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sayafics · 10 months

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Just For A Moment - Part 3

Hi guys, I just wanted to say thank you for the support! I enjoy seeing you guys comment asking for more, it makes me feel very appreciated and I am very happy there are people out there who enjoy my writing.

I do hope you guys enjoy part 3, it really is a big mix of emotions. I know you guys really enjoyed part 2, so I hope I did this chapter justice. Thank you, again <3333

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Masterlist

The words had caught both Jay and Hailey off guard, the revelation that she knew their secret caused the blood to drain from Jay's face as he was at a loss for words.

She knew.

This whole time, she knew, and she never said a word. She let herself suffer quietly.

He looked at the tears that streamed down her face, her wide eyes and trembling hands - he broke her. There was no other way to put it, she seemed fearful of even breathing in his presence.

Perhaps that was the worst part - Aurora was not only angry or disappointed. No, she was also terrified of being hurt by him. Again.

The question came out before he could stop it, making himself seem like an even bigger fool as everyone in the bar sent pitying looks towards Aurora, he asked, "how?" How did she know? Did she see them? Hear a rumour? See their texts?

If he could take back the question, he would.

If he could take back his actions, he would.

Aurora simply shook her head, the action causing her tears to fall more vigorously as a strained laugh escaped her. She stumbled backwards, heading towards the exit before Jay could stop her once more. On her way out, her heart heavy with unease and agony, she whispered an apology to Brett. But it seemed Brett and her friends were more concerned for the girl than the interrupted party.

Hailey's hand was still on his back. The feeling of her palm against him began to burn, and he wrenched himself away from her touch, away from her side. And he went after Aurora.

He pushed through the crowd, ignoring the looks of betrayal on the faces of his teammates, the look of disappointment in the eyes of his friends, and most of all, the petulant voice of Hailey who called after him in indignation.

Jay had found Aurora at her car, hands fumbling with the keys as she struggled to see through her tears. He raced towards her, his heart on fire at the sound of her muffled sobs. He reached around her, a hand wrapping itself around one of her own and her set of keys.

"You can't drive like this, Aurora. Baby, it's not safe. Please."

The feeling was so familiar to Aurora, his warm embrace and loving touch - a sensation she had begun to crave when she first gave into her heart's desires and let Jay into her life. And for a moment, she lost herself in the nostalgia, in the feeling of him being so close to her after feeling nothing for so long.

But the sound of a disgruntled blonde had followed Jay out of Molly's, the woman thrown off by the glares and judgements handed down to her from friends and colleagues. Hailey had left the bar hoping to convince Jay to come back home with her, to let her lick his wounds as he did her's. To reassure him that they would get through this and be stronger as one, and in time, everyone would forget what had happened and accept them.

It just so happened that Jay had his own idea of how things should play out, and they did not include Hailey.

The sound of her voice calling out his name brought back the memories of that night, of her lover pressed up against another, lost in the pleasures of his own unforgiveable actions. And just like that, Jay's touch had lost all its warmth.

Because the Jay that stood in front of her, a pleading grip on her hands, was not the Jay she had said yes to all those months ago - no, she had lost her Jay. And not when he had decided to sleep with Hailey, she had lost her Jay the moment Hailey joined the Intelligence Department.

As ignorant as he may be to it, and despite all the denial his heart may be full of, Jay Halstead was intrigued by Hailey, he has been since the moments she climbed up those stairs and helped them on their first case.

Aurora couldn't compete with that. Can't compete with that.

She wishes she could. Wishes her eyes shone like Hailey's so Jay could lose himself in them, wishes her hair was brighter than Hailey's so she could stand out like her, wishes she wasn't so extraordinarily plain that Jay's betrayal to her was so easy.

Jay's words snapped her out of her thoughts, his voice pushing her to pull her hand out of his grasp, but his grip was relentless - "I'm so sorry, Rory."

Aurora couldn't help the strangled cry that escaped her at the sound of that name, a name he would whisper into the darkness, hidden behind his confessions of love and admiration. She shook her head, "no, you're not. You're sorry you got caught."

Her voice was raw and exhausted. She had worn herself out holding all these feelings inside of her and pretending everything was okay. And now that the truth was out, she felt herself full of dread and weariness.

Jay shook his head vehemently, ignoring the way Hailey shuffled to his side, hoping to interject, "no. No, no, no. It was a mistake. I love you. I'm so sorry, there's no excuse but it was one time and I regret it every day."

The confession had deflated every ounce of ego Hailey had previously held, "you regret it?"

Hailey's eyes were painted in disbelief, but Jay met her head-on, his eyes empty as he regarded her - "I wish I didn't touch you that night. I wish I didn't let you in."

Hailey could feel her eyes well with tears, taking a glance towards the bar her heart beat faster in mortification when she saw that the three of them had an audience.

She tried to scrape up any sense of decency she had left, no longer able to look Jay or Aurora in the eyes as she cleared her throat, her voice oddly quiet, "I'm going to go."

As she left, she couldn't help but throw glances over her shoulder, hoping one of them would meet Jay's and the sight of her in anguish would cause him to come running back.

That didn't seem to be the case, as Jay's eyes were glued to the Aurora, who's face twisted in defeat - "if you loved me, you wouldn't have fucked her."

She would repeat it a hundred times if she had to, Jay betrayed her. That wasn't love.

"It was a mistake. I was drunk and she came over, she told me she liked me- she kissed me and- she, I don't know."

"That's not an excuse," her voice broke as she raised it an octave, "Jay you have had weeks to distance yourself from her. You've had weeks to pick the woman you say you love over the woman you fucked. And still, you spent every waking minute with her."

"I was scared," it was a hesitant confession, "I didn't know if you were angry at me because you found out or because I did something wrong. I- I couldn't make sense of it, any of it. But it was wrong of me, I know. I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying that! You keep saying you're sorry, but you've had weeks to be sorry. Why now, Jay? Why apologise now? Why tell me you love me now? Why pick me now?"

Jay couldn't find the words to explain, truthfully he didn't have the words to explain. It was a mistake, but his mistake hurt her in unimaginable ways. And he hadn't made amends after, he didn't tell her the truth, he didn't stay away from Hailey. No, he got pissed off at Aurora instead. God, he was an idiot.

Aurora's eyes flickered between his, as though she was searching for something within them. Her frustration grew when she could not find her answer, and her frustration turned to heartache.

She reached up with her free hand, cradling Jay's face gently. The action prompted him to free her other hand, hopeful she would not run from him. Hopeful she understood and hopeful she had forgiven.

Both her hands came to hold his face, her skin soft against the planes of his jaw and cheeks, her thumbs gently tracing the angles and lines on his face. She pulled him down towards her, leaning up to place her forehead against his, Jay's eyes closed at the sensation as hope simmered in his chest.

"Jay..."

The quiet whisper prompted him to open his eyes, to lose himself in the eyes of the girl who held his heart. Her eyes were drowning, so consumed by emotions, they were red and tired, full of unshed tears as the next words came to her, "was I not enough?"

Jay's eyes shut again, this time in anguish. Try as he might to stop them, tears escaped from his eyes and a stifled cry escaped as he spoke, "you're more than enough, my love. I'm the idiot, I'm the one who's not enough. You're everything to me and more, baby."

"Then why did you hurt me?"

Jay had no answer. It was true, what he had been saying all this time, he had seen Hailey as a friend. That night she came to his apartment, she was upset and in need of support and Jay had one too many beers that he didn't realise she wasn't talking about needing a friend until her lips had pressed against his own.

He lost himself in the feeling of a warm body, lost himself in the feelings of his own desires.

The thoughts tormented him, eating at him and taunting him because he had no excuse. No plausible reason for him to choose Hailey over Aurora. Yet, he still had.

He pulled himself away from Aurora, head shaking forcefully as he tried to get rid of the mocking thoughts. He heard a sniffle behind him, before a shaky sigh was released.

Aurora took his behaviour as an answer in itself, his inability to answer her was more telling than anything else. She composed herself, wiping her tears and steadying her breaths. A grim smile pulled at her lips, "it's okay. I get it. I do."

Aurora wasn't enough.

She unlocked her car and sat inside, reaching out to pull the door shut. She took one final glance at Jay, his back turned towards her as his shoulders were hunched over. Aurora could see how his body wracked at the silent cries he tried to hold back, his guilt overwhelming him.

Goodbye Jay.

***

Jay can't remember how he got home last night. His last traces of those hours began with a firm hand placed on his shoulder, and a glance up confirmed that it was Kevin.

Kevin looked disappointed in Jay's actions, but he could see his friend was in need of support. He couldn't leave Jay to wallow.

Guilt ate at Kevin at the thought, knowing that he and his friends had been more than happy to leave Aurora to her thoughts, and let her be consumed by whatever was troubling her.

Still, he would not repeat his mistakes.

Kevin guided Jay back to Molly's, encouraging him to take a seat. The occupants of the bar stared at him, various glares of anger and disgust were sent his way as he began to drink - one after the other. If it were up to Jay, he would've sat at Molly's drinking until the bar had closed, and when it had he would've gone to find another.

Instead, he was back at his place, waking up to a pounding headache and aching back as he laid astrew on the couch.

Jay moved slow, purposefully ignoring the memories of the night before as they seared themselves into his mind, forcing him to relive the pain and agony he had endured what feels like only moments ago.

Jay walked into his room, getting ready for the day. All the while, he ignored the bed that sat neatly behind him knowing the last person he had there with him was Hailey, on the night he wanted to forget the most.

He had tainted his most revered place, had wiped away Aurora's scent and defiled the place they were most affectionate to each other. The extra space of the bed was supposed to be Aurora's, and he had taken that from her - alongside her heart, which he had broken and burnt.

Time ticked by sluggishly as he drove to the department. His heart skipped beats as he ignored his throbbing head, but his hands felt numb and his head was swimming with dreadful thoughts and possibilities of what would happen when he saw Aurora in only a few short minutes.

Would she look at him with pitiful eyes? Would she make snide remarks? Would she be angry at him? Or would she continue to ignore him, as though he never existed?

The idea of such things happening continued to plague him, his body moving on its own accord as he found himself walking up the stairs to the Intelligence Department. It seemed he was the first one there.

Jay looked towards Aurora's desk, suddenly feeling uneasy and alarmed.

Aurora's desk sat bare, picture frames and trinkets removed leaving the desktop bare. He stumbled his way to the desk, hands almost twitching as he threw open every draw only to find them empty.

His heart lodged itself in his throat, he could feel a familar burn sting at his eyes as he shook his head in denial, "no..."

He continued to mumble to himself as he looked around the office, only for his eyes to land on a small white box on his desk.

The box couldn't have been bigger than the palm of his hand, and worry brewed within him as he began to pull the box apart to reveal its contents.

Inside sat a necklace, it shone gold in the artificial light and as Jay held it up in front of him he could make out the word inscribed on it - Aurora.

Jay had bought it for her a few weeks into them working as partners. It didn't take long for the pair to divulge their secrets and fears, and one of the most memorable ones had been when Aurora had confessed that after all those years she had spent living lives that were not her own, she was troubled by the idea she would no longer remember her name. Her biggest fear was losing herself.

