#I love this little garden shed sm! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thegraveyardjohnsongrey · 1 year

Text

June 2021: Convos of the Day

Got asked to be Arlyn’s Bridesman!

Ratch Night/Dinner with Josh @ Olive Garden #BetYouDidntExpectTheGirlsToPray #ExpensiveDate #AppleSangriaistheMOVE

BECAME A MF CERTIFIED PARALEGAL BITCHEZZZZZZ ‼️‼️‼️‼️ #PBTG

Looking at the median salary for CPs in Florida ��🤑

MY AZZ IS GROWINGGGGG #donk

#Ziwe

#SHEESHOOmane #SHEESHaboy #SHEESHaBunGGEE

#Honey #HaHa #HopHop

Hashtag when will the unemployed life enddddddddd

Is the end of Team Nana as we know it???

I just want my $63 back

Taught caden how to “sing” #AwayAWAAAYY

GOT SURPRISED BY MY LITTLEEEE WITH MY PADDLE AT OUR LINEAGE LUNCH AT GREEN LEMON

Looked snatched w Kelly at Tangra

“Are you Worth of a Purifying Love?”

i think you are.

“i wish i didn’t have to go through that”

“and then it turns into a self-directed argument, where i gaslight myself to shed light on what.. happened to me”

6.12.21: Sometimes you need a little grit to your erasers. It doesn’t make them bad, itdoesnt make them defective. Its just how thy are and how they’re supposed to be. —

Self-care Notes

Sarku didn’t give us a reaction ? (at least from noodles)

church’s makes us very gassy

Affirmations:

Everybody has their own set going on. Just bc you don’t see it all on social media or necessarily hear about it. Not everything is right. And not everyone is living a perfect, dream-filled life. Everyone has their own set going on. So don’t feel bad

Jeremy Either: Not everything that works will always work. Sometimes we have to change it up.

6.1.21

Omg are me and Reena going to be Arlyns bridesmaids!!!!!!

I love CAM sm

I love that my mind and body have had a rest from this past Memorial Day weekend

Goal is to keep up NALA Skills Exam Energy for June LSAT

“If you do it, is it really good for your body?”

“It doesn’t mean you’re not grateful for your life, and it doesn’t meant you want to take it. It’s just a matter of acknowledgement and honesty with how you view where you are right now. When you give a voice to the pain in your heart, there comes a very quiet release to it”

+ Caden saying “Mama” whenever we point to Ate Cherry; laughing and clapping with Dan and Ate in the TV room

+ still excited AF to see what ARLYN has for me and Reena (and to be her mf bridesmaids!!!)

+ Chat group w the Lineage #trollol #OnlyQualityPRchairsInThisLineage #SonAnOldHeadGottaGo #NotActivesSwooningOverChristine

+ If the me from 5 years ago could see where I am today, I think he’d be shooketh to know that I’m a G and that we have a lineage (like. That we finally found a little, first of all). But to be a G??? And to be a paralegal and active within the Asian American Bar. That’s Iconic.

6.2.21

per usual, annoyed with how sharing a house compromises your flow and peace of mind

My body (although thicker than it was this tie last year) is so bomb. Worked out for the first Time in the garage agai today and waow curves. Hope to sharpen/plump them up this summer!

I have so much love in my life it’s crazy. CAM, Sidenote, Shawntel, Arlyn/Reena, Calvin, my lineage. I don’t ever wanna forget that.

6.3.21

I registered for my June LSAT! So there’s that. Haha. There are many things about my studying that I wish happened, but. We’re here and we’re as good as we’ll ever be.

“The Last Time you ever felt excited”

Inspired by: seeing the sun out and the sky completely illuminated and majestic-looking; kinda gave me a remarkable sense of peace and reminded me that somethings are really belatedly. And if you’re at the right place and right time, you’re reminded that things do exist outside of what you’re most focused about.

- EDC songs lmao

I can’t wait for the that moment and for that season to come. I really can’t.

But in the meantime, I’ll look back down, hold onto what I got in front of me, and keep it going. It hasn’t been sunshine and rainbows, but I also know that every season has its time. And so I’m gonna see this through.

6.6.21

+ Clean Room; Fresh Sheets; Cleared Desk, Clean floor

+ 230 likes on Bridesman pic!!! #TnxReenaForCameraQuality #ImACutie

+ Mahjong with the fam. won twice!!! #Yehe

+ Caden’s “Chao” bow and mano po, and just being a cutie and being a smart and growing and funny and sweet boy

and when that time comes

when your face start to thicken out a lil and you got a little more extra plump in ya booty and thighs —— don’t kill ya self over it. even beyonce couldn’t escape aging. everyone is going to get there and you should bot feel bad for literally your body doing what it needs to be doing. you can’t look 22 forever. (i’m fact, no shade to 2017 you but .. i don’t think you wanna look like 22 year old you again LMAOOOOOO.) the positive gag is- you looked WAAAAY snatched at 24+25 than you did all your life tbh. bahahhhahha

so don’t beat yourself up over looks. you are funny and have a good heart, and your looks on the outside will never take that away.

ps. you may not have a snatched body or be the fittest guy in 5 years, but i’m positive we’ll have a better idea of our vocation/job by then. and i think that’ll beat any look i’ll ever try to achieve.

love,

25 yr old you

7.7.21

+ Not to be arte, BUTTTT youre abs this morning ????? WOW

I can wait forever a day when not everything reminds me of you - Zedd, Gainesville, 2019, Christmas lttrs. i really wish all those lingering hopes of what should have been by now left me. and i wish a greater sense of realism and optimism coursed through every fiber of my being.

but i’m not there yet. i’m a lot better than i was a year ago, but i’m certainly not 100% free of all that i feel when it comes to you. but, instead of tormenting myself with what was and could have been, i choose now to be a healthier and more inspiring version of myself. and as much as i’d like to replay every juicy detail in my head and remind myself with the sweet things you said, i deserve to be happy in the now, and i deserve to be happy i’m the meantime while i heal. I deserve to feel and know that i - on my own- am enough, and that just bc it didn’t work out with you, doesn’t mean it will never work out for me

i deserve to know that i’m ok. and that my anxieties about what we were and what we should have been — are all attempts for me to make happy. my anxiety is just trying to help us arrive at a safer and more comfortable place. what i doesn’t know, is that safer and more comfortable is not always the healthiest place

sometimes it will require grit and some challenging moments. and i want to be present for all of them

Jean saying No to the Phoenix - rejecting great power + responsibility for the sake of living a human life

Day Trip to drop off Mom & See Caden

IG responses from Caden Medical Emergency video

+ Call w Kelly

Exited for Jurassic World 3, (EDCO?)

Excited for life after LSAT again- working on apps, working out, not selling burdened my studying for the time being again

6.12.21

+ BECAME A MF CERTIFIED PARALEGAL TODAY ‼️‼️‼️‼️ #PBTG

+ IG Story Reactions from CP announcement on IG story CF!!!

*Clap Reacts: Derick, AC, Kevin Manahan, Ate Lace

“OMG CONGRATULATIONS 🥳🥳❤️” - Alyana

“IM SO PROUDDDDDDD😭👏🏼” - Shawntel

“Congrats pallll” - Calvin

“EEEEEEEEEEEE LETS GO FRIENDDDDD. SO PROUD OF YOUUUUUUU” - Lady

“CONGRATS FRIEENDDDDD” - Kelly

“Congrats Dai” - Kuya Mark

“CONGRATS ADING. TIME TO PARTY” - Tina

***Call from G Ate Esther

+ KFT, Lolis, Scandy Questions Game w Josh & Den, Galaxy background,

#RentingisInsidious #DennisTinderSwiping #AintThatTheSameGuy?? Dream careers: #ZumbaInstructor #HallmarkCardWriter #Showrunner -> #BimboBitch #GaslightingGaslighting #ABCLiquorStore I am my most confident self when i make myself and my friends laugh

+ Enjoying the High from thinking about the “CP” credential after my name on my resume

+ Basking in how much pride, and fulfillment and excitement it brings me

+ Lineage talking about FK and EDCO

+ Nana Legacy & Founders Day

+ Conflicting feelings about S - my existent desire for closure still, and feeling conflicted about how my assessment of this person is molded by what i did and didn’t know about them

“That is the difference. I am no longer scared of losing your friendship. Nor am i socially reliant on it. because i’ve found that I *CAN* live without your accompaniment and that i have so many other friends who are more like family, and fulfill me in ways that you really, objectively, don’t. You’re tied to so many former seasons of my life that don’t play a large role in who i am today and who i’m trying to be. and so i don’t feel reliant on being “close to you”. it’s also mostly bc i know you’re often motivated by fleeting emotions and occasional hypocrisy.

6.15.21 “Me Day” + Cleaned mine & Mom’s cards

+ Massage! #byeKnots + Kangs Garden & Mcd w Josh & (Denni’s house) + Journaling & feels from 2019 journal posts about starting paralegal program <3 hashtag #closure + 8/8 Water + Loving my thighs and how strong legs look. and my BOOTY?????? WOWWWWW

+ Also love that my face is seemingly getting slimmer, but my stomach is def still kinda out there :/ LOL

i also wanna work on thickening my arms in a bully way

regardless, i’m focusing on becoming stronger and toned! i don’t wanna waste my life away on the treadmill and i keep hearing from everywhere it’s not the move!

things that made me feel negative today:

Not having a job rn - so i can’t readily and openly pay for things left and right and “do what i want to”. i mean yes, there’s this layer of wanting to flex for the Gram, but on a more serious level, it’s about having this level of freedom and independence and self-spoiling for myself

Feeling not good enough to have a job yet in a law firm - feeling helpless reading about all the different requirements and experience employers want you to have and just feeling like — what i have to say and to offer isnt enough. and that i’m just a try-hard imposter

Alvyn CF story dilemma. ugh. so stupid

Journal: Letter to 28 year old me

Did law school ever workout?

Is your raving career all fleshed out?

Did Team Nana Survive? #BeginningOfTheEndin2021?

did we ever get any kind of closure for S?

how’s cam?

how are the kids?

how’s sidenote?

how’s your planning for our grand 30th in Hawaii going? any updates! any changes?

omg how was Jurassic World 3? Was it a hot mess? Is Britney still crazy?

6.18.21

+ Things

Caden and seeing how much he talks and how fast he can catch into new things- and just his sweet overall personality growing eacbday

being of service to my family

my family

Things

Not being in the same “league” my friends - financially or career-wise

Not being able to pay for EDCO right away and be part of the hype that’s going on rn with people buying :(

wondering if i have a group of friends who would wanna do for me what they did for tina today

wondering if i bring anyone as much joy as i think i do

not being wanted by S (after i so bravely reacted to something on IG CF)

knowing that i needed to hear the “bad news”, or “disappointing” stuff- but it still hurting every time like it was the first time .. i should be familiar with this pain by now. and it shouldn’t hurt me so personally anymore. but it does and i can’t help but feel broken and excited all at the same time. hah...but i guess in some weird way- i thrive off of this kind of heartbreak? .... bc in many ways, it points me back to the path that i should be on, i suppose. It sobers me up, it reminds me of my fallibility, and it reminds me of what i’m good at. and that- i feel - has always been... finding the silver lining in heartbreak. remembering that i’m more than a potential boyfriend, mastering unrequited feelings, and providing others with wordss of comfort and healing, after i know i’ve been through it before.

6.19.21

Things that are under attack: my worth & my capability

Law school applications

everyone buying their EDCO tickets, and pitching in for bday gifts - being unemployed in the midst of it all and feeling like i can’t contribute or hang with the rest of them — feeling like i’m lacking and that i don’t “deserve” my place. or that i’m even wanted if i can’t “pull my own weight”

being unemployed has left me with those feelings of not being satisfied in either major areas of my life- career-wise or family.

not feeling good enough or that i’m “pulling my own weight” in either category and feeling like ultimately just wasting time and space in both.

