#Berat
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Berat, Albania (by Kamil Krol)
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Bismillah, apa kabar?
Semoga sehat-sehat, ya.
Bagi yang hidup lagi berat-beratnya, lagi capek-capeknya, sini duduk dulu. Ngobrol dulu.
Emang biasanya rasa sakit, sesak, itu muncul pada sesuatu yang terus berkembang.
Inget ngga rasanya waktu tumbuh gigi? Sakit, kan?
Inget ngga waktu kaki masih numbuh dan sepatu jadi kekecilan? Sesak, kan?
Atau inget ngga momen-momen saat kita terpaksa harus jadi lebih dewasa? Mungkin saat masuk kuliah, merantau, berpisah dari orang tua, punya keluarga sendiri, dan seterusnya. Berat. Ngga mudah.
Tapi semua ada ujungnya. Rasa berat itu ngga akan selamanya.
Setelah semua itu berlalu, kamu jadi orang yang sedikit berbeda. Lebih kuat, lebih bijak, lebih tahu, lebih cermat, atau lebih-lebih lainnya.
Mungkin sekarang ngga kebayang dalam benak kita gimana caranya melalui ujian ini--apapun itu. Sanggup kah kita? Apa solusi yang akan muncul untuk menyelamatkan kita? Apakah Allah benar-benar akan menolong kita? Kapan? Gimana caranya?
Tenang. Atur nafas. Tenang.
Kita tahu kita harus berpikir rasional dan segera mencari solusi. Tapi tenang dulu. Kasihan diri kita kalau terus diserang dengan berbagai spekulasi dan kekhawatiran yang belum terjadi. Bisa-bisa otak kita malah membeku, marah pada keadaan, atau ingin melarikan diri dari masalah.
Mari fokus pada hari ini saja dulu. Apa yang hari ini bisa saya lakukan? Pilih sesuatu. Tidak harus langsung benar atau besar, yang lebih penting dimulai.
Lalu apa?
Besok lakukan lagi. Besoknya lakukan lagi, dan seterusnya.
Dengan mengambil tindakan pada apa-apa yang bisa kita kendalikan, kita merasa lebih berdaya. Kalau kita merasa berdaya, rasa takut dan cemas akan berkurang.
Kalau rasa takut dan cemas itu semakin berkurang, kita bisa melihat lebih jauh ke depan. Bisa jadi setelah itulah kita menemukan solusi atas apapun yang sedang kita hadapi saat ini.
Yuk, jalan pelan-pelan aja. Lakukan satu per satu.
Bismillah, ya Allah kuatkan kami, tolong kami.
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The communist martyrs cemetery of Berat, Albania.
Anyone who has known my blog here for a while will not be surprised to see that I am posting pics from a cemetery, this a trait of mine that my mother instilled in me, as bairns we traipsed around graveyards all over the place, mainly Edinburgh and the Lothians.
This is one of two I found in Berat, and is for all the martyrs of that city, from the time of communism until today. the families take great pride when they have a martyr that fought against the "intruders" many of the people remembered here were Partisans during the second world war. I'm not sure whether all were actual communists, but as the country was run as a communist state after the war they were commomarated as such.
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Left Behind
Date: March 16th and beyond
Locations: London, Porto
Medea was silent in the chair next to her. Or as next to her as she could be as they were in separate pods across the aisle. She doubted the woman wanted to talk but even if she did, it would have been drowned out by the constant thrum of the airplane.
Nevra had never demanded anything from the Rutherfords in the entirety of her employment. They likely would have given her whatever she asked for, within reason, but she had never taken advantage of that. Advantage of their generosity and what giving it to people meant. Most would mistake it for loyalty or comradeship. A chance to tell the people who worked for them that they cared when really it was a chance to show the rest of the world how much fucking money they had.
Fine, let them throw it around. The eleven hour flight would be more bearable in first class.
