#I do not remember anything about her at all lmao
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what do you think about the fact that al likes doodling?
i have a head canon that he has some sort of scrapbook or sketchbook full of little doodles of things going on at the hotel and just in his life, I feel like he would draw really stick-figureish (is that a word?) but I read a fic that depicted it as the same art style as an Invader-Zim obsessed scene girl and I could not stop cackling.
I also feel like he would either guard it with his life from everyone (exception to Rosie, of course) or just not bother to tell anyone and one day they just find him doodling schoolgirl style, kicking his legs in the air, LMAO NEW THOUGHT WHAT IF CHARLIE OR LUCIFER FOUND IT
OH! OH! Now that you mentioned it - i LOVE that about him! I just absolutely ADORE little thing he made for the add in the first episode. And i love this fact because 1) he's the first character i like that likes to draw canonically (okay maybe also toothless from httyd?) 2) Me and Alastor share so many similarities, and even drawing???? This just makes me love him even more (i'm sure we would hate each other irl tho AHAHHAHAHA or maybe not, idk)
SO, SINCE ME AND AL ARE SO SIMILAR, I'M GONNA PROJECT ON HIM MY DRAWING HABITS >:3c Forgive me this one, i usualy don't do that, i usualy project characters on myself haha
He DOES have sketchbooks just to draw, and they are ORGANISED. He's numbers every sketchbook and counts every drawing in them since the first one. He also has two numbers for each page - through one sketchbook and through them all. He has over 300 of sketchbooks by now (I have less, only 56). They are stashed somewhere in a very safe place.
Every sketchbook has a date of first and last drawing. Also amount of drawings. It looks like:
NOTEBOOK 253 (number of sketchbook, also he doesn't call them sketchbooks)
03.06.1978-05.07.1978 (dates while it was active)
119 (amount of drawings)
29961-30080 (which numbers of drawings are in this sketchbook)
He would cound something else, but he's just too busy to spend time on it. He can remember something thinking about what he was drawing in that period and vice versa
He used to draw at overlords meetings, pissing off Carmila and everyone else, because it looked like he hadn't listened to them, so Carmila banned drawing at overlords meetings (Alastor is still angry about it)
But he doesn't progress too much - most of his progress was made through first 10-20 sketchbooks, now he only has slight style changes sometimes when he feels like it
Tho he's really proud of his current skill and used to think that he's literally the best (used to get angry when reminded that it's not true) (now he kinda knows, but still likes his own drawings, doesn't accept criticism and doesn't try to purposely improve)
He likes showing his drawings to people, he knows and if he does, you have to say that it's literally So Cool, show enthusiasm turning pages and say that everything is just amazing. If you don't, he'll be OFFENDED. He also can leave a sketchbook opened on a page with a drawing he likes the most, and it's like a sign "NOTICE THAT I'M DRAWING AND SAY THAT YOU LIKE IT"
If he considers you a friend (well not like Rosie, but at least like Charlie), he'll be showing you his drawings regularly (and you have to be enthusiastic about it!!!!!!) He has showed it to Charlie, but somehow her enthusiasm is... too much. She's too patronising about it. He also shows his things to Husk, he knows that Husk is annoyed and doesn't give a shit, and he just enjoys his annoyance. He also shows his drawings to Niffty and she gives him Just Right amount and vibe of enthusiasm. (He sometimes draws something for her fanfiction if he likes something enough and enjoys Niffty's reaction (she explodes from happiness)). BUT!!!!! He never shows anything to Mimzy. Because she's like, person from the real life, and he feels like she would laugh at it. To Rosie he shows only things he considers his best and her opinion is the most important to him. He can even forgive her criticism (wouldn't take it tho) (she never critisizes him and absolutely ADORES his drawings). Angel kinda likes his drawings, but isn't enthusiastic about them enough
He doesn't take requests (Angel tried "draw me like one of your french girls" shit, Alastor never did (also his ass did not get the reference and he was like "i dont??? have??? any french girls????")) (Vox also tried to make Alastor draw something for him, Alastor was just "that's interesting, i'll think about it" and never thought of it again)
SOME OF HIS DRWINGS TURNED OUT TO BE PROPHECIES but he notices that only when something happens and then he goes back to his old sketchbooks and accidentally finds it. They are just coincidenses tho, but it's fun and Alastor makes a big deal from it and screams to Rosie like "I PREDICTED THAT SHIT 27 YEARS AGO" when finds out. (it's how i predicted many plot points from SU and literally TOH hunter's possession before the show even was a thing JHJDFJHFGJFDHKH i wonder if i predicted something from Hazbin, i need to look through my sketchbooks now)
If you dare to mess with his drawings and vandalise them... oh... you better pray to whatever god you belive in to make your sufferings be enough to redeem your sins and go to heven.