Jay had bought her the necklace the very next day, he had told her as long as she had him he wouldn't let her forget who she was, he wouldn't let her lose herself and Jay promised, as he placed the necklace around her neck, that he would travel to the ends of the world and back to find her, if he needed to.

His hands clenched around the necklace, his face falling as he brought it close to his chest, his knuckles blanching at the force he held them with - she had left her necklace behind, had taken all her stuff.

It only meant one thing.

Jay could feel the urge to look into Voight's office, and a part of him was terrified to face the truth.

But he had to know. He had to know if he lost her, if she was well and truly gone.

And a glance into Voight's office had confirmed exactly that.

***

When the rest of the team had gathered in the office, they had stood frozen by the stairs. They were already worried about the scene they would find when they made their way into the office, wondering how the odd dynamic between Aurora, Jay and Hailey would now work.

It seemed they didn't need to worry about Aurora though, because in Voight's office sat Jay. Alone.

Jay had a haunted look painted across his face, his eyes swollen and red as they looked down passively at the desk, his hands pressed firmly against his chest, as though he was holding something close to his heart.

As the team mads their way closer to Voight's office, their concern for Jay grew stronger. Jay's eyes never strayed from the objects that laid in front of him - your gun, badge and letter of resignation.

You were gone.

You had left.

And it was all Jay's fault.

He made you feel like you were not enough.

Goodbye Aurora.

#jay halstead x oc #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x you #jay halstead x y/n #jay halstead #chicago med #chicago fire #chicago one #chicago pd #chicago

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littlesugarwords · 10 months

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why is dr crockett so hot like it should be illegal

#chicago med #chicago one #chicago series #one chicago #one chicago x reader #crockett marcel #fine af #literally flustered #omg #ignore me #im a mess

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emiewritesthings · 1 year

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a not so happy halloween ☆ jay halstead

summary: in which Jay feels like Halloween has it out for him, but Y/n and his daughter proves him wrong

warnings: swearing

From the moment that Jay Halstead woke up on Halloween morning, he soon remember why his cynical father had labelled it the ‘devil’s holiday’. It seemed no matter what he did everything was going terribly, horribly wrong.

It started with him sleeping in, his usual alarm that he’d remember to set before he went to sleep was proved useless when his phone had died sometime in the night having not been charging despite being attached to the cable. Waking up 7 minutes before he was set to start work - thanks to Y/n’s shrieks up the stairs - he’d ran out the door so fast only to discover that his truck refused to start.

The neighbours watched him with concerned gazes as Jay proceeded to silently scream, aware that the noise might wake up his sleeping daughter and pass on his morning from hell onto the woman he loved inside. Taking a deep breath, he tried to play off the unfortunate events, and went inside where Y/n offered to drop him off.

Which quite frankly was exactly what he needed. To be in her company, along with the nearly three year old in the backseat, partially distracting him from the morning. He’d found that Y/n could sweeten even the sourest of moods, and after all these years that had never changed.

Promising to come back later to pick him back up, the two exchanged a short kiss before Jay made his way inside. With a new outlook on the day, his optimism was soon shot down when he was confronted by a grumpy Hank, punched in the face by a suspect they’d arrested and was then delivered a truck load of paperwork with hours until the deadline.

The work of the devil was indeed no joke. Jay felt every last strength in his body dissipate into the air of the bullpen, as he tried to ignore the way his friends and colleagues narrated his day of bad luck. Thankfully, Y/n had seemed to sense his distress, for every hour or so she’d send a cute video of Zara ‘helping’ to make halloween treats, or pictures of her pulling faces at her mom. They were a strong motivation to keep going, a light at the end of the tunnel that signposted a feeling incomparable to any other. A euphoria that he’d only felt as a husband and a father.

It was a matter of minutes before the end of his shift, Jay had received a total of 6 paper cuts in the last hour that he struggled to turn the pages with the amount of bandaids covering his fingers. His eyes stung with exhaustion, and he was sure if he stood up right then, he’d collapse into a pathetic pile on the floor.

His pen slipped against the page as he signed the last page, just as the lights in the unit suddenly zipped off and there was a string of groans.

“Oh for fuck sake, Jay, look what you’ve done!” Adam groaned from all the way over at his desk and although Jay couldn’t make out the man, he could imagine how he was sprawled back on his chair, an accusing finger pointed his way.

“How is this my fault? I didn’t do anything!” He argued back, but didn’t see any other member of the team jump to defend him. Not even Kim that was the general mediator of the entire group. They knew as well as he did, something was off.

“You got hexed and now we are all suffering the consequences!” It was an immature conversation, but part of Jay felt like the words rung true. He did feel cursed, like he’d upset some kind of deity that was punishing him for something - anything. “shit, hexes aren’t contagious are they? i am suppose to be meeting with this hot blond and I really can’t afford-.”

Before Adam could finish his spiel, everyone’s attention turned to the approaching footsteps up the unit stairs. heads turned and guns were held, ready for some kind of intruder. But instead they were caught off guard by the sound of a familiar voice flowing into the space.

“God this building is not unfit people friendly.” Y/n wheezed, though no one could see her. It took them all a moment too long to recognise the voice that despite not being officially a member of the team, was certainly a member of their family.

“Y/n?” Kim gasped, dropping her weapon immediately upon the lights being switched back on by a curious Voight, and the woman appearing in front of them with a small girl holding onto her hand dressed in quite possibly the cutest costume any of them had ever seen. “Wh-Why did you do that? We could have hurt you!”

“I was trying to be dramatic!” Y/n whined, letting her daughter be plucked away from her as everyone began to appreciate the cow costume she had bought late last week upon being brought to tears at the thought of her daughter wearing it. “But then I got a stitch and the moment was ruined.” She explained plainly, though the only person listening was Jay who watched her with soft eyes, still planted at his desk.

Smiling over at him, she slowly stalked over. But just as she moved to go around his desk and plonk herself down on his lap, his hand had extended and she paused.

“You don’t want to be near me today, trust me.” Jay grumbled, wanting nothing more than to feel her warmth pressed against his cold, hollow chest - but whilst he could deal with getting himself into situations, he didn’t know if he could live with himself if even the smallest thing brought harmed to the two most important girls in his life.

Scoffing at the suggestion, Y/n had no problem with whatever karma the father of her child brought, for all she had been thinking about since they’d last seen each other was being held by him - and she’d be damned if she didn’t get exactly what she wanted. Scooting around the wooden slab of a desk, she gestured for Jay to move back a little - which he obeyed - before she let her body sink into his lap. A satisfied sigh leaving her lips as she felt her own stress fade with every millisecond.

“What haunts you, haunts me. They are the rules, baby.” She smiled, grabbing ahold of his arms and pulling the tighter around her as she snuggled back. Jay’s chest vibrated with a chuckle, his lips pressing against the side of her head once, twice, three times. The sound of appreciation from her lips was enough to make him feel like his soul had been cleansed. “But I’m afraid I am the bringer of your next nightmare.” The teasing tone made Jay’s brows quirk up, watching the woman glance back at him, eyes focused on his lips.

“Please don’t tell me you have one of them cow costumes for me too.” Kissing her lips quickly, Y/n’s hand reached up and traced the features that built his handsome face with a small grin. Shaking her head lightly, she stopped when she’d outlined his lips and pressed her own against them.

“Worse.” She mumbled as she pulled back, looking up into his eyes that seemed significantly lighter than when they’d started the conversation.

“Trick or Treat!” Zara almost pronounces correctly as she stands in front of Jay and Y/n on one of their neighbour’s porches. The two adults couldn’t stop smiling, which was saying something for Jay hadn’t stopped complaining about the straw hat that sat upon his head since they left home an hour ago.

“Stop messing with it, you look perfect!” Y/n groans as she swatted Jay’s hands away from where they tried to reposition the accessory that made up only one element of the farmer outfit he’d flat out refused to wear - until Y/n’s convincing had him dressed and ready to go twenty minutes later.

“I look like an idiot.” His pout was adorable, one that mirrored his offspring the made a similar face at the woman when she tried to make Zara eat vegetables. Leaning forward on the cowboy boots she’d borrowed from Kim, Y/n pressed a longing kiss against her husband’s lips once, twice, three times.

“Speak for yourself, I think you look hot.” She grinned, her hand slapping down on his denim covered ass. The action causing him to yelp, catching the attention of the woman at the door who was helping a fussy Zara pick a candy she liked. Trying to play it off with a small cough, Jay narrowed his eyes at his beautiful wife and leaned in closer.

“You can’t seriously think I look hot right now!” Gesturing down to the blue dungarees and the plaid shirt, Y/n’s hands ran up and down his chest. Her teeth clamped on her bottom lip, as her eyes look up at him with a gaze that could suck the soul out of his body. And after such a day, Jay Halstead somehow felt like the luckiest man on the planet to simply know - let alone be able to love - a woman like Y/n Y/l/n.

“What I think is if you stop messing with your hat, maybe you’ll get to see my other costume.” She breathed out, her finger tracing up and down his chest. Jay’s breath caught in his throat. His body felt like a puddle of gasoline and her words a match that completely obliterated his being into a hot, fiery flame of love and lust.

“Look, mommy. Daddy, look!” Zara’s sudden appearance by their side broke the moment, as Y/n released an exaggerated breath at the lollipop their daughter was gushing over.

“Wow! Now, what do we say to Mrs Merced?” She gestured to the old woman still stood at her door. A ‘thank you’ was sung out and soon the family of three were off once again. And for another fourty five minutes, Jay’s fingers didn’t so much as graze his cowboy hat, his hands attached to the woman that could remove even the darkest cloud from the sky. He didn’t know what she was: a goddess, a witch, an angel. But what he did know was luck would always be on his side, as long as she was.

#Jay #jay halstead #jayhalstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead fanfiction #oneshot #chicago one #one shot #One Chicago #onechicago #Halstead #jay halstead x reader #Chicago PD #chicago

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miss-siriusly · 1 month

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one chicago watch order : chicago fire → 1x01 pilot

See, this house is special because it has a Rescue Squad, Squad 3 serves a big piece of this city.

#chicago fire #chicago one #Jesse Spencer #Matthew Casey #matt casey #Taylor Kinney #Kelly Severide #severide #Monica Raymund #Gabriela Dawson #gabby dawson #Lauren German #Leslie Shay #Charlie Barnett #Peter Mills #my stuff #my stuff: tv shows #my graphics #chicago one watch order

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rubix-writings · 9 months

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Punisher Pt. 15

Fifteenth part of Punisher.

This is a Chicago PD/Fire imagine with an original character. I don’t own any of the plot points or characters from the show. Also, it doesn’t follow any particular season or sequence in the shows.

Series Summary: Josephine (Jo) never expected to find support and pure love when she left Los Angeles. She ran away to Chicago and was content with living an insignificant, hidden life. But everything changes when she walks into Molly’s to get a job.

Josephine (OC) x Jay Halstead

The italicized lines are internal thoughts of the character.

Warnings: mentions nightmares, PTSD, stalking

“It’s only been a week Jo, you don’t have to go back. Hermann and Stella made it very clear to take all the time you need,” Jay sits on the bed watching me grab clothing for my shift at the bar.