~
“Wait, I’m coming. Wait, wait!” The knock had been soft at first but grew the longer she took to disentangle herself from her blanket cocoon on the couch. The hallways of her little cottage was already narrow and when Sabir zigged the same time she did, Nevra found her knees slamming to the carpet. She shook her head and nudged the dog away, talking loudly before she even opened the door.
“I didn’t think you’d come thi-”
Ayaz. Not who she’d expected to see but Nevra smiled nonetheless. Maybe he’d remembered her birthday as well and was bored enough to come wish her so in person. She crossed her arms and put on a small pout.
“I hope my present is hiding somewhere in your coat because I don’t see one and I’ll be honest, if you didn’t get me anything, I might just cry.”
It took her three more beats to understand that he wasn’t there to wish her a happy birthday.
What was that look on his face?
“Ayaz?”
“Nev, let’s go inside.”
She didn’t know why but her heart started racing as he put a hand on her back and shut the door behind them.
~
We will be landing in Porto Velho in twenty minutes. Please have your arrival card and any items to declare ready and in hand.
She could feel Medea’s side eye and decided to ignore it. Neither were traveling as their namesake and both had only a carry on. A few changes of clothes was all that was needed for this trip.
The plane rolled into port with a soft bump. Nevra was on her feet in seconds.
“Easy there.” Medea’s voice snaked through her consciousness, squeezing uncomfortably, suffocating her with its very presence.
Ayaz had suggested the woman come with her and when Nevra had told him she didn’t need a babysitter, he shrugged. Yet her arrival at Heathrow and the sight of his ex-wife told Nevra enough. They didn’t trust her, not right now. Not with-
Nevra smiled at the customs worker. When they’d gotten off the plane and ended up here was beyond her. Everything blurred together now. “No, nothing to declare. Just here for a business trip.” Her face remained calm and inviting. Learning to play different parts had been one of the main skills she’d learned as an assassin. She’d never imagined she’d be using it in her daily life just to reassure people she wasn’t going to throw herself off a bridge.
Medea was next to her again. The Turk could feel her resisting the urge to take her elbow and guide her to the car that was waiting outside. Both women knew what would happen if she touched Nevra. She’d practically bit her head off at Heathrow to prove it. So unlike her. Then again, none of her actions had been like her the past few days.
What would he think of it all?
~
“Nevra, did you hear what I said?”
Dead.
Dead.
Dead.
The snap of fingers echoed in the air.
The person she’d chosen to love was dead.
The person who had chosen to love her was dead.
He was dead.
Fingers wrapped around her wrists, pressure building each moment she kept silent.
She had always been the one to leave when things came down to it. Her community, her friends, her fiancé. Nevra always made the choice. It never made it any easier but she had always been in control of who entered and left her life. That way she always knew who to blame when those horrible days eventually showed their faces.
Who could she blame for this?
Not herself.
The drug dealer? Absolutely.
The women and men who joined him for god knows how long until he’d been the unfortunate victim of a bad batch? Sure.
Kerem and his anger, his unfuckingreasonable anger toward their situation? If she tried hard enough.
Not herself though.
But Berat…
“Nevra, come back.”
No, she would never, could never blame him. She had chosen him and she wouldn’t blame that person. Even if-
So now she was the one left behind and god did it fucking suck. A harsh laugh escaped her lips. She finally noticed Ayaz and saw the look of concern at her outburst.
~
Blood splattered her face as the assassin pulled the trigger of the gun resting at the base of the man’s skull. It was messier than normal but he hadn’t come quietly and she was pissed off enough not to care. Medea on the other hand looked less than pleased. Blood also splattered the toes of her shoes. She took one look at Nevra’s blood covered face and audibly exhaled through her nose.
“At least you used a silencer.” She could barely hear the words over the roaring in her head and the sounds of passing cars on the street at the end of the alley.
A burner phone appeared in the older woman’s hand. A quick picture and a moment before confirmation before she tossed it into a barrel, followed by a lit match. A tiny part of Nevra wanted to burn the dead man as well but that wasn’t the job. This job was finished.
She took out her own phone and pressed the name at the top. Three rings before it picked up. Time difference, right. He wouldn’t care though, not really.
