sometimes......u gotta look at just ur page number and not ur word count....she is more Kind, somehow.

I just discovered the cns au today but I love it so much 🥺 Not sure if you discussed it before since I’m still reading through stuff but — do you think the staff who are on their 1st year did some sort of a bonding activity tgt at some point? They seem to be a diverse group to say the least (lol) but I think someone could’ve tried to put them together and say it is a mandatory activity for the ‘newbies’ at camp??? (my heart says boo seungkwan but maybe you have another candidate for this lmao)

Lee Gahyeon x Lee Chan

I thought this was cute but it got really long oops. Chan gets kinda mean at one point. That’s the only thing I think needs a warning.

[10:02]

“Do we have to do this?” Gahyeon grumbled.

“Believe me, I’d much rather be hiking than here right now,” Chan scoffed.

“Yeah, I had plans today,” Yeosang said.

“Quiet,” Seungkwan warned. “This is fun. We’re going to have fun and get to know each other better.” He looked at Yeosang. “And no you didn’t. I know you didn’t.”

Yeosang crossed his arms over his chest, disgruntled. 

“It really will be a good time,” Mingi said brightly. “You guys will have fun and get to know each other. It’s good to bond.”

Gahyeon shifted closer the Chaeyoung as she looked at the small group. Seungkwan and Mingi had insisted on collecting the new staff and spending the day doing... something. She wasn’t sure what. They had done ice breakers before, they didn’t need more trust falls and silly games to remember everyone’s name.

At present Chaeyoung and Yeosang looked bored. San looked sad. Chan was obviously ignoring her in the loudest way possible. And Jongho was just staring at his feet.

Sure. Fun.

“I’m not doing more trust falls,” Gahyeon said.

“Those were lame,” Yeosang chimed in.

“You are all so ungrateful,” Seungkwan sighed, pinching his nose and a hand on his hip. “We’re doing something fun for you.”

“Doubt it,” Chan mumbled. Seungkwan shot him a glare as Mingi started to talk.

“It’s not trust falls. We know you all know each others names and don’t need ice breakers. We want you to actually work together. Do you remember bingo night?” Mingi asked.

Chan stood a little taller, puffing out his chest. “Of course we do.”

“You’d think he’s a peacock the way he postures like that,” Gahyeon muttered to Chaeyoung, earning a giggle.

“He’s too full of himself,” She chuckled.

“Well,” Mingi continued. “We have a scavenger hunt for you. You will have to work together, all six of you for some things. But you also will spend most of the day with your partner. It’ll help you get to know them.”

Gahyeon looped her arm around Chaeyoung’s. “Perfect, I call Chaeyoung!”

“Oh no,” Seungkwan said. “We’ve already decided the partners. You just have to deal with it. Also, if you are the first or only pair to finish your list you win...” He pulled a bag of candies, chocolates, and some home baked cookies from his backpack. “...a prize!”

The whole group was much more invested seeing the prize. Even San and Jongho seemed much more interested.

“Alright, give us the lists,” Chan said impatiently.

“Last thing, you finish by 9 tonight and have to have proof of each item,” Seungkwan said. “And unlike bingo night this is pg.”

“Let us get started,” Yeosang said.

“Okay,” Mingi said brightly. “Jongho and San.”

The two looked at each other, Jongho seeming a little shy. They grabbed their sheet before pouring over it.

“Chaeyoung and Yeosang.”

“Wait,” Gahyeon said, feeling her stomach drop. “no.”

“Seungkwan, what the hell!?” Chan protested.

Gahyeon was sure Seungkwan was smirking at them. “Enjoy your day together,” he said, handing Chan the paper.

[12:15]

“Oh hey!” Gahyeon looked up, relieved to see the others approaching them. The last two hours had been snark and silence and it was driving her nuts.

“Perfect,” Gahyeon said. “Let’s do that pyramid.”

“Whatever,” Chan mumbled. Gahyeon threw him a glare. Why did he have to be difficult for no reason?

“Sounds good to me,” Jongho smiled. He seemed a little more comfortable now. “How should we do it?”

“I’ll be on the bottom,” Yeosang said. “I don’t mind. And you’re pretty strong, Jongho.”

“I’ll join then.” He said.

“I’m strong too,” Chan said quick. Gahyeon bit back her laugh. What did he have to prove so badly. “Gahyeon you’re pretty small, maybe you can be on top.”

“I- sure,” she mumbled, feeling a little flustered. Was that a compliment or an insult?

“Looks like you’re having fun.” As Chaeyoung and San climbed on the other three’s backs you looked up to see Minji coming closer. 

“Can you take the picture?” Gahyeon asked.

“Of course,” she said. “It’s cute to see you all working together.”

“It’s painful,” Chan muttered.

Gahyeon climbed up to the top. “Chae, will you knee him in the back for me?” The whole pyramid giggled as Minji took a series of pictures, asking you all to smile for at least a few.

“I took a bunch,” She said. “Good luck with your day.”

“I feel like we need it,” Gahyeon mumbled.

[2:48]

“Okay, what’s next?” Gahyeon sighed.

“We’ve done a lot of it.” Chan looked at the list. “We can climb up on Cheol’s roof once the kids are in bed so they don’t see us.”

“Should we get the boring ones out of the way?” She suggested.

Chan groaned. “I don’t want to do them. The interviewing each other thing is dumb. What do I even need to know about you?”

“You think I want to do it?” She questioned, plopping down in the grass. “I didn’t ask for this. But I want to win.”

“Me too,” he said. “Otherwise I would have dipped. I don’t need to spend any more time with you than necessary.”

Gahyeon rolled her eyes, ignoring the slight sting of his comments. “Yeah, whatever, we can just do this then it’s done.”

“Sure,” he said, sitting down and grabbing a notepad from his bag. “Best moment at camp so far?”

“I don’t know,” She mumbled. “We put music on the first night the campers were here cuz one girl was sad. And we all just danced and jammed out. It was just fun and wholesome.”

“Cool,” Chan said flatly. Gahyeon felt frustration bubbling up inside her. He could at least pretend this didn’t suck for 5 minutes. “Worst moment so far? Should I just say this? Cuz I’m putting down it’s spending the day together.”

“No,” she said through gritted teeth. “Actually last night one of my campers got sick. I held her hair for an hour while she was throwing up and had to get Minji to call her mom.”

“Oh,” Chan said, his tone much more sincere. “That actually sucks.”

“Yeah, I know. I was there.” Gahyeon replied coldly.

“Uh-” He looked back at the questions. “What worried you most about coming to camp?”

“You know what,” Gahyeon said, crossed her arms over her stomach. “I’m doe with this. If we lose we lose.”

“Come on,” he whined. “I won’t say anything this time. I’ll just shut up and write.”

Gahyeon looked away from him, pulling her knees into her chest. “I don’t get along with people easily. I was worried I wouldn’t fit in and everyone would hate me.” She didn’t hear the sound of pencil on paper, instead of Chan placing the notebook down.

“I’m an ass, aren’t I.”

“Yeah, you are,” Gahyeon mumbled.

“I’m sorry. That probably doesn’t mean much.”

“Nope.”

She heard him writing. Then the notebook poked her leg. Gahyeon spared it a glance before taking it reluctantly. Chan didn’t meet her eyes as he passed it. She looked down and read his answers, realizing he’d written something else for the third question.

“You didn’t write what I said.” She said.

“It kinda felt like something you didn’t want everyone to know,” he shrugged. “I don’t think you wanted me to know.”

Gahyeon doodled a star on the page idly. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” he said. “You can take a turn asking some questions.”

Gahyeon nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

[8:40]

“Come on,” Gahyeon giggled, dragging Chan to the side of Seungcheol’s office. There was an antenna with a metal base that was easy to climb. “This is the last thing.”

“I’m coming,” he said. “We have time.”

“I like a good margin,” Gahyeon said. She rushed to the metal structure and started to climb. Chan let her go up first. The climb seemed easy but as the evening came dew was settling on things. Gahyeon felt her foot slip as she scrambled.

“Oh my god!” Gahyeon grabbed the metal as she screeched, managing to get a had hold as Chan caught her waist. “Be careful!” He scolded.

“I’m okay,” she said. Still, she climbed more slowly. Chan followed her up closely until they were both of the roof. He took a picture as Gahyeon sat down. He was quick to send it off to Seungkwan before settling beside her.

“Job well done,” he said.

“Looks like we can work together,” Gahyeon said. “Imagine what we could achieve.”

“But then, who’s my competition?” Chan questioned.

Gahyeon felt a smile tug at her lips. “True, it’s more fun that way. So long as you stop being an ass.”

He gave Gahyeon a sheepish grin. “I can do that. We can compete civilly.”

“Agreed.” Said Gahyeon. “But let’s start again tomorrow.”

“Sound good to me.”

Sleep Alone - Part One

Pairing: Namjoon x Female Reader (ft. Hoseok and Seokjin)

Word Count: 3.9k

Rating: PG-13

Genres: SFW, Soulmate AU, Angst (Future Fluff)

Summary:  The timer on your wrist is ticking away until the moment you get to meet your soulmate. You often spend time daydreaming about your him. The time remaining on the timer has fluctuated throughout your life. Each big decision you or your soulmate makes can have an affect on the timer. A week before you finally get to meet, the timer gets extended by an additional forty years.

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, drug dealing, drug lording, meth labs, death, murder, blood, scary guys being scary dudes, someone gets arrested, but there is not smut lmao. 

A/N: Proud to be part of Bangtan Scenery’s April Showers Bring May Flowers Collab! This is the first part of this fic. Part two will be coming in May! I may also do a NSFW one shot later this year. I’m excited to continue working on my soulmate series (one for each member). They are all based on songs by Waterparks, check out Sleep Alone. 

Big shout out to @megahwn and @ho-baebae​ for beta reading and thank you to @lovely-literati​ for always being supportive. Love y’all! 💜

~~~~~~~

The street is deserted, only one parked car about a few feet away. He sneaks around the corner into the alleyway. Careful not to step on any debris or in any puddles, he slinks past the dumpster overflowing with garbage. He can barely make it out in the dark, but he’s found the door with the marking. 

He reaches into his back pocket for his lock picking kit, but when he begins to work on the door he finds it unlocked. He pauses, unsure if he should continue inside, but the overwhelming metallic scent of blood floods his nostrils.

He rushes into the building. The first room is large and dim. But he can see boxes, buckets, beakers, tubing, and trash everywhere. It’s a meth lab. The smell of ammonia starts to overtake the smell of the blood. Until he sees two bodies in the next room and one big puddle of blood between them. 

As he approaches cautiously he begins to recognize one of the people. Dae-hyun. He falls to his knees. The one person he was trying to protect from all this. Before the grief strikes him, there’s a crash from the other room. And footsteps. And then his chest is on the ground, the breath knocked out of him, a knee in his back. A booming voice.

“Kim Namjoon, you are under arrest for the murders of Jung Dae-hyun and Yoo Young-jae. You have the right to remain silent...” 

~~~~~~~

It’s the same dream you always have. Following the path of rose petals up the hill. The sun is setting and at the top you can see him: your soulmate. You’ve never been able to see his face. You always wake up just before you reach him. This time as you approach the hill, he’s nowhere to be seen.

The gentle thunder from the approaching storm wakes you from your sleep. An early morning thunderstorm, one of your favorite types of weather. The gray sky and light drizzle almost lull you back to sleep. But just as you’re dozing off you see it. Your timer. 

44y:67d:54h:23m

You have to do a double take. Forty-four years? Just last night your soulmate timer was counting down from four years. It’s not uncommon for it to change. 

Each decision you make could potentially affect the timer. You changed your mind about college three times before you settled on the one that only added two years to the timer. One day, your timer went from 5 years to 3 minutes, but then quickly returned to 5 years. You had just been watching TV, so you often wondered what decision your soulmate made that brought you so close together and why he would have changed his mind. 

But you couldn’t have done anything in your sleep last night to cause this... what did he do?

~~~~~~~

It’s the story of the year. Of all the exciting cities across the world, it has to be breaking in your hometown. The sexy new drug lord, Kim Namjoon, finally caught. It’s sick, but it makes for good news. Or whatever Buzzfeed is. They’re taking it as far as possible with their quizzes and bullshit articles. 

Are you compatible with Kim Namjoon?

10 reasons why Kim Namjoon is the sexiest drug lord of the century. 

Which paradise should you and Kim Namjoon escape to?

22 things to know about Kim Namjoon’s life before drugs. 

Kim Namjoon as exoctic birds.

It’s not something you would normally be interested in, but during your morning social media scroll, one article catches your eye. 

Could Kim Namjoon be your soulmate? Click here to see his timer. 

There’s something growing in the pit of your stomach. It really really couldn’t be. The fact that the story broke the same day your timer had 40 years added means nothing... Right?

You check the comments, refusing to give into click bait. 

Kim Min-seo

President Namjoon 2020

Steven Borden

Why do we care about this? He’s a murderer and drug dealer. 

Karen Smith

prayers for the family

Jae Lee

He can murder me any day of the week. 

Julie Ann

Can’t imagine having a half empty bed for 44 years. Thank god I got my mans already.

The feeling in your stomach radiates throughout your body. It can’t be. You give in and click on the article. A picture of Kim Namjoon. A close up of his wrist. It’s not exactly the same as yours, but it was taken two days ago. At 3pm. You do the math in your head. Then you do it again on a piece of paper. Then you plug it into Google, just to be sure. 

It’s him. 

So if any of you ladies or fellas out there have the matching timer, you can find him at the 48th Police Precinct before he’s transferred to a maximum security prison upstate. Click here to stay up to date on all things Kim Namjoon. 

A gif of Namjoon being escorted into the police station plays on a loop at the end of the article. He is beautiful isn’t he? He could be a murderer, a full on drug lord. But as it begins to fully sink in, you know there has to be more to the story. Your soulmate couldn’t really be a killer. 

