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hyperfixatingmenever · 2 years

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Out of Love | Part 4/7 | 4.2 K | Teen

Title: Out of Love

Fandom: Narcos

Pairing: Javier Pena / Reader

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 4.2K

Warning: Drinking games, alcohol consumption.

A/N: There's quite a bit of dialogue and I was struggling with formatting… so be gentle lol.

Out of Love by Alessia Cara

Master list | Chapter 3 | Ao3

Thinking back to the past month, you had spent almost none of it in your apartment. You weren’t avoiding anything, hell you already cleared out everything of his, and you finally felt like you were moving on! At one time your apartment (as well as his) felt like a sanctuary, but now you were finally embracing the outside world and living to the fullest. You spend almost every day with Amy, occasionally at yours, but usually at her apartment. The two of you did anything and everything. You went shopping, went out to eat, and partied with the best of them. Even though you were living life to the fullest, happily single and learning what that meant for you, Amy had a very active matchmaking soul. Even with her help and encouragement, you had yet to find anyone to replace Javier's spot in your bed, even for a night. Though most days you never even thought of Javier, there were still times that would make you yearn for what you once had.

This random Thursday, though, would be the first night you would be sleeping in your own bed in two weeks. Dressed in some casual pyjamas, you starfish on your bed, just enjoying the softness that enveloped you in a hug. As your eyes fluttered closed, you suddenly heard a knock. You sit up, slightly confused, but you hear another knock. Slowly making your way to the door, you look through the peephole, and you see a very close-up Connie biting her nails absentmindedly.

Opening the door, you ask, "Connie?"

Connie answers, surprised like she didn’t expect you to answer? "Oh, you're here. Hi."

Confused more than anything, you reply, "Yeah... what's up?"

"Well, I've knocked a couple other times this week, but you haven't been home. I was just expecting you not to answer again."

"I've been staying at a friend's place lately...?"

Connie cocked her head slightly. "A friend?"

You take a deep breath, "Connie, I'm really not trying to be a bitch, but it's late, and I'm really tired. What’s up?"

"So it's my birthday tomorrow-"

Fuck. You can't believe you forgot. You try to keep your face neutral, but you know the realization was long enough for Connie to see it even for only a second.

"- and Steve and I got a sitter, so we are going out for dinner, and a drink, nothing fancy, and we wanted you to join."

As you open your mouth, Connie beats you.

"I want you to join." There's a pregnant pause before she continues. "Like I said, I came by a couple other times this week to invite you... but you haven't been here." A wave of guilt hits you before you quickly realize that you took space because of Javier and you deserved space. You missed Connie, Olivia, hell, even Steve a little, but they are Javier's family, and you never wanted to put them in the middle of this.

"Well... I don't know if it's a good idea... you know...Ja-"

"No. I want you there. Javier said he was too busy anyways. So he's not coming."

You could have sworn there was some venom as Connie spoke about Javier. You quickly think about tomorrow and know the tentative plans with Amy can be cancelled without any headache. You give a kind smile, “Sure, where should I meet you two?"

"We're leaving at eight. Steve said he'd drive the three of us to make sure we could both let loose and have some fun."

Connie's smile reached her eyes, and you could see the genuine happiness across her face. Her smile was unknowingly contagious, and you, without thinking, matched her smile. "Okay, sounds good. I'll see you at eight."

"Can't wait!" Connie turned towards the Murphy apartment, but before you could close your door, she turned back around and wrapped her arms around you. With her arms tightly wrapped around you, she whispered in your ear, "I'm happy you're coming."

Just as quickly she hugged you, she was gone and back in her own apartment. With the smile still plastered on your face, you close the door, head back into your apartment and wrap yourself back into the sheets on your bed. The first night in a while, you instantly fall asleep with a smile on your face, which is not ruined by any nightmares.

The next morning came like a cool tide, you weren't sure if it was sleeping in your own bed, no nightmares or the partial armistice with you and Connie (and the Murphy's), but your body now felt light. You practically floated through your apartment as you prepared for the day ahead.

Your workday went by calmly and slowly, although most people rushed around you, you felt none of the impending pressure of time. You dropped off paperwork and typed things up at your own pace. For lunch, you and Amy swung past a small place down the street. You explained that you were going to a birthday party for a friend, and as expected, the previous plans were put on the back burner without a second thought.

"Can I be honest, I'm kinda happy to be staying in tonight. Don't get me wrong, the past month has been so much fun, but I'm getting worn out."

