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victoriartdrawings · 3 months

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My to do (one day i swear) fics masterlist (forgive the messy summaries and useless commentary i literally made this two weeks after seeing the movie and didnt touch it until today lol )

1 Titanic AU for this one im still thinking abt the general plot (edit 28/01: i have the plot but i have to write it lol)

2 Coryo has his grandma and cousin 'captured', it has some consequences on his psyche and thoughts... ( he believes them dead--> during the scene after the games with Highbottom implies they might be dead the little shit) and is directly (like literally forced, hes not allowed to see his family) sent in District 12....

3 (in this one they're technically older than in canon), before the war they meet many times (from 10 to 15/16y), then the war happens: they meet again during these events, (the Covey didnt partake in the war in the novel, but im still deciding though if Lucy Gray'll choose a 'side' to help or not...edit 28/01: she will pick a side hehe and not its Coryo's) ...(...maybe , after, the angst during the war, then the 13 win and they meet at opposite side of the line...and then forced to be together due to the new 'Games'.?????..bruh i have so many tropes and AU mixed in this one)

4 okay, so this is a Star Wars AU...(not Anidala i swear...they just...dont fit them i think) so idk if you watched Rogue One, but it'll be loosely inspired by this movie...

5 College/University AU, where Coryo is forced (literally, he is blackmailed by professor Highbottom) to tutor Lucy Gray otherwise he (C. Highbottom) wont valid his stage/work (or smt like that idk precisely yet since i dont know a damn thing abt American or British university ) - and he choose Lucy Gray especially for him bc he knows Coryo'll be pissed abt it and wont succed (well, he thinks he knows Coryo wont succeed, but little did he know...) so Coryo not exactly happy abt having to tutor this...girl. (pretty snobby abt it too)...their start is very...rocky...(i have written their meeting scene (well, the official meeting) already )

6 (edit 28/01: this one is very shitty i hesitated to let it on this post but here take what my snowbaird brainrot managed to imagine lol) ...due to the fragile 'peace' between districts and Capitol after the war, the new government decided to send children/teens/adult to differents district or Capitol (a sort of 'exchange'.... well and also 'you start doing suspicious things, we have your people in 'hostage' kind of thing) and for them to live in it (for a limited amount of time), and if they succeed without raising any problems, they can come back 'home' (little did kid Coryo know he will end up loving district 12....not right away of course, right now hes rather angry, disgusted by 12 and a condescending little shit... )

7 (edit 28/01: i wrote a more insightful plot for this, i'll add it tomorrow) Lucy Gray, killed in the forest wake up to the day of her reaping.

8 another modern AU (sorry if u dont like that) inspired by Mamma mia (i fully blame the whole movie album) with, of course some twist and changes...(edit 28/01: it can works my brain said so to me)

9 WHELP. ANOTHER MODERN AU. so. i wont detail everything here (its the first fic idea i had and i did work a little more on it ) but, Coryo after 3/4 years in the military (forced by his mom but theres more to it of course also,/ not thinking abt real military accuracy now) come back to see his friend Sejanus - yeah, he really is friend (reluctant) Sejanus in this,(Sejanus, who due to some events- his father death???- created with his mom a scholarship for students who live in less priviligied areas of the town/or country??? still thinking abt it ) . So. Coryo come back just to see his only (with Clementia of course) friend doing buddy buddy with Lucy Gray. Lets say hes not happy....

10 Im sure others already thought of this one, but if Highbottom was more of a close 'mentor/fatherly' figure to him after the war??? ( not only, but also manipulating Coryo to his own ends)

12 And Actors AU because well, they're both performers in their own right and Actor/actress + (fake dating maybe??) + a past still haunting them + lowkey despise you = perfect angst.

#snowbaird #Take all my plotbunny i managed to make during my first Snowbaird brainrot after the movie #sorry its shitty but hey at least i tried...happy to share it with y'all once and for all though #lucy gray #lucy gray baird #coriolanus snow #coryo x lucy gray #coryolucy #my post #fanfic ideas #DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY #REALLY I HAVE TO RE-WORK ON EVERYTHING/PLOT/SETTING ETC SO I REPEAT DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY

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crossant-creachure · 3 years

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Back at you my friend👀 I wanna know how you got into kpop and your favoruite groups !

thank you for the ask, dear friend 🥺 🥺 i must admit this is an Essay as well, since it’s 7 years of kpop history for me, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless?