“Jay being here isn’t helping me either. You’re back at work and I just sit here with my thoughts. It’s doing more harm than being back.” “I can get the day off tomorrow, why don’t you take one more day and I’ll go with you?” I walk over to Jay and rest my hands on his shoulders. This man has done everything in his power to help me work through my endured trauma. It doesn’t matter if its holding me after a nightmare, talking me back to reality when my mind drifts off, or just touching me so I know I’m not alone.

“I can’t sit here another day, the longer I stay away from the bar the more it becomes evil and scary,” I cup the side of his face and run a finger over his stubble which has gotten a bit long over the last few days. “Thank you for your offer, but I have to do this. Hermann and Stella will both be there. I’m sure Kelly and a few of the guys will be there too.”

Jay kisses my palm quickly.

“Call me if you need anything, okay? And you’re still healing and will be for a while so light work.”

“Okay dad,” I laugh. Jay rolls his eyes before standing to kiss me. I thought it would be a quick peck but it’s slow and methodical. When I look into his eyes after I could tell he was just as nervous as I was about going back to the bar. “It’ll be okay,” I reassure.

“I know,” his voice is quiet. He kisses my forehead before walking to pack up the last items for work.

****

Luckily, Jay was able to go into work late so he could go with me to the bar. I kept trying to tell him it was unnecessary, but once I saw it I realized I was very wrong. Jay grabbed my bag and my hand and together we crossed the sidewalk to the door of Molly’s. The outside of it seems different now, almost as if there is a fog around Molly’s. I had been trying to detach myself from Molly’s and all the events that happened that I might have made it the monster in my story.

“Hey, you got this,” Jay whispers. His deep blue eyes bring me back, like a light glow within the darkness.

“Jo!” Stella yells as she walks closer to Molly’s. Stella, another light in the darkness. “God, I’ve missed you.” She hugs me gently once she’s close enough.

Now between two of my best friends, it feels easier to breathe.

“I’ve missed you too Stella. Thanks for filling in for me.”

“No need for thanking, I’m gonna head in. Take all the time you need,” It’s obvious that she means every word.

“We’ll follow you in actually,” once again in between my two best friends I walk through the threshold of Molly’s.

“Hey ladies!” Hermann yells behind the bar. A quick flash of Rob taking multiple swigs of whiskey while throwing around his gun flashes through my mind, “Jo do you think you’d be able to help me with receipts today?” Hermann’s voice breaks through the memory.

“Yeah absolutely,” I let go of Jay’s hand for the first time to go to the office and drop off my stuff. When I come back Stella is taking the chairs down and wiping down the tables. Hermann and Jay are talking in hushed tones over the bar counter, no doubt about me.

“Jay, you should get to work. I’m not having Voight on my ass for you being later than you already are,” I joke as I near the two.

“Call me if you need anything, even if it’s just to talk, okay? And seriously take it easy, your stitches and ribs are still healing,” Jay babbles.

“We’ll make sure she barely lifts a finger,” Hermann interjects.

“See? We’re good. I’ll keep you updated,” Jay hesitates before kissing my temple and saying his goodbyes. Once Jay is out of the bar a panic sits in my stomach, but I move to help Hermann.

“Jo, a scotch on the rocks and red wine for booth 5,” Stella passes along. I quickly pour the drinks and move to deliver them to the correct table. My legs immediately halt when it registers what the booth is. It’s the same booth I cried for Jay, where I began to mourn a man that thought I was responsible for his imminent murder. The same booth I was beaten into submission, where I came to terms with my own looming death.

“Jo, I got it,” Kelly appears and grabs the glasses from my hands to take them to the table. I can feel my face growing hot from embarrassment and frustration. I begrudgingly walk back to the bar and start to clean glasses. I try to be gentle even though I’d much rather scream and shatter the glasses against the far wall.

“There’s been a few times we’ve had to go back to places after rescues. Not all of our fires are at homes or warehouses. I’ve had to go to a fire at my doctor’s office once,” Matt talks to me.

“Matt, I’m sorry, but I’m really not in the mood.”

“Just hear me out, I promise it’s going somewhere,” he smiles. “The fire at my doctor’s office was bad, one of my first really bad fires. There were multiple casualties, the roof was caving in, we almost lost some of our team. When it came time to go back, I didn’t think much of it. But when I walked through the door all I could see was the fire and all I could think about were the people we almost lost and those we did. I walked out, I couldn’t stay. Later, Mouch had told me that if I continued to avoid the places we had bad fires at, then I’ll have no where to go. He told me that when I think of the painful memories to think of ones that bring me joy. For example, I met my then girlfriend at that doctor’s office, she was a drug rep. Long story short, there is a lot of happiness and good in this bar, a lot of joy around you here. I can’t begin to relate to what happened to you here. We’re all here for you and even if that’s to bring up a good memory for you here. Like maybe that time you had a chugging contest with Otis and you crushed him? Everyone lost their minds and Otis was convinced you cheated. That all happened in that booth.”

It’s true, that all happened early on to me starting at Molly’s. Otis was talking trash about having the tolerance of an ox and that even though he didn’t go to college, he can out drink anyone in those drinking games. Almost everyone was here between the fire, PD, and med crew. Maggie was thoroughly impressed and made it clear that she was behind me from the beginning. The night was one of my favorites at Molly’s, it was one of the first times I felt accepted in this large family.

“Thanks Matt,” he nodded and walked back to his table with Silvie.

Matt’s advice became a standard practice the rest of my shift. All the painful and terrifying memories from having the bar being overtaken can’t be undone in a night, but the pit in my stomach became less and less as the night went on. A lot of the crew came into Molly’s throughout the day, no doubt to help keep some friendly faces at various spots in the bar and I’m grateful.

“Hey! Sorry I’m late, Adam drives like an old lady.”

“It’s called defensive driving you dick,” Adam rolls his eyes as he walks past.

“Don’t worry about it, you want a beer?”

“I honestly would really love to go home, can you leave?” “Yeah, I’ll go grab my stuff,” I head to the office to gather my things and say a quick round of goodbyes before heading out of Molly’s with Jay.

“So how’d it go?”

“A lot better than I thought. There’s too much good that’s happened in my life at Molly’s for that day to destroy it.”

“We did meet here,” Jay adds.

“We had our first kiss here too. Plus, I’ve humbled Will on numerous occasions at Molly’s,” Jay laughs and opens my car door for me.

“I’m proud of you,” I lean over and kiss him.

****

As the days passed it got easier and easier to go to Molly’s. The memories of a gun pointed at my head were pushed away by memories of Jay and I dancing after closing and playing an intense game of slaps with Cruz. Or Stella whipping out on the newly mopped floor. Or the hot dog eating contest between the firefighters and PD. Everyone made a conscious effort to be around the bar more to help fill it with even more bright memories.

There were times and days when the memories couldn’t be replaced, Hermann had to replace the bell above the door because I couldn’t stop picturing Rob beneath it.

Sadly, the nightmares had remained. I can see the dark circles underneath Jay’s eyes, the eyes that normally fill me with bliss now cause me guilt. I’ve tried to sleep on his sofa, but when I wake up, nightmare or not, Jay is in a chair awake. After a couple nights of the failed sofa plan, I went to stay at my place. The first night I was woken up by Jay banging on my door, claiming he couldn’t sleep knowing I was having a nightmare without him. Even if I slept at my apartment Jay was there either in my bed or on the sofa.

“Kim, he’s not sleeping. He’s running on black coffee, I even saw a Monster can in his trash,” I pour her a draft beer as she sits at the bar top.

“Are you sleeping? You both have matching bags under your eyes.”

“I can’t really, the most I’ve gotten is a few hours in a night,” I lean my elbows on the bar top to hold my head in my hands. “I’m so tired. I don’t think Jay gets more than me, he’s always awake.”

“Have you talked with anyone since everything happened?”

“No, I wouldn’t even know who to talk to,” I admit.

“We have resources through the precinct, I’ll text you some. You and Jay should go, or you’ll both crash and burn.”

“Thanks, I’ll talk about it with him.”

“Hi beautiful,” Jay says as he sits and the bar stool.

“I thought you weren’t drinking tonight,” I joke.

“What I can’t call my girlfriend ‘beautiful’?”

“You can, you just don’t normally lead with it,” I grab Jay a glass of water.

“Well I have to step up my game,” I laugh at his his seriousness.

“So Kim and I were talking and she brought up me potentially seeing someone. Someone to help talk through everything that happened.”

“That’s a great idea, I can help you find someone.”

“I think you should see someone too, you’re sleeping less than me which is saying a lot.”

“I know, I actually made an appointment with my old therapist for next week. I saw her when I was getting help with my PTSD from being over seas. I can see if she has any suggestions of people to go when I’m there.”

“Thanks, Kim’s gonna send over a list too,” Jay grabs my hand and starts to brush his thumb over the back of it.

“We’ll get through this,” Jay says confidently.

“I know,” I smile back at him. “You still going to be around when I finish up?”

“Absolutely. Yours or mine?”

“Yours is closer,” Jay squeezes my hand before standing up.

“Hey Jo, this was left for you,” Hermann says and slides over a yellow packing envelope. I thank him and grab a knife to rip it open. Numerous photos spill out covering the wooden countertop. The photos are all different but the subjects are the same, me and Jay. Some are just of me, or just of Jay, but most of them are of us together. The air becomes thick and suddenly the music is too loud. This can’t be happening. I quickly push the photos back into the package and run to the office to stuff it into the bottom of my bag. Even with the envelope out of sight my heart doesn’t calm down, everything feels as if it is turned up to a thousand. I jump when the door opens and Hermann walks in.

“I’m sorry kid, I didn’t mean to scare yah,” I open my mouth to say anything but nothing comes out. “Hey, hey, you’re okay. You’re safe. Why don’t you head home? We got it from here.”

Hermann reaches for my coat and bag, but before he could touch it I snatch both from the locker. He doesn’t touch me as he walks me out of the office.

“Hey Jay,” Hermann quietly calls. Jay’s smile quickly disappears as he scrambles up from his seat.

“What happened?” Jay asks quietly once he’s close enough.

“I don’t know, she was like this in the office when I found her. You guys head home alright?” Jay nods and wraps his arm around my waist to lead me out of the bar.

“We’ll be home soon, okay?” His kind tone makes it hard to keep the tears at bay.

Taglist: @whit85-blog @bestillmystuckyheart @nocturnalherb16 @5sos-imagine @miranda0102 @thexplosivegirl @annalism @ego-allie-bap

#chicago pd imagine #chicago fire imagine #Chicago Fire #Chicago PD #chicago one #chicago one imagine #jay halstead x oc #jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader

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fromasgardandback · 2 years

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My Other Half

Jay Halstead x Reader

description: You’re engaged to Jay Halstead, but life had other plans.

word count: 1.0k

a/n: am i fixing why jesse left the show? yes. am i sad writing this, thinking about him being gone, yes. please enjoy :)

𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚂𝟷𝟶 𝙴𝟶𝟹

masterlist | oneshots

Jay Halstead. A man of few words, but facial expressions of many. The love of my life and my other half. The man who I would come to say I Do in a few months and the father of our future children. Jay is loveable and affectionate. He shows everyone just how invested and deeply he cares for them. Jay is the kind of man I had always dreamed of and the man that my grandma always told me that I deserved. Even though his parents weren’t alive anymore, they would have been proud of who he became.