#hazbin#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#sudden ask lol#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#the radio demon#alastor the radio demon#radio demon#radiorose#platonic radiorose#hazbin headcanons#hazbin hotel text post
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Vestiges Of You.
Aventurine x fem! reader; not proofread, this was supposed to be a 300 words drabble lmao?? wordcount; 804.
everything i feel returns to you somehow,
consuming me to the core,
i'll be gone by midnight; goodbye.
There is a bit of you at the beach.
Aventurine gazes whilst the sun gradually inches down, orange in hue, it mildly kisses the horizon; two souls intertwined. Standing on top of a building in the city, a March spring breeze wafts past him, and the smell of oleanders trails it.
The scene is familiar, to a distant one on the beach. The solitude, the oleanders you used to grow, the sun cozily inching down your wall, the ripples of the waves against the shore, the medley accompanying it, as you pluck the strings with a plectrum, pressing strings against frets with your opposite hand simultaneously.
Your black cat leaps on his lap, it purrs against his stomach, and he strokes it.
‘remember when we first met?’ you pause. ‘we had plenty to discuss. Now, only silence remains…’
‘you know,’ you continue. ‘I guess, the moral of time, is that… you never became jaded by my presence; our meaningless conversations, or this comfortable silence.’
Aventurine does not reply. He merely grabs your hand, and squeezes it reassuringly, pulls it towards his lips as he plants a kiss.
There is a bit of you in April.
Your window flung open, the breeze emerging in carries a scent of peach, a warm sun beams at your back, at your oil paint-stained white shirt. The neighbourhood is extremely quiet, everyone’s inside their home, with fans nudging the cool air at their faces.
‘don’t you feel like going back inside yet? It’s hot,’ Aventurine starts. He anticipates a response from an instance, but you appeared rather too resolute on your painting—it was of an orchard of apricot trees, the leaves and branches shimmering with heat-haze.
‘I don’t think so, I’ll finish this one first,’ you mutter, cautiously painting a cloud. ‘I love April. In it, my ideas are always inventive, sharp, and tender. Do you get it?’
Aventurine hums as he nods. His gaze wanders off toward the market nearby—a mother with brown sunglasses on exits with her young child, who’s wailing. ‘Icecream?’
‘Yeah, vanilla flavour please.’
There is a bit of you in black polished heels.
‘I’ve always loved the sound of heels against the flooring,’ you mutter, bending over as you tie the ankle straps of the heels—black, polished leather; a gift from Aventurine. When you’re done, you tap continually on the floor, and it sounds akin to an exaggerated film soundtrack. ‘it sounds like learning to walk away, from what was never mine to ever have…’
Aventurine raises a brow, ‘did you have a tough past?’
‘Partially, though what am I if not a little hardship? Which reminds me, you never told me much about your past…?’
He offers a half-hearted smile, as he averts his gaze. ‘…The heels suit you, are you sure they are your size?’ ( I apologize; I don’t want to bring it up, I don’t want you to pity me. )
‘Yeah…’ you half-heartedly mutter, removing the heels. ( do you not trust me? )
There is a bit of you in his muddy teacup.
‘Regrets,’ you mumble over the counter. Aventurine stares as you fiddle with your teaspoon—like lifting the world’s edge, like unravelling its threads, apathetically, perfunctorily. His teacup simply lies before him, long cold, and muddy-looking. ‘I have many… so do you.’
A train passes over the railings nearby, quick against the steel, unlike your stagnant manoeuvres, followed by a mysterious silence of what hangs in the atmosphere, and remains unspoken. ‘are you not exhausted of lying?’
‘I never lied to you about a single thing,’ he replies.
‘But you don’t trust me, with anything, at all— regardless of who is in your life, you still seem to have the same disgusting thoughts about yourself; it never stops, it never goes away. I wish I could…’ You place the teaspoon down, the tone of your voice gradually creaking. ‘Take away your blues. I have.. many selfless wishes for you. I wish you would take care of yourself, I wish you would cherish every instant of this ephemeral lifetime, I wish you would relinquish the past; that was then, this is now. Yet you’ve always been a bitter man, and it makes me bitter, too. I hope you will understand, that is all I have to say…’
Reality begins to melt away, in the darkness, akin to a candle’s wax, in the heat of a flame. Everything feels as if it occurred a long time ago, in a far-off world, out of reach. Or, is it occurring in the future, in an alternative far-off world?
( have you seen my lover? The one that owned the beach, April’s beauty, the black leather heels I purchased, my muddy teacup, my dreams, my heart? )
There is a bit of you in all he is.
ironvy, 2024. do not copy, share, repost, or re-upload my work on any website without prior consent.