How many times am i going to have to re-word the same shit and appear just as impactful or important

like damn

when the fck am i going to finally get a call-back or get my feet back in

although it feels mortifying, i may have to apply my name and credential to things that are “beneath” me - or at least i need to scout for positions that WILL train me to draft/format pleadings and other legal documents. like phew what the F spc. where’s your bragging in training the best now when i need y’all?? like at LEAST promise me a good employment afterward???? like SHIT

I JUST NEEEEEED MONEEYYYYYYYY

avoiding S’ stories and just h overall. i’m done making myself feel bad. and making myself feel like i have to “feel everything out” in order to get over it. the more i focus on my reality and not the fantasy world i’ve created in my head, the better

Reactions for Bishops/Biden post

WHEEEWWWWWWW CHILEE - Tewin

“100%” -risha

PREACH - arlyn

sir this is too loud -ray

PREACH - acelyn

JDKEKFJEK FRIEND CAN WE PLEAAAAAAASE TALK ABOUT THISZMY CATHOLIC HEART IS HURTING SEEING THIS IS HOW OUR *AMERICAN* CHURCH IS RIGHT NOW - lady

Not needing to depend on fs groupme for affirmation or solidarity

“i don’t fear losing your friendship bc i don’t depend on it for anything anyway. i don’t feel compelled to prove to people that Ibhave a “group” or have a social life outside of what i post/share. esp if i don’t have that kind of regular relationship with you anyway.”

reputation x posting about being Catholic

“if i lost something bc of that, then i know probably shouldn’t have had that thing in the first place anyway” ie certain friendships, relationships, and “popularity”

Expose Your Insecurities : Ep. 1 “Why do i need to be OUT there?”

Who is it that i need to “impress” or flex for anymore? Why is it that if it appears as though i’ve been excluded or left out from a social situation, why is looking like “i’m left out” the worst imaginable pain i can comprehend?

Why does the desire to look included reach so far within me that i often feel stress over “losing” - and where i feel the need to priotoze those events and things over my family or my wallet?

Answer: Well bc A.) Youre a sucker for good memories and the feelings of being “alive” and young. But more importantly, it’s an attack on my image and the impression i’ve made on people. in a world that’s full of chaos and one where i don’t have full control, i thrive knowing that my reputation is something i feel most in control of. it’s something i carefully curate throughout the years and I take great pride in that image. - BUT at the same time i often have to remember that nobody is sht and so no ones opinion of me really matters. Well... some do.. But it’s those whom are closest to me that should really matter. and not the “grand” audience i’ve built for myself over the years.

Maaaaan the archbishops got me having spiritual-intellectual convos in my head again

I am against the culture that says everyone is entitled to what they want. i am against the culture that says everyone should be married. And that something is wrong with you if you’re not. And i am for the culture that says “maybe, sometimes, i need to break my own heart to satisfy find Jesus some more.”

If we do not operate from a place of genuine love and genuine empathy, we will never go anywhere

A Law with no Love is pointless to the future of mankind.

“You’re an orator. So of course you’ll want to share. I think you’re best sitting back, observing, and share your commentary.”

faith szn: “Dont talk over Me”

6.21.21

Seeing CVT bus van at the Vale station

Feeling a swarm of bittersweet memories, and pride passing by USF areas on campus. remembering how i felt, how i thought, and where i was in that phase of my life with every memory of a particular area

Future Posts:

Thankful/Positives List

No Job, No Money, No Life

Hypocrisy in the Church & Another reminder as to why i loathe human ways

I need to unplug (the realization that there are so may things that call my attention online - Youtube, Instagram, - and while i feel like i’ve done a pretty great job at organizing and archiving what i want to watch- it is ultimately draining trying to keep up with EVERYTHINGGGG i love. it’s a lot. it’s loud and it’s exhausting. and so i guess for me it’s a reminder to take a step back and to simplify things again

siana 6.22.21

Outtake Clip from “Honeymoon Fades” album interview - Zane Lowe

it’s kinda like having a moment of honesty and saying,

i’m glad you love me for what i’ve done and who i’ve been. but i hope that you can appreciate me after all of it. even when i’m not that. and if you’re bot and i lose your love

i’m ok with that

it’s a rightful homage to where you’ve been and the mystery of where you’re going next

is that a fair observation to make abut your latest project?”

“actually.... yeah.”

Lst- last ditch attempt to save something i knew was dead

but we’re never done. and that’s the point

It is a privilege to see Caden grow up. it is a privilege to have the family and the time that i do. And i never want to forget that.

Boosted my resume and cover letter, hella (yay for looking up job postings on Indeed and editing at midnight - bc thats when we actually h ave time to sit down and do it lolz)

choosing to believe that me writing and re-composing all thee damn cover letters and resumes is going toward something fruitful and beneficial for me. if anything, maybe it’s showing that i CAN cater my writing to whatever is needed via a prompt. maybe this warming me up for my personal statement writing

feeling bugged by rna again and how she chooses to portray herself to social media and friends. like her hypocrisy bugs me to no end and idk why it bothers me so.

is it because i see myself in her? is it bc i felt that that’s bot the friend i’ve invested so much time into and it turns out she’s not that? idk man. it’s just annoying. and ya making me want to reach out to other friends who have always story by me. (lady, CAM, etc)

I also think your insecurities are telling you that you HAVE to be living this particular way of life. and that you HAVE to be young and carefree and do “everythig while you can”. but. the reality is - living THEE life is living AYE life. and it’s about doing things that are fulfilling and selfless. it’s doing things with people who have consistently taken care of you and prioritized you, not indebting yourself to an image oft a group of people that don’t take care of you in the way your family does

re-word your insecurities: that i’m not a slave or taken for granted person - that i am a benefit and blessing to my family and that i do brig value by being me - no matter what “condition” or shape i’m in

I want my work & words to bring Healing & Inspiration

I think i always wanted that voice. to tell me that it was ok to feel what i felt. and to assure me that it wasn’t my fault. and that evry thing was going to be ok. i think that’s the kind of stuff that feeds me and gives me purpose. to give my own pain new life and purpose

sometimes i think ........ like dang. i’m thoughtful. and pretty i tune with my thoughts and feelings. im a good guy. and is like to think i’m pretty funny (based on the reactions people give me). there’s really no one out there that’s interested in this? hhahahahha

but maybe that’s just the le in my talking.

siana (6.23.21)

I want my work & words to bring Healing & Inspiration

you could argue that your first album - Yours, Truly - even up all the way until Charted - has been your “Honeymoon”. This legacy that you’ve built for yourself and the world you’ve made for your fans. it’s kinda like having a moment of honesty and saying,

i’m glad you love me for what i’ve done and who i’ve been. but i hope that you can appreciate me after all of it. even when i’m not that. and if you’re bot and i lose your love

i’m ok with that

it’s a rightful homage to where you’ve been and the mystery of where you’re going next

is that a fair observation to make abut your latest project?”

“actually.... yeah.”

6.27.21 - DERICK SURPRISED ME WITH MY PADDLE TONIIIIIIIIGTHT

Idk. Just ... knowing how much effort was put into it and the fact that so much time and effort and money was poured into it- i’m so happy.

and th fact that they genuinely surprised me was the icing on the cake.

Knowing that “that” was one of the last things i had to look forward to as a bro in PDP... it gives me a sense of sweet closure.

that + seeing minh kenny and randy at Tangria. def reminded me of how far we’ve all come and how what we were is over and done with.

i mean it’s BEEEEEN been over, but i guess these are the kinds of things that just happen and kinda remind you of how “done” you are of certain phases in your life.

Going Alone

Gave me SUCH liberty and freedom. Like not needing to have to worry about someone else or NEEDING to entertain them while i navigated my way through Ybor. I really did enjoy going to things at my own pace (and you know how we get when we get our confident walk stride on- OKKKK. we got places to BE henny. i enjoyed going to things at my own pace (10 stars would recommend), but i will admit i did get lonely at times. just a few times. when i would see others strangers with their friend groups or SOs.

Miscommunication & Social Anxiety (the type that you shouldn’t feel when you’re with real friends)

so honestly i didn’t feel bad about not going to the pregame. i saved money by avoiding the need to bring drinks and i also saved the literal gas (i did NOT need to spend more after Green Lemon with the Lineage)

Harvey’s words to me while drunk 🥺

i really do hope we get closer. NOT LIKE —- SUUUPER SUPER tight. doesnt need to be that lmfao. but like.... enough where he’s comfortable to approach me with things if he ever needs to. or that he can trust me. idk. i just don’t wanna be a stranger to him is all

Final Thots

i guess it’s just a bittersweet reminder that time are changing and we’re all getting older.

and like..... even tho we weren’t the closest , or wanted to be, the fact that... all of that is done and in the past. like that vibe of being new pbs, going to pi house, seeing each other at music events and stuffs.

it’s like over.

and like.. not to be put a depressing cap on it. but... idk. it’s just a weird bittersweet feeling. and in many ways (even tho i don’t give it much thought) - i do mourn what could’ve been in moments like these. the g life that should’ve been. the alternate universe where we were all as close as epsilons are.

but it ok.

as always, i am happy and i am grateful foe the time i/we had. and what that meant for us then. and i choose to be so thankful for it was and will always be

2018 was such a good time

to be fresh enough out of undergrad but to also enjoy the feeling of not being THAT old or THATTTT close to a mid life crisis

Realizing that it’s been 3 years since 2018 and how all the “older ” bros are sigmas and taus???? and i’m LIKE —- WHAT DOES THIS MAKE ME?????????????

anyway. it just goes to show that

“There’s no one to impress anymore”

and that is the most liberating and freeing feeling ever.

feel like i’ve fulfilled a character story arc on a long-running show

6.28.21

it’s so interesting to see how different people react/like what you post. like my ig upload about my paddle and lineage ??? and pleeeeenty of people who never usually like my stuff liked it!! like really random people. like G3 and ucf bros and stuff

June

LINEAGE LUNCH @ GREEN LEMON

GOT SURPRISED W MY XMEN PADDLE FROM DERICK

Kyle likes Reena and idk how to feel about it lmao

LMAO. Idk how or why- but I know ill be reading this one day in the future and laugh about this.

idk. I guess I jy

I guess we’ll just see! Maybe that was God’s greatest blessing to me. To be able to enjoy my own company

6.28.21

+ Got 220 Likes on lineage/paddle IG pic + Spent whole day being td’s tag team partner

Stuff we finished in June

LSAT 3.0 Schedule MassageMassageEnvy

Updated LinkedIn

0 notes

thot-writes · 3 years

Note

OMG HI LILLY HOW R U I LOVE UR CONTENT SM MWUAHHH🥰🥰

I was wondering if I could request a house husband levi fic?👁 I just crave some fluff w this man and Ik he’d def be the best house husband 😩🥰🥰🥰

OMG HI QUEEN IM ACKSHUALLY NOT DOING TOO WELL BUT THIS MESSAGE MADE ME FEEL BETTER SO THANK U 💕💕💖💖🥺 OF COURSE I CAN WRITE HOUSEHUSBAND LEVI FOR U!!! i actually went a little buckwild .... i was possessed by a domestic cottagecore demon im sorry...

also in this levi is injured but he doesn’t need a wheelchair.

you and levi live a cottagecore dream after the war 💕;

When the war with Marley ended and the cycle of Titans was finally brought to a close, Levi was only too happy to hang up his uniform and marry you.

You’d been together for years at that point, but with one problem often being replaced with another twice it’s size, you vowed to get married in happier days. Once those days came, you wasted no time.

