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polar-equinoxx · 2 years

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Galloping into the Cold, Chapter I

Hello! It’s here! Chapter one!! I will be putting it on ao3 at some point soon under mysty_swirl410 :)

Rivalry, first meeting, mentions of abuse, mentions of alcohol

2540 words (somehow)

≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

The lane Peter was walking along was damp but well lit by the lowering sun. There was mud shoved into the sides of it by carriages and hundreds of feet walking along it. Not that it was a popular road, it just went down to the river bend and to the town the other way. Peter was going to the river, he wanted nothing more but to sit there and relax until it got too dark to see.

A few moments later, he jumps to the side as he hears a thundering of hooves. The dapple grey horse is a blur as it gallops past him, but it was obvious to see that it had no rider.

No rider?

Peter stops and turns around, checking the surroundings for anything, like someone running after the horse. Nothing.

He makes a split second decision to walk back up the path to try and find someone, he did not want to be chasing after a horse on his own.

Suddenly, he’s faced with a point where the lane splits into two. The left heads into town, he knows because he came from that direction; and the other was a smaller path labelled ‘keep out’. Delightful. It led to the Kazansky’s grounds. Peter wrinkles his nose in disgust and tries to think what the horse was tacked up with. It was quite high end stuff compared to the rugged, battered gear he had seen horses around town wear. To his disgust, he makes the decision to continue down the Kazansky’s road.

God he hated them. How they sat in their high and mighty manor and watched people beating horses in order for them to go faster and make the jockey even richer while everyone else in the town starved and died in the streets. He hated how they would hit the horses with their whips they carried and kicked them with the metal spurs they wore on their expensive, polished shoes.

No wonder he’d seen that dapple grey running off. He didn’t blame it.

Not a minute into his walk down the road, he comes face to face with a rider in a muddied red and black jacket on the side of the path. With blond hair.

Is that Ice Kazansky?!

“What are you doing here?” he asks, looking at Peter with eyes that seemed like they could cut stone. “It’s private property,”

Typical Kazansky’s, always moaning about what was theirs. “Was that your horse?” Peter asks.

“Are you going to answer my question?”

This one wasn’t called Ice for nothing. “Are you gonna answer mine?”

Peter’s answer stumps him. “...Yes it was,”

“I know it’s private,” he says. “Just came to see if there was someone who was supposed to be on the horse,”

He frowns at Peter.

“You gonna come with me to find it?” He asks, and finds himself holding out his hand.

“Her,” he snaps, trying to get up but slipping on the mud. He then grudgingly takes Peter’s hand, covering it in mud and just as quickly letting go.

Peter smirks slightly, but it’s gone from his face as soon as it came as he realises just how tall he was, standing half a foot above him.

“What’s your name?”

“Peter,” he says.

“Peter what?”

He pauses, not wanting to tell him. Then he does. “..Peter Mitchell,”

“Mitchell as in the duk-?”

“Yes Mitchell as in the ex-duke,” he says defensively, dreading what he would say next.

But he doesn’t drag it on. “Huh, okay, I’m-”

“Ice Kazansky, I know,”

“It’s Thomas, actually,”

This guy had an actual name?

“Which way did she go?” Thomas asks as they reach the split in the road.

“The left,” Peter replies, leading the way down the path. “What’s her name?”

“What?!”

“.. Your horse, what’s her name?” He repeats, confused.

“Oh, oh um, Marbl,” The fire disappears from his voice.

“Marbl?” Not bad, not bad at all for someone from a family who names their horses Bees Buzzing or something ridiculous like that. “Nice,”

They walk in silence for a while, Peter couldn’t think of anything to say, it wasn’t everyday you went walking down a muddy lane with a Kazansky looking for their horse.

“My parents are going to kill me if I lose her,” Thomas mutters.

“Really?”

He glances at him. “Yes,”

“Well then, let’s find her,” Peter smiles. He had no idea why he was being so nice to this stuck up individual.

As they get closer to the river, Thomas starts to look out even more than he’d been doing. Probably because it was a dead end, there wasn’t a way over the river for a long while in either direction.

He sighs with relief as they both spot the horse standing quietly by one of the willow trees.

Peter hangs back as Thomas goes slowly up to her, and watches him with an expression that couldn’t be described as anything other than complete awe.

“Hey girl, why’d you throw me off like that, huh?”

He wasn’t like anyone else in his family when it came to the horse. He was gentle with her, like he respected her as a living being and not just something to pull carriages or race. Marbl seemed to really trust him not to do anything stupid.

“You going to say hello?”

He snaps out of his trance as Thomas looks back at him. “M- me?”

“Well, you’re the only one here, so, yes, you,” he replies.

Peter’s heart is hammering in his chest as he walks slowly up to them both. Marbl was massive, and he meant massive. The tips of her ears were at least another half a foot above Thomas’s head, and that was tall enough for him.

“You look like you’ve never seen a horse before,” Thomas muses.

“I haven’t, not this close at least,”

“Really?” his voice is shocked.

“Uh huh,” he replies as he stares at Marbl, her mane in an intricate braid than runs down her neck and a little way down her shoulder. A smile creeps onto his face as he feels her warm breath on his face.

And suddenly Thomas had grabbed his hand and put it on her neck.

Peter’s eyes widen in shock for an instant, and then his smile comes back, feeling nothing but the warm fuzz of Marbl’s dapple-grey coat under his hand.

Marbl nickers softly.

“Woah,” he breathes, looking back at Thomas for a second, only to discover he was smiling. Feeling more confident about being in such close quarters with the horse, he slowly moves his hand up to stroke her face.

“She likes you,” Thomas says.

“Really?”

“Yeah, she doesn’t normally let people stroke her nose,”

Peter didn’t know that his smile could get wider, but somehow it did.

“Where were you riding her to?” he asks, looking at the patterns on Marbl’s leather bridle.

“Here, believe it or not. Where were you going?”

“Here,”

Thomas laughs and Peter looks back to him.

“What?”

“We would have met anyway,”

“That a bad thing?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

“What? No..” he says it like he means it, which was, again breaking the Kazansky stereotype that Peter had built. “No,”

“Okay,” he smirks. “Its getting kinda late, I gotta get back,”

“Oh, alright, where you headed?”

“Back to town, I’ll catch you later,” the last bit was out before he could stop it.

“Alright,”

He didn’t know what was weirder, the fact that he had said he’ll see him later, or that Thomas hadn’t denied it. But he pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind as he salutes him and starts to walk back.

Well that was the strangest half an hour of my life to date. He thinks.

“Peter,”

“Uh huh?” he spins back around as Thomas says his name.

He pauses for a moment. “Want a ride?”

“I’ve… never ridden-”

“There’s always a first time,” he shrugs.