The two of you laugh, and you nod your head, agreeing with Amy. You had been having fun, experiencing things you had yet to do in your first 10 months here, but Amy was right. After last night's restful sleep, you think it was time to slow down and find a happy medium.

Before taking another bite, Amy quickly adds, "and my wallet could use a break too."

Which only makes you both laugh even harder.

…..

Looking over yourself in the mirror, you're happy with what you see from your hair, your makeup, to the dress that flowed and gripped in all the right places. Peaking at the clock on the wall, it was just after 7:50, deciding you had nothing left to do, you grab a tube of lipstick, your keys and your purse before heading out the door. You knew you were early, but there was a small part of you that hoped you'd get 10 minutes with Olivia before you left.

Knocking on the door, you are greeted by Steve. You hadn't talked to Steve since well before you and Javier broke up and only saw each other on occasion, passing each other in the hall at the embassy. The two of you looked at each other for a second, but he greeted you in a familiar welcoming tone. "You look very nice. Come on in." Gesturing with one hand inside.

The two of you stand by the door for a minute, not awkward, but with some unease. Both of you unknowingly decide to talk at the same time.

"Where's Olivia?" "I'm sure Connie will be done soon."

Hearing the others question, you both give a small chuckle, and he lets you reply first.

"Yeah, no worries, I was here early anyways. It’s my fault." You nod to show you've finished, and he replies.

"Olivia is already at the sitter’. II dropped her off a couple hours ago."

You sit with this for a second before you zone in on Steve's particularly mussed hair and small love bites on his neck as you look closer.

"A couple of hours… huh?" You acknowledge with a smirk.

Blood starts to rise in his cheeks but ended up making its way to the tips of his ears, making them beet red. Quickly running his fingers through his blond hair in hopes of taming his rather subtle sex hair, he lowers his head and grumbles, "Shut up."

The both of you laugh, you more than him, but once the two of you finish, he tells you he's going to check on Connie.

After just a few more minutes, both Murphy's leave their bedroom hand in hand. Steve's hair was fixed, presumingly by Connie and both had a hint of blush in their cheeks from the knowledge of you knowing their earlier activity.

Seeing them together made you smile. "Ready to go?"

The two of them nod, and the three of you leave their apartment and head to Steve's Bronco.

…..

Loud music played as Connie was telling a story.

"Connie, please stop. She doesn't need to know this!" Steve's hands covered his face, trying to hide the hints of embarrassment.

"Oh shut up ya big baby!" Connie bumps him with her elbow.

"So there he was buck ass naked with my mom's good throw pillow over… you know." Connie pointed with her eyes, and the both of you erupted in giggles, which only made Steve's embarrassment grow. "And this dumb ass thinks this is the best time to introduce himself."

You couldn't believe it. "Noooooooo!" You turn your head, "Steve, you wouldn't!" No response beyond a slow nod with his hands still covering his face.

"Yep! One hand over the pillow and the other out to shake my parents hands." Connie finishes her drink before continuing. "Well, at least my parents love him now. My mom thinks it's so funny now she even told the story at our wedding reception."

Connie kissed Steve on the cheek before grabbing one of his hands. "Steve wasn't their favourite person when we told them we were moving to Columbia…" Connie and Steve looked at each other and mirrored a sad look, but you could tell for different reasons. Connie took a deep breath and tried to smile. "But they are over the moon about Olivia and can't wait to meet her! So it's not all bad." Connie squeezed Steve's hand and cuddled in against him.

The hours passed, and it was full of laughter, good food, and many drinks. It was now your turn to tell a story. You currently had Connie wrapped with a story about university with Steve absentmindedly playing with a piece of Connie's dress in the background. With your back to the door, you continued to tell your story. You only start to slow and lose steam when you see Steve whisper something in Connie's ear. Her eyes went wide, and she glanced over your shoulder. Curious, you start to look over your shoulder, but Connie abruptly reaches over the table and grabs you before you are able to turn around.

Connie looks you right in the eyes. "You trust me, right?"

Your eyes shift from her as you see Steve stand up and walk out of your peripheral vision. Confused, you silently nod.

"I didn't do this. Steve and I didn't plan. He wasn't supposed to even come-"

He?

Your brain started to go foggy, the loud music started to sound further and further away, similar to Connie's explanation / apology, even though she was only a foot away.

Over your shoulder, you hear a voice that felt like being plunged into freezing water.

"Feliz cumpleaños Connie."

You look up to see the man you used to love, and that freezing water now felt like it was in your veins and made your hair stand on end. Unable to say anything, Connie speaks up.

"Javier." There's no mistaking it this time. Connie spoke with venom and anger.

