Proship dni for my comfort thanks.

I feel like everyone portrays F/Os as these romantic, perfect all around lovers, and while that's all well and good! I prefer F/Os who are flawed, who don't always say the right things. Who can sometimes be petty or selfish. F/Os who have a habit of seeing conflict as a contest on who can talk the loudest, instead of a conversation. F/Os who run out of patience sometimes and have to go cool off mid-conversation, even if they're right. F/Os who struggle to communicate their emotions.

I find comfort in the idea of a relationship where mistakes like that are allowed and given room to breathe. A relationship where, no matter what the conflict is, the walls eventually come down. Maybe it takes hours, maybe days until you're both calm enough to work it out. Maybe it takes several conversations to solve it, but each end in Hey. I love you. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

You're not perfect, and neither is your F/O. That's okay. That can be beautiful, too. There's not a hug that's more comforting than the firm, tearful one after reaching mutual understanding. Knowing that you didn't mess it up too much, you didn't break things permanently. You couldn't if you tried. They missed you... and you've got some serious affection to catch up on.

new oc ask game idea: make a collage of all your oc’s you want and then people can screenshot them from the collage and send in asks about stuff they wanna know about them

Not to talk about MRA-lite spaces again but I'm going to need everyone to understand that in these spaces, the subtext of 'men don't get to talk about their problems' is ALWAYS 'and it is women's fault!'

New Transmission The fucking Scientific Instrument Class Pseudocons apparently developed what they're calling "Hetero Sapience" and are corrupting the brainmodules of the non-Pseudo 'cons around them by using annoying xenophilosophy words. Soundwave tells me they're 'Greek' and 'Latin' words, apparently. Cool, I guess? Anyway, if you see any SI Class 'cons causing... issues, just try your hardest to turn your brainmodule off before you start getting infected with their weird lingo, alongside all the other issues pertaining to letting the SI Pseudocons transmit data into your brainmodule in their own weird ways. Thundercracker, on a bet with Starscream, tried to get into an argument with one of them and his head literally exploded when it started talking about Alpha Trion's "Mythological Origins" in its weird dialect. He's mostly fine, CR Pods are working at 'peak' efficiency, but the facial reconstruction is apparently impossible due to some kind of corruption. I thought it was just some weird prank but there weren't even any scorch marks or anything. Just exploded. So yeah, just avoid optical contact and auditory contact to the best of your ability and you should be fine. Otherwise, try to force-shutdown your brainmodule if you can. Shockwave is working on a cure right now, mostly because I know he had something to do with this in the first place so he's going to be the one to fix it. He probably wanted a greater justification to do that weird data-transfer idea he mentioned previously. But it also explains the weird Thunderwing hypotheticals he's been asking me lately... Can I go one fucking cycle without someone trying to "Perfect Thunderwing's Work" or whatever other idiotic drivel that I keep finding our limited energon reserves siphoned into?? It's not even a Shockwave thing, it's like every damn Cybertronian these days thinks they have the "Missing piece of the puzzle" or whatever. In fact, Shockwave might be doing this as a weird threat against the other R&D 'cons to cement himself as the one and only Decepticon "Allowed" to have resources wasted on projects like that. Ugh, now that I think about it, that's probably a correct assumption and he's probably gonna expect me to thank him for it later. Ugh, and he's probably literally right. Ugh. At least his repairs both to himself and to his lab seem to be mostly complete so further research into the SI project should hopefully come along a little faster. Both Shockwave and Soundwave think the SIs could potentially be used as some kind of specialty weapon, but we'll have to see how they work on sparkless lifeforms, like biological lifeforms or xenomechanical lifeforms. The SIs don't seem to corrupt each other, but Shockwave keeps reaffirming that they're not "Sparkless Lifeforms" because they "were never lifeforms to begin with"... but I think he's trying to hide something. Usually Soundwave is the one to pick up on that kind of technological obfuscation, but he actually agreed with Shockwave and offered to send Ratbat to try to work out exactly what each "sapient" SI is now capable of on a personal level. We could have just had regular Cybertronians aboard to fill the role SIs fill. I would've preferred K Class to fill any role an SI could fill in all honesty!! But no, constructing cold wasn't enough, we just had to try to learn how to "Construct Frozen" and the "Absolute Zeroes" just had to be put on my ship. Whatever. I've probably said too much already. This was supposed to be a warning for my ship crew, but it's looking like it'll end up being transcribed on the golden disk as well so when this new Scientific Instruments of Destruction project backfires in some absurdly bombastic way there will at least be something remaining that says I was right. End of Transmission