#hsr#honkai star rail#aventurine honkai star rail#aventurine x reader#hsr aventurine#hsr x reader#aventurine#aventurine hsr
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.
#I wish I could stop caring as easily as her#but unfortunately my feelings are just going to constantly get hurt over and over forever#when it’s obvious she doesn’t value our friendship as much as I do#I’ve learned to stop texting beyond holidays for the most part because it hurts getting disappointed when I don’t get answers#but it really fucking sucks she saw my insta story about my birthday but couldn’t bother saying anything to me#good to know where we stand#but again: idk why I’m surprised when she has not told me directly when she:#moved to my state from the opposite coast#set a wedding date and also got married#and moved a half an hour away from me#had to find that all out from the internet#so why would my birthday matter? lmao I’m an idiot#like at least she’s remembered in past years and does answer on holidays but#she hasn’t texted me first beyond my birthday last year in like two years#anyway wish I didn’t feel like crying rn#personal#to be deleted#and I feel conceited for caring but I know it’s not#and it extra sucks to still be hurt about another ex best friend that ghosted me years ago that shares my birthday so the sadness is just#inevitable#especially when combined with the fact that my dad’s birthday is in five days#so I’m just kinda sad around and on my birthday every year
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headcanons i have about Craig the scientist :)
as are most of the characters i have headcanons for, Craig is on the autism spectrum. he has a flat effect to his voice and facial expressions, doesn't really get most social cues, doesn't know how to react to others in pain the "right" way, misunderstands metaphors and speaks in quite a direct manner because it makes the most sense to his brain. he's quite a literal thinker. he also tends to hyperfixate so hard on a task that he forgets his basic needs and hygene, and thus has quite an unkempt look underneath that hazmat suit of his (which i will get into later!). Barry often ends up needing to get Craig something to eat because of how long he hyperfixates on something.
Craig sometimes doesn't exactly pay attention to his tone of voice, so sometimes he can say something that, to him, sounds completely normal, but because of his tone, can end up sounding really ominous to other people by accident ("We know who you are, Barry.")
Craig has traumatic cataract in his left eye (or wherever the fuck craig's visor crack is supposed to be in canon lol) from the explosion in 'Level 2' and is half blind in that eye. his eye has a very clouded look as a result of the injury. he's also got a huge scar there too that required some pretty gnarly stitches later, and his skin is almost completely numb around that area.
Craig also never really had the best eyesight before the injury, so he's always wearing these big ol' nerdy glasses underneath his helmet. and yes, they are tacked together with a band-aid lol
Craig is one of the few scientists who is not a clone of Peter Simpkins, the late friend of both Professor Brains and (in my headcanon'd canon) Craig. i like to think that Craig and Simpkins knew each other when they were first recruited by Legitimate Research and was pretty close to both him and Brains, and since Simpkins died, Brains has kind of taken more of a liking towards Craig (mostly out of loneliness and needing someone to help around at the lab, but he has a genuine fondness for him under his demanding and angry exterior).
There's a bit of a fan theory that Craig is the same guy as the scientist in the 'Robot Bird' rock opera, which i like to believe is the case. i mean, he's got the same monotone voice as Craig, it's gotta be him. i hope this does end up becoming canon because i think it'd make for an interesting conflict between Barry and Craig!!
Craig may or may not be related to Lab Lady.
Craig's counterpart in the mirror universe is named Kayla.
Craig is demiromantic and is questioning his sexuality (he thinks he might be bi or pan), though he definitely knows he loves Barry <3
Craig has an unhealthy habit of wiping his embarrassing memories, like, a lot. he wipes memories of awkward accidents in the lab, particularly painful failures, and most importantly, the memories of losing literally all his stuff and his career to Barry, which is why he doesn't immediately recognise him in the shorts. Craig has a lot of trouble recounting stories from the past because of this memory-wiping and felt a sense of emptiness, which getting hit in the head certainly didn't help with, so he tried inventing that apple in the Multiverse Madness event to get some of them back. it was pure dumb luck that Barry didn't end up witnessing what happened to Craig in the 'Robot Bird' opera and both are completely unaware of the disastrous can of worms that could have opened. bro's gonna end up like wallflower blush if he doesn't keep that memory erasing under control
and finally...
