#ALSO ive been here for 8 or 9 years and never had a twitter sorry for being a kpoppie and using oomf ig
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#sorry post canceled it was annoying me#ALSO ive been here for 8 or 9 years and never had a twitter sorry for being a kpoppie and using oomf ig#og tags were ->#no one is making you look at the prev….#im just letting my oomf kno i want to kiss them w tongue 4 being funny and smart in the language of girlbloggers what’s so bad abt that -_-
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this was originally a twitter thread but mehhhh. the audience of one-two here get my insane venting instead.
its 3am. I've had a rough day and I just want to list it out from worst to least worst. sorry if this is venting. again 3am.
1: my sister showed up completely unannounced, and waltzed in a fight with my other sister and her husband at their place. she had good reason to be here (she's homeless and is a fuckin ice age here. that's not a problem. we are glad she went to us for help.)-sadly she's an entitled fuck who begged my dad for cigs when we have NOTHING BUT A ROOF to give. its SCARY how poor we are. She was also VERY TRANSPHOBIC, which was not on my sister's bingo card this year. mainly about trans woman and their "complaining".
my already shit sister saying terf shit was not smth i thought id hear. i was very upset about that. i haven't talked to her bc ik if i do, il cry but I've been giving her the silent treatment unless it's akward.
2: i have covid. had symptoms since like the 13th (i joked that i got it for my birthday) and its been a nightmare. i can't sleep. Eating sucks. my nose hurts. i think i blew a blood vessel in my eye. its just been the worst.
3: due to being unable to sleep, im wildly manic at 3am. i have nothing to do and no one to talk to. and im unreasonably upset that people on tiktok think Spongebob is a kid. like boi your face screams "post movie" pleaaasseee educate yourself on cartoon history. he is an adult!
4: after ALLL of this like 7 mins ago, the fire alarm randomly beeped a few times. luckily not a lot but still. stressed me the FUCK OUT. nothing is on. i think bc its the FUCKIN ICE AGE OUTSIDE, the apartment is a TAD too warm (witch its not. my feet are frozen)
5: found out today that scientists didn't start using real menstrual blood on pads/tampons till AUGUST OF LAST YEAR??? WTF WERE U USING BEFORE? That's why pads are always off SOMEHOW. SOMEHOW there's an issue. and tampons never fit right. they have been fuckin guessin for decades
6: my new cat is a needy hoe. I'm used to it but with covid and barely being able to walk/exist, her sweving between my legs is a nightmare. I always have to throw a bottle cap down the hallway just so she doesn't get in my room.
7: been on upsetting media tiktok. why the fuck is there a fandom forming around a vent cartoon about S/A???? like I won't say its bad but that's not a FANDOM THING! yall are fucked up (also it parodies the peewee's playhouse op and that bugs me. i love peewee.)
interlude: my needy hoe of a cat is named peewee (well to my mom, it's now Princess Pipsqueak but thats not a good name to say in frustration as I'm trying to exist down the hallway. also, we thought she was a boi at first and she has a face that looks like paul Reubens's. I still see it.
8: I have used up all the TP and tissues in the house and have been using paper towels to blow my nose, which is roughing up my already red sore nose. I put gold bond on my nose and it BURNED but now it feels smoother.
9: i feel like i annoy people with my Hannibal hyperfixation. i have yet to truly let it spread here but it's EVERYWHERE ELSE. (and il probs reblog this onto my hannibal blog so hiiiii) and yet it feels like no one cares. ik it's a bit niche, upsetting not everyones thing but Ive NEVER loved smth more and it hurts when i don't talk about it
I just. want to get someone into it. someone else got me into it and it means a lot. I hope they are doing ok. I'm grateful they gave me my favorite hyperfixation ever. I've littrally never loved anything more. and I've been into a LOT of stuff. i was called annoying by an ex friend because i got into things too much. and to them, "too much" was anything that wasn't "i like this thing. i think this thing is good and cool. lets rp weird incest about it." (i hate my teen years) but like. that ex friend would HAAAAATE by hyperfixatiing now. i have friends to ENABLE ME NOW.
10: just added this one. kinda put two and two together that corp vtubers birthdays most likely aren't their real birthdays. everyone is celebrating a graduated corps bday and yet they moved to another company and like. no birthday in sight. and it feels weird to latch onto their old persona's bday when they are right there with probs a new (and more real maybe) birthday. you can actually go celebrate with them whenever their "new" birthday is and yet you are clinging to the past. especially since they are THRIVING where they are rn and were not happy as a bigger corp.
thats a bout it. thanks if u saw this and read. its ok if you didnt. i just had a LOT go on lately.
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tagged by the lovely @britneyshakespeare to answer these 10 questions & come up with 10 of my own. thank you !! 💗
psa i wrote way too much please don’t read this. just skip to the questions at the end if i tagged you
1. What are 3 songs that mean something to you, and what do they mean?
that’s hard because i don’t usually find personal meanings in songs. i’m a lot more interested in what the song means to the artist who wrote it. but let’s see if i can think of some
-um. after all by david bowie was always Highly Relatable. like. prattling on & on waxing philosophical only to suddenly realize everything i said is wrong and don’t hate me and also now i’m having an existential crisis and i shouldn’t have started talking in the first place? M e
-when i was first getting into rush i was a big fan of Self Isolating To Cope and also i had no friends and was proud of it (bc if i couldn’t find a way to take pride in my [perceivedly] unchangeable flaws my entire self image would come crashing to the ground and that just wasn’t a good time . anyway). so the lines “nothing can survive in a vacuum / no one can exist all alone” from turn the page pissed me off. but now! now i have loads of friends and i feel legitimately cared about and i feel like i can comfortably reciprocate that and now when i hear that song i think you know what neil? you’re goddamn right.
-uh i s’pose i relate to another brick in the wall pt 3 which is not a good thing but. i dunno i really love being angrily in denial of needing any help whatsoever along to this song. it’s my flaw-pride anthem (don’t worry i don’t take it literally. it’s just fun in the moment)
-shit i know this said three but the one person who i relate to EVERY FUCKING SONG he’s ever put out is bill wurtz. never have i felt so understood than when i listen to bill wurtz’s music. god it’s the most uncanny feeling, i really really understand it a lot
ok i have to stop thinking of more . turns out a lot have meaning to me ive spent like an hour on this question alone Moving On
2. What’s your ideal self like?
. this was The Worst question to ask me because i can and will ramble on for hours given the opportunity
well i’d be able to execute my ideas, for one. instead of just having a half-baked - quarter-baked - fleeting concept with no real idea of how to achieve it. more specifically i want to be able to write songs. more more specifically i want to be able to write the music aspect of songs. i can’t do it. i dont fuckin know why i just can’t. but if i could i think i just might be content with life.
but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things to improve. i wish i was funnier. i like my weird brand of humor/abstractity online but that’s hard to replicate in real life. i wish i was better at thinking on the spot. i wish my memory didn’t only retain stuff when it feels like it. i wish i was better at putting my thoughts into words, more concisely and accurately and effectively.
um i wish i didnt have executive function issues. like i wanna just do stuff and not have it take all the energy out of me. wish i had the energy to do it to begin with. wish i could keep up with socializing and not ignore people for hours/days because i can’t get myself to maintain conversation.
ok clearly this is leading down an endless tunnel of what i’d change so . i’ll just say my ideal self is a successful musician with a good social life but also an element of mystery and intrigue. my ideal self is just david bowie
3. Who, of all your family members (immediate or extended), do you think has had the most influence on you, for better or for worse?
my mom for a lot (a looooooot) of reasons but if i go into it this is gonna push it over the line from a tag game into a therapy session (if i havent crossed that line already)
4. What’s your main outlet of expression?
writing. journalling. fuckin , social media. actually yeah that more than anything. my Self is on display here if you look at my tumblr(s) my twitter(s) and my instagram(s) you’ve got a pretty goddamn decent picture of who i am
5. What was the first album you ever bought for yourself?
uh i mean i listen to most stuff off of youtube if i don’t already have it so like,,? i dunno. does itunes count? the first vinyl i ever got was wish you were here (for forty fuckin bucks god) but i paid with my aunt’s money so does that even count. i don’t know.
6. Do you like to go shopping?
depends on a lot of things. lately i’ve been in the mood to just get out of the damn house whenever possible (love being a high school dropout !) so the answer is pretty much yes anytime. but it really depends.
7. Kind of cliche but, if you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would you pick?
i wanna be the fourth person at the dinner with rush table. just to observe. i’d be terrified to actually have a conversation with any of my idols. okay but if i had to get over that fear i guess i’d pick..... bowie? todd? i don’t know this is hard. alex lifeson circa 197something so he can take me back to his place afterwards you pickin up what im puttin down
8. What TV show do you watch when you’re feeling stressed or low and you need a quick feel-better fix?
i don’t watch tv like ever not even in this case but i guess full house
9. What was the last intriguing conversation you had about?
everything my girlfriend said to me today (edit: yesterday but i did this last night) was great everything my girlfriend’s ever said to me was great
oh that didn’t answer the question at all i just realized. uh they were telling me about the star wars prequels (which i have not seen) and earlier we were having a very analytical conversation about a particularly interesting rush photo
also me & @swanky-trash were discussing our plans to take down trump and all the rest of those bastards while wearing jareth from labyrinth costumes and eating mushrooms. because it’s our destiny as clones separated at birth. yknow just life stuff
10. What’s something about yourself that you don’t think comes across as painfully obvious online, but is, in fact, in person?
shit are we at the end already? damn. i was enjoying this (can you tell).
okay here’s another one i could go on for 12 years about. but uh. i probably come across as way more perky irl? like my voice is all high pitched and i talk really fast and smile and laugh at everything and i have a whatever the opposite of monotone is voice. i don’t like that. i try to combat it online with the all-lowercase typing and shortening of words and omission of punctuation and that sort of thing. i think it’s worked. also i may be terrible at typing but i am WAY worse at speaking. i’m scatterbrained as hell and if i seem at all interesting or witty online that all goes to shit irl. also i can’t fucking talk to people who i only know in person? it just doesn’t work. thank god i have you guys
haaaa okay sorry for the rambling here are the questions
1. what’s the best day/one of the best days you’ve ever had?
2. how important is your social media presence to you?
3. what achievement are you proudest of?
4. describe your sense of humor.
5. is there anything you’re good at or like to do that people who don’t know you well probably wouldn’t expect?
6. what’s your most interesting family story?
7. favorite color palette?
8. what’s something that would be very “out of character” for you to do?
9. yknow that thing on twitter that’s like “pick 1 & rt for good luck” and the options are good grades, meet your idol, money, or crush texts you? which one would/did you pick and why?
