#I know I can’t always directly interact in terms of messaging | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yuelun · 1 month

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𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐑.

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: Manon, but I go by Sae! 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍: She/her. 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌: Discord. I'll deal with Tumblr IMs if people prefer it as I understand not everyone is comfortable sharing their Discord right away. I just find Tumblr IMs to be infinitely impractical, I miss the ability to directly reply/quote previous messages and such, and I often type way too much, so you can surely imagine! Any way, I'm easy enough with Discord, if you ask, the chance is high that you'll get it. So don't hesitate to ask! 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐒: My ever dearest Guizhong, and Yelan is over here. 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄: Throughout Tumblr? Joining the Genshin RPC, actually. I've said this about a previous fandom of mine, but it's been about a year since I first entered this one with Guizhong (originally on my multi for about a month), and it's been nothing short of my best and genuinely most peaceful experience in many years. Usually I see fandom problems arise well before the one-year mark, but here it's been quite calm and also, the closest to feeling that old 'community' concept again. We're all here to have a good time, we engage across the board pretty well, and it's just, it's been really nice. I struggled immensely to be on Tumblr for a good two years prior to coming here, despite the best efforts of friends, and I think it's simply because no fandom has quite felt like this one. None of them ever really succeeded in giving me what this one has. You guys are magnificent, never change.

𝐑𝐏 𝐏𝐄𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐒: You've called salt into your life with this one, be ready: this trend of privately or publicly guilt-tripping people into interacting with them ('I guess no one's interested...' or 'guess I'll go then...') or even for interacting with duplicates of their muse instead. This should never be a thing I'll cut people like that out of my life and off my dashboard as quickly as I breathe for guilting, and I’ll always motivate people to do the same. There is nothing healthy, remotely positive or forgivable about that kind of behavior, but I see it happening very often still. Are people not interacting with you? Go after them with all the fire of motivation that you possess, and if you don’t have that? Then the muse you have before you may not the one for you. Honestly, I think it's just that if you have passion for your muse, then you won’t let yourself get demotivated, you won’t let things hold you back, because you’ll have a spirit that can’t really be quelled in any capacity. Are duplicates intimidating? Then either find your way to shy away from them or let that insecurity drive you; let it make you better, let it drive you to improve (mentally). I’m not saying anyone who experiences insecurity is a lesser writer, not by any means— but let it make you even better than you already are.

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒: I find myself drawn to specific elements or concepts within humanity (or in Guizhong's case, the exact opposite) that are either unusual among the status quo or intriguing.to me personally. I do know that I've always rather fiercely tried to avoid characters that are very reminiscent of me as an individual. Though on some level, there is usually a trait that I understand on a fundamental level in some way or another, the nature in which it's presented is usually simply is different, however. So for example with Yelan, I can talk about this inherent concept of loneliness that is incredibly different from what we consider to be the norm, I've understood the concept incredibly well throughout various parts of my life, but never in the way that it was presented with her whatsoever. And in terms of Guizhong, it's her curiosity to figure everything out, but as a god who by default, does not function in a similar capacity to mortals whatsoever, it's incredibly interesting (and different) for me to see. 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: The former, but the latter usually will also either be based on a mentioned plot, or I'll turn it into a plot! 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒: I always inevitably end up getting wordy, but I can start shorter as to establish a sort of writing comfort and/or flow with the other person, especially if you're a new RP partner of mine. I kind of release the reigns to you. 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄: This used to be in the dead of night, and I'm still trying to establish when I write best now. 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄: Generally, nope!

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘: @basbousah 🩶 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆: I'm unsure who's done this and hasn't yet, so if I forgive you and you've done it already, just ignore this! @spiderwarden @immobiliter @avaere @yanwangye @arlquin (please tell Scooby she's also tagged 🤭) @apocryphis @narvvhal @lunaetis @sagnaevi @sortilegii @starwardsword @reginrokkr @astrxl-finale @petrokhelidon @luzofstars @galvanic-duelist and whoever else would like to do it, just say I tagged you! I'm always happy to read these.

#[ et cetera. ] we think of human life as like a lantern that's lit one minute and extinguished the next. but are we adepti so different?#[ me casually tagging this with that tag. me after: slowly dies. ]#[ and as per usual; i can't shut up. so my thing is always; /always/ long. it'll never change guys. ]

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yueluntest · 1 month

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#So for example with Yelan #I can talk about this inherent concept of loneliness that is incredibly different from what we consider to be the norm #I've understood the concept incredibly well throughout various parts of my life #but never in the way that it was presented with her whatsoever. And in terms of Guizhong #it's her curiosity to figure everything out #but as a god who by default #does not function in a similar capacity to mortals whatsoever #it's incredibly interesting (and different) for me to see.

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keefwho · 2 years

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September 13 - 2022

11:31 AM

Whenever I start to notice myself thinking about something that might put me into a kind of panic, I simply interrupt the thought and do something else. At first I thought this might be a kind of avoidance and I don’t want that, but I think it’s more like defusion in action. If an unhelpful thought starts forming, I cut it off and give my attention to a more helpful one. It’s been keeping me going strong last night and this morning. I think before all this started, I used to naturally act like this. I wasn’t THAT bothered by the things I was afraid of because I’d simply choose not to think about them sometimes. I think this could lead to a form of avoidance so I’m trying to be aware of the thoughts I’m avoiding. I just don’t want to give them energy is all.

2:49 PM

I’m still coming to terms with honestly operating independently. There are some people I want to see so often, its like I have to to be happy. But I know it’s healthy to detach for awhile and do my own thing. I think I’ve also had a bad case of fantasizing. Fantasies can lead to expectations which can cause disappointment. I run a little wild sometimes projecting the kind of future I want and usually get snapped back into reality in a sad kinda way. The trick is to keep in mind the reality of the situation. Things are what they are and no more.

6:11 PM

I’ve started reading over the Presence chapter in my book today. It’s the simplest to understand, it’s just about living in the moment. But it’s helpful to understand why it is so important. Our yearning for orientation can put us in a mental trap. To try and orient ourselves, we end up ruminating about the past and future. These are things that cannot be directly changed so it’s basically a waste of attention. Being able to redirect that attention mindfully wherever we want is extremely powerful. It allows us to give something our full capacity instead of just a little bit. At least that’s how I’m coming to understand it.

I’ve forgotten my exercises today. It would have been more beneficial to do them earlier or throughout the day I imagine. But I won’t skip them just because it is late. Today’s defusion exercise is naming those automatic thoughts and listening to them. I’ve been imagining a little version of Discord inside my head making him say the kinds of thoughts that make me worry. I think it’s fitting and his voice is unique so it’s easier to imagine.

Just to write them down because I find trouble putting words to my feelings sometimes:

“You friends don’t really like you, they just put up with you.”

“You’re going nowhere in life.”

“You can’t get better. You’re always going to be riddled with anxiety.”

“More suffering is just around the corner. Better brace yourself for it.”

“You don’t deserver to relax. You don’t even deserve to be happy. What did you ever do to earn it?”

Paying attention to how I feel, putting words to it, and listening to them in someone else’s voice really does help get across that this isn’t how I really think. These are feelings, not my conscious thoughts. Feelings aren’t based on anything, they’re a survival mechanism.

The self exercise I have to do today is that re-write your story one. I’ll try to keep this one shorter though, I’m gonna have to do it semi-regularly I think.

Throughout high school, I had an intense fascination with girls. That’s normal, every teenage boy does to some degree. Problem was, I performed poorly when it came to socializing. Every girl I ever had a crush on thought I was a creep. The ways I’d show my affection definitely came off that way. I’d become obsessed, every day I’d try to do something to interact with my current crush. I’d do things like draw them or find elaborate ways to send them a cute little message. I did all this without ever even actually speaking with them. I never crushed on a “friend,” only girls I thought were pretty. Every crush I had would end in what was utter heartbreak at the time. Every girl would snap at some point and really lay into me. A few rounds of this spread across 3 years and I had cut myself off from any kind of romance. I took it all to mean that I was unlovable. Something must be wrong with me to have never been able to have any kind of relationship my entire life.

Throughout high school, I had an intense fascination with girls. I had trouble socializing which added to the recipe of disaster that was my high school love life. I became obsessed easily. I had that “I have to have a girlfriend” mentality. It was always drilled into me that finding a partner was basically a requirement. If you didn’t, you were a loser or something was wrong with you. When I was into a girl, I’d draw them or perform other romantic gestures. My only real experience being the TV and online advice, the conclusion I came to was that finding a girlfriend was all about being romantic and that there was a kind of science to it. I never crushed on friends, mostly because I never made close friends with girls. I suffered frequent “heartbreak” and could never understand what it was about me that made me so unappealing. Girls I had a crush on would eventually make it clear I was not wanted. My senior year of high school, I made it a point to myself to simply stop trying. I figured I was unlovable and would be happier if I kept to myself. I’d never been in a relationship my entire life so far, better keep it that way.

Of course I know now that I was actually a creep, but it wasn’t my fault I was so socially stunted. That came mainly from moving states so much as a child. Rewriting this helped me realize how much this kind of thing might have impacted my self worth. I never really thought about it like that. I thought this was just a cringy period of my life that didn’t actually have that much weigh on how I behaved since. I truly did embrace I was better off alone and completely wrote off the idea of finding a partner. I think when I feel something like “My friends don’t really like me,” it might stem directly from this area in my life. Feeling unlovable didn’t confine itself to romance, but my friendships too.

I feel silly because I’m vastly more mature now and basically know what I’m looking for in this area. The problem I’m facing today is a distant echo of the problem I created by being an immature teen. Im literally a different person now but that doesn’t change the things I embedded in my own mind early on.

I guess I need to explore this area and become more open about it. I need to let go of this “forever alone” bs. I have friends I’ve been making wonderful connections with only because I actually already have started letting go of that old mindset. Forget all the dating stuff, I’m not out to find a traditional kind of relationship. I’m just trying to make more intimate connections with people and I only recently realized how much that’s been impacted by how seriously I used to take rejection.

11:12 PM

I’ve had time to recuperate my thoughts. Earlier I was having a hard time stringing my ideas together. I know how I used to feel was very goofy. I took the relationship stuff WAY too seriously because I was a teenager. And the way I shut it all down put me in a place where I’m basically picking up where I left off. All I have to go on is this cringy past. The good thing is that since I’m so detached from that old mindset, this feels like an easy thing to tackle. I basically have already, there’s just some residual beliefs to deal with.

Daily Recap

First of all I’ve accidentally been staying up a little late the past few nights. Oops. This morning I cranked out all my work as soon as I woke up, I hope to repeat that tomorrow. I even streamed it. All day I practiced disarming thoughts that would lead me to worry. It feels like I might get tired of it eventually, its a little draining. A massive chunk of my day was spent preparing mods for Cities Skylines. I had some good VR time and a VC with a bestie. Anxiety was low, food, was good, tummy was behaved. It was a pretty good day.