under his helmet, Craig has messy dirty-blonde hair, a rounded face that has a few stray facial hairs he forgot to shave, a long scar down the left side of his face, hazel coloured eyes and pale skin. this design is inspired by the designs made by @dexterno-artz and @schnabel53 respectively :D
this is a sketch of my finalised(ish) craig design!!! i've shown earlier versions of this guy in a couple of older posts but i haven't really revised his design much until now. i kinda had the idea of him looking like a stereotypical nerd and then made him messier. i might tone the amount of hair he has down a tiny bit but also i really like the nerdy bird's nest thing he has goin on :) i like to think he literally hasn't brushed his hair in several weeks and it's just become a bird's nest from nights of staying up doing science stuff
how i feel about barry tbh. he's literally so dumb i love him
(also apologies for the photos being kinda blurry and me forgetting to turn off the filter. again. in my defence it looks really nice and orange on my phone)
sometimes i like drawing him saying stuff from the shorts to get a feel of how he'd look when talking and make sure he looks juuuust nerdy enough for me to go "yep that's craig". also his big,g, handns,s,
drew this as a quick side profile sketch to get a general idea of how i want to draw him from this angle. he's talking to barry offscreen and falling in love with him <3
stupid little comic with a stupid little interaction that would definitely happen between these stupid little guys <3 barry being a little asshole every now and then is very entertaining to me. i need to see him antagonising craig and starting an old couple bickering argument with craig, that would heal me i think
i think i'll post more of this design in the future, i really quite like it a lot :)
#jetpack joyride#craig jetpack joyride 2#jetpack joyride 2#headcanon design#yeag sorry the photos are so fucked looking#my room does not have good lighting.... like..... at all#my sketchbook is also literally falling to pieces lmao#i'm gonna get a new one soon but damn. my poor sketchbook#i didnt even do anything to it....... why must it fall apart and die on me..........#anyway YEAH craig design!!!!#i quite like this design a lot#i feel like there's something that could be added to it but i don't wanna make his design more complicated than it already is#that first drawing of him kinda looks like his eye is bleeding lol#it's just a really big scar dw#craig having traumatic cataract was inspired by my dog getting traumatic glaucoma in his eye#also i think craig would go hard as like. a character who's similar to wallflower blush#except instead of everyone forgetting her but her remembering them#it's craig forgetting everything that happened to him and then finding a way to restore the memories and then he gets SO PISSED at barry#they'll sure need a lot of couple's counselling after that blunder#i kinda wanna make designs for steve and toni#especially steve!!!#how do you think they'd identify steve from the other scientists. would barry just stick a big piece of paper with an S on it to his face#answering my own question: yes he would absolutely do that#steve is the one i feel like both barry and craig tease the most#i find steve literally being so nervous about being perceived that he runs away and damages property to be extremely relatable#also fun fact: craig's hair and eye colours are kinda based off the colour i see the word craig in???#ok this is gonna be tricky to explain but i think i might have grapheme colour synesthesia#it's basically a condition where you can see or VERY heavily associate colours to a specific number or letter#and for some reason my brain has christened 'craig' as being a very specific sort of yellowy green! it's what i see in my head when i think#-of the word 'craig' so i decided to make him kinda blonde and have hazel eyes (which is basically a mix of green and yellow)!! neato!!
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I only trust Bonnie being written well by Bonnie fans. As for the rest of y’all? You make me nervous.
#bonnie bennett#tvd#Elena would give Bonnie one apology. Caroline fans make her the best friend in the world and then she’d disappear…#i remember someone else saying something abt a klena fic making Bonnie die for the both of them#and i just….no mind u these be the same people screaming fuck Plec but won’t do anything to make it better#but then again if it’s not about Bonnie I’m not checking in i do wish y’all stop tagging her tag knowing she’s not in the fic at all though#y’all *insert tag* & then you open the fic and Bonnie isn’t even in mind i just?? ANYWAYS LMAO.#i remember that one user that was like Bonnie could never be a villain#hmmm 😂
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behold my totally sensical dynamic diagram. from aus that everyone knows about. yeah
#makes sense mhm mhm#i just think. that if they were to meet. they would be strange about it#rin would HATE obito for daring to base all his ambitions around 'her' death (even if hes really only paying lip service to it)#but also you know she would get SO mad at anyone who dared to imply she was anything like either of the other rins#also she just. legit does not even remember kakashi's name. who dat guy. why does he have narrative significance#vs obito who would mostly just be elated to see his friends in a position where they are cool and can totally be friends again!!!#yayy#vs kakashi who is SO weird as akatsuki version. mind breaking#not because i think he is incapable of harm (he is very very very capable) but because his defining trait to me is loyalty#and him joining the akatsuki would be breaking that loyalty. feels weeird#scale of madara manipulation for sure goes kks>obito>rin#becuz kks needed SO much convincing. and obito needed the seal and rin murder#but rin definitely heard the words “perfect world” and just decided to push off and finish that existential crisis#prolly freaked out madara a bit. rip that old man i guess he should have gotten a better vessel#who DIDNT do all of that in the name of *checks notes* throwing herself into the sun. man akatsuki!rin goes hard#we havent even gotten to the kagurin of it all. but i really do need to sit down and write a whole Thing up about that so#it can wait. lmao.