Many things happened to Jay over the years. Heartbreak, loss, physical and emotional pains. His morals and the way he policed changed over the past few years, which we didn’t know at the time, but eventually tore him apart from the inside. Jay told himself he wouldn’t end up like Voight. No matter what happened, I told him I would follow him through anything and that wasn’t going to change now. But to be honest, I was not expecting this.

I got a call from Hank saying that work had been hard with Jay. I didn’t know what to expect, but when I walked into the district and saw the look in Trudy’s eyes, I knew something bad must’ve happened.

“Trudy. Where is he?” I said walking up to the side of her desk, and whispering softly.

“Upstairs. Locker Room.” She said quietly, with a downcast face. I followed her instructions as she let me in through the code. I ran up the stairs passing everyone and going straight towards the locker room. When I walked in I saw him sitting on the bench in the back of the room, I walked towards him slowly.

“Jay?” I approached him, squatting down. “What happened, my love?”

He couldn’t talk. He just sat there stagnant. Almost catatonic by the way he was moving. Jay’s eyes stared directly down at his hands, while they shook. I could tell it was horrific cause the only other time I saw him like this, he had a PTSD attack. I held his hands, tenderly pulling him down onto the floor with me. Leaning back against the lockers, I held him against my chest. Before I could do anything else, a quiet sob came over him. He conveyed to me what happened in the case. In detail from beginning to end. The part of the robbery, to the part of the perp dying. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I knew this wasn’t my Jay and I knew he couldn’t have done this easily and maliciously.

“I killed him. I just… Just went for it and couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop, Y/N. I…” Jay shakily expressed.

“We’re going to fix this, handsome. I promise this will all be okay… Whatever it looks like.” I said rubbing his back.

The best way for Jay to get out of this was to resign from Intelligence and take up a job in the Army again. This meant him being on location in Bolivia, but to be honest, anything that got him out of the situation he was in, I urged him to do it. Consequently, that’s what we did.

I walked in the front door of our shared apartment following his footsteps. I knew what Jay was thinking, but I could not let him go through with his plan alone. I told him through thick and thin, and that meant this too.

“Jay,” I said leaning against the doorframe.

“Y/N, I love you, but you cannot come with me. It’s dangerous and a job. I’ll come back for you, but I don’t know how long I’ll be.” He sighed, looking down at the bed.

“Do you seriously think that I would let you leave without me? Do you not understand that when I told you you are my other half I meant it? I love you so fucking much, Jay Halstead. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I don’t care how dangerous it is, and for you to say I’ll come back for you, are you kidding me?” I said gently grabbing his hand, and turning him to me.

“I’m not trying to get rid of you, Y/N.” He sighed. “I can’t stay here either. And I won’t risk your safety.” Jay looked me in the eyes.

“I’m not asking you to. I’m saying wherever you go, I’m going with you.” I held his face in mine. He leaned into me nodding gently.

“I love you. But I can’t have you in my problems.” He said.

“I’m an adult. I know what’s best for me, and if I see danger and won’t commit anymore, I’ll leave. But I’m not, so understand that.” I said kissing him as if it were the last time I saw him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close. We stayed leaning against the wall for another couple of minutes before a knock came on the door.

“That’s for us. Are you sure you’re ok with this?” Jay asked one more time.

“Yes, let’s go restart our lives,” I said following him out the door.

We left that day, not looking back at anyone or anything. All he needed was reassurance that life was going to be alright with his new assignment and our upcoming marriage. I told him that from this day on, we were the only ones we had, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I’m sorry this is the life we have now. I promised you, but now it looks different.” Jay said, whispering into my ear.

“I don’t mind, it’s an adventure now. Yes, our life is different but it does; throw us curveballs. What’s life without challenges? You are my forever, and I will never doubt that.” I said gently running my fingers through the hairs at the nape of his neck.

“My other half.” He said leaning his forehead on me.

“My other half,” I said leaning into him, kissing his lips softly that turned passionately.

#sarah's specials #jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #Chicago PD #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader #chicago one #kevin atwater #Adam Ruzek #kim burgess #hailey upton #hank voight #love #my other half

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jeje1414 · 1 year

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My beautiful fan-fiction writers☺️,

PLEASE PLEASE someone write about sam carver, i’m DYING to read some imagines about him.🥲

And if you need some ideas, i have few.😁

Thank you😉

#chicagofireedit #chicago one #chicago fire #sam carver

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wehatepaparazzi · 2 years

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Sylvie’s ex’s linking up 🫠

#antonio dawson #matt casey #jesse spencer #jon seda #chicago one #chicago fire #sylvie brett #brettsey #dawsey

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taliaaurora · 1 year

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I'll Always Love You - Jay Halstead

Warning: mention of major character's death.

A/N: This is my first time writing about Jay Halstead, so I don't know yet if I'll do more of this. English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes. I hope you have a nice day/night and enjoy this! 💕

Want to join my tag list? You can request it here! 🦋

——————————————————————————

"What are you doing?" You whispered-yelled with widened eyes as you watched Jay jump over someone's gate.

"I'm getting you that flower." He smiled at you from the other side of a stranger's property.

"You're not 'getting it', you're stealing!"

"I don't care." He shrugged his shoulders and knelt down on the floor, reaching for the white rose that always mesmerized you every time you walked past this house. "I'll do anything for you, you know that." He quietly confessed, walking back to the gate and putting the flower between his lips as he tried to climb the gate once again.

"I don't know if I should yell at you or kiss you." You let out a nervous laugh as you watched your boyfriend jump back to the sidewalk before taking the flower from his mouth and giving it to you.

Jay crouched down and carefully placed a white rose on the ground as a half smile formed on his face. It was the first time he didn't cry when he came here.

Reaching his hand forward, he brushed his fingers to your name carved on the grave. "I always used to say that I would do anything for you…" He paused, slightly shaking his head as he held back the tears. Jay knew what he had to do in case you died. You being a firefighter and him being a cop meant that, someday, something terrible could happen to one of you. So before you got married, both of you let it clear what you wanted to happen in case one of you were gone. "You said that I should move on, but I- I can't…I can't, baby. You're the only one I'll ever love." He smiled, letting the tears run down his face for the first time since you passed away.

"Don't cry, daddy." The little girl quickly wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight as her own eyes started to water. "Mommy wouldn't want that."

"You're right…" Jay smiled, kissing her temple. He slightly pushed her away so he could look her in the eyes. "Why don't you say mommy goodbye and give her your flower, Rosie?"

Nodding her head, she stepped forward and placed another white rose on your grave. Smiling, Rosie placed a kiss over your name and whispered: "I love you, mommy."

The whole scene made Jay's heart sink in his chest. He couldn't say it broke his heart because it was already broken since the day you died.

——————————————————————————

Want to join my tag list? You can request it here! 🦋

#jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #chicago pd #chicago one #detective jay halstead #district 21 #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead fic #angst #sad

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sayafics · 10 months

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Just For A Moment - Part 2

TW: cheating, angst

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Masterlist

Several days had gone by, and the team had finally solved their case. Such an accomplishment would usually have them ready to celebrate with a few rounds at Molly's, but this case was different.

Not only because the victims they had lost were children, but because the team member they were in the midst of losing was someone they all considered a friend.

Aurora may have only joined the team a few months ago, and she probably wasn't as close to them as they were to each other, but they were on the same team. That means they come in every day and fight the same battles. They have each other's back, and they are a family.

It seemed that belief just didn't extend to Aurora.

She had pulled back from them over the days they spent pouring over every inch of the case. Sure, she would exchange niceties, she would say 'good morning' and 'good night' at every opportunity, she would even smile. But all those words and actions felt empty, her smile seemingly forced as her eyes wouldn't sparkle in the way Kim had always loved, the corner of her eyes wouldn't crinkle as she smiled big and happy in the way Adam teased her for, and there was barely an echo of the laugh that Kevin found himself always joining in on.

When Aurora joined the team, it was to fill the void left by Erin. In doing so, she only filled a larger part of all their hearts.

The Aurora they knew was kind and caring, always volunteering to help and willing to be a shoulder to cry on. She was patient and joyful, but she was also protective and fierce. And now, she seemed like a shell of the woman she was only a few days ago.

She could tell the team was getting annoyed by her behaviour and could see how her nonchalance and passivity was causing frustration to build in the hearts of all her colleagues. But a selfish part of Aurora found that she did not care, that her pain was her's, and she ought to choose how she dealt with it.

And the truth was, she was done letting people get too close. Done letting herself get hurt.

Aurora could see how the team's worry slowly grew to resentment, how they eventually gave up trying, and how they soon looked towards Jay for a lead on what to do.

Jay was pissed off with Aurora. Every time he tried to talk to her or touch her or be near her, she would brush him off as though he didn't exist. As though he hadn't spent six months loving her.

Every time she did, his suspicions that she had figured out he was sleeping with Hailey grew. But as he saw the way she treated the rest of his friends, his paranoia would be quelled and his heart would grow hopeful that she was simply going through a crisis she didn't know how to deal with, and she had picked isolation as her solution.

He hoped, and hoped, and hoped.

But even after the case had closed, she still hadn't dropped the act, still hadn't snapped back to reality.

Her behaviour was concerning, throwing Voight off too. Jay found himself texting, calling, and showing up to her place every chance he got, and all his efforts were in vain.

Soon, the concern that dwelled in his heart turned to boiling rage. Her dismissal of him infuriated him, and still, she would give him no answer, no reason.

Jay turned to his friends, confiding in Hailey, Adam, Kevin, and Kim about her odd behaviour. Spewing off tangents about how her behaviour continued and how it irritated him, and they did the same.

Soon, their rants turned into speculations - perhaps Aurora was the one cheating? Maybe she was acting this way out of guilt? Or maybe someone from one of her undercover lives showed up? An ex-lover? An enemy?

The conspiracies grew, and then began to spread throughout the district.

Aurora wasn't dumb, she heard the whispers and she saw the stares. And it didn't take long to figure out what was being said, and why.

As she was fed the rumours of her own love life, she begged her heart to feel something, but all she felt was numb.

And so, despite the rumours and the stares, the continued in her ministrations, living on autopilot as she spent hours upon hours stuck with the man who betrayed her, and had to watch as he preened at the blonde woman he spoke to under the guise of friendship.

***

The tension was palpable in the air, and the team could feel the rage that festered in the office every day as Jay and Aurora avoided each other at every turn.

Despite Voight's involvement, Aurora assured him that she was fine and refused to divulge further. He had warned them both to sort out their misunderstandings now before he was forced to pick between his seasoned detective and the officer with the potential to do amazing things.

Still, she ignored him.

No, Aurora couldn't face Jay. She could feel the emotions that bubbled in the depths of her heart, begging for release, but her mind refused to let her give Jay the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Of seeing her broken.

No, it was better this way. To pretend he didn't exist and to not get close to any of them again.

Perhaps, it would've been better to just leave.

That thought had plagued her since the first night she had seen Hailey and Jay together, and it still haunts her today. It would make everything so much easier.

But she likes this job, she loves how she is able to help others and see the difference she made instead of pretending to live different lives.

This job was easier.

This job was safer.

Aurora prayed that if she continued with her game of ignoring Jay, then things would slowly go back to the way they had been before she and Jay had started dating. But the thought of such a feat was laughable, and things really came to a head on Sylvie Brett's birthday.

