I am HOWLING! I've been calling Mihawk a short king for forever but... i just realized this man is 6'6! He would tower over me!! I just never realized it because I feel like every time I see him he's standing next huge behemoths like Crocodile and Doflamingo(at least in fanart) or in a line up with the other warlords lol and it doesn't get better when he's next to marines like Sengoku and Garp lol

My thoughts on Night 1 in Austin:

Harry loves first nights almost as much as he loves final nights at a venue. His face is so full of joy, and I cannot say enough how happy I am that he’s happy. I laughed so hard when he tied Pauli’s shoe. And the exchange about whether the fan should date her “situationship” cracked me up. Not to mention his little “Yeehaw” meme! 😂😂😂

Moody Center is beautiful. Not a bad seat in the house. Fairly new from what I’ve been told. Also — shortest merch lines I’ve ever seen. I actually purchased stuff this time. None of them had the hair ties though which was disappointing. (I only stopped at four merch booths, but the fact that I was able to ask at each one without much of a wait proves the lines were short!)

Texas Harries outdid themselves in the friendly category. I ended up next to five Harriatrics who ditched their kids for the night so they could celebrate Harry. These Harries welcomed me as if they’d known me their whole life. Hugs. Dancing. Even gifted me a boa so I could be one of their group. Truly lovely humans. Harry would be proud. My new besties were also appreciative of my concert knowledge as I was able to let them know when he would be at our end of the arena.

Comedian Harry made an appearance several times. His brand of humor never goes out of style(s). [Mostly because it’s never been in style!😂]

Austin has the nicest Lyft drivers ever! So polite. Went out of their way to make sure I was comfortable and picked up at the right spot. So lovely.

The University of Texas colors Harry chose to wear were not wasted on this crowd.

The opener (Gabriels) for this leg has a VOICE. Stunning. Go stream something of his.

My Texas tradition is finding @aggresivelyfriendly in the sea of bodies in the pit from my seat in the stands. (She looked adorable by the way, y’all! 😉)

Harry’s voice! I could listen to him perform live every night and not have one single regret. The man is talented! (And not too bad to look at!)

You can check out My here : Year In Review 2021 Favourite Fics I.

My Year In Review: My Writing

Last year I saw some of my favourite writers do a summary of their own year and decided I wanted to do that too. So I was determined to write as much as possible, and even though 2021 was a busy year for me in my personal life, I managed to write a lot. I could not necessarily write as much as I planned according to my original goals because I was supposed to have more free time after getting my degree and before starting to work, but life got in the way, and that could be sensed in my writing as well. Or lack thereof.

I published 8 fics and wrote a total of 93144 words that were published.

Of course, not including my thesis, which is not fanfiction or fiction, even though I was a fan of my topic, which I spent plenty of time on. I also got that little smudge in front of my name, which I'm proud of, but to earn that the process took the life out of me. Almost literally...

I participated in 5 fests this year.

I had to suspend work indefinitely on my fic I was the most excited about, which means there are more than 22000 words that wait to be continued, as I didn't even reach the finish of the introduction part of the story. So if I ever finish it, this will be a long one. Or at least long in my interpretation.

My longest and most well-received work is a WIP, and my second shortest fic is the second in terms of hits and kudos. The ones I expected to perform well... well... they did not. 🤣

That clearly indicates I have a lot to work on my writing. And on creating cover art or mood boards, which ugh... I deeply detest.

But back to writing, as I don't have a beta, I highly appreciate any comments or constructive criticism. If you have something to say about my writing, I'm all ears. If you are shy but would like to say something, my asks are open even to anons. I always appreciate any kind of feedback.

My Fics in order of the date of their publication or update:

The Winner Takes It All │5K │ Explicit

Or the one where Harry wears only his purple boa, and Louis make good use of the other two.

In the Heat Where You Lay │5K │ Explicit │A/B/O│ Written for @1daboficfest

Or the one where Louis tries to balance work life and his marriage while he also has to protect Harry from himself since the omega is danger walking on two marvellously long legs at the best of times.

It's always darkest before the dawn │15K │ Explicit │A/B/O│ Written for @1daboficfest

Or the one where Louis saves Harry's life by biting him, but the younger man has to pay the price for it.

In love with the Ocean │7K │ General Audience │Mermaid AU │ Written for @hlsummerfest2021

Or the one where Louis just want to paint, and Harry has another idea.

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me │6K │Mature │There was only one sleeping bag AU │ Written for @1dclicheficfest

Or the one where Harry learns what happens when you go camping alone with your crush, he forgets his own sleeping bag at home, and the temperature drops several degrees at night. And if that’s not enough, you are deadly afraid of thunder, so of course, a storm catches you off guard in the middle of the night.

Away From Home │12K │Explicit │Shipwrecked on an island together AU │ Written for @bhficfest

Or the one, where Harry is a servant to the Tomlinson family and he ends up as one of the lone survivors of a shipwreck. But maybe he can still find paradise in the tragedy.

Tattooed On My Heart │7K │Explicit │Tattoo artist AU │ Written for @bottomlouisficfest

Or the one where intimidating tattoo artist Harry gives sweet Lou his first tattoo. And something more...

After the World Ended I Found You │32K │Explicit │Zombie Apocalypse AU │Styles triplets AU │A/B/O│WIP

Or the one where Louis fights for survival against the odds, until he finds home on an Island, and besides becoming a pack member himself, he also finds something much more in the triplets' lair.

You can subscribe for updates about my fics here

Happy New Year! :))

the 7-Eleven off I-40

based off this post

also available on [AO3]

Drew has worked at the 7-Eleven off I-40 for three years, and two of those he’s spent on the night shift. It’s a shit job, honestly, but it’s what he’s got to pay the bills while he works at getting his GED (long story) and takes care of his baby brother (even longer story).

He’s seen some weird shit in his time; kids high off a late-night adventure, actual addicts shaking as they bring snacks up to the register, people so drunk they couldn’t walk straight, someone dressed up in a full-on ball gown and feather boa, you name it. He’s been held at gunpoint twice for the contents of the register, and has been cussed out more times than he can count.

So when, at six minutes past two in the morning, a guy that looks like he could be straight out of an action movie—and probably the villain, because he’s vaguely good-looking in a European way—waltzes in with another pissed-off looking guy dressed like a bum, hoodie pulled over his face and grunge jeans and what’s clearly a gun in his back pocket, Drew’s immediate thought is fuck. This is going to be a bad night.  

The two men are clearly arguing about something, but it’s low enough that Drew can’t hear, and he’s not about to approach them to listen in. He hopes desperately that they’re not arguing about how to rob the store.

Then, Action Movie Villain says something that causes Grunge Wannabe to gesticulate wildly, flipping the guy off with a hiss of “connard!” Or maybe Drew misheard, and the guy’s name is Connor. Yeah, that’s probably it.

Connor moves on to examine the display of beef jerky and Grunge is looking at the day-old pastry section, but it feels suspiciously like they’ve fanned out, like they’re casing the place, glancing shiftily around every few moments. Drew is five seconds from typing 911 into his phone and holding his thumb over the call button when the door bursts open again, and two more people tumble in: a women and a man, also in ripped, dirty clothing, and fuck, are those bullet holes in that dude’s jacket, the one soaked in a dark substance that Drew doesn’t want to think about?

The woman—white, thirty-something, looks like she could murder him with her pinky—says something in a language that definitely isn’t English, and Connor and Grunge each snipe something back. Drew tries his hardest to listen in without making it obvious that he’s listening in, and glances down just as Grunge makes another profane gesture in Connor’s direction.

“Calmati, Habibi,” says the man with curly hair and the maybe-bloodstained-jacket to Grunge, and then, “Booker, cut it out,” in English to Connor.

There’s more hushed argument in what Drew thinks might be a different unfamiliar language—and this time, the scary woman says, “Hey!” sharply—and then they’re interrupted yet again by a young black woman entering, with a heaved sigh of “We’re all gassed up and ready. Everyone got their snacks?”

“Not quite,” says Blood Spatter, this time in lightly accented English. “Booker, as I was saying, just let me drive if you think Andy’s so bad at it.”

“You?” snarks Connor—Booker? “The last time I let you drive, you drove us to Bratislava.” Drew takes a moment to wonder where that is. Kentucky? Missouri, maybe? They’ve got some real funny place names there.

“So?” says Blood Spatter, apparently unperturbed.

The man’s eyes almost pop out. “So? We were going to Vienna!” There’s definitely a Vienna in Missouri; he drove through it once.

“Eh, that is barely two marhalah away from Vienna.”

“Sure, except it was the wrong country”—oh, so maybe they’re talking about Europe—“and in the interim the wall went up and we got stuck behind Soviet borders for a MONTH.”

Soviet borders? Drew isn’t particularly up on world affairs, but he’s pretty sure that was like, from the 80s, wasn’t it? None of them look old enough for that, in fact—

“Hi,” says the younger woman brightly, leaning against the counter, and he’s distracted by how pretty she is, the angles of her face and the swirl of her braids. “I was wondering if you had any earplugs.”

She smiles disarmingly, tilts her head as if to say this bunch, huh? and Drew finds himself grinning back, mentally trying to run through the catalogue, remember if they do have any earplugs anywhere.

“I, uh. I don’t think so,” he says.

The woman looks disappointed, but just shrugs. “No biggie. Thanks anyways.”

“Hey, uh—” says Drew, before he can think the better of it. “Do you need any first aid supplies?”

The woman raises an eyebrow and he flushes, gestures vaguely at her midriff where there’s definitely dried blood ringing perfectly circular holes in her shirt.

“Oh,” she says. “Nah, but thanks for checking.” There’s an awkward beat. “Costume party,” she adds, gesturing at herself, like it’s an afterthought.

(There’s been no such party anywhere in the county, or he would have heard about it. In their neck of the woods, it would be a stretch even at Halloween, and it’s currently March.)

He’s considering saying something more, or maybe just shooting his shot—stranger things have happened, right?—when five armfuls of candy and snacks get dumped on the counter.

The older woman sends an icy glare his way, and Drew immediately starts ringing up the purchases, as fast as he can, barely noticing as half of them leave again.

It’s the Booker guy who pays, dropping a bill that looks like play-money on the counter (it says “100€”), before the pretty woman elbows him and swaps it out for a hundred dollar bill, smiling apologetically.  

“Keep the change,” she says, as they sweep up the bags and glide out the door.

Keep the change? This is a 7-Eleven, not a restaurant, and he blinks for a second, stupefied, before running to the door to protest, to tell them that’s not how it works, and also that he’s not supposed to accept any bill denomination above twenty, but there’s a screeching noise, and their car is already disappearing down the road and into the night.

He stands, alone in the empty convenience store, the overhead lights too bright and too harsh as he tries to make sense of what just happened. The hundred dollar bill sits limply in his hand, and he returns to the register to make the correct change and set everything in order.

Drew looks around, wondering, for just a second, if he imagined the entire experience. Everything looks exactly the same. They’ve gone without so much as the slightest indication that they—with their larger-than-life bickering and supposed costumes and strange stories—were ever there, and Drew is suddenly struck by the vague feeling that he just fulfilled a role as an extra in, like, a heist movie. Strange, indeed.

But this is the 7-Eleven off I-40, and sometimes the night shift is just like that.

***

fin.

***

*connard: Nicky has just called Booker a bastard in French, as one does.

*calmati: google translate tells me this means “calm down” in Italian, but what do either of us know?

*Habibi: we all know this one, right? “My love” in Arabic.

*marhalah: an Islamic measure of distance from antiquity, equivalent to roughly 44km, and considered about a village-length. Joe is sort-of correct; the quickest route from Vienna to Bratislava is about 80 km (but the shortest is 67 km).

Roman and Logan’s Dark Strange Son: Rewrite

Pairings: Romantic Logince, Platonic Loginceit/Roloceit

Word Count: 1,048 Words

Summary: Deceit gets showed his new room next to Roman and Logan’s. (aka they officially ‘adopt’ him)

Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit, Unsympathetic Patton, Implied Eating Disorder, Trust Issues, Secret Friendships, Food Mentions, Mentions of Death (in the means of ‘fading’), let me know if I should tag something else.

Chapter 3

It took a good three weeks to gain Deceit's trust. From being able to go in his room, to talking about personal things, to finally being able to bring him to his new room.

The yellow room was all set up with yellow, black, and gold furniture that Roman had summoned and painted himself. Logan had added more of the decorations and additives the room. Yellow ceiling stars, a second bed curtain on the bedposts for even more privacy, fairy lights on the headboard for light at night. The more they learned, the more they added to the room for Deceit's inevitable move-in date.

When Patton and Virgil inevitably asked questions on the color choices and what they were doing, they explained it away as them wanting a neutral room to be alone in. Yellow had been a 'funny coincidence' of being Deceit's color since it was the only primary color left and Virgil had the color purple, which their colors combined to.

Patton and Virgil had been satisfied enough with this explanation that they hadn't questioned further and had lost interest in watching them set up the room. Now it was time to move Deceit in.

So here Roman sat with Ceres, a baby Burmese python, slithering across him and he was admiring the good girl. Logan had just finished feeding Iris, the sunbeam snake, and was currently letting her be alone to bask.

The indigo and silver scales that covered Logan's neck were given little attention, as were the red and gold ones on Roman's hands. Deceit was currently placing Juno, the Amazon tree boa, back in her enclosure then he came to help Roman put back Ceres.

"You should both leave, you're too scaly." Deceit tried to urge them out.

"We need to show you something, actually." Roman began.

"What?" Deceit asked.

"We have a surprise for you in the Mind Palace, Dee." Logan clarified.

"O-Okay." The shortest side let them lead him back to the Mind Palace, all the way upstairs, but not to the door yet. It was nearly two in the morning, Patton had long since gone to bed, likely having been watching Parks and Rec, and Virgil's insomnia medication usually meant he passed out around midnight.

"I'm going to cover your eyes, is that okay?" Logan asked. He got a small 'yeah' before doing so and guiding Deceit to the bedroom door while Roman walked ahead and opened the door to the yellow room. Logan let his hands down and Deceit's eyes opened to the room.

Bright yellow ceiling stars lit up the room like the night sky, the bed curtains opened to shoe the inside and the fairy lights. Tiny flowers on the desk and Dreamworks posters strewn about. much to Roman's beginning Dismay that the snakelike side liked Dreamworks over Disney.

Despite it's original yellow/gold/black toned appearance, the room swirled with deep blues and whites due in large part to Deceit's favorite character, Jack Frost. Deceit's eyes blew wide and he looked back at Logan and then to Roman as if he wasn't sure who had done this.

"You two did this?" He asked softly.

"We wanted to make sure you don't start fading. To do that, we can't have you an hour away from us. So we thought we'd make you a room here that you can stay in so we can be sure you're okay." Roman assured him.

"You made a room just so you could take care of me?" Deceit asked.

"Of course. My other option was going to be having you stay at my castle but that's in the Imagination and the same distance away, so we wouldn't be able to check on you quickly if such a problem were to arise." Roman explained.

Without any further confirmation, the shortest side flung his body against them, hugging the both of them tightly. That night they spent with him, both laying on either side of their dark, strange son, both continuing work from that day until they could fall asleep nearing four in the morning.

The next morning went by just as they'd thought it would, Logan made breakfast while Roman made coffee as Patton usually slept in and Virgil woke up in a few hours, groggy and still tired from his medication. It was a game of dodging.

Deceit woke up only an hour after them, at nine in the morning, two hours before Virgil usually woke up at eleven. This allotted time to them all helping to make breakfast for the other two sleeping sides to wake up to.

They knew, of course, of Deceit's aversion to eating around others, something they'd both deemed was probably a form of an eating disorder they didn't want to press so soon after gaining his trust.

So, after getting a list of things Dee was allergic to, they immediately reformed the recipes they wanted to make. No dairy was an allergy Roman shared, something they already left out and had no issue continuing to do so. But eggs, Deceit apparently loved eggs.

So that's just what they did. They ended up making eggs, non-dairy pancakes, and french toast. Deceit obviously thought they were going over the top until he realized they were cooking for five people, not just three, then he seemed to accept it and move along helping.

They put on Rise of the Guardians and Moana to eat to and they both couldn't help but smile noting that Deceit had both finished off his plate and fallen back to sleep between them.

Roman ended up carrying him back upstairs to take a nap and closed the door softly to give him some privacy. Virgil woke up in this time and began toddling downstairs after Roman to the coffee machine, pawing at it like it would know what he wanted.

Roman helpfully poured him his coffee the way he liked it and got a head against his shoulder in thanks as Virgil took his liquid energy for the day and sat at the table still half asleep. No way he'd seen Deceit in his half-delusioned state.

Patton came down a half hour later for breakfast. Logan and Roman never spoke a word that day of their happy first morning with their very own dark, strange son.

Taglist: @zozomind @im-default @imma-potatoo @genderfluidmoma @brain-deadx0 @knightinsoftpastels @wasinotwantedatthisexactsecond @lgbtforeverything @fandersides1234567 @that-gay-satanic-trash @messcentral @turtleluv799 @theenbyregressor @katelynn-a-fan @13hisss

Some More Bugsnax Daemon AU Tidbits:

- The Grumpus whose daemon Settled the latest is Beffica, and the Grumpus whose daemon Settled the earliest is Gramble. Beffica was around the age of 16 when Tricktan Settled, while Gramble was around the age of 10 when Atwud Settled.

- Wambus’ daemon, Laurami, is funny when it comes to being touched by anyone who isn’t Wambus. She’s even ambivalent at best when Triffany touches her, and has only been known to touch other daemons in fights. However, the one exception is Triffany’s daemon, Fauster, who she will gladly snuggle up to, among other things. And even though she’s only okay with Triffany touching her, there are times where she’s fully willing to touch Triffany.

- Lizbert’s daemon, Kolbee, is perfectly chill with being touched by Eggabell, and Eggabell’s daemon, Awlden, is totally cool with being touched by Lizbert. Eggabell and Lizbert even have perches for Awlden and Kolbee above their bed, directly next to each other, of course. Awlden rests on top of his perch, and Kolbee hangs upside-down on his perch. Similarly, Laurami and Fauster share a dog bed at the foot of Wambus and Triffany’s bed.

- The thing between Snorpy and Chandlo is obvious to literally everyone, even before Snorpy confesses. This largely has to do with the fact that their daemons, Jazzmin and Fairyn, were always strategically trying to be as close to each other at any given time as possible. At one point, Jazzmin even touched Chandlo prior to the confession, and Snorpy got all flustered and tried to act like it didn’t happen.

- Floofty's daemon, Embery, does not generally respond to nicknames. Floofty doesn’t even call them by any kind of nickname. However, Embery has been known to occasionally answer to “Em” or “Berry” when it comes from Snorpy or Jazzmin, albeit begrudgingly.

- The distance that Grumpuses and their daemons can be apart without it at least being uncomfortable varies between pairs. Gramble is the one whose tolerable distance from his daemon is the shortest, while Floofty and Eggabell are tied for the longest tolerable distance from their daemons. Floofty and Embery just have nerves of steel. Meanwhile, Eggabell and Awlden’s tolerable distance didn’t used to be that long. They were forced to adapt in the wilderness.

- Many falsely assume that Wiggle and Shelda have a low tolerable distance from their daemons, Rocko and Seasill. This is because Rocko is typically seen nestled in Wiggle’s feather boa, and Seasill is typically seen around Shelda’s neck, or nestled in the flower crown on her head. In reality, the only reason their daemons do this is because it’s convenient, and also comfy.

- Amusingly, Grumpuses feel more inclined to bend to Cromdo’s daemon, Marylow, than they do to Cromdo himself. Having a goose daemon is something that tends to have that effect on others, though. Beffica and Tricktan talk big around Cromdo, but one hiss from Marylow is usually enough to make them walk the other way.

- Filbo’s daemon, Gleeah, has a habit of hopping into his arms when nervous. She does it so often that it’s become reflex for Filbo to open his arms for her. He doesn’t even need to look at her to know that she’s going to jump most of the time. This reflex has saved them from some serious separation pain more than once, most notably when knocked away by that Bunger, and when tossed out of the Undersnax by Lizbert and Eggabell.

- Sometimes, people wonder if Clumby even has a daemon, although she obviously does have to have one. The reason her daemon, Henrick, is such a cryptid to many is because he loves to just chill under her hat. However, he has been known to poke his head out when things start to get juicy.

Tea Time: Harry Styles One Shot

Some Harry fluff to make your heart burst 🥰

You always knew that Harry was a natural born dad. He loved children and they loved him just as much. He just had this way with the little ones. It was something that you couldn’t describe really. You didn’t know if it was his smile, his brown curls, or just his overall charming demeanor that attracted to children to him, but whatever it was it worked for him. The two of you had been married for a little over two years when he first suggested you start trying for a little one of your own.

You had always wanted to have kids but never found yourself to be as much as a natural with them as Harry was. The day that you found out you were pregnant with your daughter was one of the best days of Harrys life. Other than marrying you of course, which he reminds you of as much as he can.

Then one baby, turned into two, and two turned into three. Now, the two of you have three little ones running around all under the age of seven. The five of you were a happy little family and for that you couldn’t be any more grateful.

You had been a producer on The Late Late Show with James Corden, that is how you and Harry had met. James had introduced you to Harry and then the rest was history.

Both of you had very busy schedules, but your kids were your number on priority. Meals were always shared together, you made sure at least one of you was home to read a bedtime story with your kids before they went to bed. To others it may seem like a crazy lifestyle, but it worked for you. It was the small moments that made you realize that maybe your lifestyle wasn’t so crazy after all.

You were leaving the studio after doing a run through for the show that would be filmed tomorrow. You loved you work so much, you were so lucky to love your job and have such amazing people to work with. But you also really loved your kids. Heading home after a busy days work was always something that was celebrated.

“Harry?” You said as you entered your shared home.

“In here love!” He said as you followed his voice into the living room.

It was in that moment you didn’t think you could love your husband anymore. There he was sitting at the world’s tiniest table in the shortest chair, having a tea party with your three children. Not only was he having a tea party with them, he was all decked out in tiara, which your middle daughter was no doubt responsible for. As well as a hot pink feather boa and living in a sweet treat galore.

“Wanna join us love? We saved you a chair?” He said gesturing to the small seat.

“Of course! Are you guys having a fun little party?” You asked your three tiny children.

“Yes mumma, we are ‘avin so much fun. Daddy made us tea and we got all these desserts!” Your little girl said with the largest smile on her face.

“Well I am glad you have had such a fun day! Harry, I quite like this tiara and boa get up you have going on today.” You said as you couldn’t help but smile.

He was always doing the most for your children. He always sang the loudest, read them the most stories, and spoiled them rotten. They were completely wrapped around his finger. You knew it, they knew it, and you were pretty sure Harry knew it too.

“Oh, yeh like this? It’s just a little somethin’ I threw together.” He said as he laughed.

The rest of the afternoon was spent eating off of very small plates and drinking tea out of the world’s tiniest tea cups.

The two of you had kissed your babies goodnight and read them a couple bed time stories.

“You know, coming home from work and seeing you guys doing little tea parties or whatever, is just the best thing to come home to.” You said as you planted a kiss on Harry’s cheek.