~~~~~~~

There was no air conditioning on the bus to the police station. The warmth of late spring is making you sweat. You might think it was just your nerves, but the overwhelming smell of body odor confirms that everyone else is sweating too. 

Looking around the bus at the other passengers, it’s hard to imagine where they might be coming from or where they’re going. Most people are probably doing normal things, shopping, going to work, visiting friends. Is anyone else on their way to face their soulmate?

Some chattering from the front of the bus pulls you out of your head for a moment. Everyone on the bus begins looking out the windows on the opposite side. You crane your neck to try to see what everyone else is looking at. It’s a crowd of people, but that’s about all you can make out. 

“Stop #27: West 12th Street!” The bus driver announces over the intercom. The bus slows to a stop, your stop, right in front of the police station. 

Fiddling with the strap from your bag, you exit the bus slowly. Soon you’re able to get a good look at the crowd. It’s mostly young women, all crowded near the entrance of the police station. They’re holding signs, it must be a protest of some kind. 

As you get closer you can read some of the signs. 

HUGS AND DRUGS

LEGALIZE

FREE KIM NAMJOON

END THE WAR ON DRUGS

PRESIDENT NAMJOON 2020

The protest signs seem... inappropriate? Especially considering he was arrested for murder and not his alleged drug lord-ing. 

“Free Namjoon!” Shouts the girl wielding the “President Namjoon 2020” sign. 

“He’s too hot for prison!” The girl next to her screams.

“Ji-woo shut up! You’re invalidating the cause.” You don’t stay to hear Ji-woo’s rebuttal, instead opting to duck inside the police station before they engage you. 

It’s a bustling place. Lots of people in the waiting room. A woman with two small children is ahead of you in line trying to reason with the woman behind the counter. She’s trying to convince her that the $10,000 bond for her husband’s DUI is unreasonable. 

“Ma’am, the judge sets the bail amount. There are bail bonds services down the street. Next!” She motions for you to step up to the counter.

“How can I help you?” She asks, not making eye contact, but instead clacking away at her keyboard.

“I’m here... to see Kim Namjoon?” It comes out as a question, without looking up she responds.

“You can go join the group of your friends waiting outside. No one can see him. Next!” There is a grunt from the man behind you in line when you don’t move immediately. 

“I think...” You start quietly. “I’m his soulmate.” The woman stops typing to look up at you. You reluctantly pull back your sleeve and show her your timer, still ticking away. 

“I see.” She stands and disappears down a hall and out of sight. You fight the urge to look around the room, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone who might have heard you. The forty years on your timer don’t change and you’re not sure what this means. Maybe they still won’t let you see him, soulmate or not. 

After several minutes of awkwardly standing and waiting, she returns with a police officer. 

“Ma’am please come with me.” The officer motions toward a door that leads out of the waiting room and the woman returns to her keyboard. The officer meets you on the other side of the door. It’s quieter than you expected. A bulletin board of wanted flyers stares back at you. 

“He doesn’t want to see you, but he was willing to add you to his phone call list.” Your stomach drops. How could he not want to see you? He’s the one who’s been arrested, it’s you that shouldn’t be willing to see him.

The officer continues down the hall to a small conference room. There are two other people in it, another police officer and a man. The officer guides you in and then leaves. 

“Hi please have a seat and fill out this form.” It’s a fairly simple form. Name, address, phone, relationship to detainee....

“Who are you?” The man next to you asks. He’s looking at you trying to fill out the form. You don’t respond to him at first, because who is he? He looks like any other guy off the street. Well maybe not quite. He’s dressed in basic dark jeans and a graphic t-shirt, but he is very handsome.

“I’ve never seen you before, why are you here to see Namjoon?” He prompts you again. He must know Namjoon. But if he’s friends with Namjoon... Namjoon the potential drug lord and murderer... can he be trusted?

“I’m his soulmate.” The words still feel awkward falling out of your mouth. But you don’t have much choice but to trust him. He’s your only line into the life of Namjoon. The man tenses up, drops his head into his hands. He says nothing, the lights in the room flicker slightly.

After too much awkward silence, you push your completed form toward the officer across the table. He tells you that you may receive calls from the station or prison when Namjoon is able to call, but the only way for you to reach out to him is to send letters to the prison. You thank him for the information and pause, waiting to see if Namjoon’s friend will say anything. He doesn’t, so you get up and leave the room. 

You manage to get out of the police station and through the crowd of weird fan girls before the tears start flowing. What are you supposed to do now? Just wait around and hope he calls? 

“Hey! Hey!” You turn and see the man from the conference room running toward you. You quickly wipe the tears away and straighten your posture. He slows a bit before approaching you cautiously. 

“I’m really sorry. I don’t know... God. I don’t really know what’s going on to be honest. I just know that what they’re saying... what they’ve accused him of. It isn’t true.” Even though he’s a stranger. Even though you have no reason to trust him. You feel relieved. 

“Who are you?” You finally ask him. He smiles a little and stretches out his hand.

“I’m Jung Hoseok.”

~~~~~~~

Namjoon’s friend, Hoseok, walks with you down the street to a cafe. He buys you a drink and tells you about Namjoon, the English, Government, and Philosophy triple major. The boy set to start law school in the fall. His best friend for years now, the friend who helped him finally find his own soulmate connection. 

And now here you are. Namjoon’s soulmate, sitting across from Hoseok at a coffee shop. 

“So, you clearly don’t think he could have done this,” you mumble across the table, “so what do you think is going on?” Hoseok is quiet for a long moment. He’s looking down at the cup of coffee, stirring mindlessly.

“I think he’s being framed.” The air between you is heavy, the weight of the situation settling onto your shoulders. 

“Namjoon has- had this friend from his childhood,” Hoseok starts again, “he got mixed up into some bad things.”

“Dae-hyun?” You ask before taking another sip of your drink. Hoseok nods.

“I know Namjoon was trying to help him. He asked me to follow Dae-hyun a few times because he wouldn’t have recognized me.” Hoseok shakes his head a bit, as if he’s wiping away some memories.

“You followed him? That was so dangerous, why would you do that?” You question. 

“I owed him one.” A faint smile crosses Hoseok’s lips. 

“Well.... Did you learn anything?” Eager to hear more, eager to figure out how to fix this problem.

“Dae-hyun was dealing something, I’m not sure what. I guess meth, they found Joon in a meth lab didn’t they?” Hoseok takes a drink before continuing. “Dae-hyun was in a relationship with the other guy that was killed, Young-jae. I wasn’t sure, but Namjoon thought they were together. He said Dae-hyun would never do drugs much less sell them, so he assumed Dae-hyun must have been trying to help Young-jae get off drugs, get out of the drug ring.”

“Why did Namjoon do all this, why not go to the police?” You ask, your head beginning to hurt. Trying to connect the dots is taking its toll. 

“If he had reported it to the police they would have busted Dae-hyun and Young-jae.” Hoseok pauses. “I think Namjoon was trying to take down the whole drug ring.”

“By himself?” You laughed to yourself. The stupidity... the guts... your soulmate is something else, isn’t he?

“Namjoon is a genius, but even more than that he’s compassionate and caring. And he must have been close, because they framed him for murder, framed him for running the drug ring himself.” Hoseok was right. The real leader of the drug ring must have felt Namjoon was getting too close to exposing them. 

“Hoseok?” You tilt your head to the side, an idea brewing in your mind. “Do you think Namjoon may have left any evidence or clues for someone to find?”

“What are you thinking?” Hoseok raised his eyebrows. 

~~~~~~~

It wasn’t difficult for you to convince Hoseok to take you to Namjoon’s apartment. It’s proving to be much more difficult to convince him to cross the crime scene tape. 

“Hoseok this isn’t even where the alleged crime took place!” You shout, tugging your hands, trying to break Hoseok’s grip on you. 

“We have to be careful about this. If we get incriminated too there won’t be anyone left to help Namjoon.” You don’t want to admit it, but he’s right. 

“This is the closest I can be to him Hoseok, please let me go in.” Your shoulders droop and you stop fighting him. He doesn’t let you go though. He’s about to speak, but before he does, both of you hear footsteps running down the hallway. 

A tall man wearing a baby pink sweatshirt is running toward the two of you. Hoseok drops your wrists and puts his hands on his hips with a huff.

“Jin what are you doing here?” Hoseok greets his friend with a hand slap and a bro hug. 

“I don’t know exactly. My fiance sent me here to see if I could find anything helpful. She’s headed to Namjoon’s hometown to be with his family. They were close growing up.”

“Oh yeah... does that mean she was friends with Dae-hyun too?” Hoseok questions.

“Yeah she’s really upset about it.” Jin turns to you finally. “So who are you?” 

“She’s Joon’s soulmate.” Hoseok says before you can answer. 

“Bad timing, huh?” You laugh a bit to stave off the uncomfortable feeling. 

“Yeah, well. I know a thing or two about bad soulmate timing. I’m Seokjin.” You shake his hand. He laughs a bit, not bothering to tell you about his soulmate story. The focus is back on entering Namjoon’s apartment. 

Hoseok stands in front of the door, still wanting to weigh the options. Without hesitation Seokjin begins furiously tickling Hoseok’s underarms. Hoseok doubles over in laughter and then dead weights himself, sending both of them toppling to the ground. While both of them are laughing, you decide to reach for the door. 

The door is unlocked, so you swing it open. You step through the tape, trying not to break it. Silence breaks over the three of you. The boys scurry to their feet and enter the apartment behind you.

“Don’t leave your finger prints on anything.” Hoseok whispers. It takes a moment for it to set it in, but the more you look around the room it’s easier to see. 

Someone has been here. The place has been completely trashed. Drawers are open, couch cushions thrown about, pictures and decorations knocked down and smashed. You reach down and pick up a framed picture of Namjoon and his family. The glass falls out, so you remove the picture and slip it into your pocket. 

Before anyone can say anything, there’s a sound from the back of the apartment where the bedroom must be. It sounds like a drawer slamming and then someone curses. Someone else is in the apartment. 

The hair on the back of your neck stands up and you look back at Hoseok and Seokjin. They’re both frozen. Footsteps are coming from the hallway and a figure comes out of the shadows. Hoseok grabs your arm and pushes you back behind him. 

It’s a man, yet another person you don’t recognize. He’s wearing all black and a leather jacket. Hoseok seems to tense further upon seeing the man’s face. 

“What the hell are you doing here Min-jae?” Hoseok demands. The man stills upon seeing the three of you standing there. He puts his hands up and slowly continues walking toward you. 

“Probably the same thing you are. I just need some answers man.” Min-jae stops about ten feet away and puts his arms down. Hoseok turns to you. 

“Young-jae’s brother.” Hoseok mouths this information to you, trying to hide what he knows.

“I need to know what happened! Why would this guy kill my brother?” Min-jae shouts. He kicks a chair over in the kitchen while tears begin to fall down his face. 

“Listen, we came here to figure something out too.” Hoseok continues, cautiously approaching the man. “Namjoon didn’t do this. He loved Dae-hyun, he was trying to help them. Dae-hyun was on drugs, your brother was probably trying to help too, but just got caught up in the mess.” 

Hoseok was intentionally sharing the wrong information. He must have a reason to not trust Min-jae. Seokjin looks over at you and you shake your head once, so slightly as to not let Min-jae see. 

“Well good luck because I haven’t found anything.” Min-jae let out an exasperated sigh. 

“You’ve never been here before, so maybe we should give it a once over. We’ve all seen this place before.” Hoseok says, again, not the truth. You’ve never been here. You play along with Hoseok’s ruse. 

The four of you search the house for anything that might be helpful. It’s more difficult than you thought because you don’t know what you’re looking for. But you are learning about Namjoon. 

