Happy 77th Bluegrass Birthday

The most unrealistic thing about Baldur's Gate 3 is how you have a group of 25+++++ year olds that are perfectly ok sleeping on the floor every night.

I sit on the floor for five minutes and I just about need to call Withers for a resurrection and even if he brought me back, I still have the *Bad Back* debuff.

Saint Joan of Arc – Paul de La Boulaye // Would've, Could've, Should've – Taylor Swift

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

so uh, remember back in 2019 when I was like I want to do a Dishonored cross-stitch, something harder than the Outsider’s Mark but also easier than actual people? And I wasn’t seeing a lot of existing patterns so I spent some time messing with C-Stitch and didn’t start stitching it until 2020? And I decided it would look cooler if I used the Diament metallic gold instead of just plain gold floss, aka I made it 10x more difficult. And also it would be 10in by 10in which is big for me. Like, I’ve never finished anything that big. 

Well, until now.

"If we were at the fair, I would've won you a stuffed giraffe."

Some very self-indulgent art inspired by this gifset, from a happier timeline. 💖

I'm starting to feel like my current horror film project is just cursed

Like, I made a first attempt to shoot it back in early 2020, but just when I had a cast the pandemic started.

In late 2021 I made another attempt, had everything ready, but then the pandemic worsened and due to Covid restrictions I couldn't meet up with everyone for the shoot and we just gave up.

Then last fall I started my current attempt after joining my film club, this time around with a larger cast and crew. I wanted to start shooting in January, but had organization issues, so I pushed back the shoot to early March.

Two weeks before the planned start, one of the actors suddenly said he won't be able to make it, but luckily I found a replacement fairly quickly.

The same day another actor texted me to let me know he's in intensive care in the hospital and might not make it to the first day of shooting, so I moved all his shots to a later date.

One week before the planned start a stand-in actress left the project because she noticed she had exams during the time. I texted several other people to no avail until I ultimately found someone after three days.

TWO DAYS BEFORE THE PLANNED START ONE OF THE LEAD ACTRESSES LEFT THE PROJECT DUE TO A FAMILY EMERGENCY so I texted my friend in high panic mode and luckily she had time.

All this and the new availabilities led to me pushing the shoot back two more weeks.

And now we wait what's gonna go wrong until then.

DREAM AND THE CORINTHIAN / FRANKENSTEIN AND HIS CREATURE (insp.)

i feel very mixed on shiv's ending, particularly her choice to return to tom -- i think it makes sense from a thematic/character arc perspective and is a powerful yet devastating indictment of both shiv and the world that created her as well as showing that the cycle of abuse will always continue to cycle, that shiv will become her mother etc, but i also think it does not make sense from a character/internal logic perspective. it's a choice that makes sense from the writers, but not from shiv, not yet. it could've been a brilliant ending to her character, but is tainted for me by the less-than-ideal execution of it, which felt very rushed, making shiv's final submission to tom feel forced by the show rather than forced by the situation or honest to her character. the ending is not inherently misogynistic from the writers' side as i've seen some criticisms claim (it is a dark but real portrayal of misogyny within capitalist society and how it's internalized within the white women who end up at the hips of the CEOs who run it), but i do understand how it could feel that way. the show fails at building up to (and thus convincing us) that the version of shiv we currently know would so immediately subject herself to her mother's fate, so instead of it feeling like shiv's hand was forced by patriarchy to place herself into her worst nightmare, it instead feels like the show itself was the thing that forced shiv to take that route, which does leave a sour taste in the mouth. it doesn't feel like the result of a choice shiv would make or the impact of patriarchal society bearing down, it just feels rushed and thus wrong. shiv would've benefitted immensely from a few more episodes or even just a few scenes dedicated to teasing out her newfound willingness to subject herself to immense disrespect in order to remain close to power, but given that her entire character has always been defined by her inability to do just that unless forced to (which i don't think she was in this situation as she could've easily not waited in the car for tom, not put her hand in his, but she did), her return to tom feels hard to comprehend, and her near immediate submission to him hard to stomach.

(read more under the cut because jesus christ did this get long)