New Transmission Okay so I was right, but so was Shockwave and Soundwave. Or, well, they were right just enough to make sure the backfire is postponed for at least another handful of cycles. Ratbat is still in CR from the investigation, but the cure Shockwave developed seems to be effective and Thundercracker is out and aiding the repair effort. Shockwave is now in contact with one of the SIs digitally and the other few are... integrating due to the personal efforts of Soundwave. I suppose now would be pertinent to mention not all the SIs developed the "Hetero Sapience" condition, many of them are safe for interaction. Soundwave is also currently monitoring their presence, Ravage is tasked with the regular SIs and Laserbeak is tasked with the "Sapient" SIs. Shockwave probably knows exactly what caused this event but he is preoccupied with the one he no doubt is either indoctrinating or ruthlessly interrogating. Report to Soundwave if you see any suspicious behavior, he has been working very hard to ensure the SIs have their purpose clearly defined (And closely monitored). And, Starscream, stop trying to convince the SIs that you are the leader of this ship. Not only have the majority of your efforts been wasted on subsentient automata, the only one you have actually found who possesses the ability to truly listen to you immediately came to the bridge to complain about you. They were the first sapient SI I communicated with directly and it was because they felt the need to complain about you. I almost feel embarrassed for you. Come back to the bridge so you can apologize to it or so I can teach it how to laugh at you. It's practicing right now actually! This moment of chaos should hopefully be largely under control now, the actual "population" of Scientific Instrument Class Pseudocons was actually quite fewer than initially expected due to an indexing error incorrectly labeling certain shells as SI class. At the very least, we have some more specialty warriors because of it all. End of Transmission EOF

hhh i've had like. no drive to work on any art or writing projects. ;n; my heart is still so invested in the stories and characters I've created, but the motivation to take those feelings and put it into some form of content is next to nil. i don't know why it's been like that but it's kinda sad :c

don't get me wrong - i'm happy with most of the things i've created lately, but it's also been this strange game of doubt and comparison going on in my head when it comes to actually sharing what I make. there are a lot of pieces of art and writing that i just haven't posted because i feel like it's not in a place where it's good enough for anyone other than myself. the idea of editing and actually finishing some projects so that i can make sense of them online is overwhelming even tho i would love to just... get some of those ideas out for anyone who might be interested in hearing about them, you know?

anyway. probably just need to let myself take some kind of break?? idk what that would really entail at this point tho. it's just been a weird mental state that I need to work out i guess.

Tagged by @wodkapudding, thank you <3

Last Song: Mein Element by Erdling

Relationship status: not romantically inclined

Sweet/savoury/spicy?: all of those have their place tbh

Favourite colour: everything dark - dark greens, dark reds, dark purples in particular, also olive green (aubergine and burgundry are also extremely good choices imo!)

Last movie/TV show: good question. I think I rewatched Dunkelfeld (Tatort Berlin) last week or the week before that, love me a completely unhinged Karow <3

Last thing I googled: "Haflinger", I think, which led me down a wikipedia rabbit hole about horses in medieval times

Current obsession: lowkey wish I had something more active than the ddf background radiation obession rn. But that's it at the moment, I think. The Tatort Berlin/Karow obsession might come out of hibernation next Sunday tho xD

Tagging @crazy-walls, @wheresmybloodynauglamir, @borealopelta, @otis--driftwood & @autumncalls (if you feel like it!)

My best friend: I'll name myself "Geno" because it's both a derivation of a past name I had given myself and because it roughly is the prefix for "creation" in Latin, which is a language i'm learning. After months of research about the name, which turned out to be italian, asking actual italian people about it, and considering if it is or not a sober (serious/solemn-sounding) enough name, I decided it is mine.

Me: i'm Val because me val-e verga /j

(it's a joke, i'm Val because my legal name is "Valentina" and I don't like it very much)

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

WAAH okay I just finished the first ep of season 4 for bsd and I just OTL

I remembered something from the light novel that season 4 is opening with (book 3, The Untold Origins of the Detective Agency), so don't peek if you don't want to be spoiled for those who either haven't read and want to, or want to wait for the anime to release more episodes

BUT MAN I'm so sad remembering this, but seeing it happen and reading is just???? It hits different but in a good way (or as good as angst can get lmao)

but just seeing 14 yr old Ranpo versus 26 yr old Ranpo and realizing that he really hasn't changed-

He knew, when he was 14, that people didn't see what he saw and understood that his 'ability' was something that was unique to him due to his upbringing and parents (both brilliant people--his father specifically being an incredibly well-known detective- so really, it makes you wonder if this influenced his bragging but that's something for another time), but kept himself under the guise that people understood because...