Something unexpected and fizzy begins inside him. “Oh.. kay?”

“Do you know how to get on a horse?” Thomas asks as he joins him at Marbl’s side again.

“Uhh..” He’s gonna think I’m such a nobody, not even knowing how to mount a horse.

“It’s okay if not,” he gives a small smile.

Never mind then. “Nope,”

“Right then, step one, get your foot on the stirrup. No help allowed,”

Peter stares at him. No way he was serious. The stirrup came up to his hip.

He laughs. “I’m kidding,” he says as he kneels on the ground, linking his hands together. “As I help, get your other leg over her, whilst holding onto the pommel,”

“The.. what?”

“The front bit of the saddle,” he replies. “Foot,”

Swallowing, Peter puts his foot on Thomas’ linked hands and grips onto the pommel, as he called it. Then he pushes him up enough so he can get his right leg over.

“Oh my god-” He gets out. It was so high.

Thomas smiles at him. “Tada!”

“H-how do you manage this?��

“Manage what?”

“Th- the tallness?”

He shakes his head as he lifts himself up onto Marbl’s back in front of Peter. “I don’t know, I guess I’m used to it,”

Peter had to fight the urge to wrap his arms around Thomas’ middle. “Uh huh,”

He twists his head around to look at him. “You think I’m going to make you sit there and hold on to nothing?”

Peter doesn’t say anything, his mouth parched.

He sighs, smiling as he gets a hold of Peter’s hands and tugs them around him. “I’m not gonna go fast,”

“Okay,” He hoped Thomas couldn’t feel his heart beating out of his chest as he clung on to him.

“Come on Marbl,”

There’s a jolt as Marbl starts walking slowly, and it makes Peter involuntarily tighten his arms around Thomas.

“This okay?” he asks.

“Mhm,” Peter raises his head to look over Thomas’ shoulder to see in front of them. They were so high up, it made Peter feel like he could touch the sky. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time, half of him wanted them to go faster, and the other half wanted to run in the opposite direction.

It felt like such a short while they were walking back to town, for no real reason, Peter didn’t really want it to end.

“Oh god,” Thomas mutters under his breath as they reach the end of the path.

“What?”

“My mother’s over there,”

“Oh. And?”

“And?!” Thomas swings around to glare at Peter, who leans back to avoid knocking his chin against his shoulder.

He stays silent.

“And if she sees us I’m dead and you’re on the next train outta here! She thinks I’ve been at the stables the whole day!” he hisses.

“Okay, okay, I’ll go, she won’t notice,” he unhooks his arms from his middle and swings his leg over Marbl so he can slide off.

Thomas looks at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Thank you,” Peter says as his feet hit the road.

He gives him a curt nod.

“Will I see you again? You know for a Kazansky you’re not bad,”

Thomas thinks over this for a minute. “River, eleven am,” he replies, not letting out any hint of emotion.

Peter can’t stop the smile as he watches Ice Kazansky and Marbl turn around and canter back down the road.

» ✧ «

That night, the Kazansky’s dinner table is shrouded in a quiet tension. Thomas sits there, passing the time by sipping his drink. It was some kind of fruity, cold, expensive drink thing that his parents thought was his favourite. It wasn’t. He didn’t like any of the posh drinks his family bought at a hundred dollars a bottle or got given by equally rich friends. The fizz left an uncomfortable feeling across his tongue and the alcohol stripped his throat. But he drinks it all the same.

“Thomas,” comes the voice of his father.

“Yes father?”

“Your mother tells me she saw you in town with a…” he searches for the word. “Commoner,”

His heart sinks. “O-oh?”

“A commoner?! In town?!” Rupert, his older brother caws from beside him.

“Quiet Rue,” his mother says.

“Do you have anything except for, oh?”

He shakes his head. “No father,”

“Do you deny it?”

His heart is racing, a sick feeling beginning in the pit of his stomach. “No father,”

“You mean you were in town, with that damn horse of yours and a commoner?!”

“Marbl is not a damn horse,” The words were out before he could stop them.

“What did you say?” his father says slowly.

“N-nothing,” Sweat was breaking out on the palms of his hands.

“Abigail, please take yourself and Rue out,”

His mother does so, and Thomas turns his head away from his brothers mocking laughter.

“Stand up,”

He does so, knocking his chair backwards, and it teeters before he grabs it to stop it from falling over.

“If anyone catches you in town again, I will take that damn horse and shoot it myself, you hear me?”

“Y-yes father,” His voice was shaking as much as he was.

“Louder,”

“Yes father,”

“Look me in the eyes and say it, Thomas,”

He swallows as he looks into his fathers grey eyes inches away from his own. “Yes father, I understand,”

He almost doesn’t feel the impact of his fathers hand against his cheek, but a few seconds later, a red hot sting erupts across his face. He bites the inside of his cheek as he backs away, averting his eyes to stare at the floor.

“You’d better remember it,” he spits, stalking back to the other end of the table. “They can come back in. Thomas, get out of here, I don’t want to lay my eyes on you for another day,”

He doesn’t take a second chance as he walks out of the room, pressing his hand to his nose that he could feel was slowly dripping blood.

Somehow, he gets to his room, rushing into the en suite to grab a wad of tissue for his nose. He kicks off his boots and formal jacket, everything was too tightly fitted.

He hates it, hates it all, his parents, his sugar-coated life, the dozens of outfits he had for every occasion imaginable and for the ones that don’t even exist, the food and the drink and everything in between.

Meeting Peter earlier couldn’t have been just a coincidence, right? They were going to have met anyway, but he managed to let Marbl chuck him off and then that’s why they met earlier than they were going to. He lets out a breath, slumping to the floor in the bathroom, leaning his head on the wall as the bottom half of his vision blurred with unshed tears.

Peter wasn’t really like any other people he’d met around town on his family’s outings. He gave him a chance to be something other than his surname. He remembers the look of awe he had given him when he went up to Marbl once they’d found her.

And the smile he’d given him like eight times, no-one had ever smiled at him like that.

Thomas liked the way he had smiled at him.

#ms tg #ms gitc #ms fanfics #I LOVE THEM I WROTE THIS OVER TWO DAYS AND ITS THE LONGEST CHAPTER IVE EVER WRITTEN ??????#TADA!!! omg ice thomas bby i am so sorry 😭#top gun #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun fanfiction #icemav fanfiction #fanfiction

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seijch · 3 years

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ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

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magicallygrimmwiccan · 5 years

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Only Time, Part IV

Summary: In which Concerts Are Given, Musicals Are Performed, and Math is Done (with crying!)

Notes: Yes, this chapter is self-indulgent. Yes, I’ve played all those pieces. Yes, that is a reference to Moving On :) Second-to-last part of exchange with @dailypattondoodle / @moonfang03! Enjoy, Wren!

