#And McDonald’s Hashbrowns
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y’all I just got the MOTHERLOAD of all pastries
#I have not eaten this much in months#My aunt found a cool bakery like an hour away so we made it this whole thing#I stay over at her house we leave at 5:30#We buy donut for her students (12 or 15)#then the following:#Two homemade pop tarts two tag-a-long Girl Scout cookie donuts 2 thin mint GS donuts a French cruller with vanilla frosting a caramel role#3 plain cake donut one cake donut with chocolate frosting one chantilly cream mousse cake four macarons in espresso chocolate rasberry and#Black berry (I wanted lemon but panicked and said rasberry) a ham and cheese croissantFollowed by two loafs of bread and an orange spice te#And McDonald’s Hashbrowns#To be clear this is all being shared and my aunt planned to spend a decent chunk of money#It was something like 112 bucks?#Not as bad as I thought tbh#We had four boxes of baked goods. Four. Boxes.#You know what I eat every other day of my life? A bowl of yogurt in the morning and a bowl of veggies with egg at night#I don’t usually consume the amount of calories I just ate in a week#Mutuals sending you pastries#So early morning roads showing up at peoples doors and handing them treats + tea? Pretty much perfect
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"Can I get a-"
summary: Hi! Welcome to McDonald's! How may I take your order?
warnings/tags: crack!fic, legit just a crack fic, or aCTUALLY A CRACK!DRABBLE☝️☝️ mcdonalds propaganda, big breakfast and hash brown advocation, poor vash trying to work on a normal day, knives fist fighting a customer waffle house style, reader just wants their breakfast ;(
A/N: ....do i have to explain why i wrote this.....i found the whole mcdonalds au one of the funniest things the fandom could've come up with...it wasn't just a need it was a NECESSITY :D
"Order number 32!"
Ah yes, McDonalds at 7 in the morning, the beeps of the orders coming in, the beeping of the machines, and the bustling talking of the customers either sitting and eating or waiting for their orders.
McDonalds was a true staple of cryptic shopping for hunger.
But you could never get enough of their big breakfast and hashbrowns. And like a zombie, sometimes you found yourself in line some mornings before work.
But this morning seemed a bit...off.
"YOU'RE BURNING THE THE FUCKING HASHBROWNS WOLFWOOD!"
"NO I'M NOT!"
You couldn't help but watch a pancake fly in the air as you made your way to the counter. There, you were met with a kind faced worker, a cute one too! Peeking at his name plate that read "Vash", you gave him a soft smile, still feeling a bit tired.
"Hi! How can I help you?" He asked, returning the smile, the McDonalds hat on his head pushing down the tufts of blonde spikes of his, peeking under the hat.
But why was he wearing glasses? It was practically still dark outside...
"Hi, can I get a-"
"EXCUSE ME! WHY DID I NOT GET ANY LARGE FRIES!" Turning your attention to one of the customers right by you, both Vash and you jumped at the sudden slam of a receipt onto the counter to one of the other workers behind it.
A more pale, blonde man stood there, giving the rude customer one of the most stankiest faces you never thought some one could ever give.
If looks could kill, this man definitely could. He looked like he was about to jump over the counter and pounce on the man with the energy he was giving out.
Waffle House style.
"Err, sorry 'bout that.."Vash sweatdropped before looking back at you "What did you want to order?"
"Can I get uh-"
"JESUS FUCK MERYL DO YOU KNOW HOW TO FLIP A SAUSAGE?"
"WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME!? I'VE BEEN WORKING HERE FOR 2 YEARS! YOU'RE THE NEW ONE!"
You took a step back when suddenly, you saw a flash of yellow flying towards the both of you.
WAS THAT AN EGG??
Oh fuc- "FUCK!" You shouted as you ducked, wait did you say duck? Or did you say fuck?
Looking back up, you saw pieces of egg hanging off the back of Vash's head as you put a hand over your mouth.
Oh noo...
"I'm so sorry-"
You got back up on your feet and leaned over to brush off the egg pieces from the back of Vash's head.
"And I thought today was gonna be a normal morning..." Vash exhaustingly sighed.
Suddenly, you heard a scuffle behind you, chairs moving and things toppling over.
What was going on!
Turning around, you watched as Nai fist fought the customer, chairs flying everywhere as Nai tackled the man into a table.
"HEY HEY KNIVES IS FIGHTING!!" You heard someone scream from the back before the influx of McDonalds workers came running from behind the counter, jumping over or going through the door entrance to aid him.
"GET HIS ASS KNIVES!"
"GET HIM OFF!"
"Oh we're getting sued..."
You couldn't help but just watch on, mouth agape at what just happened in the matter of 1 hour, before looking back at Vash, who kept his place behind the register, covering his face with his hands in embarrassment.
"I'm so so sorry...Honestly, I can give you a free apple pie because of all this..." He apologized, shoulders drooping down.
"Oh um, it's okay, really." You couldn't help but chuckle "Rough morning huh?"
Maybe you should come back another day.
...At least the cashier was cute..
#vash x reader#trigun imagines#trigun headcanons#trigun#vash imagine#trigun stampede x reader#vash the stampede x reader#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun mcdonalds au#meryl stryfe#trigun maximum headcanons#their hashbrowns is the best thing on the menu#they got milly working drive through and yeah#its backed tf up
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Hashbrown
The gods have finally answered my prayers of getting McDonald's breakfast
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El lying in the pizza kitchen unresponsive, scary pale. her nosebleed has soaked through napkin after napkin, but might finally be beginning to slow. she doesn't look like she's fighting anymore, but she won't wake up.
