#I can't remember many things in my life
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Stares at myself in the mirror, then at my many sonas with different personalities that are undeniably me
,,,
Stares at my past memory gaps and sometimes the way I seem to shift personalities entirely... and kinda just... disassociate at the same time.
Interesting.
I'm contemplating things.
It could literally just me mindlessly zoning out on a task but there's a lot of things I don't remember that I should remember aoishoasihd.
#I am.#Discovering Things#I think#I dunno#Still contemplating#Still curious#I can't remember many things in my life#Most of it is just general everyday stuff though lmao
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He was about to kill you, Lex. Or divulge something you didn't want me to know.
— SMALLVILLE, "Forever" (4.21)
+ bonus from "Arctic" (7.20):
#smallville#smallvilleedit#svedit#lex luthor#jason teague#lionel luthor#clark isn't in these scenes but they're still very much#clex#sv 4x21#sv 7x20#dcmultiverse#my gifs#'why can't you see what's right in front of your face lex?' god. god. godddd.#I think there's a really interesting discussion to be had (with many potential viewpoints)#re: to what extent lex actually knew the truth either consciously or subconsciously at any particular time#and how much he was just in denial about it (and why)#I'm not really prepared to have that discussion in these tags but like#let's face it - lex figured out that clark had powers all the way back in 1x12#just because clark convinced him he was wrong at the time doesn't mean he just forgot that whole thing#and yet it seemed like the more seasons went on and the more obvious the truth became#especially the fact that clark was so heavily tied to all the alien weirdness of smallville#the more lex seemed to (subconsciously?) push back against accepting or recognizing that truth#I mean that's literally what he's doing in the 4x21 scene with jason#so it's like he both desperately wanted to know clark's secret but also didn't want to know at all#and that's just SO interesting#I mean jesus the 7x20 scene is supposed to be peak evil lex and yet he STILL has to be pushed into accepting the truth#and he does so with his eyes glistening because yeah he wanted to know clark's secret once upon a time but he never wanted THIS#(remember when lex told jonathan in s1 that he just wanted clark to have a happy normal life bc clark was such a good person?#and then he's told in 7x20 that to save the world he has to KILL clark and take that life away from him hahaha [crying] it's fine I'm FINE)#wow I really said 'I'm not prepared to have this discussion' and then just. proceeded to have it anyway huh. lmao oops
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okay i finished "my life with the walter boys" and i'm gonna type my thoughts and then i promise i will never talk about it again woah that was terrible
some positive things first
i loved hayley's and tara's friendship almost one of the only stable and balanced friendships i have ever seen on media
hayley and will communicating was beautiful i love complicated relationships that get fixed through communication woo
katherine and george PLEASE adopt me i know your money situation is bad but please i love you guys best parents on media i love them omg
nathan and danny on top love you guys i love a fellow theater kid
erin ily please run away
kiley ily please run away
our dear mc jackie HAS ambitions wooo!!!
jackie was okay i like that she stood up for herself
and the way she told off cole "drinking doesn't give you a free pass to be an ass" (??) PREACH! AMEN!
alex's freckles are my downfall
now... things that pissed me off/don't make sense/just wtf
why on earth were people calling jackie "orphan annie" like i love mean girls yes be mean but c'mon no one can be that insensitive
love triangles piss me off
they were all insufferable
cole "i don't want to hurt my brothers feelings" walter, proceeds to flirt with jackie and give her the doe eyes.. you're not that cool to get away with everything STOP
girl code olivia.. girl code!! erin should have taken more time to forgive her
jackie's talking to parker about being her older sister then proceeds to kiss two brothers... DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM
and jackie wth girlie i want to like you but wth are you doiiing
why is cheating so normalized in straight media are you guys okay
oh and of course i love gay people as much as the next guy but skylar and nathan shouldn't have ended up together... no chemistry me thinks
talking about no chemistry none of the main cast have any chemistry
these guys have no sense of family or i don't know maybe it's normal for two brothers to hate each other i don't know!! i get things being complicated but c'moon.. and they kinda fixed their relationship ONLY TO RUIN IT AGAIN (i mean not yet ig that's for season 2)
why on earth did you take so long to give her that goddamn teacup
i'm not entirely sure why i watched this... but i did. now that i'm invested of course i need season 2... but omg it was terrible
#my life with the walter boys#mlwtwb#season 2 when#i need to be burned at the stake#if my bffs see this look away guys#this isn't me#yes it is actually i live for drama#so many more things i didn't like but can't remember all of it#nathan deserves better#i like skylar don't get me wrong#i don't like them together
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I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)
Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)
LIKE!!!!!!!
Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.
#csi#gsr#i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything#need to talk more about these two here#because im obsessed about them in a Normal way#sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together#i would not though#i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far#also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what#i could talk about her forever she's everything to me#and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever#i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them#and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line#nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it#but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know#but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life#you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too#he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it#and his smirks#AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA#im losing my mind#i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ#ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic#one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone#or this persons' lifestyle#he's always trying to understand them and not judge them#like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people#and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much#like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara#they're a perfect match for me
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btw where the fuck did september go. did i spend it all lying in bed and developing ptsd again or
#text#I ACTUALLY DIDN'T. i know i did other stuff i just can't remember it right now#i went to meeting i sent email i went to concert !!! i went to beach. many other such things#I MADE FRIENDS !!!!!!! <3#and i smoked weed 3 days in a row and then realized i was going to develop a problem if i kept getting really high instead of experiencing#my emotions and my life and such so i stopped
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dehradun days
you meet them for the first time,
knowing it's probably the last.
might as well make the most of this time,
since life comes at you fast.
you find the strangest of signals
in the no-network zones.
cross-tent communication with folks,
just rambling about the unknown.
there's the warmth of shared laughter,
that carries you through freezing nights,
and you look up at the flickering stars,
to finally see things in a different light.
and at 11,000 ft above sea level
you finally reach the peak,
just to realise the joy was in the journey,
and the friends you made that week.
you'll visit caves & splendid cafes,
and remember the city in mere parts,
but years later, you'll still tell everyone,
how dehradun captured your heart.
#inertia-writes#poets on tumblr#desi poetry#dehradun poetry#poems on india#poems on life#desiblr#being desi#dehradun#i went on a trek w the lowest of expectations and it was one of the best experiences of my life#it's so refreshing to meet people from different cities and of different ages and backgrounds#jan and feb were pretty meh but things have been looking upwards from march (thank you god - i acknowledge your existence)#thought of writing a happy poem for a change of tone (and also maybe because i am genuinely happy :) )#this isn't one of my best poems i feel - it's a bit unrefined - but who cares it is one of my happy ones sooooo#there are times when absolutely nothing significant happens and there are days when years happen#i didn't go in the mountains for solitude - i felt that here already haha. i went for a change.#but i gained so many memories w people and so many positive perspectives that i needed in general. also nayata premier league <3#i think i believe in destiny now. i was destined to meet those people and have a good time and come back to reality w a spring in my step#and maybe the mountains were calling. can't stay away from snow too long - i was born during snowy days anyway#came back home and am still in some weird positive trance - good for me#also my lucky streak is still going on - kaavish released a new song#historic moment in time (thank you god 2x)#poems on friendship#found family#poems on found family#all the may '23 - feb '24 melancholy has been washed out of my system. i am now set for the next tragedy of my life lol#dekhte hai kab tak khush rehti hu mein - kuch bhayankar honewala hai aisa lag raha hai#i do not remember the last time i was happy for a month straight - am i living in a virtual simulation?#whoever is controlling my life rn - i would like to continue to stay in this simulation - thanks v much
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her !!!!!
