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strawberryya · 1 year

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eager angel

Joshua x reader

synopsis: after a long, hard day, sometimes pegging your lovely boyfriend is the perfect way to escape reality and have some horny fun.

word count: ~3.5k

genre/contains: smut, fluff, comfort, established relationship, bottom!Joshua, sub!Joshua, dom/switch!reader, gn!reader, reader gets wet, pegging, anal penetration, use of strap-on, degrading pet names used lovingly, praising, a little bit of teasing, mentions of food, half-implied aftercare(?)

rating: 18+

a/n: had an exam -> needed to forget about the exam -> pegging Joshua :D Also, thank you again, wonderful, amazing uncle Jenna @huiranghaes for proofreading and boosting my confidence in my writing!!!

.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・.

“Hey angel,” you said, welcoming home your boyfriend from work.

Joshua was dragging his feet while walking into the living room and plopped down right next to you on the couch that you had situated yourself on since you got home from work yourself barely an hour ago. He gave you a peck on the cheek before letting his head fall down onto your shoulder.

“Your home kinda late, bad day at work?” you asked, noticing that something was obviously not right with him.

“Yeah, just a long day, and annoying coworkers, and clients, and traffic, and my lunch was really not what I needed today for some reason, and it was just all wrong,” he said with such a completely exhausted tone that you felt your heart hurting for him just from hearing this short recap.

You gave him a small kiss on the head, hoping that would comfort him at least a little bit.

“That sounds awful, I’m sorry you had to go through a bad day today.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking a night in with just us is exactly what I need today to fix it,” he responded looking up at you and kissing you on the lips, soft and tender.

“C’mon, get under here with me,” you said and shifted while lifting up the edge of the blanket covering your legs. It didn’t take any convincing for him to snuggle up under the comfy blanket, intertwining your bare legs with his soft suit pants.

“Did you have a better day than me though baby?”

“It wasn’t as bad, I had a pretty decent lunch actually, but yeah, not exactly great. That’s partially why I have been sitting here since I got home.”

“I’m sorry, do you wanna talk about it?” he asked, concern and compassion filling his eyes, but you really didn’t feel like thinking about that right now, so you shook your head, “Not really, maybe later when I feel better and can just rage-talk about it.”

“Well, just tell me when and im all ears,” he said, smiling with love and concern, while he picked up the hand he had managed to get a hold of underneath the blanket and kissed the back of it, making you giggle at the cute gesture. Not that it was rare, it just always made you feel so giddy whenever he did small things like that.

“Thank you, angel,” you said, placing your head on his that had placed itself back down on your shoulder. And the hand that had previously been in your hand had slipped out of it and was now mindlessly caressing your upper thigh in small motions, making your mind wander to something that was completely different compared to the bad day conversation.

Somehow, you knew that your mind wasn’t the only one that had started wandering. Joshua’s breath and the way his hand made certain movements that you could recognize anywhere, anytime, was telling you that he was thinking of the same exact thing that you were.

“So… do you wanna escape all that with me for a moment?” you said, only the slightest bit unsure if your intuition had been fully correct. But when he answered with an incredibly excited and ‘thank god you said something so I didnt have to’ type of exhale: “God yes!”, you were a hundred percent sure that your intuition had been correct.

“Did you prep already?”

“Yeah, I- I did this morning just in case we were going to…” he mumbled, looking away a bit, but there was really no need for him to be embarrassed or shy about being prepared. You definitely enjoyed having him love you fucking him so much that he had made prepping a part of his morning routine.

“Aw, sweetheart aren’t you a good boy for me today, but do you prefer a reward or a punishment for being the desperate little slut you are?” you asked, watching him look back at you with his pretty brown eyes, “Hm, what do you think? You can choose.”

“I- I’d like the reward…” he stuttered out, a gorgeous scarlet color painting his cheeks as he spoke.

“Of course, my baby will get anything he wants today then.”

As you got up, untwining your legs from his and pushing the blanket off of your body you added “Why don’t you get those trousers off, and ill be with you in just a second,” and left to put on the strapon and Joshua, being eager to please you, scurried off into the bedroom throwing off his suit jacket and pants. However, he left his boxers on, knowing how much you loved to play and tease him while seeing him grow hard underneath the thin fabric. He was honestly already feeling semi-hard at just the thought of you making him feel good and he knew you would love that small detail.

When you walked into the room, you were still dressed as you had been just a minute ago, still covered up, however, the tent visible under your oversized shirt was impossible to miss and Joshua couldn’t help but let his gaze trace over the plush skin being revealed from underneath the shirt that rides up with every movement, the solid cock hiding underneath it only making it slide higher up on your thigh.

He himself was only dressed in his white button-up shirt loosely buttoned and a pair of black briefs, not hiding the way he was growing harder with each passing movement that he stared at your figure being teased in front of him along with the promise of the pure pleasure you would bring him.