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So I've. Basically been doing nothing but sleeping the last two days. Um. Either the sleep debt was way worse than I thought it was or not taking the meds (12 hour tablets seemed like a bad idea when I just wanted to sleep) amplified what sleep debt I already had. Which is... new? Anyway.
Made me smile coming back to this in my inbox fuck yeah Halloween approaches and I'm gonna start stockpiling some stuff!!! Gonna have fun trick virtual trick or treating this year!!! And yeah oh by oh boy do I have a lot of trick or treat asks to send to those who reblogged from me hooray!!!
... Later though. I really really want to dive into making bracelets now that the Submechanophobia Wiki is complete and I've successfully cut through a fly swatter. It's bracelet time baby
#pop rox talks#and I'm GOING to be better about that tag mark my words#gonna make a bracelet for my mum cause she's amazing#....... and not to be depressing but it's a good thing too given how heavily I rely on her for basically everything#got her to pick her colours I'm gonna try so hard to plait this right this time oooo you're gonna see#I have until she comes home from bingo I got this boys#she wants pimks :)#also she found the cotton for me to do this#I was just gonna buy some like a FOOL#I forgot she has a dragons hoard of random craft shit#the last time she did anything that required this type of cotton was before I was born#MAYBE#I might be remembering wrong it might have been someone else that did that lmao#but yeah I kept mentioning I was gonna start with them and she was like 'okay! I'm gonna go find all of the cotton ever!'#she said it kinda offhandedly and I was under the mindset she'd forget because I ALSO forgot she said it several times#then just BAM#hands me a fucking box of the stuff#like oh okay cool where the FUCK did this come from?????#lmao sdfdsf ANYWAY YEAH BRACELET TIME#...... maybe foob first but today is BRACELET DAY and NO ONE WILL STOP ME#in my QUEST for BRACELETS#except MYSELF because I can't stop talking again and ALSO#I can't remember how to tie a knot#yes I had to look it up last time#yes this is a lifelong problem so sue me#listen. was never REALLY a problem mum would tie my shoes and I'd loosen them JUST ENOUGH#so I could get my shoes on and off without ever untying them#it was a NONE ISSUE okay?? I only ever needed to know for textiles in school#and I sucked at that anyway and the teacher hated me for my continuous fuck ups so#ohhhhhh wait
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ohhhh desperately need to leave this house before i kill myself I fear it’s coming 🤣🤣
#had kind of a huge fight w my mom over like mental#illness and like I ended up letting out all the anger I feel at the fact that she didn’t take me to the hospital to get diagnosed when I was#15 despite me begging her to. so I had to wait til I went to university to get diagnosed. which is 90% of the reason I’m struggling to live#so much nowadays. and obviously she was like. uh I don’t remember that! and the more detail I told her the quieter and less defensive she#got. bc she knows I’m right.#this all started bc one of her friends’ older son just got diagnosed w schizophrenia and she was like if that was me I wouldn’t have stuck#by him so long I would’ve kicked him out long ago . and I snorted and I was like yeah I know you wouldn’t have just like you didn’t for me#nd I told her to just stop talking about shit she doesn’t know fucking anything about. bc obviously she doesn’t think her friend’s son is#actually sick. im talking SICK sick like meds won’t work and he keeps getting in serious trouble w the law. and my mom is an asshole she#thinks all sick ppl use it as an excuse bc she thinks only her life experiences are valid#im soo fucking sick of it#I’ve wasted my entire life trying to educate her about shit and it just doesn’t stick she just goes and babies herself and im miserable#for my entire existence#I can’t do it anymore like any of it I want to get out of here and live my stupid life#without somebody who reminds me every day that they think I’m a waste of existence lmao#mrow.org
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Ordered pizza for the last two episodes
#misc#i do watch a show by year now so i might as well do it the right way#(this does not count hdm)#i don't even remember what was the last show i fully watched#i mean even kenobi i did not finish it#oh wait#it's carmilla then lmao#but tv show...#let me see...#i think it was shadow & bone according to my app#i've started other seasons and shows but never finished one#ironically even tho i binged shadow & bone i would not call it the greatest show#i was only here for the soc parts lmao#so yes i don't love anything at all anymore except for hdm...#im so sad about having lost my way on doctor who... but yeah#i mean it started with 12#then i thought i would love more with 13#but ive watched only her first season#it was missing something idk...#anyway hopefully i will catch up for the 60th#and i will watch her seasons and love it#i mean it's not just about the show#it's me that can't connect to anything#and yes it's kinda painful sometimes#i mean for a show like 1899 it's ok if im not more into it other than when i watch it#but for big shows im supposed to be consumed by them...#on the bright side i watch with a more 'mature' eye now and it's good too#anyway what was i talking about in the first place??#that's what i mean when i say i can't focus#can't even focus on a post abourt pizza lmao
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nevermind, griefposting is cancelled because after
1. planning to drive back home together this weekend (a plan he suggested and invited me to) for two weeks, and
2. planning to hang out tonight and go climbing tomorrow morning together, and
3. spending two weeks talking about how honest we were being with each other and how much we were hanging onto the last of our time together and savoring the moment,
j told me he was packing the car tonight because we were both going to be busy tomorrow, and then sat me down and said he did not want to drive back together and i should find my own way home and that he was leaving to stay with a friend tonight. so.
