#I LOVE WRITING META STUFF FOR MAUL
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Oh my gosh this idea is based on a long time OC I had but I wanted to ask your take on it
How would Darth Maul be with a daughter reader? (You can make it child if you’d like to write GN)
She could be born sometime around the Phantom Menace, and eventually becomes Obi-wan’s apprentice in the Clone Wars
Of course she doesn’t know of her heritage until Maul is back, and her master tells her about him.
How do you think their dynamic will be? Will she turn to stay with her father, or stay loyal with her master? And how would Maul feel about his daughter being the apprentice of his greatest enemy?
Thank you!
Due to the nature of this ask, I’m going to make this less of a headcanon list, but more of a mini character meta essay. 😅 Hope that’s okay!
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶
If we’re talking about things from Maul’s Perspective, he’d feel really betrayed. Which is ridiculous, feeling betrayed by a child who had no other adults around them at a young age. Maul can consciously acknowledge that the things he’s feeling are blown out of proportion, despite how emotionally stunted he is.
Above all else, that’s still his child. Not to get all “Zabrak fanon” on you, but I genuinely think his instincts would get the better of him the more time passed. It’s like an itch he can’t scratch, worst of all, it’s deep inside him where he can’t push it down any further. In fact, that could make it worse if he tried.
Maul, being traumatized and severely detached from the Sith (although still desperately clinging onto their ideals,) would be lonely and desperate enough to risk almost anything to get his child back. Revenge can wait.
The push and pull between his Sith teachings, and what both his instincts and brothers are telling him to do would be a nasty struggle. The latter would win, one way or another.
Queue the insistent desperation for emotional depth, and family ties.
Of course, his brother(s) would be more than willing to claim the child again, no matter how old she is. They’re still a family! Even if Maul wants to deny that part, putting up the front for everyone, including himself that his kid being by his side would be “nothing but an ally to defeat the Jedi” (don’t worry, he’s lying to himself, and he knows it.)
If we’re in the child’s perspective, however? There would probably be a large point of time dedicated to disbelief, denial, and shock. I mean, just imagine thinking that the way you know was your entire life, and it’s all that meant to you, but now you know the truth of your parental origins? The possibilities would be frightening. Damn, that would fuck me up, too.
After getting through the rougher parts of acceptance, she’d want to find her father. After all, she has as much of a right to know her own father as anyone else! Despite the warnings and clear disapproval from the council, and from her own Master, she goes out anyway, defying their orders.
And by the HELLS is it a trip. Following Maul around to try and catch his attention, and keep said attention away from the “you’re here, my child, so let’s take revenge” is a nightmare in and of itself. It’s like following the eye of a hurricane, and in that mess of a storm, you’re bound to get hurt.
Of course, Obi-Wan would come to save the day, but that doesn’t stop her in the slightest.
Realistic to Star Wars or not, I can see there being two endings…
1: Maul gets his child to join him, but she can’t let go of her teachings completely (she has her father’s stubbornness.) Maul doesn’t have the heart to torture his own child, like what Sidious did to him. Every pulsating instinct in his body tells him that he won’t, he can’t, and he KNOWS his brother(s) won’t let that shit slide. It’s a weakness, but Maul’s brother(s) take the load of responsibility when he begins to spiral.
The closest comparison I can think of would be an annoying big shit + annoying little shit dynamic. They’re both stubborn af (Maul is proud of that, but he won’t tell anyone,) they’re both passionate about what they care about, and they both have strong determination when they really want something.
In the select few situations where they can actually agree to something, they function wonderfully together. When she discourages Maul’s brute force, and tries to use peace, he will roll his eyes, and will be silently proud when it actually works out. If it doesn’t? We all know he’ll pull a “told you so” moment.
They’re chaotic af when they get along (his brother(s)/her uncle(s) are so tired of it.)
Also, a lot of choked-back tears of “that’s my girl!” when she does get violent. I mean, at least half of her is Dathomirian Zabrak, an apex predator, that side is gonna be useful at some point.
Or
2: Maul’s child doesn’t join him, but she doesn’t have the heart to kill him, and he doesn’t have the heart to kill her, either. You know those desperate attempts Maul made to get Ezra on his side? The same kind of thing would happen here, but in this case, he’d be much more headstrong about it, mostly due to his instincts. That’s his child, his family. Not the Jedi’s.
Queue he freaky/kinda creepy Maul mental spiral we see in Rebels.
AH! This turned out to be very long. I hope you liked it!
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so i finished rebels and i have some Thoughts and Feelings i need to process so they are going here on my blog. (spoilers ahead)
for three seasons i hated ezra bridger. i thought he was such a boring protagonist and poorly written and i was so bummed to find out he was the main character
but THEN
sometime during season 3 my hatred came full circle. i started hating him so much i began to devise interpretations of his character i would not despise.
at first my initial attempt was that he made a great side character and an awful protagonist
i love that everyone loves him and it's completely illogical but the writing seems to be aware of that and how funny it is? kanan, hondo, and maul are all ready to throw down for him immediately
but what really worked was
into the nothingness, apropos nothing, i said aloud, "puppyboy ezra?"
i informed my roommate that i could bear ezra as long as i interpreted him solely as a puppyboy
*sensible chuckle* how ooc, i thought
my roommate was like, uh strange you should say that.......
i thought, haha i bet there's a dog in an episode or something
i proceeded to outline a very long puppyboy ezra fic (which i definitely plan to write; whether or not i post it remains to be seen)
((i ship ezra with a certain character that is so obvious to me but there are only 5 fics on ao3 and i'm devastated. i guess there will just be 5 drabbles and one 60k psychologically fraught modern au in the tag))
and i am simply knocked DEAD to discover that the series ends with GIANT SPACE WOLVES
listen
i love wolves
love them
specifically i love giant
space
wolves
in fact i have purchased every piece of artwork i can find on the internet depicting giant space wolves and they are all hanging on my wall as we speak
and so i felt deeply eerily called out when ezra's conclusion involves being spiritually connected to a wolfpack
i'm mostly shocked that rebels seems to be that bizarre mix of amazing but falls steeply short of its own promise, a la sherlock and early supernatural. the stuff that pings my "gotta fix this gotta fix it gotta add porn" lizard brain and i end up writing 100k
actually if i get out of this fandom under 100k i'll be shocked
hellcheer have one scene together in a show i don't even like and i wrote 100k about it in a few months
i have nearly 4 years of graduate education in creative writing and i Cannot Determine if rebels is good or if i'm just so personally fucked up by giant space wolves that i can no longer see it clearly
also
i wrote 7k of organic chemistry today and i'm hoping to get ahead by a couple chapters so it'll still be a while before i post (wednesday maybe?)
and then i'll focus on office au bdsm rexsoka
and then maybe (?) my post-apocalypse au
and then the puppyboy ezra fic no one will read but that's okay because i am writing it for me
i have more thoughts on rebels and clone wars and i'd love to write some metas but right now i need to face the treacherous mountain climb of fic-writing ahead of me and make peace with it
#physically i am in ohio#but spiritually i am on moraband watching ahsoka fight darth vader to the death#and refusing to leave him#willing to die with him#and then gets abruptly ripped out of time#i'm sorry for all the personal posts lately#and i'm sorry in advance for the queue i plan to fill soon with fanart and gifsets#but i've been avoiding the tag for so long#it will be my little treat#rebels#tcw
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dw your hate for the mandalorian is exhausting too
still enjoy your jedi metas a ton cause they get so much undeserving negativity, i just wish you were capable of extending empathy to other characters and groups as well
Well I'd say I'm sorry about that, but 😅 look, I used to *love* the Mandos. Why my opinion partially changed is a long and frustrating tale that involves overhype-induced fatigue (and some online harassment unfortunately) - and yeah, I'm aware people would rather only see positivity on my blog, but it's a blog. It's here for me to vent as well. In my 'defense' I'll only say that I try to either tag salt posts as such or I don't tag them at all so they don't show up in the main tags and don't ruin the enjoyment of anybody who doesn't want to see them.
I'm very glad you still enjoy my metas (still don't really get what prompted the first Anakin/Padmé ask, but I won't deny that I can get super bitchy, so I appreciate that you felt free to tell me what you think). While I do get carried away on my more personal/smaller posts, I try to make sure my longer metas don't lack nuance. I mean, you could easily say I 'hate' Maul, but I've got tons of sympathy for him regardless (and for Dooku, and Ventress, even Bo-Katan... I don’t *hate* hate characters typically).
I can't promise to stop being salty, because I didn't sign a tumblr contract as 'meta writer' that would make me above the usual pettiness of fandom discourse. I'm not better than anybody who bitches about the Jedi, while I bitch about other characters - I'm just a biased random person writing my biased thoughts down. I appreciate that you like some of my stuff, and if you decide that you can't put up with the rest I won't hold it against you one bit!