#journal #diary #love #rejection

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bbygirldahyun · 3 years

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with something like this, there never feels like a right time, and i don’t know if i’ll ever feel well and truly prepared to talk about these things, but i’ll give it a shot. here is my experience with reza and the entire situation.

i say none of this with malice, and i would hope nobody else does either. nobody but those who were directly involved can understand, talking about this is hard, but it’s weighing me down not to. so please, don’t send anyone hate or interact with her at all. i just want to express what happened and move on.

i became friends with reza awhile ago, probably over a year ago at least if my memory serves me correctly. unlike many others in this situation, we were very close. we spoke nearly everyday. we have spoken on the phone, she has met my girlfriend over the phone, we shared a lot of personal things. we even talked about meeting in person at one point. so trust me when i say, this has brought me an intense amount of sorrow, loss, and guilt.

i know people throw around words like gaslighting and manipulative a lot, but i truly mean it when i say she manipulated many of us. she made me feel absolutely insane sometimes, like i couldn’t trust my own memories, perspectives, and experiences. what i said i thought happened never mattered. experiences i had with someone were never considered unless they aligned with her predetermined narrative. she would convince me i said or did things i didn’t, or at least didnt remember saying. she told people i was angry at her about something when i had no recollection of it. i’m not an angry person, i couldn’t imagine being truly angry and harsh with her ever.

it seemed every few weeks or months, she picked a new person to dislike and she wanted everyone else to dislike them too. she used to tell me frequently how nobody ever believed her about anything, so at first when she would tell me about not liking someone for some reason i always tried to validate her and believe what she said. i wanted her to know i was a good friend, i wanted to be a good friend. but the more it went on, the more i started to question things. people i didn’t know very well i easily believed what she said, because i’m very trusting. i had no reason not to trust her, really. but then it became people who were my friends that were the targets of her distaste.

if i ever had a small problem with someone, she blew it way out of proportion. of course all friends have issues, everyone has issues. so i would confide in her when other people i was friends with had upset me somehow, and she always responded with incredibly petty insults about the person whether it be their writing, their art, or about them as a person. it was very odd. but i learned very quickly i couldn’t ever defend any of my other friends, because that angered her severely. she has talked poorly about just about every single person on this website in this community, including her own friends. i know sometimes you just need a place to vent, i understand that, i’ve done that myself. but she was often rude, petty, and insulting about these people. it wasn’t just venting, it was true distaste and malice.

if she wasn’t responding with petty insults, she would become very intense about the situation. she would almost always instruct me to not trust that person anymore, or to cut them off, or even sometimes go as far as to “handle” the situation herself. another writer mentioned in their post that they were kicked from a groupchat because of her, and i was in that groupchat, and she did it simply because a joke that was made had upset me slightly. she took things from 0 to 100 in seconds, before i could even protest. sometimes when she did things like that, i felt perhaps that’s what friends did? i didn’t have many friends growing up, so i guess i didn’t really know. but it often felt as if she treated me like someone who couldn’t fight my own battles when really, i’m just not a fighter by choice. i’d rather talk things out, especially with someone who was a friend of mine who i cherish deeply.

i confided in her that i was very trusting and thought everyone had good intentions due to being autistic and taking what people say at face value. i told her that’s how i ended up in my abusive relationship, because i was too trusting. she told me she hated that anyone had done that to me, and then went and did it herself. she took advantage of the fact i can’t tell easily when i’m being manipulated. she attempted to plant seeds of distrust within me towards every single other friend i had, even my girlfriend. i spoke to her once about an issue my girlfriend and i had had a long time ago, and she immediately said in essence she didn’t think my girlfriend was good for me. this was one issue within a nearly 5 year relationship. it felt insanely isolating, to be told at every turn that anyone in my life was bad for me, except for her.

it’s also worthy of pointing that all of these people who she would talk so poorly about to me and to just about anyone who would listen, she is more than willing to turn around and kiss their feet when she lost all her friends. duckie was a particular target of hers in terms of her attempts to get me to cut my friendship off with. some of the things she said to me, i don’t even want to repeat, though of course i have told duckie about it. she has said nasty things about her, about me, about our entire friendship. and yet, the second she didn’t have her friends on here anymore, she was tagging duckie in a praising post, surely in the hopes somebody might take her side i can only assume. that really boiled my blood — all of those nasty words, only to turn around and do that. and duckie isn’t even the only one, she’s just the one i’m closest to who reza did that with.

she has accused so many of us of being clout obsessed or chasing clout. i am no professional, nor can i make claims with 100% certainty, but i would go out on a limb and say i’m fairly positive those accusations are heavy projection. many of her accusations are, to be frank. she has always been seeking “clout”, attention really, ever since the beginning. she used to tell me her biggest dream was to end up on one of those writer reccomendation lists and so it doesn’t surprise me at all that her supposed final straw with lu was being excluded from one, even accidentally. but of course, she’s certainly accused all of us time and time again that we’re obsessed with clout, that we’re all only friends with each other for clout. and it’s sad to me, that that’s how she sees friendship, a means for exchange. but it’s clear that’s how she treats friendships.

she also accused someone of copying art. now whether they did or not, i have absolutely no clue. but when she showed me the supposedly copied art, i told her i wasn’t an artist and i’m also pretty face blind so i wasn’t sure if i was the best judge of whether it was copied or not. she got very angry at me for not believing her, and i tried to reassure her i trusted her perspectives i just couldn’t make the call myself. this became a repetitive situation between us — her making an accusation, me trying to dispute or to even just deflect and move on in conversation, and she’d get mad at me or just straight up stop replying. it was exhausting.

the rumors she has spread about me and others on here are horrible. some of the things she’s said about me have me absolutely floored. there’s things i’d love to address, but i don’t want to throw the person who told me what she said under the bus. but what i will say, is she basically acts as if i’m incompetent without her. i hate to throw around accusing words, but in retrospect many of the things she did and said to me and things she’s said and done since ending our friendship feel incredibly ableist and infantalizing.

now onto what really brought all of this to head. i’m sure all of you have seen the posts referring her calling a trans poc a nazi, but that’s not my story to tell really. my story is what happened after. she dmed me in the midst of that situation to complain to me about the person she accused of being a nazi, and i essentially told her not to bring me in the middle of it. at the time they were both my friends, and i thought she was acting incredibly out of pocket. of course, she grew upset, but insisted she wasn’t trying to bring me into it. i told her i didn’t think her accusation was fair, she told me that this person blocking her was “proof” that they were a nazi supporter, and i basically told her that was quite a leap. we didn’t talk for awhile after that, until she reached out again saying she didn’t want to lose me as a friend and this very long, nice message. i told her i valued her friendship a lot and as her friend, i felt it was my duty to tell her she fucked up and that she should apologized. she admitted to me she knew she was wrong. she admitted it. but she said something like it was too late to do anything about it. one of our last dm exchanges was her saying i was the one person she didn’t want to lose. then she blocked everyone.

so when she tells people i blocked her, or i ended the friendship, or whatever, that’s not true. i didn’t block her until she blocked me. i was never mean to her, not even at the very bitter end. if she thinks i was a bad friend, by all means she can think that, but i tried my best day in and day out to be a good friend. i wanted to make things work so badly, i truly loved reza as a best friend, we had so many good memories together. it broke my heart to watch her behave that way and go on to behave how she’s behaved since. i thought she was better than all of that.

she’s thrown out all sorts of wild accusations towards nearly everyone on here, including claiming we’re all lesbophobic for not supporting her gofundme. this is where her hypocrisy becomes evident. her close friend who has since deactivated had made a post basically claiming that posting “a few words” isnt activism right in the middle of when many of us on here were sharing donation links of black people in need in the aftermath of the chauvin verdict, which reza reblogged. both reza and her friend shared their own gofundmes mere days after that post. i thought that was absolutely despicable. not to mention the amount of times she’s accused lu of being transphobic and a bad ally, or reblogged posts of her cis friend claiming lu is a bad ally, which just isn’t true in the slightest. lu is an upstanding individual, and truly the pinnacle of allyship in my mind. she doesn’t just reblog a post to look good, she’s truly an amazing and supportive friend. couldn’t ask for better than that.

reza is hypocritical in so many other, smaller ways. she attacked someone for simply watching a critical review of attack on titan but continues to stan groups and people who have problematic or questionable pasts or elements to them. of course, media has problematic elements and we can engage with that critically, but the problem is she seems to think only she can do that and other people are free game to jump on and make wild accusations about. she claimed softblocking people was dumb, only to softblock me herself days later. the expectations she places on others she feels no obligation to uphold herself.

she has made attempts to entice new writers into this community by promoting them, praising their work, and claiming they can be the biggest writer etc all the while on her twitter tweeting things to the effect of all the writing on hc tumblr is boring now, or twice fic isn’t as good anymore, dreamcatcher fics are better etc etc. it’s disgusting. she brought innocent people fresh to the community into this nonsense and the second they didn’t validate her entire pov she deleted everything relating to them on her blog, all her promotions, and tweeted she’ll never help a new writer again. it was horrible to watch how many people became involved in this messy web and got hurt because of it.

i want to end all of this by apologizing from the bottom of my heart to anybody who i was swayed into a wrong opinion of by reza, to anyone who i spoke on without realizing i was being clouded by her manipulation, and to all of my friends who she spoke so poorly about. i did everything i thought i could to defend the people i cared about, but as many others can attest to she’s incredibly hard to argue against. it’s painful, and sometimes i hit a point of exhaustion. i am so sorry. i am truly, truly sorry to anyone who has been hurt by this situation, by reza or any of her friends or anybody. it was terrible being stuck in that cycle of awfulness, and i feel so much guilt thinking that i could’ve ever contributed to her poor actions and words about others. i trusted her with so many private things and i regret it more than anything.

that’s the hardest part of this, that i trusted her with so much. i trusted her with many things i would hardly share with anyone else. i told her embarrassing stories, shared much of my traumas to her, told her about my sister and my family and my girlfriend and all of these personal things. she told me so many things in return, but i know who i am. i know i would never share any of those things, none of the embarrassing stuff or the private stuff, nor would i laugh at it even to myself. but i know who she is, and that makes me feel like someone who i can’t trust holds so many things i shared in comfort, a comfort i no longer have. it’s difficult to grapple with.

and reza, if you’re reading this and i’m pretty positive you will be — i hope you find peace within yourself so you don’t have to treat people this way. perhaps i’m too optimistic, too kind and too trusting and too easily tricked, but i would rather be that than live the way you have, paranoid and bitter inside towards everyone. i hope you find a way beyond that, and i mean that genuinely.

#me

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fruitless-nonsense · 3 years

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So long time no see huh?

I just wanna say that I never thought that anybody would acknowledge my input in a million years. No one in my friend group really watched either tvd or to, so this blog is the first time I’ve ever let this out, and the fact that there were people that actually liked what I said meant so much to me I can’t even describe.

Onto why I haven’t posted in a while, that’s just my slow brain. With work and family, my brain likes to fixate on something related to writing and I become obsessed for a while. What started to grind on me was the amount I was putting out versus everything else I had to do in my life, so I decided to take a little break in which time I relearned my love of drawing, but I digress.

I still wanna post on here and plan to do so (maybe some actual tvd analysis idk), but it’s not gonna be as frequently as it was last month. That being said, I still adore each and every one of y’all especially those interacting with me and would still be honored to answer any asks I get the privilege of receiving.