The ceremony was held on a bright spring day, absolutely festooned with florals and far more grandiose than anyone would have expected of the former Captain (really, he was catering to you). Levi shed a tear when he saw you, scarcely able to believe the day he’d been wishing for had finally come. You bore no such subtlety, you broke down in tears and blabbered on about how beautiful he was and how much you loved him. It was entirely too embarrassing, but his joy was immeasurable.

Soon after, you said your goodbyes to everyone and left Paradis for a faraway country. You settled in an idyllic little town and bought a cottage, and Levi chose to maintain the home while you searched for work. It didn’t take long before you found some as a guard — and your combat expertise only aided your quick climb to guard-captain. It was a cushy job close to home, far less dangerous than the Scouts, and earned you a pretty sum to boot, what else was there to wish for?

Despite it nearing close to five years since you left Paradis, Levi has only managed to look younger than when you first met, annoyingly enough. Perhaps it was the presence of a decent sleeping schedule, or the lack of threats from Titans. Hell, the only thing you had to fear these days was your favourite tea brand discontinuing or the occasional burglar. And of course the night terrors... but you always managed to get each other through that. You even got pets -- perish the thought! A slovenly, overly active but loveable mutt and an elegantly antisocial cat. Levi often said you took after the dog, and you’d retort by saying he was like the cat.

Your days passed in peace. Levi spent his time cleaning the house, caring for the garden, walking the dog, and drinking tea while perusing a new novel with the cat curled up in his lap. You’d be hard at work day in and day out, leaving at six in the morning and returning at five in the evening, and your ever-faithful husband would have a warm meal waiting for you when you returned.

You trod down the lichened cobblestone pathway towards the warm, welcoming home before you. It’s fall, so the sun has started setting earlier than usual, bathing the cottage in golden light as the breeze carries fallen leaves of merigold and spice through the air. Your Labrador retriever, Archie, jumps up from his sleeping position and runs over to greet you. You smile and tousle the dark brown fur on his head.

You open the door and are greeted with the rich scent of roast meat and vegetables. “Dear sweet husband, your beloved wife has returned!” you call out. Levi emerges from the kitchen with a tea towel in his hand and a deadpan look.

“Do you seriously have to greet me like that every time you come home?” he asks.

“Yes!” you answer, not skipping a beat. “I’m waiting for the day you greet me with ‘welcome home, my love! What do you want first; dinner, a bath, or me?’”

He tosses the towel at your face and you yelp in surprise. “Like I’d do that. We’re not newlyweds anymore.”

You pout childishly at him. “You didn’t do it even when we were newlyweds...”

“You’re supposed to be forty, aren’t you?”

“Forty-one, thank you, but you’d never know it. People keep thinking I’m way younger at work! I tell you, our kids are going to age even better than we have with our genes combined.”

Ah yes, kids. You’ve talked about having them for some time, although you haven’t tried to conceive yet. Well, not that you haven’t tried not conceiving either... you never use protection anymore.

So it should come as no surprise that you’ve fallen pregnant. In fact, the surprise lies with the fact it hasn’t happened sooner. Levi doesn’t know, since you only just found out yourself. You haven’t had any of the usual symptoms, but today at a doctor’s appointment he informed you that you’re indeed with child.

Levi rolls his eyes as he takes your coat off and hangs it up. “If our brats are anything like you I’ll probably die early,” he says casually. “Anyway, dinner’s ready, let’s eat so you can have a bath already. You stink.”

You grin and wrap your arms around him. “Oh nooo, now you stink too! We’re gonna have to bathe together oh man I’m so upset!”

He wriggles in your grasp but his efforts falter when you start kissing him all over. Once he manages to push you off you sit at the table and eat dinner together. You secretly feed some meat to the dog, but Levi notices and cusses you out -- he’s already been fed, he’s going to get fat he tells you.

Once the food has been put away and the dishes cleaned, Levi runs a bath for you. You pester him to join you and he reluctantly gives in. You lean against the porcelain tub and he sits between your legs, his back to your chest and your arms cradling him close. It’s so soothing he could fall asleep, but he wants to spend more time with you so he wills the urge away.

You tell him about your day. How you stopped a caravan robbery, how your boss hassled you, how you trained the recruits. He tells you about his in turn, and you listen intently. When out for a walk, Archie chased a rabbit and led Levi down a path he didn’t know and got him lost. The cat knocked over one of Levi’s favourite teapots and broke it. In the book he’s reading, the protagonist commits murder for no discernable reason (which caused him to promptly throw the book into the fireplace).

After you finish talking and lamenting about your days, you decide to bring up the news you’d learned just hours earlier... But how should you? Is it enough to just say ‘by the way, I’m pregnant’? Should you wait and plan a day around it?

You shake those thoughts off and take a deep breath. “I actually... went to the doctor’s today.”

Levi looks back at you. “And?”

“Well. He told me something.”

He scowls. “I imagine he tells lots of people somethings.”

You lock your gaze with his and cup a hand to his scarred cheek. “He said that I’m pregnant.”

His eyes widen as the world around him goes blurry. Pregnant? You? Children? Finally? He can’t believe it. Is it even possible to be this happy? Is he dead? Everything just seems so... perfect. He thought he was far too happy before, but the feeling he has now blows that out of the water.

He can’t even tell, he’s too far in his own mind, but tears start flowing down his cheeks. His hand finds your stomach and it’s like he can’t breathe. There’s a life forming in there right now, a life that you and he made, something that will cry and laugh and love just like you have. Something that will be here even after you’re gone.

You start feeling anxious at his wordlessness. You wipe his tears away and call his name, and he seems to snap back into reality.

Levi can think of no other words to say than, “We’re going to need a bigger house.”

You smile at him, and he smiles back -- a rare thing for him to do even these days. Habit, you suppose. You kiss and hold each other until the steamy water turns lukewarm.

Against Levi’s wishes, you work until the very last minute of your pregnancy and give birth to a set of twins in the spring. Both boys.

Initially, Levi thought he was too old for child-rearing, but his energy only seemed to double once you welcomed your children into the world. You took a few months off of work to spend with your family, but once you’ve all settled into normalcy you decide to return. Over the next months you move into a larger place and manage to squeeze a raise out of your boss (not that you really need it, but you want to spoil your family). Your friends send you gifts to celebrate your new home and your sons, and despite the lack of sleep slowly eating away at you you couldn’t be happier.

The love Levi has for his sons, and for you, only grows each passing day. He often thinks to himself that if he had to endure all the nightmares, all the suffering, and all the death over again just so he could make it back here -- he would do so.

And he’d have absolutely no regrets.

#levi x reader #my posts #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fluff #aot x reader #aot imagines #aot scenarios #aot fluff #snk x reader #snk scenarios #snk imagines #snk fluff #reader insert #reader input #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader

369 notes · View notes

sour--disposition · 3 years

Text

Take Me By The Hand

harry lewis x fem!reader

requested: Heyy, could you do the ‘take my hand’ concept that you did with JJ, but with Harry?? Love your writing sm! Xxx

please see my pinned post for masterlist and request info!

One taking the others hand to help them up

You were 4 when you first met Harry properly. You’d been running around the playground, chasing after one of your friends when you’d taken a tumble and ended up in a small heap on the floor. Harry had come trotting over, sticking out a hand to help you up.

“Is your knee okay?”, he asked you.

“I don’t think so. It’s bleeding”, you told him sadly.

Harry kept hold of your hand, dragging you over to where the teachers on duty were standing. “She hurt her knee”, Harry said bluntly, poking one of the adults and then pointing to your knee.

Harry followed you and the teacher inside, sitting next to you as you had your knee cleaned and a plaster stuck on. The teacher left to fill in the accident book and write a note for you to take home. “I’m Harry”, the boy said as soon as she’d left.

“I’m Y/N”, you told him with a bright grin.

“Shall we be best friends?”, Harry asked with a toothy smile.

“Yes!”.

Holding hands whilst one walks on a small wall

You and Harry had stayed best friends from that day forward. There wasn’t anything that you didn’t do together. Harry would always be the first person you’d turn to whenever anything was wrong. He held your hand through every trip you took to the first aid room in your primary school and he shouldered his way through to sit next to you whenever you were in a classroom together.

Harry asked you out on your first date when you were both 15. You’d gone to his house after school, pestering him until he did his homework before you let him outside. He’d been pacing around the lawn in front of you, completely distracted from his kickaround with Josh, as you sat on the deck with Rosie.

“What’s wrong with him?”, she asked from beside you.

“I have no idea”, you told her. “You know what he’s like though”, you dismissed, all the while worrying about your best friend.

Rosie and Josh ran inside 20 minutes later to help set the table for dinner, leaving you and Harry alone in the back garden. “Are you gonna tell me what’s up with you?”, you asked him.

“Do you wanna go on a date?”, Harry blurted, leaving you stunned. The two of you were wide-eyed in surprise, both with words caught in your throat that you were desperately trying to say.

“Yeah”, you smiled.

A week later you met Harry by the beach. You’d seen each other through the week during school and spending the evenings after school together, but this evening felt different. This evening would be the one that potentially changed yours and Harry’s relationship forever.

You walked side by side down to the sea front, stopping and sitting on a small wall there. The two of you talked for hours, like you always did. Harry telling you about his family, about what happened in the few classes that you didn’t share together, telling you about his day and you returning the favour. You laughed well into the sunset, a soft silence falling over you as you watched the sun dip beneath the Guernsey horizon.

“It’s getting dark, and it’s cold. Let’s head back”, Harry suggested. As soon as you’d stood up, you stepped up onto the wall you’d just been sitting on, making you ever so slightly taller than Harry. With your arms held out for balance, you took a few tentative steps.

Harry reached out, grabbing your hand to keep you steady. You looked over to him, a shy smile on his face that you soon mirrored, paired with a rosy blush. Harry kept your hands entwined as you walked along the wall, matching his pace with yours so he didn’t rush you and cause you to stumble.

When you reached the end of the wall and jumped down, your hand didn’t leave Harry’s.

Holding hands whilst driving

Harry had never let whatever Youtube success he was gaining get in the way of the two of you. He always made time for you, always made you feel important. As soon as he’d learnt to drive and got a car, you and Harry would spend hours traversing the coastline, wind pouring into the window and billowing through your hair as you watched the cliffs and waves pass you by.

If you were in his car, Harry would insist on you being in the passenger seat, no matter who else was joining you. His hand would always rest on your thigh as he drove, only ever moving to change gear before quickly returning to its place.

Your fingers were wrapped loosely in his, making sure he was able to let go and reach for the gear stick whenever he needed to. The roads along the coastline were fairly straight, only ever bending slightly and no sharp turns in sight.

With the road empty bar from the two of you, Harry snuck a glance over to you. Your face was illuminated by the soft glow of the sun, hair windswept against the headrest and over your shoulders.

“I love you”, Harry said simply. It was no massive declaration, it didn’t have to be. You and Harry had been friends for 13 years, together for nearly 2. He’d loved you for as long as he could remember.

“I love you, too”.

Possessive hand holding

The first time you visited Harry in London was quite the nerve wracking experience. Aside from helping him move his stuff into his flat with Lux and Freezy, you’d barely seen him since he’d left the small island you both called home.

You waited by baggage claim, leg shaking with restless, nervous energy. It was just your luck that your suitcase was one of the last to make its way through and round the conveyor belt, the hall almost empty by the time you’d got your belongings.

Harry was waiting for you just outside arrivals, just as restless and nervous as you were. His eyes had been glued to the door from the minute you’d text him to let you know you’d reached baggage claim. Every person that walked out of the sliding doors that wasn’t you irritated him even further. It had only been a few weeks since he’d last seen you, and he was going mad.