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HI i just wanted to say that i really enjoy your twilight metas (as those are the only ones ive read so far) and you're a genius. it's awesome to me how realistically you think about characters and the plot, which i have never been able to do because i always get confused. thank you especially for your post about jacob and how the fandom treats him bc ive always had mixed feelings! i love him (the fanon/new moon him ofc) but i also felt rly weird about the whole SA thing, especially as a brown boy thats been villainized (i didnt SA anyone i just realized how that sounds) i understood that it had racist roots but it still...happened, yk? anyways u put it beautifully and its alot easier to understand how i feel about him now. also like everything else u post about!! i despise the cullens w my every being but its so entertaining to see their dynamic and actions laid out. mostly bc it solidifies my hatred but anyways. they also kind of change my views on other characters, like i always kinda liked bella (i dont like alot of things she does but alot of the fan content i see on her made her feel rly relatable) and its rly interesting to see that she would be a kind of absent parent, bc id never considered it like that and it makes so much sense and woah. u have so much evidence to back up ur theories and opinions too--i tend to get lost in fanon but i dont rly do that w ur posts! even ones where ur spitballing its just muah chefs kiss i love. i write alot of self fulfilling fanfiction and tbh it does not feel the same when the characters r too ooc and ur posts have helped a fuck ton! ur super cool and i love ur stuff keep going :)
i do have some questions tho u dont have to acknowledge it at all and ik you tend to focus more on the cullens, but what do you think the wolf pack is like now that jacob, leah, and seth have left, and now that they have so many new members? do you think any other girls would have shifted and how would they be treated? ik leah was kind of alienated in canon not only bc shes a girl but also bc of her feelings, and i cant tell if the pack would be wary of her/treat her the same as leah, or if they would have learned their lesson.
have a good day!
Well first, thank you, I'm very flattered. I'm going to go ahead and acknowledge @therealvinelle here as well as she's I believe the one who originally posted the post about the very complicated topic of Jacob Black and his terrible choices throughout the series.
As for your questions there are a few pack questions in my inbox but it's mostly a matter that people keep asking questions about Bella and she keeps getting eaten.
Also, I'm not sure you want me answering these questions. Like all of Twilight, it's a bleak pit of despair.
But here we go
What About the Pack/Tribe After Breaking Dawn
There's a lot of shit going on in the tribe right now. Jacob leaving is just part of it.
They have an unprecedented number of shifters in the community and that's going to spell... a lot of issues in the years to come.
Namely, per Sam and Emily, domestic violence will be through the roof and kept very hushed up for the understandable reason of these people look like they were mauled by bears. This will also likely increase the number of deaths in the tribe, especially among those who are young. Accidents happen, it's not good, this is going to have a devastating impact on the people.
You also have a lot of angry, disaffected, young men who can no longer really be a part of society. They can't really attend school, can't even really leave the reservation for fear of turning into a wolf, they can't hold a job, at the age of nineteen or younger they each had their futures ripped away from them.
Some, Seth, handle this very well (possibly because he hasn't clued into what this means yet), others like Jake... do not. These people have had their lives turned upside down and in some cases utterly ruined: that's not good in any society.
Then you have the imprinting, lord, the imprinting.
To date, there's the Sam, Emily, and Leah disaster. The three of them handled it very well, but it still utterly destroyed Leah's life and emotional stability. Not helping, of course, is that Leah has had her very identity taken from her, has no privacy, and her only option of escape is to follow Jacob around which... we'll get to in a few paragraphs.
Added to that, you have the Claire/Quil disaster, in which the tribe is desperately trying to handle it by a) keeping it very quiet b) trying to make Quil just be the babysitter. That's unlikely to work out for them and is just angstfest all around and no one's fault.
And then, of course, Jacob/Renesmee. Jacob, having now imprinted, will follow Renesmee to the ends of the earth. He has no other purpose now. Which means that Leah and Seth, who are in his pack, get to follow along and uproot their lives. For the tribe this means they'll never be rid of the Cullens, not truly, and Billy has lost his son entirely. Not to mention it's guaranteed to go awful places.
Then you have the paternity questions this whole thing drudges up, the trauma of these children having to be sacred warriors and having slaughtered demons with human faces, many of whom were also once children and more.
The tribe and the pack are a goddamn mess.
Jacob imprinting on the Cullen hybrid daughter and leaving the tribe? Yeah, it's weird and no one likes it, but that isn't even the peak of the nonsense these people have to deal with.
Would the Other Girls Shift?
No.
Leah seems to have won the genetic shitty lottery. In 600 years of shifting, there has never been another woman, and Leah has all shifting bloodlines in her veins.
It seems Leah was just very unlucky.
Were other girls to shift I imagine they'd face much the same situation. Suddenly teenage boys are witnessing them naked, all the time, they have no choice to become sacred warriors (a role not typically meant for women and which will very much feel like 'the boy's club') and I don't get the idea that anyone learned anything from Leah.
Jake certainly didn't, he just thought she was Uber Bitch until she begged him to let her in his new pack and reminded him she was a human being with feelings.
The concept genuinely had not occurred to him.
TL;DR Remember kids, Twilight is despair
#twilight#twilight meta#twilight headcanon#twilight renaissance#twilight quileute#sam uley#emily young#leah clearwater#seth clearwater#jacob black#meta#headcanon#opinion
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Mod note: zpnn requested for me to submit this anonymously for their own safety regarding privacy
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since he started harassing me again, i thought i’d come forward with the truth instead. lordimhotep/imsorryzpnnverysorry/diegothesabertooth, or as i’m gonna just say, the gaslight guy, did apologise a few months ago - but i smelt a rat. very literally. something seemed very sarcastic, so i originally told him i’d think about it because i didn’t trust him after how he treated me for the past 4 years.
and not even two months later… he’s proven me right yet again.
so, lemme tell you more about this gaslight guy (i forgot pronouns, not malicious misgendering - though do bear in mind, despite the fact i have always used they/them pronouns, he will go out of his way to misgender me with every new account). like, the real stuff. anyway, i cant remember when things started, or why, and at this point it doesn’t matter because he’ll lie about anything and everything to make him feel better. he’s some sort of pretend satanist/christian/catholic/atheist, whatever fits his narrative at the time. but also pretends they all gave him trauma or something like that. at this point, considering hes every religion (oneofgodsfollowers, various satanist accounts by his own admission, etc) and also no religion all at once, alt right (he had one rly dodgy acc at one point, ill have to consult the list), leftist, centrist (centrismistheway) and every politicial belief at once, holding all of these contradictory labels close to his chest - well, that must be awful exhausting!
thus, the gaslight guy. because that’s the one thing that is consistent with his entire identity, and it’s how he treats other people.
basically, he’ll do anything to avoid taking any accountability - in this case, blaming everyone else /but/ himself for being wary of him after he abuses them, and calls them a narcassist for the horrific crime of… blocking and reporting them for what they’re doing. in this case, harassment. and in this case, i have gotten multiple of his accounts banned /for/ ban and block evasion. i’ll do it again every time i find one. but the thing is, he will age an account, hide it for a bit whilst crying wolf, block a few people when they’re (healthily!) skeptical about a 1-2 month account making big claims about another human being without any proof, and then either get banned or deactivate in one big loop. don’t be surprised if it happens to this newest lot, because it will.
some tells, but i’m pretty sure he’ll change them ASAP once i point them out, since that’s what he does.
overuse of the -_- emoji indicative of typing style. nothing wrong with the emoji in itself, though, just he does this with a lot of other stuff. peppers this a lot in all of the texts he uploads about himself, his endless list of labels, his nightmares (which arent his brains fault you see, but everyone else’s for existing), his hallucinations/delusions and obsessions, etc.
loves to argue about religion. i think this is just his favourite thing to argue about. his stance and religion changes on the account, the weather, and his mood, sometimes maybe flipping a good 3 times before he deactivates that account - he’s not consistent. its clearly one person, but one person pretending to be a group of people who don’t know about the person they’re writing about. huh, meta. (if you’re confused: now you’re on the same page as i am, bud. ive had four years of this shit.)
hyperixations on kron (some dinosaur character), lordimhotep and satan. claims they talk to him and imagines his nightmares (which are pretty very real and valid, if we don’t count the
endless rants about religion. tries to be subtle about it. fails. wonders why he got found midst other things.
usernames sometime shave xXThisFormatXx, references some star wars evil guy (i dont know star wars dont shoot me, maul and darth and some other shit), etc. he’s once made multiple accounts to sockpuppet himself, which is always a little wild because they end up becoming the same person.
posts rants on rantrampage. clealry uses the users names, so its very easy to find by googling “your username” and “deviantart”. usually focuses on lapis-lazuri, which is how you’ll know it’s the gaslight guy again. he has a specific voice that he gets very pissy about, and gaslight guy will put him on troll websites to try and make an army attack him. it usually fails.
overshares about religious trauma, mannequins (which are pretty damn creepy tbh so i feel him on that one), horrible nightmares where he… blames people for being in his dreams, despite it being his brain. sort of the equivalent of being like ‘omg you cheated’ to your spouse when your spouse kisses someone else in the dream… so yes, quite literally 'in your dreams’ ig.
approaches drama blogs to spread false claims. see here - https://dramaticaldrama.tumblr.com/search/zpnn (I submitted proof to the admin, including his past accounts, and the slanderous post he made was deleted after they checked. This was after I’d already gotten 2 or 3 accounts of his banned for block evading me and harassing me. Memories hazy on exact number, but he usually deactivates before being found out.) - there was another one, but i forgot the tumblr and i really cbf to bring it up.
