focus is on making Gavin super fucking dead, and everyone is freaking out, right, because for whatever reason they all like the little shit?

General sort of panic/mayhem until one of the assholes hired to kill Gavin actually gets their hands on him?

Catches him alone somewhere and while everyone is panicking trying to find Gavin, Gavin himself is :DDDDDDDDDDDD because the asshole who caught him is the fucking Vagabond.

When everyone gets to where they are Gavin’s like ??? at all the fear/panic he’s seeing and is like. “Guys, it’s my ex!”

Because this whole thing way, way before Michael and such where Gavin met Ryan and somehow wasn’t murdered?

Managed to make friends with the bastard that turned into something more and it was good, really, really good, until it wasn’t.

Someone from Ryan’s past gunning for him and Ryan ran Gavin off - “Bastard shot me!” but Gavin’s not mad, not anymore.

And it wasn’t like Ryan ran him off so much as dumped him at the ER and left Gavin to deal with the gunshot wound and explaining how he came by it to the authorities and then trying to find the bastard again afterward.

Which...he didn’t, but after months looking for him his contacts told him the Vagabond had set up shop in a city somewhere and seemed to be doing well for himself?

And Gavin was like :(((((((((((( because oh, well then, thinking maybe Ryan was better off without him weighing him down and such?

(Because hey, Vagabond and some hacker/thief/whatver in Gavin and honestly, no doubt who the more capable/dangerous one of them was.)

Thinking if Ryan wanted to, he could have come back for Gavin, or at least looked for him, but he hadn’t,so.

Gavin left him to it, kept on his way towards eventually arriving in Los Santos and everything that happened since - including Michael, oh shit - and then, uh.

Super awkward inching towards Mavinwood with Gavin and his feelings for Michael and Ryan and Michael and Ryan with their feelings for Gavin? But also bonding over the fact they have feelings for Gavin, because the guy’s a little shit, you know?

Complete asshole, and oh my God, do you want to hear about this one thing he did once?”

And so on, and also other reasons such as oh no, he’s hot and oh no, he’s an unbearable dumbass, why do I always fall for them?

Fiona comes along because Gavin’s old friends in England get curious about what’s going on with him and there’s a misunderstanding and she kid of, sort of, tries to kill him?

Like.

A lot.

Worse than that time every asshole in the city (and beyond) were after the price on Gavin’s head and persistent as hell and “Wait, Dan told you to what?”

And Fiona’s like “He said, and aI quote, ‘Take care of the wanker, for me, would you, Fiona? I’ll owe you,” and other such things and Gavin almost dies from laughing so hard while Fiona’s like “What? What are you laughing at, you asshole?”

More shenanigans and such and by the time Geoff and Jack do get to Los Santos they’ve heard about this weird as fuck crew - dangerous, rumors say they took out the biggest name in Los Santos’ history to get where they are - and are greeted with Gavin and Matt and all the other assholes, what even??

#ragehappy #mavin #mavinwood #jerematt #possible alfreyco because of course there is #and other fun things #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#late night thoughts???#technically not a fic #vagrant fic #long post

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