#I wish i could help with OSO :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yoongiseesawmp3 · 2 years

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smile for the camera - wooyoung

i am down BAD for wooyoung after seeing him at the atlanta concert. he’s so cute y’all. and his new osos is up on youtube go watch it :-)

summary: youtuber!wooyoung x reader. wooyoung is best friends with your brother, yeosang, so you get to see him a lot. that would be fine if you weren’t totally head over heels in love with him. now yeosang is onto you and you have to keep him from running his big mouth to wooyoung about your big fat crush.

warnings: nothin but some fluff! this is pretty unedited too so sorry

word count: 5.7k

you love your brother, sure, but do you really like him?

that’s questionable.

having a brother just a year younger than you is good in a lot of ways because you’ve been through a lot of similar stuff at the same time, so you’ve always had someone to lean on in yeosang. he’s your eternal buddy whether you like it or not, and right now, you don’t like it. because he’s still your little brother, and little brothers are fucking annoying.

how is he annoying you today? well, you know how sometimes it’s easier to focus if you’re around someone else being productive? he thought that would help him finish his econ paper, so he came into your room and he’s been sitting at the end of your bed and typing too loud for the past twenty minutes. in all honesty, when your parents first suggested you share an apartment with your brother while you both go to university it didn’t sound like a bad idea. you were two years ahead of yeosang thanks to age and some ap credits, so the living arrangement wouldn’t last for long, and your parents didn’t really give you a choice.

oh how you wish you’d fought harder for that studio apartment.

now yeosang is breathing too loud and he won’t stop typing and you can’t focus and you’re about to scream from annoyance and stress. you shove him with your foot to get his attention and he just nods to acknowledge he’s listening.

“why don’t you go study at wooyoung’s?” you suggest kindly, masking perfectly how badly yeo is getting on your nerves.

“i’m bothering you that bad?” he asks with a laugh. he checks his phone and shrugs. “yeah, i guess i could. he should be off work now.”

“i didn’t know the free spirit known to the earth as jung wooyoung was capable of keeping a job,” you tease as yeosang collects his things.

“he’s working on a film set, i think,” yeosang explains. “so just the right kind of thing to pique his interest and make him get out of bed on time every day.”

“sounds thrilling,” you say, eyes scanning your laptop screen to find where you’re at in this article. “tell him i say hi.”

“will do,” yeo waves, leaving your room and pulling the door closed just enough to leave it cracked.

so, about wooyoung.

he’s been friends with your brother for about eight years now, which means he’s been making your heart flutter for...about eight years now. it started off as an innocent crush, just getting a little nervous around your brother’s cute friend that always paid too much attention to you. but now it’s full blown feelings on your end, and you have no clue what to do about it. it hasn’t stopped you from dating, trying to get your mind off of what’s seemingly prohibited. you have no clue if wooyoung feels the same way, because nothing has happened for eight years but he’s probably the most flirtatious man on the planet so it’s hard to tell what could be a potential move or just his natural state.

plus, you never spend time alone with wooyoung so it’s kinda hard to catch a vibe with your brother hanging around. you definitely wouldn’t make a move in front of yeosang, so maybe wooyoung is doing the same.

or maybe you’re just down too deep and you’ve let your wishful thinking trick you into taking all of wooyoung’s niceties as flirting. anyway, nothing will happen.

it’s your brother’s best friend. nothing can happen, right?

it’s been a couple hours since yeo left and you’ve been able to finish your research and do all of the laundry you’ve been putting off, so you’re pouring yourself a glass of wine when you get a phone call.

it’s wooyoung, which is weird. he never calls you, all of your communication is done through yeosang or other mutual friends, so why is he calling you now, out of the blue?

“uh, hello?”

“y/n?” wooyoung asks, sounding confused.

“yeah?”

“why do you sound like that?”

“like what?”

“like everything sentence you say ends with a question mark,” he explains, and you have to laugh a little.

“well i’m not used to you calling me, so i was a little confused, and maybe worried that something was wrong,” you tell him, and he lets out an “ahh” on the other side.

“nothing to worry about here, y/n,” he says proudly. “yeosang was just telling me you’re sitting at home alone and we’re about to get food. you want to come with? he said you’re probably doing something lame like laundry.”

“hey, i finished the laundry hours ago,” you say in your defense. “now i’m having a glass of wine.”

“how sexy, laundry and alcoholism,” wooyoung laughs.

“i’m hanging up-”

“no! come get food with us,” wooyoung rushes out. “please?”

“...who’s paying?”

“oldest?” wooyoung teases, and you hear the smirk in his voice.

“so we all get our own, got it,” you counter, and he laughs. it’s not his high pitched elmo laugh that you wish you could bottle up and save to cheer you up on bad days, but it’s still precious.

“so you’ll come with us? we’re almost there, yeosang forgot his wallet,” wooyoung explains. “that’s why i called you and not him, he’s driving.”

“ah.”

“but y/n?”

“yeah?”

“i can call you more often if you want me to.”

“how about you call me when you get here?” you deflect, head whirring at the flirtatious tone in his voice.

“will do,” he says. and, before you hang up, he adds, “wear something pretty for me~!”

and now you’re scrambling to find something to make yourself presentable. thanks wooyoung. you settle on some comfy pants that aren’t sweats but feel like they are, and then a sweater with your favorite jean jacket. it’s one that your dad gave you a few months ago, just because, and yeosang loathes you for it. he wanted it so bad, kept asking for it, and dad just gave it to you? anyway. you’re wearing it to piss him off, and it works.

you grabbed his wallet for him, because you know that’s the only reason you’ve been invited. yeosang rolls his eyes when he sees you walking up in that jacket, and he thinks about not unlocking the doors. but then he remembers you have his wallet, and that could mean trouble.

“get in the back,” he says coldly as you reach the car.

“hello to you too, brother dearest,” you say as you open the door. you slide into the backseat and see wooyoung twisted around in the front so that he can stare at you with that cheshire cat grin of his. you smile back shyly and say, “hi wooyoung.”

“hi wooyoung?” he repeats, smile falling slightly. “i don’t get a cute nickname?”

“no,” yeosang answers for you. “that would make me vomit, i think.”

“oh get over yourself,” wooyoung groans, turning his attention to his friend. “you don’t let me have any fun.”

“i’m the most fun person you know, wooyoung,” yeosang deadpans.

“yeah, you really sound like it,” you chime in, and wooyoung chuckles.

“what are we gonna do with this kid, y/n?” wooyoung asks, turning back to face you. “oh, you look cute.”

“uh, thanks?” you reply, trying to sound natural despite your heartbeat increasing by 200 percent. thankfully wooyoung’s attention is somewhere else again, this time he’s looking through the bag at his feet while he mumbles something you can’t hear.

“ah! found it,” he exclaims, turning to you again but holding up a camera. “do you mind if i film you for my vlog?”

“your...what?”

“wooyoung thinks he’s gonna be the next member of the hype house,” yeosang explains, which earns him a shove from wooyoung that has the car swerving in a terrifying way. you and wooyoung both make obnoxious sounds of alarm that yeosang laughs out loud at, and he apologizes but doesn’t put his heart into it.

“i don’t think that,” wooyoung tells you. “i wouldn’t be that primitive with my craft.”

“oo, big word,” you joke, and wooyoung smiles. “what do i have to do?”

“just be you,” he says with a soft smile, turning the camera on. “i’ve been doing a lot of exciting things lately, so i want to document my life while all that happens.”

“me sitting in the car isn’t exciting, wooyoung.”

“yeah, but me being here with you is,” he replies as he points the lens in your direction. “wave to the people.”

“the people being me and your mom?” yeosang asks.

“fuck you, my brother watches too,” wooyoung cuts back as you do what he asked. you smile and wave sheepishly at the camera, brushing some hair out of your eyes after. he keeps the camera focused on you, and you make a questioning look toward the devilishly handsome camera man. he pulls a funny face in return and you laugh out, but wooyoung doesn’t point the camera away and it’s starting to get awkward.

“wooyoung you better not be zooming in super close to my face right now,” you warn him.

“shh, i’m capturing your essence,” he replies. you’re at a stop light and yeosang cranes his neck to look at the camera screen.

“he’s zoomed in on that zit on your forehead,” yeosang says, and you start yelling at wooyoung to put the camera down. “hey, hey! no fighting. we’re here. get out and be quiet.”

“you’re not my mom,” you and wooyoung say in unison, and yeosang groans.

“why did i invite either of you again??” yeosang asks incredulously while you all shuffle out of the car, wooyoung with camera in hand and pointed at the flickering sign for the restaurant. he swivels in yeosang’s direction as he answers.

“because you love us,” he says, pulling you into his side as he turns the camera toward the both of you. “isn’t that right y/n?”

“legally the answer is yes,” you reply. “but i don’t think he likes me.”

“correct!” yeosang shouts from a few feet ahead. “now wooyoung please put that away. you’re wasting time that could be spent eating waffles.”

missing wooyoung is a strange feeling. for one, you don’t want to be in love with him because you know he doesn’t feel anything back, so when you miss him it’s a lot of internal arguments with yourself over how silly you’re being. the other reason it’s weird is because he’s not technically your friend, so you can’t just call him to hang out every time you want to see his cute little face. but you certainly can’t ask yeosang to initiate anything because he would catch on.

actually....he already has. yeosang noticed last week while the three of you were eating that you were acting strange around wooyoung. first you dressed up to go to waffle house, which you never do. and then you were blushing every time wooyoung so much as breathed near you (which was all night) so yeosang took his context clues and inferred what was going on. shockingly, the thought of you and wooyoung together didn’t totally make his skin crawl, so he’s not sure how brotherly to be in this situation. while he figures that out, he knows it’ll be fun messing with you.

especially since wooyoung told yeosang all about his big fat crush on you a couple weeks ago. since then, wooyoung had been searching for reasons for the three of you to hang out so he could be around you and try to convince yeosang he’s an appropriate match for his sister. yeosang is your brother after all, and despite how much he likes wooyoung, he still has to figure out his intentions with you before he can fully sign on.

all that to say, yeosang’s about to have a lot of fun using this knowledge against you. and it starts with him inviting wooyoung over for a movie night without telling you.

you were heading to the bathroom to take a shower so you could get your mind off of wooyoung, but yeosang beat you to it. and that kid takes forever in the bathroom. he’s always been hygienic enough, but since the internet introduced him to self love and skin care, he’s a menace in the bathroom. he could be in there for hours if he really wanted to, so now you’re just scrolling through your phone on the couch and praying that yeosang will hurry up.

a few minutes into your deep dive of tiktok, you hear a knock at the door and groan. yeosang has an awful habit of ordering food and then getting in the shower so you’re left paying the tip, and you’re not in the mood for that tonight. you’re about to yell for your brother to get the door when your phone buzzes with a text. from wooyoung. what?

“let me in,” it says. then a second later, “it’s wooyoung btw.”

“i have your number saved, you imbecile,” you say loud enough for wooyoung to hear you through the door.

“well let me in then!!!” he shouts back, as you shuffle to the door and throw it open. wooyoung cracks a smile at your appearance, and you think he’s trying to repress a laugh “hey sexy.”

you’re the opposite of that, actually. sweats with holes in them, a t shirt that’s so old it’s basically a family heirloom, and your hair is a mess. you also didn’t sleep last night, so you probably have bags under your eyes. but wooyoung meant what he said.

“hey kid,” you reply simply, opening the door wider for wooyoung to step inside. he’s got a bunch of grocery bags with him, and you notice his signature camera bag stowed amongst them too.

“i’m a man, y/n,” he insists, hoisting the bags onto your kitchen table with a huff. “would a kid get groceries to make his best friend and his sister a five star meal for movie night?”

“movie night?” you question. “i didn’t know-”

“yeah, sorry y/n,” yeosang says, finally emerged from the bathroom. “wooyoung asked if we had plans tonight and i said no, so we decided we’re gonna binge all of us are dead.”

“and i’m gonna cook!” wooyoung adds happily. “i’ve a got a new recipe for you to try.”

“that’s really sweet of you, wooyoung,” you tell him, before turning to your brother. “that’s not a movie though. also thanks for hogging the bathroom.”

“you needed to shit while i was in there?” yeosang asks. “sorry.”

“god. no. i was gonna shower-”

“you don’t smell bad-”

“i’m going to my room,” you complain, honestly not in the mood for a movie night with your brother and certainly not physically or mentally prepared for a night around wooyoung. “have fun with your not a movie night.”

“no!” wooyoung shouts, catching you off guard. “i mean, uh, at least eat with us. you don’t have to stay for the movie part, but i bought enough for the three of us and you not eating will mess up the recipe.”

“nice recovery,” yeosang whispers. wooyoung almost straight up hisses at him in response but that would definitely raise some questions from you. instead he starts to unpack the groceries, and just seeing the ingredients has your mouth watering.

“i’ll stay,” you agree, not needing much convincing once wooyoung starts rolling up his sleeves and moving around the kitchen with a purpose.

“great!” he says cheerily. “now help me. you’re on chopping duty.”

“hey,” you whine, but wooyoung stops you.

“this is a family effort,” he says. “yeosang, help with the meat.”

“would it be inappropriate to make a dick joke?” you ask, and they both respond yes. “alright then. who’s gonna put music on?”

“oh!” wooyoung exclaims, forgetting the ingredients in front of him. “i need my camera.”

“you’re vlogging again?” yeosang groans as he washes his hands. wooyoung shushes him while you push yeo out of the way to rinse the vegetables. you all fall into your different roles around the kitchen, wooyoung setting the camera up while you and yeosang prep.

“yeo, i feel like we’ve been bamboozled,” you say after a minute or so.

“y/n, i quite agree,” he says. “wooyoung is a lazy chef. hasn’t touched a single thing, and we’re left doing all the work.”

“you’re so dramatic,” wooyoung laughs, suddenly at your side. “i’m working now, i had to get the camera angle right.”

“i don’t need help,” you try to protest as wooyoung scoots closer to you. you were chopping onions the way your mom taught you, which wasn’t perfect, but it kept your eyes from watering, so it was good enough.

