#I can’t keep doing this to my body
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I’m gonna attempt to quit drinking alcohol again. I’m only having a drink now cause I’m scared of dangerous withdrawal symptoms. (Alcohol withdrawal can kill you)
any advice/suggestions/support are immensely appreciated 🌻
#personal#tw alcohol#alcoholism#binge drinking#i feel so sick#I can’t keep doing this to my body#i legit have been drinking non stop for weeks#I have tremors now#alcoholic tw#recovering alcoholic
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Sleepover shenanigans
#drawing#steve harrington#stranger things#robin buckley#stobin#they were in her room arguing like old married couple#listen steve just doesn’t understand how she can’t do it bc he thinks she can do anything#he said what tf do you mean you don’t have abs and rob was like bestie I don’t work out they aren’t strong I’m a limo noodle#and he was like well girl get on that I don’t want you to die bc you didn’t keep your body healthy istg your worse than Henderson#and she was like HEY I do plenty of things such as ride my bike and he said ok then why are your thighs the size of my forearm#and he keeps yelling at her to use her core and she’s screaming at him that she’s trying#and he’s holding her leg#but we’ll rob flails and her heel whacked him in the eye so he feel back#hit the wall thought he was dead#dropped rob to the ground and shes cursing like an d man that had to get up from his chair#and she’s like why’d you drop me and he doesn’t respond so she looks over#and my man is out for the count with another black eye#she thinks she killed him and worries that after years of demogorgons and Russians the thing that kills Steve Harrington is#Robs sharp ass heel#she pushes him under the bed and covers him with blankets and then goes to sleep#except he wakes up at like 2am and she screams worse than when she saw a ud creature for the 1st time and whacks him back down and BAM#he is out again and now Robin is freaking out more bc omg she killed her platonic soulmate and he came back to life only for her to kill him#AGAIN#she wonders if she can be tried for double manslaughter on one man but how would they know? then rob realized she can’t testify bc#she’ll tell everything if she gets up on the stand and she won’t just be sentenced for life she’ll be sentence for TWO lives#but then she’s like omg I deserve two life sentences to honor Steve even though he wouldn’t be in jail she just assumes he goes with her#even her own prison sentence for his murder#the next time Steve wakes up he inches out and flips on her to tame her flailing limbs and she starts crying saying#I killed you twice but my love for you is so strong it brought you back a third time and steve is like you knocked me out shithead you didnt#murder me Jesus Christ and she’s like how do you k ow and he’s like omg how do I know
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Thoughts on Akari's EX outfit? I love the colors!
I like it too!! I don’t love it, but I really appreciate that they went with Hisuian Samurott’s colors!
The only thing holding me back from loving it is probably where they put the darker and lighter colors. I’m a fan of character designs where headwear is generally lighter than the jacket/shirt/pants if there is going to be a contrast. And that might be because I like characters with dominantly dark color palettes, and lighter colors are secondary. And that is because it just personally pops in a more appealing way to me than a primarily light color palette with darker colors as the secondary.
That’s just my personal preference when it comes to character designs though! I would swap a few colors around, but my adjustments would make her EX’s values look very similar to her original. That might be why I still prefer the original though haha, it’s primarily dark.
