#I know I’m exaggerating slightly lmao
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LET THIS MAN BE SINGLE FOR A SECOND
#I know I’m exaggerating slightly lmao#but I’ve said it before I don’t like don and charlie’s romances#I love robin and amita individually but I hate that they’re usually only important next to the men they date#they deserve better writing#I just feel like in my opinion don’s chemistry with his love interests is weird and lacking#numb3rs#numb3rs memes#memes#don eppes
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everything is blue ✨ // matty healy x reader
a/n: nnn. that's it, that't the plot. gotta thank @theungracefulgrace for the idea, i hope i did it justice <3
cw: smut, thigh riding and matty is a bit pathetic in this lmao, maybe even subby??? is this my subby matty debut???
wc: 1.9k (smaller than i thought actually...)
“you two are disgusting,” george snickers from behind his drums as you make your way onto matty’s lap.
it’s light-hearted and teasing—your friend taking the piss out of both of you but matty scoffs and you stick your tongue out.
“jealous,” you tease, “i’m going to wait until charli shows up and then we’ll talk.”
“yeah let’s talk then, mate,” matty quips from next to you and it only takes him another second to push his hands inside your t-shirt and place them on your bare stomach, almost caressing your ribs.
it tickles and you squirm away, alerting george once more.
“not going to start snogging in front of me, are you?” he turns around making an exaggerated vomiting gesture and scrunches his face at you. matty, almost predictably, takes that as a challenge.
within moments, you feel his fingers lightly closing around your jaw, turning your face and capturing your lips in his. matty’s chest is pressed against your arm and his heartbeat echoes through your entire body, thrilling you to your very core when you feel the slight spike in it as your tongue grazes his bottom lip. his other arm snakes around your waist, pulling you closer as matty deepens the kiss and hums in your mouth, sending vibrations through your entire body. in turn your heart skips a beat. you don’t break apart until you hear a loud cough in the vicinity. and george stares back at both of you, truly disgruntled now.
“bleurgh,” he makes a face. “like i said, digusting.”
“and like she said,” matty snorts, “jealous.”
“simp!”
“idiot!”
“oh, very clever mate!”
“oh—”
“alright, that’s it!” you interrupt matty before he can retort any further and he glares at you in return. “you’re fighting like twelve year olds.”
matty smirks. “weren’t snogging me like—”
you clamp your hand over matty’s mouth before he can finish his vulgar sentence earning you two juvenile giggles—one slightly muffled by your hand.
“you are like an animal,” george teases again, earning an expression of utter betrayal from matty.
“how dare yo—”
“prove it then!” he challenges. his mouth curls into a smirk and your eyes narrow. you know this expression on george. you know he’s up to something.
“we are in november,” he grins cheekily. “the month of chastity and all.”
“can it!” you warn but it’s too late. matty’s smirk already mirrors george’s. you can practically see the cogs turning in their heads and you know what’s about to happen.
“a bet,” george shifts in his seat looking eager and devious. matty does the same, gently setting you off his lap and placing a quick apologetic kiss on your head when you protest.
“a bet,” he repeats.
and then with utter disgust, you watch the two men in front of you spit on their hands and shake on their deal.
at first it’s fun—watching him turn red and squirm every time you get out the shower with just a towel wrapped around you. a few times, you even see him immediately sit on his hands or busy himself in his phone, making you giggle. the few times after that, he leaves the room entirely—practically running away like a virgin catholic school boy.
the first few days are okay, fun even. you send him a selfies—towel just high enough for your nipples to be covered, barely covering your ass, showing its curve very well with the way you pose; on your bed, wearing his t-shirt and only his t-shirt, hand buried suggestively between your thighs—matty threatens to block you, accusing you of wanting to make him lose.
he kisses you like usual, though. that’s the one thing he can’t stop doing. if anything, it feels like his mouth is attached to yours any chance he gets. it’s like he’s compensating, even letting you straddle him and deepen it until he has to pull away with a pained expression.
“how would george know?!” you whine and watch him pout.
“trust me, he would,” matty sighs, shoulders slumping, “i would stop looking so fucking miserable for one.”
you fume quietly, realising you let yourself become collateral damage. he is so close that his cologne permeates your fucking lungs—earthy, sweet and matty. always surrounded by the smell of cigarettes and now his body wash that’s somehow become the most enticing scent in the world.
“can’t lose one week in, baby.” his face pinches into one big sad expression and you frown at him.
one whole week of being so close to him and cuddling at night in bed, one week of feeling his leg part your thighs in his sleep, of feeling his thigh graze against your clit and making you hiss. one week of having him right here but not having him at all.
you shift on his lap, feeling the coarse material of his jeans against the insides of your thighs—not that you’re wearing much, just a big t-shirt and underwear, while he’s still in his jeans and t-shirt and not yet ready for bed—and an idea sparks.
“so don’t lose,” you smirk, moving again, straddling him with a hand on his chest. “the bet was for you to not cum. i am nowhere mentioned in it.”
“what a-are you doing?” matty stutters. he actually fucking stutters, eyes wide and roaming all over your body, particularly focused on where you’re pressed up on his thigh and already on your way to discarding your underwear.
“what does it look like i’m doing, baby?” you lift up slightly, quickly sliding your underwear off and deliberately stuffing it in the pocket of his jeans.
he whines and the muscles of his thigh shift right under your bare cunt.
as if on auto-pilot, his hands grip either sides of your waist, pressing you down onto him even though his face looks utterly devastated and hungry.
“maybe i could do this with your pillow instead, hmm? cum all over it while thinking about you?” you taunt, gyrating your hips and grinding all over his thigh, already soaking his jeans with how turned on you are. it has the precise effect you’re hoping for.
“no–fuck,” he whines, “stay here. use me, please, but stay here.”
“use you, yeah?” your mouth ghosts over his, hand trailing up his chest and tracing the contours of his throat with your nails, tracing all the delicate veins and the flutter of his rapid pulse. matty’s breath quickens and comes out in sharp pants. it’s almost like he can’t handle it, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore.
“touch me, touch me please!” he begs, eager and desperate when you quirk an eyebrow at him.
“touch you how?”
instead of answering, matty takes your hand off his throat and presses in on the bulge in his jeans, sighing at the pressure. he’s practically twitching under your hand, squirming even before you’ve properly even touched him.
“can’t lose now, my darling, can you?” you marvel at the way your voice sounds, sultry and dominating with just a hint of condescensation. it’s power like you’ve never felt before. it makes the blood in your veins heat up even more, makes it flow faster.
so you dig the heel of your palm onto his crotch, drag it up and then down and feel him twitch. feel him grow impossibly hard. matty's body shudders on the sofa like he's not even in there—just a puppet lying there pliant for your pleasure.
“but—”
you bend down to kiss him and feel all his complaints die on his lips. matty whimpers, moving his hips against your hand, thrusting forward almost, but you put an end to it almost immediately and laugh when he whines into the kiss.
“i want to cum, fuck, need to so so bad!” his curls droop over his eyes. eyes that stare at you with such blatant lust that it throws you off kilter, almost makes your hips stutter but the pressure feels so good! the friction is enough to reduce every single thought in your brain down to a lumpy mush.
“yeah?” you whisper in a tightly controlled breathy voice, “but you look so pretty when you beg sweet boy.”
he swallows roughly, transfixed on you and looking utterly fucked and unable to do anything other than keep his hands on your hips and help you ride his thigh, let you get off on him while he watches helplessly and writhes under your touch.
“baby…” he whimpers again when you move your free hand through his curls, tugging at some of the strands and pushing them out of his eyes.
your thighs burn with the strain, a delicious fucking ache that starts from deep within you and slowly spreads to the very tips of your fingers and the wet, sticky spot on matty’s jeans grows larger, right as your moans grow louder.
“fuck, matty…” you bend down, mouth right next to his ear, right on his sweat soaked skin, “so fucking good for me, my pretty boy. make–shit! making me feel so good.”
your movements gain speed and you throw your head back, ignoring him entirely and chasing your own pleasure. no doubt he’s rather occupied with your tits bouncing in his face, seeing as how his hand trails up to trace them, to pinch your hard nipples between his fingers.
“shit!” you cry out, “gonna cum baby. make me cum okay? good boy…”
matty’s back arches off the sofa—eager to obey, so so eager to please—pushing your t-shirt up and flicking his tongue over your nipples, nipping them with his teeth. matty alternated between tongue and teeth, licking and sucking the sensitive skin until there are bruised on your breasts, until you can barely distinguish one thought from another. until finally, you tip over the edge.
there’s a moment where all you recall is crying out his name, breathing harsh and uneven, and then a moment stretched on to infinity that’s just pure fucking bliss. undiluted ecstasy. and then your hips finally stutter to a stop, just as you open your eyes hazily.
the sight in front of you almost brings you to your knees again. matty’s jaw hangs open, mouth wet and red and raw and bitten—the absolute portrait of being fucked, and yet he hasn’t even been touched yet. hasn’t shed a single item of clothing. tears of frustration gather in his eyes while his hair falls all over his forehead. he can’t even make a single sound. not even a peep.
this must have been torture for him and you know it. a sadistic side of you even relishes in it. “did you have fun?” you tease. “i certainly did…”
when you kiss matty again, you can physically feel the jolt in his body, as if his heart restarts, thumping in his chest wildly while he’s still speechless and focused entirely on you.
matty makes a broken sound in his throat—somewhere between a “yes” and a “please” and maybe even your name. but you don’t let him finish.
instead, you swipe your fingers through your soaked folds just as the trembling in your body subsides, collecting your slick and bringing it up to his lips that are still parted in shock.
“a little thank you,” you place the fingers on his tongue, laughing when he swirls his tongue around them. “for being such a good boy.”
“a good boy…” he repeats, voice hoarse and barely even audible. and you know the fun is just getting started…
lemme know what you think <33
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#the 1975#matty healy#matty healy x reader#matty healy x you#matty x reader#matty x you#matty healy smut#matty healy fic#the 1975 smut#ross macdonald#george daniel#adam hann#smut writing#minors do not interact#subby!matty#smut
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eddie earns his first blowjob from his mean cheerleader girlfriend
warning: 18+, oral receiving, insecure eddie,
a/n: this was requested but i lost the ask lmao, enjoy. also not really that filthy xx
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sex has never been his forte,
sure he jerks himself off and has a pile of porn magazines stacked underneath his bed but never actually experienced… sex.
girls aren’t exactly lining up to be getting dicked down by him. not when you’re the town freak. if anything, they avoid him like a plague. the only time girls want to be around eddie is just so that he can give them free greens and nothing else. he’s not stupid, he can tell what their true intentions are.
so when y/n came into his life. he has no idea what to expect. obviously, she’s far more experienced and skilled when it comes to it and it makes him feel slightly insecure. and jealous too. because he knows all of her exes were handsome jocks who probably scored more than twenty girls in their lives. no doubt that they had given her so much pleasure than he could possibly offer.
he wants to make her feel good. he really does.
“so, steve and robin gave me these” she pulls up two DVDs and show them to him. “evil dead and carrie. which one do you like best?”
he cocks an eyebrow, eyes switching between the two films. “i thought you wanted chick flicks or something like that?”
she shrugs, deciding to put evil dead on the player. “horror movies make me horny. and what better way to watch it than with my favorite man, hm?”
he chuckles nervously when she shoots him a wink and a smile. flirtatious one. “usually girls get horny when they see porn. but oh, not you. pretty fucked up if i might say.”
“you love it” she responds, crawling beside him as they both lay comfortably on her bed. “how’s your day, baby”
he puffs out a long exaggerated breath. “kind of shit, ms.O'Donnell been up my ass about the last assignment. she wanted me to re-do it.”
“aw that sucks” she pouts, running her fingers through his hair. “want me to beat her up for you?”
“no, i’m good” he laughs, not wanting her to do something that’ll damage her academics. the thing is about y/n, when she says something along the lines of ‘beating someone up’ you better not take it lightly.
because she will do it.
“too bad. I’d love to see her blood pouring out of those nostrils.” she sighs, plopping her head down on his chest as she hooks her leg with his. his arm wraps around her body protectively. “the offer still stands.”
“hey, enough of that would ya?” he kisses the crown of her head, smiling to himself. “as sexy as it is to see you get violent, the consequences will be ten times worse if you punch a teacher.”
“just gotta wait till graduation then.” she innocently replies, finger drawing circles on his chest.
halfway through the movie, eddie is trying his best to keep his focus on the plot. but she’s making it so hard for him to do so. she continuously shifts her weight on him, ‘accidentally’ brushing against his hard shaft with an innocent ‘oops’ every time she does it.
they’ve been together for almost a month and he hasn’t gotten used to the effect she has on him. it’s frustrating how he can’t control his thoughts and clammy palms whenever she puts her hands on his body.
“you okay?” she wonders, looking up at him with her doe eyes and playful smile. “you feel so tense, teddy”
“y-yeah” he stammers as his focus remains fixed on the screen. “just uhm, peachy”
peachy?? who the fuck says that?!
she hums in response, moving her mouth to attach itself on his neck with fingers moving down south to softly palm him over the thick material of his pants. he takes in a deep breath at the touch, finding it more difficult to think straight with her lips on him.
“y/n” he calls her softly, hand gripping tightly around her waist as he feels himself grow even more. “sweetheart i-“
she shushes him. “you look so good right now i have to do something eds.” her tongue licks a bold stripe on the skin, pushing her chest against his, “we can take turns later, yeah?”
he gulps, body melting under her touch. “s-shit, y/n wait, wait!“ he suddenly exclaims, freeing himself from her grip
y/n frowns when eddie pushes her lightly. feeling annoyed why he’s like that towards her.
“eddie what the fuck?! do you not want me to suck your cock?” she harshly asks, then a sudden realization hits her. “are you fucking another bitch behind my back, munson?!”
he wide-eyed her as she crosses her arm, ready to kill him at that exact moment. “what? no! w-what makes you think I’m cheating on you?!”
“who is it?” she shoots immediately. “Julia from the cheer team or that fucking weird four-eyed wendy’s looking motherfucker at loves to stare at you across the hall?!”
eddie is confused. he doesn’t even know who she’s talking about, let alone a wendy-looking girl that keeps staring at him. how does she even know that?
he shakes his head furiously, wrapping her hands in his grasp to reassure her.“no! oh god y/n, of course not! . i only got my eyes for my girl, you know that. plus, Julia? she hates me and my friends, why would you even think of her?”
“then what’s going on!” she groans, moving to kneel in front of him as he sits up straight. “every time we make out or when i try to suck you off, you’d push me away. are you not attracted to me, anymore?”
“princess, believe me when i say this has nothing to do with you! of course I’m still attracted to you.” he says, looking at her in the eye. “shoot me in the head if i decided to leave you for another woman, i give you the permission.”
“okay, so what is it?” her voice turns soft. “you can tell me.”
sooner or later, of course, eddie has to tell her the truth. he hates having to keep secrets from her, but it’s embarrassing. who the hell wants to date a virgin? if she found out about that, she’d look at him differently. and he doesn’t want to lose her. not when things start to get better for him,
she notices how his eyes drop down to his lap, fiddling with his fingers as he removes his hands from hers. this causes her eyebrows to knit in concern.
“baby? what’s going on” she reaches out to softly pat her thumb across his cheek,
“it’s pretty embarrassing” he lowly chuckles,
“it’s not if it got you all worked up like this. come on, It’s your girl.” she ducks her head down a bit to take a look at his features,
he exhales. “well you know it’s just that i…” he trails off, “never had sex before..”
“what?!” she sounds genuinely surprised. “you’re a virgin?”
he nods, slowly looking up to meet her eyes. “yeah. it’s why i have been so… weird. I’m sorry. i know you expected more from me.”
seeing him get so vulnerable and embarrassed because of that makes her heart break. that’s why he’s been avoiding her touch? god, this man is so precious she feels like she’s going to pass out.
“eddie, you don’t have to be sorry for being … inexperienced. there’s nothing wrong with that. and ‘expected more’? baby, you are already enough for me.” she cradles his face to get him to look at her. “do you think i care about whether you’re a virgin or not? because i don’t.”
“well, you’ve been with those guys before, right? i bet they made you feel good. and i want to do that too. perhaps even better.”
oh her heart is about to leap out of her chest.
“made me feel good? they thought they were doing something. i had to fake it because they barely knew how to do it”. she rolls her eyes, earning a small laugh from him.
“plus, i think it’s cute that no one has ever touched you before.” she giggles, pressing a kiss on his nose,
“well i don’t want to be cute! i want to be hot. for you” he grumbles, frowning like a small child.
“you are, baby” she giggles, even more, shaking her head at this adorable man. “so cute and hot, you make my head spin and panties drop. not a day goes by that i do not think of you”
“you mean that?” his voice small. “because you don’t have to say that just because I’m your boyfriend.”
“i meant every word. do you know how many girls i had to threaten and slammed against the wall for eyeing you? countless.”
“you never told me that…”
“not important” she waves her hand in an attempt to change the subject. “now… how about i make you feel good, hm?”
she moves to put her weight on top of him, putting her legs on either side of his thighs. his heart is beating a mile per minute the moment she sits there. having no idea where to place his hands, he just place them next to her knees.
there’s a twinkle of lust across her eyes, the straps of her blue nightgown falling down her shoulders. long messy hair tucks on the either side of her neck
“but i want to make you feel good too. make you cum on my fingers” he struggles to say each word when her hand begins to untie the strings of his sweatpants.
“we have plenty of time to do that, but … i think my boyfriend deserves it more. don’t you think?”
“well... only if you want to” he's being shy, cheeks red and it drives her mad how cute he's being with her
“of course, i want to.” his pants are pulled now down on his thighs and his cock springs free. “would you let me take care of you?”
he nods frantically, becoming putty underneath her bedroom eyes as she slowly wraps her soft palm around the base of his hard shaft. eddie had never thought her eye contact is strong enough to make his body tremble.
“f-fuck, sweetheart” he blows a sigh of pleasure when she goes down to lick the tip, humming to herself when she finally got a taste of him,
he watches every move she makes. afraid that if he misses just one second, he will regret it. it still doesn't feel real to him. having the prettiest girl in Hawkins as his girlfriend going down on his cock. with a sweet, innocent look decorating her features, enough to make him cream already. but he's holding it.
dear god, he's trying to hold it.
”not even halfway through but you taste so good to me already” she smiles with her tongue still out, he catches a glimpse of her piercing and almost lets out a moan. ”and you have been hiding this from me? not nice”
the minute she slips his cock into her mouth, he's a goner already. brown eyes lulling onto the back of his head with a soft grunt following. she drags her tongue slowly from the base of his shaft, all the way up before closing her mouth around the reddening tip. keeping her eyes on him as she goes, who seems to be having a hard time trying to compose himself.
a devilish smile appears on her face, and her freshly manicured hand reaches out to give his balls a soft squeeze. he flinches at the sudden contact, groaning and moaning when she works on her tongue around him.
”does that feel good, eds?” she checks on him to make after pulling her mouth off. making sure he’s enjoying every moment. coating the tip with her spit before she spreads it with her thumb, ”like having my mouth on you?”
he can only nod to answer, his body is consumed by too much euphoria to give her a verbal response. chest raising with a heavy breath every time her fingers tip-toeing over the sensitive skin. balling his fists so hard, he wouldn't be surprised if his fingernails create a dent in his palms,
”use your words, come on” she moves her hand up and down the stiff flesh with a soft grip, watching his mouth fall open.
”fuck yes. it feels so good b-baby please... don't stop, please” he begs in between breaths, almost sounding like a squeak. eddie finally opens up his eyes to gaze back at her. giving her, his best pleading look, ”i wanted your mouth for so long”
”good boy” with that, she slides his cock back into her wet mouth. while her other hand runs up and down his thigh, sending a light shiver down his spine and arising goosebumps on his skin
eddie's fingers are curling up against the sheets. a strangled noise leaving his throat when the sight of her breasts almost spilling out from the dress. looking like a proper porn star.
he thinks he might actually pass out from this. the velvety insides of her mouth make his head spin and her tongue never seemed to stop teasing the tip. his legs are tense and she can see it from the corner of her eye. she’s taken by surprise when his hips accidentally bucking up, hitting the back of her throat.
”shit, s-sorry about that, sweetheart” he softly tells her, earning a squeeze on his thigh from her as a reassurance that it's okay.
he feels his body is blazing. he can't exactly describe it but it feels so good. pure bliss blooms inside of him when she continues to bob her head up and down. and fuck, eddie doesn't want to cum just yet. but he can't take it anymore. not when she peers up at him through her lashes, still with that innocent look on her face. or when she reaches out to squeeze his heavy balls of cum.
it gets even more harder when she sinks further, moaning around his cock because the sweet, sweet taste of him is creating an excitement that bubbles in her stomach
“f-fuck, fuck. i'm cumming” he rushes, thinking that she might pull away but she only wraps her lips tighter around him. sucking even harder until he releases it all. thick, white string of cum falling in her mouth and painting her tongue. eddie cries out in pleasure, screwing his eyes shut.
his fingers slowly start to loosen the grip around the sheets, his breath going steady, and relaxes both his legs.
she pops off of him, brushing a finger in the corner of her mouth to swipe his remaining. not wanting it to go to waste. “you're so adorable” with a giggle, she plops herself next to him, “how was it?”
“fucking amazing” he laughs breathlessly, rubbing his face up and down with his hands before facing her. a lopsided smile tugging her lips. ”god you were so good with it, I thought I was going to die”
“never heard that one before” she snickers playfully, making herself comfortable underneath the duvet. cuddling up to him. “you tasted so good too, what's the secret?”
he pretends to think while pulling herself close to him. “cheerios and cigarettes”
she swats his chest with the back of her hand, making him laugh. ”I'm gonna make you some real food. my man needs to have the stamina if he's planning to fuck me with his cock.”
he freezes, leaning back slightly to take a good look at her face to see if she's pulling his leg. “what?”
“you heard me.” her voice is stern but also playful. “you're gonna fuck me into oblivion and I will guide you through it if I have to. and we're not stopping until you make both of my legs shake that i can’t fucking walk to school tomorrow.”
eddie is certain he's in heaven right now
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson blurbs#eddie munson angst#eddie munson smut#eddie things#eddie munson x mean!cheerleader
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one of the many. ( e williams )
category: modern!college/university!ellie x female!reader : angst, fluff
summary: after her devastating heartbreak with her first girlfriend in highschool, ellie swore off dating, everything she did was casual, non-committal. that was until you showed up. (basically logan and rory troupe but make it happy)
warnings: alcohol consumption, implied smut, “friends with benefits”, cheating(?), use of the word “baby”, a somewhat copy of rory and logan’s fight, fuck boy!ellie (LMAO I’M SORRY).
word count: 2.1k
it had been almost three years since ellie’s first, and only, breakup with her ex-girlfriend, cat. she was older now, more mature, i mean for god’s sake she was a junior in college she couldn’t still be hung up on some stupid girl from highschool. that is why she had resorted to this. one girl in today, another one tomorrow. no attachments. casual. she was hanging out in a cramped party at her friend's house, sipping something alcoholic, with one, two, girls on her arm, laughing and giggling and tracing their fingers up and down her fore-arm tattoo. she was, enjoying herself, she guessed. the party life wasn’t exactly dull, it was the crowd she was surrounded with, a bunch of drunken girls over-exaggerating their laugh so that she’ll go home with them. she wasn’t opposed to it, if fact she probably needed to let loose and celebrate the compilation of one of her tests, she just hadn’t found the right girl yet. that's when she spotted you. an absolutely gorgeous girl, trying to find your way through the crowd. and she immediately took the opportunity to…introduce… herself.
“hey girl,” ellie said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, her action causing your spaghetti strap to fall slightly lower on your shoulder. “i’m ellie, what’s your name?” she asked and you introduced yourself, pulling your strap back to a more comfortable position, and smiled up at her. fuck it ellie thought i’m just gonna go for it. “wanna get out of here?” she asked, earning a smirk and a cheeky ‘sure’ from you as she led you out of the party’s front door.
ellie woke up and stretched her fingers, sore from last night, to see your body draped in and out of the sheets of her bed, still resting. her heart fluttered a little but she chose to ignore it. she sighed, clearly, you didn’t know how this worked. but it was early, and she had never slept with you before, so she gave you cut slack, she’d find a way to get you up and out of her apartment later. a few minutes passed and your body started to feel the lack of ellie’s presence. you woke up in a dingy bedroom full of music posters and scattered clothes. one pile, of which, being yours. your legs were sore as you stood up and grabbed your clothes off the floor, with a little shame in realizing the reality of your situation. you eventually got up all of your belongings and went to find ellie.
“hey,” you greeted, voice hearse and sleepy, as you walked up behind ellie’s sitting figure in the living room. she was wearing new clothes, jeans and a shirt, layered with a flannel with her hair half up pulled into a lazy barely-ponytail. her eyes racked up your body, hair messy and outfit sagged from it being thrown off the night before. “so, um, do you want my number or? i’m sorry i haven’t really done any of this before…” you stuttered on your words.
“look,” she said getting up from the couch, “i like you,” she began, “i really do. it’s just i’m not really into all that relationship crap, you know? i don’t feel like i should be tied down to someone.” she explained, moving her hand to rub the back of her neck.
“oh no i get that,” you lied, “i just, was hoping we can still…hang out.” you said, trying to come as casual as you could.
“oh no, definitely,” ellie said, smirking, as she looked you up and down. you kissed her on the check before you said goodbye. and that’s how it was. at least once a week you’d be over at her place, ‘hanging out’. it was nice. nice, until, “hey,” ellie said whilst scrolling through her phone, looking over at you gathering up your clothes, “down to go to a party?” she asked.
“sure!” you said, a smile rising to your face at the anticipation of spending time with ellie, outside the arrangement the two of you had. you went inside ellie’s bathroom, it was small and a little dingy, in order to fix up your hair and get ready to face the outside world. once you were both ready to leave, ellie locked the front door behind her and walked you to her car. it wasn’t until you were both buckled into her car and driving down to some girl’s house with her hand on your thigh that you realized you and ellie would be out together in public for the first time. i mean, sure, you’d see the other girls ellie was hooking up with but she decided to come to the party with you. you. ellie eventually pulled up to a house and slipped out of her car, with you not far behind. it was obvious with the loud music and yelling coming from the white brick house which one would be entering. you slipped through the front door with ellie by your side and went around to make conversation with the few people you knew here. you knew ellie wouldn’t want you clinging to her side the whole night. more than a few moments passed and pop music remixes blared through low-quality speakers all around the house. you did your best to socialize, and decided to look around and find ellie. luckily, she was in sight. on the other side of a heep of sweaty, dancing bodies. you were going to make your way over until an arm stopped you. the arm tan and delicate resting atop ellie’s knee whilst she sat atop the kitchen’s barstool. you felt a green-monster flash of despair, both anger and sadness. of course ellie wasn’t yours, but fuck, did your delusional-ass-self really think you meant something to her? something more than just a girl she fucks? acid rain fell from your eyes as you stormed your way out of the crowded jungle of drunken bodies. time had passed and you’d gone numb. you’d rationalized it. you and ellie weren’t exclusive, you knew that. so why did that girl fucking bother you so much? it wasn’t her fault, of course, she didn’t know. and that's the thing, know what? exactly, nothing. that’s what you were to ellie, nothing, disposable, replaceable. but your whole pissed-off attitude disappeared into a mear thought when she approached you, body lanky and oh so attractive.
“what’s with this whole ignoring me thing?” ellie laughed, leaning against the wall next to you, looking over your pouting frame. you didn’t want to start anything, god knows you didn’t, but the edging creepy feeling of jealousy washed over you.
“what was that?” you asked simply, not-answering her question with another.
“what was what?” she asked, seeming genuinely confused. you sighed, then began again, uttering the first answer to a question since the conversation first started.
“her…” you said, looking around the room for the girl ellie was with earlier, “that…girl…you were all flirty with.”
“oh,” ellie sounded surprised, “that’s dina,” ellie laughed, “another, friend, of mine.”
“friend?” you asked, as if you doubted her use of the word, “that’s what i am?” you asked, jestering to yourself, “a fucking friend?” you saw the gears turning in ellie’s head, the fight or flight kicking in. she composed herself without the slightest reaction that she was ever the least bit scared, to the untrained eye that is.
“yeah.” ellie’s voice grew impatient and angry, as if to say, ‘i don’t have time for your crap’, “that’s what we agreed upon.” ellie moved her hand from her hip to in front of her, “friends.” her stern voice and your overwhelming guilt and regret was building up and you felt tears starting to form in your eyes. you let out a,
“y’know what? i- i can’t fucking do this,” before your voice could break and left the party, letting you walk yourself home. it wasn’t until you reached the welcoming doors of your bedroom that the tears that were welling in your eyes finally fell. and they fell fast. you sobbed into your pillow all night, so much so, when you woke up your pillow was still damp. you knew you couldn’t do it anymore. you slumped off your bed, and made sure to take care of yourself. you showered, did your skin care, put on something more comfortable. you opened your phone, scrolled to ellie’s contact and pressed ‘call’. there was only one ring until,
“hello?” she called out your name.
“we need to talk, ellie.”
you walked through the mountains of fall leaves and cold air to reach her apartment. you planted a solid two knocks on her door and she immediately opened the door, you could tell she was nervous. her nails were picked at and her eyes darted everywhere around the room but you. the tension was thick, and you knew you had to settle, or rather end, it.
“ellie, i don’t think we should see each other anymore.” you bluntly stated.
“ugh, c'mon is this about that stupid shit last night? you're still hung up on that?” ellie questioned.
“look it's like you said, you can’t be couple-y with me and i get that it’s just i’m a ‘girlfriend’, ellie, i have ‘girlfriends’ not…friends.” you explained, used your hands to display a pair of air quotes when you pronounced the word friends. “i’m sick of…i’m sick of being one of the many, i can’t do it anymore, that’s it okay? i can’t be your friend anymore, i thought i could be different, but i can’t, i’m sorry.” you huffed out the big speech you’d crafted on your way to her apartment. after an erie second of silence, ellie spoke.
“don’t do that.”
“do what?”
“i get it,” ellie said, rubbing her hands together trying to settle her nerves and her voice at a calm level, “i get what your doing.” ellie accused you.
“i’m not doing anything,” you stated, plainly, confusion written all over your face, wondering where she was going with this.
“if that’s what you want, a…a girlfriend, then just come out and say it okay? don’t make me sit here and worry and feel like i fucked up, don’t make me pace around my apartment, don’t come here saying ‘i can’t see you anymore’ don’t fucking do that! i’ll be your girlfriend? alright? that’s what you're really saying huh?” ellie lectured you.
“that’s not what i’m saying, ellie.” you tried to explain, but she kept going on,
“no, no, but that’s what you mean, don’t you?” she sighed, putting her hands on your waist, “c’mon, i’ll do it”
“what?” you gasped.
“i said i’ll do it, okay?” ellie forcefully stated, “i’ll be your girlfriend, it’s either all or nothing baby.”
“you can’t be my girlfriend,” you pushed her back.
“who says i can’t? huh?” ellie’s hands slithered their way back onto your waist.
“um, you, last night!” you declared, recalling her aggravated tone from the night before.
“oh come on! last night was last night, forget about it, right now is right now and i want, scrap that i need you, don’t– don’t leave me sweet girl.” ellie pleaded, begged you. you placed a hand on your hip in an attempt to display fake confidence.
“you have a hundred girls on speed dial.” you scoffed, disbelieving of this ‘new’ ellie.
“who cares about them? they don’t matter to me.”
“look,” you began, “i know you, i know your type, commitment is not your thing and that’s fine! non-commitment isn’t mine so it's better if we just go our separate ways.” you turned to leave. ellie’s hands, previously placed on your waist, went up to arm and turned you back around to look at her.
“just let me try,” ellie said, looking deeply genuine, “if i say i can do this, then i can do this.”
“ellie–” she interrupted you calling out her name, with your own.
“do you really want to stop seeing me?”
“no,” you stuttered, “but i can’t–”
“‘cause i don’t wanna stop seeing you.” ellie smiled at you.
“are you sure–?” she cut you off a third time, this time with her lips. waves crashed and goals scored in that moment. her lips, never so delicate until this point, landed on yours and connected each other. it was utterly and absolutely euphoric. her lips were soft, softer than other times you had kissed. and it was then you knew. it was then you both knew. you were the one. she didn’t want anyone else. only you. her girlfriend. and she was finally proud to call you that.
#ellie x reader#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x female reader#college!ellie williams#college!ellie#ellie tlou#tlou fanfiction#ellie angst#ellie williams angst#ellie x fem reader#ellie williams fan fiction#ellie williams fanfic
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Yes, Sir!
Soap x Reader X Captain Price
Disclaimer: This is an NSFW piece! 18+ only, please!
Fic is below the cut, hope you enjoy! This is my first time writing a piece with more than one ship!
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Word count: 3,300+
Warnings: AFAB reader, mentions of AFAB parts, penetrative sex, anal sex, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, threesome (F/M/M), dom/sub vibes
This fic is based off of a dream I had a couple days ago so if you think it's odd, that's why lmao
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Clinks of glasses together filled the air as everyone celebrated a mission well done. Task Force 141 had just completed their latest mission without a hitch, so Captain Price decided to treat the team with a night at their local bar. Laughter and chatter filled the cozy building. You sat at the bar, giggling with Soap, drinking your third beer of the night.
“Ye wouldn’t believe the shite he wis goin on aboot!” Soap leans his head against his arms, shaking from his laughter. “He wis sayin’ shite like ‘two goldfish ar’ inna tank’, an’ one of ‘em goes ‘ye know how to drive this thing?’” Soap’s voice goes deep as he imitates Ghost, and the two of you burst out laughing. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Ghost (sitting next to Soap) glower slightly at him. Your ribs hurt as you try to contain your giggles.
“Right, what’s all this then?” You hear a voice say. Soap and you look up at Price, giving him a half hearted salute as you both come down from your laughter.
“Ah, Johnny was just telling me something funny that Ghost said!” You smile, still slightly giggling. Price smiles at the two of you.
“I’m glad to see you both enjoying yourselves, even if it’s at the expense of our dear Lieutenant.” You see Ghost roll his eyes and lift his mask to take a sip of his drink. “You all worked very hard on our last mission, you all deserve a bit of rest and reprieve.” You smile at Price.
“Thank you captain! We couldn’t have done it without your excellent leadership.” Price waves his hand, grinning.
“Ah, it’s nothing without a good team. Anyways, I’ll let you three get back at it.” He waves as he goes over to where Gaz and Laswell are chatting.
Soap nudges your shoulder and leans close to your ear. “Better be careful thir, Sergeant, he wis given’ ye th’ eyes…” He giggles and you punch his arm, causing him to pull back, rubbing his where you hit him.
“Oh, stick a sock in it, Mactavish! As if!” You rolled your eyes at his comment. You had to admit though, Captain Price was a good looking man. But you would never get with your superior.
“Ooo, does ‘at mean yer open to other options, love?” He says in an exaggerated flirty voice as he leans close to you, batting his lashes. You bark out a laugh and shove him back causing him to go into a fit of giggles.
“Once again, stick a sock in it, Mactavish, you dog!” You break into a series of giggles with Soap. In your mind though, you look at him differently. Johnny is definitely a very attractive man, but you guys were just friends. Nothing more, nothing less…
The night flew by. At one point, Gaz had challenged you and Soap to a karaoke contest, and you three treated the bar to a drunken rendition of ‘California Girls’. Let’s just say, you were absolutely hammered. To the point Price insisted on driving you home along with Gaz. You accepted the offer, as you had walked here and didn’t feel like walking back home. Around 1 am, Price dragged you and Gaz out of the bar, yelling goodbye to Soap as he was also being dragged out by Ghost, who was his ride home. He drunkenly waved bye to you as he leaned against Ghost for support.
Price helped you into the back seat, as Gaz had won the front sit through rock, paper, scissors. The ride to your house was filled with laughter as you and Gaz shared stories and jokes, Price silent the whole time with a soft smile on his face. Once at your house, Price wrapped an arm around you and helped you inside. He gently sat you on your couch.
“Alright, I believe you can handle the rest now.” You grinned and saluted him. He chuckled and ruffled your hair. “G’nite, dear. See you in a few days.” He said before waving goodbye, making sure the door was locked behind him as he left.
You stretched and yawned. You stumbled slightly going down the hall to your bedroom. You changed out of your clothes and into loose fitting pajamas, before snuggling underneath your covers. You sighed contently as you drifted off to sleep…
Bang.
You jolted awake. You looked around. You were still in your bedroom, snuggled in your blankets. You groan and roll over, attempting to go back to sleep.
Bang.
Your eyes shot open once again. You slowly lean up in your bed, looking towards your bedroom door. What was that? You think. You hear more small bangs and rustling from down the hall. Slowly, you crawl out of your bed, grabbing your phone, and inch towards the door. You wince as your door creaks when you open it. You hear the sounds stop.
You exit your room as quietly as you can, and begin inching down the hall. You reach the end of the hall and peek out towards the living room. Your heart sinks as you see two, large, black figures facing you. You squint slightly. Something about the figures seems… familiar. You hold up your phone and turn on the flashlight and shine it into the living room. You almost sigh in relief when the light reveals Soap and Price standing in your living room. You then furrow your brow. What the hell are they doing here?
You step into the living room, and take note of the open window. Did they fucking climb through the window? “What the hell are you two doing here? It’s the middle of the night.” You cross your arms and glare at the two of them. They both glance at each other and grin as if they’re in on a joke.
“There she is…” Says Soap, taking a small step closer to you. You don’t know why, but you take a step back, feeling uneasy about this whole situation. Price smiles at you, an unreadable look in his eyes.
“Don’t run love, it’s okay…” Price says quietly, and you shiver slightly from the tone of his voice. Soap takes another step towards you, you take another step back. He and Price rake their eyes unabashedly up and down your body, causing your cheeks to heat. They take in where your night shirt has slipped down your shoulder, exposing your bra strap, where your pajama pants have sagged slightly, exposing your hips. Soap groans slightly at the sight, making your face heat even more.
“God love… Ye have no idea what ye do to us…” Soap takes another step forward, you take one backwards. He starts slowly stepping closer and closer, and out of apprehension, you walk slowly backwards back into the hall, inching towards your bedroom. Soap begins speaking in a low, husky tone.
“What ye were wearin’ tonite almos’ ‘ad me an’ Price bend ye over the bar…” You blush furiously. Soap eyes haven’t left yours once, practically burning a hole through your head. “Ye always look so intoxicatin’... The way ye sway yer hips… The way yer lips look when ye smile…” He groans lowly. “Yer a damn drug… ye know that?” His pupils are blown wide, with what you can now identify as lust. You go to take another step back, but trip on your own feet and drop your phone. You fall flat on your ass and are helpless as Soap stands before you. He crouches slowly, eyes never leaving yours. He grabs a hold on your ankles and yanks you so you’re underneath him.
