#Custodes that actually have character
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Ok I don't have a lot of time to rant on tumblr right now but holy shit.
Retconning in certain cases can be good... however this is not one of those cases and I'm fucking livid.
Actually I'm not livid
Just frustrated and annoyed.
I can't be the only one who feels pandered to right?
Honestly it's not quite as bad as retconning it so that female Space Marines have always been a thing but it's still fucking bad.
It doesn't add anything to the setting and just feels lazy.
Like even if you like the idea you have to agree that it could have been done better right?
It feels like GW is just lazily trying to appease a mob of people who don't really care about the setting.
It feels like a spit in the face to long time fans.
And I(as a young woman) don't feel "represented" or "more included" there are more than enough badass female characters in warhammer already.
And saying that "they've been here from the start" is absolutely the worst way to do it too.
Like, they could have said that it's a new thing, perhaps someone (Cawl) found a way to make female custodes under the guise of more recruitment options or something. Seriously.
#That's all I have time for tonight#I've got somewhere to be in the morning#warhammer 40k#warhammer#adeptus custodes#female custodes#female space marines#games workshop
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After the Palace
Synopsis: Ushotan survives the Palace Coup.
Relations: Ushotan x gn character, Ushotan x Valdor(implied)
A/N: Here’s me writing Ushotan(because he’s the only Thunder Warrior I know).
It started as lewd, but it moved onto trauma, and then onto headcanon, and then angst and…well. You’ll see.
How is he alive? He shouldn’t be alive. The poison in his very veins, his own blood, his very corpse. It should have killed him already. Ushotan simply doesn’t understand. The Emperor never made him stupid(after all, no fool could’ve made it to the rank of Primarch), not even his relatively easygoing demeanor knows how to handle this unexpected trip from the grave.
(Why is he alive? Why? Why does he have to live? He no longer knows.)
Hm? Rescued, was he? Rescued, like some helpless kitten? Ushotan wouldn’t stop joking about it, sharp-tongued as always, even when being literally bedbound for the first three days. He’s not some damsel in distress, for the Emperor’s sake, he’s nearly 9ft of pure muscle and steroids and rage.
Thunder Warriors did not have all feelings expunged from them. They did not lose desire. In some senses, they are human, adhering to a primal sense of emotion and affection lost to most Astartes. In some sense, they’re more human than Custodes or Astartes will ever be. Ushotan still retains his affection, his own loyalties, joy, some kind of fear, rage, full emotions and even desire. It’s messy and it’s torn and it’s ragged, especially with the weight of the years and mental deterioration coupled with Thunder Warriors. And desire burns. For all his decrepitude, for all his wounds, he’s still a furnace of light, still raging against the death of the sun.
To be human comes at a price. The price is high. The bargain isn’t worth it. He saw his brothers, his soldiers, his men die atop Ararat, and then die again before the Palace. Beneath the cold steel of Valdor’s hands and his cold gaze, not once, but twice. Twice from betrayal, once from Valdor’s, and once from his.
The guilt is enough to eat anyone alive.
He doesn’t like the snow. It reminds him too much of Valdor. And what that bastard did. He remembers the hands collapsed limply on his throat, the blood pooling through sticky fingers already losing sensation, the scars braiding across his neck like lightning strikes. The pain of betrayal. And the scent of incense, curdling into ash.
He still insists, as stubborn as an old bull, to take those long walks on the mountains. To drown himself in the memories.
Thunder Warriors always had higher metabolisms. Ushotan is unbelievably warm. He’s surprisingly comforting when snuggling, his temperature always perhaps a little too hot but undeniably pleasant.
That man sure has a tongue. Ushotan has his own insights, and absolutely no qualms upon voicing them. Sardonic, snappy and without even the hint of restraint. Don’t be taken aback if his language cuts deeper than even his sword. Of course, he could regulate himself, but why bother, when no one has challenged him for decades? (And the only man who could harm him refuses to kill him?)
That man can cuss in no fewer than 12 different languages. Even Valdor is impressed. He, surprisingly, reserves his swears for incidents that actually require them.
His vivacity and energy is astounding, in more ways than one…For instance, have you ever seen a Thunder Warrior describe the inner mechanics of a tank with an enthusiasm not unlike an overgrown puppy?
(Of course, this also applies to…other factors…)
His neural ports are sensitive, and he guards their access points jealously. Try not to poke him there. Rubbing soothing circles, on the other hand…
As a Thunder Warrior ages, muscle aches become a common occurrence due to their genetic degradation. Ushotan, being much more heavyset than most, must be severely regretting the amount of muscularity he has. Massages are as close to heaven for him as it gets. Nothing precisely exciting about a massage, simply the fact it relieves the tension caused by his genetic instability.
(It’s not even pleasure, only an absence of pain.)
Thunder Warriors were never meant to fight alone. He was never meant to be alone. Left alone without his brothers, in some deep, buried part of him, hidden under all that ash and false smiles and raucous laughter…somewhere, beneath that false bravado, there’s grief. Grief and isolation and the ache of betrayal so deep it could not be expunged. It could not even be cured, nor brought out to light, it could only be soothed occasionally, when that jagged grin slips off his features as for a moment the former Primarch almost seems like the broken beast he was. A soldier, without a country to fight for, a tool without a purpose. Knowing he’s nothing but a derelict ruin, eking out a miserable existence for a better death.
(In those days, those times when even Valdor’s knife feels better than his mercy, hold him. Hold him kindly. Wrap an arm around those broad shoulders, poke gently but insistently beneath the scales of half-healed wounds, beneath the aches where memories of his dead brothers lay, and listen to him sob. Listen to him grieve when he finally breaks and lets down his guard. His brothers have been dead for decades, but their Primarch has never accepted their graves.)
His voice is a ragged ruin. A lifetime of stimms, drug abuse encouraged by the Cataegis legions, hasty surgeries, and finally, by Valdor’s hands, have wrecked his once-booming voice. It’s still sharp, and echoing and imposing, as he’s too stubborn to remain silent for long, but he still also rasps occasionally, his laugh a grating chuckle. Occasionally it’s painful for him to speak at all. When away from the company of others, when he can let that mask of sardonic flamboyance slip, Ushotan won’t speak at all. He might let himself cough then, hacking up goblets of oily blood, ignoring the crimson streaks the same way a soldier learns to ignore the stench of corpses.
(He can sing, but only a few warsongs. And a drinking song or two, for good measures. Don’t ask him to try. He’ll laugh at you.)
(Don’t touch his neck. He hates strangulation. Well, not hate it precisely, but he hates being reminded of the scars on his neck. They’re sensitive. Dreadfully so. Aurite shackles, clipped to his neural ports, could harm him severely. Perhaps a kinder touch could bring him around?)
Sometimes, he can wake himself screaming. Screaming from the dreams. When Valdor slit his throat, and tore his vocal cords, he can still sometimes be heard whimpering. Gasping out wheezes that could have once been screams, awakened from memories of half-remembered war dreams. The dirt of trenches before his boots, the sound of cannons in the distance, every muscle strained and tense for some unknown ambush, battle-madness seeping through his veins before realization sinks in. The trauma will never leave him, not as long as he lives, but he’ll be damned if he lets them see what their Primarch has become.
For the Thunder Warriors that survived with him, he’s still their master, in a sense. He’s alive, isn’t he? He’s all they have left. They look up to him, the same way a broken ship may look towards a granite slab in the distance, weathered and eroded by sun and storm yet still standing strong. (And he’ll be damned if he’ll let them die the same way they died the first time.)
He laughs, he jests, he spars and fights and plays with them, it’s all the brutal, boisterous rituals of Thunder Warriors anyways, soldiers sharing one last smoke before the shells rain down upon them. He can be heard laughing, his booming voice uproarious and unrestrained, confident and unbreakable and as bold as brass before external company, as sharp and as savage as an old knife that still knows how to cut.
But when that mask of arrogant strength fades, when his jests and his mirth and his sharp, sharp intuitions leave him, there’s nothing but cynicism inside. Nothing but pain in those far too old eyes when his grin finally fades, and his broad shoulders slump from the weight of his defeat. And for a moment he might appear truly beaten, looking upon his surviving Thunder Warriors not with his usual camaraderie but with sorrow, with apologetic suffering when the memories crowd in. A shard of brass, drowning against the unfeeling night. Kandawire had come very close to seeing what he appeared as, what he truly is, at the very edge of this charade, when all his boisterous confidence leaves and the man who had shouldered the entire weight of a broken legion that refused to yield.
In those moments, Ushotan appears as he truly is. The last remnants of a once glorious legion, soldiers sloughing through the mud in a campaign that will never end, praying the next mortar shell might just strike a bit more accurately.
In sieges, the key is patience. He knows that under unrelenting force, even the most stubborn of fortresses break. Even the most resolute of walls crumble beneath the relentless assault of batteries, and the screaming of guns. He knows what it feels like when the walls break, and the exhausted soldiers, life broken out of them by cannons and months, gazing back with dull acceptance as their enemies storm through gaping gates and broken walls, their fortresses seized brick by brick and stone by stone. Ushotan knows just how terrible, how painful, it can be…to simply endure.