Javier leans down to kiss her on the cheek, and you can see Connie's jaw tense as she receives it.

"So what are we drinking? This rounds on me!" Javier scanned the table, landed on you, and smiled. Not the smile you knew from the privacy of your apartment, the smile he shared with every skirt that walked past.

Still unable to speak, Connie saved you once again. "What are you doing here, Javier?"

Carelessly he flopped down beside you on the booth seat, with his arm behind your head. "Just came to celebrate." You could smell the strong wafts of alcohol coming off of him, but that didn't stop him from waving at the waitress and signalling for another round. You could feel the warmth coming off of him, even in the Columbian heat. You shifted, trying to make space. Unlike Javier, Connie could see how uncomfortable you were.

Steve scooted back in beside Connie and held her hand, slowly rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand in a soothing way. Connie's jaw didn't unclench but her shoulders seemed to lower a tad. Steve was now the one to save you and started to talk to Javier. Javier spoke with Steve and was only distracted once the waitress came to the table. You could see Javier looking her up and down, but before speaking, she cut him off and looked at Connie.

"Ma'am, there's a call for you." Confused, Connie asked if they were sure, and the waitress nodded. Before leaving, Connie looked at you, making sure it was okay to leave, with your eyes, you say it's okay. Steve stands up to let her go pass, but as Connie leaves Steve reach, he explains, "I'm gonna go with her, make sure she's okay." Even though Steve said it to the both of you, you knew he was confirming with you that he wasn't leaving you, out of ulterior motives.

As you see Connie and Steve weave through the tables, they leave your sight, and there's a moment of silence between you and Javier. Not letting it grow, Javier yells, "Shots! Can we get some shots here!" When the shots arrive, you think that maybe alcohol and Javier wasn't the best combination, but as you stare at the shot you realize you couldn't do this sober, or even remotely tipsy, you need more. Before Javier can even do one of the two shots in front of him, you've downed your two and his two. Wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, and through the burning alcohol in your throat you kind of cough, "Catch up."

Javier smirked and for a millisecond it was reminiscent of your Javi. A smirk only for you, but it was quickly dirtied when he coyley said "I've always loved a girl that can drink."

A similar icy feeling ran through you. Loved? Love? What the hell does he mean?

You're sure your eyes are similar to a deer in headlights, but quickly trying to move past this situation. Looking past him you yell for another round.

Trying to drown anything resembling strong feelings for Javier you continue to drink until you see Connie walk back to your booth, white as a ghost. You imminently knew something was wrong. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Connie starts shoving things into her purse as she explains. "Olivia's at the hospital with a temperature of 102." Leaving you no time to ask questions she states, "You can come but I don't know how long we'll be at the hospital. We can pay for a cab if you want? But we've got to go."

"Don't worry about me! Go! Go take care of Olivia!" You became completely sober with the idea of Olivia being in the hospital and you suddenly couldn't care less about you right now.

Steve rubbed Connie's back but quickly said, "I'll be right back. I’m gonna pay and grab the car." Before you could even jump in and tell him not to worry about it Steve was off towards the counter. Without speaking you knew both you and Connie were silently thinking about poor little Olivia in the hospital.

"I can drive her home?"

You and Connie were shaken out of your thoughts from this statement and looked at Javier. Without even really acknowledging Javier, Connie hands you a pile of crumpled-up bills and adamantly states. "For a cab." You nod and thank her, and in a second, she's gone and dashing towards Steve at the front door.

You sit there silently for a second before asking Javier to move.

"Why?"

"I want to leave Javier."

"But we were just having fun!" Gesturing to the bar and the empty glasses on the table.

You silently glare at Javier, as he continues not to move. "How about we play a drinking game" You raise your eyebrow, still unconvinced. "I'll even move to the other side!" Pointing at the other side of the booth where Steve and Connie were once sitting. "And you can leave whenever you want. No fight from me." You think for a moment, but then you finally agree. "Great! Okay, rules are simple. You ask a question and if they don't answer they drink." Javier moves over to the other side and gestures for a pitcher. While he pours you each a glass, you ask, "So who's first?"

With the same smirk as before he coyly replies, "Ladies first."

Thinking for just a moment you ask "What's your favourite colour?"

"Oh come on! This is supposed to get us drunk! Ask a tough one!"

"Okay, okay!" Waving your hands, you think of a real question. "When was your first time?"

"Sixteen. My turn."

"Woah, woah, woah! That's it?"

Quickly moving on he says, "You picked a boring question, it's your fault, - have you ever been arrested? More specifically… being in handcuffs?"

You glare at Javier, "You know the answer."