He leans down next to your ear and speaks low. “...We’re gunna fuckin’ ruin you tonite, babes…” Your whole body shivers at his words, and your face flushes red. He looks into your eyes, searching for anything that would say no. You look back at him and bite your lip lightly. He grins and slowly drags you out of the hall by your ankles, his eyes burning into your own. When you enter the living room again Price is still standing there, and you lock eyes.
Soap drops your ankles and leans over you once again, arms caging you in. “What a pretty girl ye are…” And presses his lips to yours in a searing kiss. You let out a soft moan into his mouth, and wrap your arms around his neck. You feel him move to the side as you see Price get down on his knees and lean over you, pressing a kiss to your neck. You feel his hand drift down to your waistband.
“How about we take these off, love…” Price’s hands toy with your waistband. Soap breaks the kiss long enough for you to whisper out a breathy ‘yes’, before recapturing them. He slips his tongue into your mouth as Price presses kisses along your neck and slowly slips your pajama pants downward.
He tugs them completely off and slips down so he’s facing your underwear. Head in between your thighs, he presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh, causing you to let out a moan into Soap’s mouth. Soap’s hands begin slipping underneath your night shirt and upwards towards your chest.
“May I take these off, dear?” Price asks, finger hooking underneath the waistband of your underwear. Soap breaks the kiss and asks with his eyes to take off your shirt. You breathily say yes to both, and feel your underwear being slipped off as your shirt is lifted above your head. Soap’s hands find the clasp at the front of your bra and looks at you asking. You nod, and he unclasps your bra and admires your exposed chest, before recapturing your mouth. He kneads your chest as you feel Price moving closer to your exposed heat.
“You look absolutely wonderful, love…” Price groans and licks a strip up your heat, causing you to moan into Soap’s mouth.
“That’s it love, keep makin’ those pretty sounds’ fur us…” Soap says, breaking the kiss to gaze into your eyes. Price wraps his arms around your thighs as he sucks on your clit. You gasp and squirm as he prods at your entrance with his tongue, his mouth hot on your sex. Soap takes off his shirt and grins as you rake your eyes over his chest. “Like wit ye see, lass?” He then buries his face into your neck and gently bites as you arch your back to Price’s work.
“Doin’ so good for us, pretty girl… Gonna make sure ye can’t walk in the mornin’...” Price groans in agreement, sending vibrations into your heat. You shiver and whine as Price laps at you. You feel a knot begin to tighten in your lower belly. Price moves his efforts to your clit, and you feel one of his fingers prod at your entrance. You moan loudly as you feel his finger slip into you. You feel Soap grin against your neck.
You gasp as Price pumps in another finger, stretching you out. You clutch onto Soap like a lifeline as your thighs shiver, causing him to chuckle.
“Careful now, Captain, ye don’ wanna break her now do ye?” If you could, you’d glare at him, but the feeling of Price’s tongue and fingers has your mind practically melting. Price says nothing, he just doubles his efforts, pumping faster and sucking harshly on you. You moan loudly, the knot in your belly tightening significantly. You’re so close.
“Johnny… Price… ‘M so close, ah!” You slur out, your whole body trembling in pleasure.
“I know dear, I can feel ya. I’ll take care of you, don’t you worry your pretty little head…” Price says, before returning his efforts to your bud. Soap recaptures your lips in a heated kiss, his hands brushing over your chest. He sucks on your tongue, and the knot gets tighter and tighter. And then it snaps.
You moan loudly into Soap’s mouth, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Price slows his efforts and helps you down from your high, your whole body shaking from it. Soap breaks the kiss and you gasp for air, chest heaving. Price finally pulls away from you, and you glance up at him, his beard glistening from his work. He and Soap glanced at each other and began undressing in front of you. Once stripped to their boxers, Soap and Price switched. Soap knelt between your legs, and Price knelt behind you, gently sitting you up and leaning you against his chest. Soap gently rubbed your thighs and looked you in the eyes as he removed his boxers. His cock sprung out and your eyes widened as you took in its length. He grinned and grabbed your legs.
“Liking what yer seein’, doll?” You rolled your eyes at his comment, and flicked his shoulder with your hand. Price and Soap chuckled and he began positioning his shaft to your entrance. He looked in your eyes for any objection, but you just nodded and whispered it was okay to continue. Nodding, he gently pressed his tip to your entrance, the both of you letting out a soft groan. Slowly, he pushed into you, making him curse at your tightness and causing you to lean your head back on Price’s shoulder, who leaned down and kissed your cheek.
“You’re being such a good girl for us, dear.” He whispered in your ear, causing you to shiver. Soap bottomed out and stayed there for a moment, huffing. Slowly, he pulled out, and then thrusted back in, making the two of you gasp. A delicious burn traveled through you as he gently thrusted in and out. The burn gave way to immeasurable pleasure as you let out moan after moan for each thrust.
“Johnny… Fast- Faster… Please…” You moaned, head laid back on Price’s shoulder.
Soap chuckled slightly, groaning. “Anythin’ ye want, pretty girl.” He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest, sitting up. And then he began pounding into you, causing you to cry out. He huffed and moaned into your ear, holding you close. The knot in your belly formed again and tightened slowly, making you curl your toes.
“Aww, Price… Yer lookin’ awfully lonely over there…” Soap cooed, grinning. He stopped thrusting into you and you whined at the loss of friction. “Easy there, lass… Thought we should include our Captain… Whit’d ye think, love? Should we?” You dumbly nodded your head, wanting more than anything for Soap to continue pounding into you. You heard Price groan lowly, and the sound of clothes shuffling. Then you felt hands grabbing your ass, and a finger poke into your hole. You gasped at the feeling, and moaned as Price pumped in his finger, stretching out your entrance. You tucked your head into Soap’s neck, and whined as Price put in another finger, then a third.
“There’s a good girl… Doing so good…” Price whispered in your ear, making you whimper. Price removed his fingers, and you felt his cock tease the entrance of your ass. “This is gonna be a bit uncomfortable, darling. Don’t worry, I’ll take it slow…” Price kissed your neck, and slowly began to push in. You winced slightly at the stretch, and Soap pressed a kiss on your head and rubbed your back soothingly. Price gripped your waist like a lifeline, and hissed as he bottomed out. The three of you sat there for a moment as you caught your breath, adjusting to the feeling of the two men inside you. You’d never felt so full before.
Finally, after a couple minutes, you spoke. “O-Okay… You can… You can move now…” You wrapped your arms around Soaps neck, face still buried in his neck. You felt Soap smile into your hair, and Price rubbed your waist affectionately. They both slowly pulled out and pushed back in. The air was filled with low groans and breathy moans as the two men slowly pumped into you. Your nails dug into Soap’s shoulders.
“Ah… Faster, please…” You moaned, feeling the knot tighten once more in your belly.
“Ye sure, babes? Don’t wanna… hah… hurt ye…” Soap groaned. You heard Price make a noise of agreement. You whined slightly.
“Please… You won’t hurt me, please… I need more…” Soap and Price groaned at the sound of your neediness.
“Whatever you want, love.” Price said, before the two of them began harshly thrusting into you. You practically screamed at the feeling. They both moaned loudly at the way you clenched around them.
“Thas’ it, thas’ a good girl. Takin’ us so well.” Soap groaned in your ear, lightly biting your earlobe. All you could do was moan in response, brain turned to mush by the two men. You were sandwiched between them, being used as their own personal fuck toy. And you love it. It was a dream come true. You felt their thrusts become sloppy, their moans stuttering slightly. You could feel your own release coming as well.
“Johnny, Price, So- So close! ‘M gonna, ah!” You moaned. You felt one of Price’s hands come up and grip the back of your neck. He pulled your neck back so you were looking at him.
“Go ahead, come on our cocks, love.” He pulled you into a heated kiss. You whined into his mouth as the knot got tighter and tighter. Soap threw his head back, his thrusts getting even sloppier, and he let out a slew of curses.
You let out high pitched moan after moan, the knot getting unbelievably tight. Any second now… You were almost there. Your head felt lighter and lighter, and a ringing started in your ears, washing out the moans of Soap and Price. You were so close. It was about to snap, you were so close you could taste it. And then it snapped and-
BDING!
You jolted.
Your eyes popped open and you squinted. Sunlight filtered into your room through your curtains, hinting it was early afternoon. You sat up, looking around, blinking quickly. Everything was in place from last night, your clothes laying on the floor. You looked down. You were still in your pajamas. You scratched your head, confused. You crawled out of bed and walked down the hall, hesitantly. You peeked into the living room. It was normal. The window was latched and closed. There wasn’t a pillow out of place.
“What the fuck…?” You mumbled. Was that all… a dream?
BDING!
You turned your head back to your bedroom. Was that your phone…? You walked back to your room and grabbed your phone.
You had a couple unread texts from Soap.
You opened your phone and read his shitty typing. He was asking if you wanted to come hangout with him, Ghost, and Gaz today. They were going to see a movie and then walk around town a bit.
“Ony if yer not so hammered from last nite lol.” He typed. You rolled your eyes and texted back that you’d meet up with them at the movie theater. A couple minutes later, he texted back with the time they’re meeting. You agreed and said you’d see them there. You then sat your phone on your bed and stared at the wall.
Memories of your dream drifted back into your mind and you blushed slightly. What was that all about…? You didn’t have any feelings for either of them… you thought you didn’t at least. You shook your head. You only had a couple hours before you had to meet up with the others. So you took a cold shower and changed into a casual outfit.
You walked down the hall and glanced at the living room, your dream drifting to the front of your mind. Your face flushed and you shook your head once again, trying to clear it.
With that, you grabbed your keys and headed out, making sure to lock your door behind you. Hopefully, you could forget about it today.
What a weird fucking dream.
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Thanks so much for reading !!!! This was my first time writing a threesome, so I hope you liked it !!! I was giggling and kicking my feet the entire time while writing LMAO !!! It was such a weird dream, I'd never had one like that before. And funny thing is, I was reading COD fics before bed that night but it had NOTHING to do with Soap and Price, so I have no clue why they showed up. Anyways, thanks for reading !! Ciao!! <3 <3
XOXOXOXOX <3
#call of duty#modern warfare 2#modern warfare x reader#soap mactavish#john soap mactavish#john price#captain price#price mw2#soap mw2#cod mw2 smut#smut fic#fic wip#soap smut#captain price smut#threes0me#cod mw2#john mactavish#john mactavish x reader#john price x reader
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Hi how are you? I just finished the maze runner and I am in love with newt but sadly he died…I’m traumatized lmao and heart broken so I really wanna request newt x reader I have a plot in my mind like in the end you’re the only one with newt Thomas has gone with Minho and you have no choice but to cut your wrist to give him your blood you don’t know if it’s going to work or not and you passed out because of blood lost, And you kinda wake up at the end thinking newt has gone so you went to the nearby heal to cry alone then like someone puts a jacket on you, you turn around and he’s there (giving the night we met song vibe) like the first day you came up to the glade and you were scared and newt put his jacket over you like that
I’m not good at explaining but I hope you understand
I love your work and I have read all of your newt x reader works
thank you and have a great day!
HELLO this was requested months ago I'm so so sorry it took such a long time. I was so excited to write this idea when I read it in my inbox, thank you for requesting! Hope you enjoy :)
The night we met
Established Newt x gender neutral!reader
Set during tdc + flashback to tmr (movieverse)
Warnings: blood and injury, extremely fake medical procedures, language
The Gladers' laughter echoes into the sky, and you stand outside the circle of raucous celebration.
Despite the hot night air, you shiver at the sound of metallic screeches beyond the walls of the Maze; the walls of this trap.
You stand there, shaking slightly, until you feel something warm and soft being placed around your shoulders, and you turn and see him.
"You 'right there, Greenie?"
You remember Newt placing a gentle hand on your shoulder that night; your first night in the Glade, and offering quiet comforting words.
You remember the glow of firelight casting his hair into a halo, and that was the moment he became your guiding light, your beacon of warmth.
His hands are cold now, his eyes staring unseeingly into darkness.
“Y/n.” Minho’s voice is broken, choked in a way you’ve never heard before. “We have to- we’ve gotta follow Thomas.”
No. “I won’t leave him,” you say.
“Y/n…”
“I won’t,” you repeat. “We- we have to bring his body back. I can’t leave him like this.”
“We can’t just drag him there,” says Gally, gently, in his best attempt to be comforting.
“You guys go on,” you say. “Come back for us later.”
Minho exchanges a look with Frypan.
“Please,” you whisper.
Brenda reaches out a hand to squeeze your shoulder as she goes, and the four of them reluctantly leave you there, following Thomas' path towards WCKD.
Gone. The reality comes crashing down as you sit with Newt, alone, and something in you snaps.
The tears pour steadily faster, and you scrub then away roughly. “I’m sorry,” you whisper thickly. “I’m so sorry.”
“Damn it. You can't leave me like this,” you tell him. You card your fingers through his hair. “I love you. I love you, and I need you. I can't live without you, Newt.”
“Newton.” Newt wrinkles his nose as you reach up and ruffle his hair, and you laugh at his scrunched up face.
“What? Newt’s gotta come from some other name." You hum slightly, face tilted with an exaggerated thinking expression. "Newtie?”
“Slim it, shuckface.” He grabs your hand out of the air and keeps it tightly clutched in his so you can’t mess with his hair. You grin at the tiny smile on his face, and wiggle your fingers in his grip.
You reach for the knife in his chest, gripping it against your palm and pulling it out, before draping your gloves over the wound to cover it.
You wipe the blackened blood on your pants, swallowing bile as you gaze at the smear.
Blood. Blood. What if…
Teresa said Thomas’ blood was the cure, but what if yours works too?
You gaze at the knife in your hands.
“You’d say I’m stupid for doing what I’m about to do,” you tell Newt. “But I think I’d do anything right about now, if it could bring you back.”
You cut into your wrist, bright red blood springing out immediately.
Shuck, where do I-
You expose the chest wound again and pour your blood into it. Please, please work.
More, you need more. You cut your other wrist open and Newt’s too. Get it into his veins.
Your vision starts to blur at the edges, as you pour your blood into Newt, trying to pour life back into him.
You feel yourself fading, and you fumble to bandage your wrists quickly before letting yourself fall into darkness, slumping against the boy you love. Please come back to me.
⭒----⭒
You wake up slowly, fighting to cut through the haze in your mind.
As you sit up, your eyes fall on Newt, still lying beside you, unmoving.
He's gone. Stupid. Stupid to think you could've brought him back.
Suddenly you can't look at his face anymore. You lurch to your feet and stumble away, walking out of this shadowed place, out of the building, away from the streets.
You end up sitting on some hill nearby, alone in the grass hugging your knees, the wind blowing through your hair and drying the tears as they flow down your face.
You don't know how long you sit there, before you feel something being placed on your shoulders, the action achingly familiar.
You don't turn at first, not wanting to hope, until you hear a soft "Alright there, Greenie?"
You whip around, and there he is. Kneeling in the grass beside you, a smile on his face and tears in his eyes.
A sob escapes your throat as you dive towards him, throwing your arms around his body, feeling it warm, solid, alive.
The force of your body colliding with Newt's knocks him into the ground, flat on his back against the grass, but he just laughs and pulls you closer, his arms tight around you as you feel him press his face into your hair.
"Newt-"
"I'm here, I'm sorry,"
You shake your head, pulling back to look at his face.
It's gone, you realise, running your thumb across his cheek. The black veins that were streaked across him just hours ago have faded.
"You're okay," you murmur, more for yourself than him.
Newt smiles. "Yeah, I'm okay." He leans up, closer to you, and captures your mouth in a kiss. He tastes of black bitterness and salt, but you chase his lips anyway, until you're both out of breath.
You break apart as you hear static in your walkie-talkie. "...Y/n, you there?"
You grab the device to reply, one hand still clasped in Newt's. "Yeah, I'm here."
"Where?" asks Minho. "We're back where you were earlier; Jorge and Vince found us at WCKD, we've got a Berg nearby, but Thomas got shot so we have to get going."
"I'm just on a hill nearby," you tell him. "I'll come to you, stay there."
You turn to Newt. "You ready?"
He nods. "Yeah, let's go."
⭒----⭒
You walk in together, and you see the moment everyone's faces change, snapping to shock.
Minho's eyes jump to yours, like he's asking for confirmation, and you nod, a smile forming on your face.
Newt gives a little wave, almost nervously, and then Minho moves, dropping the gun in his hands and charging towards Newt, grabbing him into a hug.
Brenda's next, punching Newt in the arm before embracing him tightly, then Gally, and then Frypan, who doesn't let go until Minho butts in with a "alright guys, we should probably get going, Tommy's bleeding out, and we've got a safe haven to get to."
Newt holds your hand in his, tossing his free arm over Minho's shoulder. "Yeah, let's get going. Let's go home."
Thank you to @jinjinchouxcream for the brilliance behind this fic idea <3
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And That's Okay
University AU
TW: Language, University Struggles, Sexual Orientation Struggles, Strained Parental Relationships, Slight Implications of Body Dysmorphia, Angst (No Comfort), Reader implied to have anxiety, Codependent relationship, Implications of a toxic relationship, Smoking, Hookup culture
Smut Warnings: F/F Sex, Oral (giving and receiving), fingering, first-time receiving anything and everything, loss of virginity, mentions of penetrative sex, mentions of dildo and various other usage of sex toys, F/M Sex, blowjobs, drunk sex, protected sex, penetrative sex, sloppy makeouts
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, Smut
Pairing: Jeon Somi x Reader ft. Na Jaemin
Y/N Pronouns: Female (She/Her)
Word Count: 27.3K
Summary: University is when you find out things about yourself. You will find out things you'd already known and you will find out things that you didn't want to know, and oftentimes that is through the help of others who you grow close to and learn to love. But nothing lasts forever, and that's okay.
[Other Groups Masterlist]
Notes: HAHA I GOT IT DONE IN TIME FOR HER COMEBACK! So, yeah, full disclosure this is heavily based off of my own experiences coming to terms with myself but obviously it's also super fucking exaggerated because it is fanfic lmao I gotta make it entertaining somehow. But, without further ado, enjoy!
Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.
Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!
“Yeah, we’re together.”
“Oh, I’m happy for you,” you smiled. Your friend had been seeing this guy for a while now, and you were the fortunate one who had listened to her the entire time. Sweet as it may be, you were glad that she’d finally mustered the courage to say yes to his constant probings. You were happy for her, truly, you were in love with the way she smiled now and the way she spoke about him, you could see it in everything that she did, she really was in love with him. The way her hair bounced when she nodded her head, the way her lips would turn up so slightly, and the way that smile still reached her eyes. You were happy for her, really, you were.
“Thank you, (Y/N)! I only have you to thank, really, you’ve been helping me out with this since day one and… ahh,” she rubs the back of her neck bashfully. Her hair parted slightly under her hands, revealing the soft skin beneath it while she did so and the light tinge of her cheeks sent your heart racing. “(Y/N)? Everything alright? I mean, I know, it must be annoying to hear me gush about him all the time,” she asks with a small laugh.
“Yeah, fine, no, that’s okay. You like him, right?”
“I do! But, I mean, we haven’t really labeled our relationship yet because, I mean, I’m still getting to know him,” she continued on. Her voice, though melodious to you always, drowned out in the sea of your thoughts. “Oh, shoot, (Y/N), I lost track of time, I have to head out,” she glances at her phone, the lone notification on it telling you everything you needed to know. “Same time next week?” She asks.
“Yeah, I’m always free,” you nodded.
“Do you want me to walk you to your car? I know you don’t like to be alone,” she says it with a painful jab. But it was the truth. You hated walking alone as much as you hated being alone but, still, you shook your head.
“I think I’ll stay here for a bit longer.”
“Sounds good, get home safe, (Y/N)!” She packs her things.
“You too. Bye,” you waved and watched her go, leaving you sitting in the café. Goodbye.
That’s how you said goodbye to your first love.
The time was 2:30 pm in the afternoon. In a quiet café, seated at the counter near the very back, and with no more patrons than fingers on one of your hands. You could hear coffee brewing behind you, and the playlist of the day was soft jazz. The cup just a finger away had long gotten cold, forgotten as you listened to your friend’s love story, and your tablet just minutes from dying. You looked down at your notes and read through a few lines, but you didn’t know what to do, you didn’t know what to think. You were heartbroken, sure, you had to be. Your first love, the person you had fallen in love with years before and the person who you continued to love, had found someone else. Someone else who made her smile wider than before, someone else who she found herself thinking of at random points of the day, and someone else who made her feel happier than before. And that someone wasn’t you. It was your fault, really. How could she ever come to love you if you’ve never in mustered the courage to even come out to her? You couldn’t breeze through love with another woman the same way you could with another man.
You were so happy for her, she deserved this so much. But, god, when will it be your turn?
You turned your tablet off and started to pack your things. Might as well go home, then. You only agreed to go out today because she was the one who asked.
“Thank you,” you nodded your head toward the barista before heading out. It was only six in the evening, but still the sun had long set. People moved around you, couples, families, and friends alike. You pulled your hood over your backpack and started to move toward your car. Once you got there, you sat at the driver’s seat and locked your doors. Your keys remained in your hand, however, and instead of starting the car, you relaxed against your seat and sighed.
That was truly the end, wasn’t it? You checked your phone and saw the message from her. She arrived home safely. You smiled, but quickly caught yourself as you liked her message and tossed your phone on the passenger’s seat.
You said goodbye to your first love, and now you can focus on her friendship instead. Good for you, and good for her.
~
“I thought you said that dating apps weren’t your thing, (Y/N),” your classmate chimes.
“Eh, figured I’d give it a shot,” you continued to mindlessly swipe. It was true, you were more into meeting people “organically” but, well with today’s day and age, this seemed to be the more sufficient way to do things. Your classmate peered over your shoulder and you turned the screen away from him, but not before he could see who you’d hesitated over.
“Whoa, (Y/N), I didn’t know you swung for that team,” he says, disappointment in his voice.
“I mean… yeah, I like girls and guys, so what?” You shrugged, turning your phone off instead. The confession felt weird. Had you ever said it before? No, not really, you were just annoyed that the first person you technically came out to was a boy you’d just met a few minutes earlier.
“Then, why don’t we go out on a date then?” He teases.
“I’m not really into dating right now,” you said.
“Then why are you on Tinder?” He asks.
“Just cuz,” you shrugged. You just didn’t want to date him. Before he could respond, the sounds of rustling backpacks signaled the end of class. “See you next week,” you chucked your things into your bag before rushing off. You didn’t want to delve into a conversation you didn’t have time for, much less with someone who gave you massive icks with everything he said. While you made your way to your next lecture, you opened your phone again, looking at the profile you’d just hovered over.
Somi Douma, 21. She had a few pictures you could tap through. She’s really pretty, you had to admit that much. Pisces, in college, looking for something short but open to long, love language is touch, not into smoking, not into drugs. Her profile was so much like the others you’d swiped left on before, but something really stood out to you on it. You swiped right on it.
It's a match! You felt your heart stop. You? She swiped right on you before? No way. Not with the random, half a year old selfies you chose to populate your profile with. You didn’t even look all that good in them what with no makeup or fancy hairdos. You put your phone away and rushed to lecture. You couldn’t understand the cold feet you suddenly got, shouldn’t you feel some sort of validation? Some kind of joy from getting a match? You swallowed harshly. Had you ever gone on a date with another woman before? Had you ever gone on a date before? You squeezed your hands together and entered your next lecture, taking the first seat you found open.
“Hey, (Y/N),” your study group finds you easily and your first friend, Keeho, was the one to call out to you. Then three others took their seats around you. “Everything alright?” He asks you.
“Uh, yeah,” you answered vaguely. You chewed on the inside of your cheek. “Just worried about how I’m going to study for this class,” you mumbled. Keeho eyed you wearily, but decided to leave the subject. Maybe it was you being full of yourself, but you could swear you saw the admiration in his eyes. It was the same way you’d look at your first love but you knew for a fact that you didn’t even want to try anything with him. It was hard enough to make friends in college, you could only imagine how hard it would be to lose them. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you stole a quick glance. Big mistake on your part, the ‘Tinder’ tag line and the simple ‘New Message from Somi’ nearly sent you into cardiac arrest. You put your phone away and covered the lower half of your face with your hand, but this didn’t go unnoticed to your other friend.
“(Y/N)?” Yeji places a hand on your shoulder. “All good?” She asks.
“Just fine,” you told her with a heated face and a racing heart. You didn’t expect either of you to make the first move, granted, and you definitely didn’t expect to see a message just minutes after you matched together, it was too sudden. Making that account was supposed to be a joke, a spur of the moment thing you did with your friend, the same one you’d crushed on before and the one you’re one sidedly getting over too. You never expected to use this app seriously, and you definitely didn’t expect to find someone at all.
“Earth to (Y/N),” Jaemin leaned down and waved his hand, pulling you back into reality. “Your shit’s in the way,” he eyes your backpack.
“Oh, shit, sorry, Jaem,” you pulled your bag into your lap and, ahh there it went, your phone landed on the floor and the screen lit up, the Tinder notification taunting you, but you were fast to pick it up while everyone was preoccupied talking to Jaemin about the content in today’s lecture.
Close call, you shook your head and joined in with them.
But why did you even feel shame about it in the first place?
~
You looked at the lone notification on your phone sent now six hours ago. You didn’t know what to do with it. You didn’t think that anyone would swipe on your profile, much less someone as attractive as her. But you steeled yourself, laying down in your bedroom, you tapped on the notif and Tinder opened right up.
‘Hi, I’m Somi! I see we matched :) Why don’t we get to know each other better? 20 questions?’
You typed out a response.
‘Hi! I’m (Y/N). I’d love to get to know you better, I’m down. Should I ask the first question?’
‘Yeah, shoot!’ Her response was immediate and you thought for a second.
‘Are you bisexual too?’ It was missing from her profile, her sexuality you mean. But, to be fair, so was yours.
‘Lesbian, actually. How about you?’
‘That counts as a question! I’m bi… I think.’
‘You think? You just asked if I was.’
‘I’m not sure yet.’ There was a pause before her response.
‘Do you want to find out?’
‘I mean… yeah.’
‘Haha, you’re cute! Okay, I think I see why you joined this app now lol. After this game, wanna meet up?’
You looked around your bedroom. You were a commuter student, and one who, of course, couldn’t fucking drive.
“(Y/N)!” Your mom’s voice was sudden. “Dinner’s downstairs!”
“I’ll be there, mom!” You answered back. You looked at your phone.
‘Sure, maybe not today, though, I’m already at home.’
‘? Do you commute?’
‘Yeah, I’m like twenty ish miles away from my campus.’
‘Ohhh, where do you go to school?’
‘BLU! You?’
‘No wayyyyy same!’
You paused. She was closer than you thought.
‘What major?’
‘Mathematics. You?’
‘Biochemistry.’
‘Whoaaaa I’ve matched with a genius, huh?’
‘Math’s cool, though, I could never, I lose my mind over trig alone!’
‘Same, lol! But still, it’s crazy to think that we’re so close.’
‘I know! What year? If you don’t mind me asking.’
‘It’s one of your 20, so why not lol? I’m a third year. You?’
‘Aha… first year…’
‘Whoaaaaaa so you’re fresh into the college scheme, huh?’
‘A little, yeah.’
‘Aww, I remember when I first started out too! Hey, if you’re comfortable with it then we should meet up!’
Again, you stopped typing. Was this how dating was supposed to go about? Then again, she was looking for something casual, so you had to take that into account, and you wanted to know if your loveless life was due to you pursuing the wrong gender this whole time. All of grade school you’d gone without once being liked romantically, and to those flitting crushes you did garner the courage for they all laughed at your confessions, was this really your only chance at feeling wanted? You placed your phone on your chest and sighed, but then you felt it vibrate once more.
‘If it’s too soon don’t worry about it! We’re basically strangers, is all, and I’d like to get to know you better. Your profile says that you’re looking for something short and casual, right?’
‘Uh… yeah. To be honest I wasn’t 100% sure what it meant.’
‘Aww! A freshman indeed! Do you want the full graphic answer?’
You felt your face start to burn up. She sent you another message before you could type anything more.
‘I mean, it doesn’t have to be sexual. We can do cuddle buddies instead.’ You didn’t even think it had anything to do with sex. Short and casual? You had no idea what that would have entailed at all. Even with some thought into it you couldn’t piece it together.
‘Cuddle buddies?’
‘Yeah. It’s like FWB except without the sex lol.’ Never mind, you knew exactly what ‘short and casual’ meant now.
‘Well…’
‘You’re an adult, right? Your profile says so but I just want to be sure.’
‘I am!’
‘Okay! Just checking! But it’s up to you. Then again, you can just delete this convo and pretend that nothing happened.’
‘I don’t want to do that…’
‘Okay then! Just let me know, don’t leave me hanging, (Y/N)! Plus, you seem so chill compared to others on this app so I’d like to at least be friends!’
‘Yeah, ofc! I’ll have to text you later tho, to finish the game, I mean!’
‘Yeah, no prob! I’ll text you later <;3’
And the conversation ended. You placed your phone on the nightstand next to you and rolled over in your blankets. Something casual? Friendship? Something… sexual? You shuddered. You didn’t even think about it that way. You were still a virgin, no experience, no thoughts, you’d never really paid too much mind to doing anything like that. Well, you’d done some masturbation here and there, who hasn’t by this age? But nothing with another person. Your face was burning up now, something you tried to cool down by turning your pillow over and laying face down on it.
“(Y/N)?” Your mom calls you down again. “Dinner!”
“I’ll be there!” You answered.
There’s the other problem. You’re not out to anyone, well, except for that stranger who wouldn’t leave you alone earlier. What would your parents think of you? They worked so hard to help you get to where you are today, they are working so hard to help you achieve your dreams, what would they think of you if you told them this? As much as you loved your parents, and truly you did, you knew their thoughts and opinions on homosexuality and how its representation is being handled in today’s age. The words of your mother rang clear.
‘Honey, it’s okay if you are, but I’d prefer you not to be.’ And you stood by those words all your life. Such a small statement that she said to you when your best friend came out, and one that you hardly talk to anymore. She said that to you when you were in middle school and now here you were, in college, and probably, most likely, very gay. Who the hell says that to a thirteen year old anyway?
Well, actually, your mom apparently. You couldn’t blame her, though, considering the state of politics at that time. She was a mother who was afraid of what would happen to her daughter for being who she was, and you couldn’t fault her for that intention, you could only fault her for the execution.
Then, rapid knocks at your door lead you to shove your phone under your pillow just in time for it to swing open.
“Hey! Mom’s calling us! Let’s go before she comes up here,” your younger sibling urges you to follow.
“Yeah, I’ll be there,” you scrambled off your bed and ran downstairs, leaving your phone behind.
~
“Okay, just something casual, cuddle buddies, yup, just something casual, cuddle buddies, mmhmm,” you recited to yourself.
The time was 12:00 pm in the afternoon. The sun was high in the sky and the air was heavy with a dry heat. And here you were, standing in front of an apartment unit. You started having second thoughts, was it really a good idea to play into dating app culture? Was it a good idea to agree to meet up with Somi in person? What if you’d just been catphished? What if she’s a crazy axe murderer looking for her next victim? What if you just didn’t vibe with her in person versus through text? Was it too late to turn around and say that you couldn’t find her apartment? Well, yes, you did ring the doorbell already so there was no way you could turn back now.
Then, as soon as the door in front of you opened, you felt your mind blank.
“Hi! Uh…” The woman who opened the door looked you up and down before snapping her fingers, “(Y/N), right?”
“Yup, that’s me,” you answered in a higher tone.
‘Kill me now,’ your internal thoughts shouted at you.
“Wow, I knew you were cuter in person,” Somi laughs. “Come in, come in, but leave your shoes by the door in here too,” she points to the shoe rack absently while walking in. You followed her close behind, pausing only to slip your converse off, and continuing on. “I know, it’s a small place, but at least I have it to myself,” she speaks up. “How was the drive here?”
“Oh, uh, I walked actually.”
“You walked?!” She turned to you briefly with a shocked look on her face. “It’s, like, a hundred degrees outside!”
“Yeah, but, uh, I was on campus so it was just easier,” you shrugged.
“Hold on, hon, let me get you some water! You can sit wherever,” she gestured broadly and walked into the kitchen. You took the liberty of sitting down on the couch while you watched her move about from the other side of the counter, from pulling a glass from the upper cabinet to pouring a bottle of water from next to the fridge. You heard the cubes of ice clink against the glass as she walked back to you and placed it on the coffee table in front of you, just inches away from some fashion magazine she had. “So… tell me about yourself,” she says with a light tone.
“Oh, um…” This felt a little strange. Normally, weren’t first dates in cafes or bookstores? Come to think of it, you vaguely remembered a PSA saying something about not going to stranger’s houses for first dates. Was this a good idea? Did you make a good choice? What were you doing here again? Why? Huh? You felt like you’d enclosed yourself and built up another wall. You were afraid of opening up to this woman, this person you’d just met. Why did you think it was a good idea to come into her home? Dense. It’s like you forgot all the Crime Watch Dailys and 20/20 episodes your mom made you watch with her.
“(Y/N)?”
“Oh, um,” you repeated yourself and shook your head. “Sorry,” you shook your head.
“No, no, it’s okay!” She waved her hand in front of her. “You’re new to this kind of thing, huh?” She asks.
“Yeah… very,” you admitted. “I’m sorry, I know you were probably expecting something else but…”
“No, it’s fine!” She reassures you. “To be honest, I’m not too experienced either. I actually recently moved here! I transferred to BLU this year,” she says.
“Oh? From where?”
“I was raised in Korea, actually,” she nods.
“Korea? Wow!” You commented. “So why did you transfer here then? That States are so far away,” you shook your head slightly.
“Aw, you know, the usual! I wanted to get out and be independent from my parents for a bit, go on an adventure, and, hell why not, get my degree while doing it,” she says. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love them a lot! And they were really supportive of me coming out here so I have to be grateful, but, you know how it goes.”
“I do, I do, I wish I tried harder to convince my parents to let me move out for at least a year,” you shook your head.
“Oh! You’re commuting?”
“Yup, and, of course, I don’t have my license so that’s probably why they encouraged me to stay home too,” you sighed with a slight eye roll.
“Awh, but that’s so sweet that your parents care like that,” she says.
“Yeah, I guess,” you nodded slightly and you rubbed your arms up and down. “So, uh, why math?” You changed the subject.
“Oh, I’m terrible at it, like, really really bad at math,” she laughs, “but I love a challenge! And math is such a challenge, my god, I have fun with it so I decided to major in it,” she says. “And you? Biochemistry is a toughie.”
“God, you don’t even know,” you held your head with one hand before letting it fall to your lap again. Somehow, you found yourself relaxing into this conversation, any awkwardness you felt earlier started to fall away. “I’m on the premed route, actually, and biochem was just that fastest way to complete my pre-reqs,” you explained.
“Oo, premed? That’s cool!” She whistles. “You always wanted to be a doctor?”
“I mean, I guess, I had a phase where I wanted to be an astronaut, actually.”
“Didn’t we all?” She laughs. “Well, I wanted to be a stewardess for a while, but then I realized I hate flying,” she shakes her head.
“I found out I had motion sickness so I tossed that idea out really quickly,” you laughed along with her while holding your glass of water. The ice had long melted already and all that was left was the cool condensation surrounding the glass.
“You know what, (Y/N), you’re really cool,” she says softly. “I’m glad we matched.”
“Me too, it’s been kind of rough meeting new people since I started here a couple weeks ago,” you nodded.
“Yeah, that’s right, I haven’t really found my crowd either. I have groups here and there, but no one I’d definitely call a ‘good’ friend,” she says. Did you even have one? Well, the closest would be that study group you had now, the bonds from orientation apparently are very strong. “But, I dunno, you seem sweet so I’m sure people will gravitate toward you,” she smiles.
“Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah!” She says with a wide smile. “Say, why don’t we finish up that game? We still have a couple questions left.”
“Sounds good, you can go first,” you invited her.
“Nice,” she thinks for a moment, “when was your first kiss?” She asks. You drank some of your water.
“You can’t laugh.”
“I won’t!”
“Two months ago,” you said after taking a deep breath.
“Two?!” She gasps. You nodded curtly. “Whoa…”
“And you?”
“Middle school, on accident, I slipped on the wet floor and fell on top of this guy,” she laughed.
“Holy shit, that sounds like it’d hurt! For me it was in orientation. My roommate was a lesbian and she asked if me or out third liked girls too and I told her I wasn’t sure so she asked if I wanted to find out and I said yeah and… well, here I am,” you explained.
“Wow… and you’ll never know if she was a good kisser.”
“I didn’t hate it!”
“But you have no one to go on,” Somi reasons. She wasn’t wrong. You weren’t 100% sure how you were supposed to go about a kiss anyway, you just let your roommate at the time take control and you went with it. “Okay, okay, let’s settle it down a little. Coffee or tea?”
“Coffee, definitely.”
“Right, biochem.”
“You?”
“I’ve really been into tea lately!”
“Right, math,” you laughed.
“Hey! It’s good for you,” she fires back. “Okay, hm, what do you think of me so far?”
“I think you’re very nice,” you answered. “But, I’ll be honest, I was a little worried when you asked me to meet you at your apartment,” you admitted. “Respectfully, I barely know you.”
“No, you’re right! As soon as I sent that text I was like ‘God! What was I thinking?’ and here you are!” She gestures toward you. “I’m glad you agreed, though, I hope I’m not too awkward.”
“You? Awkward?” You were in disbelief. She’d only been sweet and, if anything, she’s carrying the conversation. “I’m sorry for being awkward,” you corrected.
“Oh, please, I just thought you were being polite,” she says. “Say, I don’t want to ruin the mood or anything, but were you serious about cuddle buddies?”
Whoops, you forgot about that.
“I mean… I’m down to try it,” and suddenly you felt your walls building again. “But could you run by me what we’d be doing again?” You asked, diverting your eyes only slightly before looking at her again.
“Sure, we’d just be cuddling,” she explains. “No strings attached, we’d just call or text one another when we need some affection and then voila, we cuddle,” she continues.
“That’s it?”
“Yup. I mean, unless you want something more out of it, but I’m perfectly fine with just keeping it as friendly cuddling.”
Friendly? Were you even looking for something romantic? Was she? Were you? Did you even know how to notice those cues?
“Did you want something romantic?” You asked. She thought for a moment.
“To be honest… not right now,” she shook her head. “I’m still getting into the swing of things in this new university, but at the same time, I, uh…” she trails off while she squeezes her arms. “I don’t know. Haven’t you had times where you just wanted to be held?”
Of course.
“Yeah, I get it, we can do that then, cuddle buddies,” you answered.