“Okay, okay, Logan? Calm down, sweetie, it’ll be okay,” Mika murmured, gently grabbing Logan’s shoulders and staring into his eyes. Logan shook his head, on the verge of tears, as he clutched his horn closer to his chest. This was not going to end well, he just knew it. He wasn’t prepared, his anxiety had been acting up all day, Roman was most likely not going to be here-

“Logan. Listen to me,” Mika ordered, gently grabbing Logan’s horn from his arms and setting it gently in the case. “You’ll be okay, you know these pieces better than almost everyone here.”

Roman’s not going to show up, is he? Logan signed, hands shaking. Mika growled and shook xyr head, clearly exasperated.

“Roman’s coming. He’s in the audience. I checked for myself, okay?” Logan sniffed, trying to stem his tears. Mika wouldn’t lie to him, he knew that, so there was really no reason for him to be crying like a stupid child. Mika didn’t seem to mind, however, and gently rubbed his back, whispering soothing nothings into Logan’s ears until he calmed down. Luckily, the rest of their band gave the two of them space, something Logan was eternally grateful for. Finally, finally, he managed to calm down, and Mika handed him back his horn with a grin. “Now, let’s go out there and kick those pieces’ butts, yeah?” Logan nodded and stood up, walking out towards the stage. Mika followed with xyr oboe. The two walked out to find Wirt already seated with his clarinet, and he shot them a big grin when he saw them.

Logan settled into his spot in the horn section, nodding at all of his sectionmates, as he nervously fiddled with his keys and blew warm air through his instrument. This was their longest concert, being the last one of the year, and he knew this one was going to be especially rough on his embouchure. He also happened to be the first horn, despite being the only freshman in the horn section. The other three horns, two juniors and a sophomore, had all done the first horn shift, leaving Logan to pick up this one. He glanced up to see that Wirt had vanished, most likely because he was the tuner for tonight.

The lights dimmed before coming back on at the sound of soft, nervous footsteps. Wirt paused at the front of the stage, lifted his clarinet, and let out the long drone of a concert Bb. Logan waited for the low brass to settle into their pitch before lifting his own horn and making sure everything was properly tuned. Wirt seamlessly switched to the concert A and Logan adjusted for that pitch as well, lowering his horn and waiting for the cue to stand when his conductor came out. She did, strands coming out of her bun, beaming with exhilaration at her band in front of her. She stepped up onto the podium, raised her baton, and Logan raised his horn, prepared for the first note.

He glimpsed his father out of the corner of his eye beaming as the first notes of the first piece registered. Logan knew Virgil would love the first piece; after all, Nightmare Before Christmas was his favourite movie, so why wouldn’t he love a band arrangement of it? As the piece went on, Logan noticed that Virgil was nudging another person in excitement, but Logan didn’t have time to explore more because oh shit that was his entrance in two measures! Finally, they reached Wirt’s clarinet solo, and Logan lowered his horn to watch his friend noodle around on his chromatic scale, eventually screaming out a high B before moving into a glissando back down to a D. They finished the piece within a couple minutes, Logan’s facial muscles showing no traces of soreness.

The next piece was extremely difficult to tune, but the horn part was simple until the end. Logan fucking hated large intervals, and what did the composer do? Write a large interval. The piece ended with a lovely, perfectly tuned 9 chord, much to Logan’s delight, and he moved to the next piece, groaning internally. Goddamn you, Saint-Saëns. Granted, the clarinets had it worse. He’d only seen Wirt’s part once, but what he had seen had made him cry in agony for his friend. Who thought that weird chromatic with repeated steps in eighth notes at this tempo was a good idea?! Regardless, they actually gave a very good performance of the piece, and Logan dropped his horn onto his lap, beginning to feel some soreness in his facial muscles. Great, because the next piece was horn-heavy. Wonderful.

The piece was over with before Logan knew it, and he appreciated the fact that he wasn’t a senior and so had no chance of being given one of the end-of-year awards. This was a solid 15 minutes to rest his face, and he was going to take it, thank you very much. While he did, tears were shed, hugs were given, gifts were presented, and the audience clapped for far too long and far too loudly for Logan’s taste. It died down eventually, however, and Logan raised his horn, prepared to end this concert with one of the best pieces Tchaikovsky ever wrote. The low instruments started with the ominous, funeral-march style chords, and Logan lifted his horn to his face in preparation for the melody.

The piece went off flawlessly, much to Logan’s delight. Their dress rehearsal that morning had been… well, calling it shaky was generously understated. The clarinets and flutes were finally lined up on the triplet passages, the horns and trombones were finally in tune, and everyone’s rhythms were counted perfectly. Each articulation was sharp and crisp, each phrase elegantly shaped, each part blended seamlessly into the others. The final chord sang through the hall, ending with that perfect reverberation of tuba, as everyone slowly lowered their instruments as the sound finally dissipated. Almost instantly, everyone in the audience burst into loud applause, eliciting a giddy giggle of pure elation out of Logan. They had done it. They had finished one of the hardest pieces of their high school careers, and they had done it well. Glancing out, his breath caught in his throat as he saw Roman, on his feet, his smile wide and bright even in the dark auditorium as he applauded his brother’s achievements.

Logan’s conductor gestured for the band to stand, and he did, clutching his horn tight to his stomach as he allowed the applause to wash over him. After a few very long, awkward minutes in which said applause would not stop, Logan was allowed off the stage, vanishing into the band room to break down his horn so he could go home. A hand dropped down to ruffle his hair, and he looked up to find Mika beaming down at him, oboe still fully assembled.

“Amazing show, poppet. You were wonderful,” xe murmured, sitting down next to Logan and pulling out xyr oboe case. “That interval in October came out perfectly.”

Yes, I am very pleased, Logan signed back, dropping his mouthpiece gently into its section of the case before placing his horn in its place. Mika delicately dropped xyr reed into xyr case before running a cloth through the oboe, beaming over at Logan.

“So, Roman seemed to enjoy himself.” Logan froze, in the process of sliding his horn into its locker, and slowly turned to stare at Mika. Xe simply shrugged. “What? I’m in the front, I cannot help but see people also sitting in the front of the audience. I really could not possibly miss that large, silly grin of his.”

I… what? Mika frowned, tilting xyr head to the side. Roman… actually enjoyed himself?

“Yes, he appeared to. I was under the impression he enjoyed instrumental music?” Logan nodded slowly in confirmation. “Yes, he was smiling every time you came in.”

Roman… actually cared about him? Roman cared about his interests and his skills and the things he enjoyed doing? Roman cared enough to sit through over an hour of music for him? These thoughts caused something warm to swirl in Logan’s stomach, bubbling up into his heart and throat and weaseling its way into his tear ducts.