it started i think around the end of 2013. i was browsing on youtube an din my recommend list i saw a video of attack on titan and it looked interesting so i clicked on it (this video, if you’re curious). and i Loved the song used in it, and it turned out it was kpop!! so i looked up the actual mv, and then looked up the mv with lyrics. and with my unrelenting curiosity i checked out the subbing account and stumbled on some mvs of nu’est and they were the first group i somewhat biased. (it was still very new to me so i didnt watch much of their shows or anything but i listened to so much of their music omg)

from one thing came another, and after nu’est i found b.a.p and after bap came exo somewhere in 2014 (i cried so much for kris despite joining the fandom after he left,,,, not my proudest moment, i must admit). exo had me hooked bc of their superpower concept and wolf <3 also as i got into exo i discovered how funny and Wild the kpop fandom truly is. it was also my introduction to tumblr bc i always looked here for the Freshest Memes. and i watched inkigayo religiously every friday to find out about new groups and songs and it’s through that that i found out about boys republic, which was also my first kpop concert (2015) and how i got my mom to like kpop (nyehehe >:D)

i learned about bts through internet since they were getting bigger and bigger and i think i found out about them around danger era. then i stanned them for a while. (almost religiously, i think. again, not my proudest moment.) but then i started liking bts less and less also bc a lot of fans were becoming ugly and i started associating that horrible behaviour with bts and their music and now i avoid bts as much as possible because of that bad association :)

i found out about stray kids after their official debut bc i was in a group chat with other dutch kpoppies and some of them were heavily into skz, so i watched district 9 bc i got curious after a while and felix’s deep voice had me hooked. but the grow up mv made me stay (pun not intended) bc it was right before my national final exams for graduating high school and i was stressed and they have me that hope and comfort that i still associate with them (stray kids bestest boys ever <3) but at a certain point i started liking their comebacks less and less which :(

i learned about ateez bc my dear friend what-if-angels told me about them on the day of their say my name comeback and they were super excited about them so i watched the mv and!!!!! it was an instant love for ateez esp hala hala (holy shit when i saw ateez live two years ago i cried so hard when they did hala hala my friends literally thought something was wrong) anywho. that was ateez. but same story, i somewhat started liking their newer cbs a little less and so my time was taken up by another group:

i had come across some nct posts/memes on my dash that had me curious so i decided to look into them. that was right before the 127 regular comeback and that was one black hole of everything nct (and mentally beating myself up bc i could have stanned everything nct since their debut but i didnt bc younger me decided they didnt like the 7th sense) and then came wayv. and nct 2020. and now im back at stanning stray kids too though not as much as before.

and this was only the broad lines i have started listening to so many more groups over time and there are still groups i wanna look into more but that’s something for later

(and this is So Long im Sorry, but please have this strawberry for making it through this monster: 🍓)

#question time #jisungshotfirst #kpop #own #long post #kit 🐈

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emilyjunk · 4 years

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Hgau pt next pls and ty this isn’t momoko btw just a humble anon

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6) (part 7) (part 8)(part 9) (part 10) (part 11) (part 11.5) (part 12) (part 13) (part 14)(part 15) (part 16) (part 17) (part 18) (part 19) (part 20) (part 21) (part 22) (part 23) (part 24) (part 25) (moodboards) (playlists) (ao3)

beca wakes to gentle fingers on her face

she sucks in a sharp breath, eyes flashing open and body jolting upward

“sorry! sorry. you’re okay, we’re home, you’re safe”

beca realizes she’s in bed and takes a few seconds for her heart to slow. she slumps back into the pillow, relief flooding through her. emily’s been spending the night at her house in victor’s village for a month now, but she usually has already left for school when beca wakes up. or on the weekends she sleeps later than beca does and beca spends a few minutes in easy tranquility, listening to the easy sounds of emily breathing, and peeking glances at her every few seconds. sometimes she lets herself look for longer, if emily is curled up against her and beca can’t easily turn away

emily’s presence in her bed has become a common comfort, warm and solid when beca can’t sleep or when she’s jolted from a nightmare, sweaty and shaken. she’ll turn and look at emily and be reminded that she’s not in that arena anymore. that she made it back home.