“Okay then! The deal is set,” she nods.
“I might be awkward at first, though, I have to admit I’ve never really cuddled anyone before.”
“Really? Oh, (Y/N), you’re missing out!” She says. “I mean, we don’t have to try it today, but I’m just saying, it’s a really nice experience.”
“I’ll hold you to that, then,” you glanced at your watch, something she easily caught onto.
“I didn’t mean to keep you if you had anything,” she mumbled.
“Oh, no, it’s nothing. I just um… can’t drive, so my parents pick me up,” you explained. “So I should probably start heading back to campus,” you cleared your throat.
“Yeah, I get it! Have a safe walk back and thanks again for agreeing to meet with me! I’ll walk you to the door,” she says before following you up. “We’ll text later?”
“Of course,” you nodded and she opened the door for you.
“Bye, now!”
“See you.” She waved at you one last time before closing the door. Afterwards, you pivoted on your heel and walked off toward the apartment’s staircase, a strange warm feeling enveloping in your chest and a small smile on your face.
Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the train wreck you were afraid it’d be, actually, you’d say it went really well. Then, as you reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped out of the complex, your phone buzzed in your pocket. You shot a quick glance at it.
‘Heyyy! Look up behind you!’ You did so and Somi waved at you from her balcony. You waved back with a smile and she pointed to her phone again before shooting you another message. This time it was a picture of her schedule, something which you responded with a picture of your own as you walked off, chancing another look back to see her waiting for you to go. Again, you waved, and she waved back. Then, with you back turned to her, you continued down the sidewalk back to campus.
In no time at all, you were at the pickup area, spotting your dad’s car waiting for you. As soon as he saw you approaching, he moved out of the driver’s seat and into the passenger side and you felt your shoulders slump. It’s not that you dreaded these mini driving lessons, it’s more like it was too hot for you to even think about them.
Then again, if you got your license sooner, maybe you’d be able to meet up with Somi more? That’d be nice, you really enjoyed your time with her earlier.
“How was you day?” Your dad asked as soon as you slid into the car. Amazing.
“Good and… hot,” you answered while putting your seatbelt on. “Why’d you ask?”
“You just look like something good happened,” he answered. You pulled the car out of park and into drive. “Check your mirrors.”
“Oh, right,” you adjusted them.
“Always put the car on ‘park’ before you do that. Your car might roll forward.”
“Right, right.”
“And always step on the brake pedal too.”
“Got it, dad.”
“Look over your shoulder before you go.”
“I know.”
The extent of all your conversations with him have just been this. Driving. You were grateful he was teaching you but sometimes it felt so hard to talk to him about anything else.
~
You both continued to text back and forth after that. But you hadn’t met up, no, the extent of your friendship had been exchanged via Tinder. More and more questions back and forth, the occasional TikTok, and every now and then the late night texts asking each other seemingly pointless questions, and it was like that for almost two weeks. Your schedules actually lined up really well, given the two year difference, and a lot of gaps between your classes lined up with hers. So it wasn’t like you couldn’t meet up, more like neither of you had the opportunity or maybe either of you were too shy to make the first move after that initial meeting.
“Holy shit that lecture was so boring,” Yeji yawned next to you.
“Don’t even get me started,” Keeho rubbed his tired face.
“God, it’s only week four,” you muttered into your hands. “Is Jaemin still with us?” You looked over at the fourth member of the study group, but he walked along silently with his eyes glued forward.
“Nope,” Keeho laughs. “Let’s go get some coffee. (Y/N) you’re down to study with us after English, right?” He asks.
“Uh… let me ask,” you pulled your phone out, sending a quick text to your mom asking to stay longer to study with them. Her response was near immediate, green lighting it for you. “Yeah, I’m good to go. Where are we studying at?”
“Probably the Sciences Library,” Yeji answers.
“Sounds like a plan,” you nodded. “You guys grabbing lunch?”
“I’m down,” Keeho shrugs.
“I’m hungry,” Jaemin adds.
“Darn, I have econ, I’ll meet you guys after if you’re still together!” Yeji says.
“Yeah, okay,” you waved at her while she bounded off toward her next lecture hall.
“Let’s eat, I have meal swipes if you guys want to go to the dorms,” Keeho pulls his ID out.
“Sure, I’ll follow you there,” Jaemin nods. “(Y/N)?”
“Um…” You’d seen enough Crime Watch Daily to know this was probably a bad idea. Not that you didn’t trust them, but they were two guys significantly more built than you taking you to a dorm room.
“We could always just eat on campus if the walk’s too far,” Keeho, seemingly sensing your unease, came up with the alternative.
“Yeah, let’s do that,” you agreed.
“Nice, I’ve been wanting to try that pizza place anyway,” he leads the way and the two of you follow behind. “We have five hours until English, god,” he slumps his shoulders. “Talk about a waste of time.”
“I usually spend these gaps napping in my dorm, but I always end up sleeping in,” Jaemin yawns. “I bet you have it harder though, (Y/N), you commute.”
“Yeah, I can’t even go home because by the time I get there I’ll have to go back to campus. I usually just spend these gaps in the library,” you walked faster to keep pace with them.
“Shoot, I should be doing that too,” Keeho whines.
“What have you been doing, Keeho?”
“Spacing out,” he cries. “How are you two studying?”
“Good faith,” Jaemin answers.
“Notes revisions,” you sighed.
“Oh, good, I thought I was too far behind,” Keeho holds the door open for the both of you now as you enter the food hub. He checks his phone as he closes the door, skimming over the flurry of texts that filled his screen. “Damn, there’s a meeting for dance club soon, I completely forgot,” he shakes his head.
“How soon? Are you still studying with us later?” You ask.
“Uh… yeah, I should be able to study with you all for like… an hour,” his eyes move up in thought.
“Hell, we need you, Keeho! You’re the only one who knows what’s going on!” You exclaimed.
“Not even, I’m as average as everyone else,” he retaliates. Jaemin says something next, but whatever it was you weren’t paying attention. No, you were more preoccupied with the girl who was waiting next to the Chinese food station. Somi’s eyes were glued to her phone, and every so now and then when she scrolled the charm attached to it would hit her bracelet. She looked up at her phone briefly and made eye contact with you and you smiled, and she waved, and you waved back. “Earth to (Y/N), we need to come up with a study plan,” Keeho pulls you out of your thoughts and follows your gaze, seeing nothing, he refocuses back on the trio.
“Study plan, right,” you glanced at Somi, who was one again focused on her phone. “Why don’t we go old school and start with unit one?”
“I will kill myself if I have to read one more passage about the cell’s organelles,” Jaemin deadpans.
“How about we stick to the study questions then?” Keeho offers. The conversation continues, but instead you look to your side again, watching Somi pick up her food, wave at you once, then leave before you could wave back.
God, was that it? Was that the only in-person experience you’d had with her over these past weeks? That’s kind of pathetic. You started drawing scribbles with your finger against the table while resting your chin on your other hand. You’d spent all day today, yesterday, and probably will again tomorrow just thinking about her. Through your exchanged texts you started associating her with everything. Even reading the word ‘Hazelnut’ under the Lattes section of the campus café made you think about her. What was she doing now? On her schedule it said she was in some advanced mathematics lab in an hour, so there’s that.
You barely even noticed the day pass by until English lecture had ended, leaving the four of you in the library to study for your bio quiz tomorrow together.
“Oh, shoot,” Yeji silences her phone as soon as it blared.
“What’s up?” You asked.
“I gotta run to the apartment, my hell roommate is stirring the pot again,” she rolls her eyes. “Sorry, guys, I have to run and make sure she doesn’t break shit again,” Yeji grabs her scooter leaning against the bookshelf. “I’ll definitely study with you all tomorrow, though!” Yeji waves goodbye before she rushes off.
“Shit… I would hate to have a roommate like that,” Keeho shudders.
“The fact that she had to take off like that must mean that it’s serious,” Jaemin shakes his head.
“It’s okay, she’s got a good grasp on the content, I guess,” you skimmed through the textbook again. You, on the other hand, do not have a good grasp on the content.
“Actually, I gotta run too,” Keeho starts packing his things. “Dance club.”
“Ah, right! Good luck, Keeho!” You said.
“Thanks, I’ll catch you guys later!” Then he was off too. Jaemin sighed and readjusted his glasses before looking down at his iPad.
‘And then there were two,’ you wanted to joke, but to be honest you didn’t really know Jaemin all that well. You, Yeji, and Keeho went back to orientation, but Jaemin had joined the group rather recently at Keeho’s recommendation. Sure, he was the newest addition, and you had to admit that you didn’t hate spending time with him, he knew his stuff and you didn’t. He was quiet when you first met him, but now he had this teasing edge to him that you didn’t think you’d see. Still, though, that’s all you knew about him. You didn’t want to say it was awkward but…
“Is there something wrong?” He asks.
“Oh, no, nothing,” you shook your head. You didn’t even know you were staring.
Aw, hell, this is awkward.
“(Y/N)?” His voice was low to not disturb the other patrons.
“Yeah?”
“Real quick, what did you get on the respiration question? I just want to double check my math.”
“Oh, uh… 132,” you answered.
“Okay, I got the same,” you heard him scribble something on his iPad. Your phone buzzed on the table next to your textbook and you flipped it over, spotting the text from Somi.
‘Hey, are you busy rn?’ You answered right away.
‘Just studying, why?’
‘R u on campus?’
‘Yeah’
‘Think you can come over? If not, though, that’s okay!’ You read the text over again. She wants you to come over? Well, you did tell your parents that you were studying today but you didn’t want to leave Jaemin on his own, that felt a little rude. Then again, he does live on campus so he could easily go home after this.
‘Everything alright?’ You glanced over at Jaemin, who was engrossed in whatever he was doing.
‘Yeah’ was all she sent, but she was quick to send another. ‘No’ You looked at the time again, you had until 9 when your parents came to pick you up.
“Hey.”
“Jaemin?” You both spoke at the same time, both of your expressions surprised. His glasses slid down the bridge of his nose and he pushed them back up while clearing his throat.
“You first,” he insists.
“Sure, um, I just got a text from my parents, turns out I have to leave earlier than I thought,” you lied. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to leave you alone and all, but you know how it goes.”
“Yeah, I get it, we’ll probably figure something out in the group chat,” he shrugs. “See you tomorrow.”
“Wait, what were you going to say?”
“Nothing important,” he shakes his head. “Get home safe.”
“You too,” you grabbed your things and walked off in the direction toward Somi’s apartment. This marked the second time you’d been there, and although it was straight shot from campus you still had to double check Maps to be sure you were going the right way. Your feet moved quickly, whether that was because you wanted to see her again or because you were worried, and maybe it was both, you moved with purpose. Wait, never mind, it was the anxiety. You looked every which way while you walked and you occasionally looked over your shoulder, something which would send you into momentary embarrassment when you made eye contact with some random passerby that you knew for a fact wasn’t stalking you. And before you knew it you were scrolling through contacts on your phone, but then a new anxiety hit.
You didn’t know who to call. Or, rather, you had no one to call. Yeji was a no, the worst case scenario is that you call her while her and her roommate were caught up in some intense screaming match, which has happened to you before. Keeho was a no too, he was at dance club and you didn’t want to bother him. All of your high school friends were off limits too, you knew that none of them would answer, you’re not a priority anymore after somehow becoming the low maintenance friend. It probably wasn’t a good idea to call Somi right now, plus, you’d see her in a few minutes anyway. So that left one person.
Jaemin.
But were you even close enough to do that? Close enough to call him and ask him something as simple as just staying on the line? You’d laugh if you were him. So, instead, you toughed it out. You tried to control your breathing, you tried to stay focused in front of you, and you tried to keep yourself calm. But at all times your hands clutched onto your pepper spray, your knuckles whitening from the pressure and your palms aching from it too.
Her apartment couldn’t have been any closer. You knew the walk was only ten minutes at the most but it felt like hours for you and, as soon as you’d knocked on her door, she opened it after your first knock and you felt your heart drop. There were tears in her eyes and down her face, her hair had been pulled at and tugged every which way, and her hands shook when they clasped against each other. She looked at you for only a moment longer before she shook her head and brought her hands up to either side of her head, them shaking more than before, and she shook her head again. You locked the door behind you and stepped forward, doing what you thought was right, and wrapped your arms around her shoulders to bring her head against your neck. Quietly, she sobbed. Her body shook against yours and you held her tighter while you rubbed her back gently. She held you even tighter, just like you were the only person grounding her.
But you really didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know if you should be doing anything else other than holding her like this, or if you should even be holding her a certain way. But one thing you did know, however, was that she definitely needed someone right now. And the way she started to wobble in her stance you knew it’d be better for her to sit down. So, you led her to the couch and told her that you’d be back, then you traced her steps when you first came to her apartment. You pulled out a glass from the top cabinet, some ice from the freezer, and you poured water from the water bottle next to the fridge before placing it in front of her and sitting by her side. Slowly, her head falls on your shoulder, and you readjust yourself on the couch so that you could pull her close to you while she cried.
Was this the time for you to ask her what was wrong? Should you even pry?
“I’m sorry,” she says between muted sobs.
“Don’t apologize,” you told her. “Did you want to talk about it?” She shook her head and you nodded.
“Just… stay like this for a while,” she says. You nodded again and you felt her shift so that she was more comfortable under you. “You can put something on too, if you want,” she says.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I like the white noise,” she responds while she hands you the remote. You flipped through Netflix looking for really anything to watch, then you noticed the series of half watched nature documentaries on her Recently Watched. Without more thought to it, you selected Our Planet and started it from the beginning.
The time was 5:00 pm in the evening. You had four hours to be with her and to make sure she was alright, and you had no idea how fast time would go while you were sitting on this couch with her watching some generic nature documentary. But, slowly, as the documentary continued she began to comment more on the animals and their narrator, and just as slowly you relaxed into your position and your arms felt more natural around her almost like they’d always meant to be there.
~
It was like a domino effect after that. She called you over more often now, sometimes just to talk and sometimes to not talk at all, then there was the routine of watching whatever nature documentary either of you could find for the remainder of your time together. Your parents applauded you and very near bragged about you to their family members about how “studious” you were staying behind at school to work with your study group and, hey, as long as you kept your grades up you could keep this charade going. Besides, it’s not like your parents knew who you really were anyway, and it’s not like you’d ever tell them either.
Leading to now, while you laid your head down on Somi’s chest, usually it’s the other way around but you figured you’d try it this way once and, good god she was right. One of her hands was on your arm and the other held the remote. Today was the first day you initiated, you asked her first if you could come over to her apartment and she said yes, thank god. You didn’t want to impose but today you felt like you just had to see her. Today you felt like you wanted to be the one held rather than being the one who did the holding.
“Oh, what do you think of this one, (Y/N)?” She asks. The cursor was hovered over a documentary about the oceans.
“Sure, honestly, I’m a little tired anyway…” you mumbled.
“Ah, so good white noise then, huh?” She nuzzles her head against yours and presses play before tossing the remote to the side. “How was your day?” You relaxed into her chest.
“Good… good…”
“Doesn’t sound good,” she comments.
“I mean…” you thought back to your argument with your mom. Then you thought about how you lied to her, and how you’d been lying to her. She just told you that you were staying out too late, that you’d been “studying” enough, and you lied to her and said that you needed to study more, but the truth was that you’d been coming here. You’d been coming here during your gaps between lectures, you’d been coming here when you weren’t studying with your friends, and you’d even been coming here in your dreams. Always here, and always with her. Your heart raced whenever you saw her name on your phone and your heart pounded whenever you saw something that reminded you of her. But you wanted to keep a good thing good. Besides, it’s not like you were expecting anything from her. She never told you about her troubles so why would you tell her about yours? “I don’t really want to talk about it right now,” you squeezed her gently and you heard her sigh.
“Okay, if that’s what you want,” she conceded. The narrator of the documentary drowned out to you while you took your time to just be in the moment. The sun had long set and you’d been here for a while now, having come straight here right after your study session. Your dad told you much earlier to text him when you wanted him to come pick you up but you didn’t want to go home.
And that’s what you texted him a few hours ago.
‘Dad, I’m staying over at a friend’s apartment to study. You remember her, right? We studied together all the time in high school.’ You felt bad for using your longtime crush for this.
‘You should come home.’
‘I have an important exam tomorrow.’
‘Ask your mom.’
You ended up not doing that. Besides, she has your location anyway, yet another reason why you had that argument with her.
You took a deep breath to calm yourself and just above you Somi started to hum a small tune. Your breath stilled for a brief moment, feeling like the tune was more delicate than a thin pane of glass and that your thoughts were a large speaker waiting to be turned on. Quietly, you listened to the rest of the song as if it was the only thing you could hear and you felt yourself relax. You always loved being here, it was like a world away from the one you come from. A place where you know you are heard and listened to, a place where you could be yourself without fear of judging eyes and whispering lips.
“What song is that?” You asked her.
“Just a tune I used to hear a lot when I was younger,” Somi says. “I used to have this music box back at home, it was a small one made of wood and when you opened it there was the white flower that would spin around in front of a mirror that was on the lid. Technically, it was my mom’s, but I would always wind it up when I saw it. I just thought it was so pretty,” she says. “Then she would tell me this story about how my dad got it for her and what it all meant and all that romantic crap,” she added with a laugh.
“Don’t leave me hanging now,” you made a move to slip away from her but there was that slight tug back from her and you stayed in your position, “what’s the story?”
“It’s a classic. Back when they were just dating, my mom and dad had met in one of those love at first sight meet-cutes. But my mom had to come back to Korea while my dad stayed behind in Canada so he bought her that music box and a matching one for himself. They made a promise to play it at the same time every day. For my dad, it was the first thing he did in the morning. For my mom, it was the last thing she did before she slept.”
“That is so romantic,” you sighed. Imagine a kind of love like that, one that transcended distance and grew stronger because of it, and even the commitment to incorporate something as simple as winding up a music box into one’s daily routine was already a movie-worthy act of love in your book.
“I mean… yeah, my parents were the hopeless romantic types,” she says.
“Hey, um… you’re sure I can stay over, right?” You asked her.
“Yeah, of course,” she nods. “You can take the bed, I’ll sleep here.”
“Wait, but are you sure? I can sleep on this couch, not like I haven’t before,” you insisted.
“Well, yeah, but those were just because of your fucked sleep schedule, (Y/N), but since you’re actually staying over I want to treat you like a proper guest,” she says. “Actually, let me get you a change of clothes real quick,” she separates from you and disappears into her room. You, meanwhile, turned to the TV, but you couldn’t stay focused on whatever was playing, being too preoccupied with the realization of wow. You’re staying the night at Somi’s apartment and she was totally cool with it. Part of you wondered if she’d say yes if you’d ask her to sleep in bed with you and part of you wondered what it would be like to be in her arms for a whole night, but was that too much to ask? Was that a boundary that you shouldn’t cross? You felt yourself start to press down on your fingernails, a habit you’d developed instead once you realized how destructive biting your nails was.
You wondered if she was as anxious as you right now.
Was it just you or was she taking a while to come out?
You looked around the apartment and you just realized it now. There were traces of you all over. Small keepsakes of things in your favorite color, small things that you owned, and small things that you’ve gifted her. You were surprised to see them all adorning various spaces and you wondered why she chose to display them. Even the blanket that was between you and the couch was something you’d picked out for her when she sent you a picture of five different colors and asked which would’ve suited her style better.
And it was true for you as well. You’d been picking up and buying things that reminded you of her constantly. Things in her favorite color, things that she owned, and things she’s gifted you. If you just took a step back and looked at the both of you from an outside perspective you’d probably think that you were in love… and maybe you were.
“Sorry for the hold up, (Y/N),” Somi returned, changed into pajamas, and with an oversized tee and a pair of shorts and handed them to you. “You know where the bathroom is.”
“Yup, I’ll be back,” you walked off and closed the door behind you, catching yourself in the mirror. You rubbed the smudged makeup under your eye and shook your head. “God… but how could she be in love with a wreck like me?” You mumbled. You pulled your shirt over your head and paused for a moment longer, taking in your reflection once more. After a moment passed, you turned your back to the mirror and continued changing, and once you’d finished you folded your clothes neatly and walked back out to shove them into your backpack.
“Ooh, you look cozy,” she opens her arms and, once more, you found yourself nestled between them.
“And you feel cozy,” you responded.
“Oh, I definitely do now,” she grins. “Now, where were we in this show? God, I love manatees, they’re just so sweet.”
“I know! So friendshaped.”
“Absolutely friendshaped!” Somi gushed.
“I used to have this three-foot manatee plush that I’d sleep with when I was younger and when I tell you I brought that thing everywhere I mean it,” you recounted.
“Now that I can see you doing,” she shifts to be more comfortable. “You seem like a huge stuffed animal gal.”
“I need to show you my collection some time.”
“A collection?”
“Yes. I’ve never thrown out a stuffed toy since I was born.”
“Oh my god, you’re a hoarder.”
“Hey, not true! I just took Toy Story a little too seriously,” you defended.
“Okay, okay, that’s fair, I love Toy Story,” she concedes. “Actually… did you want to watch it?”
“Actually? Yeah, I’m down.”
“Nice, okay,” she stands up. “I have it on DVD, but the player is in my room, you cool with moving over there?”
“Yeah, yeah,” you nodded and followed her into her bedroom.
This was the first time you’d been in here. Unsurprisingly, her bedroom really screamed ‘Somi.’ The bedroom itself was similar to the rest of the apartment with it’s neutral tones and wooden furniture, off in the corner of the room was a full sized bed with a few select stuffed animals on it and off to another was a relatively simple PC set up with the TV mounted on the wall above it such that it faced the bed. There was a dresser and a clothes rack off in the other corner of the room and in the center was a round rug to fill in the space.
“Hey, you can come join me here now,” Somi pats the bed next to her and you sit down carefully. “What, I change up the scenery and you get all shy again?” She teases and you felt your face heat up.
“I mean… well,” you swallowed nervously. “No…” you finally pushed out and you moved closer to her. She turns the TV on and skips through the trailers before starting the movie. Were you getting shy again? True, you felt this lingering sense of awkwardness around you, but that was normal. Maybe being in her bedroom did change the mood a little, but you didn’t want to say anything and risk it all. The only thing you really cared about, though, was that this was so much more comfortable than the couch, and you were living for it. Every now and then you’d hear a small chuckle from her or a muted coo and it just sent your heart into a flurry. Secretly you hoped that she felt the same, but you knew better than to be selfish.
You didn’t even realize you’d fallen asleep until the sunlight danced over you the next morning. The space next to you was empty but there were signs of someone sleeping there earlier, and you could smell the faint aroma of pancakes.
Pancakes? Oh, she’s really spoiling you here.
You pushed yourself off of the bed and wandered back out of the room and spotted Somi at the stove, a stack of pancakes slowly growing on the counter next to her, and you quietly sat yourself at the counter while you watched her ministrations. You didn’t realize it until now, but she was very clean when it came to these things. Spilled pancake batter was wiped up immediately, her hands were kept washed the entire time, and the pancake stack was near pristine. The coffee machine next to you beeped and signaled that it was done.
“(Y/N), be a dear and pour some coffee for us,” she says without turning around.
“Yeah, sure,” you took the two mugs in front of it and prepared both of them. “Two sugars and cream, right?”
“That’s right,” she slides another pancake onto the stack while you added creamer into her mug. “I wasn’t sure which kind you liked, so I made blueberry pancakes and cinnamon ones too,” she says.
“Whoa, talk about boujee pancakes,” you teased.
“I just like to add a little bit of flair,” she takes the plate and turns around to place it between you both. “So, give it a taste,” she hands you a fork.
“They smell amazing,” you cut a piece and tried your first bite, “and they taste amazing too,” you were quick to go in for another.
“Thank you, thank you,” she holds down the pancake with her fork while you pull a piece off with yours. “Did you sleep well?”
“One of the best one’s I had in a while,” you covered your mouth with your hand as you spoke, mainly out of habit than anything. “How about you?”
“Ditto,” she nods. “I ended up falling asleep partway through the movie.”
“Same, I don’t even remember what the last scene I saw was.”
“Oh, hon, you fell asleep as soon as they got to Sid’s house.”
“Really? So you fell asleep after me then!”
“Pretty sure, yeah, you are so quiet when you’re asleep that I didn’t even realize I was the only one watching the movie.”
“Oh, dammit, we’re going to have to watch it again some time for sure then!”
“Next time you sleepover then,” she says.
“Definitely,” you answered without another thought.
The time was 9 in the morning. You knew that both of you had classes in two hours, but at that time it didn’t seem like either of you cared. Instead you were both more preoccupied with the person in front of them and how their eyes seemed to have a different shine in them than before, and there was also that new and slight upturn of one another’s lips that signaled a soft and sweet enjoyment that can only be found in the mornings when you are just barely awake, the first of what you hoped would be many.
~
And many it was. At this rate it was like you were living together with how often you stayed over. What was once only a few of your items became many. In the medicine cabinet next to the bathroom sink there were now two toothbrushes, the shelves were overflowing with various skincare products, the number of towels doubled, and suddenly the shampoo and conditioner bottles ran out faster. More food stocked the fridge and pantries, and the dishes piled faster than before. There was a slight and subtle change to the aesthetics of the apartment what with your own creative additions on top of Somi’s. Yours and her clothing mixed together, your styles adapting to one another, and soon you both realized that you were wearing the same outfits.
From an outsider’s perspective, anyone would have put a label on what the two of you had. But you’d never know, because this world existed only in the confines of this apartment. Even if the two of you ran into each other on campus, a very rare occurrence, your interactions were limited to small smiles and short waves. Your group of friends and her group of friends remained separate and oblivious to your growing situationship, and you were both careful in how you worded your experiences with each other to them.
In truth, you had to admit it, you’d fallen hopelessly in love with this woman, and you prayed that she felt the same. Never had either of you two dare utter a single word that could have alluded to something more than your casual relationship, for you it was because you didn’t want to lose her, and for her, you think, it’s because she didn’t see you that way at all. Oh, how you want to ask, how you want to pick apart her thoughts and find out just what she really thinks of you and whether or not you have a chance. You think you love her, if love is the word that describes the way your heart beats when you see her face, if love is the word that describes the way you daydream and fantasize of a life together, and if love is the word that describes the way you yearn for her touch every day, then yes, you love her.
“Wait, repeat that?” You asked her. You had agreed to help her get ready for a night out between your classes, anything just to be around her.
“It's easy, (Y/N),” she says while holding the rollers in her hands. “Start at the bottom, roll up.”
“Okay…" you took the roller.
“You've never used a roller?”
“I only use curling irons.”
“Oh, honey, those are so bad for your hair!” Your heart fluttered.
“I know, I know!” You took a small bunch of her hair, flattened it out, and rolled it around the roller. “Too tight?”
“Just right,” she hands you a clip and you secured it in place before picking up the next roller.
“So, what's the occasion tonight?” You asked her while getting started on the other roller.
“Blind date,” she shrugs. You swallowed harshly. It was instances like this, at 2:54 in the afternoon, that held you back from asking for the truth. If you had brought up to her that you’d fallen in love, would she cut this off forever? Short and casual, that was what she had written on her profile. She told you from the get go that she wasn’t expecting romance, just comfort, and you had willingly agreed, not knowing or thinking how it would come back to bite you.
“Oh yeah?” You finally answered.
“Yeah, my friends set me up with him,” she mutters. That didn’t sound right.
“Him?” You asked. Her expression falters for a moment and she hesitates before answering.
“Yeah, him,” she confirms.
Looks like you both had the same secret, then. You wanted to probe more, though, but you knew better than to pry, and who were you to talk anyway? You’d only ever come out to that creep in your class to get him to leave you alone. Your family doesn’t know, your friends don’t know, and you barely found out recently. Then, it all made sense, the fact that you both had your own world within these walls and you didn’t dare let it slip out into the world beyond. It was that certain fear that held you both back and, hell, maybe it was that same fear that held you back from confessing your true feelings to her too. You didn't even realize you paused your actions until her eyes slid up to look at yours through your reflections.
“Okay,” you continued rolling her hair. “Have fun.” You didn’t mean for the responses to sound so curt.
“Thanks, (Y/N),” she smiles. Maybe you were imagining it, but there seemed to be some disappointment in it. Should you have said something? Should you have told her not to go? Held her back in some way? You were never good at reading people.
“All done,” you secured the last roller and leaned back.
“Whoa, you’re a natural, (Y/N),” she turns her head to either side to make sure all her hair had been tightly wrapped around the rollers. “Thanks, hon, sorry to eat up your gap time like this,” she turns to you.
“It’s fine! If I had something important I would’ve told you,” you reassured her. Truth be told, you probably should have stayed on campus. Your study group was cramming for your bio test as you spoke right now.
“I think I got it from here though, I won’t keep you if you have to study,” she says and you felt yourself pressing down on your fingernails again. Were you overthinking it? Did she want you to leave? Why would she bring that up if she wanted you to stay? You swallowed harshly yet again.
“I do have a midterm in a couple of hours…”
“Oh, shoot! Why didn’t you say so sooner?” Somi gasps. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N)!”
“No, no! Don’t apologize! It’s fine,” you waved your hand in front of you. “But, I think I’ll catch my study group, then, they should still be in the science library,” you checked the time.
“Yeah, yeah! No worries!”
“Let me know how your date goes,” you teased her.
“God, I can already feel that it’s going to be a whole train wreck,” Somi groans while she shakes her head. “I’ll see you soon, (Y/N),” she says.
“See you soon,” you grabbed your things and waved goodbye to her before leaving her apartment. You shot a quick text to your group chat, telling the rest of the study group that you were on your way.
‘Thank god, (Y/N)! You’re the only one who knows anything for this class’ You could almost hear Yeji’s voice.
‘Jaem keeps saying he knows but then we double check and he’s WRONG’ Keeho’s was as easy to hear as ever.
‘at least i’m trying’ Jaemin types the way he talks. Luckily for you, campus was only a ten minute walk away, not bad but not good either, and it took another five to get to the science library from where you were now, which left you a good three hours before your midterm.
And, in no time at all, you were seated with your study group in a room that Keeho had miraculously reserved for the whole semester. Good on him for thinking ahead, because this room had been witness to your development as a friend group. From the actual study sessions at the beginning, to the now prolonged breaks filled with trauma dumps from everyone, the third floor room 346 is a study room that will remain in your memories.
“So I told him ‘no and fuck off’ before storming out of that party,” Yeji rolls her eyes.
“(Y/N),” Jaemin said your name quietly so as not to disturb Yeji’s and Keeho’s pep talk with each other. You lean closer to him and he circles one of the practice questions with his stylus. You nod your head and look back at your worksheet.
“Oh, okay, so what you want to do first is determine the common trait those two have, then you can determine the common ancestor from that,” you explained to him.
“Got it, okay,” he returns to his world of studying while you did the same. Though seated next to each other, you each had your own bubble you stayed within, he was just so ‘in the zone’ when he studied and you were so ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ when you study that just thinking of intruding on each other would be catastrophic. But, before you could realize it, you were drawing scribbles on your notes and wondering how Somi’s date was going. You glanced at your phone, wondering if she’d send you an SOS text or start live texting the date to you, but your lock screen remained silent, with the only notifs coming in being from your classes. You focused on another question and immediately drew a blank.
“Hey, Jaem?” You glanced at the other two, who were now having a conversation about what the next best anime would be this season, before turning to Jaemin, who’s head had turned toward you while waiting for you to continue. “For number 34, does this have to do with mitochondrial genetics?”
“Uh…” he glances at his notes and flips through a few pages. “Yes?” He didn’t sound too sure. “Let me double check that, I thought it was just X-Linked genetics.”
“Wait, no, I can see that,” you looked at your notes again. “Sorry, can we compare notes really quick? I know it’s on this slide but I think I might have fallen asleep during this part of the lecture,” you slid your tablet toward him and he did the same with his and you both looked between your notes slides.
“Oh, here’s what you’re missing,” Jaemin highlighted the section that you didn’t write down.
“Thanks,” you both turned to each other and your breath caught in your throat.
Now, when did you two get so close to each other? Just inches apart and one wrong move could lead to some kind of physical contact. Jaemin’s glasses slide down the roof of his nose and, without thinking about it, you gently grabbed the junction of the arm and the frame to push it back up for him.
“Thank you too,” Jaemin was the first to pull back and, with one glance toward the other two, it became clear that they didn’t witness any of what had just happened. You turned to your notes, your body somewhat twisting away from his direction while you busied yourself with… cell anatomy. Dammit, (Y/N), if you were going to choose one slide to pretend to study at least make it something confusing like Hardy Weinberg.
But what was this feeling that creeped up on you? The way your heart skipped a beat when you turned toward him and saw just how close he was, it left your face heated and your breath unsteady. The last time you felt this way was with Somi, when you woke up from an impromptu nap and caught a small glimpse of her face while she read what had to be an engaging book of some sort. This was probably nothing, you think. It’s completely different than what you felt with Somi. You think so, at least. You shook your head, holding your hand to it to feign a headache.
“Oh, fuck, T minus one hour until that midterm,” Keeho panics.
“God, what kind of class has three midterms?! It’s called midterm for a reason!” Yeji finally opens her textbook.
“Numbers don’t define us,” Keeho mutters.
“For fucking real,” Yeji downs her coffee and focuses on the page in front of her.
Needless to say, that midterm was fucking horrible. Every single thing you had decided to ghost over because it was ‘common sense’ was worth a hefty twenty points in an exam you didn’t think would be free response. You swear you could hear the gears in your head moving on overdrive when you would have to reread another unfortunate question.
“I’m dropping out,” Yeji said as soon as you left the lecture hall.
“Numbers don’t define us,” Keeho repeated under his breath. You pulled your phone out and unsilenced it, and near instantly your phone flurried with notifications from whatever, but only two stood out to you.
‘Are you coming home today?’ Your sister.
‘Can you come over?’ Somi.
“Christ… I’m just gonna go home,” Yeji yawns. “I can’t, guys, like, I know we planned for ‘Hot Girl’ dinner but I am not feeling too hot after that,” she shakes her head.
“Wait, seriously? No way,” Keeho’s shoulders slump.
“Let’s just do it tomorrow, Keeho, I want to pass out,” Yeji argues.
“Yeah, I might go home too, that all nighter we pulled was intense,” Jaemin says.
“Damn… okay, fine, Yeji, I’ll walk with you back, my dorm’s on the way too.”
“Yeah, sure, I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Yeji waved and walked off with Keeho running close behind her.
“How about you, then?” Jaemin looks to you. You chanced a glance up at him.
“Uh…” you hesitated. “Don’t know yet,” you shrugged.
“I’ll walk you over to the pickup area,” Jaemin offers, “only if you want though,” he quickly added.
“Uh… yeah, yeah, I’d appreciate that,” you nodded your head and you both were on your way, neither text on your phone answered just yet. Jaemin’s hands were in his pocket, a miracle considering his messenger bag was somehow balanced on one shoulder. You didn’t know what it exactly was, but something about the way the sunset hit him framed him perfectly. His eyes slant over toward you.
“What are you looking at?”
“Nothing, just wondering what your skin care routine is,” you covered.
“Cleanser then moisturizer,” he shrugged.
“It’s always the boys who don’t care who have the best genes,” you sighed. You both came to a stop at the drop off, him waiting for you and you waiting to make a decision.
“(Y/N), actually, could I—” he is cut off by a loud brring startling both you and him. Somi’s name appeared on your phone and you scrambled to answer it.
“Sorry, Jaem, give me a second,” you apologized quickly and held it to your ear.
“(Y/N)?” Somi’s voice was different. “Sorry, I’m sorry if you’re busy, but could you come over? Please?”
“I, uh,” you looked over to Jaemin, who wasn’t listening to you intentionally. He rose an eyebrow toward you as if to ask if something was wrong. “Yeah, I’ll be right there,” you said.
“Thank you, thank you, just… take your time, it’s okay.” Name a more obvious way to tell you to get there as soon as possible.
“Sorry, Jaemin, that was a…” you trailed off, trying to find the right word to use, “friend of mine.” It didn’t feel right to call her that. “She really needs some help right now, I think I’ll head over to her apartment,” you pointed in its general direction. “What were you trying to tell me again?” You looked at him and he shook his head.
“Nothing important,” he says. “I was just going to ask when you were going to get your license,” he smiles at the end and you pushed him lightly.
“Jerk.”
“I’m just asking,” he raises his hands up.
“Soon, okay? I’m working on it!” You rolled your eyes. “But, still, thanks… I appreciate you waiting with me.”
“Any time, did you want me to walk you over to your friend too?”
“No, no, it’s okay,” you waved your hand. “But, uh… if I call you, just pick up, you don’t have to say anything,” you added. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” he waited for you to leave first, and that you did. Your phone was in your hand, having typed out an apology to your sister and a confirmation to Somi. You chanced a look back at your friend, ready to wave goodbye, but, instead, he was sitting down on the bench, his elbows on his knees and his hands covering his face. You looked down at your phone again, a recent text from Somi telling you to take your time, but you knew better, you knew her better. But Jaemin was also your friend too. But Somi… You turned away from him and continued on your way.
When was the last time she called you when she was like this? A while ago, actually. You really didn’t have time to think about it, as soon as you got to her apartment and you saw that it was unlocked, you knew that there was something very wrong. You locked the door on your way in and looked around. The apartment was silent, clean, and untouched.
“Somi?” You called out to her. No answer. You walked further into the apartment, checking her usual spots. The couch was empty, the kitchen unused, and the bathroom was wide open too, and that left one place. The walk to her bedroom seemed much longer than usual, but when you finally got to it, your hand hovered in front of the door, ready to knock but not knowing what exactly to say. Carefully, gently, you knocked on it.
“It’s open,” Somi’s voice was quiet. You opened the door as slowly as you’d knocked on it and you saw her wrapped up in her comforter in bed. You approached her and she turned away so that her back was facing you. Your heart ached for her, there was this inexplicable draw that dragged you toward her and you wanted nothing more than to comfort her and to find out just what happened for her to near seclude herself like this.
“Hey, it’s cool if I sit on your bed in jeans, right?” You tried to joke with her. No response. You sat down with your back to her now. You twisted so that you could see the outline of herself hidden under that huge blanket. “What happened?” You chanced a dangerous question. You never asked what’s wrong, she never asked what’s wrong, you just called or texted one another and you showed up here. This was a barrier, one of many that you both agreed to put up, if she answered you now then what would that mean for the both of you? She didn’t answer, and you thought that that was it, you turned away and shook your head, you didn’t know why you even asked.
“It was bad… really bad,” she answered. You turned to her and she was looking at you.
“Oh, Somi,” you leaned down and brushed the hair out of her face and tucked the loose strands behind her ear. Her lips slipped into a frown for a moment before it flattened again. “Did you want to talk about it?”
“I…” she hesitated and averted her eyes for a moment. “I’m not out to my friends.”