aligns with any troll that’s big at the time - triagonal in this case, but also that reddraws person. don’t be surprised if he makes everything about himself and makes a dream team with tali. he is literally not capable of logical thought or self awareness at this point.
slanders and lies about /everything/, ages a new account because he knows full well he is block and ban evading, gets banned or deactivates, rinse, repeats. uses the same emojis and hyperfixations. lordimhotep etc.
kron and lordimhotep, kerb of the bug brothers etc - he’ll occasionally post his drawings which have a similar style. not gonna hate on his art though, no point lol. but the point here is that this is sometimes shared between accs. not always.
his accounts will be around 1-4 months old once he starts using them. i think he lets them age. people still see through this when he pretends he’s been around for years though. convinced he already has one aging that i havent told you about. usually, this is when he starts with the obsessive slandering stuff.
i don’t know his direct involvement with lapis-lazuri before this all started, but i personally only met him after diego started harassing me abt 4 years ago. proooobably about 2-3 years in? i’d heard mention of the name, and this started to be a way i recognised gaslight guy when he made new stuff - all sorts of one-two month accounts making up shit as if they’re familiar with the same person? yeah, that’s definitely an alt. i was dubious about any claims this stalker made in particular because he slandered and lied about me at every turn, so why would i just take his claims as valid, when he didnt make any true ones about me?
i’m going to be the first one to admit it - if i’d done anything wrong i’d have apologised. im not that stubborn! if you’d blocked me i would’ve just left it there. (granted, with every alt account you made there’s every likelihood i might’ve not recognised you, and interacted with you anyway considering, again, as this was unprovoked there wasn’t a problem, but it wouldn’t have been deliberate block evasion). yeah, ive made mistakes - but i know i haven’t made any with you.
like how on a veeeery old account of mine i was really shitty to my friends in 2007! because i was 11 years old and such an edgy preteen… which, unfortunately, you don’t seem to have ever grown out of, gaslight guy!
the apology which he sent - and is probably still in my DMs somewhere, if he hasn’t deleted it, and may be on his dA still - literally has him admit, several times, that he lies. he knows he lies. he’s already proven that he lies on multiple occasions, and that he knows i didn’t do anything to warrant it.
so why do it anyway, gaslight guy?
this is what i’ll never understand. maybe im too optimistic. maybe im too autistic. (yes, i can legally make this joke, i was officially diagnosed twice. thanks nhs lmao)
this is why i was dubious about his “apology”. not to mention the name sounded sarcastic to me. and just… weird. impersonator-y. like… leave me alone, pls. when i first saw the name on the DM i thought it was going to be another sarcastic apology telling me to kill myself. joke’s on you, bud, i’ve already tried that prior to all of this (2016, prior to all of the harassment which started in 2017-2018ish provided i haven’t accidentally met gaslight guy sooner and just not realised) and it didn’t work. if i die its on my terms, not yours :D - and im proud to say i’ve never said anything like that to anyone, nor deliberately misgendered them. yes, that makes me better than you, now you can cry about me being a narcissist and self project again whilst you continue being the actual narc here.
like the time i got him banned for changing his avatar to 'zpnn kill yourself’. yeah, super cool kerbthebug! remind me to take a screenshot of all of the tickets i have if they still have those logged.. hmm, now i’m wondering if this guy’s maybe the one that made the rumors about me killing myself… the times do line up. that’s really fucked up, buddy, but this is your typical routine isn’t it lol.
i did hear something about a cult re: lapis-lazuri, but any credibility these claims might have had are currently being absolutely ruined by a . if those users are still out there - for the love of fuck cut your ties with him. he’s hurting your case and he /will/ harrass you. he’s harassed puppets like menslady in the past. you’ll just be the next people he targets the moment you don’t blindly agree with everything. trust me, i know - i’ve had enough people come to me in DMs (privately) and tell me about it after the fact.
if i had done anything wrong, i would have apologised by now. and i haven’t, since as far as im aware this is entirely unprovoked. some baby kiwifarmer, i think. he’s so inconsistent it makes me wonder if it’s one troll, multiple trolls, or what. i consider that he’s mentally ill too, just like me. maybe. but it still doesn’t excuse his behavior or how it makes me feel.
anyway, of the ones i’ve blocked, this blog actually seems to already have a list of some of them, albeit not exhaustive - thanks to whoever wrote it up, this actually helps me get it over faster before i grab a more extensive one -
https://deviantartdramanow.tumblr.com/day/2021/06/01
https://deviantartdramanow.tumblr.com/post/652844846542897152/22-ban-evaders-originality-is-starting-to
https://deviantartdramanow.tumblr.com/day/2021/05/31
https://deviantartdramanow.tumblr.com/post/652760049056399360/the-ban-and-block-evader-diegothesabertooth-is-now
I can confirm all of these are him. There are more, but I’ll send you a list of those I still have once i have access to deviantART again. and here’s the thing - even the one in my block list isnt exhaustive. i know hes in double digits, but with how long he’s been harassing lapis lazuri as well, now i’m starting to think he’s already in the triple. i’m sick and tired of being quiet about this because, clearly, he’s just going to keep making up shit and harassing me for the fun of it.
i’ll also start sending screenshots once i have access to my account again, deviantart archive links where appropriate, videos showing its not just edited in inspect element, etc.
because i’ve got one thing on him. the truth. and that’s all i need to prove him wrong. honestly, im gonna play ball on this - you want something proven about this guy or proven wrong about the people he harasses?
ask me. i admire a healthy amount of scepticism and i am willing to work with you to get past language barriers etc to show you what he’s like.
i will go out of my way to help you, since this guy is openly harassing me. mostly because he really doesn’t think things through and just pulls up the most transparent shit people immediately poke holes through. the amount of times he’s called people to harass me though is laughable, since when i show them the truth and clear up the misconceptions, they immediately ask him for proof, he goes absolutely batshit, blocks them and then harasses them too.
and then deactivates, because he knows he’s wrong, and makes a new account. (or the mods get in first and ban him for block and ban evading… you’d think he’d go elsewhere by now.)
ad nauseum. im pretty sure lapis-lazuri, who i would have never have met without this stalker harassing the both of us, is also just as sick of this.
i would’ve looked into the cult claims myself, but i am so tired of gaslight guy gaslighting and abusing me with shit he’s made up that i’m just not going to. the other people involved with that are welcome to PM me on here or the discord i linked and we can talk to each other, but im not talking to someone who’s done nothing but lie obsessively about me for 4 years. all i want is him to leave me tf alone. he’s clearly doing the same thing to lapis and latching onto /any/ claims - like he’s doing with me with triagonal - blindly. as he’s doing to me. and no, i don’t agree with lapis’s anti-vaxx shit. im sure we have a lot of things we disagree on. but im not going to believe someone who makes up shit on a daily basis (ala, diego/gaslight guy) to harass people he doesn’t like.
it stinks of backhanded, petty bullshit, and i’ve never been about that.
on the other hand, though i was at first dubious about triagonal being a pedophile, i looked it up on my own time and saw the proof myself. he did, indeed, attempt to groom a 14 year old on multiple occasions. he’s very mad that the proof got out. there are multiple archive links (which cannot be faked) and much more. and that makes me wonder how much he’s hidden.
whereas all triagonal and diego/gaslight guy do is make new accounts, make up lists, and offer no proof. at all.
you may need 100 accounts. i only need one.
checkmate.
and i dont know who the anon was who was watching out for me, but i’d like to extend them a thanks for looking out for me. i think you’ve been around longer than i realised based on these lists. im okay! i’m literally just without dA access in general at the moment. i enjoyed the break away from this BS, but at the moment my mental state is declining for obvious reasons.
ive never dealt well with people being passive aggressive, but i can’t stand liars for serious stuff like this. considering they’ve gotten me harassed by people for supposedly being “a huge transphobic terf” (im literally trans, fuck off! trans rights are human rights and there is literally no transphobic way to take that, wtf!?) in the case of CutePastelStars and another user DistortedFox (pls dont drag them into this - i don’t remember pronouns sorry and i also dont know if theyre on new accounts since) but both came forward to me to explain this eventually, that it was more stuff he made up. if i have those notes still i’ll also screenshot.
like… this shit is just frustrating and impedes my actual growth. when i actually do things wrong, i apologise for them and we move on stronger. if you’re going to make shit up, all you’re doing is making us both mad.
zpnn ( foxcrow (they/them)#0690 on discord - gaslight guy and triagonal, neither of you are welcome to add me after this repeated harassment, fuck off. )
PS. as a 'funny’ side note, i officially left maybe a year or two ago. the only reason i come back is to lurk on forums or because i have to deal with this bullshit again. you’d think gaslight guy would get a better hobby… and get the hint he’s not welcome on deviantART after repeatedly block and ban evading. but he never does, because he lacks accountability and self awareness.
and honestly thats just sad.