“Well, I am glad. We ‘ave loads of fun. I didn’t think it would be this much fun to have all these kids. I mean I did, I always knew I wanted them its just they’ve really grown into themselves. They all have grown into their personalities and are all so different but get on so well. It’s just crazy how fast they’ve grown up. I just see some parts of me in them and then some of you and it’s just truly the best thing ever.” He said.

“Very true. You’re such a great dad and such a great husband. I just wake up everyday and I am reminded how lucky I am to have you and our little family.” You said as you couldn’t help but get a little bit sappy.

“I feel the same about you. You are the world’s best mum and they just adore the hell out of you. I mean I adore the hell out of you too, that is why I married yeh.” He said as he pulled you in for a hug.

“What do yeh say we go to bed? And I can spend the whole night tellin’ yeh how much I love you and how wonderful you are.” Harry said as he delivered his proposition for the night.

“That sounds like a dream to me. But on one condition, you have to wear the tiara.” You said with a smile.

“I will wear whatever the hell you want me to as long as I get to touch yeh.” Harry said as he started kissing down your neck.

“Well that’s good to know mister.” You said as you followed him up the stairs.

“But really though, take that damn tiara off and come here.” You said as you pulled him closer to you.

It was moments like this that you never took for granted. Harry was the absolute best at everything. He was the best dad and husband and to this day you still aren’t sure how you got so lucky with him. Little did you know, he spent everyday wondering the same thing about you.

Send me any requests you have!!

8th of July part 1

[AO3]

Words: 1961

Rating: General

Nadia merely sighs when you shake her shoulder gently, and nuzzles against the pillow. You know it takes more than that to wake her up, so you lean in and kiss her cheek, then her forehead, and finally, when you press your lips on her ear lobe, she opens her eyes.

“That tickled, you know.”

A dozen kisses later, she lifts herself higher on the pillow and pulls you into her arms. It seems only now she notices you’re fully dressed, and says “How come you’re awake so early? Portia hasn’t even brought the tea yet.”

“Oh, but she did,” you laugh, “About an hour ago.”

Nadia snaps in sitting position, hair sprawling over her face. “I beg your pardon?!” And when she looks out on the window, she sees the sun shining brightly over the city. “My love, I hope there is a good explanation for this.”

You chuckle and sit up next to her, brushing a purple strand over her shoulder and letting the touch linger. “Let’s see… yesterday it was the 7th…”

Her eyebrows slowly raise and she looks away for a moment. ‘Oh’ she says without words.

“Happy birthday, sleepy head.”

She tucks her face into the crook of your neck, arms wrapped around your shoulders tightly, and stays like that until you wonder if this is how she intends to spend the day. But when she finally murmurs “Thank you,” her voice is shaking and your heart drowns. She’s… she’s crying?

You grab both her shoulders gently and pull back to look at her face. Those two beautiful red eyes are full of tears and avoiding you, as if that would make her emotions less relevant.

“Nadia…?” Unaccustomed to seeing her so troubled, you hesitate, but ultimately your hands cup her cheeks. She smiles fondly and huffs, but then a whimper escapes her throat and she bursts into tears. This time you’re quick to take her in a tight embrace, one hand on the middle of her back, drawing her closer, and the other stroking her hair. “Nadia, baby… what’s wrong?”

“I’m so… glad,” She manages, “I’m so glad that you care.”

Some moments later she wipes her cheeks gracefully and though her lips are still trembling, she claims to be fine. She’d much rather brush this outburst away, you know that, but that won’t do. Not today.

“Honestly, what did you expect?” You ask. “For me to ignore what today is? I would never do that.”

“No,” She takes your hand and intertwines your fingers, caressing your thumb with hers. “But I… Well, I suppose I should have known you’d be so sweet. Yet, I must admit I’m not used to such attention.”

You give her an inquiring look and she starts playing with your fingers. “Lucio never even remembered my birthday.” She begins, with a sarcastic twitch in corner of her mouth, then stops, looking for the right words.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” You say, but she shakes her head and continues.

“He had someone else remember it for him, and he would then throw a grotesque party and… and give me all sorts of tacky gifts that I so despised…” You want to sneer, but you let her go on. “He bragged in front of the whole city about how important this day was for him, yet he never told me that. I understood that was his way of displaying affection, but he never understood it wasn’t what I wanted.” Drawing her hand back, she inhales sharply and you’re unsure whether she wants to continue or not, but then adds, almost laughing: “I’ve never been loved in this way until now.”

Upset, you take her hand back in yours and press a kiss on it. “Happy birthday, Nadia.” You rest your other hand on her nape and kiss her forehead. “Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday.” You cup her cheeks and seal your lips together once,“Happy birthday”, and twice, “...and happy birthday. There, I said it once for every year he didn’t.”

She stares at you wide-eyed and for a second you fear she might start crying again, but instead a sweet smile grows on face and her gaze softens. That’s a little better.

“Now, is a day off on your likings, or would you rather spend it working with your courtiers?” You tease, trying to keep her amused. She sniffs and pushes a lock of hair behind her ear, thinking.

“I called for the Praetor today…”

As if you didn’t take care of that! “I sent word that the Countess won’t be seeing anyone today.”

“I was also expected to discuss the Lazaret project with Julian this afternoon.”

“He won’t be able to make it either, unfortunately, because there’s party he must attend to."

*

“DIDI!” Nadia is nearly tackled down by Nazali as soon as she enters the salon. The doctor is clad in their usual travel outfit, not quite festive but comfortingly familiar, though in addition they now have a pink feather boa thrown about their shoulders.

“Birthday girl.” Nonchalantly follows Natiqa, who kisses her sister’s cheek affectionately and takes a moment to admire her hair.

In red overstuffed armchairs sit Asra, Muriel and Portia, all greeting her in their respective ways. Julian, who is posed in the center of the room, uncorks a bottle of wine loudly and the sound is followed Portia’s cheerful shriek and a collective “Happy birthday!”.

To all this Nadia is dumbfounded, unsure who is she supposed to turn to first, and glimpses over her shoulder to you, seeking help. Nazali spares her of the decision by wrapping an arm around her waist and takes her to her seat.

“Have you brought it?” You slide to Natiqa’s side. She discreetly draws out of her sleeve a small velvet pouch, and you transfer it quickly to your pocket, then the two of you walk to the others.

“WHO wants lemon cakes??”* Natiqa brings over a golden tray and Asra is the first one to answer the invitation. He takes two and offers Muriel one, who glimpses it skeptically, but accepts it.

Once seated, Nadia widens her eyes at you when no one’s looking then gives the first of the many genuine smiles she’d throw this afternoon. Feeling your heart swell, you can’t contain yourself and give her a peck on the cheek.

Nazali talks about their last journey and gives their sisters an update on Prakra’s affairs, Portia engages with Asra and Muriel in a conversation you can’t hear, but assume it’s about the cakes, and Julian notices Faust crawling up his leg. He lets out a short scream and starts kicking the air, waving his hand insistently at Asra. You come to aid and lend Faust a hand, who is clinging rather tight to the doctor’s boot, but abandons him to slither up to your elbow. “Hi,” you chuckle as she flickers her tongue at you. “Would you like to give Nadi a kiss?”

“Please tell me you are wearing that as a jest.” Nadia gestures at Nazali’s scarf. They run a hand through it fondly and grin.

The sheer concern on her face disappears when her gaze falls on Faust, peeping over her shoulder. “Why, hello there. Thank you for coming.”

You told the servants their assistance won’t be necessary and indeed, the small party atmosphere proves to be far more enjoyable for Nadia and the guests as well. You share stories, most of them about the Countess, who displays various shades of red depending on the nature of the said misadventures. And they grow more and more peculiar as the afternoon goes by and the number of empty bottles increases.

In the setting sun, you all descend to the gardens for a refreshing stroll. Passing the fountain, Asra remembers another birthday party at the palace where things ‘got a lot cheekier’ and ended ‘with some splashing’. He earns perhaps the deepest blush from Nadia, who, despite your insistences to elaborate on the subject, is quick to announce there will be no more tales.

“Shan’t we focus on the present?”

“The presents!” Portia claps.

Though you stated gifts aren’t a requirement, everyone brought a little something for the Countess, much to her desperation. The opening takes place on the veranda, where she expresses her utmost gratitude to the group for this pleasant surprise, and takes time to marvel at each gift.

“Muriel, this is gorgeous!” Nadia gasps, holding the small jewelry box he made for her. “Thank you, dear.”

“Asra gave me the idea…” Red colors his cheeks as Nazali and Natiqa come closer to examine the gift, but he’s also smiling. The Satrinavas show interest in his sculptures and he actually tries being polite, answering monosyllabically to their various questions about his material and methods.

Some time later, before dinner was served, Natiqa stands up abruptly and Muriel, who is seated next to her, moves his chair further away, frowning. All heads turn to her as she taps her nail on a glass.

“Oh my, you’re tall!” Portia muses.

“I know, right? Can you believe I’m the shortest of my sisters?”

“Tall…” She didn’t seem to hear her response.

Natiqa rememberers why she stood up, and raising her glass solemnly, she coughs and speaks. “I apologize for the interruption, but I believe we should have a toast for our beloved Nadia.” Everyone grabs their glasses and follows Prakran ambassador.

"Ever since I came here, to Vesuvia, I tried to fit as best I could into your world, sister. You are respected and loved, you have great friends, and not even your enemies are boring. I mean, The Devil? Whew. I must admit, life here is so much more animated than in good ol’ Prakra, where nothing ever goes wrong.Sometimes you must put down a fire and rebuild a city to know you’re alive.” Nazali giggles. “And this sweet magician,” Natiqa points at you and smirks, “You two have something so special I’d advise you to cling to it, but I know you know. What I’m trying to say is that you’ve grown. The little Satrinava princess scribbling about mechanical wings and pulleys is long gone.” You peek at Nadia and to your surprise, she smiles at the mention of her childhood self. “I’m looking at this beautiful, smart, passionate woman and I’m thinking, ‘where was I when she learnt to fly like this?’. Since you last visited home, you battled the plague, slept for three years, dealt with your undead goat husband and those things at the Masquerade, then you got married and saved your city. I wish I told you this when you needed it more, but I tell you now that our family is proud of you, Nadia. I am proud of you. I love you, and I hope every day of your life is full of love. May you bless us with your presence for many, many years to come, and may you drink with us for just as much.”

“For Didi!” Nazali beams.

“For the Countess!” Julian joins them.

After a ripple of clinking glass and best wishes, all the eyes move to you. The toast! Of course it was expected from you, why didn’t you think about that?

You stand up reluctantly and look your wife in the eye. “Uh, Nadia,” you feel heat rising to your cheeks and your mind goes blank, “I… I hope you didn’t hate this party.” In the silence that settled over the table, you clink your glass on hers. Then everyone bursts into laughter.

She leans towards you, resting a hand on your nape. “I didn’t,” She whispers in your ear then kisses you. You hear Portia saying “Awww”, then you kiss Nadia back.

3H DLC Book 2 and 3: Words of Love and An Antiquated Note

With the new update, there is some new stuff to dig in here that I very much want to look over. You can find the books here: https://imgur.com/a/IbluWTg

Since there are a lot of them, I’m just going to split them up into different posts and take my time shifting through them. For this one, since these two are the shortest of the documents, I decided to go over them in one post. 

Summary- Contents: Words of Love

This document is tiny- only two pages, and they consist entirely of a Table of Contents and a note. The Table of Contents include

How to Compliment a Lover

The Art of Seduction

The Myth of True Love’s Singularity 

Gifting Saint Cethleann’s Love Garland

Alone Time and the Greeting of Dawn

The second page is a note that states there is Seteth’s signature and a date of removal, that the document must have been part of the library, but only the Table of Contents remain. 

Legitimacy of Document

As per Linhardt’s declaration that some of the documents may be fake or forgeries, it’s a good idea to question the legitimacy of all. It’s better to question what is real, and what isn’t, even if in the end it’s only guesses.

Obviously, this seems to be the real deal. It bears Seteth’s signature after all. But why remove this book? Well, look at it... It’s literally a book about love and sex. Clearly inappropriate for a library in a church. It’s also possible he removed it because it had some sensitive stuff about his daughter’s “love garland”. I wonder what tradition that is supposed to be (interesting to note that Cethleann’s Crest is based off “The Lovers”). 

Either way, real, but nothing significant to note. 

Summary- Contents: An Antiquated Note

This is not technically a book, but a VERY old scrap of paper that was stuffed in the pages of a book. The note consists of a series of ingredients, including:

Moose Meat

Albinean moose meat is preferred, although horse or beef can be used to substitute at the cost of the unique flavor of the dish

Goddess Messenger

Zanado Treasure Fruit

Boa fruit can be used as a substitute 

Seasoning and Spices

Adrestian rock salt, herbs of Faerghus, and honey of Leicester are recommended 

The purpose of this dish is to celebrate a new emperor at ceremonies, and is said to be expensive due to the rarity of the ingredients. 

Legitimacy of Document

There really isn’t any reason to doubt that this scrap of paper contains a real recipe. All these ingredients actually exist in the game already, and are obtainable (except maybe the vague mention of seasoning and spices). 

While overall a useless document, some important information can be gleamed from it. 

Albinean moose meat must come from Albinea, which is a continent across the sea. This means in order to obtain this meat, trade had to occur. 

We already knew this, though, as there are foreign merchants in the game already. 

We cannot guess the age of this document to a specific year, but since it mentions that this is a recipe for new emperors, it’s no older than the Empire. Meaning that trade has been around for a while. 

Adrestia produces rock salt, there are herbs in Faerghus, and Leicester produces honey

The rock salt may come from the Oghma Mountains, as House Hevring enjoys a lucrative mining facility there. 

That’s really it. The next questions comes as to why this recipe was tucked away in a book and in the Abyss, but it could have gotten there by accident. Either way, it doesn’t seem suspicious. 

EDIT: Thank you to @pookaseraph for pointing this out, but this dish exists and can be made! It is called the “Best of Foldan”.

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E56 (March 26, 2019)

Gooooood evening, everyone. @eponymous-rose is taking a well-deserved break, so I’m stepping in to ruin reputations and botch direct quotations all over the place. Here to give us the appropriate gravitas and fear for the evening is the Chamber of Chairs:

Tonight’s guests: Liam O’Brien & Marisha Ray. Dani flips Liam off to start the show and it’s pretty funny. “What did I doooo?”

Tonight’s announcements: Last night was the season finale of Between the Sheets, featuring Ashly Burch, who is shockingly short in person. The VOD’s up for subscribers now, and it’ll be posted on YT tomorrow for everyone else. The Ashley Johnson episode will be up soon! Yay! Remember, no new episode of CR this week, and no new episode of TM next Tuesday as a result. Normal CR broadcasting resumes April 4. The Kickstarter hit $8 million today. Liam: “Oh boy oh boy oh boy it’s fine it’s fine IT’S FINE.” The final goal is $8.8m with 23 days to go, and a behind-the-scenes filming of the theme song was posted today on the KS. The video’s actually pretty cool & features Ashley in a feather boa!

Anyway! Episode 56: The Favor

CR Stats! This was the shortest episode of this campaign at 2h19m15s of gameplay. Only Shopping and Shipping from C1 was shorter. This episode tied for the fewest spells cast in one episode (six) and all were cast by Caleb. Over the 44 episodes & 136 days the M9 had the dodecahedron, they gained 25 fragments of possibility and actually utilized 13. 

Liam and Marisha talk about having a timer in the office: “It has been 27 days since the last Holy Fuck ending.”

None of them thought Matt was going to cut it off at that point, but when he explained he wanted Taliesin there for the next part, it made sense to all of them & they all agreed it was for the best.

Beau has four thousand thoughts racing through her head right now. One of them is excitement about getting to learn the Kryn more, but she’s also terrified. Henry interrupts with the most adorable baying howl and he walks offstage. What a good pupper.

Liam describes the moment as everyone frozen in amber as they wait for the next episode. Beau will figure out something to her advantage between now and then.

Marisha likens this moment to the Emon attack and the Lorenzo fight with Molly in terms of emotional shock. Brian remembers Sam was in a tux that night; Marisha: “I knew it was going to be a funeral tux.”

There’s another question about how Marisha/Beau feels about the dodeca handoff, and both Liam and Marisha start laughing about how this entire TM episode is just going to be about the ramifications of Caleb’s decision. Liam: “No regrets,” but he understands there’s going to be a lot of fallout. They talk about how the ramifications will depend on how public the Krynn make their gift: will it be parades in the streets, a handshake and dismissal from a private room, etc? What if there was a Dairon-type spy in the room who’ll tell people they don’t want to know about their actions? They’re eager and afraid to see the fallout.

Brian points out everyone could see on Travis’s face he would rather have gone to jail, but further discussion is derailed by questions.

The group had discussed the possibility of handing off the dodecahedron in the past, but he hadn’t considered ever handing it off until the last sixty seconds when “everything was going to shit. It was more mathematical than anything. It felt a lot like Avantika. We’ve got a plan, the plan’s broken, but we can get away, no, we can’t get away, now this is changing--I don’t want someone outside our group to control the situation if I can act first, if I can punch first. Everyone’s trying to negotiate and it’s failing, I don’t want to give up this thing either, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, here’s--this.” Caleb wanted to save the group. He wouldn’t have taken the gamble even two minutes earlier. Then, suddenly as it began to work, he & Caleb began realizing that not only did it work, but it worked very well and now his brain had split into two: “oh, thank God, I care about these people, I can save them,” and “how do I use this to my advantage.”

Caleb was quiet through most of this episode because he really wanted to discuss several things in private with other group members--that’s what he was thinking about for most of this.

Dani points out everyone expected physical travel between this fight & the audience with the queen where there would be downtime to discuss things. None of them expected immediate teleportation.

If Beau had been in a position to stop Caleb from giving up the beacon, she would not have stopped him.

Beau was wincing as Nott & Jester asked questions they should have already known the answers to. Liam points out it’s the war room in Dr. Strangelove--only the most powerful people would have been there. Beau dislikes authority but doesn’t think she’s stupid enough to have gotten herself seen as an obvious traitor.

Everyone revels in Matt’s Caduceus impression.

GIF of the Week: Liam pulling the dodeca out of the haversack by Will D. Brian singsongs “Travis is tilted~, Travis is tilted, look at his face~” over the GIF playing. Haaaaaahaha, poor Travis.

Liam: “I think I’m just in the shithouse.” Marisha: “You blew the shit whistle.”

Brief hilarious aside where they discuss Tetanus Terry (ft. on Travis Willingham’s YeeHaw Game Ranch) & Caleb Widogast getting fully replaced by Terry as a backup character if he gets assassinated.

On a scale of 1-10, Beau is following Dairon’s advice to a 7. She’s trying not to get attached, not to die, to listen, to not get impatient, to not be biased. She’s probably going to get closer to people than Dairon would suggest, but thinks she’s trying pretty hard.

It wasn’t cathartic for Caleb to renounce the Empire like this. His parents were very pro-Empire, and now that he’s on this journey to atone for his parents’ deaths, he’s done exactly the last thing his parents ever, ever wanted him to do--walked into the heart of the enemy and gave them everything they wanted. (Brian, Liam, & Dani briefly rag on Tumblr still having faint life somewhere. “Female-presenting nipples” comes up. It’s funny and also very sad.)

Brian discusses how it’s a big moment, but it’s not a victory for the group. Caleb was just shooting for a short-term immediate solution. Marisha: “It feels like a sitcom bait-and-switch. Nah, it’s cool, guys, we’re gonna pretend to be waiters and we’ll sneak into the kitchen,” but then they sneak into the kitchen and the cook laughs that the sous-chef is out today, and “now we’re in over our heads!”

Brian reveals dramatically that last night he came out as a supporter of Liam for President of D&D Beyond. Liam: “Beneath all the chicanery & hair product, there is common sense."

Liam & Marisha talk about the difference between Nott/Caleb’s original first podunk jail and this potential maximum security prison.

Caleb imagined the BDSM straps over his shirt and coat. Apparently most of the fanart generated this week has failed to include them. 

Both Marisha & Liam VEHEMENTLY agree they hated not being able to be main parts of the Brightqueen talks. They also talk about how they both are far better at CHA than Nott & Jester, though they point out in fairness that Matt’s told them he always adjusts the social DCs based on the arguments they make.

As far as the slavery part of the disguise, Marisha: “Marisha has laughed at every piece of fanart. Beau was surprised. Beau’s gonna have a talk.” She (Beau) felt they had discussed the costumes, the pretense--but not the bullying & active degradation her group put her through. It was huge, an eye-opening moment for Beau in a way she (Beau & Marisha) absolutely did not expect. She never thought they would abuse their status over her in that way.

They discuss how on a meta sense, they all knew that the scene was just Travis and Laura trolling them and having fun at their expense, but at the same time it’s still happening in game and will have in-game consequences. Marisha: “It’s like at a party where your good friend starts getting a little too drunk and starts making fun of you a little too much--it’s a little too real.”

That said, one of Marisha’s favorite fanarts from this week was Beau (as a table) swearing under her breath at Jester with her feet up. It’s an interesting juxtaposition.

Fanart of the Week: The Brightqueen by Nikki Dawes.

Beau does not feel she’s betrayed anyone by being present at this event. She knows where her allegiances lie, so just because this happened doesn’t mean it’s changed anything about what she believes. That said, she has no love for the Empire. She’s very personal with whom she cares about. She doesn’t have as much obvious disdain as Caleb does--she’s just more indifferent.

Caleb has a high CHA that he just doesn’t use anymore, because the people he knew with high CHA that used it did so to do bad things. Liam thinks when Caleb was young he was very gifted, charming, and attracted people to him; now it’s all gone. He can hold it together like a sandcastle by the tide for an hour, but in the end it always washes away.

On Nott speaking for the group: Marisha always likes hearing Sam talk. In some ways Marisha felt it was the same thing she used to get for Keyleth-- "why are you talking? You shouldn’t be talking. You shouldn’t be the talker.” Everyone should have their own voice, regardless of the scores on the page. “Your stats are there to influence the effects of what happens; they’re not the Bible. They’re not law.” She reminds us Vex once entered an arm-wrestling contest with a strength of 7.

How does Beau feel now that Caleb’s made another huge decision without consulting the rest of the M9 (i.e. Bowlgate)? It’ll play out in game. It’s a big deal. Liam admits he loves it. “The whole point is conflict resolution, so you need conflict.” He loves things like this, like the Astrid letter, because it opens opportunities to explore characters. In some ways it’s the same thing: they were in an impossible situation and Caleb sees it as protecting his friends, but that’s not how it read to anyone else. Marisha points out that once again he made himself the authority to make this huge decision without discussing it with anyone else in the group.

Marisha and Liam start talking about the decision more, decide it should wait for the game, but then keep talking despite themselves. Marisha points out that on top of his (once-again) unilateral decision, his speech was also framed selfishly (”I did this thing, I brought this back to you,”). To her, it still feels like the same thing with Caleb deciding things with major consequences for the rest of the group without their input, though she admits it’s colored by their (Beau’s & Caleb’s) history. Liam talks about how in the moment he was scared of deception checks, so he just tried to be as truthful as possible--nothing he said was false because he was only speaking for himself. He could not have spoken for the group & still been truthful. It’s a really interesting dichotomous discussion, both of them talking about what they felt in the moment versus how it came across to everyone else.