10. what’s a song you either wish you’d written or feel like you could’ve written?
i tag @thetemplesofrush @thumbnailoak3 @swanky-trash @lavender-layne @realalexlifeson @davies-jones @goallines-and-musicrhymes @fruitthemed @graveyarding @cosmikdebris99 and anyone else who wants to do it and dont feel pressured to do it etc etc god i hope none of you actually read this whole thing i am so sorry
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The Art Behind Manipulating & Guarding a Fandom (p. IV)
Part four, sorry it took to long guys...
NOTE: *Most of the posts I direct you to, are SHORT & in my opinion not too dense to read. In fact, the great majority are Q&As. I’ll identified every post with a letter, it means that throughout the various parts you’ll see them repeated, so no need to read one twice*
Previous parts:
The Art Behind Manipulating & Guarding a Fandom (p. I)
The Art Behind Manipulating & Guarding a Fandom (p. II)
The Art Behind Manipulating & Guarding a Fandom (p. III)
Astroturfing it’s not a conspiracy thing because...
Reason 1: *link H*
I mentioned I would bring up again this link. I’ll explain: Apparently the blog answering the question is someone that knows plenty about the industry, bla bla, bla but never claimed to be an insider that worked near the band. The thing is the 1D bloggers appreciate him/her a lot because it has helped them understand things better, etc, etc…
“You mentioned Twitter watchdogs in an answer so that prompts me to wonder how aware the 1D Management team is of the things that are discussed online…”
“I’d say that, yes, they’re very aware of what goes on in the social media world, both on Twitter and on tumblr. It would be bad business to ignore it, especially since the majority of their success has come as a result of fans on social media.
In terms of purely monitoring social media, the different platforms require different techniques. Twitter is fairly easy, as you can just search hashtags and scroll through mentions or search by keyword. Tumblr is a bit more of a difficult one to monitor, as it’s more newly popular and generally harder to control. The best way that I’ve seen to get a handle on tumblr is to set up what basically amount to burner accounts. You create a tumblr account with an unassuming username and do nothing to the actual account. You leave the layout at default, don’t change the icon, don’t make posts, and don’t reblog or favourite anything. But you use the account to follow the blogs that control the conversation in whatever fandom you’re trying to monitor. There are usually a handful of bigger blogs in a specific fandom, and they’re the ones who control the discussion. Keeping track of what they’re saying lets you keep track of what people are saying in general, for the most part.
As far as astroturfing goes, that’s definitely not a conspiracy theory. It happens in the industry, absolutely. I’m not sure how widespread it is within One Direction specifically, but I’d be surprised if they didn’t have at least a few dummy accounts set up to try and sway fan opinion in one way or the other, both on Twitter and on tumblr.”
I’m not choosing to believe in this concept of astroturfing because a random blog in the 1D side said it... NO, I don’t know if this person works in the industry or what, I don’t know if it’s a “plant blog” itself. But I’m certainly going to validate him/her the sentences that I put in bold.
It’s obviously no secret that they actually monitor us through our SM since that’s where a big part of Fifth Harmony’s success comes from. They need to keep an eye on us, in order to assure “brand loyalty” & guide us wherever they want in concern to the narrative.
Reason 2: *link R*
“Mark Hardy is the ex marketing director for Syco, here is what he had to say about social media monitoring...
‘Hardy explains that key performance indicators included number of Facebook likes, Twitter followers, retweets, as well as YouTube views, and interaction and engagement across social media platforms.’
“It was a bit like herding cats, you had to be on top of it all the time with constant monitoring.” he points out.”
No additional comments needed... on to the next one:
Reason 3: *link S*
Explained below is the importance of astroturfing fandoms here in Tumblr, courtesy of a directioner.
When I met with social media Rob the first time, he told me that our fandom was basically a “hostile market” then went on to explain that Tumblr in general is a hostile market place. Here is a nice little article into why Tumblr in particular is a hard market place to broach.
Why historically tumblr is the best place to seed information in a seemingly organic fashion?
“It’s why Tumblr has been so loathe to embrace any sort of traditional display advertising, preferring to keep all posts “native.” It doesn’t even use the word advertising for its paid products, it’s all strictly “sponsored posts;” that is, content that looks like a regular Tumblr user could have made it, but that happens to be sponsored.”
Why target certain blogs?
“Engagement begets engagement: In order to give your posts a greater chance of getting reblogged, it helps to be a big reblogger of other users’ posts. Not only does it help your Tumblr page show up in more places, it also increases the chances of fellow users returning the favor.”
In the first paragraph it is mentioned the 1D fandom is a “hostile market”, IT IS ABSOLUTELY OUT OF THE QUESTION IF OURS IS TOO.
Reason 4: *link S*
“Understanding Social Media Campaigns:
3 SOCIAL MEDIA MODELS THAT WILL GUIDE YOUR BRAND INTO THE CONVERSATION LANDSCAPE– This article basically outlines what things to look for if you feel conversation is being swayed.
This article is more information pertaining to how to actively engage an audience in a sales campaign but what is very interesting is this little snip bit.
‘With social media, they even trust the opinions of some perfect strangers more than brand messages. This has important consequences in all kinds of relationships: buyers are more educated but so are journalists, potential future employees and everyone else in the social ecosystem of our business.’
Now what I would like to add to the conversation is how corporations successfully go about swaying an audiences conversation.”
Reason 5: The TED talk alone must make you believe (this one attached previously on part 1)
Video description: “In this eye-opening talk, veteran investigative journalist Sharyl Attkisson shows how astroturf, or fake grassroots movements funded by political, corporate, or other special interests very effectively manipulate and distort media messages.”
Reason 6: *link T*
[NOTE: This is not the complete article]
Fake Twitter Followers: A Dirty Marketing Secret
A few weeks ago, I alerted readers to the growing problem of Twitter spam and now news comes that this is not the domain of underground players but one where large brands and stars may also be playing, purchasing fake followers to puff up their social media presence.
To understand how one identifies the presence of fake followers, a little pattern study must happen. In the case of someone who has purchased fake followers, the account generally sees a spike in user numbers followed by an equivalent drop in the number of followers about a month later.
But why would brands or stars do something like this? Since the early days of social media, the number of followers has been a key metric of value but getting there is tricky business. With services like Klout and PeerIndex, the raw number of followers has come to be equated, in the public mind as a measure of popularity. Agencies dealing with endorsement contracts, publishing deals, and even credit reports often take number of followers into account when figuring out who to go with and how much money should go in those deals. So having a large number of followers has come to be equated with a value of quality, which may be based on some flawed assumptions.
Reason 7: *link U*
[NOTE: This is not the complete article]
Social's Value Measured in Engagement Over Sales
Engagement, brand lift are leading social goals
“Marketers struggle to get the most out of their presence on social sites, and with brands’ continued tenure on the networks, their goals and the metrics they use to measure their performance have changed. According to a 2013 survey of US marketing professionals by Pivot Conference, which hosts leading social business events, consumer engagement and brand lift were the No. 1 goals of social media marketing, each cited by 67% of respondents. This was up significantly from 2011, when those goals were cited by about 50% each.”
In 2013 the goals were cited by 67% of respondents, now imagine 4 years later where we know SM presence in celebrities is practically vital.
“Last year, using social media marketing to garner positive sentiment was the leading goal, whereas this year it dropped to No. 4. Marketers may be finding that it is less important that their posts get a warm reception from social users and more important that they keep consumers posting, “liking” and sharing social content.”
In 5H’s case add to that last sentence “the marketers are definitely finding more important that they keep the social users making drama out of every little thing” LOL.
You might be wondering why reasons 6 & 7 are part of this. I included them mainly to show you the relevance of social media engagement to brands. Astroturfing is one of the various strategies implemented for this latter.
Reason 8:
I already show you this (if I’m corrected it was on p. II) but I’m bringing it back.
I think many of the bloggers here that surpass the standard number of followers have a handful dummy accounts or burner accounts following them…
Seriously in what world an inactivated account would follow you out of nowhere for the sake of it?!
Reason 9: *link V*
[NOTE: This is not the complete article]
Astroturfing: A question of trust
The practice of astroturfing – faking support for a product or cause – is on the rise on and offline. But how can it be stamped out?
“What do healthcare reform, climate change and financial regulation have in common? The answer is that they are all issues covered by astroturf, the practice of creating fake grassroots movements, usually by lobbyists and PR experts. These attempts to manipulate the media and public opinion seem to be on the rise – spurred on in part by the political mood and the reach of the internet.
"Astroturf front groups have been everywhere this summer, spreading misinformation about healthcare reform, carbon emission caps and financial regulation," says Timothy Karr, the campaign director for the US website freepress.net. "A healthy 21st-century democracy doesn't need phoney front groups. We need openness, accountability and real debate."
While the term astroturfing goes back to the mid-1980s, the practice began many more years ago. Unscrupulous marketers and lobbyists have long found ways to advance their paymasters' agendas – including manufactured mail campaigns, fake crowd protests and, increasingly, use of the web.
A "sock puppet" is a fake online identity created to support an argument – and, in many cases, they are untraceable. Richard Levangie, who writes about climate change astroturfing at the One Blue Marble website, says he first came across it in the mid-1990s. "I was passionate about slowing the rise of teenage smoking in my home province, and thought about starting an advocacy group that would work with teenagers ... that's where I first came up against astroturfing, in the form of smokers' rights groups who were ignoring the science about secondhand smoke, and who were trying to reframe the issue as freedom of choice." Astroturfing can range from a few forum posts or a comment praising a company to something closer to harassment, and from genuine disagreement and independent troublemakers to organised "trolls", all the way to the entirely fake campaigner.
Faked Reviews
Advertisement
Several authors have been found leaving glowing reviews of their own books on Amazon, while a bizarre case emerged in 2007 involving John Mackey, the chief executive of high-end US supermarket chain Whole Foods, who used a pseudonym to disparage competitors on message boards. More recently, a US PR company was found to have been writing fake positive reviews of a client's iPhone software.
The question of astroturfing comes up regularly in the world of public relations, says Jon Silk, the creative director of Lewis PR in London. "Clients new to online PR will often ask the question: 'Can't we just anonymously post positive comments?'," he says. "It takes time to explain how influence works – that it should start with a good product or service, and have a clear message that must be communicated to the right people in the right way."
Reason 10: *link W* (& last cause the list is endless tbh)
“Fake "grassroots" groups have started springing up like toadstools after a rain, and this time they're coming at us from every angle: they're on TV, Twitter, Facebook and YouTube… With all these corporate fronts coming out of the woodwork, how can citizens tell true grassroots organizations from corporate fronts operated by highly-paid PR and lobbying firms? Here are some tips to help readers spot this kind of big-business hanky-panky.
What is a "front group," really?