“sorry,” emily repeats with a guilty pout. “i didn’t know how best to wake you up”

beca rolls over to look at emily better. emily’s facing her on her side, backlit by the sunny window behind her. her hand is resting on the comforter between them and beca lets her fingers brush up against emily’s

“yeah. it’s… fine.” her voice comes out raspy and emily’s pout gives way to a fond smile, so small and soft beca doesn’t know what to do with it. her breath feels too hot in her lungs

after a moment, emily’s fingers drift back to beca’s face, her thumb gliding over beca’s cheekbone. beca’s whole body sighs, feeling the most relaxed she’s been since… she wants to say since before the reaping, but now that she thinks about it, she can’t really ever remember feeling this relaxed.

they stare at each other for a long second, but then emily frowns and beca knows the moment can’t last

“you have to get up,” emily says, slow and deadpan, like she hates the words coming out of her mouth. “they’re gonna be here soon.”

beca closes her eyes. shit. “i forgot for a second.”

“i know,” emily pouts again. “im sorry. i wanted to let you sleep but they sent a message with their arrival time”

“it’s fine,” beca sighs. “it’s not your fault they suck.”

“beca,” emily whispers, her eyes widening.

“because they’re ruining my beauty sleep, i mean. they could’ve picked a time in the afternoon, you know.”

it’s a lame attempt at a joke, but beca knows it’s enough for anyone who may or may not be listening. emily nods, eyes skittering around the room nervously.

beca pushes herself out of bed. “let’s get ready then. gotta look our best for the cameras.”

for the cameras, for the capitol. for all of panem. it was time for their follow up, a few months after the Games. the first of many. beca would have to do her victory tour over the summer and that would be hell. she didn’t even want to think of it.

emily follows her out of bed and they brush their teeth and get ready. beca tries to play it off like she doesn’t mind what’s about to happen, but she’s pretty sure emily can see through her. she keeps sending furtive looks her way and, halfway through making breakfast, starts to sing softly under her breath. when she passes behind beca, she lingers, her hand gliding over beca’s back, her pretty singing voice soft in beca’s ear. beca has to admit it works because her anxiety cools to background jitters for a little while

finally it’s about time. beca gives herself a last glance over in the mirror and frowns. she’s still getting used to capitol-nice clothing. she usually wears her old stuff, but she has to look nice for her entourage she guesses.

emily comes up behind her while she’s staring in the mirror and moves her hair off her neck.

“i’m sorry you have to be part of this,” beca says. “i’m sorry your life is like this now too. that we have to… pretend.”

“you saved my life. don’t be sorry.” emily sighs and beca can feel it on her skin. “it’ll be over soon,” she murmurs. “for the day at least.”

beca nods, watching emily’s reflection, the pretty brown of her eyes. emily catches her looking and her lips twitch upward. her arms come around beca’s waist and her chin lands on beca’s shoulder. it’s soft, and intimate, and beca heats up from the inside out.

“you’re better at pretending than i am.”

emily turns to look at her and her nose brushes the underside of beca’s chin. “who says im pretending?”

beca’s mouth goes dry and her brain must short-circuit because she can’t think of anything to say. she stares and stares and stares. emily just laughs. “come on, i think i can hear them outside.”

sure enough, beca can hear clanging from outside and the low hum of muffled conversation. emily kisses her on the cheek and releases her, moving out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

beca drifts after her, the commotion from outside just background noise, even as emily opens the door and greets beca’s glam squad.

who says im pretending

it’s not like they aren’t that physically close usually. they hold hands and sit close on the couch and beca sometimes can’t even sleep these days if emily’s not touching her in some way. but that’s all she thought it was… an easy comfort between them, something that existed out of necessity. at least beca had thought so, but…

there was always that lingering yearning, that veiled confusion that beca didn’t acknowledge because their relationship wasn’t normal. beca had forced it into existence the second she stepped forward that fateful day and changed everything

she never thought it would mean anything beyond that, beyond the narrative they have to tell for the cameras

she really didn’t even stop to consider to think it might be something real

she steps outside after emily, hearing the offending squeals of her stylists and the general horrible capitol-ness from their district representative. it makes her stomach turn as she remembers she’ll be the center of attention for the rest of this horrible day, surrounded by these vapid, clueless people

but then emily extends her hand and beca takes it, letting emily pull her against her

emily talks and laughs with her team, taking the attention off beca, even if just for a moment, and beca feels gratefulness and tenderness and fondness for emily settle deep, deep inside her

she doesn’t know if it’s pretend, for herself or for emily, but when emily snakes her arm around her waist and tucks beca protectively against her side, beca decides that in that moment, she doesn’t really care

#bemily #bemily hunger games au #oh look an update!!!!#for mo #Anonymous

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im-just-trying-to-survive-man · 4 years