“yeah, well, the way you’re cutting you’re gonna slice your finger off soon,” wooyoung scolds you, taking the knife from your hands. he shows you the proper way to slice before handing the knife back to you. but he’s not done, this time he places his hands on top of yours and guides you as you cut. “like this, see? you won’t get hurt this way.”

yeosang finishes with his assigned task and turns around to find the two of you basically recreating that scene from ghost, the way that wooyoung’s arms are wrapped around you and caging you in. yeosang thinks to himself that this is disgusting, seeing his sister and his best friend like this, but he also thinks it’s the tiniest little bit sweet, too. you’re both soo into each other, and you won’t ever know. this is gonna be a lot of fun for yeosang.

dinner was delicious, obviously. wooyoung is an amazing chef, and that wasn’t the first time he coerced you and yeosang into making dinner with him. it was just the first time he got so, shall we say, fresh with you. the warmth of his arms around you made you feel almost tipsy throughout dinner, and it lowered your guard significantly. in fact, you’re on the couch now as all of us are dead plays in the background, and you’re sitting astonishingly close to wooyoung. yeosang kept his distance, off in the armchair by the window, but he didn’t expect the two of you to get so cozy so fast. maybe he won’t have to play invisible matchmaker for long.

when wooyoung sat on the couch he had half a mind to just pull you into his lap and jumpstart the whole “what are we” convo, but he decided against it to respect yeosang. but as he sits next to you, not quite touching but close enough that a little shift would completely close the gap, wooyoung is trying to think of how he can make a move when you actually beat him to it. you scratched the side of your leg, laying your hand on the couch between you two after. you didn’t think anything of it, but wooyoung capitalized on the opportunity. he gently placed his hand next to yours and tapped your pinky. you look up at him, and he’s glancing down at your hands. your gaze follows and you see his hand palm up, invitation waiting. it’s subtle and wordless, but you understand what he wants and you tentatively place your hand in his, watching as he intertwines your fingers and gives your hand a good squeeze. you chance a look back up at him then, and he sends you a wink that has you dizzy. but then his attention is back on the tv.

for all you care, the tv could be completely blank right now because there’s no way you’re paying attention to whatever’s on it. being this close to wooyoung in the first place had you distracted, and now your joined hands has you kinda sweaty? which is embarrassing. you hope wooyoung doesn’t notice. you’re busy thinking about sweat when a yawn breaks through your train of thought.

“man, i’m sorry,” yeosang yawns again. “i just can’t stay up. i think i’m calling it a night.”

he slowly stands, but his movement makes you jerk your hand away from wooyoung, and he wants to whine out loud at the loss of your touch. you catch yeosang silently laughing, but you choose to ignore it.

“you can stay if you want, wooyoung,” yeosang says. “you know how the pull out couch works. y/n, help him find pillows if he needs them.”

“got it,” you squeak out, and with that, yeosang says good night, and he’s gone. you don’t say anything for a moment, but wooyoung, ever the chatterbox, breaks the silence.

“why’d you let go of my hand,” he whines, head falling onto your shoulder as he pouts at you.

“i don’t know,” you whisper back, noticing now that he’s so close to you that he has an adorable mole next on his lip. “i can put it back?”

“only if you want to,” wooyoung says, and he mimics his earlier movements, palm up and waiting for your hand to join his. this time though, you scoot closer and loop your arm through his before joining your hands. wooyoung’s face heats at this and he smiles. neither of you say much else, and you settle into a comfortable silence while the show plays on. you try to focus on the plot but you’re suddenly realizing how tired you are, and with the comfort of wooyoung so close to you, it’s hard for you to keep your eyes open.

a few minutes pass in silence, and wooyoung’s mind has been racing the whole time. he thinks to himself, do it, tell y/n how you feel right now, but he can’t get the words to come out. he decides that at the end of this episode he’ll just have to do it, or he’ll never say anything. but before he can get there, he feels a weight slump against his shoulder. you’ve fallen fast asleep and now your head is resting against his arm, and he smiles softly at you.

“i’ll tell you in the morning, i guess,” he says quietly, brushing some hair from your face. he kisses your forehead gently before settling back down into the couch, leaning his own head against yours as he closes his eyes to sleep.

the next morning, you wake up on the couch with an ache in your back and a blanket draped over your body. it takes you a minute to register why you’re not in your bed, and as you realize you must’ve fallen asleep next to wooyoung (and he was the one who gave you the blanket) you hear a bang in the kitchen.

“shit,” wooyoung mumbles. “that’s not good.”

it’s probably a bad idea, but you get up and head to the kitchen to figure out what’s wrong. you take the blanket with you, wrapping yourself in its warmth. you stop at the doorway to survey the scene, and you see wooyoung sucking his thumb as cold water runs in the sink. you look further into the kitchen and see the mini-waffle maker you bought yeosang as a gag gift is on the counter, and batter is everywhere.

“wooyoung, what are you doing?” you ask with a yawn. wooyoung jumps slightly at the sound of your voice, and his heart jumps too. but it keeps jumping, doing little backflips at your morning voice, your puffy cheeks, and your adorable blanket cape. he smiles warmly as he replies.

“wanted to make breakfast, since you don’t keep ready made food in this god forsaken house,” he whines through his smile. “and i burned my finger on your stupid machine.”

“it’s not stupid, it’s cute,” you counter, walking up to him to check his burn. “let me see how bad it is.”

“i didn’t know it would get hot so fast, so when i poured a test batch in i wasn’t being careful and my knuckle hit the top,” he explains as he shows you the bright red skin. it’s not bad, but still has you worried. wordlessly, you take his hand in yours and guide it to the water, instructing him to stay there until it stops hurting. “it doesn’t hurt though.”

“liar,” you say, searching through the medicine cabinet you keep in the kitchen. you know there’s some little sample pack of burn cream in there somewhere, but you can’t find it.

“y/n, really, i’m fine,” wooyoung insists, and you hear the water cut off right as you find what you’re looking for. you grab some a band aid too for good measure.

“nope, c’mere,” you motion for him to join you in your makeshift doctors office, and you take his wet hand in yours. you lightly dry it, trying not to hurt the burn, and your delicate actions have wooyoung’s heart swelling. maybe he should tell you now...?

except you just put the burn cream on and it fucking stings.

“shit y/n, ow.”

“hush.”

“i’m gonna lose my thumb from the pain.”

“i thought you said it didn’t hurt?” and that shuts him up. you’re both quiet as you clean the area up and apply a band aid. the silence in your argument gives yeosang, who’s been in the living room for a few minutes now, time to but into this intimate moment.

“good morning lovebirds,” he gruffs out, and it gives him immense pleasure to see how easily you both blush at the nickname. “i told you to be careful with this, woo.”

“yeah well, it’s dumb,” he says quietly, still focused on how you’re holding his hand. he knows you just did this last night, and c’mon, it’s the most innocent and textbook form of touch there is, but it still has his heart speeding up.

“y/n, will you make the waffles please?” yeosang begs, and you sigh, finally separating from wooyoung.

“yes, but you both gotta get out. you know how i like my kitchen empty when i cook,” you warn them. “otherwise i can and will use the waffle maker as a weapon.”

“do you want to go grab coffee while we wait?” yeosang asks, this time talking to wooyoung.

“yeah,” he nods. “but i gotta edit my vlog on the way. promised myself it’d be up by 10am.”

“it’s 10:30, woo,” you tell him.

“and that’s exactly why i need to edit it,” he replies quickly. “let’s go yeo.”

“get me something please!” you shout as they leave. “i want a-”

“caramel macchiato with a double shot,” wooyoung and yeosang respond at the same time. once again, wooyoung blushes as he ignores yeosang’s knowing gaze.

“we’ll be back!” yeosang calls out. “don’t burn the house down!”

“no promises!”

“so when are you gonna ask y/n out?” yeosang asks immediately after he closes the door to the apartment, leaving wooyoung sputtering for a moment. “and don’t give me that ‘i don’t know if y/n is into me’ thing you tried the other day. you were all snuggly on the couch last night and then with your hand just now...y/n likes you and it’s very blatant at this point.”

“i don’t like hearing you say the word snuggly,” wooyoung responds, choosing to ignore the root of the conversation.

“whatever. you’re an idiot,” yeosang tells him as they reach the elevator. “as your friend i want you to be happy but as y/n’s brother if you keep dragging this out i think i’ll have to beat your ass.”

“you always want an excuse to beat me up.”

“you make it easy,” yeosang shrugs, and wooyoung chuckles.

“whatever,” wooyoung says with a shrug of his own. “i kinda had a plan to do it? like i thought about just saying something last night, and again this morning, but i got an idea a few minutes ago that i want to try first.”

“do tell.”

jesus, did they go harvest the coffee beans themselves to get these drinks? you ask yourself as it’s been almost an hour since the boys left. you’ve been done with the waffles and ate without them, preferring your food when it’s fresh and meant to be eaten. the cold waffles will be their problem whenever they come back from whatever the hell they’re doing.

you’re just laying around as you wait, reading and catching up on a show, when you get a text from yeosang’s friend, seonghwa. you don’t talk much, but you’ve had a couple classes together and he’s pretty nice.

“when did you start dating wooyoung?” he asks, and you quirk your head in confusion.

“we’re not?” you text back.

“oh, my bad.”

...

“why do you ask?” you respond once it seems like he’s not going to give an explanation.

“it’s just, you’re in his new vlog a lot, and it looks pretty date-y to me,” he replies.

“date-y?” you ask.

“yeah, it makes sense i swear. hold on, i’ll send it.”

as you wait for the link, you figure that’s what took them so long. maybe wooyoung finished the video and had to upload it on the cafe’s wifi before they came home? but that’s weird, because he could’ve just used your wifi. before you can get too deep into your thoughts, seonghwa texts you back.

“here,” he says, with a link. “like i said, it looks very date-y. you’d make a cute couple.”

“thanks, i guess,” you reply back a final time before tapping the link to wooyoung’s channel.

it’s just titled as ‘my life’, and the description doesn’t give you much info as you wait for the video to load. it starts with lofi background music, and floating shots of the trees and flowers outside of wooyoung’s apartment building. then it goes to aesthetic shots of him getting coffee from the shop down the street, and you think bitterly how nice the coffee looks. should you text yeosang and ask where they are? no, you should finish the video first.

there’s a really cute clip of wooyoung eating that brings your attention back to the screen, and then there’s a quick montage of him going to class and then to work. then there’s yeosang’s first appearance, and you realize this must be the day that you all went to waffle house together. just as that thought crosses your mind, you’re looking at yourself from wooyoung’s point of view, literally. the filter has changed, making the video lighter and softer. the music has changed too, from that lofi beat to an almost dreamy melody. wooyoung has let some of the original audio seep through, so you hear him flirting with you and saying any time he spends with you is exciting. you watch yourself react to that and sigh, because how could anyone watch that and not know immediately that you’re head over heels for this man?

that day finishes with the shaky clips wooyoung took of the three of you in the parking lot and again in the waffle house, then there’s another rapid montage of him studying and running errands, but you’re locked in on every detail. he sure knows how to make the littlest things look so important, and you admire him for that.

then you see him at the store, picking up ingredients for what looks like the meal he made for you last night. he’s messing around in the aisles and you catch yourself beaming at his antics before it cuts back to that same dream-like editing when he gets to your apartment. you see the shot he set up in your kitchen, and your heart catches in your throat. the camera is trained on you and you’d be embarrassed except you can see wooyoung just off to the side, admiring you as you chop onions ‘the wrong way.’ next comes that moment you’re still thinking about, where he wraps his arms around you and helps you. the music is slower now, more calm, and warms your heart and your cheeks as you watch a short collection of clips wooyoung stole of you all night.

finally you see the quick shot he took of you all settled in to watch netflix that he said would end the vlog last night, but the screen fades to black for a second before it opens back up on a shaky clip of him adjusting his arm to show you slumped against his shoulder fast asleep, and wooyoung looks like the happiest man alive. he smiles without showing his teeth, and then, your heart beating faster throughout this entire video, you watch as he places a delicate kiss on your forehead. it’s almost like you can feel his lips brushing over your head when you hear a knock at the front door. it takes a second for you to get out of your daydream and realize the video is over, and it takes another second to realize you need to answer the door.

you’re a little light headed as you try to process what you watched, and you open the door without checking who it is. suddenly you see wooyoung standing before you, slightly out of breath and holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. he can read the confusion in your face because he just smiles before he speaks.

“did you watch it?”

“wooyoung, i-”

“no, hold on,” he cuts you off. “you watched it, right?” you nod and he continues. “i really like you, y/n. i have for a while and i didn’t know how to address it because i didn’t want to cross any lines, but i really fucking like you and i want to go out with you. but only if you like me back. which i think you do, but still. you could say no and i would leave you alone-”

“wooyoung,” you say, this time cutting him off. he stops and focuses fully on you, and you can’t stop the smile that overtakes your features. “god, you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to hear you say that.”

“really?” he asks, his own smile growing.

“duh,” you tell him. “i didn’t hide it well.”

“no, you didn’t,” wooyoung agrees. “but that’s okay. it was cute. you’re cute. and i wanna take you on a date.”

“okay,” you agree with a soft smile. “what should we do?”

“how’s coffee sound?”

#wooyoung #jung wooyoung #ateez jung wooyoung #ateez #ateez fic #ateez fics #ateez imagine #ateez imagines #ateez one shot #ateez fluff #jung wooyoung fluff #jung wooyoung imagine #jung wooyoung one shot #jung wooyoung x reader

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topazy · 2 years

Text

What we found

Pairings: John Murphy x reader x Emori

Warnings: none

Chapter: 4.03

A.L.I.E's island isn’t somewhere you thought you’d ever be, but here you were. As the others from Skaikru walked ahead, you stayed back to talk to Luna.

“I’m surprised gon ai op Yu hir. Ai thought you’d living au gon still na au gon sea.” I’m surprised to see you here. I thought you’d still be living at sea.

“Radiation poisoning don frag op Oso kru. Ai jos survived kos i’m natblida.” The radiation poisoning killed our people. I only survived because I’m Natblida.

“I’m fiya.” I’m sorry

“Mo nou don ron ai sadon op. Na kefa.” They didn't give me a choice. Be careful.

“Chomouda dula op emo gaf in bilaik drein au?” Why do they want your blood?