“Hi angel, you ready? Want me to make you forget about your day and make you feel good?” you said with a small smirk playing at the corners of your lips, watching Joshua react both by nodding yes and by his entire body leaping forward towards you, closing the short distance between you and kissing you while cupping your face in both his hands. his eagerness made you smile into the kiss.

It was always so much fun exploring new things, that is something you had discovered together in the past couple of years, but still, just kissing and letting each other’s hands explore the other’s body was still one of the most exciting things you two did. When it was just the two of you, nothing else, small touches and whispers of “I love you, you know,” and “God, how do you taste so good,” mixed together will small smiles and little gasps and moans just never lost it’s magic somehow.

“You ready for more?”

“Uhum…”

“Shua angel, you know we don’t do that,” you said, removing your hands from his body in an instant, “Words baby.”

“Please give me more, please!”

“No need to beg today sweetheart, we’re playing nice today remember…”

However, he wasn’t planning on pleading with you any longer, especially since he could only nod mindlessly as he felt your hand back on his skin and traveling down over his torso towards the black fabric covering his cock and more importantly for today’s agenda, his pretty little ass.

You could feel the way he jerked forward as your fingertips slid across the outline of his erection, loving the way he moans out your name in a low whisper. When you move your hand away from him and dip your fingertips just below the waistband of his underwear, moving around his gorgeous hips and towards his lower back, you can’t help but smile as you can feel him shift his legs while arching his back just enough for you to get the hint and lower your hand to his cheek, squeezing it and caressing his ass as you notice how he is practically begging for you to touch him where he needs you to.

His whimpers are filling your ears and the way he shifts in search of your touch is filling your brain to the very brim, turning you on too much for your own well-being.

“You want me to stretch your pretty hole out angel?”

“Please, please, yes, I need your fingers, I need your cock, I need you so bad,” he began pleading again, not wanting you to stop if he didn’t respond properly again.

You slid your fingers down between his cheeks, pushing down two fingers on his hole, just begging to be fucked. When you began rubbing small circles around his ass, you felt him push back onto your fingers, pushing them inside just ever so slightly. This made you both moan; the feeling of him opening up just enough for you to push inside with your tips and feeling him squeeze around your fingers made you feel dizzy with the rush of lust you felt imagining him taking in the cock currently bent up in between yours and Joshuas hips.

“I need more,” he groaned into your neck.

“Greedy today, aren’t you angel?”

However, the way you were having issues controlling your own breath, and hips at that, gave you away and Joshua called you out immediately by smirking into a kiss and grinding his hips teasingly down onto you, making you moan into his mouth.

“Okay! Never mind, get the lube baby.”

This, he was completely on board for, and while you dropped some of the lube onto your fingers, Joshua used the seconds of you being preoccupied to remove the black boxers, letting his cock spring free. You noticed his shiver as the chill in the air washed over his bare skin.

“C’mere,” you said as you gestured for him to come back to you, and once he was right in front of where you were sitting on the edge of the bed, you pulled him down by the shirt with the hand not covered in the slippery lubricant and gave him a quick kiss. When you pulled back, you could see just how turned on he was by the way his face was slightly flushed and his pupils dilated like crazy. You yourself weren’t exactly one to say anything about the horniness-levels of anyone else in the room; feeling yourself overheating and salivating at the mouth at the thought of just sucking his pretty dick where he stood.

However, that could be put off for later tonight. So you pulled him back in, kissing him again, letting him hold your face in his hand as you slide your tongue over his bottom lip, giving it a small nibble and smiling at the whimper he lets out from the sensation. Once you pulled back his lips were even more swollen than a minute ago and you simply admire his flushed face and messy look for a moment, because how can someone look so fucking gorgeous, already half fucked out and still begging to get fucked like a perfect little whore. This was something you would never get over, you thought as you patted the bed, insinuating that he should get on it.

“Ass up angel,” you ordered and he obeyed immediately, his arch looking so pretty, you had to stop yet again and just admire him. The curve of his back to the way he was spreading himself open on the bed - just for you. You couldn't help but take a moment to take it all in.

“Like what you see so much you forgot what you were about to do huh?”

You smirked at his comment, “You look so pretty all splayed out for me, ready sweetheart?”

“Fuck yes-” he said, but his answer was turned into a groan due to your fingers, slippery, wet, and hot touching down on his begging hole. The lube, warmed up from your hands, did the trick, and your fingers could easily find their way inside his tight hole. You pushed them in and then slid them out at a pace making your reward seem more like a punishment in Joshua’s eyes.

“More, more, please,” Was all you heard coming from Joshuas’ lips, occasionally muffled by the covers and pillows on the bed.

