#I DIDNT THINK IT WOULD HURT THIS MUCH | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 9 months

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you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

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zabiume · 6 days

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the genuine horror and tragedy of early orihime's storyline is that, when a loved one dies, we all comfort ourselves with blanket statements about what they would have wanted for us by saying "they would've wanted us to be happy" / "they would have wanted us to move on" and we try to make meaningful lives for ourselves because that's what they would have liked for us (even if we ourselves feel like the world has stopped in their absence). so much of post-grief behavior is performative, trying to convince people you're fine and you're okay and you're moving on, and this is doubly so for orihime, who doesn't know much about the afterlife yet and is convinced she's got to put on a believable enough performance for her brother so he won't worry about her.

and most of us will never know or see if we grieved our loved ones right or not, but for orihime, the curtain is ripped apart and it turns out her performance is too good, her brother actually believes it's real and he lambasts her for grieving him the wrong way. of course, it's his hollow that's turned him to be selfish and possessive, but it couldn't have been easy for orihime to have been telling herself "i just have to smile for him, i just have to push through for him" only for him to go: why are you smiling? why are you pushing through? i'm dead. to make matters worse, he adds that he's lived his whole life for her, which is such an insurmountable guilt for her to bear and such a messed up thing to hear from a caretaker at such a young age!!!

#i know they reconcile later because of ichigo but god i cant imagine my dead loved ones coming back to tell me i didnt grieve them right #it would hurt soooo bad orihime my baby :(#this is why i loved the bruce-jason plotline too because jason gives bruce so much shit for not responding w the kind of grief he expected #when bruce was just grieving him and grieving him and grieving him. for YEARS.#this kind of angst is the one that gets me so good ngl it hurts in ways i love to think about #tw grief #orihime inoue #the absolute devastation is that not six months later‚ she has to see ichigo like that too. orihime was really going through it

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starry-bi-sky · 2 months

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i made a rough timeline for the clone^2 au, just for my own convenience sake when dating things. some things might be out of order from the episode date, and thats also for my convenience.

September 3rd: Danny, age 14, has the accident in the lab that turns him liminal

September 10th: Danny is discharged from the hospital and given two weeks leave from school

September 24th: his sick leave ends, and Danny returns to school

October 14th: Danny sneaks into his parents' basement and releases the ghosts they have trapped in cages. Official birth of the vigilante, Phantom

November 27th: Danny fights Pariah Dark, and wins

December 24th: the Ghost Writer torments Danny

February 12th: Danny's 15th birthday

March 3rd: its been six months since Danny's accident

March 7th: Danny fights his evil future self

May 8th: Danny meets Ellie [age 15] and they become twins

December 14th: Danny finds out from his parents that he's a clone

February 12th: Danny's 16th birthday

Early-Mid April: Danny meets Damian [age 6] :)

Mid-Late April: Damian runs off for the first time, damages Danny's hands the first time

May: Damian runs off two more times in the span of three weeks, he damages Danny's hands both times.

Early June: Damian runs off one more time, damages Danny's hands again, resulting in permanent nerve damage.

Mid-Late June: Damian finally gives up on the League coming to get him and joins the Fenton Family.

July: Damian finally coaxes Danny into letting him come along with him on patrol: Wraith is born.

#danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc #dpxdc crossover #clone^2 #danny fenton is a clone #this only focuses on the earlier parts of the au because those are most important imo. figuring out when danny's accident was. when he #became phantom. when he met damian. etc. is all pretty important stuff and helps me figure out ages beyond '10 year gap'#not super important stuff to much anyone else i think but its nice to have it written down as reference #i usually put danny's accident as happening at the beginning of the school year. tis convenient that way #me: hmmm when do i make danny find out he's a clone. beginning of the school year makes the most sense right???#me:....or.... i could ruin his christmas again :)#thought about increasing the amount of times damian runs off but... thats a LOT of time he's run off and i didnt want to go overboard #same thing with danny's hands. thought about hurting him more frequently but honestly taking a blade to the hand is already damaging enough #on its own. catch a blade with his hands four times would be enough to cause permanent nerve damage and also he would have learned his #lesson if it happened more frequently.#so damian runs off 4 times in the span of essentially 2 months #and four times danny catches his blade. three times he got cut. one time he needed stitches #anyways thats the timeline for now. made totally for convenience sake and no other reason #totally dont look at my google docs there’s nothing there but half forgotten wips and cfau master doc