Liam feels it’s more like seeing someone dying in front of them & wasting time discussing whether they should do CPR or not, rather than him making decisions for the whole group. Marisha’s face obviously disagrees (so do I, ahaha). Liam also thought they were going to continue the episode & talk more, which would have kept it from being as much about him. This is gonna be super interesting when it actually plays out, for sure.

Once again, no new CR this Thursday or TM next Tuesday. Most of the rest of the programming will stay the same. This Tuesday’s Mame Drop will feature Max James of CR production fame.

We end on this eldritch horror:

"Weuuuh, Caleb knows best! Caleb will make the decisions for all of us in this D&D game!”

Aaand we’re out. Stay turnt.

Teacups and Teddy Bears

pairing: jiu / reader

word count: 1.2k

genre: fluff

request: hi i don't know if your request are closed but if it's not can you do a jiu meeting her idol gf daughter i loved the dami version????

--

The door creaking open echoed into the dim lit foyer. Teeth forming crescents on your lower lip, you attempted to shut it once more without waking the entire house. The pitter patter of footsteps sounded at the other end of the hall and you nearly jumped out of your skin as you heard something crash against the hardwood floor before the steps rushed towards you at an alarming rate.

"Mommy!" your daughter called, colliding with your thighs before wrapping her small arms around them.

Heartbeat settling down, you turned to face her, straightening the fluffy tiara sitting atop her head. "What are you doing up? It's past your bedtime, young lady."

She grinned toothily, showing off the pink plastic teacup in her hand. "Tea party!"

"...With Minji?" you inquired, peering into the living room, the only room in the house with the lights still on, filled with her stuffed animals in every empty seat. Your daughter nodded though your question was already answered, watching Jiu pat the cushion beside her and offer you an empty teacup.

Accepting her offer, you parted your lips to scold her for keeping your daughter up past her bedtime, the words catching in your throat as she wrapped her arms around your torso. Burying her head in your shoulder, she whispered a soft, "I missed you."

Pressing your lips to her forehead, you embraced her in return. "I told you my flight was delayed, you didn't have to wait up."

"I haven't seen you in three weeks, I couldn't wait until morning. No more tours for a long time, promise?"

You nodded, brushing the hair from her face and leaving a kiss on the tip of her nose. "Promise."

"Bleh." Your daughter scrunched her nose up and stuck her tongue out at your interaction. "What are they doing, Mister Brown?" She turned to her teddy bear, before nodding as if in agreement. "Yeah, I think they're weird too."

"Weird huh?" you inquired, standing from the couch and moving in her direction.

"Hm, sounds like someone's a bit..." Jiu started, following your footsteps.

"Jealous?" you finished, pulling her into an embrace before peppering kisses all over her face. She squealed as Jiu joined in, tickling her sides and smothering her in affection. "Admit it, you're jealous!"

She fervently shook her head, laughing between squeals. "Not jealous!"

"Is that so?" You grinned, a hint of mischief in your eyes. Picking her up from the ground, you placed her on the sofa. "Well it just so happens that Mommy knows your greatest weakness." With that, you lifted the hem of her shirt before blowing raspberries against her tummy.

She laughed harder at the sound of your lips vibrating against her belly, tears pooling at her waterline as she tried to escape your grasp. "Okay, okay! I'm jealous! I'm jealous!"

"I thought so," you giggled, fixing her night shirt and procuring the tiara she'd dropped somewhere between the kisses and tickles to place it on the crown of her head once more.

"But mama," she frowned and worry constricted your chest as you hummed in acknowledgement. "You're not dressed for the tea party!"

You laughed, shaking your head at your overreaction. "Well neither is..." stopping mid sentence, you retracted the finger pointed in Jiu's direction as you finally noticed the accessories adorning her attire. "Why, don't you look absolutely fashionable, Miss Minji," you jested, grinning at the feather boa around her neck and the gaudy plastic rings decorating her fingers.

"Always." She stole the extra boa off of the armchair, the rainbow feathers taunting you with every step she took in your direction. "Here, since I love you so very much, I'll share my fashion tips with you."

"I'd be honored," you jested dramatically, letting her slip the boa over your head.

Taking a step back, she admired her work. "Fitting, although I think it's missing something..."

"I know!" your daughter chimed in, procuring the plastic tiara from her tangled strands and reaching towards you on her tip toes. You leaned down to her height, allowing her to place the object -- as lopsided as it may have been -- atop your head instead.

"Perfect!" Jiu commended, high-fiving her. "Can mommy join the tea party now?"

Your daughter nodded, bouncing with excitement -- and knowing Jiu, probably sugar -- as she took you by the hand and led you to the couch, prompting you to sit. Following your lead, Jiu took a seat beside you, fingers entangled with yours.

Dawdling over to her stuffed rabbit, she pressed an empty cup to its mouth. "Here Miss White, your favorite."

Jiu pressed your hand to her lips, hiding the smile spreading across them. No matter how much time passed, she could never get over how cute your daughter was. "Miss Grey looks thirsty too."

"You're right!" your daughter agreed, laying the cup on the table and tipping the plastic teapot until it was filled to the brim with her vast imagination. "Don't worry Mister Pink! I'll help you next!"

You laughed, wondering if she'd ever outgrow her color phase, you sure hoped not, in a way it was endearing. You remembered when she arrived home from preschool for the first time, telling you all about her new friend. Between the babbled stories, you'd learned that she'd bestowed her the nickname "Blue”, as that was her favorite color. She had also, oh so kindly, named your closest friend "Red", as he'd spent a little too much time in the sun one afternoon. You never let him live it down, the nickname sticking like glue.

But there was something special about the name she gave your doting girlfriend.

From the moment they met, to your daughter, Jiu was Miss Yellow. At first, it was a mystery. You wondered what she'd told your daughter that she'd yet to reveal to you. Sometime after showering her with sunflowers and yellow iced cakes and everything else yellow that you could get your hands on, you learned that her favorite color wasn't, in fact, yellow at all.

You figured you should have asked your daughter to begin with, acting on your hindsight a little too late. Reading her to sleep one night, you finally asked why exactly Jiu was yellow, answered only with a sleepy, "I like her smile."

The vague answer would have confused anyone else, but to you, the puzzle pieces fell right into place.

Jiu was kind and warm and radiated positivity wherever she wandered. Jiu's smile could light up the darkest of rooms and lighten the heaviest of hearts. Jiu was sunlight in the human form. Jiu's soul was sunflowers and sunshine and everything that made you want to bask in the warmth of summer. Jiu was yellow.

"Mommy, it's gonna get cold..." your daughter pouted, bringing your mind back to reality.

"Sorry, sweet girl," you apologized, taking the teacup from her small hands. Lifting it to your lips, you hummed in approval as you pretended to swallow the nonexistent liquid.

Fingers tracing a pattern against the back of your hand, Jiu spoke. "How does it taste, angel?"

You met her eyes, sparkling with content and, quite possibly, the stars. Gaze trailing to her lips, your heart fluttered for the millionth time at the smile pulling at the corners.

"Sweet," you answered, the first word of many swirling in your head. A smile found your lips as you stared into the cup. For the first time in a long time, you remembered what it was like to have a childish imagination and, for the shortest of moments, the teacup was brimming with everything your heart adored.

Everything sweet and warm and soft and lovely and yellow.

Moonlight Becomes You: Apocalypse Midnight Dance Party, Ch. 7

Love Live, Love Live Sunshine, YohaMaru, NozoEli, NicoMaki, KanaMari, 3.7K, 7/?

Summary: We get a reunion and You finds herself very unpopular with at least two generations of Nishikino women.

You vs. The Nishikinos

You’s phone exploded in her pocket. Nishikino glared, which was nothing new. They had been in the ER for all of ten minutes waiting for the okay to talk to someone while Dia was being examined and You felt as scorched as a probe crashing into the sun from the intensity of the redhead’s dislike. It was Kanan’s bubble tone so You had to look.

K: DON’T LET MAKI TALK TO THAT WOMAN. yoshiko pulled her out of time and dumped her in the pool and she’s Maki’s DAUGHTER.

“Christ. For real?” You muttered, then raised a challenging eyebrow at Maki’s scrutiny. Eye roll and shrug and adjusting the drying t-shirt was the only response You got. They both should have changed into drier clothes, but no, emergencies never let you do neat things like that. And Yoshiko was always an emergency.

Y: What am I supposed to do?

K; <(*- -*)> just keep Maki away; Yoshiko’s on her way.

Y: You know I hate pulling rank.

K: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Y: All right. Yoshiko better hurry.

“Maki? You?” A familiar voice startled You, who whirled to meet the curious stare of her go to contact in the medical world, Dr. Nishikino....Nishikino...ugh…

“Hi, Doc.” You waved, feeling even more incredibly underdressed, especially compared to the silky, black and white feathery patterned dress Dr. Nishikino had under her lab coat.

“I couldn’t believe it when the Admissions clerk paged me that you both were here.” Dr. Nishikino hugged the redhead, who shuffled awkwardly in her grasp, “It’s good to see you, Maki. Is something wrong?”

“No, Momma, I’m okay,” Maki shrugged off the hug, “We rescued a woman from the pool at the Ohara OceanView and she might have hit her head. Her ID’s some weird holographic thing from Japan so I thought I could translate…”

Maki’s mom crossed her arms, thinking for a minute, then turned to You, frowning, “Is she in protective custody?”

“You’re a cop?” Maki’s disbelief echoed in the hall.

You made huge, urgent shushing gestures with both her arms, “Undercover. Did you forget, Dr. Nishikino?”

“Sorry. I’m sure Maki understands confidentiality. Is this woman one of the…”

“One of the what?” Maki interjected quickly.

You coughed, “I’d rather not say.”

Maki threw a hand up and kicked the wall behind her, “What is this, another...cryptid? How many are there in LA?”

“How did you…” You and Dr. Nishikino both interjected, instinctively stepped forward, crowding Maki, whose scrunched up expression seemed about to explode as a rant.

The non redheads exchanged a worried glance, then the doctor spoke, her hand on her daughter’s shoulder, “Maki, maybe we should go in my office and talk privately.”

Maki turned, sullen, arms crossed, one finger twisting in her hair, wanting to be anywhere but here. With Nico. But that wasn’t happening. Instead, she was here with her mother and this short, infuriatingly cheerful COP, waiting for permission to talk to some mysterious Japanese traveller. And Nico was with Eli.

You did some impressively fast mental relationship math, mother, grandmother, probably both time travel no gos. “I think it’s best if neither of you talk to her. I’m waiting for my colleague to arrive. Ms. Tsushima should have more information.” You looked pleadingly at Dr. Nishikino, her most polished really I wish I could help but half smile quirked in place.

A sigh and then agreement, “We can wait in my office until she gets here. And you can help me answer Maki’s questions.”

As You caught the flare of contempt in Maki’s amethyst eyes, she found herself wondering how much worse the day could get, and how complicated the questions would be. But there would be coffee and if there were coffee, You could keep treading water.

###

Eli stepped out of the room, leaving Nico to F U S S over the choices from the Ohara On The Beach boutique. All with corporate branding, of course, which just really ticked off Nico. Eli was pretty sure if Nico found a Sharpie somewhere, Ohara would get X’ed out of existence, at least everywhere it touched Yazawa skin. So Nico was in major bitch mode, and although the phrases blonde and rich and pushy and touchy and heiress were all strung together, Eli thought she was probably the blonde at the root of Nico’s frustration. As upended and confusing as Eli’s life was right now, without Nico’s willingness to be there, things would be much much worse. Eli had to find a way to let Nico how much that meant to her. More urgently, Eli had to find a way to get these seemingly random transformations under control. Then they could both have their lives back and Nico could spend time with her feral dj. Eli felt the corner of her lip twist up a bit in a dry snarl. She was feeling so much more territorial. With a shake, she closed the door behind her, and Nico’s rapid fire complaining quieted.

“The little one isn’t a fan.” Mari giggled.

Eli shrugged. She didn’t want to get caught in a discussion of Nico.

“Maybe your fortunes will change. My Tarot reader’s going to arrive any minute. She’s buono come il pane, never wrong, a true uranaishi.”

Tarot reader. That would be too small a world but before Eli could ask, the door opened, a high, amused voice lilted into the room.

“Your staff is whispering everywhere. Is there a celebrity in the house? Do they need a Tarot reading?” Eli recognized the giggle, “I could use a little celebrity magic.” Nozomi was wearing a blue green swing dress, light fabric, green shawl around her shoulders. Her eyes widened, “Eli?”

“You know each other?” Mari pounced from the couch, inserting herself in the middle of the conversation that was about to happen, “My staff never gossips about celebrities. We had a water rescue.”

“Is every one all right?” Nozomi’s concerned tone was so soft, so gentle Eli wanted to wrap it around herself like a blanket.

“Nico said they had to take the woman to the hospital, maybe a head injury.” Eli answered.

Nozomi frowned, “I hope she’ll be all right. Were you there, Eli? Is Nico here? Is this a party?”

“I’m ALWAYS a party, you know that, darling.” Mari dragged Eli and Nozomi to the table, “Read for the dancer, my friend, she needs a change of luck.”

Nozomi was staring and Eli couldn’t look away, the colors in Nozomi’s turquoise eyes were sea glass sliding mesmerizingly through the gentle rolls of a tidal pool.

And then Nico brayed as she charged back into the room, “Come on, Eli, let’s go someplace and find real food, Nico’s tired of fancy.”

Nico was in a ridiculously oversized white and blue Ohara On The Beach hoodie and the shortest of glittery short shorts.

“No, no, we’re all having our cards read.” Mari gestured for Nico to join them.

Nico’s eyes flitted suspiciously to Nozomi, her mouth narrowing, her tone accusatory. “You.”

“Hello again. Where’s your redheaded friend?” Nozomi was pulling a deck out of her bag, moving slowly as she tried to get a read on the room. So much tension. And why were Eli and Nico even here? Unless...Nozomi spun, hand touching Eli’s forearm, the blonde tensing, “You’re Kanan’s dancer.” Eli frowned and Nozomi reconsidered her words, “Kanan’s been saying how grateful she is to her” and Nozomi made sure to emphasize the next word, “collaborator who is so experienced in both ballet and Japanese culture.”

“Eli’s the best. Kanan’s lucky she’s available. Let’s get going.” Nico grabbed Eli’s other arm, ready to drag her out of this room. “Nico has to go shopping for dinner and we have to get home before moonrise.”

The room went silent.

Eli refused to move, Nico couldn’t budge her. Then suddenly, Eli’s arm was free and Nico’s nose was right off the tip of her own and Eli was being subjected to a level of suspicious scrutiny worthy of a cop who’d found an open container of alcohol in the car. Nico blew hot angry air in Eli’s face, causing mad blinking, and bit off a prediction, “It’s your funeral.” Nico pivoted, “Nice to see you again, Nozomi, not particularly nice to see you, Ohara, but Nico thanks you for the clothes.”

Mari giggled, “You, Bella, are a treasure.”

Nico gestured in a profoundly unfriendly fashion at Mari, hissed “be smart” at Eli, and marched toward the door.

Mari stretched her hands out and grinned at the two women left, “Now we can really have some fun.”

###

Maki’s phone went off as her mother was closing the door to the office. It was the tone she’d set for Nico, BoA’s ‘No Limit.’

N: Eli’s being really S T U P I D and Ohara got me these awful clothes but Nico’s bounced out of that loser scene and is on her way to see what we fished out of the pool.

“No” Maki exclaimed and then felt her mother right at her side.

“What’s wrong, Maki?”

Maki knowing she was bright red and for her mother that would be too much of a clue, shook her head, and ducked back out of the room before anyone could make eye contact with her. What could she say? Her mother would be far too interested in Nico...and You was still here...and...closing her eyes, trying to slow her panic into words, Maki composed a text in her head, then typed and sent before she could read it through.

M: Hey, Nico. The doctors have everything under control. You really don’t have to rush over here. It probably won’t be much longer.

There was a pause, no response, triggering Maki to frantically review what Nico had sent.

M: I’m sure the clothes look cute. No one will pay any attention to whatever’s wrong with them. I have to go. Dinner still okay?

N: -`д´-

M: (・・)

M: I really have to go. Sorry.

Maki stared at her phone for another minute but no response. She pocketed it and opened the door to face a familiar interrogation. Her mother was laughing at something You said, but her attention switched to her daughter instantly.

Dr. Nishikino leaned back in her chair, eyebrows up, an in no way innocent smile on her face as she asked. “Was that Rin? Aren’t you back in town early?”

You began to say something but at Maki’s glare clamped her mouth shut.

“No, Mama, it was a friend.”

“Oh, Nico? You was telling me how the three of you pulled our mystery Dia out of the pool.”

Dia was a nice name, Maki thought. How had she ended up in the pool and when was this other person going to show up? Maki slid into a chair, still glaring at You. A cop? What the hell was going on.

“Maki?”

Maki frowned at her mother, “What?”

“Was that Nico?”

Maki nodded. Maybe her mother would pick up on her mood and stop asking questions.

A buzzer went off, Maki’s mother picked up her phone, “Dr. Nishikino here...uh huh...thanks...we’ll be right there...has Kurosawa Dia been examined yet...waiting for a CAT scan...okay... put Tsushima in an open room and we’ll be right there.”

Maki stayed seated, her brain still sliding puzzle pieces into place, “No one’s explained anything.”

Her mother and You had risen and were heading for the door, her mother turned back, “What did you say, Maki?”

“You haven’t explained anything. Either of you. About the...cop” Maki pointed accusingly at You, “...or why you know each other...or why you don’t want me to talk to…”

“There’s nothing to explain.” You squared her shoulders. This was the moment to seize back control of the situation. To get everyone else OUT of the picture. Even if she was wearing her oldest, rattiest shorts. “Let’s call it protective custody. I have everything under control. You can just leave it to me.” Cue cheerful, competent smile.

You’s strategy failed. Her smile fizzled to a look of confusion as the still suspicious Maki stood, looming over her, “I don’t think so. Let’s go see this friend of yours together, right, Mama?”

Nishikinos always supported each other. Maki’s mother slid her arm through her daughter’s, unleashed her most professionally, unarguable flirty-charming smile at You, and led the way out the door, “Of course, dear.”

You followed with a groan.

###

Nico wasn’t going to kick her car. It was a good car. But she was going to sit inside it for a few minutes, ignoring everyone around her, while she stared at the phone she’d thrown in the passenger seat. Everyone was in a mood: Nico, Eli, and now Maki, who should be thrilled that Nico had free time and was going to use it to rush to her side and be helpful. But no, right now...Nico paused in her contemplation to yell, “SHUT YOUR HORN” at the driver urging her to pull out of her parking spot. Why was Maki so concerned about that swimmer anyway? Nico sighed, flipped off the person behind her, and considered. If it had just been her, Nico would have gone to the hospital. And Maki had been expecting them to go together. But Eli...Eli who had totally ignored Nico’s sacrifice when that overly bouncy Tarot reader swaggered in. Of course Ohara was friends with another...Nico groaned. Enough. This wasn’t about the people Nico had left behind. Eli could make her own choices, it was probably good for her. But Nico had to make her own choices as well: to go home and wait for Maki or to head to the hospital like she should have when the ambulance pulled out.

###

Yoshiko groaned inside her head. There it echoed, a counterpoint to the breathy giggles of Hanamaru in her ear as they travelled down the hospital corridor, Hanamaru bouncing on her back, heels digging into the curves of Yoshiko’s thighs.

“Zuramaru, we could just hold hands and you’d still be invisible.”

“Nope.” Yoshiko felt Hanamaru’s hair tickle her feathers as her wife and chief tormentor leaned forward to kiss behind her ear.

“Stop.” Yoshiko hissed as the shivers took over. More giggles. “This is serious.” Yoshiko winced as her voice squeaked. She stopped and released Hanamaru’s legs, the shorter woman sliding to the ground.

Hanamaru’s amber eyes were unusually serious. “I know. Yohane pulled this poor woman out of time and you didn’t even stop to explain…”

“I couldn’t, Zuramaru, I was about to set us down to talk when she yanked and then she was in the pool and then EVERYONE was in the pool and…”

“You could have talked to her BEFORE you flew her through Time, Yoshiko.” Hanamaru had never let Yoshiko squirrel out of anything.

“She wasn’t going to listen.” Yoshiko was getting all worked up, her arms flying out, her wings quivering. Hanamaru knew this corridor was too tight a space for a displaced celestial being trying to avoid hospital staffers in a state of high frustration so she pulled the angel into an empty room.

“You still need to ask before you pull people out of the timeline.” Hanamaru chided the impulsive beauty she’d first raced from the skies centuries ago. So often it seemed like only yesterday. “Consent.”

Yoshiko was pacing, dark wings fluttering, words flowing out at a rapid muttering, a shadow falling over the room as Yohane’s glory backlit Yoshiko’s lost purple eyes, “Yohane speaks and all must tremble.”

“Bull.” Hanamaru snapped off a verbal slap. Then she softened, “I know you’re scared, Yoshiko, but that poor woman…”

“Dia.”

“Dia, is 10,000 times as distressed as you might be. And from what Kanan said, might have a head injury. So we need to help her.” Hanamaru always sounded so reasonable when demanding impossible things, Yoshiko realized. For the 27,560th time.

Yoshiko paused, hands claws on the windowsill, mind full of what she’s seen and summoned when she’d used the scrying bowl to test Riko’s prophecy. The images of destruction and fire and chaos had been so strong the water had nearly boiled.

Hanamaru’s warm, gentle hand covered hers, calming the trembling, “That’s not our future, Yoshiko.”

“No.” Yoshiko hung her head for a moment and then with the full glory of a young filly kicking up onto her hind legs, mane flying, Yoshiko stood tall, her voice a resonant flood, “We will find our loyal ally, You, and then this newest demon will be comforted and…” Yohane paused and Yoshiko winked at Hanamaru, “ASKED to take on this glorious quest.”

Hanamaru nodded, assenting to this plan.

“But no more piggybacks.” Yohane announced.

“Aw…”

And Yoshiko was out the door before Hanamaru had a chance to charm.

###

Dia was alone when she woke up, and this hospital was not her family’s.  Such antiquated equipment. No sensor on her wrist, no holoscreen to track her vitals, no dedicated AidVox to summon a nurse. The tubing on the IV was thicker than she was used to and the fabric of her hospital gown coarse. At least the IV was on a rolling stand so she could move without ripping it out of her arm. As woozy as she felt, she probably needed the fluids. And where were her mothers? There was no way that both of them weren’t somewhere lecturing whoever had put her in this relic of a room and arranging for transportation to a more modern facility. She missed them suddenly. Had LA changed this much since her last visit? Dia rose out of the bed, leaning slightly on the pole, and shuffling to the window. So many more cars, and carbon criminal cars at that...was she on a movie set? Had Ruby decided to start playing jokes on her? Maybe it was the twins? They were still sulking that Dia and Tora had won the annual family beach volleyball tournament. Dia smiled at the memory; Vik sitting back in the sand, shock dropping her mouth open, as Dia’s spike skimmed between her reach and Teddy’s. They hadn’t pulled a serious prank in years, maybe they got Leah to help them? Or Sarah?

“Hi.” A soft voice came from behind Dia.