A front group is an organization that purports to represent one agenda while in reality it serves some other party or interest whose sponsorship is hidden or rarely mentioned. The front group is perhaps the most easily recognized use of the third party propaganda technique.
One of the best examples is Rick Berman's Center for Consumer Freedom (CCF), which claims that its mission is to defend the rights of consumers to choose to eat, drink and smoke as they please. In reality, though, CCF is a front group for the tobacco, restaurant and alcoholic beverage industries, which provide all or most of its funding. Not all organizations that engage in manipulative efforts to shape public opinion can be classified as "front groups," however.
The shadowy way front groups operate makes it difficult to know whether or not a seemingly independent grassroots group is really representing some other entity.”
What’s the 3rd party technique?
<“The third party technique has been defined by one public relations (PR) executive as, "putting your words in someone else's mouth.
PR firms have been known to put their words in the mouths of journalists by hiring reporters to write stories which favor their clients, or by funding tendentious university research which they then publicize as "proof" of their client's position....”>
*cough* Written interviews are a prime example *cough*
<“Corporate-sponsored front groups often are created or used by PR firms to appear as "independent" third parties.”>
I’m really considering doing a separate post about the 3rd party technique, just from reading those short extracts I want to dive deeper into the concept. Anyway continuing with the main article...
Characteristics of a corporate front group
“A front group typically has some, but not necessarily all, of the following characteristics (decoding: I didn’t copy paste all of the characteristics, just the ones I consider relate to the fandoms situations):
Is set up, operated or maintained by another organization, particularly a public relations, grassroots campaigning, polling or surveying firm or consultancy;
Engages in actions that consistently and conspicuously benefit a third party, such as a company, industry or political candidate;
Effectively shields a third party from liability/responsibility/culpability by making statements a corporation cannot make, but that nevertheless advance a specific corporate interest;
Re-focuses debate about an issue onto a new or suspiciously unrelated topic, (for example, casting the secondhand smoke as an issue of property rights)”
Rolling back the astroturf
“Documenting the activities of front groups is perhaps the single most important step in helping roll back the rise of astroturf groups.”
Soooo...
The reasons listed above were primarily articles to solidify the main argument that astroturfing is not a conspiracy thing because it happens ALL OVER THE WEB.
It’s not about being completely paranoid about everything you read on the internet. Be smart. It’s about not believing every piece of info you get served on a silver plate.
From something as “seemingly innocent” as faking a simple comment/ review of a certain product to influence the consumer’s opinion on it & discredit the competition to something blatantly serious as sending misleading information about the healthcare reform that involves the common well-being.
This unethical & deceitful phenomenon extends to the entertainment industry (fanbase social networking) up to the political world (campaigns). IT IS REAL & IT IS HAPPENING.
Yes, this fandom is gullible af & a total pain in the ass. But no, it didn’t go downhill on its own. It was a separated & very badly influenced to serve of support to the label & mgmt’s antics with the narrative. They use the fans & each one of their accounts as their SCAPEGOAT. But no one ever blames them & that’s how MIS (new acronym for men in suits) take advantage of the situation & get away with their shenanigans.
DON’T BE NAIVE, KIDS ;)
P.S. I might add a fifth part to explain how to use the astroturfing protection tools (Statcounter, TOR, etc.) It’s important to start taking measures bloggers.
#astroturfing#this is how they monitor us#sneaky little bitches#stay woke#5h blogs#camren blogs#camila blogs#read & spread
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92 questions
tagged by @stevenstudies thank you!!!
rules: answer these 92 questions and then tag 20 people!
last:
1. drink: water
2. phone call: uhh i don’t remember i don’t really call ppl aaa
3. text message: something about hating when people think a bad character = a bad person because that’s not the case!!! or that one bad action done by a character makes them horrible!!
4. song you listened to: well i’m currently listening to lollia’s cover of “cymatics” by techniken!
5. time you cried: i think two or three days ago!!
have you:
6. dated someone twice: nope!
7. kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone so nope!
8. been cheated on: fortunately, with me having not dated anyone, that’s not possible. hopefully this answers stays ‘no’
9. lost someone special: our family dog died a while back... i mean also my father left a long time ago but tHAT’S HEAVY SO UHH
10. been depressed: yeah, since it’s likely i have depression
11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah
list three favorite colors:
12. PERIWINKLE!
13. pastel pink
14. cyan!!!
in the last year have you
15. made new friends: yeah!! a few tbh
16. fallen out of love: idk i don’t think i’ve been in love hahhaha,
17. laughed until you cried: TWO NIGHTS AGO
18. found out someone was talking about you: ye
19. met someone who changed you: people here (positively) and people at school... also people on other sites (both pos and neg)
20. found out who your friends are: yes i think?
21. kissed someone on your facebook list: whats facebook? (jk but no)
general:
22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: i deleted my facebook sorry pals
23. do you know any pets: we have so many u dont even know
24. do you want to change your name: PLEASE can i change it to zia?
25. what did you do for your last birthday: i played video games, helped babysit my nephew for a few hrs, then ate chinese
26. what time did you wake up: technically like 7 but i got out of bed at 8
27. what were you doing at midnight last night: i think on tumblr
28. name something you cant wait for: MY OWN LAPTOP TBH
29. when was the last time you saw your mom: right now
30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: PRACTICE ART MORE AS A KID!!! UR NOT GONNA WANNA BE A WRITER WHEN UR OLD ZIA NO FOCUS ON ART
31. what are you listening to right now: all we know (chainsmokers) this is after the last music post bc time has passed rip
32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my ex-best friend’s dad! (we’re still friends but not close anymore, because we don’t live close to each other anymore)
33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself
34. most visited websites: tumblr, twitter or insta probably. maybe even yesstyle because GOSH i love clothes more than i ever knew
more random info:
35. mole/s: face moles that’s all i know of
36. mark/s: idk dood
37. childhood dream: i once dream i was at like a disco thing and then there was water and i was DROWNING my dreams were and are weird.
38. hair color: black! (but i wanna go for blue-black or black w blue on the bottom and tips really soon!!)
39. long or short hair: LOOKS SHORT (bc super tight curls) but it’s really medium length
40. do you have a crush on someone: i mean kinda but its like a ‘admiration’ crush bc i don’t know them at all so i’m disregarding it.
41. what do you like about yourself: sometimes my eyes look ok uh
42. piercings: just ears!
43. blood type: idk dood
44. nickname: bob the builder can he fix it yes!!! he!!! can!!!
45. relationship status: single and too focused on college apps to want to mingle.
46. zodiac: aquarius
47. pronouns: ANYYY but most refer to me by she/her by default so!!
48. favorite tv show: rwby!! but i love a good spongebob for giggles
49. tattoos: ehhh .... not unless its hidden good im too worried about jobs
50. right or left hand: right (trying to learn to write w my left hand as well)
51. surgery: never have, maybe someday i will, who knows
52. dyed hair: a few times, purple streaks, purple on the bottom and tips, a few times black.
53. sport: i used to play volleyball but uhh bye
54. subtitles or dubbed version: when it comes to anime either way!! i’ve never rlly watched anything else w subs i dont think
55. vacation: nothing nada
56. toenail color: plain plain plain
more general:
57. eating: i had some harvest snaps and non dairy ice cream thank u ben and jerrys
58. drinking: water
59. im about to: think about my life
60. ive been putting off: my entire life
61. waiting for: SCHOOL i miss the routine and i hate this anticipation stop it summer stop i
62. want: more stationery and CLOTHES FROM YESSTYLE OR H&M OR SHEIN
63. get married: maaaybe???
64. career: VIDEO GAME ARTIST PLEASE or animator
65. hugs or kisses: hugs?
66. lips or eyes: eyes
67. shorter or taller: uhhh
68. older or younger: UHHHH
69. can you wiggle your ears without touching them: no im a weenie loser
70. nice arms or nice stomach: ARMS ARMS ARMS A
71. sensitive or loud: depending on the situation..
72. hookup or relationship: relationship!
73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant
74. kissed a stranger: nah
75. drank hard liquor: whats a hard liquoryall
76. lost glasses: yes im HORRIBLE ive also broke them mmm boi some spicy troublemakin
77. turned someone down: ONCE AND IM STILL SHOOK I FEEL SO BAD PLEASE DONT EVER DO THIS TO ME AGAIN @ GOD !!!
78. sex on the first date: oh no sirree
79. broken someones heart: i mean KINDA?? idk
80. had your heart broken: proBABLY IDK
81. been arrested: nope
82. cried when someone died: yes
83. fallen for a friend: HJFKSHFKJDHSKFHDSKJF
do you believe in:
84. yourself: NOT ENOUGH
85. miracles: YE
86. love at first sight: NOT RLLY LOVE but like a crush yes???
87. santa claus: I DONT THINK I EVER HAVE
88. kiss on the first date: mmmmaybe if u know them
89. faeries: MMAYB
other:
90. current best friend name: KHALO AND BRANDON AND VAAN!!!
91. eye color: dark brown but they look like the void yo
92. favorite movie: MOANA ATM!!!!!
ANYBODY I TAG U ALL AND DON’T FORGET TO TAG ME I WANNA KNOW U GUYS!!!
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Answers
so i was asked to answer all of these so here i gooooooo!!!!~… kms… ;u;
—
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
uhhhhmmm i dont really hold hands cause i over heat and the get clammy easily, so the last person i “held hands”/ linked arms with was actually at Anime Boston with this rad dude Jay, we were cosplaying Keith and Lance from Voltron. it was a good day, but we were tired as fuck.
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
kinda both depends on the situation and who im around tbh
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
in general or like famous??? uhhhmmm, if we’re going in general tbh me rad ass mate Jay cause why wouldnt I be looking forward to seeing this kid??? hes literally the best thing or person to see ever, duh! and if were going famous??? uhhhmmm music wise either Panic! At The Disco, TOP, orrrrr maybe a tie between some one from the Hamilton, or Heahters musicals.
4. Are you easy to get along with?
again depends on the situation and people. over all id say yeah in some way.
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
uhmmm idk because we’d both probably be shit faced and tumbling over each other screaming, incoherently and laughing our asses off. While simultaneously getting into 20 different fights over cheese, bread, and cats. Then crying about video games and anime. probably in the midst of this we’d be laughing and patting each other’s back telling each other how good of a bro the other is an how we’re gonna take over the world by the sheer brute force of dogs and cats
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
uhhhhmmm i dont really have a type but there’s a guy i like alot whos my dream guy tbh, and to me hes perfect in alot and pretty much every single way. ºuº
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
probably not but its nice to hope and dream c:
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
either rn my friend Casey cause shes in spain this week for vacation or my childhood bestfriend Liz cause her birthday just pasted on april 7th and i havent seen her in years.