“Neither am I,” you shook your head.
“They keep setting up these dates with these guys they think I’d like, and I keep going to them thinking maybe something will be different,” she shakes her head. “But… no, they always end up the same. I hate it, I hate those men they’re all the same in the end they’re all…” she trails off and shakes her head again. “He was a real asshole, (Y/N), I wish you were there to see it.”
“The money I’d pay to see you talk some sense into him,” you agreed.
“Homophobic asshole…” she grimaced. “I, uh… I told him at the end of the date that I had fun, but I didn’t want to give him false hope. So… I told him I didn’t think we should have a second date,” Somi’s voice started to wobble.
“And?” This was it, the meat of the story.
“He called me a dyke.”
“Oh that asshole,” you gasped.
“I know! I know, and you know me, usually I’d fight back but…” she stops. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t say anything because if I did then I’d be coming out to some ugly, no life jerk who throws a hissy fit when he doesn’t get what he wants,” she sits up, but keeps the blanket tightly wrapped around her. “That’s the thing with this country… people don’t get what they want so instead they find other ways to degrade others even if they don’t know the meaning of their words,” she says quietly. “Nearly every man I’ve tried to go on a date with has been so… so horrible, I…” she struggled to get her words out.
“It’s okay, Somi, it’s okay,” your hands tangled in her hair and you did your best to comfort her. “But… he didn’t do anything to you, right?”
“No, I got out before he had the chance,” she says. “It’s just that… I don’t know, he was so aggressive and I was just so scared,” she shuts her eyes as if to shut the memory out. “But it got me thinking, of course every date I’ve had with men was horrible, I’m not attracted to them. Yet on the other side every woman I’ve dated hasn’t ended well either. I think I have something good and then they’re gone. Faster than I could ask what happened,” she covers her face in her hands and drags it down her face. Then, silently, she reaches into the drawer next to her and pulls out a small box and a lighter. “I…” she stops talking, holding the cigarette between her lips. She looks at the lighter in her hands and, after some hesitation, she hands it to you. “Keep this away from me.” You nodded and placed it on a further shelf. She rolls the cigarette from one side of her mouth to another.
“You smoke?”
“Used to.”
“Used to?”
“Sophomore year was hard.”
“Is that a warning?”
“Sure.”
“I can barely make it through my freshman courses,” you chuckled. She pulled the cigarette out of her mouth and chucked both back into the drawer. “If you used to smoke, then why do you keep those?”
“I don’t really know,” she shrugs, “you saw me just now, if I didn’t stop to think about it, I probably would have rebounded,” she places a hand on her forehead and brushes her hair back. “God, (Y/N), I’m a wreck, aren’t I?” She looks at you sadly and you freeze. What should you say?
“Yeah, you are,” you nodded your head. You probably could have worded that better. “But that makes you you, right? You wouldn’t be Somi if you didn’t fuck up here and there.”
“Even if those fuck ups are, like, really bad?”
“Even if they’re really bad, yeah,” you nodded again.
“(Y/N), I’ve done so many things that I’ve regretted,” she says.
“I’m sure we both have.”
“Oh, (Y/N), you don’t even know,” she hit her head against the wall. “With all the shit I’ve done to my previous partners… it’s no wonder I’ll never be loved like that again,” she closes her eyes gently now.
“Hey, don’t say that,” you answered too quickly. She opened her eyes and they landed on you. It was offensive, almost, for her to say that. You loved her, you think you do. Even now, just being here, your heart beat towards her and your thoughts were filled of her at almost every waking hour. You loved her, and she didn’t see that, or she didn’t want to. “There’s plenty to love about you,” you added quietly.
“Like what?”
“Like how you look out for everyone, even if you don’t like them,” you thought about more, “like how you modify your recipes when you know someone doesn’t like a certain ingredient, or like how you wake up early whenever people stay over to make them breakfast…” you catch yourself, pausing for a moment, and never once did she look away from you. She knew it as much as you did and she probably caught onto it before you did too. “Somi, I…” you looked at her and, without saying anything more, she leaned toward you, her hand resting on your cheek and then she stopped, just centimeters away from your lips. Your eyes widened and both of your breaths stilled.
Another barrier.
Skinship only, no kissing. No feelings, no strings, and no expectations for something more. That was the deal.
But you didn’t like that deal anyway.
You closed the gap. Your lips pressed against her’s softly, and it felt wonderful. This surge of ecstasy shot through you and left you wanting more, and when she pressed forward against you it was like pure bliss. It was her who pushed away first, and before you could say anything, she beat you to the punch.
“Better than orientation?”
“Way better,” you nodded slightly. A small smile rose on her lips and she looked away for a moment before looking to you again.
“Can I kiss you again?”
“Yes,” you both leaned into each other and held onto the other, with every kiss growing in intensity and every touch being softer and still more passionate than before and as this barrier fell and crumbled, another threatened to fall. Her hand rested on your bare hip and yours wandered around her body, was this alright? Was this safe? Was this something you should do? You felt this desire in you that you’d never felt before, but you were afraid that it was going to fast, you were afraid that you’d mess up in your motions and that you’d never see her again, but you couldn’t stop, you didn’t want to stop.
There’s no going back.
You gripped onto the hem of your shirt and her hand wraps around your wrist.
“Are you sure?” She asks you. She’s never had a more serious look before.
“Yes, I’m sure,” you nodded and she let your hand go. You pulled your shirt over your head and she did the same with hers, then she wrapped her hands around you and snapped your bra open before pulling it off, and again the two of you connected. Your hands, unsure, moved to her breasts, and you fondled them the same way you did your own those sparing times you’d found the chance to explore yourself, and as you did so her lips trailed along your face. You moved until you were straddling her now and her hands hooked under your waistband.
“I hate jeans in bed,” she says against your skin.
“I know, I’m sorry,” you answered.
“God, they’re just so damn hard to pull off,” she says with an airy laugh. You laughed too, pressing your forehead against her shoulder, you helped her pull your jeans off and soon you were left in nothing but your panties. And all the while you avoided your own gaze in the mirror. Of all the times to think of this, your first time would be marked by your own fear. Somi moved to the other side of you, crawling off the bed and turning you with her and away from the mirror, she kneels on her carpeted floor nestled between your legs. She tugs at the elastic now and you nod your head, watching her slowly pull your panties off until they dropped to the floor.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” She looks up at you, both of her hands were resting on your thighs. She massaged slow circles into them.
“I’ve never done this before,” you told her. “But, I trust you,” you added.
“We can stop, it’s okay if you’re not comfortable.”
“No, no, it’s okay, we can keep going,” despite your words, you couldn’t look at her, your face was too hot with embarrassment. She presses small kisses to your thighs now, and the air against your now exposed pussy was cold. You let out small whimpers as she moved up the inside of your thighs and stopped just before your pussy. “It’s okay, I trust you,” you told her. She blew onto your clit softly.
“I’ll go slow,” she says before lightly licking up your pussy. Your whole body shuddered around her, and you did your best to keep your legs opened. She pushes forward and you felt her tongue start to move around inside of you, pulling out strained sounds you didn’t even know you could make. “Just relax, (Y/N), I’ll take care of you,” she says against you, only eliciting another moan.
“Mm, Somi, I…” you swallowed your words down when she gently sucked at your clit. “It feels, ah, it feels good…” your voice trailed off and you felt yourself start to relax, though your hands squeezed at the bedding under you. Her tongue starts to move deeper into you and you sighed. Then you felt her push a finger into your pussy and your whole body tensed again. She paused for a moment. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” you pushed her forward and she continued. You could feel your wetness start to pool under you and the embarrassment grew. But you couldn’t think about it for long, no, not when she added another finger and started to make slight scissoring motions with them. Your hands slid against the comforter as you moaned more.
“You’re doing well, (Y/N),” Somi praises you.
“I…” your words are swallowed up by your pleasure again. “I feel tight,” you muttered.
“That’s okay, baby, just let it out,” she guides you.
“Mm,” you grasped at the couch cushions and you felt your hips buck forward, your pussy clamped down on her fingers and you let out a loud groan before relaxing again.
“Oh, honey, don’t tell me that’s the first time you cummed,” she props her head up on one elbow. First time someone’s made you cum, that’s for sure, but not the first time you’ve cummed at all. “So quickly too…” she clicks her tongue.
“I…” your face was hot with… something. You’d never felt this way before, but, again, you’d never experienced this before, you’d never experienced this level of passion. Then, with both hands on either side of your thighs, she rose up and pressed her lips to yours in a searing yet soft kiss. You could taste the bitterness of yourself on her, it mixed with that lingering taste of strawberry ice cream you’d both shared earlier, and, in whatever hot fervor you had, you opened your lips slightly and pushed against her, allowing for her to deepen the already sensual kiss. “I want to do that again,” you told her when you finally pulled away.
“Are you sure?” She asked this question, yet her hand rested on the inside of your thigh, ready to move at a moment’s notice. Her thumb ran circles over the sensitive skin in a teasingly slow motion that still somehow had you reeling. You could only nod your head shakily, wanting— no— needing more. You’d never felt this way before and you wanted so much more. She began to press kisses down your jawline, now, as she lowered you to your back and slid her hand up your legs and over your pussy. She presses two fingers in now and you let out a quick gasp before pressing your head against the mattress. She lowered her face to your clit once more, being precise in her movements, and her tongue swirled around your clit, flicking it up every so now and then and leaving you a moaning mess against her. She pressed sloppy kisses against your pussy now, making obscene noises all along the way while swallowing your wetness whenever she found the opportunity to do so. Your hand pressed down on the top of her head, this newfound pleasure becoming more and more addicting, and in your search to find something— anything to touch, you ended up lightly squeezing your own breast, playing with the nipple that had grown much more sensitive.
Then you felt that tightness growing in your abdomen again, the tell tale sign of pleasure, but right before you felt it reach its climax you stopped, nudging her head for her to look at you.
“Yes?” There was a small smile on her lips.
“Could I…” you swallowed harshly, still panting from your moans before. “Could I try it?” You asked her. She rests her head against your thigh.
“You’ll have to be more specific than that, baby,” she cooed. You turned away for a moment, your face hot with pleasure and embarrassment.
“Oral, let me try it,” you were able to push out. Again, she grins, a Cheshire like smile like she’d heard what she wanted, and she stood up slowly, sensually, and pulled her shorts down before sitting next to you with a small bouncing motion.
“Okay,” she says. “Give it a shot, I’m already worked up anyway,” she says. You chanced a quick look over of her, the wet patch on her underwear out in plain sight. “Or… did you need some help with that?” She brought one leg up while leaving the other hanging off the bed.
“No, I can do it,” you leaned down, pulling her panties off with some confidence before immediately losing it.
“Just take it slowly,” she says. You nodded slightly, trying to do as she did with you albeit sloppier with your inexperience. Then, steeling yourself with whatever, you licked your tongue up one of her lips that dripped with wetness. “Whoa, baby, relax,” despite the levelness of her words, you felt her legs tighten slightly around your head, “slower, take your time,” she says while gently running her thumb along your collarbone.
Slowly, okay, you can do that. You tried to replicate what she did earlier, though it was obviously affected by your inexperience, when you heard her quieted sighs you felt this entirely different rush than before, just as if something had sparked within you.
“Mm, okay, let’s, ah, let’s take it up now,” Somi rubs the top of your head slightly, then she moves her hand to her pussy, spreading it open for you. “Know what I mean?” She was barely out of breath while she traced them with her index finger, hinting to you what she wanted you to do. Again, your nod was unsure, but you leaned forward and pressed an experimental finger into her, eliciting a sharp gasp from her.
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” you apologized quickly.
“No, no, don’t apologize, it feels good,” she nodded against the pillows. “Deeper, (Y/N),” she nods firmer. You obliged and, as you did so, she pulled you up to her so that you straddled her waist and she pushed your head down against hers, locking your lips into yet another open kiss. Your tongues moved against each other, probing and swirling all around while you boldly added another finger to prompt Somi to kiss you harder with both arms wrapped around your neck. She separated from you only once, just enough to lean against your ear to whisper praises while you finger fucked her for the first time. “Good, girl, just like— haa,” her head hit the cushion hard while her body tensed under you. “Are you sure you’ve never done this before?” She asks.
“Not on anyone, no, just on myself,” you answered. You felt the walls of her pussy clamp around your fingers and you leaned forward so that your head was next to hers. Your heads turn to each other and, before you could say anything more, she presses her lips against yours.
“Did you know that you’re dripping all over my bed?” She grins before moving you so that you were beneath her, “tell me if you want me to stop,” she says before bending down to your pussy and attaching her lips to it, eating you out with a new fervor you’d thought you’d only ever see in porn. Every now and then she’d look up at you with wide eyes that’d relax into more sultry ones as each lick was followed with a line of slick from your vag.
It was all so… erotic. The way she held your legs open, the way she swirled her tongue inside of you, and— god— the way she looked at you. You felt like cumming from that alone.
It was a long night. You didn’t have a chance to check the time, you didn’t really care much for it right now. All you could think about was her, Somi, and the way she drove you into bliss. You’re pretty sure you loved her, you trusted her at least, you trusted her with your first time, and you were enjoying every second of it.
~
Again it was like a domino effect. That first time with her was certainly not the last. Every now and then she would bring up some strange thing she found in her “research” and she’d ask if you’d want to try it, and near every time you’d said yes. You were open to exploring your sexuality and so was she. You’d tried a lot now together, actually, role play, ice play, sensory deprivation, and even some shibari, which the two of you would likely never do again. You should’ve been more wary when she came back with a Home Depot bag in hand and a devilish glint in her eyes.
So this is what it felt like, friends with benefits. Just sex, sex, and more sex, and if you were lucky there was the cuddle session somewhere in between too, but you didn’t hate it. You rather enjoyed it, spending time with her and trying new things, and always after it ended the same way regardless of whether or not you or her were tired. Before you knew it, you and Somi had been together in this strange relationship for near four months now, a track that you were sure that only you were keeping track of, celebrating milestones in silence and maybe overthinking the days she seemed a little more affectionate that overlapped with those milestones. Some days you wondered if this was how things usually went, was this the normal pacing of a relationship? You wished you had someone to ask, someone to talk to about this, but, amazingly, these four months stayed within these walls, unknown to the outside world.
“They always make those cakes look so good,” Somi says with a slight twinge of disbelief. Her arms were wrapped around your nude body and you nodded against her chest.
“I always crave cake, too,” you sighed. This was the usual aftercare.
The Great British Baking Show. Or better known as the show that turned you and Somi into backseat bakers.
“Ugh, the green and blue did not mix well together,” you commented.
“Honestly! She should’ve gone for the blue and purple, or at least a different shade of green,” she adds on.
“We should try baking sometime,” you wondered aloud.
“Oh we definitely should,” she nods while her hands wander further down.
“Somi,” your voice had a warning tone. It’s not that you didn’t want to have sex, it’s more that you wanted to finish this episode.
“Come on, I’ll pause the show.”
“No, it’s not the same,” you shook your head.
“Fine, fine,” her hands nestle on your hips once more, but her lips still moved about, biting softly on the shell of your ear. “You look like you want to ask me something,” she said quietly.
“Uh… yeah, do you think I can stay over tonight?” You asked. Tonight was one of those rare nights both of your parents would be out of the house and your younger sibling was staying over at a friend’s. The house was empty, and having Somi over was a bad idea considering the Ring cameras all outside your house, and so the next best thing was to stay over. Plus, you finally did the right thing and got your parents’ blessing to stay the night at a “friend’s” house.
“Not tonight, I’m sorry, (Y/N). I have plans later tonight,” she says.
“No, no, all good, I’ll ask another friend of mine,” you nodded.
“Are you sure?” Before you could answer her, her doorbell rang, and while you made a move to get more comfortable in her covers, she stood up straight. “Shit.”
“What? What’s wrong?” You sat up now, the comforter that previously covered you fell onto your lap. She looks at you before looking at her bedroom door.
“Oh, fuck, I completely forgot,” she rubs her hair harshly and tumbles out of bed, falling harshly on the floor.
“Somi! Oh my god, be careful!” You followed her and helped her up, and as soon as she was on her two legs, she shoved a set of clothes in her hands.
“Get dressed, (Y/N), my parents are here.”
“Your parents are what?!” You scrambled to put your bra on.
“Here! They’re here! I forgot, my mom flew in recently and of course she’d want to visit me, I… fuck!” She fell back on her bed in a rushed attempt to pull on a pair of shorts.
“Parents, oh hell…” your hand covered your mouth. Parents, you’re about to meet her parents. Now this isn’t something you’d predicted at all, but then again you and Somi had been doing this, whatever this was, for almost two months now. But parents? Her parents? Oh hell, you’re so fucked. You don’t even know what to say to them, how would you introduce yourself to them? How would you even explain why you were in Somi’s apartment wearing her clothes? Your mind was tossed into a spiral that you hadn’t felt in a very long time, and you felt this strange sense of dread forming in your abdomen.
“Okay, okay, this is fine, just act natural, (Y/N),” you both rush out into the main room and you took a seat on the couch while Somi opened the door.
“Mom, dad!” Somi grinned ear to ear and you swear you saw a halo of light form around her head. “Come in, come in! How was the flight?” She’s almost too good at hiding.
“It was good, enjoyable even,” her mother says. She then notices you. “Oh! Did you have a friend over?” You waved shyly.
“I did, yes, mom, dad, this is my best friend (Y/N),” she gestures toward you. But you stopped listening after she called you her best friend. What the hell was that? You literally had your entire tongue all up in her pussy less than an hour ago and now you’re just best friends? You held it in, took a deep breath, and smiled.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Douma,” you greeted them.
“Oh! Hi there,” her mother grins. “I didn’t know Ennik had such pretty friends.”
“Ennik?” You glanced over at her.
“Right, right, you like to go by Somi,” her father laughs.
“I don’t want to intrude, so I think I’ll head out now,” you made a move to head toward the front door, but her mom stops you.
“No, no! You should stay, (Y/N). Come on, I’ll make food for all of us,” she insists. And who were you to say no? You thought that at one point they would be your in-laws, but now you were starting to feel like that was a delusion.
And now that you were all seated at a table together, you felt like you’d learned so much about Somi, Ennik, all together. But, of all the cute things that her parents shared, there was one glaring truth that pierced your heart. Somi hadn’t come out to them. To her parents, she was still straight.
“How was that boy I set you up with, Ennik?” Her mother asks. A boy? You didn’t hear about her meeting anyone, not since that incident weeks ago.
“He was fine,” Somi responded as if she’d been practicing.
“I heard you went on more than three dates this time,” she chuckles. “Usually you give up after the first one, I guess this one was special, right? See, hon? I told you! No one knows our Ennik better than I do,” she nudges her husband.
“That’s right, mom!” Somi matched her energy. But all you could do was play with your food. Occasionally you’d eat a bite here and there so that they didn’t suspect, but there was just this heavy pit in your heart that threatened to swallow you whole, and for some reason it made you nauseous. Was it just you or was it hard to breathe in here?
“Well, (Y/N)?” Somi’s mother turned to you.
“Sorry?” You shook your head.
“Oh, I was just wondering if you had a nice boy in your life too! You’re very pretty, I’m sure the boys are lining up to meet you,” she chuckles. The first person you thought of was Jaemin. Would he even be open to being in a relationship with you? He struck you as the kind of guy who was focusing on his education more than looking for something to commit to. But you wouldn’t say that you couldn’t see a future with him. Though you had to admit, while you saw yourself having something short with Jaemin, you could see your whole life with the woman to your right side.
“Yeah, there’s someone I’m interested in,” you finally answered, whether you were thinking of Somi or Jaemin you didn’t have time to figure out.
“See! Maybe since Ennik is with someone like you she’d find someone to settle down with,” her mother grins. “You should introduce Ennik to some of your friends.”
“Mom!” Ennik’s face reddens with embarrassment.
“I’m just saying, honey, your father and I want to take care of our grandchildren soon! You’re not getting any younger,” she says.
“Honey, maybe we shouldn’t talk about this with a stranger at the table,” Somi’s dad cuts in.
“Oh, it’s fine, they’re friends, right?” Somi’s mother looks to Somi, and you looked to her as well.
“Yeah, mom, (Y/N) and I are just friends!” She didn’t have an ounce of remorse on her features. You of all people should understand, you weren’t out to your parents either, but to lie to her parents with no consideration toward you? It didn’t even look like she regretted it one bit, and you knew Somi to wear her emotions on her sleeve. You turned away and drank some of your water. How ridiculous this all was, maybe it was always one sided from the start and everything these past few weeks was some delusion you fed yourself. How stupid of you to trust that you could give her your heart, how stupid of you. It was both of your agreed boundaries from the start to never expect anything deeper. There was a whole other conversation going on in front of you, one you weren’t a part of, and suddenly you felt this cold isolation building around you. Your skin was chilled but your heart was racing, and not in the good way. You felt all of your nerves tense up and you could feel the cold sweat at the back of your neck.
You had to get out of here.
You turned your phone over under the table and, keeping the screen hidden from Somi, you set a timer to go off after two minutes. Two minutes, that’s all you needed to pretend like everything was fine, and you’d pretend that someone was on the phone.
Brring!
Someone beat you to the punch. You canceled the timer and answered it without looking at the caller ID, you didn’t have the thought to. You just needed an excuse to leave.
“I’m sorry, I need to take this,” you apologized to her parents, who were staring right at you. “Hello?” You spoke while you stood up. You pushed your chair in and walked off into the bathroom.
“Hey, (Y/N).” It was Jaemin. You looked at yourself in the mirror, but then you quickly averted your eyes and leaned against the bathroom sink.
“Hey, Jaem, what’s up?” You asked him. He’s not the kind to call you.
“Are you busy?” You looked at the locked door.
“Not really, why?” You answered after some hesitation.
“Are you still on campus? If you’re free, I was wondering if we could study together at Starbucks.”
“Oh, right, for the precalc quiz, right?”
“Yeah.” Strange, Jaemin’s best subject was precalc right now. If you strained enough, you could hear the conversation behind you. Something about you.
“Sure, I’ll be there, I’ll head over right now.”
“Right now? Yeah, sure, I’m already here.”
“Okay, sounds like a plan, I’ll see you in a bit,” you caught your reflection on the medicine cabinet’s mirror and you wiped away the tears from your eyes.
“See you.” You hung up first, turning around fully and fixing your face before you walked back out.
“I’m sorry about that,” you apologized quickly.
“Who was that?” Somi asks, her voice noticeably different from before, but you couldn’t quite distinguish why.
“Uh… Jaemin,” you couldn’t, shouldn’t, come up with a lie.
“Who’s that?” Somi asks. No, you knew what that was. Your jaw tensed up and you took a second to calm down.
“Just someone I’m interested in,” you answered. Somi’s expression remained flat, though, but you could see some hint of shock in her eyes.
“And that’s how you do it, Ennik, if there’s someone you’re interested in, you pursue after them. This is why you keep complaining about being alone here!” Her mother shouts. You looked between them.
“Christ, mom! You’re doing this now?!” Somi finally lost her patience.
“Stop it, both of you!” Her father shouts. “You should go, (Y/N), I’m sorry about them.” You nodded your head slowly.
“I’m sorry for intruding, Somi didn’t tell me she was expecting people over, if I knew I wouldn’t have come,” you apologized to her father. You grabbed your things from the couch. “Bye, Somi. Thank you for lunch, Mr. and Mrs. Douma,” you nodded your head toward them and saw yourself out.
Then you were alone again. But you didn’t have time to worry, you didn’t have time to be afraid. Instead, your mind filled with a toxin you didn’t see coming, how could you?
“(Y/N)!” And she made it so much worse. “Let me walk you back!”
“No, it’s fine,” you said.
“You hate walking alone, let me walk you,” she says.
“Leave me alone,” you picked up the pace.
“Hold on, please!” She catches up with you easily, stopping in front of you. “What’s wrong?” She says between breaths. You scoffed and walked around her. The nerve. She knows what she did.
“Don’t worry about it, just talk with your parents,” you said back at her, but she didn’t stop there, she kept her pace with you.
“No, come on, I know you. I know my parents are a lot but I had to say what I said back there,” Somi defended while she stopped you in your tracks again.
“I know, and I understand that,” you said to her. “But that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t hurt,” you shook your head.
“(Y/N)…” she reached out to you but you took a step back.
“Tonight… your plans are with that guy, huh?” You asked her. Somi stilled.
“I have to, my parents set us up.”
“Yeah, yeah,” you waved your hand and walked away from her again.
“(Y/N)! Come on, don’t be like that!”
“Don’t be like what, Somi?!” You whipped your head back. “Huh?!”
“Don’t—” She paused and took a deep breath. “You should understand where I’m coming from. It’s not like you’re out to your parents either!”
“Yeah, I know that, Somi, that’s why I said that I did understand. But it still fucking sucks and you can’t be upset at me for feeling bad for lying to your parents! They’re your parents for fucks sake!”
“Lying about what?” She asks you. She shakes her head. Your shoulders slumped.
“Ha,” you scoffed again. You were right. This was all one sided from the start. “Whatever.” You tried to ignore her.
“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal! You don’t even know what your sexuality is!” She shouts. Now you’re pissed. You marched back to her.
“Don’t you fucking dare assume you know me,” your voice was firm. “Don’t you dare say that when we’ve been seeing each other sexually for the past two months, Christ, Somi, we were just having sex a few hours ago and you think you can tell me I’m not sure of my sexuality? I’ve never been more sure. If anyone here has to check then it’s you. You say you’re a lesbian but all I hear from you are failed dates with men, what do you expect, Somi? What do you want me to say?” She’s silent, and you don’t know why. Does she really have nothing more to say for herself? She takes a deep breath. “Just go back home, Somi.”
“I’ll cancel tonight.”
“No, no, don’t do that,” you shook your head. “I already found another place to stay.” You were lying.
“No, (Y/N), come on,” she says.
“No, Somi. You said it yourself, you have to do this for your parents, and I get that. I’d do the same if my parents did that too,” you tried to calm yourself down. That’s how the both of you were, you had your arguments with your parents, but you still loved them, you couldn’t just break their hearts and Somi was the same. Countless times you’d heard her praise her parents, you’d heard the way she spoke of them so highly with so much tenderness in her voice, so you really truly understood where she was coming from. “I have to go now.”
“Are you really going to see someone else?” She asks.
“Yeah, I am,” you didn’t know why she was so pressed about that. She’s been seeing others too.
“Are you actually interested in him or did you say that because of my mom?”
“Why do you care so much?” She couldn’t answer. But you wanted her to, you wanted her to tell you not to see him so fucking bad. But she didn’t. There was a tense silence between you both, disturbed only by the cars driving past you. “You said it yourself, Somi, you didn’t lie about anything,” you said quietly, “I’m leaving now,” you cut the conversation.
“If you leave, then it’s over between us,” Somi says suddenly.
“And what was between us, Somi?” You asked. She didn’t answer. So you left. And, this time, she didn’t try to stop you.
You were on autopilot after that, walking all the way to the Starbucks on campus without paying attention to much else, you were too angry to even worry about anything else. And you really thought your walk calmed you down, but it was just a small question that made you feel like sobbing.
“Hey, (Y/N)—” Jaemin stopped before he said anything more. “What happened?” He asked it so sweetly and, instead of answering him, you buried your face in your hands.
And that’s how your second heartbreak happened. You felt like shutting the world out, and so you did. The voices of people around you fell muted, the sound of passing cars too, and finally the sound of Jaemin packing his things in front of you. You heard him knock on the table in front of you and you slid your hands down your face just enough to see him.
“Wanna head out?” He asks. You nodded and followed him. The walk was silent, but you didn’t hate it. You followed him to his dorm, something you thought you’d never do, but here you were. You’re just not making any good decisions today, aren’t you? Your phone kept going off with texts from Somi, all of which you didn’t pay attention to, and you were left asking the same question you asked her to yourself. Why did you care so much?
“Sorry, Jaemin, I know you wanted to study,” you sighed. He unlocked the door and let you inside first.
“Don’t worry about it, (Y/N),” he closed it behind you both. “We all have our days.”
“Yeah, but you weren’t supposed to see mine,” you looked around. It came as no surprise that it was neat, it was more surprising that both sides of the dorm were clean, but it was so easy to guess which side was Jaemin’s, what with the various cameras and pictures taped to the wall. Huh, funny, when did you find out that Jaemin was into that? Probably around the same time you started posing for the pictures he thought he was taking when you all didn’t notice.
“You can sit anywhere, my roommate went home for the week,” he starts picking up loose items before stacking them on his roommate’s desk while you took a seat at his. Jaemin reaches over you and hands you a photo album.
“You’re… you’re not going to ask?” You felt like you were starting to cry now.
“I don’t know about you, but I always hated it when people make me talk about why I’m sad when it’s obvious, it always made me more frustrated,” he leans against his roommate’s desk while turned toward you. “Did you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“That’s what I figured,” he pulls his phone out and gestures for you to open the photo album. So you did. And it was probably one of the nicest things you’d ever seen. On the first page was the year with the caption ‘Freshman Year’ under it, and in the pages following were various pictures taken at various events. The first couple you could tell was orientation since they depicted a lot of the games and events you remembered from yours too. The next few were events you recognized, since you were there too, they were pictures of the study group back when it was just a study group, what with the pictures of you standing in front of a whiteboard with senseless equations on it and with other pictures of Keeho struggling flipping through his textbooks. Then there were pictures of when that study group became a friend group, pictures of the outings you went to, the impromptu food runs, and the late night roadtrips. And, slowly, you started to notice a trend where you became the subtle subject of the photos, moving from the sidelines to the forefront, and you didn’t hate it. You, who could barely look in the mirror, loved seeing these pictures of you, what are the odds?
“Hey, you’re really good,” you complimented him. “I don’t even remember you taking half of these.”
“That’s probably because I was trying to be subtle about it, I was going for candid photos but, I gotta ask, when did you start noticing?”
“Around that time we went to get ramen, you accidentally turned your flash on so I started paying more attention,” you said it with a teasing voice.
“Dammit, I really thought I played that one off too,” he laughs.
“Right, right, you said you accidentally turned your flashlight on, like I’d fall for that one,” you rolled your eyes, but maintained a small smile. No wonder you started becoming the subject, you thought. You’re the one who noticed he was taking these small pictures in the first place.
“I was going to show you all once the year ended, actually,” he notices you flipping through the empty pages. “Or probably when we all graduate, I think that would’ve been more nostalgic.”
“So why show me now?”
“Why not?”
“Good question,” you turned back to the last couple. You had a hunch, but you felt like it would be ridiculous to say it out loud. “But I asked you first,” you couldn’t deny that you were curious.
“Well… nothing lasts forever, right?” He asks. You look at him. “I know it’s bad to think like this, but sometimes I wonder if our group will stick together for our whole four years. Then Yeji does something outrageous that makes me realize ‘oh fuck I’m stuck with these people for four years’ and that anxiety leaves, but, then it comes back,” he’s never really talked this much with you before. Maybe it was because you were in a space he was comfortable in, or maybe it was because he was with you, you didn’t know. “I guess I showed it to you because…” he trails off and adjusts his position on the desk. You couldn’t ignore the twinge of pink on his face and at the tips of his ears. But you stayed silent, because you didn’t know what to say to what you thought he was going to say. He takes a deep breath. “I want us to…” he trails off again, as if picking the right words in his head right now. “I want to spend my four years with you, at the very least.” Why did you feel some relief when he said that? It wasn’t a confession, it was a wish.
“I think we will,” you said.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t know, I don’t plan on leaving you or the group, at least,” you crossed your legs on the chair. “Do you?”
“Nope, I enjoy spending time with you all, even if we don’t get any work done,” he chuckles.
“What counts is that we do get work done when we have to,” you place the photo album back where it came from and rubbed your eyes. “I still can’t believe we spent a whole semester together, and that we’re still hanging out now that a new one started,” you mumbled.
“I know, our schedules are a little different now.”
“Like they weren’t before,” you remembered the struggles of planning anything with all of you. “It feels like I’ve known you all for ages.”
“Right? You all already know too much about me,” he shakes his head.
“God, this is why drinking together is dangerous,” you laughed, remembering the time you all drank together in Keeho’s dorm, and how you all knocked out on his floor too. Jaemin looks at the clock off to the side.
“Hey, want me to walk you back to the drop off? You usually get picked up around this time, right?” He asks.
“Uh… no, it’s fine,” you shook your head. Right, you needed a place to stay tonight, and going home wasn’t an option since you didn’t have a ride.
“You sure? I noticed you don’t like being alone,” he says. Would it be too much for you to ask if you could stay over? Were you close enough to ask that? You could chance Yeji, but you know that her nightmare roommate hates it when the other girls have people over and you didn’t want to make Yeji deal with that. There wasn’t anything wrong with staying with Keeho either, other than his creepy roommate which now that you thought about it was a very valid reason not to ask him.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I, uh, I don’t have a ride home today,” you finally told him.
“Oh yeah? Who are you staying with tonight?”
“I’m figuring that out right now, the person I had in mind,” you hesitated, “the person I had in mind had other people over today.”
“I get it. You could stay over here if you can’t find anywhere else, like I said, my roommate left for the week,” Jaemin says.
“Are you sure? You won’t get in trouble?”
“Yeah, my RA really doesn’t care,” he says.
“Really? Can’t he get in trouble for that?” Jaemin leans over and opens the mini fridge next to him, the small thing filled to the brim with alcohol.
“Probably, but he’s the one who gave us these so,” Jaemin shrugs.
“Are those Trulys?” You spotted the seltzers just as he closed it.
“What’s your favorite flavor?”
“Strawberry.” He reaches into the fridge again and pulls out two cans and hands one to you. “Thanks.”
“Yeah,” you both open your cans at the same time and you swallow a good majority of it down. “Ah, this is nice after ending midterms,” you felt yourself relaxing already. Jaemin nodded silently. “Wait, we are done, right?”
“Yup, our finals are in a week though, so there’s no rest for the wicked,” he says.
“Aw, hell,” you cried. You chugged the rest of the drink down and placed it next to you. “Can I have another one of those?” Jaemin hands you his, which still had a considerable amount, before grabbing another one from the fridge. “And… if you’re okay with it, could I ask a few questions?”
“Shoot.” You chugged more of the can in your hands before starting.
“I have this friend,” you started. You still weren’t sure if you should even ask him, you would be telling a secret that you’d kept from everyone since the year started, and for some reason you didn’t want to end the fantasy, but at the same time you knew that you shouldn’t keep it to yourself too. “She’s seeing someone right now, someone she really likes and that she thought liked her back, but then she said something really hurtful, after doing so many things that couples usually do, the girl she liked told her parents that they were just friends and nothing more. So, now she’s really upset about that. But she knows she shouldn’t be, she understands her, but she’s still really really upset,” you could feel your eyes tearing up again. This whole time, Jaemin listened very carefully. “So now my friend feels cheated, in a way. She knows she shouldn’t because from the get go she agreed to not expect anything more out of the relationship, but then it became something more and the girl she likes outright denied it in front of her, and then she expected for everything to be okay after when it obviously can’t. Is my friend wrong for feeling that way?” You felt bad for word vomiting him, but you just couldn’t stop talking. Your thoughts were a mile a minute and your mouth was struggling to catch up.
“No, I don’t think your friend is in the wrong,” he says. “I’d be upset too. If I was hanging out with someone a lot doing things that couples usually do, and then she told me that we were just friends, I think I’d be pretty mad, actually,” he says. “It never feels good to be led on.”
“Thank you, I thought I was going crazy.”
“I thought we were talking about your friend,” he said this in a light tone. You knew he wouldn’t have bought the friend excuse from the start.
“Yeah, well, I’m starting to feel tipsy so it’s not like I can keep up a lie anyway,” you finished your drink and put it to the side.
“You’re feeling tipsy on Trulys?”
“I also haven’t slept in the last 24 hours, so there’s that,” you admitted.
“That’ll do it,” he chuckles.
“Can I have another one?”
“Is that a good idea?”
“Probably not.”
“Okay then,” he hands you another can and you opened it quickly.
“So… who is she?”
“You wouldn’t know her,” you shook your head. “I barely know her.” You thought back to your conversation with her parents earlier, they were saying so many things about her that you didn’t expect to hear or expect her to be like at all, and suddenly you felt like you didn’t know her at all.
“I mean, yeah, but it still sucks to be in your position,” he says before drinking.
“Yeah, it really does…” you muttered.
“Drink slower, (Y/N).”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” you kept your pace.
“Do you like her a lot?”
“Yeah. But I don’t think she likes me that way,” you shook your head. “I thought she did, but today kinda proved to me that she didn’t. How could she say such hurtful things and look like it didn’t bother her at all?” You looked at your phone and silenced her incoming call.
“Looks like she wants to talk about it.”
“I don’t,” you flipped your phone over. “God, Jaem, if I told you the things we were up to you wouldn’t believe it.”
“Knowing you, I probably would,” he tips his can to you and you tapped yours against it in a lonely toast, and you both drank more. “Try me.”
“We fucked, like, a lot.”
“I believe it.”
“Why?”
“(Y/N), you seriously don’t think we wonder why you run off right after class? Yeji joked that you were seeing someone but Keeho and I didn’t buy it. I figured you just needed some time off after spending too much time with us, but the more Yeji joked about it the more I realized it could be true,” he says.
“And true it was.”
“So all of that led you to think she liked you too?”
“Well, we started out as cuddle buddies.”
“That’ll do it,” he repeats and drinks more.
“Then we became friends with benefits, I kinda sorta confessed to her and I thought she accepted it.”
“You can’t kinda sorta confess to someone, (Y/N), you have to be clear about your intentions,” he says.
“I was clear!”
“Were you?” You thought back.
“Maybe I wasn’t super clear… I just started saying things that we did together and then we fucked so I just assumed…”
“Christ…” he shakes his head.
“I wouldn’t know how to confess anyway, I thought I was being obvious,” your face was starting to heat up from both the embarrassment and the alcohol.
“How did you confess anyway?”
“She said that she thought no one could ever love her. So, I wanted to prove her wrong, and I just started saying things we did together and how it was impossible for anyone not to fall in love with that because I fell in love with that, and, like…”
“You fucked?”
“We fucked!” You shouted and Jaemin laughed. “It was my first time too, and I told her that. I told her I trusted her because I thought she liked me back and… oh god, Jaemin you have to promise not to tell anyone about this. What I confess to you here stays in here.”
“Yeah, my lips are sealed,” he says.
“Clear, clear, it’s hard to be clear about that stuff,” you say. “How am I supposed to say it? ‘I love you’?”
“Just like that, yeah.”
“I couldn’t do it like that.”
“Sure you could, you just did.”
“Yeah, well, she’s not here, is she? Do you know how hard it is to confess face to face someone you want to date?”
“No,” he shakes his head. “I could try though,” he shrugs.