With that introduction out of the way, I’ve decided to talk about some characters rather than another ship (mostly because I’ve already tackled the big ones as far as to is concerned), and these characters are none other than Matt Donovan and Jackson Kenner!

Finally talking directly about the vampire diaries (yay)! Confession: I don’t like Matt. Here’s the thing, the show tries to position him as the “nice guy” of mystic falls. This worked because they place him next to the other male characters (all problematic) during season one. I mean, there’s Damon (narcissistic psychopath), Stefan (recovering addict and vampire), Tyler (abusive bully), and Jeremy (temperamental and moody addict). When we look at Matt next to these guys of course we’d be forgiven for thinking he’s a good person, but what happens when he’s placed next to humans that are considered good individuals?

First example, Caroline! Disclaimer: if you are the kind of person who thinks Caroline was a horrible character until she became a vampire and basically like to tone police her for being an alpha female with completely human flaws that made her such a relatable character (not for me specifically, but even I could notice how real she felt), you’re wrong. I’m not gonna get mad at you, I’m just asking you to take a good look at what you consider a “good female character” and ask yourself what that says about you. That being said, as much as I love Caroline’s characterization in season one, I don’t like how the writers just made her story being a victim the entire time. The most obvious case of this was with Damon, which I know might take y’all a second because Damon fans love to sweep his season one actions under the rug just like the writers. What Damon did to Caroline was disturbing and made me uncomfortable (and they say Klaus compelling Cami was the first time compulsion was broken down with how messed up it could be). The worst part is seeing other characters be aware of this and doing nothing to help her, but this isn’t about Damon. That was the first half of the season, the second half shows a potential ship of Matt and Caroline which was…yikes.

I don’t wanna assume the worst, but I do find it rather clever in a sick way how the writers placed Caroline in a physically abusive relationship with Damon only to place her into an emotionally abusive relationship, so we’re too busy comparing Matt to Damon that we miss how Matt would stand on his own (but that’s just a theory). I know this was season one, but after rewatching a fiftieth time, I can’t help but notice how much Matt belittles her (ex. calls her crazy in a diagnosis kind of way instead of joking), this doesn’t even get into the Elena situation. I do respect him flat out telling Caroline that he’s not over Elena, but there’s that and reminiscing about his relationship with her in front of Caroline and Stefan! And they show Caroline so upset by it and Matt doesn’t even care, but he can’t do anything wrong! Seriously, looking back every argument always ends with Caroline being completely in the wrong and needing to apologize while Matt doesn’t have to do anything. Matt treated her like she was second best, something we knew from the pilot was a big insecurity for her. Why is this ignored?

Second reason: he’s so controlling. Like, it’s not just the writers and the characters singing his praises, he does it to himself. He can hate vampires, but it’s the fact he goes around saying “man, it’s hard being the only nice guy in this town, I have to be the moral center while all of my friends make horrible decisions which I will repeatedly tell them because I’m so smart and know what’s best for them. Man, it’s so hard being me.” This Matt challenges Damon for most insufferable character on screen. Best example is in season three when he drugs Elena and drives her out of town because it’s what’s “best for her” (okay dude). Again, I get he hates vampires, but so does Bonnie, yet despite this she still respects her friends choices because she understands it’s their lives (also I hate that every time Bonnie does get judge mental of her friends the show treats it like she’s being unreasonable and a bad friend, but Matt’s like that the whole time and it’s waved off as “he’s just being a concerned friend”).

Lastly is something everyone already talks about, when he’s not being incredibly toxic he’s so boring. Like, I understand that’s the point in a way, he’s the human, but after seeing how well they integrated Cami into the story in the originals despite her being human that excuse lost all weight for me. He does nothing but complain! If you’re not gonna do anything interesting with him, get him off screen (the later seasons are boring enough! I mean what?)! What really concerns me about Matt as a character is if he is what the writers genuinely believed was the perfect example of a “good guy.” The worst part is it worked! Technically, Matt is the best guy in the tvd cast by default and calling him out for being a toxic human is only a recent trend. Conclusion, Matt Donovan is trash and we deserved better male characters in tvd.

Now, if you think I’m stopping there you’d be wrong. Matt really is a bad person and character, and what kills me is how the community likes to compare the tvd mains to characters in to. Ex. Hayley is Elena (kind of accurate, but at least Hayley had her own story separate from the men in her life in season one) and Bonnie is Davina (I mean, they both do get screwed over by the writers, but I’d argue Bonnie is closer to Vincent since the pain they endure throughout the seasons is much more personal and vindictive). Lastly, and most frustratingly, Cami is said to be the originals equivalent to Matt because they’re both human. At least, I think that’s the reason because I have no idea why else people would say that (is it because in their deluded minds Cami is boring despite being so much fun for reasons I’ve already explained in another post?). So you’re probably thinking who do I think resembles Matt more if anyone? Who could it be? Or maybe I already spoiled it.

So…Jackson Kenner. It’s not a perfect comparison (Jackson has an active story in the show that plays a significant part in seasons one and two). However, in terms of personality they have the most in common. If it’s not clear from what I said about Matt, I don’t like Jackson either. I find him to be an insufferable hypocrite who always talks about keeping the peace yet is quick to start beef with the vampires (who are always portrayed as being the perpetrators and werewolves the victims and showing the conflict as black and white instead of gray on both sides, but I might be the only one who has a problem with how the werewolves treat the vampires in both shows). That’s in season one! Then there’s his controlling behavior towards Hayley and trying to get her to leave the Mikaelsons just cause he can’t be big alpha male next to Klaus (disclaimer: as much as I think Hayley is wrong for trying to abandon the Mikaelsons for good, I did stand with her on getting away from and daggering Klaus for a temporary amount of time. Complex discussion for another day). Then there’s season three where he gets so angry cause Hayley chooses to help find Rebekah (y’know the woman who protected Hope for months!) that he storms off to the Bayou and ignores his wife and insists she must choose between the wolves and the Mikaelsons (keep in mind Elijah never insists she has to choose a side and always refers to both as her family). This is a grown man by the way. I mean, at least the show doesn’t make Hayley bend to his will like season two (progress I guess?). So controlling, egotistical, hypocritical, and the show treats him like he’s the messiah of men because everyone around him are the worst (except Marcel). Sounds like a Matt clone to me.

Why are these two considered the prime example of how men should be by the writers? If it isn’t clear, just because they aren’t killing people every five minutes does not make them good! That could’ve been a decent message if it was noticed by people, but instead we hear how great Matt and Jackson are when they are the most relatable (in a bad way) kind of men in the show. That’s another problem, why are all the men in this show such toxic individuals to be around. The closest exceptions are Stefan and Marcel who personality wise are good, but are killers. Matt could have been what the writers wanted, but what we got was disappointing and annoying. So the women are butchered shells and the men are toxic, so I’m not allowed to like anyone!

#anti Matt Donovan #anti Jackson Kenner #the vampire diaries #the originals #Caroline Forbes #Elena Gilbert #hayley marshall #cw has terrible rep for men

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waveypedia · 3 years

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got fears but i face them

Lena and Webby finally reconcile.

Ao3

Webby and Lena don’t talk until three full days after the FOWL raid.

Oh, they talk, all right. Dewey never misses an opportunity to drag the kids together and gush about the adventure. While they had floated and filtered throughout the family on the long ride home, the ten kids had made an unspoken home base in the bottom corner of the plane, near the emergency hatch that Launchpad had accidentally opened. They chatted brightly, sharing jokes and trading jabs, high on the adrenaline of a long day and a treacherous fight won. But Webby and Lena never interacted directly in their conversations beyond pleasantries.

They didn’t talk in the way that mattered.

After the comfortingly familiar sight of Duckburg had crested over the horizon and the plane had landed, Webby and Lena left each other without so much as a goodbye. Ty and Indy were hovering impatiently at the Sunchaser’s doors, flooding inside as soon as they possibly could and scooping Violet and Lena in their arms. Webby stood off to the side, her grandmother’s steady hands on her shoulders. She watches two doting fathers hold their daughters close and thinks about family. She thinks about her Granny, and Huey, Dewey, and Louie, and Uncle Scrooge-Dad, and Uncle Donald and Aunt Della. She thinks about May and June, safe and happy with Uncle Donald and Aunt Daisy.

She thinks about June in her room and a flippantly cut string and Lena’s wrath. June watches Lena too, with Aunt Daisy’s hand on her head, and guilt flashes in her naive eyes.

It’s almost the push she needs. Energy floods Webby’s tired body, and she tenses to surge forward and crash at Lena’s feet, blubbering with apologies and tears.

Granny’s hand tightens on her shoulder, a silent warning.

Webby glances up. Granny’s eyes meet hers, as wise and clever as ever. She shakes her head, a tiny signal. As always, Granny can read Webby perfectly. Webby may not be able to read Granny so accurately, but this time the message is clear. Now is not the time.

Webby understands. With her family’s help, she’s getting better at social cues. This is the Sabrewing family’s moment, not hers.

Webby looks away.

Webby looks away, and promises to claim her moment soon.

After that, the next few days are both a flurry of activity and uncharacteristically empty for an adventuring family such as the McDucks. As per usual after an adventure, they trudge into the mansion, adrenaline sludging off in droves, and crash in bed for the next twelve hours. Webby wakes to the smell of blueberry pancakes, her favorite in childhood, and stumbles downstairs to where Granny is occupying the empty kitchen, a small, knowing smile on her face. She eats, watches the unfortunately missed Ottoman Empire series finale with her brothers (“I can’t believe we missed the series finale!” “We had to go rescue Webby and Huey, Louie.” “Yeah, but it’s the series finale! Now the show is over and there’ll be no more Ottoman Empire, ever!” “Eh, I’m sure they’ll reboot it in another thirty years.” “Yeah, but I’ll be old by then!”), eats less-than-healthy food that the adults let slide, and sleeps again.

On the second day, Webby and her brothers set up a room for May and June at the mansion while Aunt Della, Uncle Donald, and Aunt Daisy make last-minute arrangements to bring two extra kids on their vacation. May and June apologize, awkwardly and haltingly, at every possible occasion, and it’s all Webby and her brothers can do to lessen their guilt. But there’s one apology that sticks with Webby more than the rest.

June pulls her aside late into the afternoon, while Huey is teaching May the Junior Woodchuck certified method for hanging up curtains.

“I’m sorry for cutting your string,” June says, nervously playing with her pigtails. “I know it’s really important to you.”

“It’s fine!” Webby’s voice is much brighter than she feels. The memory leaves an acidic sensation in her stomach and a bad taste in her mouth. Tears prick at her eyes at the secondhand sensation of Lena’s destructive fury and June’s panicked cries. But most of all, the helplessness and unsureness Webby felt in the moment. She had to watch her best friend tear into her adopted sister without a second thought, and part of it was justified but not all, and she didn’t know what to do. Her undying loyalty was shot in the face of uncertainty of who to pledge it to.

June frowns at her. She may be a FOWL clone, a test tube baby, barely a few months old, but she’s sharper than she looks. Louie’s lessons must be paying off. “It- it doesn’t have to be. I know I messed up. I messed up a lot.”