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good-beanswrites · 5 months

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If it's okay with you, could you write a drabble about the hypothetical aftermath of Amane getting attacked by Kotoko?

Welp thank you pal for making me absolutely insane with this request 👍 I ran through a few hypotheticals and realized I had to shift some things around since there were so many absolutely tragic outcomes. I worked something out but damn if it didn’t make me emotional to think about how uniquely rough Amane has it. Even making sure she's in a good place at the end, this got pretty serious, so warnings for child abuse and cult references.

(So in canon, Kotoko goes in order and attacks Fuuta, but Kazui steps in. Then she attacks Mahiru while he’s distracted with his injuries. She’s about to attack Amane, but Mikoto gets in the way (my hc that he did it on purpose survives!). By the time they reach a draw, Kazui is back, and the two of them can prevent Kotoko from any further action against Amane. Sticking to this apparent system of three attacks and one rescue, I’m just shuffling around the injuries for this story. Fuuta’s attack went unnoticed, and he’s in the same state as canon Mahiru. Mikoto steps in before Kotoko can fight Mahiru, so Mappi’s the one who get out physically unscathed. While Mikoto checks on Mahiru, recovers himself, or discovers Fuuta, Kotoko is able to attack Amane next. Kazui comes to help, but not before she leaves Amane looking like canon Fuuta.)

Mahiru could practically feel her heart shatter into a million pieces when Amane finally cried in front of her. She hadn’t shed a single tear yesterday – it was the shock, Shidou said. Mahiru was skeptical. After all, she had been shocked, too, and cried plenty.

Amane woke as she came in with breakfast. She took a moment to survey herself, bandages peeking out from beneath her pajamas and an eyepatch securely over her right eye. As calmly as one might say “good morning,” she started to cry. Mahiru might have missed it, if Amane hadn’t wiped at her good eye with her sleeve.

“Oh, sweetheart…!” Mahiru rushed over to her. “It’s okay, I’m here.” She wanted nothing more than to wrap the girl in a secure embrace, but she remembered the mass of bandages that were around her chest. Shidou had mentioned broken ribs and bruises. It took everything in her not to cry along with Amane, at the thought.

“I can get you another ice pack, if you need. Or more medicine.” Her mind spun with ways to help with pain. Many of the first aid supplies had been used to keep Fuuta from the brink of death, but surely there were extras to spare for Amane.

The girl just shook her head.

She muttered, “I can’t… I…I’m going to be punished, I’m going to be punished…”

“No! You’re safe now.” Mahiru placed her hands gently on Amane’s arms. “Kotoko’s not coming back. We’re all watching over you. You’re safe. She’s not going to hurt you anymore.”

“That’s not…” Amane pulled away. Her voice stayed level, despite hiccups interrupting her. A hand reached up to her eyepatch. “It’s this. It’s all of this. It’s sinful. I took it off last night, but he must have…” She started unwrapping it. “They’re going to punish me...”

With a careful motion, Mahiru held it in place and took Amane’s hands into her own. She’d been picking up on the signs ever since they arrived here together, and a final wave of understanding washed over her.

“I can’t let you do that.”

Amane’s expression twisted, though words came out far more frantic than fiery. “Let me go.”

Mahiru didn’t. “I’m sorry. Amane, you need this treatment.”

“That is not your decision to make. That is not any human’s decision to make.”