In the kitchen you learned that he seems to eat a lot of take away and instant ramen. In the bathroom you learned that he has a full skin care routine and that he uses cinnamon toothpaste. In the bedroom you learn that he probably misses the hamper when he’s in a hurry, and based on the polaroids taped to the wall, he enjoys traveling. Back in the living room, you learn that Namjoon is an avid reader. You’ve parked yourself in front of his book shelf, scanning each title carefully. 

“He’s always got a book with him.” Seokjin says as he comes out of the kitchen. He reaches past you to grab a book from the shelf. It’s leather-bound and has his name printed across the cover. 

Seokjin opens it and the two of you stand there, silently looking through the notes scrawled throughout the pages. Except, they aren’t notes. They’re song lyrics. 

Your phone begins loudly ringing in your pocket, causing both you and Seokjin to jump. You excuse yourself into the hallway. It’s an unknown number, your heart skips a beat. 

“Hello?” You answer quietly. 

“A detainee at the 48th Police Precinct is attempting to contact you, do you accept?” An automated voice is on the other line. This is it. Namjoon is calling. 

“Yes.”

“I’m so sorry.” Kim Namjoon on the other end of the call, it sounds like he’s crying. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“Oh I know sweetheart.” You coo into the phone, it feels strangely natural to comfort him.

“Where are you?” He sniffles.

“I’m with Hoseok at your place.” You continue speaking in a hushed tone.

“Okay that’s good. Stay with him until this is over. You can’t trust anyone else.” The words send a chill down your spine, reiterating the seriousness of the situation. 

“Seokjin is here too.” Your voice is trembling now, your hands shaking. 

“Jin is safe.”

“A guy named Min-jae was here when we got here.”

“Son of a bitch.” Hoseok seemed to be suspicious of him and Namjoon’s reaction confirms that he is bad news. “Listen to me. Listen carefully.” Namjoon takes a deep breath.

“I can’t say much, I don’t know who is listening. There is a small flash drive taped to the back of the painting above my couch. Jin will know who to take it to. Get away from Min-jae as soon as you can, don’t let him see the flash drive.”

“Namjoon I-”

“You don’t have to do any of this, you can leave now and I won’t blame you-”

“No!” You almost shout it, probably getting the attention of the boys back inside the apartment. “No, I’m in this now. We’re in this together.” Namjoon takes a deep breath.

“Thank you. Please get yourself out of there.”

“I’ll see you soon, Namjoon.” You say firmly. It’s not an option. You will get him out. 

“See you soon.” He chuckles lightly before hanging up the phone. 

You take a moment, pressing your back against the wall. You try to catch your breath, but instead you cry. The tears silently roll down your face.

Back in the apartment, the three boys seem to be in the back of the apartment continuing their search. You tiptoe toward the couch and reach for the painting. It comes off the wall easily and you set it down silently on the couch cushion. 

It takes a minute to spot it. It is actually very small and painted to be the same color as the back of the painting. You carefully remove it and stick it in your front pocket. You put the painting back up and turn to go find Hoseok and get the hell out. 

Min-jae is there behind you, staring at you. 

“Find anything interesting?”

~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading! Part Two coming soon! Check out my Not Warriors Soulmate Series Masterlist! 

Want to be added to the tag list, let me know!!

the crying closet

Prompt: “I work at this library and for the past couple nights I’ve had to kick you out of the crying closet at closing time. Normally I wouldn’t pry, but do you want to talk about it?”

Pairing: knj x reader

Word Count: 5.2K

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Just some cursing!! okay and maybe the horrendous format and the unimaginative title lmao

Genre: Fluff, a smidge of angst, meet-cute, college!au

AN: A big thank you to our lovely @mygsii​ for reading and telling me that this is cute and fluffy!!! I will hold on to her words and hope that someone smiles reading this ^^

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

today was nOT your day. or week. or month now that you think about it

usually you have your shit together. there are a lot of reasons to. for one, you’re a scholar student! you’re smart! and hardworking! even if you have your moments of dumbassness you somehow still manage to stay afloat. you never get a grade below 90 and that’s already with the highest your professor giving is 96. It may take you minutes before the deadline bUT you always, ALWAYS manage to pass your stuff! and yeah you may have a procrastination problem but you’re workING on that SO

actually nevermind it’s a miracle you have your shit together most days

which

this month has really tested now that you remember it all

to start, the dreaded group project. the semester just started, and your professors are already giving you students sO MUCH WORK TO DO which okAY fine you’re used to that how would you get your grades if you don’t give them things to grade on

BUT A GROUP PROJECT??? YOU DON’T KNOW EVEN KNOW MOST OF THESE PEOPLE NOT EVEN THEIR NAMES

AND YOUR PROFESSOR WANTED YOU TO WORK WITH THEM

okay, okay you thought you could handle this

nevermind your bad history with group projects people in college are mature right thEY HAVE TO BE RIGHT at least please be mature enough to help in a group project for their own fuCKING grades

wELL JOKES ON YOU

it started off well enough you made a group chat added them in

made introductions

it was awkward but whatever people normally are when they’re new to each other right

BUT 

then you start talking about dividing the work and they’re all ‘cOOL YEAH WE KNOW WE GOT IT’

so you’re like ‘oh! okay! I trust you guys then’

BUT THEN DAYS PASS AND YOU FIND OUT

they still

haven’t

even

fucking

started

you’d never considered murder as a viable option to remove stress but you were very much considering it then

especially when they made the most ridiculous excuses

like getting sick (you literally saw her post about gOING TO A LUNCH WITH HER FRIENDS what the fuck even did she not remember you know her account wHAT A BITCH)

or getting swamped with other schoolwork (you saw him on a date with his girlfriend the fuck was he talking about ‘schoolwork’ your ass)

or the worst- his grandma died and he was away on her funeral (you don’t even know how he thought that was a reasonable excuse like literally you see him in cLASS)

so then you had to do the project all by yourself

really considered just telling the professor that you wanted to work alone

bUT NO!!!!

apparently you’re too soft or whatever,,,

plus your professor said you can’t 

you think it’s because he knows your classmates will fail if you don’t do their share of the work

but it’s not like you can say that to your teacher or you’d get

wait do colleges have detention they don’t they have strikes right

aNYWAYS

so you did the project alone!!! AND YOU COMPLETED IT!!! amazing!!!!

BUT THE FUCKING KICKER WAS THAT

because of all the stress and sleep you lost over the project

gUESS WHO FLUNKED HER QUIZ

which!!!

okay so it may seem important or anything

but your professor was only giving 3 quizzes this semester

THREE

THAT MADE UP FOR LIKE 40% OF YOUR GRADE FOR WRITTEN OUTPUTS

AND YOU FLUNKED!!! IT!!!!!

just remembering it makes you want to scream honestly

and now!!! that it’s almost exams week!!!!

you were called to the office to say that your scholarship is in trouble!!!!

because apparently the quiz added with other stuff you missed because of all the things you’ve been busy doing hAS LOWERED YOUR POSSIBLE GRADES TO JUST ABOVE THE LINE

that’s already if you acE THE EXAms

if you don’t???? 

well

goodbye scholarship

lastly

your parents called

...

need there be more explanation

you won’t even go into detail about your string of bad luck experiences

coming to a class late, missing notes from your bag, a missent email, even in your fucking part time job you can’t catch a break something will go wrong and you just

you want to cry just thinking about it really…

you’ve been trying

sO HARD!!!

you’re not exactly the nicest or kindest person sURE

but you don’t think you deserve this

maybe you really are just going through an unlucky streak

right now even though you should be studying for exams you opened your book and started crying 3 minutes in when you couldn’t focus because of how stressed you were

which isn’t good because

college books are fucking expensive

so here you are currently

in your school’s crying closet

which is just a set of stalls that have plushie animals

honestly though not even the plushies are helping you feel better

really you don’t know if anything will

you startle when you hear a male’s voice ring through the intercom

“Attention, to all students still remaining… we’ll be closing the library in around ten minutes, kindly put the books in the carts or check them out.”

wow. was it really eight o’clock already??? had you really spent four hours just crying your heart out???

apparently you did

you listen to the reluctant groans and sighs, students chattering  as they all started leaving

anD YOU WOULD TOO you honestly would come out and leave

but god you feel too embarrassed to even take a step outside

you’re just gonna wait until they’re all gone yEP

you close the door veeeery softly, sniffle and rock yourself on your knees

but like

you must have been more tired than you thought

because the next thing you know is there’s someone talking to you and you didn’t notice them AT ALL

“Good evening- you’ve been here a long time. Are you… okay? Wait- shit, sorry, that was insensitive.”

you sniffle because uh duh why else would you be in the crying closet if you were okay

there’s a long period of silence and you wonder if whoever it is went away

when

you hear whoever it is clear their throat before speaking again

“I… see you sometimes come in here,” he reveals and you feel more and more like you just want to lock the door and nEVER come out

“Oh.”

“It isn’t that I’m ridiculing you or something, so don’t even start thinking about that for a moment. Just…” you hear him give a frustrated sigh before he continues speaking, voice softer. “Maybe it’s weird, but… I want to help. You’re here almost every day so I assume you have something heavy in your life going on right now, and… I can’t promise that I’ll be able to empathize with you, but I can listen.” you can hear the wry smile on his face even as he speaks. “And if you’re worried about me knowing your secrets, I will promise you that I don’t even know your name, and we can keep it like that. Though you could probably easily know mine since I’m a stable fixture here. Kim Namjoon.”

“Wow,” you sniffle. “That sounded like it came straight from a novel.”

he laughs. it helps break the tension, you’re pretty happy he took your joke well.

“You’re not the first to say that to me,” he jokes, before his voice turns serious again. “But I’m serious about it, you know.”

you think over your choices. what else did you have? it’s not like you could just keep crying everyday over how stressed you were over the exams, and then get stressed because you couldn’t study because you’re crying

and for some reason you trust this man. which seriously stranger danger but you know that he wouldn’t hurt you that way. for some reason.

and. truthfully. you would appreciate a sympathetic ear at the moment.

so you start speaking

now look

let’s rewind a bit

Namjoon doesn’t usually do this for anyone else

lord knows he’s not as good at calming down crying girls than he is being a librarian

but 

it’s almost been a full week

A WEEK

since you started using the crying closet almost exclusively and that won’t do because other students!!! need to use them too!!!!

and if it were any other utilities there’d be a riot

but

the crying closet has multiple stalls and the students who use them are sympathetic to each other

because if you use the closet you’ve really got to have it bad

and you’ve been using this particular stall for like a week straight now even if no one’s exactly seen who you are they all still feel bad for you

which Namjoon is really curious about

since

he knows you

well

not in a personal “we’re friends” or even “we’re acquaintances and we talk sometimes”

no

he means like he sees you a lot in the library

you’re always walking in with the most determined aura he’s seen!

like you’re on the way to write up an essay on how to destroy people

or something like that

you always seem so put together that Namjoon

maybe

admires you a little more than he should

but you always seem like you’re too busy to give anyone your time and he never has any time either

being a librarian isn’t just standing and reading books behind the counter like it is in novels okay

not to mention the size of the library he manages

LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN THE AMOUNT OF BOOKSHELVES THERE ARE

not to mention tHE AMOUNT OF STUDENTS THAT USE THE LIBRARY

no he doesn’t just do them all by himself but s t i l l

wait he’s getting off point

so he’s never talked to you

he doesn’t think you even know he exists beside being librarian A

BUT he remembers a lot of little things about you

like the way you like to fiddle with your hair when you’re thinking

or when you take one too many books that he doesn’t think you actually need for your class just for entertainment value

but then you never read it and just return it

or the way you always go to what he has deemed ‘your spot’ by now 

perfect spot hidden by the corners where there’s enough light but at the same time hidden away by the bookshelves so there’s privacy

there’s also the other little things you do he notices

the way you’re always on your laptop or phone for one, typing or doing something probably important (the truth is that you’re either on your social media or reading fanfiction but he doesn’t learn that until later on)

or- if you find reading something boring or dry you slouch a little, until your chin is resting on the table and your arms are outstretched and you’re halfway stretching on the table yourself with the cUTEST LITTLE POUT ON YOUR MOUTH AND A FURROW ON YOUR FACE that honestly he’d like to kiss away-

ahem

anyway

the point is that he likes you but you never seem like you’re interested in anything other than your books

he’s never even seen anyone come up and talk to you

it’s like you have this wall that keeps you away from everyone else!!!

so the fact that you ever even went to a crying stall is a big surprise for him

and he would have approached you the first night but you already snapped at someone for asking after you and he doesn’t want to get your wRATH

… but

it’s been almost a week and the stalls really are in hot demand

so

he’s decided he has to talk to you tonight

maybe he’ll get lucky and you’ll confide in him and he can strike a friendship with you!!!

or at least just talk with you

when he remembers that Namjoon steels his courage

and

when he sees you head straight for your stall again early afternoon

he gives himself one final chance

but then

it’s closing time and you still aren’t out

oh god what if you fell asleep inside he has to lock the library he’d be locking you iN THE LIBRARY

so

so he can do this

he knocks gently on the door

for a long time

so you understand he’s not going away 

he doesn’t just want to start speaking to you out of nowhere he god you’d probably feel like strangling him

no answer

bUT he does hear someone shift and the sniffles stop (which have been a bit loud considering the two of you are the only ones left in the library)

he coughs and starts speaking

wait what does he say he can’t just tell you he wants out of the stall

“Good evening- you’ve been here a long time now. Are you… okay? Wait- shit, sorry, that was insensitive.”

wow nice way to go Joon you kILLED IT

in a bad, messy, horRENDOUS WAY

so he starts to tell you about why he came over

and 

honestly

while he hadn’t come talk to you for anything other than coaxing you out of the stall

he’s surprised to find you’re pretty cute, if not a bit blunt

and really stressed which is a given

he didn’t think you would honestly he thought you’d be sharp and snide to him

but

as it turns out, you’ve just had a really bad two weeks

he can’t help but feel for you because he can relate to everything you’ve been going through

he won’t go into detail but doing a thesis on your own alongside keeping high grades fucking sucks and it doesn’t help that he’s a perfectionist

but back to you

the two of you have spent about what seems to be half an hour now

twenty minutes in you finished telling him about your recent problems

(“I kind of want to just self-explode or something. maybe throw myself out a window.”)