You quickened your pace, spreading your fingers once you felt him being relaxed enough to take it. You let your other hand alternate between spreading his cheeks even further and stroking his dick for just a moment before leaving it abandoned and twitching from the lack of friction. Not to mention how when you dragged your hands up his back, following his spine and seeing him arch, even more, you pushed up the white button-up and revealed more of his gorgeous back to you, letting you gaze down onto his hips, teasing you to grab them as you fucked him until he was so fucked out he was drooling.

“You think you’re ready to take my cock angel?”

“Yeah,” he moaned breathlessly, eager to feel you inside of him finally.

You reached over to the lube bottle still laying on the bed and let it slip down over the cock strapped to you. In the meantime, Joshua was trying to concentrate on staying patient, so when you tapped his cheek with a light slap, he had to force his concentration to focus on your words. Once he caught the meaning of your words, he quickly did as you had instructed and flipped himself over, now laying on his back, legs bent up, revealing everything you wished to have on display. His cock was leaking precum already, begging to not be neglected, but you both knew that wasn’t what he needed right now.

He looked at you as you climbed onto the bed, to sit in between his legs, as you stroked the lube onto your cock. Joshua couldn’t help but look at how you had made a mess yourself, arousal dripping down your thighs and now mixing with the lube dripping from your hand and cock.

Fuck, you looked hot as you stared down at him, practically eating him with your eyes.

“Could you unbutton that shirt for me? Don’t wanna ruin it any more than it already is,” you requested and he obliged, more than happy to let you gaze down at him as more of his skin was exposed to you.

“Thank you, baby, you’ve certainly been obedient today, for the most part at least, and we did say you would only be rewarded today, so let’s make you feel as good as you want to, yes?”

“Yes,” he said, once again interrupted by a moan, this time caught by your lips as you bent down to kiss him while you let the tip of the cock push at his entrance, testing him, teasing him almost.

“Such a good boy,” you whisper out as you feel his walls give out and let you inside his tight hole.

After letting him adjust for a moment, you feel him relax around you from the way your cock was able to inch forward. You pulled out and pushed in again, your strokes slow and deliberate, letting him take you in, inch by inch until you were close to bottoming out. His whimpers and moans had mixed with his pleas of wanting more and wanting it faster, never mind that you were both aware that this way was the one he would enjoy the most in the end. Having him properly stretched and warmed up always resulted in his pretty little hole not being able to get enough of your cock, sucking you in, and not wanting your cock to leave the tight walls hugging it.

Trying not to get ahead of yourself, you push in, only moving ever so slightly, staying in place and only stroking an inch in and out of him while bending forward and leaning down to let your lips melt on top of his, swallowing the small whimpery moans escaping his lips.

You released his lips but didn’t change your pace or strokes, leaving him wanting more as you kissed down his jawline and down his neck and chest, leaving the faintest purple marks wherever you saw fit. His whimpers each time you released a spot on his skin made you want to make another one, and another one, and yet another one until his skin was painted purple like the sky at dusk on a late summer evening.

But the way he was pulling at the fabric still clinging onto your body signaled to you that no matter how much he enjoyed your lips on his skin, he needed a bit more from you.

“Want me to fuck your pretty hole properly angel?”

“Please, I need it.”

And you obliged to his pleas, grabbing hold of his hips, dragging your cock out, and pushing it in with a much larger stroke than before, making Joshua almost lose himself completely in the pleasure surging through his body. You could tell that he was going to cum sooner rather than later, and you decided to reward him properly by not dragging it out, no matter how much you wanted to see him beg for it for hours more.

Your strokes became even more precise, hitting just the spot you knew drove him crazy, seeing his cock twitch and leak and pulsate until he was half screaming “Yes, that’s it!” while moaning like a pornstar. You kept your pace, letting the sheer force of your motions drive him wild. His orgasm was close, and you felt a knot building in your own body, awaiting a release, untouched but running on overdrive from the scene playing out in front of your eyes.

He was sucking you in like never before, and he began falling apart right in front of you, moaning and whimpering your name as his cock twitched one last time before releasing his hot white cum, landing on his bare torso, covering some of the lower marks you had made just a while ago, and the sight combined with the way you name was coming out of his pretty little lips as he looked so fucked out made your own orgasm crash into you, and you moaned as you continued to push your cock in and out of his pulsating hole.

You slowed your pace and your moans became whimpers and low whispers of praise, and his moans of your name turned into low whispers of it along with at least a dozen ‘thank you’s’. And when you pulled out and let yourself fall down on your side, your head landing on Joshuas’ stretched-out arm you felt so completely satisfied it amazed you that he had made you feel this way even though he hadn’t even had time to touch you yet.

.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・.

“Fuck, you made me come from just seeing you,” you said through your heavy breaths as you were coming down from your high.

“Does that mean you aren’t up for round two after dinner?” he asked, smiling at you as he turned his head to look at you on his arm beside him.

