I don’t think using the term “narcissistic abuse” is ableist.

(addendum: if you are triggered by the usage of the term, please enforce a boundary for yourself to ignore posts like these (just like how I ignore posts that trigger me). I am not wishing harm on anyone. I am working on healing, moving on, and also forgiving people - but it does not change what happened.) Ableism is the blatant discrimination of those with disabilities - calling the abuse cycle by its term (there is no other term that accurately describes what I went through) is not ableist. Just like calling me autistic is not ableist. Just like calling out my previous codependency and people-pleasing that caused me to chronically lie to people is not ableist. The term is DESCRIPTIVE and it is indicative of a real thing that happens.

I know other people think that it is ableist.

I know people won’t believe me when I say it saved my life.

You know how no matter what you do or say, someone will find issue with it? Doesn’t matter how many degrees you have, the amount of medical validation you have received, the things you have witnessed, the insistence that I am not proposing harm to anyone (I am insisting on accountability though!), etc.

There are people who will not believe you or take it personally.

The lesson I have learned: I need to trust myself with the information I have right now. I can continue to learn more about people and the world, but I am not responsible for people thinking that my usage of a term is vilifying a whole community. I have faced this my entire life (telling white people about white supremacy and appropriation and then having them accuse me of vilifying all white people; countless other black-and-white examples).

So whatever.

Call me a monster.

After all my abuser probably calls me one.

Men will always find insane ways to disappoint you.

also I had a breakthrough today that I had in fact overthought a Specific Problem to Death and that I had created a monster in my own mind and that’s why it felt like I was being eaten alive every time I tried to solve it.

in the spaces between not working on zwg and not finishing brother’s burden, i’ve been, uh…

thinking about something new.

it's literally so funny to me that you are a fan of cillian murphy as dr jonathan crane like you really have a type fkdhsksjssj

15/16 year old me was onto something, Mao. It just laid dormant until I played the Arkham games recently and remembered I was unapologetically drawing Nolanverse Scarecrow in senior year. Something something logical men who push their boundaries to understand and overcome their obsessions.

….

I might also be working on a Dottore Segment inspired by Scarecrow but I gotta get the ficlet assembled before I even attempt to draw it…

it’s official. I have to get my sewing machine serviced. I’ve spent all day trying to fix it and I’ve run out of things to try :( :( :(

Just a few of the beautifully gnarly scarecrows from Universal Hollywood’s Haunted Forest scare zone:

And a very good boy:

i am reading the diaries of franz kafka. i am thinking about jason todd.

“I’ll shut myself off from everyone to the point of insensibility. Make an enemy of everyone, speak to no one.”

Lol I HATE my sisters boyfriend

So the brainrot has set in- here’s me developing a LMK Persona/Oc duo

Idk about the outfit but that’s fine since they’re my persona- the real star of the show is Connie! The Consumption, an ancient evil that exists for the soul purpose of consuming all it touches- spreading like mold and eating away at the world like acid. I wanna go more into their backstory/development but that would be a LONG post and I don’t wanna have to type that out on a cracked phone screen. So just know that these two are neutral characters- easily influenced by either Food or Friendship into taking part in either world ending or world saving plots! It depends on who gets to them first and wins their hearts and stomachs respectively. They’re also stuck together for the rest of eternity because, after shattering The Consumption Crystal (Connie’s core) it absorbed into Cas and made Him their New Core :)

Connie is a It/They/She bitch and is like a little sister to Cas (my persona: She/He/It) as she takes care of them and teaches them right from wrong like a big sister. They’re also always bickering because Cas is a hopeless romantic and Cons thinks romance is stupid- who needs lovers when you can be eating instead? Cons also is constantly talking in Cas’ head that she should either bite people or pick fights with powerful people because Connie absorbs the energy radiating off of people around them and a fight would let them eat more power. Cas, as someone who doesn’t like to fight or hurt others unless necessary finds this Very Annoying.

Additional fun fact about Connie: They don’t like Wukong because according to them he tastes ‘Like Peaches and Pain ;^;’ in fact they got their ass kicked So Hard that they don’t like to eat peaches anymore- which is quite a feat considering their only purpose in life. In my head he had to seal the consumption away at one point- whether that was before or after they fused with Cas is dependent on the storyline being daydreamed about -\(Owo)/- I put these two through the wringer with their traumatic backstories XD

I’m leaving the avatar fandom & joining the supernatural fandom

here’s an idea how about i fucking [redacted]

ok so i was gonna get drunk last night but after like. four shots i fell asleep for two hours watching a video and woke up at midnight like uhhhh hello and then i just went back to sleep and now i am fighting for my LIFE trying to stay asleep like i do not want to be up at 7:30am when i don’t have to work wtf

whyyy couldn’t it be a dreary cloudy weekend so i can play this incredibly dark game all day but nooo the sun had to be out