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ok so i feel like telling the world my bias list (kpop) for no reason and i was a little scared to but oh well lol

im gonna do this in parts. this list is my bias’ in boygroups pt.1

soo yeah if you wanna see some beautiful asian men you can keep reading lol

kinda turned out long oop

imma do nct on another post bc thats fucking loonngggg

1. kim hongjoong; stage name: hongjoong (leader of ateez, rapper, lyricist, producer and composer (i forget if those are the same thing) )

king of the lesbians

personally i think hes SOME type of gay but, y’know, you do you baby (’good lil boy’ is the song he wrote on their new album akjsdl)

prince of mullets in kpop (king is minghao from seventeen)

so?? pretty???

he paints his nails for the polished man campaign!!! (this was before the group became ambassadors.) v socially aware as well

his voice is very high for a rapper but i rly love it

wanna hear what he thinks of atinys?? (the fandom) listen to ‘aurora’

korean big minion

very very good at english, despite what he says

is so caring for his ‘children’ ugh such an amazing leader

also a little brat sometimes but we dont talk about it

a MAN

fuck gender roles

5′7 skirt guy you’ve probably heard of in the kpop tiktok community

the official campaign pic:

2. han jisung; stage name: han (main rapper of stray kids, lead vocalist, producer and composer, lyricist, ult bias uwu)

heres the tea

this man literally saved my life

he has been through so much and i relate to that. seeing that he made it through the worst gave me hope.

his music and lyrics just speak to me (wanna see me cry? send me the song ‘19′, its written by him)

on to the happier things

his s q u i r r e l c h e e k s

hes honestly so pleasing to look at ugh

vocals????? fricking great???? listen to ‘hellevator’ and ‘district 9′ for his vocals

jEoGiYa NoOnA HoKsI nAmJaChInGu IsSeOyO (’wow’ 3RACHA)

part of 3RACHA, a rap group between him and two other members

his american name is peter and he loves nat geo wild and cheesecakes and honestly if thats not amazing idk what is

lived in malaysia??? for 6 years???? lovin the melanin y’all

THE FUNNIIEST MAN ALIVE Y’ALL WAIT PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO IDK WHY BUT ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

3. im changkyun; stage name: I.M. (lead rapper of monsta x, sub-vocalist, maknae (the youngest), producer and composer)

fam im WHIPPED for this man like honestly i dont like subbing or sex in general lol ace things but i’d let him r a i l me

lived in america for 3 years and israel for 4; speaks fluent english and its SEXY

rapping skills??? on point???? both in english and korean ugh

LOOK AT HIM HIS DIMPLES AND HIS FACE AND UGH

is one of those people that does n o t like to be touched but then he’ll kiss your cheek out of nowhere

babie

VERY SOCIALLY AWARE LIKE HE SAID FUCK TOXIC MASCULINITY AND MISOGYNY

confident in his own skin and super open about it

“For IM, ‘Wearing a harness is just to express our song concept. Showing the audience what we want to show is the most important thing. We’re not ashamed. We’ve done a lot of sexual items, like harnesses and chains. We’re comfortable.’ “

“But, for argument’s sake, where does your own sense of masculinity come from? IM pauses for a long moment. ‘Having a dick,’ he says bluntly, sipping coffee as his bandmates’ jaws drop and shocked laughter ripples around the table.”

that interview is here

kinky lil bitch

i can go on and on about this man but im just gonna stop there

i lied he has tattoos (one on his wrist [ :): ] and the one on the nape of his neck, it reads “the one who wants to wear the crown must bear the crown”)

i like this picture bc its his hands and theyre pretty and fuck gender roles from a kpop idol

thats enough of him

4. kim wonpil; stage name: wonpil (pianist, synthesizer, and keyboardist in day6, lyricist, vocalist, also a a dj and mc for a podcast)

Y’ALL LOOK AT HIM UGH

was the maknae but then dowoon came along and now hes not lol

Unbothered™

honestly like hes such a good pianist and is really great on the keys

is really good at making song lyrics out of thin air

like, he can hear the sentence “i really want chicken rn but i can’t have it im on a diet” and he’ll get “i crave your taste, but there is a wall i built myself blocking you from my love” like literally

im pretty sure he wrote the chorus for their song ‘zombie’

honestly bruh his vocals are so good

like pls go listen to ‘emergency’ and ‘congratulations’ (theres an english version for that song alsjdk)

guys hes just a big babie honestly

so pretty to look at omg

HES SO FUNNY AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT

“i dont really care what my spouse looks like or what gender they are, as long as we’re happy and they love me” (wish i could find that photoset)