“Oh, no no no, Logan honey don’t cry!” Mika cried, gently grabbing Logan’s face in xyr hands and wiping at his cheeks. He was crying? Why was he crying? He had no reason to cry, he was happy after all. Roman cared about him. Roman wanted to be a good brother to him. Roman didn’t hate him.

I can’t be crying, I’m happy Mika, Logan signed. Mika bit xyr lip and held up a sapphire-painted finger to show a droplet of salty facewater resting on it.

“You can cry happy tears, Logan. Tears aren’t just for sadness.” Logan blinked, shakily bringing his hands up to his face, and when he pulled them away, lo and behold, tears stained his fingertips. He was crying.

“It makes sense, to be quite frank. You’ve gone through quite a bit in the past few weeks. No wonder your body is reacting to strong emotions this way,” Mika explained, wiping off xyr fingers before pulling out a cloth and wiping Logan’s face. “Now, come on, your horn is away, my oboe is away, Wirt is standing near the door staring at us, let’s get up there and go eat far too many cookies to celebrate our achievements, yeah?” Logan nodded and stood up, smiling at Mika.

Thank you so, so much for everything, Mika. Mika snorted and swatted at Logan’s shoulder, steering him towards the doorway where Wirt was waiting, arms crossed uncomfortably over his chest. My apologies for keeping you waiting, Wirt.

“No, Logan, it’s fine. You needed a moment,” Wirt softly stammered back. “Let’s… let’s go.” The three left the bandroom, the last ones to do so, and they walked out to the Commons to partake in cookies and punch and far too much socializing. Logan had barely set foot in the Commons when he was tackled, letting out a little yelp. He blinked a couple times, trying to regain his bearings, and realized that the person who had tackled him was Roman.

“Lolo that was amazing! Dad was so happy during that first piece— nice choice on Nightmare Before Christmas, by the way— and that clarinet solo was so good— Wirt you better be going to music school that was amazing! And then that second piece? That horn part at the end was so emotional and perfect and you did it perfectly, Lo! Then the middle piece? I’m so sorry that sounded like it was hard on your face! But you did it so well, I got chills! Then Hymn To A Blue Hour was just… how do I say this? I was bawling, that’s how gorgeous it was! And then, then you ended with that gorgeous march and that… that was an experience! Logan, you did so well, you deserve so many more awards for that!”

Roman, I was just playing my part. No need to get overexcited, Logan signed, confused and a tad bit scared of his brother at this exact moment in time. There… was really no reason for him to be so excited over Logan just doing his job.

“I’m not overexcited, I’m showing how proud I am of you!” Roman shot back, grin still far too wide to be possible. How did his muscles move like that? Was that healthy? Was that normal? Logan was more concerned for his twin now after these questions popped into his mind.

“Roman, maybe relax a bit. You’re overwhelming him,” Virgil drawled, stopping just behind Roman and shooting Logan a small grin. “Nice work, kiddo. I really liked that first piece, but all of them were amazing.”

I figured you would like the first piece, Dad, Logan signed, grinning a bit. Virgil snorted and leaned over to ruffle Logan’s hair, freeing a few of his curls from their meticulously-placed gel. Logan batted the hands away, frantically trying to smooth his hair back into place. Mika and Wirt snorted and giggled behind him, and Logan shot them both glares, although they ignored him and kept laughing. Logan eventually gave in and joined them in laughter, just happy that the anxiety that had been constantly sitting on his chest seemed to be gone.

Patton bounced over, beaming, holding a stack of cookies in his hands. “Nice job, kiddo! Amazing show! You’ve earned so many second cookies!” Logan carefully took a snickerdoodle and began to nibble on it, smiling faintly. Everything had turned out alright, just like Roman had promised. Logan couldn’t be happier in that moment.

Merely a week later, Logan sat in an uncomfortable chair in the auditorium, watching Roman bound around on stage in his professional make-believe that he loved so much and that Logan understood approximately nothing about. Patton and Virgil sat next to him, trying to explain what confused him, but Logan still had no idea. People found these over-the-top productions entertaining? This one was apparently called Guys and Dolls and featured some… very outdated ideas. Roman was the lead (from what Logan had been told), and his friend Clair was playing the main female lead (also from what he’d been told), but beyond that, Logan had absolutely no idea what was going on. The musical ended soon enough, much to Logan’s relief, and everyone filtered out into the Commons again to wait for the actors to come out.

Roman bounced out after a few minutes, beaming and sweating a little but overall looking extremely happy. “Logan! My wonderful brother, did you enjoy that?”

Not really, as I could not understand what was happening, even with assistance. I do think you did an amazing job, however, Logan answered, flushing a bit. Would Roman be mad that he did not enjoy himself?

“Thanks, Lo! And I didn’t really expect you to, I’m just glad you showed up!” Logan swallowed and grinned back, relief swimming in his stomach at that. He did not wish to upset Roman, so the news that he had not was wonderful.

Of course. I will always show up to support you. Roman’s smile fell a little and he sighed, causing Logan to panic. Had he said something wrong?!

“Like I should have.” Logan sighed and gently whacked Roman on the back of the head. Roman looks up, startled and confused, and Logan simply rolled his eyes before lightly smacking his nose.

We have been over this. It is in the past. We can’t change the past, all we can do is try to move forward. Okay? Roman nodded, smile returning slightly, and Logan grinned back. Now, explain that musical to me please? I would like to understand what was happening. Roman’s eyes lit up and he launched into an impassioned speech about the plot of said musical as Logan followed him and their parents out to the car. It was always nice to see Roman acting like his usual passionate self, Logan thought as he settled in next to Roman who was still talking. Perhaps this attempt to fix their relationship was leading to good things after all.

“Logan! Can you help me with my math, I have no idea what’s going on!” Roman called, knocking frantically on Logan’s door. He sighed, pushing back from his desk, and got up, opening the door to find Roman shoving a worksheet on factoring into his face. Logan took a brief instant to recover before gently grabbing the worksheet and scanning over it. Simple enough. Why was Roman having issues?

“The teacher can’t explain this worth shit,” Roman explained, seeing Logan’s confusion. Logan flipped the sheet over to see the notes side of it and winced. Yep, that explanation would do it. What was all this about division? That wasn’t how you factored polynomials!

Come in, it’s time to fix the damage done by your teacher. Roman entered, closing the door behind him, looking at Logan with pleading eyes.

“Oh great Sage, please explain the heinous art of factoring to me,” Roman cried, dramatically swooning onto Logan’s bed. Logan rolled his eyes and ignored him, sitting down and pulling out a pencil.

Now, to start, factoring is the art of simplifying polynomial expressions in order to more easily see their component parts. This will become useful later when it comes to simplifying polynomial expressions, Logan began, scribbling an example out on the paper. This requires you to know your basic multiplication facts extremely well.