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
depends on who im with and what exactly kinda stuff were talking about. but im always awkard af with everything so im always uncomftorble.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
mi boi Jay!!~ we tend to get into deep conversation alot. i enjoy it alot tbh hahaha.
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
(when i got to this quesion)
WE WILL BE TRASH GODS!!!~
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
UHMMM pass cause honestly the whole entirety of Heathers and Hamilton pretty much.
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
OMFG HELL YEAH I DO!!!!!!!~
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
yeah man thats always been something i believe in because i have the most terrible luck but i like to believe miracles have happened in my life.
15. What good thing happened this summer?
i started the change in my social life and i got a really rad friend through the beginning phase of it!
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
uhmmm ive only done pecks cause im fucking looser so that was Jay, so hell yeah i would man hahaha! (hes got a kissable face its nice alright, i swear im not this fucking awkward XD) ((and bro i know youll end up reading this. i love ya man!! i hope this isnt too bad lol~))
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
fuck yeah i do bro. i wanna befriend at least one of them tbh.
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
not really cause the kid left after 5th grade and i never saw him again,
19. Do you like bubble baths?
fuck yes.
20. Do you like your neighbors?
i dont really talk to them haha.
21. What are you bad habits?
i have alot, talking to much and fighting HARD during a fight, and having the worst timing for smart ass comments, and trying to change things i cant change too much. theres more but thats a good few.
22. Where would you like to travel?
everywhere and anywhere tbh
23. Do you have trust issues?
a bit ive more developed them because of shitty people
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
either shower or the part where i come home and either draw, eat, play video games, get to text my boi, or where i get to sleep.
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
my nose, the corners of my mouth or my big toes.
26. What do you do when you wake up?
text my friend good morning or get up and play with my mouse for a few minutes
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
i enjoy my skin tone but i wish i could tan ith out burning although, ive always wanted to either be albino or see what its like to be darker.
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
either Jay, or my friend Casey
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
nope because i dont talk to them XD
30. Do you ever want to get married?
at some point maybe haha
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
almost but the sides and some of my bangs are just a teeny bit off from making it :u:
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
uhmm not really any tbh theyre all to much older than me
33. Spell your name with your chin.
alyxx/ nyxx
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
ew no but i like swimming and to go on walks for fun
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
thats hard cause i need both for background noise
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
not really, i dont think so
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
something really stupid and half the time really provocative
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
ahhhh hahaha well i dont really know because the guy im crushing on is my dream guy js. and if i were to try and describe him id butcher the amazing and astounding beauty of the real person to be honest
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
ahhhh idk, lush?? and anything with food tbh
40. What do you want to do after high school?
die, or move to salem WITCHever comes first -u0 lol (bad pun i know i know)
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
i belive in ALOT of chances tbh
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
either im tired, extremely sad/depressed, overthinking/ thinking, focusing, thinking how to reply something or im REALLY fucking pissed off at you for something.
43. Do you smile at strangers?
REALLY FUCKING AWKWARDLY AND IN REALLY FUCKING AWKWARD SITUATIONS
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
UHHHHHH BOTH!!!!!~ TF?
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
THE INPENDING FEAR AND DOOM OF CRIPPLING ANXIETY IF I MISS THE BUS OR if im hanging out wiht someone that day the motivation of not being alone in my room with myself for the whole day or so hahaha, or a con/ meet up which applies to friends.
46. What are you paranoid about?
AAAHAHAHAHAHA IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION???? fucking everything…
47. Have you ever been high?
yes
48. Have you ever been drunk?
buzzed not drunk
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
uhhh i dont think so im not really very secretive. maybe like PERSONAL shit but no
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Grey
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
a few times
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
uhmmm either eye color and nose Physically.and personality wise i wish i wasnt so stubborn tbh.
53. Favourite makeup brand?
lush is the closest thing to makeup i use hunny
54. Favourite store?
lush
55. Favourite blog?
@thedevilandhisfiddleofgold c;
56. Favourite colour?
Blue
57. Favourite food?
uhmmm theres too many to list, all?? except spicy
58. Last thing you ate?
a cracker with nutella on it
59. First thing you ate this morning?
a cinnamon powdered sugar doughnut
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
nope
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
Suspending, accused of stealing shitty locker wallpaper panels. THAT I ACCTUALLY FUCKING HADNT ;U;
62. Been arrested? For what?
nope
63. Ever been in love?
YES ;-;
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
never fucking had one kiddies sorry no story time for this one
65. Are you hungry right now?
kinda i want chips
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
uhm my only tumblr friends are friends in real life so not really because how do you like someone more on tumblr than you like them in real life??? not like its impossible its just odd.
67. Facebook or Twitter?
neither tbh, i only use my facebook for my work schedule
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
TUMBLR
69. Are you watching tv right now?
yes i started 13 reasons why
70. Names of your bestfriends?
jay, casey, liz (ranked most to least interaction and tbh who ive talked to most recently, those other two loosers never text me)
71. Craving something? What?
chips, cookies, FOOD, and love, BUT MOSTLY FOOD RN
72. What colour are your towels?
we have mostly white and black towels but theyre all just multicolored
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
(im also counting my stuffed animals as pillows)
at least 11 tbh
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
(refer to last question)
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
9
75. Favourite animal?
wolf, fox, raven, snowleopard, cat, snake (i cant choose)
76. What colour is your underwear?
black like my soul bitch
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
birthday cake or cotton candy/ bubblegum
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
black
80. What colour pants?
dark grey
81. Favourite tv show?
uhmmmm Voltron or steven universe
82. Favourite movie?
heathers and the crow
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Mean Girls
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
havent seen the second one (refer to previous question)
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
the lebanese chick and the gay guy that were friends with lindsay lohan’s character
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
thats a hard question cause i love them all ;-;
87. First person you talked to today?
Jay (and caiden???) i sent a message to a group chat right after i woke up, i was pointed at Jay but theyre both in that chat
88. Last person you talked to today?
same chat
89. Name a person you hate?
ahha ahhahaha hahahaha, mmmmm theres alot
90. Name a person you love?
Jay, Casey, my pets
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
better question… is there not????
92. In a fight with someone?
i dont think so but im aboutabe casue they wont give me times on if theyre coming tomorrow or not ;-;
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
2 and a pair of sweat pants i made into shorts
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
hehehe at least 6 or 7. tbh my attack on titan one has been issing for a while and it makes me sad
95. Last movie you watched?
heathers, im not saying the technical last one cause it was gross as fuck and doe not count as a movie to me
96. Favourite actress?
ehhh hellena bonham carter
97. Favourite actor?
johnny depp
98. Do you tan a lot?
not really cause i burn and im afraid of getting skin cancer
99. Have any pets?
2 guinea PIGS and a mouse
100. How are you feeling?
alright kinda missing my friends and also kind anxious
101. Do you type fast?
depends on my mood, what im typing on, and about
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
so.. many… things…
103. Can you spell well?
fairly decently i think, average nothing over the top but i try haha
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
ehhh Liz and my friend Julia from Germany she was cool.
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
nope
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
there was a girl named shannon who was all over me and head over heels for me, she mightve been a taurus. she tried to use some serious mental shit to try and get me to stay. i told her to seek professional help and not me.
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
nope
108. What should you be doing?
a 10 page paper and finishing final fantasy, and getting more loot boxes in overwatch
109. Is something irritating you right now?
not really knowing what to do with my senior paper, shop friends, being alone, and not having enough hours in the day and always being fucking tired.
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
yes, i do right now, tbh, but its cool
111. Do you have trust issues?
this was already asked. slightly it depends on the person
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
no one, mentally and close to physiccally jay and caiden, but im always mentally crying. i dont physically cry if i do youre special, im not that soft.
113. What was your childhood nickname?
Ash
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
i was born in pittsburgh, pa. i lived in townsend, ma and i just recently moved to pepperrel, ma.
115. Do you play the Wii?
not any more
116. Are you listening to music right now?
not really
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
yes
118. Do you like Chinese food?
YAS
119. Favourite book?
how to make the perfect boy?? (its something like that) i also really enjoyed mrs. perigrines home for peculiar children.
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
im afraid of what might be in it
121. Are you mean?
i can be
122. Is cheating ever okay?
ew not wtf
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
probably not
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
kinda but only to an extent
125. Do you believe in true love?
again kinda but only to an extent tbh
126. Are you currently bored?
a bit
127. What makes you happy?
chilling with jay, playing wiht my animal or sleeping
128. Would you change your name?
i want to, im trying to get Alyxx as my name hahah but i have a genius way to keep ASH
129. What your zodiac sign?
GEMINI BIATCH!!!!~
130. Do you like subway?
yeah its alright
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
uhhhh hahah i already dated my childhood bestfriend. Liz was chill but id kindly turn her down
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
already answered this up top, but Jay
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
hmmmm i have too many tbh, id love to put one here but i cant think of a good one atm sorry my dudes
134. Can you count to one million?
maybe but im to lazy to fam
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
hahaha ive told too many to put those down
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
CLOSED OMFG NO #TRIGGERED
137. How tall are you?
5′5.25″ ( THAT QUARTER IS IMPORTANT ;u;, believe it or not i had=ve alot of friends that are taller than me)
138. Curly or Straight hair?
wavy-ish
139. Brunette or Blonde?
i myself am a “brunette”
140. Summer or Winter?
kinda both
141. Night or Day?
ehh more night but i enjoy both
142. Favourite month?
either, October, November, December, and i actually am not a fan of my birth month may haha
143. Are you a vegetarian?
nope but ive thought about becoming one to cleanse and to get in better shape kinda reasons
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
milk and white
145. Tea or Coffee?
both
146. Was today a good day?
ehhh kinda
147. Mars or Snickers?
snickers but i wanna try a mars bar
148. What’s your favourite quote?
hahah either
“ another fucking heather! -sighs- Our love is god let’s go get a slushie!”
-JD “Heathers”
( i relate most to the heather part tbh)
“ill hook ‘em…” “..and ill cook ‘em!”
-Roadhog and Junkrat “Overwatch”
( YEAH I KNOW IM TRASH BUT ITS A PRECIOUS QUOTE BETWEEN TO REALLY GOOD BEST MATES OKAY!!!??)
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
WHOLE HEARTEDLY, IVE SEEN THEM, IVE FELT THEM, IVE HEARD THEM, TALKED TO THEM, I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM AND THEY ARE KINDA SLIGHTLY TERRIFYING BUT I LOVE THEM!
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
“WOW MAGNUS, you’re probably thinking. That was… stupid!”
Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard
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5 million years later...
1.Who was the last person you held hands with?