***

The team had been invited by Hermann for a surprise birthday party for Brett at Molly's, an invitation Adam had accepted on all of their behalf.

Right as they were about to leave for the night, to get ready and meet back at Molly's, Kim stopped Aurora by the door. The others had already piled into their cars, taking off into the darkening sky.

Aurora turned to Kim, her face looked sincere as her eyebrows were raised and her eyes were wide, "you're coming tonight, right?"

Aurora shrugged, "maybe."

She turned to walk away, only to be stopped when Kim stood in her path, "look, I'm sure the other's might have said this once already, but we're worried for you. You haven't been yourself."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Say you'll come tonight. Please. It'll be good for you."

"Burgess..."

"Look, Jay will be there too. Maybe you guys can talk? He's been worried sick for you, Hailey says he hasn't been sleeping properly for a few days."

The words that spilt out of Kim's mouth made Aurora's heart freeze, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she found herself screaming finally. Finally, she feels something.

But the emotions she felt were nothing happy. A wave of nausea overtook her as she contemplated Kim's words. Hailey said Jay wasn't sleeping? The same Hailey that was fucking her now ex-boyfriend behind her back?

The irony almost made her laugh as she pushed down the sickening feeling. He wasn't sleeping the night she went to surprise him, too.

Here she was, drowning in misery. And sure, she believed that she didn't care what the others said about her or did to spite her, but Jay was still sleeping with her.

Still touching Hailey and holding her, all the while seeking every moment he could find to do the same to Aurora.

And it was that thought - the idea that even now, Jay didn't have the decency to pull away from Hailey and pick her - that had all the anger she had been locking away now threatening to break its way through her emotionless barrier.

She took a calming breath, remembering how she stood in front of Kim and was sure every word she spoke would be relayed to the man who broke her heart, "I'll see."

Before Kim could prompt further, Aurora breezed past her, getting into her car and heading home - unaware of the fact that Jay's car sat parked, as he debated whether to follow her and try once more.

His eyes met Kim's as she left the building, her head shook as she was sure Aurora wouldn't come to Molly's tonight. Jay was irked and decided that it was pointless to follow only for her to shut him out again. Instead, he went back to his place with Hailey sitting in his passenger seat.

***

Aurora wasn't sure why she decided to go. Maybe it was because Kim had asked so pleadingly, or maybe it was in the hopes of catching Hailey and Jay off guard - hoping they would slip up in front of everyone.

Still, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she sat in her car, which was parked next to Molly's, after changing out of her usual outfit and refreshing her makeup to make it more suitable for the event.

She looked into the bar and the atmosphere already lively, considering she was a bit late to the party. But she was here, and that was what mattered.

She stepped out her car, making her way to the doors of the bar as the breeze of a cool night sky caused the skirt of her blue dress to brush lightly against her thighs.

The same blue dress she wore that night.

As she crossed into the threshold, she tracked the bar looking for familiar faces, but once again a different set of eyes beat her own.

"Aurora! You made it," she could hear the surprise in Kim's voice and felt her own surprise as Kim embraced her tightly. She must have gotten drunk quite quickly.

"Yeah."

Kim looked at her expectantly, but seeing she wasn't going to say anything more, she decided to pull her towards the table with the rest of their team, "c'mon, everyone else is over here."

Aurora glanced over the table, her heart pounding as she took in the sight of Jay. He looked beautiful, his hair was pushed back, and he was dressed in a form-fitting black t-shirt that accenuated his back muscles. Aurora could have lost herself in that moment, silently pretending that Jay hadn't cheated on her and she was just admiring her amazing boyfriend.

But when her eyes dragged over the blonde, pressed almost firmly against his side, she felt her mood sour instantaneously. Before she could pull away from Kim, the pair had already made their way to the table - "guys, look who came!"

The conversation died as they took in Aurora's presence, hiding their shock at the fact she actually came. They exchanged greetings before the table sat in an awkward silence, the tension pushing Adam to joke, "Hailey, you better climb off that chair. Don't think Aurora would be happy with you cuddling up to her boyfriend like that," his words had been teasing, but they caused Jay and Hailey to stiffen at the realisation that they were sitting so closely.

Hailey coughed harshly, turning to Aurora as she nodded and began to slide off her seat. That is, until Aurora spoke, "what boyfriend?"

She couldn't help it. Maybe it was because she had held it back for so long, and just seeing them touching each other so openly made her feel so stupid once again for being so naive. Even Adam had noticed, despite him joking about it. But she chose to listen to Jay over her own logic and sense.

She truly was an idiot.

"Excuse me?" Jay's voice was incredulous, appalled by her words.

"What boyfriend?"

"C'mon man," Kevin spoke up, "she's clearly joking."

As Kevin chuckled, Kim and Adam joined in, but their laughter died down quickly at Aurora's words, "no, I'm being serious. Jay and I aren't dating."

Jay's eyes widened in incredulity, "babe, what are you talking about?" The rest of the team looked between them, bewildered.

But Aurora only shrugged, raising her hands in surrender as she spoke again, "I'm going to go wish Brett a 'happy birthday'."

But Jay was furious, and after such a revelation he wouldn't let her go so easily. He followed her walk to the bar, "no, you don't get to walk away after saying something like that."

"I can say whatever I want, Halstead."

"Don't call me that."

"I can say whatever I want."

It was the most she's spoken to him in days, and he wasn't sure if that was what prompted him to keep going or if he actually wanted to know why she was behaving like this.

"Then why? Why say something like that? I haven't done anything to you."

Aurora ignored him, choosing to sit at the secluded area of the bar instead hoping Jay would get the signal to leave her alone.

"Talk to me."

"No. Go away, Halstead."

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

"Nothing is going on," Aurora heard her voice break before she felt it, her mask already crumbling as Jay continued to chip away at it from outside.

"Aurora, baby. Please."

"Don't call me that!" Aurora raised her voice without meaning too, her words cutting through the joyful atmosphere and dragging everyone's attention onto them.

"Is everything okay here?" It was Matt Casey who asked the question, ever the chivalrous saviour.

"It's fine, back off Casey."

"I wasn't talking to you."

"It's fine, Matt. I was leaving now, anyway."

As Aurora got up to leave, Jay held her wrist - "no. You don't get to walk away, talk to me."

The music had now been switched off, everyone holding their breath as they watched the scene unfold and Aurora tried her best to hold back her tears, pulling at the hand he held, as she spoke, pleadingly "Jay. Please."

"Talk to me."

"Jay, let her go."

"Shut up, Casey. No one is talking to you."

A new voice spoke up now, "just leave it Jay, she's not worth it."

Hailey.

Of course it was.

She walked up to the pair, standing at Jay's side as she placed a hand on his shoulder before rubbing it down his back, "just let her go. Don't let her ruin the party."

Aurora couldn't stop the scoff that escaped her, "you have got to be kidding me," she looked towards Hailey, her pupils blown in anger, "can you not resist being away from him for even two minutes? God, you really are a desperate bitch."

"The hell did you just say to me?"

Aurora wrenched her arm from Jay's grasp, "you heard exactly what I said. You have been after him since the day you started."

Hailey let out a guffawed laugh, but Jay spoke in her place, "is this why you've been acting so off? I have told you so many times Aurora, she's just a friend."

There it was again. Those four words, the lie that has been ingrained inside her head from the moment she was introduced to Hailey. And, just like that, she finally lost it.

"Just a friend? Hell, if that's how you see a friend, I wonder how you see me."

Jay's brows scrunched in confusion. He drew closer as he held Aurora's face in his hands, his grip firm as she tried to turn away, forcing the tears that began to well in her eyes away.

"You're my girlfriend. I love you, baby."

There it was again. Baby.

And just like that, she broke.

Tears began to stream down her face as she tried to stifle her own sobs, her head shaking vigorously as all the emotions she had shoved down and locked away were thrown out into the open. "Liar," she whispered, "liar. You're a liar."

She tried to pull away from him, but he didn't relent.

Slowly, her voice began to raise louder - "liar! You're nothing but a filthy liar! I hate you. I hate everything about you, and I wish I never met you!"

The words brought tears in Jay's eyes, he was pained by her confession and confused by her behaviour.

It didn't make sense. None of this made sense.

"If you loved me," her words were a shaky whisper, hands rubbing vigorously at the endless stream of tears that fell down her face, hands trembling as she looked at him like she finally saw him, "if you actually loved me, you wouldn't have fucked her."

#jay halstead x oc #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x you #jay halstead x y/n #jay halstead #chicago med #chicago fire #chicago one #chicago pd #chicago #upstead

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littlesugarwords · 9 months

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𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙨 𝙞 𝙖𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙚

↪ 𝘥𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘦𝘳

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emiewritesthings · 2 years

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happier ☆ jay halstead

Summary: in which jay and y/n's break up leaves one more broken than the other

Warnings: Language, angst, not the happiest of endings lmaoo

Requested: Yes!! Can I request a jay Halstead imagine where he and the reader broke up and they have a kid and he gets married to hailey not long after the break up

“Okay, Ruby’s finally gone back down. Mr Ted fell out her bed again- Wait, w-what are you doing?” Y/n froze in the threshold of their room with wide watery eyes, watching as the man she’d sworn to herself and everyone around her was the one emptying his side of the closet into a large duffle. His face was scrunched up in frustration and pain, skin red with heat and tears of unknown emotions sailed down his smooth cheeks and into the depths of his stubble. “Jay? What are you doing? Jay!” She gasped louder, taking a step forward and felt the internal knife twist in her gut upon realising the scene that had once been an exploited fear in her nightmares become her reality.

“What am I doing? What am I doing?” Jay looked up, his tongue snapping as the venom could no longer be contained from travelling through his words. “What are we doing? Why are we pretending we are okay?” Shaking his head, his fists balled up one of his ‘fancy’ shirts before angrily punching it into the bag again, again and again. With each motion, Y/n felt her body jump in fear, her stomach uneasy questioning whether she should be walking towards him or running in the opposite direction.

“It’s okay, Jay-.” Y/n attempted to comfort, now an arm length away from him and where he was hunched over leaning against the mattress with his fists. In the six years they had been together, never had she felt like she ever had to fear Jay. To her friends and family she would describe him as a teddy bear in human clothing, a man that was professionally trained in staying calm and collected. But in that moment, she hesitated to reach out for him. Her eyes zooming in on his balled fists, the stress veins popping under his skin and the mood in the air that just didn’t feel right.

“Nothing is okay. I am not okay, Y/n!” He yelled, throwing his hands up in the air and suddenly the woman in front of him was cowering away from him. The jump back caught both of them off guard. His hands fell back to his side, as they both stared in silence at one another.

She thought I was going to hit her?

I thought he was going to hit me?

Y/n’s head dropped as her hands ran through her long, dark, slightly greasy hair and tugged at it. Maybe if she pulled hard enough everything would dissolve and she’d jolt back into her bed, slightly sweaty from the nightmarish antics but in the safety of Jay’s arms. That’s where she wanted to be. That’s where she belonged, or at least she used to.

“You don’t trust me anymore, Y/n,” Jay’s voice was cold, resuming to gathering his belongings, and keeping a healthy distance between him and the mother of his child for whatever was happening he didn’t want her to feel like she was in danger. “We can’t keep pretending that this is going to get better, it’s not getting any better. I need to go before it breaks us both.” He assured as he appeared from the bathroom with his toiletries. Positioning them in his bag, he realised he had everything and began to tug at the zip.