Because, in truth, is that not what they are? Soldiers in a siege that will never end, holding the line against the stark horror of their very existence itself. No longer living, but simply…existing. Enduring. Sloughing on day after day, when their purpose is made obsolete.
Former. Primarch. Emphasis on his rank. He was the master of the living storm once. He will not be again. Everything from his old wargear, to his current state, to his very own surviving brothers, seem to exemplify this. Ushotan has never enjoyed feeling quite so old, quite so derelict.
He’s good with machinery, repairing, innovating, engineering, designing. He’s also good with beating random thugs to death with random bits of machinery. One happens more often than the other.
Be prepared for occasional outbursts of violence. For a Thunder Warrior, his self-control is remarkably strict. He’s still just about sane, just about in control but there are…lapses. Chinks in his armor. When that smile slips and his memories take over, when he’s a young creature again(Hell, he’s always young, he hasn’t aged since the augments) and smelling the frost of Maulland Sen, Valdor standing at his shoulder. Those memories are never pleasant. He remembers few actually pleasant moments.
For a Thunder Warrior, he can be remarkably patient. Ushotan may have the temperment of a ragged, vengeful, surprisingly playful bear, but he’s still sane enough for self-control.
Of course, the whiskey. How could one forget? That man could down countless bottles of it without even a single difference. Drowning his sorrows, perhaps, but in this case his sorrows are as cold as a mountain, and as elegant as a certain captain-general, still undoubtedly hunting Terra for his absence.
Why is he alive? Ushotan doesn’t even know why himself. No need to worry, he’s not foolish enough to…attempt anything. Cowardice is the lowest form of treachery among Thunder Warriors. If he dies, he’ll do it fighting, claw and tooth and nail and fang.
Fighting. It’s what he loves, in a sense. They all love it. It was beaten into their genes. Nothing happier than when he’s grinning, fists covered in blood, wounds standing stark against his broad frame, and not even feeling a single twinge of pain. Hacking, bleeding, wounded and wounding, up to his knees in the heat of combat. That is when Ushotan and his brothers know joy. Wild, unadulterated joy. He knows his purpose. He knows his worth. It was, in a sense, all he is good for.
(Exhaustion can quickly set in, especially given the energy expenditure of a Thunder Warrior. Ushotan has collapsed before, out of sheer exhaustion. The Thunder Warriors can carry him back. That fool of a Primarch only laughs, runs a hand through his cropped hair and calls it “sleeping troubles” before walking off.)
They’ve replaced him already. Ushotan has always noted this with a form of ironic humor. They’ve replaced the Thunder Warriors. He had fought the Astartes in that failed coup, and he wasn’t even impressed. But it was real now. Evidence, in his bloodstained hands. The cycle was complete. The world had no use for him now, even though he had helped build it, brick by brick.
(In rare moments of introspection, the former Primarch sometimes concludes that it is truly better to be forgotten. After all, who would care for the savage soldiers of a bygone age, when victory - and not the struggles it took to achieve them - were already in their grasp?)
Valdor’s still looking for him. He knows it, Valdor knows it. They both know it. It’s a burning, broken thing. An obsession. Ushotan knows that when Valdor catches him, he will kill whomever was kind enough to take him in, he’ll kill his brothers, he’ll kill them and drag Ushotan home in golden chains. The captain will throw him in the Dungeons to rot out an immortality without life, where the sun eclipsed the stars and the nights are endless.
Taxidermied like a living corpse on display, he’d never see Terra again. If Valdor catches him. If Valdor catches him. There would be no escape.
It is on days like this when he realizes the futility of trying to hide, that he takes another swig of whiskey, closes his blue-grey eyes, and tries to forget.
(Perhaps…some certain actions can help him relax? He isn’t entirely deprived of desire after all, if one is willing to press him enough.)
His eyes are surprisingly beautiful. They aren’t dark, or black, as presumed. They’re an icy blue overcast with grey. Like stormclouds. Like a hanged sky. Like rain. Such a shame Ushotan doesn’t showcase them often.
Scars. Multitudes of them. They scrawl over his chest, his back, his hips, his thighs, nearly every inch of him. Each scar, a silent story unfolding over flesh, with words he has no interest in speaking. Ushotan doesn’t care for his body, in a sense. He knows it will fail him. He knows it will kill him. The poison in his veins will burn him alive, either way, why would he love what is essentially a glorified coffin?
(He really, really does need to take better care of himself…)
#Ushotan#thunder warriors#constantin valdor#ushotan x reader#ushotan x oc#thunder warriors x reader#warhammer 40k#wh40k#warhammer#sculptor of crimson#adeptus custodes#wh40k writing prompts#headcannons
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I haven’t engaged with Fate in years because ughhhh but let’s combine what I remember with my warhammer kick
Celestine is a counter guardian if that still works in the Grim Dark Future, fuck knows what class
Yarrick is warped by the Ork’s belief field; unorthodox class, legend of Dracula sort of thing, who knows
Turns out Goge Vandire was a sympathetic saberface a la Nero, you just know that’s the sort of thing they would do
No most space marines are not able to be heroic spirits/servants, nor even most custodes. The Primarchs are (or are some sort of chaos equivalent I can’t be bothered to remember the complex lore). Robby and Lion can be temp-summoned before zapping back into stasis like Artoria supposing this is before M42
The bananas are the sort of guys where the narrator goes “oh no! Each of these soldiers is as powerful as a servant!” and one duels a character or two in single combat, but then later you cut through em in a dramatic fight. Space marines range from ‘powerful enemies most humans can’t handle and need their servant to fight seriously’ all the way up to that sort of ‘can take a servant/HS on defensively or if their personal abilities cause a good matchup’ tier that bazett and ciel used to be in
Sigismund is a Heroic Spirit though, as are the Legion of the Damned. Ditto Valdor if he’s actually dead. Dante should be but he is, of course, somehow still alive. Also Kesh as an Assassin just to annoy people. Her Noble Phantasm is Bomb
Uhhhhh
Creed brings the souls of everyone who died at Cadia like a futuristic Ionioi Hetairoi
Cain is either an Assassin who can act like a Saber through skill and slipperiness a bit like Kojiro, or a Saber relying almost entirely on the class attributes and panicking under the surface. Either way his NP involves Jurgen’s melta.
Xenos entries include Farsight (any one of Saber, Archer, Rider, Shielder or maybe even Berserker) or they would except he isn’t dead. Aun’va, who is deader than a doornail, is either an unorthodox Caster with illusion AIs and super-charisma or a Ruler with much the same.
Zandrekh, who is kind of dead, shows up with his Command Barge as a Rider. Orikan is a Caster ofc. Eldrad would be too but I have no idea what he’s up to
Trazyn is very noticeably not a servant but he does end up with command seals and summons one
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HtP theory D: Who is he really? 1 of 2
As always, spoilers for Hunter the Parenting, If the Emperor Had a Text-to-speech, and Warhammer 40k
This part 1 of a series of theories around D’s identity, also I have to split this into two posts, link at the end.
Big D, Sir D, Dee Dee, what IS in a name? Well, I suspect a big clue is in a name, actually. Big D is kinda the protagonist of the series thus far? While it is an ensemble cast Big D certainly has an air of protagonism to him, what with being almost the PoV character for a majority of audiologs, and MAYBE being the “parent” which the series title implies might be doing actual parenting (though I suspect D is probably not a first choice candidate for this task). All that said, what exactly does the D in Big D stand for?
Obligatory TTS time. Big D is obviously the analogue character of the Emperor, who is sometimes called Big E by the fandom. In TTS we got a very bitter and much more ass-holish emps because he was stuck in his chair. Also, as the name implies he spoke through a text to speech. I am VERY glad Big D is ambulatory and has a proper voice because SpeakerD is another one of those voice actors that really elevates this series. If SpeakerD ever reads this, thanks for your work on this series, also your Vect was excellent and made me somehow like an evil elf, well done.
That’s all well and good, but doesn’t explain what the D means. Well, if E stood for emperor, and this is hunter the PARENTING, maybe he is Big Dad. Would fit, but my post is nowhere near long enough, so let’s explore another theory, by first examining the emperor. So Big E was an almost god-like being in TTS(and actual Warhammer), he had cool magic psyker powers, he created the primarchs, the custodes, the space marines. He conquered most of space before getting hyucked into his nice chair by a not-so-nice son of his. But his god-like powers weren’t just a product of luck, or because he was so handsome and cool. The Emperor was created by the efforts of a group of magic people, the shaman, performing a ritual to merge all their souls and powers into one lil fella. With all that cool magic juice imbued into his very being, the emperor grew into an (almost) immortal super human. The points I think carried over into D were his ancient origins (emps was created maybe around the time that humans discovered agriculture), the fact that he had to be created by a group of magic users, and his immense, almost divine powers.
Big D has a few notable quirks and hints towards him being not quite human. As an example, following the fight against Pyotr, Big D is RUFFED UP. He took a severe head wound, fell from a great height, and his jaw seems broken. Yet in the Guy Chapman audiolog, which happens that very same morning, he seems to instantly snap his jaw back into place and seems nigh unhurt. I don’t think this is just “RPG characters had time to rest so can restore injuries” because Markus is still, to the current episode (at time of writing) unable to walk due to his injuries. I think Big D has some unnatural healing abilities.