Mike's the only one who's seen her like this before - never this bad, though. they think she's just wiped out from the bath and the fight, and that is some of it, but they don't know she drained her battery jumpstarting Max's. even El doesn't know that it's a good thing she passed out when she did, because just a little more power and it would've been a trading of lives.
they decide that wherever they're going, they'd better get going. Jonathan gets the front of his shirt all wet carrying El to the van and they get her laid out the back.
they debate for fifty miles. Mike, desperate not to have her death on his hands, is the one saying maybe she needs medical attention at first, but accepts that taking her to a hospital is all but offering her back to the people who are hunting her.
El finally opens her eyes and half-focuses on Mike just long enough to mumble "Max?" like Steve did "Nancy?" but they're all relieved.
Mike searches the van for something to recharge her. Will has half a thing of peanut m&ms in the cupholder, but Jonathan says do not put m&ms in her mouth when she's barely conscious, she'll choke on them. Argyle, who everyone thought was asleep, suggests they chew them for her like a mama bird. Mike makes that face.
everybody feels better when El rouses enough to sit up for a minute and have some nice medicinal m&ms and lukewarm coke before zonking out again.
Argyle and Jonathan take turns sleeping and driving. Mike and Will agree to take turns keeping an eye on El. Will stretches out next to her and is out in a minute, and Mike has no intention of waking him for his turn. he's exhausted, but watching over El and Will makes him feel like he's doing something. besides, he has a lot to think about.
those are his two most important people there, asleep side by side on the floor of some guy's weed-and-pepperoni-infused van in the middle of nowhere. it's still almost novel to see them together; for so long they seemed to take turns in his life. they're strangers from two different planets. they're brother and sister, suddenly. it's nice. it's really weird.
El wakes up halfway normal for a McDonald's stop the next morning. normal enough, Mike thinks, to talk about last night, but she doesn't, so he doesn't either.
Jonathan orders five coffees and they're all for him. Argyle teaches El to put her hashbrown inside her egg mcmuffin. Mike, too tired to object, donates his ham to her and goes to sleep.
they're almost through Kansas. El asks if they're sure it's good to drive through this place called Misery they keep talking about.
#if you're not gonna tell me what happened in the 2 days I'm just gonna have to make it up on my own#el will argyle: mcdonalds! mcdonalds! jonathan: buys 1 black coffee#mine#headcanon#ficlet#mike watching el try to unhinge her jaw like a snake to eat an egg mcmuffin made of two eggs three hams three buns and two hashbrowns:#why don't you just eat two sandwiches#el: oh I only want one
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Know your worth, ladies
#mcdonalds hashbrown are the source of all joy in the world#well worth a hole pic tbqh#nsft mention#food mention#lol
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WBN: Tales from the cage edition
Hat tip to @my-secret-shame for the "I'm gonna be pissed off if we die" text post, and to @trek-tracks for the vitamin me one.
#werewolf by night#werewolf by night memes#elsa bloodstone#jack russell#verussa bloodstone#mcdonalds hashbrowns#idk about you but i'm suffering from a lack of vitamin jack
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listened to an old hearthside chat yesterday where murph and caldwell were really hyping up that baked potatoes are one of the best kinds of potato and objectively i don't agree but seeded a craving in my mind and now im making twice baked potatoes for dinner tonight. so thanks naddpod
#truly a nonsensical run on sentence but anyway#i think the best form of potato is either latka or pierogi or just good old fashioned hashbrown#i think they're all insane for saying fries are the BEST. and on top of that saying mcdonald's fries are the best#truly just two incredibly incorrect takes#naddpod
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Killatrav is right, the hashbrowns ARE the best item on McDonald's menu
#the crunch to potato ratio YES KILLATRAV YOU GET IT#new heights#the only thing I ever order at mcdonald's is an egg and cheese mcmuffin meal lol#jason is totally wrong about eschewing the hashbrowns#and killatrav should say it
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i know the way panera makes money from the unlimited sip club thing is by people not going super often while still paying for it but that could Not be me. i have gone every single morning. yesterday i went twice. if im gonna be suckered into a monthly membership you know DAMN well im gonna make the most of that shit
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I agree
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im seriously going to cry, ive spent the past 5 years being passed from doctor to doctor and they finally got my pressures under control im not going to be blind
#this has been such a stressor for me and it’s finally managed now#ill need to have the same procedure every 5ish years but fucking hell!!!!!!#i can see!!!!!#im sitting in mcdonalds trying not to cry while eating a hashbrown#sulley speaks
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I'm just sitting here giggling imagining t'ikae eating chicken strips and half the breading just crumbling into his lap bc no lips
#also i mentioned mcdonalds breakfast earlier i really do think hed like hashbrowns. cwispy#harper has spoken#r: something unfamiliar
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what's taters precious?
#honestly… this sentence is now mildly upsetting to me#please don’t put em in a stew sam#my opinion on potatoes (correct bc i’m irish) is that mashed are the best#then specifically mcdonalds fries OR curly fries#then hashbrowns (irish style)#then chipper chips but only after 11pm & before 10am#idk then mr baked potato bc he’s a dinner all by himself. a hero#then fried potatoes (in little slices in a pan. 😌)#then potato waffles. but incredibly overcooked#aaaaand then we’ll allow roasties to be mentioned as one of the 5 types of potato you have at christmas dinner#at other times like… u could literally bake it and it’d be better. like literally#if i’m forgetting a potato of note i’ll scream but#ithe irish urge to make a separate potato ranking post#like one of those video game tier lists gjdjfjd
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Also like even if it's the left hand not the right hand ITS STILL A FUCKING SNDJDNBD S SBSVSHSH
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