(“I don’t think that’s going to solve your problems, just create more of them.”)

(“THANK you for pointing that out Namjoon isn’t it funny I actually believed that would work for me.”)

anyway afterwards you fell silent and he really didn’t want to push you 

but then he hears you sniffle again

“Aren’t you going to tell me off?”

“What for?”

he hears you huff, and it’s easy to imagine the pout on your face he really does want to kiss it away more than ever now

“Well,” you start, before pausing. “I mean when I think about it it isn’t really that bad, right? Everyone goes through something like this. Group projects and all that bad luck. I’ve just been having a little bit more, but. I’m already falling apart.”

he frowns, even more when he hears you scoff at yourself.

“Don’t say that,” he chides you. “It’s not about if it’s that bad compared to other people. It doesn’t affect them. It affects you. If you feel bad about it and you want to cry, it isn’t anyone’s business but yours. Besides. This is that bad, because this- these problems you’re going through threaten things important to you.”

… did he say the right thing because hE CAN HEAR YOU CRYING AGAIN SHIT-

for a few moments he hears you crying, though he can sense you slowly get yourself together as your sniffles die down

then he hears the door creak open slowly and his heart goes to his chest.

he sees you tearily look up at him, your eyes red and raw from crying.

you hastily look down, self-conscious about the fact that really yOU’RE A MESS

your hair is a mess your clothes are a mess yoUR DAMN FACE IS A MESS

why did you just open the door oh god

for a moment you just keep your eyes on the ground before you hastily try to fix your appearance

“Um,” you start, timid. “Thank you for hearing me out. You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to,” he tells you, before smiling a little. “Okay, I had to at first but then I wanted to.”

as he says this you see him patiently offer you a hand. you blush.

“I don’t think you need to walk me to the library entrance,” you mumble, but you take his hand anyway.

“I,” he pauses. “You said you’ve been stressed out, between studying at the library and studying at home so… I want to bring you someplace else.”

“Only if it’s okay with you, of course,” he amends quickly. “And by someplace else I just mean the park.”

you look at him surprised, but then hesitantly start walking with him. “Okay,” you acquiesce because really you’ll take anything just to be able to feel relief again. not to mention there are cameras all along the way plus one of those small police stations near the park, which you remember is also still a hot place for dates

… right? right

the two of you walk out of the library- Namjoon already did all the things he’s supposed to do before closing up, leaving confronting you for last which turns out to be a good thing

he hands you a bottle of water too- which really helps clear your headache

gOD CRYING SUCKS HELL also you should remember to bring water if you ever go into a crying fit

you’re going off into a tangent but seeing as you start feeling better already you deem the tangent important and remind yourself to note it down later

anyway as Namjoon tells you he leads you to the park near your university.

though truthfully told it’s not… exactly a park. parks mean grass and trees and wide open space

but the city officials went for cEMENT AND FAKE LIGHT UP FLOWErs and building it by a bridge going down to near the river

the only sAVING thing about the park is that the trees are real and there are plenty of seats

aLSO there’s the fact that when it’s nighttime the flowers look kinda pretty

alongside the artifical waterfall they built.

anyways the two of you arrive there- surprisingly enough there are still a few people left

you thought you’d only feel tired if you came here

but surprisingly the fresh air and the cold night is helping you feel better

just a little

and then Namjoon tugs you over- he talks to one of the vendors still selling

it doesn’t take longer than a minute for him to get the two of you soup, specifically pares

you take a sip- not only is it just the right temperature bUT IT’S ALSO FUCKING DELICIOUS

another thing you’ve forgotten while crying- you’re really hungry

“I’m glad to see you’re smiling again,” Namjoon comments and ahahahah the soup is really hot isn’t it your cheeks are too warm right now

you nOISILY eat your food because otherWISE YOU’D HAVE TO TALK and damn it why is it that he even approached you

oh right you were hogging the damn stall

“I come here often during this time to relax, when there’s not much people around,” he tells you suddenly. you raise an eyebrow at him because why tell you that? you’re not that close and it sounds like a little thing he likes to keep to himself

“It’s the closest I can get to quiet amidst nature,” he continues. “It helps that there’s a river.”

he points at it- the river is pretty at this time of the night, with the sparkling lights reflected on it.

“When I get stressed I usually take a rock lying around, pretend it’s one of my problems, then throw it. Maybe skip it across the river.”

“And does it help?” you ask. Namjoon hums.

“For me it does. I know it doesn’t work for everyone… but I want you to try anyway. Maybe it will work for you too.”

at this point the two of you have finished your meals. although with you you’ve finished three servings. wHAT, you’re hungry okay??

anyway Namjoon leads you to the edge of the river- you’d be wary in any other situation but for one the two of you are still in the very visible sight of other people PLUS Namjoon hasn’t done anything bad to you so far and has been very kind and you trust him a little

he picks up a stone- you copy him, and then he just. quietly (okay there’s a hint of real frustration under it but if you aren’t yelling to get your problems off your chest is it even anything sO) throws the stone.

or so you think

because that damn stone skips all the way to the other side of the river which mind you is a huge thing because the river is aBOUT FIFTY METERS WIDE.

you look at the stone disappearing in the distance with huge, disbelieving eyes, then back to namjoon- who’s grinning silly at your expression and just.

“How,” you squint.

he giggles. you pout. look at the stone in your hands.

“I’m going to fucking make it.”

your first try: it sinks straight into the water. you say nothing bECAUSE IT’S THE FIRST ONE

then the second

third

fourth

fifth

you’re at what has to be either your ninth or tenth stone- at this point your record has to be 3 bounces aND STILL SO FAR from the damn edge you aren’t even halfway!!!

you pout, long and hard- Namjoon by your side has to bite his lips to keep himself from grinning way too wide. you’re really too cute. he doesn’t know how he ever thought you were intimidating!! 

“Namjoon,” you almost whine but you don’t!!! you don’t whine at all and there’s nothing to whine about in your current situation!!! “How the fuck do you skip it across?”

“Practice, mostly,” he tells you. “That and I throw it as hard as I can- wait.”

Namjoon walks closer- you tense up when you fEEL HIM RIGHT BEHIND YOU oh god cute guy toO CLOSE

but Namjoon does nothing- asks “may I?” and you nod

“Pose like you’re going to throw the stone,” he tells you calmly. liar. you can’t hear it but Namjoon’s heart is beating like c r a z y you’re so close he could tilt his head downwards and he’d be burying his head in your hair and smell your shampoo!!

which smells really nice bUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT

you tilt back a little- stretch your arm back- okay, so mAYBE your arm is trembling a little you’re vERY VERY NERVOUS OKAY

but then

you feel Namjoon gently touch your arm- correcting your posture until

well

you actually can’t think that much

beside, you know

NAMJOON’S HANDS ON YOUR ARMS

more than that he adjusts your whole stance with his hand and oH GOD THE LIGHT TOUCHES ON YOUR BODY HOW IS THAT FAIR

thirsting!!! after other people!!!! is much easier when they don’t pull this shit!!!!!! thirsting is safer from a distance!!!

“You can throw it now.”

oh god you’re thirsting over Kim Namjoon

KIM NAMJOON THIS NERDY LIBRARIAN

“Y/N?”

uahsjdkasda

why did your brain make you realize that at this moment goOD GOD

you jUMP when you feel someone’s hand on your shoulder- oh wait it’s Namjoon

“You can throw the stone now,” he repeats, a grin on his face aND OKAY DUMB MOMENT 

you internally scream in your head but outwardly you nod, immediately just throw the stone as hard as you can bECAUSE YOU CAN’T BELIEVE YOU JUST BLANKED OUT ON HIM

did he see you blush oh god you’d never live it down

here comes surprise number two

you should’ve listened to Namjoon’s instructions fully because

you may have thrown the stone but

you didn’t throw the stone towards and across the river

no

yOU THREW IT IN THE RIVER

guess what happens if you just throw a stone tilted downwards

if you guessed splash ring ding ding yOU WERE RIGHT

so

here you are

your clothes mildly wet

just the front

bUT STILL

if there was an option for the ground to swallow you right now you’d go for it hONESTLY

instead you drop to your knees and let out a long loud groan becAUSE YOU JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH LIFE OKAY

“That was so bad I don’t even know what to say,” you bemoan.

you hear him stifle a giggle, you pout again.

BUT THEN

you feel something warm and soft on your shoulder, then wrapped around you-

you look up aND SEE NAMJOON GAVE YOU HIS SWEATER WHAT EVEN-

“You can’t go home in wet clothes,” he explains, dimpled smile- holy shit he has dimples you never noticed that but wow they’re adorable!!!! “Though there isn’t exactly a place to change around here, but… the jacket will help shield you and your clothes from the cold.”

you sigh

okay yeah this evening has been down and then up and then down

“Let’s get you home,” he tells you, before pausing a little. “I, um- do you mind if I walk you to your car?”

you hesitate- but then acquiesce. “Okay,” you tell him.

walking back to your car- you’re surprised to find it’s ten o’clock already

had the two of you been at the park that long???

the passing cold air makes your hands a bit numb- the sweater is bIG on you but you rolled the sleeves up to your wrist at least because you cAN’T OPEN THE DOOR OR DRIVE IF THEY’RE COVERED CAN YOU

anyway you probably should’ve done that when you’re inside the car not walking to it yet

you decide to tough it out anyway it’s just a few minutes walk

you fiddle with your hair- your hands are itching to move but the silence is so damn awkward and your hands are cold too-

but

oh

“May I?” Namjoon asks- you look at him, raise an eyebrow because what for? but he just looks at your hand- oh

you shrug and try not to show you’re blushing

Namjoon’s hand is- well, you’d like to say it’s warm. but it’s not. it isn’t like he’d been wearing gloves or anything, so both your hands are cold and a little clammy when you clasp hands together.

but the way it fucking makes your heart jump?

yeah

honestly you’d like to wax poetry about the moment right now- walking hand in hand!!! with this guy you may or may not find really cute and hot!!!! in the middle of the night!!!!!!

but let’s be real head empty no thoughts

except the way your heart beats one, two, a little too fast

arriving to your car suddenly feels all too soon

you don’t release your hands yet when you stop

it’s only when you’re about to get in that you reluctantly let your hands fall apart from each other

suddenly you miss his hands at least they were a little warm around the end (and okay it made you feel aLL WARM INSIDE too but shush)

“Have a safe trip home,” he tells you. you offer him a small smile.

“I will! Sorry for- um, earlier. And thank you. You didn’t have to,” you tell him, but he only smiles back at your words.

“I told you, I wanted to.”

you nod- suddenly scrambling for words. You didn’t want to go home yet, but.

“If you ever want to destress you can go back to the river.”

you blink.

“Are you sure? Isn’t that kind of like your special place?”

he really has the cutest dimples bUT wow he’s also hot as fuck, especially with what you dare hope to be a fliRTY SMILE.