Big D knows a great many things, many of them things he probably shouldn’t know. For example, he knew the clan origin of the Tremere, something the Tremere do NOT talk openly about, if they even know about it at all, and that’s a big if. Honestly his whole conversation with Kitten regarding creatures of the World of Darkness really points towards D having WAY too much knowledge/experience for just being a normal human hunter. Also, he mentions possessing some really ancient items (called out when Boy SHOT THEM). As well he seeks to play the royal game of Ur, which if my knowledge of boardgames serves, is an ancient boardgame which we only pretty recently made a decent guess about what the rules even were (I don’t believe it is THE oldest boardgame, I think Quinns from SU&SD mentioned mancala(???) being the oldest game we know of but I really don’t remember). The point here is that I believe Big D is MUCH older than he looks. During his conversation with Kevin D mentions “deliriously obliterating fools like you since the 90s”, Kevin quips that D was referring to the 1890s, to which D smiles coyly. I think D actually meant the 90s, as in like 90BC. If he actually meant the 1990s, then he has had at most 16 years of knowledge collection (Markus mentions TF2 coming out ‘next year’, which would put us at 2006), and that is FAR too little time to have collected the knowledge and lore that he speaks on. Also Markus is another point towards “no way did Big D only start hunting in the 90s” because Markus mentions growing up learning about the supernatural and he is in his 30s. Ain’t no way Big D just started getting into the hobby of killing vamps when the kids were teens. All this to say, I believe D is VERY old, and this explains how he has gathered much of his knowledge.
Continued in second post!
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IS THE NEE CUSTODES UNIT JUST A FUCKIN SHIELD CAPTAIN WITH A PYTHRITE SPEAR???
MOTHER FUCKER WE DONT NEED ANOTHER STUPID NAME CHARACTER WE NEED FUCKING VENTARU IN PLASTIC GOD DAMN IT
IM NOT ACTUALLY THAT MAD IM ACTUALLY SUPER HAPPY WE GOT A NEW UNIT AND IT LOOKS SICK AS HELL BUT COME ON NOW WE HAVE SO MUCH RESIN BULLSHIT
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Custodes 83 - 77 Sororitas
Battle Report:
Got Defender and 1st turn.
Round 1: Battle sisters set up in a way where they deal very good damage to the dreadnoughts and limit the Custodes movement massively. Custodes manage to brake the bikes through and teleport some Terminators close to the sisters' right flank.
Round 2: Sisters dig in, collapsing the left flank, forcing custodians to have to reinforce. On the sisters' right flank the squad of Sacroscants with a hospitaller and a cannoness (i fucked up with list building) lock down a dreadnought and terminators for the next 2 rounds. Custodes capture center and start reinforcing towards the sisters' left flank.
Round 3: both flanks dig in further. Custodes Terminators run away into reserves, celestine falls for the 1st time.
Round 4: Sisters' Left flank collapses due to reinforcements. Custodes kill Celestine and push into Sisters' home point.
Round 5: Sisters' colapse their right flank and recapture center. Custodes wipe the rest of the army except the Sacroscants.
10th edition review:
The game feels amazing. Compared to 9th edition it is a lot faster and and extremely fast to pick up after knowing the basics. Character-Troop interactions are genuinely very cool and the universal keywords do actually make the game simpler.
HOWEVER, the list building process is legitimately painful, right now. The points are basically old power levels, and they suck. No points per model overinflates or underinflates every list.
Good news is that, from the leaks I've whitnessed yesterday (more like today in the small hours), the points we got are basically the way they are so that GW can test the game without skewing the scales too hard. So the points are expected to change in a month tops.
All in all it's a solid 8/10 till they fix the list building.
#warhammer 40k#warhammer#warhammer 40000#40k#imperium#wh 40k#adepta sororitas#adeptus custodes#new40k
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My biggest flaw as a gamer I think is wanting very badly to play games that require a significant time or money investment to get into a new playable character/army/thing while knowing excruciatingly well that I could not stick to the same character/army/thing for more than a couple of days even if you pointed a physical gun at my skull
Like I want to play fighting games but any time I get into a new one I'm like "Okay I'm gonna play the beginner shoto character to learn the systems and controls! Actually no this character is way cooler (and also way harder in every conceivable way). Wait I watched a video about zoners I now want to hit people from fullscreen even if it's gonna make me lose friends. Wait I just remembered how fucking hype it was when I played Rook and Midori in Fantasy Strike and managed to do my grappler thing on stream, I HAVE to play this game's grappler-
And since most fighting games require a minimum time investment before you can actually play a new character with intentionality and so have fun playing the "actual" character, I end up never going deep enough to get to the deeper, cooler stuff (or just stagnating and stilting my growth as a player in games where you can pick up and play anyone)
This also applies to Yu-Gi-Oh! (though this is partly based on my theory that YGO is a half fighting game disguising as a full card game) since even discounting the resource investment necessary to build a deck on one of the official clients, trying out decks on simulator is exhausting when you have to learn the rules of a whole new game every time. I really wanted to try Resonators but these combo lines are way too long
Perhaps the worst offender though might be Warhammer from back when I was on the brink of getting into it and thinking about which army to pick, because that was a fucking impossible choice. I had to factor in how cool the models looked, how they played on the table including if they had any specific rules that I really wanted to play with, their lore because although Drukhari have some of the coolest models in the games their lore is the sole reason that kept me from actually considering them AND the contents of the Start Collecting box because that's what I was going to start with??? I ended up picking Tau but even through the process of building them I was thinking about Necrons, Tyranids, Knights, AdMech, Adeptus Custodes, some flavor of Space Marines and Death Guard. (also don't get me started on AoS, I wanted to play EVERY army in that game)
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What the hell is going on with The Iron Kingdom by Nick Kyme?
I know that 40k novels often struggle with consistency, but the sheer illogical happenings in this book are driving me crazy, so I decided to write some of this down before my head explodes.
Spoilers below this point. Also a lot of ranting.
1) How in hell did the most undiplomatic idiot get command of the battle group sent on a diplomatic mission??
- they want resupply from this world
- they want to establish a supply hub
- and all they bring in return is the dead heir to the local monarchy
- to a Knight world, which are notorious for their focus on their own sovereignty.
How the fuck do you get the idea "You know what? This is gonna go swimmingly, I'll just send some ships ahead so they can start collecting resources a few days early."
Getting there took 5 *years*, why would you care about a few days and antagonise the local governess before even establishing communications?
2) Who made this unstable, impulsive despot queen of this world??
Imperial tithe collectors trample a few fields and antagonise the locals? - doesn't do anything.
Fleet master establishes communication? - Just exchange half a dozen sentences, just hinting at all the problems, but not really talking anything through.
Find that your dead daughters skin has just *slightly stretched* after being dead for over 5 years despite statis field? - Immediately lose it and give orders to assassinate an ambassadorial delegation of several dozen imperials (itself pretty much a declaration of war) including a General, a Silent Sister and a damn Custodes??? A literal companion of the emperor, mythical being and all that?
(And her brother, who fought along these people for years, is just ok with this besides some slight protests?)
3) Speaking of the Custodes, why does such an interesting character established in a previous book (part of the diplomatic corps of Custodes, but not really that good at it, but working on it) who fits this situation perfectly, get nothing more that one scene where he is reading a bit and another where he just dies instantly to some Knights?
Where is the awe-inspriring influence of these legendary warriors on normal humans?
Where is his diplomatic skill and authority, why does he just let the undiplomaitic idiots fuck everything up?
What did Andy do to Nick, that he just slaughters his characters such as Vychellan just like that?
4) What kind of idiot selected this Kingsward, protector of the queen?
He finally finds the renegade he has been hunting for *years* by walking into a trap and turning it around, defeats him and then just... leaves? Because he got word of the war the Queen started?
He's right there, just finish this guy, you need at least an hour to get back to the Palace anyway, what does it matter? But no, gotta let him live, to he can get back later and cause problems, I guess. At least give him a miraculous escape, not "enemy turned around at the last moment, because he's an idiot."
5) Then we have some usual inconsistencies turned up the maximum with the primarchs equerry Messinius not just being completely aware of the situation just days into the conflict, but *actually there*?? During a time of exceptionally difficult warp travel??? How the hell do you justify that? Did he secretly sell his soul to the dark gods, or something?
There's more with the Iron Veil being unrealistic and the strength of the Kamidarian atomic weapons not making sense, but maybe that's just the physicist in me being pedantic (and fairly common in 40k, so whatever).
But sentences like "The Imperiums ressources are not inexhaustible" just hurt when reading because, yes, for a single world like yours they pretty much are and you should know that...
That's it, ranting over (for now).
Haven't finished the boom yet and seriously thinking about not finishing it at all, which would be a first for me.
Really enjoyed the Dawn of Fore series so far (although Wolftime was a bit weary), but this book has me pulling out hair..
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Forfeiting Fate
Figure I’d get this out of my head, here, on the empty void.