—
(feel free to sperate this below into a diff one, sorry for spamming your inbox, mods)
also, about triagonal; well, people here have already presented evidence about his bullshit, but i actually blocked him a while ago on discord for being hella racist. he was being very, very aggressive and denying white privilege (not even on the grounds of intersectionality, which i can almost see if i squint, but in general) and he resorted to transphobia and general aggressive ad hominem to the point i left the server we were originally discussing these things about. i know it was a dA related discord, but dont remember which one. i just remember the mods were useless about dealing wit it, they couldnt be arsed, so i just blocked him and left it.
he later block evaded, despite knowing my dA account, to post some useless spam on my page. i deleted it. that one’s probably on me for not immediately blocking him across every platform he was on. didn’t think he’d bother to try, considering he’d preached so much about being anti-harassment or whatever, but whatever. then the pedophile allegations came up, people presented proof, and then he went directly down the other stalker’s path.
they’re both very alike in their gaslighting and lying ways, so they’re a perfect match for each other. (though really, gaslight guy - siding with a proven pedophile? new low, man.) as long as they leave me alone and realise that they’re going to get banned soon for harassment and block evasion (again, in diego/gaslight guy’s case! thats over double digits now. good job, caggon junior!), then y'know. maybe i’ll finally get some peace.
also thanks for extra evidence on the block evasion triagonal. thats going straight to mods once im back on deviantart. enjoy your permaban! :D (i do believe i also got you banned from buzzly for harassing someone else, if they listened to my ticket… good job on blowing that, bud.)
all that aside, i really don’t have to explain why i blocked these two, but i thought i would anyway. feels nice to know i’m not alone on this one. if anyone’s got any tips on how best to report/word the future reports i’d appreciate it!
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happiness by taylor swift is a disaster lineage song, sorry I don’t make the rules
okay so yes I should be writing or doing homework instead of making this extremely rambly, slightly incoherent post but it’s friday so I’m vibing and you lovely people get to join me!
this is the ultimate star wars grief song for our tcw trio and I see it in three different contexts:
Ahsoka’s POV to Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the Order after she leaves in the season 5 finale
Ahsoka & Rex during/after Order 66
Obi-Wan & Ahsoka to Vader (Obi-Wan on Tatooine and (REBELS SPOILERS) Ahsoka after her duel with him in The Twilight of the Apprentice—for reference, I’ve only seen parts of Rebels so if some of that stuff is inaccurate, let me know!)
so we go . . .
honey when I’m above the trees / I see this for what it is
on a ship, in the Force, in hindsight
but now I’m right down in it / all the years I’ve given / is just shit we’re dividing up / showed you all of my hiding spots
#1: Ahsoka’s years learning in the Order, being a Padawan, her dedication to the Jedi and her faith to their teachings (”the values of the Jedi are sacred to me”), all the years she’s given are just completely thrown away as soon as there’s suspicion against her (in the unfinished episodes, Anakin says “well what choice did we give her? the moment there were any suspicions about her loyalty the Council turned their back on her.”) they both share this anger about her expulsion, and Ahsoka brings it up later during the Siege of Mandalore when she says “and what? defend the Council’s actions? I hardly think I’m the best person for that.”
#2: again, Ahsoka’s years fighting alongside the 501st, growing close with Rex and Jesse and everyone else to suddenly find them turning on her (this is before she knows about the chips, of course). she could also be feeling this in tandem with Rex—“those soldiers, my brothers, are willing to die and take you and me along with them!” all the years Rex has given in the 501st, with his brothers, fighting for the Republic, having to watch his brothers be killed and not be able to do anything, all his hardship just means nothing. their attempts to be themselves, to be unique, to not just be “another number,” were useless in the end. the “showed you all of my hiding spots” line points to the closeness and friendship that they had with each other
#3: again again, pretty self-explanatory, all the years Ahsoka and Obi-Wan have given to teaching and learning from and loving Anakin are just completely thrown away by his fall to the Dark Side and him ultimately trying to kill them. the same for the last line applies here, they were brothers, they were sister and brother, they were a family and then it was all ruined.
I was dancing when the music stopped
In each of the scenarios, they were preoccupied, in the middle of something else (the war, capturing Maul, defeating Grievous, helping Ezra, etc.) when everything stopped and collapsed. each situation was completely unexpected and each time, their worlds fell apart.
and in the disbelief / I can’t face reinvention
#1: all Ahsoka’s ever known is the Jedi, and now without them (without anyone to help her or any connections or support), she has to completely change her way of life, as well as lie or invent a new background for herself (”Skywalker Academy,” “my older brother taught me,” “I used to live on the upper levels of Coruscant,” etc.)
also—Ahsoka becomes Ashla, and then Fulcrum (reinventing herself over and over again) and Obi-Wan becomes Ben. obviously, they don’t want to have to change, and again with “in the disbelief,” each of these events was unexpected and a complete gut punch.
there’ll be happiness after you / but there was happiness because of you / both of these things can be true there is happiness / past the blood and bruise / past the curses and cries / beyond the terror in the nightfall
I don’t think this line needs any explanation, but I’ll give some anyway! In a meta-sense, the audience started Star Wars with the happiness after all three events, but especially Vader. the Original Trilogy showed the end of the Empire, the Rebellion, the happy endings of Luke, Leia, Han, etc. in-universe, both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan hold this sense of bittersweet nostalgia (because how can you not?), both with Obi-Wan training/looking after Luke and Ahsoka joining the Rebellion and helping the characters in Rebels. they’re both trying to ensure happiness after Anakin.
but, of course, of course there was happiness because of Anakin, that’s what The Clone Wars shows us! we see them happy (or, at least, somewhat) in tcw, which obviously makes everything much sadder, but still. they were happy. and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both know it—we see it explicitly with Ahsoka meditating to Anakin’s holo and reminiscing in Rebels. they found happiness and love and family in the war, where there was so much death, so much destruction, so much darkness and terror. they found each other, they found happiness anyway. this can also apply to the OT, since that trio also found family and happiness in the midst of the Empire.
it’s this inherent optimism that both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan share that Anakin doesn’t (or didn’t) that’s keeping them afloat. it’s the adherence to the light, to kindness, to compassion.
haunted by the look in my eyes
#1: going back to our three scenarios, you could say Ahsoka was probably haunted by the look in the Council members’ eyes—especially Yoda, Plo, Obi-Wan—when they expelled her. as well as, of course, the look in Anakin’s eyes when he begs her to stay and she says no. the ending image of season 5, the last image we ever saw of tcw for years—with Anakin’s sad, wide eyes—yeah. that look.
#2: overall, this context has less to it, but I’ll still argue that the look in Rex’s eyes, in the clones’ eyes haunted both Ahsoka and Rex, probably especially Rex. or even, not seeing his brothers’ eyes and instead seeing their blasters pointed at him. their final scene, with the eyes of the helmets (Ahsoka’s eyes painted on) stuck on sticks. yeah, that definitely haunted them both.
#3: Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both get horrifyingly clear images of Anakin’s gold eyes. Anakin’s look when he shouts “I hate you!” surely haunted Obi-Wan, as well as Anakin saying “Ahsoka” and “then you will die” with a very clear, obvious image of Anakin’s gold, scarred eye through his mask.
that would’ve loved you for a lifetime
#1: Ahsoka was prepared to be a Jedi forever, for a lifetime
#2: Rex, more in this case, but both he and Ahsoka did and would’ve loved the clones forever. those were Rex’s brothers and it’s so clear, especially with the scene of him crying in the hangar bay, that this is killing him
#3: Obi-Wan and Ahsoka would’ve loved Anakin for a lifetime—and I’d argue they did, despite everything (”you were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!” and “my Master could never be as vile as you” and “to the best of us”)
leave it all behind
#1: sorry if this is getting repetitive, but yeah, Ahsoka left everything, her entire life, everything and everyone she’s ever known behind
#2: Rex and Ahsoka leave everything on that moon, including her lightsabers that she just got back and then had to give up a second time
#3: Obi-Wan leaves everything behind and flees to Tatooine. Ahsoka tells Ezra this—to let Kanan go, essentially leave the past behind him. And she can’t “save her Master” either. she too must let him go.
tell me when did your winning smile / begin to look like a smirk?
this is just so Anakin slowly falling to madness and the Dark Side. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan thinking about the signs they’d missed, if there was some way they could’ve stopped it, if just one thing had been different, if they’d just noticed. trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
when did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?
#1: “the values of the Jedi are sacred to me”—and then she’s expelled and told that it was part of her great trial in becoming a Knight. a foundation of the Jedi Order and its process gets turned against her.
#3: this line becomes literal—Padawan lessons, sparring, suddenly became dueling Anakin to death, for both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka
no I didn’t mean that / sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury
#1: you could argue that Obi-Wan is right when he said Ahsoka let her feelings cloud her judgement in leaving; that she couldn’t see the facts through the pain of being betrayed by the Council. and then, when she comes back in the Siege of Mandalore, immediately, she and Obi-Wan start arguing, and then both of them are clouded by their feelings, both feeling hurt by the other and lashing out.