#personal#i am like... so angry i'm speechless lmao. i didn't know he was capable of being such a colossal asshole#like he lied to me! to my face! i don't think he's ever done that before. he's omitted the truth and avoided conflict etc but he's never#lied directly to me like that#and he doesn't even have the good grace to help me get back? like he's not offering to help w plane fare or anything? or take any of my#stuff back with him? like?#and he had the fucking temerity to text my mom to call me and make sure that i'm okay after he left? like? don't pretend you care about me#because you clearly do not lmao#AND he said he still wants to see each other over the summer and be partners but like? how is this not a relationship-killer?#how is this not salting the earth on the way out to him?#does he not realize what a colossally asshole move this is or does he not care or?#this is literally the worst thing he's ever done to me? or possibly to anyone? like i genuinely did not think he had it in him to be this#much of an absolute douchebag#remember that am i the manager post that was like 'i packed up all my belongings and moved without a word to my partner while she was in a#foreign country'#*ask the manager#this is slightly not as bad as that but still like. what in the fucking hell.#if you've made it to the end of these tags: why? are you okay? but also i have a plane ticket for myself and i am trying to figure out how#to get my cat home/how to get her cared for while i'm gone#and a ride to the airport and help figuring out the logistics between now and then#don't worry i'm going to be okay#i will not even kill myself purely to spite him because i know it actually would ruin his life a little bit
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ive been thinking about this for days but when i was a kid i read mrs frisby and the rats of nimh and that book fascinated me so much like the idea of rat society and just how sophisticated everything was and to this day ill just randomly remember the rat society and just be absolutely floored
#feel like reading it again actually#i had this fourth grade ela textbook u know that had short stories and experts and i used to read it all the time#and it had one excerpt from mrs frisby when shes coming back in the evening from getting her kids medicine#and it always really fascinated me. like i read this before i was in fourth grade and i always specifically remember the little paper packet#packets she was given by the doctor mouse#ive always been into like. cottage/farming life like that like its so. like its such a different world from how i live and theyre mice? idk#its fascinating#anyways so then j discovered that we actually had the full length novel for some reason so i read the whole thing and just. the lore?? the w#way these rats built a society? i keep saying it but literally so fascinating#they had electricity and everything they had a carpeted library!! like tiny little rat books bro what!!#and then when i got to fourth grade and i skimmed the ela tectbook bc i was aware mrs frisby should be in the curriculum#and i got so excited when i saw it in the textbook but not too excited bc i know teachers skip certain things#so i got even more excited when we actually read and studied it#i dont remember what we discussed back then and frankly i couldnt tell you about any of like. themes and meanings or anything about the nov#the novel bc i literally do not care about that it was always about how these rats and mice lived that i was interested in#idk what got me started on mrs fridby but i honestly havent stopped thinking about it for a uple days now lmao#michi tag
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As it turns out, after being really impassioned to learn about my Nana’s side of the family that I am a descendant of one of my ‘historical enemies’
Rest in fucking peace.