Nervous, Dia stiffened her shoulders and frowned, her voice a rebuke of the interloper’s rudeness. “Don’t people in Los Angeles knock.”

“Sorry.” There was a cough and the door closed, then Dia heard a quick, solid knock.

She almost laughed as she turned, “Come in.”

The short, fair haired woman, tanned, toned legs a bit too showcased in the shorts that should have been recycled several laundry cycles ago, stepped into the room again, her bright blue eyes merry to match the lopsided grin lighting up the room, “I’m Lieutenant Commander You Watanabe, Coast Guard Liasion to the LAPD and we have to talk fast.”

Prank was seeming more and more reasonable a guess, “Is that the new Coast Guard uniform?”

A pink blush dusted Watanabe’s cheeks and she ducked her head, “Sorry.” Then there was the bright merry blue again, “You dropped in without much warning.”

Dia’s fingers were itching. She wanted to grab a pillow or the IV stand and pound some answers out of this latest intruder in the orderly progress of her life. And then she froze as she heard two familiar voices moving closer outside in the hall.

“Of course the clothes look good, the clothes are on Nico. Nico makes everything look good.”

“Sure, sure, but I don’t have time for this. Where did she get to?”

“Who?”

“You.”

“Maki should be paying attention to Nico.”

A sigh, “Your clothes are fine. I’m sorry Mari turned you into a walking billboard…”

“Nico is taking this off right now.”

“You shouldn’t have taken the clothes anyway, Mari will use that as leverage now.”

“Leverage?”

“She’s been trying to get me to..it doesn’t matter...hey, stop that.”

“Maki thinks Nico should have refused the clothes and kept looking like debris washed up against the pier.’

“Don’t…leave that on...this is a hospital...” a scuffle, seemingly outside the door, some coughing. “Wait, does that mean you think I look like…”

Dia rushed the door, “Momma, Mama…”

She was stopped by You, who had an arm out, “Ms. Kurosawa, you can’t go out there. I need to explain a few things first.”

Dia drew herself up to her full height and glared, “Bzzztttt. How dare you. Am I under arrest? Drop your arm. Now.”

You stepped back, both hands up in the air, but still blocking the door. “You have to listen to me, this is a very difficult, dangerous situation, and your mothers don’t know who you are.”

Dia’s voice was a screech. “How do you know all this? How does this even happen?!?”

You closed her eyes. At least Dia had stopped moving toward the door. And You had felt the tingle of magic that meant Yoshiko had paused the universe outside this room. So she had a minute. “My friend pulled you out of Time. Your mothers haven’t started dating yet.” You ran a hand through her hair, “I know this sounds like the craziest thing you’ve ever heard, but please give Yoshiko a chance to explain.”

“Yoshiko?” Dia's mouth was open in a shout, her eyes angry.

The door open, and Yohane swept through, fully winged and incandescent.

Kurosawa Dia, rather than being cowed in the face of celestial glory, clenched her fists and strode forward, “You kidnapper...”

“Stay back mortal, lest Yohane’s power will…”

Dia’s punch crunched squarely into Yoshiko’s jaw.

The best Guide to Reddit Marketing around 2019

"Yep, i do all my modelling in C4D as I just know the tools so well there. I do minimal retopology in Zbrush on organic shapes but any hard surfaces I make in C4D. I'd recommend the "Introduction to Subdivision modelling in C4D" by Shane Benson on Vimeo (he goes by Sheppard O'Neill on YouTube if you prefer that) and it was his tuts that got me into box and subdiv modelling.

I'm also releasing a modelling workshop in C4D and models from the kitchen scene that these belong to will be in there to learn. Just not these two as they belong to marketing for the workshop. very well "Brand new Reddit account with two extensive comments defending Boa Vista Orchards huh...? We joked earlier about spotting the Boa Vista account in here but it looks like we actually have lol! > I just talked to the dude who does the marketing for Apple Hill and he sent me this So you just randomly talked to the guy and he emailed over his entire statement...? " "I too wonder why they didn’t just create a new line and call it the mach-e instead of mustang, I believe it has something to do with the marketing department since they knew it’ll stir a lot of discussion" "Precedent suggests it depends on the marketing around the product being sold and the implied purpose. " "Wow, ha. The fact that you think that it’s ok for the government to strip away my personal health insurance so that I HAVE to be on the same shitty plan on everybody else is crazy. If healthcare is “free” and universal, the quality of healthcare is bound to decrease. I can choose to pay for whatever the fuck I want and whatever healthcare I want. I give to charity and I have plans on giving a lot more to charity as I get further in my career and start making more money. Believe it or not, you aren’t the only one that cares about people just because you want “free” healthcare for everybody. And there is also no such thing as free healthcare. It has to be paid somehow and middle class taxes will go up no matter how complicated you try to make the source of payment sound. And regarding free college, that will also raise middle class taxes. You keep bringing up this. 02% of financial transactions bullshit as if that’s going to cover all costs. Have you done studies on this yourself? Do you even know that? You act like all these things can be magically paid for without anybody in the middle class being negatively affected. I have a bachelor’s degree and I didn’t feel like college was very challenging. It was more like a series of annoying classes I didn’t need when all of college could have been boiled down into one year of the core classes of my major of marketing. College is a fuckin scam and it’s only truly necessary for a very limited amount of majors. You’re just another minion that kisses the feet of big-government Democrats that try to make us feel like horrible people for not allowing them to sucks insane amounts of money out of the economy and spend it how they would like to. inch "That's including the localization teams for every language though, as well as PR and marketing. >! Some of them might even be legacy accreditation for the Gen 6 models they're *still* using.! < " "Time is a cost and you should track where that cost is going. That said, if you are working on general administrative/nonbillable stuff within your own department, it's pretty easy to have that time automatically go to the right cost bucket, so generic entries for that sort of thing are fine imo. The stuff that really has to be tracked is anything for clients or for departments that are outside your default (e. g. engineer writes a blog post, that's marketing time etc). micron "I believe there are some lessons on Google Academy for Adss (now called Skillshop) but hands-on experience is tricky. Two ways are possible, 1) is for you to have your own website and use Google Ad Sense, but this is more from the advertiser side rather than publisher or technical side 2) ask a digital or marketing agency that is near you if you can shadow/assist/internship/work experience for a week or so. This may be difficult depending on where you live and agency people are always very busy, so if you do ask tell them how you could help THEM not the other way around. To be honest, start with Analytics and Paid Search as they are arguable more accessible and have more out there for you to learn" "We are in the same boat, but different industry. Here's my approach, starting this week: I'm joining business groups that my target clients are a part of, for example, manufacturer groups. Then I'm going to target that organization with our services. I'm then going to offer to speak about the service I offer and how it helps businesses. Not a marketing spiel, an educational talk. Good luck" "One might consider a lawsuit if a car or alcohol company advocated or implied the action of drinking and driving in their marketing" "This post has been removed for breaking Rule 1. No Spammy Titles. Do not mention anything about selling anything in the title. Absolutely ZERO marketing in the title. Do not even ask for people to contact you for more. Be enticing. Post quality pics with quality titles. Read the rules for info on how to market yourself here. If your posts keep getting removed then you will be banned. READ THE RULES! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Remember to[contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/? to=/r/feetpics) if you have any questions or concerns. *" "I came of grew up and came of age in Chicago during Jordan's time with the Bulls and the shortest answer is that it's almost incomparable because the level of fame basketball players before Michael Jordan was laughably lower than now. Even today MJ has a logo that might be more identifiable than the company that created it. I would argue no athlete in any sport has surpassed MJ's level of fame. MJ pioneered so many avenues of endorsements, its like comparing planes in the era of propeller planes with jet planes. Jordan like most greats, stood on the shoulders of giants, specifically Larry Bird and Magic Johnson. Those two spent the better part of the late 70's and early to late 80's dominating the sport of basketball. Also add in Isiah Thomas of the Pistons and arguably "Dr. J" Julius Erving of the 76ers and those four were the superstars of the four teams that won EVERY NBA championship of the decade. Before Michael Jordan won his FIRST NBA Championship in 1991, he was arguably bigger than all of them. Before MJ, being a big name athlete meant getting your name on a breakfast cereal box called Wheaties, and doing the commercial saying the plug line "Gotta eat your Wheaties! " That's not a joke. Check 'em out on youtube, they're cringe worthy. MJ's meteoric rise in my opinion was helped by a few special advertising campaigns. I think first would have been his Nike commercials with Spike Lee, another pioneer. He just made "Do the right thing" at a time when black people making movies with black people in the movies wasn't really a thing. Spike Lee also happens to like playing characters in his own movies and Mars Blackmon was a character in that movie that Spike Lee chose to portray in a series of commericals with Michael Jordan. Again, pardon me for repeating, but I have to say it again for context. You have a supremely talented and charismatic young athlete being marketed by a young shoe company (Converse Chuck Taylors were still THE basketball shoe) hiring a visionary and ground breaking director to do something that had not been done before. And they crushed it. Again, at this time Michael Jordan wasn't winning NBA championships. He was having savant level performances, but get bounced out of the first round by the Celtics, or getting manhandled in the playoffs by the Pistons. By the time he did win it all in 91, MJ was doing things that no one had done in fields well outside basketball. Michael Jordan in Flight is one of the first videogames to have 3D. He had already supplanted Dr J in the one on one basketball video game with Larry Bird. Gatorade put out a marketing campaign with the song "Be Like Mike" and that song was the top song for the summer of 92 in Chicago on most radio stations regardless of genre. You're already familiar with Space Jam, but before Space Jam, the Looney Toons were relegated to afternoon after school syndicated (rerun) television stations. Michael Jordan made Bugs Bunny cool again to a whole new generation that knows of them only through MJ. I hope that helps. inches "Yeah I don't want to turn it around and criticize Musk over this or anything, but Tesla is great at PR and marketing while convincing people they don't actually try to be. inches "No, you dont need more parties, you need to ban all parties and establish government funded elections where everyone with a certain amount of support by the people can run using government money and marketing channels. Equal funding, equal marketing, equal candidacy, by the people, for the people. Sounds too good to be true? Well fuck you, because parties are corrupt barbaric cavemen shit. " " Funny Cartoon Images for website content - Family Funny Images and illustrations, Ultimate single panel funny cartoons used for websites, social media and emails https://www.freecartoonsdaily.com https://www.cartoons.cafe   www.cartoons.cafe www.acmeblanks.com sign up now! Funny Cartoons, Funny family cartoon images, Custom Cartoons, Niche Cartoons, Humorous Illustration Services, Business Cartoons, Medical Cartoons, Custom Comic Strips, Book Illustration Services, Political Cartoons, funny hospital cartoons, cartoons for marketing, corporate cartoons, work cartoons, business cartoons, Computer Cartoons, farmer cartoons, farm cartoons, tractor cartoons, Pig cartoons, pig farmer cartoons, cor farmer cartoons, wheat farmer cartoons, soybean farmer cartoons.... inch "That's including people associated with the marketing and promotion of Sword and Shield, which means people at Nintendo and the Pokemon Company rather than actual programmers at Game Freak working on the game itself. The same article you're looking at gives 200 at Game Freak - which is likely wrong since Game Freak had 143 employees, and Game Freak openly stated most were working on Town. You could include the modelers from Creatures Inc, but given that the models are the same as those developed for X and Y by Creatures Inc years ago, they are likely still being credited for "work" on this game that was actually done quite some time ago. " "Imagine what a lucky break JonTron was for FlexSeal. Their products are actually pretty decent, but their marketing was almost typical infomercial stuff that no-one over fifty would've seen. Next, out of nowhere, some YouTuber makes them famous amongst younger customers. People make "that's a lotta damage, " and "I sawed this boat in half, " memes. Everyone knows who they are. Chances are, when you need some stuff like this you'll at the very least know about their existence and you might buy their stuff because at least you know they're legit. Some people will buy it when they need something like that, literally for the meme. All they have to do is keep the ball rolling with tweets like these (because, of course, people actually follow them on Twitter now). " "That's my point. The pub you linked to is disney land. I'm looking for somewhere that recreates the  a more authentic historical experience. I think these places have got their marketing wrong which is why they are closing. They should be trying to recreate an experience closer to that in the Pathe news reel. If you just sold fresh baked bread, potted Hare, a variety of local ales you could heat with a poker while smoking a hilarious pipe you could capture a huge slice of the real ale / hipster / foodie market. " "No game in the genre had been competition for the Diablo franchise since it's inception. D3 no matter how you look at it was a huge commercial success being in the top 10 video games sold of all time at one point. Diablo now has become what WoW was before, tons of games saying they are a WoW killer and none of them doing it. So now we looming at Diablo killers but they all end up falling off somewhere because they don't get the same $$$ support / marketing. inch "8M opening weekend bad = bad marketing. Bad quality movie would be revealed in the multiplier (word of mouth and no rewatches). In this case I don’t think there was anything compelling from the movie they could focus the marketing around which led to the 8M OW. " "I’m in the same boat. I have to get 14 credits by may2020. In the last 2 weeks I did principle of marketing 3 credits score 66 and principal of management 3 credits score 62. This week I’ll take precalculas which is 5 credits and calculus which is 4 credits. I did not pay the $89 for the test because I did modernstates which pays the testing fee. It also reimburses me for the $20 testing fee" "Marketing. McAf€€ gets money from users, Micro$oft gets money from McAfee. They beget the green, motherfuckers that they are. Sometimes  http://tipofmytongue.topreddit.info  who install 3^^rd party stuff tho, it's not only Microsoft. Anyway, it's a motherfuckery of bloatware if not malware. "McAfee antivirus is one of the worst products on the planet" -John McAfee" "You're arguing entirely from marketing hype instead of actual quality, which is entirely stupid and comes down entirely to Sont having far greater of a userbase and them having less games to pump more money behind. Besides, let's not pretend Sony has an actual library of games here. Both Xbox and Sony have completely shit the bed this console generation in terms of exclusive libraries. Sony has had like, 8 good games this entire generation as exclusives. You have Death Stranding, Uncharted 4, Horizon, Until Dawn, Bloodborne, God of War, MLB The Show... That's about it? I guess you also have Detroit and Last Guardian depending on who you ask, but I defo don't wanna throw Days Gone on that list. But in any case, you could lump all of those games into loke 3-4 genres. Am I missing anything? But yeah, stop saying dumb shit like "Well its not a household name so its irrelevant" because you're entirely missing the point and reducing the entire industry to what can or can't be marketed. As well, its telling that Sony has stated their goal next-gen is to have less games release but have them be bigger, where Microsoft is going the opposite direction. Keep the the big titles, bur also have a little something for everyone. Diversity is important. Your Battletoads reboot might not sell as well, but its important to folks who like it. Games shouldn't be live or die based on how well they fit in established and marketable trends. Its absurdly reductive" "I actually never had injected one, whats the main difference? And is it really a big improvement or rather a marketing bait" "It’s all part of his NYC persona. Marketing. inches