#3: again, this is just so Anakin turning to the Dark Side. he obviously doesn’t realize that he’s being blinded by fury (or maybe he does and just doesn’t care, or probably, thinks that is the only way). but he is. he’s completely blinded to logic, to reality by the fury that Sidious has spent years amping up and harvesting and Anakin himself has spent years bottling.
you haven’t met the new me yet
this line is really painful if you view it from Anakin’s perspective. they both believed he was dead, but no, turns out he’s a Sith Lord, in fact the Sith Lord that’s been the Emperor’s tool in causing immense pain and destruction across the galaxy. it’s this evil, excited little line from his POV (think that ROTS comic: “please say it’s Kenobi. Lord Vader gets such a thrill from killing people who care for him”)
there’ll be happiness after me / but there was happiness because of me / both of these things I believe
again, there’s that optimism, that desire to help people, to do good in the world, and this faith that Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both have. that’s why Obi-Wan helps Luke, that’s why Ahsoka joins the Rebellion. it’s all to ensure that there will be some happiness, some light after them (and maybe a little because of them. again, see the first chorus. they were happy once, and they both know it. “we’ll be fine, as long as we stay together.”)
there is happiness / in our history / across our great divide
I see this mostly as Ahsoka and Anakin (and Obi-Wan) during season 7. there’s still a connection, of course, love and happiness between them, despite the ending that’s right on their heels, as well as the great divide of Ahsoka leaving the Order.
there is a glorious sunrise / dappled with the flickers of light
Anakin does end up returning to the Light Side and his reunion with Obi-Wan is surely like a “glorious sunrise” that ended the darkness of the past twenty+ years. the second part I just see as a fun, literal line—flickers of light are lightsabers, blaster fire, the Light Side
I can’t make it go away by making you a villain
in short, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka can’t make the pain or the past happiness go away because Anakin’s now Vader. they still both remember Anakin fondly and with love, despite his fall. they loved him, still. in ROTS, when Anakin says “from my point of view, the Jedi are evil!” Obi-Wan doesn’t say “then you are evil,” or even “you are wrong,” he says “then you are lost.” lost. as in, can be found again. not evil, not unworthy, not wrong. just lost. there’s this goodness that Anakin has that he is ignoring and straying from (”there is good in him”). and in the context of Order 66, Ahsoka can’t and doesn’t make the clones villains because she knows they’re actually the victims. as much pain as it causes, they’re not the villains and she can’t act like they are.
so I know there’s a lot of discourse about Anakin apologists or whatever, so all I’ll say is that George Lucas has said that the prequels are to show how a “nice little kind kid, who has good intentions” turns into Darth Vader. the whole point of the PT is this line—while Anakin/Vader is no doubt the villain in the OT and in ROTS to a degree, that doesn’t make everything else go away. the other stuff doesn’t excuse what he did, all the pain he caused, but we can’t make it go away, just because he’s a villain. that’s one of the beauties of the prequels, that we get this extremely fleshed out, torn and struggling kid who ends up making all the wrong choices and becoming the terrible villain we see in the OT.
I guess it’s the price I pay for seven years in heaven
while none of these scenarios is seven years exactly, it does continue to drive the point of “all the years I’ve given is just shit we’re dividing up.” everything these characters had, individually and with each other, just gets utterly, completely ruined.
in a more meta-sense, the ending of The Clone Wars is the price we, the fans, pay for seven seasons of the show.
no one teaches you what to do / when a good man hurts you / and you know you hurt him too
this could point again to Ahsoka and Anakin, but also Ahsoka and Obi-Wan after she leaves the Order. when she comes back, none of them really know what to say, what to do, how to act around each other. this obviously comes out as arguments and words that are so close to what they really want to say, but just short. they’ve all been hurt and none of them know what to do about it.
and, of course, Obi-Wan and Anakin in ROTS. Obi-Wan doesn’t want to believe that Anakin’s fallen to the Dark Side, and later on Tatooine, knowing he’s hurt and been hurt by Anakin, doesn’t know what to do
after giving you the best I had / tell me what to give after that
again again, all the years they’ve given. all the love they had. everyone they knew & loved. gone.
leave it all behind / and there is happiness
#fiona speaks#what do i even tag this?#my writing#i guess?#HA anyway i refuse to proof read this or reread it bc WOW it's long#and if you chose to open this post and read the whole thing then you're probably somewhat used to my ramblings#hopefully i articulated all my thoughts well#bc i have so many thoughts about this song so i hope they came across!!#if yall have any additional thoughts lemme know cause this song is just UGH *chef's kiss*#wow i just said the word thoughts three times#fun fact! this song is taylor's only song in the key of b#which means she has a song in EVERY key#isn't that cool?#anyway this was so fun i get the hype with doing this#thanks to daisy caroline and mel and honestly so many others for THEIR wonderful analyses of taylor swift songs and tcw#which inspired me to actually make a post about it instead of continuing to let this doc sit in my drive#i originally wrote this on wait one sec lemme check#december 28 and then did one w more words on feb 15#but now it's here! in one (mostly coherent) post#oof anyway#taylor swift#star wars#taylor swift and tcw#can you tell i'm procrastinating writing my fic exchange?#song analysis
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Man it sucks how I fell so deeply in love with KotOR, then even more deeply in love with KotOR 2, and then the revelations about Jeremy Soule made it impossible for me to replay KotOR, and then the revelations about Chris Avellone made it difficult for me to even think about KotOR 2.
All four of those things happened at weirdly regular intervals (late 2018, early 2019, mid 2019, mid 2020).
Those two games are so good, so niche, so critical and smart and specific to the stuff I care about. I named this blog after them + Chretien de Troyes' Lancelot story. It makes me sad to compare the KotORs to the similar things SW is currently working on:
Jedi: Fallen Order: though not an entirely fair comparison since it is not an RPG, JFO still has the same premise as the KotORs (grownup Jedi training sim), and the same planet-hopping framework. But it is lighter and duller than the KotORs, which are essentially about making choices. Cal's ultimate decision is...not to decide.
High Republic: like the Old Republic, the appeal here is that you have more narrative freedom since it's set so long before the movies. (They would have more freedom set after...) But the OR is 4000 years ago, so you can even dismantle the Republic and declare yourself Sith Emperor. The HR is only 200 years ago, so they can't go that far, politically. Even after months of hype, I don't understand what the point of this setting is besides pretty robes and pro-government merch.
My favorite stories are the ones where everyone knows how it's going to end (the SW prequels = Camelot, in my head). After all, the only way to love an entire story is to know how it ends. I feel like, a story can only be really free once it's aware that it isn't. That's why I love Kreia so much: she is a seer so she knows the ending, but instead of being wise and humble, she fights against fate instead. I know I can find that self-aware stuff elsewhere (Princess Tutu, Hadestown), but I wish I could find it in Star Wars again (Darth "you're all going to die" Maul can deliver, but I think he's run out of mileage). In my whole life, Star Wars are probably my most rewatched movies, so I crave that meta shit for them.
Isn't an RPG just a perfect vehicle for this theme, since you DO have choices, but your path is still limited by the efforts of strangers? When I'm writing my own stories, the only limits to my freedom are my own (exhaustion on a good day, writer's block on a bad day), because I'm a real person. But when I'm playing an RPG, it still feels like I am free, even though I'm not, because I'm fictional in there.
Anyway hire me for KotOR 3, I am a bit of a bitch but otherwise cool
#unwise post#manifesting🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#star wars#kotor#kotor ii#o shit i tagged it...#cw jeremy soule#cw chris avellone#i wrote 2 more paragraphs about like. kylo so this is actually the edited coherent version... if you can believe it lol
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Oh oh oh oh for the meta !!!
#3 - What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)
(I’m so curious because you have these super detailed world building set ups so I’m like ... is this ever the case for you??)
Ahhh thank you so much for the ask!!!!
oh gosh...(yeah I do go for the super detailed world building set ups, don't I? 😅😂) let's see...
Well, I'm sure if I really took the time to wrack my brains about this I could come up with several, but then I'd have to either choose or resign myself to a ridiculously long post so...alright, so, I have this star wars au floating around in my head right, and most of it is fairly serious, generally speaking, but it also contains these three (so far) scenes that are just complete and utter crackfic.
I've written a grand total of one (1) of them, which I posted on April Fools day and you can read here if you're so inclined.
As for the other two, I'm putting them under the cut bc this is still getting really long:
1) basically, I have this one scene where Ventress winds up killing Maul, then melting down his legs and then having them made into a tea set which she then gives to an extremely bemused Obi-Wan for his birthday (yes this is extremely weird, no, I don't know how the fuck I thought of it but it's strangely hilarious to me, so there you have it) which is ridiculous on it's own but then you've got
2) which is a follow up to the april fools day snippet, in which anankin-undercover-as-darth-vader convinces tarkin that Quinlan Vos is his own, entirely fictional, cousin Sergei who just so happens to look exactly like the definitely super dead Jedi Knight and who is also an extremely loyal informant for the empire. A few years later, a few more 'Imformant Sergei" incidents have happened (Anakin saw the opportunity to troll the hell out of Tarkin and ran with it; Quinlan is more than happy to facilitate this, and so is everyone else who's working with them. All incidents are recorded and safely stored to show ahsoka when they finally track her down) and what happens is this:
For leverage against the rebellion reasons, palpatine has ordered Princess Leia (roughly 15 years old at this point) taken hostage by "Vader's" "sith" apprentice, Mara Jade (who's been secretly actually Anakin's second jedi padawan since she was about seven, which Leia is aware of but Bail isn't).
Rex (who is completely unaware of the whole "massive undercover rebellion right underneath the emperor's nose" thing and therefor the fact that leia isn't actually in much of any real danger) goes to investigate and try and rescue her.