Romantically, Emily. Friendwise, Arin or Annabelle i cant remember
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
Depends on who I’m around. If I’m comfortable in the situation, I’m outgoing but if I’m not im the shyest person ever
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
My baby cousin whos like 3 weeks old😍
4. Are you easy to get along with?
Extremely
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
Uh i hope so? Idk I’ve never been in the situation
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
Kind, sarcastic assholes, who have my weird ass sense of humor and adore animals
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
I have no idea🤷🏼♀️
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
My best friend. He’s going through a really hard time and I don’t know how to help him feel better
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Depends on the context and people I’m having the conversation with
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Bea. She always lets me vent tf out and always gives the greatest advice, even if I don’t wanna hear it
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
“Sorry bud😉”
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Missing Teeth- Vanity Theft
Smokestacks- Layla
Open Hands- Ingrid Michaelson
Saturn- Sleeping At Last
Castle- Halsey
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
Yesssss😍
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
Absofreakinglutely
15. What good thing happened this summer?
Vacation with Katie and Kristy; met Bea
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I mean probably. We kissed and it didn’t mean anything, it was more for fun than anything else
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
Heck yeah. Lightyears of planets and other galaxies? No way we’re here alone
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
Yeah kinda. We aren’t that close and I don’t really care to be lmao
19. Do you like bubble baths?
Love them😍
20. Do you like your neighbors?
For the most part yes.
21. What are you bad habits?
Picking at the skin around my nails and biting my cheek with im anxious or bored; not letting go; trusting easily; eating too much; not taking care of myself; selfharm
22. Where would you like to travel?
Across the country; the dead sea; egypt; hawaii; Cancun; Australia; basically anywhere
23. Do you have trust issues?
Horrible trust issues
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
Seeing my cat
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
Honestly i dont know. I have issues with my stomach, back, butt, boobs, thighs, calves, wrists, arms, fingers, ankles, face, chest. Basically anywhere there is fat and/or acne and/or stretch marks and/or scars
26. What do you do when you wake up?
Go on my phone, brush my hair, brush my teeth and then whatever comes next
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
Darker. I’m pale as shit
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
Probably Bea or Stevie
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
Yeah, 1. And then she continued to ignore me and treat me like shit so🤷🏼♀️
30. Do you ever want to get married?
Yep! In my back yard with my dad as the dude who marries me and my future wife and gives me away
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
Heck yeah boi
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
Ruby Rose and Mila Kunis
33. Spell your name with your chin.
Herg (Beth)
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
Dance (10 years), Cheer(2 years) and soccer (maybe 5 years)
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
Without TV hands down
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Yeppers
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
“Uhhhhhh” or just laugh awkwardly or “why is it so quiet”
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
🤷🏼♀️ honestly just want someone that’s kind and strong willed and has a big heart and loves cats as much as me. My “type” literally doesn’t exist so
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
Kohls, Ross, HotTopic, Rue 21, Forever 21, Big Lots, Macy’s
40. What do you want to do after high school?
College and then Police Academy
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
100% but not everyone deserves a 3rd
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
I’m super upset and probably feel nauseous and shaky and am about to start crying or go into an anxiety attack or something. Or im just tired as fuck
43. Do you smile at strangers?
Yeppers
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Bottom of the ocean
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
Anxiety of failing school
46. What are you paranoid about?
Losing the people I love to the same issues I have dealt with
47. Have you ever been high?
Yeeep
48. Have you ever been drunk?
Noooope
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
Not that I can think of?
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Red
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
Yes, a lot actually
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
My body
53. Favourite makeup brand?
Lorac
54. Favourite store?
Ross or Kohls
55. Favourite blog?
Humans of New York
56. Favourite colour?
Dark Purple
57. Favourite food?
Cheeseburger or red peppers
58. Last thing you ate?
Ice cream
59. First thing you ate this morning?
Toast
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
No but I got 2 in gymnastics when i was 8😌
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
Nopee
62. Been arrested? For what?
Nopee
63. Ever been in love?
Yeppers and kinda scared of it happening again🤷🏼♀️
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
First peck kiss was during my choir concert in a literal closet with my then girlfriend with a bunch of my friends circling around us so no one would see
First kiss kiss was with my then crush and it was so not expected but super romantic so
65. Are you hungry right now?
Not reallg
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
I dont really have tumblr friends that arent my real friends so no?
67. Facebook or Twitter?
Tweeter
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?
Yeah actually lol
70. Names of your bestfriends?
Katie, Kristy, Andrew, Elizabeth, Abby, Beatrice, Hailey, Kyle, Annabelle, Tyler
71. Craving something? What?
Pink Lemonade
72. What colour are your towels?
Multicolors
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
1 but used to sleep with 2
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Yepp. A teddy bear the twins gave me in 1st grade, a puppy from my mom when I was born, a unicorn, a kitty and a Pegasus unicorn kitty named Puck
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
A shit ton
75. Favourite animal?
Monkey or cats
76. What colour is your underwear?
Olive green
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate and vanilla swirl
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
Cookies and cream
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
Black
80. What colour pants?
Black
81. Favourite tv show?
NCIS or Criminal Minds or Shameless or the OLD scoobydoo, none of that new bullshit
82. Favourite movie?
Chitty chitty band bang
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Mean girls
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
Mean girls
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
Gretchen
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
Crush
87. First person you talked to today?
Bea
88. Last person you talked to today?
Lacey
89. Name a person you hate?
No one
90. Name a person you love?
My momma
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
#fucktrump and this bitch at school but not gonna cause it aint worth it
92. In a fight with someone?
Nope
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
Like 3
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
About 3 that i wear, but a lot that dont fit me anymore
95. Last movie you watched?
The Remains
96. Favourite actress?
Jennifer Lawrence
97. Favourite actor?
Josh Hucherson or Gerard Butler
98. Do you tan a lot?
Not at all. Only burn so theres no point
99. Have any pets?
2 cats and 1 puppy
100. How are you feeling?
Tired, alone, but a little happier
101. Do you type fast?
Ye but im shit at it
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
Certain things with my ex, and not starting cheer sooner but other than that no
103. Can you spell well?
HA no
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
Yes, a few people
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
No but i wish):
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
Not that i know or
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
Mhm
108. What should you be doing?
Sleeping
109. Is something irritating you right now?
My wrist hurts like a bitch and this person is ignoring me like i never existed so there’s that
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Yepp
111. Do you have trust issues?
Lol yes
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Abby
113. What was your childhood nickname?
Beth
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
Yeah
115. Do you play the Wii?
Not really
116. Are you listening to music right now?
No
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
Ew no
118. Do you like Chinese food?
Heck yeaaah😍
119. Favourite book?
Yo this is impossible to answer
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
Yeah fuck that shit but also cant sleep unless its completely dark??
121. Are you mean?
No i dont think so
122. Is cheating ever okay?
Nope
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
Lol no
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Sorta kinda
125. Do you believe in true love?
Yes
126. Are you currently bored?
Yeeeep
127. What makes you happy?
Little random things. Finding a good book, getting a compliment, shaving, random presents even if it seems little or insignificant, seeing my parents together
128. Would you change your name?
No. Ive grown to love and cherish it
129. What your zodiac sign?
Pisces
130. Do you like subway?
Not really
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
Already been through that🙄 tell them how I feel and respect their feelings
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Bea
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
“Open hands are hard to hold onto anyway”
134. Can you count to one million?
No way
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
“No mom i didnt get into your makeup or perfume!” As i had her makeup smeared on my face and i smelled like a brothel
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
Teeny bit open so my cat can get in and out but preferred closed
137. How tall are you?
A whopping 5ft 1
138. Curly or Straight hair?
On me? Straight/curly/wavy friss mess
On others? Dont have a preference
139. Brunette or Blonde?
On me? Light brunette, wish i still had blonde hair
140. Summer or Winter?
Summer
141. Night or Day?
Night
142. Favourite month?
Probably may or july or October
143. Are you a vegetarian?
No but i respect everyone that is
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
Milk
145. Tea or Coffee?
Coffee
146. Was today a good day?
I mean it wasnt bad but nothing made it good so i guess sure?
147. Mars or Snickers?
Snickers
148. What’s your favourite quote?
Lose the battle win the war
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line
Theres literally no books around me rn and im sad about it
@lovestream-dreams
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1-104
bruh
1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?
well that would be dani and i would be very confused. “why was i naked?” i would ask. i have no reason to be naked around dani. or anyone, for that matter.
2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?
well i found out he was a trump supporter (rip) so i deleted him from everything. i still feel gross and its been almost 6 months.
3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?
honestly depends on the drug. weed? i dont care. shrooms/lsd/acid? id be a little iffy, but i ultimately wouldnt care. heroin/cocaine/opiods? id immediately try to help them get help.
4. Is your last name longer than six letters?
ya its 7 lol
5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
sober (unfortunately)
6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?
no? i dont think so
7. What does your last received text say?
“i like that color”
8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
idk we made out for like twenty minutes because i was too chicken to say “hey you were fun for ten minutes but id really rather be with my friends”
9. Where was your last kiss at?
some shitty halloween rave
10. When is the last time you saw your sister?
i dont have a sister lol
11. What do you drink in the morning?
water
12. Where did you sleep last night?
in my bed? where else am i gonna sleep? the dumpster behind my dorm? a clown car?
13. Do you think relationships are hard?
yeah. its constant work, but it shouldnt be annoying work, you know? its work thats hard but you enjoy doing it
14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?
ya i wouldnt spend so much money lol
15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?
YES GET ME OUT OF THERE AWAY FROM TRUMP BOY
16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
rainy!!!
17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
nope
18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?
jeans
19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
wish i fuckin knew. probably not.
20. Does anyone like you?
no i dont think so.
21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?
nope
22. Is the last person you kissed gay?
fuck no
23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?
the boy i last kissed
24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?
i already have one lmao
25. In the past week have you cried?
yeah i cried in the airport because i had to call my mom because i didnt have enough money for the uber home and i was freaking the fuck out
26. What breed was the last dog you saw?
i dont know! but he was littleand cute and i love him
27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?
out of the shower
28. Have you ever kissed a football player?
no all the football players i knew in high school were gross, and my current school doesnt have a football team
29. Do you think you’re old?
im not 20 yet so no
30. Do you like text messaging?
yes! i love texting! it makes it so easy to talk to my friends back home and also its so much easier to put things into writing
31. What type of day are you having?
eh, its ok. i met with my schools career service center and we talked about what i have to do to get my dream job, and also an actual job.
32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
yeah, but i cant do piercings.
33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
WARM
34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
my dad! even though he annoys me sometimes hes still my dad and i love him a lot
35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?
a fling. i dont have the time, money, or desire for an actual Relationship rn
36. Are you a simple or complicated person?
id like to think simple, but i also know that my logic doesnt always make sense to other people, which can make me seem complicated so *shrug* idk
37. What song are you listening to?
im listening to the sabres/sharks broadcast sooooo
38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?
usually39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
dani, anishka, brooke40. What made you start liking the person you like now?
well he plays for the sabres and hes super cute and i love him hes softe. he doesnt know i exist because why would he but i lov him.41. When did you last receive a text message?
well since i wrote the beginning of this post i have received two (2) texts, the most recent of which was 3 minutes ago42. What is wrong with you right now?