“Emo fig raun em na kep klin everyone. Y/N i’m telling Yu, don’t trust these kru. Don’t let emo get in chit Yu are.” They think it can save everyone. Y/N I’m telling you, don’t trust these people. Don’t let them know what you are.

You nodded. The only reason you agreed to go with Murphy and Emori was that making yourself seem useful might be the only way you survive.

The group halted when it reached a line. A boy named Miller looked confused, “what’s wrong?“

“A.L.I.E.'s rule,” Emori said, concerned. “No frikdreina past this line. I've never crossed it.”

Becca wanted to keep the mutants out, which was ironic considering she was more of a monster than any frikdreina.

Murphy crossed over the line and reached his hand out to Emori. “I’ve never met a line I wouldn’t cross.”

You smiled watching the kind gesture.

“All right, everyone. Let's go. We have a long walk ahead of us,” Doctor Griffin explained.

You looked up at the sky when a buzzing noise got closer. It was a drone. “We need to run!”

“Why? What’s the penalty for crossing the line?” the brunette girl asked

You never got the chance to answer as the drone started shooting at everyone it detected. Everyone took off running in different directions. The bullets got closer to you as the drone hovered above your head. Emori reached out and pulled you underneath a small tree for shelter. The drone hovered above for a few moments before flying away.

“Thank you.”

She let out a chuckle, “anytime.”

—

After Luna took off, you split off into pairs to look for her. You ended up with Dr. Griffin. “Raven?” She spoke into the radio, “Do whatever you can to stop Luna from leaving.”

You frowned at the woman’s words, “why are you making her do this?”

“It’s Y/N, isn’t it?”

You nodded, “I go by Cora.“

“I’m sorry, Cora,” she sighed. “But Lune is our only hope to save everyone. We don’t have another choice.”

“But if there was another way you’d let her go?”

“I wish there was,” she said sadly. “But I need to do everything I can to save my people. My daughter is one of them.”

You understand her reasons. She wanted to protect the ones she loved. Which is exactly what you needed to do. The older woman jumped back when you pulled a knife from your belt. For a moment, she seemed scared, but she watched as you cut your own palm.

You held your hand up to reveal your black blood. “If I do it, you won’t need Luna.”

—

When you reached the outside of Becca’s lab, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned to face Luna, who had a look of worry on her face, and said, “You can still back out.”

You shake your head, “I can’t. Not now,” you pulled her in for a hug. “This is how I repay you, by saving you the same way you saved me.”

She leaned back, “I hope all this is worth it.”

“I do too.”

—

You’d never seen anything so modern and high-tech as the inside of Becca’s lab before. It was truly amazing.

Murphy stood beside you, “so you’ve decided to share your little secret.”

“And?”

“And nothing,” he shrugged. “I was under the impression you didn’t want anyone to know you were Nightblood.”

“Things have changed,” you said as you turned to face him. “I did it so Luna wouldn’t need to.”

“Yeah, and now Abby and Jackson are going to drain you dry.”

You chuckled at his words, “or my blood could help save everyone. Including you.”

“John, you need to come see this.”

Hearing the excitement in Emori’s voice, Murphy smirked. “Duty calls, try and not bleed to death.”

You scoffed at his comment. You liked Murphy. He was blunt but seemed to have a genuine caring side.

Abby appeared in front of you with a stressed look on her face. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

She led you upstairs to a separate area, where it was just you, her, and Jackson. You grimaced when you saw the size of the needles laying out.

Luna’s voice echoed in your head as she began preparing you. You hoped this was worth it.

#the 100 #john murphy x reader #emori x reader #the 100 fanfiction #John Murphy #emori the 100 #the 100 fandom #murphy the 100 #emori kom spacekru #Emori x you #John Murphy x you #john murphy x emori #john murphy x grounder #slow romance #what we found #luna kom floukru #Abby Griffin

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vrisrezis · 2 years

Note

HI @vrisrezis! This is a long one but don't feel pressured to do it anytime soon. 🤗🤗

I can't stop thinking about this! Like in that episode in season 1, where Ichi is pretending to be Kara in front of Oso--would the NEETs ever, when stuck in a situation they can't be at an important date or appointment with their s/o, have their brothers stand in for them in order to save their own asses? And if they do, who would impersonate the other brother the best?

The biggest example I can think of is missing an anniversary dinner reservation because the Matsu bf got stuck in some crazy Matsuno madness lol.

Note: s/o gets really pissed off and upset when they find out that the sextuplets were tricking her. Like come on, that's their bf! Of course the s/o will find out the truth, especially with these goofy brothers

While Osomatsu is the most likely to do something like this, the bigger question is, what brother of his is actually willing to go along with this plan? Well, it’s actually totty because the eldest blackmailed him. Honestly, when it comes to the eldest I can’t see any of them actually wanting to help him out but the youngest is the best at this easily since he’s good at impersonating his brothers in general but you’re quick to catch on because he’s acting too.. weird. Talking about sex way more often than usual, it becomes apparent that it isn’t him. But he just gives you the “I’m sorry! Listen he was busy and didn’t wanna upset you by missing this! It’s not my fault you’re dating the worst of us!”

Karamatsu would NEVER do this. Unfortunately for him, he’d feel way too guilty about it. You’d think he’d be the kinda guy, since he’s referred to as shittymatsu for a reason, and he is not exactly a perfect angel all the time, but he seriously can not go through with it. Lying to you just to save his ass? Just no. I will say though that while all the brothers are horrible at impersonating him, Choromatsu does it the best. Unfortunately Choromatsu is a horrible liar, and ends up cringing at the shit he says.

Speaking of Choromatsu, this idea would have to be brought up to him by another brother of his. Most likely Osomatsu. He’d say how horrible that is but honestly would be down for it if it saved him any yelling from you or you being upset with him. Osomatsu is actually real good at impersonating him but he gets bored halfway through and ends up confessing “yeah sorry, guess your boyfriends just a dick?”

Ichimatsu would do this, but feel very guilty about it. He’d confess to you later that night about it anyways even if you didn’t find out so. Jyushimatsu is eerily good at his impression though, so it would actually be hard trying to figure him out.. well.. if it weren’t for the few times he’d crack into that Jyushimatsu smile of his for a split second.

Jyushimatsu is down for it, he goes to the brother he’s closest to, Ichimatsu! The youngest may have come up with the idea, but no way in hell does he trust him to do a good impression! He is making his poor brother suffer with this, it was bound to be a failure honestly. “Listen I don’t even know why he asked me to do this. But you and I both know this isn’t really like him. I just think you should not get too mad at him for this one.”

Todomatsus plan, as you’d expect from this little devil. He unfortunately had karamatsu do this job for him because no other brother could. It was horrible, and painfully obvious since karamatsu had very distinct eyebrows that he totally wasn’t jealous of. It’s not like he ever told you that either. Not like he told you he wished he had perfect brows like his. That’s totally not what gave karamatsu away.

#choromatsu x reader #ichimatsu x reader #jyushimatsu x reader #karamatsu x reader #osomatsu x reader #todomatsu x reader #ososan x reader #osomatsu san x reader #osomatsusan x reader

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peachystarling · 3 years

Note

I know this is kinda cliche but could I request what the matsu boos would do with their S/O on their first date? Like where would they go and stuff

Not cliche at all, I'd love to give my take on this!

Osomatsu

For Oso, I think he'd like to go somewhere familiar. He's all too likely to take his date to the oden stand or a bar or the races. A familiar setting where he could feel more in his element but also have fun and get to know his date better would be ideal. I have a feeling that seeing his date let loose and have fun with him would really make him melt.

Karamatsu

Anywhere with a somewhat quiet, beautiful or romantic atmosphere would be his ideal first date location. Somewhere he could really form a bond with his date and put his "charms" on them, and where both he and them would have each other as their primary focus. Maybe a scenic walk overlooking the city skyline at sunset, or a botanical garden/conservatory while the flowers are in bloom, or a picnic in a more quiet part of a park.

Choromatsu

I could see Choro liking a more traditional setting like dinner at a sit-down restaurant or going to the cinema, but he might also like to take his date to one of his favourite book stores. I feel like he'd have a lot of fun and relax his nerves a bit by being able to show his date his favourite manga/light novels in a comfortable setting and having them show him their favourite books. He'd probably be a sucker for picking out books for each other to read.

Ichimatsu

Listen. I know this is overdone. But he'd likely enjoy taking his date to a cat cafe just because he's so much more comfortable around cats and he'd be able to let loose a little bit in such an anxiety-inducing situation. Otherwise he may take his date on a simple walk around the city where they could casually get to know each other. I feel like despite his social anxiety, he may like an environment with other people around for the first date. Not necessarily crowded, but being somewhere with others doing their own thing might help make him feel less isolated/take a bit of pressure off him to be "entertaining" or hold 100% of his date's attention.

Jyushimatsu

Something exciting and active where there are opportunities to slow down and have quiet moments would be perfect for him. Like a big amusement park with rollercoasters and a nice view from the ferris wheel. If his date was someone like me who's quite anxious on rides, he'd be really happy if he could hold their hand to comfort them while on a ride, or if they didn't want to go on rides at all, he would be just as happy to dash around the park with them in tow and play those little stall games. He'd be overjoyed if he and his date shared snacks with each other.

Todomatsu

I could see him taking his date to a mall where they could get boba tea or other drinks and pick out cute clothes for one another. (Maybe they could even convince him that his stupid hat really is Not It and fit him with something more attractive but that's may just my selfish wish.) He'd love to take selfies with his date in their various too-expensive outfits and bond with them over it.

#osomatsu san #ososan #ososan headcanons #osomatsu san x reader #sfw #osomatsu #osomatsu x reader #karamatsu #karamatsu x reader #choromatsu #choromatsu x reader #ichimatsu #ichimatsu x reader #jyushimatsu #jyushimatsu x reader #todomatsu #todomatsu x reader #peachy writes

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whumpmatsus · 2 years

Note

Aaaaa so i read your one shot, about osomatsu stabding up for karamatsu who had an abusive s/o and holy shit im feeling so much for the poor boy ;^; and so happy to see more serious osomatsu, being protective of his brothers just warms my heart!! And i just adored how you wrote everything!! Is it okay if i request a sort of continuation to it? Maybe karamatsu went back to meeting people and his new partner got to know more abt his previous relationship? Maybe from him or osomatsu?? Sth to prolong the comfort? If you dont want to of course it's perfectly fine as well!

GOD RIGHT Kara deserves so much better!! (but, y'know, I had to hurt him, oooops)

Oso flexing his big brother muscles is a BIG FAVORITE I remember how much I fuckin LOVED writing that fic, Osomatsu is such a good big bro!!

you're so sweet, I'm glad you liked it! and AH GOSH this sequel was the best! it takes a hot minute to get into the plot but UGHHHH this is one of my faves to make a continuation to, Kara deserves all the comfort!!!

enjoy bb~ 💙💙💙

As far as the calendar can tell, your relationship with Matsuno Karamatsu is pretty new.

You’ve really only been together for a few months. That being said, though, sometimes it feels like you’ve known him for your whole life. The ease with which you’ve settled into being cozy with one another surprises you a bit; you’re just so comfortable with him.

He��s so cool,as far as you’re concerned. There’s this charisma about him that seems shy, like he always thinks you’ll react poorly to it, and he’s so relieved when you’re charmed by something he says. You can remember the times he’s put his leather jacket over you when it’s cold or raining, in a delicate way that implies he thinks you’ll push him away or shove it back at him. The shocked expression on his face when you instead snuggle into it (and him) is so adorable.

Quite honestly, he actually seems shocked whenever you treat him kindly. It’s when you cuddle into him while you’re watching a movie, or when you bring him his favorite juice while he’s working so he can keep his energy up, or when you kiss him out of nowhere just because you feel like it.

Even though you haven’t been with him a horribly long time, you feel pretty confident to say you’re falling for him. He’s the kind of person you could see a future with and you love being with him.

So, of course, when he timidly admits over the phone that he’s got a bad cold (he can’t even pretend to fool you, his shaky, congested voice gave it away), you’re over at the Matsuno household within an hour to take care of him.

Matsuyo isn’t home right now, but Karamatsu’s older brother Osomatsu answers the door to let you in.

“Hi, Osomakun!” you greet as you come into the house a bit weighed down by the bags you’re carrying. “Sorry I took so long to get here… I stopped by the konbini ‘cause I didn’t know how well stocked you guys were.”

He waves a hand. “Eh, probably a good idea. I can’t believe you got here as soon as you did, honestly.”

“Really?? I wish I’d been faster! All I could think about while I was standing in line was poor Karamatsu waiting for me while I was wasting my time…” You blow out a puff of air, then shake the bags a little. “Oh, I may have gotten some snacks for us, too. Is Kara upstairs?”

“Yeah, he’s trying to rest. But he’s also fighting himself to stay awake ‘cause he knew you were coming, the stubborn ass.”

You frown and immediately make a beeline for the stairs. “Ah, no, I feel even worse now. Kara!! It’s okay, your Karamatsu angel is here to help Osomakun take care of you! Your knight in shining armor is coming, baby!”

When you get upstairs, it seems Osomatsu has been taking pretty good care of Karamatsu for the better part of the day. He’s cocooned on the couch in a blanket, his eyes blinking slowly and heavily as he watches TV, clearly trying to keep himself from falling asleep.

As soon as you set yourself on the couch, you give him a kiss on the forehead as you set the bags down on the table. He looks confused when you glances up at you, his eyes tired. “Ah… you’re here? You came.”

“Of course I came! Oh, my God, I’m so sorry I took so long.” You start to open the bags, digging through them. “I went to the konbini first to get some stuff! Now, I’ve got the apple-flavored cough drops because I know they’re your favorite, but since they’re basically candy I really want you to try the licorice ones, too; those’ll actually help your throat. Plus I got some of those nice tissues with the lotion in them… I wasn’t sure if you had any here.”

You set things down on the table as you take them out, doing your best to arrange them. “Oh! I got a thermometer too… one of those ones for your forehead, so you don’t have to keep something in your mouth while your nose is stuffed up. Annnnd some canned coffee and stuff…” Here comes the stuff out of the ‘food’ bag. “Sorry to tempt you with potato chips, but those are for me and Osomatsu… they’d just scratch your throat. But I got some other stuff for you!”