Grinning he says, "But why don't you tell me anyways."

Rolling your eyes, you take a big gulp from your glass and ask another question. "When did you stop believing in Santa Claus?"

Javier groaned and half-heartedly threw up his hands. "You've got to start getting better at this game!" You look at Javier and raise an eyebrow, still waiting for his answer. Realizing he's not getting out of this one, he leans back and crosses his arms over his chest and grumbles under his breath "thurten."

Loudly you exclaim! "Thirteen?"

Javier quickly shushed you over and over again, before moving on to his next question, "Who was your first?"

"Anthony Wilson." Javier squinted and you started to feel like you were in an interrogation, trying to move the heat off of you, you ask your next question. "What's your number?"

"My number?" Javier replied genuinely confused.

"Your number. How many people have you slept with?" If anyone else had been sitting at the table, they would have thought nothing of Javier's reaction, but you saw his eyes widen slightly. Javier doesn't answer and you think maybe he's just counting. Losing your patience you try to hurry him. "Weeeell?" Javier looks at you and takes a few big gulps from his beer. In your best teasing tone, you cough "Pussy." Then smile as you take a sip of your own.

Pushing past your question, and right back into the interrogation, Javier asks, "Do you have a crush on a coworker?"

Scoffing "What are you twelve?"

"That's not an answer."

"No." Javier stares at you looking for any sign of deception, and after deciding you're telling the truth, he leans back and tells you it's your turn.

Realizing that Javier wasn't pulling punches, you decided to do the same. "Who is the best you've ever had?" There was a piece of you that was optimistic, that hoped he was going to say you, but there was also a realistic part that knew Javier had been with countless women, pros even and you knew you didn't stand a chance. However even the most pessimistic part of you couldn't have predicted his answer.

"Angelica. She's the woman I've been seeing most recently."

Angelica. That was her name. The woman with the never-ending legs. The one who convinced Javier to go to therapy and apparently was the best Javier had ever had.

Why couldn't he have just drank?

Without time to even recover from Javier's heart-wrenching answer, he continued with the investigation and asked you another question. "Who's the last person you fucked."

Trying to portray any type of poise or confidence, you smirk and before you take a drink, you chuckle "Wouldn't you like to know."

Javier matches your smirk and says "Yes I would."

You’re not going to give Javier the pleasure of knowing about your sex life, or that he was the last person in it. Keeping eye contact you pick up your drink and take probably more gulps than necessary, but you wanted to show Javier you couldn't be pushed around. Already knowing your next question you ask "Have you ever cheated on a partner?"

You expect Javier to be vague, arrogant or even prideful in his answer, but you weren't expecting angry. His jaw tensed, his brows furrowed and he said "No." through gritted teeth. You thought better than pushing further and quietly took a sip of your drink.

It took Javier a minute to calm himself but he moved on and asked you, "How long was your longest relationship?"

You knew the answer immediately, but you bit your lip trying to contain the answer. You couldn't decide if you should drink or just say eight months and hope he thought it was with someone else. You quickly tried to flip through any memories with Javier where you talked about past relationships. Without remembering anything you bite the tip of your tongue, still weighing your options before you say, "Eight months."

Javier is an incredible interrogator and you know you're going to give yourself away, but you can't help but look away from him and his warm eyes as you take a sip of your drink. To your surprise Javier doesn't push further, looking for answers, instead he speaks uncharacteristically soft. "Okay your turn."

Looking up you see the soft face of the man you loved, the one you were only privy of seeing. Thinking that this impromptu interrogation had run its course, you asked what you thought at the time was a softball question, but once again Javier proved you wrong.

"What’s the last lie you told?"

In this poor lighting you couldn't see Javier lose a little colour in his face, when you asked this question. You thought he might just be thinking, trying to remember, but as he played with an empty shot glass and stayed silent, you reminded him "You can just drink? It's okay."

Javier shook his head, and took a deep breath. "The last lie I told… the last lie I told, was tonight."

You looked at him kind of confused, unsure why that took so much prep on his part. Suddenly, Javier reached across the table, took your hands in his, and gave a soft squeeze. You were even more confused now and before you could pull away and ask 'what the fuck?' He continued to answer.

"I lied to you about Angelica. She's not the best I've ever had…. You're the best I've ever had. You make my heart beat faster, when I touch your skin it's electric, and when we're together, things, things are just better. -"

Javier continued to confess but his words started to sound garbled in your head. For a second you thought you might cry, but like flipping a switch you realize you've wasted too many tears on this man, and rip your hands out of his grasp.

"What the fuck Javier!"