“Really you’re gonna start testing me as soon as you get what you want huh? Now I might have to reconsider giving you everything you want today, maybe some punishment is exactly what you need later,” you wiggled your brows a bit as you said that, letting a smirk grow onto your face as Joshua scoffed at your warning, the post-nut clarity apparently making him incredibly cocky this time around.

“Before we do any of that, mind helping me to the bathroom?”

“Of course angel, but I’m feeling a bit wobbly myself, so I’ll support you and you support me and we waddle.”

“Alright, let’s waddle to the hot cozy water, like penguins,” he said, lifting himself up and capturing you underneath him, bending down to kiss you slowly, lovingly and so softly you felt like you would levitate any second if he didn’t let your lips go from his perfectly plush and puffy lips.

“Okay, let’s waddle,” you said, somehow shuffling yourself off of the bed and onto the floor, helping Joshua up from the bed, and helping each other stabilize one another. The scene making you both burst out in laughter.

“What should we get for dinner?”

“Definitely delivery, there’s no way we’re standing and cooking today,” you answered without a moment’s thought.

“You deserve one of those pebbles for that opinion, and if we manage to penguin waddle without dying I’ll give you two pebbles and a kiss.”

“Two pebbles and three kisses or no deal, I’ll trip us over myself and then we might never get up and we will just have to be penguins stuck in a pile of snow instead.”

“Okay okay, you’re a tough man to deal with, but I’ll accept the demands, now let’s go get cleaned up and I’ll somehow order us some food to recharge,”

“Yes, waddle forward!” he shouted out, making you both burst out in laughter yet again.

.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・.

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grayox27 · 1 month

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Dating SOME of the Men in Criminal Minds (and how the team finds out) gn!reader🍎🍬

Reader works in the BAU. ⚠️WARNING⚠️ for angst and implied sexual situations MINORS SHOO 18+

I know there’s no Luke or Matt, but I don’t know them well enough to write for them (still watching the show lol), once I feel confident enough, I’ll make a separate post for them. Might be ooc sorry 😭

Aaron Hotchner

- he’s a very private person

- at work it’s like you guys aren’t even dating

- at home, he’s all over you though

- whether if it’s a hand on your shoulder, around your waist, or a simple kiss to the cheek, he’s always touching you

- his love language is physical touch despite his hard exterior

- when it’s you two alone, he always has a smile on his face. He’s very goofy around you

- dude constantly brings you flowers for ANY occasion

- caught the unsub? Congrats flowers.

- the unsub got away? Feel better flowers.

- literally any scenario you could come up with, you would come home to flowers

- might as well start a small flower business on the side (why did I go on this long about flowers??)

- anyway here’s a scenario with how the rest of the team found out:

You narrowly escaped the burning building, your lungs struggling to constrict around the sudden burst of air, although all you could think about that Aaron hadn’t made it out yet.

When you looked around and noticed his absence, Morgan had to hold you back from running back in the building.

Suddenly, the building had collapsed on itself. “NO!” You screamed out, stepping hard on Morgan’s foot and freed from his hold, ignoring his pained yelp.

You fell to your knees in front of the building, letting choked sobs flow from your mouth. You felt a hand on your shoulder. “Come on, we shouldn’t stick around” Morgan said, fighting tears himself, though he would never admit that.

You heard a familiar voice call out your name, and your neck almost snapped with how fast you turned. You let out another sob, standing up so quickly that your knees buckled, but a pair of arms kept you upright.

You buried your face into Aaron’s shirt, soaking it with your tears. “You’re okay, you’re okay” You mumbled over and over, gripping his back as if you were afraid he would disappear.

“I’m okay” He whispered back, burying his face into your neck. You suddenly pulled back and crashed your lips against his, trying to get impossibly closer to him.

He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, kissing you back like a man starved. The rest of the team stood there shocked, before flocking over to make sure that Aaron was okay.

You caught Garcias excited smile and Morgan’s arched brow, and even Spencer was surprised. You both knew you would hear an earful from them later.

Spencer Reid

- you two agreed to keep it a secret only because you agreed that it was more fun that way

- the team already suspected that the two of you were together, since you two always sat together on the plane, and even shared music when there was no talk of a case.

- one time Spencer even fell asleep on your shoulder. Your earbuds kept you from hearing Garcias gloating about how she is going to win the bet she placed on the two of you

- he practically looks at you with heart eyes all the time

- he shares his love through quality time and info sharing

- when he comes over to your apartment, sometimes all you will do is sit in silence near each other

- like when he reads a book while you mindlessly scroll through the tv

- he’s also a big fan of physical touch when the others aren’t around. He’s always holding onto your hand

- he often finds himself tracing the lines on your palms. You’re very sensitive there but you hold out for him

- after this, Garcia definitely won the bet:

You and Spencer were alone in the conference room. You both were always really early, and Garcia had went on a coffee run.

Spencer had slowly been scooting his chair closer to you. You had pretended not to notice, but your smile grew bigger every time he not so secretly got closer. Your legs were touching but it still wasn’t close enough.