It’s all laid out, still fresh enough to almost burn your hands since you just used the hot water dispenser at the front of the konbini on your way out. “The instant ramen might not seem that appealing, I know… but it’ll make you feel better. And I picked up some packs of karaage, so maybe if your throat feels better later you can snack on those. Oh, and here’s a nice, hot cup of barley tea! I only got one for now, but, the store is close enough that I can run back out to buy another one later, so…”

“A-ah…” Your own thoughts are interrupted by Karamatsu laughing softly, which turns into a string of coughs. Quickly you’re reaching down to pat his back, and just as quickly he takes your hand. He brings it to his chest, tugging it close as if he wants to kiss your fingers… then he pauses. “Do you not want me to…?”

You smile at him and practically push your hand up to his lips, a wave to calm your frazzled mind washing over you. Apparently you didn’t realize just how anxious you were to take care of him until that magic kiss of his brought you out of it a bit. “What’s wrong? Why’d you laugh?”

An extension of the feverish flush on his face branches out in his cheeks, making it obvious he’s blushing. “I appreciate all this, my darling… it’s just… you didn’t have to go to such trouble for me…” Another few coughs trickle out, and he looks at you with a shy smile. “I… I’m just glad you’re here. I wasn’t sure you would want to waste your time with me while I’m so ill. The good thing is, your mere presence is making me feel better already, heh.”

Ah, he’s as full of crap as usual. There’s no way you just being here is doing any good for that cough or fever! It’s… kind of sweet, though. He’s always kind of sweet like that. “It wasn’t any trouble, silly,” you mutter, running your hand through his hair. “And it’s not wasting time. If you’re not feeling well, I’d rather be here with you than doing anything else. My poor baby.”

You hear Osomatsu snort as he moves to settle down on the floor in front of the couch. “Man, Karamacchan, you’re getting fawned all over today! Lucky bastard. Maybe I’ll fake being sick so my girlfriend will take care of me like this.”

“… The girlfriend who only exists in your head, dear brother?”

“Awww, rude! I’m gonna eat these delicious potato chips, right in front of your face, while you can’t have any.”

“Hmph, I see. Well, choke on them, then.”

“What the hell, you’re stealing Ichimatsu’s lines now?! Pffff, I’m telling him!”

“And he’ll probably say you deserved it!”

You laugh, waving between the two of them to break up this back-and-forth of brother teasing. “Okay, boys! Osomakun, eat the potato chips before I take them away and leave you chipless. Kara, honey, I’m gonna take your temperature and then feed you some of the ramen, okay?”

“A-ah, darling, you don’t have to…”

“Shhh, I want to. Now, just give me a clear shot at your forehead…”

As it turns out, Karamatsu’s fever isn’t too high; 37.8, which means this is probably just a normal cold. It is, however, enough of an excuse for you to baby him as much as you possibly can.

After you take his temperature and manage to get some of the ramen in him, you gently encourage him to finish the tea. It’s his favorite, and once it’s been sitting for a bit, it’s cooled down enough that he isn’t going to burn his tongue on it. By the time you coax him to drink the whole cup, he’s starting to look sleepy again.

Osomatsu turns on the TV at a low volume, some old Western movie that Karamatsu has seen about a million times, so it should be the perfect background for him to relax and drift off. You lower your boyfriend back down into a reclined position with his head on the pillow, and tuck the blanket around him. Another kiss is pressed to his face, this time his cheek. He smiles, his breathing slows down to a steadier rhythm, and before long you’re pretty sure he’s fallen asleep.

Only then do you lean forward to grab a couple chips out of the bag Osomatsu has, only to find that he’s saved you nothing but crumbs. He teases you about it, and you playfully roll your eyes while pulling another pack of them out of your bag. You kind of had a feeling.

A little while passes in relative quiet. Surprisingly enough, it’s not awkward. You and Osomatsu can sit together watching TV or just chatting without much difficulty.

Though today, you’re both silent… until he suddenly speaks up. “You’re really good with him, you know.”

“Hm?” For the past few minutes you’ve been stroking Karamatsu’s hair, watching him rest. He’s so adorable, scrunching up his little red nose in his sleep, drooling a little bit from one side of his mouth, and letting out these soft sighs that make you feel somehow lighter. You could watch him sleep for hours, just sitting here beside him and playing with his hair. “What do you mean, Osomakun?”

He takes a sip from his drink, then gestures his head toward Karamatsu. Both of you are sitting on the floor now, next to each other, so he has to tilt his head up slightly. “You’re good with him… you know… taking care of him and all that junk. You remember his favorite stuff, and you think about what he might like or need and… you’re all gentle with him.”

You chuckle. “Isn’t that how people are supposed to be with their boyfriends? I’d only be rough if he asked for it, and… you… don’t need to hear about that, haha.”

“Oh, please, I’m his big brother; I would know if you’d popped his cherry yet, and I know you haven’t,” Osomatsu snorts. “Listen, I may joke and everything, but can I be serious for a minute?”

“I dunno,” you tease, sticking your tongue out at him, “can you? That’s a pretty long time for youto be serious.”

He shakes his head. “Wow, rude. Okay, for real, though. You really care about him, huh?”

You tilt your head. What’s he getting at? Would you be with Karamatsu if you didn’t care about him? “Well… of course. He’s a great guy.” Your hand wanders back to go for another pass through his hair. “He really deserves the world. Or as much of it as I can give to him, anyway.”

Osomatsu hums and knocks back the rest of his soda before sighing. “You treat him a lot better than this last girlfriend did, at least.”

“… Yeah?” To be totally honest, you’ve always been a little curious about the past relationships Karamatsu’s had. He never even makes vague references to them like saying ‘my last boyfriend drove me nuts when he did this’ or ‘the girlfriend I had in high school did the same thing’ or anything like that. It’s just something he’s never mentioned, and he could fool you into thinking he’d never dated anyone before you simply because he doesn’t talk about having done so.

There have also been a few things that… make you suspicious. Not in a bad way, but just situations that have happened which lead you to think his previous relationships weren’t good ones.

You scoot a little closer to Osomatsu, and give a glance back toward your sleeping beauty of a boyfriend. “She wasn’t nice to him, you mean?”

“Nope, she was a piece of work.” He does the same thing, looking up toward Karamatsu. “Hey, Kara. You okay with me tellin’ them shit about Naoko?”

You’re a bit startled when Karamatsu actually speaks up. “That’s fine… I just…” He opens his eyes just a crack, enough to look at you with something unidentifiable but undeniably anguished in his eyes. “… Hadn’t really got around to it yet. I don’t like thinking about it, so… you’re more than welcome to talk about it for me.”

Osomatsu nods, and sets his empty can down on the table. “Yeah, so, (Name), I’m not exaggerating when I talk about how horrible this chick was, okay? Calling her crazy would be an insult to crazy people. She’s not. She knew exactly what she was doing and just didn’t give a shit.”

Well. That’s not promising. You reach up to take Karamatsu’s hand, carefully stroking your thumb over the back of it. He responds with a sigh that you think means he’s happy to have the contact.

“That bad, huh?” you ask.

Osomatsu is quiet for a moment. When he does speak up, though, what he says is chilling. “Yeah. About three months before you guys met, she put him in the fucking hospital.”

“What?!” It comes out before you can stop it. Your grip on Karamatsu’s hand gets tighter, concerned. Protective. “Th… the hospital? What happened?”

“I dunno, exactly… I wasn’t there. All I know is what Kara told me. He says she got upset, wanted to throw something, and reached for the nearest thing… which was him. Grabbed him and slammed his face into the wall.” He crosses his arms. “She gave him a concussion. You ever see that little scar on the right side of his forehead, or notice how he can’t quite open his right eye all the way?”

You look up at Karamatsu, focusing on trying to find those things. Although you did make note of his eye, you’ve never seen this supposed scar. It must be hidden under his bangs; with him being the way he is, you’d guess he takes great pains to try and hide it from you.

“That’s… from her? From what she did?” Your heart is sinking down into your stomach like a rock. It’s incomprehensible to you why someone would want to hurt a person like Karamatsu. He’s kind and generous and passionate. Obviously nobody is perfect, and he’s got his flaws, but he’s the most wonderful partner you’ve ever had. He tries so hard to make you happy, and that’s always made you want to do things to make him happy in return.

It didn’t hit you until now that someone as sweet as him might attract people who, rather than want to make him happy, would take advantage of the fact that he wants to make them happy.

You frown. “It… wasn’t just a one-off thing, was it? It couldn’t have been.” With someone like this woman, you can’t imagine that such behavior only happened once. That’s not how abuse works.

“Nope.” Osomatsu tilts his head as if thinking about it. “Well, the concussion was the big thing. The only, like, big physical thing… I mean, like, that was the only time she put him in the hospital. But I know he’s told me there were other times she put her hands on him.”

Your head feels like it’s spinning. How could someone do that? How? How could this woman look at Karamatsu, someone so kind who probably bent over backwards to make her happy, and hurt him like that?

Osomatsu stretches his legs out under the table. “It wasn’t just that shit either, y’know. She was always talking shit about him. Making these comments. Totty talked about when he and his dates went out with Karamatsu and Naoko, and she made these ‘jokes’ about stuff like… saying Karamatsu’s sunglasses were broken because she punched him so that was why he wasn’t wearing them. Laughing about it, like she was kidding, but I don’t think she was. And she blamed him for everything. The one time I actually met her in person, she said it was Kara’s fault they were late.”

He shakes his head, leaning back against the couch. If you had to guess, he’s livid just thinking about it, and you don’t blame him. He’s the oldest of six boys; he’s almost certainly used to looking out for all his younger brothers. You’re sure he felt helpless being unable to keep Karamatsu safe from this woman. “She abused him every chance she got. Once they got together, she somehow convinced him to move in with her pretty fast, and then it was like we never really saw him too much after that, especially me. She never wanted us visiting, she never let him come over here, and he was afraid to leave because he didn’t think he’d have anywhere else to go and didn’t want to hurt her.”

“… She isolated him from you guys,” you say quietly, and squeeze Karamatsu’s hand. You’re almost relieved by the fact that he squeezes back. “She… made sure he didn’t have anyone but her in his life. She didn’t want him having anyone to go back to.”

“You said it.” Osomatsu’s face is dark, troubled. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this angry before. You can’t really blame him, either. Just thinking about what Naoko did to your poor boyfriend pisses you off. Even though you’re not really a violent person, you don’t know what you would do if you met this woman. “They were together for almost a year before she put him in the hospital. We all brushed the signs off until that… I thought she was just kind of a bitch and that things wouldn’t stick. But…”

After what feels like too long, Karamatsu speaks up again. His voice is soft and raspy, exhausted, and thin like he’s been crying. “It wasn’t your fault, Osomatsu. Even if you had tried to talk to me about it… before then… I was brushing things off, too. I don’t know that I would have listened.”

You push yourself up onto the couch, moving so you can lie down with Karamatsu. The good news is that he readily leans into your touch, easing his face into your neck. You press a tender kiss to his head. “It wasn’t your fault, either,” you murmur against his skin. “That girl… she was all inside your head and everything. That’s how people like that work. It’s not your fault you fell for it… she wanted you to.”

Tears start to form in your eyes as you think back to all those things that have made you suspicious. Everything that seemed strange at the time falls into place as a picture of what he’s been through. “Kara… that fight we had last week…”

God, you don’t even remember what it was about, really. Something small and insignificant, your first real fight in the few months you’ve been together. It turned out fine and you made up, but you recall moving to sort of throw your hands up in frustration, and this fear flashed in Karamatsu’s eyes… like he thought maybe you were going to hit him.

You didn’t know what to make of it then. You dismissed it as him maybe overreacting because he’d had a bad day.

Now you know what to make of it: sense.

“You must have been terrified. I… I’m so sorry.” You cuddle closer against him like you can make up for it, even though you didn’t actually do anything wrong… from his point of view, it was probably like a horror movie. “I didn’t… I would never…”

He nods. “Mmh. I… I know that now…” Oh, gosh. He actually has been crying. You can feel his tears against your neck. This poor man… he’s so kind and gentle. What kind of monster could look at him and want to tear him down instead of keep him safe? “Things are better. You, my angel, are nothing like her. I… I apologize if I still… flinch around you sometimes. It isn’t you, and I’m sorry if I ever give you that impression.”

“No, no, sweetheart…” You sink yourself down into him, snaking your arms around his waist and kissing him again. And he’s still worried about how you feel? Fuck. He’s too much. He’s so loving and beautiful and you’re never going to let anything bad happen to him, ever again. Nobody is ever going to touch him like that while you’re around.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m sorry I scared you…” More kisses are lavished against the top of his head, his temple, his shoulder, any part of him you can possibly reach at the moment. “You’re such an incredible guy… you’re so sweet, and I love that you always wanna make me smile, and it seems like all I ever think about is kissing you, haha… you deserve so much better than what she did to you.”

You stroke his hair, and relax a little when you feel a warm sigh against your neck. He was so stiff for a minute… now he’s calm again. God, you hope he feels safe with you right now. “I love you, Kara,” you mumble, moving your arm enough so that you can rub at his back. You haven’t said that before yet, but now… now is definitely the right time. “I promise I’ll make you feel it every day.”

It feels like he’s shaking in your arms. You think he’s still crying; too overwhelmed by that knowledge, made more emotional by the fever, tired after thinking about all these terrible things that were done to him just a short time ago. Being treated like this by a romantic partner is apparently so new to him, maybe it shouldn’t surprise you that he’s knocked off his feet by someone saying that to him.

“I-I love you, too,” he replies. His voice is thready, as if he’s going to break apart any second. His breath puffs in and out against your skin, more tears dripping down. It doesn’t bother you at all. You like having him so close and vulnerable, so you can treat him with the love he deserves. So that maybe he can start to learn again that someone canlove him without treating him badly, that he can be vulnerable with you and it won’t hurt. “And I… I’ll try to accept it… and to do the same… I swear.”

Somewhere behind you, you can hear Osomatsu shift onto his feet. He lets out a hum at the two of you, then you hear his feet padding across the floor. “Y’know… I feel like a walk might be nice. I’m gonna head to the konbini so you don’t have to make another trip, (Name). Lemme get us some more potato chips, right? Aaaand I’ll get more tea for you, Kara.”