“Maybe we can try counselling. I have the number of the guy that my sister and George went to, she said it was hard at first but now they’ve never been better!” She bargained hopefully, her hands slapping onto the top of the duffle pausing the man. She leaned over the bed from the opposite side, something stopping her from rounding the bed and standing closer to him. Their eyes met in that moment, and both could see and practically count the pieces of their soul floating around in them - broken and bruised.

“It won’t work.” Jay insisted, his eyes not leaving her’s, for if he glanced down at her lips and the way they shivered he’d be crumbling down in an instance. “I know it won’t work, you know it won’t work.”

“I don’t want you to go.” She pleaded, her hands placed on top of his, her smaller ones squeezing them gently. She didn’t want to let go of him, not physically or emotionally. Jay was all she’d ever known. He was the man that had introduced her to love in the first place, despite the couple of boyfriends she had prior to the detective. He showed her how powerful a relationship could be, how it could make her feel like she was forever floating on a cloud when he was in the room. But more importantly - most importantly - he had given her the little girl that was sound asleep a couple rooms over, who’d pushed them into parenthood in all its beauty.

“I’m sorry.” Pulling his hands away was like the penny dropping for Y/n. This was it, he’d logged out, he’d let go, he’d checked out. Y/n’s hands lingered on the bag for a moment, until she pulled them into her chest realising how cold and alien they felt without his. Jay watched as Y/n’s eyes zoned out and the wall he’d spent the six years of their relationship destroying was built back up in milliseconds. Her face was distant, eyes dull and glazed, lips parted. His chest burnt with guilt as he took in the consequences to his confession, he wanted to go over and hug her. Hold her one last time and tell her that it was all going to be okay, but he knew if he did he’d never find the nerve to leave and everything would get worse.

Following him out of the bedroom and towards the front door, Y/n felt trapped inside her own body. She was unable to communicate but every other sense felt ten times stronger. Her skin prickled as she watched Jay grab his car keys out of the poorly made dish that the pair of them had crafted during one of their first dates at a poetry class that Kim had given Jay a coupon for. However his attention was stolen by the framed photos around it, his entire body freezing. His fingers reached out for the little girl that had been captured a couple months ago with her father’s badge around her neck and his large boots swallowing both her little legs.

Ruby Halstead was as beautiful as her mother, that Jay knew from the day she was born. Although she’d been unlucky enough to adopt his personality, with her funny facial expressions and humour. At age two, Jay felt like she was already a tiny adult with the way she acted, and the thought of ever losing her made his heart burn. Letting the tip of his pointer finger run along her face, he glanced over his shoulder at the zombified woman.

“Whatever happens between us,” He breathed out, turning back to the picture. “Please never let it ever affect her.” Y/n’s inner voice scoffed humourlessly at his request, whilst externally her dead stare didn’t even shift. Did he seriously think that low of her? Had it gotten so bad between them that he’d forgotten that she would never play around with her daughter’s life, how ever fucked her’s may be. “Maybe when I have a more permanent address we can sort something out, you now, custody wise.”

How were they even having this conversation? Y/n couldn’t believe he could look her in the face with such words directed towards her. How did they end up here? She couldn’t pinpoint how it had all gone so horribly wrong.

“Y/n-.” Even the way he said her name had changed. Once upon a time, in a period of their lives that felt like a fictional fairytale in comparison to this, he’d mumble her name like it was a prayer. Every time it was followed by a small smile and a small exhale as it seemed to take the breath from his lungs in a surreal kind of way. Now though, she could feel the way it scalded his tongue. Nevertheless, the call brought Y/n back to the front of her mind, her head slightly shaking as she realised how disorientated she’d become.

“If you walk out of that door you will never walk back through it.” Her eyes pulled up and the fire lit inside of them introduced a new light into the room. Jay gulped as he realised that she was speaking from the bottom of her heart. It was his last chance, that’s how Y/n thought of it. He could come back to her, give it all one last chance. They were his family after all, weren’t they? Realising that the decision was already well and truly made in his mind, Y/n looked down at her hand and sighed at the ring that no longer glistened the same way as when she’d received it. Feeling a sob lodge in her throat, she didn’t let it out and wouldn’t whilst Jay was still in the house. Tugging the diamond decorated band off of her finger, she stared at it for a moment, lips dipping into a frown. Three years she had been waiting for them to get married, under their bed were folders of planning she had done whilst he was at work. She’d picked out a dress, a location, a cake, but now they were nothing, they meant nothing.

Holding out the jewellery piece towards Jay, the man looked down at it with sombre eyes. He remembered how he had fretted at the side of his brother, searching for the perfect ring. He wanted a piece that summed up their love, summed up how he felt about her. Something as equally beautiful and powerful as Y/n was. When he’d found the one he’d given her, all he’d ever think of whilst looking at it was the happiness that spilled over her face that night he’d gotten on one knee. That was suppose to be the start of their life together forever, how wrong they were. Nodding in gratitude, Jay placed the ring into the pocket of his jeans and unlocked the front door. The cool wind called him back into the world as a single man, a place he hoped he would find himself once again.

“For the record,” She called out when Jay had reached the bottom of their garden, his head turned in an instant. Seeing her stood there, the light from the living room lamp creating a halo around her, he felt doubts creep under his skin. “I was so so happy with you, Halstead.” Then the door was slammed shut and Jay listened to the lock click confirming that he’d done it - he was officially locked out of Y/n life. Sighing softly, his feet plodded away from the house and out of the world that they had created and shared together.

—

6 months later

“-And so I told him, George, it’s not like you forgot to buy milk or something, you slept with our neighbour… three times.” Amelia, Y/n’s eldest sister, complained over a cup of coffee that had certainly gone cold considering how long she’d been retelling the story of her and her husband’s latest fight. The entire time, Y/n had tried to be supportive and attentively listening to her sister’s troubles but her eyes kept flicking to the clock behind her on the wall of the cafe.

15 minutes, she thought. 15 minutes and she’d get to see her baby again.

“Are you even listening to me?” The scoff that emitted from Amelia’s lips had Y/n’s head snapping back towards her, a guilty look plastered on her face as she smiled innocently. The older sister narrowed her eyes knowing fully well the answer was ‘no’, but she equally knew that this time of the week was always the worst for the single mother of one. “Another weekend at Jay’s, huh?”

Her sister’s tone wasn’t the warmest, her eyes rolling at the mention of the detective that had quite literally broken the little sister Amelia had once known. She’d never forget the screams and cries down the phone early in the morning, as Y/n blubbered through an explanation of how the man she’d meant to be marrying walked out to start what he claimed to be ‘his own life again’. Her sister instincts had coaxed her into wanting to go find the son of a bitch and feed her thoughts into his ear until he had to call the police - but Y/n fought her on the matter. She was torn apart, broken upon repair - granted - but Jay was still Jay to her. She didn’t want any harm coming his way, nor did she want their daughter to see her aunt hating on her dad.

“Mhmm,” Y/n hummed, a small sigh breaking her lips apart as she took the final sip of her third cup of coffee. It didn’t feel right saying ‘Jay’s’, for it had been so long since their names had been broken. It was always ‘Jay and Y/n’, it was always suppose to be. “I tell you I count down the hours from the moment I drop her off on Friday, pathetic isn’t it?” It was selfish to admit - that’s why she only ever did so in her sister’s company - but she didn’t love sending Ruby off to Jay’s, despite them both coming to the agreement to do so. However back then Jay’s meant the father and daughter spending the weekend together, just them two. Now, though, that was no longer the case.

“It isn’t pathetic, it’s just sad.” Amelia corrected, not doing the best to make Y/n feel better as she sunk deeper into her chair. Her hands rubbed at her eyes, not feeling quite alive as she should. “I take it that Hilary is still in the picture.” Once again the older woman rolled her eyes. Y/n smiled sadly, although tried to make it look as warm and friendly as possible.

“Her name’s Hailey and yeah, from what I hear from Ruby.” She shrugged, hoping that it somehow made her look far less interested than she was. In reality the thought of her ex-fiancee’s blonde coworker and now girlfriend cozying up with him and their daughter kept her awake at night. Upon hearing the news a full two and a half months after their breakup, Y/n thought that it was some kind of joke. Mainly because it had come from her daughter who’d mentioned something about ‘aunt Hailey sleeping in daddy’s bed’. She hadn’t been told from the horse’s mouth so to speak, or any of her so called friends that she shared with the man like Kim or Kevin. But after digging - which mostly included speaking to the firefighters in Molly’s - it turned out that it was very much the truth and Jay’s soul searching had ended with him in the bed of Hailey Upon, who - bare in mind - Jay had reassured Y/n was no more than a good friend for three years.

“Do you think it was all planned?” Amelia suddenly asked, as her face soured at the thoughts in her head. Y/n tilted her head in confusion, begging for her to continue whatever she was thinking. “Do you think they were having some sort of affair this whole time and she asked him to leave you? I mean, what kind of man leaves his fiancee and kid and then shacks up with someone new 2 months later?” Her words began to cause an unreachable itch to form in the back of Y/n’s mind, conjuring ideas that she hadn’t even been close to having in the months she’d been mourning her relationship. She’d always assumed that something was there between the two, but never would she think that Jay would go further than having some idle feelings - at least whilst she was still lying in bed besides him.

“Why would you say that?” Y/n groaned, fingers raking through her hair in stress. Amelia spotted her mistake as the woman began zoning out, travelling to the depths of her thoughts to examine the plaguing suggestion made by her eldest sister. Sitting up straight, she reached out and grabbed Y/n’s hands.

“I’m sorry, that was just me being stupid.” She tried to reassure Y/n, thumb stroking her knuckles. “You know what I’m like, I think everyone is like George-.”

“Do you think he ever loved me?” Y/n mumbled, eyes watery as she looked up at her sister who she hadn’t been listening to. Her hands shook off Amelia’s as she was stunned by the question. She sat there wide eyed not knowing how to restart her senses and provide Y/n with an answer that prevented the forecasted spiralling. For her to ask such a question, Amelia soon realised that the so called ‘healing’ she’d undergone was a lie. She was still as broken as the day they’d broken up. Which made sense since it hadn’t been that long, but knowing that Y/n had been keeping it hidden from everyone was sickening.

“I-I think so. I mean, yes of course he did. He must have.” Again severely unhelpful words of wisdom from her sister. Looking at the clock one final time, she realised she had to go. Standing up ,her chair scraped across the floor producing a teeth clenching noise, but she didn’t even flinch. Her lips mumbled something about talking to Amelia later, and suddenly she was out the door. He must have loved her once upon a time. Walking down the street, people had to go out of their way to avoid bumping into her semi-conscious self, searching for where she’d parked her car. Did he love Hailey more?

Shaking her head when she sat in the front seat, hands gripping the wheel, Y/n knew she couldn’t be in such a state with her daughter around. She didn’t want Ruby to worry about her, not now, not ever. The aftermath of the breakup had made her realise just how much she desired never to let her daughter catch wind of the chaos occurring behind her eyes. Telling her baby that her dad would no longer be living with them without hinting that she was internally shattered was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. Rightly so, Ruby had been upset, but came around to the idea upon realising her dad would still be around. So as far as Y/n was concerned, that was the only pain Ruby would have to endure when it came to her and Jay. She would never breath a word of what happened between them no matter how old Ruby became. Getting rid of enough fog in her mind that she felt it was safe to start driving, Y/n started the engine and switched the radio on, turning it up loud enough not to give her thoughts a chance to deafen her.