“Yes Spencer?” You suddenly say, stopping him in his tracks. “Is there something you want to say?”. He groaned at that, grabbing your hand. He had trouble expressing what he wants, so you didn’t tease him further.

When you pressed a kiss to his cheek, you heard a collective number of gasps. In horror, you both turned to see quite literally the whole team in the doorway.

“I KNEW IT! Cough up 20, Morgan!” Garcia demanded, causing him to roll his eyes as he handed her the money.

“You guys placed bets?” You asked, your face slowly turning red. “Why of course” Garcia giggled, handing you your coffee. Both you and Spencer had matching smiles, enduring the rest of the teams teasing.

David Rossi

- the two of you often went over cases together, silently reviewing it

- his love language is quality time and acts of service

- he LOVES to cook for you

- to celebrate catching the unsub, the two of you often go out to dinner and drink expensive wine

- the two of you are often so absorbed in work that you don’t spend much time together at work

- how the team found out:

You startled awake at the alarm, groaning and hitting it before you peeled your eyes open and saw the time.

“Oh my god. David, get up!” You shouted, shaking him awake. “What?” He groans, trying to bury his face into the pillow.

“We’re late” You urge, and he shot out of bed. You quickly sprayed some cologne on yourself, and the two of you practically ran out the door. You allowed him to go in first, and waited a few minutes before entering.

“Sorry, my tire gave out on the way here” You lied, sitting down and listening intently to Garcias debriefing.

“The unsub has been breaking into families home, and-“ she was cut off when Spencer suddenly piped up. “You’re wearing Rossi’s cologne” He said.

“What?” You ask. “You’re wearing his cologne, he wore that yesterday” He points at you with an offending finger and a shit eating grin. Fuck.

You froze, and gave David a sheepish smile. “Well, the cats out of the bag now” He says.

“How long has this been going on?” JJ asks with a laugh. “It’s been a couple months” You admitted, scratching the back of your neck. The rest of the day you received slaps on your back and comments from the team.

Derek Morgan

- you guys recently started dating

- the two of you never intended to keep it a secret, in fact, Morgan would flirt with you all the time, though since he did it with Garcia so often it was overlooked.

- his love language is words of affirmation and physical touch

- he often calls you nicknames

- he even dared to slap your ass when Hotch was turned

- no one even questioned the fact that the two of you always leave together

- he’s very protective of you

- how the team found out:

You fiddled with your hands as the rest of the team slowly filtered into the conference room, practically downing the coffee you had. It was too early for this shit.

You were chatting with JJ when Derek finally wondered in, sitting down with a grunt, coffee in hand. “Woah, you must have had a fun night” She commented with a smirk.

He was confused at first, but then remembered that he was supporting a pretty huge hickey at the moment. He laughed along with her.

“Come on, who’s the lucky person?” She teases him, nudging his arm. “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell” He says with a smile.

You took a sip of your coffee, trying to hide your growing smirk. “Wait” Spencer speaks up, pointing at you. “You just had a smirk”.

You froze in place, heat crawling up your neck, but Morgan bursts out laughing. “I’m not ashamed to admit it” He holds his hands up. “I thought you said that gentleman never kiss and tell?” Rossi teased with a smirk.

You laughed at that and elbowed Derek in the ribs. “He’s a liar”. He gasped at that, pretending to be offended. “As heartwarming as this is, we have a case to start” Hotch speaks up, gesturing for Garcia to start as she walked in. “What did I miss?” She asks.

#criminal minds x gn!reader #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #david rossi #spencer reid

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yejiroh · 2 years

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Blankness

A/n: Hi. I know I'm still on a semi hiatus, but this is important to me. This is a very raw, very personal self-insert fic that I just felt I needed to write. I don't know if I'll keep it up, as this is very emotionally personal for me. However, I realize that some people may also feel the same. So, after this, I may open emergency requests. I don't usually do author notes like this, but it's been a rather...rough couple of weeks for me. And, well, because this is raw, it may not be written very well. My apologies.

Gn reader. Mitsuya. Comfort.

Reblogs are highly appreciated <3

It was late, and you had been pacing back and forth, opening and closing tabs, and just mindlessly wasting your time, waiting for Mitsuya to come home, the phone call from earlier replaying over and over in your head.

•••

"Taka, can we talk?"

"What's the matter, honey?"

"I... I don't think I'm okay. I mean, I'm physically healthy- aside from my sleep schedule- it's just that..." It was hard to go about how to ask this. "Up here, in my head, " you pointed " I'm confused."

"Confused about what?"

"Everything. I'm not sure what I'm feeling anymore. And, I know that I'm giving off the impression that I'm okay, that I'm happy, but..."

"You're not..." He finished your sentence.