#this man is literally my great (great? I’m bad at maths) grandfather#is he my arch enemy? my number one almost despised? no#but have I had fun DUNKING on him and everything he stood for in the past? yea#that’s just insane to me#anyways#this has nothing to do with anything#but just as I saw that this blog was all bout ships sailing and history etc. I thought it was worth pointing out for how bizarre that is#I’ll have to reach out to my uncle to see if he has any of HER letters still around (that side of my family never left so slight chance??)#and the only reason I got really into learning about my Nana’s family history is because we weren’t allowed to talk about it. family rule#no idea why. but just tracing her family line back in getting the impression I’m gonna find out there’s an united irishman somewhere jfc#coz I see a theme. from the census records and what I can assume (I hate assuming btw)#imagine being related to someone you’d fight in a mosh pit#yeah I finally get the census and it’s just. jesus christ#I’m literally dead#this is hilarious to me#genetic karma lmao#(luckily only related on paper they never had kids)#😂💀#guy was so famous I remember learning about him in school - I especially remember all the 10 year olds making fun of him and his business#just tearing into this guy#I couldn’t have made this up if I wanted to#although to be fair to my Nana’s family! her father was a shipwright and his father a sea CAPTAIN#and my nana herself used to work in a cerebral palsy centre (not what she used to call it but old times ableism ya know) in Dublin during#in the early half of the 1900s in Dublin#she’s one of the few family members I’ve met on my dad’s side who I not only liked but was best friends with#so rip nana#don’t matter how many tory politicians your family married I still have the scarves you knitted me#and also she was the only one who seemed really interested in my stories (and picture book re-enactments)
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The feminine urge to shut Haru the fuck up
#WDYM YOU FOUND HER 😭😭 WHO ARE YOU DUDE GET AWAY FROM HER#It’s giving disney villain manipulator boyfriend vibes#The one from lemonade mouth i don’t really remember the movie but him me thinks#Me as haru’s biggest hater ever the male manipulator jumped out rip unpopular opinion ig but I wanted him OFF my screen#He was prettier when he didn’t spoke and i knew nothing about this show and him as a whole what a shame#He is awful dude intrusive as shit punching random stuff and trying to physically and emotionally manipulate shizuku#I am sorry if yall like him but I tried so hard to do so but I don’t see it I am sorry#Shoutout to Kenji the only character in this show actually. Oh and the other guy that was their friend ig not sure what#His name was but he didnt do anything criminal either#the only way this show would be redeemed in this last 4 eps is if they gaslighted me this whole time and kenji is the end game#the only way I will accept this thing I’ll be back in a bit watch me#anti Haru#lmao I hope I don’t get people mad this is all hj but if you agree not really ahaa sksks#tonari no kaibutsu kun#anime
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i think some ppl dont understand the difference between being full on consciously bigoted + going out of your way to harass a minority and someone who heard phrases from their friends and family while not actually holding any ill will towards whichever minority
#i was both best friends with a black girl in middle school and also had my sister showing me racist videos and stereotypes#did it make me say things that i totally shouldnt have and didnt know i shouldnt say? for fucking sure- regardless i still never personally#saw her as bad or less than or anything at all. it probably helped that my childhood friend was filipino bc i was already exposed to#different people. its like the whole words vs actions thing. ppl would say words to me and i would parrot them thinking i was being#funny like my brother or sister but ultimately i never saw anyone as different than me and never really treated anyone differently either#i was a child who didnt understand the weight or meaning of things i parroted and trusted those around me to know better#since i was literally a fuckin' child. thats kinda what they do. and no one ever really countered me if i did something wrong?#there was one time in like 2nd grade where i had just come from a really christiany catholicy school to a different better cooler school#that was less oppressive and DIDNT require me to participate in church shit and wear a uniform-#and i was still not very exposed to black people at that time yet#so when i was in second grade there was a black kid (different person from my friend in middle school) and we were sitting at a table#and i was just kinda making an observation like 'you're black!' not a negative thing just like 'oh! i understand what this is! i know what#this is ive heard of ppl like this before and maybe met one or two black ppl previously!' lmao and then i followed it up with 'like martin#luther king!' bc he was probably one of the only black ppl i knew about and i literally learned about him when i visited the school for#the first time to try it out in first grade and then apparently everyone thought i was being super offensive??????????????????#??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#i dont really remember the details and my gma remembers an entirely different thing so idek whats the truth but thats how i remember it#going down. i wasnt trying to be rude or offensive i was just like 'oh you're this! like this person ive heard of! neat :)!' and apparently#it got interpreted as a really bad thing that i said and idk. that was probably one of the weirder experiences i had growing up#like maybe its not always fun to be known for the minority you are bc of a famous person whos of the same minority...?? idk#i still to this day dont know what i said wrong really. i just wasnt exposed to very many black ppl#i knew of like one black girl once at a gymnastics thing i did sometimes and we were friends and i was a tiny tiny child all of this#happening way before 2nd grade and all i remember is her dad and my dad talking and me going to her fancy house to swim in her pool#once. and then i stopped doing gymnastics for whatever reason. so i wasnt exactly super exposed to black ppl frequently.#esp since the christianty-catholicy school was full of rich white kids. and so was my neighborhood at the time.#so i wasnt trying to be mean or offensive to this guy in 2nd grade but it got interpreted that way and then everyone treated me different#bc ig they thought i was a certain way bc the teachers were overreacting a bit. i have no idea. i really just think that one white#girl just liked to bully me and didnt actually have a good reason why and im tired of trying to humor ppl thinking its bc i was a bigot 😒#like i wouldnt be surprisedif nowadays that how she tries to justify it but NONE of what she ever did was calling me out or anything#it was ALLLLL treating me different for being 'weird' in her eyes. but i digress.