All There Is To It

Author: IDeserveYou

Year: 2012

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Naboo/Saboo

‘Oh, shit.’ Saboo comes to an abrupt halt. ‘What is it now?’ Saboo seethes inwardly at the barbed tone of that ‘now’. Yes, they’ve had a bad day. But no, it hasn’t all been his fault. Except perhaps for accepting this job in the first place. It all sounded rather simple the way the Head Shaman put it: ‘you just go in there, help the Bearer to retrieve the stolen Amulet, and get back to wherever you parked the carpet…’ Yeah, right. The Amulet is a vitally important shamanic artefact, and the fee was good, with a reward from the King promised on the top of it; but Dennis really should have mentioned that the thief was a mad art collector who lived in a fortress in the middle of nowhere, that said fortress was extremely well guarded and under a magical no-fly zone, and that the recovery mission would need to be completed during the hours of daylight to have any chance of success. Oh, and he really should have said who the Bearer was, too. Or Saboo really should have asked, or simply stuck to his guns about doing fieldwork alone. Because of all the people to be trapped in the wilderness with, after a dangerous and rather exhausting afternoon… Naboo peers vaguely at the sheet of water blocking their path. ‘Don’t see what you’re all that bothered about. Okay, my shaman-senses have navigated us a bit far to the norf, but at least we’re out of the forest now, an’ we can just go round the lake. Which way d’you reckon’s shortest?’ ‘Shorter,’ Saboo grits through clenched teeth. ‘Tha’s what I said. We’re almost out of the zone, you can see the pointy rock where we left the carpet, look.’ He points across the lake. The rock is a couple of miles away, no more; but Saboo’s memorised the map and knows that although the lake is narrow, it’s long, cutting through the low hills like a sword-blade. Whichever way they choose to go around it, darkness will have fallen long before they get anywhere near safety. ‘Naboo, you plum, we don’t have time. Those – things – will be on our tracks as soon as the suns have set. There’s only one thing for it. We’ll have to swim across.’ He strips briskly down to his underwear and packs his clothes into the rucksac (wondering bitterly why he has been the one carrying it all day; surely an amulet can’t be that heavy). ‘Good job this has a waterproof liner. At least we’ll have dry clothes on the other side… Oh, come on, get those robes off, will you? There’s no time to lose.’ Naboo shakes his head. Saboo loses his temper. ‘Now listen, you total titbox, I’ve about had it to here with this mission. We wouldn’t even be here if you’d taken better care of the Amulet in the first place and not left it in your Shamansbury’s trolley for any Tom, Dick or Harry to steal.’ ‘It wasn't Tom, Dick or Harry. He’s called Stewart,’ Naboo protests. ‘I don’t give a toss what he’s called. You may have trapped him for all time in his own display cabinet, but we’re still in danger, can’t you get that into your head? We’ve already avoided at least two unpleasant deaths each today.’ He glares at Naboo, somehow resisting the impulse to throttle him and make the third the charm. The little shaman still has not moved. ‘You’ll have to leave me behind.’ ‘What are you talking about? You can’t be left behind. You’re the Bearer of the Amulet.’ Naboo holds out the glittering golden pendant, still on its chain about his neck. ‘Not if you take it willin’ly.’ ‘Well, I don’t. I’m not falling for that. It’s your responsibility, laid on you by the King himself… Come on, for fuck’s sake, do you want to be torn to shreds by the Guardians? You saw that – that body they’d left in the moat.’ There is a terrible fear in Naboo’s dark eyes. He looks more scared than Dennis faced with a line of coke. ‘I can’t swim,’ he whispers. Saboo sighs. ‘You accepted a mission to retrieve your Amulet from a fortress in the Xooberon Lake District, a moated fortress mark you, and you can’t swim.’ ‘Yeah, that’s about it.’ ‘Well, I’m not leaving you, I’d never hear the last of it from Dennis. Now strip.’ Saboo’s command-voice has always been a good one. Naboo automatically pulls his robes off over his head, kicks off his curly trainers, and hands over his turban; Saboo stuffs them all in the bag. ‘And the rest.’ Naboo hesitates, head bowed, hands at the waistband of his flimsy silk trousers. ‘Listen, any clothing’s just going to drag you down. Get ’em off.’ Naboo starts shivering, though the air’s not cold; two of the three suns are still in the sky and there’s an hour or so yet before the real night-chill kicks in. Saboo’s impatience almost chokes him. ‘This is no time to come over all shy. If what Dennis told me is true, you don’t have anything to be shy about, anyway.’ In exasperation, he strips off his own underpants. ‘Look, we’re all square. Happy now?’ Naboo looks up and then hastily away; pushes the trousers down, and steps out of them. He’s so thin, and what Dennis said was true, the dark hair on his body just stops and then there's – Saboo concentrates hard on the job in hand. ‘I think the bag will float, if we seal it. Put the Amulet in there, and you carry it, then you’re still the Bearer, right?’ Naboo gives a small nod. He’s biting his lip; he looks as though he might cry. Saboo hopes fervently that it won’t come to that. He wouldn’t know what to do; he might even cry himself… He takes a deep breath. ‘Right. Put your left arm through the straps and let me put the belt on.’ He fastens the clips, tightens the strap around Naboo’s narrow waist, trying not to look, trying not to touch that soft white skin… ‘You’ve left my trousers out,’ a small voice says. ‘I know.’ Saboo picks them up and knots the legs together. ‘We’re going to use them as a tow-rope. You hold this end and don’t let go. I hold the other, and pull you across. Keep one thought in that drug-addled mess you call a brain: hold on. And if there’s room for another thought in there, trust me. OK? Hold on, and trust me. That’s all there is to it.’ He wishes he felt as certain as he sounds. The water’s cold on his bare feet. Naboo hesitates on the bank, trembling, clutching the bag to his chest. It’s obvious he’s never going to get started on his own. Saboo picks him up bodily and carries him into the lake. He weighs barely anything; the rucksac’s probably heavier. Saboo can feel him trembling, trying to pull himself together. His eyes are tight shut and his heart’s hammering against his ribs. ‘I’m going to put you down now.’ Saboo speaks as calmly and clearly as he can, setting aside his anger for the time being. There’ll be plenty of chances to despise Naboo for this later, but right now he could panic and lose it at any moment, and they can’t afford that. ‘It’ll be cold, and you’ll be out of your depth, it’ll be a shock, but don’t forget to breathe.’ He lowers the small body into the lake, despite Naboo’s pathetic cries of protest; at the first touch of the water the little alien thrashes desperately, clinging to Saboo, gasping and heaving for breath. One might almost feel sorry for him. ‘Stop it, stop moving, lie on your back and let the water hold you up. Breathe in, the more air in your lungs the better you’ll float.’ ‘I can’t, I can’t do it, help me, don’t leave me, don’t let me go down…’ ‘I’m not going to leave you. Just stop. If you stop trying to swim, then you’ll float. Two thoughts, Naboo, just two thoughts, what were they?’ ‘H – hold on, and trust you…’ ‘Right. If there’s any swimming to be done, I’ll do it. Now let’s get going.’ He wades in deeper, towing the whimpering Naboo behind him; launches himself into the water and sets off with an awkward, one-armed side-stroke. The improvised bag-float helps a lot, but even so it’s hard work. He’s grateful Naboo isn’t six foot like Dennis. About half way, he stops to tread water and catch his breath. Naboo gasps, and flounders. ‘What’s wrong?’ ‘Nothing, little one. Just resting a moment. How are you doing back there?’ Naboo stills his panicked movements and floats, staring up at the darkening sky. ‘Fine,’ he says resolutely. ‘Bloody liar.’ ‘Takes one to know one,’ Naboo lisps. ‘That’s the spirit.’ Saboo takes a deep breath and sets off again, his heart pounding in his throat, his feet numb, his left arm aching from gripping the towrope. The second half of the lake is much colder and wider than the first. But eventually the shore draws nearer. ‘Can’t take much more,’ a weak voice says behind him. ‘’M havin’ a panic attack…’ ‘We’re almost there. Hold it together.’ Saboo tests the depth of the water, cursing as a sharp stone catches his foot. A couple more strokes, and he can stand up. Naboo is whining now, his eyes rolled back in his head, his breathing shallow. Saboo picks him up again and carries him the rest of the way. ‘There. Dry land. Well done, we made it. Told you so.’ Saboo’s teeth are chattering. Naboo makes no response. Saboo lowers him onto the turf above the shoreline and awkwardly undoes the rucksac belt, then prises Naboo’s rigid arm out of the straps. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says quietly, and Naboo lets out a sudden sob and clings to him, shaking all over, ice-cold and terrified. This really ought to be so embarrassing. Once the worst of the attack seems to have passed, and a little warmth is returning to their chilled bodies, Saboo reluctantly lets go and reaches for the bag to find their dry clothes. ‘Here you go.’ He helps Naboo into his robes; jams the turban back onto his head; fastens his laces. Then he scrambles hastily into his own shirt and trousers, welcoming their scanty comfort. The air’s getting chilly now. He puts his own jacket around Naboo’s shoulders. The little one needs it more. ‘W – won’t you be cold?’ ‘I’ve been swimming. Swimming for two. I’ll be fine.’ Saboo puts the Amulet chain over Naboo’s head, and as an afterthought he pulls out his feather boa from the bottom of the bag and wraps it in fluffy layers around Naboo’s slender neck, tucking the ends into the front of the jacket. ‘Now we need to get moving. Walk.’ ‘Can’t.’ ‘Can too.’ Saboo pulls his companion to his feet. ‘One foot in front of the other, and don’t stop.’ They set off across the rough grassland, both a little unsteady. Saboo’s legs feel like jelly, and his arm aches fiercely. After a little while he’s warmer and moving more freely. Naboo’s breathing is easier and he’s not tripping over his curly trainers so much. Honestly, you’d think a mighty shaman would have some more practical footwear for doing outdoor fieldwork… ‘Sorry.’ A small voice breaks in on Saboo’s thoughts. ‘I owe you one, big-time… an’ I feel such a twat.’ He’s obviously expecting Saboo to despise him for his weakness, and Saboo was expecting it too, even looking forward to it; but somehow the thought of that deferred scorn has lost its savour. ‘It’s all right,’ Saboo says gruffly. ‘We made it, and I don’t… I wouldn’t mock you. Wouldn’t wish that sort of fear on my worst enemy.’ Naboo is quiet for a few paces, then asks with polite interest: ‘D’you have a worst enemy?’ ‘I do. But it’s not you.’ He doesn’t want to talk about that, although maybe some sort of conversation would help make the journey seem shorter. The question he knows he shouldn’t ask is out of his mouth before he can bite it back. ‘Why are you so scared of swimming?’ ‘Long story.’ ‘We’ve got half an hour or so,’ Saboo says, in what he hopes is an encouraging tone. Naboo takes a deep breath. ‘I had a worst enemy. Another kid in the foundlings’ home.’ ‘Home?’ ‘Yeah, I was abandoned as a baby, I guess I was an anomaly, a throwback in an un-magical family, they put me out. It happens. Not everybody’s got twenty generations of shamen in the family, like Dennis or Diane. Didn’t fit in…’ ‘Is that why you’re stubborn and self-reliant?’ ‘No, it’s why I live in exile with several drug habits an’ a fuckin’ huge gorilla for a familiar.’ Naboo sighs, and walks a little closer to Saboo’s side. ‘I was bullied all the time, in the home an’ at school, thankfully my magic was powerful or I wouldn’t have made it.’ ‘Can’t have made it any easier being so small.’ ‘They didn’t do it because I was small. They did it because I had a speech impediment an’ a stupid name.’ ‘Naboo’s not particularly stupid.’ ‘No, but Randolph Roppity-Poppity… I ask you, who calls their kid that? Someone who doesn’t intend to keep him, maybe.’ He stumbles over a loose stone; Saboo puts out a hand to steady him. ‘Spent years tellin’ people: I’m not Randolph, I’m Naboo, that’s who. Changed my name as soon as I legally could, an’ applied for a scholarship to the Shaman Academy.’ ‘Is that where you met Dennis?’ ‘Yeah, he was my swordplay tutor. He was a bit useless, but at least he took an interest in me.’ ‘And what happened to your worst enemy?’ ‘He got an Academy place too, an’ although I didn’t have to live under the same roof any more, by that time he’d found out I was thirdsex an’ he couldn’t handle it, never missed a chance to call me weirdo and pervert an’ get me beaten up. He tried everythin’ to make me give up, or get me thrown out.’ ‘What was his name?’ ‘I can’t say it.’ ‘I suppose it would bring it all back.’ Naboo looks up with mild surprise. ‘No, I just can’t say it. He was from some place out in the Provinces where the local dialect’s all sibilants… I couldn’t pronounce it if I tried.’ ‘Fair enough. Go on.’ ‘When I’d been at the Academy four years, they told me I was ready to take the Tests. Me, but not him, an’ he was boiling mad. He told me he’d cursed me with a curse that would take away one of my abilities, so I’d be bound to fail.’ ‘What did it do?’ Naboo shakes his head. ‘He didn’t tell me. I did three solid days of checkin’ my skills. Potions, levitation, carpet piloting, edged weapons, incantations, rune translation, the lot. Everythin’ worked fine, so I thought the curse’d miscarried an’ he was bein’ a ballbag. Told him so to his face. He just grinned evilly and said I’d still fail.’ ‘But you did become a shaman.’ ‘No thanks to him. All the Tests went fine, there was just the Ordeal to go… an’ Dennis was named as my Examiner, so I reckoned I was home an’ dry. But I wasn’t.’ He falls silent, looking up the grassy slope ahead of them. ‘You don’t have to tell me,’ Saboo says. ‘In fact, you shouldn’t.’ It is written that no shaman should speak of his Ordeal: it is between him and his Examiner. ‘I’m gonna tell you though, I want you to understand. Dennis cast the Examiner’s Runes, and they prescribed Ordeal by Water. So he took me on a nice little stroll to the ornamental fishpond in the old Head Shaman’s private gardens, and tripped me up so that I’d fall in.’ ‘Doesn’t sound that bad. It’s not even a very big pond. Hardly big enough to swim in.’ ‘It’s a very deep pond.’ Naboo shivers. ‘An’ as soon as I hit the water, thrashin’ around among all those fuckin’ huge fish, I discovered that the ability I’d lost wasn’t a magical one at all. It was swimming.’ ‘You could have just climbed out. Summoned a carpet, or a rope…’ ‘The sides are bare mud, slippery an’ vertical. I couldn’t hold on. I panicked. My summonin’ spells didn’t work – Dennis told me later that the gardens are protected, to stop people bringin’ in unauthorised items – an’ the more I tried, the less energy I had. Dennis just stood there lookin’ helpless. He wasn’t allowed to say anythin’, or help me.’ ‘Couldn’t you transform?’ ‘Don’t you think I tried? I tried everything I could think of. But all I could think of, was things that could swim… a fish, a duck, an otter… an’ they all just sank. I couldn’t swim no matter what form I was in. The surface an’ the sunlight were getting’ further and further away, an’ I was gettin’ weaker an’ weaker. I’ve never been so scared.’ He stops at the top of the hill, panting for breath. ‘Look, there’s the track. Not far now,’ Saboo says quietly, and realises he’s got his arm around Naboo’s shoulders, holding him. Naboo doesn’t seem to have heard, or noticed. ‘I went right down to the bottom, where it was cold and pitch black and full of slimy things writhin’ around. I was choking, drowning, I had hardly any energy left, an’ less magic… all I could do was turn into a worm, a miserable little worm, an’ crawl through the mud hoping nothing would notice me an’ eat me. I had gills, I could breathe just about, but all that water was pressin’ down above me, I could feel it, an’ for ages I thought I was crawlin’ in a circle… was just about to give up when I started goin’ uphill, an’ it got steeper an’ steeper an’ thankfully when I got to where I could see the light, there were no fish – Dennis was chuckin’ bread in at the other end an’ they’d all gone after it – I crawled up the mud an’ onto the path an’ Dennis looked round an’ saw me an’ changed me back…’ ‘Dennis saved your life.’ ‘He did. But don’t ever tell anyone. He’s good at bendin’ the rules, ’s probably how come he got to be head shaman... He declared me qualified an’ gave me gifts. A really neat radio alarm clock, still got that, an’ an extra magical ability to make up for the one I’d lost. He couldn’t make me able to swim, but I can send my consciousness into another being anywhere in the universe.’ ‘Cool.’ ‘Didn’t use it much, to be honest, but it saved my life when I was about to be executed for losin’ that shaman juice. Dennis bent the rules again an’ reminded me what he’d given me. He’s always looked out for me. That was a bad time. But that Ordeal…’ ‘Stop thinking about it. You survived.’ Saboo holds on a little tighter. ‘Yeah, but not unchanged. I’d used up such a lot of energy, there wasn’t enough left to get me back at full size. ’S why I’m a short-arse. I’d still be six foot if it weren’t for that. Cheers.’ He leans on Saboo for a brief moment, then pulls himself resolutely upright. ‘We’re all scarred by our Ordeals,’ Saboo says quietly, as they start walking again, down the hill. ‘I know. Dennis’s was by Fire. Dunno exactly what happened to him, but that’s why he’s bald and his eyes are all milky. He sees mostly by magic…’ ‘Mine was by Air. My Examiner pushed me off the South Cliffs, with no warning.’ ‘Did you levitate?’ ‘No, I transformed into a bird. Flew back up on the updraft and crapped on the bastard’s head, I was so angry. He didn’t fail me for it though. Said I’d shown initiative and humour. But I’ve been angry ever since.’ ‘Was it a raven?’ Saboo looks at his companion in surprise. ‘Who told you that?’ ‘Nobody, I just thought… you know how ravens are, dark, handsome, clever… bad-tempered an’ a bit up themselves… an’ solitary.’ Naboo grins. ‘You should have one as a familiar. It’d be perfect for you.’ ‘Never had a familiar.’ Saboo doesn’t say that he’s always dreamed of it; or that he’s never been called handsome to his face; or that ravens mate for life… ‘Why not?’ ‘Could never find a creature willing to make the bond.’ ‘Well, you don’t exactly make it easy. You keep telling people you don’t like them.’ ‘I don’t. I don’t like many people. They don’t like me, either.’ Naboo giggles. ‘Tony Harrison does.’ ‘Yes, well, I don’t want to go there… and it’s not exactly mutual.’ Saboo sighs. They reach the track that runs along the valley, and turn onto it, towards the faint shimmer in the sky that marks the point at which they’ll be able to fly to freedom. ‘You don’t like yourself much, do you?’ Saboo trips over a rock in the path, and rights himself with a curse. ‘Look, you little plum, will you stop asking damned insightful and overly personal questions that for some reason I feel compelled to answer? No. No, I don’t. I’m fucked up and angry and I prefer to work alone.’ ‘And you’re lonely.’ ‘Yes, well, that kind of goes with the territory, doesn’t it? Ah, look, there’s the rock where we left the carpet. Just in time to save me from further embarrassment. Come on, only a few minutes more.’ The last rays of the sun vanish behind the hills; at the same moment something gives a terrible, tearing howl, echoing off the rocks all around them. ‘The Guardians,’ Naboo whispers. Another howl, closer this time. ‘They’ve crossed the lake. Run.’ Saboo grabs Naboo’s hand and they stumble down the stony track, breaking through the magical barrier with a faint crackle like static electricity. Saboo fumbles in his trouser pocket for the remote carpet ignition; frantically presses the button. ‘Come on, come on…’ ‘I’m doing my best,’ Naboo says indignantly. ‘I meant the carpet, you prune.’ A sleek dark shape appears over the crest of the hill to their right, moving with unearthly speed to cut off their escape. ‘Come on, you bastard…’ The carpet still isn’t responding. Naboo’s breath is sobbing in his throat. He trips, dragging at Saboo’s arm. ‘I’m slowing you down, leave me.’ ‘Shut it, we don’t need that crap again. Been there, chosen not to do that. We leave together or not at all… Ah, here it comes. Thank fuck.’ The carpet glides towards them, passing right in front of the Guardian, which slashes at it with a taloned paw, tearing a section out of the fringe. ‘That’s coming off Dennis’s insurance,’ Saboo mutters. ‘It’s not going to get here,’ Naboo whimpers. There are pounding footsteps on the gravel behind them, the sound of harsh panting breath. ‘Jump!’ Saboo flings Naboo onto the carpet, hurls himself flat behind him, and steers a wobbly course upwards and away. There is a fierce snarl, and something snags their flight for a moment before tearing free; a heavy body thuds to the ground. ‘You OK?’ Naboo shouts, above the whistle of the wind. ‘More or less.’ Saboo grits his teeth. A fiery pain is spreading from his ankle, all the way up his left side. ‘Sounds like less rather than more.’ As the carpet levels and steadies, Naboo turns to face him. ‘What’s wrong?’ Saboo tries to speak casually. ‘I’ve been bitten. Damn things have venomous fangs.’ ‘Which means what exactly?’ Naboo’s brows crease in a frown. Evidently there’s no point trying to fool him. ‘Which means I’ve got about ten minutes before my heart stops.’ ‘No.’ Naboo’s face in the moonlight is deathly pale. Saboo’s heart is already fluttering erratically. He reaches out a hand to the immobile Naboo. ‘Can you do anything to help?’ ‘Well, I guess I can hold your hand…’ ‘I meant, can you do anything practical?’ The little shaman shakes his head sadly. ‘Not really. I’m not much good with poisons.’ He wipes his nose on his sleeve. Then he brightens. ‘Hang on though, I’m bein’ a numpty here aren’t I, we’ve got this.’ He pulls out the Amulet on its chain. The carpet swerves and bucks; Saboo is losing control of it. ‘Don’t crash within the next thirty seconds, an’ we might have a chance.’ Naboo leans over to look at the damage. ‘Shit, that looks horrible, but I’ll try… it’s gonna hurt like buggery though. I’m so sorry, this is all my fault…’ A drop of something cold falls onto the wound, and Saboo’s language turns the air blue. Even the Moon looks shocked. The cold seeps into the heart of the pain, at first unbearable, then little by little putting out the fire, leaving a dull glow in its wake. ‘How’re you feelin’ now?’ ‘Better,’ Saboo says thickly. ‘Can you… can you do the other thing as well? The not-practical one?’ ‘Are you high?’ Naboo asks, with mock-severity. ‘You tell me. You’re the expert.’ Naboo puts a hand on Saboo’s forehead; looks deep into his eyes. ‘Yeah, you are. You’ve got some potent toxins swillin’ round in your system, it’ll take a while for your head to clear.’ The carpet heaves again. ‘You’ll have to fly,’ Saboo says, grabbing Naboo’s hand, ‘fly us to the castle, fly me to the moon, fly south for the winter, fly…’ ‘OK, I’ll fly. You sleep.’ ‘Is it… are we going to be alright now?’ ‘Course we are.’ Naboo squeezes Saboo’s hand and smiles, a rare and beautiful smile. ‘Hold on, and trust me. Like you said, that’s all there is to it.’