At last, you trudged through the doors, looking a little worse for wear and incredibly pissed off. But you were there.

Harry wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight against his chest. “I’ve missed you so much”, he whispered into your hair. “The guys are already at my place, I hope that’s alright”, he told you. “They’re really excited to meet you”.

At Harry’s apartment building, he kept a tight hold on your hand as he led you upstairs. “Harry, it’s okay”, you assured him, squeezing his hand.

“Just nervous”, he told you.

Harry led you into the apartment, pausing for a second so you could drop your case by the door and kick your shoes off. His deathly tight grip on your hand never waned, like he was scared you were going to escape.

“Lads, Y/N”, Harry said awkwardly as he led you through the doorway. “Y/N, both of the Cals, Ethan, JJ, Simon, Josh, Tobi and Vik”, he introduced, pointing to each man in turn as he said their names.

“Nice to meet you”, you smiled happily.

You sat next to Harry on the sofa, squeezed up against his side. His hand was still gripping onto yours, squeezing tighter whenever any of the guys started to talk to you. “Harry”, you whispered, wiggling your fingers in his grip. “What’s wrong?”.

“Someone looks a little jealous if you ask me”, Freezy poked, wicked grin shooting across the living room.

“Oh, give over”, you scoffed, flicking Harry in the chest. “You buffoon. There’s nothing to worry about. Now ease up, you’re cutting off blood flow to my fingers”, you teased.

Rubbing their thumb over the other’s hand

“I don’t wanna leave”, you sighed, leaning further into Harry’s chest. “I miss you too much”, you whispered.

“I miss you, too”, he told you, wrapping both arms around your body and pulling you closer.

Harry watched over your shoulder as you opened your phone and pulled up flight times for a few weeks time, scrolling through them to find the cheapest option. Seeing Harry as often as possible was taking its toll on your finances and Harry knew you’d only accept so much help from him.

“What if this was the last time you flew home?”, Harry asked into your hair.

“What do you mean?”, you asked, thumb pausing over the screen.

“I spoke to Cal about it the other day, before you came”, Harry started. “How would you feel about moving to London?”, he asked.

You turned in his arms, facing Harry. “Are you being serious?”, you asked, a blossoming grin eager to bloom over your face.

“As I’ve ever been”, he whispered.

3 weeks later, you waited at the gate in Guernsey airport, surrounded by your family. “I’m so happy for you”, your mum whispered as she pulled you in for a tight hug. When she pulled back, you were both laughing through the tears that had begun to shed. “You and Harry deserve to be happy”, she told you.

They watched and waved as you walked towards the flight bridge, knowing that this would be the last time they’d see you for a while. You sat in your seat, watching as Guernsey got smaller and smaller below you. Although leaving home was never going to be an easy thing, you knew that you could build a home wherever Harry was.

You’d already shipped a lot of your stuff over to Harry, leaving you only to bring a large suitcase with you on your flight. You had no idea what to expect when you arrived, whether your stuff would be in Harry’s room or boxes strewn into whatever corner of the apartment they could fit into.

“Here”, Harry said as you sat in the car in the car park outside of the apartment building. He handed you a key on a keyring. “House keys”, he told you.

“Thank you”, you smiled

Harry pulled your case behind you as you walked up to the apartment. You stilled in front of the door, Harry pulling to a stop next to you. “Are you okay?”, Harry asked, voice filled with concern.

“Yeah”, you assured him quietly. “It’s just a lot, y’know”, you murmured.

“I know”. Harry’s thumb skimmed across the back of your hand in a soft, repetitive, soothing pattern. “I love you”, he reminded you, thumb never halting its soft reassurance against your skin.

“I know”, you smiled up at him. “But I love you more”.

Unconsciously searching for the other’s hand whilst asleep

If you were to ask Harry when he knew you’d be in his life forever, he’d have told you when the two of you were 5. Teasing from the other kids about you being best friends with each other was almost never-ending, but you and Harry always found a way to make light of it.

It wasn’t uncommon to see you and Harry playing with the dolls amongst the other little girls or racing around through the mud with the other boys. Everyone quickly learnt that where Harry went, you went and where you went, Harry went.

Harry knew you were going to be his bestest friend forever when he’d sat down on the grass to play and realised that there were no toys left. You’d come and sat down next to him and you’d played in the mud together, making daisy chains and mud pies and potions that you stirred with sticks, never caring about the dirt coating your pretty pinafore dress.

If you were to ask Harry when he knew that your relationship was meant to last, he would fumble and stumble over his words, not really knowing what to say. It was something that brought his friends great joy, asking what he saw in the future for the two of you. After all, you had been together since you were 15.

The night Harry realised you were his one great love was rather anti-climatic. There was no fireworks or mind-blowing kiss or Earth shattering sex. In fact, you were curled up asleep next to Harry, hair piled on top of your head and the hem of one of his Sidemen Clothing shirts riding up on your thigh.

He’d shut his computer down and gotten ready for bed, sliding in next to you as quietly as possible. Whilst he was lounging in bed next to you, attention focused on the screen of his phone, you’d started shifting beside him. Harry laid stock still, not wanting to wake you up with any movements.

Instead, you reached a hand across the bed, seemingly searching for something. When you couldn’t find whatever it was you were looking for, a frown settled itself onto your face. Harry was sure you were dreaming, but couldn’t resist closing the gap between your fingers and his.

The minute Harry hooked his fingers around yours, the frown on your face disappeared, replaced by a soft, blissful smile. Harry had known you long enough and knew you well enough to know that you were still fast asleep, the gentle sighs falling from your mouth being a dead giveaway.

So, if you asked Harry when he knew that your love was meant to last, he’d tell anyone that listened that it was the moment he realised you loved him even in your dreams.

928 notes · View notes

prettypinkguts · 4 years

Note

Hello ❤️❤️❤️ May I request a head cannon about being Patrick Bateman’s innocent Wife? She doesn’t know about his crazy antics and she’s the only person he can tolerate. Thank you sm!!!

A/N: Here you go, hon! I am extremely sorry for the wait and for Patrick being perhaps a bit ooc. I wanted to show how much he “loves” his wife by including her into his morning routine..but I hope that you enjoy this nonetheless!

----------------------------------------------

Patrick Bateman x Innocent Wife S/O

Upon waking, Patrick burrowed himself further into the soft, warm sheets. In just a moment he would rub the sleep from his eyes, shed the sleep from his brain, and allow his psychotic fantasies from the night before fade away until later in the day. He rubbed the remainders of sleep from his eyes and gazed out at the horizon; its vivid light extending across a rosy sky. Patrick supposed this was something the majority of people would consider beautiful, but he found it strange, hard even, to find something so meaningful, especially as he turned his head towards your side of the bed, already empty and cold, nothing but your sweet perfume being left behind.

“I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I’m 27 years old. And, I’m married.” Even as Patrick repeated the words to himself, they didn’t truly seem real. In the beginning, Patrick had clutched his head dramatically in disbelief as he repeated the statement, his brown locks swaying as he shook his head. It was during that time he had thought about killing you the most. Each morning he would think of a plan to get rid of you, to break your heart and leave you for dead, but each morning Patrick stared down at your sleeping form he could only bring himself to do nothing but scowl before tucking you in tighter and stomping off to collect his thoughts. Now, Patrick scoffed at the thought, his chocolate brown eyes rolling at the idea of waking up without knowing that you were in once piece.

Patrick turned to get out of bed, his bare feet padding against the cool floors past his dresser, his need to cover himself up after spending a delightful night with you seeming irrelevant even as the curtains were opened and the hustle and bustle of people poured in from below. A yawn, the sound of footsteps, the news playing quietly on the TV, Patrick wandered into the living room almost blindly, listening to nothing but the sounds that you made as you started your own morning routine. And of course, the couch was where you sat, a silk robe pulled around you tight as you leaned forward eagerly to listen to the news, cute eyes squinted and focused as your hands nursed a still steaming cup of coffee.

Patrick immediately placed a kiss to your temple as if on instinct, his lips refusing to pull away from your skin until he could feel you rest your hand upon his cheek as you greeted him with a cheerful “Good morning.” It was when you finally said those words that Patrick would withdraw from your touch, his legs already racing towards the freezer where his ice pack was ready and waiting to be worn. “Did you sleep well?” your sweet voice would ask, “Of course I did,” Patrick would reply, his remaining memories of nightmares drifting off as he slipped his ice mask on. “Are you looking forward to your lunch meeting with Paul Allen today?” you would ask next, your hands quickly finding their way into Patrick's as he guided you off the couch and onto the floor, before gently placing you on your yoga mat just beside his workout space. “I simply can’t wait,” Patrick would lie, his words sweet and his fake smile bright as he would begin slowly untying your robe for you, revealing both your breasts and one of the expensive bras that Patrick had given you. “That makes me happy, Patrick” you’d hum, hands already reaching above your head as you would begin to stretch and Patrick would begin to do his stomach crunches. He could do a thousand of them now. “Any other plans for the day?” “Hmm-”

It was whenever you asked these questions that Patrick always focused the hardest. Despite being married for over a year now, Patrick still hid himself from you. He hid his pills and his frightening rages, he hid his bloody clothes and psychotic thoughts, he hid all of it and for what reason? Even Patrick himself didn’t fully know why. Perhaps it was because you weren’t annoying or maybe it was because you never insisted on grand dinners or expensive jewelry or maybe it was because...Patrick looked at you then to distract himself from his unusual thoughts, your body stretched and relaxed as your pretty lips parted to breath in deeply. Your eyes were squinted towards the TV again, your head shaking disapprovingly as the weather for the day was finally announced, a quiet “I’ll have to remind Patrick to take his umbrella” leaving your lips.

Patrick didn’t smile at the words, he never truly smiled at anything, but nonetheless, Patrick faked an amused chuckle before running a hand through your hair. “I love you” he’d breathe, the words sounding as sugar-coated and real as if he actually meant them and once you smiled and replied in your own cute way, Patrick would always praise himself for choosing to keep you around for just a little bit longer.

#slasher imagines #slasher #slasher x reader #slasher x you #patrick bateman x reader

1K notes · View notes

silkylious · 3 years

Text

Limbo (Bakugo Katsuki x Fem!Reader)

Pairing: bakugo katsuki x female reader warnings: heavy angst, eventual tiny bit of fluff at the end

omf this request is so nice i feel so bad that my writing is literally garbage in this, but thank you sm for requesting this!! <3 and im so sorry if i didn’t do your request justice (i legit hate my writing here :’))

To say the state of your relationship was unbearable would be the euphemism of the century.

Your thoughts often ran amuck, always hopelessly crawling back to that one despaired curiosity; wondering if he shared the same sentiment about your wishy-washy “friends” status as you did. He probably didn’t. That’s the seemingly unshakable brick wall that would inevitably dead-end your lovesick daydreams, each and every time. Though when his roughed-up hands linger on your skin a millisecond too long, when his steeled stare melts, hard rubies morphing into blazing lava pits, threatening to mar your very heart and soul with their scorching intensity –you’re not exactly certain you’d mind that– that’s when a flicker of something ignites within you. Hope, longing, doubt. Whatever it is, it terrifies you. Because you’re agonizingly aware of what that entails. He’s got you hook, line and sinker, but torturously he refuses to do anything with that. Almost like pulling someone in for a hug then abruptly and without explanation stopping midway, he keeps you at arm’s length. Not too far, not too close. And how that cycle destroyed you.

Katsuki was the type to jump into action and ask questions later. Except a lot of the times when these questions pertain to his own emotions, he didn’t even try to answer them, opting to shove them to the corners of his psyche, collecting dust, steadily accumulating until they become too much to ignore and he (sometimes quite literally) explodes. It’s a vicious loop that he could never break away from, he’d even come to find a sordid comfort in it. His coping mechanism was by no means healthy, far from it, but he’d grown familiar to the toxicity.