So, I forfeited in the last round of a Warhammer 40,000 tournament. Three rounds, three hours each, two thousand points. They’re called Rogue Trader Tournaments, or RTTs, if you’re not familiar. They’re more competitive than your standard pick up game, but they’re not serious events like Grand Tournaments (five rounds, two days, 12.5-15 hours of Warhams) . This RTT was twelve people at the start, before someone else dropped in the third round. Probably everyone's first tournament with the new GT pack, and my first games of Arks of Omen GT season period.
I was at the top table. Two wins with Iconoclast Worthy Offerings War Dog Pack (read : Spam)*. I had a lot of War Dogs left over from a weird army and had only used it once at another RTT years ago. It was a thrown together out of what I had (as of right now January 2023), the hot new War Dog models for Chaos Knights are sold out. So I didn’t think it was ideal, but War Dog Spam is looking to be very good for the Arks season. And Worthy Offerings lets me hit more into vehicles, monster, and characters. Basically, Much Meta, Very Beardy.
First two games were over by round three. Perfect targets. Going second into Imperial Knights with one big guy and bunch of Armigers, my first turn clap back wiped a flank, moved blocked the other and it was basically over from there. Highlight was his big guy blowing up, taking out two of my War Dogs, killing one of his Armigers and cutting two of mine down to half wounds.
Match two, going first into Triple Monlith Necrons (two in Deep Strike). I disintegrate the first Monolith before it can even blink, take out the Ghost Ark, kill some units. Turn two, after a weak Necron turn, clean up most of the threat units, and get stuck into the Warrior blobs. The Monoliths come in, do little but blow up my Warlord. Next turn, I wipe them both and hem the Warriors in (who keep standing up over and over) on the back Necron objective. Game was over at the start of Necron turn three.
Both cases, I finished with an hour or so to spare. Pretty good. I only have thirteen models, which means I’m pretty fast. Go into round 3 with 80 and 89 points respectively, without paint scores in use. 2-0 is pretty good for an army I haven’t played in years, and with a codex I’ve really only read enough of to make sure I’m not cheating. Fun little self sabotage: I double and triple check my list to make sure I didn’t bring the wrong number of models, or have the wrong upgrades as I’m playing.
So, why forfeit?
Round three is against Adeptus Custodes. Two Telemons, two Contemptor Galatuses, Trajan Valoris (probably another character too) and a lot of Sagitarum. Actually a decent match up. I have enough firepower to kill the dread and the Sagitarum aren’t that great at range into me. It’s not an easy match up, but it’s winnable. Not mine to lose either, but not hopeless
I chatted with my opponent before the round started. Things were amiable. We set up objectives. Roll off for terrain. And then he brings out the clock. And I say no. And that’s where things break down.
If you’re not familiar with 40k games: they can drag on and on and on. Player skill is part of it, army size too, and sometimes things just get sticky and take time to resolve. For competitive play, chess clocks are necessary, especially at high level professional and semi-pro play ( a very niche thing, but it does exist). Bad time management can screw over a player who would win on later turns. When a player runs out their share of time, all they can do is roll saves and accrue any points they would by doing nothing.
I kinda knew my opponent was using one in his rounds, and had used it in a pick up game I’d played a few months back. The latter is kind of strange. Pick ups aren’t a timed thing (unless that timing is “I have to go, because Real Life and this has taken up too much time”). But I hadn’t really thought of it.
I said no. Understand while we’re talking, my time is running. My opponent said it didn’t matter, the TO would back him, and it was in the rules. I said show me that. Immediately appeals to TO (because it was neither in tourney rules or 40k rules), who backs him but not out of malice (nice guy, probably didn’t think anything of it).
I still say I don’t want to use it. During this time I pick up the clock twice to pause it because he has it on my time while I discuss this. I shouldn’t have done that as it’s not my property, but I was upset and the ticking clock wasn’t helping. He says if I don’t want to use the clock, my only choice is to forfeit.
“Fine. Fuck you. I forfeit.”
I tell the TO I’m dropping, pack my stuff up in (angry) silence and drive home. I do apologize over Discord message to my opponent. Cursing him out was wrong. Grabbing his clock was wrong. I was upset at myself for leaving (I could have won!) and storming out in front of other people. He did give his reasoning when he accepted my apology:
“My intention wasn’t to pressure you or make you feel overwhelmed with the clock. I play all of my tournament games on the clock after having been slow played at a couple of tournaments in the past and having lost out on the overall points score due to that (not saying that you would have done that).“
He’d actually told me that last time we’d played, but again I hadn’t thought of it since.
Here’s how I feel, and I say this to get this out of my head by dead lettering it into the internet:
1) It’s not fair that I don’t get a say if there’s a clock or not. Its his preference, but no one else was using a clock besides in his games. I should have the equally valid preference to not have one if I feel its unnecessary. 40k is a two player game and not bound by the whims of one over the other. There should be more options than either accept or quit.
2) I don’t like the intimation that I’m going to cheat my opponent out of points. I don’t think any one is. He does say he doesn’t believe I would, but the clock is the unspoken suspicion. It’s pretty standard at the store to just talk out turns (which isn’t necessarily common), especially if there’s no doubt who would win. I’d be perfectly willing to do the same. I do my best to make sure my opponents get the points they should. I’m not hungering to shave points off his tally to screw him out of ITC points.
3) This is a small event. It’s worth ITC points, yes, but it’s not a GT and it’s not a big events like LVO or Adepticon or NOVA . Again twelve people at the start, ten at the end. This is about as low stakes as competitive 40k gets. I had come expecting a casual experience (even though yeah, on meta) and my two first games had been casual. A chess clock is not the tool of a casual player.
4) I’ll be honest: don’t like the pressure. I haven’t used a chess clock in uh... eighteen odd years of 40k (playin’ since my teens) except against this one guy in a game months ago. Hadn’t even used one in all five of my matches at the GT in November, and that was higher stakes all round. It’d added pressure that I was not comfortable with: what if I do run out if time? What if I don’t hit the button and he gets to use my time? I don’t want to sit there doing nothing while he gets the 40k equivalent of a walk to home base.
Which does circle back to point one. My comfort gets disregarded, while his fear of being cheated is validated.
5) The “the TO is going to side with me” is just hostile, while also running the clock while I tried to argue the issue. It escalated the situation and reinforced my already intense discomfort with the timers by punishing me for not going along, which then increases the chance that I’ll have to sit there while he gets to play Warhammer solitaire.
6) Small brag but a pointed one: but I’d finished each of my previous games before he did. And that goes back to two. I wasn’t going to slow play him. I had thirteen models! Kinda hard to without being very, very obvious.
So I don’t know. I regret forfeiting and leaving a tournament I had enjoyed up until that moment. But I also didn’t want to use the clock. I don’t like how I was treated and I think the reasonable accommodation where we just didn’t use the damn thing. If you read this far, thanks for hearing me out. If you saw the wall of text and scrolled here, well, there’s no moral.
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How it all started...
The Custodes were supposed to be the Emperor’s friends and advisors. Which got me thinking.
What if they had actually been that? There were many, many moments in canon where Big E could have done with a well-meaning slap upside the head.
“My Lord, why not just send the War Hounds down instead of teleporting Angron up?”
“What about chastising Lorgar in private instead of publicly? Much better for unity and morale.”
*waves graphs showing how much garrison duty, and how much efficiency, the Iron Warriors are doing*
Except that the Custodes in canon are all stoic assholes and complete yes-men.
So I changed that.
The original draft for the AU was for the Primarchs to be parented by various Custodes while the Emperor was his usual manipulative canon self. But that wouldn’t work.
With more personable and proactive Custodes, he wouldn’t be his canon self. And it would be too many characters to write right out of the gate.
Enter Constantin Valdor.
(At the time of writing, the Valdor novel hadn’t been released and so the AU ignores it.)
All I had to do was make him a kind, introspective and forthright character and the rest just fell into place.
Oh, and the Emperor is a slightly feral actual Eldritch Abomination.
Which actually makes him a better parent.
Link to SpaceBattles here.
Link to Ao3 here.
List of Titles in the Series:
Complete:
One Mile West of the Dreaming Sun: 5+1 Constantin Valdor-centric snippets through the Unification Wars, and his relationship with the Emperor. Gradual canon divergence. Soft.
Rise Up to Meet It: Horus origin story. The Vth Legion discover Cthonia, and a certain feral little fluffball. Some drama, but ends with fluff and cuddles.
Your Tooth and Eye: Leman origin story. Horus tries to befriend the just-discovered Leman, who is an angry smol with identity issues. Meanwhile, there are monsters trying to kill them. Slice-of-Life-ish drama.
Five Cubits South of the Boiling Stars: A collection of snippets set between One Mile West and Rise Up. Focuses mainly on the various Custodes, adds worldbuilding, and also contains a mini-arc on the Scattering of the Primarchs. Overall wholesome, with a dash of eldritch horror here and there.
(Continuous work, updates irregularly)
Great Celestial Hieroglyphs: Magnus origin story. A slightly different deal is struck with Tzeentch much earlier. The XVth Legion suffer the consequences and an unlikely alliance with the VIIIth Legion is struck.
Contains a second plotline about the growing partnership of two Astartes. Drama/Horror. Lots of Body Horror and Eldritch Horror. Plenty of Feels. Eventual bittersweet ending.