"Yeah... but I'm not sad either. I'm just frustrated and confused and overwhelmed. I don't like not knowing. "

And then looking away from him, you whispered to no one but yourself,

"I'm scared."

•••

And now that Mitsuya was home, he sat across from you, hands splayed out on the dining table, fingers tracing the scratches caused by years worth of love, arguing, and placing hot dishes on the table without any board underneath them. His face was stern, and his brows raised in worry.

Your own hands fiddled with your sleeves, uncomfortable with the silence that you had brought upon the both of you.

"Y/n, please, explain it again to me. I'm trying to understand, honey."

You shook your head, leaning down on the cold surface. How could you explain something when you didn't understand what was wrong? It was hard enough the first time.

He leaned over, tucking a loose strand of hair back in place before taking your hands, rubbing his thumbs over the knuckles.

Truth be told you had been fine- perfect even for the last couple of months. But, you were exhausted; after well over a year of just constant mood switches and feeling unsafe and unappreciated, you finally got to relax.

But relaxation allows for the body to catch up on itself. All that terror that had been your motivation, the constant adrenaline, and drowning yourself in content that only made you more touch starved; it all caught up back to you. A couple of months of bliss. Blind, unbothered bliss.

And now it caught up.

You started to find yourself getting more exhausted faster, getting upset at the smallest things so easily after all that work to prevent out lashes.

The only reason you hadn't reached this state sooner was your fear of falling back into that depression, that loneliness.

Lost in your thoughts, you hadn't noticed Mitsuya had let go until you felt his arms wrap around you.

God, you were tired.

And he saw that, understood it even.

Taking a breath, Mitsuya began to speak.

"You know, you don't have to explain yourself to me. You don't need to explain unless you want to, m'kay? I think I understand though- what you're going through."

His hands rubbed your back, and he sighed, letting you bask in his warmth.

"And, if I'm being honest, things usually get worse before they get better. But I'm here for you, y'know?"

It was all so confusing- you didn't even know what triggered you.

All you knew was that you wanted to cry.

Softly, you wrapped your arms around him, standing up, pulling him closer. You needed this touch. You needed this connection.

Your throat hurt, and you were unsure if it was okay to ask this.

"Taka?" Your voice was raspy.

"Hm?"

"Thank you...for everything."

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tsukkisbean · 4 years

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what else is out there

pairing: bf!tetsurou kuroo x gn!reader (ft. yuuji terushima)

theme: university au

genre: angst

warnings: breaking up, swearing, underage drinking, smoking, mentions of drugs (weed), mentions of sex, possible cheating (you be the judge), brief making out

word count: 2.5k

a/n: hello!! this is the first angst i’ve ever written so i’m kind of nervous about posting it. but if i don’t write i’ll never improve!!! i would love any feedback or comments in general :’)

b/f/n = best friend’s name; terushima will be referred to as yuuji given western culture;

music: i don’t have a specific song but i recommend any lewis capaldi song!

summary: as your second year of university comes to a close, your 8th anniversary with tetsuro is right around the corner. despite attending university on the other side of the world, your relationship has never been stronger. everyone around you always tells you how lucky you are to have found “the one” so early on in life; how lucky you are to have such a committed and loving boyfriend. but what happens when a single question from a drunken classmate causes your relationship to fall into a downwards spiral?

You glance at the clock on your phone for the nth time, uncertain why you were feeling so nervous. You mindlessly play with the silver ring on your ring finger; a gift from Tetsu. The day you were due to fly to America he had given you a promise ring to solidify your love for each other. The two of you had a plan; you’d finish your education at your respective universities and then you’d return to Japan to find and a job. Once you worked for a couple of years you’d finally get married, buy a house, have kids and spend the rest of your lives together.

Maybe you were just feeling anxious about your exam from last week. After all, you didn’t put much effort into studying as it was your last exam of the school year and all you wanted to do was let loose.

Or maybe it was what Yuuji had said to you the other night.

Three days ago

You weren’t usually the type to go to frat parties, but your best friend had been begging you to go with her all week, and for some reason you just couldn’t turn her down this time.

As you approached the frat house you noticed the unhealthy amount of people already wasted on the front lawn well before 10pm. You gripped your best friend’s hand as you walked through the door, the mixed smell of smoke, weed and alcohol instantly filled your lungs.

Together you ventured through the sea of college students towards the kitchen area hoping to find some more familiar faces.

“Y/N, B/F/N, over here!” you caught a glimpse of blonde hair, instantly recognizing him to be Yuuji Terushima. You weren’t extremely close but the two had many mutual friends so you interacted fairly often. Not to mention he was also from Japan so it was nice to also have someone to talk to about home once in awhile.

“I’m surprised to see you here Y/N I assumed you had to call your boyfriend or something.” At the time you weren’t sure if it was the fact that he was drunk, but the way he looked at you when he spoke made you feel uneasy.