“I don’t mind sharing it if it’s you I’m sharing with.”

oof

“Okay! Goodnight Namjoon! See you tomorrow!!”

your face is bright r e d 

hightail it out of there fast

you can see him still grinning widely in the rear mirror and hnghhhh why are you also smiling so widely sheesh

the ride back is quiet

it’s only when you get home that you realize one thing though-

you’re still wearing his sweater

you foRGOT TO GIVE IT BACK

oh my god you also forgot he paid for your food yOU WERE SO OUT OF IT YOU DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE

you facepalm

wait you shouldn’t give the sweater back if it’s wet you have to wash it first

okay okay

you decide to bring him coffee tomorrow Namjoon seems like the type of person to drink coffee

(also it’s a good way to start a conversation with him bUT THAT’S ONLY A WHAT IF AND NOT YOUR MAIN GOAL OKAY)

okay!!!

you take a shower first, change your clothes, then decide to wash the sweater-

when

you see a small piece of paper fall out

‘if you need help with the exams, I’m free for tutoring in the morning from 10 a.m.. you can repay me by buying me food at the park after - kim namjoon’

you look at the other side

‘also, here’s my number in case you need it’

you stare at the string of numbers next to it-

that smooth motherfucker

‘I hope you know how to teach advanced calculus, because otherwise I’m not buying you food’

it doesn’t even take a full minute for the reply to come through

‘I’ll see you tomorrow at ten then for our date’

'*study date'

'though I suppose we can do the first too after exams if you're okay with it'

okay, so maybe this month is not quite yet the worst 

and if things go right? maybe the next few months will be your best yet

I’m back, hope you liked the first part! You can read from the beginning on AO3 and FF. 

Synopsis: She skipped bail and he’s tasked to track her down. As a seasoned bounty hunter, it’s a fairly routine job on paper for Klaus Mikaelson but then he meets Caroline Forbes and has no idea what to do with her.

Thrill of the Chase - Part Two: Man Down

Cumberland County, TN, (Interstate 40) - Caroline

Karma was a bitch, currently disguised as a blown-out tire.

Caroline kicked it a few times in frustration but then stopped realising her heels weren't fully equipped to soften the blow.

"Mother chucker," she hissed, rubbing her sore foot.

Caroline decided then and there she was woeful at this whole ‘on the run’ lifestyle. Not only with her poor choice of footwear but the fact she had no spare tire, and even if she did, no jack to change it.

Only she would decide to skip her bail hearing and not complete the requisite checks required on the vehicle aiding and abetting her getaway from New York City. 

She could hear her idiot, car-obsessed ex-boyfriend berating her for not taking proper care of her convertible. Caroline figured she must have done it despite him. Unfortunately, her stubborn ability to hold a grudge had led her to this moment and he was clearly still tormenting her from afar. Ass.

It really wasn’t her day. Actually, who was she kidding? It wasn’t her year.

2.5 hours earlier

“How’s my little fugitive?” She’d asked after the call connected, while Caroline was still singing along with Rhianna about shooting a man down in Central Station.

“I’m fine,” she lied, turning down the music.

“Liar,” she countered. “I heard Rhianna, things must be desperate.”

“I’m getting into character,” she offered.

“This isn’t high school drama club, Care,” she sighed.

“What ever happened to you being the bad influence?” She growled. Katherine Pierce had been well renowned at their prep school on the Upper East Side for her questionable reputation. “I recall having to cover for you more than a few times.”

“For smoking in the girls’ toilets.”

“And the rest. I also seem to recall other less PG things happening in that bathroom too, Kitty Kat,” she laughed, despite everything else.

“Good times,” she chuckled. “So, where are you now?”

“Bristol.” For some reason, every time she crossed a state border, Caroline felt relieved. Like the more miles she put between herself and Manhattan the better.

“Welcome to Tennessee,” she squealed excitedly. “You’ll be here in Nashville with me before you know it.”

“Thankfully,” she murmured, pleased to see a familiar face. “But I can’t stay too long.”

“I know,” she drawled. “You’re a woman on a mission.”

“I promised,” she insisted.

“And, as your best friend, I know more about your ability to keep a promise than most. Please tell me we can get obscenely drunk before you go at least?”

“Are you kidding? We have so much time to make up for,” Caroline smiled. “And now that I’m a felon on the run who knows what I might do under the influence?” Katherine’s laughed intermingled with her own until she stopped suddenly and Caroline could already tell what she was going to say next.

“Do you think maybe you should have stayed and…”

“You are really killing my fugitive vibe, Pierce,” she interrupted. “I couldn’t stay there, you know that. I needed to get away, it was stifling and had been for a while.”

“Your father certainly has that suffocation gift down.”

“Lucky me,” she muttered. Katherine was responding but she was breaking up and difficult to decipher. “Kat, I can’t understand you.” She could hear her voice cutting in and out until the line went dead. 

As stupid as it sounded, Caroline really didn’t want to talk about him so it was probably good timing the cell reception dropped out when it did.

Although interstate 40 was a busy route, Caroline hadn’t seen many cars that time of the day. She’d noticed mile marker 337 not long before her tire blew out, interrupting her fugitive themed playlist in the process.

Now, here she was stranded and trying to get someone to pull over. Easy, right?

Although, wasn’t that how people were kidnapped and killed? That’s what her parents had drummed into her since she was young and although she was supposed to be rebelling against society it still didn’t feel right or safe.

Caroline winced thinking about her parents again. She’d already ignored their steady stream of calls since leaving New York and was too afraid to listen to her voicemail. She was fairly certain if Liz and Bill were disappointed in her after committing her crime they were royally pissed about her running away.

So, the fact her cell reception was non-existent was timely because her parents’ calls weren’t getting through but it also meant no calling for help hence her current predicament.

She decided to push aside every sensible thought and think about what would Thelma and Louise do? Well, besides that driving into the Grand Canyon part.

Caroline was madly trying to remember if general hitchhiker etiquette was to hold out a thumb or not. Pity she was wearing jeans otherwise she might have flashed a little leg like she’d seen in movies.

While inwardly arguing with herself, Caroline heard a loud crunch synonymous with tires on gravel.

The silver Lincoln was impressive looking but what she couldn’t get past was the person behind the wheel. 

Even wearing aviators, she could make out an enticing pair of crimson lips curved into a curious smile and untamed, dark blonde hair that curled over his ears teasingly. His black henley was open at the top, a few necklaces peeking out that were just begging to be pulled upon.

Looks like her Brad Pitt had arrived just in time. 

Caroline just hoped he wasn’t going to ask too many questions.

Klaus

Usually, when Klaus had to apprehend a skip it took a lot more than two hours but yet here she was standing on the roadside.

He had to open and close his eyes a few times to check they weren’t playing tricks on him. But here she was basically standing there waiting to be caught. His intel from Lucien was supposedly a reliable destination in Nashville but it looks like he wouldn’t need that anymore.

Klaus recognised her straight away given the picture his friend had sent through had been running through his mind ever since. One thing was for sure that her photo, albeit flawless, still didn’t do her justice.

Those fitted, dark jeans were showcasing a lithe pair of legs, her red and white striped tee highlighting her creamy skin and those golden waves were fanned out perfectly over her shoulders. And that was before he’d even studied her face of expressive, blue eyes with some kissable, pink lips.

Given Sex on Fire was blasting through his speakers, it seemed almost apt given the way his nether regions weren’t cooperating.

But Klaus was a professional and knew he had a job to do.

He still couldn’t believe he was doing this in the first place but Lucien had begged and pleaded. Lucien never did that. Ever.

2.5 hours earlier

“Even if I could help, you know Rebekah would murder me if I don’t...”

“Kol tells me the family reunion is in a week, you’ve got the time, mate.” Klaus balled up his fists remembering to kill his brother when he saw him. “

Who is it?”

“Excuse me?”

“This walk in the park? In and out, no trouble? Last time I checked that’s a little beneath my skill set, Castle.”

“Agreed but this case is special. I, uh, sort of know her father.” Klaus nearly swerved off the road given how unexpected that confession was.

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Klaus, please?” He pleaded. “Let’s just say he’s well-known in the city not to mention extremely powerful and can’t risk this getting out publicly.”

“So, let me get this straight,” he growled, his frustration growing. “You want me to chase down some rich, daddy’s little girl who decided to ruffle his feathers by getting arrested?”

“Well…”

“Wow,” he groaned. “Rebekah’s demand is suddenly not so bad.”

“I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important, Klaus,” he insisted. “And if you do this I’ll be in your debt. Any skip you want I'll get.” Klaus had to admit it was an enticing offer, especially given all of the revenge he could exact.

“Keep talking.”

“So, you’ll do it?”

“I want to know everything first,” he replied gruffly. “Who her father is and what the hell she did.”

When Lucien told her what Caroline Forbes had done he was surprised but another part of him was intrigued. Seeing her picture had done nothing to dampen his curiosity either.

Her father was a whole other story and Klaus was beginning to realise that she wasn’t just any other skip. She was a liability, an expose waiting to happen. No wonder he was hoping to keep it under wraps as long as possible.

Now, peering at her through his windshield, Klaus had to decide how he was going to handle this. Handle her.

Should he use the handcuffs or not? Should he identify himself from the outset or not? Was she a flight risk and more savvy than expected? Or was she just crying out for attention from daddy and would be compliant and come easily?

Klaus never had to question himself. He always worked on pure instinct and it had served him well in the past. Let's hope it did this time.

As he opened the car door and eased himself out from behind the wheel, Klaus knew was this certainly wasn’t going to be dull.

Soundtrack: Man Down (Rihanna) Sex on Fire (Kings of Leon)

Week 10 Blog Post due 10/28/20

1. Is the creation and use of memes always harmful?

According to the reading titled “The Origins of Trolling” the author describes memes as “a group of digital items sharing common characteristics of content from and/or a substance that were created with awareness of each other, circulated and transformed via Internet users” (pg.74).  The author associates the creation of memes with internet trolls who are trying to cause harm on the cyber world. However, memes are not always harmful they can be used in different contexts. I personally use memes when I am conversing with my friends, typically Spongebob and Kermit the Frog memes are my favorite. The use of memes can add humor to a conversation. Additionally, memes also can be relatable to folks based on different identities, examples are college student memes centering on things such as procrastinating. Also, memes can be used to flirt with someone using romantic memes! I can see how memes can be harmful if they are of a specific person and it can be considered either disrespectful or cyber bullying. An example is when Mike Pence had a fly land on him during the VP debate he became a meme and some people considered it to be disrespectful. However, memes of celebrities such as Wendy Williams or Nicki Minaj are not always considered offensive as sometimes these celebrities even laugh about their own memes! Overall memes can be considered both harmful and can lead to cyber bullying but if they are used properly they can also add more humor to a conversation. Considering the topic of memes I wanted to include a meme illustrating how I feel I look before writing a paper, hope you enjoy!

2. In the story of Grandpa Wiggly, how can we eliminate the stigma of the internet only being for young people?

In the reading “Don’t Feed the Troll: Shutting Down debate about community expectations on Reddit.com” the author discusses the story of Grandpa Wiggly. According to the reading “Grandpa Wiggly described himself as a former English teacher living in the United States with his wife and seven cats” (pg.4). Folks discovered of Grandpa Wiggly and believed he was a troll with harmful intentions to scam folks on the Internet. However, folks also thought he was genuinely an older man using the Internet like everyone else. The article reveals Grandpa Wiggly was a character and the creator made the identity as a form of entertainment. Internet and technology are associated with a younger audience and it seems older folks could never be on the internet. However, lots of older folks have actually taken a part of the internet in the sense they are on social networks like Facebook. I think we should eliminate the idea that the internet and technology is only for the younger generation, we should be inclusive and invite older folks to explore the internet learn about everything it has to offer. Also, we should not assume everyone is a troll on the internet! We should be cautious of who we encounter but also look into proving someone’s identity with a video saying hi or a video chat call. However if someone seems suspicious we can also report their account and allow the platform to take further action and investigate the person.

3. How should celebrities or public figures manage their social network accounts due to their being so many risks like encountering trolls?

In the reading “A Timeline of Leslie Jones’s horrific Online Abuse” the author Anna Silman describes a brief history of Leslie Jones’s experiences with online abuse. The author states how “the comedian’s Twitter account was inundated with racist and sexist hate speech” (pg.2). Celebrities just like everyone else in the current era of technology have a social media profile on either Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, or TikTok. Many times their comment or reply section is filled with many positive comments from fans showing their love and support. However, at times there is very hateful comments and replies found in these posts. I think celebrities should allow their publicist to run their social media account in order to avoid trolls and hateful comments from folks. I’m sure celebrities do not have their notifications on in order to avoid being swarmed with so many comments and liked or retweets on a post. I believe sometimes people forget celebrities are also human and have a personal life outside of their roles in entertainment. Fans can sometimes go over board and try to invade these celebrities privacy. Some politicians have a personal and official account on social media such as Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC). I think this is a great start in order to separate the pool of trolls who are interesting in filling up the comments about their negative intentions. I also think celebrities should turn off the comments and ability to receive messages on their social networks in order to avoid coming in contact with trolls and receive hateful language and threats. Indeed this would lead to not being able to interact with fans but I believe their own safety should be a bigger concern.