“Well, I’m doomed,” Roman moaned. Logan sighed and set down the paper.

Then we shall start there. There are patterns to certain multiples, if you would like me to show you? Roman nodded, and Logan set to work showing Roman the math that should have been learned in second grade.

A couple hours later, Roman finally understood what was going on. “Thank you so much, Logan! You’re a lifesaver, I swear.” Logan smiled and nodded. He was just being a good sibling. Why was Roman calling him a lifesaver for being a decent human being?

“No, really. I suck at math, and you actually explain it in a way that helps me, you know, get it? It’s really amazing, Logan. Have you considered going into teaching?” Logan frowned, eyebrows furrowing. He had, at one point, but who would want a teacher who couldn’t even talk?

But I can’t talk, Roman. I would be an awful teacher. Roman sighed and rolled his eyes, gently slapping Logan on the back of the head in that friendly way siblings do.

“And that’s something you can work around. Send out an email the school year before telling everyone to have their kids learn basic sign language. Teach at a school for the deaf. Just because you can’t talk, that doesn’t mean you automatically can’t teach. You’re a hell of an amazing teacher, so much better than a lot of the ones who can, and I will support you until the day I die, okay?” Logan began to cry and that, and Roman dropped his math homework with a heavy thud onto the floor as he rushed to comfort his brother. “No, don’t cry, I’m sorry-”

Happy tears, Roman. Happy tears, Logan soothed, giggling a bit at Roman’s concern. It was… sweet, if a bit overbearing. Roman giggled back and pulled Logan into a tight hug, rubbing his back in calming circles like Patton used to do when they were younger.

“You know that I meant every word of that, right?” Roman whispered, rocking Logan back and forth a bit. Logan nodded against his chest, hand slipping out of the hold to hover in Roman’s line of sight.

I know, Roman. For the first time in a long time, I know.

Notes: See? I promised it would get better :)

And, in order, those pieces are: Nightmare Before Christmas medley for Symphonic Band, October by Eric Whitacre, Danse Macabre by Camille Saint-Saens (look up the Tokyo Kosei version), Hymn to a Blue Hour by John Mackie, and Marche Slave by Tchaikovsky (look up Tokyo Kosei, again)

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #twin logince #patton sanders #virgil sanders #paternal moxiety #i am an evil author #light angst #fluff #my band nerd side comes out #as do my opinions on math #whoopsie #only time #chapter four

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evotter · 5 years

Note

jan, march, sept + one of your choice, love. have a great day, u icon

thank u kyra i adore u

january: what was the first fic you posted this year?

the first fic i posted this year TECHNICALLY was the epilogue of a different path. the first standalone was chewbacca (aka my introduction to the jily world once again and i have such a soft spot for it)

march: do you listen to music whilst writing?

yes! pretty much always; if it’s not music, it’s a TV show.

september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?

quite literally anything you’ve left on any of my fics BUT there are a few that i hold dear to my heart. i’ll post them under the cut cause they are LONG :’)

ancient: the first fic you ever posted online?

hahahaaaaaaa. it was my own version of rick riordan’s the son of neptune before the actual book was published. it was on ff.net, and the first chapter got 7 reviews, and i felt so good about myself after that lmfao. who knew i’d still be writing 8 years later?

ask me questions!

OKAY so i have 3 top favorites:

from a different path:

okay so i had seen this in someone else’s bookmarks the other day, thought it was an interesting concept—especially since i too love slytherin!percy and strongly subscribe to ofswordsandpens’ headcanons about it—but didn’t give it another thought until i was listening to a video about the cursed child and went: wait, there’s a percabeth hogwarts au that i saw somewhere. and immediately i hunted this down and i’m just in awe? i tore through it. belatedly, i realized that i made a mistake: i didn’t write down my thoughts as i was reading, which is definitely a disservice to you. however, here are a generalized list of things that i loved.

first of all, with hogwarts au’s, there are three main aspects that i look for: plot, characterization, and quality of writing. normally, fics of this size lack one or more of these key factors, but i was astonished to find that the plot is tremendously tight and intriguing (my lip bled from biting it so much because i’ve been stressed to the max), you write these characters with such distinct voices i can easily picture them saying everything—except, of course, now in a little british accent—and your writing flows so well, it feels almost like i’m reading an actual harry potter book, just with percy and co. you also do a masterful job of weaving together aspects of the pjo universe with the established canon of hp.

and there are so many specific things that i love. primarily, the way you write the relationships in this story; not just concerning percabeth (though i will get to that in a minute), but also with each of the interactions between all of the characters. i applaud you for how you handled luke/annabeth and rachel/percy, and the friendship among them all is just incredibly well done. i especially love how well you wrote connor and zoë and just, a lot of characters that i don’t often think about when i think of pjo. grover and percy’s friendship especially is heartbreaking, i just. he’s so protective because he loves his friends and holy fuck i also love how you wrote grover in this. but i just adored how you wrote annabeth/percy—the love between them, both platonic in its early stages and the romantic all throughout, was doubly apparent. i ached when they kissed each other’s cheeks, and i inwardly cheered when she kissed him in the locker room. there was just such a natural progression, to me, of their relationship. and man did i dig it. i’m excited (and maybe a little scared) to see where you take their relationship in the future.

boy, this is getting long. sorry. but some more just little quick things: loved the b99 reference, with both of their competitive natures playing out in a similar way to jake and amy’s. i kind of want to go back and see if i can find any other references that i missed because i was just too engaged in the story to catch them. also, zoë’s death killed me all over again, thanks for that. i like how you’re working the kronos plot in, and i can’t wait to see how the Final Battle plays out. what else? oh! professor hestia? beautiful. eventual maybe professor percy? outstanding. percy kissing the top of annabeth’s head? breathtaking. rachel being a quidditch commentator? earth shattering. (truly i cackled when i saw that.) mrs. o’leary being a cat? incredible. how you incorporated percy’s water powers? stunning.

ooh, this exchange was beautiful and had me cackling it was so in-character:

“None of us are dying.” Connor clarifies. “Not you, not me, not Annie, not the rest of us.”

“I might have to dispute that.” Annabeth says, from Percy’s other side. “Call me ‘Annie’ one more time, Stoll, and I’ll kill you myself.”

Connor only grins at her. “Sorry, love. No more ‘Annie’. Can I call you Beth?”

“No.”

“Anna?”