Pit Born: A stand-alone snippet about a supporting Astartes character, and the recruitment practices of the VIIIth Legion. Briefly starts off dark, quickly turns into Fluff.
Passerine: Sanguinius origin story. After being revered on Baal, Sanguinius navigates life in the Imperial Palace amongst his own kind and is faced with the task of reforming his bloodthirsty Legion. Very Fluffy, with a few bits of gore here and there.
In Progress:
No Frozen Firmament: Rogal Dorn origin story. Adopted by the Imperial House of Dorn, young Rogal is soon made aware of politics. Slice of Life, very Fluffy. Includes Woolly Rhinos.
#Eldritch Dadperor#au fanfiction#Custodes that actually have character#constantin valdor#fic list#constellations ( a warhammer fic)#legio custodes#legio astartes#emperor of mankind#primarchs#fix it fanfiction#kinda
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there’s a common idea in fanwork spaces that the sort of works you get in a fandom are the ones that the original series is lacking, or that fans really wanted to see, and while I think that a lot of fanworks DO come from that desire, I don’t think it’s universally true.
As an example of what I mean, let me give two points: The homestuck fandom as a whole, and the fandom of Warhammer 40k.
Homestuck fanworks are very much in the same vein as the original series; they’re very talky, character-driven works that tend to focus on relationship dynamic. Perhaps to a greater degree than canon, but canon DID delve into these more often then not. Homestuck as a Thing wandered around so much that its probably fair to say that pretty much anything you could suggest as a story is in there SOMEWHERE. It may even be more likely to point out that since HS does a lot of timeskips or compression of character development that potential fanworks involve wedging itself in at a good point that is rife for analysis or exploration, and cranking it open.
Warhammer 40k, conversely, is a tabletop war game. The setting is based around this; everyone is SOME variety of terrible, deliberately malicious or unbelievably short-sighted to justify why any given faction or internal group would have a fight against each other. The lore and fiction works around this, though it is notable that any fiction set within 40k has ALWAYS toned down the grimdark attitudes, precisely because while that works as a broad attitude in lore for a war game, it makes less sense for a place where people actually live and do things.
40k fandom has mostly just dwelled on the battles; either making stories center around conflicts and singular epic battles, or using those as a story. Certain fanfics of legend have gone past their scope (such as that one love story between an Eldar Farseer and a Krieg trooper). Let us take, for instance, If The Emperor Had A Text-To-Speech Device, a long running fan animation that is believed to have retroactively influenced the game and lore. (For one thing, its responsible for a lot of people remembering who the Custodes WERE for a while, and also filling all the lore videos with meme jokes about the Pillar Men.)
The thing is, this series fills in the cracks of lore and expands on them, giving them more character, and mingling modern 40k elements with the older, often very wacky or downright silly lore. (I still contend that the Emperor, as a character, makes way more sense if you go with the older idea that he literally excised his capacity for compassion.) The characters get more depth, it treats the setting with a much more comedic tone that many parts of fandom liked MORE than the relentless gritty tone of taking itself too seriously...
And there’s also one or two big battles that were actually played out in real life, using the war game rules, complete with disastrous out of nowhere failures, such as memetically overpowered character Kaldor Draigo repeatedly doing very little of consequence in the battle because he kept failing his dice rolls so badly they made him go BACKWARDS at one point. (His complaints about this are also probably the most sensible things he says in all his screen time.)
So I think the result of this is that fan work may generally be less about fulfilling what wasn’t present in the original series, and more about expanding on things. The difference may be minor in some cases, or outright the same thing. However, just a HINT of something is enough to get fanfic writers on that, so that’s where you usually see this sort of thing. Homestuck and 40k, as two VERY broad sources with a lot of room to play around it, are great examples of this.
Other long running series, such as Transformers, may offer bigger examples of this.
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Oh yeah how tall are each of the fuzzes in comparison to each other?
Ask me anything about Fuzzes, pretty please! - Always accept more :)
Oh, an awesome question! Let's see... Regardless if they are in their crystal hosts or proper daemon forms proportion remains roughly the same, just on a different scale.
For daemon forms I however have no idea how actually big they would be relative to other characters, so only providing this information for their crystalline "humansonas".
The shortest one is An'Hangra, Khornate one. On the human scale, she is shorter than average, but it just makes her battle fury more condensed and bright. Being able to ride flesh hounds into battle is an added benefit.
Next in height is Lacedrace, Tzeentchian one. She is a tad bit above average on the human scale but feels like she is smaller due to how thin and fragile-looking she is. Still perfectly able to bench-press Cato in his power armor if needed.
Closely following is Balthrag, Nurglite one. She is only a bit shorter compared to typical Astartes on the human scale and in contrast with Lacedrace looks even bigger due to how chubby and round she is.
And then there is Shanakay, Slaaneshi one. She is somewhere between Astartes and Thunder Warriors in height on the human scale and you can tell that An'Hangra is low-key pissed off about it. She is, accidentally, also perfectly sized to hug Astartes and Primarchs and you can do with this information whatever you want.
Nameless, Malalite one is hard to put down, but I would honestly put her even higher on the list compared to Shanakay. She can be big, she can be taller than Custodes and with the sword far bigger than normal humans are. As a treat.
#thanks for an ask!#wh 40k#wh40k#warhammer 40k#wh 40k oc#warhammer 40k oc#chaos daemons#lazy fuzz#of hopes and daemons#tzeentchian!fuzz#slaaneshi!fuzz#khornate!fuzz#nurglite!fuzz#malalite!fuzz#crysandthings#my oc#my ramblings
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Nerdflirt
Henry Cavill x reader twoshot (1/2)
Word count: 2.768
Disclaimer: tiny, tiny hint of fluff
Summary: There’s apparently a bit more involved than just paint and innocent flirting, when you meet a stranger on Instagram with a shared hobby.
Find the second part here.
This story is based on a prompt I received from @aestheticqueenb
(Link to my Masterlist)
‘Maybe, you can like…I don’t know…find some new hobby or something?’
Your friend had said it more as an after thought during your Zoom chat, but here you were. Thinking yet again if she was perhaps right. A new hobby. It’s not like you hadn’t tried to find some diversion in these strange times. Like. You had ordered some of these picture paint books for adults since they were all the rage, but you had grown bored of them again.
Heck. You had even asked your boss if you could help him out while stuck at home. But apparently the restaurant business was really on its ass and you’d just have to wait for things to settle down and regulations to become less restricting.
This whole COVID-19 thing had initially seemed like a bit of a fad. Like some sick joke that nobody stopped at the right time. It was just a fever, right? Well, apparently…it wasn’t. You could still remember the moment all too well when you were sent home, told to wait for news. Hours passed. Days passed. Weeks passed. But there was no sign of things soon to improve.
And thus you resorted to adult colouring books and sulking away on your desk chair.
Stretching out you pushed the chair away from your desk, the tiny wheels immediately halting as you bumped against your bed. Oh yes, it was also good to mention you were slowly losing your mind because your studio apartment was SOO friggin’ small you couldn’t stretch as much as a foot without bumping into a piece of furniture.
Not a problem when you have a social life. But very much a problem when you hadn’t. Usually you worked a lot, went out with friends, enjoyed to go for a run. And home? Home was just a conveniently placed bed in the middle of London.
Now, however, it was a constricting prison that seemed to strip away your sanity piece by piece.
As had become second nature by now you opened your phone, fingers automatically refreshing the front news page. Scroll, scroll, scroll. No new news. Then your e-mail. No new e-mails. Then perhaps look for some “inspiration” - whatever you needed that for - on Pinterest? Scroll, scroll, scroll. Okay, no, this is dumb. Going back to the mainscreen your thumb hovered over the Instagram button.
You honestly didn’t like the app much. Fake people. Fake fun lives. It just wasn’t your cuppa tea. And yet you never got so far as deleting it since you did enjoy seeing baby pictures of your baby niece.
Okay, fine, maybe there were some new pictures or something. It wasn’t like you had anything better to do and so you opened the app, only to be confronted with a somewhat confusing image. What’s this? A large pair of hands painting an absolutely tiny polystyrene figurine. Why is this on your timeline? Your eyes gazed up, even more confused when you read the name “Henry Cavill” above it. Pfft. Probably some attention whoring from another bored superstar. You shook your head and scrolled on, eventually giving up again.
You groaned, feeling the abyss of utter boredom suck you in once more, your eyes wandering to the world outside. It was sunny, a spotless blue sky, not a cloud in sight. Hilarious, ain’t it? It’s nice weather out in the UK and guess what? You’re stuck inside because the whole world is in lockdown.
So…now what? You just had lunch, your apartment was pristinely clean and you already went for a run this morning. You sighed and turned your chair back so you could awaken your trusty old friend again. Your laptop. Perhaps Google something random? See what you find? The internet’s your friend, right?
Open. Google.
You bit your lip, thinking of something. Anything. But your mind was a blank.
Hmm. Oh. You know what. Maybe it’d be fun to know what kind of fake nerd Henry Cavill actually was.
You opened Instagram again and, of course, his post was back on the top of the timeline. It was almost too easy. #GamesWorkshop #ProperGeek #Custodes. Hmm, probably one of those three tags were the secret. You decided to enter “custodes”, since it sounded the least familiar and hit enter.