When she pulled up outside of Jay’s newly rented house, she sat in her car for a moment, doing some last minute preparations. Taking deep breaths, she practiced in the mirror how she would smile when that door opened and revealed Jay or Hailey. It didn’t feel right, but it was what had to be done. After he’d moved on so quickly, there wasn’t much room for her to still be holding on to their relationship. She didn’t want them knowing that she was still such a mess, the thought made her violently nauseous. A loud knock on the passenger window sent her jumping in her seat, slapping the sun visor shut as she turned with wide eyes spotting the smile sporting detective waving at her through the closed window. Fuck sake, she thought waving back with a flavourless smile.

Getting out of the car, she didn’t even make it around the car before he was calling out for her.

“Ruby won’t be long, Hailey is just helping get her things.” Jay spoke softly, like he knew that he was dealing with an active explosive. To the mother, it felt a little too degrading like he thought she was weak and fragile, she didn’t like it. Nodding her head, she reaching the sidewalk, standing a good 2 metres away from the man that she once couldn’t bare being 2 inches away from. Clearing her throat only seemed to make the silence between them more awkward. Y/n was playing with her fingers, picking away the old nail polish wishing her daughter - who was no better than herself - would hurry up and save her from having to endure any more of this torture.

“We had kind of a big lunch, so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want much tonight.” Jay offered, glancing over at the woman that for once in her life looked timid. Her skin seemed paler than it normally did, her body was held up without the usual confidence and power that she would usually carry. His fingers prickled to go reach out to her, to run them along her cheek and see if they still made them light up with delight. But he rejected them quickly, stuffing them into his trouser pockets as they both waited for the little girl that they shared.

“Okay.” She nodded, looking up letting her hands fall to her sides, leaning back against her parked car. The silence returned and the man wondered if this was the time for him to tell her. His senses became instantly more aware of the cold metal that currently rested on his finger. When was the right time to break it to your ex that you- before Jay could finish his thought Ruby’s voice came booming out of the house.

“Mommy, Mommy!” Her little feet tapped against the porch in her trainers as she came running down the stairs recklessly and jumped into her mother’s arms. The detective watched how just the sight of Ruby sent life shooting through Y/n’s face once again, her body crouching to catch the girl. Spinning around listening to her squeals, Jay couldn’t hide the grin on his face at the reunion. His eyes instinctively moved back to the porch where Hailey was awkwardly stood with Ruby’s backpack in hand and a posture keeping her from moving forward. Frowning, the blonde caught the man’s eye and mouthed ‘have you told her yet?’, to which he shook his head.

“Oh my- have you gotten bigger? I think you’ve gotten bigger.” Y/n grinned, poking the small dimples that marked both of Ruby’s cheeks. The girl was happy about the comment, squealing in delight as her mom returned her feet to rest back on the pavement, although her hand stuck with Y/n’s. The sensation was not one that the woman could put into words, she just wished it would never end.

“Um, Y/n do you think we could have a word?” Jay asked appearing besides them both this time with Ruby’s backpack. Taking it warily, the woman looked towards him in confusion. They only ever talked about Ruby, and that was over text. When they did speak in person it was… painful. So why would he voluntarily put both of them through it? She wondered, eyes narrowing as she switched her gaze over to a cowering Hailey.

“Are you going to tell Mommy about you two getting married?” And just like that the entire plan that Jay had derived in his head was ruined by the words of his three year old, grinning daughter. Y/n’s hand immediately released the bag, whilst the other clutched onto Ruby tighter. Her lips parting as a heartbreaking breath fell out, and the world collapsed beneath her feet. Married? She choked on the word even in her mind. They got married? Needing confirmation that what Ruby spoke was true, Y/n eyes flew to both of their hands where - sure enough - she found both of them sporting identical bands on their fingers. No, no, no, no, no. She couldn’t breath, her chest was being squeezed so tightly she was sure that the soul was being pulled out of her body through her mouth.

“We need to go.” She insisted, lips moving quickly but her mind wasn’t processing anything. It was like she was going into shut down and there was no way to stop it. Leaning down, Y/n grabbed the Paw Patrol bag back up and gently guided Ruby towards the back seat and into her car seat. Watching the way the woman’s hands shook as she opened the door and the sound of her breaths rough and uneasy, Jay didn’t know what to do. Hailey’s face was drowned in guilt as he gestured for her to go inside and that he would handle this. This was his mess, it was his responsibility.

“Y/n.” He spoke, when she’d closed the door and was trying to get passed him to get in her own seat, but he was there - every way she went he was always there blocking her.

“Move.” She ordered, voice low not wanting the toddler in the car to hear the way her voice was an open warning for what was to come if he didn’t obey. Grabbing a hold of her hands, Jay ignored her - typical. Trying to shake him off, he wouldn’t loosen his grip. Just like his scent around the house, no matter how many sheets she washed, how hard she scrubbed he just wouldn’t leave her alone. He was always there, taunting her.

“We should talk about this. I have so much to explain.” She scoffed in his face.

“Explain? Fucking hell, don’t you think it’s a little late for that?” The humourless laugh that escaped her chest was like a bullet that soured right into Jay’s heart. His defences were hopeless, as they always had been when it came to Y/n. Even though they weren’t in a romantic relationship anymore, didn’t mean he’d completely erased her from his life. What she did to him wasn’t something that went away, she was forever a weakness to him. “Now maybe you should go back in and join your wife because we are going home.” Shaking one last time, Jay’s hand fell from her wrists and she finally got into the car and was sailing down the road away from the newlyweds with a freshly broken heart.

“Mommy?” Ruby called out with a weak voice. Looking into the mirror at where she was watching her, Y/n nodded with a small gentle smile as her eyes lit up with tears. “Are you okay?” Her concern was written all over her face, clearly not understanding the nuclear bomb she’d let slip moments before. Shaking her head, Y/n blinked away the majority of the tears.

“I’m okay, baby, Don’t you worry.” Lies.

—

“Married? He fucking married her?” Amelia yelled into Y/n’s ear as she sat on the couch with a large glass of wine, having put Ruby to bed a couple hours prior. The large sips she was taking seemed to slowly be working at freeing up the tense muscled that embraced her entire body. This was certainly not her first glass of the dark red liquid, nor would it be her last if it all went to plan. The moment she she got a moment to herself she had to call her sister, needing to hear from someone else that the news was as crazy as it was making her feel. And without many friends, Amelia was first and only choice. “Oh you must be pissed.” The sound of her taking a large sip of her own glass of wine on the other end of the line made the younger sister smile dazed by the effects of the alcohol.

“I was engaged to him for three years and he couldn’t even commit to a flower arrangement. But now suddenly he’s in the ‘fuck it let’s get married’ mood? Hell yes I’m pissed.” She fumed, staring at the thick folder of wedding prep that was currently holding up one end of the coffee table after it broke a couple of months back. How much time she had wasted on that, for what? Knowing fully well that it was 99% her work too, other than the cake that Jay had once said ‘looked good’ and then ran out to go to work. How had she been so blind?

“Did you even know they were engaged?” Amelia asked, wondering if she had missed that information somewhere between her George rants. However hearing Y/n’s grunt of disagreement she realised it was just her sister’s shitty ex being her sister’s shitty ex. Y/n shifted so her head was resting on the arm of the sofa, her eyes staring plainly up at the ceiling feeling hot tears drip slowly down the side of her face. Wiping them away furiously, she hated that she was feeling so sad. She’d prefer just to be angry, incredibly angry sounded great right about now. But her luck seemed non-existent at this point. “I’m so sorry. Y/n/n. You don’t deserve any of this.”

Y/n was beginning to doubt that. She must have done something. Whether that was to Jay or just someone random she’d come across in life, which ultimately had fucked up her karma. Because how could she have been shot down over and over and over. She had to be getting punished for something.

Just as she was about to open her mouth and say something, there was a soft but clear knock on her front door. Freezing, she sat up and placed her wine glass onto the coffee table. Amelia must have heard it too for she was soon asking who was coming around at this time, to which Y/n didn’t have an answer for her. She hadn’t invited anyone around. Promising to call her sister back, and Amelia making her promise not to get killed by a possible murderer at her front door, they hung up the call and Y/n approached the front door. Clicking the lock, Y/n hesitantly pulled at the large slab of wood and peered into the darkness of the night. Squinting at the dramatic change in light, Y/n was suddenly wishing that it had been a murderer as she noted the glum looking Jay Halstead on her doorstep.

“Don’t tell me she’s kicked you out already. Or did you leave her? I know that’s more your style.” She snorted opening the door a little wider so he got to see her full body but not enough that he could sneak past her. Jay didn’t respond, knowing that the woman that was very clearly drunk needed to get this kind of stuff off her chest. She’d been crying, that was clear. It was sad that he knew the sight a little too well considering the end of their relationship where all she seemed to be doing was cry as Jay stressed about the unsettled war playing out inside of him.

“Can I come in?” He asked, not pushing her knowing that he had no right asking such a thing. And by the way her face turned into a look of disgust, she felt the exact same. Shaking her head as she turned around clearly needing a moment, before turning around and pointing an accusing finger at the detective.

“How dare you!” Even when buzzed with the alcohol units flowing through her veins, she was still aware of the sleeping girl in the house, keeping her voice low but sharp enough that the words cut into Jay’s chest. “You shouldn’t have come here. You’ve wasted your time, I don’t want to talk to you.” Turning around ready to go back into the house and drink another bottle of wine before passing out. But Jay had no intention of leaving things this way, he’d been sat thinking about her since she’d left earlier. Her face, her ridgid posture, her uneven breathing were playing like a never ending slideshow behind his eyes.

“What? So you are never going to speak to me again? Is that it?” His frustration surfaced, as he took a step forward grabbing ahold of her left wrist anchoring her in her spot. His touch that she once wanted to drown in, was now suffocating her silently. Turning to look at the way his large hand encircled her wrist sparked a similar frustration within her, her hand yanking back with force.

“You know what that doesn’t sound a terrible suggestion. I think I’m going to take you up on that offer.” She sassed, with a her lips pulling up into a disingenuous smile. Despite the darkness outside, the porch light allowed Jay to get a good look into the woman’s eyes and prejudge the demons that he would likely have to face the longer this conversation went on.

“I know I hurt you-.” His tone softened in an attempt to sooth her, but if anything it riled her up. Who was he to talk to her like that?

“You don’t know shit!” Throwing her hands in the air in frustration, Jay’s lips zipped shut. “I know you like to think you know everything but you don’t know the fucking half of it, Jay Halstead.” He watched as his name stung her tongue, her face contorting into a look of pain. It had been once been like a lungful of fresh air for the woman, something that would make her heart rate soar and eyes to soften. The name of her lover, her soulmate. But now it was just a reminder of all the pain she’d experienced over the last six months.

“Then tell me. Let’s go in and talk about it.”