4. If online harassment is so dangerous why are we so invested in social networks?

In the reading “Online Harassment” the author Maeve Duggan states how “73% of adult internet users have seen someone been harassed in some way online and 40% have personally experienced it” (pg. 1). Also, the author breakdown the statistics of what forms of harassment folks have experienced online. Some examples of harassment are being called offensive names, purposefully embarrassing someone, physically threatened, sexually harassed, and being stalked. These forms of harassment can occur on various social networks like Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and Tiktok. However, these forms of harassment can even be extended to dating apps where people can be catfished or a match on Tinder can lead to being stalked. We are so invested into our social networks and taking a funny boomerang for Instagram or creating a funny tweet for Twitter, we forget about all the dangerous of harassment that can occur online. I believe we are so invested in social media because of the different things they provide. Twitter provides live time news and it is more accessible for folks to report what is going on through a tweet instead of calling a news station. Although, these forms of online harassment can happen to anyone, I think it should be encouraged for folks to be aware of how to report and account or the use of blocking and muting a specific profile they are being targeted by. Also, younger kids are creating social media accounts which puts them at risk of being stalked or targeted by adults. Kids are creating social media accounts before they even enter high school, I personally was not able to have Instagram until I was a junior in high school. I think parents who allow their children to have social media at such a young age should enforce their kids having a private account in order to approve their followers. Social Media does have its risks just like almost everything else in life but I believe we just need to be more cautious of how to navigate the Internet safely.

Bergstrom, K. (2011). “Don’t feed the troll”: Shutting down debate about community expectations on Reddit.com. First Monday

Duggan, M. (2014), “Online Harassment” Pew Research Center, pp. 1-11.

Phillips, W. (2015), "Defining Terms: The Origins and Evolution of Subcultural Trolling”. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Mapping the Relationship between Online Trolling and Mainstream Culture.

Silman, A. (2016). A Timeline of Leslie Jones's Horrific Online Abuse.

I read that one posts. I agree with Sol. I think it's more likely that Dreamworks crunched the numbers, figured it wouldn't be profitable and just canned the project than them cancelling it because of a very small section of the internet. p1

“p2 Mecha is just a dying genre as a whole. Even in Japan, isekai has taken it's place and there are hardly any new mechas outside of Gundam. That's in Japan! In the west, mecha is even more niche of an interest and general audiences don't gravitate towards it. I don't think that any mecha movie wouldn't do well at the box office. I'm even worried about that Gundam movie bombing at the box office.”

Hi Anon, thank you for the Ask!

Yeah, I agree with Sol too—and at risk of repeating what I’ve said in other posts about the movie thing—it’s really hard to convey just how incredibly unlikely a property like Voltron or Robotech will ever be made into a live-action movie. It really is about the numbers, as it always has been. Since the 80s, there’s this whole persistent and stupid element of the cartoon industry that continues to delude itself that promises or interest from Hollywood will ever pan out. There are so many scripts sitting in production limbo, that it’s almost criminal.

No one wants to risk money on a live-action movie based on children’s media IP that won’t bring in rated PG-13 or R dollars from adults, and no one wants to risk repeating the 80s He-Man film. The exceptions are live-action films made from children’s media IP that are fully owned by the company paying to produce the movie. I’ve got more to say about the complexities of royalties, but that’s awfully long-winded when I get into it, and I’d rather be long-winded about giant robots. (◕ᴗ◕✿)

The topic of mecha genre dying out is what really interests me here. It’s a topic that I think about a lot, as the beginnings of the mecha genre had a lot of deep cultural time-and-place stuff behind it, even if the stories were just kids and teen boys hopping into a giant robot to beat up other giant robots and monsters, in what were essentially 30 minute long toy commercials.

Isekai will come-and-go as all genres do. It’s not a new genre, but right now the types of themes driving the isekai stories being made speaks to a lot of interesting things happening in the youth of Japan’s relationship with digital gaming and role-play escapism. It’s fascinating, even though the focus of the genre as it’s done today hasn’t really grabbed me in the same way that isekai of the 80s-90s did.

Mecha isekai exists, and it’s only a matter of time before someone either remakes Vision of Escaflowne, or does a more mecha-focused isekai story similar to Magic Knight Rayearth. I doubt anyone would revisit Aura Battler Dunbine, or Super Dimension Century Orguss, but an otaku can dream.

Before we can say the mecha genre is dying, let’s briefly skim over the genre trends of the past +40 years. Every decade or era of mecha anime has a trend that reflects cultural concerns built into it, in a way that I don’t think any other genre of animation can touch (until now, with Digital/Virtual/Fantasy RPG World Isekai).

Late 60s-70s was: Super Robot smashes monsters and alien robots

Mid-70s – early 80s was: Combining Mecha Sentai Team Super Robot smashes monsters and alien robots

80s was: Real Robot + “how many sci-fi/fantasy settings can we put a robot into?” + the death-throes of Super Robot (e.g. Dairugger XV, Golion, Baldios, Godmars)

Also 80s: What the hell was Super Dimension Fortress Macross about? Cold war tensions of escalating end-the-world arms race meets an alien species whose only culture is fighting. Where songs about love, and the culture of love, are what win the day, not just transforming robots and big guns. Macross is deeper than it lets on.

Fun 80s: GoShogun happened. The first parody-satire mecha anime that still feels more serious than they intended, but is actually hilarious once you get past the dated gender roles humor (which was also kind of intentional satire).

WTF 80s: Space Runaway Ideon broke everyone’s minds.

Still not done with 80s: Gunbuster happened. The first angst-driven parody-satire mecha anime that blew everyone’s minds.

Late 80s-early 90s OVA mecha was a mix of Serious Cyberpunk-influenced Real Robot for older teens and adults + Mecha with Tits & Tentacles for Adults (see also space elf lesbians).

90s was: The Franchises Will Survive With Prettier Pilots, and Super Angst-Bot That Was Way More Influenced By Drugs And Ideon’s Ending Than Anyone Wants To Admit (aka Neon Genesis Evangelion) + “Since Gunbuster was a success, how many parodies of Super Robot and Real Robot can we do?”

Mid 90s isekai gems: Magic Knight Rayearth and Vision of Escaflowne

Late 90s: Brain-Powerd (not a typo) happened and it’s a shame no one remembers it. I’ve seen it’s influence come up in the 2000s – 2010s.

The 00s seem to be filled with a lot of re-treading of everything that came before but with different cross-genre influences and some of it really damn good but hard to remember because it all kind of blends together.

The 2010s-today: I have no idea what’s happening now b/c I can’t keep up with anything that isn’t Gundam. And why bother when there has been a flood of classic 70s-80s mecha releases—many for the first time in the US—to binge watch?

Knights of Sidonia was cool.

Since I haven’t kept up, I can’t speak to what new mecha anime is like, or why it's less popular (though I have an educated guess). It was gonna happen eventually, and I suspect that the kinds of post-nuclear and Cold War existential dread that informed mecha anime of the 60s-80s has moved on as target audiences grew up. Those lates 80s OVAs, where the stories could be more adult, reflect that growing up (and also Blade Runner’s influence).

I see the 90s as very transitional, includes reactions to the prior eras, but also reflects a lot of angst by Japanese teens and young adults caught up in the after-effects of 80s stagnation, and the constant test-studying to get into the best school to get the best job (if it exists) and figure it all out before you’re 14 so you can pick the best school to test into. Also, salary-man dad works 120 hours a week and is never home. Get in the Angst-bot Shinji.

Excluding the stand-out brands that survived their respective eras: Gundam, Macross, Braves series, Mazinger Z, Getter Robo, Evangelion; there’s not much other ground that can be covered right now that would warrant a series. The franchise mecha shows are grounded in their respective niches. It’s kind of odd that there isn’t an isekai mecha franchise, b/c that’s a niche that hasn’t been owned in the way that the other niches have (unless maybe Machine Hero Wataru is still a Thing?)

It’s worth mentioning that Sport Anime has really been having a moment for almost a decade now, and that’s super interesting to compare against isekai. Isekai about dungeon slimes or whatever vs literal horse-girls racing each other like high-school track. Thanks Japan, are y’all all right over there?

A few last things:

The success of Super Robot Wars tells me that mecha genre isn’t dying. Consider the ages of players. How many of them actually grew up watching Yuusha Raideen (aka Yūsha Raideen / Raideen the Brave)? There is an SRW manga anthology series, and loads of gachapon and collector’s grade mecha figures from old mecha anime get released with regularity. Someone’s buying that all that shit.

SRW is nearly 20 years old now, and they are still making video games that do one thing really well: rotate a 40 year old cast of everyone’s favorite robots into a battle strategy game held together by a duct-tape plot that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The games are fun, and it’s cool to put all these mecha into the same field. It’s really great to see older shows that will never be remade have little cut scenes in a newer animation style that still feels like the originals.

There’s also the old staple that started it all: the tokusatsu genre of live-action Super Sentai shows (e.g. Power Rangers). They’ve been making the Super Sentai Series since 1975, and there’s still fun to be had watching color-coded warriors use special powers/tech to summon forth some combining mecha to do battle with rubber suit monsters from outer-space. The effects are much better these days, but it’s the same formula, year after year and people still love it.

So with respect to mecha, I think what’s died or dying, is that people are afraid to have shameless child-like fun with giant robots. The genre got too serious and too angsty (and too horny without the grown-up edge of 80s OVA Tits & Tentacles mecha). The franchises carved their niches and aren’t going anywhere, while the genre survives in video games and collectables.

A lot of that shameless fun has moved into other genres, because nothing else explains a title like: “Is It Wrong To Pick Up Girl’s In The Dungeon?” or the nearly-ecchi concept behind the sports anime “Keijo!!!!!”. But that kind of fun is less child-like and more self-deprecating or pervy-humor. Both sports and isekai anime have their serious side, but seem to be dominated by stories that don’t take themselves too seriously, or like Yuri on Ice, aren’t afraid to take a concept that no one ever saw coming, and shape it into a good story.

I eagerly await a mecha sports anime (wait, no, I think that already happened), and I’d love to see a knock-out isekai mecha anime again. I think it will happen eventually, but probably not from Toei or Sunrise. If Tatsunoko could get beyond Moe Idols In Space, then the Macross franchise already has everything it needs to do a isekai series. That would be rad.

Empress Theresa, Chapters 3 & 4

If you haven’t read Chapter 2, here is the the link. I recommend reading through this and Chapter 1 first before continuing on for the sake of continuity. These WILL contain spoilers, so if you’re not cool with that, don’t read it.

