I question sometimes what I go to for the lengths of getting something to soothe my mental state. Showed a plush of a character from a bl webtoon comic (Souta my beloved) to my older bro. If he figures out I read them I don't think he'll see me the same way again. Then again, the order date expires in less than 12 hours so I need it ordered immediatley.

The routes I go for a plush to help me... Doesn't even ship till three days after my birthday. In the meanwhile I will currently be in a not healthy mental state probably and will still continue my break until I get it together.

To lighten her mood, I read a tribute Volodymyr had paid to her in Vogue Magazine, when he said: "She is my love. She is my greatest friend.  Olena really is my best friend.  She's also a patriot, and she deeply loves Ukraine, and she's an excellent mother." Ms Zelenska’s face instantly lit up into a beaming grin. "Fortunately, he tells me this very often.  But we are really friends and I think that's the secret of our relationship. We understand each other and we support each other. "It's not just the words, well done, keep working, I believe in you. No, we can make each other laugh when it's needed or we can tell each other, 'Get a grip, go get your job done'. We feel each other."

From the upcoming Olena interview

there has got to be a nicer way to say that i don’t care about befriending these cis white men to my friend. Please please i don’t care if they’re nice i don’t care omg😭😭😭 We have nothing in common and so do u guys. pls. Stawp it

Characters who are intentionally written to be horrible little bastard goblins: ✔️ Hilarious

Characters who are supposed to be viewed as being A Good Person in spite of them continuously doing horrible asshole things that would make any reasonable person fucking punch them IRL: ❌ Infuriating

sorry this is like unrelated to anything else but personality disorders are like. the absolute worst thing in the world to go thru. (it’s hyperbole don’t crucify me pls.) like yknow that feeling you get that, there’s something wrong with you, that you just can’t connect with people like everyone else does, that there’s something in you that makes you difficult and mean and hard to get along with, let alone love? people get these feelings from time to time, you have to assume at least based on your own experience and what you see other people saying. and the response from others is usually, “oh well it’s just all in your head! no one actually thinks that of you, you’re just being silly!” and so you can console yourself. you’re not alone in this, this is normal. and then you get diagnosed with a personality disorder. and actually, as it turns out, most people don’t feel this way, only a very small percentage of the population feels the way you do, and guess what? everyone does actually think those people (those people who now include you) suck. almost everyone does think that you (and those like you) are a horrible person, that there’s something wrong with you, that you’re toxic, that not only are you unloveable, but you are - in fact - undeserving of love. it’s literally a personality disorder, your personality, who you are, is defective. congrats on your diagnosis, there is no cure you are stuck like this for life. because of your diagnosis people will either invalidate your feelings, or just distance themselves from you, and there’s nothing you can do about it because if you express your emotions you will be called toxic and manipulative and there is absolutely nothing you can do that will make that not the case. congrats on your fucking diagnosis.

slight rant/vent

Though I'm also posting on twt at @bluravenite in case you want to interact with me outside of hate anons

Yk there's probably hate anons going around all the time but it's been really apparent this past week that some people genuinely don't know to shut the fuck up... I have stopped posting with the same frequency as i was bc i am working on commissions and drawing takes time but i might just keep a more sort of closed parasocial relationship/ treat Tumblr more as a portfolio than as social media if that keeps happening... Sorry that i rant in here a lot but it's genuinely exhausting sometimes when most of your mutuals on this app are getting rude anons...

/vent

why is my psyche so weak that even the end of a god damn online friendship is enough to put me in a bad mental state for over a year :’(

i get too attached to people too quickly, and you’d think i would learn my lesson by now, but NOPE!! I dive into friendships too quickly and then get upset to the point of physical illness when they turn out to be a dickhead </3

but based on how often i get hurt, i feel like i really should learn to be less open and friendly with people and more distant and cold, at least for the first month or so </3

and to top it off, nobody ever listens to me or my stupid-ass concerns. nobody cares to even try listening. nobody..

I JUST WISH SOMEONE WOULD LISTEN TO ME FFS :’(

I JUST WANT GOOD FRIENDS!!! MY HEART CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS SHIT :(

part of me thinks making new friends would help me feel better, but the other part of me feels like it would be a bad idea for me to jump into new friendships just yet, as i have barely even healed at all yet, and getting my heart broke again at this point could be catastrophic :(

:(

Very bad grade in therapy today

.

I will not be that asshole when I obtain my therapy license. By that I mean not being condescending toward clients and assuming they don't know shit about their physical and mental health. I don't understand how mental health care providers (and medical, let's be real) get so far up their own ass that they forget the crucial bits about their job: LISTENING AND EMPATHY. Even if you know or feel on a gut level that your patient be blowing smoke up your ass, you need to do right by them the best you can. Humans got issues. Even the "good" and "best" ones. You should know that when you sign up with a career that involves interacting with every facet of humanity you can think of. It's some deep dark ice cream with sprinkles and a cherry on top. Sprinkle and cherry people/experiences are rare. Most people are the base. Just the ice cream, and there's nothing wrong with that, but the flavor can get old real fast, and you gotta accept that if you're gonna be a doc or mental health provider. Appreciate the the components, appreciate the damn people who seek YOU for help.

Getting re-obsessed over Two Embers cause it was supposed to be out by now.

.

billions(tm): it's incredible how we just provide a little snippet of material designed to be "guy we all want to push down the stairs immediately somehow" and through this amazing acting alchemy it becomes gold. electric. magnificent. we can't get enough so we will just keep writing this loser character and the actor will somehow keep bringing the dazzling transmutation through his ability

actor will roland: [is aware autistic people are real]

I really love my love-punch peter so much he's such an immense asshole of a person. recently I was going through the bookmarks and so many of them were people just hating on him and I was like. yeah that's my boy <3

Being Jewish in progressive spaces means that you're on high alert any time someone around you brings up Israel and if you participate in this conversation? You are fully expecting to be harassed about it.

oh are we doing this again? are we pretending that there's a viable third option? are we gonna finally do that revolution then, guys? no? then what the fuck is your point