Naboo heaves a sigh of relief as his weatherworking spell makes the mist over the mountains swirl and part, revealing the battlements of the King’s Castle perched on its crag far below. Saboo stirs and mutters: ‘Are we there yet?’ ‘Just about. Let go of me, ya ballbag, I need both hands to land a carpet this size.’ Concentrating hard – the damage to its fringe makes the carpet horribly unstable at low speed – Naboo manages to come down on the courtyard’s spotless flagstones with only a couple of bumps. Wouldn’t have passed his shamanic driving test with that one, but then when he took his test he hadn’t been doing dangerous fieldwork all day. There’s no time to say anything else to Saboo before people come running from all sides, waving their arms and shouting in what Naboo presumes is a traditional greeting ritual. He stays sitting on the parked carpet, smiling politely. He doesn’t want to offend against protocol, and anyway he’s pretty sure if he stands up too quickly he’ll just fall over again. The shouting dies down, and there’s an awkward silence. It’s almost a relief when the crowd parts and the King strides out, his robes billowing and his white beard gleaming in the torchlight. ‘Bamboo, my old friend,’ he intones sonorously, spreading his arms wide, ‘you have returned.’ Naboo gets cautiously to his feet. The ground is swaying a bit and the walls don’t seem to be quite fixed in place either. ‘Er…Yeah.’ What else is he supposed to say? Oh. ‘Sire.’ ‘And did you retrieve the Amulet?’ ‘Yeah, Sire.’ Naboo’s voice sounds very small in his own ears. ‘Splendid.’ Beaming with delight, the King takes Naboo’s hand and presents him to the crowd, turning him this way and that so they can all murmur their appreciation. ‘The Amulet is restored to us! We shall feast on lentils tonight,’ he declares. ‘And chickpeas too. Possibly haricot beans as well, if they are ready in time. The Minstrels are already rehearsing the greatest hits of Steeleye Span. It will be a great celebration.’ Saboo groans. Naboo is tempted to do the same. The King peers with mild concern at the crumpled figure on the carpet. ‘What is wrong with your companion?’ ‘Oh, he’s… a bit tired. Sire. It’s been a long day, y’know?’ Naboo digs Saboo in the ribs and bends over to speak into his ear. ‘Wake up, the King’s here.’ Saboo sits up stiffly and rubs his eyes. ‘Greetings, my liege.’ ‘And the same to you, Bassoon.’ ‘Saboo.’ ‘Yes, whatever.’ The King is still grinning inanely. A dark figure rushes into the courtyard, pushing through the assembled throng. ‘I came as soon as I could, my liege.’ ‘Balloon?’ the King says, letting go of Naboo’s hand and turning to the newcomer. ‘So many names to remember, it’s all a bit confusing really.’ ‘Banoo,’ the shaman says. He kneels, bows his head, and speaks with great earnestness. ‘Command me, Sire.’ ‘Erm, to do what?’ the King asks vaguely. ‘To do your bidding, Sire. I put myself at your service. The Amulet is lost. I, Banoo, shall find it though I perish in the attempt.’ Saboo struggles to his feet, leaning on Naboo’s shoulder. ‘I hate to break it to you, you tit, but we’ve already found it and not perished.’ Banoo frowns. ‘Oh. I see. You do look a bit peaky, though.’ He’s not wrong there. Saboo is sweating, and Naboo can feel him swaying on his feet. At least, somebody is swaying on his feet. Either that, or the ground really is moving… He concentrates hard on staying upright. ‘Let the feast begin!’ the King proclaims. Nightmare. ‘Erm, your Maj, could we perhaps freshen up first?’ Naboo asks. ‘Certainly, Buffoon, certainly… you recall where your guest chambers are?’ ‘Fink so, yeah. Sire.’ ‘Then I shall see you in the great hall in an hour.’ A worried-looking fat bloke in a chef’s hat whispers something in the King’s ear. ‘Ah. It seems the haricot beans are still as hard as… very hard things. Two hours, then.’ ‘OK, laters.’ ‘As you say in your curious idiom, laters.’ The King strides away, with Banoo trailing in his wake; the crowd begins to disperse. Naboo picks up the bag and hails the footman who has come to roll up the carpet. ‘Couldn’t get this repaired for us, could ya? Cheers. Send the bill to the Head Shaman’s office.’ Naboo turns back to Saboo. ‘Looks like we need to get you a bit more repaired as well.’ The corridors seem endless and Naboo’s not quite sure of his way; it’s a relief when they finally come out on a spiral staircase that looks familiar. ‘I have a horrible feeling I’m going to be sick,’ Saboo mutters, as they start to climb. He’s limping painfully on his injured ankle, and progress is slow. By the time they’ve got to the top of the staircase, which thankfully is the right one, Naboo can see that the horrible feeling has become a horrible certainty; Saboo’s forehead is clammy and his mouth is set in a tight line. Naboo pushes open the arched door of Saboo’s chamber, with its hinges in the shape of snarling dragons. Saboo stumbles through and straight into the palatial marble bathroom. ‘Oh, gods,’ he groans, as Naboo holds his head over the hand-gilded porcelain toilet bowl, ‘it’s green, it’s… fucking… green…’ ‘That’s a good sign.’ Naboo does his best to sound calm and professional. ‘It’s just the poison comin’ out of your system.’ ‘Along with just about everything else… oh… go away. I don’t need anyone… see me like this…’ ‘I’m not leavin’ you in this state,’ Naboo says firmly. ‘Stubborn little sod…’ Saboo chokes, and heaves again. ‘Fucking hell, this is worse than one of Kirk’s cocktail evenings.’ Naboo pats him on the back. ‘Better out than in.’ ‘Don’t say that, you sound like my mother.’ ‘I haven’t got a mother.’ Not that he knows of, anyway; his daft name is all he’s got of her. ‘Wish I did.’ ‘Trust me, you wouldn’t want mine.’ Saboo leans his forehead against the rim of the bowl, utterly exhausted. ‘Is that it?’ ‘For now, yes. Can you… can you get me some water? Please?’ Naboo brings him water and a cloth, cleans him up, and helps him back to the bedroom to sit on the fourposter, head in hands. He looks better, but still not good. ‘What’s your physiology?’ Naboo asks. ‘Ill.’ ‘Not helpful. I meant, what –’ ‘Human.’ Well, that’s a surprise. ‘Thought this was your home planet.’ Saboo sighs wearily. ‘Born here. Father came from Earth on an Academy scholarship under the old Diversity Programme, met mother, never left. His genes seem to have dominated. Doctors had endless trouble when I was little. I was ill a lot.’ Naboo tries to imagine that small boy. Human, fragile and in need of help. Actually, it’s not that hard… ‘Why d’you want to know?’ Saboo asks. ‘Might be able to help a bit. You got a first aid kit in that bag?’ ‘Left side pocket.’ Naboo rummages in the rucksac. ‘Here you go, take two of these.’ ‘You plum. Didn’t you do the interspecies first-aid course? Salt makes humans puke.’ ‘Oh. OK, try these glucose tablets then. They’ll help get the toxins out of your bloodstream.’ Saboo chews reluctantly, and pulls a face. ‘These had better work. They’re disgusting. I hate sweet stuff.’ ‘Sorry.’ Naboo fetches another glass of water and makes Saboo drink it. ‘Any better?’ ‘Not really, no.’ Saboo fidgets uncomfortably. ‘And now I need…’ He gets unsteadily to his feet again. ‘That’ll probably be green too,’ Naboo tells him. The bathroom door slams firmly. Naboo busies himself rustling about in the contents of the first-aid kit until the door opens again. ‘I hate it when you’re right.’ Saboo flops on the bed, shivering. Naboo grins at him. ‘Better learn to get used to it.’ ‘What on earth makes you think I’m ever going on a field trip with you again?’ ‘My shaman-senses foretell it,’ Naboo intones in his best mystical voice. ‘Plus you held my hand for the whole of a four-hour carpet flight… are you cold, by the way?’ ‘Sodding frozen. I haven’t been warm since we got in that blasted lake.’ ‘You’ve got time for a hot bath before we have to put in an appearance.’ ‘Do we have to? I’m not sure I can face lentil surprise in my current state of health.’ ‘Yeah, we do have to. I’m not goin’ down there on my own, I’m gonna need you to keel over an’ create an excuse for us to leave early. You wouldn’t condemn me to all-night folk music, would you?’ ‘I might, if you don’t stop wittering on. Although you did just say two words that made a lot of sense.’ ‘Which two?’ ‘Hot and bath.’ ‘Come on, then.’ Naboo hauls Saboo to his feet again. ‘I… I don’t suppose yours has a shower, does it? Mine doesn’t.’ ‘Nope. Just a huge bathtub – it’s OK, I can manage, thanks – a proper rolltop one with feet… Oh.’ Saboo leans on the frame of the bathroom door and looks at Naboo with a keen eye. ‘Yours is the same, and it’s too big, yes?’ Naboo looks at the floor, his cheeks suddenly aflame. ‘Doesn’t matter,’ he mumbles, turning away. ‘I… I wasn’t trying it on… don’t want you to think… but since you mention it… I mean, you have already seen… or, or we could take turns, I just… there’s usually Bollo, you see, an’ he sits outside the door just in case, an’ I never actually need him, it’s more… havin’ someone there…’ The floor is polished marble, with wavy stripes of red and white. Naboo wishes it would open up, and swallow him. ‘Doesn’t matter. I’ll just go.’ ‘It’s up to you. But for what it’s worth… I’d rather you didn’t.’ Naboo looks up in surprise. ‘I know, that’s not what I expected me to say either, but…’ Saboo gives a cautious, slightly embarrassed smile. ‘I’m still not very steady on my feet. And as you say, it’s… having someone there.’ ‘Alright then.’ Naboo shrugs, and manages a tentative smile in return. ‘I haven’t got much on.’ He follows the red-and-white stripes through the bathroom door. ‘How about this?’ Naboo picks out a pink-and-gold bottle from the extensive selection in the cabinet beside the bath. ‘Ylang-ylang and patchouli.’ ‘Patchouli? Not on your life.’ Naboo raises his eyebrows in one of his many vaguely puzzled expressions. ‘What you got against patchouli?’ ‘Way too girly. And it clings for weeks. I am not having Harrison sniffing and making… comments… while I make my report to the Board. What else is in there?’ ‘Umm, vanilla and raspberry?’ ‘I’m not going home smelling like your poncey fruit-flavoured flatmate, either.’ Naboo sighs, and picks up another bottle. ‘Triple chocolate?’ he says hopefully. ‘That’s just wrong.’ ‘Dragon bollocks?’ ‘You’re kidding me.’ ‘Nope.’ Naboo passes over a green, leathery-textured flask. Saboo takes a cautious sniff. ‘Not unless you want me to throw up in the bath. What’s that last one?’ ‘Sandalwood.’ ‘Chuck it in, that’ll do.’ Naboo giggles as the bubbles billow up into a creamy mound and the perfume fills the room. ‘I bet Harrison still sniffs an’ makes comments. We’re gonna smell the same…’ ‘I’ll take the risk.’ Saboo tests the water, and turns the tap off. They hesitate a moment, then turn away from each other and strip. Getting in is awkward, but only for a moment; Naboo clambers in at one end of the tub, and Saboo looks away until he’s certain the little shaman is well settled under the bubbles. ‘Good thing the taps are in the middle.’ Saboo slides in at the other end, carefully not looking at Naboo although he’s certain Naboo is equally carefully not watching. Well. This is a bit weird, but in a good way. And it’s gloriously warm. Saboo feels himself relaxing; he stretches out, moving his feet to the side when they make contact with Naboo’s… whatever it was they just made contact with. He piles more bubbles on top of himself, to be on the safe side, before looking up. ‘You all right there, little one?’ Naboo is looking studiously at the ornate gilded tracery on the ceiling. ‘Fine.’ The corner of his mouth twitches. ‘An’ I’m not lyin’ to you this time… How’re you doin’?’ ‘Much better, thanks. My head’s cleared. Could even think about eating, if we were anywhere that had decent food.’ ‘Maybe there’ll be some bread or something. An’ if not… we’ll just have to do what we mighty shamen always do when the caterin’s rubbish.’ ‘Get pissed, and make the best of it?’ ‘Yep. Usually works for me. An’ I know the manuals don’t recommend alcohol right on top of life-threatening poisonin’, but I reckon you’ll be OK. Prob’ly.’ ‘With you to look after me, how could I not be?’ Naboo turns his attention from the ceiling to Saboo. ‘Don’t mock. I do my best.’ ‘I know you do, and I wasn’t. Well… not really.’ ‘Just… oh, shut up.’ Naboo throws a wet flannel at him. Saboo does as he’s told, and attempts to wash his hair with the rather over-complicated spray nozzle attached to the tap. He winces, and bites back a curse. ‘You need some help there?’ ‘Well, I…’ Saboo swallows his pride. ‘I could do with it, actually. Can’t reach round the back, my arms have stiffened up.’ ‘Not surprised. It was a long way to swim. Give that here, then. And shut your eyes.’ The warm water cascading over Saboo’s scalp is soothing; the small hands massaging soap into his hair still more so. He stays still, eyes closed, not wanting to do or say anything that might interrupt. He’s never felt so… cared for? Surely that can’t be what it is. This is only what the hairdresser does. A practical service, nothing more. But pleasant none the less… ‘There you go, I think the grit’s all gone.’ Naboo pulls a lock between his fingers. ‘Squeaky-clean. You can open your eyes now.’ ‘I… umm… thank you.’ Saboo isn’t quite sure where to look. He surreptitiously glances down to make sure the bubbles are still in place. Good. Nothing is showing that shouldn’t be. ‘You gonna let me check out that injury?’ Naboo reaches under the water and feels for Saboo’s left ankle, without waiting for an answer. He lifts it clear of the bubbles and peers at it. ‘Think it’ll be fine now – it’s quite clean. Only slightly green, look.’ ‘I’d rather not.’ ‘Suit yourself. Stick a plaster over it when it’s dry, it should be closed by morning. No sign of any swelling…’ Naboo’s hands are sure and gentle and Saboo finds himself wondering how it would feel if they… No. That’s not an appropriate thought to be having half an hour before a formal royal dinner. ‘Is there, erm, anything I can do for you?’ Saboo asks, scooping yet more bubbles over himself. ‘I mean in a practical way, of course.’ ‘Well…’ Naboo looks down shyly. ‘Hairwash’d be nice.’ He wriggles round so he’s sitting with his back to Saboo, between his knees. He’s so thin. It was so easy just to pick him up and carry him into the lake. Either he doesn’t eat properly, or it’s the drugs, or… Saboo finds himself thinking of Naboo’s story of his Ordeal, that desperate little worm crawling through the mud because that was the only thing to do, needing to be rescued but knowing he wasn’t permitted to ask. Saboo understands now, understands exactly why Dennis was prepared to bend the rules. ‘Well? Are you gonna wash my hair or what?’ ‘Sorry. I was… thinking.’ Saboo hastily turns on the water and rinses Naboo’s smooth, fine, jet-black hair in a strictly practical way, then picks up a handful of fragrant bubbles and washes some non-existent dirt from Naboo’s skinny ribcage, acutely aware of every ridge and hollow of the delicate bones rising and falling beneath his hands as the little shaman breathes quietly in and out. ‘S’nice,’ Naboo murmurs. ‘Thanks.’ Saboo takes that as an invitation to continue, although he’s finding it very hard to stay detached, very hard not to enjoy the sensation of wet skin sliding over wet skin… Oh, who the fuck is he trying to kid? He’s never been so powerfully attracted to anyone in his life. Shit. He hopes he can keep it to himself for at least a little while longer. He’ll never live it down once Harrison and the other shamen find out. And what about when Naboo finds out? They’ll need to be a whole lot drunker than they are right now, and even then he has no idea how Naboo will react. He’ll probably just shrug and turn away; he might laugh. Or he might be kind and want to stay friends, which would be the hardest of all to bear. Either way this could well be the last time Saboo ever gets to do this, the last time he’ll be able to look at Naboo this way. He wonders what Naboo sees when he looks at him. Right on cue, Naboo turns his head and looks at Saboo, not in a way he’s ever looked at him before. ‘So… what were you thinking?’ Saboo has to look away. ‘That the water was getting a bit cold… time we were getting out, I think.’ He laughs nervously. ‘Wouldn’t want to be late for dinner, now, would we?’ ‘S’pose not.’ Naboo looks up at the ceiling again, with an expression of vague disappointment. ‘Give us a hand to get out, yeah?’ Saboo climbs out of the tub and reaches a hand down to help Naboo out, not looking, not looking… The bubbles slide down his smooth skin, over his taut nipples, past where his dark body hair stops short, over the smooth blankness where one would expect – Saboo wraps him hastily in a big fluffy towel and finds a bathrobe hanging on the back of the door. It’s ridiculously huge on Naboo’s tiny frame, but it does at least cover everything. ‘Have you got something to wear to dinner?’ Saboo asks. ‘Think I packed a spare robe somewhere. I’ll go an’ have a look.’ Naboo picks up his discarded clothing and stumbles over to the door, trying not to trip on the hem of the bathrobe. ‘See you in ten minutes, yeah?’ It seems suddenly quiet and empty when he’s gone. The gurgling of the water down the plughole seems too loud, echoing off the marble walls. A single black hair clings to the side of the bath… Saboo shakes his head in despair at his own folly, and forces his thoughts back to mundane things. Clean socks, for a start. He feels better once he’s dressed: more like his normal self. Perhaps this ludicrous weakness is just a side effect of the poisoned bite. Not that he can exactly ask Naboo whether that’s the case. His hat’s still in the rucksac and only slightly squashed. It doesn’t look too bad, he thinks, squinting into the mirror. But there’s still something missing from his outfit… The feather boa is lying in a crumpled little heap on the bathroom floor. It smells of sandalwood, but when Saboo buries his face in it he can pick out Naboo’s distinctive perfume underlying the spicy sweetness of the bath oil. He deliberately avoids asking himself why it feels so comforting to wrap it around his neck. He’s got enough to worry about just now. Time to get this blasted dinner over with. Saboo takes a deep breath and goes to knock on Naboo’s door. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ‘Well, that was a nightmare,’ Saboo slurs. The strains of ‘All Around My Hat’ grow fainter behind them as he and Naboo stagger down the panelled corridor leading from the Great Hall to the tower. ‘An utter, complete nightmare.’ ‘We did think it would be. Good job Naan Bread showed up, and there was plenty to drink.’ Naboo hiccups, and wraps his arm a bit tighter around Saboo’s waist. Saboo’s not sure which of them is holding the other up, but it seems to be working so far. ‘At least you didn’t have the King bangin’ on about how he’d like someone to reign with him an’ organise a different folk concert for every day of the year. I thought I’d knocked that one on the head years ago but no, he’s still tryin’. I kept tellin’ him, I’ve got somethin’ on, but he wouldn’t believe me.’ ‘That’s because it was a bare-faced lie, then as now. You never have anything on. Anything important, anyway.’ Naboo mumbles something that sounds rather like ‘I do now.’ ‘You what?’ ‘Never mind. What about you and Banoo? You were gettin’ on like a house on fire over dinner.’ ‘As in, generating a lot of hot air.’ Saboo snorts. He’s always found the tall, dark, handsome, athletic, talented, over-zealous shaman rather difficult to like. ‘An’ then he remembered he was supposed to be at his daughter’s birthday party an’ not at the feast at all.’ ‘Well, that’s just typical of him, isn’t it? He never did get the hang of managing his work-life balance.’ ‘It was a nice touch of yours, generatin’ him a bunch of balloons out of thin air, though.’ Naboo giggles. ‘Pink ones, an’ all. An’ then the King called him Balloon, an’ you choked, an’ I thought it might be a good time to get us out of there before we actually had to eat that chocolate lentil dessert…’ ‘Please don’t.’ Saboo swallows hard. Naboo looks up at him with concern. ‘Sorry… you gonna be sick again?’ ‘No,’ Saboo says firmly. ‘At least I hope not. I just…’ ‘Let me guess. Lentils are on your list of “things I’ve never liked”.’ ‘Right up at the top. Even higher up than you.’ ‘Thanks,’ Naboo says, ‘I love you too.’ Then he blushes, and asks hastily: ‘Is it left or right here?’ Saboo pretends he only heard the question. ‘No idea, you’re supposed to be navigating. Shut up and let your shaman-senses guide you.’ ‘Left,’ Naboo says decisively. After a long and not very edifying detour via the kitchens, they emerge at the top of the spiral staircase in the guest wing. ‘About bloody time.’ Saboo unwraps himself from his companion and leans wearily against the doorpost. He’s pretty sure he should do or say something now, but he has no idea what; he's tired, his head is fuzzy with real ale and acoustic guitar chords, and his mellow mood has evaporated. Naboo stands in his own doorway, fidgeting from one foot to the other but showing no sign of going inside. ‘What?’ Saboo’s tone is sharp. He’s not sure which of them he’s more annoyed with: Naboo, or himself. This isn’t going well. It’s just going. Slipping past him, leaving him drowning in regret… ‘Well, um, you might not want to, after I got you lost ’n’all, sorry about that by the way, an’ it’s been a long day, but, I wondered, what about, might help you sleep, perhaps you'd like to come in for a nightcap?’ Naboo murmurs diffidently. ‘You plum. That is just about the longest and most ridiculous way of saying “Do you want a drink?” that I have heard in my entire life,’ Saboo snaps. Naboo looks crushed. He turns away to open the door. It’s now or never. Saboo steps across the corridor and lays a hand on his companion's arm. ‘I’m sorry. I meant, yes. Please.’ The little shaman’s face brightens. ‘Alright then.’ He pushes the door wide open, and Saboo follows him in and closes it behind them. Saboo’s heart is pounding. Ridiculous to be so nervous about a simple drink with a colleague, but it’s quite cold in here and they’ve had quite a lot to drink already… ‘Ah. Naboo? I just need to…’ ‘Go ahead. I’ll find you a drink.’ Naboo bends down and rifles through the extensive royal minibar, making rather more noise than he needs to. When Saboo emerges from the bathroom, his erstwhile field partner is grinning broadly. ‘This place is so cool. They’ve got all sorts of Earth stuff, look…’ He has a bottle of chartreuse in one hand and one of crème de menthe in the other. ‘Don’t you dare.’ Saboo flings himself into the armchair by the hearth, where a small clear fire is now burning. ‘Sorry, bit tactless. Couldn’t resist it though.... What do you want to drink?’ ‘Anything,’ Saboo growls, ‘so long as it’s (a) alcoholic and (b) not fucking well green.’ He hears Naboo chuckle behind him, then the gurgle of sticky liquid being poured from a bottle. The small glass that is pressed into his hand contains something deep purple-brown and fragrant. ‘What’s this?’ ‘Plum brandy,’ Naboo says, deadpan. Saboo laughs out loud for the first time that day. Naboo smiles at him. ‘Couldn’t resist that either. Hey, an’ it tastes quite good an’ all… Mind if I smoke?’ ‘Go ahead.’ Saboo stretches luxuriously in the warmth of the fire. The brandy is rich and sweet, tasting of summer fruit, soothing his doubts and fears. Things seem to be going better all of a sudden. Naboo fetches his beloved hash pipe, lights up, sits down on the plush velvet footstool at Saboo’s feet and draws deep. ‘Ahhh. Bloody ’ell, I needed that. Haven’t been high all day. Cheers.’ He breathes out a cloud of blue smoke; looks up, and sees Saboo watching him. ‘You want some?’ He proffers the mouthpiece. ‘It’s a good blend.’ ‘Sure, why not?’ As the pipe changes hands, their fingers touch. Saboo feels a sudden shock of wanting; he wonders whether Naboo feels it too. He can feel Naboo relaxing; leaning on him a little more. It is indeed a good blend. In a little while all the colours grow more intense, the edges of everything softened as though looking through gauze. Rich scents waft through the warm room: woodsmoke, hempsmoke, the sandalwood of their shared bath. ‘What happened to that git from the Academy?’ Saboo asks suddenly, handing back the pipe. ‘Which one? There are loads.’ Naboo takes a long, lazy pull on the mouthpiece, the smoke gurgling contentedly in the belly of the hookah. ‘Your worst enemy. The one who cursed you so you couldn’t swim. Did you get him back, after you qualified?’ ‘It’s another long story.’ Naboo blows a smoke ring at the ceiling. ‘Short version is: Didn’t need to. Stupid ballbag insisted on taking his Tests in the next round. Failed the lot and got kicked out.’ ‘No re-sits if you refer yourself for Testing. That’s what put me off doing it. Had to wait another two years after I thought I was ready, before they called me.’ Saboo reaches down for the pipe. ‘It’s all a long time ago… Where is he now?’ ‘Dunno exactly. He left the planet, went to work for a trading corporation I think. Don’t really care, to be honest. Like you said, it’s all a long time ago.’ Naboo sighs. Saboo rests a hand on his shoulder; kneads at a knot in the muscles. ‘I know who your worst enemy is,’ Naboo says dreamily. ‘No, you don’t. Nobody does. I’m not even sure I do. I have a lot of enemies, you know.’ ‘You’re your own worst enemy.’ Saboo takes his hand away. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ ‘Yeah, you are.’ Naboo sits up and looks Saboo in the face, suddenly earnest. ‘You could be happy but you won’t let yourself. You could be a good person if you didn’t try so hard to be a bastard.’ ‘I’m not a good person.’ ‘Are too. You were good to me today.’ ‘We had a job to do. It’s called being professional.’ Naboo snorts. ‘Yeah right. You threw me onto the carpet first. A proper bastard would’ve got himself on the carpet and pulled me up after him, left me to get bitten. Good fing you didn’t though, you wouldn’t’ve been able to fix me.’ ‘We had the Amulet. I would have thought of that… probably.’ ‘Yeah, but would you’ve cried, if you thought I was dyin’? Would you’ve let yourself?’ ‘Is that what…’ Of course. That one cold drop, falling… Saboo’s heart misses a beat. Naboo stares into the fire. ‘Handy gadget, that Amulet.’ He could be talking about the weather now, he sounds so casual. ‘It turns tears into a universal antidote.’ ‘But only if they’re genuine,’ Saboo says slowly. ‘An’ they were.’ Naboo lays his head on Saboo’s knees. ‘I’d’ve missed you, if you’d gone.’ Saboo laughs quietly, sure of his ground now, and runs his fingers through Naboo’s hair, savouring its silky texture. ‘Tell me something I don’t know.’ ‘OK then… I’ve never come from havin’ sex.’ Well, that was unexpected. And he sounds so sad; as though there’s a story there that he isn’t quite ready to tell yet. Saboo takes a deep breath. It’s time to start coming clean. ‘Well, you’re one up on me there. I’ve never even had sex.’ Naboo looks up in surprise. ‘No? Wouldn’t have thought you’d have any trouble pullin’.’ Saboo shakes his head. ‘Never needed it. Never really wanted it. It’s always struck me as just too much hassle...’ Naboo makes a small unhappy sound, and turns his head away. ‘Until today,’ Saboo says quietly. He cups a hand under Naboo’s chin, lifts his face, and looks deep into his eyes; what he sees there makes his heart miss several more beats. Naboo’s smile lights up the room. ‘Remind me to let you save me from drownin' more often.’ Perhaps, Saboo thinks, accepting this mission wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Perhaps, he thinks, Dennis is a whole lot smarter than we give him credit for. And then Naboo’s soft mouth is on his, and he stops thinking altogether for a while. There’s a bit of scrambling and fidgeting before Naboo works out how to fit himself perfectly into Saboo’s lap, with his head tucked under Saboo’s chin and the ends of the feather boa tickling his cheek. This is where he needs to be, how he has often dreamed of being: safe and warm with Saboo’s arms around him, his shaman-senses attuning themselves to the rhythm of Saboo’s heartbeat and breathing, the scent of his skin. He sighs happily. He can’t quite believe that he’s allowed to be here, that he isn’t going to be pushed away. All those years of being told he wasn’t even liked… His lips still tingle from their kiss; he can taste brandy and smoke and Saboo himself, and he wants more, a whole lot more. Arousal is already building inside him, slow and certain, an almost-ache in his groin, making his whole body warm and heavy with need. He’ll have to take this slowly though, give Saboo time to get used to the whole idea. It’s clearly been a bit of a shock and he can almost hear the rumble and scrape of the other shaman’s mental furniture being rearranged wholesale as he re-assesses his basic principles. ‘Little one…’ Saboo rests his cheek on Naboo’s hair, and speaks with a softness Naboo has rarely heard from him. ‘You know when you said, you’d never… What happened to you?’ Naboo shakes his head. ‘Don’t ask.’ ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry, I just… I thought it might help.’ ‘’S’alright.’ It would help, it would help Naboo a lot, but he doesn’t think it would help Saboo at all, to have all that dumped on him. It’s not going to be easy, this process of getting close to someone who’s never let himself be close to anyone, who’s never even had a familiar... ‘Tell you one day. Not ready to go back there yet, is all. It was a bad time, an’ if it hadn’t been for Dennis…’ ‘I always wondered whether he had an eye to you himself, you know.’ ‘No, it’s not like that.’ Naboo tries hard to find the right words to explain. ‘Dennis is… well… kind of like the father that I never had. He might’ve wanted… once or twice… but he never pushed it. I always thought he should have kids of his own. Maybe he will, now he’s married.’ Saboo quivers with laughter. ‘I can just picture it, can’t you? The D-Man coping with babies…’ ‘Like he copes with the Board. He’d have to find a way to get high on pureed pears or talcum powder.’ Naboo settles himself more comfortably against Saboo’s shoulder. ‘Not that I know anythin’ about how families work. I never had one.’ ‘According to my father, you didn’t miss much. He always said they were over-rated. He was totally smitten by my mother, but I think he could have done without me. Two’s company, three’s a crowd, you know? We never really liked each other.’ ‘Is he still around?’ Naboo is fascinated by the idea that Saboo might actually have a family, however dysfunctional: a proper family with relatives in it, not just random acquaintances and a familiar. ‘No, he was human, with a human lifespan. And he was old-fashioned, wouldn’t drink from the Fountain of Youth, said it was unnatural and one lifetime should be enough. And then when he started getting old, and changed his mind, he panicked and took too much, and it regressed him to oblivion… Mother couldn’t forgive him. Five hundred years on, and she still hasn’t.’ ‘Is she…’ ‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to take you to meet her.’ Saboo gives a short, mirthless laugh. ‘None of us would enjoy that experience. She lost her mind when Father died. Well, when I say lost… she seems to have deliberately kept all the parts that would make her a miserable poisonous old bat, and ditched the rest. She’s in a secure geriatric unit on Twilight Island, and I see her once a year or less often if I can get away with it. She doesn’t really know who I am any more, but she likes to wind me up just the same…’ Saboo heaves a deep sigh, with a catch in it that might be tears. ‘She was beautiful, once.’ Naboo thinks about various things he could say, and then decides that none of them will make things any better, so he doesn’t reply, just burrows closer into Saboo’s embrace and closes his eyes. He can feel Saboo stroking his hair, perhaps finding it comforting. The room is quiet save for the rustlings of the dying fire, and their own breathing. A shaman could fall asleep like this… Naboo smothers a yawn. Saboo stills his hand. ‘I should go.’ He doesn’t sound as though he means it. Humans are so hard to read, they have no telepathic talent. Naboo takes a gamble. ‘It’s up to you. But I’d rather you didn’t.’ ‘You mean that?’ Saboo sounds so glad, so genuinely glad; surely Naboo’s shaman-senses can’t be mistaken. He wishes there were time to make a cup of tea, check the leaves. But it looks like he’ll have to fly blind on this one. ‘Course I mean it. You did say… I mean… that is what you meant, isn’t it? You did mean me? Cos I’ll feel a right numpty if you were talkin’ about wantin’ it with that tit Banoo…’ ‘Little one,’ Saboo says warningly, ‘stop digging. He’s a married man, for starters. And for another thing, he is not only a tit, he’s an idiot, and idiots are right next to lentils on my list.’ He slides Naboo off his lap onto the floor. ‘And another thing…’ ‘What?’ Naboo is grinning like an idiot himself with relief at the unmistakable amusement creeping into Saboo’s gravelly voice. ‘I was talking about you. And I may never have had sex, but I do know it involves taking your clothes off. So that’s what I’m proposing to do, and I suggest you offer no resistance.’ ‘No resistance, just assistance?’ ‘You’re rubbish at poetry. But something like that, yes.’ Naboo takes his turban off and puts it on the gilded footstool. ‘There you go. You can do the rest yourself, it’ll be more fun.’ He stands up, fingering the chain around his neck. ‘Start with this, maybe.’ Saboo lifts the Amulet carefully off. ‘Does it need to go in a box or something? Or be covered, or not in contact with the ground, or…’ ‘What’ve you bin readin’ lately? This ain’t Harry Potter. Just put it on the table, it’ll be fine. Wouldn’t hurt to lock the door though, I s’pose.’ Saboo looks dubiously at the Amulet as he lays it on the table. Naboo chuckles. ‘Yeah, I feel like that about it too sometimes. I mean, it’s powerful an’ all, but it’s been a drag havin’ to live off-planet for three centuries. Last few years have been OK, but before that it was… well, it was pretty lonely sometimes.’ ‘Until Dennis took over and appointed you to the Board.’ Saboo goes over to the door and slides the bolt home with a satisfying thud. ‘That too, but I was thinkin’ more of friends.’ ‘As in, not having any?’ ‘Exactly. Present company excepted, humans never really got me, an’ I didn’t get them, but then I went to work at the zoo because I thought it’d be somethin’ a bit different, an’ it was, but not how I expected.’ Saboo comes back to stand beside him. ‘You found your familiar there.’ ‘And Howard and Vince.’ ‘I’ve never understood what you saw in them. They’re a pair of total doss-bags.’ Naboo nods. ‘I know. I’ve never understood what I saw in them either, but somehow it didn’t matter. They’re so weird themselves, they never really saw me as weird, they just accepted me. An’ it was good to be needed… I just sort of slipped into bein’ there to sort out whatever mess they’d got into, an’ somehow from that we started bein’ sort of friends. Even a sort of family, I guess… But listen, you’re not ’ere to talk about my social life, you’re supposed to be takin’ my clothes off.’ ‘Very well.’ Saboo looks at him for a moment; squares his shoulders resolutely. Then lifts Naboo’s robes off over his head. And explodes with laughter. ‘You weren’t wearing any… You… All through that formal dinner, you were sitting there, right next to me, and you weren’t…’ ‘I don’t get out much,’ Naboo says, lowering his eyes in pretend bashfulness. ‘Have to make my own entertainment. An’ I admit, thinkin’ about seein’ you react exactly like that… well, it was well entertainin’ an’ it got me through havin’ to eat those falafels, otherwise I’d’ve bin a goner…’ And then they are both laughing, and Naboo says a word that causes all of Saboo’s clothing to Dis-apparate from off his body and reappear neatly folded on the chair, with his feathered hat on top of the pile. Sometimes a touch of Harry Potter is exactly what you need.