Your best friend downed a shot before wagging a finger at the blonde hair boy, “shut UP, Yuuji, you’re just jealous that you can’t hold a relationship for longer than a month.”

Yuuji quickly held his hands out in defense, shaking his head, “nah, I’m just saying whenever we invite Y/N out they always say they have to study or call that they have to call their boyfriend. Since exams are over I just assumed.”

You pursed your lips, eyes darting between your circle of friends and the numerous shots scattered across the table. You took a deep breath before grabbing one of the shots, and downed it faster than your brain could process. The burning sensation in your throat was unfamiliar, almost painful, causing you to break out into a coughing fit.

Immediately another cup is pressed against your lips and as you drank the cool liquid, the bitter taste in your mouth is slowly washed away.

Yuuji gave your back a gentle pat, “Geez Y/N, first you’re at a frat party and now you’re downing vodka for the first time. Try not to lose all your firsts tonight, alright?”

“Hey, at least they don’t have to worry about losing their virginity still unlike some people.”

Howls and hoots erupted from all around but all you could think about was how red you must’ve looked. After all, what they had said about you wasn’t exactly true.

Yuuji noticed the troubled look on your face, a smirk spread across his own. He leaned in towards you, his lips gently pressed against your ear “Y/N don’t tell me you’re a virgin?”

You whipped your head towards him, your embarrassment now replaced with annoyance, “Yuuji I don’t know who you think you are but that’s none of your business.”

Yuuji shrugged his shoulders, taking another gulp out of his solo cup before he glanced back at you. You had noticed it earlier but tried to shake it off as him being drunk, but it was definitely there. The look of longing and lust clouded his eyes. Before you could react, his arms planted themselves on either side of your body.

“Y/N don’t you ever wonder what else is out there?”

Present

It’s well past your agreed call time with Tetsu, yet he hasn’t sent you any messages to tell you that he was going to be late or that he needed to reschedule. Unlocking your phone, you open your boyfriend’s contact info and press dial.

Ring, ring, ring. No response.

You click his number again, wondering where he could be. This was your usual weekly call time so it wasn’t like him to go missing. As your phone dials, you hear a familiar ring in the distance. You stay still as the ringing grows louder, it couldn’t be? You reach Tetsu’s voicemail once again so you hang up and the distant ringing also stops.

The silence in your apartment is cut by three quick knocks on your door. Dropping your phone on the kitchen table you rush to open the door, and on the other side is none other than your boyfriend.

“Tetsu!” you body automatically launches itself into his arms, his familiar scent filling your lungs. His grip on you is strong as he nuzzles himself into the crook of your neck.

“Hey baby, glad to know you missed me too.” the dark hair boy chuckles before setting you down, “so, are you going to invite me in or what?”

You grab his suitcase, gently shoving him inside, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were coming.”

Your boyfriend lets out another hearty laugh before turning to flick your forehead, “well that’s the whole point of a surprise, dummy. Besides, it’s almost our 8th anniversary and I wanted to spend it with you in person rather than over a face time call.”

Stumbling back upon the impact you press your palms against your head, glaring up at the male in front of you. But before you get the chance to scold him, you’re shoved against the wall and his hands begin to roam your body before settling comfortably on your hips. For a moment the two of you say nothing, only basking in each others’ presence.

But the longer the two of you stare at each other, the more uncomfortable you feel yourself become. The initial shock and excitement of seeing him has already worn off. It’s been months since you last saw Tetsu, you should feel ecstatic that he’s here, but instead a tight feeling settles in your chest.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a familiar warmth against your lips. His lips move against yours frantically, as if you were going to disappear into thin air. Yet, no matter how hard you try, you can’t match his intensity.

Tetsu sighs against your lips before pulling away. He leans back slightly, eyes boring into you, “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

The question catches you off guard, “what do you mean? I’m fine.”

The tall male frowns at you, running a hand through his hair, “you’re not fine, you’ve been acting weird for the past couple of days and I want you to tell me what’s on your mind.”

You lower your head, eyes glued to the floor as you rub your palms against your pants. You try to calm yourself but it’s no use, you know the inevitable is coming and there’s no way around it.

You can’t help it, you try hard but your eyes betray you before you can say anything. The tears roll down your face onto the hardwood floors.

“I’m sorry Tetsu, I’m so sorry.”

Tetsu is taken by surprise at the appearance of your water works. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace, “please baby, tell me what’s bothering you.”

Though he was the one that asked, he had a slight suspicion about what was going on. The last 3 days you hadn’t been responding to his text messages much. Asides from the time difference you took hours to respond and when you did your messages were only a couple of words long. Yet you were always updating your social medias, showcasing delicious food or gorgeous scenery.

After a few minutes, he pulls away from you. His heart is pounding against his chest, and feels like the entire world is weighing down on his shoulders.

“Y/N do you want to break up with me?”