Mahiru pressed her lips together. “I know. But I can’t watch as you… I can’t sit by again while someone…” She was careful not to apply any pressure, but she could no longer fight the urge to gather Amane up in her arms. “You don’t need to be afraid of those people, anymore.”

“I’m not afraid.” Amane hiccuped. “They love me, and I love them. I need to be good for them.”

“I love you, and I don’t want to see you in pain.”

“You just pity me because I’m young.”

“Why does your age matter? You are a lovely young woman – you are my friend – and I can’t bear to see you in pain.”

The two sat in silence for a moment. Mahiru doubted she would take that as an answer; Amane had refused to call any of the others her friend. At least she didn’t argue. In fact, it seemed she was leaning into the embrace a bit more. She sighed a shaky breath into Mahiru’s uniform.

“Listen, Amane. Can you do me a favor? I’m trying to be a good girl, too. To make up for something awful, I need to make sure you’re alright. Can you help me? Can we be good together?”

A long pause followed. Amane’s voice spoke up, ever so gently.

“I suppose I can consider it.” She added quickly, “for the sake of your redemption. Of course.”

“Of course.”

#milgram #amane momose #mahiru shiina #thank you so much! i dont want to be bubbly on such a serious drabble but i want to give an enthusiastic thanks because this one really got #the gears turning!!#i started making plans as soon as i saw the ask and it took so long finding something that wouldnt result in straight up tragedy :(#if i kept to the initial timeline and said kazui didnt step in until amanes attack then both fuuta and mahiru would be close to death #and given there seems to limited supplies i think one of them would have died if shidou needed to treat three critical patients #so i moved people around to make sure everyone survived #which brought me to the main problem of amane self sabotaging her medical care #even minor injuries could have resulted in death if she got her way and removed bandages/refused treatment #but the mental strain of keeping the treatment would be just as bad as the physical pain -- shed be paranoid 24/7 of #divine punishment and repeating the mistakes that led her here.... it would hurt more to be forced like that #so i needed someone to be able to get through to her gently #but the only one who shes been able to trust just got the shit beat out of him and is in no position to talk!!!!#everyone else would just make her more upset or not know how to convince her the right way :(#still - i think mahiru could do it the best! with her own trauma from allowing loved ones to die in front of her i think shed be motivated #so. yeah.#i know amane is supposed to be talking in the plural pronoun now but i couldnt get it to work - lets just say that kicks in soon after this #tw cults #tw child abuse #drabbles

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x-monochrome-x · 7 months

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ok so imagine this. @hollewdz made a wonderful post about my adventures with superman where clark gets into kryptonite and it shrinks him. i have been rotating that post in my brain for the past 6 hours. me and my friend (@beepbopitsgt) have since been brainstorming!!! there are many types of canon kryptonite; pink, green, gold, black, the works. well i wanted to make a kryptonite that would amplify superman/kryptonians so much they would physically grow when in contact with it. i call it purple kryptonite because dr ivo's parasite suit (in the show) was purple and he grew when in contact with energy and it was. purple. thats crazy anyway here's clark in the middle of being in contact with the purple kryptonite and lois trying to calm him down

edit: sorry i know the arm is weird i was tired 😓😓i will fix when i get home from school i

edit 2: not fixing it ia m going to take a nap enjoy the wonky

#poor mr kent hes so scared of hurting people #i'd be terrified too in this situation honestly. i dont want to hurt people or have people scared of me #i like to think that as soon as he gets the chance he would float above the building to keep as much weight/pressure off of it as possible #so he can make sure everyone is ok #but. it would be kinda scary to see a giant eye peeking in at you as you're trying to escape a crumbling building #especially BRIGHT NEON WEEZER BLUE jesus get this guy brown contacts #i feel like in this situation he would do this as fast as possible to make sure no one recognizes him and #(with lois cupped in his hand gently resting on his chest)#escape by flying above the clouds #like he always does when he needs to reevealuate who he is #will it wear off?? when will the kryptonite make him stop growing???? idk i didnt think that far #chromo's sketches #g/t art