“You didn’t know what you were doing,” Webby says. The lie is heavy on her tongue, even if she means well.

June can’t meet her gaze. “Please, Apri- Webby.” Her sister’s head snaps up, her gaze shining and uncharacteristically serious. “Don’t make allowances. I want to earn your forgiveness.”

Webby blinks, stunned speechless, for a few moments. When she finds her voice, she clears her throat hesitantly. “Thanks. I… I appreciate that.”

June licks her lips nervously and nods her head, slow and careful. “Thank you for listening to me. It’s… new to me.”

Webby smiles awkwardly. “Of course, sis.”

As she had intended, June’s eyes light up at the term, and her vivacious smile is back in full smile. She squeals and squeezes Webby in a quick hug before returning to Dewey and Louie, the former who is trying to get the latter to do his laundry. Webby smiles fondly.

Webby knows most siblings don’t really call each other “bro” and “sis”. It’s a fixture of the media. Dewey explained it to her a week after Huey, Dewey, and Louie sat her down and told her in no uncertain terms they wanted her to be their sister. (She cried.) But with May and June, it feels right. They may not be normal siblings by both the media’s and society’s standards, but they’re sisters all the same.

The smile slips off Webby’s face as her thoughts spiral. June was right. The string issue is still bothering her, and she needs to address it.

Lena and Violet haven’t stopped by the mansion since the original failed FOWL raid. It’s not unusual for them to stop by later after an adventure, but usually they stay for the night after the trip.

They didn’t this time. Ty and Indy swept them away.

In bed, on the night of the second day, Webby lies awake long after lights-out. She stares at the ceiling, at the glow-in-the-dark stars she and Lena stuck up there two years ago, back when Lena was stuck as Magica’s lackey. The fear in her gut curdles into steady determination, and Webby Vanderquack makes a decision.

She picks up her phone, charging next to her, and texts Violet. Can I come over tomorrow?

Despite the late hour, Violet replies immediately. That would be agreeable.

No text bubble pops up to indicate Violet wants to say more, so Webby likes her message and sets her phone on the nightstand next to her. She lies her hands crossed on her belly and breathes deeply, wide awake. But a few minutes later, her phone buzzes again.

Is this purely a social call, or do you wish to speak to Lena?

Webby stares at the screen for a couple minutes, biting her lip. She knows Violet’s seen her read receipt, and usually that would spur Webby into action, but she can’t spew nonsensical responses right now.

Finally, she settles on a simple Yes.

Violet’s reply is swift. Good.

This time, her typing bubble pops up almost immediately. Lena has been much more reticent since we departed Alexandria. My research has shown me that communication is the most effective path to healthy relationships.

Webby’s beak quirks up in a small, fond smile. Yeah. Me too.

I do not doubt that the pair of you will heal each other. Violet responds. Good night, Webbigail.

Gnight, Vi.

At precisely one-thirteen PM on the third day, Webby stands on the doorstep of the Sabrewing household, clutching a small purse and a bag of candy.

She rings the doorbell, and Ty greets her at the door. His face splits into a warm, fond smile at the sight of her, and it warms Webby’s heart. Ty and Indy are by no means the adults she’s closest to in her family, but from the moment Webby met them, they’ve never failed to make her feel welcome and safe and loved.

“Come in, come in!” Ty gushes, guiding her into their familiar foyer, where Violet is peacefully reading a book. “Lena’s upstairs.”

“I’ll show her, father. Thank you.” Violet rises from her armchair, placing a bookmark in her book and carefully setting it down on the coffee table. She gracefully crosses the room and latches onto Webby’s arm.

“Okay. Have fun, you guys! I’ll make some snacks.” Ty gives Webby a quick hug and kisses Violet on the head, and then waves them away. Violet tugs Webby up the stairs and up to Lena and Violet’s shared room.

They pause outside the shut door. One of the Featherweights’ old albums floats through the walls.

“This is where I leave you,” Violet intones. “Call me when you are finished.”

Webby smiles. “Thanks, Vi.”

Violet starts to step away, but pauses. “Webbigail?”

“Yes?”

Violet turns to fully face Webby, her expression deathly serious. “You are my best friend. But if you ever hurt Lena, I will hurt you. Tread carefully.”

Webby grins. “Thanks, Vi. Don’t worry.”

Violet sniffs, offended at the mere accusation. “I will not.”

She leaves, and Webby turns to face the door. She spends a moment visually exploring every nook and cranny of the soft oak, and then takes a deep breath and knocks.

Lena opens the door, hair disheveled. “Dad, I don’t want chocola- Oh. Pink.”

Webby rocks nervously back and forth on her feet. “Hey, Lena.”

Lena blinks at her, her expression unreadable, before stepping aside and gesturing to the inside of the room. “Well, I guess you’d better come in.”

Webby smiles nervously and steps inside.

Lena and Violet’s room is messy and cluttered in a way nothing in the mansion is, because for all the Duck family’s characteristic untidiness, the mansion is simply too big and Granny is too competent of a housekeeper to let any clutter stay. Like Uncle Donald’s houseboat, Lena and Violet’s room, and the entire Sabrewing house, is cluttered because it’s lived in. It feels homey. It feels like family.

The room is filled to the brim with Violet’s various books - both hobbyist and scholarly, and Lena’s hair dye and vinyl albums. In the corner, Lena’s pet raven watches Webby carefully from its cage. They’re all in agreement that he’s not a normal raven, but his latent abnormalcy has yet to show itself.

“So.” Lena crosses the room to stand by her bed and her raven’s cage, shoving her hands deep in her pockets and rocking back on her heels. She won’t meet Webby’s eyes. “What’s up?”

Webby fidgets with the friendship bracelet on her wrist. The strings are frayed and soft from three years of constant wear and similar stimming. “I… I came to apologize.”

Lena’s hand strays to her bracelet as well. “Me too, Pink.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you for blowing up at June,” Webby says. “You told me not to forget you and, in your perspective, I basically did.”

“No, it’s my fault,” Lena sighs. “I let my temper get the better of me. I knew June was basically a little kid, and I still blew up at her. It was because of me that she got the opportunity to run off and steal the Sword of Swanstantine.”

Lena tugs at the hem of her sweater, scowling darkly. “I guess I just almost killed my family. Again. It’s fine; I’m used to it.”

The words are barely out of her mouth before Webby launches herself at Lena, barely able to contain herself. She wraps her arms around Lena and buries her head in the soft, worn cloth of Lena’s sweater. “You shouldn’t be! It wasn’t your fault before and it’s even less of your fault now. You’re part of this family.”

Lena’s arms rest lightly around Webby’s shoulders, and her chin touches the top of Webby’s head. “Yeah, I know that by now, Pink. I’ve come a long way, huh? But that doesn’t erase the fact that I messed up.”

“Well, so did I.” Webby replies stubbornly.

Abruptly, Lena pulls apart, her hands set steadily on Webby’s shoulders. She stares straight into Webby’s eyes. “Webby, I know the boys are your brothers, but for the first time in your life, you had a link to your biological family,” Lena states. “I don’t blame you for defending them, and you shouldn’t either!” For the first time, Lena drops her gaze, her beak curling in frustration. “I overreacted. Plain and simple.”

“But it came from a place of love,” Webby insists, her lower beak wobbling. “I- It means so much to me that our relationship means so much to you that June cutting our string set you off like that! Really!”

Lena smirks. “That’s sweet, Pink. It’s true. But I still shouldn’t have used my magic.”

“Maybe it was a little much,” Webby finally admits. Lena scoffs at that, but otherwise stays quiet. “But please don’t blame yourself. Bradford and Black Heron set May and June up to steal me and the Missing Mysteries. They would’ve found a way to cause an issue with or without you.”

Lena squeezes her shoulder. “There, you see? It’s Bradford and Black Heron’s fault, not yours.”

“But they were after me,” Webby insists. “And- and maybe if I’d been a little more forceful with Granny, maybe she would’ve told me about my real heritage.”

Lena snorts. “Please, Pink, Tea Time wasn’t the best spy in the biz for nothing. She didn’t spill her secrets until all other hope was lost and her literal worst nightmare had come true before her eyes.” Webby flinches at that, and Lena’s tone and grip softens. “Point being, it’s not your fault.”

“Well, it’s not yours either,” Webby insists.

“Maybe not,” Lena admits at last. “But I’m still going to apologize to June. Maybe I didn’t cause the Annual Duck-McDuck Family Crisis, but I still hurt June. That wasn’t okay.”

Webby smiles. “Thanks, Lena. I’m so happy you guys are trying to get along.”

Lena grins back. “Eh, we’ve got a lot in common. I’ll bring her and May over to my weekly ‘So your childhood guardian was a villain who used you to try and kill your new family’ hangouts I have with Boyd and they’ll be sold. Hopefully.”

The mental image of Lena, Boyd, May, and June hanging out at one of Lena’s favorite dives and discussing the perils of their childhoods over greasy burgers brings a smile to Webby’s face. “I’m sure they’ll love that. Eventually.”

“They’ll come around,” Lena says, but she doesn’t sound entirely sure.

“They will,” Webby affirms. “They’re… it’s not easy to adjust. Their entire lives were upended. But they’re trying.”

Lena smiles. “That’s all I ask for,” she says simply. “As long as I can help.”

“You will,” Webby promises. “Now, do you agree that you weren’t responsible for the incident?”

“Yeah,” Lena smiles wryly. “But neither were you.”

Webby clutches her elbow. “I still messed up, though. I could’ve handled it better. And I still hurt you.”

Now it’s Lena’s turn to rush forward and squeeze her in a hug. “Well, I guess we both did,” she murmurs, a little too flippantly. “Good thing we both came to apologize, yeah?”

“Mhm.” Webby nods into Lena’s chest. She’s so soft and warm and stable. “So, are we good?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Lena replies. “I need to apologize to June.”

They sit on Lena’s bed, and Webby leans into Lena’s side, toying with her friendship. “I missed you,” she murmurs, avoiding Lena’s eyes.

Lena chuckles, and while it’s in good faith, there’s not much amusement behind it. She ruffles Webby’s hair lightly. “I was only gone for a couple days, Pink.”

“Three,” Webby corrects absentmindedly. “This is the third day.”

Lena grins. “So you kept count, eh?”

“Of course,” Webby responds matter-of-factly. “It was all I could think about.” She readjusts herself so she’s leaning against Lena more, and tilts her head back to see Lena’s face.

Lena is blinking, baffled, before her beak curves into a small, fond smile. “Huh. Me too.”

Webby’s smile grows and grows. Lena’s come a long, long way since Webby followed that fateful message in a bottle. She’s been much more comfortable with open affection for a long time now, but it still makes Webby’s heart sing.

“We should do something,” Lena hums. “Hang out, with no adventure or magical villain threatening our lives. We haven’t done that in a while.”

Webby laughs softly. “Yeah, it has been a while, hasn’t it? But you should know by now. There are no normal hangouts in this family.”

Lena chuckles, soft and fond. “Yeah, well. I’ll take whatever I can get as long as I can hang out with you.” She wraps her arm tighter around Webby, and snuggles closer. “I know what I signed up for when I joined this family.”