“No.”

okay, so i just finished chapter nine and i am blown away. sorry for how long this comment was, but a fic of this magnitude truly warrants it. i can’t wait to see what happens next.

i leave you with just two words: “holy shit.”

from a different path:

god, oh my god, am i the only dumb bitch who didn’t get what the prophecy was??

anyway, i stumbled on this fic last year, patiently waiting for its completion, and now that i’ve rediscovered it, i’m so glad i finished it all in one go! i couldn’t imagine the tension of waiting for the next chapter, especially since the tension is so well-crafted!! i hardly noticed the tonal shift even as the story got darker and darker as it led up to the war, and in that way i was reminded of how extremely similar it felt to reading the hp books for the first time! you nailed percy very well i might say, and the awkward-yet-caring relationship he has with his dad. i daresay you gave connor and zoe more characterization than rick riordan himself, and the percabeth you wrote is perfect to the nth degree. i appreciate that you didnt bother with all the love triangle and unrequited feelings nonsense as well.

but i have to say, even as i cried at sally and paul’s wedding, or at dionysus’ quiet mourning for castor, what really struck with me most was the way you handled silena. for that, i have no words. that was a job extremely well done. thank you so much for blessing us with this fic.

from chewbacca (a comment from u!):

A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen. Her coat is dripping all over the floor he’d just cleaned (but it’s fine) and when he leans over the counter he sees that her boots match the coat.

First of all!!! Thats the best opening line in the world and nobody can convince me otherwise. I want to become a publisher just so that if you ever write a book, I’d be able to publish it. ( like omg, what an honor??? )

She looks like sunshine, standing there with the amount of yellow in her wardrobe. Briefly, James wonders if that’s her favorite color. It’s got to be.

Im going to quote this whole fic but I really love these lines? Like, you have this distinct style of writiting that I aim to acheive and you’re literally such a rolemodel!!! These are my favorite kind of fics to read. Funny story but I was going through a ‘no thanks Jily’ mood ( a horror, i know !! ) but your fics are just,,,,exceptions? You could write about trash and I’d love it and ask for you to sign me up.

“Say it again, but convincingly this time.”

ooof this dialogue??? let me breathe

This is the longest he’s stood still since he started working. It’s actually a miracle.

and the funniest person award goes to YOU. also, the most talented and cutest but thats neither here nor there.

james taking care of fleamont, switching off the lights gives me just a nice and realistic vibe? its so simple but i love how you added it.

honestly at this point, ive been sucked again by the fanfic. it feels less like a fic and more like a masterpiece that belongs in a museum but anyway.

“James is supposed to be helping.

James is on his phone.”

ugh i love ur mind. im rereading and its so nice and lovely. even if its like 1am and im exhausted, this fic is sustaining me.

“Do it off the clock, would you?”

PEAK HUMOR

have i mentioned how much i love that scene with euphemia? she seems like such a lovely mom. i love ur euphemia the most. and ahh, both of them just rushing to the hospital ? another 100% good scene.

“Euphemia smiles too, but looks at Fleamont rather than at her son. “Yes,” she says. “It really does.””

fic? or shakspeare? HMMM

A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen // “Get fucked.”

the fic!! has made a circle!!! i love how it begins and ends along the same lines. I really want to know how??? are you so talented im in love.

i just really love this fic, okay? i love how james is just the kindest, lily is allowed to have feelings, its just so soft and warm. and it makes someone feel loved, want love anyway.

the dynamic between the characters are just so real and great and im astounded, in short.

your sirius is everything. so many fics potray him as a dick??? which is first of all #rude and also, not at all true. you made me love these characters even more so i sincerely hope you never stop writing.

you’re such a beautiful writer and the way you string words together is just poetic and gorgeous and all the other good adjectives you can think of. i read your spiderman x reader too and i was a goner for you. EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS SO GOOD. i read it so long ago but i can vividly remember peter whipping the mask off and she just going wtf stop on the window ledge. what im trying to say is that you leave this lasting impression on people that make them remember random scenes and words / prose long after they’ve read it which is a remarkable feat, i believe.

and im so sorry im not on tumblr rn bc i cannot keep recing this fic but i have told my friends about your writing and they loved it too. you’ve got like a million fans. when i do get back from my hiatus, im going to keep recing your fics and people will cry because their universe will shift thanks to the newfound joy of your presence in their life.

lastly, im more of a dog person and that, more than anything, should tell you how much i love this fic. i love u. and basee on your writing, i want to hug you, be your best friend and make you cookies bc again

WOW

#thelaziestgeek #answers #friends!#<3

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deojoon · 6 years

Text

sky blue : 1

cross posted on ao3

part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

Summary:

(trigger warning) how namjoon came across always and reflection or how namjoon began to love himself with help ! *this fic isn't for everyone, in no way am i romanticizing mental illnesses or what namjoon went through. if you don't like it dont read it thank you.

Notes:

i'm not gonna lie this straight up was the longest and quickest fic ive ever written. all because i was sad. it didn't turn out the way i wanted it to but its something. i kinda cried while writing it only because i sorta relate ? ion know. even though im a shitty writer you gotta start somewhere enjoy !

Chapter 1

: the beginning

I’ve always wondered how he did it. How Namjoon pieced himself back together. Did bts help ? did army help ? did a friend/significant help ? i’ve always noticed something about rm and it’s wasn’t till recently it got better.

It’s was a late night , early 2016, namjoon couldn’t remember the day of the week or date “fuck” he said as he sat in his studio chair looking up at the ceiling. It’s been about 3 days since he locks himself in the studio. This is couple months after his mixtape dropped and when the plagiarism claims had happened. The lowest point of his life.

He checks his phone to see with no surprise to see no new notifications. Namjoon sighed, he stretched his arms and with grogginess, he went back to writing. After even more hours of creativity, Namjoon passes out.

Namjoon woke up to see the time is now 5 am.

He gets up to leave the studio to check on yoongi. No matter what namjoon himself was feeling he thought of everyone else’s well being first. ‘it’s better this way’ he thought.

As he approaches yoongi’s studio he knocks on the door. He hears something crash, he starts to beat on the door calling his name “yoongi please open up”.

After a deep breath yoongi opens up the door breathless “what” he said harshly.

Namjoon walked in already knowing what’s wrong, closed the door and hugged yoongi. “take a deep breath. You’re okay. You’re safe.” Yoongi grabs namjoon tightly

Yoongi was upset, he was mad that he was frustrated with himself, that namjoon knows all too well when he’s mad, that namjoon knows how to make him feel better. Yoongi’s grip eventually loosens. Yoongi’s moves closer to namjoon's neck, just to inhale namjoon’s scent to calm himself. It’s a mix of pine, mint, and cotton candy which is surprisingly addictive.

(Not that yoongi would ever tell anyone that.)

With a now calm yoongi, namjoon asks “what were you doing exactly”

Yoongi still in his neck mumbling “producing. It’s not coming out the way I want it to maybe it’s because i’m not capable of making good music”

Namjoon squeezes yoongi tighter. “yoongi no matter what you’re the most creative person i’ve met. Yoongi don’t pay any mind to this small stump.