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i went to get the first eye exam i've had in six years so i could finally get my prescription updated (i'm a 24/7 eyeglass wearer and have been since i was 5 lol) and the clinic under my insurance was a literal five minute walk from my office so i was like. sweet! i'll schedule it during work hours so i can duck out for 30m, go get my eyes checked, and be back for afternoon meetings. all goes according to plan until the technician suddenly has me tilting my head back and she's got dilation drops in my eyes before i can so much as say "uh is that necessary bc i'm still supposed to be working for the next four and a half hours actually"
like whoops! sorry i was trying to be efficient but maybe i should have just scheduled it on a day off instead lmao. i had to take the rest of the day off bc i couldnt fucking read or see that well and the office lights were giving me an intense headache. made it home in one piece but i've been like. sitting in my apt with my prescription sunglasses very thankful today is a cloudy day. i can at least read things now sort of???
#liveblogging life#felt very stupid when i went to tell my boss i had to go home lmao#like i COMPLETELY forgot they do eye dilation at like regular check-ups tbh#it's been so long since i had one and the last time i did they didn't dilate my eyes at all#from what i remember it's like an e/o time thing?#and yeah now that i think about it ofc they'd do it this time since it was my first appt with them aksfjasjf#my boss was even like: oh yeah i thought that might happen when you said where you were going!#me: why didnt you TELL ME! i would've rescheduled the stupid thing!#mostly frustrating bc i have actual things i need to do today and now i basically have to wait until tomorrow#also is there anything more embarrassing than exposing how fucking weak your eyes are akfaskjf#my left eye is much weaker than my right and going through the lens test with that one was brutal#technician: can you read this row? me for the fourth time: um. no sorry#they also clocked that my vision has never been 20/20 in that eye AND that i had to wear an eye patch when i was a kid. wild.#also. apparently my pupils were not the same size?????? the technician asked it in such an odd way#her: has anyone ever told you your pupils arent the same size? me: uh? no????
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it's actually fascinating that i'm not depressed rn because my life isn't that much better than it was when i actually was depressed (2019). i mean i guess it is a little better because my grandma didn't just die and i'm not in love with someone who doesn't like me back and i also kind of know where i'm going with school and presumably life and i don't call the place i live in my cell because of how small it is but the foundations are still very shaky
#this reads like a joke because it is but it's also true#i remember in october of 2018 like a month after my grandma had died i was at my grandparents' house for the first time since she had died#or for the first time since her funeral ig because i spent a few days there while she was in the hospital and after her funeral etc. and i#was thinking about my life and about how very boring it was. and i had basically always thought that but from that moment on it was like an#actual situation and then i started being sad all the time in like january (not even right after my grandma died because of course i loved#her very much but it wasn't even about that) and then in march or maybe april i started feeling empty more than sad and that was just crazy#and then in july i started wanting to kill myself and i finally understood what people on the internet were talking about and anyway. bad#year. but it's like. okay i had all that going on but i remember being like how did i deal with my life being this lame before#because it was never good. i was stupid to enjoy it and to not feel like killing myself every second of every day. and when i stopped being#depressed (incidentally when i stopped being invested in my friendship with the girl i was in love with like literally my grandpa died in#december of 2019 and it was terrible and i was very sad but it still didn't stop me from getting better😭 so crazy our relationship was just#THAT bad for me) i remember being SO grateful that my life was back to being boring i was like i would rather be at a 5-6 all the time than#go from 11 to -5 in five minutes and so i really liked feeling bored but not empty and it's crazy because i still feel like that when it's#been almost four years like i was expecting that feeling to fade a little. but i'm also like well maybe i should do things to make my life#better because the only reason i'm not depressed rn is just because i don't have one more bad thing going on like i'm just lucky😭#lmao. but also. i don't really want to i just wish i had one more friend#and like i say: brf slt#tw suicide#<- for me#my friend i was in love with was a very nice girl she never really did anything to me if we had been friends at any other time in my life w#would probably still be friends. or i guess not because i WAS in love with her but like i had issues with our friendship that i never would#have had if it had been any other year in my life i was crying up to 10 times a day at one point in late august because she hadn't#talked to me in like 25 hours like i was not normal😭😭😭#i was very close to my grandparents i saw them like at least one week every month even though they lived 400kms away and spent all my#holidays with them it was my mother and them that raised me and my sister them dying altered the fabric of my life. for context
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