They sit together on Lena’s bed, facing away from each other, in the comfortable silence.

“You know,” Webby breaks it after a few minutes. Her nervous fidgeting has returned. “You know, sometimes I wish it didn’t happen like this.”

Lena blinks. “Hm?”

“I-” Webby gestures animatedly, frustrated, days and months and years of pent-up emotion spilling out all at once. “I wish I didn’t have to find out about my family this way. I wish Granny could’ve just told me, without the FOWL capture and fights to the death and kidnapping all of our friends. I’m okay now, but… but it was really scary,” she finishes in a small voice, burying her head in her hands. “I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know if my family would be okay.”

“Oh, Pink.” Lena gathers Webby into her arms and pulls her onto her lap. “I know how you feel. It must’ve been really scary.”

“It was,” Webby murmurs. “It really was. But I love adventuring, and I already know what would happen if we stopped - heck, Uncle Donald already made that wish! And it didn’t turn out well! I shouldn’t feel this way, and I hate it.”

“You know, those two feelings aren’t mutually exclusive,” Lena says, raising her eyebrows.

Webby twists in her embrace to meet her gaze. “Huh?”

Lena shrugs. “There isn’t much to it, honestly. Your daily, run-of-the-mill adventures aren’t the same as this scheme Bradford’s been cookin’ up for decades. They don’t usually involve life-changing revelations.”

“Yeah, but…” Webby sags in her embrace. “It’s still an adventure.”

“Honestly, it’s not healthy for you guys to keep having all your major events in life-or-death situations,” Lena snorts wryly. “But I guess that’s our family for you. Doesn’t mean it should stay that way, though.”

“Sometimes it’s out of our control,” Webby murmurs, a half-hearted protest for a battle she already knows she’s lost and didn’t even want to win in the first place. “Like when Lunaris chased Aunt Della down to Earth. She thought he was a friend. Or… or when Magica attacked us.”

“Yeah,” Lena mutters. “But your grandma still shouldn’t have lied to you.”

“She said she won’t anymore,” Webby says.

“And that’s great.” Lena squeezes her tighter. “That means it probably won’t happen again. The past is in the past, Pink. You can’t change it. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of troubles with that fact.”

“You can’t control what other people do,” Lena continues. “Like with Lunaris and… and Magica. All you can control is yourself.”

“I’ll do my best to spill all my secrets before one of Dad’s mortal enemies has to threaten my life for it,” Webby snorts, half-sardonic and half-lighthearted.

Lena punches her gently. “I don’t think you’ll ever have a problem with that, Pink. You’re a pretty open book.”

Webby bites her lip. “That’s not a bad thing, is it? Bradford and my sisters were able to manipulate me pretty easily.”

Lena scoffs. “Yeah, and it ended so well for Bradford, didn’t it?” Webby keeps her gaze away from Lena’s face, and instead watches Lena’s hands clench and unclench into fists.

Lena sighs, taking a deep breath to reorient herself. “What I mean, Pink, is that it’s not a bad thing. Honestly, it’s one of your best qualities. I know I wouldn’t be here today if you weren’t so trusting and earnest.”

Webby smiles, but it’s forced. Evidently, she hasn’t picked up enough of Louie’s tricks yet, because Lena’s unwavering, deepening frown tells Webby she can see right through her.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t train,” Lena offers. “I don’t think you should become more distrusting and cynical, but maybe you can work to recognize when others are trying to manipulate you.”

Lena glances down at her hands, spinning a stray pencil (where did she get that?) around her fingers. “I could help you, if you’d like.”

Webby grins up at her, teary and emotional. “I’d like that.”

Lena drops the pencil and wraps her arms around Webby again. For the millionth time that day, Webby buries her head in the comforting familiarity of Lena’s soft sweater.

“I missed you,” Lena murmurs.

“Me too,” Webby replies. “So much.”

“So very much,” Lena echoes, and tugs Webby closer.

For the first time in three days, the tension dragging Webby down loosens, and she is free. She is home.

i started writing this either the day of or the day after the finale, left it alone for two weeks, and wrote the second half today during a writing sprint (shoutout to silv’s server!). funny how these things work.

i have a lot of feelings on the finale, both good and bad, but i’m always going to be sad that lena and webby’s direct interaction in the entire series was a fight. they didn’t deserve that.

i love dropping in little headcanons and doing little worldbuilding with places like lena and violet’s room. it sounds like a cozy place. there’s literally no way to prove this unless frank returns from his hiatus and answers an ask ig but if poe isn’t still out there and doesn’t end up drawn to lena i’ll eat my hat. let him be her weird familiar/uncle!! cmon disney!!

title is from i’ll show you by k/da! i originally used a different lyric (”heart full of fire”) as a placeholder and now i want to use it in something else because it’s so pretty haha

i love webby and lena. while i was writing this i was thinking about how in some of the recent amphibia episodes, one of the characters was hurt by another’s good intentions and wants to forgive them, but needs time. i thought about going that route but honestly? i think they just need to talk this one out. neither of them were really mad. the moment just caught up to them. they’re so close and in tune with each other.

reblogs > likes!

#ducktales #ducktales 2017 #dt17 #webby vanderquack #lena sabrewing #june duck #ducktales june #ducktales fanfiction #the last adventure #wavey writes

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enn-tea · 3 years

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When I was younger, I used to play otome games, which were and continue to be hilarious for their absurdity e.g. getting transported back to the Warring States period and romancing Oda Nobunaga et al. I’d play these with my friends because of the bad storylines, and frankly questionable love interests and we’d spend all our time literally breaking down how bad these stories were, like jfc please actually do something, protagonist. Also in no way feel obligated to read this because this is just...word vomit for my own personal reference haha. Honestly don’t read this. Maybe one day I’ll turn this into some kind of actual essay about the impact on these games on wider culture or something (after I write about why romance in AOT is fine and everyone’s just reading it wrong and actually Isayama is peak romance writer and should write a massive Mills & Boon franchise around uh...some characters). But anyway.

However, amongst all of these was probably the game with the most generic concept was Wizardess Heart, which was this magic school which the protagonist attended. Over the course of two weeks, she would have to be partnered up with a “buddy” and they would help each other with their magic (they also fell in love over these two weeks LOL and quite honestly her best romantic choice was her roommate, which was never an option :( She was, for a while also the only other female character in the school who actually had a personality).

Anyway, the point is - the setting was clearly a riff on certain franchises, the whole system was super basic...but. These stories had no right to be as good as they were. Or perhaps they had every right. Because from the ones I played, they were...genuinely really interesting. Each storyline was a season, and there were three romanceable characters, who all had their own individual plotlines but...tied into one coherent plot, as either a protagonist or an antagonist, which I still find - kind of revolutionary for an otome game haha (I’m not counting Mystic Messenger bc I actually enjoyed getting to set up a bakery and cult investigation).

But honestly? These were within the universe, believable but also super crazy stories. I only ever played two “seasons” fully, because of the ticket mechanic, but the second one has literally stayed with me in terms of really interesting perspective, and the characters themselves because if the first season was mildly crazy, season two was insane and focused on these three characters: Klaus Goldstein (...no comment lmao, I do hate how he’s the figurehead of the game), Serge Durandal (the best character tbh) and Azusa Kuze (a piece of shit and not in a good way, what are the messages this game is telling us). Each season had a mystery as a premise, and the second one was about mysterious animal deaths occurring around the school.

I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to explain Wizardess Heart comprehensively, but the personal lives of these characters? Was crazy. I loved they all had cameos in each other’s storylines and were so tightly linked. Like you have Klaus who does actually have the least interesting plotline, but a shared tragic backstory with Serge (more on that later, because this is literally peak melodrama lmao). You have Azusa who comes from fantasy Japan in that universe, which has been overrun by nature spirits who are taking over because they think humans are overstepping their boundaries, and Azusa has signed a deal with one of them to bring back his dead brother, and in fact is being manipulated by visions of said brother (and even with that in context, he’s still actual trash for other reasons, and I can’t believe the happy end for his route is to get married and have kids with him EW).

My favourite character in this however was Serge Durandal who is also a premium shit-stirrer but never super maliciously haha (apparently I have a favourite character archetype I’m a fan of). Even now he’s literally the best character because he’s such a passive aggressive individual to Klaus (who deserves it). But their shared backstory cracks me up, is kind of sad and ridiculously absurd because they’re both so fixated on the past. I also personally find his storyline interesting from a character progression viewpoint, because he’s the main character’s idol when she starts at the school, but has mysteriously disappeared.

So basically in Klaus’ storyline, he always references this dead friend he’s hung up over (although the “friend” part is debatable maybe haha) and you help him investigate the dead pigeons. Ofc you then find out that polite, charming Azusa is the antagonist of the season and you have to play through the next routes in order to get a better picture of this. But throughout Klaus’ route, this character called Randy March (unfortunate name lmao) keeps on popping up. He’s funny, doesn’t treat the main character as inconvenience (best friend goals right there) but what’s more interesting is how he’s never in the same room as Klaus; as soon as he hears that he’s approaching, he just...disappears. And this continues for the whole of the story until the end, when they finally meet each other face to face, and Klaus reacts badly. Not quite in an upset way, more shocked - but it’s clear that they have a History.

So - cue “Randy’s” route. He is the same as he is in Klaus’ route, and still dodges bumping into Klaus, but then - then, they bump into each other far earlier in his route (one thing I do like about these stories is how the main character does actually have some impact on the plot. It all follows the same storyline, with the same conclusion, but they do diverge because the character happens to interact with different characters and some things can’t happen if she isn’t there for it). Leading up to this, Randy has been very cagey about being the main character’s “buddy” and insists he already has one, and he really, really gets awkward when the main character states that she really idolises Serge Durandal (who in this is like, IDK good at animal magic like the main character).

And then, my god, the reveal. The fact that Randy March is not, in fact, Randy March, but Serge Durandal (which honestly is such a cool name comparatively lol, I named all my other otome protagonists Serge Durandal). And that Randy March, is in fact, the dead friend of Klaus who Serge has been impersonating for literal years. On top of this? Serge was also a best friend of Randy, who was his “buddy” and leading up to Randy’s death, he and Klaus were involved in a rivalry over his friendship (and I’m not joking I do actually think this was some kind of unvoiced love triangle, because both Serge and Klaus genuinely say that they’re attracted to the main character because she reminds them of Randy, they need to get over this before they can actually engage in a romantic relationship with anyone else kthx. Also at some point, Serge actually says he loved Randy in a way that really can’t be construed as entirely platonic, and the main character says it as well, and considering her personality and the way she interprets things, when she says love - she definitely means romantically).

Klaus holds Serge responsible for Randy’s death, as the two were working on a project together which led directly to it. His first reaction on ever hearing Serge’s name is “the murderer” which continues all the way up until the end of the story when they resolve their character arcs (also incredibly satisfying).

Apparently the reason behind Serge impersonating his dead friend is because he felt so guilty and so ashamed and willingly accepted the blame that Klaus placed on him, he felt that if he became Randy, it would basically be like letting his friend experience the life he didn’t get to have, and he’s spent years searching for a cure to revive him. This has taken him to Hinomoto, where he’s become friends with Azusa (drawing him into the storyline) and back to the main setting of Gedonelune. Side note, Azusa, I’m not going to even go into your character because you’re such a piece of shit and I only played through your storyline because I felt compelled to get the full picture.