5. kim namjoon: stage name: RM (leader of bts, main rapper, sub-vocalist, lyricist, producer and composer)

literally the reason im into kpop, so thank you namjoon

a 5′11 babie, tbh

i remember finding out he had his own like, mixtape (’mono.’) and iT WAS SO GOOD AND IT STILL IS KAJHDJ

an amazing rapper and leader

can sing and i do not CARE what anyone says

so as you can see by now i kinda of have a type (except wonpil, idk wtf is going on there with me biasing him laksjk #no regrets)

anyway yeah he was the first kpop boy i found, and it was on his birthday

so every year on september 11th 11:50 p.m., i start i planting a tree in my backyard (bc then its on his birthday in america and korea lakajs so quirky i know) also bc its the day i started listening to kpop so its an anniversary for me lol.

mOoNcHiLd

very very psychological

also very inspiring and loving (to the fans)

doesn’t really show affection, hes better with words than actions, and i really relate to that

dimples aGAIN

and last but not least for this list bc its already so frickin long

6. byun baekhyun; stage name: baekhyun (main dancer of exo, main singer, sub rapper, pianist, actor)

he’s so talented???? and amazing???? and overall just kinda perfect??????

AMAZING FUCKING VOCALS LIKE Y’ALL GO GO GO GO GOGOOG OG LISTEN TO HIS GROUPS SONG ‘ONE (MONSTER AND INFINITY)′ BECAUSE THAT SHIT SLAPS UGH

AND LIKE GROWL??? BRO????? MY VOCAL CORDS SNAPPED

dated another idol in the past but personally i think he’s a little *hand goes limp* if you know what i mean

my sister (4) calls him bacon he said it in an interview one time and it stuck to her

chesticles

MONSTER ERA UGH GOT ME DEAADDDD

is a solo artist too!!!!!!! go listen to his albums!!!! theyre really good!!!!

hes so frickin funny omg like i can laugh at with him all day

understands english but refuses to speak it

honestly kokobop baek was amazing idc what anyone says

is in like 3 different groups damn (like two of them are sub-units of his group and the other one is superm lol)

pls go watch the ‘men on a mission’ episodes with exo bc hes so fucking hilarious i will never get over it

a clown ass bitch that is always ready to square tf up a caring and v nice person that wont fight anyone ever

AN AMAZING ACTOR OMMGGGG BABIE GOT SKILLS

can also tapdance

lots of video games

very very very very very loud when playing video games

another man i endlessly love

well. if you made it this far, congrats!!! and thanks!!! i honestly dont care if no one sees this lol i just kinda wanted to do it, so, yeah lol. theres still more groups (superm, nct (seperate post), seventeen, vixx, pentagon, the rose, annnd oneus)then like idk if i’ll do a soloist one, so yeah. this kinda gives me something to do its one big infodump and im sorry lmao. yeah, love y’all !!!

#kpop #lovely talks #info dump #rant #long post #LMFAO THERES MY DAY FOR Y'ALL

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straytexts · 5 years

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My Top K-Pop songs of 2018

List your top 18 kpop songs of 2018 and tag 18 people! Happy new year!!

I was tagged by the mutual I was not aware was a mutual (because I’m stupid lol) @adriana-willnever-cook 🖤 and I’m posting it here because people actually follow me here lol. None of tthese are in order because I have too many favourites. Lots of stray kids bc I’m whipped for those boys 👉🤠👉 also I’m not tagging anyone because it’s already like a week or something into 2019. But if y’all wanna do it consider yourselves tagged 🤪🤪

1. Spring Breeze by Wanna One (catch me sobbing over them still)

2. Days Gone By by Day6 (idk why I like the older theme so much but like?? I really like older time-y things better than futuristic)

3. Shoot Me by Day6 (idk why this comeback had hit me so hard but it did and I screamed over the lyrics/cinematography/music/members)

4. Yestoday by NCT U (I didn’t listen to this initially bc seeing the members involved in it I figured I wouldn’t like the style+I only watched like ten seconds of the MV so I didn’t get to the real music-y part and a couple months after it was released I listened to it all and DAMN WAS I WRONG)

5. Dear Dream by NCT Dream (this song makes me cry everytime I listen to it legit I’ve shed so many tears in study hall bc I make a horrible choice kahdk)

6. Sorry by The Rose (k-bands 🤟🤪 also all their music makes me fall asleep it’s great)

7. Love Scenario by iKON (I mean.. iconic.)((hahah didn’t realize I did that before))

8. Killing Me by iKON (it made my Halloween playlist ten times better, fight me)

9. District 9 by Stray Kids (debut of the century bois)

10. Voices by Stray Kids (it just hit home a lot?? All of I am: WHO’s lyrics were really great and the music to this was fabulous, it was just.. overall really good)