Before long you had dived head first into the miraculous world of Warhammer miniature strategy boardgaming and the most ludicrous, but fascinating lore. There was a medieval variant, a sci-fi variant and some ancient Rome and English civil war stuff. All including a well-thought out background story and even more figurines then you could count. Pretty cool figures too, you thought, haphazardly clicking on “order” while scrolling through one of the webshops.
Like it contained some kind of bomb, the mailman sprinted off, leaving the small package behind while you opened your door. Fuck this corona crisis. You couldn’t even..greet the fucking mailman.
Picking up the package you carefully moved it to your desk. Would they be fragile? How tiny could tiny really be? There was only one way to find out, you decided, picking up a pair of scissors and cutting open the small brown box.
Well. Okay. That’s tiny. Tiny tiny tiny. Perhaps you had been a bit too over enthusiastic about just randomly picking up a new hobby. Like..did you even need like special paint for this? Carefully you placed the kit sheets with the hundreds of tiny pieces in them on your desk and bit your lip, deciding what you’d do next. Tiny heads, guns, wings, all stuck in a meticulously thought out grid. Where to start? Perhaps look for some inspiration? Tips and tricks?
The internet is your friend.
Silly as it was you ended up scrolling through Instagram again, this time on the profile of some “SirEltharin” who posted daily updates on his miniature painting. And just like you, he had bought the Retributor Squad from the Adepta Sororitas, the all-female fighter division that were also known as “The Sisters of Battle”. Just thinking how ridiculous that sounded made you chuckle. Were you a nerd too now? Perhaps.
He just posted something new you noticed.
‘These ladies are hard to tame! Oops, painting accident..’ He posted, along with a picture of some smudged paint on one of the figurines. You chuckled, commenting without much of a second thought.
LadyGrim - ‘Well at least you started..I just can’t get myself to paint :X’ - 1 minute ago
SirEltharin - ‘No need to be Grim, good Lady. What’s keeping you from starting?’ - 2 seconds ago
Hmm. He responded immediately. A smile reached the corners of your lips as you shrugged and typed again.
LadyGrim - ‘Painters limbo? No honestly it’s my first set and I’m out of my depth here.’ - 2 minutes ago
SirEltharin - ‘Well if large male hands can do it. Surely a Lady can do it too? ;)’ - 30 seconds ago
LadyGrim - ‘Size can be deceiving.’ - 2 seconds ago
Your eyes rested on the screen for a bit, hoping he’d respond, but eventually giving up. Your eyes turned towards the sheets with the figurine parts on the other side of your desk.
Welp, it’s not like anyone could judge you for trying, right?
You painted that whole day, finding it nerve wrecking and meditative all at the same time. You hadn’t even noticed that it was past dinner time, until your stomach really started to growl with hunger.
After cooking yourself a simple pasta dish you sat back on your desk chair, forking the pasta into your mouth while opening your phone to check on any news updates. No news. Mail. No mail. Pinterest? Skip. Instagram. Heck, why not.
*New message from SirEltharin* Hmm. A private message. You didn’t even know that you could send private messages in Instagram, but alas, perhaps you were just a failed millennial.
SirEltharin - ‘Hey :) Guess what? I totally screwed up that figurine and have to do it all over again. Started any painting yet?’ - 2 hours ago
LadyGrim - ‘Perhaps you gave me all your good luck? Just started and..maybe..it actually starts to look pretty cool?’ - 2 minutes ago
SirEltharin - ‘Which one did you start with?’ - 2 seconds ago
Damn, guess it wasn’t just you who was bored to bits. This guy was one fast responder.
LadyGrim - ‘The one with the book? At least, I think…. So many parts..’
SirEltharin - ‘Yea. Requires a bit of strategising hehe. Besides..holy fervour and good faith!’
LadyGrim - ‘So why did you chose the sisters? You’re a guy right?’
SirEltharin - ‘And that’s a problem? ;)’
LadyGrim - ‘No..’
SirEltharin - ‘Honestly though. They’re cool. Strong women.’
LadyGrim - ‘Who got betrayed by the man they promised to serve.’
SirEltharin - ‘Ah you read the lore? Yea..men are dicks haha ;)’
LadyGrim - ‘Can’t agree more.’
You back and forthed throughout the evening. Starting off with some Warhammer 40k related banter, but soon drifting off to talking about the Corona lockdown and the boredom that came with it. SirEltharin didn’t let off a whole lot about himself, which made your imagination run a little wild.
Perhaps it was this “milady” type of guy, that’d tip his hat at you, then grow annoyed as soon as you didn’t immediately fall in love with him. Or, maybe it was this skinny pimple-faced guy who only ever played female characters in games. Or a really, really fat guy. He did say large male hands. Large…could be fat? Or at least chubby? Ugh. What did it matter anyways. Men, you had decided, were always going to disappoint.
SirEltharin - ‘Hey, just curious by the way. Why did YOU decide to start painting?’
LadyGrim - ‘Are you asking just because I’m a girl? ;)’
SirEltharin - ‘Hardly. What do you even think of me?! ;)’
LadyGrim - ‘Okay. Don’t call me an idiot. But this movie star, Henry Cavill? He posted an image and though I absolutely think he’s one of those fake nerd celebrities who are in it for the attention, it did get me interested in the figurines..so..I just ordered and..here I am!’
He stopped responding after that. For the rest of the night. Did you say something wrong or did he just not see your message? Ah..whatever. It didn’t really matter. He was just some stranger on the internet. You started Netflix and crawled onto your bed, wasting away another evening bingewatching How I Met Your Mother.
The next morning he had responded again. Around 5 am. Damn. Nerds ARE night owls, you thought, sipping your freshly brewn cup of french pressed coffee while leaning against your tiny kitchen block.
SirEltharin - ‘Can’t really say that without knowing him, right?’ - 3 hours ago
SirEltharin - ‘Anything in particular wrong with Henry Cavill?’ - 2 hours ago
LadyGrim - ‘Woa woa. No harm meant. Sorry. Guess I just don’t trust ‘em pretty boys?’ - 3 minutes ago
SirEltharin - ‘How’s that so? And good morning, Lady ;)’ - 2 seconds ago
You bit your lip and let out a deep sigh. Oh this man didn’t know what hellfire could come his way, opening THAT topic.
LadyGrim - ‘Good morning ..and..I doubt you’d be interested.’
SirEltharin - ‘You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention.’
LadyGrim - ‘Fine. Let’s just keep it plain and simple. Lied to, cheated on and continuously disappointed. Guess I’ll just have to become a lesbian?’
SirEltharin - ‘Don’t let a few bad ones ruin it for the rest of us. Has it been long?’
LadyGrim - ‘Long?’
SirEltharin - ‘Apologies. I mean. Since you last dated?’
LadyGrim - ‘A year or so.’
SirEltharin - ‘And how old are you? Or am I being too bold asking such a thing?’
LadyGrim - ‘It’s fine. Thirty. Had my birthday two weeks ago. So yea..becoming a bit of an old spinster hehe.’
SirEltharin - ‘Belated happy birthday and..hardly a spinster, right? I mean. I’m 37 and haven’t found anyone yet. Heck. I guess I’m the old spinster here haha.’
LadyGrim - ‘I doubt the same rules apply for men.’
SirEltharin - ‘Trust me. We are all judged.’
Weeks passed and you and Sir kinda started to really get to know each other. You both lived in London - how practical -, were pretty enthused about sports, liked dogs (he had one, you wished you had one) and were close knit with your family. You with your sister, who already had a few kids. And he with his brothers. All with kids. Teasingly you donned each other the nicknames ‘Uncle and Aunty Spinster’.
You knew he had looked on your account. Seen some pictures of you. Even made a few comments on them and liked everything new you posted. But he, SirEltharin, remained mostly a mystery. You tried to talk yourself out of your curiosity, but couldn’t help but lay in bed fantasising about him. The only body part you had seen of him to this point were his hands, and they were actually quite pretty hands. Well manicured nails, strong fingers. It meant he probably wasn’t SUPER fat. So. That’s something.
Eventually the COVID-19 related regulations were becoming less restrictive and for the first time in months you could go back to work. The very news had made you both reluctant - you liked this new rhythm of painting and chatting with SirEltharin -, but also happy. Finally getting out of your tiny apartment, finally getting back to work. It may require some getting used to again, but this was just what you really needed.
In your enthusiasm you posted a picture on Instagram of your work outfit as it lay neatly spread out on your bed sheets. Your boss had made some quirky shirts to celebrate the reopening of the restaurant: “Brunello’s back” was written in fancy white lettering on the back of the shirt. You giggled as SirEltharin liked it within a split second.
SirEltharin - ‘Back to work hmm?’
LadyGrim - ‘Yep. Its all fun and games until the rat race starts again.’
SirEltharin - ‘Sounds Grim ;)’
LadyGrim - ‘You know me too well Sir. Anyways gotta go. Bye!’
SirEltharin - ‘See ya.’
See ya. You always thought it weird when strangers said that at the end of an online chat. Clients sometimes said it at the end of a phone reservation. That was understandable though; they were to come to the restaurant. But complete strangers? There was no such thing as “seeing you around”. However in the case of SirEltharin you were willing to let it slip. He probably didn’t think anything of it.