You slump to the ground, your whimpers slowly turn into loud sobs filling the space of your apartment. Why were you crying? You weren’t the one being dumped and yet here you were, blubbering like a child. Bringing the back of your hand to your face, you do your best to wipe away your tears and stable your breathing.

Slowly, you lift your head to look into the eyes of the man who’s heart you probably just ripped out. He bends down to meet your eyes and when you see his, they’re full of sadness, pain and betrayal.

“Y/N...why? Did I do something wrong? Is it because of something I said or something I did? I’m sorry if I did, you know I love you and that I never want to hurt you.”

You shake your head furiously, feeling your eyes start to well up again. You’re unsure how to answer, because you know Tetsu had done nothing wrong. In fact, he’s done everything right up until this point. He texts you good morning and night every day, and always pushes you to be your best self. He constantly tells you he loves you and why he’s thankful to have you in his life. So why exactly were you trying to break something that didn’t need to be broken?

“No Tetsu, you didn’t do anything. This is my problem, I-” you’re cut off by Tetsu’s hand making contact with the wall.

“Y/N don’t give me any form of that, “it’s not you it’s me bullshit” ‘cause I’m not buying it.”

You meet his eyes again but this time, they’re filled with pure rage. You try to press yourself against the wall more, but there’s no where left for you to go. You’re caged in between his arms, “you still haven’t answered me. Why?”

Running a shaky hand through his hair he barely makes out a whisper this time, “Is there someone else?”

You would never cheat on Tetsu, he was supposed to be the love of your life. Right? Your mind begins to flashes bits and pieces of the party from the other night. Countless shots for hours on end, laughing until your stomach hurt, and maybe a couple of innocent touches here and there. Stumbling up the stairs hand in hand, giggling like children. Waking up in a random bedroom, hair in disarray, half clothed and your limbs tangled up with a familiar blonde hair boy. You squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head. You would never.

He hates himself for even bringing it up but he needs to know. All he needs is confirmation that no one else stands between the two of you. That way, maybe, just maybe you two could work things out. But he sees the way you tense up at his question. Your fingers curl and uncurl themselves and your eyes look anywhere but his.

Tetsu’s voice brings you back to reality, “Y/N is there someone else?”

Before you can say anything, your phone goes off. Tetsu pushes against the wall to stand up and heads towards the kitchen to where your phone is. You scramble after him, but it’s too late he already has your phone in your hand.

“So, Y/N, have you decided that you want to see what else is out there?”

As he finishes reading the text message, his voice cracks. The pain in his voice is unmistakable. He slumps onto the ground with a thud, your phone following suit. As you look down at him, his large frame has never looked so small to you before. He begins to shake, and this time it’s his sobs that fill your apartment.

Slowly, you shuffle towards him. You get onto your knees and reach out to wipe his tears away but he catches your hand before you can move any closer.

“8 years. I gave you 8 fucking years and this is what you do.” his breathing is laboured yet his words are cold and sharp.

You open your mouth to speak but he cuts you off again, “Y/N we had a plan. We were supposed to finish school, get married, buy a house, and have kids. We were supposed to be happy.”

You shake your head and try to explain, “Tetsu, I swear nothing happened, it’s just...” at this point were you trying to convince him or yourself?

He held up your left hand between the two of you, “just what? We made a promise to each other, remember? Does all of that mean nothing to you?”

You furrow your brows as your eyes begin to sting once more, “I know we did and I’m sorry. I can’t even express how sorry I am to you. You’ve given me so much these past 8 years. I never wanted to hurt you like this.” You burrow your face into your hands as your sobs become overwhelming.

He reaches out to cup your face in his hands, tilting your head upwards to look at him. His face is stained with tears, and the area around his eyes is red but for some reason he can’t bring himself to stay angry at you, “Y/N, please look at me.”

When you look into his eyes again, you can no longer read his expression.

“My love.” the sudden softness strikes a chord in your heart, was this really what you wanted? “This entire time you’ve only been saying how sorry are you. If you really want to leave me, you’ll have to tell me yourself.”

You place your hands on top of his, and squeeze your eyes shut, enjoying his warmth momentarily. Your mind glosses over the past 8 years you’ve shared together. You think about your first kiss, your first date, meeting each others’ parents for the first time. You think about how you attended all his volleyball games and how he would send a special hand signal to you every time he scored a point or blocked a spike. You think about how he ran onto the stage during your graduation ceremony to declare his undying love for you.

When you open your eyes, you find him staring intently back at you. His eyes are filled with so much love and hope. It’s almost as if he’s silently pleading for you to come to your senses. He hopes that you’ll realize that he is and has always been your happy ending. Yes he was hurting, but nothing would hurt more than you walking out of his life forever.

Your grip around his hands tighten as you lean forward to press your foreheads together.

“Testu, let’s break up.”

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x you #kuroo testurou x reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo testurou angst #haikyuu angst #clara click clacks

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