Oh, that long, lean body, with its sleek muscles and gleaming caramel skin. It took his breath away on the lakeside, despite his terror at the thought of the black water waiting to swallow him. It takes his breath away all over again. ‘You can touch as well, you know. And it’s rude to stare.’ Saboo is smiling. He’s tall, and beautiful, and very male, and very – big… This isn’t going to be easy. Well – it’s now or never. And never’s a long time. Naboo takes a step closer; reaches out. Saboo’s breath whistles through his nostrils. He stands quite still, waiting. The first touch of Naboo’s fingertips makes him tremble; Naboo’s palm flattening against his chest makes him hard. And Naboo’s belly pressing against the heat of his erection makes them both whimper with longing. Ridiculous little noises… Their eyes meet, and they smile. Then there are hands everywhere, and skin brushing against skin, and Saboo bends his head to take Naboo’s mouth in a searing kiss, not soft and hesitant this time but eager and needy and just a little bit afraid. Naboo can’t resist slipping his tongue in, and it’s heavenly until Saboo breaks away and takes a step back, his chest heaving. ‘I’m – just hang on a minute…’ ‘Steady.’ Naboo grips Saboo’s shaking hand. ‘Take it easy, we can go as slow as you like.’ ‘I don’t want to go slow.’ Saboo pulls him close again. ‘Fair enough.’ Naboo can hear Saboo’s heart hammering. ‘Five hundred years is a long time with no sex.’ ‘You have no idea how long, little one.’ Saboo runs his fingers through Naboo’s hair; caresses the curve of his throat. His touch makes something melt deep inside. ‘Well, come on then, why’re we still standin’ here discussin’ it when there’s a four-poster bed three steps away?’ ‘Good point.’ Saboo takes those three steps and strips the covers back, revealing an enticing expanse of beautifully laundered white linen sheet. He makes a mock-ceremonial bow. ‘After you…’ ‘Oh – hang on a sec, just thought of somethin’.’ Naboo scuttles off towards the bathroom. ‘That might be a good idea, actually.’ ‘No, I didn’t mean I – well, you might, but – I just went to fetch this.’ Naboo grabs a dry towel from the rail and brings it back. ‘What’s that for?’ ‘Don’t look so worried,’ Naboo calls as Saboo disappears behind the bathroom door. ‘ ’S just a precaution.’ The towel is soft and heavy and lavender-scented; Naboo spreads it carefully over the sheet before lying down on it. His heart is in his throat; it hasn’t been five hundred years but it’s certainly been a long time for him too. He shuts his eyes. ‘Oi, don’t go to sleep.’ A soft kiss is pressed to his cheek. Naboo looks up, and grins. ‘I wasn’t. Just conservin’ my shamanic energies during all available quiet moments, like it says in the Everyshaman’s Manual of Field Practices.’ ‘It doesn’t say anything in the Manual about having sex with your field partner in a four-poster bed, though, does it?’ Saboo draws three of the four-poster’s damask curtains, leaving the one facing the fire. He climbs onto the bed beside Naboo, and kneels over him in the half-dark. ‘So I suppose we’ll have to improvise,’ he whispers. He’s kneeling between Naboo’s spread legs now; he leans down, his elbows on either side of Naboo’s face and his erection brushing Naboo’s thigh. A sudden memory flashes across Naboo’s shaman-senses: hot foul breath, a heavy body pinning him down, the sharp smell of blood, and eyes all around, watching… He wonders whether he’ll be able to go through with this, whether the fear will be stronger than the wanting. Right now, all he can feel is the fear. He swallows hard against the lump rising in his throat. Saboo is so beautiful, and they were getting on so well, and he’d thought this was going to be all right, but it isn’t, he can’t, he’s alone again and the darkness is dragging him down to the bottom… ‘Little one?’ Saboo kneels upright again; touches his fingertips gently to Naboo’s face. ‘What’s wrong, did I do something wrong?’ Naboo shakes his head, biting his lip as a tear of desperate disappointment runs down his cheek. ‘Do you want me to go?’ Saboo sounds as though his heart is breaking. All Naboo can manage is a thin wail. ‘No.’ Saboo lies down beside him and takes his hand. ‘Then I won’t.’ His warm fingers curl around Naboo’s cold ones. ‘Hold on, and trust me. I’m not going anywhere.’ ‘Fanks…’ A sob shakes Naboo’s body. ‘No, you tit, don’t cry, that’s not going to help anybody.’ The affection in Saboo’s voice is unmistakable. Perhaps it’s not all over, after all. Naboo sniffs and blinks until the tears are under control. ‘That’s better.’ Saboo presses soft kisses to Naboo’s bare shoulder. ‘Now. Let’s see whether we can’t make some sense out of this.’ He drums with the fingertips of his free hand, thinking. ‘Something bad happened to you, and this is bringing it back. So we need to change what we’re doing… I think I’ve got it.’ ‘What?’ ‘Just – don’t laugh if I’m way off the mark. Remember I haven’t done this before and I’m not a great one for reading textbooks. But… is it possible to… to have sex the other way up? I mean, with you not trapped underneath? Because I think – I don’t know, tell me if I’m wrong – but I think you need to be in control here.’ ‘Yes. Yes.’ Oh, the relief, the utter joy of being understood and accepted and still wanted… Naboo winds both hands into Saboo’s hair and kisses him, eager, gasping, wanting that hot mouth on his body, over his belly, under his arms, everywhere. And Saboo understands this too, and gives Naboo what he wants, kissing his way down until he’s between Naboo’s parted thighs... Where he stops short, and looks up in surprise. ‘You’re all wet… You’re a girl.’ Naboo sits up, snorting with laughter. ‘Am not, ya cheeky ballbag.’ ‘But –’ ‘I’m as male as you, it’s just arranged differently is all – feel this, in here, these are the same as you’ve got out there.’ Naboo takes Saboo’s hand and guides two fingers inside, gliding easily through the wetness. ‘These right here?’ ‘Yup. Same as these right here.’ Naboo cups his free hand around Saboo’s balls, weighing them in his palm, heavy and cool and so exposed, so vulnerable… He feels Saboo’s fingertips exploring, careful and hesitant; watches Saboo’s face as he begins to understand how this might work. Saboo slides his fingers further in. ‘And the rest?’ ‘Up here.’ Almost too far in for his own small fingers to reach, but Saboo has no trouble. Naboo strokes the silky-soft skin at Saboo’s tip, mirroring the movements. ‘See? Unmales were never meant to fly solo.’ ‘So when you told Dennis you didn’t do anything…’ ‘I didn’t, much. There are… y’know, gadgets and things, but they never really… Guess I got lucky.’ ‘Makes two of us, little one.’ Saboo runs a finger round the rim of the opening. ‘What – what do you need me to do?’ ‘More of that would be nice… help me make some room, you know?’ Saboo shakes his head. ‘I don’t know. Don’t laugh.’ ‘I’m not. But it’s… You’re pretty well hung, if you didn’t know already, an’ it’s gonna be a tight fit. Just keep doin’ that, help me relax, an’ when you can get three fingers in, you know I’m ready for you.’ ‘I’d rather… find some other way, if this is going to hurt you.’ Saboo looks doubtful. ‘Don’t worry.’ Naboo leans forward and kisses him. ‘I’ll be fine. But it’s worth bein’ a bit careful. ’S your first time, an’ mine too really, so I wanna get it right. You’re doin’ great so far.’ He lies back on the pillows, encouraging Saboo with soft words, and Saboo touches and stretches, until Naboo’s open to him, wet and needy and pushing back against Saboo’s fingers with little moans of pleasure. Saboo bends over and kisses him on the cheek. ‘I’ve… that is, there are three…so can we…? Because I think I’m going to explode if we don’t.’ ‘Me too.’ ‘So what do I…?’ Naboo sits up, grinning at the sight of Saboo’s hand disappearing between his thighs. ‘Take ’em out slowly, and lie down where I was… yeah, that’s perfect.’ He kneels astride Saboo’s hips, and reaches back to help him in. Blimey. ‘Well hung’ doesn’t really cover it. Especially since nothing is hanging any more, it’s all standing to attention and even that vulnerable ballsack has tightened itself up into a neat, plump package. Naboo’s been well prepared, but even so he needs all his concentration to unlock the tight muscles around his entrance and let Saboo’s broad, blunt cockhead slide slowly inside. ‘Oh.’ Saboo moves his head from side to side on the pillow. ‘Little one… I never expected… this is just… Oh.’ Naboo rocks his hips, taking his lover (now that’s a word that’ll take a bit of getting used to, and all) deeper in. ‘Take it easy. It’s been a long time. Lemme know if you need to stop.’ ‘I’m fine if you are. But is this hurting you?’ ‘It isn’t. It really isn’t. Nor scarin’ me neither. So stop worryin’, just lie back an’ enjoy the ride, yeah?’ Naboo sets a slow rhythm, looking into Saboo’s eyes as they widen and darken and lose their anxiety; feeling his own body relaxing as it accepts the ache and the stretch and the certainty that this time, nothing bad is going to happen. He could stop this at any moment; but he doesn’t want to. Saboo’s ball-deep inside him now, and Naboo tightens his internal muscles to feel the shape of him, bumping deliciously against the tender places that Saboo’s fingers had explored earlier. Saboo is rock-hard and hot; Naboo’s movements make him shudder all over. ‘I can’t take much more… Little one, if you do that again I’ll come…’ Naboo had no idea it was possible to be so turned on by just words. He does that again. He can't help it. ‘I meant what I said, you plum, I can’t… Oh fuck, I’m coming. Oh…’ Naboo feels Saboo let go; sees his face as the orgasm hits him and flattens all his remaining defences. It's the sexiest thing he's ever seen, and it tips him over the edge too, gasping and yelping and crying out Saboo’s name. Afterwards, Saboo holds him close as he shivers and cries. ‘I’m fine, really, I’m sorry, it’s only reaction, never come like that before…’ ‘It’s all right, little one. It was... pretty intense for me too, you know.' Saboo kisses him gently on the forehead. 'Just be still for a little while. I’ll look after you.’ Naboo can feel the wet flowing out of him, the mingled aftermath of their sex, smelling of his own musk and that human malesex scent that has become a familiar feature of life in his flat ever since Howard and Vince started doing… whatever it is that he and Saboo have just done. What have they done? ‘The towel was a good idea,’ Saboo says, lifting a corner of it to wipe him clean. ‘And this? Me an’ you, I mean… was it a good idea?’ The moment the question is out of his mouth, Naboo wishes he hadn’t asked; he can’t bear the thought that Saboo might regret this. Saboo kisses the tears away. ‘Of course it was. Best we’ve ever had.’ ‘We?’ Naboo can hardly dare to believe it. ‘It’s you and me from here on in, little one.’ Saboo’s tone brooks no argument. ‘You and me. That’s all there is to it.’

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

‘You again? I’d have thought catching me on my way to breakfast was enough. And then you told me you had to get home by 8.30, and rushed off again. Something about your son’s school assembly, wasn’t it?’ ‘Yes, Sire. I was in plenty of time to attend the assembly – ’ ‘Well, I’m glad to see that new watch of yours is working.’ ‘– and I have returned with all haste to tender my humblest apologies to you.’ ‘What, again?’ ‘I do not think I have yet apologised nearly enough. My early departure last night was unforgivable.’ ‘Be that as it may, I forgive you, Banoo, as is my royal privilege.’ ‘But – ’ The King lowers his binoculars and looks sharply at the shaman kneeling at his feet. ‘Nothing is unforgivable, Banoo, if the King says that it is not.’ Banoo bows his head and is silent for all of about ten seconds as he tries to work this out. His chest is heaving with suppressed emotion; his normally sleek hair is disarrayed, sliding out of the knot at the nape of his neck. The King feels a sudden, irrational urge to kneel beside him and tidy it up. ‘I am forgiven?’ Banoo says in a small voice. ‘For about the forty-seventh time this morning, Banoo, yes. Now for heaven’s sake get up before you give yourself arthritis kneeling on these battlements. It’s perishing cold up here.’ ‘Thank you, sire.’ Banoo scrambles to his feet. ‘I am undeserving of such benevolence. I – ’ ‘Peace, Banoo.’ The King raises the Royal Binoculars to his eyes again and peers over the wall. ‘You were not the only one to leave the feast early. The Head Shaman’s envoys had to retire only a few minutes after you did. Pity really, I thought it was all going rather well, but I suppose they had had a rather busy day.’ Banoo shades his eyes against the mid-morning sun and looks in the same direction; together they watch the Head Shaman’s diplomatic carpet flying away over the plain. ‘They must have needed their sleep too,’ the King adds, ‘they were very late to breakfast. Missed out on the buckwheat porridge. Can’t understand it…’ A faint burst of laughter drifts back to them on the wind as the carpet rises and heads for the mountains, rather erratically. ‘Perhaps they over-indulged in the products of the Royal Breweries last night, Sire,’ Banoo suggests. ‘It doesn’t look as though either of them is fit to drive.’ The King, watching through the binoculars, can see that actually neither of the shamen on the carpet is driving; their attention seems wholly occupied by each other. Well, that would explain a lot… ‘I’m seriously thinking about asking the Head Shaman to billet his field operatives elsewhere in future.’ He lowers the binoculars; he didn’t need to see that. ‘I’ve already had the Laundry Master complaining about the state of the towels this morning. He was almost in tears, the poor man. I can’t think what those shamen can have been doing.’ Well, actually, that last statement isn’t strictly true; and judging by what he’s just seen, it looks as though they’ll be doing it again before very long. Hopefully the Head Shaman's carpet valet is of a robust constitution... The King sighs heavily. ‘Is something wrong, my liege?’ Banoo strikes an earnest, ready-for-action pose. ‘Can I do anything to remedy it? I have kept myself in training, just in case. I am still the strongest, the fastest…’ ‘Thank you, but no, nothing of that kind is wrong. It’s just… well… things didn’t turn out as I expected. I should have been a folk musician with a thriving wholefood restaurant, not a lonely old man ruling a kingdom he never asked for.’ He looks out across the majestic view of the rolling plains and the distant glitter of the river, with the mountains rising blue in the distance. He blinks; the brightness of the morning sun is making his eyes water a little. He hears Banoo come to stand beside him. ‘Things didn’t turn out for me either,’ the shaman says quietly. ‘I should have been the amulet bearer and being all heroic on Earth, making full use of my training and magical abilities – not rushing around after six children that my fourth ex-wife can’t look after properly.’ ‘You're a fortunate man, Banoo. I always wanted a partner, and it’d really brighten this moth-eaten castle up to have some youngsters about the place, but that didn’t work out either… d’you have any idea how hard it is to find a princess these days?’ They turn to each other, and their eyes meet. ‘No promises,’ the King says, ‘but… why don’t you bring the kids over next weekend, and we’ll see how it goes?’ Banoo says nothing, but his face grows bright with sudden hope. ‘I’ll take that as a yes, then,’ the King murmurs. He puts a hand on Banoo’s shoulder, and together they watch the carpet vanish over the horizon.

Broduce 101: Episode 9 (Quick Livestream Recap)

Firstly, I want to apologise for the lateness of this recap. I’ll try to be more timely for the remaining two episodes, I’m sorry.

This episode is all about the concept evaluations and the live performances for the next eliminations.

We start off in the Produce prison mansion, where BoA visits the waiting trainees. They’re always a bit starstruck with her lol

She reminds them this is the last elims before final 11, casts a degree of doubt about whether the cut off will be the top 22 ranks, then explains the voting system and benefits.

Although at this stage, these godawful live voting stages are increasingly important for the rankings, they continue to be stupid and easily manipulated in favour of the popular trainees regardless of their performances. I know this is supposed to be a true reality show or whatever, but the idea of giving a young audience more organised than Mnet so much power gives me a stress headache.

Anyway. The team that gets the most votes for their performance gets a 20,000 vote benefit and the trainee with the most votes gets a 100,000 vote benefit. The team with the most votes gets to perform at M!Countdown.

Each song has to have 7 members, and since Mnet’s crappy planning meant the trainees got split into teams before elims, they have to be reshuffled so every song has the same number of performers. 

In true Lord of the Flies fashion, the boys have the privilege of kicking out their own teammate by ranking their group from first to last. This means a chunk of them have spent a week rehearsing for a song they won’t perform 

The teams short of members pick from those trainees in order of highest ranking. Open, which has the most missing members has Kang Daniel pick first, followed by Showtime’s Yoon Jisung and finally I Know You Know Kim Taedong.

The kids from Oh Little Girl and Never get together to beg appeal to not be kicked out from their song

Never has Haknyeon saying he’ll work hard to keep his spot and not hold back the team

Minhyun says, flatly, ‘Yes. Hwaiting.’ 

Dead.

Most of them want to vote themselves as best to help their odds lol

Yoo Seonho, who is self aware: I don’t want to be first, I just want to be 7th. No wait. 6th? I should be confident.

Open has lost most of their team. They went from having Kim Seonglee to not having any main vocals to carry the song. They retained Baekho and Yongguk, so still not too shabby. 

Sidenote: Little Lee Woojin is so smol amongst his hyungs with that little yellow beanie. 

Oh Little Girl keeps their visuals and token singers Sewoon and Gunhee, which is smart considering how average the song is. They’ll need their fanvotes to win the Mnet performance so they kick out Moonbok. 

Sacrilege but c’est la vie.

Never retains their strengths with a good mix of popular and talented boys. This group had way too many competent trainees so it was a closer battle, I reckon. Emperor Hwang Minhyun’s picks in almost the exact order stay. 

Sungwoon and Lai Guanlin tie for 7th, and the top 6 vote between the two.

It ends with Sungwoon joining Seonho, Haknyeon, Youngmin for the cast out kids.

He’s embarrassed because he’s efficient and skilled but I’m significantly more bitter. As much as I like Guanlin, this is a bit disrespectful for someone like Sungwoon, who’s literally known for having everything but height. Even though Never doesn’t need too many vocally adept trainees, it’s the bandwagon song and therefore likely to have public appeal.

He’s cute though, straight up pandering to the Open team when they have to pick their new members by singing the song.

Open picks up Im Youngmin, Seonho and Hakneyon leaving Moonbok and Sungwoon for the next team.

Disrespectful, straight up.

Showtime has Yoon Jisung doing a startlingly accurate impression of Daniel before they chose Sungwoon for the high pitched vocals. 

Moonbok makes his way to IKYK’s practice room to join the underdogs, who’re excited to see Pocahontas hyung.

Oh Little Girl has a mournful bgm at rehearsals as they have to decide on final positions after eliminations. 

Minki has to work to secure broadcast minutes that Mnet has carefully avoided giving him by trying out for centre, and his teammates vote him in place, unseating Jihoon. 

Main vocal has Gunhee and Sewoon battling it out for the position. They’re both good choices - the demo singer even sounded like Sewoon, who hasn’t been main vocal even once despite strengthening the background vocals every mission. The team does pick Sewoon this time, fortunately.

Bae Jinyoung wants to be sub-vocal, and is worried about his falling rank. He’s not ambitious enough to try to be main vocal at least, but those vocal techniques confuse me with that inherent smooth tone. The kid is young, and can be easily improved though, maybe a few months of SM styled vocal boot camp?

Showtime has a still (rightly) pouty Sungwoon want to be centre in his new team. His whole team laughs, with co-HOTSHOT member Noh Taehyun cackling particularly loudly at his sheepish announcement. 

Auntie Jisung references Jessi from Unpretty Rapstar, yelling, ‘THIS IS COMPETITION,’ and pinches his nose bridge like the drama queen he is.

Centre nominees try the guitar stringing ‘killing part’ to appeal for the spot and Brave’s Samuel wins the spot. 

Sungwoon tries stealing the sticker out of sheer desperation OTL

Ah, I don’t like the song so much but this group has so many of my faves.

They actually start rehearsing and come to a realisation.

Noh Taehyun: The centre needs to be able to sing well too.