11. My Side by Stray Kids (IM! WHIPPED! FOR! THESE! BOYS!!)

12. April Fools by Park Jimin (bop of the year that got like no attention y’all it SUCH a good song LISTEN TO IT)

13. Naughty Boy by Pentagon (I’m still salty @ u cube also it was interesting to see how things went without hyojong?? Idk but it was a rainy day bop)

14. Thanks by Seventeen (overall just really in tune with my music taste. Very intense and the fact that they could do such a minimalistic mv and still have it be as powerful as it was was really impressive but.. I don’t expect any less from pledis)

15. My Pace by Stray Kids (amazing, fantastic, show stopping, never seen before, completely original,-)

16. Simon Says by NCT 127 (I also didn’t like this song at first?? And then I forced myself to listen to it like ten times more and then it was a bop like bless me achoo I guess)

17. Our Dawn is Hotter Than Our Day by Seventeen (really this whole album was amazing but this was one of my faves)

18. Glow by Stray Kids (it! Makes! Me! Cry! I don’t even know why because I’ve never really looked at the lyrics so..)

19. (Because I can cheat >:))) 4419 by Stray Kids (I didn’t like this song originally!! Idk why I think I just thought it was kinda boring compared to all their other works?? But I actually really like it because one it reminds me of my highschool volleyball season and two the last lyric always gets me it’s my favourite part probably)

(Special mentions because I’m an indecisive little fuck and also some of these aren’t 2018: jealousy by monsta x, la la love by nct dream, all of you make my day album, whole nct 2018 empathy album, new heroes by ten, chain by nct 127((Haechan looked like every boy in Kansas and it was magical)), ddu-du ddu-du by blackpink, bad boy by red velvet, giddy up by the boyz, livin it up by monsta x, tempo by exo, hot potato by N.flying)

#tagged #nct #nct dream #nct u #stray kids #pentagon #the rose #day6 #park jimin #nct 127 #monsta x #wanna one #ikon #seventeen #blackpink #red velvet #the boyz #exo #n.flying #straytexts posts

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emilyjunk · 5 years

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Pt 25???

emily always feels out of place when she steps into victor’s village, 12 large mansions circled around a sprawling green. beca’s is the farthest in the back, so emily has to decide if she should walk around the park, awkwardly passing all the other houses, or cut through it, feeling guilty for enjoying the lush greenery and ornate fountains, so lavish compared to the poverty of some of district 7.

she knows she could avoid victor’s village altogether, that beca would come to see her in the shabby hut she calls home. her sisters and mom adore beca, not only because she volunteered for emily in the games but because she’s always bringing them clothes and sweets they wouldn’t get otherwise. beca claims it’s because she has more money than she knows what to do with, and she’s probably right, but emily has a sneaking suspicion that it’s beca’s way of showing affection. beca’s not exactly one for hugs and emily guesses she probably wasn’t even before the games

despite all that, emily tries to visit victor’s village once a day, after school or in the evening for dinner. she can’t really help it. all day at school, she tries to imagine what beca’s doing in that big house, all alone with her thoughts

beca doesn’t share them with her much, but sometimes when they’re together, beca’s eyes go far away, and emily wonders if she’s back in the games or in some deeper, darker place where emily can’t reach her

they go to that place more often as the days drag on, as beca settles into her new life, without school or work or any kinds of distractions, just that big empty house and nothing to do

being in beca’s house makes her feel insignificant, with its fancy appliances, capitol tech, sparkly chandeliers. there’s a couch as big as emily’s kitchen and a large television where she can watch all the capitol programming, both news and entertainment. there’s even a piano, one that emily itches to play, but she’s afraid to ask, doesn’t really know her boundaries with beca yet

still, it captivates emily day in and day out. she yearns to break the heavy silence that falls over the house almost constantly. she wants to breathe music into that space, to feel the thrum of life within the walls. she’s not that great at piano, but she knows how to play from church, and she thinks if they have to suffer all this, if beca has to live here, then why not milk it for what it’s worth?

but then she looks at beca, at her far-away eyes, and thinks better of it

beca’s pain sometimes fills emily like a song anyway. she can feel it deep inside her when she thinks about jesse and knows it must be magnified within beca in ways emily can’t possibly imagine.