Neither of you respond, although Karamatsu tries to look up at his brother. Whatever expression he makes just elicits a laugh from Osomatsu. “Shit, you guys are too much! You lovebirds just relax in your nest and I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Karamatsu presses into you again, and you roll over so that he can lie on top of you. After all, the last thing he needs right now is someone on top of him. It’s better this way.

“Love you, hon,” you say again, carding your hand through his hair. “C’mere, just snuggle with me, okay? You can go back to sleep if you want. You’re sick, and I bet thinking about all that shit made you tired. Try to get some rest. Let me know if you need anything.”

He lays his head on your chest, like he does sometimes when you’re cuddling on a normal day. (His explanation is that your heartbeat sounds like a song to him. He’s so cute.) “I love you, too… I’ll do my best… mh.”

Slowly, his eyes drift shut. You think he’s asleep, but he might be tricking you again. Either way, that’s fine. He’s trying to chill out, so you’re just going to keep playing with his hair and watching him and rubbing his back.

You’re going to do what that other woman never did.

You’re going to take care of him.

#abuse tw #Osomatsu san #whump #Choukeimatsu #Karamatsu #reader insert #hurt/comfort #illness #fever #abuse #past abuse #caretaking #I'M SCREAMING LET ME TAKE CARE OF HIM AAAAAAA #HE DESERVES THE WORLD

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jamespotterthefirst · 4 years

Text

Enchant Me

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Lilac Allende) Word count: 2.5K (sorry!) Warning: None Author’s Note: AU where Ethan is the one asking MC questions for the fMRI scan (book 1, ch 6).

Catch up here.

_____________

Green eyes meet his briefly before hurriedly glancing away, the movement so fleeting that he could have attributed it to his imagination. Except, the way his stomach flutters as a result is very real and very annoying to Ethan. When at last he forces his treasonous mind to the task at hand, he determines she is nervous, the tense energy radiating from her almost palpable in the bright imaging lab.

Guilt takes root in his stomach as he begins to regret asking this of her. The flimsy request for her help, blurted out after he reluctantly turned down her party invitation, seems downright embarrassing now. What the hell had he been thinking?

He pauses to consider that therein lies the problem: He hadn't been thinking. What a dangerous and inane side effect of being in her presence. What a humbling yet disconcerting notion that all it takes to disarm an intelligent, highly educated man is a pair of clever, emerald eyes, a lovely dusting of freckles, and a pretty smile.

Ethan opens his mouth to offer himself up as the subject instead, but Lilac gives him a brave, determined half smile. Her cheeks flush and he can see the visible effort she spends in getting the words out. “There is no dignified way of saying this, so please don't fire me,” she begins, not looking at him.

“I won't fire you for changing your mind, Rookie.”

Lilac shakes her head. “It's not that. It's just that I'll need an injection of the magnetic contrast media…” Her eyes swivel to meet his pointedly, as though expecting him to catch her meaning from it.

Ethan is not following and that much must be evident in his face because she sighs.

“I can't have any metal on me,” she continues, face growing bright pink to the root of her dark hair. “So I'll have to remove my bra.”

Silence.

“I… Erm... That's…” Ethan's ears flare with heat, his throat feeling suddenly dry. “That's true. I'll leave the room.”

“No need,” she assures him, already peeling off her coat. Before Ethan can even react, she reaches behind her back and under her blouse.

He is momentarily frozen, eyes watching her expertly work the clasps, before hastily turning his back on her and busying himself with the gadolinium. The way his heart clamors wildly at his ears is guarantee enough of the sinful thoughts his mind will torture him with later, thoughts of Lilac undressing in many different ways for him.

Get it together, Ramsey.

“I'm ready,” she announces to his sheer relief.

That relief is short-lived, however, when his eyes catch a glimpse of the lacy, bright red garment on the floor, unsuccessfully concealed by her discarded lab coat. Every inch of his traitorous body reacts on sight, reducing him to just another weak-willed man, uninhibited by the mere sight of a bra.

Lilac, meanwhile, watches him from where she lays on the table, decent enough in her loose fitting blouse. That lopsided smirk of hers makes a reappearance and it only makes his thoughts sputter further.

“Stay still,” he manages to instruct, his voice quiet and gentle.

When his fingers palpate the veins in her arms, Ethan struggles to think of much else but the feel of her soft skin against his, incinerating his fingertips. He makes the mistake of meeting her eyes, finding that all traces of humor are long gone as she watches him, lips slightly parted. A white hot current of tension crackles between them, dangerous and capable of consuming him whole. With a surge of recklessness, he finds that he wants it to. The blazing look she fixes him with makes Ethan wonder if she wants it too.

Swallowing hard, Ethan forces himself to glance away.

After a brief pause, she teases, “You do know how to perform an intravenous injection, don't you?”

“Ha. Ha,” he returns sarcastically. Her own genuine laughter rings around the imaging lab.

Ethan injects her with ease and presses the button to slide the table inside the magnet enclosure, hiding that infuriatingly distracting smile from view. Soon after, he sits at the workstation, checking on Lilac through the glass and powering up the magnet.

“How's it looking up there, Doc?”

“Like a brain,” he says dryly.

“So...average?”

“Very average.”

“Ouch.”

Ethan allows a resigned grin, shaking his head and feeling a wide lightness spread in his chest. Silence ensues after their banter and he realizes she waits for his question.

A thrill shoots through his core at the ocean of possibilities before him. At last, he can catch a true glimpse of the mystery she has proven to be. Isn't that what he longs to know the most ? Isn't the enigma that is Lilac Allende the true allure for him? Isn't that the reason he can't stop thinking about her?

He can ask anything, and finally know the answer.

“Do you prefer cats or dogs?”

There is an anticlimactic pause and Ethan wants to slam his head against the console.

Really, Ethan? Cats or dogs?

Lilac is silent, so silent Ethan wonders if the speaker system is working.

“That's the type of question you have for me?”

Ethan rolls his eyes. “Just answer it, Rookie.”

The image shows activity in the temporal lobe at the use of the nickname.

“I like them both,” she answers before Ethan can interpret the previous reading. “Though dogs tend to love me almost instantly.”

An uninvited mental image of Jenner, paws on her chest, tail wagging at blurring speed upon meeting her, crosses his mind. Ethan dismisses it as an impossibility, unable to think of a scenario where both creatures would meet.

“We have a family dog back in LA named Lobo,” she continues.

“Wolf?”

“The third,” she adds cheerfully. “My parents name all of our dogs Lobo or Oso.”

The memory elicits notable activity in the hippocampus. Ethan is unable to see her face but he finds the reminiscent lull of her voice utterly endearing. Catching his own reaction with a flare of annoyance, he dismisses it, clears his throat, and moves on to the next question.

“What inspired you to become a doctor?”

The longest pause yet befalls them. Already there is activity in the right temporal cortex, peaking his own curiosity. Every second that she doesn't answer is agony.

Finally, she says, “Pass.”

“Excuse me?”

“I pass on this question. I plead the fifth.”

“Overruled.”

“You can't do that,” she protests, though he can hear the laughter in her voice.

“Just answer the question, Rookie.”

There is a loaded, tense silence that slowly tapers to a boiling point, then—

“You.”

Ethan blinks, speechless.

“Don't you remember?” she says, an edge of embarrassment dripping from her voice. “You signed Landry's book for me.”

“Who?” he blurts out. Not waiting for an answer, he asks, “Wait, so you didn't keep that book, Rookie? I am offended.”

“No, my copy is much more worn, annotated, and well-loved,” she explains with a chuckle.

A small whirlwind of emotions takes root in Ethan, who is still at a loss for words.

“In a literal sense, your research inspired me to go to med school,” she continues, interpreting his silence as encouragement to go on. “I read your book from cover to cover as an undergrad and was so inspired, for once in my life I knew where I had to go. I wanted to be here, at Edenbrook, working alongside the best.”

Ethan's throat is tight as he listens, the activity in the scan completely forgotten.

“The more sentimental reason I was inspired to be a doctor is, of course, my parents.” Lilac pauses and clears her throat as a pretense. “They– They came to this country in pursuit of a better life, leaving their family and everyone they loved behind. All to be in a brand new place, not knowing the language or the culture, often taking up backbreaking jobs for miserable pay...to be looked down by many as inferior. All that sacrifice, for us.” Her voice cracks at the last few words. It takes her a moment to recover. “That sacrifice drove me through my worst days in medical school. It's what drives me today.”

She says this with a renewed, fierce pride that evokes a surge of admiration from him. It tears through his chest unlike anything he has ever experienced before, but then again, she is unlike anything he had ever seen before. Wildly, he wishes they were sharing something so precious face to face. His hand flexes reflexively as his mind imagines sweeping a thumb across the ridge of her cheekbone.

“If not a doctor, what career would you have chosen?” He is surprised by the gentleness of his own voice, the sound foreign to his ears.

When she speaks, she sounds almost like her usual, cheeky self. “A beauty guru.”

“A what?”

“It's people online filming their makeup routines.”

Ethan has never heard of anything so pointless in his life. “Be serious.”

“I am! There might still be some videos online of my failed attempts,” she says, laughing. “But in terms of a realistic career, I would've probably chosen to be a homicide detective or a forensic pathologist.”

He raises his eyebrows at this, stunned for a moment at their shared interest in detective work. “Why?”

Lilac mulls over her answer in a characteristic silence. “Obviously, there is the allure of gathering evidence and solving a mystery.” A deliberate pause, then—“But I always thought that was a bit selfish.”

“Selfish?”

Ethan can't help the outburst. After all, connecting the pieces of an unknown puzzle is precisely why he once considered that career.

“Yes, some doctors want to deliver the perfect diagnosis in a self-congratulatory way. To help the patient, yes, but to walk away with the gratification of having conquered a mystery.”

His itch to argue is quelled by his curiosity and so he says nothing.

“I wanted to be a detective to solve the mystery as a way to fight for the voiceless.” Her voice drops to almost a whisper as she admits this. With a rush of satisfaction, Ethan realizes he is probably the first one hearing this reasoning. “There is something sick about being able to name notorious serial killers without a problem, but we can't do the same for their victims. They are the ones whose stories should be told, whose memories should be celebrated. They are the ones who deserve the accolades and the justice of finally solving that mystery.”

Ethan has no rebuttal for the first time in his life.

As his brain struggles to reconcile the young doctor's words with the inexplicable thundering of his pulse, Lilac laughs.

“No offense, Dr. Ramsey, but I was expecting a different line of questioning here.”

Ethan forces himself to recover. “How so?”

“If I were asking you questions, I'd be a lot noisier,” she says, unabashed.

Ethan allows a chuckle. “That's not surprising,” he comments. “What type of questions would you be asking?”

“I don't know…” She trails off pensively. “Maybe your type?”

Ethan's mouth goes slack. He recovers enough to say something, though he is not sure what. Luckily, he doesn't have to know because she continues, “I'd definitely ask about relationships, past and current.”

By this point, his heartbeat is an uproar in his hearing. The brash comments should be concerning coming from a subordinate but he feels like a fraud when he considers chastising her. Though he would never admit it out loud, the answers to those questions intrigue him to the point of restlessness.

“Fine,” he allows quietly. “Answer those.”

A surprised little laugh comes through the speakers. “Really?”

“Yes, let the record show this was your idea, Rookie,” he says in what he hopes is a casual tone. “What was the first one you mentioned? Ah, yes—What's your type?”

The image of her brain activity, which Ethan had forgotten to glance at until that moment, lights up at the amygdala. An emotional response.

He can sense the reluctance in her silence.

“Tall. Definitely taller than me,” she begins at long last, her voice dignified, as though she is forcing herself to push past any bashfulness. “Dark hair.”

The answer is exasperatingly vague. The descriptors easily fit the surgical intern he saw her kiss all those weeks ago and the muscular paramedic who glances at her with besotted eyes every chance he gets.

“Intelligent,” she continues.

The diagnostician in him almost discounts Lahela on the sole basis of being a surgical intern.

Lilac clears her throat so subtly, he almost attributes it to static in the speakers. “Someone with a dry sense of humor and sarcastic to a fault,” she says, a lot softer now. “Someone who can keep me on my toes.”

The scan displays activity in the frontal lobe, similar to what he saw when he called her “Rookie”. The small media room, despite having the air conditioner at full blast, feels suddenly sweltering.

“What did I say next for my questions?” she asks, saving his mind from traveling a dangerous path.

“Relationships.”

“Right,” she says with an exhale.

Ethan says nothing, afraid even the slightest sound will discourage her.

“Past relationships are… complicated and mercifully ancient history.” On his screen, he sees the most activity yet. A visible reaction in the right hippocampus, the amygdala, both sides of the prefrontal cortex, and the insular cortex— undeniable anger.

Lilac, however, does not elaborate any further. Instead, she hurries on, “Current relationships are also complicated, frustrating, and nonexistent.”

The words hang between them, like a pendulum. He is convinced they carry more meaning but Ethan's own brain feels abuzz with activity, too tumultuous to formulate follow up questions. When his eyes fall on the clock, he notes they have been at this for almost an hour.

“I think we're done here,” he says.

He leaves the media room, deliberately pausing outside the imaging lab to give Lilac enough time to put all of her clothes back on. By the time he enters the room, she is throwing on her coat, hands raking through her shiny hair.

“Everything working okay?”

“Like a charm,” he responds, mind still spinning.

An incessant stab of dread begins to pierce through him as they prepare to go back to work. His mind wanders to Naveen, weak and alone in his room, and icy twines of fear take root deep in Ethan’s stomach once again.

“Thank you… for the assistance.”

Lilac flashes him an easy smile. “Any time.”

Ethan manages an awkward nod turning to leave. Something powerful holds him back before he can take another step. As full fledged panic about facing Naveen's new symptoms grips him, he wants nothing more than to confide in her.

He stops and turns to face her.

Lilac tilts her head to one side, watching him curiously.

The magnitude of what he is about to do hits him like a train and his newfound courage vanishes at once. With a grimace, he waves the idea off and exits the room.

______

Author’s Note: A HUGE thank you to everyone who sent me questions Ethan could ask. I tried my best to include them here.