“I told you that once you walked out you aren’t coming back in. I stand by that.” She stood strong in the doorway. Stubbornness was not a stranger to the woman, she stuck by her word, she wasn’t gonna bend just because of the beautiful green eyes begging her to. Maybe she would have considered it in the past, but she wasn’t letting him under her skin, she couldn’t.

“Oh come on.” Jay groaned, head falling back with his eyes shut, as his hands rubbed down his face. He was tired, it was one of the first things Y/n had picked out when she had gotten a good look at him. And whilst tiredness was an accessory Jay wore on a daily basis due to the nature of his job, this was different, this was exhaustion. The kind that could only be summoned by continuous nights of guilt keeping one awake and depriving them of peace.

“No.” She shook her head finally.

“Then- then can we sit on the porch. Talk out here at least?” Pointing towards the step of the porch, Y/n thought about it for a moment. Her bottom lip sucked in between her teeth as she stared between the man and where he was pointing. Did she really want to do this? Listen to him as he tried to rid himself of the blame in search of reassurance that he wasn’t the worst person in the world? “Please?” Jay’s eyes seemed to water, with the small light illuminating the tears that pooled in them.

“Ten minutes. Maximum.” She mumbled, moving away from the door, shutting it behind her to stop the cold from entering. Plopping down onto the step, she watched as Jay’s body relaxed and relief flooded his insides. A small smile pricked his lips as he realised not all hope was lost, and he moved to take a seat next to the mother of his child.

“I’ll take what I can get.” He mumbled, falling down besides her, their knees touching due to the limited space that the step provided them with. The contact was strange, Y/n had expected that she’d want to pull away and hiss at how it pained her, but instead she found the warmth of his touch like a siren calling her to back in. It took everything in her to ignore the ideas floating around, and instead turn her focus towards the rotting wood beneath her feet. There was a period of silence where neither of them knew who was going to start this whole ‘discussion’. When so much was left unsaid where did you begin? “I assume you have questions.” That was a given, Jay knew. He’d expected her to at least look at him, when this close to her she would never have looked anywhere else. Before it all went down at least.

“When did you get engaged?” She asked, chewing on the skin around her fingers not liking that all of this was happening and the buzz she’d been sporting had started to wear off. She needed the artificial confidence, she was relying on it right now to keep her sat next to the man she’d been avoiding talking to for months

“Same day we got married.” Y/n was slightly more content knowing that it hadn’t been a complete secret. If he had been hiding their engagement for a while and then gotten married maybe she’d be a little bit more mad. But the result was all the same. He’d gotten married and she wasn’t 100% sure she would know now, had it not been for her daughter that couldn’t keep a secret to save her life.

“Which was?” She pressed further, not liking how he seemed to be avoiding answering directly.

“Last Tuesday.”

“I assume it wasn’t big get together?” She knew the answer. For Jay not to invite Ruby, it had to be something small.

“Just me and her.” He responded.

“Intimiate. Cute.” Wanting to roll her eyes, she resisted the urge instead mumbling the words showing she couldn’t care less despite being the one to ask the question. However Jay didn’t hold anything back, his eyes flicking back quickly as his foot kicked a rock around.

“Don’t lie to me.” The order made Y/n look at him incredulously.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She snapped back. “Does everyone know?”

“The unit know if that’s what you mean.” He confessed, realising he might be throwing all his friends under the bus but he didn’t entirely know the full extent yet. Nodding her head, Y/n’s gaze ran off as her thoughts consumed her mind. “The rings were kind of a give away.” Jay confessed, bringing the attention to what rested on his finger.

“Of course.” She should have known. It was all making a lot more sense. Y/n’s mind suddenly thought of her earlier conversation with her sister, and she couldn’t stop herself from searching for answers. “Were you seeing her whilst we were still together?”

“What? No. No, absolutely not.” Jay shook his head vigorously, lips parting in surprise. “Why would you even think that?”

“Six months ago I was engaged and now my fiancee is married to another woman. What do you mean why would I think that?” Incredible, she thought. She didn’t remember Jay being so… dumb. In the emotional sense at least. A few years back he could take a brief glance in her eyes and tell every thought she’d produced in the last 30 minutes. To him, she had been a book made for Kindergarteners. Now, she was written in a foreign language hidden on the top shelf of the bookcase that he simply couldn’t reach.

“Yeah but- that doesn’t have anything to do with us. I wouldn’t have done that to you, Y/n. I loved you, I still love you-.” Jay began, letting his tongue run away with him until a tut from Y/n’s mouth silenced him and his brain finally caught up with the sounds his mouth was making.

“No. We aren’t doing that. You don’t love me!” Shrugging him off, Y/n didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to know how everything would be okay, because he still cared for her. What was she meant to do with that? He was married now. He was most likely planning on starting a family with Hailey and he was leaving her to unravel at the thought that he still loved her? He was selfish. He was cruel. He would forever be her tormentor.

“Hailey and I just happened, after we broke up I was vulnerable. I needed her and she was there, it just felt natural being together. And I don’t want to be without her, getting married was the right choice for us.” The way he spoke was slow and soft, as though waiting for her to suddenly blow and everything around them to crumble into dust. He didn’t trust her to be calm about the situation, and rightfully so, Y/n could think of many words to describe how she was feeling and calm wasn’t in the top 1000. “I want to apologise. The way that I handled this whole thing was so wrong of me. I didn’t want to hurt you, I never did.” Jay confessed, but Y/n was having none of it. Shaking her head in amazement, sending him the fakest of grins.

“Do you even know what you are apologising for, Jay?” She didn’t know if she was angry, frustrated or just straight up sad. Everything was melting together in her head when their eyes met, he knew how she could get drawn in them when they were on her. Maybe that explained the look in them. Clearing her throat, Y/n realised this was her time to get everything off her chest. He was offering up the floor for it, she knew this was her one and only chance. “I lost everything. I lost my fiancé, my ideal happy family, I lost my friends. I haven’t heard from Kim, Kevin, Adam, any of them since we broke up. I thought they were our friends, but it turns out all these years I was just your plus one in the friend group. Do you know how alone I felt- feel? And then to find out when I was struggling to get out of bed, let alone feed myself and look after my daughter, you were out dating again? Getting engaged? Getting married? Fuck, if I didn’t have that little girl in there I don’t know where I would have ended up.”

“Don’t say that.”

“You told me not to lie to you.” She bit back. “What we had, it was good wasn’t it? Like for the last six months I have been trying to pin point the moment you stopped loving me. And I know we had trouble towards the end and I didn’t fully bounce back after having Ruby but what did I do to make you stop loving me?” She rambled, arms crossing over her chest as she noted that the temperature had dropped massively since she’d been out earlier.

“You didn’t do anything.” He rejected immediately, brows furrowing thinking that those thoughts ever passed her mind. They’d shared so many ‘I love yous’ over the years it was hard for him to comprehend that for even a second she would think he ever didn’t love her. Everyone they met always commented on the way they adored each other, Jay had been teased about it at work for years and had not let it bother him for he knew it was true. But this whole time Y/n had not? “I never stopped loving you, that was never the issue.”

“Then enlighten me, please.” She begged, eyes wide pleading for him to disclose something that would cool the scolding mark that irritated her mind every waking moment.

“It was all me. You did nothing wrong.” Holding her face in his hands, his touch was gentle as he cupped her cheeks. Feeling the heat under them, he internally smiled knowing that despite the drastic changes she somewhere inside still was very much victim to his touch. A little reminder of the love that they had created and endured over their long term relationship. Y/n tried to pull away, not believing his take on ‘it’s not you it’s me’. However Jay seemed to hold on tighter, shaking his head. “I’m being serious. I don’t know what happened but I wasn’t happy with who I was anymore. I couldn’t settle in my own skin, I felt like I was trapped and I just needed out.”

“So it wasn’t me,” Y/n sniffed, no longer ashamed to let the repressed sadness overflow onto her face. “I didn’t do anything wrong?” She questioned, feeling six months worth of confusion lift from her chest and shoulders. Hiding her face in her heads, she soon felt Jay wrap his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close with his forehead pressed against the side of her head where he let out a small breath of air, feeling his air ways tighten and eyes water. He’d let her suffer, simmer in the unknown all alone, he was a terrible person. God, he knew it. Seeing her break wasn’t a common sight, and that ripped through him over and over as he inhaled the same perfume she’d been wearing since they started dating.

“I couldn’t have asked to be loved by a better woman than you, Y/n Y/l/n,” He assured with a low voice, pressing is lips against the top of her head, lips lingering as he looked up to the stars and his tears began to stroll down his cheeks. “You are beautiful, inside and out. And I am sorry that for even a moment I ever treated you like you weren’t. But that’s on me, not you.” Pressing a second, then a third kiss on her head. The both just sat there crying whilst the man cradled the woman, knowing that he couldn’t let go of her just yet. Despite thinking about his wife sat at home waiting for him, he was instinctively pulled back to Y/n every time.

“I didn’t think that there would ever be a time after you Jay. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do now.” Her admission was one the man hadn’t expected when the conversation first started. Gently moving her hair from her face to get a full look at her face, his bottom lip trembled with sadness knowing all the responsibility for it was his own.

“You’ll find someone,” He nodded with a reassuring smile, although sadness was all that Y/n could see. “Someone far better than me who will treat you like you should have been treated. I promise you this world has a lot more to offer than what I was able to give you.” Both of them cracked the smallest smiles at one another, as it finally dawned on the pair that this was actually it. There had been a couple of fights that they had in the past that had lead them to having a short break, normally it was no longer than a week and it’d end with both of them apologising profusely and realising how stupid the entire ‘fight’ had been. However this time it felt far more permeant, for it was. Jay was married, it still didn’t feel right to admit but Y/n knew she couldn’t hide from the truth. There was no going back to how it was, never again.

Taking his hands off his face, she kept them in her own looking down at them and stopping her gaze on the thick metal ring that was a constant reminder of the blonde that was back home waiting for him. Jay watched hesitantly, not sure what was happening as his hands were being comfortably held in a way only Y/n could hold them. It reminded him of the early days of their relationship, where they’d lay in bed late at night, her tucked in his sides and she would trace the patterns of her palms telling him what each like was and what it meant for his future. Sometimes he’d find it difficult to listen for the sight of her stole his attention every time. She was so beautiful, she still was. There was no other woman like Y/n Y/l/n he’d decided long ago.

“You should probably get back. She must be worried.” Y/n whispered, gently placing Jay’s hands back onto his knees. They both turned back to face the night and away form each other, neither of them making a move to get up or distance themselves. They knew this wasn’t ‘goodbye’, the little girl that was sound asleep in the house assured that much. They would be in one another’s life for the rest of time, perhaps why it was that much harder to process. They didn’t know how to me ‘Jay’ and ‘Y/n’ for they had always been ‘Jay and Y/n’. “I’m-,” Y/n broke the silence, stopping as she choked on her words. Eyes not moving from looking ahead, despite Jay turning to look at her again. “I’m happy that you are happy.” She finally got out, glancing over at him for a moment she flashed him a miniature sad but honest and genuine smile. “I’m happy that she makes you happy.”

And without giving time Jay to respond, Y/n was on her feet walking back towards the door. Giving him one final look from where he sat, she walked back inside wordlessly and locked the door behind her, Jay listening to the lock click shut. It was done, he decided, this was her goodbye.

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