Stuff happens, Palpatine orders Mara to kill Leia and Mara (who had already been planning to fake her own death, bc as she grew into her strength in the force, Palpatine had started paying more attention to her which was getting dangerous. she'll join luke and obi wan in secretly living in the secret rooms in "Vader"'s star destroyer lol) explodes the building that she was holding Leia in, successfully faking BOTH of their deaths.
Rex runs into the girls on their way out, and when a group of storm troopers spot them he decides to head them off so that Mara and Leia can escape.
This turns out to not be immediately necessary, bc said storm troopers are actually Cody and an assortment of other de-chipped clone troopers. Cody gets as far as explaining that to Rex, when Tarkin shows up.
He, predictably, zeros in on Rex bc he remembers him from the clone wars and doesn't like him and because he's Tarkin, he decides to order Cody to take off his helmet and execute him.
Cody, obviously, isn't going to do that and goes with the only option left to him: break his cover. So he and his troopers all draw their blasters on Tarkin, at which point Tarkin calls his own troopers to surround them.
Then he starts monologuing: blah blah glory of the empire, blah blah, traitor, blah blah, 'if only you demonstrated the same loyalty that Informant Sergei does without any kind of programming.'
That makes Cody snort, and Quinlan, who's been lurking this whole time waiting for an opportune moment, can't possible pass over the dramatic entrance potential and reveals himself like, "hah, bitch you wish!" and blows his OWN cover.
So Tarkin is about to lose his shit, Cody's panicking, Rex is both panicking and completely confused, at which point Anakin-as-Vader along with a bevy of stormtroopers who include Appo, Boil, Kix, the 212th's medic, and Obi-Wan shows up.
Cue Rex's confusion and panic squaring itself when this, for some reason, makes Cody relax.
Tarkin's like, "Ah Vader, you're just in time to assist me in doing away with these traitors"
And internally, Anakin's like 'fuck fuck fuck' but externally he's like, "Traitors? whatever do you mean?"
And Tarkin tells him what just happened and Anakin thinks fast and goes:
"Oh, yeah they're definitely not traitors, they have until just now been on an important mission for me among ancient...sith...ruins! And it appears that they have all been exposed to a sith toxin which causes confusion, aggression, and muddled loyalties."
And Tarkin maybe buys that? but either way, he goes,
"Well, in that case, they're useless to us now, so we might as well put them down and be done with it."
And Anakin, maybe panicking a little, goes, "Do you really think that I would send such valuable assets into such a situation without having some kind of treatment on hand?"
Tarkin: Oh, and what treatment would that be?
Anakin, mind going blank: Medic, tell the Grand Moff about the cure.
Kix, trying to murder his general with the force of his glare alone underneath the helmet: Yes Sir. The...only cure to such a...toxin...is...a...special tea! Brewed...in the...legs of the vanquished enemy of...the ancient and powerful Jedi...Ben."
Obi Wan, Anakin, and everyone who still has the benefit of a hemet: *tries not to laugh audibly but are about to rupture something containing themselves*
Rex: What? the fuck?? is happening???
So, Tarkin buys it, and Anakin and his men 'subdue' Cody, Quinlan, Rex and co. and bring them back to their shuttle, where Mara, Leia, and Luke reveal themselves and they explain everything to Rex, who at this point is more or less certain that this entire day has been some sort of bizarre fever dream.
And I'd love to write the whole thing out! but to do that and have it make any sort of sense I'd have to write just...so many chapters of context and everything leading up to it which is...a lot of stuff. So maybe I'll get to it eventually, but it's not event the first star wars au on my list of stuff to write, not even taking into account all the stuff for other fandoms, so it's probably going to be a long time until I get to it, if I ever do 😅
#this got longer than I meant it to 😅 😅#sorry about that#ask games#informant sergei au#my fanfic#sort of
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Congratulations, You Played Yourself? Why We Didn’t See TROS Coming
I read a great meta by @ariainstars and it inspired me to finally address something I’d been meaning to write about since TROS came out. How were so many smart Reylo fans and Bendemptionists convinced things were going to turn out with a happy ending, Rey and Ben riding off into the sunset, when JJerio as well as fired writer Colin Trevorrow clearly had other ideas?
This isn’t a defense of TROS or its spin-out-and-crash ending. I still think Ben’s fate was totally mishandled and it leaves DLF with the choice of a) never addressing the post-ST galaxy or b) resurrecting Ben from the dead in one form or another. (When that will happen is of course a mystery. My guess is not for at least not another decade.) Returning to Rey Whateverherlastnameis without Ben is to dig their hole deeper, especially since I think the pop culture gods will determine that Ben’s departure was premature and unlike the deaths of Boba Fett or Darth Maul, materially damaging to the overall story.
This is an object lesson though in how fans and creators can end up on different pages and also how creators underestimate the power of their own work.
I thought that death was always on the table for Ben but TLJ’s compassionate treatment of the character and his relationship with Rey as well as piles of well thought-out metas convinced me he was going to survive. I was sure they were going for an unabashedly happy ending because it was the last film (not simply because it was Disney) and they would want to go out on an up note. I didn’t think a Dead Ben would end things happily (and really I was right...the air gets sucked out of the movie the second he abruptly dies). I also didn’t think they would solve the Skywalker problem by tacking the name onto Rey at the very end of the movie (sigh).
I think the fundamental problem was highlighted in @ariainstars‘s meta: many thought we were getting Pride And Prejudice or 50 Shades Of Grey while they were riffing off of Phantom Of The Opera. All of those stories are variations of La Belle Et La Bete, Beauty And The Beast. POTO though ends tragically because Erik is too much of an outcast and his crimes are too terrible. @ariainstars states that Kylo/Ben was always doomed because he’d killed his father. A happily ever after was never going to be possible for him.
Why did so many of us reject the idea that killing Han meant Ben had to die in TROS? Because a lot of sequel fans grew up with Asian and Asian-influenced media, namely anime, manga, and shows like Avatar: The Last Airbender or Dragon Ball Z. Serious crimes weren’t necessarily bars to redemption or a happily-ever-after. There were and still are lots of comparisons between Kylo/Ben and Prince Zuko, who was redeemed, survived, and marries (though not Katara). Dragon Ball Z’s former villain Vegeta sacrifices himself but is allowed to return to his body and he gets to be in love with Bulma.
JJerio and Trevorrow though didn’t grow up with that stuff. They grew up with Star Wars and everything else Hollywood produced in the ‘60s-’90s. While I’m pretty sure Rian Johnson would’ve sold it better if he’d directed and wrote IX, I am not sure if Johnson would’ve let Ben get a happily ever after either. While Star Wars always had an Eastern influence, it still is very much a product of the West and all it entails.
Maybe the trouble with Ben’s arc is Abrams and Kasdan deciding he had to kill Han Solo. When I saw TFA, my first thought was Kylo would redeem himself in the last movie but he was toast. Which is too bad, because you doom your character in the very first movie and that’s not fun. TLJ then only offered false hope that this would not be the case. I get that Johnson was making redemption credible but either he was too optimistic that whoever followed him would consider letting Ben live or he unwittingly oversold Ben to the point where you not only wanted him redeemed, you wanted him to survive so he’d have a chance to be happy and free. (And of course that Rey would have lasting companionship with an equal.)
Another reason why we thought we’d get a happily-ever-after is because Kylo/Ben was the son of Han and Leia and the only Skywalker scion, this meant he was somehow bulletproof and his importance in the story was only going to grow. Adding to this assumption is Rian Johnson referring to Ben and Rey as co-protagonists. But to Abrams and company, these movies weren’t about Ben. This was Rey’s story and in case you don’t understand that, she appears in nearly every scene in TROS. While Kylo/Ben leaves a big impression, if you pay attention you’ll notice he gets less screen time in the movies than guys like Poe or Finn. To those who made TROS, Kylo/Ben was little more than a foil, a catalyst for their heroine. He was supposed to be Darth Vader to Rey’s Luke Skywalker. (If you want to understand why some fans who clearly aren’t TFM types don’t like these movies, there’s your answer...the Skywalker family got sidelined in the last third of their own saga.)
Perhaps though there’s another simple answer and that is fans are great at being in denial. If we want a certain outcome, we’re going to bet the farm on it. Soon among a subset of fans, it’s practically a tenet of being a part of that subset. This led to what I call following “signs and wonders,” fans believing there are secret codes they were putting out to reassure us we were going to get what we wanted. I”m seeing a lot of that now with regard to Ben returning, though I don’t buy they are really giving it much thought right now.
Reylos correctly predicted that Ben would turn and there would be some acknowledgement of the attraction between Rey and Ben. We actually got most of it right. But Ben’s death wasn’t an outcome most Reylos entertained to any extent. There were fans who predicted Ben’s demise but they didn’t talk about it very much and those metas weren’t as enthusiastically shared. Why? We didn’t want it to happen and we didn’t want to think about its possibility.
Whatever JJerrio’s and Lucasfilm’s intentions, Ben Solo was a character who had escaped. I guess everyone knew Kylo Ren was going to be popular and iconic but those guys severely underestimated his power. It’s due to the mystique built up in TFA, the revelation of his humanity in TLJ, being the last Skywalker, and his relationship with Rey over the course of the films, all expertly performed by someone who always brings his A game and had plenty of charisma to spare. Some sympathetic story groupers added further pathos to his back story in various comics and novels. He, like the cinnamon roll The Onion made famous, was too pure for this world.