Katsuki couldn’t make heads nor tails of his feelings for you. Whenever he impulsively threw himself into the lion’s den that was your affection, caught in the moment, in the glimmer of genuine adoration in your eyes, he never came back the same. A piece of his heart would irreversibly split off and reside in the palm of your hand, he was scared that nothing would be left of it, that he wouldn’t be able to regain his bearings until it was too late. You so effortlessly juggled with his feelings, all with a single smile, it scared him that you had so much power over the fluttery sensation in his chest and yet, in the moment, it felt good. It felt so good to indulge in whatever fucky feeling was messing with his head, to let you hold him in the depths of obscurity with all prying eyes shut and what little words exchanged hushed. It felt so alleviating to feel skin on his own (for once not in battle), gentle, comforting but not coddling. It was unspoken between you that you were both more than friends. You knew it, he knew it. Neither of you ever mentioned it. What neither of you knew, however, was how far the other’s feelings ran.

But as high as your silent love made him feel, he crashed back down into the concrete when he was left to his own devices. Without your intoxicating scent, distracting touches fogging his rationality, Katsuki had all the time in the world to overthink. And overthink he did. His pride picked apart the delicate flowering in his heart, ripping it petal by petal until nothing was left but a garden of beautifully withered leaves, a condemnation to what he considered a weakness.

Katsuki was a taker by every sense of the word. Basking in your wispy adoration, only to brush you aside in favor of focusing on academics once he’d had his fill of your love. It was sickening.

Maybe it was the fact that you hadn’t outright confessed to him, maybe that’s what soothed the overbearing guilt that crawled up his throat whenever he saw that dejected face of yours, the one you made because of him. If your feelings for him ran deep, surely you would have said something by now, at least that’s what he thought. Or more precisely, that’s the excuse his mind conjured up in hopes of easing his conscious, trying to convince himself that self that yes, he was hurting you, but at least he wasn’t hurting you that bad. He was infinitely aware that this doesn’t put him in any sort of moral high ground, nor does it justify his actions, but, again, it was a last-ditch effort to relieve his anguish if just by a little bit, even if he knew that excuse was bullshit.

Surely he knew, there’s no way in hell someone as hawk-eyed as him didn’t notice the tyranny he held over the porcelain pitter-pattering of your heart, didn’t notice the fleeting, love-filled glances you sent his way. This was getting ridiculous, you were starting to believe he was taking some twisted sense of pleasure from your heartache, but he wouldn’t do that, right? He didn’t derive some sick kick out of having you indefinitely under his thumb, at his beck and call… right? A few months ago, you would have answered those uncertainties with a resounding “No!” defending his cruel behavior till the bitter end. But now…

Now you weren’t so sure.

And yet you still found yourself in his dorm, on his bed. It was supposed to be another study gathering, but one thing was glaringly missing. Y’know… the gathering. Kirishima was out training and he hadn’t bothered to invite the rest of his brain-dead, self-proclaimed squad. And that’s how you found yourself alone. With your best friend and secret crush. Just dandy.

Your hands were restless. Pulling at the seams of his blanket, cracking your own fingers, picking up your pencil for a brief moment of concentration, answering one or two questions only to drop it back on the mattress again and fidget some more. Katsuki wasn’t fucking blind, and your unease was ticking him off. Though he surprisingly hadn’t said a thing about it just yet, he was clearly nearing his wit’s end. His silence didn’t prevail for much longer, the meek sigh and not so subtle glance you chanced his way being his tipping point.

“What.” It came out as a statement, a demand rather than a question. What was he demanding? He hadn’t thought of that yet, his temperamental limbs already taking the wheel and pressing on the gas without a destination in mind, just being short fused for the sake of it. Was it even his place to be making demands in this situation? Katsuki knew the answer to this one like the back of his hand, a solid no.

“What…?” You really had no idea what Bakugo was expecting with a question like that. He still had the audacity to roll his eyes.

“The hell’s got you so jumpy?”

“It’s nothing…” It was a lot more than nothing, that’s for sure.

“Don’t lie to me, (name). What the fuck is up with you?” Ah, there it is again. That look. His words were as cut-throat as ever, and his mouth was still pulled into that seemingly permanent scowl. But his eyes conveyed something that was whole worlds asunder from his harsh tone. Golden brows furrowed as they usually were, though unusually upturned just the slightest bit. You despised that look. It ensured that you’ll forever be caught in his grasp, forever there for him when he never spared you the time of day.

Your lungs constricted by a force of gorgeously wretched agony. Katsuki wasn’t fair when he bared his soul to you like this, it filled you with such fervent euphoria that torrefied its way through your being, singeing your veins with luminous infatuation. And it hurt. Because you knew he’d cage himself right up as soon as the moment of vulnerability perished.

A crystalline sheen permeated your vision. This wasn’t going to end well.

“I said it’s nothing,” Your voice raised. You hadn’t meant for the words to be as frosty as they came out, but it seemed like your subconscious was utterly done with the tedium of heartbreak he keeps putting you through.

“What is fucking wrong with you? I was literally just asking why you were being so goddamn obnoxious today and then you go and make a big fuckin’ deal out of nothing!”

“Well, maybe I’m just fucking tired of giving you everything I have and getting nothing in return, Katsuki!”

Your chest rose and fell with each scalding breath that entered your lungs. The blood through your veins was pumping. Never had you been confrontational, and your sudden outburst wasn’t exactly welcome to your system. You wanted to vomit. This was not how you wanted things to turn out, you absolutely needed to leave, distance yourself from the emotional strain he was inflicting on you.

Without taking notice of the panicked glint in the cherry red of his irises, you bolted out of the suddenly claustrophobic room, leaving Katsuki to stare at his agape door before flickering his unfocused attention to your supplies still laying on his bed.

Katsuki erupted time and time again, with you being as patient as a receiving end could ever be. It’s specifically because of your godly patience that he never considered what he would do once you erupted.

With your back sliding down your dorm room door, and little friction stopping your descent, you wondered and maybe even wished he’d call after you, come banging on your door with bristling apologies on the tip of his tongue. However, the jarring reality was very clear to you. You’d decided on that day, with your head buried in your tear-stained pillow, that these were the last tears you’d ever shed on him, that you were going to put him through the same wringing hell he’d put you through.

You were going to ignore Bakugo Katsuki’s existence just like he’d periodically ignored yours.

The following week had been bleak at best and excruciatingly bitter at its worst for the both of you. It was so strange having to adjust to the absence of the other, even if your company more often than not had been a quiet one, it was company nevertheless. The most grueling part though, was your shared friend group. They’d noticed that something was obviously awry, but since neither of you said a thing about it, they decided it would be best if they didn’t either. The awkward dead silences during lunch were still purgatory to behold. But after a few more slow paced days, the sun seemed to shine bright again. For you, that is.

You didn’t realize how much of your schedule revolved around Bakugo until he was completely out of it. How much time you spent with him, dreading him, thinking about him… him, him, him. He’d consumed your thoughts from the first sparks of dawn till the hallows of dusk. You had so much free time now that he was out of the picture, it was crazy. The more time you spent on yourself, on your hobbies, getting to know other classmates outside of your immediate friend circle, the duller the ache in your chest. Until it was but a static buzz. Yet you couldn’t deny that, with time, your fury had mellowed out, leaving behind a cold loneliness you couldn’t elude whenever your aimless stare landed on him, almost like it was drawn to him by muscle memory.

He was the exact opposite.

You’d think the throbbing within him whenever you finally gazed his way then instantaneously looked in the opposite direction would knock come modicum of sense into his stubborn head. But nope. And seeing you thrive without him only cemented what he already knew. He really was no good for you. So much so that it barely took anytime for you to readjust to the lack of him in your life, and not only did you adjust, you were the best he’s ever seen you both mentally and academically. In the first week of you ditching him completely, his bruised ego kept him for reaching out to you, but now, seeing that elated grin on your face –the one that had been gradually dwindling over the past few months– he didn’t want to take your newfound happiness away, he’d figured he’d done you more than enough harm already.

Heart heavy with reluctance, Katsuki made the decision to give up on your relationship. Deciding to wordlessly cheer you on from the sidelines and watch you bloom, flourishing into the person he robbed you of being for a chunk of your life, though whenever your spring hit, it would be without him. Until some day in the future where his pride wasn’t as suffocating, where he could genuinely, wholeheartedly repent his grievances and only hope for your forgiveness.

Kirishima never took Bakugo for a quitter, hell would freeze over before he even thought such a thing. So this was certainly a shock. What was even more shocking – and overwhelmingly concerning– was the fact that Katsuki had willingly, on his own accord confided in him, and he’d, in his own roundabout way, taken accountability for being a gigantic douche to you. As much as the redhead respected his friend’s decision to stay clear of you, he couldn’t help but wish you’d just talk to one another for once. Kirishima really was a saint, having to listen to two idiots ramble about how much they miss the other.

“Listen, man. I know you feel bad and all that, but maybe you should just talk to her? I’m sure she’d like some closure on this just as you do, even if that doesn’t mean things will go back to the way they were.” Eijirou tried to reason, praying to whatever higher being out there that Katsuki would just get the fuck over himself and communicate with you.

“Fuck no. That’s not fucking happening, shitty hair,” Kirishima rolled his eyes at the oh so affectionate nickname, thoroughly done with his best friend’s melodrama. Welp, I guess there’s only one thing left to try. He heaved internally, mentally and physically preparing himself for Bakugo’s tantrum.

“Well, you know that if you won’t talk to her, others will, right? I heard some guys saying they’re gonna ask her ou–”

“Shut the fuck up! I don’t give a rat’s ass who asks her out!” He definitely did. Eijirou hid his smile. Checkmate.

“Whatever you say, dude.”

Later that day, three distinctly powerful knocks woke you up. Needless to say, you didn’t think that night would end up with you and Katsuki staring each other down, seated on your bed at one in the morning. Words got stuck in his throat, so he just… noiselessly watched your face, as if trying to telepathically ram his constipated emotions into you, in hopes that you’d make sense of them. Obviously, that didn’t work.

“Did you come banging on my door at one in the morning just to stare at me, Bakugo? I mean I know I’m pretty but still–”

“Shuddup.” Not really the best thing to say to you after weeks of radio silence. You were about to make another salty remark, but he opened his mouth first.

“I fucked up,” The fact that he was acknowledging he was at fault was… something. But that wasn’t nearly enough to pay off the debt off turmoil he’d caused you.

“No shit.” You replied without missing a beat. The ice that tinged your words caught him off guard, but he really shouldn’t have been surprised. He sighed, knowing he’d have to strip himself of everything, including his pride (especially his pride) down to his very core, to have a go at a second chance.

And so, he did.

He poured his everything out for you to observe, without an ego film distorting his words. Syllables reeked of muted agony, he really had rid himself of anything and everything that wasn’t his deepest soul. He finally offered you himself just as you had done countless times before. Katsuki swore that his heart would –and always has been– explicitly yours, he’d roar that fact at the constellations above if you so wished him to. And while it would take a while to heal from coruscating blisters he’d inflicted, you were more than content mending and welting your heart with his.

#bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugo angst #this is so bad :'))#i kinda gave up at the end fuck #i literally hate this so much whats wrong with my writing #is it just me or does it suck idk #im going night night

417 notes · View notes

jaskier-cult · 4 years

Text

Different not Normal

Different Not Normal [OR; Blue Moon Eyes]

AO3 link here! (Might write a second part! Leave a reply if you’d like to see that).