For a first night it was already quite hectic at Brunello’s. The room, although still far less bustling than usual, was filled. People were obviously eager to pick up their social lives again, the animated chatter of guests zooming around the room while you paced past the neatly spaced white clothed tables. Brunello’s was a rather luxurious restaurant and mostly businessmen and well-to-do families and friends came here to wine and dine. Tonight was special though, as a few celebrities were sitting in the far corner. Including a familiar face: Mr. Cavill, your eyes immediately falling on him as he seemingly was giving you a questioning look.
Perhaps he just wanted to order some drinks, you thought, halting next to the table and offering them your most kind, professional smile - ignoring the curious pair of blue eyes that tracked your every move.
‘Good evening and welcome to Brunello’s. Is there anything I can help you with?’ You spoke, the sentence fluently tipping of your tongue, your eyes wandering slowly over the guests. Most of them were unfamiliar to you. And Mr. Cavill..you tried to just not give him any attention as he was still burning his eyes into you.
‘We actually could use some advice on the wine. We’d like to start white, slightly fruity, perhaps French? Though the Italian one also sounds quite nice.’ A small blonde woman spoke, peering over her menu card.
As this was not your expertise, you called for the sommelier, stepping back to make room for him. And all the while you felt those eyes, gazing at you, almost brazenly. What was up with this Mr. Cavill? Or did you maybe have something funny on your face and did nobody dare to tell you? Shyly you excused yourself, leaving the guests in the capable hands of the sommelier, and quickly made for the women’s bathroom to check your face.
There was nothing out of sort when you looked into the mirror. Strange.
Peeking quickly on your phone, a habit when you were alone, you noticed a new message popping up on your Insta-chat.
SirEltharin - ‘I think we need to talk.’ - 30 seconds ago
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Go to part 2
#henry cavill fanfiction#henry cavill fluff#warhammer 40k#figurine#miniature#painting#henry cavill x reader#secretcelebrity#undercover#nerdflirt#instagram#retributors#adepta sororitas
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I gotta ask... what *do* you like about 40k?
The aesthetic. The narrative potential of the wider universe. Necrons. Eldar. Custodes. The Adeptus Mechanicus. The Astra Militarum. The Dark Mechanicum. Chaos Space Marines. Chaos Daemons. Most of the vehicles. The smaller stories and character-driven events. The Minotaurs Chapter. The Primaris Marine known as Decimus Felix. Robots and Automatons. A whole bunch of books. The amount of skill and creativity many mini painters have. The art. Some of the memes. The cool people I’ve met.
I actually like much of it save for a handful of ingrained problematic elements and GW’s revenue-focused metanarrative, which is bland and does a disservice to the core concept of 40k.
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the final tally
for some weird reason my purchased e-copy of psychic awakening: pariah could already be downloaded midday today, rather than saturday morning as it typically does (also, for most of the day, when hitting the download link for it, it downloaded ravenor: pariah instead, so i got that free out of this, weird).
i can now do something of a tally of how psychic awakening’s gone over all. to be blunt this isn’t a strong series, i don’t think anyone thinks this was handled particularly well, and narratively it’s an enormous step down in quality from vigilus. it also really wasn’t epic, since 3/4 of the books often dealt with meaningless, tensionless, conflicts with no resolution. off the top of my head the only books in the series which could, even a little, be called ‘story important’ would be: phoenix rising, ritual of the damned and pariah. saga of the beast doesn’t count because the actual plot important event there, ghazghkull’s humiliation and subsequent return, doesn’t even happen in the book, so it’s excluded.
anyway, of course, the more clear thing is; holy crap these books shit on xenos. i mean they shit on chaos too, but chaos gets out a little better. pariah is definitely the best handled of the xenos books, easily, because it at least understands for an enemy to be a threat they can’t JUST lose, so the very first fight of the book is a major necron victory. of course, from there, both follow-up battles are necron losses, one embarrassingly so because they only lose because szeras has now shown himself to be an eldrad-level idiot, but it’s better than blood of baal, the greater good or the absolutely fucking awful rise of the phoenix and saga of the beast.
so let’s look?
Phoenix Rising: Within this book Asuryani do some pointless border scuffles and win one fight against rando-Daemons (the favoured enemy of all Aeldari because Daemons are such universal chaff even Aeldari are allowed to beat them). Is second to the tied Ritual of the Damned, War of the Spider and Pariah for the clearest narrative. In the overarching narrative of the book the Ynnari discover their hope of the Seventh Path is crushed already, the efforts of all their greatest heroes can barely compete with a glamour of Shalaxi, and both Yvraine, and now again Kyganil in Pariah, declare Phoenix Rising to be a crushing, hopeless, defeat. Death Masque all over again, because GW doesn’t seem to think Aeldari can ever succeed at anything.
Faith and Fury: No Xenos. Focused on Chaos and Imperial forces, mostly the less important Space Marines, it showcased us three inconclusive battles and was a step-up from GW’s normal method of ‘Imperium wins everything’ by instead just going ‘nobody wins, it’s ongoing’. A naïve me might have hoped they’d stick to something like this so at least the non-Imperium factions don’t lose constantly, but I was stupid as always.
Blood of Baal: Followed Faith and Fury’s style of a warzone and three battles chosen from it. Of course these are Tyranids so they just lost two of the battles outright and the third was ongoing. Yay. Blood Angels, of course, lost nothing.
Ritual of the Damned: Very story driven, as was War of the Spider (skirmish of the Spider, seriously, war? It was a grand total of one battle and an ambush against like 50 dudes) and Pariah, Ritual of the Damned taught us that 200 Marines was all it took to lead a successful direct assault on the Thousand Sons’ stronghold, break right into their inner sanctum, kick their shit in, and successfully withdraw in good order. It was awful.
The Greater Good: Faith and Fury part 2: Boogaloo. The Greater Good gave us a warzone, three factions, and had each of three battles end on an inconclusive ‘ongoing’. I guess Shadowsun is still a Xenos so now she isn’t even allowed to beat randos anymore, as she fails to successfully conquer an unknown, random, planet with no known characters on it.
Saga of the Beast: Six meaningless battles focused almost purely only on the Space Wolves’ perspectives with, in most, there not even being Orkish characters with names at all, it presented us a mix of stalemates and Space Wolf victories with the only Ork ‘victory’ being one battle where they teleported out of the battle before it could finish. Yay. Humiliatingly this is the best the Xenos do till Pariah.
Engine War: More focused, but lacking clear direction, this was a small, scant, book focused almost purely on rando Knights and Magi attacking a single fortress on a single Chaos Knight world. Technically the outcome is mixed, but it’s a closest to an outright win Chaos manage. The overarching Chaos scheme, a machine that could slingshot Warp Storms, is destroyed and foiled, but the Daemons released as a result do wipe out the Adeptus Mechanicus fleet entirely and send the remaining Imperials running from the planet, so they don’t hold it.
War of the Spider: Why does this even exist? Nothing happens in it? War of the Spider is a pointless, short, story in which Fabius has none of his more detailed or interesting characterization, in which Typhus is a cowardly idiot who loses one fight when he lets himself be ambushed by a warriors 9000 years younger than him and loses his second fight when he pisses himself at the sight of Custodes and abandons his entire honourguard. so veterans of the long war who’ve fought with him for millenia, to die as he runs away with his tail between his legs. The Death Guard lose. The Shriven lose. The Custodes technically win as they set out to destroy the Shriven and they do, and Fabius wins because his ‘win condition’ is basically just that he doesn’t die so by that metric he always wins. The battle, though, is of course won by the Imperium. Again. It’s also nonsensical. Where told the Shriven fleet could wipe out the Custodes fleet, but they land to kill them in a land battle. Then the Death Guard show up and destroy the Shriven easily, so by that metric their fleet should destroy the Custodes fleet easily too but...instead Typhus just runs away from them? Is he that scared of Custodes? What an absolute loser.
Pariah: Probably the most competently written of the books because it follows, like, literally the most basic of story telling conventions. We are introduced to a threat. The first engagement with the threat, Mesmoch, ends with the Imperium retreating in defeat. Then a second battle lead by Stern ends in victory. Then in a third battle a super-secret-special-awesome team of characters infiltrate to the Villain’s evil lair to steal a McGuffin and succeed in doing so.
[when can we have a campaign where xenos just win? taros has now been invalidated, so when are we getting a campaign where xenos actually beat the imperium for once?]
Of Psychic Awakening the Imperium wins a whopping 9 (of these it should be noted Space Wolves and Blood Angels alone constitute more than half) battles. Asuryani come in 2nd place with 2. 2. Chaos gets 1-2 (debatably?), Necron get 1, Orks get 1 (debateable again) and that’s about it.
In terms of winning ‘campaigns’ as most of these are ongoing there aren’t too many of those. That being said the Imperium wins outright in both Ritual of the Damned and in War of the Spider.