For what it is though, I really like the EX!! It looks really great, just my personal taste in value dominance prefers the original ^^
#wayward’s asks#I may do a reblog of this wirh a quick edit later but I can’t right now#almost every single one of my original character designs follow this preference of mine#dark values dominate the color scheme and most light colors are secondary and almost always around the face/head#it just helps lead eyes to the face while keeping my personal design preferences#and same with this Akari#with the original#my eyes go right to her face#but with the EX my eyes go right to her waist with the wrap#cause her face is light surrounded by dark#but her body is the bigger contrast area where it’s a strip of dark surrounded by a big space of light on both sides#it just leads my eyes somewhere I don’t want it to go#I generally want my eyes to go to a character’s face
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Fallen Sydney is definitely the type that enthusiastically buys all sorts of kinky outfits. For themself as much as their s/o haha
Sydney buying a bunch of outfits she really wants to see on Dee. Forgetting she will have to convince/beg her for weeks to actually wear them
#sydney trying to rizz Dee up to get her into the incredibly tiny bunnysuit: PLEASEPLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEEEEEEPLEASEPLE#im kinda torn I think Dee has a thing for costumes as well but she already has to wear them a lot for the stripclub which is like….#sure.. it’s work.. whatever. but the association sticks#and then on the other hand I think she’s partly embarrassed that she’s into it. maybe even ashamed#smth smth this shitty town makes you feel like a piece of meat so it’s difficult to feel like you have ownership over your own body and kink#I love this hc because it’s so fun and cute but Sydney would need to spend soo much money on custom tailoring for Dee (realistically)#which would be suuuuuper expensive and makes the hc way less fun lmao (like Sydney would NOT have the budget for that)#< I keep doing this but i can’t help and be acutely aware how difficult it is to get cute clothes for anyone who’s not thin#sydney the fallen#dee the defiant#dol pc#on one hand I feel a bit guilty that I keep making these posts about Dee on the other hand… this is my blog I can do what I want and..#the blog name kinda indicates it don’t it (fork spotted in kitchen etc etc)#doldykes
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being self-conscious really fucks up your life
#txt.#i can’t stand looking at my face let alone my body#I never like taking group photos#i never like ppl taing photos of me#neither group photos#I don’t have any pictures on my posts on insta#and I never post a picture of myself on snap or instagram#whenever I do send a snap#it’s hardly ever of me#& when it is of me i despise it#i never like doing makeup on myself bc I feel like the ‘makeup on a pig’ idea#i just want to fucking kms#I can’t keep doing this to myself
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My pronouns are they/them ‘cause I’ll never be HER💕
Saw this comic by @mushtoons and their outfit designs has been living in my head rent free ever since
#rottmnt#raphael#rottmnt raph#cant stop thinking about this design honestly#I’ve never drawn a full body turf before so I think I need to practice the proportions more#need to shorten his limbs and make him more square#but aaaa#seriously loved this yes#I was too tired to do this yesterday after school but gosh I was spiritually with the turt bros last hot girl Fridays#if you haven’t guessed really masculine characters with feminine features or feminine girls with masculine features are my weakness#uuuffff#obsessed#they can’t do much cause of the whole…this….situation#but they could maybe party on the roof of some of the gay bars together and debate weather lady gags or Britney is the true queen#love it ahh#I could keep going but I won’t#oh I binge watched all of rise this week while I worked#I feel I missed some things by not properly watching but I loved it I’ll deffo go back and see the#properly when I can#also yes I know I was meant to do requests around work today but when I tell you this is all I could think of I meant it#he’s just spinning in my head like a microwave#he’s so sharp and angular but that top is so light and soft like him aaaaaa#and pinks a shade of red so it’s still his colour scheme it totally counts#I think I’m so used to drawing vectors long arms I stretched Ralph’s limbs out too much I’ll practice winding them back in#oh ehile im here inlowkey wanted this to match that crocs vector monty designed that i drew last year#for personal reasons uwu#mushtoons#SaveRiseOfTheTMNT
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*elias voice* hitting the bong is like sex to me. it’s phallic, jonathan.