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anxiously-sidequesting · 2 months

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**slips and slides into the room with socks on and breaks the wooden table as i fall down on the floor in a haste** so anyways i actually just scared myself because i thought of exactly how deep Malorn's and Malistaire's parallels went. like in post-updated tutorial malistaire was said to have been kind and caring towards his students right. just like malorn right. just like malorn, right? isn't that just like malorn? hey everyone doesn't that sound just like malorn? kind and cares for his students? 'kind' and 'caring' are certainly two adjectives that describe malorn arent they huh? (is slowly sinking in quicksand as i desperately reach out to you as i say this) so if we are to say that malorn and malistaire are two sides of the same coin then what is truly stopping malorn from having one traumatic event from shaping the rest of his life into a descent of madness, grief, and isolation? Guys tell me what the difference is between this reality and an Evil Malorn AU guys? guys hello? hello guys? **(the quicksand has actually transported me to the Backrooms now, no one can hear me call out in distress)**

#not to say that malorn is the exact same as malistaire and would have the ecact same visceral reactions malistaire once did btw #like this isnt me expecting him to become The Joker one day but like can yoy guya think about. can you guys think about-#just how easy it is. for a well adjusted sane person to become the opposite of that. didnt the vampire guy from bdg3 say smth like this #im literally trying to find a serious way to say joker's incredibly memeable “one bad day” speech IEJSHSSJ #what's malorn's switch. what's his very last thread that he's hanging on #what THE FUCK MAKES MALORN SNAP?????? (grabbing at your shirt in a panic)#thinking about malorn of all people suffering malistaire's same fate much less trauma in general hurts my heart dearly. he is fictional #i should not be upset over fictionals. (<- she said insincerely. very much being upset over fictional characters)#malorn has certainly CHANGED from his experiences (in my fantasy la la land) but at most he's resentful and angry. jaded. but not in crisis #evil malorn au.......#wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #text posts #malorn ashthorn #malistaire drake

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mummer · 1 year

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whats fun about barry as a protagonist vs other Morally Complicated Guy Shows is that he seriously has no ambition lol, his wildest dreams arent like becoming super rich or relishing in holding power over people, like all he wants is simple happiness, maybe career success, normal life stuff, his wildest dreams are like…. being able to have a wedding. having a kid or two. and theres something reasonable about that, it makes him relatable for a while until the show is very clearly like No dude, that is a fucking serial killer, you should not gaf! and you’re like oh right lol. it’s crazy to make such a simple desire seem so malicious but still human

#like the true success of the show is that he feels just as entitled as walter white even though what he wants is so much smaller #L + serial killer + you’re a war criminal + you’re abusive + kys #barry #but i think it threads the line a little where by s5 of brba i had 0 care for walt i did not feel any emotional attachment #and tbh by the end i didnt even find the whole corruption arc interesting because he was just so painfully malignant and annoying #but barry wants sooooo little. and he’s sooooo stupid. and hes soooo arrested development 15 year old boy #that it still manages to be compelling and he still manages to feel like a human being #not a knock on brba which is incredible television obviously just doing different stuff #idk. something about how it’s tragic but also held at an appropriate distance so as to be laughed at too #like: the irremovable mark doing violence leaves on you.. the inescapability of it… IS sad! it’s sad #and most often IS the result of social conditioning and masculinity constructs and your dads friend grooming you etc #but it’s not the prime sadness. which would be of course the victims of that violence #like. duh #walter my reaction is just. Well i wouldnt do that. I would never choose to do that so who cares #but with barry. all he wants is to not be defined by the hurt he has caused. which is something everybody wants!#but the extents of that hurt are so extreme and are teased apart so well in the show. like theres 0 apologia just exploration #anyway if im doing brba comparisons barry is literally todd

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cosmocove · 1 year

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vote for sol in the @doomed-bythe-narrative showdown