Madeleine Caillebotte of Armeria and Alfred Gabriel Pankratz of Lettenhove were married in August under an arch braided with buttercups.

Both noble families were in attendance to witness the arranged marriage that would solidify the union between Armeria and Lettenhove, which were now trading partners and past long-time feuding neighbours. Her Lady Madeleine wore a baby blue dress that hung with a golden lining. His Lord Alfred bore his father’s ceremonial sword at his hip, adorned with jewels of far off lands.

Young and terribly in love, the nobles kissed under the arch.

Three months later, they fell pregnant.

It was a joyous occasion when Madeleine Caillebotte of Armeria, now countess of Lettenhove and newlywed wife of Alfred Gabriel Pankratz, discovered her pregnancy.

They were complimented by their noble peers and people alike when it took little effort on Madeleine’s part to fall pregnant. They were praised by their healers and midwives when the pregnancy was smooth and easy. Madeleine practically glowed. The pregnancy milestones hit like clockwork. And when the nine-month mark hit, she went into labour.

That’s when complications arose.

The countess fell faint with painful contractions. Labour lasted a consecutive twenty-six hours. The midwife and healers were late. The babe was delivered without help.

Her babe is stillborn.

It would have been a girl.

But there is was no use in what would have been, or naming the stillborn, because there was no fruit for their labour. The babe is buried in the back of their garden with an unmarked gravestone, for mourning.

A few months pass before the two nobles try again, still and love and wanting for a child.

Again, they fall pregnant easily. Celebrations are twice as boisterous as before, putting stock in the second chance the gods had given the Lettenhove noble family. Their would-have-been firstborn is forgotten in the wake of a new expected babe.

When the nine-month mark hit, complications arose.

The delivery is difficult. Labour lasts for sixteen hours and counting, shorter than the last pregnancy, but more painful. Madeleine almost loses too much blood, the babe is breeched, and the countess passes out during labour, unable to keep up pushing.

Her babe is stillborn.

It would have been another girl.

Tears are shed for another would-have-been babe, but there was no use for naming, because there was no fruit for their labour. The babe is buried in the back garden alongside the last with another unmarked gravestone, for mourning.

The nobles try again, hopeful.

This time they do not have celebrations. They do not accept favours from neighbouring noble families, they do not throw a party, they do not announce it to their lands. Instead, this time, they visit as many healers and mages as possible, and pray to the gods every day and night in hope for a healthy born babe. Their prayers must be heard, because the pregnancy is once again easy. Madeleine practically glows. It’s even easier than the first two times.

But then the nine-month mark hits, and complications arise.

The babe is stillborn.

Another girl.

Another unmarked grace.

Again, they try. And again, they fall pregnant. And again, the babe is born at nine months to the second and is stillborn. All are girls and all are buried in unmarked graves.

The gravestones line up on the Lettenhove estate.

Six stillborn babes and nothing, and the Pankratz family is desperate.

Tension runs high. Arguments and fights break out amongst the once lovers, so happy with their arranged marriage, now angry and bitter. Fingers are pointed every which way for who is at fault for the problems with fertility and birth. Madeleine breaks down sobbing in another man’s arms for comfort, a secret between the countess and the young minstrel presiding in their manor. Alfred leaves for hours and drinks away the sorrows in the bottom of a bottle when he laments over the loss of children and an heir. At the end of the day, both always go back to one another, but the relationship is tenuous and wearing thin. Courting offers from close noble families lay at the viscount’s desk every morning.

Then the viscountess begins to panic.

If Madeleine can’t produce an heir for their estate, she knows she will be killed or divorced, with nothing to her name. She was the fifth-born daughter of her family, only used for political gain, and has no place back at her home estate. She must bear a child, and there’s only one thing she can do.

It’s early spring, and in the middle of the night, Madeleine sneaks out and runs to the forest.

The viscountess knows she should not be in the forest, especially not alone. Predators prowl at night, and not of the natural kind.

But in the middle of a field of wildflowers, she prays.

“I need a babe,” she cries. “I’m tired. I want no longer. I need a babe.”

Someone must hear her, because she gets an answer.

A creature unlike anything she had ever seen before steps into the moonlight.

Black henbane and bloodroot flowers curl under their toes and their eyes gleam silver. They look human in a way one would if they saw a human once-upon-a-time and had attempted to replicate the image from a dream. They’re tall and willowy, and their skin is flushed pale under the moon. Their ears curl and their teeth are sharp. Something dances with their fingers.

They’re very much human, but Different. They’re Different in a way a Normal would know, even if they didn’t know they knew.

But despite this, the countess isn’t scared.

Madeleine is entranced.

“Who are you?” She demands.

Lettenhove was not known for its Differentness. They were more Normal than most parts of the Continent, and that was something the Pankratz family took pride in. They had a scarcity of monsters and magic. Or, they were supposed to.

“I can help,” the creature says, and their voice is deep and smooth. “I can grant you what you yearn.”

“But why would you help?” She says.

“I can do it, for a price.”

Now, the countess isn’t stupid. So, she becomes wary. She had long heard about the give and take of chaos as a child, through the ballads and tales wandering bards would spin.

“It’s simple,” the creatures assured her. “I will give you a child – I will give you back what you have lost – but I ask this only in favour for the first. I only ask for what you do not have, but for which you don’t know you want.”

Madeleine laughs. How can you take what someone does not have?

The creature is a fool.

“My name is Breuganaifìrinn,” the creature says. “And you shall but kiss me for destiny.”

She’s dragging him into a heated kiss before he can finish.

<><><><>

Julian Alfred Pankratz is born Different.

He is born to the viscount of Lettenhove under a full moon that is blue. A blessing, some said. An omen, others said. Whatever they said, they were hushed into the shadows and secrets, for the viscount would not have his son spoken poorly of among peasants.

It’s winter, and he is born under the first snow on the thirteenth. A late winter.

And his mother, Madeleine, sweat shining on her brow, takes the little babe in her arms after hours of hard labour. Pride swelled in her chest. The pregnancy had been unbearable, and they thought they had lost the babe many times. But now in her arms is her sweet little Julian. He has a thick tuff of soft brown hair, almost golden in the dim lantern light.

And Julian is red and icky, but he is perfect. He is too quiet and too still, but he is perfect. He is small and thin, but he is perfect.

But then he opens his eyes, and Madeleine’s breath catches.

His eyes are blue.

His eyes are the moon.

Her little Julian is no longer perfect.

<><><><>

Julian Alfred Pankratz is soon handed to his father, when the healers and midwives deem the babe strong enough. As consequence, his father is the second person to see his blue eyes.

The midwife ushers the viscount into the room once the babe is taken from his mother and hastily washed in a basin of water and wrapped. The viscount kneels by his wife’s bedside, eyes wide, as he takes in his firstborn son. Little Julian, who was too still and scared the healers, quietly gazed up at his father with his blue eyes.

He opened his mouth for the first time.

And he wailed.

And he never stopped making noise after that.

And instantly, Alfred Gabriel Pankratz was smitten.

<><><><>

Julian hates the colour blue.

His eyes were blue, and his mother hated his eyes, so he hated the colour blue.

When they made eye contact, when she looked down at her firstborn son, every time his mother’s expression would tighten. Her lips would become pursed, her eyes would darken, and she would look at Julian as if he had done something wrong. As if he was disappointing her.

But Julian tried so hard to be perfect.

He sat still at the dinner table, he didn’t fuss when he was dressed, he listened when told what to do, and he never complained or wailed after the first spanking his mother gave him.

But still, it wasn’t enough for his mother.

He was enough for his father.

His father would praise his blue eyes. The estate staff would praise his blue eyes. A far cousin once said that she was jealous of his blue eyes, because all she had was brown.

But that was all Julian wished for, was brown eyes. He wished so dearly to have the brown eyes of his parents – to have the warm fondness lingering in his father’s eyes, or to have the vibrant woodsy brown of his mother’s eyes.

But Julian had blue, so he hated the colour blue.

<><><><>

There was a common saying – “a face only a mother could love” – that seemed to apply to Julian. It applied because it was ironic. It was ironic because everyone but his mother seemed to love him.

<><><><>

Julian is gifted a younger brother when he is yet old enough to talk. When he has not yet learned of his wanting for love, for Normal.

His mother and father try for another child too soon and fall pregnant almost too easily. The pregnancy is smooth, almost too easy. The midwives hold their breath as the viscountess goes into labour, expecting the same ill curse of stillborn babes to continue haunting the Pankratz family, but they’re pleasantly surprised. A healthy babe is born, a boy, that is named Hanson Alfred Pankratz. The spare to the Lettenhove estate.

Madeleine has done her duty to the viscount; an heir and a spare.

Hanson is born in early autumn, in September, on the thirteenth.

Hanson has blonde hair and beautiful brown eyes.

He wails as soon as he takes his first breath.

He’s pink and squirms and shakes his first.

And he’s perfect.

<><><><>

More siblings follow, one after the other, all pregnancies easy and glowing. One babe each year, nine months to the second. The years are filled with bountiful harvest and good economy. The noble family thrives. After Hanson there’s Edmond, with dark brown hair and rich brown eyes. Following the first three sons, the Pankratz family is blessed with a healthy girl, whom they name Isemay Caillebotte Pankratz.

Isemay is the spitting image of her mother, Madeleine. Soft brown hair and woodsy brown eyes, and she has a cute little button nose, too. The first daughter is soon gifted a younger brother, another boy, called Oscar, who could be her twin they look so alike.

Two more babes follow, making a total of seven children.

A lucky number.

A blessed number.

Pricilla Caillebotte is born next, another healthy girl, who sports the same blonde as her older brother Edmond, and the natural brown of her father’s eyes.

Carellus is born within the same year, Priscilla in January, her younger brother in late autumn. He looks like his older sister’s twin, with slightly lighter blonde hair and sprite brown eyes.

All Pankratz children have brown eyes.

Except for Julian, the firstborn.

Julian is the only one with blue eyes.

<><><><>

Julian grows up yearning for his mother’s love. All he wants is to feel her touch him without flinching, to see her look at him without contempt.

He wants to hear her tell him she loves him.

His mother tells him a lot of things, but she never tells him she loves him.

She tells Julian that he must be a proper noble boy. She tells Julian his infatuation with music and flowers and nature are bad and wrong and Different. She tells him to hide his Different nature. She tells Julian that he can be fixed, if he would just let her help him get rid of the Differentness.

She tells Julian he was born Different. He didn’t have a choice in the matter, but she could fix him. His mother doesn’t tell him anything else, but she doesn’t have to.

He knows he is Different.

It doesn’t have to be drilled into him everyday.

He is Different in a way that he blends in well enough, is almost impossible to spot out of the masses, but with which the Normal know something is off. Humans know he is not One of Them, even if they don’t know they know.

His blue eyes make sure of that, an inhuman feature on an otherwise human boy.

<><><><>

Before any of his siblings were born, Julian is but a mere six months old when his teeth finally start to grow in. His father, Alfred, is simply delighted to play with his rascal son. He loves to indulge in Julian’s incessant need to chew on everything to alleviate the pain of his growing-in teeth. He’s hitting all his milestones perfectly, and the viscount could not be more pleased with his firstborn son.

His mother watches with unease.

When his teeth fully grow-in, they’re sharper than Normal.

But not sharp enough to be Different.

So, Madeleine leaves it be.

Until years later, when he’s six with six siblings, and he starts losing his baby teeth.

Fangs grow in.

Horrified, his mother takes to filing them down in secret.

It’s a messy procedure to do alone, but Madeleine Pankratz is not a foolish woman. She knows how the gossip would spread amongst her servants and ladies in waiting. She knows how the secret of Julian’s Differentness would escape their estate. She does not know how the viscount would respond to knowing his perfect firstborn son is not so perfect after all.