“Unfortunate woman,” you laughed. He chugs the rest of his drink down, put it aside, and walked toward you, resting his hands on either side of you now. Your breath caught in your throat.
“Huh, you’re right, it is pretty hard,” he was very close to you now. His face was reddening more now, his eyes half lidded in a mix of tiredness and drunkness, and you wondered how you looked to him right now.
“Unfortunate man.”
“I know,” he pushes off of the desk, but you hold onto his wrist.
“Jaem…” you hesitated. It was so selfish of you to ask him this. “Do you want to hook up?” He raises an eyebrow now.
“I think we’re both too drunk to make a good decision.”
“Shouldn’t that cancel things out?”
“I told you I don’t like being led on.”
“What if I’m not leading you on though?”
“Aren’t you?” You were silent at this.
“No.”
“You just told me five minutes ago about a woman you really like.”
“And she doesn’t like me back.”
“So you go to me instead.”
“… Yeah.”
“Sure, let’s do it.”
“You sure?”
“Either I’m being led on and you just want to confirm something, or I have a real chance here,” he says. “Which is it?”
“Would it be weird if I said both?”
“Yeah, actually.”
“Well…” you thought for a moment, and a horrible thought struck you. If you had a boyfriend, then you’d never have to come out to your parents, you’d never have to experience that heart break and you’d never have to put them through that heart break. “I’d say you have a real chance.”
“(Y/N), I really like you,” he confesses. “I’m serious, I do, I want to be something with you,” he continues. “So, please, don’t lead me on.”
“I won’t,” you said this, but there was still that lingering doubt at the back of your head. “I won’t lead you on.” And without another word he pressed forward, lips locking with yours, and you reciprocated. You could taste the hints of watermelon on him and even more so when you deepened it. Your hands squeezed his wrists now, and his hands interlocked with yours. You know you shouldn’t compare, but this feeling was just different from whenever you and Somi made out. You’d never pictured a future with him, but the more you thought about it the clearer it became, but that future was so different than the one you wanted with Somi. This one… this one was more realistic, you think.
But it felt like you were going through the motions. Taking your clothes off, taking his off, and somehow making it to his bed, even rolling the condom on was something you were surprisingly good with considering you’d only had sex with Somi before this. Sex with Jaemin wasn’t what you’d expected at all, and part of you felt bad that you were just using him to prove a point to yourself. And maybe it was a bad idea to do this when you were both drunk, then again you always preached that drunk actions were sober thoughts. Speaking of, you wondered if he could read them now. It felt like he was staring into your very mind while your mouth sank down on his cock. It was such a different feel than with Somi, despite the obvious, and now you wondered which you really preferred. Did you like the sweet and tender touches that Somi dragged out or did you prefer the way Jaemin went down on you with firm and sharp grasps? Did you prefer the soft kisses from her or the rough ones from him? Maybe you liked the stimulation from how your pussy slid over hers versus how Jaemin pounded into yours.
Or maybe you just didn’t give a fuck.
Jaemin pressed his lips against yours again, holding your jaw in such a way that your lips parted enough for him to deepen the kiss and you let him do so, you even encouraged it as you pressed against him and let a subdued moan out while he worked his cock into you, stretching your walls in a way you’d never experienced before. Your head tilted back, feeling an intense pleasure that was so different from the one you’d known from before. You felt his bed rocking beneath you, and you really hoped that no one could hear it.
“Oh fuck, oh god,” your moans were breathy and you could hear his silenced whimpers and loud groans.
“Fuck, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he said quietly. You swallowed harshly. What did he mean by that? You didn’t want to know, and instead you pulled him down onto your lips again, something he reciprocated quickly while quickening his pace. You felt yourself building to your orgasm, and your fingers naturally settled over your clit while you chased after it.
“Keep going like that,” you said into his ear. “Ah, oh hell, I’m almost there,” you grinded against his waist and he kept his pace, pounding into you as if to prove a point and, though it scared you to admit it, you didn’t hate it.
Truly bisexual, you didn’t know if you should be proud or afraid of that fact. Your fingernails dug into Jaemin’s back, no doubt leaving some kind of mark behind when you released him shortly during your moments of bliss. Then, right as you reached your orgasm, you felt him start to speed up, no doubt looking for his own release and, finally, he stilled in your pussy, the condom filling up with cum before he pulled out of you. He leans over you now, both hands on either side of your head and face inches away from yours.
Now this isn’t fair, how could he still look handsome after all that? You’re half sure you look like an exhausted rat under him. And when he pushed the hair out of his face you swear you felt your heart jump out but then realization hit.
You felt a pang of guilt, having asked to hook up with Jaemin. You knew that Somi didn’t take your relationship seriously, she was still seeing people on the side other than you, hell, the two of you weren’t even properly dating, so what was so wrong about this? What’s so wrong about getting dicked down by one of your friends in his dorm after having a fight with her?
Many things, actually. You didn’t really think of any repercussions, you were just angry, and very drunk. You felt played, almost, like Somi had taken your heart out and tossed it around before giving it back. And your intentions weren’t exactly clear either. Sure, you’d had some attraction toward him, jokingly calling him the ‘Cute Boy in all our classes’ to Yeji and her teasing you relentlessly when he joined the study group, but your vision was clouded with the rose colored sunglasses that Somi had put on you. And now that you took those off, you didn’t know anymore.
Again, he kissed you, and again you kissed back. You didn’t know what your intentions were, but you did know one thing.
In your life, it was easier to love him than it was to love her.
~
It was a long time before you saw her again, Somi. After that night with Jaemin, after waking up in his arms and feeling like something was right with him, you started to be together more. There wasn’t exactly a title on this relationship though, both of you had agreed to get to know each other better romantically first before pursuing it altogether, but this time there was a clear end goal, you both liked each other and you both hoped for something more and, this time, that sentiment existed outside of the confined space of his dorm. You even told your parents about him, they’ve even met him and they thought he was a nice young man, and right after that you screwed in his car.
Everything you had hoped to do with Somi, you did with him, and somehow they felt so much better. You thought you were fully moving on from her, that you had something good going on with Jaemin.
But tonight, with his arms wrapped around you while you watched some A24 film on his laptop, you got a text from her, something she hadn’t done in two months now.
‘Come over, please.’ You stared at the text, and so did Jaemin. You turned your phone over and his head falls on your shoulder.
“You should go over there,” he says. You twist to look at him, surprised at his comment. After that first night with him neither of you brought her up.
“Why?”
“I think you deserve that closure, and so does she,” he says.
“I don’t know, if I should, Jaem, what if I…” you didn’t finish your sentence. It would break his heart.
“What if you fall for her again?” He took the words right out of your mouth.
“I don’t think that will happen,” you shook your head.
“I’m pretty sure she fell for you, I think she fell hard. But I don’t think she realized it until after you left,” he says. “A lot of people don’t think about that. They don’t realize what they lost until it’s gone, you know?”
“Right, yeah,” you nodded. You didn’t really mourn what you’d lost with her, now that you thought about it. And the way it ended so abruptly, maybe that’s why.
Plus, you were afraid of the way your heart ached when you saw that text. A part of you must have still loved her, and Jaemin must have seen that.
“Are you sure?” You asked him.
“Why are you asking for my permission? She’s your first love.”
“I know but…” you shook your head.
“Go ahead, and call me if you need me to come get you,” he lets you go and you slid off his bed. “Go, (Y/N), go talk to her.”
“Do you think I’m ready?”
“Are we ever?” He closes his laptop.
“You’re not going to ask to walk with me?”
“I figured you’d want to do this alone.” It was cruel that he knew you so well and you barely knew him at all. He had always paid attention to you, and you were too busy looking at her to realize that.
“Thanks, Jaemin.”
“Yeah, of course, go ahead,” he watches you go.
You remembered the way so clearly, how to get to her apartment and which routes were the fastest. But standing at her door, you didn’t know what to expect. You always had this vague idea but now you weren’t so sure. It’d been a good amount of time, a lot can happen in two months, and here you were. You knocked on her door, and she opened it.
“Hi, you’re just in time,” she pulls you in and seats you on the couch. “I gotcha something,” she disappears into her room and comes back out with a present.
“Oh, uh… thanks, Somi,” you took it in her hands. “What’s the occasion?”
“Six months, right?” She tucks her hair behind her ears and you paused. So she was keeping count.
“Of what?” You asked her.
“Our relationship, right?” She says with a tightlipped smile. You pushed the present back into her hands.
“Don’t do this, Somi.”
“Don’t do what?”
“You know what,” you said.
“What? We took a break.”
“From what?” You asked her. You just wanted her to do one thing. You wanted her to tell you that you had something together, you wanted her to acknowledge that you loved her and she lead you on. How hard was it for her to say that you were in a relationship? No, no, you take it back. You don’t want her to just do that, you want her to apologize for what she said two months ago. That shit was horrible, all of it. But why did you feel yourself caving into her again? Why did you feel your heart beating toward her again? You were nothing more than a friend to her, she made that very clear, but here you were with that small hope of salvaging what was lost.
Really, would it kill her to just say those two words? I’m sorry. That’s all you ever wanted to hear from her, at least once. All those texts you got from her all asking you to come over and all of them you ignored, but you never had the heart to block her. You wanted to hear her acknowledge that what she did was wrong, you wanted her to know that what she did was so horrible to you, and you wanted her to know that what she did was fucked up. But, at the same time, you would be beside yourself to see her so upset, you hated to see the way she got too in her head about it and you couldn’t do anything to help her besides sitting next to her and lending a comforting ear.
But this?
You needed an apology for this.
No, you needed so much more than just an apology for this.
You sat in front of her dumbfounded. No words were exchanged between you and her, just intense silence. What she had just told you… it broke you. How could she even think that what she said back then was remotely alright?
“I don’t know why you’re so angry.”
“Are you serious? You don’t know why I’m mad?” You asked her. Somi nodded her head.
“I don’t…” her voice was so quiet.
“Somi I’m going to ask you this one more time… what are we?” You kept your gaze steady. “What am I to you, Somi?” She broke her already weakened eye contact with you and stared at her hands, before finally burying her face in them. “Somi, I need to hear it from you. What are we?” You repeated your question and her hands reached out to hold your face ever so softly, the same way she always did when she wanted you to listen to her.
“I love you, (Y/N), I love you,” she said instead, but you shook your head.
“No, I don’t think you do,” you reached up to pull her hands away from you, but she instead wraps her arms around you.
“I do, I do, I love you,” she held onto you like if she’d let go you’d leave forever. And after everything, maybe you would.
“Somi, let go,” you couldn’t hold her back. You couldn’t find it in you to.
“I can’t, I won’t,” she says.
“Let your best friend go,” you said with a more stern voice, and that stopped her movements. She released you slowly, keeping at least some contact with you. “I don’t get you, Somi. You said that there was nothing between us but here you are! The first time you tell me you loved me was right now after you ended things. God, I feel like I was never really important to you until after I left. I don’t think you ever took what we had seriously, and when you told me you did I don’t think you meant it. I love you, Somi. But I don’t think our definitions of love are the same,” you shook your head.
“I do love you,” she repeats.
“And you couldn’t have told me that two months ago?”
“No, I didn’t know then!”
“But you knew I loved you. You knew I did and still you said those things.”
“I take them back, all of them!”
“You can’t just do that, Somi!” You raised your voice. “You can’t just pretend that everything’s okay, it’s not! Answer my question, what were we?” You pressed her more and she shook her head.
“I don’t know what we were.”
“You don’t know?”
“I don’t! When I met you I just wanted something casual, but when I got to know you I wanted something more and I was afraid of that! I was afraid of loving you,” she says. “You know how my family is, what my culture is, it wouldn’t have been easy.”
“So you took the easy way out.”
“I… yeah. I did.”
“I can’t even blame you, I did the same thing,” you said quietly. “But… we could’ve worked something out. I really thought we could’ve. I was so ready to come out to my parents for you, but you weren’t. Somi, our whatever never left these walls. Whenever I saw you on campus you pretended that you didn’t see me, whenever I asked to go out with you you’d say you were busy, our whatever wasn’t good for either of us,” you shook your head. “I don’t blame you for taking the easy way, Somi, I just blame you for fucking with my feelings.”
“(Y/N)…” she reaches for you again, but you move away from her. You couldn’t look at her, either, because Jaemin was right, you were so sure that you’d fall for her again. She slides the present to you again and you clenched your jaw. “(Y/N), I’m sorry.” Fucking finally. Tears started to fall down your face, they landed on the wrapping paper beneath you and smudged the ink on the tag.
“You couldn’t have said that before?”
“I didn’t know how to.”
“And you expect us to be okay?”
“I do.”
“Then lower your expectations,” you said to her.
“No, (Y/N), let’s work this out.”
“Have you come out to your parents?”
“Have you?”
“I take that as a no,” you wiped the tears off your face quickly.
“It’s not that easy, (Y/N)! At least you’re still attracted to men! You coming out wouldn’t be as bad as me!” She shouts and you swallowed your gasp.
“Excuse me?!” You stood up, the present dropping onto the couch.
“No, no, I… I didn’t mean it like that!” She stands up too, grabbing your hands and holding them between you and her. You shook your head and took a deep breath.
“What did you want from me today?” You asked quietly.
“I… I wanted to be with you,” she said in a similar tone. “I wanted to tell you that I wanted to be with you, I want to take it a step further.”
“No, I can’t do that with you,” you shook your head.
“Why not?”
“God, Somi, have you not been listening to our conversation?” You exasperated. “Somi… we can’t be together, not right now, not ever,” you told her. “Somi what we had… it’s not healthy. We only saw each other in here, we only saw each other when we needed to see each other, and we never saw each other just because we wanted to. Somi that’s not a relationship, that’s toxic!”
“We can make it healthy!”
“No, we can’t! Listen to yourself! You’re just invalidating everything I’m telling you,” you pulled your hands from her grasp.
“(Y/N), please, I want to make this right!” She says.
“You already did, you apologized for it already, there’s nothing more that we need to do.”
“(Y/N), please,” she insists. “I’m moving back home, I’m going back to South Korea.”
“And? You want me to be in a relationship with you for however much time before you leave? That’s so fucked up,” you shook your head. “I shouldn’t have come today.”
“No, no, I’m so happy you came, (Y/N)!” She says. “Please don’t go.”
“I should leave, Somi, I really should,” you told her.
“I know, I know, I fucked up! I just wanted to spend one more night with you, (Y/N),” she says.
“No, that’s not a good idea, Somi.”
“Please—”
“Don’t you see that this is hard for me too? Somi I loved you so much that I sacrificed nearly as much just to see you! I lied to so many people because I wanted to be with you, but then you told me that that was nothing? And now you want something, I… I can’t,” you wiped your tears again. Somi takes a step back.
“You moved on quickly.”
“You said it yourself, there was nothing to move on from.”
“But there was.”
“And you didn’t know it until I left.”
“Yeah, I didn’t,” she says. She picks up the gift again and hands it to you. “At least take this.”
“Why?”
“Call it a goodbye gift.”
“Fine then.”
“(Y/N), you are my first love.”
“And so are you.” She was the first one you were actually serious about, the first one you wanted to work out, and the first one you thought you really loved.
“I want this to work out, but…” she takes a deep breath, “but you’re right. It’s bad for both of us.”
“Yeah,” you played with the ribbon on the gift. “When do you fly out?”
“Next week.”
“Have a safe flight,” you told her.
“Thank you,” she says. You stood up again, and this time she just followed you.
“I’ll head out now,” you looked at her with your hand on the doorknob.
“Wait…” she says. “You didn’t get me anything…” you sighed.
“What do you want, then?”
“Can… can I kiss you one more time?” She asks. You hesitated.
“Okay,” you turned to her fully and she wrapped her hands around your face before pressing her lips softly to yours. You had almost forgotten what they felt like, how soft they were and how they moved against yours, and if you didn’t come tonight maybe you would have entirely. You let her take her time, this was more for her than it was for you. And when she finally pulled away from you that’s when you felt your sadness catch up with you.
You did want something more with her. But you knew it wouldn’t work out. There would be thousands of miles between you both in a week and there was no feasible way for you both to be together, not with all that baggage from before.
“Goodbye, Somi,” you opened the door.
“Goodbye, (Y/N).”
And that’s how you said goodbye to your first love, the real one. Not some silly crush, not someone you knew you didn’t have a chance with, but someone who really impacted you, someone who changed you for the better. You finally mourned what you lost with her. And when you returned to Jaemin’s dorm, you moved back into his arms, and you held him close to you and he to him.
“She got you a gift?”
“She’s moving to Korea.”
“A goodbye gift, then.”
“Yeah,” you reached for it now, holding the gift in your hand. The tag just said her name and yours and nothing more. “Should I open it?”
“Gifts were meant to be open.” You pulled on the ribbon and tore the wrapping paper carefully, and inside was a small wooden box with Korean lettering across the top.
“What does it say?” You held it so that he could read it.
“Hamoni Moggong,” he recites. “I’m pretty sure it’s the company name, Harmony Carpentry,” he says.
“Huh,” you slid the top off and you pulled out the music box concealed within. When you opened it, a familiar tune played with a flower slowly spinning in the middle atop a small mirror. Inside of it was a slip of paper. You held it up, the whole thing was written in hangul, and you handed it to Jaemin. He read through it carefully before turning it around in his hands.
“Love from afar, these music boxes come in pairs, one for me and one for you,” he translates. And again you found yourself crying, and Jaemin couldn’t do anything more but to hold you close to him.
~
Then the years went by. And before you knew it, you had graduated with the same four people you’d started with. You and Jaemin were still together, now entering your third year of officially dating, while Yeji and Keeho constantly teased you both about it. But every now and then you caught yourself thinking of Somi, the first person to have made you feel loved and the first person you thought you’d be with forever, and it made you sadder.
A week after you saw her, you’d noticed she’d removed you on Tinder. You couldn’t see her instagram anymore, and you were blocked on her snapchat. And you didn’t know why, there was no way you could’ve reached out to her either, it was like she’d cut all contact, and that hurt you. She was the one who wanted to make things right but then she did that? And, to make matters worse, the summer of your senior year you got into yet another huge argument with your parents, one that near left you disowned, and when you’d run away from home, you knew that as soon as you’d come back, you were finished. You knew your parents too well, you knew what their discipline was like and, so, when you’d finally returned home, you deleted all traces of Somi from your photos, all your texts and all your memories, they were gone. And true to your predictions, your parents took all your devices away and reduced you to the child they saw you as.
And when you got your things back, when you’d all apologized to each other, you cried. Everything you had of Somi, of the girl you owed so much to, was gone, because you’d rather be completely disowned for deleting things from your phone than disowned for loving another woman. Even that beautiful music box she gave you, to your parents and everyone else, it was a gift from Jaemin. But to you and Jaemin it was proof of what you had before.
You never did come out to your parents. Being with Jaemin, loving him and him loving you, provided enough cover and a large enough shield for you to avoid it. And so your story with Somi ended that way. With a small music box collecting dust in your closet.
“Oh we gotta go on Space Mountain,” Keeho points at the map and Yeji checks her phone.
“The wait is three hours!” She shouts.
“Okay and? Genie pass,” he says.
“Oh, right… it’s redeemable for nine at night,” she says.
“What?!” Keeho looks at his phone too. The four of you had agreed to have a graduation trip to Disneyland of all the places, after Yeji had told you all that she’d never gone, it was a must.
“Ooh, we should do Small World too, we gotta hit the main attractions for Yeji,” you said.
“Got it, got it,” Keeho writes it down on his phone.
“You are surprisingly very good at planning things,” Jaemin teases.
“Hey! I’m an older brother, I have to be good at these things,” he says.
“(Y/N)?!” You swear you could hear your voice being called somewhere, and you stopped in your tracks, your friends looking confusingly behind you.
“Did you say my name, Jaem?” He was the only person behind you.
“No,” he shakes his head. “What’s up?” Jaemin asks.
“Did any of you guys call me?” You looked around.
“No, we’re just trying to get to the ferris wheel,” Keeho points at the large attraction.
“Well, no shit, but… hmm…” you looked back one last time and you felt your heart stop. The passerbys around you seemed to slow into blurs as you made eye contact with her and, again, you saw your name form on her lips, then you realized you were walking towards her with the voices of your friends drowning into the muted chatter of the crowd, then you realized she was walking towards you too, and now you’re both running.
“Somi?!” You called her name out just in case and you saw her nod, you saw her press her lips in a tight line and you saw her smile despite the sadness in her eyes and, just as you noticed the ringing in your ears, you both melted into each other’s embrace, and you felt that beautiful and wonderful feeling of being loved yet again. But at this moment, though you still held her tight, you realized something. If there was one thing you’d learned from university despite the obvious, it was that, for the better, nothing lasts forever.
And that’s okay.
~
Epilogue
“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep in,” you rushed into the kitchen with your things practically spilling from your arms and your glasses refusing to stay on your face, you looked like a complete mess, you knew that, but when you looked up to greet her she instead cupped your face and pulled you into a gentle kiss. Your shoulders relaxed, backpack and all else clattering on the floor forgotten and hands instead brushing the hair from her face. The kiss was sweet and full of a yearning you couldn’t quite describe, it was as if it were something you had missed for a whole lifetime or something that you had only expected to experience in dreams. She’s perfect in every meaning of the word and at the same time she is imperfect in everything else.
But you love her. You love her so much.
When you separate you are filled with this strange desire that left you chasing after her. It was like your hearts were magnets, opposite charges that pull each other together, and that it did. Your arms were locked around her torso, your bodies fitted so perfectly against each other that it would have been criminal to separate you two. And, just like that, you felt like you were where you belonged.
“(Y/N),” her voice was so soft. It grew and blossomed in your chest and you could feel your smile widen. “(Y/N),” she repeats your name again and you looked up at her. There, her eyes, you could look at them forever and you could see your entire life with her.
A life where you would be with the one you loved and the one who loved you back. You could see the sleepy mornings that followed the passionate nights, you could see the way she would hold you so tenderly, the way she would frame your face in her hands and the way you’d do the same. You could feel her love radiating from her smile alone.
“Ennik…" her name was like a sacred thing to you. Her name was meant to represent strength, you learned that recently, yet to you it was the most gentlest word in your dictionary. A name so strong belonged to a woman so tender that it held a knew meaning. Then, as a sweet smile rose on her face, her nose brushed yours so slightly before she rose enough to kiss the tip. “I love you,” your words were lighter than the sun that surrounded you.
Somi beamed slightly, the closed-lip smile perfectly setting on her features.
Then, as if shaken into reality, a booming voice behind you.
“Somi!” The voice was so cold. You both turned and, like that, the fantasy had ended.
Somi pushed away from you and took a step back. The look in her eyes was one of solitary melancholy. She gave you one last hug and you held her tightly, as if you knew this was as much closure as you’d ever receive.
“I love you,” her voice broke you.
“I forgive you.” And yours broke her.
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you know, we have only Oromis words to tell how was Morzan when he was a kid, how can we be sure that he doesn't' exaggerate? Morzan was a rebellious kid, who could be rude and maybe cruel? A lot of kids can be cruels, it's doesn't mean they're fully bad from the start. I just think that Morzan had need of a parental figure who would correct his attitude and would CARE for him, because it what Oromis should have been: a teacher AND a parental figure since the kid was 10 when he took him.
YES THIS I 100% agree with you!! Forgive me for the very long rant I’m about to go on because I have many thoughts about Morzan that I’ve wanted to get down for a long while now. I find it super interesting to interpret that he wasn’t entirely malicious or irredeemable from the outset.
I really, REALLY don’t like the old order of Riders. From all the things we learn about them, they had a seriously objectionable system. The way they took human kids when they were 10 years old and then left them to the discretion of people like Oromis is brazen evidence of that. I’m really intrigued by the possibility that at least one of the Forsworn joined Galbatorix to dismantle the Riders out of a genuine aversion to their abuse and a desire to put an end to it and build something better, not just from a personal lust for power.
Given the way Galbatorix talks to Oromis and Nasuada, I think he would have presented his intentions that way to distract from his real deranged vengefulness. It would have fascinating implications for any of the Forsworn to have truly fallen for that, and then as the consequences of their actions fully unfold and Galbatorix becomes an even worse tyrant, for that Forsworn to burn with regret and resentment and hatred towards him. It would make for such an interesting dynamic during the Empire’s reign. I just want one disloyal Forsworn who hates Galbatorix because they feel tricked and used, it’d be cool!!!
Admittedly, Morzan is the only one of the Forsworn we have any background for at all, so it doesn’t mean much to say he’s the best fit, but the backstory we do have can potentially line up with that role very well. Morzan was very young when he met Galbatorix, and thus inexperienced and impressionable. He spent more time with him and would have been exposed to a lot more of his manipulation. And I think he would have reason to be predisposed against the Riders before they met, a resentment Galbatorix could have fueled for his own benefit.
I’ve made it no secret how much I loathe Oromis. Tbh the fact that Morzan spent years training under him is a huge reason why I’m able to sympathize with him lmao. I would also start killing people. That man could have never given the necessary care and tolerance and emotional support to a ten year old, but it seems like the new Riders were entrusted entirely to their mentors. We see how horribly Oromis mistreats Eragon and how that affects him even when he’s sixteen- his callous neglect inflicted on ten year old children is a disaster waiting to happen, especially if any of those kids weren’t well cared for to begin with.
Also, this is slightly pedantic, but when Oromis is talking about Morzan, he specifically says that he “grew so proud and cruel,” which implies that this issue was less significant or not there at all when he first took Morzan. His harmful behaviors apparently developed over time which should be addressed and cared for by whoever’s raising him. Oromis is the only one in a position to raise him and he still turns a blind eye to Morzan.
In my headcanons, Morzan grew up impoverished and neglected. He doesn’t know what fair and caring treatment looks like and so he also can’t identify Oromis’s abuse, but its impact is compounding on an already present wound. Morzan is starving to make something of himself because no one has acknowledged and loved him for who he already is, which makes for a horribly volatile mixture with Oromis’s penchant for demanding his students prove themselves against an arbitrary and merciless standard. Morzan’s susceptibility to Oromis’s pressure makes him viciously desperate to prove himself, intensely competitive, and highly reactive to disapproval. It creates a perception of inadequacy that bleeds into everything Morzan does.
When he’s unpressured and at ease, Morzan’s nature is actually quite reserved, slow, passive, and methodical, but he is so, so easily incensed. Because he’s so fixated on proving himself, he assumes everyone initially holds a very low opinion of him and that’s what necessitates he fight for approval. He just can’t fathom receiving acceptance, respect, or care without proving he deserves it, and so he’s perpetually clawing for more. And falling short feels so devastating because he’s never been shown his worth beyond people’s expectations.
To me, that’s why he ends up attached to someone like Brom, who idolizes and defers to him. For Morzan, it would feel like his endless efforts to prove himself have actually proven something. Because he thinks he has to earn love, Brom’s affection would also feed into Morzan’s ego, providing a long desired vindication. The fact that Oromis trains both of them makes their relationship so much worse. I feel like his relatively positive relationship with Brom could have balanced out and helped Morzan adjust with time, but there’s an unfortunate competitive aspect at play. As Morzan scrambles for Oromis’s approval, now Brom is also being trained and the differences between them present another metric that could make Morzan seem lesser. So he puts Brom down and fights against him for their master’s care and validation like they’re limited commodities.
I think, over time, Morzan comes to recognize elements of Oromis’s abuse. He simply doesn’t have the energy to constantly struggle for his approval forever, and as that starts to run dry, it reveals some things. He resents that Oromis belittles his struggles and only values efforts that yield the results he wants, so he stops putting in the effort. If Morzan still doesn’t matter to him after trying so hard, why should he keep trying? He hates that Oromis can never give a true justification for the standards he demands they reach, and he starts ignoring them. He despises how he lies when says he cares for him and wants the best for him, because he prioritized his utility to the Riders over his well being in every moment since they met.
So, when he meets Galbatorix, Morzan is bitterly resentful and disillusioned. He joins him out of desire for revenge on Oromis and to tear down the system that abandoned him to his abuse. I do believe Morzan genuinely loved Brom in a certain way, despite his mistreatment, and he starts trying to incite him against Oromis not solely because of his own vindictiveness but also out of concern for Brom. As Galbatorix’s plans start to move, Morzan balks and begins seriously doubting him, even more so as the scope of slaughter unfolds, but he swallows his misgivings and stays determined to recruit Brom to the winning side. When one of the Forsworn kills the first Saphira despite Morzan’s insistence they be spared, he’s vehemently outraged. I think of Galbatorix’s disinterest in his uproar as the turning point in Morzan’s loyalty to him. As the Empire takes form, that disloyalty solidifies and Morzan hates Galbatorix for being even more cruel, manipulative, and uncaring than the people he wanted revenge on. Galbatorix tolerates it because forcing his vengeful resentment into subservience gratifies his sadistic impulse.
Now all of this is well within the realm of extrapolation and interpretation- none of these details directly suggest this version of Morzan’s character and motivations. They give the potential, but not real support, and they can just as easily be seen in any number of different ways. However, there is one single thing that actually grounds this in canon, which is that Morzan was a name-slave from very early on. When Eragon is telling Murtagh about the chance to change his true name and challenges his hesitation, Murtagh says, “[Galbatorix] has been creating name-slaves for over a hundred years, ever since he recruited our father.”
This detail fascinates me. There is the possibility that it’s a lie, but I can’t imagine Murtagh would make it up considering how much distaste he expresses towards his father. And I don’t think it would make sense for Galbatorix to lie to Murtagh about it either. If he didn’t actually have control over Morzan’s name then, claiming he did would discredit that real loyalty Morzan would have had to feel for him and his cause to do everything of his own free will. I think it’s the truth. Galbatorix learned Morzan’s true name more than a hundred years ago, before the fall, when he recruited him- which, to me, feels like before Morzan even helped him steal Shruikan’s egg.
Morzan either knew his true name already or Galbatorix went through his mind to find out, and the latter seems far more likely. Given the way Morzan’s described: young, arrogant, weak minded- I highly doubt he knew and the way Murtagh brings this up implies Galbatorix’s skill at uncovering names. Morzan either felt so loyal to Galbatorix at that point that he willingly let him in his mind, he was coerced into agreeing to it, or Galbatorix did it by force.
This still doesn’t mean Morzan wanted to dismantle the broken parts of the Riders instead of fully destroying them and that Galbatorix manipulated him into starting a war he found appalling- but it makes that idea much more feasible. If Morzan did realize Galbatorix’s intentions weren’t what he said and that he didn’t want to take things so far, he couldn’t back out. Any reluctance or disagreement would have been overridden and things would unfold exactly how they did.
I think Morzan was wounded and angry and starving for true respect and care that lured him to Galbatorix, and the precarious pride he clung to made him look away from the severity of Galbatorix’s actions. Then he realized his desperation was preyed upon only when it was far too late.
#eragon#inheritance cycle#morzan#oromis#galbatorix#brom#answered ask#anon im sorry i think this might have been more than you bargained for lmao#im a little insane about this#but this concept captivated me and i wont let go of it now#also im quite tempted to write a fic of young morzan and brom. i have scenes in my brain
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Can I request headcanons or a scenario for Reader (pick a gender, idc) giving V a handjob? Just holding him close, somewhere safe in some nice + safe bolt hole somewhere in Red Grave city, listening to him moan (and maybe talk? If he can talk while getting off) while Reader gets him off? Please, his voice is so pretty, he'd sound so nice 😍 And he deserves to feel good 💜
Lineaments of Gratified Desire: V x G/N Reader
Minors DNI; FOR 18+ ONLY!
Seriously, go away; go read some fluff or angst or something.
SUMMARY:
Despite V’s physical limitations and condition, the fragile man has saved you on more than one occasion from certain death. Today, you decided to repay his kind deeds.
BEGINNING NOTES:
Requested 10th June 2023 by Saiyanblood2 on Tumblr :))))
🛏️📔🛏️
Submissive V x G/N reader
Fluff..? If you squint
Smut
Handjob; V receiving
📔🛏️📔
🟪Takes place during DMC 5
🟪The reader is a demon hunter who works with the DMC.
🟪The reader uses Gilgamesh and Revenant.
🟪Quick reminder that “sword” sizes are found in the character's H/C chapter (Linked here)
🟪I haven’t finished “Visions of V” yet (not very good at reading things and I haven’t had much time/motivation to do so no Vergil joke intended lmfao) but I’m like 99% sure that this conflicts with that, sorry.
🟪Yes, I know that jumping from a window you should do like a parachute roll or whatever it’s called; just let me have this lmao
🟪Bagheera is the name of the jaguar from “Jungle Book” which I’ve never seen, if I’m honest. But! I feel like Dante and Vergil would’ve seen it as kids since the movie was made in 1967 and they were born in 1980. (I use Bagheera in here and I figure I should explain it lol)
🟪Boxer briefs (as far as I am aware) usually have a zipper fly; so V’s do as well.
🟪This is my first time writing (and acknowledging) that I h/c V to have an uncut dick. It might be a bit rough; sorry. (Fun fact: I also h/c Vergil and Dante to also have uncut dicks lmao)
===
“So,” Nero mindlessly wandered around the interior of the van, waiting for Nico to finish her work, “You and V, huh?”
As you adjusted Gilgamesh’s gauntlets and furrowed your brow, responding without looking up, “What about V and me?”
Leaning against the inner wall of the van, Nero stuck his hand in his jeans pocket in an attempt to act casual, “You two a thing?”
“Wh-what?” A flustered expression adorned your features as you slowly panned up to meet Nero’s curious gaze.
“Come on,” he gave a playful smirk, leaning forward slightly, “You can--”
A loud southern-accented voice cut him off from the back of the van, “He an’ I got a bet if y’all are fuckin’ or not.”
“If we’re…” You slowly blinked, processing what was said, “V and I are not-” Putting your hands up, you shook your head, “We aren’t anything or doing anything.”
Nico clicked her tongue in disappointment while Nero pumped his fist with a quiet, “Yes!”
Rolling her eyes, Nico pulled a wad of cash from her back pocket, counting out what looked like ten dollars. Nero strolled over to her workbench, a smug grin plastered on his face. In an almost exaggerated manner, he snatched the money from her and tucked it in his duffle bag, which was neatly placed underneath the couch.
A squeak of the van door caught everyone’s attention, V looked around for a moment before his gaze fixated on you, “Pardon my late arrival, I was… busy.”
You smiled and took a few steps to stand closer to him, “It’s alright; it was nice having a break for a few minutes.”
Nero raised a brow, “You guys are already heading out?”
With a nod, you turned to address the pair, “Just a quick sweep of the next dozen or so blocks; we shouldn’t be long.”
“Uh-huh,” the white-haired man took a deep breath, shaking his head with a small smile, “You’re gonna burn yourself out again; gotta sleep at some point.”
He tossed you Revenant which you caught and slid in the holster on your lower back, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Besides,” you took a deep breath and sighed, “the city’s not gonna clear itself.”
Making a phone call motion with her hand, Nico spoke, “Keep in touch, hun.”
With a playful sarcastic wink you gave her double finger guns, “Will do babe,” the two of you shared a laugh before you addressed V, who, unbeknownst to you, hadn't stopped staring at you, “Ready?”
“Of course,” he pivoted around, opening and holding the door open, “I’ll follow your lead.”
With departing waves, you stepped out the door, V following suit. A warmth found its way to your face as you smiled as you walked side-by-side; a comforting silence settling between you. Despite only knowing V briefly, you had grown quite fond of the lithe man. The way he treated you and spoke to you was so different compared to the roughness of both Dante and Nero that it made his first meeting with you stick out like a sore thumb.
===
It had only been a week or so after the Qliphoth had appeared.
After only God knows how long, you had taken some vacation time and left the city. Upon hearing the news about the outbreak, you immediately turned around and put your holiday on hold. This wouldn't have been too big of a deal if not for the unbelievably high amount of military checkpoints you had to go through; re-explaining that you work as a devil hunter and your employer had been asked to help handle the situation. It was monotonous, to say the least.
Not to mention that Nico, Nero, and the client--whom you hadn't met yet--were on the complete opposite side of the city.
An exasperated sigh left your lips as you kicked a rock using Gilgamesh's boots. It had been nearly 72 hours since you'd slept, eaten, or had any sort of significant source of water. Exhausted didn't even come close to explaining how you felt.
Thankfully, life decided to throw you a bone and you stumbled upon a relatively un-damaged apartment complex. Not passing up the chance, you headed straight inside and cleared out the first and second floor: given it was only lower-level demons like Empusas. One of the second-floor rooms had a door still attached and a corpse-free bed. Quietly shutting the door, you flopped onto the bed.
Even with you sleeping with one eye open, you were jumped by a demon that you hadn't heard. It was a Nobody and by the time you got your arms up to block, it was too late to ground yourself. The demon smacked you out the room's window.
Landing on your feet, Gilgamesh took the brunt of the fall; however, it still sent a shocking pang of pain up your body. Crumpling over on yourself, you grumbled some obscenities before returning upright. Your eyes settled on a newly formed horde and you put your hands up, ready to fight.
The extent of your exhaustion was becoming evident as you threw sloppy punches and were only able to kick half as high as normal. Despite this, you still managed to clear the demons... or so you thought.
An icicle from a Baphomet nicked your bicep causing you to hiss in pain. Placing a gauntlet over the torn flesh, you spun around to see the demon which was floating right out in the open. Though it was a stupid move, you spirited straight at the icy demon, avoiding all manner of magical attacks.
Using Gilgamesh's saws on your boots, you sprung upwards and drilled up into its brain with the gauntlets; killing it. Smiling to yourself, you landed and shook the corpse from your hand.
Your hair stood on end and your expression fell.
Slowly pivoting around, you came face to face with a trio of Hell Judeccas. As you waited with bated breath for one of them to move, you felt the blood from your wound glide down and drip off your fingers. The Baphomet was a challenge enough right now; so this fight would most likely end poorly for you. Death was almost a guarantee and there wasn't even anyone around to see it.
Taking a deep breath, you took off towards the demons and dodged two sets of blades that were sent straight at you by sliding on your knees. Pulling Revenant from its place on your back, you shot at them, praying that you hit at least one. However, you weren't so lucky and they all moved or teleported out of the way.
Quickly getting to your feet, you readied for another attack when a strange cat-like snarl from behind you caught you off guard. The supposed source of the sound, a large black jaguar, darted passed you and attacked the opposing creatures.
Then a shrill cackle came from behind in the same direction, quickly approaching and flying over you, “Ha! Bagheera was right, I’ll be damned.”
Confusion set in as you watched with mouth slightly agape at the demons being shredded by, what you could only assume to be, more demons.
“ “The most sublime act is to set another before you. / If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise.”.” A low sultry voice from behind you caught your attention, turning slightly; attempting to keep an eye on both the demons and the new voice.
“Who-?”