#bonk.txt #id in alt text #exocolonist spoilers #i was a teenage exocolonist #iwatex #iwatec #exocolonist #what if u were a boy n what if you were a girl n what if u were neither n both n everything n nothing all at once #n u were suddenly in a timeloop n u were always in a timeloop n u did this to urself n u could never escape but actually u didnt n u could #but to do so would basically be the same as choosing to die n even if u hated it so much that u were willing to do that u still cant leave #cause at some time anywhere you want this you've always wanted this you never wanted this #you're scared to die (despite how many times you already have) u love ur family n friends too much n want a little more time with them #you just think you could do some things a little better this time u absolutely fucked up n need to make amends for people who u havent hurt #just ugh... UGH!! character of all time!!!!!!!#drew sol's teen design just cause its my fav of their regular outfits even though i prefer drawing sol with long hair #which u cant have until theyre 17-19 #bonk.png

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xieliancore · 1 year

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tristamp vash redraws bc he’s living in my brain rent free!

#vash #vash the stampede #trigun #trigun stampede #trigun fanart #trigun stampede fanart #yes this is a repost bc i had to fix a mistake!#anyways i didnt think i would enjoy this show as much but im obsessed!!!#the finale was breathtaking and it hurt so good #my art

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simplyender · 10 months

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look i love spot just as much as anybody else but if i see somebody actually unironically siding with him and saying hes in the right, im gonna think theyre fucking insane

#WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS MILES FAULT---------#the only legitimate grievance spot has with miles is how upsetting it mustve been to have his traumatic backstory be so easily dismissed #otherwise #how the fuck was miles supposed to know ohnn was there? how the fuck is it miles fault he SAVED THE ENTIRE GODDAMN MULTIVERSE?#spot legitimately needs help and he wont be finding it in KILLING MILES DAD #(not that spot can seem to get help considering his condition which explains his severe mental deterioration)#(which probably also resulted from the isolation that came right after a trauma conga line of becoming disabled+getting ostracized+#+losing his job+losing any support system he mightve had)#but i am not blaming miles for any of that. thats THE SYSTEM #babey!!!#another note: spot worked for evil inc. literally what was he expecting would happen? he was down to shoot spiderman for trespassing like #he was very much not working for the good guys.#mind you even if im firmly on team 'actions have consequences'i still think what happened to spot was downright horrific and #he didnt deserve to be hurt to such a degree but. shrug. im gonna make a whole post on him some day i swear.#the spot #spiderverse spoilers #atsv spoilers #atsv #across the spiderverse #johnathon ohnn #miles morales #<- dont you dare touch a hair on his or his familys head wretched bagel man (affectionate)#spot

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lobotomyladylives · 6 days

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literally wanna dieeeee I realized belatedly that not only was down bad written for me due to being an alien abduction metaphor song but it perfectly describes my situation w/my ex who dumped me 3 days into our second vacation in his country

#but yknow thats what i get for dating a fucking man last year when i absolutely knew better. i was in a low place & the idea of being #whisked away from europe was an escape for me . we got along really well but the second i showed any emotional weakness he couldnt handle i #oh but he sent a bunch of messages begging me to come back when i was on the plane fleeing to my sisters london flat! lol!!!#i didnt tell you guys about any of this on my old blog when it was happening bc i just knew itd invite a flood of #''why were you even dating a man'' messages. yeah im aware. it was stupid & yet another result of my inability to purge myself of the #desire to be in a relationship my homophobic father wouldnt hate me for. and i didnt think any woman would want me . im over it now #fuck my abusive father fuck men in general im so over the internalized homophobia. ive always preferred women why should i have to #supress that to make my fuckface hypocrite father happy. i only rly care bc i love my half brother & want to be in his life which means #i have to appease dad. but at what goddamn cost #why did i say from europe in that earlier tag. i meant TO europe...im from the us #anyways. what a shit show situation that was. i have never felt so betrayed by anyone except for my dad himself #oh i didnt even mention the worst part yet. when i texted from london asking if our friendship was over too (god. so cringe) he then went #into this spiel about how actually what he said earlier when he was asking me to come back #(that it had been a stupid impulse & biggest mistake of his life) was a lie & it had been a long time coming #IF IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME FLY ACROSS THR ATLANTIC FUCKING OCEAN 3 DAYS AGO FOR YOU #and said hed tell me the reasons but ''didnt want to hurt me''#i have so much hatred in my heart for this man to this day when i really think about the mind games he was playing. unreal.#and he KNEW i already had massive trust issues