my dtl braincell was startled awake by this poll. (if you haven’t voted yet, dtl is fighting for its life and currently on the losing side,,)
#my art#drawn to life#heather#dtl heather#drawn to life: the next chapter#dtl tnc#bro i can't remember how to tag my dtl art#all i can remember is as many as possible bc finding dtl things! be hard!#at least sometimes for sure#i love her so much;;
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soooo. that new big time rush album huh
#how we feeling today rushers (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧#also yes i've come back from the dead just to post abt this like. i owe this blog *this much* at least ykyk#anyway its like 3 in the morning here and ive just woken up after a vv long and exhausting day yesterday so this was a pleasant surprise :>#i haven't really listened to it in full yet bc idk adhd things but when the mood hits right y'all know i'll be VIBING#i never talked abt it but waves and can't get enough were great earworms so i'm excited to see how the rest of the songs will turn out#also hope everyone's doing well here on the btr side of tumblr hehe y'all been absolutely fed this year <3#is this gonna be allen's 2k23 tumblr comeback??? nah prob not i'm too in love with the fooo conspiracy atm but hey maybe also who knows 👀#(*heckler from the back of the audience* NO ONE CARES ABOUT U AND UR TRASH CONTENT IDIOT STFU FOREVER ACTUALLY!!!!!)#but yep. life has been fuck work has been a headache and so many unwanted tragic plot twists this year. but at least we got new btr lezzgo!#also happy pride month y'all!!! just saying this for absolutely no rhyme or reason related to this post at all wdym lmao ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯#okay thats all promise i'll shush now and it's time for old grampa to disappear into the darkest recesses of the internet yet again hejdååå#btr#big time rush#another life#album#stop it forever#lmao i hardly remember my dumbass blog tags;;; it's for the best hdbfkgk
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i hope I'm lucky enough to die like izzy when i go: a better version of myself, surrounded by people who love me
#seeing so many people say so many dumb things is staggering and also sad??#like he did well#that was a good way to go#you can't stop life from ending but you can embrace it#I've actually teared up a couple of times today remembering how my grandma died and what she said to me when she knew she was leaving us#that was a realistic heartfelt scene befitting of a show like ofmd and i love the writers for showing us every facet of life#which yes includes death#alex watches ofmd#ofmd spoilers
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i know. i know my school president is about a high-school life. but, for ourskyy2, i really really wish the show would go into their first-year campus life. transitioning from high school to university on different schools or faculties or departments. but, always, always, still manage to find time once a week, or every two weeks, or even a month, to meet and play music together and having bbq pork, or any other dish, afterward. or just simply having a day out together. of course, the dating life too, of tinn and gun, and sound and win. and, please, please, also a bit, no, a lot of tiw and por on their talking stage, or maybe already unknowingly dating. and finally, one (or two) performance of chinzhilla needs to be there.
#my school president#i think about this a lot#and then i remembered hospital playlist my number one comfort drama#and can't help wanting to see similar thing with msp#everyone starting their own life but still maintaining their friendship#and keeping chinzhilla!#no special episode(s) would be enough i need new season.#sorry this is so random. i blame it to once upon a time on repeat that had me caught so many feelings :')
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Tainted batch (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#Fine nevermind >:(#It's so weird to be posting vent-adjacent stuff while I'm doing so well currently haha#I started this months ago and have significantly improved my mood since then pfft ♪ I'd hope!#There wasn't anything specific at the time anyway just a thought circling around that I figured Charm would be more affected by#Considering most things for her are heightened in comparison haha <3 She'll get therapy someday#She also deals a lot in sublimation through art! And sometimes that means literally taking the materials and using them elsewhere#Honestly it's pretty cool that she can reconstitute her art :0 Drawing is a little different haha#I hadn't realized it'd been as long as it's been since I last drew Cirrus :0#Oh yeah Cherry Shortcake actually has a first name now lol#A few residents do! If you remember my mention of Aria from a while back - Marshmallow Fluff - I think those are the current three?#Still haven't really pinned down a naming convention haha...I've been thinking about three-letter last names for what feels like forever now#She was also an early contender for Digitally Rendered Resident huh... I could at least stand to name the others that have gotten that lol#So many things I wanna do with her - really want to finish her Biased Narrator fic sometime just dunno how to end it hrmngh#Anyway lol she gets a one-panel cameo and takes over the post pft no! Charm time!#Evil Time Charm time - kicked up her pulse as soon as she remembered#She kinda sorta remembers what happened but more than that remembers the Emotions - feeling Laughed At#And clearly it's [this specific thing]'s fault that she feels foolish! Avoid [this specific thing] and never feel foolish again Guaranteed!*#*Not actually even remotely close to a guarantee lol instead she's just avoiding something that at one point made her feel good#So easy to turn a positive memory into a negative one with just a change of framing huh?#I can't think of anyone in her life who would exploit that fun little feature in her outlook not even one!