So, she grips her crying child in an iron hold, and she takes a file to his teeth.

This follows Julian all throughout his childhood, and he wishes he could stop his canines from growing in sharp every month. He wishes his eyes weren’t blue. He wishes he was Normal not Different.

Poor little Julian cries and screams and thrashes as his mother forces him into a dark room to file them down every month.

“Hurts, ma!” He cries every time.

He cries even when he is eight and is old enough to know that his Differentness is not okay. Is old enough to know he must do this to make his mother love him, no matter how much it hurts.

His mother holds him tighter.

Julian’s head vibrates with unease and pain as the file scrapes along his canines.

They’re filed down too low and there is blood, and it’s Julian’s fault, he’s told. He didn’t cooperate, he was too difficult. The metallic tang feels familiar in his mouth in a way that his newly shortened teeth do not. His mother holds him closer, not tighter.

“I love you, Julian,” she says. “I only do this because I love you.”

It’s the first time she tells him she loves him.

As far as he can remember, at least.

But for some reason, Julian feels his chest constrict painfully.

The admission did not feel as good as he wished it to be.

<><><><>

Julian is eight, and his fangs are filed down, when he runs crying to the gardens of their estate. He runs and runs until he collapses underneath the biggest tree they have, where the estate gardeners do not bother with upkeep, where he can sit in shade and cover. And Julian tries so hard to be quiet. He doesn’t want his mother to find him; he does not want to hear that she does this because she loves him. It hurts too much to hear.

And as the firstborn son of the viscount of Lettenhove cries beneath the old oak tree, buttercups grow under his feet and dandelions blow in the wind.

His mother, who followed him, turns pale.

And she is terribly reminded of the black henbane and bloodroot caging the graves in the back.

<><><><>

Julian hated his blue eyes.

They were too blue, too bright. They caught too much attention. That was all anyone ever saw when they looked at Julian, were his blue eyes, his Differentness.

And all he wanted was to be noticed for being Normal.

To try and distract from his blue eyes, Julian used clothes as another, more overpowering form, of attention-grabbing. He took to wearing brightly coloured garbs. He would wear everything from blood red to deathly purple. He would wear ridiculously gaudy clothes to drown out the bright blue. It didn’t work. He wore drab clothes, cloths and fabrics to make him look pale and gaunt, but still his blue eyes shone. He would style his hair just so, so that it hung over his face and shaded his eyes. He would do anything he could to stop others from noticing his blue eyes.

It never worked.

The more over-the-top the clothes, the more colour he drowned himself in, the more attention his eyes seemed to draw.

They would glow.

They would shine.

His blue eyes would do anything to draw attention to themselves, and Julian hated blue so fervently.

His mother’s lingering looks of discomfort and hate stayed, and Julian hated blue with his very being.

Blue ruined his life.

<><><><>

Julian’s siblings were a grab-bag of friends. He loved them all very dearly. As the eldest, he felt responsible for them, felt a protective urge for his younger brothers and sisters.

All were close in one way or another, especially the three eldest brothers – Julian, Hanson, and Edmond – but none of them truly understood Julian’s struggles. His brothers and sisters grew tired of his lamenting over his blue eyes and teased him about being vain, about trying to draw more attention to his blue eyes, when that was the last thing he wanted.

They all had brown eyes and would scoff when he expressed jealously.

They didn’t understand his hate of blue because they all had the love of their mother.

Sometimes he didn’t think she was his mother.

<><><><>

Of all the colours, though, Julian found solace in one.

Yellow.

Yellow was the colour of the gold his mother cherished so deeply. The colour that would drape across her collar and wrists and ankles in a beautiful fashion.

Yellow was the colour of the bright dandelions and buttercups that would grow, only for him.

Yellow was the colour of the sun and happiness and everything good.

Yellow had never done anything wrong.

And Julian loved yellow with all the love he didn’t waste on blue, because in his mind they were opposites; blue and yellow, one made of destruction and one made of light.

<><><><>

The first time Julian dressed in yellow, he wanted to cry.

The colour he loved so much could still not drown away his blue eyes.

In fact, the bright buttercup yellow of his doublet made his eyes stand out even more. He tried gold and amber and dandelion, but his eyes were bluer than blue. And his mother still hated his eyes.

His eyes were blue, and his mother hated his eyes, so Julian hated the colour blue.

<><><><>

One day, his younger sister suggested he try wearing blue.

Priscilla, the second youngest Pankratz, was rounding out to be a problem child. Where the other girls were learning how to be proper noble ladies, she was following her big brother Julian around their estate like a lost puppy.

Everything he did, she wanted to do, too.

Priscilla wanted to learn how to sew flower crowns like her brother Julian. Priscilla wanted to learn how to wield a rapier like her brother Julian. And when Julian’s interest in music was discovered, Priscilla wanted to follow him with a lute of her own.

Separated by five years, they were still thick as thieves. In line with his first two brothers, Hanson and Edmond, Priscilla was Julian’s favourite sibling. She was wild like he was, but held all the Normal that Julian was lacking, and he felt better when he played with her. Like somehow, he could blend in with the Normal just a little bit longer, because she didn’t care that he was Different.

And though Julian loved his little sister, the mere thought of touching a blue doublet made him physically shake with hate and anger and disgust.

Still, he indulged her, if only because she looked so hopeful.

“This will go perfect with your bright eyes,” Priscilla says.

Priscilla will use any number of words to describe Julian’s eyes. She will use descriptors like bright eyes and big eyes and beautiful eyes.

But she never just says blue.

He steps out from behind the divider and does a twirl to amuse his sister. He’s wearing a cerulean blue doublet with matching trousers, accented by red and yellow. He feels awful. But his sister’s breath catches, and her brown eyes go wide. Her expression is pale in shocked awe.

“You’re beautiful,” she says, breathless, like she’s seeing him for the first time.

He turns to face his mirror.

His blue eyes blend in with the doublet, making them shine twice as bright, and the yellow and red are stark in contrast. He looks unusually pale in the get-up, his freckles more prominent, his hair darker than the blonde it had started to grow into.

He doesn’t see what Priscilla sees. All he can see are his eyes, too blue.

Julian rips the doublet off in anger, upset with everything and nothing, and his sister never asks him to wear blue again. She never mentions the word again.

Priscilla may not know the reason behind it all, because Julian sees the love she holds for their mother and would never forgive himself if he ruined that, but she learns to avoid blue. Because Julian’s eyes were blue, and his mother hated his eyes, so he hated the colour blue.

<><><><>

One day Julian woke up and realized he didn’t want to be himself anymore.

It was a startling realization. It hurt too, like a sudden wound, and for over an hour he laid in his bed and stared up at the ceiling with impossibly blue eyes, heart hollow and aching. He didn’t want to be himself, but he didn’t want to be anyone else. More specifically, he realized, he didn’t want to be what his mother so desperately tried to force him to be.

He was Different not Normal.

He was born like that, his mother said. It was wrong, she said. He needed to be right, she said.

But she never told him what was right, only what she wanted him to be. And for years, his entire life, he tried to meet her expectations. He tried so hard for her love.

How fucked up is that? He thought, for the first time.

<><><><>

That was the day Jaskier was born.

#non human jaskier #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #jaskier's mother #jaskier's father #jaskier's siblings #jaskier's family #the witcher #child abuse #child neglect #implied/referenced child abuse #pre-canon #cherry picking canon #character development on jaskier's part as he grows up #might write a second part

42 notes · View notes

soft-ris · 4 years

Text

I chose bunny uwu just for that big goth man & tiny(-er) floof imagery uwu

P. S. Thank you for requesting!! I liked writing this sm omg just the thought of rice man petting and being UwU over bunnies is just😩😩😩👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼🖤✨💖 If you’d like me to write a cat one, do lemme know ^^ I hope you enjoyed reading this 🖤❤️

———————————————————————

Soft spot - Risotto w/ bunnies

Scenario: Soft Ris interacting with a bunny úwù

Genre: Fluff

———————————————————————

Risotto Nero, the giant of a man who radiates ‘I-can-end-you-without-breaking-a-sweat’ energy, has a soft spot for animals, and especially for his favourite: Bunnies.

Whether they’re brown, or white with black patches, or grey with white ears...whether they’re perfectly healthy or has underlying medical conditions...whether they’re more mellow or has a bit of a mischievous streak...he’ll love every last one of them.

If his job permitted it, he would have a few bunnies of his own, but for now, he’ll care for the ones he come across when volunteering at an animal shelter.

Risotto bustles around, doing what he needs to do when cleaning up the bunnies’ shed and garden, making sure they have everything they need as well as a clean environment. Honestly, it’s like a little slice of heaven in his hectic life.

Taking care of his favourite animal, petting their ridiculously soft fur when he has the chance (and he has a lot of chances), seeing their little noses twitch ever so often, their little tongues peaking out when they drink some water, their tiny mouths munching on the food pellets, their habit of sleeping with their eyes open...he could go on forever!

As Risotto reaches for the last bunny to place back into their makeshift garden area, she skilfully escapes him and instead, hops onto his lap. Risotto could’ve sworn his heart skipped a beat and the angels above started singing. The absolute sight of the frail little fluffy animal, perched so peacefully on his large, muscular lap, almost had him swooning out loud.

Risotto steals a few moments with Yuki (the bunny), gently petting her head and brushing her ears and back. If only bunnies could purr, huh?

While Risotto would’ve loved to pet her for longer, he had other duties to attend to. So he picked her up and released her into the garden, with the rest of her kind.

He truly relished in the sight before him: just a bunch of little furry rabbits hopping around, doing their own thing. Risotto couldn’t help but crack a fond smile at that, hoping one day he could adopt them all and endlessly dote on every single one of them.

53 notes · View notes

shanebrian-1547-blog · 6 years

Photo

“COME TO ME COLD WEATHER”

A famous place here in the Philippines, wherein tourist spots gives you the feeling of freedom and calmness. Fresh cold weather is one of the reasons why this place is a perfect travel destination to your next adventure, especially in summer time. There are events that makes memorable to you, when it comes to their preparation and the day when the event will celebrate. And PANAGBENGA FESTIVAL is the most visited event. Those are some informations that we have researched about BAGUIO CITY.

Before the beautiful sunrise, we started to travel from Gerona, Tarlac to our destination--the capital summer of the Philippines, Baguio City.

(5:00 in the Morning)

We are here now in Gerona Terminal waiting for a bus that will go to our destination and just in a few minutes we finally rode and we are sittinG at the back seats of the bus. While travelling I look out from the window to see those unfamiliar places to discover new things and experience new surroundings.

(Around 7:00 in the morning)

We are here now in Pangasinan-- the province before the province of Baguio City. And just an hour we will arrive in our destination. Because of the long time of travel we felt hungry, so we took some snacks, and the bonding of our family seems like it won't last. And the time passed by, we arrived in our first destination here in Baguio.

(9:00 in the morning)

We arrived here in SM City of Baguio wherein we rested for a short time and we took our lunch. We also bought some things that will be needed in our travel.

(11:00 in the morning)

We started to take some pictures and cherish the moment. When we went out, the welcoming weather of Baguio surprised us. We feels the fresh air, while the smooth sound of rustling leaves. We cherish the every step that we are taking in our pathway, because it was just only one of my dream to be here, but now my own body experiences the love of everything that I can see here in Baguio City. First, we went to one of the places here in Baguio wherein we will experience the beautiful surroundings that full of different species of flowers and plants. When we saw the welcoming name of Botanical Garden, there are two old man standing in the entrance that are wearing Igorot wear/clothes. We took a pictures with them and we feels their sweet smiles which will encourage people to go inside. When we were went inside we ran around the place and we smelled those flowers that can attract everyone because of its colorful characteristic. It was like we are living to a forest wherein all kinds of flowers and plants existing there. There are also a bid statue of a man and woman Igorot that are representing the strength of men and the beauty of women. The man statue stands strong and brave and the woman statue stands while carrying her child.