Ofc, this all links to the main plot - because at this time of year, there’s a whole thing related to a unicorn appearing in the nearby forest. This is a unicorn who has struck a deal with Serge years prior to the main storyline who is Serge’s last hope of reviving Randy, and Azusa finds out about this and wants to bring his brother back etc. and this all culminates in a massive showdown.

Intense.

Anyway, at the end of this, peace returns etc. and there’s a sequel I haven’t actually played but you know what’s perfect about the ending? Serge ends up staying on as a prefect - the same role as Klaus and they have to share a room. I cannot describe how funny their interactions are for the rest of the story and the other storylines they have to live together.

I’m not entirely sure what the point of this was, apart from an exercise in pinning down precisely what I liked about this story but - it’s certainly one that’s stuck with me through a LOT of otome haha.

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scripttorture · 4 years

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Hello! I've browsed this blog a bit and came across the idea that torturers often develop mental illness because of their repeated exposure to the violence/trauma of seeing another person in pain, which I'd never considered before. A) Do you believe torturers can therefore be a type of victim as well, depending on the circumstances, and therefore deserving of compassion/therapy? B) Can you point me to more information about this/what kinds of mental illnesses develop in torturers? (1/2)

C) Do you think it's possible for a mass murderer/torturer character to have a realistic, satisfying redemption arc? Do you know any media that's pulled it off believably? Thank you so much for taking the time to read/answer this if you do! And for this excellent resource!

The most accessible sources that cover this are O’Mara’s Why Torture Doesn’t Work (good grounding, start with him), Rejali’s Torture and Democracy and the appendices to Fanon’s The Wretched of the Earth where he describes treating two torturers.

The most current research is about 600 pages of print on demand untranslated French. If you’re fluent in French (I am not and lock down etc has got in the way of me getting this translated) Sironi Comment devient-on tortionnaire?

Broadly speaking the symptoms appear to be the same as those survivors and witnesses develop.

And I will go into this in more depth later but keep in mind there is not anywhere near enough research on torturers for us to be entirely sure about most of this. I’m working with the best information we have right now.

The other two questions are subjective and sort of complicated. By definition a lot of this is going to be my opinion because well that’s what you’re asking for.

I think we need to be really careful about describing torturers as ‘victims’.

Yes they’re put in this situation by social structures beyond their control. It is not their fault that they weren’t given training or support in their job. It’s also not their fault that we have this global message that violence is effective or that so many workplaces are unnecessarily pressured/stressful. Most of the time they are drawn in to abusing others because of the social groups and structures within the organisation they join.

Oversight (with a drive to eradicate torture), funding, training and clear consistent messages about the right way to handle difficult situations would probably prevent most cases of torture.

This does not change the fact that on an individual level each of them chose to hurt other people.

Some of them will have made that choice understanding there was a threat to their own safety if they did not. Some of them will have made that choice just because it was what everyone else was doing. Some of them genuinely believe what they did was the ‘right’ decision at the time.

They still made that choice. And given that we have records of people in similar positions refusing, even when it put them at risk of attack or death, I don’t have a lot of sympathy with the choice torturers made.

The fact I’m a pacifist factors into this. Consider my biases.

Torturers typically show a very low understanding of the impact their actions have had on other people.

They might regret their actions but this is typically framed in a very self-centred way. They usually don’t express more then cursory regard for the victims. They regret it because they’re suffering now, because they have nightmares, because they can’t keep a job. And oh it’s all so unfair.

I don’t know why this is the case. But it’s a feature Sironi described in interviews about her work. And I’ve seen it over and over again in interviews with torturers.

Yes torturers suffer. The symptoms they develop are terrible and have a lasting impact on their lives. They typically can’t hold down jobs and struggle to re-integrate into society in any meaningful fashion.

And yes I believe they should be treated. I believe that anyone with a disease or condition which requires treatment should have access to care and treatment. Whoever they are. Whatever they did.

I believe that as fellow human beings torturers are entitled to a degree of compassion. When I say that torture and mistreatment are wrong I mean it. My position doesn’t change just because the theoretical victim is a former torturer.

I do not think that treatment and compassion should be dependant on a person being suitably victimised. For me the only thing it depends on is their need and their humanity. In the literal physical sense of them being a human.

But we tend to think of ‘victim’ as a simple category that doesn’t overlap with mass murderers.

And I don’t believe the position of torturers is that simple.

Especially when so few of them are charged. Torture trials are rare. Convictions are rare. And sentences are short.

And their victims deserve justice too.

I feel conflicted about calling torturers ‘victims’ because of this complex reality. And because in fiction we have a tendency to focus on the torturers prioritising their voices over the survivors. I feel like presenting torturers as simple victims of society could risk adding to that.

For me the focus has always got to be the survivors.

And I think all of this feeds into how we handle redemption arcs.

I don’t think that writing redemption arcs for villains, even torturers or mass murderers is ‘wrong’. In fact I think that it can be a really good idea. Showing how toxic the environments these people are in is a good thing. Puncturing the way it’s romanticised is a good thing. And showing a way out of it, even if it’s imagined, is not a bad thing.

But if we’re going to do that in our stories then I think we need to think about what redemption means and in whose eyes the character is redeemed.

There’s also a small problem: we don’t really know what recovery for torturers looks like.

There isn’t enough research on them. Partly because of lack of interest but partly because the low conviction rates means sample sizes are small. We’re talking about a limited number of individuals who are jailed and we can’t really ‘prove’ that individuals who weren’t convicted were torturers. We don’t really know what the long term outcomes are, what treatments might be effective or- Much of anything.

Studies on torturers are typically based on very small numbers of individuals. (For a long time Fanon’s work was the only example of a mental health professional talking about torturers specifically. He saw two of them.) They are not statistically sound. And a lot of resources were simply journalists or mental health professionals compiling notes on the handful of individuals they talked to.

Everything I say about torturers is based on things like interviews, a handful of studies that have flaws and anecdotal evidence. Unfortunately as of right now it’s the best we’ve got.

Personally I don’t think there’s enough research on torture generally. Or enough attempts to collate relevant research from other fields. But that’s a rant for another day.

Let’s get back to that central question: what does redemption mean?

I think that it’s pretty easy to write a character changing for the better. You can build up the character’s level of insight into what they’re doing/did over the course of the story. You can show them choosing to stop. You can show them shifting to oppose their former allies.

But bundled up in the idea of a redemption arc is this: is it enough? And who is it enough for?

I don’t think survivors should be obliged to forgive former torturers. I also don’t think they’re likely to interact positively.

I’ve talked about this now and again when asked about the difference between legally defined torture and abuse. Because of the organised and widespread nature of legally defined torture there are usually communities of survivors. And communities that are collectively moving through a recovery process because even those people who weren’t directly attacked are likely to be witnesses, carers and relatives or friends of survivors.

These things echo down generations.

Cyprus gained independence from the British in 1960, my father is too young to have any real memory of the violence during the colonial period. But he referenced it in arguments with my English mother during my childhood. There are people throughout China today who won’t buy anything Japanese because of Japanese war crimes there during World War 2. There are people who won’t eat fish from the Black Sea, because the bodies of their ancestors were thrown into that sea during a genocide over a hundred years ago.

I know that as a both a Greek Cypriot and an English person there are people all over the world who will not want anything to do with me based on what my people have done to theirs. And the fact I wasn’t alive at the time does not really factor into it.

What I’m trying to illustrate here is that this is much bigger, broader and more complex then individual acts of forgiveness.

Survivors are a highly varied group of individuals. And each torturer can have thousands or tens of thousands of victims. Expecting each impacted individual, and any witnesses and all their family members and friends, to forgive these people is… let’s say ‘unlikely’.

So does redemption require forgiveness from the wounded party? Is there any possible action that can atone for the sheer scale of these atrocities?

If we play a simple number game causing this level of harm can be achieved in months or years, but saving the equivalent number of lives takes decades of skilled, dedicated work. If we look at concepts like wergild or jail as ‘paying your debt to society’ then how do we measure something like torture where the numbers are so big?

I haven’t seen a piece of fiction seriously tackle these questions. But then again I also haven’t actively looked for that fiction.

I feel like a lot of fictional redemption arcs judge a character to be sufficiently redeemed based on audience sympathy and the main cast forgiving the character. They don’t typically go on to broaden the scope of the narrative and question whether any one else impacted by the former villain’s actions also sees the character as redeemed.

One of my stories has a former torturer as a major character and I think they are a sympathetic character in many ways. I think that my readers would empathise with them through a lot of the story (which takes place decades after they stopped torturing).

They’re a mentor figure to some of the younger cast members. They’ve acted as a protector to them and taught the younger generation a lot about the minority culture they themselves are from. And they do genuinely care about these people that they helped to raise, consistently sacrificing to protect these ‘kids’. (The ‘kids’ are 30s-20s at the time of the story.)

But they’re also incredibly self centred. They don’t really interact with or have a lot of sympathy for the people they hurt. And while this particular family loves and forgives them society at large views them as a monster. Albeit one that is now leashed.

Is this a redemption story? Is this character redeemed? I genuinely don’t know. In fact that’s part of my interest in writing the story: trying to work out if there is a point, as this character grows, develops and helps others, when I believe they’ve done ‘enough’.

I think that redemption means different things for different people. A satisfying redemption story is different for different people. And if we can disagree so strongly about it with much simpler, smaller scale crimes then where does that leave us with torture?

There isn’t a simple answer or a one-size-fits-all writing solution. There can’t be.

My approach is to try and use the story to see if I can find an answer. Even if it’s only a limited one. For me the story itself is a forum for exploring human complexity and difficult ethical questions.

I don’t think we have a good solution for how to deal with these people in reality yet. But I do hold out hope that a good solution is possible. Fiction is an arena where we can safely explore possible solutions.

I guess in the end I’m not sure if there’s any story or arc that will work for everyone. I don’t think there are any hard rules for writing anything and I don’t think there’s ever a way to please everyone.

Redemption and forgiveness are complicated topics. I think we do a much better job when we engage with that complexity then when we assume a character just has to do a, b and c in order to achieve it.

When you consider someone to be truly redeemed is an ethical question that I can’t answer for you. I don’t think I should. The chances are you’ll know when you think your character has done enough.

Just be open to the fact that it won’t be enough for everyone. Consider reflecting that with the characters, because that can make for truly powerful moments.

In Midnight’s Children Shiva never forgives Saleem, even though Saleem isn’t responsible for Shiva ‘losing’ his life and family because they were both infants at the time. And damn there are a lot of flaws in the movie adaptation but that scene between them in the jail, when Saleem throws that in Shiva’s face hits hard. It shows us so much about both characters.

And I think that’s a better way to approach it then trying to figure out if a character is redeemed yet: figuring out how they’ve progressed, how others respond to that progression and why.