"Please mi amor, let me explain."

His soft words almost convinced some small part of your brain to listen, but you had made so much progress in the past month you weren't going to let him fuck it up. Quickly trying to pack up your things, you slam some money on the table and start to leave.

You shake your head and hands and quickly say, "I can't do this."

You can hear Javier call your name behind you, but you expertly weave through tables and people trying to get away from him. You make it outside and look for a taxi, but you suddenly realize the street is dead, and you're going to have to start walking.

You can hear Javier's heavy steps behind you even over the loud music. "Wait! Let me explain!"

You tried to walk away from Javier but he grabbed your arm and turned you around. "Wait! Would you just fucking wait!"

Pushing off of him you stumble a little, before catching yourself. Your hands clench, and you can feel all the emotions you thought you dealt with boil to the surface. Knowing now you needed something more than space and forgotten memories, you required closure.

Feeling your fists shake you finally scream! "Javi! I loved you! I loved you so much! And even though we never said it out loud, I thought you loved me too!" You take a deep breath, trying to stop your body from shaking. "So let me ask you one last thing. One last question!" Taking one last deep breath you ask the question that's been haunting you for weeks, "When did you fall out of love with me?"

The air is electric, you could feel the thunder and lightning rolling in. Looking at Javier you searched his face for any response or reaction, but all you saw was shock. Shock at your question? Or that you loved him? You weren't sure. Realizing you weren't going to get the closure you needed you wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to protect yourself from the whipping wind and left him standing stunned on the sidewalk

Tears blurry your eyes but you must have made it 30 feet before you heard behind you…

"I never did!"

__________

Tags: @mishasminion360 @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @almaeunice @athalien @kirsteng42 @bxxbxy @hallway5 @rosiefridayrogersunday-reads

#narcos #javier pena x you #javier pena x reader #javi pena x reader #javi pena x you #javier peña #Narcos #alix original post

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whimsyswastry · 2 years

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2021: A Year of Fic Review

Thank you so much for the tag and including me @radio-chatter <3

Total Number Of Completed Works: I actually haven't posted any of them on AO3 yet, but I managed to finish 4 one-shots. Two mReyder, one fShenko, and one Mevecon <3

Total Word Count: 17,587 (WHAT??? How is that possible!? I feel like I didn't write anything this year. Seeing the actual number is almost unbelievable). And that number is not counting the rewrite of the Unharrowed (I'm on Chapter 4 of 14).

Fandoms I’ve Written In: Mass Effect: OT, Mass Effect: Andromeda, Greedfall, Dragon Age, and Thronebreaker.

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? I wrote a little less than last year (19k) but I wasn't expecting the numbers to be that close. I've been struggling with writers block and the energy to put what's in my head on the page.

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year? Probably "Thronebreaker" because I played it last December and it injected me with the desire to write again. I may never finish it, but it'll always hold a special spot in my heart.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year? I've written two NSFW pieces. I'm a strict fade-to-black person, so my NSFW is pretty tame. But it still fits within the category!

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year? I want to get back to my 200 words each weekday/1k a week. That was the speed I was writing earlier in the year and I just got away from it, didn't even open some of my pieces for months at a time. I don't like that rain-cloud feeling.

Most Popular Story Of The Year? So 'The Offer' is a Dorian/Trevelyan one-shot I wrote a couple years ago and it seems to have gained some unexpected traction especially for a one-shot that was posted with a back-date.

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion: A DA2 "Mark of the Assassin" retelling, which happens immediately after Fenris leaves Hawke. The first two chapters are posted as part of Fictober 2018, which I think is why it has like..zero kudos. Once I string them all together and make a true fic out of it, it'll probably get a better audience.

Most Fun Story To Write: Definitely the Thronebreaker NSFW scene. It was my first, but I saw a piece of art that was so breathtaking I had to try and recreate it narratively.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: lmfao anything with Cullen. Not really the story lines, but how Cullen is written is very much based one someone close to me.

Biggest Disappointment: My energy levels are definitely the biggest disappointment. Re-reading things I haven't read in months or a year or two and I'm like "this isn't so bad, why'd I stop" and then remembering that I stopped because whenever I open up a document I just feel this crushing weight of expectation that I can't handle right now. I miss writing the way I used to write, carefree and obsessively haha

Biggest Surprise: Finding 4thewords.com while I'm not a big fan of having to write in a browser, its gamified format allows me to let go and just write.

My Favorite Part Of Fandom This Year: I haven't participated much in fandom this year. I tend to just do my own thing and occasionally will make a friend along the way.