Beyond that the only other people who can claim to have won ‘campaigns’ are Fabius Bile and Chaos Daemons, but it is a little more shaky. As I said Fabius does in War of the Spider ‘win’, because he escapes with his prize, but whether this should matter when he’s really not a military player is up for everyone to decide for themselves. Daemons are also possible because I’m pretty sure at the end of Engine War THEY don’t care that the Warp Storm machine is now destroyed, they just enjoyed wiping out the Mechanicus force attacking Ordex-Thaag, so I’d submit these two are the only other options for actual ‘wins’ in books.
To fucking no-one’s surprise Xenos don’t manage to win a single campaign.
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Special 6 Second Part- Custodisi and Captain General as romantic foils
Okay so this one is 110% focused on my OTP and NoTP and theories and head cannons I now have and have to adjust. Warning that I discuss Custodisi as a creepy character. Also this gets way way way too detail focused and there’s probably a lot of things I forgot while writing this, details I unconsciously cherry-picked to make my argument.
I kinda noticed that in some ways, Custodisi could be a foil for CG? Personality and story-wise they’re opposites:
Custodisi is almost never freaked out, no matter how bad things get (even when facing Cegoratch). Whereas CG- well...
There’s also their attitudes towards the horror of the world. Custodisi sees horrible things and although he calls people out on them, he doesn’t reject evil itself. He commits atrocities knowingly and willfully because he just doesn’t care. Contrast CG, whose attempts to improve the world kick-start the entire show, and whose belief in Emps has more to do with his faith that Emps is good than anything else.
Both CG and Custodisi have the foresight and wisdom to understand evil in their own actions and in others. Unlike many characters they don’t delude themselves into thinking they’re acting for the benefit of the world (or the greater good some would say) or are justifiable. But their attitudes and resulting conclusions are polar opposites.
Both are fairly laid-back and willing to be led by others. However, where they recognize their leaders faults and how they draw the line is different
CG draws the line when he feels the consequences would be harmful for others or the rest of the world. He lets himself be thrown around and almost killed, but try to kill one’s own son and he’ll stand up and say no.
Custodisi draws the line when it suits him- when he has something to gain (such as being allowed to continue being naked). Even when calling out Emps about Uriah, he never showed any sign of actual disobedience beyond simply wanting to say what he had in mind
Also, when CG is defiant he only shows his defiance itself- he said ‘no’ and that’s that. At most he’ll discuss the details and facts of the issue at hand without cutting to the core of it. Custodisi, in our biggest examples of direct defiance that goes beyond petty exhibitionism and lust, goes on to explain why he’s saying what he is in full detail
Speaking of, CG can defy one order and still think the exact same of the person he’s arguing with- he does this with both Magnus and Emps, keeping his disagreement separate from his perception of them. Whereas Custodisi seems to actually respect the Emperor less and less each time he stands up to him, attributing his actions in The Last Church to flawed personality immediately. Perhaps this contrast is purely situational, but it’s still interesting that this is what the audience has gotten to see.
CG’s loyalty to Emps includes delusion and willing disbelief in his problems- albeit this aspect is slowly fading, as it does so his willingness to go behind Emps back increases. Custodisi sees and fully accepts Emps flaws, and his loyalty and willingness to obey isn’t changed in the slightest by this (though this might be because he doesn’t care about doing horrible things) (also note that not changing doesn’t mean he was always obeying- he still went around naked after all)
Their character development is both best shown through their willingness to defy Emps. However...
CG starts out unwilling to defy Emps at all but can clearly recognize the actions he disagrees with (even as he's in denial about them later) and slowly grows the will to disobey
Custodisi starts out fully willing to disobey Emps if and when it suits him, and slowly grows a more nuanced understanding of Emps faults and the actions he disagrees with
TL;DR: CG starts with comprehension and gains will, where Custodisi starts with will and gains comprehension
Both consider the emotional states of people around them when stressful situations arise even though their own emotions are running high, but in different ways
CG gets Boreale and Diomedes out of the room when he’s fighting with Magnus, but makes no attempt to comfort them
Custodisi comforts Whammudes when both are terrified by Cegoratch, but beyond emotional support he makes no attempt to make the situation any better or to do anything beyond emotional comfort
TL;DR: CG focuses on action correcting the situation when considering others feelings, while Custodisi focuses on emotional comfort
As Magnus’ “love interest” they’re pretty different:
Custodisi chases Magnus while Magnus pursues CG
Magnus and CG both help push the other towards the character development that they have in place and in many of my interpretations can’t grow close together until/unless they do said character development, while I think a genuine Custodisi/Magnus pairing would work pretty well even if all character development just stopped for both of them
The ways in which their respective character development as encouraged/assisted/pushed on by Magnus exists is parallel in it’s execution- both gain something that can or does help them stand up to Emps
CG gains more of a spine through calling out Magnus’ bullshittery- which we haven't seen come to Emps-related fruition yet but it does seem likely it will
Meanwhile Custodisi accepts and learns to recognize the sins of the Emperor. Most of this is through reading The Last Church but he mentions Magnus and the trial of Nikea specifically in his accusations
Speaking of, the character development that Magnus’ presence helps push CG and Custodisi towards parallels in how Magnus is present and plays an influence
In CG’s case it’s through Magnus’ mistakes, and his direct interactions traveling with CG
For Custodisi it’s the ways in which Magnus was wronged, and through observing his life as an outsider
In my more headcannon based world of TTtD, both CG and Custodisi start with purely lustful interest towards Magnus for his body. Custodisi falls in ‘love’ through observing Magnus’ past, and doesn’t develop any interpersonal relationship with Magnus prior to falling in love. CG meanwhile keeps the two separate for a long, long time, finding friendship and companionship in Magnus first, and from a narrative standpoint he’s kind of more attracted to ‘future’ Magnus in the sense that ‘future’ Magnus has to become reality before CG will be able to trust him with his heart (ie Magnus needs character development before CG can fall in love- again something I like in a fictional pairing that I can’t like in real life because fiction lets you orchestrate it so that character development can coincidentally work like that without any of the creepy aspects of one character changing solely for love or one character changing another into the kind of person they want to be with)
CG’s eventual attraction to Magnus builds in real-time from experiences and events they share, and is a result of their platonic relationship growing closer
Custodisi’s attraction to Magnus builds from his mental image of Magnus, and in his mind he slowly imagines a bond between them increasing in strength over time
Likewise in my headcannon interpretations of the characters, CG undergoes character development started by outside forces that Magnus contributes to by coincidence of personality types. Custodisi undergoes character development largely in reaction to his desire for Magnus
And on a 100% headcannon basis, I like to imagine both characters are Switches, both in terms of pitching and catching AND in terms of dom/sub. Both are, I imagine, are also fully willing to use sex for purely carnal pleasure and have done so
Custodisi has no sexual limits, isn’t bothered by immorality, and carnal pleasure is the end-game of his sexual goals.
ONE interpretation has him use sex without any acknowledgement of interpersonal bond-strengthening tied into it
SECOND interpretation has him use sex with bonds included, but sex is a required trait of all bonds. If he doesn’t want to screw you, you are a non-entity to him. Whether those bonds are brotherhood (other Custodes), servitude (Emps), superiority (implied to be CG), or ‘romance’ (Magnus) there’s no relationship at all unless there’s sex involved in some capacity
CG meanwhile has a firm basis of consent that’s important to him on both receiving and giving end, and he also uses sex also as thereputic activity- though that’s entirely separate from purely carnal sex.
CG’s behavior is the same, though the comparisons with Custodisi differ depending on my interpretation of Custodisi, so I’ll put both
ONE interpretation has CG also see sex as a bonding experience and a potential conduit for deeply personal relationships, as it was with Shadowsun
SECOND interpretation has CG hold sex as a potential aspect of interpersonal relationships, not a defining factor. Some relationships don’t need sex at all, of his some powerful bonds are asexual, and he can feel completely different about a person’s sexual appeal to him than he does to their personality (as with Magnus, and probably many of the people he’s slept with- perhaps even Shadowsun if they never did BDSM [as that would mean he trusted her with his heart and with his emotions and who he is, but they didn’t have and didn’t need a reflection of that trust to occur in the bedroom])
Of course there’s also just the fact that sex dominates Custodisi’s life in every or almost every aspect, whereas I imagine CG is actually freakier that Custodisi, but he keeps his sex life private
Also just to get this out of the way the entire next paragraph is a spoiler for my fanfic Three Times they Don’t so it’s behind the cut.
I’d had a plan for TTtD where Magnus and CG play a tabletop game and Magnus is the GM and is a terrible railroader- but CG is able to deal with that. Their campaign would be largely off-screen but the audience would see enough to know that it’s the plot of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It wouldn’t be until their second campaign, where CG broke the rail-roading by abusing pre-established time-travel mechanics that things got interesting for the game. When I saw this episode I was surprised Magnus wasn’t as terrible of a railroader as I thought he’d be, mostly trying to gently push the party onto the track he wants until the piss him off. As I wrote this ramble up I realize I can retain this without breaking fully off cannon yet, with Magnus having to loosen up a bit through the second campaign- although CG still lets him get away with too much railroading, which sets the stage for the cannon special 6. Yay, character development in-progress and fitting into cannon, I don’t have to drop the ideas I already had.
#OTP meta#three times they don't#custodisi#captain general kitten#character analysis#tw creepy#character foils#Slightly off the Rails#if the emperor had a text to speech device#tts
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