#i can’t stop thinking about him saying this. i can hear it so clearly in my mind#also elias would definitely be objectum for smoking devices. he’s been keeping the same wooden tobacco pipe with him since jonah’s body.#but he’s also fascinated by modern day cannabis culture. i think he’d have a blast trying out different concentrates n shit#he goes to tha smoke shop and flirts with the giant fancy bongs they have on display#hakshsjshs OKAY I GOTTA STOP#anyway#tma#the magnus archives#elias bouchard#jonelias#do not archive#drug mention#shut that damn dog up
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i hope you don’t mind me not participating in sunday six for so long and not updating my fic... i’m having a bit rough time handling my life irl right now
#meaning i’m having the worst start of the year ever#i’m EXHAUSTED fucking exhausted from my living situation and it doesn’t seem to get better any time soon#naturally i don’t have it in me to write because i don’t have enough time to relax. it’s been three fucking weeks.#i just don’t know even my body gives up from this stress and not like something terrible is happening#it’s extremely upsetting also considering that i love writing and it’s the only activity that makes sense to me#and always has been like that it’s in my core#and i. can’t do it. i can’t. i have no willpower or strength and it’s not writer’s block i’m just SO TIRED ALL THE TIME#therapy and years of medication mean nothing at this fucking point. props to me for not killing myself tho. well done 👍#sorry for ranting i am so frustrated that i can scream. i have actually. didn’t help.#well ahem i hope you understand 🙏 i feel bad that i’ve promised the chapter a long time ago and NOT TO BE THAT AO3 AUTHOR but#i really wanted to keep my promise. fuck me i guess#putting letters together one word at a time
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Why do they ask for your DOB then your on digital forms? Don’t make me do the math of how old I am that’s what computers are for
#once I hit 25 I stopped keeping track#quarter century nailed it#I’ll care again in 25 years from then#still not there yet#so I don’t know my age#time to go do math#singing up for a new therapists office#fuck this place that fired my therapist and now just want me to sit on my crazy ass and deal#they have told me multiple times they will call me with an urgent appointment and then haven’t#then yesterday when I said I was leaving they offered an appointment during my first med#I told them that was one of 4 times a day I can’t mess with#and they didn’t understand#I can’t talk to a person if I’m in too much pain to think you fuckers#so mad#I actually can’t stand them#personal#therapy#my body is a wonderland that’s been condemned for 20 yrs
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Last night I made a list of all the ways drinking has been negatively effecting me, my relationships, those around me, my body and mind, and my life as a whole recently.
There are 45 separate things listed on there so far
#it’s just .. idk how to go from a pint of vodka a night to nothing#if I try to taper or ween off I’ll just keep drinking too much#I can’t sleep without it anymore either even when I take like 300mg seroquel#literally need fuckin at least 8 drinks to even sleep anymore..#if I do get to sleep it will be like an hour before my sleep is disrupted#I’m fed up#and I don’t want to do this to myself anymore#but it’s so much easier said than done#I know if I continue on this path my body and mind will both continue to be damaged#and I know that if I don’t do something very soon I could end up drinking like this or worse for the rest of my life.#I want and deserve better than that#there is so much more to life than this#and I intend to experience as much of it as possible. without needing a substance to get through the day#ah#I don’t want to be like this anymore#but I really fear it’s too late to change or turn back#sorry lol a lot on my mind
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Pizza pizza
#this is my second time trying to post this cuz the quality was crap#if it happens again I’m not gonna try and fix it 😭😭#fnaf au where it’s more like cec/rae#I based these off the rae/battington designs bc they’re just better than the canon looks for them sorry#Freddy is like a mix of fatz geronimo and teddy ruxpin#chica is obviously the chef/baker of the group and I wanted to make her bob into an apron instead but I didn’t feel like doing full bodies#for like any of these#foxy is iconic so I didn’t change his design much but I incorporated aspects from different designs-like the beard from squimpus#face from battington and added khol under his eyes bc it felt appropriate#and I added fetch from the books to the main gang bc idk it felt like smth needed to be there and the dog is cute#he’s at the prize counter and gives out prizes and Guards against theft and he’s just a little baby#can’t decide if i want to keep the name fetch or use sparky instead bc sparky was iconic AND ALSO IN THE FUCKING MOVIE???? HELLO???#this is from my sketchbook so it doesn’t look great and I’ll get around to doing full bodies eventually#im kinda scared to tag this as fnaf#rubensdoodads#okay back to the cec/rae grind#Bonnie is a failed magician and does skits like Rolfe/Klunk does my bad#fnaf
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.