I NEED MONEY. I HAVE $6 IN MY BANK ACCOUNT AND I HAVE $100 IN FRATERNITY DUES AT THE END OF THE MONTH.43. How well do you know the last female you texted?
dani is one of my best friends lol44. Does anyone disgust you?
myself, mostly. but like, ACTUAL disgust? anyone who is alt-right.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?
probably not46. Are you in a good mood right now?
relatively, yeah47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
my roommates48. What color shirt are you wearing?
its a black parade mcr shirt...................49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?
yeah, that im poor lol50. Anyone you’re giving up on?
myself51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?
yeah, i honestly hate him so much hahaha but yet were still facebook friends so
52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?
the buffalo sabres53. Do you like rain?
yes!!! i love rain so much!!! especially thunderstorms!!!! 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
no55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
all the time in high school. i knew they didnt like me back, so pair that with crippling shyness and nothing ever happened.56. Do you like to cuddle?
YES. CUDDLE ME.57. Are you shy?
GOD YES. i Cannot talk to new people. 58. Do you get along with girls?
i gotta. us women gotta stick together.59. Have you dated the person you texted last?
yeah dani and i dated for like almost 3 months lol 60. What do you carry with you at all times?
my phone. i always, always have my phone with me. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
oh fuck yeah. i love ghosts gimme some ghost love. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?
eh. sure, lets say yeah. 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?
nope, but i wanted one. and now i am Here, single, bitter. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?
OH MY GODDDDDD FOREHEAD KISSES KILL ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ALSO TEMPLE KISSES GOD I AM SO WEAK FOR THOSE65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?
yeah, i surprised brooke and dani and they both screamed which was probably cute, but mostly made me warm inside.
66. How old are the last three people you kissed?
uh 19/20, 18, and 16 (at the time)
67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?
id do them myself lol i dont fucking care. 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?
...zebra?
69. Do you have any stickers on your car?
no but i want some70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?
lil wayne, i dont fuck my cousins.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?
iphone bith!!!72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?
like two-ish weeks ago?73. Do you like diet soda?
yeah i like diet coke more than regular coke? idk it tastes better74. What color are the walls in your room?
here theyre an ugly beige, back home theyre sabres blue and gold (i was in seventh grade ok bye)75. Are you 16 or older?
ya im 19 now76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?
nope.77. Do you have a job?
not yet, but i applied for a ton! please send positive thoughts my way that i get one!!! 78. What are your initials?
MMR79. Did you ever have braces?
yeah, for two and a half years :/80. Are you from the south?
do i fuck my cousins?
81. What does your last status on facebook say?
my most recent activity was me sharing the article about harrison browne retiring, but my most recent original activity says “ED SHEERAN IS COMING TO BUFFALO THIS IS NOT A DRILL”82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?
nope. he re-followed me on twitter in november tho lol83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?
probably my mom, but it used to be the other way around.84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?
no but i wanted to so bad when i was younger!!!85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?
the lego batman movie lol86. Do you smoke?
nope. both of my parents smoked cigarettes and i dont fuck with that. as for weed (which i assume this is actually referring to), i smoked it once over the summer,but i dont really want to again? idk i just have no burning desire to get high.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?
flip flops.88. Is your phone touch screen?
ya89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?
my hair is limp bitch90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?
yeah lol once i snuck out at 1 in the morning to go to noco and buy chocolate milk it was an Adventure91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?
pool. im not about to get some fucking parasite in my vagina, which would happen to me with my shitty luck.92. Have you ever made out in a car?
ye93. …Had sex in a car?
no, im a version94. Are you single or in a relationship?
single95. What were you doing last night at midnight?
what WAS i doing last night at midnight, thats actually a good question.96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?
uh new years. in person? fourth of july i think.97. Do you like the camera on your phone?
yeah. i mostly take my picture through snapchat so98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?
I FUCKING WISH99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?
no but ive thrown up.............100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?
a few101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?
bitch do i look like im stickin dicks in my hoo ha102. Name your favorite Kesha song:
her cover of true colors? iconic, show stopping, brilliant, amazing, never been done before103. Do you have any tan lines right now?
yes! its amazing bc that never happens104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?
FUCK. NO.
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💖 BTS LOVE YOURSELF WORLDTOUR IN AMSTERDAM (ZIGGO) 131018 💖
PRECONCERT
I finally managed to get tickets, but I already bought expensive tickets on stubhub I had to sell at the venue on Saturday ;;; But first I had to go to Korean School, but I had a fever and was feeling so sick (I still am...) When we arrived at the venue, it was SO CROWDY?????!!!!! there were a lot of fans and the weather was so hot too wow :o Anyways I still managed to sell my tickets and made two armys really happy <3
In the venue I was by myself and made a new friend and we talked so much! They were playing MVs and I couldn't wait any longer ;; My view for the stage was amazing too! I could see everything really well and I`was pretty close too :D
I posted fancams and fanpics on my twitter
SETLIST (2,5 hr)
1. IDOL
2. SAVE ME
3. IM FINE
4. MAGIC SHOP
5. JUST DANCE (JHOPE)
6. EUPHORIA (JUNGKOOK)
7. I NEED U
8. RUN
9. SERENDIPITY (JIMIN)
10. LOVE (NAMJOON)
11. DNA
12. MEDLEY - BOYS WITH FUN
13. MEDLEY - ATTACK ON BANGTAN
14. MEDLEY - FIRE
15. MEDLEY - BAEPSAE
16. MEDLEY - DOPE
17. AIRPLANE PT 2
18. SINGULARITY (TAEHYUNG)
19. FAKE LOVE (ROCK VERSION)
20. SEESAW (YOONGI)
21. EPIPHANY (JIN)
22. THE TRUTH UNTOLD
23. TEAR
24. MIC DROP
25. SO WHAT
26. ANPANMAN
27. LOVE MYSELF
Note: I didn't film everything, I was only holding my phone at some songs at some parts, Idk how I remember everything so clearly, but they mean so much to me so probably my mind wanted to remember everything ;;
CONCERT
They started Idol with lots of fireworks, am I really seeing bangtan? I couldn't believe my eyes AT ALL. The fan chants were amazing too, in my fancams Im screaming a lot AHAHHA but oh my god..... I still cant believe I saw bangtan!!! I also wanted to say they talked Dutch a lot (Namjoon: Aangenaam Kennis te maken, Jungkook: Geniet van de Show and I cant remember what the others said). And then they did the Save me + im fine and really save me and im NOT fine. it was so good SKFJKSDJFS Im fine is one of my favourite songs of ANSWER and I JUST SAW IT LIVE TOO?! And next up was Magic Shop, which is such a beautiful song. Especially singing ‘’I show you’’ to bangtan made me really teary and the precious VMIN moments too <3 I also want to say I've never seen any live performances (except the old songs, medley, mic drop, anpanman, im fine and idol)! Now Jhope and Jungkook were about to have their solo, and the dance moves in just dance of JHOPE. I need.... air, he is so good ;;;; Jungkook was still hurt and was doing Euphoria while sitting (he also did lots of choreos on the chair). And he had such a beautiful smile at the ‘high note parts’ it made me so weak and soft ;u; And I expected this song, but then I didn't expect it either, but this was another version of I NEED U and they were all wearing white and lowkey were looking like the most beautiful angels and human beings ive ever seen ;; We had to rap yoongis part too! and tHEN SJSKFJKSJ RUN RUN!!!! RUNN CAME!!!! IM SOBBING, I LOVE RUN SO MUCH?!!!! And now Serendipity was next :’) this was the most cutest, adorable, yet beautiful and so jimin performance I have EVER SEEN. He was playing with bubbles, doing a smooth choreo and smiling/giggling a lot, but the heartbeat he did? My heartbeat was total flat line at that POINT because that was TOOO MUCH JIMINess. Next up was our president: Kim Namjoon, he had so much fun performing and I did the fan chants so loudly ;; DNAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! I know I say I dont like DNA a lot, but the moment I heard the flute I screamed the fan chants so loudly and since ive been screaming for more than an hour too: I was losing my voice. BUT FIRST OF ALL, IS KING TAEHYUNG LOOKING AT JHOPE WHILE DANCING (INSTEAD OF THEIR BACKS ON EACHOTHER), THEN HE IS HOLDING JUNGKOOK WHILE SINGING? EXCUSE ME SIR.
JIMIN BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
So during this MC, the screen behind turned into a Jimin screen and it said In dutch ‘’My Angel and my world’’ and jimin is indeed our angel and our world! he was so happy and started running towards the main stage (they were on the extended stage) and he went on his knees and said things like thank you!!! I love you!! and this is my best birthday and wont forget it either!! (things like that) and the member started running (EVEN INJURED JUNGKOOK!) towards him too and hugging him ;; We all sang happy birthday to him!
Medley
and then the amazing medley! they started with Boys with Fun (taehyung didn't choreo his dance :( ) but it was nevertheless really amazing! Jungkook was doing lots of choreos on the chair during this medley! During Attack on Bangtan; Jimin was sitting on the floor and looking at Jungkook and both had such a beautiful smile ;; And it was so quiet and suddenly taehyung screamed MAKE SOOMEEEEE NOOOISE and you heard a loud ‘’Bultaoreune’’ and [closed] they did the 3:33 [username himenation more closed]. their energy was mind-blowing! Especially Jimins! and suddenLY BAEPSAE CAME AN I REALY LOVE THIS SONG (they were A LOT less wild and less hoe-ing than in USA, they did baepsae how they always did it lol). but everyone jumped away from the stage to give Jhope is part anD DAMN JHOOOOOPEEEE. After BAEPSAE they dID DOPE GUYS!!!!!!!! and jungkook did the choreo while sitting, oh god I love bts so much man
Concert part 2
After DOPE they did AIRPLANE PT 2. And I havent mentioned yet how gorgeous they looked, but especially Jin! He was wearing this oversized holographic-ish shirt but looked so amazing and the namjin part [ooof], jin also accidentally exposed his abs lol (Issa win for the kimseokjinstans), but also the yoongmin part, the dance EVERYTHING!