“but you don’t understand the pressure”

Once yoongi said that it hurt namjoon’s feelings a bit. Brushing it off namjoon replies “ come one let’s go home you need a break”

Yoongi just sighed and nodded, knowing arguing with namjoon at this point wouldn’t get him anywhere.

They left and went to the dorms. As they walked in seokjin was in the kitchen grabbing food for himself. Like a deer caught in headlights, seokjin jumped and dropped his leftover chicken.

“well there you are yoongi I was looking for you. When you feel better can you fix the bookshelf. Someone broke it” seokjin said glaring at namjoon.

Namjoon sheepishly smiles and rubbed the back of his neck. “sorry”

Yoongi had enough and grumbled “ stop breaking shit i’m tired of fixing it” he stomped away.

Namjoon’s sheepish grin dropped “ i’m going to bed”

As he walked to his shared room with taehyung he began to think about the inconvenience he caused other the members. He sighed and went to bed.

It’s now a Monday on their one month break. While everyone else is out having fun namjoon is stuck inside. its seems like everyone made plans without him yet again. It’s been like this for the last week. No human interaction, so he decided to call jackson to see if he wanted to hang out.

But of course, jackson was busy. Namjoon started to feel antsy. He started to scroll on twitter. Maybe seeing army will make him feel better. Namjoon felt worse after reading comments about how ugly and untalented he is. His mood worsened more and more.

When namjoon heard the door open he knew the rest of the members came back he quickly put his emotions in the back of his head. And walking into the living about to say something only to hear his members making fun of his singing as they listened to the song “adrift”

“he sounds like he’s dying”

“is he gargling a box of nails”

He had enough and went into the bathroom.

He sat down against the wall and stared at himself in the mirror.

‘why am I here’

‘I can’t even write good music without copying someone’

Namjoon shook his head and realized someone was knocking on the bathroom door. He got up and washed his face to see an angry taehyung.

“Finally, do you know how long I was knocking. Get out so I can go in”

Namjoon thought taehyung was concerned for him at first so he smiled but dropped it when he finished.

Namjoon went to his room grabbed his phone, laptop, and wallet and walked out the dorm ignoring everyone’s laughter.

He arrived at his studio locked the door and decided to read on naver thinking the news would make him feel better and distract him. Namjoon ended up reading two articles one about him plagiarizing and the other on how much weight he gained, how fat he is now.

Namjoon was at his breaking point but the one last thing that pushed him over was his parents texting him that they’re on vacation without him.

Namjoon began writing full of tears and sadness.

One morning, I opened my eyes And wished that I was dead I wish someone killed me In this noisy silence I live to understand the world But the world didn’t once understand me, why No, the other half is missing* It’s trying to hurt me I miss me miss me, baby, I miss me miss me baby I wish me I wish me baby Wish I could choose me

Why is it that I’m being so earnest Yet it’s not working out Always Always Always Always Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways)

If I ever meet God, I would tell him this That life is coffee that I never ordered I would grab him by the collar and tell him Death is an americano you can’t refill Are you sure that you’re alive Then, let’s prove it somehow When I exhale, there’s breath** On the window, there’s condensation You are dead You are dad, but you are dead Dead dad you don’t listen to me Dad please listen to me

After writing, the group's manager called him to explain the wings photo shoot and due date for the music.

After the long and exhausting meeting, he went back to the dorms to tell everyone the schedule and he got nothing but complaints.

“why couldn’t you pushback the date”

“all ways make things hard for us”

“ya I really don’t appreciate his at all”

“why’d you make our schedule so intense”

Namjoon ran out the dorm slamming the door.

Namjoon goes back into the studio and just stares at the wall, thinking about the stupid voice in his head repeatedly saying he doesn’t matter and wrote reflection.

I know Every life’s a movie We got different stars and stories We got different nights and mornings Our scenarios ain’t just boring I find this movie very amusing Everyday, I want to shoot it well I want to caress myself I want to caress myself

But you know, sometimes I really really hate myself To be honest, quite often, I really hate myself When I really hate myself, I go to Dduksum I just stand there with the familiar darkness

With the people that are smiling And beer, which makes me smile Coming to me softly, Fear, which holds my hand It’s okay because everyone is in twos or threes It’d be nice if I had friends too

The world is just another name for despair My height is just another diameter for the earth I am all of my joy and anxiety It repeats everyday, the love and hate directed to me Hey you, who’s looking over the Han River If we bump into each other while passing, would it be fate? Or maybe we bumped into each other in our past life Maybe we bumped into each other countless times

In the darkness, People look happier than the day Everyone else knows where they’re supposed to be But only I walk without purpose But still, blending in with them is more comfortable Dduksum, which has swallowed up the night Hands me an entirely different world I want to be free I want to be free from freedom Because right now I’m happy but I’m unhappy I’m looking at myself At Dduksum

I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself

Namjoon now lying on his studio floor hear knocking on his door. He ignores it and goes back to sleep.

'why do they even bother with me'

#rm #namjoon #bts #bts angst #namjoon angst

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tayegi · 7 years

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im crying not only bc of your amazing writing, but bc i was scrolling thru my dashboard and i saw you answering all these asks about new rules and i’m so dump thinking that you set up new rules or sthg, i didn’t understand it so i read all those asks and fucking spoiled myself kmp, but on another note yOU FUCKING ROCK OMG NEW RULES IS SO AMAZING I LOVE IT 💘💘💘

Anonymous said:I'M LOVING NEW RULES SO MUCH just wanted to show my support. i love your writing in general don't get me wrong but new rules is messing with my heart and it's amazing

Anonymous said:Hi! I just read both parts for "New Rules" and I loved them! If this goes in the same direction as Dua Lipa sings (I guess it will) it sounds like it'll be very interesting. I love how everyone in the story is human, not just good or bad, you know? 90% of fics would've made Mijoo the stereotypical barbie bitch, but you didn't and I was pleasantly surprised! I also feel very identified with the OC. I really want her to open up and discover who JK really is, whoever that is. Keep up the good work!

jabaelashit said:Hey! i already wrote you a message on one of your posts but i just wanted to say that i am feeling so skabakks right now, I can't stop thinking about new rules and i'm torn between crying or crying but w angsty. I hope oc learns her worth and can understand she's just as amazing as mijoo, even better if we're talking about morals but oh well people fuck up:( I'm glad she forgave her but I hope she distances from her cause that gurl ain't having the same respect for the friendship as oc/1

jabaelashit said:and i also hope she gets to tell jimin her feelings not to like make him break stuff w mijoo, but to let him know she hadnt seen the note and to release some pressure and feelings cause oc bottles up so much and i just want to go and hug her and don't leave her until she understands shes fucking badass and cool and that the way she thinks is 👏👏👏 lu you've made me feel such a diverse amount of emotions i don't know what to do w myself anymore, your writing is amazing! love love loove you❣/2

Anonymous said:Hey!!:) idk if this is the right place to send compliments cause im really new to tumblr but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR FICS. Tbh I'd buy it if you published a physical compilation;)

Anonymous said:Wow for the longest time I was searching your old username; idek why cause I’ve known you changed your username and have been keeping up to date with you LMAO this is what being sick and delirious does to me. ANYWAYS! Hope you’re not too down with the crazy anons your story is great and I’m thankful for the dynamic characterizations you create! It makes it so much more interesting cause you create many characters with depth!!