You froze, your already pounding heart picking up a few extra paces at the sight. Though Dante had called you and given you a small description of the newest client of (The) Devil May Cry, you hadn’t expected him to look like this.
He slowly walked past you, sliding the well-kept brown pleather and golden accented book into his, rather promiscuous, leather jacket. When you turned back around to face the demons, the amount of confusion you had only tripled. The two animals had taken care of the three Hell Judeccas, all looking oddly de-saturated and on the verge of death. The gaunt tattooed stranger, using his cane, swept up one of the large demon’s sets of blades and swung them around, slicing it in half. He repeated the action but was able to kill the final two in one combined swing.
All you could muster was a confused open-mouthed huff.
The large hawk addressed the raven-haired man, “Well that was fun.”
Rolling his eyes, the man sighed and turned his attention to the jaguar. The large cat had begun to creep up to you; not in a threatening way but rather, what appeared to be, a curious one.
Just as it got within an arm's length from you, the man placed his cane down using it to support himself, and simply said, “To me.”
Both animals returned to him and quickly disappeared into the man, causing more blackened ink to appear on his pallid skin.
“Are you alright?” His eyes focused on you.
“I-” You closed your eyes and rapidly shook your head, rationalizing that his animals weren't real, thinking it was caused by your delirious state, “I’m fine; thanks for the help.”
A warm smile pulled at his plush lips, “The boy asked me to keep an eye out for someone who looks an awful lot like you,” he gestured with his eyes down to Gilgamesh, “and would have that devil arm.”
You laughed softly, “Nero’s actually here, huh?”
“He is, however, we parted ways after stopping in that woman’s loud van.”
“Nico’s here too?” Shaking your head you looked down with raised brows, “Man, the whole crew’s out here.,” You looked back up, “What about Dante or the ladies? They out here too?”
His smile faded, “No, I’m afraid that they are more than likely dead at this point.”
“Dead? Surely you’re kidding.”
With a flat mouth, he broke his gaze away for a moment, “No. Sorry to relay such bitter news upon our first meeting.”
Grinding your teeth in thought and moving your jaw back and forth, you stood thinking for a moment, “So it’s just Nico, Nero, me, and--?”
“Call me V,” the lithe man took a few strides closer to you, standing comfortably close.
“So you are the client then?”
V nodded, “Yes, that is correct.”
“Man,” you gestured with one hand up and down his body, the other hand resting on your hip, “Wish we had customers like you more often,” for better or for worse, you spoke your mind, “cause damn you’re-- wow.”
He looked down, hiding the slight pink on his face at the comment, and laughed, “You’re much more blunt than the others led me to believe.”
A wide smile stretched across your face, emphasizing the bags under your bloodshot eyes, which V finally noted, “Just callin’ it like I see it, V.”
“May I do the same?”
Putting your arms up, you cracked your shoulders as you responded, “Sure.”
“You need rest.”
Putting your arms down with a heavy sigh, “It’s that obvious, huh?”
V laughed slightly, “Just calling it as I see it,” slowly, he began to walk back the way he’d come from, “We aren’t far from Nico, I'm sure you could rest up there.”
Happily, you turned to follow him, “I’ll follow your lead.”
===
“What’s with that expression Wanderer?” V raised a brow, his voice pulling you from your thoughts.
“Oh!” With an embarrassed smile, you placed a hand on the back of your neck, “Just got lost in thought, sorry.”
“May I ask what you were thinking so intensely about?” He shifted slightly, allowing Shadow to take a break from traveling, and began supporting himself with his cane causing the two of you to move slower.
“Just thinking about our first time, that’s all.”
A breathy sultry laugh left his lips, “ Our first time? Well now, I didn’t take you to be such a bold flirt today.”
“Wh-huh?” Replaying the conversation, your eyes went wide and you turned to him, doing your best to not trip as you continued walking, “No no- I didn’t-- that wasn’t-”
V laughed again, eyeing you up and down from the corner of his eye with a smirk, “Right, pardon my assumption.”
You stared with parted lips momentarily before returning to face the correct way, lips pursed and cheeks unbearably hot. Nervousness settled like a brick in your gut as you watched the ground in front of you, causing you to miss the fact V was staring at you with half-lidded eyes.
Mindlessly playing with his teeth with his tongue, he debated whether to tease you any further about what was said; ultimately he decided to drop it. In truth, however, the lithe man was a bit disappointed that you weren’t thinking about the idea of being with him as he had thought about many times before. V felt almost guilty about the intense lust he felt for you.
The raven-haired poet was unquestionably, unfathomably, undeniably, in love with you--even if he has only known you for a short time. V was certain that he wanted to be with you for the rest of this lifetime and, what could be argued to be, his next; in whatever way you’d have him. Whether it was just as colleagues, friends, or lovers; it didn’t matter, he needed you in his life.
His grip tightened on his cane, realizing that Vergil may end up pushing you away, despite the pronounced dependency on you. You were like a rich dark sweet wine that he was unable to put down and wanted to do nothing but sip upon you till the end of time itself. A low sigh left his nose, secretly praying that he was wrong about how things would be when all was said and done.
“V?” Your voice was quiet as you adjusted Gilgamesh for the umpteenth time, “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” he straightened upright, holding the cane horizontally, gloved fingers wrapping around the blade.
“When this is all over, could we…” You paused for a moment, “stay in contact?”
“Do you want to?”
Sheepishly, you nodded.
V smirked, “Then of course we can.”
Your eyes flicked up to meet his unwavering gaze, smiling brightly at him, “Thanks.”
“Perhaps, if you’d like, we could consider some other things as well.”
“O-other things?” A shake had found its way to your words as you waited with bated breath for his answer.
However, he didn’t answer, instead, he gave a low chuckle and turned his gaze from you, gesturing with his cane, “It seems we have work to do,” he put the metal back down and leaned on it again.
A heavy sigh left your lips and, without a second thought, you took off toward the horde.
Not hearing V calling out for you to stop.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw fast almost unplaceable movement. Although you went to bring your gauntlets up as fast as possible, you were unable to make the time gap. Except when you opened your eyes, instead of a big demon skewering you through your middle, you were on your ass and V was lying on top of you. His arms wrapped around your hips with his face right underneath your navel, face down and breathing heavily.
Before you could ask, a familiar squawking voice chimed in, “Aw, how romantic; Romeo can sure as hell hustle when he needs to,” the bird let out a laugh.
A snarl left Shadow’s maw, seemingly annoyed at the lack of help from Griffon.
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m on it,” Griffon returned to the fight, leaving you to assist V up.
Slowly, he picked his head up enough to look at you, emerald eyes holding a heavy unplaceable emotion. Heat quickly filled your face at the realization of the position you were in which didn’t go unnoticed by the raven-haired man. Without moving too much, V snapped his fingers causing his hair to go white and the last of his tattoos to dissipate.
“Are you alright?” You propped yourself up with one arm and used the other to cautiously tuck his hair back, resting an armoured palm on his cheek.
“Mmn,” he paused in thought, enjoying the feeling of your touch, “If you are then I am.”
A corner of your mouth twitched up slightly, “I’m alright; thank you.”
He took a deep breath in response, resisting the urge to place his face back down against your abdomen. Though all good things come to an end he knew he had to get up. With a grunt, he pushed up and sat up in a kneel, one knee up for him to push off of. However, you were quick to your feet and offered a hand instead, which he graciously accepted.
“I’ve got this,” you squeezed his hand before letting go, “Don’t worry about it.”
Not giving him time to banter or reject your offer, you took off and finished off whatever half-dead demons were strewn about.
It didn’t take long for the horde to disappear into nothing but blood and gore. Admittedly, V always enjoys watching you work--especially with hand-to-hand weapons. Whether it is a holdover from Vergil’s distaste for guns or if it is because of the innate sensual nature of the style; he couldn’t help but find it arousing. The way you seemed to show off for him was just a cherry on top.
There was something in the way you pranced around that he couldn’t help but be mesmerized by. With all of this considered, V was struggling to not become visibly excited and, much to his dismay, was starting to lose the fight.
Once the demons were dead, you waltzed over to V and carefully grabbed his arm, tugging slightly, “Come with me.”
“Is something the matter, Wanderer?” The lithe man’s hair returned to its dark shade as Nightmare faded from sight.
You shook your head, flashing him a closed-eye smile, “Nope; just trust me, V.”
He swallowed hard and nodded, “Very well, lead on.”
A confused tilt adorned his brow as he tried to piece together what you were doing-- or planning. It wasn’t long before the two of you reached the destination you wanted, a mostly intact hotel.
“Could you leave Griffon and Shadow out here, please?” You turned to him, stopping in front of the entrance.
His gaze thinned, “May I ask why?”
“Last time I went into one of these, I got attacked and thrown out a two-story window,” you gave him a falsely doe-eyed smile, “Figure they could be our lookout for a little bit--just until we’re done.”
V wanted to push for a better answer, knowing that made no sense; however, his curiosity got the better of him and, deciding to play along, summoned both familiars.
“Stay here, we will be back shortly-”
Griffon immediately turned to you, laughing with a slightly impudent attitude to his words, “Be careful with him, don’t need him dying of a heart attack-”
You laughed, cutting the bird off, “I’ll take care of him; I promise.”
With that, the two of you disappeared into the building.
“I’m going to scout ahead a bit; okay?” You let go of his arm, making V ever-so-slightly frown.
“Sure.”
As you went on, V’s eyes quickly drifted to your hips. Lewd thoughts echoed in his mind as he watched you seemingly bounce down the hall, peeking into each room with just the right amount of lean forwards so that he got a perfect view of your body. Each stride of yours had this certain flaunting nature to it as if you were purposefully taunting him.
Reaching the final room on the first floor, you decided to head in. Though no one else was aware, you’d already surveyed this building earlier and cleared out every demon within; meaning only small fries--like Empusas--would be here, if at all. This room was the closest to normal there was, having almost zero damage.
The room was relatively large; the bathroom was to the left of the doorway and the rest of the room to the right. The bedding was still neatly tucked, the faucet still ran, and there was even a radio with quite an array of classical CDs.
You made your way over to said radio with a hum, bending over at the waist to rummage through the music.
V joined you in the room, looking around in slight confusion before his gaze settled on you again. A sway had found its way to your hips and, despite your flustered and nervous feeling, you smirked. You knew he was looking at you; confirming your hunch about his oddly vague words.
Eventually settling on a random assortment of Tchaikovsky's work, you slowly stood upright and placed the disc in the player with a half-surprised laugh at the fact it still worked. When you turned around, a wide-eyed stare was all you could give to V, who was shifting awkwardly and avoiding your eyes. Though you’d hope some light teasing would get him in the mood, you hadn’t expected him to get so hard so quickly.
Without a word to him, you slipped past him and into the bathroom. Carefully, you placed Gilgamesh’s gauntlets and Revenant on the countertop then washed your hands, using the soap left in the dispenser. Returning to the room while drying your hands, you meandered toward the extremely confused horny goth.
As you discarded the towel, V finally spoke up, “Wanderer, what are we doing here?”
“Well,” you gently grabbed the open of his jacket, a hand on each side, thumbing over the black leather, “After how many times you’ve saved me, I figure that it’s about time you get a reward.”
His eyes flicked all around your face then down to your forearms, resting his cane against a nearby wall. Cautiously, V snaked his arms around your back and pulled you tight to him, “A reward ?”
“Yeah,” you leaned closer and placed your nose beside his, lips just barely apart, speaking with a whisper, “If you’re interested…”
Closing the gap, V leaned into you for both support and to deepen the kiss. An icy hand slid up your back, gracefully dancing across your still-clothed skin, and came to rest on the back of your neck. Your hands slid down his sides, coming to rest at his belt line, hooking your forefingers into the loops of his ever-tightening skinny jeans.
Switching to long drawn-out heated kisses, V squirmed under your touch as he felt you pull his hips into yours. Breaking away for a moment, the two of you stayed close, breathing heavily in content. A smirk pulled at his lips as he moved to kiss your up jawline, taking his time, making his way to your earlobe, tugging on it with a bite.
V rested with the side of his face against yours. The hand from your neck made its way to your upper back and, mindlessly, the thin man began to sway with you, enjoying the music and relaxing in the moment. You could feel his heart racing from just his chest resting against yours; no wonder Griffon gave you shit about V having a heart attack.
Bit by bit your hands left his jeans and went to his corset, undoing the already loose strings further. Taking the hint, V let go of you and removed his jacket then his corset; being tossed onto the bed and floor, respectively. A small huffed moan left his lips as he watched your hands grope up and down his torso.
“Wanderer…” His voice was low, but brimming with an unmistakable lust.
Resting your hands on the sides of his hips, you stood for a moment. A smirk tugged at your lips as you watched his chest rise and fall with each breath. Leaning closer, you placed a kiss at the crook of his shoulder, followed by a soft bite. V submissively tilted his head away from you, giving you more access to his neck. A smile tugged at your lips as you placed tender kisses, and the occasional bite, along his cold skin. A hand slid to the front of his jeans, finally, your touch wasn’t to just tease him.
V placed his hands on your sides, holding you closer, pursed lips hiding a groan that hung in the back of his throat. Though he knows it’s a bit pathetic, just feeling your hand against his cock was proving to be somewhat of a challenge for the inexperienced man to not prematurely finish.
Using both hands, you went to remove his belt, before stopping. V’s swaying had become much more pronounced--not having a means of support other than you.
You whispered against his neck, “Why don’t we sit down, hm?”
V, much to your surprise, seemed to stumble over his thoughts, “Any par- particular position?”
Fully leaning back, you grabbed his hand and guided him to the bed, “Get up here-- do you need help?”
He gave a nasally laugh, “No, I am alright,” he crawled up onto the bed, kneeling with his knees both on the bed, “Now what?”
Without answering, you climbed atop the mattress as well, sitting with your back nearly against the headboard, and patted your thighs. Understanding what you wanted, V sat on your lap facing you, wrapping his legs behind you.
“You’re beautiful, V,” reaching up, you moved a strand of hair from the front of his face, tucking it behind his ear, and leaned in close, speaking right above his lips, “So very beautiful.”
The gap quickly closed between you and V’s hands cupped your jaw, thumbs rubbing against your cheeks. Your hands went back to work on his belt, making him shift slightly. Feeling that you had the belt fully undone, his lips left yours, and he moved back just enough to look you in the eyes. With kiss-swollen lips slightly agape, V swallowed hard as he heard you unbutton his jeans.
Slowly, methodically, you unzipped the fly on his jeans, making sure to note every little micro-movement V made. This had been something you’d wanted for a long time and you were going to make sure to enjoy every last bit. When you finally broke from his gaze to look down, you raised a brow.
Nervousness pooling in his gut, V noticed your expression, “Is- is something wrong, love?”
A wide smile tugged at your lips, “No- not at all,” trying to hold back a laugh you looked back up at him, “It's just, with the rest of your outfit, I honestly expected you to be wearing a thong or g-string; not boxer briefs.”
V let out a laugh of relief, “I see; I-” A stifled moan cut his words short.
Resting your hand on the inner side of his thigh, you started to slowly run the side of your thumb up and down his bulge.
Heavy exhales left his nose as he watched your hand and he moved his hands to the outsides of your shoulders.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw V’s coat on the bed and got a wicked idea, “You know V,” your motions slowed even further causing him to let out a small huff of disappointment, “I really like your voice…”
His brow twitched slightly, attempting to figure out what you had in store, “Is that right?”
Carefully, you reached over to his jacket, grabbed his book from an inner pocket, and then handed it to him, “Why don’t you read me something, hm?”
“Is there a particular poem you’d like?” The prized item was held between you both, the top of it resting gently against your chest.
You shook your head, “Whatever you think fits best.”
As he flipped through the book, you resumed your touch. With eyes trained on his crotch, you unzipped the boxer’s fly and heard his page-turning falter slightly. Slipping his cock out into the open air, V let out a small moan, a page pinned between his forefinger and thumb.
“Now, now, V.” You looked up at him from the tops of your eyes, “You stop, I stop; got it?”
He pursed his lips and then nodded, continuing with his search. There was a visible shake to his hands as he did his best to play along. Ghosting your fingers along his shaft, you noticed that he had pre-cum already dribbling from his tip and he was heavily twitching; apparently, he was much more sensitive than you’d expected.
Rolling his foreskin back slightly, you thumbed over his tip. His page-turning had stopped again, and you hummed slightly, “Find one?”
With a slightly strained voice, he nodded, “Y-yes, I,” he moaned as you lightly wrapped a hand around his shaft, closing his eyes he continued, “I found something suitable.”
“Good,” you brought your thumb to your lips and put it in your mouth, cleaning the digit, “The floor is yours,” V’s eyes flicked to you, watching you mindlessly roll your tongue over your lips, and his blush deepened tenfold.
A shaky breath left his mouth as he focused on the page before him, “ “What is it men in women do require? / The l-lineaments of Gratified Desire.”.”
Spitting into your palm, you once again wrapped a hand around his shaft. With slow lazy pumps, you noted the feeling of his cock in your hand. Eyes flicking between his face and dick.
V’s brow twitched as he let out a hissing groan, “ “Wh-what is it women do in men require? / The lineaments of Gr-gratified Desire.”,” The raven-haired man’s hips unintentionally jerked slightly at the feeling of you putting your forefinger and thumb tips together, encircling his cock, and gently pulling up on his tip.
He hunched forwards slightly, his hair falling in front of his eyes, “ “The look of love alarms / Because ’tis f-fill’d with fire; / But the look of s-soft de-deceit- / Shall Win the love-lover’s hire” Ngh-ah~”
The fragile man’s legs constricted your middle ever tighter with each passing moment. Returning to stroking his entire length, you slowed down; not wanting him to finish quite yet.
Lips trembling, he continued, “ “S-soft Deceit & Idleness, / These ar-are Beauty’s sweetest dress. He--”
A sustained groan left his lips as he leaned forwards even more, placing the top of his head against your lips, which you placed a loving kiss upon, “ “He who binds to himself a- a joy / Dot the winged life d-destroy;”.”
V bucked his hips slightly upwards, desperate for more friction, speaking with a whimpering moan, “Please, Wanderer, I can’t-”
Whispering against him, you slowed your motions even further, “You’re almost done, my love… finish it for me; please?”
Taking a stuttering inhale through his nose and low breathy exhale from his mouth, he licked his lips before continuing, “ “But he who ki-kisses the joy as it flies / Live in Eternity’s sun-sunrise.” Ah-ah~”
Quickening your hand even faster than before, you placed another elongated kiss against his hair, “Good boy.”
Tossing the book from his hands V sat upright. Icy fingers wrapped around the back of your neck and gripped the side of your shoulder. The raven-haired man began to thrust his hips into your hand, practically riding your thighs.
You smirked and leaned in to place kisses on his collarbones, “I love you, V.”
“I- Uh-ah~,” another loud noise came from the man as he felt you add you use his pre to slick his cock even more, “I love you too, Wanderer.”
You upturned your face slightly, kissing his throat up to the underside of his jaw, a confident purr to your words, “You gonna cum for me, V~?”
The frantic shifting of his hands to cup the sides of your face gave you your answer. V guided your face up to his and placed his forehead against yours.
“Please,” his voice was soft and pleading, his mind a hazy lust-filled mess that was unable to come up with any other words.
Upon using one hand to stroke him and the other to play with his tip, you felt his thigh muscles tighten and his fingers dig into you. He pushed his lips onto yours, kissing you as if he were never going to be able to again. His hands wandered down your body, groping at your clothes.
Balling up your shirt in his hands from his grip, he broke off the kiss, a string of saliva connecting you momentarily. The skinny man leaned back and arched his body into yours.
He let out a final full-mouthed moan and bucked his hips one last time as his body tensed.
Warm silky white fluid decorated your hands as you slowly rode out his orgasm. A feeling of pride filled your heart as you made sure to etch the sight before you into your mind.
V’s skin had completely lost all of the inky patches and his chest was heaving. With how far he arched back, you could see the underside of his ribs and the prominent hip dips on each side. You watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he audibly swallowed a few times.
After a moment, he leaned back towards you.
Ghostly white hair fell in front of his flushed features as V’s eyes met yours. A small smile found its way to his lips and the two of you shared one more kiss. This time, however, it wasn’t lustful but a sweet loving gesture. With slow long kisses, V placed a forefinger under your jaw. Upon breaking away, you both shared a breathy satisfied huff and he slid his hand to cup your cheek, thumbing over your skin.
“So,” you relaxed into his touch, “Are we getting attacked or something?” His brow twitched in confusion, “Your hair.”
“Did I really..?” he leaned away and focused on the strands in front of his eyes which were slowly returning to black, “That’s… I didn’t know that would happen; how strange.”
You removed your hands and looked at them, a slight playful teasing to your voice, “Little pent up there V?”
Although you weren’t complaining, V had cum quite a lot harder than you’d expected and made a mess between both of you.
With an embarrassed laugh, he turned from your gaze, and rested his hands on his thighs, “Perhaps it is because you are so important to me…” V didn’t want to admit that he hadn’t even tried to masturbate while in this form--not to mention that Vergil hadn’t done anything like that in over twenty years.
Humming quietly along to the long-forgotten music, you brought your hand up to your mouth and cleaned it off. V’s eyes immediately flicked to you and he stared at you wide-eyed. Slowly, your eyes drifted to his as you continued.
When you went to give your other, less coated hand, the same treatment, you noticed something else and raised your brows in surprise, “That was a quick turnaround.”
The tattooed man looked down and then back at you, “It’s not my fault you are so… appealing to me,” once more, he leaned his forehead against yours, “Wanderer.”
“Mnm, well then,” you placed a long kiss against his lips, biting his lower lip after, “Guess my work isn’t done then, hm?”
“Your work?” V backed away and removed his legs from your waist, running a hand down your middle, resting it just above your hip line, “If it’s all the same to you, this time, I’d much rather be the one to play.”
===
ENDING NOTES:
Not me having no clue how to end this lmfao
🛏️📔🛏️
Been a long time since I’ve tried to write V lol I really should write him more Also hope that this was close enough to the request. I just kind of ran with the flow so it’s not exactly the same--the poem reading isn’t really what was asked but I figured it was close enough.
Another thing, sorry for the improper dividing of dialogue trees when V’s reading. It was too chaotic for me to feel comfortable leaving in one chunk (which is technically what I should’ve done since it was only V talking) sorry lol
Also if you are into like video edit shit, I’ve been re-watching one from “V’s Love” on YouTube titled “V | Slow Down | DMC 5 GMV”. Give it a watch- seriously it’s fans myself gayly oh boy.
📔🛏️📔
Poem(s) Quoted:
William Blake: Proverbs of Hell
William Blake: Several Questions Answered (full version)
If you like what you read here; please check out the rest of my one-shots on AO3. Comments, reshares, and likes/kudos are appreciated!! Thanks for reading!
MASTER LIST FOR TUMBLR
#Re-wrote some stuff (1/22) didn't like the whole middle section of this fic so I fixed some stuff sorry for changing it so much lmao#TYPOS AND ERRORS SHOULD BE FIXED NOW (1/15)#DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THERE WERE SO MANY LMAO SORRY#GRAMMERLY LAGS DOCS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO USE ANYMORE SO MY POOR SPELLING SKILL REALLY SHOWN THROUGH LMFAO#devil may cry#devil may cry 5#dmc#dmc 5#devil may cry V#V#V devil may cry#dmc V#V dmc#V x reader#V x G/N Reader#V x Female reader#V x Male reader#oneshot#request#(from like forever ago; sorry lmfao)#Also mentioned and here:#Nero#Devil may cry Nero#Nico#Devil may cy Nico#devil may cry Shadow#devil may cry Griffon#devil may cry nightmare#reposted from AO3
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!! The following is a rant and is slightly fandom critical, it’s also over-exaggerated and half joking !!
!! I’m just expelling frustration it’s not serious I’m just being silly rn so beware all ye who enter here (and also read the tags) !!
the only character that is allowed to kill an egg without repercussions is q!badboyhalo because this fandom treats him like a glorified nanny and they only care about him when they’re yelling at him to take care of their fav egg. he ain’t that egg’s government-assigned parent and he isn’t responsible for constantly keeping every egg alive but i damn well know if an egg dies on his watch, or if an egg dies of neglect he’s gonna get blamed - especially if an egg dies of neglect since he’s the only islander that cares about that apparently lmao (mostly joking). And the worst part is he’ll probably blame himself too but it honest to god is not his problem.
Bro needs a vacation - an actual one where he’s not taking care of an average of 3 eggs daily lmfao
#sorry I’m salty and I’m mostly joking I’m not actually that pressed#and plus q!Bad likes to babysit so it is His Own Doing I’m sure others would help if he asked#the thing is he’s never going to ask he’s allergic to asking for help#also this is more about the fandom anyway#they always yell on twitter and IN HIS CHAT to take care of eggs#but if he misses one sign or doesnt read the eggs damn mind he’s an unfit parent like. okay.#^^^ that last tag is specifically about how much people nag on him about tallulah in particular#‘bad is always leaving her behind i only trust Phil’ SHUT THE FUCK UP SHE LITERALLY SEES BAD AS A FATHER FIGURE#tallulah would be dead several times over if it weren’t for him#so would chayanne and so would Leo and so would half the players if we’re being honest#anyway I would be so sad if he killed an egg but he’s earned it at this point tbf#q!badboyhalo#fandom critique#i like the qsmp fandom usually but when people chat hop to tell him to wake up chayanne i get… silly
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tis the damn season part 4 - rafe cameron
part 3 | masterlist | part 5
a/n: okay so. first of all im so so SO sorry that it has literally been a year since the last part. i said it wasnt going to take a month for this to come out and i guess i was right because a year isn't a month lmao. it's not even christmas season anymore but i just could not stop thinking about this all of a sudden so here we are again. i hope you guys still want this lmao.
it was just really hard for me to get through the cameron family part, i love writing sarah but for some reason i just could not get a handle on ward and rose. not a surprise that yn and rafe meeting in the library was the part that i flew through
anyways enjoy. sorry for it being a year since the last part and it not being christmas anymore<3 im a great and responsible writer. also because it has been so long i completely understand if you dont want to be on the taglist anymore, so just lmk and ill take you off!
wc: 7k
warning(s): the dreaded parent dinner. rose and ward being judgmental and yn being insecure ya know the vibes. but also a lot of fluff too
“How drunk are you?”
“Sober enough to get through this night,” Rafe said. “How high is your bullshit tolerance?”
“High enough to get through this night,” you repeated, and he smiled.
“Alright.” Rafe took a deep breath then nodded, and the two of you got out of his car. You handed him his keys and he, after putting them in his pocket, slipped his hand into yours as you started walking towards the house. The motion was starting to feel more natural than it should. “Rose’ll probably want my help setting up for dinner as an excuse to talk to me about you, but my dad will most likely be in his office until we’re done, so you don’t have to worry about another one-on-one thing.”
“I can handle that,” you said. “It’ll be easier in front of the rest of your family. But before we go in—” you turned to look at him, a slightly teasing smile on your lips. “I think we should talk about all that stuff your friends said back there.”
Rafe sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry about that. I promise, they were just exaggerating to embarrass me.”
“No, it’s fine,” you chuckled. “I like your friends; they were a lot different than I was expecting, but they were actually really cool. I just… well, I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t change anything with this.”
“No, no—” Rafe laughed a little as well and brushed it off with his hand. “Okay — all cards on the table, I did have a crush on you freshman year. But that was just freshman year, and now it’s gone! We’re— we’re just friends. I feel nothing for you anymore.”
You gave him a look. “Nothing?”
Rafe rolled his eyes playfully. “You know what I mean.”
“Just teasing you,” you agreed with a smile. “But it’s good to know that there is absolutely nothing between us. I mean, you did promise not to fall in love with me.”
Rafe nodded seriously. “Of course. And you promised not to fall in love with me, so you can’t falter either.”
You placed your fist over your heart. “Hope to die.”
He snorted a laugh and tugged on your hand to get you walking again. “You’re so lame.”
“And you had a crush on me when I was even lamer,” you teased. But before you could do anymore, Rafe was saved by the bell as he opened the door and pulled you inside with a wink back at you.
“Rose, we’re home!” he called as he shut the door behind you. You heard the clatter of silverware in the distance followed by clicking heels on the tiled floor, and soon enough a blonde woman with an unnaturally bright smile came around the corner.
Her eyes lit up when she saw you and she said your name. “You must be the girlfriend!”
You offered a smile of your own and nodded. “In the flesh. It’s so nice to— oh!“
You didn’t get the chance to finish your sentence as she pulled you into a hug, and Rafe just gave you a knowing smile in response to your widened eyes.
“It‘s so nice to meet you too,” she gushed, and when she finally let go she kept her hands on your shoulders. “We’ve all tried to drill Rafe for information about you these past couple days, but he refused to open up — you can imagine how happy I am to finally get to meet ‘the girlfriend’.”
You laughed a bit at her mimed quotation, nodding along to her words. If only she knew how right she really was.
“I feel the same about meeting you all.” To drive home the point you reached for Rafe’s hand, and without hesitation he took it. “Rafe and I are really happy together, so I thought— we thought that it would be a good time for this to happen.”
Rose grinned and as she started walking, the two of you followed her. “Well, it is an absolute pleasure to have you here for the holidays. I’m sure Rafe has hardly been able to hold himself back from showing you everything Kildare has to offer.”
“Uh, yeah,” he piped in. “We just went to the country club and met up with Kelce and Topper, and we took the scenic route back. You liked it, right?”
You nodded. “It was great. Everything here is, really — your house, the beaches, the nature, the Outer Banks as a whole, it’s all beautiful. I can’t believe this is my first time visiting.”
Her eyebrows shot up as you all finally reached the kitchen, a mess of measuring cups, bowls, and a myriad of other kitchen supplies scattered around the island table. All it took was a gesture of her head for Rafe to let go of your hand and get to work with tidying up the area. You made a mental note to ask her how to acquire that kind of power.
“You’ve never been here?” she asked, and you shook your head. You didn’t know why that was so surprising to both his parents. “Well, that just means you have the chance to see everything with fresh eyes.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” you smiled.
Rafe gave you a warning look, one you knew very well that was telling you to stop talking, before he focused back on his stepmom with a smile. “We can handle the rest of this, right? Y/N can go relax a little in my room before dinner — uh, she didn’t sleep very well.”
Rose rolled her eyes, but the amusement was clear in her expression. “Fine. I’ll save the grilling for dinner.”
You gave her a polite nod as you turned to go, but when Rose wasn’t looking you mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Rafe that he answered with a smug smile. She was nicer than you had imagined, but you didn’t think you could handle all of her questions in addition to a family dinner. You had a feeling you were going to need every advantage you could get for tonight.
It just so happened though, that as soon as you turned the corner, you ran into Rafe’s younger sisters. You wondered if they always traveled as a pair.
“You guys are back already,” Sarah said with a pleasant smile, and you chuckled.
“Uh, yeah,” you nodded. “We just went out for lunch with his friends at the country club.”
Wheezie groaned as she leaned against the wall. “Kelce and Topper? God, they’re the worst.”
You frowned a bit. “I actually thought they were pretty nice. They like teasing Rafe just as much as I do, so it’s a plus.”
She shrugged. “I’m surprised they were so nice to you. A lot of people on this side of the island wouldn’t be that way towards you.”
“Wheezie!” Sarah scolded with a jab to her shoulder, but that only knit your brows further.
“What are you talking about?” you asked, and Sarah sighed.
“I’m guessing Rafe hasn’t really told you about the inner workings of the Outer Banks,” she said dryly, and you nodded. “Well…” she trailed off, and then shook her head. “It’s not the right time, and I don’t really think it should come from us. I don’t really want you to get all in your head right before the big dinner interrogation.”
“Are you always this mysterious with your brother’s girlfriends?” you asked after a beat of silence.
Sarah smiled as she started to back up. “How else am I supposed to keep my younger sister allure?”
“It’s not allure if you’re so open about it,” Wheezie said as she rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna go get some lemonade, want any?”
Sarah shook her head, and then she looked to you.
“Oh— uh, no. Thank you.”
Wheezie chuckled a bit. “Don’t act so surprised that we wanna get to know you. You’re pretty cool in terms of Rafe girlfriends.”
As she walked off, you turned to Sarah with an amused look. “Is she always like that?”
“It just means she likes you,” Sarah said with a smile. “And for the record, I do too.”
You stood there smiling at the ground for far too long after Sarah had already gone off on her own. They were charming in a very likable way, even if they did have their quirks.
At least your fake boyfriend’s sisters liked you — now, you just had to get his parents on your side.
-
“So…” Rose glanced over at Rafe with a smile as he mashed potatoes. “Are you gonna give me anything, or do I have to wait for dinner?”
He chuckled. “I think we can wait for dinner. She’ll be happy to tell you all about herself then.”
“You’ve been together for almost three years and we barely know anything about her!” she exclaimed. “What’s the reason for that kind of secrecy?”
Rafe bit the inside of his cheek, suddenly very interested in the potato masher. “We just wanted to make sure that we were solid before we started telling people outside of our friend group,” he said. “I… I really like her, so I wanted it all to go well.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You both wanted to keep it a secret, or just she did?”
He frowned. “We both did. Why does it matter?”
“She’s not like us,” Rose said after a moment of hesitation, and Rafe’s grip tightened against the handle. “How do you know she’s not just using you for your money?”
“Excuse me?” He turned to her with an incredulous expression, the thought so ridiculous to him that he could hardly even deal with it. “You’re not seriously calling my girlfriend a gold digger, are you?”
“It is a valid concern!” she defended, her voice becoming slightly higher from his reaction. “You’ve seen the way she looks at the house, the way she marvels at everything down here — for god’s sake Rafe, she’s never even been to the Outer Banks and she lives a couple hours away. Why else would she want to keep the two of you a secret?”
“Okay,” he said with a dry laugh, setting down the masher and walking over to the sink to wash his hands off. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Just because she’s not crazy rich like every other person on Figure Eight doesn’t mean she’s after me for money. We’ve been friends even longer than we’ve been dating— I was the one who asked her out first. She’s actually a good person, Rose—and no matter what, you can’t insult her like that. She’s,” he swallowed and turned away for a second, “she’s my girlfriend. So you can’t say this kinda stuff about her.”
Rose stared at him for a moment before she sighed. “Okay. At least you actually care about her.”
“Of course I do,” he scoffed.
“I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into,” she said, once again on the defensive. “You’ve always been hasty—”
“Do you want my help with this or do you just want to keep talking shit about her?” Rafe interrupted, his voice rising out of frustration. “Because if you keep this up you’re gonna be doing it alone.”
“Watch your mouth, Rafe,” she said, though mostly for virtue’s sake. “You just can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“There’s nothing to warn me about,” he said sharply. “She’s a great person, and she’s one of my best friends. So lay off.”
She raised her hands, finally conceding. “Okay. You win.”
Rafe rolled his eyes, but he still moved onto his next job. That didn’t change the fact that the rest of their preparations were done in silence.
-
You spent your time alone in Rafe’s room very valuably — after relaxing for a little, you found Topper and Kelce’s instagrams and immediately started stalking them.
It was valuable, to be fair — you got to see pictures of Rafe when he was in high school, and some videos of him being the idiot he’d warned you about when you went through their pinned stories. They made you smile, seeing him like that — just from the pictures you could tell that he was a frat boy in training, but he was charming in a boyish sort of way. You also knew you would’ve completely fallen for high school Rafe if the two of you met at that age.
You cleared your throat as you shut off your phone and put it face down on the bed. Thank god for the distance between you then, because thoughts like that were definitely off limits.
It was just in time, because you heard a knock on the door and Rafe saying your name.
“Uh, come in!” you responded, and he came in the door as you sat up.
“Dinner’s all ready, if you’re ready.”
“Yeah,” you nodded, and you stood up from his bed as you smoothed out your dress. “This is fine for the first dinner with your family, right? How do I look?”
Rafe looked you up and down, his eyes raking across your body in the most exaggerated way possible as he whistled. “Babe, you look great. Super hot.”
You burst out into laughter at that, and he even cracked a smile. “You are completely ridiculous, Rafe. You cannot act this way in front of your parents.”
He brushed his hand through the air. “They can deal with it. My fake girlfriend’s only getting the best.”
You shook your head, a smile of your own growing. “Like I said: completely ridiculous.”
“I try.” Rafe’s grin faded a bit as he looked back at the door, and after a moment he shut it. He then turned back to you, his expression completely sobered. “I’m gonna be completely honest with you. This might be rough.”
You frowned a bit. “Rough in what kind of way?”
“Rough in a ‘making you doubt everything about yourself’ kinda way,” he said, and he sighed as shook his head. “Rose and I—we talked while we were setting everything up, and she thinks you’re some kind of golddigger. And,” Rafe huffed a dry laugh, “my dad’ll probably think the same thing. He’ll be a lot more covert with it, though.”
“Great,” you muttered, and you suddenly felt very self-conscious as you wrapped your arms around yourself. A part of you itched to put Rafe’s sweatshirt back on, the familiarity of it a comfort you were suddenly aching for. But you remained in place, letting out a deep sigh instead. “I thought you said that both of them were from blue collars before they ended up with all this.”
“They were,” Rafe confirmed, “but they’ve gone full kook over the years. They look down on the very same people they used to be, and… they’re probably gonna look down on you too.”
“Great!” you repeated, and you felt the heat rush to your cheeks. You and Rafe weren’t together so it shouldn’t have bothered you, the thought of not having his parents’ approval, but it was just the opposite. “That’s— that’s just great, Rafe.”
“Hey,” he said, his voice softer, “hey, it’s okay. I don’t want you to worry about them. Just— just be yourself, and we will make them like you. And if they say any out of pocket shit, don’t just take it, call them out on it. And if you don’t want to, I will.” Rafe gave you a genuine look. “I won’t let them do what they do to everyone else.”
You recalled your conversation with Ward earlier in the morning, when he, out of nowhere, told you that he didn’t think you were a good fit in Rafe’s life. The man barely knew you and he was already trying to scare you out of it.
And for some reason, just the thought of that brought your resolve back. If there was one thing you had in spades, it was spite.
You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded, offering a smile that you hoped was convincing. “Right. We got this.”
“We got this,” he agreed, and he offered his hand. “You ready, fake girlfriend?”
You nodded again and took his hand, reveling in the warmth it provided as he squeezed your hand. “Ready, fake boyfriend.”
-
“There you two are,” Rose joked as you and Rafe entered the dining room together. “I was beginning to think you decided to abandon us.”
“I wouldn’t let him do that,” you said with a smile. “I’m just sorry we didn’t get to do this last night.”
“Oh, I am too,” she agreed, and she finished setting the last platter on the table. “I’m sorry that it’s taken us three years to finally have a family dinner.”
“Me too,” Wheezie said, looking up at you as she finished setting down the silverware. “I still don’t know what you see in him, but whatever.”