And... singularity came, guys.... taehyung is my bias, but he wrecked me so much this whole concert, ive been sobbing man, this man is so perfect ;; the way he sings it, his voice, dance, aura, his visuals, all A+ After singularity they did the rock version of Fake Love and they were wearing this black outfit, with lots of mesh, leather etc They looked so OOF. But the funniest part was everyone chanting I DONT KNOW NAN MOLLA (its not even part of the fanchant HAAHHA). and then finally! MR YOONGIS SOLO! MY FAV RAPPERS SOLO! He was on a table, but he was performing like he was on a seesaw (the meaning of the song is past-present though) but IT WAS SO GOOD!!! and now we were about to go emo, because jin started his solo on a piano ;; his mic didn't work properly in the beginning so the fans started to sing for him, but after one-two sentences he got his mic back and he continued and the song was so beautiful I got so teary ;; And then we had the truth untold, in other words the superior song by the vocal line ever. It was.... so...... beautiful.......... taehyung and jimin both changed their notes, which made this song more memorable. Jimin was crying though (and I think taehyung a bit too) it gave the performance such an amazing touch; how they were able to sing with such emotions. Jungkooks mic didn't work In the beginning either, so we sang for him! I was such a mess I was feeling so emotional ;;;;;;;;; im so glad TEAR was up next because rapline POPPED OFF AND CAME FOR OUR WIGS AND EVERYONE. IT WAS SO GOOD! The whole venue turned black, with greenlights and laser OH GOD and oh my god oh my god the raps oh my god. And now MIC DROP REMIX CAME UP INCLUDING THE DANCE BREAK KJFKSJDKSJKFSJJFKS jungkook didn't participate but wow THIS SONG AND THE FANCHANTS??!! THE Bodyrolls were so cool, taehyung came for my wig!
ENCORE
They all came in blue pants and their white t-shirt. Jimin also had a cap on! they all looked so handsome omg (when do they not!?) But when they sung SO WHAT, I burst into tears because I realised it was about to end ;; Jin was being very very very wild with a towel, did the shoot dance with jungkook (yes he tried to!!!) jin and taehyung did their part again, and taehyung was wearing an orange hairband (on purpose) and playing with it ;^; During anpanman taehyung was holding jungkook and singing his part, then jin came running towards jungkook and was dancing very wildly he fell on the grOUND KFJKFSKJ also our president came to jungkook too and pat his shoulders ;;; jimin gave his cap to jungkook OOOF SO MANY INTERACTIONS!!!!! and lastly... LOVE MYSELF, I cried so hard, during this song I couldn't even breathe. its one of the most beautiful songs ive ever heard and hearing those voice and message coming from bangtan really made me cry. They mean so much to me. The VMIN part had me on the floor, I couldn't handle it anymore and my friend started hugging me :(
LAST MC
Yoongi said he loved Amsterdam a lot and it was so far one of the best concerts they ever had. We were so loud! They also admitted they wanted to come here last year, but it got cancelled and they feel sorry they couldn't do a 2nd date here, but theyre coming back next year! Jhope also talked how he was sightseeing with taehyung and jungkook talked that he was thinking about things a lot lately. Jimin was being the cutie again and was copying fans, but he called us his presents too :(( Jin also talked dutch but I couldn't really understand HAHAH but then Jhope wanted say goodbye (doei) and he kept saying DOEI, DOEIDOEI, DDDDOEEII, DOEIDOEIDOEI, DOEEEEEII, DDDDOEEEI and made it sound like a sound effect and bangtan followed and they were laughing so much :’)
Jiminbar (a fansite) turned zing into jimin by advertising his birthday!! ooof the banner and the whole venue looked GREAT!
I really loved the concert so much, and I miss them so much. I cant wait to see them again :(( theyre such great human beings, bless them T_T They know how to perform! Their vocals and dance moves are a whole another level, and if you think they sound good on CD? bish get ready for hearing it live, because it sounds so much better!!!! Im going to miss them so much, but thank you Jin, Yoongi, Namjoon, Jhope, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook for being in my life, changing it for the better, cheering me up, having good music and being such great humble human beings <3 I love you guys so much. See you next time <3
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12.13 - final reflection
(Please note that there are hyperlinks in my blog posts to my slideshows/posters/etc.)
Well, there's another year gone by. This was my final semester here at UMW, and I was super excited to get to be in a DGST class. Although I'm an English major, the digital world is one that I love and consumed me during my college career.
I took DGST 395 because I loved 101 so much. I touched on this in class when talking about grading/class structure, but I wish we had done more hands-on stuff like we did in DGST 101. I think the main difference was that we were more group-oriented and student-lead discussions this year.
While sometimes it's fun to teach the class, I honestly found my classmates to be rather unreliable. At the beginning of the year, half of my table didn't even have the book we were reading. I'll admit I skipped a few chapters, but I always made sure I knew what I was talking about on days I had to present.
(1: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/165365821388/week-2-904-908-i-taught-my-first-lesson-on
2: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/165365825793/week-3-911-915-i-taught-my-second-lesson-on
3: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/165851272068/week-4-918-922).
I also had paper copies of my notes that I read off of during class. I would scan these in, but honestly I recycled them earlier in the year, not even thinking about doing a reflection. Sorry, but I promise I had them! However, even the people at my table that read the book didn't understand what was going on most the time, and while class discussion helped, I think the novel may have been better as a non-introduction piece.
When we started talking about programming, I once again was disappointed in my group. I made slideshows for all my presentations
(1: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/166291775518/week-7-1009-1013-this-week-i-taught-my-first
2: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/167085349113/week-9-1023-27
3: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/167085363513/week-10-1030-1103)
and uploaded posters on time, but I really just didn't feel that my group cared. My first presentation on Strings, I only had Dr. Whalen and one student. And that student reviewed me as the wrong Stephanie (even though I spelled my name on the slide...) I also noticed that when I was teaching, I felt like my table was more interested in their laptops. When I taught one of my subjects, a girl at my table was assigned to do the same one and asked me to go first. I did, but then she didn't teach anything and said, "Oh, you covered it all."
It was also super stressful to be "taught" with no visuals. The people who just briefly talked about their subject really taught me nothing. When learning about programming, I think it's really important to at least try examples or show an example. I also felt that some people didn't even read their chapters and just relied on YouTube. I also noticed that some people at my table didn't buy the book. Again, this was stressful because I knew they didn't know the material, but I was also peeved because I paid for the book and they always just wanted to use mine.
I really enjoyed making my presentations and felt that I included enough examples and supplementary details that my group understood what I was talking about. I earned mostly 5′s on my reviews (https://airtable.com/shreouhcFrTIF5XOJ), so I feel like I did explain my material well. I just feel like I didn't learn much from most of the other students. I mentioned it in class, but some of these presentations were probably lackluster because there was no real accountability for these people.
Teaching my project was fun, and I had another table come to my table for it. I actually really enjoyed this, because the other table asked me questions and I felt like they were actually engaged with my tutorial, whereas my table had their heads in their laptops. (https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/168257196383/week-14-1127-1201-this-week-i-presented-on). Some of the other people in the class had really nice presentations too, but I was kind of disappointed in how serious some were vs. others. Maybe I took on too much for my project (as I feel like it's never ending), but all some people did was make a Snapchat filter.. I liked the idea Dr. Whalen mentioned in class that everyone should have done a portfolio. I would have enjoyed that, and for some reason never even thought about it during the course.
Breakdown:
(As the syllabus says, my notes are in bold)
The Big Project (35% of total)
Since you're designing this project, you'll also define the criteria for evaluating your efforts and ultimately the success or failure of the project. At a minimum, your evaluation criteria must recognize and assign value to at least these four components:
Proposal // Turned in on time (https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/166350737223/project-proposal-for-my-big-project-i-would-really)
Progress Report 1 // Turned in on time (https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/166710174158/progress-report-1-what-are-you-working-on-ive)
Progress Report 2 // Turned in on time (https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/167194403348/progress-report-2-1-what-are-you-working-on-ive)
Final Reflection // Turned in on time (this post)
(There’s no mention of Progress Report 3 in the criteria, but here it is, also turned in on time)
I would honestly give myself a B/B+ on my big project. It's a BIG project. I've been working on it for months and there's still no way I've mapped every verified Twitter user. Although I know the project is due at 11am today, I'll probably continue to edit this thing until the end of time. I literally have a folder full of data I still need to process digitally. But I love this project, so I want to complete it, but I don't even know how many verified users exist. I tried to Google it, but couldn't find anything finite and I've hit my 5,000 following limit on two accounts, so I know there must be over 10,000.. I'm not even sure how much data Kumu can hold, but I'd really like to keep pursuing this project. I almost wish I had picked something finite, but this is truly something I'm passionate about (I have no idea why, but I am), so I'm glad this was what I went with.
Big Project Blog: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/168502991938/the-big-project-text-challenges-text
Big Project: https://www.kumu.io/stephcookie/twitter-map#twitter-map
Teaching (40% of total)
You'll do this eight times in total, so each of those teaching days is worth 5% of your overall grade. Your grade for each individual teaching session will be determined in a self-evaluation informed by feedback from your peers.
I think I 100% deserve an A in this section. I planned all of my lessons in advance, showed up for my lessons, and taught everyone in a way I felt was fully comprehensible. (According to Cnavas, we only did this 7 times, not 8?)
1: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/165365821388/week-2-904-908-i-taught-my-first-lesson-on
2: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/165365825793/week-3-911-915-i-taught-my-second-lesson-on
3: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/165851272068/week-4-918-922
4: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/166291775518/week-7-1009-1013-this-week-i-taught-my-first and https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1LQO8p-QO9V_GmwUgwHSF3l4LESiy7Ti_umpwDox_5mg/edit?usp=sharing
5: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/167085349113/week-9-1023-27 and https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1zH69MSGWh-Rh8rtZ2zHFWpP_vc05KwBQFGe_VyCdYss/edit?usp=sharing
6: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/167085363513/week-10-1030-1103 and https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1-be2e49rC7auv8yPh0NEnLxJEsQ854-0kQxxDlgIvLw/edit?usp=sharing
7: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/168257196383/week-14-1127-1201-this-week-i-presented-on and https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1XmKouhkoKQTHtptUUroz_AQH9IMbUEnL_JPr9GWCKYE/edit?usp=sharing
Programming Manifesto (10% of total)
This is a statement you'll prepare (in text, gif, video, or whatever format you prefer) as we set out to learn some programming together. You'll revisit and revise this manifesto a few weeks later.
I also belive I deserve an A in this section. I did both the manifesto and re: manifesto on time and I feel I reflected on the original very well in the second version.
Manifesto: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/165971153533/manifesto
Re: Manifesto: https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/post/167510475728/re-manifesto-after-working-closely-with-the-book
Learning Journal (7.5% of total)
Somewhere public (like a blog) or private (like a Google Doc), keep a weekly reflection of your work for this class and your learning processes as you navigate the various challenges that will come up.
I believe I earned an A in this section as well. While some blog entries are longer than others, I kept track of what we did all year, and did it in an organized manner.