in my mind, at least, i've always understood shiv as being respect-driven rather than power-driven -- she wants power, yes, but more than anything she wants to be taken seriously and respected and seen as a legitimate player, and time and time again we've seen her blow up situations that would've been very advantageous long-term because she felt disrespected and needed to speak up and force people to take her seriously (which, ironically, typically results in the opposite). shiv's overarching goal is power, but her immediate necessity is always respect. her dignity is her number one priority at any given moment, even when it shouldn't be, even when it stops her from attaining the success and power she wants. i can kind of understand shiv going against kendall because of this -- she's always had a very, very narrow lens whenever she feels like she's being disrespected, and even though it is infinitely more humiliating for your (somewhat ex) husband to betray you and boot you out of the CEO position behind your back at the behest of your supposed closest ally (and for you to still vote for them after that!!!) than it is for you to magnanimously allow your brother to be CEO (which would publicly be seen as a choice, as telly etc said - sibs need to stand united behind one chosen CEO - rather than shiv being out of the loop and fucked to infinity), the narrowness of her vision upon seeing kendall about to win makes it impossible for her to think about that legitimately. it's not just jealousy, it's indignity: shiv feels she earned CEO through her machinations with mattson and feels genuinely sick seeing the loganified kendall grinning at the head of the table, hearing his "that's fucking right" and witnessing his cocky entitlement to the job that belonged to her. so, she does what she always does when she feels disrespected, when she feels her dignity is at stake, and impulsively blows everything to fuck, including her own best interests. that makes sense for shiv, at least somewhat -- i still think that as much as she wouldn't want ken as CEO she'd feel like at least w that outcome she'd be seen as a player and a deciding factor, whereas with mattson/tom she'd be viewed as a pathetic fucked-over nothing woman pawn etc (a situation of unparalleled indignity imo), but i can rationalize her choice to go against ken anyways as being part of the narrowed field of vision she always gets upon feeling disrespected by men in her life that makes it impossible for her to think strategically (and i guess even though the disrespect was greater and more humiliating from tom/mattson than ken, ken was the most recent most present and most lifelong source so that's all she could focus on; seeing him like logan was too much to bear). it's hard to imagine shiv publicly throwing her vote behind two men who publicly fucked her as humiliatingly as mattson and tom just did, even if the other option is kendall, but i think that's part of it -- it's fundamentally illogical, even from her disrespect-lens, because there's just something about kendall specifically being in charge that she's never been able to stomach. it's visceral and impulsive. it's not meant to make "sense." it's just what she feels she has to do to preserve her own dignity, even though it works directly against those same interests realistically. it wasn't executed very well, making it hard to entirely buy it given just how publicly humiliating the alternative is, but it can still be chalked up to her historically one-track-mind when it comes to indignity by the hands of kendall in particular. it's a last-ditch attempt for shiv to at least feel like she's maintaining her dignity, her self-respect, as counterintuitive as it actually is. it makes sense. i can stomach it.

again, shiv's fatal flaw (in logan's eyes and aside from her original sin of being a woman) has always, always been her inability to shut up and make the smart move in situations where she feels she's being disrespected or not taken seriously. if shiv stayed quiet during that dinner with the pierces, maybe she would've been logan's CEO, but no, she couldn't stop herself, she needed to feel she was being taken seriously, she burst out 'cmon, dad, just tell them it's going to be me.' she is unable to play it smart, to keep quiet, to win when winning means perceived disrespect. she's allergic to it. even on a personal level, she shoots herself in the foot constantly because of this: she is unable to let herself have the things she wants because she can't put herself in positions that open her up to disrespect and perceived inferiority. she can't be vulnerable because she needs to be respected. tom asks her if he could 'try to make love to her' in episode one of this season, and even though she clearly wants to, she says 'no, i don't think so, tom.' tom tells her he 'wants her, wants this' back in episode six, and even though she clearly wants that too, she draws back and says 'well then you shouldn't have betrayed me.' shiv is fundamentally incapable of allowing herself to remain in possibly advantageous situations when she feels at risk of being seen as lesser, of being disrespected, of being perceived as weak. that is her response to patriarchy. when patriarchal forces bear down, shiv is unable to grin and bare it -- she has a short fuse, a sharp tongue, and an inability to entertain even a second of being treated like The Woman, of being looked down upon, especially when it's for her gender. it's the one thing she cannot do, cannot let herself do, and it's why she fails to "win" over and over and over again. she shoots herself in the foot the second her patriarchy disrespect sensors tingle. she makes the wrong choice, the dumb choice, the one that makes her feel like she stood up for herself in the moment but ends up leaving her powerless and helpless in the end. that's the only explanation for why she chose to vote against kendall (the clearly better option for her long-term as she'd 1) be respected as part of the decision, as someone who helped choose the CEO rather than a Woman who got fucked over and had the door slammed in her face by her husband and close ally simply because she possessed a womb, and 2) probably be head of ATN or some other area of waystar, she'd have actual power within the company and be respected as a legitimate source of power rather than the CEO-to-be made CEO's humiliated wife -- if she was capable of making the smart, selfish choice in terms of power instead of having a hair-trigger reaction to gendered disrespect and cocky male superiority, she would have voted kendall. but she is not capable of doing that. she never has been. so she voted tom and mattson.