(1:00 in the afternoon)

We arrived in our next destination, we are here now in the top of a mountain and we will see the beautiful view on the foot of the mountain. But before we reach our destination, we walked starting from the bus stop to the top of the mountain. We have passed different kind of stores. There are many foods of Baguio, different kinds of souvenir, key chain, jackets, clothes and etc. And finally we reached our destination and there is a little shed there and if you will go there you will see the beautiful view, even though I have a little bit fears of heights but when I saw that view all of fears and suffers were turn to happiness. And suddenly I said "I love MINES VIEW"

(3:00 in the afternoon)

We arrived in our next destination, I don't know the name of that place but we rode a horse and as I remembered the number of the horse was "112". We explored the place while riding horse. After that we went to the mountain that has plenty of pine tree. We felt freedom and refreshing air of Baguio City. And because our next destination is not far away from here we chose to walk to have a better bonding with our family. We will go now to the house of our relatives and we will stay there over night.

(7:00 in the morning-- 2nd day of travel)

Here we go again, to do our main purpose here in baguio-- to travel and explore.

(7:30 in the Morning)

We are here now in "THE MANSION". When we are walking in the pathway there is like a little river which is in between of the two pathways. When we arrived in the main gate of "THE MANSION" we took some pictures in different angles so it was like we are carrying the whole mansion. But we didn't last longer there, so we move on to our next destination.

(8:30 in the morning)

We are here now in "STRAWBERRY FARM" , the weather here is so cold because this farm is in the top part of the mountain here in Baguio City. We saw those different products of Baguio City. Jackets that gives you warm, jams that gives you sweets, souvenir that makes memorable to you and ofcourse their sweet strawberries. When we went to the farm of strawberry we saw the farm of strawberry we saw the organized and plenty of strawberries, and we chose to harvest the strawberries by ourselves.

(10:00 in the morning)

We are here now in our last destination here in Baguio City "THE BURNHAM PARK" a park with vastness that Baguio City is proud to have.

"EXPLORE THE SUMMER CAPITAL OF THE PHILIPPINES-- BAGUIO CITY"

“ FILL YOUR LIFE WITH ADVENTURES, NOT THINGS. HAVE STORIES TO TELL NOT STUFF TO SHOW”

0 notes

siobhanastley70-blog · 7 years

Text

Absolute best Friends Nightclub & Concept A Buddy Figurines.

Last loss our company introduced the Near Friends and also Acquaintances lists to aid you observe more from what you desire in your information feed. But also Http://Extra-Pills1-Extra-Strenght.Info for those which prefer to maintain their job as well as exclusive lifestyles different, there are actually choices besides neglecting an excess friend ask for. Simply scroll with to catch a glimpse of teasing and hot text, click the share switch and send it as an SMS to your pal. Chelle got a wonderful pounds 200,000 two-bedroom standard in a residence block in West London's classy Queen's Club Gardens - just so they would certainly have someplace to meet. Randi possesses pair of adult little ones: a wonderful daughter as well as a handsome child, and has been wed to a remarkable man for 23 years. This example arrangement to obtain money off a good friend may be utilized through any individual that is seeking a financing coming from a neighbor, but experiences the need to create that legal and also completely legitimate. My friend remained in trouled with the legislation i count on him various other poeople didn't like him or shed exchange him. When I was actually baffled over just what to present my best friend on her birthday celebration, I could possibly certainly not locate a far better concept compared to Classic Birthday Cards. If your friend carries out certainly not wish to discuss their concern along with you, simply let all of them understand that you will sympathize them in the event that they need you.

How you can Make Your Buddy Fall for You and Convert Him Into Your Boyfriend! And turning up to features where you witness complete scenery of your former buddy and friend along with each other and also in love. If you possess possessed a good friend all your lifestyle, this could be as unkind as a marriage breakup when this finishes, yet just like some marriages, that either endures the rough area or even this does not. But your good friend sympathized you before as well as you experience obliged to be certainly there for all of them currently. Know that everybody desires to be actually respected, companionship or even no companionship, that comes to be extra significant when your friend or even companion begins emotion he is actually certainly not respected. Yet normally the anxiety from possibly losing your friend outweighs the identified good that might do. You might point out that for solely self-centered reasons our experts don't carry out the right thing. Picture frameworks create a remarkable and helpful wedding celebration anniversary gift product. I might never ever thanks good enough for all that you have actually provided for me. Satisfied Birthday celebration to the most effective good friend within this universe. Their Buddy Jungle Hoax and also Scams Division made a micro-site,, to give insight in to the sort of fraud you could run into on dating sites along with an important Best 10 Close friend Forest Con Avoidance Tips.

0 notes

jenamaen · 7 years

Text

IloIlo: The Philippines' City of Love

Jaro Belfry at Jaro, Iloilo City

Some travels are triggered by the innate wanderlust in a person. There are those that are work related with no fun included. And there are those that are enkindled by the desire to comfort someone in deep distress. I was reminded by an article that I read awhile ago about the alternative, or I should say, the main reason certain travel should mean to a person. It is so true that while we are going and visiting beautiful places to fulfill our burning desires to conquer the world, it is also true that we are losing the real essence of exploring an area. As a person, there is always that aspiration is us to be an inspiration to others, to motivate others with our own stories and adventures. This time around, travel should not just be about visiting historical places, shopping for unique finds, or selfie-taking in a picturesque landscape. Going on a mission trip, traversing mountains to reach indigenous people and offer gifts they don't expect, or simply going to an orphanage and hand out presents to little kids who need love. Those are trips that give us more sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in life while making our travels more meaningful in a sense. One trip that prompted me to evaluate my intentions for travels is this: Paying a visit to a friend afar off who lost a loved one. It might sound boring and uneventful, which I thought so myself before going. But having known this family for so long, I just couldn't bear the idea of not paying a visit. Their son passed on to another life, so young and so unexpected.

Grief Unexpected

Jan 7, 2017 12:00 AM Having just arrived from a long day at the amusement park, my sister and I hustle off to get our stuff ready for a flight to Iloilo City at 4:20 AM. Our companions, my pastor, his daughter, and a wife from church, arrive at our house soon after. They wait for a little while, as we pack and print out tickets which we purchased just hours earlier. This has been an unexpected trip, so everything was rushed. We don't even bother to book a hotel since we know our pastor already took care of that. 6:00 AM At around this time, we are in Iloilo City already, with so much eye bags as well as anticipation to visit the family. We wait for the pastor's friends to pick us up and we drive off to the hotel to check in our luggage. 9:00 AM We stop at a local restaurant, favorite for its old-time 'Chicken Inasal' and we eat a-plenty for breakfast. We chat and they catch up as we savor the traditional Ilonggo cuisine. 10:00 AM Almost an hour away from Iloilo City town proper, we arrive at the Monte Claro's place in Miag-ao where the wake is being held. As soon as we step in, Mrs. Flores, the child's mother, comes out and hug us, as tears flow down her cheeks. In an instant, memories of my sister's agony on her own child's death come through my mind, and I couldn't help but shed a few tears of my own. In a few hours, the body will be buried, and we will say our final goodbye to the remains of a childhood churchmate and friend. 2:00 PM We assemble at the church building nearby to start the service. Eulogy to be given and special thanks to those who attended. Special numbers and final picture taking with the love ones will be held as a final adieu to the boy. Seeing the casket at the center of the church reminds me so much of my little nephew's funeral service where I found myself shedding so many uncontrollable tears. The cause of both their death is so similar that I could not help but wonder again why God do such terrible things like this to these faithful people. 3:00 PM We start to head out of the church for the procession to the graveyard. When we arrive, another mini service is held as we bid our final goodbye. I listen and observe as the family tries to control their tears in front of friends and family members. There's no denying the fact that this is a lot harder than losing a less than a year old baby. This boy was 16 when he passed away, so memories with him have already been gathered - which would be harder to forget, especially for the family. I can't even begin with that. I hug the mother and the daughter, feeling their grief as I hide mine. Nonetheless, they try to remain put together because they know that their son is now in good hands with God.

Hospitality Accepted

Jan 8, 2017 There has been no problem so far. Last night, we were treated to dinner by my pastor's old friends at a nice restaurant where flavourful foods were served. Today, we went to church to have Sunday service with same friends. It was interesting to observe how close these people still are. The older they get, their bond seems to get even stronger. I guess that's how old Ilonggo culture affected their relationship. That even through their offsprings, the friendship remains. Hospitality is more substantial here as well, with beso-beso as their respectful greetings to everyone. After church, we were invited at one of these friends' house for a visit and see the new baby in their family. I sat there, observing and smiling at how courteous and admirably soft spoken these people are compared to the uproarious Batangenous I have been used to hearing. They can easily transition to a proper American English without changing much of their accent and intonation. Which to me, is really quite impressive.

History Abounding

Jan 9, 2017

Jaro Church

The next day, we only had half the day to spend before my companions head back home to Lipa. We had the chance to go around town to view some historical buildings still existing. Back at Miag-ao, we passed by the Miag-ao Church - a Unesco World Heritage Site known for its Baroque-Romanesque architectural style which served as a defense tower against invaders. Although we didn't have time to stop and look around, the facade was already too captivating to miss. Read for More Info: The Baroque Fortress Church of Iloilo: Miag-ao

Restored Molo Mansion

Handcrafted Goods courtesy of Kultura

More goods courtesy of Kultura

Alfresco snacks area at the gardens of Molo Mansion

Today, we stopped by Molo Mansion. Erected in the 1920s by the Yusay-Consing Heritage, this mansion was said to be destined for the wrecking ball. But, upon the finding the historical value of the building, it was bought and restored by a private developer, SM Land Inc. It now served as a tourist destination, with local goods and delicacies being sold inside, facing another historical landmark, the St. Anne's Church - a gothic-inspired cathedral.

Sipping a cup of Hot Choco made from Tablea with Tsokolatera and Batirol

After spending a few snapshots at the Molo Mansion, we entered Camiña Balay nga Bato - another heritage house that was built in the 19th century that combines gastronomy and antiquity. With its age-long design and structure with the ambiance of real Spanish-era, it's really a walk back in time. It's amazing to me how the locals respect their ancestors by preserving what's really theirs, and it really portrays how they love their culture by sharing it with other people.

Stairs made at almost 45-degree angle to keep invaders out and so that the person going up will have to stoop forward as a sign of respect to the Illustrados (the wealthy owner of house)

Antiquities and other stuff inside Camina Balay nga Bato.

Mememntos and photographs passed down from generations.

Tsokolatera and batirol traditionally used in making a cup of hot chocolate that comes out smooth and thick

--=o=--

I've only seen the city proper thus far. But from what I have gathered from this trip made me realize that with the warm and approachable way of the people in Iloilo City, the generosity they shew us and the love and respect they have for the history of their place, it's no wonder it has been dubbed The Philippines' City of Love. Indeed, just look at the map, and you'll notice that it does look like its the Heart of the Philippines.

--=o=--

TIPS AND TRICKS

Don't forget to try the La Paz Batchoy, Deco's or Ted's - both originally from La Paz, Iloilo City.

Do check out all the historical churches. You will be amazed at their grandeur.

Do check out all the historical houses as well. It's their heritage, and they are worth seeing.

Do notice the difference in their cuisine, which the locals said are typically sweet and spicy.

Do try their Bibingka. I was amazed at the difference it has from the ones they have in the North.

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2iobpKC

#IFTTT #Blogger

0 notes