“Another one.”
Ayaz sighed on the other line and he kept silent for a moment, no doubt debating how long he should indulge her desire to lose herself.
“There’s a woman in Launceston…”
~
“You’re sure? No possibility you’re wrong?” Her throat felt like she’d eaten a handful of gravel. She felt her hands begin to shake in Ayaz’s grip. A shake of his head and a slight bow but he never averted her eyes. Never severed that last tether of support she needed.
Nevra looked toward the front door and slowly allowed the realization that Berat would never walk through it again to wash over her. How was she supposed to get through everything without him?
They’d talked for hours and nights on end of how it had been so simple to choose each other. How, once they’d said screw it and thrown caution to the wind, life had been so much happier. Their happiness had been a choice, her choice.
This was not her choice.
This is what it felt like to be left behind.
If he was going to leave her behind, then she was going to leave everyone else behind too.
“Give me a job.”
It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t said in anger or sadness or despair. It wasn’t a want but a need.
It looked like he was going to refuse her so she shook her head. No, don’t stop me.
“Give me a job.”
~
The second plane was just as comfortable as the first had been. First class again, only this time Medea had done something unexpected. She’d bought out the entire first class. Nevra knew she was standing at the back of the area talking to the hostesses. She didn’t care what she was telling them. No one bothered her though.
As the woman settled in the back, the Turk settled in the front. Maybe her babysitter had gone through what Nevra was going through. Maybe she expected her to use the privacy to break down and cry or throw a tantrum or let all hell loose. Nevra intended on refraining from each one of those things.
If she was going to cry it would be on her own terms. Her grief would be her choice. Everything from here on out would be controlled by her because fuck this feeling. A better person would have taken the opportunity to understand, this was how she’d made other people in her life feel. Before, she would have been that better person.
Now she wasn’t and didn’t care to be.
Berat Yalaz would be the last person who would make a choice for her and the last person to leave her behind.
The thought made her sigh.
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“O gecede her hikmetli iş belirlenip hükme bağlanır”.
Duhan suresi 4.ayet
Berat kandiliniz mübarek olsun.umarım ki bu güzel gecede herbiriniz beratinize ulaşırsınız.
Selam ve dua ile
🤲🏻 🤲🏻 📿
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02/05/2023
#photography#備忘録#reminder#Republika e Shqipërisë#Shqipërisë#Albania#Berati#Berat#Albana wine#ワインを飲めない私はザクロジュース#juice#🍹#🍷#tasty#Butrint#Butrinti#Butrint National Park#Sarandë#🇦🇱
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Balkan trip part 5.3: Berat
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Kalaja e Beratit
#what if i quit my job and pivoted to being a travel blogger. what then#albania#balkan#berat#landscape#tumblrhas MANGLED the image quality omg
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Sesulit dan seberat apapun prosesnya, yakinkan hatimu bahwa final chapter-nya akan bahagia..
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Church of the Holy Trinity.
This is one of the oldest churches in Berat. Easily accessible, the church is located in the historic Mangalem neighborhood in Berat, on the southern side of the Berat Castle.
The chapel is from the Byzantine era and was built during the 14th century.
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Text to Berat
Nevra: Soooo
Nevra: How's the party?
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Tidak semua orang...
Cilacap, dan segala nikmat didalamnya...
[18.07]
Tidak semua orang bisa di ajak deeptalk, bahkan obrolan ringan pun sama...
Tidak semua orang punya level cara berpikir yang sama, meski satu jenjang pendidikan yang sama...
Itulah kenapa bertemu dengan orang yang satu frekuensi adalah sebuah takdir sekaligus previledge yang mahal, tidak semua orang bisa dapatkan, tidak semua orang bisa temui...
Banyak-banyak bersyukur bila bertemu, erat-erat diikat agar tak lepas...
04/03/23
#semangat#bismillah#satu#frekuensi#hidup#kawan#happy#syukur#nikmat#perjalanan#pertemuan#persahabatan#keluarga#seseorang#deeptalk#obrolan#berat
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