“Do you prefer cats or dogs?”-- @drethanramslay

“What inspired you to become a doctor?” -- Anon and @scorpiochick8

“If not a doctor, what career would you have chosen?” @scorpiochick8

The not so subtle questions about her love life-- @eramsey28

Answering the career question wit banter, then with a serious answer. -- @whippedforethanramsey

Ethan’s slightly jealous thoughts about Bryce and Raf-- @schnitzelbutterfingers

Sorry if I didn’t include all requests! This would have been 20 pages long if I hadn’t trimmed some of it lol.

I swapped some of the dialogue from the original. Also, I’m so sorry to @takeharryandgo for the horrible brain science here. Forgive me, Doc.

What Lilac said about her parents is exactly how I feel about mine. So I just had to include that here.

Finally, I intend to continue these from Ethan’s POV. However, for personal reasons, I will keep my next few projects under wraps.

______

@dulceghernandez | @lion-ess24 | @emotionalswift2 | @the-soot-sprite |

#open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #playchoices #My writing

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ash-imagines · 3 years

Note

Since I saw you were writing for Osomatsu, what some qualities you yourself like in the brothers? In other words, what about them do you yourself like that is unique to each of them as individuals? Also, who's your favorite if you don't mind me asking? I really like Oso and Ichi myself :3

My faves are Jyushi, Ichi and Kara, but honestly I love them all. ; v ;

Osomatsu - Maybe this is a bad quality to admire about somebody, but I like that Oso doesn’t take stuff seriously. He’s just a guy that likes to have fun. Although he is kinda sleazy, he seems like he’s got a good heart, and maybe it’s just me but I get the feeling he’s insecure deep down. He needs therapy.

Karamatsu - I could write an entire book about the things I like about Karamatsu, but the thing that really stands out to me is his bravery. I don’t think he’s truly confident in himself, and his whole “cool guy” schtick is definitely a persona, but damn if he’s not gonna wear sequins pants and color contacts and a shirt with his face on it. He gets made fun of for it but it doesn’t stop him! He’s just unapologetically himself and, as the saying goes, god I wish that were me.

Choromatsu - Oh, he has such “gifted kid burnout” vibes. I still have yet to see the movie but I really get the feeling that Choro was that one kid in school that used to read books way above his grade level, maybe spent a lot of time in the library instead of socializing, and now that he’s an adult he feels like he’s lost that drive. Instead of going from gifted kid to successful adult, he just went from gifted kid to NEET, and feels like such a failure because of it. And that’s just relatable.

Ichimatsu - I don’t know how else to describe it, but he’s very tsundere. Obviously he isn’t transparent about his feelings because he needed a psychic cat to read his thoughts out loud before he could open up about them, but he also definitely craves validation. Secretly he admires Karamatsu, and likely for the same reasons I do. He wants to be liked, but that’s hard, so instead he just resigns himself to being disliked and even embraces it.

Jyushimatsu - Just a sweet and silly boy. Honestly, what isn’t there to like about this goof? Aside from that time he yeeted a child. Really, though, his whole episode with Kanojo-chan/Homura is just the sweetest damn thing. Wholesome.

Todomatsu - Ah, I have some trouble with Todomatsu. Karamatsu gets a bad rap for his wardrobe, but I think Totty is worse. Also he’s just kinda mean a lot of the time. 🤣 But, he does have it in him to be nice at least some of the time, and he at least can treat ladies with respect... assuming he finds them attractive... that’s something Oso could use some help with too, actually...

#osomatsu san #osomatsu-san #Anonymous

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strazem · 3 years

Text

I noticed that I’ve been getting blocked by a lot of Ososan artists lately and... At this point I’m sure it’s because of bad rumors and misinfo getting spread about me in discord servers. I’m going to put a lot of this under a readmore because I don’t want to clog people’s dashes with this, but I really want to clear the air here as I feel like there are a lot of things being left out of the narratives people are telling about me, and also the fact this is still happening and has been for four-five years, isolating me from a lot of the ososan community and hurting me in a very deep way...

Now, first off, I’m not here to say that over the past 4-5 years I wasn’t immature and childish. There were many times where I was, even to the point the behaviors could be seen as abusive or toxic even if that wasn’t the intention. I was in my early to mid 20s and had serious issues with oversharing my thoughts and feelings with people I really only knew casually, usually to the point of making them uncomfortable. I would also use all caps a lot, not really realizing the effect it had on people, making others feel like they were being shouted at. I would also act immaturely when I saw that other roleplay blogs were getting more attention than mine, even though the ones I had were for OCs, which meant that of course canon characters would get more traction.

Again, I was very young and not very socially developed. I am by no means trying to use my autism as an excuse, but rather an explanation.

Prior to getting into Ososan around 2016, I did not have any “real life” friends, that is, friends I knew in person. I did not know anyone my age and socializing was, and still is pretty limited to just my immediate family. Almost all of my interactions were online, and even that I struggled with. I had recently gotten out of an abusive relationship as well, and was just starting college. I did not think about how others felt enough and was too concerned with saying my piece and sharing my own opinions, making everything about me or about how I felt, and less about the other person. Again, this is something I’ve struggled with for most of my life as part of my ASD, but I’m still not excusing it by any means, especially considering the fact that other people ended up hurt.

I think the main issue was how immature and self-focused I was if I’m being honest, and how I would tend to make everything about me and how I felt and what I made.

My intentions were always good, that never changed. But as people have stated to me before, good intentions don’t mean anything if the outcome is bad. My immaturity really ended up hurting a lot of other people’s feelings and causing a lot of resentment, and I am by no means saying that anyone has to forgive me or be “ok” with me.

What I do wish though is that perhaps people who I have had struggles with in the past could refrain from spreading biased opinions of me to people who have never even met me. I understand wanting to support your friends, and I also understand that when someone you know tells you someone is “bad news”, it’s natural to take their word for it, especially if they only show screenshots of me at my lowest rather than when I was trying my absolute best to be a good friend, despite my immaturity.

However, I’ll be honest and say that I do think that this behavior in general seems counterproductive and perhaps even concerning... If there’s someone that upset me in my past, I don’t tell others or divulge about them to new people I meet unless I felt they did something actually illegal. I remember misinforming about someone in the ososan community based on false claims and I still feel guilty about it to this day, so I’ve also been guilty of this in the past. It’s also important to keep in mind that if someone is really making someone out to sound terrible or horrible that there is usually a bias clouding their perception. I've sat and reflected a lot on my own biases these past five years in therapy, and at the end of the day, I don’t think most people have bad intentions, at least not lonely kids in a small fandom. I think it’s a lot of miscommunication, lack of confrontation, and fear rather than any malicious intent.

Because if there’s one thing I know that I’m not, it’s a manipulator. I straight up do not have the social intelligence for that. I would all caps, I would get upset and leave chats and worry people, I would go on rants that people couldn’t talk me down from, or get too emotionally volatile, or put my own emotional issues onto other people by panicking and venting and putting on a scary and upsetting scene, but I never tried to manipulate anyone or turn anyone’s friends against them. The only two instances I can think of that even come close to me “warning” anyone about someone (and not for blm*tsu related reasons) happened in 2018 and 2019, well after all of this was (I assumed) done with.

Most of my issues that people have gotten upset with me for was regarding my social immaturity, self-centeredness, altercations, public panic attacks, public mental breakdowns and a tendency to go off on emotional and heated rants, especially in public areas and in public chats. That’s why this thing about me being a manipulator seems misinformed to me, because I’ve never been great at DMing or talking to others one on one, I think anyone that’s known me will agree. Many of these altercations happened in public group chats.

I’m assuming that many of the bad rumors being spread about me are regarding my skype days back in 2016-2017, back before discord became the new norm for online chatting and servers and such, as well as a very specific “drama” that happened on anti-bl oso-twitter concerning people that had met in an osomatsu-san kin discord server (which I was not in or even knew about).

Essentially, I befriended some of these people on twitter through people that had been in my second skype roleplay group (the first one I made was in 2016 I believe). I was unaware of any previous dramas or issues and was even unaware that said “person of interest” was even upset with me or thought I was toxic or bad. I had figured we had just stopped talking due to naturally drifting apart. Of course, in my young and naive mind, before understanding “social media etiquette” I went to go ask them why they had blocked me on twitter (I had started being active on twitter during that time.)

And of course, in my immaturity, was freaking out and panicking about having been blocked by someone I thought was a friend to people in my second roleplay group chat... As always... Ugh.. It wasn’t anything malicious though, just confusion and me being scared I had done something wrong.

One member in the roleplay group though, who I guess was a member of the osomatsu-san kin discord, started going off about said “person of interest”, claiming they had gotten their friend into a car accident and that they had groomed minors. Another person in the roleplay group felt the allegations were crazy and unfounded and left. Meanwhile, I was just lost as to what was even happening, I wasn’t aware these people were this connected or knew each other and admittedly, did a pretty poor job as a mod/admin that I didn’t stop the discussions sooner.

I have no idea if the claims were true or not, I imagine they were exaggerated due to bias, I have no idea, but then the same person who had made those claims showed me screenshots that “person of interest” sent to their mutual friend about me. How I was scary and toxic, that I had upset lots of people.. That they were panicking that I even contacted them on tumblr with a friendly “hello!”

Naturally, I responded with confusion. Again, my autism makes it very difficult for me to realize when people are upset or frustrated with me, especially over text. At the time, I couldn’t think of anything I had done to upset them and was very hurt and confused, as our last actual interaction had been seemingly positive.

I did not try to turn anyone against them though. Here’s what actually happened: After being given this info, I also learned that there was a small discord group of the friend group that the person making the claims was from. I joined it hoping to learn more or get some sort of clarification only to find out that this entire group was very upset with “person of interest”. Like very upset. They made claims that this person lied, that this person liked to play victim as a way to manipulate others, that they had groomed two of the people in the group, that they had said unsettling things, that they would do strange and backhanded things ect. Again, I don’t know if these statements are true and I’m not trying to claim they are, I just know that this group of friends had been very upset with "person of interest” before I had even come into the picture. They were already planning on cutting them off!

I did not sway anyone or say anything, I was literally just there in the hopes of finding out if I’d done something wrong.

Of course, this doesn’t at all excuse when I was still friends with “person of interest” and subjected them to my barrage of emotional baggage and panic attacks. I just want to make it clear that I never sent anyone after them or tried to turn their friends against them. In fact, I even tried to help them when they came to my twitter DMs asking me for help. I was already incredibly scared of pissing anyone off in general, and tried to keep things peaceful on both sides. When I asked the second roleplay group if they’d be okay with them rejoining, it was a unanimous “no”... I distinctly remember offering to still roleplay with them one on one and to make a new group that they could be in (and this was even after I had been shown the screenshots of them calling me toxic, which I still wasn’t holding against them!), but the offer was turned down.

I’ve noticed this very distinct pattern over the years of me running into a lot of issues due to miscommunication as well. It was very rare that people would express with me how they were feeling, or when they did, it was usually during one of my panic attacks, which were often bad enough that my brain would repress the memories of what happened during them the second they stopped, and it was rare that I would actually go back and read the things I said. People have had a very easy time going to others and complaining or venting about me to friends, but have had a very hard time actually telling me these complaints themselves, as themselves. I don’t really blame them, as we were all pretty young and given how much I freaked out publicly, it would make sense to be scared of how I might react. Not to mention there were probably things in their own pasts that made something like confrontation difficult. However, what I don’t understand is why this would still be happening five years later... I would assume by this point people would have moved on, especially regarding spats within fandoms.

I hold no ill will towards people in my past who’ve gotten upset with me, I do not hold grudges, and for the most part, if someone wants to cut contact with me, I just accept it and move on. But now that I’m noticing that these false claims are being spread around to other people in the fandom, people who weren’t even involved in these situations, blocking me based off of... Stuff they’ve heard about me... I felt a need to say something.

Honestly, my biggest wish or hope is that, given that it has been five or so years, that people who have never spoken to me or met me before maybe give me another chance? If I have personally hurt you, I don’t want you to feel the need to reach some sort of conclusion with me, or forgive me, or whatever...

But at the very least, perhaps people could be more careful when sharing personal issues we went through with other people, people who know very little about me and who I am and only know me through the lenses and narratives of people who felt slighted by me.

I have changed immensely over the past five years, more than I can even describe. I am not the same person mentally that I was, I have had therapy, I have had help, I have reflected, I have become more sensitive to other people’s thoughts and feelings. I even managed to help a friend of mine get therapy! I was not perfect, I behaved irrationally, but I do think it’s important to drive home the fact that it has been a few years and that I’ve made a lot of progress and that as I’m nearing 30, I have mentally matured quite a bit.

Again, no one from my past has to forgive me, I am not here to dictate how people should feel about me. I am just here to try to share my own side seeing as how I am unable to join most ososan servers and communities nowadays, and thus have a harder time being able to get in contact with or reach others.

I’ve been dying to say something, but kept worrying that it would stir up negative feelings or memories for others, but it’s getting to a point now where I’ve felt so isolated and hated by the fandom for five whole years that I’ve actually started having thoughts of self-harm again for the first time in awhile. I’m not saying this to make anyone feel guilty, and I haven’t acted on the thoughts, I just need to be honest.

This sort of behavior on the internet; gossiping about others, spreading misinformation about others, using a position of influence within a fandom to keep someone from making friends in fandom spaces... Or maybe people don’t even realize how much their words can affect others? Especially if they’re well-liked and exist in a lot of spaces. I’m sure there are no actual bad intentions when people say these things or vent to their friends.

And while I explained that one specific incident in detail that was with a specific person, it is not the only issue I’ve gotten myself into over the years either. I simply spoke about that one as I am just guessing it’s the big reason a lot of this is still going on to this day. I behaved poorly enough in the past that separate groups of people have ended up mad at me, regardless of even knowing each other. I was incredibly troubled, dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship, overworked with my animation assignments, and incredibly clueless in social situations or trying to relate to others. Again, these aren’t excuses... But explanations. Mentally ill people are not well, that’s why it’s an illness. In 2016-2017, I was at the lowest of my low, and continued to be until around the Fall of 2019. I have also matured significantly since, and have been working with a far more effective therapist as of late 2018, which I think is why I had such a positive change by 2019, as well as finding wonderful and supportive friends who truly care about me.

I know this is getting really long, too long honestly, but I really needed to get this off my chest...