Chapter 3

Chapter 3 by far has to be one of the most boring chapters I’ve come across in this book. It took me forever to work through this chapter alone simply because of how boring I found the writing and the general story line of the chapter. Its sole purpose is to introduce a couple things, one being Theresa’s love interest, Steve, and how ‘interesting’ she is.  Summary and Analysis: Theresa has finally moved on from her high school baseball career to attend Boston College, which Boutin, the author, constantly abbreviates to BC throughout this chapter. This abbreviation grows annoying rather quickly, considering that I don’t think the name of the college needs to be mentioned as often as it is. Aside from annoying abbreviations, this chapter is absolutely littered with a poor attempt to follow the story line Boutin seems to have loosely laid out throughout the book as well as piss poor logic. In chapter 3 we learn that Theresa is a whiny little bitch who thinks the amount of homework given to her is absurd despite the fact that there are plenty of college students out there who are handling it just fine. “The assignments I got in my classes seemed endless. Could anybody do all that work in a semester? (Pg 40)” This is Theresa’s first day of classes and she’s already getting upset over the amount of work she has to do. I don’t know about anybody else, but even with my higher level courses the amount of homework ramps up over the semester before the assignments become more manageable when finals start to draw near.  Aside from complaining about her homework, we never even see Theresa do it once throughout the chapter. After her classes, rather than starting to work on this ‘endless’ amount of homework she has, Theresa relaxes in her room before a group of girls (I assume her roommates and not just random strangers - It’s never explicitly stated which one.) invite her down to the cafeteria. In the cafeteria, out of a “”long habit” Theresa started to look around the room. She notices pretty quickly that a group of ‘kids’ are staring at her. I tend to take issue with the fact that Boutin constantly refers to these college-aged adults as ‘kids’ simply because it throws you out of the story. Theresa wouldn’t refer to people the same age as her as ‘kids’ and the book is supposed to be written like an autobiography. Nonetheless, these ‘kids’ are staring at her and Theresa automatically picks two out to comment on in the book. “Mr. Intense,” who was looking at her intently, hence the name, and “Mr. Fast Move.” I have a slight problem with the name “Mr. Fast Move” simply because Theresa gave him this name before he even got up to introduce himself. Theresa somehow being omniscient is a problem through everything I’ve read up until this point and I’ve found it to be more and more annoying as I keep reading.  Boutin also tends to have a really big problem with making Theresa assume the emotions and thoughts of other people. “One boy [Mr. Intense] was intently looking at me.... he was around six feet which was a good match for my five feet four inches. I liked taller guys and apparently he liked smaller girls (pg 40).” ‘Mr. Intense’ hasn’t even gotten up to talk with Theresa, nor will he for the next little while as far as I can tell. Yet, somehow, Theresa already knows his likes and dislikes and what he looks for in a potential partner. It doesn’t end there though, Theresa also goes on to continue and assume just what he is doing and thinking. “He wasn’t gawking at a pretty girl, or lusting for her body. He looked interested. And that’s ok. A girl gets used to being looked at (pg 40).” Aside from assuming what he’s thinking, there’s a lot of problems with this quote, enough so that I’m not sure where to being. Starting simple, I absolutely hate when authors write out ‘ok’ rather than ‘okay.’ It comes off as lazy to me. It only takes two more strokes of the key to add the ‘ay’ to the first two letters. Moving on to the next problem, Boutin never takes issue with the fact that someone may be looking at Theresa like an object, and Theresa never objects to that idea. She seems to be fine with the idea that someone is looking at her like an object or like a potential partner. Boutin never out right states that someone is looking at Theresa like an object as far as I’m aware, but it tends to be heavily implied throughout the book that Theresa is fine with that.  Moving on from Theresa’s assumptions about ‘Mr. Intense’ for now though, ‘Mr. Fast Move’ obviously makes the first move. As stated early, Theresa gave him this name before he even got up to make the first move. She also keeps calling him this after he gives her his name, Jack Koster. To keep it short and sweet so you all don’t have to suffer as much, Theresa knows pretty soon into her and Jack dating that the two of them are not a good match and that their relationship won’t last. Yet, she continues to keep dating him and dragging him along. One day, when she goes down to his dorm because they have a movie at eight. Turns out, Jack has another girlfriend named Ginny from before college. Despite the fact that she knew her and Jack wouldn’t work out and was just dragging him along, Theresa still gets angry at him and wants to make him jealous. Jack says that he’ll talk to Theresa upstairs so she goes upstairs to wait for him. Before I go further, I just want to point out that Boutin wrote that there were six guys in Jack’s dorm waiting on him as well as Ginny. That’s a lot of people for a college dorm. Still chugging along, Theresa decides she wants to make Jack so jealous he’ll “throw Ginny out a window (pg 45).” Theresa says that there’s no chance that her and Jack will get back together, so I’m not quite sure what her logic is on this one. But she dresses in a  “backless dress made of flimsy, cling material (pg 45).” The dress falls six inches above the knee, which “wasn’t a big deal these days, but to make it more interesting I folded back the hemline three more inches inside the skirt and taped it (pg 45).” I may just have short legs, but I measured how short this dress would be on myself, and this wasn’t even covering the bottom of my ass cheeks.  Anyways, Theresa watches a movie which Boutin goes into way too much detail to describe and it’s just overly boring and pointless. Jack never shows up but surprise surprise, ‘Mr. Intense,’ better known as Steve at this point, does. At this point the dress has ridden up Theresa’s hips at this point and despite Steve’s clear discomfort with the whole dress situation, she makes no move to try and make it better even though he’s there to offer her comfort. We do get this banger of an exchange though (Pg 49): “You’re quite, Steve. Something on your mind?” “Yeah. I’m trying not to think about what I might see.”  “I’m wearing a thong. You won’t see anything but my hip.”  “And a nice hip it is, I’m sure.”  Steve has had a total of maybe 5 words spoken up until this point but he’s already my favorite character solely from the line “And a nice hip it is, I’m sure.”  Steve and Theresa’s relationship develops absurdly quickly from there and it’s almost at a worrying pace. After only about a month of dating, the two of them decide to get married. Father Donoughty, or as I lovingly refer to him, Father Dick Doughnut, convinces Theresa’s parents to let her marry Steve at the tender age of 18 and after only a month of dating because he is more than certain that their marriage won’t fail. Eventually her parents give in because “Discouraging it [the relationship] could do more harm than good (pg 54).” Theresa and Steve apparently have an absolutely amazing wedding and we get a lovely detailed description of what Theresa wore that I’m more than happy to share with all of you because it’s not in the slightest drawn out or excessive; “I was gorgeous as a recently turned eighteen year old. For the church service I wore a two piece wedding gown. A floor length wide skirt with spaghetti shoulder straps made from matte duchess stain. Over this I had a jacket made of peekaboo cotton Venice lace that more or less covered my shoulders and the top half of my upper arms so as not to scandalize the congregation. At the reception the jacket and train came off and my shoulders and cleavage charmed the crowd (pg 54).” This description just reminds me of the excessively long description of what Ebony was wearing in the all-time classic My Immortal. Nobody gives two shits just what Theresa was wearing and the comments about what she is wearing don’t even make sense. I don’t recall a congregation ever being ‘scandalized’ by a young woman having their shoulders exposed. I also don’t recall a crowd ever being ‘charmed’ by someones breasts and shoulders, or you know, I just live in a boring world where people don’t get dazzled by my boobs and my offensively sexy shoulders.  As for the poor attempt for Boutin to continue the plot throughout chapter 3, in-between Theresa meeting Jake and then finding out about him cheating, Theresa is called into the campus police office because her ‘watchers’ were caught following her. Nothing really comes of this other than that we learn the Pope is paying for her tuition and finds her a ‘highly interesting’ case. The president also talks on the phone to the head of the campus police and tells them to pass along the message that they didn’t see anything happen, that they shouldn’t tell this to anybody, and that they should just forget about it. It’s a boring scene with boring dialogue and its rather pointless as well. If anything, it only serves to create more plot holes throughout the entire story.  Chapter 4 So we got through the boring hell that was chapter 3, but what about chapter 4? It’s not better. Arguably it is so much worse. I can sum it up fairly simply for you. Theresa gets kidnapped by government men, she assumes they’re ‘Navy SEALS’ but calls them goons through the entire book. She’s then put on a plane with an atom bomb on it because I guess the president finally decided that he wanted her dead and yet nobody objected to this happening despite there being no evidence for her deserving this fate. Also her watchers just disappear in this chapter so I guess their presence in her life was just completely pointless. This may come as a surprise, but Theresa manages to get out with the stupidest solution ever and doesn’t die. This is the part where I should be celebrating her survival but all I can do is mourn the fact that she could have died but didn’t. If she did, the book would be over.  Summary and Analysis: God, I really don’t want to summarize this chapter and point out things I hated in it but I will. This chapter was so overwhelmingly painful to read and mark down that I gave up towards the end and just started scribbling ‘No’ and ‘Why’ into the margins.  Okay, rant over. Starting off, Theresa is on her way to go to the grocery store when a bunch of cars in front of her essentially make a barricade so she can’t get through. The people in the cars get out with their weapons drawn as a van pulls up behind her. Once more, Theresa’s omniscient knowledge kicks in and before the door to the van opens she already knows what the interior looks like. She gets into the van anyways without much of a fight and just willingly lets herself be kidnapped. They take her to a helicopter and fly for a long ass time. Eventually Theresa asks where they’re taking her and rather than telling her that it is classified information like they should, they basically tell Theresa that they’re taking her to an aircraft and that she’ll be killed. Rather than getting upset about this, the tears just well up in her eyes but she doesn’t break down into hysterics. As Theresa so eloquently puts it, “But I didn’t cry. I wasn’t a phony movie actress using hysterics to milk all the drama she could out of every moment. I was a real person and I didn’t give a damn what these kidnappers thought (pgs 57-58).” Theresa once more assumes emotions, and states that she must have impressed her kidnappers and won their admiration by not breaking down into hysterics. This is where she also guesses that they’re Navy SEAL despite having absolutely no proof of them being in that part of the army as of yet.  Blah blah blah, Theresa decides to ‘wax poetic’ though she’s not being poetic at all and it’s just Boutin trying to fill in space so he can make his book longer. Somehow this chapter is even more boring and annoying than chapter 3 and shit is supposed to be happening here. I suppose Boutin is trying to make it intense, but it comes off as long winded and any sense of action of anxiety that may have been there is gone.  In-between the long and boring moments of Theresa just observing things, she asks how she’s going to die and they tell her that she’s going to be loaded onto a plane with an atomic bomb. This is a problem for a lot of reasons, actually, and I’ll put them in a list for you:  1. This is a stupidly expensive way to kill someone 2. Theresa never stood trial for this and its not as thought it could have flown under the radar either. There is a shit ton of money being funneled into an atomic bomb and a plane that wouldn’t go unnoticed in the records.  3. Theresa’s watchers never showed up once despite having watched her grow up and seeing that she would never harm a fly. Yet here she has been declared a danger to national security.  4. All of the men who are escorting her to her death have no proof that she has done anything to be a threat to national security. As far as they’re aware, she’s an innocent eighteen year old girl. 5. The way that they’re going to kill her is cruel, inhumane, and excessive. Never in my life could I see anyone letting a president get away with ordering a death sentence like this.  6. Theresa never fucking stood trial for this shit. This wouldn’t just fly under the radar with congress. Believe it or not, but the President of the United States doesn’t have enough power to just order someone dead because they believe them to be a threat. Theresa would have to go through a trial first.  I could see a coup happening in the United States before anyone ever let anything like this happen. These tend to be my problems with a majority of the chapter. To get into more specifics, Theresa says that she needs to think of a way to get out of this, but we never see her elaborate on a plan nor do we ever become clued in that she has come up with an idea. Instead, we, the reader, see her do some nonsensical bullshit. When they take her to an empty cafeteria to have her last meal, Theresa takes an empty garbage bag and fills it with exactly 11 coke bottles that at the time confused the living shit out of me. As it turns out, she’s going to empty out these coke bottles and shove them into her jumpsuit so she’ll be buoyant when she jumps from the plane before it can blow her up. This is some kind of bullshit five-minute crafts solution. It’s a stupid one and never in a million years could I ever see this working.  Theresa also decides to reflect on her life and comes to the conclusion that her life as not significant and was incredibly boring. How wonderful for that the reader has to reader that when we could have come to that conclusion ourselves. We also learn that Theresa has had ‘no illnesses’ which seems like utter bullshit to me, but alright, go off Boutin. She also had a ‘mean’ dog growl at her once and suddenly she now has absolutely no love for dogs. I’ll let you interpret that one however you want. The night before she’s going to be executed, Theresa decides to reflect on her life thus far with Steve. This could have been a bittersweet moment where we truly get something emotion filled and with fond memories that we didn’t see. It’s not a bad idea to have her reflect on her loved one during what should be a very emotional time, yet all we do is get a recap of his experience with her last chapter. It’s boring and inspires no emotion from the reader. We could have learned something about Steve and how Theresa sees him and yet we don’t learn anything.  What we do learn however, is that Theresa somehow has shit tons of knowledge about aircraft despite this never being mentioned before in the book. I don’t think she actually is supposed to be an aircraft nerd, I think that Boutin just forgot about that and started to write far too much that he learned about planes so he could share the information with everyone. It’s more confusing than not in the actual text though and draws away from the story, not that there was much to begin with.  Also, somehow, refueling in flight will snap your neck if you don’t brace right according to Boutin. I did some light research and no, no it will not. Despite this, Boutin goes on for about two pages about how Theresa has to brace so it doesn’t snap her neck when they refuel mid-flight on their way to take her another boat so she can get on the plane with the bomb on it.  Jesus christ the next few pages are just absolute hell. Theresa lands on boat. Captain of boat brought women onto top of boat. Thought the one being executed would be man and deserved to see women before he died. Strongly implies women are objects for men to look at again. One woman takes out her phone. She asks Theresa if she has anything she’d like to say. Dis bitch.  Dis.  fuckin.  bitch.  “I once read a famous quote by the Shawnee Indian Chief Tecumseh about singing a death song and going out like a hero. I had rewritten it for a more universal use, never dreaming that I’d use it myself so soon. ‘If people grieve your passing rejoice in the good you did and die like a hero going home. I feel good about who I was.’ (pg 68)”  Not only is pulling your phone out to record someone who is about to be executed highly against probably all policies, but also, just... fuckin... if this situation were to ever happen in real life, this would be an absolute shit show of a situation. People are breaking rules left and right, nobody is obeying any sort of code of ethics or any kind of rules that were laid out for them. It’s just stupid. All of this chapter is just plain stupid and the logic is terrible. One of the people gives Theresa thermals because it’s going to be cold when she’s flying up and they insist that she gets oxygen and wears a mask. They do all of this for her despite the fact that in the end she’s going to get blown up and none of it matters. Nothing fucking matters in this book. After this though Theresa fucking jumps from the plane once it has taken off and is at an altitude of 54,140. The impact on the water alone would have been enough to kill her and yet it doesn’t. She just passes out when she hits in and then wakes back up. Now is when she starts to get cold and she passes out again.  The entire time that the plane is climbing into the air and she’s falling before she hits the water is supposed to be an intense and action-packed scene. I get that’s what Boutin is trying to do in this last part of the chapter, but it doesn’t come across that way. It’s dragged out. It’s wordy and Theresa thinks way too much about other things for it to feel like it is supposed to be as intense as I think Boutin wanted it to be. It’s poorly written to put it simply, which really sucks because it’s the climax of the entire chapter and the most intense moment out of anything leading up to this point.  End Alright that is the end of chapter 3 and 4. I don’t know when 5 to whatever chapter I decide is worth it will come out, but hopefully sooner rather than later so I can finish with this book. Chances are I’ll post a review for a different book in-between this one and the next so look out for that. I’ve got a few absolutely terrible books on their way that I’ll be receiving over the next month. The first one out of the batch I plan to review is someone’s fan fiction that they decided to publish called Insanity: Jeff the Killer simply because it’s 77 pages and after flipping through it, it’s already better than some of the shit I’ve read lately.  Anyways, I hope you enjoyed and please feel free to follow and look out for more reviews of books. I hope I’m actually getting better at this review thing! Please feel free to leave any feedback and things you would like!