Kim Samuel, who is an extremely competent dancer by anyone’s standards, can’t sing above his speaking range. Again, easily fixed by a year or two of concentrated training. He’s only sixteen and his voice must have dropped like a summer ago

IKYK’s Kwon Hyunbin wants to be leader. The team votes him in over BNM Donhyun and he does Auntie Jisung’s clapping in celebration

Mnet, how many kids are you going to give the Sohye edit, this is getting out of fucking control.

Picking centre is particularly sad with most of the contenders well aware they’re going to be eliminated. They vote Taedong in, displacing poor Donghan.

Open team has Kenta, Seonho and Haknyeon do expression acting to appeal for centre. Kenta pulls a face to loosen his facial muscles before trying, and is embarrassed although he’s not bad. Haknyeon is good too.

Seonho can’t hit the notes and tries a vocal trick Shin Yumi taught the kids. This sort of stuff about the Cube chicks impresses me because they’ve really absorbed every learning opportunity on this show like sponges. They’re still far from debut ready and I wouldn’t want them to debut in BOI over the older trainees but it appeals to my Asian sensibilities to see them working hard if nothing else.

Baekho: You can’t ask someone to press down on your forehead on stage.

So it comes down to Jeju pig boy and Japanese puppy. 

Joo Haknyeon gets voted as centre and then struggles with everything. 

Pledis Dongho gets GodJonghyun edit, practicing with the kid to help him improve. He points out that Haknyeon’s confidence is far from being at par with his skill level.

Never team votes Emperor Hwang as centre over Guanlin. Not shocking, considering the difference in ability. 

Ong-ssi hits the nail on the head as always as they practice, pointing out that they don’t really have to deal with shuffling and learning of the song so rehearsals are smooth and quick. It also helps that most of them are highly competent.

There’s a bit about Ong Sungwoo being Mnet’s human slate. Cute. 

Also cute is Brand New Music’s Park Woojin finally being comfortable enough to be the kid he is, surrounded by hyungs. I found a subbed cut, which you can see here because I can’t do justice to this positive filler bit that I would be happy to see more of @mnet. 

Important takeaway - Sweet puppy Park Woojin and gang are being taught variety by Ong-ssi

Final concept performance day!

Far out, look at the bank the show is making with those crowds. Girls are easily the backbone of capitalism. It’s amazing considering how much effort the industry puts into putting women down.

Anyway, kpop legend tiny Queen BoA looks fire emoji in her red pantsuit.

Aw seeing the eliminated trainees always makes my soul ache. 

The composers are attending too. You gotta have all those unnecessary reaction shots am I right ha ha HA

The composers visit during rehearsals for a check in. Not many women there either lol Hashtag bitter female tears

Showtime gets primarily positive reactions at the check in. They have high energy while performing which suits the song’s up tempo disco vibe. Samuel’s vocal get a boost because his voice doesn’t waver.

The team’s live performance is enjoyable. The average skill ability in this group of trainees is also rather high. It looks very polished, and they all look like they’re enjoying the stage, which always makes me happy to see. 

Sanggyun, who receives his usual amount of absolutely no screentime, is memorable in my opinion. So handsome.

The choreo is fun more than complicated. Easy standouts are Auntie Jisung dancing Pick Me and the inclusion of RBW puppy Dongmyung’s warming up limb flapping dance. Samuel does well with the dance break, the Ardor and Able trainees remain excellent performers as always.

They all keep calling it their possible last stage and Auntie Jisung looks like he’s going to cry again. It hurts because it could be true. 

Probably the shortest screentime for the group with my personal faves. Deeply grateful as always, Mnet.

Next up is my top song pick for Concept evals, I Know You Know.

Their wardrobes are particularly pretty. Thank you stylists for Moonbok’s look.

At check in with the composers, they get a bit of shake down because of their lack lustre initial performance. I’m not surprised because Joombas is really high profile, someone who works with famous singers. The team has competent but not excellent trainees. 

Hyunbin’s been getting a good edit as he makes up for the effort for the first evals where Mnet basically shoved him off a cliff, with a GodJonghyun inspired leader attitude. 

It’s a bit annoying because good god don’t we have enough Brohyes. 

Still, I’d rather this than kids being thrown sacrificed to the netizen flames.

Product placement.

The final performance is good. Kim Yehyun’s voice wavers out of place at parts but sweet boy Seo Sunghyuk is unexpectedly very stable considering the very energetic choreo. Donghyun, Donghan and Taedong remain reassuringly good and completely ignored. Hyunbin’s voice doesn’t sound as out of place as it did last mission while Moonbok proves he’s capable of idol rap with his smooth delivery. The choreo is exhausting but none of their voices are strained (they also probably have their studio recorded tracks playing so this may not be a matter of skill)

Open is next up, with the boys looking unreasonably good in their black suits. 

Well, Daniel, Dongho and Kenta anyway. I take a minute to pray to the wardrobe team again. I’m not a Daniel fan in particular but my word, the boy looks fine. 

Haknyeon messes up with typical Mnet camera focus at pre-performance check in. The composers can’t even pick one standout trainee.

The team convene to re-discuss centre with Haknyeon not being about to live up to his desire and confidence. Again, lack of training and age comes into play here, but wanting to take on things he can’t handle yet is not helping him.

Center swaps to Kim Yongguk, who doesn’t even get a clear shot of his face for the occasion.

Haknyeon gets Sexy Bandit’s thumbs up of approval at recording, after working hard for his second consecutive redemption arc. 

It could be the editing, but Daniel hasn’t been a very effective leader this mission either.

Product placement.

They come to check out the stage during dress rehearsal with the bed and slick set.

Kenta: It’s rather adult (as far as I know, the word can mean dirty or sexy depending on context but I think adult sounds appropriate here).

I agree. Seonho’s too young for this one. 

With the song and choreo being handed to them being what it is, this performance was looking to be one of my more anticipated ones, but the boys do a great job too. Daniel comes off more as centre than Yongguk but I can’t fault him because he does a really good job. Kenta is a visual standout too

It could be the editing, but Yongguk fades among the others although he keeps up well enough. Seonho’s vocals are satisfactory considering where he started out, there are bits where his dancing is still slightly awkward though. Same with Haknyeon, which is strange because I thought that was his strongest field. He’s visibly out of sync at times, even to my tired eyes. Maybe he doesn’t practice to beats, because he had the same issue in Right Round

This may be Sexy Bandit Pledis Baekho’s stage though. He’s beyond reproach. I’d call him oppa if he wanted me to.

They get an encore chant!

Fully deserved, because both the song and their performance of it was debut group level.

Oh Little Girl next

A lot of visual hype kids here. Costumes are terrible though, bits and pieces from earlier performances and maybe Park Jihoon’s personal closet?

That song name though....

Jihoon does the aegyo I’ve seen from the cute Monsta X rapper. It’s cringey on him too.

At performance check in, the producers acknowledge that the song may well have been tailored to Sewoon. Bae Jinyoung makes a few mistakes though.

Cue mournful music and cuts of his confidence issues.

Sewoon helps him practice and he’s better at recording. Kids like this usually are. He definitely could be a competent idol singer if someone gives him focused help. 

In the practice rooms, Minki has some issues while rehearsing, and there’s friction between him and the younger kids. Jihoon leaves the room with a door slam that freezes the others, and they have to gather to talk because Jihoon feels like Minki is upset with him. 

This time Minki slams the door behind him as he exits.

Sewoon is getting visibly worked up at this conflict.

Is Mnet finally getting genuine drama footage without manipulative editing? 

No. It’s another one of those birthday camera pranks that Korean variety producers still think are entertaining. 

Gunhee comes in with a cake and you can see the tension melt out of Jihoon’s face and he smiles the most genuine smile I’ve seen since his first time ranking first. 

Lol Sewoon thinks the cake’s just for Jihoon and starts clapping until the trainees sing his name too. Cute.

Minki does his shoulder expanding thing for dress rehearsals at coach Shin Yumi’s request. Sewoon gets well deserved praise for his vocals and Bae Jinyoung gets his confidence boost since this is probably his team mission individual edit for the season.

The final performance is cute, easily carried vocally by Sewoon and Gunhee. The others are also good, no visible mistakes. The song is still rather average, the choreo elevated by the boys performing it. They’re all adorable, their good looks helping save the tragic outfits. Minki was an appropriate centre. Hyungseob pulled out a rose out of nowhere mid performance, which seems perfectly in character for the kid.

I wouldn’t seek the song out to listen to, it’s one of those throwaway b-sides on mini albums, but watching it this one time was really fun. This truly was Sewoon’s performance, it fit him well.

Kahi: Ai, cute~

Pretty much.

We get to the final performance, Never.

Hyuna visits the team to cheer them up at rehearsals and the boys are instantly distracted at the sight of her. Minhyun keeps practising while the boys start to greet, but later reassures the camera that he was excited too. 

He’s probably seen all of SNSD and other prolific girl groups while promoting the last few years, it makes sense for him to be less fazed. He’s also from the company that (miraculously still) houses Nana.

But its Hyuna. 

Meanwhile, the trainees outside gather outside, pressing their faces to the glass door to stare at Hyuna. 

Baby chick Seonho: Oh, they’re from our company! :D

She turns to look at them and they almost faint in excitement. She cutely greets them as she exits, leaving behind an echo of longing sighs as she tends to do

At check in with all the composers, they do well enough. Kenta in particular is appreciative. A lot of trainees proceed to hype them up.

There’s something awkward about the blond Pentagon kid talking like an authority in front of the Nu’est members. I’m not the kind to go in for hierarchy over achievement but I’d be annoyed, like who are you brat lol

They go to visit Cube, and see Guanlin’s untidy locker with his Korean books 

AND THE EPISODE HIGHLIGHT

THE CUBE CHICKS WERE ORIGINALLY GOING TO AUDITION FOR P101 WITH TROUBLEMAKER

Why didn’t they? I loved it! I’d have rooted for them earlier on!

Guanlin’s excited to practice a routine that requires skills he didn’t have earlier, at his company with his hyungs, who coo at him. 

Every time Hyuna says something nice at studio recording, the boys flush with happiness. 

Daehwi’s smile spilts his face when she praises his tone

The words “Guanlin sounds like a native Korean” are said, which make my eyes roll out of my head. I’ve said multiple times I love how much the chicks improved and it’s clear that Guanlin is finding his groove as a trainee, but let’s not exaggerate because he’s handsome. It is, however, true that his words are getting clearer and less obviously accented.

Jaehwanie can rap too! I look forward to seeing him get signed to a good company after this (@Starship, you don’t have any worthy female groups anymore so you might as well add to your male talents)

Park Woojin’s rapping is really good but he can’t sigh?? It’s endearing too. He re-tries at his interview. A true cutie. I hope he recovers quickly and gets to debut. This episode has made me triply fond of him.

The final performance begins after this extreme hyping and screentime allocation.

Three seconds in, Sunghyuk, calmly: It’s over (for us).

I’ve said multiple times I don’t like the song (I still can’t remember it as being anything special and the fuss around it makes me resent EDM even more), but I can admit that the performance was great. The collection of talent and visuals make the choreo work smoothly, a stage that could easily be an M!Countdown performance. Jaehwan and Woojin were particularly spectacular, specially considering that Woojin was ill. Daehwi and Minhyun deliver, as always. 

The only negatives I have are that the while the costumes looked nice, they seemed ill suited to the concept and not the colours you usually see on broadcast performances. Beige? Come on. How do you work lighting for something like that? Green or a dark red would have been so nice.

We see a shot of Mnet staff counting the votes. Don’t worry, we don’t suspect you of anything here, Mnet. I’m blaming the live audience. 

The results bring over the sheer shameless fuckery of the last mission. 

5. I Know You Know 83 (Did I not call this?)

4. Showtime 135

3. Oh Little Girl 398

Totally warranted considering the number of popular trainees in each team.

BoA references Ong-ssi’s hyperbole speech when asking about his chances about winning, and he uses every single adjective again to express his confidence about his team placing first.

She then asks Baekho, and he one ups Ong-ssi by adding the Japanese adjective for ‘very’ (cut to Kenta laughing) as well as the Mandarin.

2. Never 443 1. Open 552 

So there is some sort of fairness in the world! Thank you, good lord in heaven!

....female fans really like sexy concepts. 

Kenta and Seonho’s handsome faces reach new levels of meme

Daniel is stunned. Getting banned from Never was an act of god for him and his fans.

Nation’s Leader Angel GodJonghyun makes an appropriately congratulatory comment.

Live vote rankings without benefits for individual trainee rankings are below:

Unrevealed

Maroo Park Jihoon

Brand New Music Park Woojin

Pledis Hwang Minhyun

C9 Bae Jinyoung

Unrevealed

Cre.Ker Joo Haknyeon

Brand New Music Lee Daehwi

CUBE Yoo Seonho

Chun Kim Yongguk

Brand New Music Im Youngmin

Next week, feel good fillers and third eliminations before heading into finale for top 11! Man, is this nonsense getting increasingly, unpredictably intense. 

The Future of the Trainees (part 6)

Shape of You Kim Taedong (Rank 25 -> Rank 28)

Chances – I’ll start by just saying how much I love his new hair color. And I honestly don’t really like idols wearing colored lenses especially because with it becoming a trend they’re seen on almost every idol even if doesn’t really suit them. But Taedong works that eye color surprisingly well especially when it’s paired with his hair. But I digress. Taedong’s story on the show isn’t really that showy but it’s a nice one overall. He got sorted into F (even though he really didn’t deserve it especially considering that his labelmates got B’s and a C), then followed Soomin in going up to A, was part of a team that won a performance on MCountdown (which was mainly thanks to the shitty team forming this season but nonetheless) and now was part of the performance which was considered the best by many (and taking Youtube views into account it was). And while he didn’t get any screentime due to the focus being on Taehyun, if there was a second member people payed attention to it was most likely Taedong (which is supported by the fact that his fancam is still in the Top 100 on Naver). Even though he did fall in ranks since the 5th episode I’m honestly pretty confident that he’s going to be alright. But I doubt he’ll make it further. Which is a shame because I would like to see at least one of the Boys24 boys succeed (and Taedong has the most chances) because how many survival shows can one person go through. The only upside is that both Taedong and Hyunwoo have gained some attention from the general public, so if their label is smart they will debut a group soon (with Jaechan of course).

Skills – Taedong is a really well-rounded trainee. I wouldn’t really name him as the best for any of the positions, but he’s a good and sharp dancer, a pretty decent singer and an okay rapper. He does, however, have great stage presence. Maybe it’s the side effect of his hair and lenses but he did look really good in ‘Shape of You’ and the only two members I payed attention to initially were Taehyun and Taedong.

Park Sungwoo (Rank 22 -> Rank 31) Chances - I'll be honest I did not understand why Sungwoo was as popular as he was (Rank 12 in the 1st episode). I don't have same beauty standards as Koreans so I didn't find him to be that handsome, I don't care much for abs and definitely cringed during his ranking performance. And, well, he's definitely grown on me over the episodes. He's very earnest, very nice towards all the younger trainees (they look like they’re very comfortable around him) and he does seem like he really does want to become better and is trying very hard not to be a bother to his teammates even if that's hard to achieve. Honestly, in the last performance he obviously wasn't good and a lot of the moves looked jerky and awkward but some moves actually looked decent and he didn't stand out from his performance. Sungwoo still deserved 6th place in his group (although him being higher than a lot of great dancers is preposterous). So Sungwoo's grown on me and grown as a trainee but I still think that he should be eliminated in the next episode. I feel like and asshole because he does seem like he wants to become an idol and I have a soft spot for the older trainees because I realize that the younger ones get more love due to their age and cuteness. But I just can’t imagine Sungwoo debuting as an idol. He might have a shot as an actor (everyone keeps saying that) or a model. He fell quite a bit since the 5th episode and he’s been virtually invisible in the last two episodes so I do think that he’s probably going to be eliminated. Whatever happens I genuinely wish him the best luck with all his endeavors.  

Skills – He’s a pretty bad dancer but in both of his group performances he’s managed to blend in if nothing best which is the most you can expect from him after 1-2 weeks of practice. He’s an okay singer but definitely below average.

Noh Taehyun (Rank 26 -> Rank 32)

Chances - His rank fell but there's no need to worry about the next elimination especially considering the 110k bonus he received. But I'll get to that later. Boy, was it a nice edit for Taehyun in the 6th episode, one that he deserved entirely. Lots of people were talking about his evil edit in episode 3, but I honestly never though that Mnet had ir out for him. There was quite a bit of editing done to play up his and Sungwoon performance in the second episode (again completely deserving) with them being able to wake everyone up and BoA explicitly wondering how they failed as a group with the skills that they have. And while the Woojin vs. Taehyun fight could've been edited to ruin Taehyun, Mnet made sure to add a scene (in the dorm!) where Taehyun's teammates call him a nice guy and explain why he acted the way he did. Speaking of which, it was a little strange to me that Taehyun didn't fight at all (from what we've seen) for the leader role in his '10 out of 10 team'. It's obviously a position he's good at (and while I love Woojin to bits, I think being a leader, especially among people he isn't close with, doesn't come naturally to him) and a position he strives for at least when it comes to choreographing. But oh well, even if he didn't (or shouldn't have) show(n) his leadership skills in the last mission, he really shone in this one. I expect that part of it is thanks to his teammates being ones that don't mind being led. Also this mission really opened up him as a dancer. We got to see him krumping again in order to establish him as the best dancer according to many of the trainees, which we already know he's good at, but then he explicitly says that he wants to show that he's a versatile dancer. Smart move, because I doubt any B.O.I song will have a krumping choreography. It was a deserving win all in all and one that was gladly accepted by the public, partially due to the fact that we were explicitly shown lots of good dancers through dance battles which means that any one of them would've been accepted as number 1. (It's a whole other story for vocalists but that's for later.) Taehyun will make it into the Top 35 and even has a chance of getting into the Top 22, but, unfortunately, probably only if Sungwoon doesn't make it. Skills - I've already mentioned that he is a superb dancer. Despite being the shortest in his 'Shape of You' team, my eyes gravitated to him quite often even when he wasn't in the center. He's also a surprisingly good singer which came as a surprise to me during the '10 out of 10' performance because I only had Sungwoon to compare him to prior to the group mission who is a superior singer. I've seen some comments (not many but still a surprising amount) saying that Taehyun is not good at making stage expressions so I checked out his fancams and concluded that that was bull. While his expressions are minimal, they're always on point and charismatic and he can adapt to the concept.

Kim Donghan (Rank 37 -> Rank 34)

Chances – He rose in rank since the elimination so in episode 6 he was actually just barely in the Top 35. But he wasn’t really shown in the 6th episode when his team’s practice was shown and some of the trainees who weren’t in the Top 35 (Heeseok and Jinyoung) got storylines and screentime in the 7th episode.  So it would be logical to assume that Donghan will be out in the next episode. But he is surprisingly popular for someone who doesn’t get that much attention from Mnet (his screentime in the 3rd episode was more to complement Hyunwoo’s story on the show than his own). I recently learned the skill of looking at the Top 100 videos on Naver and Donghan’s fancam video is still there despite him receiving no focus in the show and the ‘Shape of You’ performance coming out before all of the fancams. I ask constantly see people talking about him so it seems he’s quite popular. Which is why I actually think he’s going to make it into the Top 35 although I doubt he’ll pass the elimination after that. OUI entertainment has at least two other trainees and they’re not bad (Jaehyun was pretty close to making it into the Top 60 and got quite a lot of on-site votes during the group mission and Sungwook recently signed an advertisement deal) so the label can actually debut a group with a moderate chance of getting some attention upon debut though I am not sure that’s what they’ll decide to do.

Skills – He’s a good dancer and has really good stage presence. I don’t think I have to back this up with facts because I do think that most people agree with this. I’ll be honest, however, I did not even remember if Donghan is a vocalist or rapper because I couldn’t remember anything besides his dancing. So I went back and checked out his ‘Call Me Baby’ fancam and he’s pretty good. Not anywhere near remotely impressive but he is good in a way that you can rely on him to sing his part well and be stable doing it. And, honestly, that’s all I require from him.

Justin (Rank 31 -> Rank 48)

People have been constantly pointing out Justin’s cute looks and honestly that’s the only thing I associated with Justin from the start. Which didn’t do Justin any good because I always kept thinking that his cute looks are a way to compensate for his lack of talent and skills. Which isn’t true at all but I’ll get into that in the when I talk about his skills later. Either way Justin’s rank has been falling over the course of the show and I’m not completely sure about the reason. I saw a theory that said that Justin’s and JungJung’s ranks fell due to Mnet canceling Chinese votes. That could account for the latest drop but Justin’s rank from Rank 16 to 31 cannot be explained by that. Which I think was due to what I assumed at first. What I assumed at first was that due to nothing being made of Justin’s skills and his fame due to good looks slowly fading over time, he quickly lost the interest he gained at first. Either way Yuehua will probably debut them whether it’s by themselves (plus the other Yuehua trainees who were seen hanging out with Justin and JungJung) or with Starship trainees. And although it’s really hard for me to imagine a group with the bright Yuehua trainees and the cute but awkward Sewoon and Gwanghyun in it, I’m honestly hoping for that. It’s such an odd combination that I think it will work perfectly.

Skills – Honestly, it annoys me that so much was made of Justin’s looks and cuteness and nothing was made of his skills. Not only by Mnet but also by his fans! Because of that, I for some odd reason thought that Justin needs a lot more training before he can debut. But now looking back at his performances – everything that’s been asked of him, he did really well. Not perfectly, I wouldn’t call him my favorite in any of his performances but still very well. He’s honestly a pretty good dancer. I was going to say that he’s a pretty weak vocalist until I remembered that he’s a rapper. And as a rapper he’s also not that spectacular to be honest but that will probably come with more training (he’s only 16 after all). In fact that’s kind of what I think about all of the Yuehua trainees. They’re all kind of good but not spectacular  now but with a little more training and experience they will obviously be a force to reckon with, especially if Starship trainees fill in the main and lead vocal positions that Yuehua trainees lack. Lee Junwoo (Rank 41 -> Rank 58)

Chances – Junwoo had passed the last elimination thanks to his ‘tatata’ dance and meme status. And unfortunately that’s all we were allowed to see of him in the episodes (unlike Taemin who showed a more serious side thank to his choice of position and song). It’s a shame that they didn’t even show that Junwoo managed to get a C rank with his ‘tatata’ dance and that this dance was also the only really funny thing shown about him (unlike Taemin, again who was also shook a bunch of times) so his meme status didn’t manage to keep Junwoo in the 30’s unlike Taemin. He also wasn’t shown much in his group’s practice so I expect him to be eliminated next episode. While I don’t think it’s too much of a shame although (meaning that I’m a little more upset about losing Seonglee and Hwangung and I will be really happy if Junwoo does make it), I do think it’s a shame that we didn’t get any focus on Junwoo’s pretty impressive dancing skills. I also don’t know his label and google search didn’t turn anything up, but I do hope that just like every other trainee on the show he gets to debut after it.

Skills – He is a pretty good dancer (not in the best 10 of this season but still) although you would only know that from episode 0 and the few shots he has in the ‘Shape of You’ performance. It is helped by the fact that he is quite tall and looks great dancing. I am though going to assume that he is a pretty weak vocalist. Because his ranking performance was very weak in terms of vocal ability and he had so few lines in ‘Replay’ that I have to assume it was intentional.