so what i still cannot for the life of me understand is what would compel this shiv, the one who cannot stomach indignity even when power's on the line, to immediately return to tom's side the second he beckons her, which is like five minutes after he becomes CEO (the job she was promised) by mattson (who gave it to tom instead of shiv because 'why get the baby lady if i can get the man who put the baby inside her?'). it makes perfect, cruel, devastating sense from a show perspective, and that's what most people are talking about, understandably. it's a devastating yet unavoidable, inevitable outcome. she's left with no other choice once she makes the decision against kendall, and patriarchy compels her to play the good wife to stay close to power. except, like... she does still have a choice. she does not have to go back to tom's car. she does not have to sit patiently waiting for him. she does not have to quietly congratulate him on his victory. she does not have to place her hand in his. these are all choices she made very voluntary. they're choices between maintaining her dignity and self-respect at the cost of future power versus maintaining the potential for future power at the cost of her dignity and self-respect -- the classic siobhan roy conundrum. she's been faced with it time and time again (even just five minutes prior with kendall) and she has never, not once, chosen the latter of her own volition. she hasn't been able to. that's her fatal flaw. maybe i could stomach her going back to tom if she didn't congratulate him, didn't place her hand in his when he expectantly held his out -- then some dignity would be preserved, maybe. but her complete and total submission for the sake of future power does not make sense with her lifelong inability to do just that. it makes sense that this would be her eventual endpoint, but we have seen nothing that implies shiv would so willingly subject herself to this feminine submission of wife and mother before person or source of power, to the complete and utter humiliation of being the quiet wife at the side of the man who knifed her in the back (and notably handed said knife by the man she thought her closest ally) in order to steal the job she fought for her entire life and, in her opinion, had earned. maybe she would come back to him eventually, for love or (more likely) for power, but it is incredibly hard to believe that shiv 'impulsive when faced with indignity' roy would be capable of immediately and publicly playing the role of the good wife after such intense and public humiliation at the hands of her husband.

really, the way i feel about the shiv ending is similar to how i feel about the daenerys ending -- unlike most people, i really wasn't that against the daenerys outcome. i thought it made a lot of sense and was interesting, devastating, and fascinating. i thought there had been a few signs all along and that that ending for her would make sense and be far more interesting than a Hooray ! Girlboss ! ending. however, it was poorly executed -- it was rushed. it did not make sense from where daenerys was at that point in the text. it could've worked, it could've worked brilliantly, but it needed more time to build and fester in order for her ultimate turn to feel earned rather than forced for the sake of the point the writers wanted to make. that's kind of how i feel about shiv. i get the ending and i don't think it's inherently bad or misogynistic or anything, but it feels like the writers saw the possibility for a shiv 'mommed' ending and immediately took it, with little regard to what actually made sense for shiv herself to do in that moment. outcome > character. that's frustrating for me particularly for succession because my like number one reason for adoring succession as much as i do is their consistent refusal to operate the way most media does (using the characters as instruments to achieve the plot/outcome the writers want), instead prioritizing following the characters themselves in a way that feels honest and real. it's character-driven, not plot or ending driven. i think that this fell by the wayside a few times in the latter half of this season simply because there was so much that needed to happen in such a short space of time (especially during the finale), but in my opinion, at least, the most egregious case is shiv. given more time, more development, more build-up, the last shot of her hand in tom's would've struck the chord the writers wanted it to -- and for some people, it did anyways! but for me, it rang out and fell nauseatingly flat. it felt hollow and wrong and unearned. shiv could end up becoming her mother, that feels entirely possible, but not in this particular sense, not yet. in what world would siobhan roy willingly choose to be seen as nothing more than a woman hanging off her husband's arm, especially when said husband had publicly humiliated her and ruined her entire life just five minutes prior? when, just five (metaphorical) minutes prior, she was the one poised to be CEO and everyone knew it? when now everyone will see her on tom's arm and whisper and gawk? she has become her worst fear, yes, but unlike kendall, it does not feel earned. it does not feel like she has actually become her worst fear. it feels like the show forced her to. not patriarchy or the situation or her own desire for power, but the show itself. that's what feels so shitty.

i wouldn't necessarily call the writing misogynistic as a result of this, as it's less a flaw of misogyny and more a flaw of bad, rushed writing that could happen to any character. it's the same as with daenerys -- although (somewhat unlike succession) there were many, many aspects of GoT's writing that were deeply misogynistic, especially in the last season (just look at fucking brienne), the core issue with the daenerys plotline is not one of misogyny but of time. they did not give daenerys the time needed to become the version of herself seen burning down the city. that could've easily been a focus of previous episodes, but it wasn't. they simply did not develop her enough for that turn to make sense yet. it could make sense, hypothetically, at some point down the line, but at that point it felt sudden, off-putting, and wrong. shiv could easily become her mother. that's been made evident especially regarding her relationship to pregnancy/children, love, and vulnerability (or the lack thereof). but for this ending to make sense, we would have needed to see signs of shiv imitating her mother's willingness to be relegated to the sidelines, to bring out the food while the men eat and make deals, in order to remain tangential to power. that is a concession shiv roy had never been willing to make prior to the last five minutes of the entire show. other signs of shiv imitating caroline or falling prey to patriarchal norms throughout the show are not enough to undo shiv's fundamental refusal to weather gender-related indignity even when doing so would benefit her. in my opinion, that's why the final five minutes of shiv's plotline were so unsatisfying.