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boxwinebaddie · 2 months

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omg, so re: a sad sweet anon in my box who was worried that i divorced the boys forever; they're FINE, baby!!!! i promise </3333 it was just a really bad, fucked up month and they're Fine after that (unless i create some other problems, but for now i will spare you)

BUT THEY ARE FINE, MY LOVE!!! SWEARSIES!!!!

i promise you that that on the night jerseykyle gets in that nasty bar fight defending ravenstan's honor (in his absence) against a band of idiot incel transphobes and shows up on their old apartment door step all broken and bloodied before he gets reluctantly tended to and patched up by punk rock nurse ravenstan via several hello kitty bandids...at the end of that exchange, they get back together. c':

kyle also says i love you. <3333

it's kind of a lot for me to speed run entire scenes because they take so long, but just for you, petal, i'm gonna try and get you the sparknotes on the ravesey reunion asap. and please know that as emotional compensation, in lieu of the jersey can't say i love you ask that i was never able to finish/threw into other answers...

i will instead be writing you...

the jersey CAN say i love you ask!!!!! eeee!!!

it's very cute; i'm excited about it.

tldr; ravesey is fine, i'm sorry for scaring you. :'c i promise!!!! i am a hurt comfort writer even though no one believes me!!!! i'm just so much better at the hurt part than the comfort, but i'll comfort you!!

so please hold darlings, and rest easy knowing that.

-mean nasty evil sea witch neen

#nina speaks #oh my god i promise i didnt permanently break them up #i kno its hard to tell bc of all the hurt but IF I HURT THE BOYS ILLL ALWAYS FIX THEM THERES ALWAYS A HAPPY ENDING #like i will never leave them broken or sad or miserable #i know i ended pep like that bc i couldnt finish writing it but it ends very happy and the boys start dating i promise #i am going to start spoiling it to you via voice message soon #i'm sorry for hurting them so often i just like...i am not good at fluff im a crazy dramatic bisexual girlie its too mundane for me #i need action and drama and hell like thats where i like to live which i'm so sorry if yall are sick to death of me #its just the most fun for me to write im sorry ill fix em #also ravenstans hair post them back together is pink bc the red slowly starts washing out and he looks SOOOO CUTE #I LOVE YOU PINK HAIR RAVEN LITERALLY SO CUTE JERSEY CALLED HIM PEPTO ABYSMAL BUT #HES BEING A HATER HE THINKS ITS CUTE #kuromi emo boy king #but guys guys guys i would never leave the boys broken i would neve rleave you with no hope never ever EVER #there is always a light at the end of the tunnel for as much as you hurt i will always heal you im sorry ily ily ily #i got asked to post the drama post makeout mv fight dialogue but i dont want to stress yall out anymore so ill wait #idk why this genuinely created concern for me but i want yall to know that i am like not torturing the boys endlessly and write hurt/comfor #its just hard to task manage all my asks and...anyways ill try to answer some nice asks so we can breathe easy

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saturated-soul · 3 months

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Im in so much pain but pretending to be fine, i just want things to be alright for once

#i just try not to think about it and go on with my days dissociating #but im out in public and suddenly it hit #couldnt stop myself from crying but man if i wasnt here and id allow myself i dont think i would be able to stop for hours on end #it all hurts so much #i dont know how to ever get back up from this #i already didnt know but that last crisis took every fucking last thing out of me #words

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skitskatdacat63 · 2 months

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I wish AI images didn't make me so intensely upset. Just the existence of them bothers me a lot, because it's just clutter without meaning or emotion or any genuineness. But recently something happened that made me very upset, and I feel so irrational saying this, but it really gave me this sick, heart-wrenching feeling, and I wish it would stop. My mom was looking through Facebook, and showed me this image of birds that to me was so obviously AI. But she wasn't 100% sure it was fake, only telling me after I had told her it was definitely AI, that she had been a bit unsure about it.