“Louisa, be nice.” You instinctively tensed up as Ward walked in, and you returned the gesture when he smiled at you. “We’re all happy to have you here, and we’re all sorry it took so long.” He looked at Rafe pointedly. “You should’ve brought her down sooner, Rafe.”
“We’ve already talked about this, Dad,” Rafe said. “We weren’t ready before, but now we are. You guys have to deal with that.”
“He just didn’t want to scare her off with his crazy family,” Sarah said dryly as she walked in, a stack of plates in her hands that she placed on the table. “Probably a good decision with all this interrogating.”
“I don’t mind,” you said, and it wasn’t completely a lie. You and Rafe might not have been together, but you were best friends. It was probably a good thing you were meeting his family, even if it was under this sort of guise. You laughed a bit. “I’d want to know about my son’s secret girlfriend too if I were you.”
“Well, you’re welcome here anytime you want, sweetie,” Rose said. “We have a lot of lost time to make up for.” She set the final dish on the table and held her hands out. “Feel free to help yourself.”
“It all looks wonderful, honey,” Ward said, pecking his wife on the cheek as he took his seat at the head of the table.
Your nerves evaporated slightly as you sat down, reveling in the silence you probably wouldn’t get much of as everyone served themselves. You were immediately proven right as Rose looked at you with a smile.
“So,” she said your name, “Rafe tells me you’re looking to become a doctor?”
You nodded. “I’ve been working towards it since middle school. It’s hard to believe that I’m getting so close to med school.”
“Are you applying?” Ward asked.
“Not yet, but I’m looking,” you said, and you chuckled. “I thought I would get a break from all the medical stuff after I took the MCAT, but between school hunting and classes, I think it’s gotten even busier.”
“She’s amazing,” Rafe said, “seriously. She and Melanie are both on pre-med tracks, and I swear, all they do is study.”
“Mel parties sometimes,” you joked, “but… yeah. I’ve become really well acquainted with the library.”
“That was actually how we met,” he said, glancing at you, and a smile immediately broke out on your lips. “Freshman year, remember?”
“How could I ever forget?”
/
You let out a haggard sigh as you held your head in your hands, staring at the textbook beneath you. You had an entire spread around you—laptop and charger, nearly empty water bottle, a bag of goldfish, a whole mess of highlighters and pens, and your bio 252 textbook open in front of you. You had been trying to read the same sentence for the past ten minutes, and your brain was not cooperating.
You screwed your eyes shut as you leaned back in your chair, pressing your hands against your forehead. At this point, you wondered if you were losing brain cells.
“Hey, uh— is this seat open?”
You cracked your eyes open to see a guy in sweatpants and a UNC tee standing, a backpack slung over one shoulder and very pretty eyes.
“It’s 2:35 in the morning,” you said. “Half the library is open.”
“I know, but,” he chuckled, “you look smart. I feel like being around you will make me do my work.”
That got a dry laugh out of you, and you just shrugged. “Sit away, I guess. As long as you’re quiet.”
He nodded and took a seat on the other end of the table, leaving enough space to be polite. “I’m Rafe, by the way.”
You nodded as well. “Cool.”
“What,” he said, setting his backpack on the ground, “I don’t get a name?”
���If I survive these midterms, you can get my name,” you said wryly, and your focus fell back to your textbook.
Though you couldn’t see him, you heard the smile in his words, could feel his eyes on you. “Deal.”
/
“Never thought that you would be living the rom-com life, Rafe,” Sarah said, very tongue-in-cheek. “Makes sense that she was annoyed by you at first.”
“To be fair, I was kind of losing my mind,” you said with a laugh. “Word of advice for your freshman year, Sarah, learn the meaning of school-life balance, and learn it before you’re knee deep in midterms.”
She chuckled, nodding sagely. “You don’t have to worry about that. I won’t be in the library that late no matter what time of year it is.”
“Very studious of you, Rafe,” Rose said, and she smiled. “What were you doing in there anyways?”
He shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep, so I went to the library. Maybe it was fate.”
“I think it was just persistence,” you said dryly. “Because you came in every single night after that.”
/
“This seat open?”
You blinked at the voice, the words from your laptop screen swimming in the air as you looked back up. To your surprise, it was the same guy from the other day, with the same words. Rafe, if you remembered.
“Why are you here again?”
“Because I took my econ midterm yesterday afternoon and killed it,” he said, “and I think it’s because you’re good luck.”
You raised your eyebrows. “I’m good luck?”
Rafe nodded. “My hypothesis is that being around you is giving me good luck, so I’m testing it by hanging around you before each of my midterms.”
That actually got a laugh out of you. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“It’s not stupid if it works, is it?” He set down his bag and shot you a grin. “Besides— I gotta make sure you get through the season alive so I can get your name.”
You just shook your head, though you were unable to hide your own smile. “Fine. House rules still apply.”
Rafe held up his hands. “Absolute silence. You got it.”
Ten minutes passed in keyboard clacks and page turns before you couldn’t help yourself, and you looked back up at Rafe.
“Are you really going to come here every night?”
“As long as you’re here,” Rafe said, “I’m here.”
/
“And he did,” you said. “He came back every night that week, sat in the same spot in complete silence, and we did our work together. At 2AM, no less.”
“And I passed every single one of my midterms with flying colors,” he said. “I still think it’s because of you.”
“That is so sweet,” Rose crooned. “Who knew our Rafe was such a charmer?”
“Rose—” he started, his cheeks flushing, but you chuckled.
“He certainly was,” you said. “Anyone else, and I think I might’ve kicked them out. But I couldn’t say no to those eyes.”
And it’s not like you were lying—that really was how you met. It just wasn’t the love story that you were making it out to be. It was a week of the library, and then you didn’t see each other again until Melanie dragged you out to an end of the semester party—the party that Kelce mentioned, the party that you ran into Rafe again.
That was certainly a night. And not one you could really detail at a family dinner.
“If we have you to thank for Rafe’s performance in his freshman midterms, then I’m certainly in your debt,” Ward said with a slight smile.
“I don’t think it was because of me,” you said. “I think it’s because he actually sat down and studied for once in his life.”
Rafe rolled his eyes. “Say that all you want, but you’re my good luck charm. I know it.”
“I assume that you’ve always done well in school?” Ward asked.
“I have to,” you said honestly. “I’m on a huge scholarship at Chapel Hill, and if my grades drop below a certain point, it gets taken away. I literally can’t afford for that to happen,” you chuckled nervously, “not to mention the hit my career prospects would take.”
“You seem really serious about all of this,” Ward said, and he clasped his hands together. “Why do you want to be a doctor so badly?”
“It’s the only thing I can imagine myself doing,” you responded. “I’ve always loved science, and the human body has fascinated me even when I was a kid. Growing up, I’ve seen a lot of bad things happen to a lot of good people, and it’s… it’s just not fair. So I guess becoming a doctor would be my way of helping those people and putting some good back in the world.”
“Oh, that is so sweet,” Rose said, her eyes softening. “Rafe, honey, you really picked a good one.”
Wheezie snorted a laugh. “Yeah. Now I know for a fact she’s too good for you.”
“Louisa,” Ward admonished, and he looked back at you. “That’s a very noble goal. I can only imagine the hard work you’ve described is but a fraction of the full picture. I mean, my senior year was busy as all get-out, don’t get me wrong, but I was in business. Pre-med is a whole different thing to navigate.”
“It is,” you agreed. “Right now I’m juggling classes and labs, an internship, a part time job, and trying to have a social life all at the same time.” You laughed a bit. “It’s a lot, and sometimes it gets overwhelming. But when that happens, I take a step back and try to remember what I’m doing all this for, and that almost always gets me back on track. And when it doesn’t—” you glanced at Rafe with a smile— “he’s always there for me.”
Rafe returned your smile and took your hand under the table, and it filled you with some confidence. You certainly weren’t lying about the last part.
“She’s amazing all on her own,” Rafe said. “I’m only her cheerleader.”
“Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for you and Rafe to get together,” Sarah said, frowning. “You’re setting the bar way too high.” She looked at her parents. “I hope you don’t expect me to do all that when I get to college.”
“You’ll do whatever you have to do, sweetie,” Rose said with a smile. “I’m sure you had to work up to all of this.”
“Oh, definitely,” you nodded. “I applied to get into my high school’s health science specialty center in eighth grade, and it all went from there. It’s always busy, but it’s the most fulfilling work someone can do.”
“Are you sure you can handle it?” Ward asked. His tone was noncommittal, but you knew what he was after. You weren’t going to give it to him.
“Dad—” Rafe started, glancing at you for a second, but you spoke up.
“I’ve been working towards this since my freshman year of high school. Everything’s gone to plan up until now, and I don’t plan for that to change.” Both your smile and your grip on Rafe’s hand tightened. “I know I can handle it.”
“Well,” he said, his eyes far too calculating as he looked right at you, “I wish you all the best.”
“Thank you,” you said smoothly.
The tension at the table had been steadily rising ever since Ward looked in your direction, and it was starting to get to you. Rafe, as attentive as ever, immediately took over.
“Dad,” he said, drawing the attention back to him, “we did an investment project in my 407 course for the final. It was actually really interesting, and my professor said that my group had one of the best projects she’s seen in her career. Do you wanna hear about it?”
“Sure.” The smile he offered to his son was the same you’d seen since the moment of your arrival, and some of the pressure dissolved from your shoulders. You made a mental note to thank Rafe profusely at the end of the night. “Your professor was Dr. Waters, right?”
He nodded. “She said you know each other.”
“We do,” he said, and you felt like you could breathe again as he looked away from you. “I’d love to hear it, son.”
Rafe wasn’t lying when he said he was skilled at navigating the waters of his family, because he kept the limelight off of you for the entire rest of the dinner. He talked about his own classes and directed it towards his sisters, and though you chimed in to answer the occasional question or add to one of his stories, you didn’t feel like your entire life was on blast.
You and Rafe ended up helping Rose clean up, and she smiled at you as you handed her a plate.
“Tonight was lovely, sweetie,” she said. “I can’t wait to hear about everything you accomplish in the future.”
“You’re too kind,” you said, biting back a smile that was actually genuine. “I really enjoyed tonight.”
“I’m glad.” She started the dishwasher and sighed as she looked at you. “I know my husband can be heavy-handed sometimes, but it’s not personal, trust me. We want the best for Rafe—Ward just has his own way of showing it.”
“C’mon, Rose,” Rafe grumbled. “You saw what he was doing, and you went along with it. That’s not okay.”
“He wasn’t doing anything,” she said pointedly. “He wanted to know more about Y/N, so he asked her. That’s all.”
“You know that’s not—”
“Rafe,” you interrupted, and you held up your phone, “Mel’s calling. C’mon, let’s go catch her up on everything.”
He hesitated as he looked at you, but you just raised your eyebrows a little bit and gestured towards the hallway. Rafe sighed and nodded, glancing back at his step-mother.
“Rose—”
“You two enjoy yourself,” she said. “Cleanup’s already almost done—thank you for your help.”
“Of course,” you said. “Have a good night, Mrs. C— Rose.”
She smiled and nodded, waving the two of you off as you practically dragged Rafe into the hallway.
“What was that for?” he complained once you were in the safety of his room, door shut.
“You were about to get into a completely unnecessary argument.”
“I was defending your honor, babe,” he said austerely.
You laughed a bit, shaking your head as you sat down on the side of his bed, and Rafe leaned against the wall. “And I appreciate it, Sir Cameron, but I want this to be as drama-free as possible. Don’t get into arguments with your parents for me.”
“I get into arguments with my parents all the time,” he said. “Doing it for you makes it better.”
“Rafe.”
He sighed and shrugged. “Fine. Drama-free break.”
“Thank you.”
“But not if my dad starts coming for you like that again,” he added with a pointed finger.
You chuckled and nodded. “Fine.”
You then looked at the clock on his bedside table and blew out a loose sigh. “God, it’s way later than I thought. You, get on my phone and call Mel. I lied about her calling, but I actually do want to talk to her tonight, and she definitely wants to catch up with you. I’m showering and getting ready for the night.”
“Aye aye, captain,” he said, catching your phone as you tossed it to him. “But you know you don’t have to change in private. I have a very big room.”
You gave him a look as you grabbed your bag. “Very subtle, Rafe. Behave.”
He laughed and went back to your phone as you shut the door.
You went through your routine as usual, the warm water helping to relieve the tension that had built up in your muscles. It was nice to have some alone time after the rollercoaster that the day had been, from Kelce’s bombshell conversation to the choppy waters of Ward Cameron—you had no idea the Outer Banks were going to be so complicated.
It was only two weeks. Two weeks, and then you and Rafe were back to being nothing more than roommates and friends. Easy.
You dried yourself off when you were done and slipped into a pair of shorts and an old Raleigh tee. After finishing the rest of your night routine, you opened the door again, smiling a bit to see Rafe laying upside down on his bed on the phone.
His eyes flickered over to you and he smiled as well as he sat up. “You can ask her that yourself, actually—she just got out. You’re goin’ on speaker, Mel.”
She cheered your name and you laughed as you settled on the bed with Rafe, picking up the phone so you could look at the little Mel on your screen. “You already look great. The OBX air is good for you, I swear.”
“Better than city air,” you chuckled. “How have you been? Are you devastatingly bored without Rafe and I?”
“You know I am,” she said with mock austerity. “Ayden’s already gone back to Richmond, so I’m all on my lonesome. You guys are all the worst for leaving me.”
“Sorry,” Rafe said. “Should’ve asked you to be my girlfriend too—then we all could’ve had a great time with my parents.”
She snorted and shook her head. “I love you Rafe, but I prefer the empty apartment.”
He shook his head with a sigh. “So mean to me.”
“It’s for your own good,” she chided, and she looked back at you. “How’s he treating you? Like a queen, I hope.”
You laughed. “Mel, I am seriously living the life of luxury here. His room is the size of our freshman dorm. Honestly, it’s probably the size of my apartment back home. I would be Rafe’s permanent fake girlfriend if it meant a house like this.”
Rafe shrugged. “We do have a couple more holidays coming up.”
“Joking,” you said, and you sighed. “His family is… something.”
“I told you I would fight them for you!” he defended. “I am fully ready to argue with my dad for you, but someone said she doesn’t want me to defend her honor.”
Mel laughed, her eyes twinkling. “You beautiful knight. At least you’re trying to protect my girl.”
“Always,” Rafe said, and then he stood up from his bed. “I’m gonna get ready—don’t gossip about me.”
You gasped, scandalized. “We would never.”
“Perish the thought,” Mel said simultaneously.
Rafe rolled his eyes with a smile as he left, and you picked up the phone. “He sure is something.”
“Yeah,” Mel said, something in her voice, “he is. And now that we’re alone, we can gossip about him.”
You chuckled and shook your head. “There’s nothing to gossip about. What did he even talk to you about?”
“Just basic stuff,” she said. “Told me about Kelce and Topper, and said some very choice words about his dad. But he mostly just talked about you, which is why we get to talk about him.”
You frowned a bit—you couldn’t help but wonder what that entailed. “What did he say?”
“Nothing important,” she said, brushing it off. “So, how’s the gig? How’re you liking the Banks?”
“This honestly isn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” you admitted. “Sure, his dad can be a lot, but Rafe is great. He’s always making sure that I’m okay, and it’s really sweet. I think that I can maybe see what all those girls see in him.”
“Oh, wow,” she said. “You’re already in the falling in love with him stage?”
“No!” you exclaimed, maybe a little too hastily. “No, god— where did you get that from?”
“Someone’s a little defensive—”
“Mel,” you said, staring at the bathroom door hoping Rafe couldn’t hear the conversation, “I’m not in love with him. We’re friends that are fake-dating each other. There’s a very big difference.”
“If you say so,” she mused.
“You’ve been watching too many rom-coms,” you said dryly. “Enough about me—how’s holding down the fort?”
“I already told you that it’s boring,” Mel said. “I’m going back to Charlotte in a couple days, but that is also boring, which is why I want to talk about you!”
“And I already told you, there’s nothing to talk about!” you defended. “We had a chill night yesterday, I hung out with his friends this morning, and we had dinner tonight. Standard girlfriend stuff—nothing to worry about.”
“Fine,” she relented, and she laid back on the sofa. “But you have to keep me updated on everything.”
“Of course. Now, I know you were talking to some guy in November. How’s that going?”
Mel went on for a while about the guy—his name is Paolo, he’s an engineering major, he’s the hottest man she’s ever seen, but she’s definitely not interested in him, along with a lot of other things—and while you were about to ask something else in a rare pause, you lost your chance when Rafe came out of the bathroom.
Wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants with his hair still wet and messy in just the right way, you just stared at him. It was embarrassing how speechless you were.
“You good?” Mel asked, and that snapped you out of your reverie, but not before Rafe noticed you looking.
He just shook his head. “Can’t compliment you but you can objectify me. Your hypocrisy is insulting, babe.”
“I’m so sorry Rafe,” you said austerely. “I can hardly control myself around you, you’ve got to understand.”
He sighed as he pulled a shirt on. “It’s a burden I’ve got to bear, unfortunately. But I’m strong enough to do it.”
“Okay, you two are gross,” Mel said. “I would say get a room, but you have one, and I’m clearly overstaying my welcome. So I’m just gonna hang up. Have fun, lovebirds!”
“Mel—” you started, but she was gone before you could continue. You laughed as you turned your phone off, glancing at Rafe. “Uh, sorry. You didn’t miss much, just her talking about some guy.”
“Oh, Paolo!” Rafe nodded. “I introduced those two, actually. He was in my finance class last semester, and he talked about her a lot. I hope they work out.” He smiled a bit as he sat down next to you. “Mel and her dream guy aside, what d’you wanna do for the rest of the night? After the dinner you sat through, I think you deserve a break.”
“How do you feel about watching TV and doing nothing?” you asked.
“Sounds perfect.” Rafe leaned over and picked up the remote from the side table, flipping it over in his hands as he talked. “What are you feeling? Grey’s Anatomy?”
“God, no. It’s not accurate, and I need at least one second where I’m not thinking about school.”
He chuckled. “Then what d’you suggest?”
“Law and Order,” you said, “but we pick a random season and start halfway through it.”
“You know that’s not accurate either?”
“I haven’t spent years going over the law,” you said, “therefore it’s accurate to me.”
Rafe laughed and handed you the remote, shaking his head. “Sounds perfect. Want some popcorn?”
“Nothing I love more than lawyers and popcorn,” you said. “Except for you, fake boyfriend.”
Rafe pressed his hand to his heart as he went over to the door. “I feel the same way, fake girlfriend.”
You started cracking up, and Rafe’s small smile sent heat rushing to your cheeks. “Oh, and the second drawer on my dresser has a bunch of sweatshirts in case you want one.”
You frowned. “Why would I need one of your hoodies?”
He shrugged. “You’ve been shivering this whole time.”
And he walked off, wholly nonchalant, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away.
Apparently, Rafe paid more attention than you thought. Even when there wasn’t an audience.
You snapped yourself out of your reverie, wandering over to said drawer, and you rifled through until you found a suitable one. Nothing like being a walking advertisement for the Kenan-Flagler school.
You pulled it on then settled against the pillows as you picked up the remote again. After a bit of scrolling you decided on season 13, episode 11, and Rafe came back in with a big bowl of popcorn right when the title card played.
“Perfect timing,” you smiled.
“I try,” he said, and he shut the door behind him as he sat down next to you. His gaze moved to your sweatshirt and he grinned. “Nice choice. I’ll make a business major of you yet.”
“God, no,” you muttered, and he just laughed.
The two of you settled in and got comfortable for a night of lawyers and detectives and murder and popcorn, fought over through swatted hands and playful shoves, and maybe it was something about the day that just had you not thinking clearly.
Because you didn’t mind when your hands touched in the popcorn bowl, and you didn’t mind when he slung his arm over your shoulder, and you didn’t mind when you fell asleep on Rafe’s shoulder 23 minutes into episode 15.
And Rafe didn’t really mind either.
-
rafe does mind that it took a year for him to be seen again though. sorry man
perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz @masteroperator
obx tags: @milkiane @lilgoddesshines @sexytholland
ttds tags: @aaleksmorozova @everyonesannoyedwithme @sunnysidee-up @onlygetaway @itsalexwin @hanniebee33 @grimesrheee @lurkymurker
#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe x reader#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron fic#rafe fic#outer banks x reader#obx x reader#rafe cameron series#sadie writes#AGAIN I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG#like how many times do you apologize for ghosting your readers#because ill do it
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It’s been several years since I last read through the manual of the Indiebox physical release of The Stanley Parable, and....
My god, The Narrator the most autistic thing on the planet. It’s like, I get that the manual is written the way that it is to be humorous and slightly unsettling, but boy if it does not feel like the Autism Experience playing out in miniature.
The over explanation and difficulty with trimming it down. This is a whole ass mood right here. Overexplaining everything because you’re so used to being misunderstood and taken out of context.
This could also be seen as info-dumping about a special interest since the dude is unquestionably obsessed with his game and story.
The all or nothing, black and white, ridged thinking.
Extremely blunt and literal instructions. The lack of understanding that if a person bought this, they probably know what a video game is and has the means to play it.
And on the opposite end is explanations and instructions that come off as bizarre and nonsensical but make sense and are logical to him. Another whole ass mood when it comes to the Autism Experience where you explain things in such a way that makes sense to you only to find out you’re making no sense to the person you’re trying to explain the thing to.
And last but not least, once you get past The Narrator’s usual over-exaggerated ego and overconfidence that of course spirals into crippling, destructive self-doubt by the end of the manual, you find that there is genuine earnestness beneath it all. The Narrator feels like this character who is super eager to show off this thing he made and that he is beyond passionate about, but there is a fundamental communication barrier between himself and his audience, which is funny since he quite literally is just a voice and all he does is communicate. He struggles to understand humans and we struggle to understand him. If that isn’t The Autism Experience, I don’t know what is lmao.
In conclusion, I judge The Stanley Parable Manual to have committed an Autism. We should all make our own instruction manuals in honor of this dork and we should all come together to give him a bigger page count because the world need The Stanley Parable Instruction Manual: Director’s Cut with all 400 pages restored. Let the man instruct us on how to play The Stanley Parable unfiltered and uncensored.
Also, this is the most underrated TSP character.
And I’m going to Stanley Parable Supermax Prison.
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don't kiss and tell
“Can you get off me, please?” Lincoln deadpans instead, jostling Taylor on his back a bit. “Wanna stand up.”
“Hmmmmm, on one condition,” Taylor muses slyly. His jet black hair gleams with sweat under the scattered fluorescents, and stray strands tickle the side of Lincoln’s neck as Taylor leans in even closer.
“Remove my makeup for me?” He shakes the package of makeup wipes for emphasis, and Lincoln glances over his shoulder to see Taylor’s trademarked doe-eyed look, complete with batting lashes and pouting lips.
Or: After a long, tiring concert set, Lincoln helps Taylor backstage. One thing leads to another, and he gets a little more than he bargained for.
ao3
Hi, guys! Guess who's back with one more Swiftli fic to finish off 2023! I've had this idea kicking around in my docs (and my wip posts lmao) since July and figured it was high time to polish it up haha. Enjoy some very, very self-indulgent idol au Swiftlis below the cut!
“Liiiiiiincoln,” A familiar voice whines behind him.
Lincoln hums questioningly without turning around - he’s a bit preoccupied with tidying up their group’s shared dressing room.
Sure, they’ll be performing their set here tomorrow night as well, but it never hurts to make sure everything is in its place so he can at least attempt at mitigating the chaos that is bound to unfold. That, and he doesn’t want to cause the staff any excess trouble.
“Liiiiiiiink,” Taylor prods again, and Lincoln can hear the exaggerated dragging steps his groupmate is taking toward him. “I’m all sweaty and you’re all sweaty and I will not hesitate to lean on you if you don’t pay attention to me.”
“Do, it, then,” Lincoln mutters, slightly hunched over to fluff up the throw pillows on the couch and inspect it to make sure nobody’s spilled their half-caff coffee (Normal) or energy drink (Scary) or needlessly complicated boba order (Taylor) or sports drink (himself). “Busy.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya,” Taylor says, draping himself across Lincoln’s back like an overgrown cat, hands hanging limply over Lincoln’s shoulders. In his peripheral vision, Lincoln notes that one’s holding a container of makeup wipes. “You’re so grumpy when you’re exhausted nowadays! Seems like a certain someone’s rubbing off on you.”
“Or, you know, using my back as a chaise lounge.”
“Well, I had been referring to Scary, but you’re not wrong!” He crows, stretching a little as if to emphasize all the points where their bodies make contact.
(It’s uncomfortably warm and a little gross with all the sweat from their concert, and it’s a lot less bothersome than Lincoln would like to admit. Even in the afterglow of a performance in the earliest hours of the morning, voice hoarse and body crashing from all the adrenaline and mind dimmed with the promise of late-night room service and sleep, Taylor still has a way of making things a bit more bearable. Even when he’s acting anything but.)
A grimy finger pokes him lightly in the cheek, breaking Lincoln from his thoughts. He rolls his eyes and makes to fold the little blankets the staff had set out for them.
“You’re so cute with your brows all furrowed like that,” Taylor teases. “Li-Wilson, our very own pretty boy, all angry and frowny. What would the press say?”
There’s a very, very stupid fluttering that happens in Lincoln’s chest whenever Taylor strings his name together with words like “cute” or “pretty” or “handsome”. And it happens annoyingly often, considering how much the four of them will play up their affections for their fans. Lincoln knows it’s not untrue - the internet surely agrees with what Taylor’s saying, if the endless amounts of comments he probably shouldn’t get sucked into reading are anything to go by - but sometimes… he still wonders if it’s all in his head, the way Taylor drops flirtations like he means them.
That’s a thought for later, though, when he’s in their shared hotel room fighting off the wonderful combination of jet lag and insomnia.
“Can you get off me, please?” Lincoln deadpans instead, jostling Taylor on his back a bit. “Wanna stand up.”
“Hmmmmm, on one condition,” Taylor muses slyly. His jet black hair gleams with sweat under the scattered fluorescents, and stray strands tickle the side of Lincoln’s neck as Taylor leans in even closer.
“Remove my makeup for me?” He shakes the package of makeup wipes for emphasis, and Lincoln glances over his shoulder to see Taylor’s trademarked doe-eyed look, complete with batting lashes and pouting lips.
“Cute,” Lincoln says out loud, because he calls Taylor that all the time in public, and he has no reason not to voice it now. Unlike the countless interviews and livestreams they’ve done together, though, he has the pleasure of watching red crawl its way across Taylor’s cheeks, which only further proves his point.
“B-be that as it may, I have you effectively trapped until you do my bidding, you tall, unfairly handsome boy.”
Lincoln is so fortunate that he doesn’t blush easily, a fact which annoys both Taylor and the rest of their group.
“Why can’t you remove your own makeup, huh?” Lincoln complains halfheartedly even as he takes the wipes offered to him and Taylor wriggles happily in celebration.
“Don’t have any mirrors,” He argues (which is clearly a lie - there are no less than eight in this room alone in case of last-minute touch-ups, not counting their phones), “and I’m so tired I can barely stand!”
“Oh, are your legs acting up? I can carry you if you want,” Lincoln replies, all pretense of grouchiness forgotten as he carefully straightens up, making sure that Taylor can still lean on him without throwing him off-balance.
“I mean, I’m probably fine. Just a little shaky, is all.” Taylor laughs a little, a short, breathy, half-nervous sound that Lincoln feels against the back of his outrageously complicated blouse.
“You sure?” Lincoln asks, shooting Taylor a look of his own - his “princely protector” look, as he’s seen their fans call it - and Taylor’s expression softens a bit before breaking into a teasing smirk.
“I mean… I am pretty tired, if you’re still offering, and I’d hate for those strong arms of yours to go to waste -”
“Alright, then, just let me…” Despite the awful clinging feeling of his sweaty clothes and the daunting task of even a little bit of physical exertion, Lincoln can’t help but grin as he rearranges their limbs to lift Taylor. It’s a familiar practice, borne from their years as training partners before they ever made their debut alongside Scary and Normal, and one Lincoln can find himself enjoying even in his drained, slightly sluggish state.
(It’s hard not to enjoy the feeling of Taylor in his arms, even if it’s just for a little bit.)
“Up we go!” Lincoln says, scooping him up into a bridal carry and spinning the two of them in a lazy circle. Like the many times they’ve done this, Taylor slings his arms around Lincoln’s neck and laughs, joyful and unrestrained and slightly hoarse from a night of singing. Like the many times they’ve done this, Lincoln wishes that he could bottle the sound, hollow out a hole in his heart and place that in it.
(Like the many times they’ve done this, he wishes he could stop going a little braindead every time Taylor’s hot breath fans against the side of his neck.)
“O-okay,” Lincoln announces, hoping the stutter in his voice can be passed off as some sort of vocal strain. “Where do you wanna be?”
“There!” Taylor shifts in Lincoln’s grip, pointing to a black leather swivel chair in the corner of the room, tucked away behind some sort of support column.
“Alright,” Lincoln says, swooping over and then allowing Taylor to carefully extricate himself from Lincoln’s torso.
As gross as they both are right now, Lincoln finds himself missing the contact.
He has a job to do, though.
Lincoln kneels down on the worn, carpeted floor before Taylor, trying not to think about how his body aches, grabs a makeup wipe from the pack, and assesses the boy before him.
Taylor sits still and pretty - the distinct lack of fidgeting is a sure sign of how absolutely exhausted he is. His face shimmers from a combination of sweat and the glittery pink-peach pastes his makeup artists use to draw attention to his eyes. Thin, smoky eyeliner swoops from the outer corners of his eyes, a burgundy so dark it’s nearly black. The heavy blush that was placed on the apples of his cheeks has faded to a mere suggestion now, but Taylor’s lips are still stained a deep cherry-plum, the corners defined with small strokes in a way that makes his smile appear more cat-like, somehow.
The stylists did a very good job with him, Lincoln thinks.
Lincoln makes slow, gentle work of removing every last bit of makeup from Taylor’s face, stroking with just the barest of pressure across his forehead, vaguely registering the way that the fibers stain with shades of peach and beige and concentrating on unearthing the soft skin beneath.
With every swipe of his hand, Lincoln can feel Taylor’s eyes on him, slightly glazed over and staring shamelessly. Lincoln doesn’t blame him for spacing out this late at night, and if Taylor’s not spacing out, if he’s looking at Lincoln just to drink him in amidst the peace that comes after a long night of song after song - well. Lincoln would be lying if he said he wasn’t using this as an excuse to look at him, take in and admire each and every one of his features as if he hasn’t committed them to memory a hundred times over. Map out the slight dip of his temple with his fingers, trace the curve of his cheek, stare right back into those dark, faraway eyes while removing his eyeliner and risk falling into them…
“Close your eyes,” Lincoln prompts, and that temptation is removed as Taylor’s eyelids flutter shut, obedient. Somehow, it doesn’t help with the lump of emotion building like phlegm in the back of his throat.
Lincoln isn’t good with words, not the way Scary is, with her effortless lyricism and smooth-sounding syllables, phrases that bludgeon with the force of a sledgehammer or pierce through with the precision of a surgeon’s knife, depending on what is needed most.
But when Lincoln looks at Taylor like this, sometimes he finds himself wanting to be. He wants to write out everything trapped somewhere between his ribcage and his mouth, press the stain of it all into hotel memo pads, onto crumpled-up napkins from restaurants in cities he’ll never see again, tuck them into his pockets and let his chicken-scrawl attempts weigh him down twice as heavily as before.
He’s tried, before, tried so many times, but they never come out quite right, toeing the line between being trite and far too strange.
There’s just this… undeniable gravity about Taylor that defies any description. He’s got this magnetism to him, and they’ve been circling each other like opposing poles, like binary stars, ever since their first near-collision. His presence is real, undeniable - and not just onstage, where every staccato sound tumbles past Taylor’s lips with the strength and grace of a percussive rainfall, where every eye is drawn to him.
Taylor is far more than that.
It’s in moments like this where Lincoln feels his pull the strongest, when the lights fade and the curtain drops and Taylor’s features are softened by the encroaching shadows yet still radiant from the high of their performance. When Taylor’s taken out his fancy lenses and Lincoln can see the onyx depths of his eyes, dare to lean closer to see if he can map out the place where his irises meet his pupils in the lowlight, all framed by dark, short lashes. When he presses a hand to Taylor’s cheek and strokes gently, watches as the sweat and foundation and blush give way to olive skin, wishes that the makeup wipe wasn’t in the way and he could hold Taylor like this for real, whenever he wanted. When he finds a clean section of chemical-soaked cloth and carefully touches it to Taylor’s lips, when he hears the way Taylor’s breath hitches near-imperceptibly in the quiet of this tucked away green room in this two-night town.
“Does it sting?” Lincoln hears himself ask, searching his face for any discomfort. After so much silence, the question sounds louder than when their voices echoed off the stage, more amplified than any microphone could ever make it.
“N-nope,” Taylor rasps, and Lincoln knows it’s probably just rough from overuse but maybe there’s also something more. “Keep - keep going.”
“Okay,” Lincoln says, leaning in a little closer (he has to make sure he gets everything). “Let me know if it hurts?”
“Mm.”
Lincoln sets aside the makeup wipe, grabs a fresh one, and focuses on removing Taylor’s lipstick.
Taylor has very nice lips. Like, objectively. They’re a little on the thinner side, but his cupid’s bow forms a heart shape and the edges turn up naturally at the corners in a way that makes him look perpetually mischievous.
As Lincoln gently swipes away at the lip liner, he thinks (not for the first time) about what it would be like to kiss him.
Taylor’s kissed Lincoln before - on his forehead, on his shoulders, on his cheek. Lincoln has kissed Taylor before, too - the crown of his head, his temple, and on one memorable occasion, the corner of his mouth. It’s practically to be expected at this point. He’s kissed Normal and Scary, too, and they’ve kissed him, but with them, it’s something easy, rote, platonic, entirely performative.
Kissing Taylor has always felt different. Maybe it’s because the soft press of Taylor’s lips against his skin always leaves him with some sort of endless pit in his chest, something that threatens to consume him whenever he meets Taylor’s black-hole eyes.
And it drives Lincoln absolutely crazy, the way he constantly finds himself wanting more - wanting to know the way that their mouths might slot together, to see if Taylor’s lips are as soft against his own as they feel against the back of his hand.
Lincoln presses the wipe to Taylor’s top lip, runs his cloth-covered finger over the divot of his cupid’s bow, and fails to stop thinking about the way his groupmate might taste - fails to stop thinking about kissing the boy in front of him until they’re both rendered completely breathless.
Taylor’s breath stutters, and Lincoln can feel the fluttery inhale-exhale against his face, and he glances upward to see Taylor’s eyes open, now, free of shadows and glitter. His gaze darts lazily between Lincoln’s eyes and his mouth.
Taylor can read Lincoln’s expressions like a favorite book. It’s only natural, having lived and worked in close quarters for the past five years together. He knows the way the light glances off Lincoln’s eyes when his mind is elsewhere, knows his fake smiles from his genuine ones, knows the way his eyes crinkle at the corners whenever he’s truly, exuberantly happy.
Taylor knows exactly what Lincoln’s thinking right now.
And for the same reason, Lincoln recognizes the look in Taylor’s eyes for exactly what it is.
Tiredness. Longing. Affection. Want.
It would be easy, so easy to lean in those final few inches, to close the distance between him the way that he’s wanted to for years, the way they’ve both wanted to. But what they desire and what they can let themselves have - those have always been two very different things.
But it’s late, and most of the staff have cleared out, and Normal and Scary are probably hanging out on the empty stage like usual. Even so, there’s always a chance -
Lincoln’s eyes flick toward the ceiling.
“There’s one camera on the other side of the pillar,” Taylor says, and Lincoln’s eyes snap back to him immediately. A suggestion of a smirk plays at Taylor’s lips.
“Did you…” Taylor’s smile grows, something secretive and almost shy. Predictably, Lincoln’s gaze follows the curve of his lips as he trails off.
“You’ve been staring a lot tonight,” Taylor teases, and god, Lincoln can’t take the low, lilting timbre of his voice right now, not when he’s close enough to feel his breath against his face, not with flashes of berry-stained lips and white teeth taking up so much of his vision. “Do you wanna -”
“Yes,” Lincoln cuts him off, sounding much more desperate than he intended.
With no foundation left to hide it, Taylor’s face colors bright red remarkably quickly.
Lincoln swallows down the embarrassment, and Taylor’s eyes track the constriction of his throat.
He drops the makeup wipe, absentmindedly brushing his hand on his trousers, letting it hang in the empty space between them.
There’s not much of it left. Lincoln can feel the last of his resolve crumbling in the wake of Taylor voicing the truth that’s lived trapped in their lungs for years on end. His heartbeat, previously sluggish with the promise of rest, pounds faster in his chest, a marcato drumbeat that seems to chant almost, almost, almost.
Lincoln has lived through years of almosts, sustaining himself on the briefest of intimacies that they allow themselves, and everything he longs for is right in front of him, coalesced into the shape of his closest friend.
Lincoln is tired of almosts. He wants a finally.
But he’ll reach out and take it only if Taylor wants it, too.
“Are… you okay with this?” Link asks, the question barely a murmur, because even though the answer is spelled out in the way Taylor’s hands are shaking in anticipation, he needs to make sure before their closeness becomes something more.
“Yeah,” Taylor breathes, a whispery sigh of an admission, and Lincoln’s heart jolts in his chest as Taylor reaches out to cradle the curve of his jaw, to drag him in further. “Yes. Please.”
And it is with that last murmured plea that Lincoln feels his resolve break. He shifts upward, inward, bracing his hands on the armrests of the makeup chair (he doesn’t trust his own legs to stay steady even as they kneel before him, and like hell is he going to let that ruin the moment he’s been dreaming of for years), and Taylor’s hand curls even more perfectly around his jaw, and finally, they meet in the middle.
Kissing Taylor is both nothing and everything like Lincoln had imagined.
Everything, because the feeling of Taylor smiling slightly against his lips, the subtle warmth of his mouth, the supple, pliant give as Taylor slots their lips together, is almost exactly as he had dreamed.
Nothing, because Taylor kisses him sweetly, gently, slowly, more kindly than Lincoln had ever thought possible.
Taylor has always been insatiable. Lincoln knew this from the moment he first laid eyes on him, from the moment he had bound up to him. He had been newly seventeen and starry-eyed, then, flagging him down from across the company practice room and asking if he could teach him how to dance. Taylor is fiery and headstrong and brightly-burning in his ambition, and everything he does, he does with an intense passion.