While I didn't build a new blog and design all the html myself, I still maintained a public blog for this class, even it was a tumblr (they’re just so easy to use!, and I could blog right from my phone after class).
https://dgst395blog.tumblr.com/
Participation (7.5% of total)
Work with and encourage your peers, both in person and online. Give them helpful feedback on their teaching, and provide supportive critique on their projects.
I'd say this is another category I'd give myself an A- or a B+ in. I did miss a few classes, but never on the days that I was meant to teach or present. I Slack messaged Dr. Whalen once or twice about being absent, but I never got a reply and someone at my table said they never did either, so I just asked my table what we did on each day that I missed. The only classes I remember missing substantially was the Monday and Wednesday(?) of Fall Break, as I was in New York, but I did mention this to my table and Dr. Whalen in advance.
I felt that I was active during group discussions. I feel like I raised my hand and contributed at least once each time whenever we had a big group discussion. I also checked Slack constantly, having notifications on my phone. I commented on people's posts when it felt relevant, and I feel like I was a good tablemate and offered valuable feedback throughout the semester to my peers.
So overall, I think that I deserve a B+-ish. I feel like my big project took on too much, but I want it to succeed so bad. No matter how I tweak it, it feels incomplete and scattered, but I have so much data, I can't let it fail. The data contained in the map now has so much effort in it, with dozens of hyperlinks in every description. I just need infinity time to map every relationship.
However, I definitely think I was one of the most prepared teachers in the classroom. Or at least compared to my table. I can't say it enough that I was disappointed in my table's performance regarding teaching. I don't want to call anyone out, but reading the book as you're presenting is a horrible sign that you have no idea what you're talking about. I think my participation could have been a little better, but I feel like I definitely had an established presence in the class and felt like I was giving good feedback to people when they needed it.
Thank you for the course, Dr. Whalen. I really do enjoy digital studies and while I wish some things had worked differently within the class, I enjoyed the course overall.
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Text
Conversations
Me: you actually soft blocked me....
any reason why?
Her: lol the fact that you noticed this late
but it happened on accident actually and i went and unblocked
but at that point i was like lmao like she'll notice so i never mentioned it
Me: If you hate me just say so. No need to lie.... I don't check shit like that every day but it's not that many days since I know it was maybe a week or less ... Whatever. I'm so splitting atm. So I'll shut up before I say something else
Her: hate? when the fck did i mention that?
yes, better shut up before you stick your foot in your mouth as usual since i've done nothing hostile to you
as if me feeling like i matter to no one and have the smallest amt of friends possible is somehow how an Attack on You.
Me: you blocked me... on "accident" how does that even happen.... i've told you tons of times that the amount of friends depends solely on yourself. and your willingness to talk to people and work past the anxiety and fear that talking to people causes. . . otherwise I wouldn't even have friends. because if i isolated and neveer talked to anyone ever first that nobody would talk to me in the first place. . . ugh whatever. i've said too much im just going to sober up and talk later i guess.... I can't always be here I try to be but like we said previously, i didn't know what to do between give you loads of attention and give you nothing at all...
Her: tumblr mobile? lol.
if you can't believe me when i say that then i don't really want to talk to you since everytime i feel bad or have like, negative feelings regarding my own situations
you always take it so personally (1)
and then i have to dread these fcking conversations
so when we've been talking normally on twitter
it all goes to fcking shit because you can't accept that i get to feel bad and feel upset about stuff
regardless of whether or not im taking actions to help myself in my own way at my own pace...doesn't mean you get to think that i hate you so i blocked you because what the fuck how does it work when we've been chatting like everyday on twitter?
and it was (what i thought) fine? good? (2)
if it really was the case i wouldve blocked you here or just flat out deleted since then i'd only have one fucking follower :)
so just. let me have emotions. and don't assume things.
this is so funny because i remember you getting mad at me months ago for the same exact thing
and here we are, situations reversed
Me: BECAUSE i have a huge fear of abandonment.... it was fine but this stuff even if its an accident just idk .... i guess you never saw how much abandonment even if its an accident sends me into depressive spirals??? have i ever left you no. i've been distant yes but i've never full on unfollowed or left... idk you block me a lot and delete and it hurts every time.
Her: "even if" can you believe me????? first off???? (3)
and no you havent
god if it was such a problem just follow me and then ask me about it
because why would i lie lol (4)
i don't like friendships built on lies i'll never talk to someone like that genuinely i have insecurities too. i have enough
Me: ok it was an accident.
Her: i didn't even think it was a problem first off considering all those people you put on your thanksgiving post. and then you never noticed/messaged me about so i was like k, so that's that! and just talked w/ you normally here (5) so let's just accept the fact that we've got our problems and there's better ways to handle this than assuming motives
Me: so you did change url because of that post??? like my paranoid ass thought???? i was right on that???? cause i noticed that and was like... maybe its not related but was it????? cause I just want to know... im not mad at that at all just... i want to not assume things atm.
and i notice stuff slowly because I try not to fall into obsessive traits. its not healthy to check who im following or who is greyed out or blocked every single day. . . I try to just let things be but when I do notice stuff i can't help but explode. I tried to be calm by just asking why.... but i clearly failed at that. its whatever. I followed back. if it happens again just like.. tell me please??? this stuff makes me so close to slitting my wrist
Her: no, i changed my url because i was sitting on that url for a while and i wanted to use it
Me: okay, it was just a paranoid thought.
Her: well, i really, really, really, don't like when you start assuming things even after i tell you
or not believing me. we've been friends for how long? does it mean nothing? you'd think i'd lie at this point? x____x (6)
.those thoughts make me want to die
Me: i'm sorry for thinking irrationally, but with how many people just up and leave, all the time even with being friends for long periods its hard not to jump to conclusions. I am in the wrong for falling into my own paranoid thoughts. You explained things and I don't believe that you are lying so its fine.
Her: oh, now you believe me
after i have to hold your hand when i'm upset (7)
whatever i'm probably not going to follow back because i hate that i have no friends and my mutuals ignore all my posts when i try to put myself out there it's gotten to a point where i can't post stuff on tumblr anymore because i know no one gives a shit
like even as happy as i am about my commission i know if i post that on my tumblr i'll make the artist seem bad when no one likes my post
idc. i'm bitter and alone and probably always will be because i don't have any friends aside from you o/
like, be grateful you even have that many people to be grateful for (8)
i'd kill for it
i feel like dying when i think about this and i think about it a lot
but ofc i don't moan about it anywhere except on this stupid fucking twitter account
where you seem ot think i live a dandy life (9)
it fcking sucks bc im trying my best!
anyways im done lol
oh and then you post shit like *Edit* (Screenshot of some tags where I said I always listen to people but nobody likes listening to me so I talk to my cats a lot which is true because I’m a burden and i hate bothering people with my problems so much)
that when you damn well no i have no one else to listen to except you online and we've been civil lately
but ok! i guess i don't care!
because im living it up!
#sarcasm (10)
Me: you havent followed me in probably over 10 or so months, whenever i remade, cause i don't think you followed me when i delteed either, i didn't expect a follow back at all. i just expect us to be not mutuals but still friends?
THEN TALK TO PEOPLE TALK TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO PEOOPLE thats all i did was work past my fears and talk to people and some stuck around some didn't. i dont know what else to say. some of those people haven't actually spoken to me in months either but im still grateful for them. I have nothing else to really advise on that other than you gotta put the talking in first. thats all i've done and its somehow managed to not fuck it up for this long??? i dont think i've had any friend longer than whenever we started being friends... so around 2 years...
Her: no offense but just talking to people doesn't do shit :) but seriously, thanks :)
(Phone lagged) So I repeated my previous message by accident)
Her: yeah probably the only reason you havent fucked it up is because i dont want to be fucking alone and i dont give up easily so ive stayed with this even fi you make me feel like fucking shit when this happens
& since you said nothing to everything else i just said i guess im right :) god im over this i dont want to fight and i dont want to talk to you becaus eim always explaining my problems and you just like. tell me the same shit each time as if it'll magically do stuff
liek the fact that im trying doesnt mean anything
i dont wanna talk to you if its always going to be like this ill take the goddamn loss and be lonely while youve got your fucking harem of friends
idc if its an exaggeration the point is everyone i considered a friend has just stopped talking to me completely
and the only thing i get here is you telling me what to do like i need cold hard instructions for making a friend
ME: Harem??? You know nothing about anything. Ya know what..... forget it. If it's better I don't say anything because nothing I says helps and I'm a broken record. You want to assume because I tagged a lot of people doesn't mean I wasn't just fishing for validation.
Me trying to help is just being a dumb mistake. I can't help anyone and why I try is also confusing because I am pointless. I'm keeping you in my note regardless you have been here and listened and that hadn't changed. But if this is just going to explode it's going to explode. All I do is ruin everything and I don't even care anymore I'm going to buy a gun soon anyways. So what's the point in trying to make something work. I've always been a shit friend and it's just not worth it to you at this point. So okay.
Her: HERE let me qutoe for you something
"idc if its an exaggeration"
^^^^^^^
unlike you im aware when im being irrational lmao (11)
apparnetly you get to be and i dont
thats how it always is
did you ever think about it feels for me
when my only friend does shit like this constantly
like lmao
ofc not bc why would you consider anything from my point of view
this conversation is over until you want to stop fucking assuming i dont care LOL
and acting as if me letting you go is the best thing that could happen to me like we couldnt j ust talk on twitter and let it fucking be but you have todrag it all in
at least i get to get stuff off my chest thats the only fucking good that comes out of this
like you dont get that you telling me the same thing hurts because it doesnt fucking work and i dont have any fucking friends
i have college to deal with and studies and that pressure but you dont know the half of it?
but you just want to assume, assume, assume (12)
i cried already out of anger
Me: I didn't have friends in college either
Her: big offense but i dont want to continue this conversation
ME: Okay
Her: unles syoure willing to admit to your bullshit
because ima lways doing that and im always getting the end of your shit
Me: I am made of nothing but bullshit I'm nothing but a huge fucking shit storm and I always will be.
You should have left a long time ago because I don't know how to not be toxic It's not That I won't be upset by you leaving far from it but you deserved better people and maybe if you had left and kept trying as you have been things will turn around. Because literally everyone that has ever done that with me ended up fine and in a good spot. I hold people back. And that's all I can think of. I ruin other people's lives by being in it. And I've certainly made your life worse. And I'm just better off dead because I am a selfish fucking loser.
I'll shut up now.
#personal#conversations#am I in the wrong???#my perception of reality is very bad#I wish I could tell easily when im being irrational#but i feel like im also just being belittled and treated poorly in her responses too#i am toxic#bad friends#idk ... man#there is a lot i want to say to certain points I might edit and respond with my thoughts now that I am no longer intoxicated#long post
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