I’m trying to decide whether or not this will be one of my final posts on tumblr as a whole, as I don’t think I will be able to participate in enjoying ososan publicly with how isolated I’ve been over the years by various groups and people; I think by this point the reputation is too soured for me to be a part of the community. Again, probably not out of malice, but fear and resentment at how I’ve acted.

The fact that I’m seeing more than a few people in ososan fandom I’ve never really spoken to, or people I was mutuals with blocking me is enough I think for me to consider calling it quits for public enjoyment. The fandom is already very small, and the anti-bl side is even smaller, so everyone is pretty interconnected and rumors can spread very easily. There’s no way I can compete with that, especially if I’m barred from most servers anyways.

I’m still going to mull it over, but again, if you’ve never met me, or if you’ve only seen screenshots of me from 2016 while panicking or allcapsing or at my worst... All I can really do is hope that maybe you’ll be able to see past these things and consider giving me a chance.

As for the people I genuinely did hurt, I know I’ve said sorry many times now, even on my old blog Nutastic which I abandoned for similar reasons, but I don’t know how else or how better to prove how genuinely sorry I am... Because the proof of regret is in changing and becoming a better person, and there’s not much chance to see if I have or haven’t if I’ve been cut off.

No one has to forgive me, but perhaps at least entertain the idea I might’ve changed over the course of five years, and that telling people how I was back then instead of who I am now seems a bit unfair. Again, I suppose I dug my own grave by behaving like that in the first place, but I always try to show empathy even to people who wronged me at a low place in their lives, unless they were incredibly abusive and cruel.

At the end of the day, we’re all just people trying to enjoy a show about wacky sextuplets, and I don’t think anyone actually has any ill-will in their hearts, or has it in them to be “bad”, specifically on the anti-bl side. I don’t hold grudges, there’s no one that I currently have blocked unless they are a bl or a man that made me uncomfortable. My DMs are always open, as is my askbox.

Feel free to ask me anything or confront me about anything, though admittedly, doing so through anon makes it hard for me to reply as I don’t want to post anything potentially upsetting publicly.

And I will try to come to a decision about whether or not to pull a Jenna Marbles and leave social media for good out of regret and declining mental health. I will most likely make a post about it when I’m feeling more capable.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope your year is going good so far despite... Well, everything

#//VERY LONG #//important

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puddygeeks · 3 years

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Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 71: Wᴇɪɢʜᴛ Oғ Tʜᴇ Wᴏʀʟᴅ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Episode: Watch The Thrones

Chapter Seventy-One

Stepping outside of the oppressive atmosphere of the Ark, I found that Lincoln hadn’t gone far to escape after his attack.

He stood leaning against the structure, staring into the distance in what I could only assume was an attempt at calming himself and as I stepped closer, I noticed that he wore an intense expression. There was a stream of blood down the side of his face from the deep gash in his head, which clearly needed stitches and I leaned carefully into his eyeline.

“Linkon.”

I addressed him gently, speaking in Trig to ensure that our conversation would remain private as I pulled his attention from his thoughts and as he met my eyes, I could see his vulnerability which flared my protective nature.

“Let me take a look at that.” I offered as I gestured toward his wound and he took a moment to consider me, before bending down to my height so that I could reach.

Using the rag that I’d taken from inside, I gently wiped away the blood from his face and examined the laceration with a grimace. My temper bubbled in my stomach as I treated him, wishing that I had the strength to beat some sense into his attacker, but I had to force myself to remain calm. He already seemed to be battling his own emotions and it would be selfish to allow mine to influence him now.

“This is a deep wound, Linkon.” I advised as I gathered the rag and pressed it over the wound to protect it, ensuring that it was completely covered. “Hold this here for now. You need to keep the pressure up until we get to Medical.”

“No.” He answered abruptly as he took responsibility for holding the rag, but straightened his posture so that he was out of my reach and it was clear that he was not ready to face Abby or the others yet.

“They’re wrong about you.” I stated firmly, unwilling to allow him to sink into despair and he studied me with an unreadable expression. “You do belong here, but not because you are no longer Trikru. You are still one of them, too. In fact, I would say that you are their most valuable member, because you were willing to leave behind everything that you know to help them.” I divulged, pausing to shuffle slightly as he met my eyes and I smiled as I continued.

“We both know that our medical knowledge could help your people enormously. We also know that because of our weaponry, going to war would cause countless deaths for your people. That’s why you are doing everything that you can to secure peace and a better life for them. Your people may not recognise what you’re doing for them, but I do.” I rambled, holding his eye contact unflinchingly and he sighed as he absorbed my words.

“Your people still view me as just another grounder.” He stated with frustration, allowing himself to lower his internal walls to me and I nodded in understanding. “They do not care for all that I have sacrificed. To them, I am no different to Azgeda. Will it ever be enough?”

“You’re entitled to be hurt by what just happened in there. I would be too, especially after everything that you have done for us. It’s vital that you remember that the people responsible for this unacceptable incident are ignorant, small minded idiots whose opinions do not represent this camp. The people who supported you before we found Farm Station still support you. You haven’t lost anything, Linkon. We still consider you one of us and we always will. Oso thro daun ageda.” [We fight together.] I asserted, passion filling my voice as I spoke and I watched as the hurt in his face gradually melted away, until he smiled appreciatively at me.

“Oso thro daun ageda.” He repeated calmly, his eyes sparking with emotion and I smiled at him in return. “You have become a wise warrior, Indigo kom Trishanakru. You would make an exceptional second to Arlo.” He praised, causing my heart to swell at the kindness of this compliment and I touched his arm in a fond gesture.

“Thank you, but I’m plenty busy enough with keeping an eye on all of you.” I remarked with a cheeky wink, before fidgeting to regain my balance as my head spun again.

“I have to get back to Medical. Come on. You can help me and get your head treated whilst you’re there.” I instructed in the hope that he wouldn’t fight me this time and he simply nodded slowly, before falling into step with me.

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

The ward was surprisingly busy when we entered, as they seemed to be overwhelmed with sick grounders and though I was taken aback by this sudden development, I focused on handing Lincoln over to Abby for treatment. She seemed relieved when she noticed us and led him to a bed to examine the wound.

Kane rushed into the ward with Pike following close behind him, both making a beeline for Abby and I decided to return to my own bed, suspecting that Lincoln would likely already be overwhelmed enough with them arguing around him, without my contributions.

I’d only just placed myself sideways on the mattress, my hands on my knees as I stared at the floor and waited for my dizziness to pass, when I felt someone approaching me.

“I heard that you were hurt.”

A strikingly calm voice announced and I glanced up to find Nyko examining me with the same controlled face that Lincoln often wore. It had been a while since I’d last seen him, but I could tell that he had a similarly noble nature to Lincoln and I appreciated that he continued to support his friend in securing peace.

“Good to see you again, Nyko.” I smiled politely, shifting my position so that I could view him better. “I’m alright. Just need a bit of recovery time. How are you doing after your treatment?” I enquired, remembering how severe his wounds had been when he last came to us and hoping that he’d managed to recover well enough without our assistance.

“I am much better. I wish that I could say the same for my people.” He answered regretfully and I glanced around the ward to notice that many of the grounders here were either coughing, or vomiting. “There was a sickness in a village nearby. Many recovered quickly, but some have not been able to fight it. Abby offered to help them.” He explained, seeming exhausted as he glanced back at them and I regarded him with sympathy.

“Well, we have to take care of each other, right?” I offered with a warm smile and he seemed pleased to discover that I was supportive of this decision. “I’m sorry. Any other time I would offer to help, but getting Linkon here has kinda wiped me out.” I confessed, feeling utterly useless for my current weakness and Nyko nodded in understanding.

“Abby said that you were badly hurt in the attack. I am sorry for what happened at Mount Weather.” He remarked with an expression of genuine remorse and I flashed him a grateful smile. “Rest well, my friend.” He muttered as he bowed his head to me, before returning to caring for his people.

With a deep sigh, I laid back on the bed to catch my breath and stared up at the ceiling, struggling to focus. Everything felt more draining than I was prepared for and I already grew tired of my new limitations.

Hurried footsteps warned me of Jackson’s arrival as he frantically ran around me to take another set of obs and it seemed that he was too flustered to even hold a conversation as he worked. His pen scratched rapidly over the charts as he filled in the results and once it seemed that he was satisfied with his findings, he rushed away to care for the rest of his patients.

Abby was still attempting to treat Lincoln whilst also balancing an argument with Pike and Kane. As I watched her struggling to multitask, I understood why she felt that she needed to pass on the role of Chancellor to someone who could give it their full attention.

“Lincoln. We need to set an example.” Kane pleaded, allowing a slight hint of his anger over this incident to peek out from his careful demeanour and I smiled.

Kane’s consideration for Lincoln gained my respect, as I had never expected for him to be as accepting when we first met and was pleasantly surprised at the leader that he was blossoming into. Meanwhile, Pike sighed at his side, as he fidgeted around in a stressed manner.

“Yeah. We do.” Lincoln muttered, clearly far more relaxed than he was when I first found him outside and I wondered whether it might have been wiser to encourage him to respect his anger, as now he seemed to be taking a more lenient approach to his attacker than I approved of.

“The man just lost his son, Marcus.” Pike argued, seeming shocked that anyone could even consider punishing the instigator and I huffed in annoyance.

Pike had been blatantly coddling the Farm Station residents since they arrived, unable to accept even the mere suggestion that they could do any wrong and my patience with his golden child syndrome was growing thin.

“Lincoln didn’t do that.” Abby pointed out, staring at Pike over her shoulder whilst she worked and I was relieved that she remained stern in the face of his favouritism.

The doors to the ward swung open with a clatter as Octavia entered, her face filled with a mixture of terror and rage. Though I willed my legs to stand to join her, I couldn’t lift myself from the bed and simply had to watch as she strode toward Lincoln in a fluster.

“What happened?” She demanded, sneaking a glare at Pike as she passed that silently enquired as to why he was even present and I couldn’t help a sly smile at her attitude.

Octavia began fretting over Lincoln as they shared a hushed conversation and Pike moved to leave medical first. He had barely reached my bed when Nyko momentarily blocked his path, fixing him with a stern glare that conveyed his distrust and he maintained it even once he eventually allowed him to pass. Pike seemed shaken by this encounter as he hurried out and I caught Nyko’s eyes with a meaningful look.

“He is bad news. Watch him around your people.” I warned, already fearful for the safety of those in the ward and Nyko nodded in agreement, seeming grateful for my support.

My attention was caught by Abby loudly asking Lincoln to assist with translation for the grounder patients and Octavia wandered over to my bed with frustration poorly hidden in her face.

“How are you feeling, little miss kamikaze?” She interrogated, raising a bro at me critically and I shook my head at her as I prepared myself for another scolding. “Honestly, if you didn’t already look so sorry for yourself, I’d hit you. You really worried us this time. I thought Bellamy was going to have a heart attack. I’ve never seen him that frantic. He was losing his mind!”

“I know. I’m an idiot. Believe me, I’ve already got that message loud and clear from a host of people.” I answered with an apologetic smile and she seemed pleased to hear that I was being grilled for my behaviour. “Give me a little recovery time and I’ll be fine.” I added gently to answer her question and she seemed relieved, though the tension in her brows didn’t completely disappear.

“You look stressed, Sugar. Talk to me.” I offered, unsettled by seeing her upset.

Octavia chewed on her lip for a moment, seeming as if she was too proud nowadays to allow herself a moment of weakness as she had always done in my company in the past. I patted the bed as I shuffled over to make space, making it clear that I was absolutely willing to still dote on her when needed and she sighed, before she carefully sat beside me.

“Lincoln’s not going to press charges on that Farm Station asshole.” She grumbled with anger filling her pretty features and I sighed in disappointment.

If I was honest, I had expected this outcome, but I had hoped that Octavia might be able to convince him to reconsider. I had no doubt that she had already tried, but as she clearly had been unsuccessful, I decided that I would need to provide her with calming answers, rather than riling her up further.

“There has to be a consequence for assaulting him like that. I mean, he’s got stitches in his head, Indie!” She exclaimed and I struggled to keep my mouth closed as I nodded. “Pike’s people already think that they’re untouchable as it is. This won’t help anything.” She added bitterly and I took one of her hands in mine in an attempt to calm her from her outrage.

“That’s Lincoln’s way. You know that better than anyone, Tavi. He wants to set a good example of grounders. That they can be compassionate and compromise.” I advised, caressing her hand comfortingly and she huffed as she absorbed my words. “Plus, it sounded like Pike was pushing pretty hard for no charges. He’s certainly not making things any easier by insisting that our rules don’t apply to them.”

“Tell me about it. You know, the guards were trying to throw Nyko and the others out when they arrived. They didn’t even give him a chance to explain that their treatment had already been agreed with Abby.” She recounted with aggravation and I furrowed my brows at this revelation. “I had to help carry them in by myself. No one else would help them.” She revealed, her voice gradually softening from anger to fear and I glanced around at the sickly people surrounding us with shock.

“A lot of the people here have been anti-grounder for a while. The Farm Station residents moving in and then the Mount Weather attack has only boosted their confidence. We’re going to have to be careful in how we deal with this. People are angry and scared, and we both know how easily that can go to shit if it becomes a mob mentality.” I analysed, feeling uneasy about the divide that I could sense in the camp and Octavia glanced at me with a similar discomfort in her eyes.

“I asked Linkon if we could leave to join Trikru. The Commander lifted the kill order on him, so we’re free to go. Indra seemed interested in having me back at the Summit. I thought that maybe I could convince her to take him too.” She whimpered, switching to Trig to be extra cautious that none of our own people could overhear her plans and though I was upset by this suggestion, I understood her desire to escape. “He said no. He wants to stay, but I don’t feel safe here.”

“Linkon feels like he has a responsibility to represent his people here. He’s too noble to walk away from that. He still has hope that an alliance could work.” I reminded her, despite feeling doubtful about the reliability of this concept myself and she scoffed under her breath, though her expression revealed that she knew I was right.

“You’re always safe with me. No matter what state I’m in. I’m never gonna let anything happen to you and neither will your man. You know that, right?” I confirmed, squeezing her hand tightly and she snuck a rare smile at me.