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Shoutout to my mother for taping HOW TO UNLOAD THE DISHWASHER instructions to the front of the dishwasher, it has taken many years but at long last she has gotten the general gist of my brain problems (she was married to my dad and shared a room with my aunt growing up, after all) and is being genuinely helpful in material and meaningful ways. Thenk u momther 4 my ADL assistance
#My dad had. Pretty all of my brain problems compounded by the worldview of a white guy born in 1951 in southern Illinois#So just kept making successive wives and then his daughters be his caretakers and was a huge entitled asshole about it and also#A violent drunk until he stopped drinking and dealt with shame about not being The Right Kind of Man etc etc etc#aunt was like if 3 anxiety disorders in a trench coat were a person and that person was a hoarder#And could not organize or keep any space clean or remember anything to save her life#Obsessed with baseball freaky good at languages never had a job#Had two degrees from Ivy League schools#The ones who died young in institutions are extreme examples but there are so many members of my family I see as#Cautionary tales because almost all of us are crazy and on the autism-OCD-schizophrenia spectrum and so many people end up#Miserable and terrified or in awful relationships or whatever because they try to have regular lives and do things like regular people#Like bestie We Can't <333#That Way Lies Misery <333#Only happy person among grandparents' kids is the uncle who went thru intensive therapy became a freelance software engineer#And now lives in the desert with his wife except when they visit the farm to take care of the grandkids during harvest season
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oops I started thinking about a frustrating event from highschool and spiraled into anger again :/
#original#the initial event was fairly minor and I probably would not have remembered it this long if not for the incredibly frustrating conversation#that ensued when I complained about it tonmy sunday school teachers#there were two things that had happened and which were inextricably intertwined. X was mildly irritating and Y I was somewhat mad about#they then proceeded to tell me that I should not be mad about X#and no matter how many times I insisted that I didn't CARE about X; I was mad about *Y*#they just kept saying that I shouldn't be mad about X#(honestly I'm also annoyed about how they kept insisting on that.#Like. 'you shouldn't be upset about X; it's gonna happen more times in your life and you're gonna have to get used to it'#is incredibly dismissive and if I'd actually been upset about X I would've been pissed with that response for that reason#)#but I was and still am pissed that I kept telling them that I was mad about *Y* not X and they just kept addressing X#come to think of it I don't think they even acknowledged Y at all let alone my righteous anger over it#... writing out these tags is not helping with the spiraling I think#I came up with an analogy/metaphor/parable that might've helped to make my point#and am now also angry that I can't go back in time and make them listen to it and see if it would make them understand
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: :
.....h-h-hemlo.....?
#** t h e c o n n e c t o r [ OOC. ]#|| surprised tumblr still remembers my tags#uhm#hello#i've been once again crazy busy with life#for good reasons this time at least#my routine looks like it's going to be leveling out in the coming weeks#and i want to get back into writing here#especially nams#i miss her so much#and a talk with a coworker today just really reminded me of how much i love one piece#roleplaying was the one thing that got me through covid#and i've made so many friends here#i can't just let that go ||
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I wish Steddie was popular during the whole Squid Game period just to have my TikTok full of draws of this scene with them
#also think of the fanfictions man#gotta go see if someone wrote something on ao3#ok but Steve trying very hard to loose but he's paired with Eddie and that man can loose in his fucking sleep so Steve's plan fails#and Eddie's like 'You can't loose man someone has to look after those kids'#and 'Tell Dustin he's the luckiest guy for having you by his side'#or or Steve to be like 'We were supposed to win together. break the rules! You were supposed to meet Dustin#remember??? We were supposed to win the money get the kids and visit the world!'#and Eddie's all like 'I'm sorry I'm so sorry. Maybe in another life big boy'#omg and they are both crying and Eddie doesn't want to die man but Steve told him so many things about the kids waiting for him at home and#he can't do that to them he can't do that to Steve he fell too fast and too hard#'And Steve? Let my uncle know I finally meet someone worth fighting for'#I'm making myself cry for no goddamn reason#stranger things au#stranger things steddie#steddie#stranger things eddie#stranger things steve#eddie munson#steve harrington#squid game au#squid game#stranger things
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Rash decisions
INFJ: My ESFP friend is getting married now to a guy she met a few months ago on holiday.
ENTJ: She is getting what?
INFJ: Yeah. You know, it's always fun to watch your best friend make the craziest of life choices.
ENTJ: But that's so stupid. You can't know a person after that short amount of time. What is she thinking? Does no one tell her how insane that is?
INFJ: Of course they do. We all do, but she doesn't want to hear it. She needs us all to believe in their undying love.
ENTJ: Okay, here's what we do. Next time you FaceTime her or whatever, tell me and I'll be casually walking in on your conversation, see her on screen and be like "Oh it's you! You with the crazy life choices!" I mean, I don't know her, but I can tell her the harsh truth, so you don't have to. You don't have to risk your friendship with her. I can do that for you.
#i've known my esfp friend my whole life. i can't remember a time when i didn't know her. she has just always been there by my side#and it's so insane to think about how incredibly different we are and how many insane choices she has made in her life#i just want her to be happy but oh my god it's so hard to watch sometimes#at the same time i feel so sorry for the way her other friends are talking down to her as if she was stupid#she's not stupid she just rushes into things too quickly thinking that as long as her belief in something is strong enough#then everything will work out and everything will be okay but that's just not how it works#watching inferior ni in action is making me insane#esfp#entj#infj#mbti conversations
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