I hope that helps :)

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koushisatori · 3 years

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Anniversary

First of all: If you happen to stumble across this, please cut me some slack and be gentle with me. English is not my mother tongue, and on top of that, I got rusty by procrastinating everything (literally) for the last half-year (*μ_μ) I am apologizing in advance if something is weirdly written.

This is also my first ever piece of fanfiction, so I have to get used to that to :(( So if you got ideas or anything, I’ll gladly try to fulfill your wishes to simultaneously improve my writing.

Hmm, is there anything else? I hope not, and if there is, I’ll add it !!

tendou x f!reader

genre: small bit of angst, fluff

warnings: none

word count: 2.7k

note: /

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usually, your relationship with Tendou is smooth sailing, both of you decided to take the step of moving in together relatively early, exceeding the common couples limit by not only doing this barely a year into your relationship but doing so in a different country far from your family and friends

(both of you learning french together to survive a new life in an absolutely foreign country...however, the first months of grocery shopping were disastrous )

you both became a couple in your last year at Shiratorizawa, surprising absolutely....well,...no one, honestly

every person just seeing a moment of your interactions with each other would have guessed that you already were dating

Tendou and you were the embodiment of being disgustingly in love - like people see you and feel s i n g l e wanting to have what you two obviously found with the other

(SemiSemi, to this day, shudders violently thinking about how he caught you two making out in the storage room a week after Tendou finally confessed to you <3)

anyway

while Tendou followed his dream of becoming a chocolatier, you began to study - enter: stress

after finishing his required training he got a job at a high-class factory (everything his handmade and super expensive?? You’re just so lucky to be his better half and get to taste his creations for free)

they value his skills and invest in him to become better, but that also means that his time for you shrank even more

you understood that, of course, and it's not like you didn’t spend a lot of your times crouching over books either with being close to receiving your first degree

in general, your fights are stressed-induced, and as quickly forgotten as they came up bc...let’s not beat around the bush, both of you are shit at staying mad at the other, especially if it means cutting short the already sparse time you currently have <3

they’re usually about petty stuff, too

recently though it happens more regularly and they ever so slowly started to border on painful

he stays at work for longer to perfect his already otherworldly skills; and your patience is running thin with all the deadlines and exams putting immense pressure on you

both of you are just so unsatisfied and stressed and...so fucking tired

it’s always forgivable though

you don’t mind planned dinner dates turning into movie nights with him falling asleep on you after what feels like seconds

because he’s there, pressing his face into your side or stomach hard enough for you to wonder if he’s trying to suffocate himself, while his long arms are around your waist holding onto you as if his life depends on it

he doesn’t mind being splayed across your lap watching the latest episodes of his series while you type away on your laptop, even though you were supposed to enjoy a nice weekend lazying in front of the tv with him

a forgotten date hasn’t killed you yet as well, but the amount of times it was currently happening allowed insecurities to have their way with you

both of you always make up for it one way or another (leaving an apology breakfast or even taking it to bed, buying flowers, sharing the sweet kisses you were supposed to enjoy the night before,...)

but this time, he didn’t just forget to be on time for any date.

he completely missed your anniversary

you spend the whole afternoon cooking his favorite dish for dinner, making yourself all pretty for him, wearing the jewelry he got you for your birthday, it was some kind of tradition by now

just to be stood up, dinner turning cold and your mood sour

no message, no callback

around 11pm he - finally ! - gets in touch with you

‘‘(Y/N)!! Bunny, did something happen? Did you miss me so much?’’

you could hear the dopey grin he was wearing while teasing you, one you usually loved, one that was contagious

but it didn’t help the pain and disappointment nesting in your heart, right now

he really didn’t remember

was the date so insignificant to him? were you no longer a priority?

you swallow around the lump in your throat, desperately begging your brain to not amplify your insecurities even more

‘’No...it’s...it’s alright, I just wanted to know when you’re home...’’ your attempt to keep the doubts and pain you experienced that second hidden was pointless, because even on the phone, your boyfriend was able to look right through you

‘‘Bunny what’s wrong?’’ he asks worriedly

normally you’d say that it was alright, that you’d speak later or directly say what was bugging you so terribly

this time...you didn’t feel like talking or maybe even fighting, scared that he might confirm your thoughts and leave you

‘’It’s nothing, Tendou,...’’ you hear him wince, you can’t remember the last time you called him that ’’don’t bother with me if it’s not as important to you.’’

‘‘Not as...’’ a moment of silence follows, in which he checked the date and, lastly, Tendou understood ‘’Oh. Oh shit, (Y/N),...Bunny, please, wait for me, please, let me explain...’‘

It’s not the answer you wanted (on the other hand, what answer would that be?)

‘‘I waited...and I’m tired,’‘ you add without thinking, hanging up before he even got the chance to answer

while you don’t want things to end...you can’t help but think ‘what if?’ - that thought alone though is enough for the dams to burst

With a soft groan, you blink your burning eyes open, noticing your spine protesting and pop from the uncomfortable position you fell asleep in. A glance at the alarm clock elicited another tired groan, the 4 on display mocking you.

The burning and overall sluggish feeling controlling your body immediately reminded you of the things that had taken place. That his scent surrounding you arose solely due to his pillow in which you had pressed your face.

While you obviously weren’t on the best of terms right now, a small part of you was still hopeful and reached out across the bed in search for the warmth your red-haired better half usually provided. Unsurprisingly, your hand met a cold bed half.

An annoyed sigh later, you sat up and rubbed over your eyes angrily. You were hurt, which should be understandable, but remembering his overly happy tone even with evident tiredness underlaying it, you guessed that he didn’t stay behind on purpose and that, maybe, something good had happened. So to say, you as well behaved like an idiot.

Suddenly, you remember the last sentence you said. Realizing what it implied, you felt like banging your head against the wall. You wanted to be understood by him. What you didn’t want was to give Satori the time to allow his anxious tendencies to fester while he was alone, foregoing untrue, negative ideas. The fact that he still wasn’t in bed with you, was proof enough which lead to you cursing out loud.

While your last words towards him told something differently, you surely didn’t want to leave him or him to leave you. Both of you could work things out, you always did, and…well, you always hoped that it would stay that way until you had lived a fulfilling life as a couple, with grey hair and wrinkles taking your last breath together wherever life would lead the two of you.

The simple solution was to communicate like the grown adults you are.

Determined to talk through it the way you should have done earlier and maybe...just maybe get some cuddles afterward, you swung your legs out from under the blankets. After you quickly put on some warm, worn-out socks, you quietly leave the bedroom and tip-toe through the hallway.

You expected the apartment to be silent, to be dark. What you didn’t expect is the soft light coming from your shared kitchen. Or the clinking noises of bowls and pots colliding lightly, lowly muttered, sleepy curses, and even quieter sniffles interrupting the barrage of words from time to time.

Upon hearing those little sounds - no doubt coming from your anxious boyfriend - your heart clenched painfully in your chest. This is your injudicious doing. Straightening your back, you stepped into the kitchen, slightly squinting against the much harsher ceiling lights assaulting your eyes.

The original plan was to offer a heartfelt apology, and follow it up by an honest declaration of love and the proposal to talk about everything. There were a lot of things that needed to be cleared up between you and Tendou. But after entering the kitchen, you came to an abrupt halt.

Your eyes wandered, lingering on cuts, burns, and blisters that blemished your boyfriends' pretty fingers. Slowly, your gaze continued to move up his arms and shoulders, tensed and screaming out his fear of losing you. For a moment, you hesitated, but you eventually lifted your gaze to meet his wide eyes, as red-rimmed and puffy as yours. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. Normally, you would find it adorable and stretch your hands out to cup his cheeks (not to pull him down, definitely not) and press a kiss to his lips...but right now? You really just felt like crying, seeing your Satori so heartbroken over something you said carelessly in the heat of the moment.

Suddenly wincing, Tendou quickly pulls back his hand to his chest away from the hot stove. Yet, he did not dare to break eye contact with you. Seemingly afraid that what he currently saw is nothing but a sleep-deprivation induced hallucination. That you would just vanish if he so much dared to even think of blinking.

The stupor rooting you to the spot though vanished in favor of closing the gap between the two of you to help him.

‘‘Tori...’‘ you croaked worriedly, eyes flickering down to his hands and back up to his watery, sad eyes. ‘‘I’m so sorry,’’ you whispered. Any louder and your voice might break. ’’...let me take care of you.’‘

You turned off the stove before you gently tugged Tendou behind you to the bathroom. Making him sit on the edge of the small tub, you gathered everything you needed to patch him up with rehearsed movements.

For a while, both of you were silent.

You carefully worked on disinfecting cuts and putting special creams on the different wounds and burns, while not hurting him any further. Concentrating on ignoring the thick tension of untold apologies, and fear. Doubt weighing heavy on the two of you.

Meanwhile, Tendou couldn't help but admire your features. Your soft hair - faintly smelling like peaches and anis - falling into your face, hiding away your pretty (Y/E/C) eyes. He loved to get lost in them. Or how your tongue poked out between your lips in concentration and the little scrunch of your nose when you thought that you could have done better.

Even in this hazy state of mind, he knew for certain that he would try to hold onto you for as long as possible. That he would do anything to make you forgive him.

After you finished gently wrapping band-aids (silly ones with colorful patterns just the way you both love) around his fingers, on his palm, and back of his hand, he quickly moved them to hold onto yours.

‘‘Don’t leave me.’‘ Tendou's voice is just above a whisper, and if you wouldn't have been that close to him as you were, you would have missed it. But you could hear him, and your eyes immediately met his, filling with tears all over again.

‘‘Satori, I’m-’‘

‘‘(Y/N), please...please, don’t leave me. I’m so sorry. Of course, I care. Our relationship, you...nothing’s as important to me as you are. It was the only thing keeping me sane that last week. I don't know why I forgot about it. I truly feel horrible.'' he started. ''Please, believe me. I love you so, so much. I...I can’t imagine a life without you. I don’t want to.’’ Even with his voice quivering, it was crystal clear just how serious his words were to him.

He needed to get it out in the open. There was no way in hell that he would allow any doubts about your relationship to fester in your mind.

‘’I was held back to talk about the upcoming Christmas preparations that I’m supposed to be leading this year, and then I was called into the boss’ office and I couldn’t check my phone,’‘ the desperation to explain still evident, Tendou resorted to rambling about the happenings of the day.

‘‘I’m sorry for hurting you, but Bunny, I beg you...I know that we haven't had enough time those last weeks, that we didn't have any if we’re honest. I understand that you must feel neglected. I will change that, give me a chance to make you forgive me, please.’‘

It wasn’t like you wanted to cry again, but the tears rolling down your cheeks seemed to have a mind on their own. ‘’ ‘Tori...’’ you sniffled, your voice breaking away at the last syllable. ‘’Can I hug you?’’

The relief on his face spoke volumes, and before you even got the chance to make good on your words, he already stands tall in front of you, enveloping you tightly.

Securely wrapped up in Satoris’ arms, you feel like coming home after months away. Or like taking in the first gasp of fresh air after holding your breath underwater for too long. With Tendou holding onto you like this, you found the strength to answer.