I'd love to see what all my other writing friends have to say about their year. It's been a while since we've connected (due in large part to my quitting Tumblr for like 9 months), but if you'd like to participate, please tag me! || @flamehairedsiren @midnightprelude @pigeontheoneandonly @ma-serannas-vhenan

#about whimsy #whimsy writes #2021 year in review

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ask-eevee-experiment · 3 years

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So...I guess the comic is done? It seems like it'll never come back as it's been over a year

It has been a year, hasn't it... I'm terribly sorry. I keep promising to post updates and then I don't. I guess in a way I got into the habit of not drawing the comic after having a habit of drawing it.

In truth, I really do intend on returning to this. I really did mean to work on it during the summer. I just honestly really struggle with time management and its been a major roadblock getting back into the rhythm. I have plans for this comic, and I'd like to see it completed one day, even if it's in a different format than originally.

I know I'm definitely going to try and work on it this fall/winter. At the very least, if I can sketch out a few pages to wrap up the hanging chapter and figure out my new format, I'll be happy. Once I have some sketches and pages planned, I'll probably be able to announce an official return.

It's a little sad on my end, here. I know by not updating for a year I've effectively throttled growth of the comic and probably lost some readership to the aether. But after a couple emotional fallouts, both fandom related and personally, I dunno... Call it writer's block. I have ideas, but not the refinement or motivation needed.

I do, so, so very appreciate checking in though.

I think if I don't update by 2022, I'll probably leave this comic to dust. I really don't want to do that, but if I cant make myself move by then, my energies are better spent creating something I CAN do. It's been a great ride doing this comic, and I don't regret it one bit.

Love you, my readers. I'll hopefully update you in the next couple months.

#ee admin

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palimpsessed · 3 years

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So @captain-aralias did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!

If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰

List of Complete Fics for 2020 1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words 2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k 3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k 4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k

Total: 4 fics, 113k words

Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.

Best/Worst Title?

Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.

Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself

(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)

Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV

Best/worst summary?

Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.

Best:

To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.

Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away

Worst: A Man of Letters

I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.

Best/Worst First Line?

Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?

Best:

In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)

I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)

Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔

Worst:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)

I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂

Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)

The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!

Best/Worst Last Line?

Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.

Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.

Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.

Worst:

To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."

It's not bad, it's just not mine.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).

I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.

What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?

A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.

Okay, NOW your most popular story?

That depends on the metric.

To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).

But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.

Story most upderappreciated by the universe?

I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.

Story that could have been better?

I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.

Sexiest story?

Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.

Saddest story?

At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.

Most fun?

To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.

Story with the single sweetest moment?

Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.

Hardest story to write?

Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.

Most overdue story?

I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!

What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?

Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.

#fan fic year in review #my fic #at the top of a tower with you #use your words #a man of letters #to the manor borne

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ciaossu-imagines · 5 years

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Hi. I really love that you're doing the under-loved characters since there's so many great characters in KHR who don't get the recognition they deserve. This is my first time doing this (so I really don't know if I'm formatting this right so pardon me if I'm not), but could I get headcanon numbers 26, 27, and 28 for Viper (the ones under Headcanon prompt #3).

And I really love that you’re requesting for underloved characters and helping me give them some recognition! I do love me some minor characters (on a related but non-KHR tangent, I recently started rereading Gangsta. and, being me, I’ve fallen in love with someone who, in all 50+ chapters, shows up in maybe ten to fifteen panels….again, I love me some minor characters)! You definitely did it right and I hope you’ll enjoy the headcanons!

26. If they had one month to live

Honestly, there’s a reason Mammon has all that money and it’s definitely in case something ever comes up. And an terminal illness is definitely a ‘something came up’ situation. He’d spare no expense in trying to find a cure for whatever’s threatening his life - money talks, after all, and it’s likely he’d be able to find some way of extending his life. If all failed though and it was absolutely certain he was going to die, there’s a good chance that Mammon would kill himself before letting himself wither away from a disease. He’s stubborn and when it comes time for him to leave this world, he wants it to be on his terms and at the time of his choosing.