shiv could become her mother, and her ending could be a devastating portrayal of the inability for even rich white women to escape their original sin of being a woman in a man's world, as well as a dark, ironic criticism of both women like shiv and the patriarchal world that breeds them into existence. but because the show did not develop shiv in this particular direction and because her entire character thus far has been defined by her self-destructive insistence on being respected at all costs, shiv's ending did not land the way it could've, or should've.

Always Human Book 2 + New Webcomic!! Hi, hello, I haven't been around for quite a while (life has been... happening... a lot) but I am, finally, properly, back. And I have 🌟news🌟

Book 2, book 2!!! It's happening!!! (ETA: Just want to clarify that book 2 is season 2 of the webcomic, chapters 38 through to the epilogue). Thanks so much to Brett and Little Bee Books for bringing the full webcomic to print, and to Maria for organising everything and being wonderful. And thanks so much to everyone who preordered/bought the book, or borrowed it at the library, or talked about it with a friend. The past few years have been rough in many ways (including for book publishing) and book 2 might not have had a chance to exist without you. Thank you all so much for the support 💙 But wait... I have 🌟more news🌟

New webcomic!! It's cute and queer and made from the heart and I think you'll like it if you like my other stuff. Please check it out :) https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/seven-days-in-silverglen-gl/list?title_no=775479

"I ask you, Special Agent Strahm: Have you learned enough to trust me?"

Hi Sawblr :3 again teehee

I'm finally done with my second Saw painting - and the background is kinda lazy , but WHATEVER ....... took me long enough

THE BORGIAS (2011-2013) Excerpt from "The Poisoned Chalice" Script

so i watched Fatal Journey because its about two of my favorite mdzs characters, and ahem ahem they did NOT need to make nie mingjue cry that much

Gore lineart by @tsubaki94 // it was so fun to back to my roots of "how many bruises and cuts can i fit on danny from ghost fighting" (cw: blood, bruises, cuts, cuts on inner forearm, bite bruise, restraint marks, blood/ectoplasm smear/splatter)

(also shamelessly looking at @green-with-envy-phandom-event 's cw tags to use)

10 Fic Recs for International Fanworks Day

In honor of this year's Feedback Fest and 10 years of International Fanworks Day, have 10 fic recs! Multifandom, and in no particular order. I tried to keep this as spoiler-free as possible so you can be here for any of the fandoms included.

1) and to those gods, i will speak bluntly by @argentsunshine

Zero Escape, Clover & Snake, Snake/Santa, 44.3k words

Canon divergence AU in which Snake and Clover go through door 5.

2) Rough Waters by Sinna

DCU, Tim/Bernard, 1.7k

In which Tim struggles to reconcile his sexuality with the fact that his parents would not approve of it.

3) Ensemble by @celesticnova

TWEWY, Eri/Shiki, Eri & Hazuki, 33.6k

Eri plays the Game, with Hazuki as her partner.

4) Totez Flaming Trainwreck Re:past by Darkblaw & oddvector

TWEWY, Coco/Tsugumi, Shiba/Hishima, Coco & Hishima & Shiba & Tsugumi, 41.8k

Title font not copied for screen reader compatibility. Post-NEO. The Shinjuku reapers try to get along with each other, some more successfully than others.

5) Tenacity by @sixtyfourk

Professor Layton, Flora & Katia, 2.5k

Wherein Flora comes with Katia to Folsense and helps her uncover the mysteries within.

6) inside the timeless cage by @detective-piplup

Professor Layton, Layton & Luke, 8k

Where Luke is stuck in a timeloop surrounding the week Unwound Future takes place in.

7) Batman for Dummies by @havendance

DCU, Tim & Helena, 38.5k

Canon divergence AU focusing on No Man's Land where as a result of Helena and Tim having a closer relationship, Tim is Robin for Helena's Bat.

8) Six Minutes by @nirvanai

AITSF, Date & Ryuki & Tama, 7.5k

Between the end of the final confrontation and the credits, Date Psyncs with Ryuki.

9) lingering at dawn by elijah_was_a_prophet

DGS, Susato/Rei, 6.1k

Post-canon. In which Rei is the one to leave.

10) Self-Inflicted Immolation by Kitisonfire

Ace Attorney, Miles & Larry & Phoenix, Miles & Gregory, 33.9k

A study of Miles Edgeworth, from childhood to Turnabout Sisters.