Moreover, they severely underestimated the power of Reylo. They unwittingly tapped into something primal and mythic with those two. Nobody could’ve foreseen their incredible chemistry and they didn’t fully understand or appreciate how epic the pairing truly was. Or at least those not named “Rian Johnson.” But many in the audience could see it. There was a lot in the media about Reylo. The two times I saw TROS in the theater people applauded when Rey and Ben kissed. It was the gas in the ST’s tank.
That’s why we bought it. It’s amazing to me how often studios, filmmakers, and show runners miss this stuff while fans keep expecting a different outcome.
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I absolutely LOVED your song essay!!! So well written (I love reading and writing stuff like that) and fun to read. If you're interested in doing another, or just listening to another song that screams Disaster Trio, I strongly suggest "My Eyes" by the Lumineers. Love everything you do :)
thank you for the kind words!!! <333
and also!! it’s funny that you mention “my eyes” because i think you’re the second anon (or mayhaps you’re the same anon??) that recced me “my eyes” for something writing-related, and!! i do agree that “my eyes” is a very disaster lineage song :’))
i actually might really write more lengthy meta-paper-ish analyses in the future when i recharge and get the energy to do it again, but also! because i like doing mini analyses, some impressions/lyrics that do scream disaster lineage:
oh, the devil's inside / you opened the door / you gave him a ride / too young to know, too old to admit / that you couldn't see how it ends
like oh gee when i first heard this opening i was like. oh. oh. we’re really in for it huh. because like. yeah. we can really easily see this as anakin opening the door to palpatine/sidious and that’s kind of how everything ends, right? and considering anakin’s blind trust in this guy...he couldn’t see how this was actually a Bad Thing.
the glow of hollywood sign / they sold you a bridge / they fed you the lines
also very. very anakin, and also just. i think, yeah, covers a lot of the disastaer lineage and how i imagine there was a lot of war propaganda (ie. anakin literally being labeled the Hero With No Fear and obi-wan as The Negotiator. lauding them as war heroes when in reality, the jedi were just manipulated into this war along with everyone else). idk. makes me sad.
what did you do to my eyes / what did you say to my only child
the line particularly about what did you say to my only child makes me so sad now with the aftermath of season 7 and rots because like. do you ever think about obi-wan looking at anakin and being like “what did sidious promise you that made you throw all of us away”. alternatively, in a really, really sad au that’s been in my head for some time now, like. anakin finding out what maul said to ahsoka about him--like. can you imagine the weird confusion-pain of like anakin reacting to wait what did maul say to ahsoka about me??
promised it all but you lied
pair this with “we’ll be fine, as long as we stay together” from the mortis arc. lol, obi-wan, you thought. you thought.
anyways, thank you for the song rec and. and yeah. this song is them.
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VM ITTR A VSK PRET
Greetings, and congratulations on finishing King of Swords! While I am internally pouting like a five year old because you will not be continuing onto Breaker of Infinities anytime soon, I completely understand the concept of time constraints and thusly wish you a lovely reread. So, in preparation for it, I would like to show you some miscellaneous trivia, speculation, and pure bullshittery.
Firstly, I would like to announce something important: A week ago or so, exalted Abbadon announced in his Patreon server that another Ring of Power event is about to take place - this time for the Universal War. It is dubious as to whether this refers to the past one, or an impending second one, but it is assured to be ----------EXCITING!
Secondly, I would love to introduce you to Abbadon's DeviantArt profile, featuring a downright jumble of previous comic stuff, generally pretty art, and someone who looks a suspicious lot like "Pi'ipiessi Emayecks." It's a real shame just how jumbled everything is, though; a decent load of his stuff is still on his Tumblr, or on Entervoid (like this page, which I am absolutely in love with). Just how much of it has been lost to time and faulty servers? Only those blessed souls who started following him as early as 2008 know, and I am far from that. One thing is for certain, though. SPACE CAT IN FUTURE DESTROY ALL ENEMIES
Speaking of his Tumblr, or rather, his second one, good lord is there a lot of lore stuff there. For example, Jadis! Let's talk about Jadis, because the comic sure doesn't.
- She was really, really powerful
- and I mean, "second most powerful Demiurge after Jagganoth" powerful
- or as Abbadon put it, "a whole glass goku" in his infamous Goku measurement system
- She is also the second oldest among the Seven, outmatched only by Gog, an untold millennia old mass of worms.
- She killed her own father in her youth
- Most important of all, she managed to live through something that mauled a goddess: She beheld the Shape of the Wheel.
- As a result, she now possesses complete, infallible, undoubted omniscience.
- However, the secondary result is that her mind was scoured and her body was violently burnt away, rendering her the insane glass-entombed corpse you now see. While her face is officially merely noted as "not in best condition," certain concept art reveals that she quite possibly doesn't have a face anymore. The same fate probably would've befallen Zoss had he not been more meta in his approach.
- The final result is that her subjects took to worshiping her, establishing the Temple of the Eye Revealed, which although internally peaceful to an extent is also utterly ruthless in enforcing this belief.
- However, despite this omniscience and preservation of some powers (such as, according to the Patreon server, being able to headsplode assailants from within the glass), Jadis is still largely helpless and sincerely pitiful. She cannot even properly communicate, and even her priests have made peace with the fact that she will eventually die.
- Such a shame as well, since she is the closest to what the original Demiurges were like.
- As revealed in Patreon chat, of the Seven Syllables and Holy Words of Royalty, hers is MIND, and Jagganoth's is BLADE. This is a shame as well, since it would've been fun to have them switched, considering how Jadis often had an ōdachi in flashbacks, how her vision of the Shape interplays with the philosophy of Cutting, and how Jagganoth is a sweaty nerd.
- Also, her original design may have influence Himself's.
...so that was a whole lot of rambling, huh. Guess I finally live up to my much ridiculed title of "#1 Jadis Simp." I will leave you off with this much, in any case, and move onto something more fun: assorted memes and miscellaneous nonsense.
Cio's family
Nietzsche's existence
Abbadon-sanctioned music
The Circle
California
A template
Canon
Also canon
Rings
Intelligent conversation
They hated Fran because she told them the truth >:(
Beard
The Rockin' King
Magnificence
Hygiene
I SAID YOUNG MAN
Beauty itself
Utmost curse
Announcement
Brief reprieve from KSBD
STONER
Important
Majesty
Aeon
EVIL
And lastly, your very own name written in Universal Metaconstant
Writing this took me more than three hours. As penitence, I shall now retreat from civilisation and spend the next seven years learning Sword Law. Have a lovely day.
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info & about
☆ I’ve been a marginal Star Wars fan since I was in middle school, but watching The Clone Wars got me invested in the characters, then Rebels pushed me over the edge into oblivion. It’s my favorite piece of Star Wars media, hands-down. I also really like the comics, especially Kanan: The Last Padawan / First Blood and the Mace Windu and Maul series
☆ It’s a close tie with a couple others, but I’d have to say Ezra Bridger is my favorite character in all of Star Wars. “I’m in space—and I’m about to die!” is the line that made me an instant fan. I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t love that boy (and neither should you)
☆ I reblog a lot of fanart and gifs, not only because I love the content, but to support all the talented creators who make all this wonderful stuff for us to enjoy
☆ I like to make gifs and draw when I can, and I do image edits sometimes. I write the occasional meta, too. Humor is my favorite thing, so my original posts can be pretty silly
☆ This blog is my happy place, so I try not to complain about canon too much. I keep things sfw (and for everyone) here. I’m just here to have fun, be creative, and enjoy this fandom with others
☆ questions? send me an ask!
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I have enjoyed and been very impressed with your thoughtful metas. I was just curious if you had any thoughts on the symbolism of two in Star Wars. I thought about it a bit and I can't unsee it: 1) The binary suns; 2) Luke and Leia being twins; 3) The necessity of a co-pilot to fly the MF; 4) The rule of two; 5) The padowna/jedi master reationship; 6) Even Leia's ring in the ST... do you think there is something there that will inform the resolution of the saga?
Dear anon, wow, thank you so much for these kind words that go straight to my heart. And thank you also for this lovely ask! Sorry it took me so long to get to write and answer to this one! Yes, indeed, two is everywhere. And thank you so much for bringing Leia’s ring to my attention. It was too obvious to notice, I know! Well, I understand so much that you can’t unsee the number two in the saga. Of course, you can’t.
Before I elaborate on the points you make, may I begin by saying that we were literally ushered into the saga by two specific numbers that keep on repeating themselves. In the forms of our famous couple of droids: R2D2 and C3PO. I have two questions on the backburner about R2D2 but let me state and repeat how much this little droid is essential to the series and how much TLC he deserves all the time! So 2 and 3. The magic numbers on which the saga is built. On the one hand, 2 can be viewed as the mostly universal basis for all thought and the way at which we envision and represent the world. Binary, dual, antagonistic, divided: white and black, light and dark, night and day, heaven and earth, good and evil, male and female, me and others, yin and yang, fire and water, life and death, nature and culture… it goes on and on and on and on…2 is a fascinating number because it encompasses both destruction and creation. It is also the number of the duality inherent to every human being: the Janus, the potential everyone has to be either good or evil, the inner conflict. Out of the two comes out conflict, opposition, war. But out of two also comes out life, creation, balance. It takes a man and a woman to have a baby. It takes two to make three. It takes two to make the world go round.