I hate how intense my feelings are about it, bcs it made me want to irrationally almost infantalize her without meaning to. It just made me overwhelmingly sad that this is state of things. That people are being fed this imitation, this trash, and aren't familiar enough to recognize it all the time. Every time I think about it, it hurts my chest.

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 2 months

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thasmin alternative funny ending where the end of sea devils is the same but at the start of potd it's immediately incredibly obvious they did Not stick with that "lets just be pining" deal

like sea devils flirting times ten, absolute honeymoon phase, bring back the Mattress Suggestions but #confirmed this time, dan leaves because he has a date to get to ahem ahem

crucially this remains Entirely unacknowledged by Everyone. but like in a trying to give someone a kiss and headbutting them bc you forgot youre both wearing space helmets kinda way. the first person to almost mention it is the master, who wants to point out to yaz the things they have in common, but before the doctor can bite his head off yaz has already kicked him. they both dont mention it. the master also doesnt again.

the episode functionally stays the same. the master being the doctor becomes even more poignant in his dynamic with yaz. nothing else would change. they both would prioritise the fate of the planet and the people theyre trying to help over anything theyve got going on and even more importantly i can not stress this enough this is a folie-à-deux of hardcore denial. they did this exact same thing apart for years theyve just combined forces now. it's obvious, but it can Not be acknowledged by Anyone. and it wont be. and nothing changes. the entire episode plays the exact same way if theyre deeply in love because they are. just add like three words of dialogue and an eyeroll from dan in the first third and youre done

#i say alternative #but reading the script #i think this is just whats there ghfjghjh #man the stuff that got cut from the episode hurts me i cant imagine how it feels if you wrote it #wish we had deleted scenes #just got the dvd of potd 2 days ago i dont think it has deleted scenes tho #would give soooo much for deleted scenes #the master siberia scene #the 'youre gonna live arent you' bit #and just so many fun little lines like when dan says 'what am i doing ihave a date to get to' and the doctor says over the com #'you know we can hear you right?'#or when she goes 'rmember the plan stick with the plan its a really good plan'#and dan andyaz are like 'WHAT PLAN'#and she goes 'didnt i say??'#just let me have eveerything that was left on the cutting room floor i'll put the 2 hour finale togethe ron my own no worries

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bulkhummus · 10 months

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i slept really good last night :o)

#i conked before 1 am which is such a rarity these days #i wish i felt good today i would be unstoppable #my tummy hurts so bad and idk what i did to it to treat me this way #i woke up at 6 am in pain and then forced myself back asleep hoping itd go away and then woke up 2 hours later with the same pain :o(#im thinking i might actually be allergic to red dye < so im gonna keep a look out but #o7 < me looking out #bc idk what else it could have been i didnt reallt eay much yesterday bc my tummy hurt too #i unno but i hope i can do some drawing today i had to play life catch up yesterday and battle the depression #im gonna list the good stuff from yesterday for myself now while im sitting on my bathroom floor lol #i bought kimchi my supermarket hasnt had in a while which wahoo!#i out clean sheets on my bed #i finished a commission #i cleaned my room #finished a dndads episode #took a nice shower #spoke on the phone with some friends and made plans with coworkers/friends #missing everyone who is far from me terribly which is part of the depression im sure #anyways those are ally my updates i did sleep really good even though i woke up early and thats the good thing #and if u made it this far #i love u an hope u have a good day :3 #personal

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