it’s in beca’s smile, rarely given and so so small, but always genuine and endlessly beautiful

it’s in the way beca will hold her hand, at first tentative but then certain

they spend nights like that, holding hands on the couch, quietly talking about the smallest of things, like emily’s day at school or their families, until it gets late and emily has to walk back home because of curfew

they always leave her confused, her evenings with beca

she’s constantly conflicted about her feelings. part of her wishes they would talk about the games, but part of her is afraid to. she doesn’t want to get mad at beca, doesn’t feel like it’s her place to be upset about jesse. she knows it’s not fair to beca, that beca did what she could, but sometimes emily misses him so much that it rises up inside her as anger

she always pushes it down

and there’s the part of her that’s scared, the part that knows what beca did in that arena, that saw the feral, unhinged girl that looked like beca – but also didn’t – emerge from the smoke and bloodshed, somehow alive when everyone else had died

and there’s the part of her that feels love for beca

that part might be the most confusing because she doesn’t know if she’s falling for what beca did for her, or if she’s falling for beca herself, and if it’s the second, then she doesn’t know which beca she’s falling for. she doesn’t know if it’s the beca that saved her life, that volunteered for her and kept emily praying she’d come home. and she doesn’t know if it’s this new beca either, this sadder, seemingly older beca, with her careful eyes and giant heart. the girl who brings emily’s family presents and who reaches for emily’s hand when emily thinks she’ll pull away instead.

the girl who surprises emily one night, her voice a breathless whisper breaking the silence they’ve been sitting in for some time, emily reading while beca pretends to watch tv

“i know it doesn’t make sense, but sometimes i really miss him”

emily looks up from her school book, cautious and curious

“who?”

beca frowns, fingers playing with emily’s fingers and avoiding emily’s eyes. finally she takes a deep breath and looks up.

“jesse”

emily blinks slowly, her book falling shut. she feels the immediate sting of tears in her eyes, but she forces them back because even though she misses him, beca was there, felt it first hand, and what right does emily have to be upset when beca finally wants to talk about it

“me too” she murmurs.

“it’s crazy because… honestly, he bugged the crap out of me. he wouldn’t leave me alone leading up to the games. he was always there, talking strategy with me, teasing me about… you. and i didn’t get it, how he could be so… i dunno, optimistic and hopeful. there was nothing hopeful about that place.”

emily’s lips twitch, the barest amount. she almost wants to laugh. “he was just like that.”

“it’s like… as much as i found him annoying and wanted to be left alone, i still wanted him around” beca says

“i know the feeling,” emily agrees. “he had a way of wiggling into your life and making himself at home.”

beca nods, her teeth biting over her lower lip as she meets emily’s eyes. “i’m really sorry, em,” she whispers.

a wave of emotion swells inside her and she squeezes beca’s hand. “it’s not…” she clears her throat, biting back all the unsaid things she’s been holding close to her heart. “it’s not your fault.”

“he died so he could save me.”

“i know. I just mean… no matter what happened. you couldn’t have done anything different. only one person can win. no matter how unfair it is or how we feel about it… it’s just. it’s not your fault. it’s just how the games have to be.”

beca’s mouth thins. “do they, though?”

emily hesitates, mulling over her words carefully. “maybe not always, but right now, yes.”

beca’s eyes flash dangerously and for the briefest second emily wants to yank her hand away. then beca softens, her body going slack. “im sorry anyway.”

emily can’t respond, doesn’t know the right words. so she just lifts beca’s hand to her lips and kisses it. puts it against her cheek. she likes the soft warmth of beca’s skin against hers.

“i should get going,” emily says at last. “curfew.”

“you should stay.” beca’s eyes widen and she backtracks. “I mean… if you want to, then you can stay. here. with me.”

a surge of fondness pulses in her chest and she knows, suddenly and without a doubt, that she would be incapable of leaving now if she tried. “okay,” she says easily, loving the happy flush that’s spread over beca’s cheeks.

as they go to sleep, crawling under the covers in beca’s giant, comfy bed (bigger and comfier than emily could have ever dreamed of existing) emily feels that pull of conflict again, that strange part of her that feels herself falling at war with the part of her that doesn’t know which beca she’s falling for.

but, emily thinks, as she pulls beca into her arms and feels beca’s tense muscles start to relax, feels the easy rightness of holding beca close to her chest, she’s not sure it really matters

#bemily hunger games au #bemily #long ass update yw

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emilyjunk · 6 years

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i’m asking for hgau 12 but tentatively because 11 killed me but i’m also ready to die again cause it’s so good