If adults can't see what he can see, then how are they supposed to help him out when he's still a child? A child can't do everything themselves, so the idea that no one would be able to help him just makes his parent's death that much worse

And despite Fukuzawa not really knowing this straight out, it's interesting to see how he handles it

Not sure how to comfort a child whose essentially jaded with a lack of trust towards others and a continually decreasing will because he just keeps on getting beaten down? Oh easy, just tell him that the thing that's been giving him indirect woe is a skill. He only is being affected by his own brilliance because it's something that can't be helped. Give him a reason to be proud of it instead!

Uh but I'm getting carried away.

Anyway-- then we see 26 yr old Ranpo now who, really, has known the entire time that his 'skill' isn't a skill, but instead accepted Fukuzawa's attempt at comfort those 12 years ago because now it's more the idea that...if it isn't a skill, then what is he useful for? Within a group of people so talented--not just due to their individual skill, but their combat abilities and all that--why is he so special that he is a part of them? And why would he be so deserving of everyone's praise if he's just...normal?

Long story short, I just mainly remembered Ranpo's deep insecurity that's rooted in his view of his own competence and the effect of the loss of his parents at an early age and I just wanna grab his cheeks and stretch

ALSO ALSO in season 4's first ep when he's trying to nab a bite of the actress' sweets and she eats it instead that was soiefhoih what a brat

Did anyone else make and use their own online/offline graphics years ago or was that literally just me?

the only person who was actually right about the world and human nature was Max striner everyone else is a fucking moron

Striner? I hardly know 'er!

Anyways, I'm not a philosophy expert. I'm just some guy. I like the egoist belief that there isn't a universal moral truth. I like the absurdist belief that, because nothing matters, we should be radically sincere. I like the christian belief in a place without suffering after this life. I like the Universal Random Number Generator idea my therapist and I talk about

All of them have their flaws though. Egoism gets used to condemn social movements and civil rights advocacy. Absurdism and the RNG can create a sense of existential dread and a loss of motivation. Christianity encourages the loss of identity and free will

I'm just some psych student with a weird ass therapist that understands my weird ass brain. He encouraged me to look into absurdism since I took a class on absurdist literature my freshman year of college and he said I might enjoy looking into the actual philosophy. And I do! At least a lot of it! I like the idea of a chaotic universe and us humans trying our best to control it. I like the idea of letting that go and living authentically instead of with a direct purpose. There's chaos and mayhem and entropy and I'm just here to react to it. And I can react in ways that makes others happier if I wanted just because I can

Egoism/egotism feels too disconnected from the human need to connect to me. It traps me into that feeling that doing something good for someone is selfish if you're doing it to feel good. I'm actively working to get out of that spiral Christianity put me in now

I don't know, though, anon. I'm just some college student with an ex-christian tumblr blog and a lot of trauma. I like to believe there's some Universe-sized Abstract Computer with a random number generator that causes the chaos we call home. I skim wiki pages and reddit posts and decided if I want to engage any further/look for textbooks. I could possibly be looking at the wrong page about the wrong philosophy. I'm honestly just on this earthly plane for the bit

AAAA im so excited for the ebenholz event yes 🥺

i do not like tumblr much anymore again :(( anyways important stuff in the tags! but tldr just hmu if you want my discord or twitter, won't be gone from here completely but yeah <3

Wow, I really love radfems so much. Anyone who, like, gets it. Understands. 

I like consuming entertainment/media a lot, and I especially do it now that I have more free time and want something to enjoy during these trying times, but it just occurred to me why even though I usually like what I watch, it’s been doing nothing for me for the most part. 

It’s the men. It’s because it’s made by men. Not only is the fandom super male-dominated and therefore male (looking up an underage female character and getting unwanted porn of her lmao), I’m so used to the disappointment and whatnot that I forgot what the cause and reason was. 

Basically, when I surround myself with women or see female takes, I feel much happier and connected to others/positive/cheerful. But when I watch something made by a man and can feel it through the sexualization and uncomfortable everything and all of that, then I totally clock out and am disconnected from humanity/others like, “Ok, disappointment. No thanks. No more.” 

I like to check tumblr quite often and sometimes I know outright that it’s because I want to see radfem blogs and regain my sanity, but yeah.... It’s really true that who you surround yourself with can influence you and your mood. Coming to this realization was nice. “It doesn’t have to be this way” <-- me and my lack of expectations for media/others

No one’s perfect, but I certainly feel a lot more love towards radfem/”TERF” blogs than I do anyone else I know (since they’re either male or are sipping the libfem Koolaid and probably wouldn’t get it). 

I hope all of y’all keep it up, being so cool and all. I’ll definitely fight for us! ✊ You’re all great. c: 

nothing like an hour long yoga class to still feel like you want to take a lighter to a safety pin to your thigh :)

but hey i'm starting a new job tonight, surely that will cure me

the way i love my anons so freaking much though 😭😭🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ styria anon... monza anon... moustachierre anon... phoebe anon... fake dating anon.... you are all the BEST. that is all.