Anonymous said:Can I please just have your writing talent? The OC is just so real, and that moment when she's deciding what to do with Mijoo, and what she actually says at the end.... I can't actually put my thoughts into words. I'm legit stunned by the sheer amount of emotions I felt reading the second chapter. I genuinely adore the banter between JK and OC, I personally prefer people to be more direct with what they want, so I already appreciate them, but also Jimin's convo with OC... (1/2)

Anonymous said:Jimin's convo with OC... Idk about these other anons going off on Mijoo, I was more thinking 'why didn't Jimin chase the note?' and then he would have had his answer then and there. But that might have just been me... And also, thinking back to it now, when JK said 'I need you' and OC repeated it back to him like super softly, like she was surprised oh god, okay, my heart is breaking even more for OC now, idk if I'm reading too much into it. I love you Lu, I hope you're well, and happy! (2/2)

Anonymous said:I love your fics so much!! The sass is real esp with jungkook 😂

Anonymous said:Anyways do ya thang hunny ✨ Keep wrecking me with your writings 💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨😩

Anonymous said:Read part 1 of New Rules and was like yeah thisll be fun, I'll have a great time. Then I read part 2 and ended up shedding some real tears at the end?!?! LU WHAT THE...... But really though its so nice to read a fic where the OC values friendship. The idea that its always girls against girls makes me sad.. we should be sticking together!!

Anonymous said:so... surprise surprise, dis gon be about new rules 😂 but I really wanted to thank you for adding so much of the oc's inner dialogue, and making her such a character in the first place. a lot of fics do not portray ocs with more defeatist attitudes, but yours does and I was glad, because I could finally relate to a fic :) also, coming back to the inner dialogue thing, it was so in depth that i could really feel what the oc was feeling, what she was going through. it was amazing ❤️ thank you!

Anonymous said:Man this is one hell of a good fic i’m highly anticipating the next chapter!!! Even though it seems like traditional frat fuckboy x ‘i hate frat bois but ye i’d fuck u’ type of girl it still is in a way a little different i just can’t quite catch how but nonetheless it’s amazing!!! Keep up the good work babe

oceanjoon said:ok so ur newest fic new rules literally is so real n relatable !! like honestly i understand seeking physical comfort in people u dont care about wen u r feeling down/insecure to validate urself n it just rlly hit home

kyarybunny said:Lu. At this point I have so many compliments to give you I can't really form it all properly. But I really am enjoying New Rules and this plot you're breathing life into! It's a different facet of your writing and I love how you can interpret every character's actions in a few different ways. Thank you for continuing to write and I hope you enjoy writing as much as we do reading/analyzing.

Anonymous said:Istg when I read the new chapter of New Rules I clenched my fist like that Arthur meme when it came up to the part about mijoo and the note. Girl got me heated lol. As usual, your works do not disappoint! I love your wittiness and how it shines in your writing. The remarks and dialogue in all of your series really proves your talent. You’re truly a gem amongst fanfic writers 💕☺️📢

Anonymous said:i was happily reblogging a few things on my dash and ch1 of new rules just came and i started reading WHERE THE FUCK DID I GET MY ASS INTO???!!!???!?! IT'S FUCKING AMAZING i don't know why i didn't start reading before. don't you ever dare stop writting, you're such a good writter and i enjoy your works very very much

Anonymous said:OC DESERVES HAPINESS JUST AS MUCH AS MIJOO. OC SHOULDVE PUT HERSELF AND HER HAPPINESS BEFORE HER FRIEND'S BECAUSE SHE IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF THEM DJFJFJ i hope one day jimin finds out about her feelings :(

Anonymous said:new rules just keeps getting better and better 😻😻

Anonymous said:Wow.. Okay.. I do believe chapter 2 of New Rules has officially ruined me. My heart was actually beating so fast through out the whole chapter, and it's still racing now too. I've thought this multiple times while reading your fics, but you're writing really is incredible. Your characters and the way you describe their emotions is so unbelievably relatable that the reader can't help but be sucked in. I always find myself becoming invested in your characters! Thank you for all the adventures!

Anonymous said:I felt so bad for the OC this chapter ;.; If I were in her position, I'd probably do the same since causing a scene is yes, immature and not worth the energy. But, if i could be a character in New Rules I'd probably be the other best friend who'll be like "guurl, confront her ass it isnt an excuse just because she's your friend." All in all I see the OC as the kind of person who'll go out of their way to care for someone to the point of disregarding their own feelings, which is unhealthy :( (1)

Anonymous said:(2) but thats what makes her such a relatable character. I really, really like that in your OCs. This is probably the second OC i emotionally relate to, first is Copper Girl. But yeah I'm just distracting myself from assignments lol this series is amazing and just you are amazing Lu!!!! ily!!!!! PS. Jungkook is still agsjshskll he's cocky but with OC he's quite vulnerable. I wonder why? Is it just a front or does he have other intentions?

Anonymous said:alternative ending to new rules: mijoo and mc are over their respective boys, does not bother to get into any messy scenarios like that ever again, love each other and support each other and is forever the friendship that everyone envies anD I HATE THIS SITUATION SO MUCH GODDAMMIT LU!!! UR REALLY TRYING TO TEAR MY HEART APART!!

marchxseptember said:OH MY GOD CHAPTER TWO IS UP. I HAD A FEELING SO I HAD TO CHCK UR ACC AND I WAS RIGHT. BRB GONNA READ

marchxseptember said:AND THE PLOT THICKENS. I JIST FINISHED READING CH. 2 AND I AM FUCKED UP. I HAD A THEORY BEFORE BUT NOW I HAVE LIKE 2 MORE IM CONFUSED. I LOVED IT SOOO MUCH. AND I HATE MIJOO NOW. I CANT WAITT TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN. THIS WAS SO GOOD LU.

omg the amount of response ive gotten for new rules is unbelievable. I dont think ppl were even this into equilibrium. the last time u guys acted like this was during the golden boy trilogy and it really feels so good to have this again.

thank you all for your thoughtful messages and for giving this ridiculous little fic a chance. I love you all

#new rules #keehyung #lu answers

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