27. How they’re mischaracterized

I think a lot of the fandom, at times, forgets that Mammon is not this sassy little baby that’s Bel’s friend and loves money. Yes, he is all those things. But Mammon is also not only exceptionally smart and talented (there is a reason he was scoped for the Arcobaleno, please remember that), he’s also extremely ruthless. Why do I say that? Guys, honestly, there’s several big hints about just how morally bankrupt Mammon can be. While his being a member of the Arcobaleno speaks for his skill and talent, so does his being scoped for the Varia. But his being a part of the Varia also speaks volumes in other ways. The Varia is an elite assassination group. Their job is literally to kill people. They’re all weirdos, yes, but morally bankrupt, violent weirdos. Mammon is one of the higher-ups in the Varia, meaning that he’s had to have proven himself among the Varia, probably through excellence in his work. He's obviously killed people through his work in the Varia - not only that, but M.M. says the Varia doesn’t pay alot and, as she’s shown to be just as greedy as Mammon, it’s unlikely that the pay is the only thing keeping him in the Varia. There’s actually a fair chance he likes his work with them...that’s right, while he appreciates the security and money, he’s probably stayed with the Varia for so long because he doesn’t mind killing people. On top of that, he’s made comments about female illusionists hiding their broken bodies when defeated. Those comments are one hundred percent spoken as if Mammon has personal knowledge of this and I definitely think that he’s ruthless in battle, especially against non-illusionists. If he doesn’t kill them himself, he’d have no problems with making them kill themselves through use of illusions of tricks.

28. How to hurt them

Honestly, physically is the absolute easiest way to hurt them. Viper doesn’t really believe that illusionists should be physically strong or should resort to barbaric acts of physical violence so he’s really quite the squishy wizard type of character and could easily be taken out physically, should the person he’s fighting be mentally strong enough to not be taken in by his tricks and traps (and a person that mentally strong is actually quite rare).

#replies #katekyo hitman reborn #khr #reborn #khr!#viper #mammon #headcanons #november is underloved character month #underloved character event #underloved character month

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wickerjulias · 6 years

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okie dokie so i read all of the fics that you reccommended embarassly fast, do you have any long napollya recs i don't care if they're super angsty but I cannot deal with not a happy ending.... i'm sorry they were just so GOOD my favorites were toska and a literary manifesto !!! -your fic needing stalker anon

hey there anon!! i’m sorry for the delay. and omg yeah!! i love these two!! like wow!!

unfortunately the tmfu fandom doesn’t a lot of very long fics, but i tried my best to find some for you. here you go, same format as your last ask, i hope you’re gonna have a blast reading them!

Tidings of Comfort and Joy by pinpointjudas (M)

Napoleon and Illya are sent to deepest, darkest Yorkshire to investigate a rumour that a THRUSH agent is spending Christmas at Castle Bellamy. Their brief is to hide in plain sight amongst other house guests. Napoleon is convinced it will be an almost enjoyable case, provided Illya cheers up, the ghost in his bedroom leaves him alone, and they catch the nefarious agent before anyone winds up dead...

Note: This one isn’t finished technically, because the epilogue is missing. I’d still give it a read though, because it’s written super well and because most of the issues the story deals with get resolved in the last chapter posted.

The Ghost War by manic_intent (E)

Aleppo was one of the oldest cities on earth, and once, it had been one of the most beautiful. Illya had been here before the war, when he was younger, young enough to be taken by wanderlust. He had walked through the very place he stood now, gawking at the crowds, the tightly packed stalls, listening to voices haggling in a language he did not understand, the market riotous with colour and laughter and spices. Now Al-Madina Souq was broken with rubble, its arched corridors blasted dark, its cathedral silence sometimes interrupted rudely by the distant staccato booming of artillery and gunfire, the ancient stone thick with the stench of rot and urine.

Note: This one is rather short in comparison to the others, but it’s so good!! I’d def rec it!

in sin + error by neroh, (M+E)

The mission is a simple one: retrieve a USB drive from a very bad man’s yacht off located in the Mediterranean Sea and confirm its destruction to HQ.Or another way Napoleon and Illya met.

Note: This one’s a series.

all that you have wished for, I know will come your way by janie_tangerine (E)

Napoleon isn’t quite sure he can put yes, because your superiors don’t get to see you gloating when you’re not playing chess against yourself, and they don’t get to discuss dumb opera plots with you, they don’t get to see you engrossed in cheap paperbacks and treat them like first editions because you care that much about what they say, and they don’t get to see that you have a personality and that it’s everything but unpleasant when one gets to know you, and I don’t understand why would anyone think it’s a good idea to treat you like an asset and not a person in words that might not sound completely ridiculous, never mind that he’s not even sure Illya would take such a rant seriously.

Or: where Illya has issues asking for what he wants if it falls under the unnecessary-to-his-job radar and Napoleon just might be a bit over in his head, but he's entirely willing to rectify that situation.