3 on the other hand is a spiritual number, often present in most religions. Think of the Holy Trinity. It is also a temporal number, the one of the cycle: birth, growth, death; past, present, future; infancy, maturity, old age. It is often the number associated with heroe’s journeys and quests: places where they go, foes or friends they meet on the way, number of sons or daughters who are sent on a quest or who have to share a legacy. 3 is also the nuclear family: father, mother, and son. The triangle is a potent mystical symbol, associated with creation and thus also the female genitalia. So, it is funny that in our couple of droids, R2 seems often like the “male” element of the pairing and C3P0 the “female” element. With all the clichés associated though: R2 is active, mostly silent, often rude, loyal, and associated with technical skills. He often uses a little tool that comes out and is akin to a penis. He frequently saves the day. He goes with Luke. Whereas C3P0 is talkative, complains all the time, seems mostly decorative (huge emphasis on his appearance throughout the movies) , often creates issues, and is frequently shut down and physically abused by the others. C3PO goes with Leia. Yep. That sucks. No wonder he was hailed as a God by a primitive tribe who would certainly celebrate female powers (think also how welcoming they are with Leia, but how hostile they are towards the men of the group). 3 is the narrative reference in the series, because it is built as a trilogy, even better as a triptych of 3 trilogies. Think also that the MF is supposed to have 3 brains, of which being L3….
So, dear anon, you bring out fantastic references. Yes, it takes two to fly the LF, yes the rule of two for the Sith Lords, yes the Padawan and the Master, yes the twins, yes the binary suns on Tatooine and on Ahch-To as Luke is fading away… Don’t forget Han’s set of … dice.
The ring, that I had never thought before, is fantastic!
It was given center stage and dramatic flair on the poster representing Leia for the TLJ campaign. Carrie Fisher is credited with insisting on the importance of jewelry in TLJ. She really wanted jewelry for the characters and indeed, on the Visual Dictionary for TLJ, you find tons of info on what the characters wear. Stuff you didn’t necessarily pay attention to, like Poe Dameron’s ring… Anyways… This ring is obviously meaningful. This is something I found on a site called The Adventurine :
As for the meaning of the jewels, there has been speculation that the dramatic ring with two blue lapis-style stones in an Arts and Crafts swirl is her engagement ring from Han Solo. This is unlikely, mainly because she is wearing it on her right hand. She does have a ring with a gem that looks like an opal on her left hand in The Last Jedi. If they still follow the old-fashion rule that, that finger is the finger in space, it certainly could be her engagement ring and a way of holding on to Han’s memory.
Ok, let’s imagine this is an engagement ring and a way of having Solo paid homage to on the posters and throughout the movie. We know that Leia is in mourning. Her hairdo is a mourning braid as they used to wear on Alderaan. The movie did not deliver a Solo funeral as the novelizations did, so the look of Leia is a way of paying tribute to Solo and her love for him. As an engagement ring, it is cool: two stones that are exactly alike and equal, that each have their own space but are nevertheless interwined through a complex swirl of gold. There’s almost an 8 quality to the pattern, the number for infinity and repetition. So it is like a beautiful wedding vow, o equality, unity, and love forever. Now think even more. Couldn’t it evcoke our Reylo couple? Two lonely planets, both equal, that reach out to each other “across the stars”? Because as different and divided Leia and Han were, they never were equals. And when was the very last time we got to see this gorgeous piece of jewelry that is meant to represent an “engagement”, a “promise ring”, possibly even a wedding band?
Right at the end, with an emphasis on the broken saber. It’s not on the saber, but it’s the promise. The promise that “we have everything we need”, that out of division, union may come. And, think of it, even Rey’s scar, the “hands that reach across the galaxy”, is also reminiscent of the pattern on the ring:
There is an interesting parallel in the Solo movie. Qi’ra is “marked” with a tatoo that lets L3 (number 3 again) know that she is “taken”, not free to reciprocate Han’s love and follow him. In the end, not only does he have the tatoo (permanently branded into her skin), she eventually also gets the ring:
But because this is a ring for power and not a ring for love, she does not put it on, but uses it in the device on the ship to conjure up Maul’s appearance.
Another note: there is NO exchange of rings in the secret wedding between Padmé and Anakin. But our trusted droids are there though…and they are the wedding rings. Padmé gives R2 to Anakin and Anakin gives C3PO to Padmé.
#star wars symbolism#rings in star wars#reylo fandom#reylo meta#jewelry in star wars#star wars parallels#the last jedi#numbers in star wars#leia's ring
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hOI CAN I SEND IN A DRUBBLE????! could i get something like collaring headcanons/drabble?? maybe for reaper, as well as pharah, and maybe a character of your choice if you wanna do multiple people??? up to you, mostly just want collar stuff cause you describe it well ❤️ LOVE YOU
Heck yeah you can friend!! Thanks for being a pal and sending in my first drubble request! Although i actually. feel a little bad about these being drubbbles for you because. this….will not be quality. i’m sorry.
note: apparently i get switch from artistic and experimental to meta as fuck at the drop of a hate. hat. although i do hate hates. HATS.
much like that sentence, my writing devolves exponentially as it continues.
Reaper is standing over you, the face of an angry pagan moon from centuries lost. You stare, transfixed. There is no stopping this, but you will try. Your existence is comprised of trying, of trying until your hands bleed and your (i don’t know how to finish that sentence but it needs something else but whatever go just go with it). He squats, and you’re reminded of days past- his thighs are like your middle school gym teacher, thick and gnarly, ubt a lot less wrong on black=cloaked hellspawn than a fifty year old pman in nylon shorts and a shwistle. whistle.
his hands find wyour shoulders and slam you into the floor like you’re not made out of bone and flesh and your spine isn’t a fragile reality that can suffer actual medical damage, .
you turn your head and bite his fucking arm because if he’s going to treat you like a dog then you’re going to be his rabid, mangy nightmare. the back of a hand strikes across your face like a comet, white hot with pain and destroying probably everything in your face. clawed gauntlests leave streaks of red and your skin gushes red into your hair, hot and not red because i already used red in this sentence. some other adjective that conjures vivid imagery. maybe smell. it’s immersive, and ends the sentence dramatically. my creative writing teacher form senior year would cricle it and scribble a bunch of exclamation points because he was a neat guy.
this has gotten really meta. fuck.
um. less about my high school experience. back to horror.
when his hands find your pale throat, bared and so vulnerable, you half expect him to tear it out just for fun. reaper is just that kind of entity. you hesitate to call him a guy at this point, because he de-materializes at will and seems to be made primarily of smoke. ancient cultures usually called things like that a demon, and sacrificed goats to kt.
you’re not a goat.
he’s sitting on your waist like a dumbass, and maybe you can’t throw him off but you bring up an unimpeded knee and slam it as hard as you can into his back. he’ll proably kill you for it, but your head is already spinning from concussive force so like why the fuck not, it was better to go out in blood and gore and have a centerfold valkyrie hoist you up by the armpits and send you to valhalla. even the abyss owuld be an accepted alternative to reaper.
but the action pulls barely an annoyed grunt, and gee, doesn’t taht make you feel great about your own strength. should’ve listened to mr oertle and done some squats. the man had powerful thighs, afterall. you should’ve known he knew what he was talking about.
leather wraps around your neck, not even a pause while you squirm. miraculously, he doesn’t maul you with those long, awful talons, and is oddly articulate and careful as he feeds the strap through its clasp, tightening until there’s no slack. doesn’t do the finger test like you’re supposed to, becasue he’s an asshole and what did you expect.
you wonder how he does paperwork with those gauntlets. does he even have hands?
——————
there was once a time you would ahve fallen to your nees for Pharah willfully, beautifully, of your own absolute volition. She was all dark skin and sharp angles and if she’d asked, you would’ve worshippped.
She seemd to know it in the way the corner of her mouth would quirk, never a smile becasue she was far too stoic and unamused. but those days were past.
Pharah didn’t ask, never had. Pharah tore through obstacles and shredded opposition, and you supposed that’s how she’d been raised, what she did to surivie. Pharah took what she wanted and didn’t look back t osee the smokldering wreckage.
one of her elegant and battle-worn fingers flicks the metal clasp at your throat, and you swallow nervously. she runs it along the groove of your jugular, humming a soft melody you think is egyptian.
It wraps around the band, and tugs. Your head follows becasue you know better than to resist.
she smiles, head tilts just a fraction.
But it’s not the kind of smile that might settle your nerves. It speaks of pain, of blood welling from your body with each gentle touch. why did it always hurt, no matter how feather-light her touch?
she was a harbinger of destruction. the eye of horus stares into you like a distant sky, encompassing everything beneath its misty apathy.
you shiver, and let her take what she wants.
after all, you are just another thing for her to destroy.
#event: drubbles#inbox: anonymous visitor#character: reaper#character: pharah#rating: sfw#length: drabble#kink: collars
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