“I know. The same goes for you. We’ve got each other's backs.” She confirmed and I was pleased to have at least taken the edge off her anxiety. “Love you.” She whispered, sniffing emotionally before she leaned her head onto my shoulder in a way that she hadn’t done in a long time.

“Love you too, Tavi.” I breathed, placing a light kiss on the top of her head and leaning into her too.

We stayed like this for a few minutes and I treasured the feeling of closeness between us. Since we landed on Earth things had never been the same, but I was grateful that I could always fall back on Octavia. Her love and commitment had kept me strong in the worst times of my life and I knew that no matter what happened in the future, or how far apart we ended up, I would always be able to depend on it.

“Sorry to interrupt this super adorable moment, but I’ve gotta move you.” Jackson announced with an apologetic smile as he crept into the area around my bed and I glanced up at him in confusion.

“The grounders that we are treating are suffering with an illness that is causing breathing difficulties. It’s not especially serious, but if you were to catch it, it would majorly affect your recovery. We’re gonna move you to a private room for tonight and then we’ll see if you’re looking well enough to rest up in your own quarters after that.” He explained as he busied himself with gathering my stuff so that I wouldn’t attempt to carry it myself and I looked over at Octavia reluctantly.

“It’s okay. You need to focus on taking care of yourself. We’ll chat later.” She soothed, giving my arm a supportive squeeze, before she left me to Jackson’s care.

Using his arm for balance, I allowed him to lead me to a small room beside the main ward that was available for any intensive care cases. He assisted in setting up the room and checked that I was settled comfortably in bed. Once he’d wheeled in all of the necessary equipment, he connected me to an IV for another dose of pain relief and ensured that I ate a full meal, before he returned to assist Abby in the main ward.

For a while, I managed to concentrate on reading The Iliad again, before I became restless and my mind began to obsess over Bellamy, worrying over what could take this amount of time. I recalled Raven’s earlier words with a flinch, fearful that they were hurtful enough to cause him to do all manner of stupid things and I was already considering whether I had the energy to sneak out to find him, when he finally appeared.

“Hey! Are you alright?” He enquired immediately, seeming flustered and lost as he made his way into the room and I nodded with confusion, unsure what had caused such a distressing attitude. “I panicked when I couldn’t find you. What’s going on?” He breathed, sounding out of breath and I smiled at his protectiveness.

“Oh, sorry. Jackson and Abby don’t want me to pick up anything from the grounders that they’re treating whilst I’m still in recovery.” I explained, casually placing the book on a nearby surface and he glanced back toward the ward in annoyance.

“If they’re so sick, maybe they shouldn’t be here!” He stated frustratedly, his entire demeanour radiating aggravation and I knitted my brows together at the absurdity of this statement. “We shouldn’t be taking grounders into Arkadia if it’s going to endanger our own people.” He argued as he glared toward the ward again and I could hardly believe what I was hearing.

“Well, that’s why I’m in here now. The illness isn’t especially dangerous, according to Jackson. They just didn’t want to slow my recovery.” I clarified gently, but he remained distracted by this change and I could tell that something else was bothering him.

“Come on. Sit down.” I requested, tapping a chair that was beside the bed and he paused to ensure that the door to the room was fully closed protectively.

Once satisfied that no germs were going to reach me, he reluctantly shuffled over to my side and dropped into the chair. Even his posture seemed irritable and I knew that he wasn’t coping, despite his best efforts to keep this information to himself. It was agonising for me to witness him suffering and wished that I could simply take his pain away.

“Bellamy, talk to me. Please.” I offered, reaching over to take one of his hands in mine and he simply fidgeted in his seat as he viewed me. He didn’t grip my hands in return, seeming completely removed from me and I felt anxiety building in my chest at his strange behaviour.

“Baby. What Raven said earlier was awful-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He cut in abruptly, clearing his throat to ensure that his voice didn’t divulge any emotion and I chewed on my lip.

“Well, clearly not talking about it is doing wonders for you.” I blurted, thinning my eyes at him and he avoidantly turned his face away.

Everything about his posture was closed off, as if he was making every effort to keep me from breaching his defences and I couldn’t imagine why he felt that he needed to manage this alone. Ever since I first woke up in Arkadia, I knew that there were things that he wouldn’t tell me and in the months that followed the feeling only grew, seeming like a disease that slowly poisoned him. Now I knew that he was lying and the pain that he battled to disguise was written all over his face, in capital letters.

“She needs someone to blame for what happened and it’s not fair that she picked you.” I stated, keeping my voice gentle as I addressed him and he sniffed loudly. “This isn’t your fault.”

“Isn’t it?” He asked sharply, startling me with the sharpness of his tone and I noticed when he finally brought his gaze back to me that there were tears glistening in his eyes. “I chose to trust Echo. I vouched for her, even when you told me to be careful. They were all my decisions. Going to Polis to warn them was my plan.” He pointed out, his voice shaking as he spoke and hurt came off him in waves.

“I almost got you killed, Indie!” He hissed, the pain in his face causing my heart to break and I could hardly cope with how broken he looked. “Jackson said that when he found you, you were drowning in your own blood. You barely made it through surgery. I had to sit here and watch you fight for your life, knowing that it was my fault if you died.”

“You didn’t do this to me, Bellamy. This one is on me. I hid the broken ribs and I stayed in the mountain for too long. I did this to myself.” I insisted, unwilling to allow him to blame himself for my injuries and I could recognise that this aspect had caused the most damage to him emotionally.

“Please. Tell me how this blood isn’t on my hands, because I can’t see it.” He whispered, hardly able to get the words out as he stared at me in desperation and I longed to wrap him in my arms, holding him until he came back to his senses.

“Earlier today, you reminded me that we are still just kids, doing the best that we can. You could never have known what was going to happen. The only people with blood on their hands are the ones who plotted to kill us. You don’t get to punish yourself for being human.” I asserted with as much strength as I could and he finally allowed a tear to roll down his cheek. “You did what you believed was right. You can’t be blamed for what happened after.” I confirmed, reaching out to brush the tear away, but he leaned away from me.

“I’m pretty sure that Raven would disagree.” He divulged in a hoarse voice, roughly wiping his tears aside as if he were frustrated at himself for showing weakness and for a moment, I felt lost for words.

The distance between us felt like miles and I couldn’t think on how to reach past the blame that he was determined to carry. For the first time since we’d been together, he felt like a stranger to me and it strung to realise that I hadn’t known him for long enough to know how to handle this. The only remaining truth that I could offer was my own insight and I took a deep breath as I returned my mind to the weeks that I spent captive in Mount Weather.

“When I thought that I lost you, I was like a totally different person. That kind of grief, combined with all of the what ifs and missed chances, it brings out the worst in you. She’s dealing with so many constantly changing emotions and she just needs someone to direct them at.” I expressed, using my experiences to try to remove some of the impact of Raven’s attack and he listened obediently whilst still keeping his gaze trained away from me.

“You’re an easy target for her and she needs that right now. For me, it was Miller.” I admitted, causing him to finally glance up at me in confusion. “In my mind, I lost you because he took me when you were fighting Tristan. I couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge that he was just protecting me as you’d asked. I believed that I could’ve saved you and he stopped me from doing that. I was so angry with him.” I divulged, feeling the familiar pain of shame in my chest as I recalled the way that I had spoken to Miller back then and Bellamy seemed equally shocked by my confession.

“But you got me back. Raven won’t get a redo like we did.” He sighed, seeming even more remorseful as he considered this and I felt at a loss for anything else I could say to help him.

“I did. And I will always be grateful for that.” I confirmed, squeezing his hand with appreciation, but he barely even reacted to me. “I forgave Miller long before I knew that you had survived. It took a lot of soul searching and I think it probably made a big difference that we had to work together to survive, but I accepted that it wasn’t fair to blame him. I’d even consider us friends now. Raven will forgive you in time. For now though, you need to forgive yourself.” I urged, staring into his face with concern, but he remained distant as if I hadn’t even spoken at all.

“We will need to work together to survive again soon if Kane doesn’t act.” He muttered, running a hand through his hair in a gesture of stress and I tilted my head at him in question.

“We’ve got an army of grounders surrounding us at this very moment. If the Commander decides to change her loyalties again like she did at Mount Weather, we won't stand a chance.” He presented as if this threat were obvious and I leaned away from him slightly in shock.

This was the last thing that I had expected him to say and it took several minutes for me to form a response as I struggled to understand who he was referring to.

“Indra’s army.” I pointed out firmly, but he stared back at me with an unchanged expression. “They’re here to help us fight Azgeda. This isn’t like before. We’re the thirteenth clan now.” I argued, confused that we were even discussing this and he scoffed at me in an antagonising manner. “We can trust Trikru. Indra has proven herself too many times for you to disrespect her like this.”

“Indra is a grounder! Trusting a grounder just got thirty six of our people killed.” He hissed, seeming as if he were losing his patience with me and I felt my eyes widen at his attitude. “You are too attached to them to see this for the danger that it is. It’s time that you remembered who your people are and started thinking of their safety.” He lectured, already warming into a familiarly protective attitude and I felt my temper rising at the sight of it.

“I am thinking of my people, despite the fact that you are currently behaving like children.” I spat, my sympathy rapidly being pushed aside for anger as he seemed to have suddenly forgotten the months of work that had gone into campaigning for peace, in favour of viewing every grounder in the same light.

Bellamy clenched his jaw at my words, avoiding meeting my eyes as he fidgeted in place and I crossed my arms defensively. A few moments of silence passed as we both attempted to calm ourselves and I couldn’t allow things to fester any longer between us, as I decided that it was time to address his behaviour.

“If you’re so concerned about our safety, why did you quit the guard?” I asked in a cold tone, allowing my expression to reveal my annoyance for his dishonesty and he whipped his gaze back up to me in panic. “Kane told me. He hoped that I might be able to convince you to reconsider, but if I’m honest, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with you working as a guard right now. I know that you feel like you need to keep us safe, but you’re being paranoid-”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” He yelled as he rose to his feet in anger and I flinched at his unexpected outburst, staring up at him with wide eyes.

“You’re so blinded by your loyalty to Arlo that you can’t see what's right in front of you. My decision to trust a grounder opened us up for betrayal, again. We have to be wiser. Wake up, Indie! Kane’s got you dancing to his tune!”

“And it sounds like Pike’s finally got you dancing to his!” I snapped viciously, causing him to curse under his breath and storm out of the room without another word, leaving the door hanging open behind him.

“Bellamy!” I yelled after him, hardly able to believe that he’d walked out on me when he knew I couldn’t leave and I threw off my covers to prepare to follow him, when Jackson rushed in.

“Woah, woah!” He gasped, glancing back out of the door with disbelief. “Indie, don’t even think about getting out of that bed! You’re not well enough.” He ordered, barging his way over to push me back and due to my weak state, I couldn’t fight as he lifted me slightly to prop me back on the mattress.

“Jackson. I need to-”

“I understand that you want to go after your man, but just give him some time to cool off. He’ll come back when he’s ready.” Jackson argued, blocking the door from my reach and I reluctantly flopped into lying down with exhaustion.

“You might as well get comfortable, honey. You’re not going anywhere. I need to get these dressings changed, anyway.” He added as he approached to ensure that I was secure in the bed, before he busied himself with treating my burns and I had no energy left to argue as I began to stew in my thoughts.

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

The effect of the pain relief was so strong that I didn’t even realise that I had fallen asleep until someone was shaking me. It was a battle to pull myself from the allure of sleep, as the exhaustion I felt was so intense that it felt unbeatable. Between blinks, I caught sight of Octavia standing above me with a panicked expression and the fear in her face spurred me into action.

“Indie, wake up! We’ve got trouble.” She hissed urgently and I sat bolt upright so quickly that it made me flinch in pain.

“What’s wrong?” I gasped, almost falling out of bed from dizziness and Octavia grabbed my shoulders to stabilise me.

She seemed to regret her decision to wake me, as I stared at her though unfocused eyes and I knew that she worried over my condition. After a few moments of staring at her insistently, she eventually cracked.

“It’s Bellamy.” She sighed awkwardly, causing alarm to course through my body and miraculously, I was no longer tired.

Octavia had to practically restrain me to prevent me from launching out of the bed and she hurried to explain so that I would cease fighting.

“He’s not hurt!” She gasped in exasperation and I paused in place, viewing her with a feeling of intense dread. “He helped Pike’s crew to sneak guns out of the armoury. Lincoln and a couple of guards caught them trying to sneak out of camp. They were going to kill the army whilst they slept.” She explained as her face displayed her hurt at this discovery and I stuttered in shock, struggling to find any words to respond with.

“What?!” I spat, rubbing at my temples whilst my brain strained to comprehend this situation. Octavia watched me sympathetically as I wondered if I had somehow caused this, replaying our earlier conversation in my mind obsessively.

“That’s not even the worst of it.” She confessed in a careful voice and I could barely bring myself to meet her eyes as I steeled myself for more. “Kane and Abby came out to arrest them all and obviously it caused a scene. So, Pike started using it to preach his bullshit as usual and Bellamy publicly suggested that he run for Chancellor. Indie, he started the whole camp cheering for him.”

“They’re not going to allow him to run, are they?” I breathed in horror as I understood that she had been correct to feel afraid in this camp and my anxiety was running in circles as I realised that she could be in danger.

“I don’t think they have much of a choice. He has more support than we realised. There would be riots if they refused.” She mumbled, the colour draining from her face as she considered this and I rubbed at my face with a groan.

“This is insane!” I stated in disbelief, feeling as if I simply wanted to hide beneath my covers, but I knew that she was counting on me, amongst many others.

Pain pulsed in my head as I tried to push through my shock to form a plan, but I was overwhelmed with guilt and betrayal that clouded my judgement. It seemed utterly childish now that I had been so upset over Bellamy lying about his guard jacket when compared to something as extreme as this and I struggled to match this decision to the kind, understanding man that I knew. Octavia watched me with a similarly lost look in her eyes and I was glad to have her at my side to sympathise with the conflicting emotions that I battled.

“Alright. Did Bellamy get arrested too?” I enquired in a forced attempt at a calm tone and she nodded without hesitation. “Good. It's a long shot, but if I can get in to visit him, then I might just be able to talk some sense into him before it’s too late.”

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