#a wonderful day turned into a horrific night#i am freaking out#i was staying with a friend#a really good friend and i love them so much#i truly do but their home is infested and I don’t do well with bugs#i tried my hardest to spend the night but there were bugs all over me and i just couldn’t take it#and it was freaking me out#to the point where i think i had a panic attack#so i ordered a uber to go home#in the middle of the night#and i can still feel the fucking roaches on my skin#and I’m breathing real hard in my uber trying to keep it together#and i feel so awful about it#bc i didn’t wake them up to tell them i was leaving#i was honestly just thinking about escape#but i know it’s gonna hurt their feelings which i don’t want to do#but i just can’t sleep in a place where bugs are gonna crawl all over me like#one of my biggest fears is a bug crawling inside my body via my ears or nostrils or whatever#so i just ran#and i feel like that makes me a bad person…#i’m just having a really bad night rn#and could use a hug or three
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Me, opening up a packet of the stuff the vet gave me: “I hope this probiotic powder doesn’t put my cat off his food. Can’t really help with his digestion issues if he doesn’t eat it”
I spill some because my hands can have problems with stability
My cat: *licks the stuff up like a kid who just discovered what powdered sugar was*
Me: “is this flavored?”
My cat: begs me for more powder and momentarily forgets his food
Me: “this has to be flavored”
#emma posts#sometimes him getting excited about new flavors for kitties is good#but other times his love of flavor exploration will lead him to eating a food he’s allergic to#and I can’t figure out what he’s reacting to right away because he just keeps eating the thing that makes his tummy hurt#at least I stop using things I realize cause allergic reactions#you’d think a little guy who doesn’t even know what allergies are would be even more off put by them#he’s so finicky about so many random things! but he loves new foods. especially more expensive ones. and that food was more expensive#this time he is getting a food for upset hairball tummies and has been enjoying it more than his old stuff too#I just hope that him traveling back and forth between his old food at my parents house and new food here causes problems#his old man tummy is getting more sensitive than it used to be and he’s getting a different food now… hopefully. and vitamins while he gets#these probiotics to hopefully make the change easier. I don’t want to jinx it but so far it seems to be really helpful#he hasn’t even gotten one hairball since starting the hairball food! and he loves his new vitamin treats#hopefully he’ll keep doing well with the old kitty vitamin treats#I want him to get his old man vitamins#even if he’s super healthy for his age. it’s good not to get worse!#i would know. as someone who dealt with not eating enough from medication side effects#I’m better now though! I switched meds and take more vitamins just in case#anyway. eating food is important for humans and kitties if you can get it it’s important!#and if your cat doesn’t get or absorb enough food they could get permanent damage to their bodies. never let your cat go more than three#days without food! try to make sure that they eat at least every 12 hours#they might not need as much food as you. but they can get a lot sicker a lot faster than humans usually do#I can ramble on and on about cat health though 😅 I just love my little guy so much#combo of better food formulated for hairballs and not giving him an allergic reaction with the probiotics too seems to be helping a lot#i knew cheap food wasn’t usually quite as good as the slightly more expensive stuff but holy shit. since moving out and now switching food#it’s been going so well for him! maybe I should ask my family to change the other cats food. I just hope that an extra 9$ a bag isn’t#off putting for them. i feel like fewer hairballs should be a great selling point
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Vent
#I keep saying that I feel like I need a second job or more hours at work#because we’re in such a bad spot financially#meanwhile my body can’t handle the hours I’m already doing#idk what to do#I doubt I’ll be able to get a desk job when Starbucks won’t even hire me#I wanted to take on more hours at work but due to not having a car I’ve been stuck being dropped off early and picked up late#and even that extra hour and a half a shift has nuked me this week#there’s so much that goes into it#people being like ‘just get disability’ like and ruin the rest of my life?#but also not being able to just ‘not work because I’m disabled’ because my household literally can’t support itself if I don’t work#personal
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