Wanting Too Much by Tallihensia (E)

A young soldier turned thief after the war, Napoleon goes to a black-market auction to sell a valuable painting... and comes away with something he didn't intend to buy – a Russian KGB agent. After an interesting night where they get to know each other, the next day finds them determined to do something to right some wrongs... but not all wrongs can be corrected that easily. As they work together, Napoleon learns some hard truths... but also comes away at the end with something more valuable than a painting.

Note: Technically speaking NOT with a happy end, but there is some sort-of sequel you can find in the endnotes of the fic.

By the Throat (T+E)

In which the KGB took some rather dubious measures to ensure Illya’s loyalty to Russia, and Napoleon doesn’t care for it.

Note: This is a series as well, but it’s restricted and only available if you have an AO3 account.

how certain the journey by Carthage (E)

Illya’s mark – Solo’s claim on his skin- is an ugly thing. In childhood it had shone like Solo’s, beautiful and good and bright, but then he had gone to the KGB, and there, they had tried to destroy the mark. To make him truly equal, and no one’s submissive. His mark has burned patches outlining it, thin crosshatches of scars, pockmarked pits of white skin- and yet, the mark returned, every time.

despite the passage by endquestionmark (E)

Illya has been waiting for something to happen for a very long time.

The Honey Trap by Mamalazzer (E)

"So congratulations, Peril," Napoleon drawled, looking so amused that he could see it was literally setting Illya's teeth on edge. "You have the supreme good fortune of getting to kiss me senseless. Now be a good sport and put your hands on my backside, would you? I'm beginning to feel neglected."

In which the boys have to go undercover as a couple, with Napoleon having a whale of a time while Illya isn't sure whether to knock Napoleon's teeth out or kiss him.

Spanning the Reaches byTallihensia (E+T)

Napoleon reflects on his partner while waiting to rescue him. Afterwards, Illya has a unique way of saying thank you for saving his life. Napoleon thinks it’s a good idea... and after Illya saves him, returns the thanks.

Note: A series as well.

The Trojan Affair bymanic_intent (E)

Ten minutes to go to ground zero and Artyom was still desperately trying to escape. “I have never attended little girl’s birthday party,” he pointed out repeatedly, and actually pouted, big blue eyes wide and pleading.

“Always a first time,” Napoleon said mercilessly, pulling on a charcoal Tom Ford blazer over his loose gray knit. “Mrs Siegfried invited us weeks ago, Artyom, don’t be a baby. You’ve had quite a while to gird your loins. We’re going to a party, not some sort of trench warfare. Smile.”

Artyom scowled, which was admittedly normally an adorable look even for a tall, blonde Russian giant of a man. “I do not like Mrs Siegfried,” Artyom declared, clearly intent on being as recalcitrant as possible.

The Gemini Affair by manic_intent (E)

In the first month of being co-opted into working with Illya Kuryakin full time at U.N.C.L.E., Napoleon stole Illya’s father’s watch four times, twice out of spite, once out of drunken curiosity, and once out of sheer boredom. After the fourth time, Gaby sprained one of Napoleon’s fingers and threatened to do worse if he did it again.

“You are not a spy,” she told him firmly, dangling the watch out of reach as Napoleon curled in a wincing, fetal position on his Le Corbusier couch in his upstate apartment. “You are a thief with the self-control of a child. Now give me back my ring.”

“What ring?” Napoleon asked innocently, even through the pain.

“How fond are you of your nose?” Gaby shot back blandly.

I am a part of all that I have met by ScribeofArda (T+M)

It's been over a year since Rome, since they stopped the world ending, since Napoleon made a choice and threw a watch across the room instead of pulling a gun. They've been spiralling together in that inevitable way, but neither Napoleon or Illya have been brave enough to take the first step across to the other.

Now it might all be too late, and Napoleon didn't think it would end like this: Illya lying in the street, ash and blood and Napoleon's name on his lips. There are a thousand unspoken words between them, begging to be heard before they become just another regret on top of the many they've already accumulated over the years, but the game never stops, not even for love.

Note: Again, a series.

Drowning Deep bySomedrunkpirate

Don’t follow the rabbit. He knows this. Don’t fall into the rabbit hole of memories. You’ll drown.

But Illya lives there, deep in the past, it’s the only way he gets through the day.

The Argonauts byleslielol

Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin accompany one another on a journey.

#anon #ask #fic recs #i hope you have a lot of fun reading them!!#drowning deep reminds me of my own 80k pacrim au #i started writing it back in 2k15 and it's technically finished but #I STILL NEED TO TRANSLATE IT FROM GERMAN TO ENGLISH #(yeah #i'm a hecking idiot)#but that's way beyond the point here #enjoy reading the fics <3 #have a good one!

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