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6) (part 7) (part 8)(part 9) (part 10) (part 11) (part 11.5) (moodboards) (playlists)

the district is quiet. the square is full of people watching the screens, but as they show replay after replay of the most recent action, the double death of donald and then jesse, everyone is silent

emily walks behind the crowds, passes them, and moves on. she spends hours like this, walking around the district. from her small house to the square to the lumber yards to her favorite spot by the water and back again

maybe if she keeps moving her grief won’t overwhelm her, her confusion won’t catch up to her, her relief and sadness and warring emotions about jesse and beca will disappear

she pops her head into chloe’s once an hour to check the status of the games

chloe just shakes her head every time. “she’s still in the tree.”

and emily starts her circuit again

it’s like this for a few hours, but around hour 6, stacie comes jogging up to find her. “Em,” she calls, and emily’s heart starts beating too quick, frantic with fear

“did she - ”

“no, she’s still in the tree. but...” stacie crosses her arms, an annoyance crossing her face. “there are people here to see you. from the capitol.”

“what?”

“there’s 7 tributes left. they want to interview you. about beca.”

emily frowns. her best friend just died and she’s supposed to meet some capitol bimbos and smile for the camera? “no, tell them to go away.”

“you know we can’t.”

“i don’t want to.”

“I know.”

stacie reaches her hand out, eyes understanding and puffy. stacie’s been crying too. emily sighs and takes it, letting stacie pull her into a hug.

they dont say anything, just stand there embracing for a minute. emily feels tears start to overwhelm her again, but she pushes them back

then they head back to chloe’s house

there’s a camera crew and a perky woman with curly sea-green hair buzzing around the space, trying to make it presentable for the camera. chloe seems uncharacteristically annoyed, her eyes narrowed at the intruders in her home.

“There you are!” the lady with the green hair scolds. “we’ve been waiting for you. i need to get these interviews out in the next few hours. they can’t keep the action on hold forever!”

oh. emily thinks. that’s right. the gamemakers try to let the interviews go live before anyone else dies. well. maybe beca is safe for now then.

the lady ushers chloe in front of the camera, fusses with her hair, puts on some light makeup. chloe makes eye contact with emily, alarmed about this buzzing insect of a woman. emily almost smiles

almost

they ask chloe about her friendship with beca, if she thinks beca can win, anything chloe might say to the audience that could help sponsors feel inclined to help their girl. chloe is sad, but charismatic and beautiful

when it’s emily’s turn, she feels like a bumbling idiot in comparison

“beca is currently hiding in a tree. an interesting strategy to be sure, but she’s been there for several hours with no indication she’ll come down. what do you think about this?” the lady asks, and emily stares at the blinking red light of the camera.

“uh. i mean jesse - i think - she’s sad, im sure”

the woman gives her an exasperated look but when emily doesnt continue, she huffs and moves on

“let’s get to the juicy stuff.” emily bristles at that. “beca volunteered for you, and it’s clear you two have a relationship. care to tell the audience about that? is it true love? how did you meet?”

“uh. we met... at school. true love? i mean, i...” emily is suddenly angry. these people just want some story, they don’t care about beca or them or the games or people dying. why should emily give them anything? how she should know how beca’s feeling and why she won’t come down from her tree? why she should tell them about the nature of her relationship with beca? she doesn’t want to. that’s for her. if beca dies, she especially doesn’t want to tell them. she wants to keep it close to her heart, keep the memory of beca swinging down from a tree, her face determined and beautiful. she wants to save it in her head, just for her, the way beca smiled at her, the way she was asking emily curious questions, the way she hummed in understanding when emily explained about the -

“i’m sorry,” emily blurts out suddenly. “i’m sorry i have to go.” she rips the microphone off her shirt and shoves it back into the lady’s hands.

there’s protests from everyone in the room, but emily ignores them, pushing out of chloe’s house and sprinting toward the square. she bounds up the steps of the justice building and through the doors to the front desk

“please!” she yells at the front desk boy. she must look a sight, out of breath and red from running. “please i need to get a message to the district 7 mentors!”

“uhh,” the boy searches for a pen, flustered and unaccustomed to people coming in with requests, surely. “about... what?”

emily throws her hands in the air. “about beca. beca mitchell!”

he stares at her and emily huffs.

“hurry!”

he scrambles up and into the hallway, the door closing behind him

emily leans against the desk, her head in her hands

please. god. please let this work

#hunger games au #emily junk #bemily #my poor baby #bullet fic #Anonymous

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