Now, in the half-lit almost-quiet of the green room, Taylor mouths at his lips so tenderly - almost hesitantly - that Lincoln feels like he could melt. The hand on the side of his jaw carefully, worshipfully maps out the planes of his face, traces along his cheekbone, behind his ear, guides him to tilt his head for a better angle. Lincoln makes a strange, whining noise in the back of his throat that Taylor takes from him, swallows down with a satisfied hum that sends vibrations through to Lincoln’s very soul, like the thrumming pulse of a bass-line in his chest.
Lincoln leans further into Taylor’s gravity, kisses him with the quiet desperation that’s been pent up, building and building in a wordless crescendo within him for years on end. He tries his best to pour the vast depths of his devotion into this moment, every admiration and affection and confession, every brush of Lincoln’s lips against his an I adore you, every exhaled sigh an every love song we’ve ever sang made me think of you. I love you, he thinks as he presses Taylor flush against the back of the chair, as his hands let go of the armrests to tangle in shiny, dark hair and Taylor sings into his mouth in response. Taylor is beautiful and warm and sweaty against him, and Lincoln presses their lips together again and again, an unending chorus of thank you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
Taylor, for his part, responds in kind, arching his body into Lincoln’s hold, warm hands unhurriedly searching for purchase and finding it at the nape of his neck, at just above the small of his back. Lincoln registers the way Taylor fists at the expensive fabric of his shirt, the way his blunted, neatly-manicured nails scrape against the base of his scalp, and Lincoln shivers a bit in his embrace, though he feels wonderfully warmed through, more alive than when they performed for hundreds of fans just hours ago.
Taylor tastes like sweat and the chemicals from the makeup wipes. It has no right to be as addictive as it is to him. Maybe it’s because Taylor’s lips are every bit as soft against his own as they look on the monitors.
Lincoln’s sure that his lips are thoroughly chapped, but judging from Taylor’s delicate gasps and the eager, greedy way he leans further and further into him, he’s also sure that Taylor doesn’t mind.
Lincoln holds the last kiss for as long as he dares, drinking in the feeling of satisfying all of his favorite dreams and his wildest hopes. He commits the shape of his groupmate in his hands to memory, basking in the euphoria of carding fingers through show-mussed hair, of Taylor’s hand twisting in the fabric of his blouse. A smile threatens to pull at his lips as Taylor’s feathery breaths ghost against his cheek, measured and slightly shaky, an orchestration coming apart at the seams.
They stay like that for a long moment, and there is synchrony, harmony in the way Taylor melts into his touch. He's trying to capture this moment, too, Lincoln knows, impressing every bit of it into the corners of his mind, the backs of his eyelids, the hollow of his ribs.
Eventually, they break apart, and Lincoln opens his eyes to see Taylor smiling slightly, angelic, still leaning inward like he wants to chase his lips. It’s such an adorable image that Lincoln nearly goes to kiss him again, but then Taylor looks up at him through his lashes, blinking slowly, and Lincoln is awed into stillness.
Taylor’s always been very charming, expressive in a way Lincoln envied, able to make their fans fall for him with nothing but a camera and a simple glance.
But Taylor isn’t acting for anyone here. The affection that warms his deep, dark eyes is for Lincoln and Lincoln alone, something raw and unscripted and intimate enough to steal the air from Lincoln’s lungs, and he can only hope the open adoration is reflected in his own gaze.
God, he’s gorgeous.
Lincoln touches his forehead to Taylor’s, exhaling unsteadily.
Taylor’s hand smooths over the back of his neck, and he gasps a little, drawn in by his touch, his magnetism, his care.
“I’ve wanted to do that for years,” Lincoln admits softly into the shared air between them.
Taylor grins, a secret, clandestine thing, eyes half-lidded in a heady concoction of exhaustion and exhilaration and wanting.
“I know,” Taylor murmurs back, barely above a whisper, and Lincoln can hear the smile in his voice, all his sharp edges softened and heat tempered just for him. “Me, too.”
And it really is that simple. They’ve been dancing around each other for years on end, every bit of longing telegraphed like choreography through every minuscule gesture and fleeting touch. Every fragment of it is magnified by the glances they allowed themselves, reflected in the way their eyes meet, yearning painted in countless shades of onyx and bronze and ebony and sepia.
Lincoln knows it, and Taylor knows it.
And quite suddenly, the world has narrowed down to the two of them and nothing else.
“Yeah,” Lincoln responds dumbly, breathless from the proximity and the weight of years lifted from his shoulders. His eyes flick down to Taylor’s lips, at the red stain his own mouth has left there, at the delicate curve of them, love-drunk smiling and slightly puffy.
He wants to kiss him again, wants to feel that smile pressed against his, wants to lean in and close the distance. And so he does, because nothing on this earth can stop Lincoln from chasing after Taylor in every stolen moment he can get, from tilting his head just the right way, from shutting his eyes and following through -
Except Taylor does stop him, pressing the pad of his index finger to his lips.
Lincoln makes a confused sort of hum, opening his eyes to find Taylor giggling incandescently, and it almost makes up for not kissing him.
“It’s late, Link,” Taylor murmurs conspiratorially, though he has no need to when nobody else is here. “Norm and Scary’ve gotta be wondering what’s taking us so long.”
“Oh,” Lincoln says, disappointed - or, well, he tries to say it, but Taylor’s finger is still in the way, so it comes out a little odd. After considering for a moment, he places a kiss to the tip of Taylor’s finger instead, blinking up at him.
“God, put your pretty eyes away, I’m already embarrassingly in love with you,” Taylor responds, his bare face flushing noticeably darker even in the dim lighting.
Lincoln smiles against his finger, and Taylor sighs, eyes darting elsewhere so he can focus better.
“Anyway. They’ve gotta be waiting for us to get into street clothes so we can get the fuck out of here,” Taylor continues, pointedly not looking directly at him.
Lincoln kisses his finger again, just to be a menace. Taylor’s breath hitches the slightest bit, and Lincoln grins.
“Listen, the sooner we leave, the sooner we get to the hotel. And the sooner we get to the hotel,” Taylor finally looks at him - looks at all of him, eyes dragging slowly down his still-kneeling form - “the sooner we can pick up where we left off.”
He makes eye contact then, smirking and smug as he pushes lightly at Lincoln’s shoulder to give himself space to stand. “Sound good?”
Holy shit.
Lincoln has the sudden, distinct thought that they’re going to need to cancel the rest of their tour, because Lincoln is going to die at Taylor’s (soft, beautiful, warm) hands if he keeps saying things like this. Lincoln will die, and their group will disband, and everything will be ruined because Taylor is every bit as cruel and conniving as he is beautiful and Lincoln is in far too deep.
“Uh, you okay, dude?” his groupmate (boyfriend? partner? something else?) asks.
“Great!” Lincoln says at an octave he didn’t know was possible, numbly pulling himself to stand and ignoring the way his knees ache.
Taylor follows suit, and Lincoln makes for his change of clothes - though not without ducking down to place a quick kiss to Taylor’s temple, feeling more awake than he has in hours as he darts away from him.
Taylor barks out a one-note laugh, startled and disbelieving.
“Race ya!” Lincoln yelps, laughter coloring his own voice as he quickly grabs his street clothes, leaving Taylor sputtering behind him.
“Oh, you are so getting payback when we get to the hotel,” Taylor seethes not-so-darkly, grabbing his own go bag of clothes.
“I’m counting on it!” He replies, cheeky and giddy with energy despite the late hour.
Lincoln knows it’ll be hell not to hold Taylor as close as he wants out in public, not to kiss him beyond the bounds of manufactured flirting for the cameras. They’ll need to talk about what they are now, exactly, he thinks, as he starts to pick apart the series of crisscrossed, mazelike fastenings of his stage outfit. He has to remind himself to be a bit more patient so the fabric doesn’t rip at the seams in the wake of his excitement.
But, as he finally extricates himself and pulls on the SPDRBZ hoodie he had snatched from the merch booth a few stops ago, Lincoln can’t help but feel optimistic.
It’ll be worth it, he thinks, to hold Taylor, kiss him, shower him with praise until his skin flushes red, to be held and kissed and praised in return away from prying eyes. To have something just for them, even if it means they’ll need to work hard to keep this under wraps.
They’re no strangers to hard work. Lincoln’s groupmates are about as diligent as they come, Taylor included. Surely, this won’t be too difficult.
“You coming or what, slowpoke?” Taylor asks, pulling him from his thoughts. He’s changed into a simple tee shirt and cargos at the doorway, cane in hand and fondness in his eyes.
“Yeah,” Lincoln says, stumbling into his shoes as he meets Taylor, wanting to sling an arm around his waist before correcting himself and draping it across his shoulders instead as they head out. He beams regardless, giddy and hopeful, and the feeling in his chest burns brighter than the stage lights. “Let’s go.”
#idol au BELOVED. i've been thinking about this au for nearly 6 months now isn't that crazy#anyway for a little context: the PC teens of s2 are in a fun little idol group together!!! singing dancing rapping wearing fun outifts etc.#at this point they've gotten popular enough to go on tours and. well. lincoln and taylor are very down bad for each other so. gestures#also big big thank-you to nyxie for helping put together this au way back when. and for helping me choose a title aksbkajbsds#dndads#fic#happi scribbles#swiftli
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HiHi! I was wondering if you could do Katakuri, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, and Nami (you don’t have to do all) w/ a reader who’s like a father figure to them? (Platonic and he/him please!)
Maybe the reader is protective over them yet teases and is ‘rude’ to them, pushing them to be the best they can! But once someone else is rude to them it’s over jdbeisa-
reader becomes serious and the person is never heard from again (over exaggerating but you know-)
maybe reactions on them accidentally calling reader Father/Dad? (You don’t have to tho)
Have a nice day or night!
-@nightmarefox15
a/n - awwww this would be soooo cute 😭 for this one I’m going to pretend that Katakuri is just slightly younger! Tysm for the request Nightmare! Have a good day :)
Warnings ⚠️ - he/him pronouns, fluff
Katakuri
- At first, he wasn’t used to the affection, it was actually kind of creepy to him
- But once he saw that you were so caring and kind towards him and his siblings, he softened up a bit!
- He really looks up to you!!
- He thinks you’re admirable, and so wise even though you’re not his father
- He looks at you as his father figure, one he never had
- Those little things you do? Like asking if he’s doing ok, helping him train, giving him some pointers, bringing him some food, and even fighting alongside him!
- those are the things he really appreciates about you :)
- You’re a bit of a tease tho-
- You always want to scruff up his hair, and sometimes you give him a Mohawk while he’s sleeping 💀
- When he wakes up, he doesn’t even realize he had that- atrocious hairstyle until Brûlée pointed it out 😭
- He wouldn’t talk to you for a little while
- Don’t get me wrong, he still likes you, just he doesn’t like when you tease him :’)
- You love playing with him, it’s always so fun seeing his reactions lmao
- it’s what you live for
- just that pained look of: “please stop.” Is enough to get you crying on the floor from laughter
- But, once someone is being rude to him??
- oh it’s all over, that playful personality changes so much
- you go into a full protective mode
- no one dares to be rude to Katakuri when you’re around
- this was one of the first times Katakuri has ever sensed your aura to be so.. deadly serious
- you told him to head back to the palace to check in on his siblings, and he reluctantly obliged, taking small glances while turning his head around to watch the fight
- When you returned, he saw that you still had some blood leftover on your sleeves, and he looked shocked
- “What?? They were being rude and I didn’t like ‘em.”
- “… nevermind.”
- You’re his best protector ✨
- ok there was this one time where you were cooking a meal right?
- “Kuri can you pass me the salt?”
- “Sure dad, here.”
- awkward silence
- you dropped the spatula onto the ground, your eyes wide with shock and confusion
- Instantly, a tomato blush was on his cheeks as he struggled to hide behind his fluffy scarf
- he turned away, trying to compose himself as you started laughing
- “Thanks.. son.” you said back teasingly, only leaving Katakuri in a larger mess of embarrassment
Zoro
- you were always looking after this directionally challenged moss head
- you made sure he didn’t get lost!!
- he’d never say he appreciated your help tho 💀
- you frequently help him train, and you’re a pretty harsh grader
- When even one of his strikes look slightly off, you slam a book onto his green head of hair
- “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!”
- “YOU DID IT WRONG!”
- “THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO FUCKING HIT ME!”
- *slaps him again*
- yes you’re mean to him sometimes
- but it’s tough love! Like Garp said, “You can never deflect the fist of love”
- 😭
- he might have a permanent bump on the top of his head bec of you 💀
- you care for him! And he definitely knows that, he looks up to you everytime he sees you!
- his goal is to one day surpass you, and defeat you in a sparring match
- You’re the image of what he wants to be when he grows up! (Not the personality part- but the skill part-)
- that sounded rude wtf 😭
- “Zoro!”
- “Yeah dad? SHIT- yeah y/n??”
- *cue the biggest smirk you’ve ever had on your face*
- “OH SHUT UP Y/N-“
- You’re completely fine with being kinda teasing and rude to him, but you are definitely not ok with someone else doing that to him
- Once someone hurts Zoro or is being insulting, it’s all over for them
- You were an extremely skilled fighter, and was done with the battle within seconds
- Zoro looked shocked, you could do something nice for him?!
- “WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! I’M NOT A MONSTER YOU DAMN DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED MOSS HEAD!”
- “HUH?! NO YOU SHUT UP YOU ABUSIVE CRAB!” (Idk why he said crab)
- “… that was the worst insult I’ve ever heard in my life.” -you
- “I know.”
- oh and Zoro has the absolute worst comebacks
- no joke
- “Are you an idiot?” -you
- “No, I’m just- uh- smarter than you.”
- “… wow.”
- his comebacks are so stupid that they work so well at shutting the other person up 💀
Luffy
- he looks up to you ALL THE TIME
- he hopes to beat you someday in a battle, but for now, he loves your company!
- you mostly have to keep him out of trouble though 💀
- he once tried to swim, quickly realizing that “oh. I can’t swim.”
- you had to carry his puffy balloon body out of the water and push all the water out of him like a balloon with air
- it was really ridiculous tbh 😭
- when he came to, you bonked his head harshly with your fists, causing him to yell in pain
- “OW!”
- “IDIOT! You can’t swim!”
- “I KNOW Y/N DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME!”
- *you slap him again on the same previous bump*
- “I’m worried you’re going to end up dying because of your stupidity Luffy.”
- “What’s stupidity??”
- “…”
- He steals your food 24/7 and you almost kill him everytime he does
- he still hasn’t learned that yet 😭
- but. On his birthday, you allowed him to take your meat
- you brightened his whole year 🥺
- “Hey dad! I’ve got a question for ya! Do cockroaches have cocks?”
- “… excuse me?”
- first off, he just called you dad
- second. What the fuck was that question 💀
- “Luffy, you just called me ‘dad’”
- “Huh?? I did?? When?”
- “I SAID JUST NOW- YOU IDIOT!” *Throws a book at him*
- “YOU NEVER ANSWERED MY QUESTION Y/N-“
- you were actually kind of happy that Luffy thought of you as a father figure
- it made you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside
- you were so happy to care for someone! :D
Nami
- you’re equally berry motivated as her
- she had to learn from someone right???
- She learned a lot of her skills from you! How to sneak around, negotiate to get the most value out of the deal, and yes, punching her dumb crew mates was a skill she learned entirely from you
- You also help keep her oranges alive :)
- Aaaaand you protect her from everything, including Sanji
- This man is not allowed within 10 ft of Nami lmao
- “pervy cook…”
- “NAMI-SWANNNNNNN”
- “GET OUT! WE’RE TAKING A SHOWER!”
- Sanji go away 😭
- “Dad! I need the clippers!”
- “…”
- “what?” -you
- “I said I need the clippers!”
- You slowly handed them to her with a confused and shocked expression on your face
- did Nami not just realize that she called you dad and not by your name 👀
- You heard the snipping of leaves from the other side of the bush, and when the noise suddenly stopped, you peeked your head through the leaves
- “I CALLED YOU DAD?!”
- “PFT YOU ONLY JUST REALIZED?!”
- You were laughing until your stomach hurt
- Nami was about to beat the shit out of you too 💀
- Nami only called you by your last name for a while, before she accidentally called you dad again 😭
Usopp
- he hides behind you 25/8
- no joke
- and you always find a way to start making fun of him about it
- One time you thought it’d be funny to pretend there’s an ambush going on just to see his reaction 💀
- “USOPP! WAKE UP THERE’S MARINES ON THE DECK!”
- He has never scrambled to his feet so fast in his life
- he RAN and I mean RAN down the halls, grabbing his slingshot ammunition before running on deck, seeing absolutely no one there
- “BOO!” -you
- He didn’t move, and you looked confused and checked if he was still breathing
- He started to fall backwards, landing on the wooden ground, his soul ascending from how scared he was
- “Usopp?! USOPP-?!” (Y/n you’re going to kill him pls don’t 😭)
- After he woke up, you had to apologize and promise you’d never do that again
- you did it on April fools day
- You also liked to help Usopp with his inventions! It was cool to see how he made weapons for himself
- “Oh hey dad, what do you need?”
- He was completely zoned in on whatever he was doing, so he didn’t realize he had called you dad
- “Usopp.. What did you call me??”
- “Y/n-??? What do you mean??” He asked with a confused voice
- were you hearing things?
- Huh?
- What???
- “Usopp- I just heard you call me dad..”
- “What?? When?”
- “…nevermind”
- Usopp didn’t even remember, so he didn’t have a reaction 😭💀
a/n - oh gosh this was a lot of characters lmao I hope I did Katakuri justice! I haven’t seen him in the anime yet :)
<3
#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece hcs#anime hcs#roronoa zoro#zoro x y/n#zoro x reader#luffy x reader#monkey d. luffy#luffy x y/n#luffy headcanons#charlotte katakuri#katakuri x reader#katakuri x y/n#nami one piece#nami x you#usopp one piece#usopp x y/n
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When You Weren’t Looking— pt. 11/?
PROFESSOR!OBI-WAN KENOBI x READER
PART 10
description: with obi-wan’s old love life resurfacing, anakin and padme council you about yours
warnings: language, mild spize, probably a lot of errors bc i stopped paying for grammarly premium lmao
a/n: HAHAHHA IM BACK LIKE I SAID. this can be considered a filler chapter ig, but i’ve actually had it written out for a while bc i wanted some padme and ani time but i never quite finished it so yeah
words: 2300
“Hey, kiddo!” Anakin ruffled your hair before taking the seat opposite you in the campus coffee shop.
“Anakin we’re basically the same age,” you frowned in annoyance as you batted his hand away.
“Whatever you say,” he settled in, leaning back on the little wooden chair. You just rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the little smile you tried to hide by pressing your lips together. You always tried never to give your impish friend the satisfaction of making you laugh, but of course, you always slipped up.
“Haven’t talked to you in a while. Like, actually talked, you know?” true, you’d say hi in class and sometimes he would hang around and help Obi-Wan, which you didn’t know if you could even count since it’s literally his job. That was something everyone always seemed to forget, including him, and when he wasn’t in either of those two places or doing anything that wasn’t an absolute necessity, he was with Padme.
“Yeah, you’re always with Obi-Wan anyway.” you shifted in your seat ever so slightly at his probably flippant comment. probably.
“How’s Padmé?” you smirked. If he did know about you and Obi-Wan, two could play that game. But if he didn't, your question still held a fair amount of sincerity.
anakin’s mouth morphed into a lovesick grin. At least was one relationship the two of you could talk about quite freely. “She’s really good actually, a lot of the students she councils have been performing really well. Besides work stuff though, she misses you,”
“yeah, I wish I was talking to her instead right now too,”
“wow. so I should just leave then,” he twisted his upper body towards the door feigning that he would actually get up. you responded jokingly with a little goodbye wave to send him and his bluff on their way. He repositioned himself only a second after, giving up his joke as he had more to say, “Padme’s meeting me here actually so you’ll get to see her. But I can’t stay for long ‘cause I have to grade some papers by tomorrow, which especially sucks cause all the essays are shit anyway,”
“Anakin,” you scolded him.
“You’d say the same thing too if you read them!” He pointed his finger at you in an trademark Anakin exaggeration, “They’re literally the worst class I’ve ever had. I dread every time they turn in an assignment,”
“You’re not even that harsh of a grader either,” you responded, actually considering his words.
“I know! But I can’t make it not-shit,” he wasn’t exactly wrong. you laughed at the way he threw his hands up in exasperation. “That’s more Obi-Wan’s job. He’s more sage-y,” you chuckled a little at his description of your inamorato.
“You’ll get there—and I mean that as a compliment. You’re gonna get that degree and be a bad bitch,” you joked.
“I’m always a bad bitch, let's be real,” he rolled his eyes and smirked at the same time, sass oozing from his features.
“We are bad bitches,”
“I was here first,” he countered quickly.
“Yeah but I’m Obi-Wan’s—“ You stopped. You didn't even know where you were going, but it was definitely something that would give you and Obi away.
“His what?” His brow quirked, but something about his tone made the question seem a bit more like a challenge.
“Don’t know,” you leaned back, trying (and failing) to act natural, as though your lack of ability to maintain eye contact hadn’t given you away.
“Well, you should try and figure that out.” He continued, fairly casually to your surprise. “Not that it means much,” he hesitated, “but a woman he used to be involved with is visiting this week.” You still would’ve been more concerned with his possibly knowing about you and Obi having a relationship if he hadn’t also mentioned, wait, what was her name? Kryze? He saw a mix of indecipherable emotions manifest in your features. It was understandable. How were you supposed to feel about her coming back? But in the end he didn’t want you to be blindsided. After getting no verbal response, Anakin elaborated, trying not to sound so cautious, as that might have a reverse effect and make you scared, “she used to work here. She and obi-wan were pretty close.”
“What? Why would I care about Obi-Wan’s past relationships?” You said, but your voice was small.
“Because you do.” he said it like he was stating a fact.
you gave up trying to offer another excuse when Anakin gave you a pointed look. Yes, he definitely knew. But he wasn’t going to push you.
“it’s ok. Ferus already told me about her.” you sighed.
“ferus?” Anakin’s lip curled as he sat up in surprise.
“yeah. before I knew what a dick he was,”
“could’ve told you that from the start.” He huffed a laugh, “doesn’t change anything though, I just want to make sure you’re gonna be ok,” his lips straightened just a bit to show you his genuine concern.
before you could assure him, now in slight annoyance, Padme's light voice came through the door of the cafe.
“I didn’t know you’d be here!” she said, sweet as always.
“hope you’re not too disappointed,” you joked, your delight to see her painted on your face.
“oh please,” she rolled her eyes playfully. “i really am glad to see you, though,” she added as she slid into the chair next to Anakin. He hooked his hand underneath the lip on the bottom of her chair, dragging it so it was flush against his. Her cheeks were painted with a small blush at his little act of affection. You could see Obi doing the same. once Anakin had pulled Padme into a comfortable position with his arm around her, he went straight into getting her all caught up.
“I was telling her about Satine,” he said with more seriousness than you felt was necessary.
“I don't understand why you think I’d care,” you leaned your head down to massage your forehead in exasperation. you looked up when you felt a hand grab the free one you had placed on the table. Padme had reached over, showing, as usual, more tact and care than Anakin had.
“as two people in love,” she tilted her head slightly to her still technically unofficial boyfriend, who smiled wide, “we can recognize two others, especially with Obi-Wan. he’s different with you, in a good way,” she gave you a little smirk, leaning back.
“ok hold on, I don’t know about love,” you panicked as you processed her words. love? that scared you even more, and you didn’t need that right now,
“Obi-Wan cares for you, and he cares the same way most people love, that’s what we’re trying to say,” Anakin told you, earning a supportive smile from Padme. You couldn’t help it, her smile made its way into yours. The idea that he cared about you that much… And you trusted them enough to believe it. You couldn’t let Satine take that contentment and security away.
they can help.
A solid pause followed his words.
“Fine,” you said in resignation, “I’ll admit it,”
“aha!” Anakin pointed to you as though he had won, only for Padme to elbow him. you continued as he threw a hand in the air as though he could not possibly understand why she was scolding him.
“I’m worried about Satine. it only ended between them because she went away. there’s no real reason they shouldn’t be together again.” you let it all out, “and,” you exhaled, “I’m not enough. I’m just a kid.” you looked down at the confession of your insecurities.
“you’re not a fill-in.” Anakin responded firmly. “he’s known her since he was young, yeah,” he jerked his head nonchalantly, “but he’s not a kid now,” he put his hand flat on the table, yet again saying his words like fact. “He’s a big boy who takes his choices seriously and he’s not a dick to get with you while he’s still in love with another woman,” his eyes were still soft though, even as his firm tone continued to urge you to believe him. his words would’ve left you feeling a whole lot better, if only they stopped there. he ran a hand over his face and through his hair with a huff. “I can’t speak for Satine though.”
“what does that mean?” You frowned.
“it could mean anything,” he shrugged.
“Are you—“ you were about to hit this man.
“what Anakin is trying to say,” Padme recovered for him just on time, “is that Satine has been known to be…” her voice faded off while she searched for the words.
“harsh?” Anakin offered up.
“no I mean, I’ve never met her either, but, well, yes. she’s always been very stubborn, she doesn’t back down, in class and with the board.”
“oh,” your voice went a little quieter as you imagined the idea of her stubbornness somehow turning this into a battle over your Obi-Wan. well, your obi-wan for now.
“Hey, I’ve never seen him like this. I may have never met Satine, but I’ve known Obi-Wan for forever and I know that he’s never been like this.”
“Trust us, y/n. trust Obi-Wan. and more importantly, trust yourself. you know how he feels, and you know that you deserve those feelings.”
“I guess. i— I mean I’ll talk to him,” you sigh, looking put out, but you weren’t sad, just tired at the prospect of all this.
“Good,” Anakin said with a grin before snagging the pastry you had been too distracted to eat and taking a fat bite out of the flakey bread. you gasped and snatched it out of his hands, a little piece still held between his fingers, torn off when you took it back. the three of you just smiled and laughed, pretty soon falling back into normal conversation. part of you knew that Padme and Anakin were intentionally moving on so as not to leave any more room for you to overthink. oh but how they underestimated your mind's ability to make room for overthinking, no matter what.
—
“Obi,” you said quietly by his desk.
“yes?” he looked up at you from his seat, a warm smile forming from the rush he always felt from simply being near you.
“I want to talk to you,” you threaded your fingers through the silk of his hair as you continued, trying not to sound nervous.
“and I love it when you talk to me.” he smiled, placing his hands on your hips but remaining seated. your heart skipped a beat. he looked good like this, head leaned into your touch, eyes tilted up to look at you with such endearment. they would have been sweet and innocent like a puppy's if you didn’t feel the grip on your hips tighten just a bit, the hands starting to move ever so slightly. you had to snap out of it.
“no one likes a smart ass,” you tug gently on the hair still wrapped around your fingers, causing him to jump just a bit. You giggled a little at his reaction, but he recovered very quickly.
“oh but it seems you do,” he said in a lower voice, pressing a kiss to your stomach. you wondered if he somehow felt the butterflies that fluttered there. they didn’t go away though, but stayed as your nerves kicked in. he must’ve seen the look in your eyes shift, as his own did too. “what is it? truly?”
you looked up at the ceiling, letting loose a heavy breath as you prepared what you were going to say. when your eyes met his again, you couldn’t do it.
what was the big deal anyway? why can’t you just talk to him about it again? it’s just becoming all too real. I can’t let him see that side of me yet.
you answered your own circle of questions. your body responded by clearing your eyes and putting on a more pleasant expression instead.
“it can wait,”
great. you lost your nerve.
“no, my darling one, what is it?” if he had anything else to say after that, those thoughts were now skittering away as you quickly straddled him and ground hard against him immediately.
“it— can— wait,” you said each word between a kiss pressed to the column of his neck, feeling the bob of his thick swallow underneath your lips.
“you’ll tell me though, eventually, won’t you?” he wouldn’t let you go so easily, but he would never push you either. Anakin and him had that in common. he didn’t know if he could anyway, not with you positioned like this and slightly more assertive than usual— just enough to pique his interest and other things like what you felt pressing right in between your parted legs.
“of course. just— in a little.” you chewed your lip “it’s not a big deal I’m just tired,”
only a partial lie.
he appreciated your clarification so that he didn’t kill himself by guessing what earth-shattering topic you might have just been about to throw on him. if it truly wasn’t a big deal, then he would leave it. part of it hurt because you knew he believed you. could you believe him and how he said he felt about you?
I should. I do. fuck.
you were anxious and, consequently, tired. you just decided to slump into his arms and hold him close for a minute before you decided to take things in a more exciting direction. you breathed in his musk, feeling his breath cascading along your neck as he inhaled your scent. you reveled in it this time. that you could do this with him. that right now, he was yours to enjoy, and nothing could take that away. you wouldn’t even think of the possibility right now. couldn’t afford to.
fuck a satine.
with your, perhaps forced or compensatory adamance, you nipped at the skin of his shoulder, still covered by the thin light blue fabric of his dress shirt. his eyes had become a much darker blue when he grasped your face to look at him gently after your playful bite.
yes. right now he was yours.
PART 12
taglist- lmk if u wanna be added
@bakerstreethound
@heyhawtdawgs
@mcbenson25-blog
@heyitsaloy
@stanny-uwu
@venus-armote
@ohworm-writes
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@zanzann
#star wars#obi wan#obi wan kenobi#obi wan kenobi x y/n#obi wan and anakin#anakin skywalker#obi wan x reader#obi wan kenobi x reader#obi wan smut#obi wan fluff#padme and anakin#padme amidala#padme#professor!obi wan#star wars au#obi wan au#satine kryze
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Modern AU Baker!Giyuu x Fem!Reader NSFW MDNI
A/N: Because I can’t resist my sexy baker Giyuu 🥴 this is barely proof read so sorry for any grammar mistakes 😭 tagging @bakugoyelling because they are the mastermind behind all this lmao ♡
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆── ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆── ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆── ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆── ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──
The bell on the door chimed as a new customer walked into the store.
“Welcome in.” Giyuu calls out, following the usual script of greeting customers. He lifts his head from his work to see that it wasn’t a new customer, it was his girlfriend.
“Y/N, what are you doing here?” He claps his hands across each other to remove the excess flour.
“I was just bored, and felt kinda hungry. So I came here. Looking for something nice to eat.”
Giyuu raised a brow, confused as to why you were putting such random emphasis on your words.
“Well, you’ve been here plenty of times before. I’m sure you know what we have to offer. Would you like your usual favorite?”
“You know,” you continue, swirling your finger in teasing circles on the counter. Leaning over it slightly to get closer to Giyuu. “I’ve been really bored of all these options lately. I was wondering if you had anything else in the back? Like. Any… baguettes perhaps?”
“Any… baguettes? In the back…?” Giyuu repeats confused.
You scoff in the middle of a laugh. Your boyfriend could be really dense sometimes. You’d be annoyed if he also didn’t act so cute being as oblivious as he was. You lean over the counter fully, getting close to Giyuu’s ear. He leans in close as well, curious as to what you have to whisper.
“The baguette is your dick, Giyuu.”
Giyuu straightens out, his face void of any expression as he just stared at you blankly. The gears in his head still cranking to process what you had said. If you had actually just said that? He didn’t mishear it, right?
His cheeks suddenly start to burn as a blush spreads across his cheeks and ears. He looks around as if someone could have heard you. He was the only worker in today, the other person had called off. And luckily, today was slow so you were also the only customer. He leans back in to you to whisper,
“Y/N, I’m at work… I’m not going to fuck you here… can’t you wait until the store closes?”
“But I came all this way here to see you. To just… get a baguette…” you whine, pouting your lips in an exaggerated way.
He sighs and looks away, hand trying to cover his blush.
“Please stop calling my dick a baguette…”
“You’ll have to fuck me to get me to stop.” You smile proudly to yourself.
Giyuu swallowed. He did want to fuck you. He’d be lying if he said he hasn’t been thinking about it all day. He knew, that you knew, exactly what you were doing. You were wearing his favorite outfit. The small shirt the hugged your figure tightly and was a low enough cut to show the perfect amount of cleavage. Your skirt that just oh so barely covered your thighs and ass. You knew that outfit drove him crazy.
He looked around to see that the store was also extremely slow. He hadn’t had a customer walk in for a while. And the store was closing in about two hours. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to close the store early.
“Fine, go to the back… I’ll meet you there once I close the store.”
Your smile grows bigger as you clap your hands together in excitement. Giyuu lifts the counter table so you could slip past him into the back. As you walked past him, you made sure to have your hand graze over his crotch. Giyuu jolted and had to hold back a whimper as you laughed to yourself gleefully. Flustered, he quickly made his way to the door and flipped the sign to closed, locking the door as he quickly ran to the back.
He moved way to quickly, you hadn’t even opened the door yet and he already had a firm grip on your hips. You squeak, “Giyuu! You were so quick!”
“I’ve been wanting to fuck you all day,” he turns you to face him as he starts to attack your neck with sloppy kisses. You smile happily as you laugh at how horny your boyfriend was. Giyuu’s hand trailed up the side of your body, filling his hands with your breasts. You were in a daze as your hand struggled to find the doorknob. Giyuu paused for a moment to remove his apron, throwing it behind him. Your hands finally grasp the cold metal of the doorknob and open the door, both of you almost falling in as the door use to be your support. You laugh some more as you bring your hands around Giyuu’s neck. He looks up at you and smiles, seeing you laugh and giggle and visit him at work has him over the moon happy.
You go in for a kiss, heated and sloppy as you both breath heavily. Your hands now cupping Giyuu’s face as his hands trail back down to your hips, massaging them for a bit before his hands move to your ass. He grips your ass tightly, earning a moan from you.
Still in a teasing mood, you laugh before you say, “Knead my ass like you knead your dough.”
Giyuu looks at you with the same expression as earlier before he breaks out into laughter. His head dipping into your neck where he places a small kiss, “Stop flirting like that… if you associate your body with my work, I’ll always be horny here.”
“And I’ll always be in the back waiting for your baguette.” You tease again.
Giyuu smiles as he lifts you from the ground, his hands firmly grasping your ass to lift you. You let out a noise of surprise as you instinctively wrap your legs around his waist. Giyuu leans you against the shelves as he gives your ass a good smack. You let out a surprised moan.
“Guess you’re right, Y/N,” he leaves a heated and wet sloppy kiss on your neck before whispering into your ear, “I am going to have to fuck you to get you to stop.”
A shiver runs up your spine, you loved it when Giyuu would whisper into your ear about what he was about to do to you.
Giyuu quickly lifts your skirt and moves your panties to the side. “Already so wet for me?” He leans in to whisper into your ear again as his fingers teasingly rub against you, “that’s a good girl.”
You hear his belt being unbuckled and can’t help but shiver from the excitement. Giyuu unzips his pants while still firmly holding you. Being a baker had its perks, it made your boyfriend extremely strong. He’s always been able to throw sacks of flour over his shoulder like it was nothing. Carrying you took no effort from Giyuu.
Giyuu pulls out his cock and starts to rub the tip against your folds. You moan and shake in his arms.
“Please, Giyuu.” You whimper.
“Please, what?” He smiles at you
“Please fuck me already.” You let out with a sigh, your chest rising up and down with each anticipated breath.
Giyuu wanted to tease you some more but he also was too horny for that. He just wanted to fuck you silly already. He slides his cock against your folds once more to get himself wet before finally sliding into you. You both groan in pleasure as he slowly fills you up, the veins on his cock rubbing against your walls.
“God, you always feel so fucking good, Y/N…” Giyuu pants out.
His pace starts off slow, just soaking in the pleasure of your hot walls squeezing his cock. You moan and whimper under his touch, his hands still gripping your ass and your back against the cold steel of the shelves. You wrap your legs tighter around Giyuu, trying desperately to fill in the space between you two. Grinding your hips against his to release the friction. Your hands wrapped around his neck as your slowly bring your hands into his hair.
You earn a moan from Giyuu, he always loved it when you touched his hair. Feeling your nails graze along his scalp and your legs tightly secured around his waist. Your ass filling up his hands and spilling between his fingers.
He started to quicken his pace, softly grunting with each thrust. You moaned along with him, calling out his name.
Giyuu’s hips clashed against yours as he further quickened his pace, ramming into you as you snuggled your head into his neck, moaning loudly into his ear.
“F-fuck, Giyuu..” you moan out
Your body was hitting against the shelves harshly, making them creak and rock along with Giyuu’s movements. Items on the shelves started to rock closer to the edge with wash powerful thrust.
You squeal as you heard the loud bangs of things falling onto to floor. You laugh a little, “Giyuu, we’re knocking stuff down,” you manage between moans, “should we slow down?”
“No,” Giyuu grunts out, “you feel too good. We’re not stopping until we’re both done. I can clean it later.” He groans loudly as his pace quickens once more.
You moan out loudly as you feel your stomach starting to tighten.
“Ah, Giyuu. Keep going, I’m almost there!”
“Me too,” Giyuu groans out
Giyuu buried his head into your neck again, his grip on your tightening as he placed more desperate, sloppy kisses along your neck. He started to lose his rhythm as his thrusts also became more sloppy. Breathing heavily into your ear as he called out your name between grunts. You clench harshly around Giyuu’s cock as you feel yourself dangerously close to your climax. You keep calling out his name until you scream out. Your walls spasming around Giyuu as he rutted into you, deep inside you as he reached his climax as well.
You’re both panting heavily as he places you back down, your knees almost giving out on you as you wobble still recovering from your high. Your hands on his shoulders and his on your waist to keep you stable. He places a soft kiss on your forehead and smiles at you as he fixes his pants.
“I wasn’t too rough, was I? You didn’t hurt your back against the shelves?” He questions you, running his hands along your back to soothe any soreness.
“No, I feel fine. Amazing actually. That was really good.” You smile brightly at Giyuu, going on your tippy toes to place a kiss on his cheek. He smiles and cups your face, looking at you with adoration.
“Are you actually hungry though? We could have some of the sandwiches we sell here.” Giyuu asks you, grooming back some of the stray hairs he caused.
“Yeah, I could go for a sandwich.” You beam at your boyfriend. “Let me for to the bathroom first. I’ll meet you at the table. My usual order.” You smile, patting his chest as you walk past him towards the bathroom.
You and Giyuu sat at the table as you both munched on your sandwiches. You talked about your day with him, smiling and laughing brightly. Giyuu rested his head in his hand as he watched and listening to you intently. He never thought he could love someone so much. He adored you with all your heart and could never wish for anything more or less.
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Bonus: The next morning when Giyuu’s coworker opened the store with him, they saw the mess in the back room and had asked Giyuu what happened. Giyuu became very flustered and couldn’t conjure up a stable sentence between all his stutters. He coworker was very confused by his reaction.
#my mind was so scrambled writing this but I hope it still turned out good lmao 💀#kny x reader#demon slayer fanfic#tomioka giyuu x reader#giyuu smut#tomioka giyuu smut#kny smut#giyuu x reader
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