''I'm sorry, too...I love you so much, and...I know you always have a reason, and it was childish to hang up on you and leave you worrying alone instead of talking to you. And...if you neglected me those last weeks, then I did the same. We both were too busy for each other...''

After a short pause, you ask: ''B-but we can work it out, right?’’ Slowly, you looked up to him. ‘’I want to spend my life with you, Satori. Don’t listen to dumb me 5 hours earlier. 5-hours-ago-me was so stupid, and petty, and does not reflect my true wishes,’’ you added. ’’No one of our old friends wanted to put up with me the last week because I’m so head over heels in love with you and all I do is tell them ‘’You should have seen what Tori did for me’’ and what I plan to do for you...I can feel them roll their eyes from the other side of the world!’’

Suddenly aware of your very honest words, you pushed your face against his chest to hide your burning cheeks. Embarrassment painting them in a pretty hue of pink.

Tendou hadn't realized that he had actually held his breath listening to your words until he chuckled a bit breathlessly. The remaining tension possessing both of your bodies faded away after that, allowing you to relish in the feeling of having the other in your arms again.

After a while, you bravely gazed up at him again, even with your cheeks still set ablaze. ''Come to bed?'' And with a sweet smile, one that reached his eyes and made your heart stutter, he nodded.

Things between the two of you weren't ideal quite yet, Tendou kknew that much. But they would be. Tomorrow would be a new day. You would hopefully agree to celebrate your anniversary a day later. He hoped, that you would agree to spend it with him from the first second you woke up to the very last before you fell asleep. You will hopefully enjoy the news that his promotion was topped with holidays that allowed you to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve with your families in Japan.

He also hoped for you to say yes when, surrounded by your friends, he would ask you to marry him under the Cherry Blossoms in spring.

Things weren't quite ideal, but watching your peaceful expression while sleeping on his chest, he knew, all the up and downs were worth powering through. He would embrace every hardship if that meant keeping you by his side forever.

#Haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #is this a headcanon? idk but I'll tag it like that for now until I know better #haikyuu headcanons #Shiratorizawa x reader #Tendou x reader #Haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios

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bondsmagii · 3 years

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I'm pre-emptively wincing but.... what's the slenderverse tea

alright. so.

recently it’s come to light that the creator of a Slenderverse video series the name of which has something to do with a certain number of tribes is an unmitigated piece of shit. basically he’s been doing the usual bullshit that assholes like that do when they get any kind of influence or power: he was grooming minors and sexually assaulting people. now, I hate the guy, and I have since 2012, so I never doubted it considering some of what I saw even way back when 🅱ribe12 was first starting out, but you know how it is. cancel culture, a lot of people do tend to stretch things... I thought it would be a few messages, more of him being a fetishising creep, etc. and it was. but it was also so, so much worse. I won’t go into detail because it’s nasty, and the accusations are pretty graphic in their detail and there’s a lot of screenshots of him being an unholy jerk, but I’ll link the megapost at the end for anyone wondering.

on top of the assault and grooming, he’s also highly inappropriate when it comes to his massive list of fucked up fetishes, which are incredibly messed up (z**philia, b*stiality, inc*st, etc). he also apparently has a fetish for trans people, which he’s pretty explicit about, and the whole thing is just :/ yikes. he was out there sending graphic messages about this stuff to people, including trans people and minors, and also people who had told them they were uncomfortable with it. he was also a shitty friend in general, trying to scam people out of money, worrying more about losses to his Patreon account when a donor was considering suicide, etc. generally everything you would expect from an entitled asshole, but somehow so much worse.

honestly? I feel so bad for everyone affected by this, both his victims and the people who have to come to terms with the fact that someone they respected turned out to be a complete asshole. it’s extra frustrating because I saw the warning signs in 2012, and I have always hated this particular creator. my beef started when 6x2 Tribes had just begun and I saw a lot of plagiarism going on -- a lot of things were ripped off directly from some Hornets That Have Been Marbled, and I was pretty vocal about how shitty that was. this lessened pretty quickly, probably due to backlash (the creator later said it was just a “homage”, but like... dude, that would not have passed TurnItIn) but I always had a bad feeling about him because someone who can do that so shamelessly always sets off my asshole vibes.

I kept a close eye on him after that, and I quickly saw him saying a lot of inappropriate shit on Facebook. the way he interacted with fans skeeved me out -- it was clear he was using them for an ego-boost, for validation, and just generally to make himself feel important. the way he would also bully newer fans for being too cringe or whatever also set me off, and I yelled at him a few times for that, as well. finally he made this gross post about shipping, where he said that mlm stuff grossed him out but wlw stuff was OK because it was hot, and I knew from that moment that he was going to end up grooming and probably assaulting people. I even said to some friends at the time that this asshole displayed the exact kind of power-hungry arrogance that predators always had, and I’ve been waiting for something like this to break with profound dread. now it’s blown up and it was so much worse than I thought it would be. I’m so glad that he’s no longer active and hopefully he’ll just disappear and stay gone, but I really wish that I’d managed to get more people to listen way back when. the only problem was that he hadn’t done anything serious enough by then, because so many people would defend him and he would just say he was joking or it was taken out of context, and unfortunately you can’t persuade people to give up something they love just because you have a hunch. but man, was I right about this dickhead.

megapost of all the accusations, statements, and screenshots (Reddit link). warnings for just about everything you can think of.

#messed with the names so hopefully this doesn't show up in any of the tags #anon #asks

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gilded-green · 3 years

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Eeeeeeee!!! Congrats on ten years!! I am having FEELINGS about this! All of your OCs are my favourites and I am so grateful for Stingrae’s support. I would commit CRIMES for a rewrite of GG, but mostly I want to know whether you have any favourite things you want to share? <3 <3 <3

Thank you Polly!!!! <3<3<3

We all owe Stingrae so much I stg.

I would also probably commit crimes for a rewrite of GG but frankly that’d still involve me having to WRITE it so idk if it’d help. XD

Oh jeez MY favorite things??? Uhhhh okay let’s see...

The fact that I am STILL loving this story and very devoted to it even after years, many of which were just radio silence. I knew that I was the slow and steady type, but it’s nice to have confirmation. XD

The fact that when I started writing this fic I was younger than Lu Ten is at the beginning, and now I am older than he’ll be at the end. Jk that’s not a favorite thing it’s just a pathetically hilarious thing forgive me lol. XD

I think I was one of the first people to say “actually Lu Ten would kind of be an imperialist jerk” long before I knew the term “imperialist”

ALL THE HISTORY AND CULTURAL THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM RESEARCHING FOR MY FICS. I learned a lot of history as a kid but good curriculums on Chinese history just didn’t EXIST back then, or at least didn’t exist in the homeschooling catalogs my mother was able to access, so it’s really nice to have a hobby that also helps me learn stuff.

Huang and Wu Sheng. I love them so much and I’m very proud of them and how they always catch new readers’ attention because they are NOT what you’d expect of Dai Li agents. I can’t wait to expand upon them and their backstories in upcoming fics.

Shirong, and how people can’t decide if they love him or hate him or relate to him or all of them at once. XD

The fact that, ten years later, people have FINALLY STOPPED ASKING ME if I took Shirong from a certain other fic, because the idea of different writers looking at the same baby name lists is a foreign concept :P

Literally everything about the Preservation Branch, I’m so proud of my dumb museum guards

The fact that it’s been so long since I first wrote GG and I’ve written so much other stuff since then that a lot of things people REALLY wanted elaboration on back in the day (Enlai, Huang and Wu Sheng) have kinda fallen to the wayside. I get a lot more questions about Nanyue and the Dai family now. The passage of time sure is funny!

Just the fact that I was actually able to write Gilded Green at all. Like. It’s hard to explain. But I had to grow into my writing. Or my writing style, or approach to writing...idk what to call it. But this thing I do? With the worldubilding? And the OCs? And just the careful web of....stuff? I always wanted to do that, even as a kid, I grew up on massive stories like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings with crazy worldbuilding backgrounds and deep meanings and elaborate politics and I could not figure out how to tell stories like that myself. I remember being 12 years old staring at a bunch of concepts for an original fantasy idea I had and realizing that I had no idea how to make them work because I was too young to understand how the world worked. I remember deciding to shelve that whole story because I realized I didn’t even know what I didn’t know. Tolkien and Star Wars didn’t really explain how the worldbuilding happened, it was just THERE and I couldn’t figure out how to make it appear for myself, it wasn’t exactly easy for a child to figure out. Sometimes I envy kids these days who’re growing up with, like, Elena of Avalor, that show lays out some FANTASTIC political responsibility concepts in ways kids can understand, I could’ve used that as a kid. I was also crap at understanding how people actually interact with each other and just....had all these issues with figuring out how to make a story work, not at the writing level, but on a my-understanding-of-the-universe level, which was kinda humbling and also kinda scary. And some of that was youth, and some of that was undiagnosed ADD making it so that I just didn’t Get Things, but either way when I tentatively started writing GG and realized that wait, I think it’s making sense, and the characters are interacting and it’s not weird, and I think I’m GETTING it, omg, AM I GETTING IT??? That was a great feeling, even if it did feel like I was balancing on a tightrope.

ALSO the way in which you can KINDA track me slowly going from raised-in-a-conservative-Christian-environment to WELP-I’m-queer-and-pretty-progressive-now over the course of my writing, tho that may be hard to see if you don’t know what you’re looking at. I can see it tho, lol. I was fortunate in that my upbringing was just kinda incidental because my mother was too tired to consider any other approach to life, and as time went on my family all actually grew into very different, much better people. I was kind of the trailblazer in that regard tho (not fun) and frankly it was fanfiction that helped me get over my queerphobia and internalized misogyny, and it was the racebending protests that cropped up around The Movie That Shall Not Be Named that made me start to realize how racism actually worked and what cultural misappropriation was. If you squint you MIGHT be able to make out where in my stories I started getting excited over my newfound beliefs and started frantically shaking more sexualities over my characters like “I have GOT to de-heteronormative-ize this” XD But yeah this fic has been a big part of my life and you can see me changing as a person if you know where to look.

MY OCs. The fact that my OCs win people over so well! I had a very volatile relationship with OCs in my youth - self-inserts were A Thing Of The Devil in fandom back then and were to be mocked. I was, I’m semi-sorry to say, part of that crowd - never flamed anyone directly, because I was raised to Not Be Mean, but I joined in on the mocking on private message boards. These days I look back on my youthful indiscretions with eye-rolling fondness, because I can now see how much internalized misogyny I was dealing with and I’m very much over the whole idea of Mary-Sues. But the community I was with did actually have a lot of GOOD writing advice as well, and it was a fun group of people, so I can’t fully regret my time there. When fandom drift eventually caused me to float away, I took those lessons on what made an OC annoying and useless with me, and when I started writing OCs of my own, I made sure to go in the opposite direction. It really seems to have paid off!

The fact that I’ve managed to collect a small but loyal following and see the same names popping up after I post something. I don’t think I could handle being a BNF, but knowing that I’ve got a dozen people who consistently read and enjoy my stuff? That’s so cool. <3

There’s a LOT of other stuff, really, but off the top of my head...here you go! <3

#GG tumblr escapades #GG 10th anniversary #caelum rambles

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