Arcana Unbound - Prelude: Xiphos & Calais

Four thousand years ago gods and magic shaped and ruled and were plentiful in the world. Man and all the creatures were shaped and marked by it. Then things began to change. Gradually those things of magic diminished and the things of science took precedence until magic became a myth tucked away safely in children’s fairy tales and skilled entertainer’s parlor tricks. It’s been a thousand years of progress unmarked by true magic.             Things are about to change. This fic is part of a collaborative AU created by my talented friends @tornbetween2loves, @kennaxval and myself. This part was written 50/50 by myself and @tornbetween2loves.

Disclaimer: all original TRR characters belong to Pixelberry, however we are claiming their beautiful children as our own creations. Word count: 3800 + Warnings: mild angst, some cursing, pretty PG-13 for this part. Future parts will be erotic and deal with some serious problems. Tags: @darley1101 @gardeningourmet @speedyoperarascalparty @hopefulmoonobject @bobasheebaby @carabeth @riseandshinelittleblossom @stopforamoment @furiousherringoperatortoad @indiacater @sirbeepsalot @alesana45 @museofbooks @eileendannie @furryperfectionlover @sawyeroakleyscowboyhat @strangerofbraidwood @teamtomsato @begging-for-kamilah @ao719

  Calais knocked on Aeneas’ room door and heard his soft “enter” before going in and flopping on his bed. He was sitting at his desk going through a sheaf of folders.

  “What ARE you doing, brother?”

  “Reading the briefs on the ladies who will be attending the season events.” He looked up from the paperwork into his twin sister’s dark eyes. He knew she hated this. Hated at a bone deep level the whole idea of a social season to find a mate. 

“And are you finding your one true love there?” She turned around on his bed lying on her stomach her chin propped on one fist, her legs bent dangling her feet in the air as she stared at him.

“Not exactly. But I am learning who can and can’t speak Greek. Who has titles. What their education and interests are.” He closed the folder and went over to sit on the edge of his bed.  “I know you hate this Calais. I know.“ He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear and stroked the line of her birthmark. “You deserve someone who sees you. Someone who will see beyond this.”    He sighed as he shook his head. “I hope I can someday find someone who will see beyond this face and the crown.”

  She rolled over and sat up to face him as she crossed her legs. “Doesn’t this whole thing just seem off to you? I mean Mom and Dad were what, 30 or nearly so when they got married. Now they want everyone matched up. What happened to the ‘find yourself’ and ‘plenty of time’?”

  Aeneas shook his head and smiled. “Well it’s not like we have to marry at the end of the season. And I don’t think Dad is abdicating or anything.   My suspicion is that they are trying to avoid precisely that. They are trying to give us some structure to socialize and meet lots of people and get to know them. Do they want us in relationships by the end of the season?  Yes. That is the goal. But do they expect engagements? Not if we don’t find someone we are inclined to be engaged to.”   He grabbed her hand patting it. “You can do this Calais. You aren’t going to find Mr. Right chipping away at some huge block of stone in your shop. You are a royal princess of Cordonia whether you like it or not. If your Mr. Right was the marble delivery guy you wouldn’t even see him for the stone dust in your eyes.   You know how Mom met Dad? It wasn’t in her shop. She was out there. She approached him. Who have you approached? When have you put yourself out there?”

  She snatched her hand away from him. “I like someone.”

  His eyes got wide, “Who?”

  She shook her head. “Never mind. It really doesn’t matter.”

  “Calais.” His violet eyes pierced her. “Doesn’t matter? Really? You haven’t said anything to him have you. Have you?”

  “Leave it, Aeneas. He doesn’t even look at me. Hell, he’s probably gay.” She shook her head and started to get out of his bed but he grabbed her hand.

  “Calais you have to tell him. You are a royal princess. You have to give permission.”

  “This is a fucking disaster. You aren’t going to leave this are you?” Her eyes locked with his. “No, you won’t. I shouldn’t have come here.” She shook her head. “Don’t ‘fix’ this Aeneas.”

  “Then you better tell him.” He raised his brow.

  “Right. And when he tells me he likes you better I’ll let you know.” She turned her back and left his room. She closed the door so quietly he knew she was really, seriously upset.                         ***********************   Calais looked through her phone contacts and finally found Xiphos Lykel. She glared over her shoulder at her brother’s door knowing he meant it. She sighed. And finally texted Xiphos. 

Xiphos looked down at his phone just as it pinged. A look of confusion crossed his face as he read the message. Calais? The Princess? What could she possibly want to talk to him about? He quickly typed a response.

She looked at the time. 2:15

  Oh shit, she meant right now??? He shrugged. It’s not like he was doing anything particular at the moment.

  Calais ran for her room. ‘Shit. What the fuck did I just do?’ She opened her closet and grabbed a red silk blouse and gray slacks. ‘At least I don't have long to panic.’ She brushed her hair and teeth and walked out.

  Her guard, Rodriguez was in the hall and she told him she needed a car that she was going out for cronuts.

  At 2:40 Calais was at the shop looking at the various pastries

  Xiphos looked at his reflection in the mirror. What exactly does someone wear to meet a princess for cronuts? He was dressed in his normal jeans and a t shirt but it didn’t seem right. He pulled the shirt over his head and pulled a button down off the hanger. He didn’t want to look like he was trying too hard. He put the shirt on and ran a comb through his hair then headed out the door.   He tried really hard to tiptoe past Sarissa’s room. He knew she’d pump him with questions about where he was going. It didn’t work. She flung the door open just as he was slinking by.   “Where are you going?” She narrowed her eyes at him.    He stood up straight and looked at her with annoyance. “It’s none of your business. I have to go or I’ll be late.” He turned and headed for the door, ignoring her protests.

  He got there a few minutes early and watched her through the window from the parking lot as she looked at the pastries. He waited until 2:45 then went inside.

  Calais heard the door ring and took a deep breath. Then she turned to smile at him.   Her blush made her birthmark more pronounced but aside from that she had her mother's beauty and perfect figure combined with her father's dark eyes.

"Um, Thanks for coming. I was just going to get some cronuts. But I can’t decide if I want the chocolate dipped ones." She turned back to the display case and ordered one of each and a coffee. "Oh, and whatever he wants."

  Xiphos giggled as he ordered a coffee. “Are you gonna eat all those yourself? We could just share if you’d like.” His eyes drifted down her perfect body then back up to meet her eyes. She was gorgeous. He didn’t really even notice the birthmark that much.

  She looked at him when he giggled, caught in the beauty of his emerald eyes. Then dropped her gaze to the pile of food. "Oh, um, yeah, sure. Share is good." She went over to a table in the back, sat down and pulled out a small sketch book before she cut the cronuts in half. Her nerves were obvious as she stole glances at him.   "So um... I was talking with my brother about the social season stuff. It's weird."

  “Social season? Is that what this is all about?” He grabbed one of the cronut halves off the plate and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. “I’ve always thought the social season was weird, for the record. It is an outdated practice that should be stopped. People can find their own mates these days. There’s no need for all these dumb events and formal socializing.”

  She blushed. "I agree. And my parents... well it didn't work for my dad." She shrugged and took the other half of the cronut and nibbled it as she frowned. "Aeneas says that he thinks they are doing this so we don't have to wind up in the situation someday where we are forced to make the decision in one season.... He said they want us in relationships but we don't have to be engaged at the end of the season." She shakes her head. "Anyway, it's totally weird. All our lives my mom has been ‘take your time, find yourself, figure out what you really want’... It's like some switch got flipped. Now it's like ‘we're going to have a social season because you aren't meeting enough people’...." She scrubbed her face with her hands and sipped her coffee.

   “I totally get what you’re saying. My parents are forcing me to attend the social season. They say it’s time to settle down and find my match. I just don’t think I’ll find my match at a social event.”

 "Aeneas is reading briefs on all the women." She shook her head.

  Xiphos couldn’t help but smile as he imagined Aeneas with files strewn about him as he studied them intently and tried to remember details about the women.  “Well, you can’t fault your brother for wanting to be prepared. Finding a mate is kind of required for him.”

  She sighed. "Well we fought. Sort of. He knows how much I hate this. And he said I wasn't going to find someone unless I approached them. And I told him I already liked someone. And he said that I hadn't told them. Then he said I had to. And I didn't want anyone else to. So... Well... Have a cronut. He went on about it and Ugh. I told him I'd tell him when you told me you like him not me. So that's well... You probably might need to tell him." She shook her head.   "Ignore me. I'm just going to drown myself in my coffee now."

  His mouth dropped open as he tried to make sense of what she had just said. “So, let me get this straight. You like me, and your brother encouraged you to approach me? And you told him that you would tell him I would say I like him not you? And now you’re giving me the same advice he gave you? Do I have it straight?”

  She lifted her dark eyes to him black with intensity. Her voice was low and serious, "Xiphos, I'm your sister’s best friend. I've known her since we were in diapers. You've never seen me. Your eyes have always been on my brother. If Aeneas weren't so caught up in who he is supposed to be he would know." She waves her hand. "I'm not going to tell him. I think that's for you to decide. But I will tell you that he's not going to just see."   She shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Damn. Look. I've told you what I needed to. And I'm going to go now. So do what you need to and don't over think it."

  Xiphos sat in shock as Calais stood to go. He didn’t realize that anyone had seen through his facade. He had always kept his feelings hidden. Or at least he thought he had. He looked up at her, his emerald eyes locked on her dark eyes as he reached for her hand. “Wait. Please don’t go.”

  She looked at the ceiling and wiped away a tear. Took a deep breath. Sat back down.

  He couldn’t stand that she was hurt because of him. Sure, he had always had eyes for her brother; he had been blind to what was right in front of him. Maybe his attention was focused on the wrong sibling? She could care for him. Aeneas could not. Even if he confessed his feelings to him nothing could be done. He was the damn crown prince! He had to have a queen and produce heirs.

He thought about what she had said about her parents wanting them to be in relationships at the end of social season. Nobody had to get married. Maybe this was an opportunity for him to get to know the princess. And get a little closer to the prince too. He grasped her hand and looked deep into her eyes. “I don’t need time to think Calais. I know what I want. Your brother is just a passing fancy to me. We could have something real.”

  Calais looked down at their clasped hands a long moment. She sighed. Her voice held a tremor in it when she finally spoke. "You know I've watched you for years Xiphos. You really are a good person I think. I mean I've seen you be selfless and kind. I also know that I honestly know more about the color of your eyes and the way your hair falls when the wind musses it than I do about you."   She shook her head. "It's really hard to know yourself much less someone else. I try..."   She shook her head again. "I don't think I'm strong enough for you right now. I would like, really like to actually get to know you. What you want.    Do you know? What you actually want?"   She shrugged. "And I wish..I worry about Aeneas. No one knows him, Xiphos. I know he's good and kind and smart and protective and completely driven to do the right thing. He should have been named Atlas because he's determined to carry the weight of the world, at least the country on his shoulders. I don't think he ever slows down enough to figure out what actually makes him happy. And that worries me."

Xiphos grasped her hand tighter and pulled it to his lips as he brushed them across her knuckles softly.   “That is exactly what I want, Calais. A chance to get to know each other. I want nothing more at the moment.” He shrugged and looked deep into her dark eyes. “Maybe this is how we survive this social season. If we spend enough time together to keep our parents satisfied that we are developing a relationship maybe they’ll stay off our backs.”   He let go of her hand and broke their gaze, his eyes downcast. “As for your brother, he will most likely be too distracted by all of his potential matches to pay us much attention.”

"Hey." There was smoky velvet in her voice gentle and compelling. "Xiphos you know better. You've watched him long enough to know there is nothing that is going to distract him from keeping an eye out for his family and friends."  She was silent a moment watching him.   "You need to talk to Aeneas."   She opened up her sketch book she'd brought with her and started paging through it until she found one of Xiphos captured perfectly with a look of almost passionate adoration in his eyes. Her artwork was pit of the stomach emotionally stunning. "Look. This was you. Last summer watching my brother."   She shook her head. "I care too much for him. And for you... If Aeneas thinks that we are involved he will never even look at his own feelings. And if you don't talk to him.... You will always in some corner of your mind wonder what if?"  She shook her head again wistfully stroking the picture of him. "I do want that Xiphos. I do want someone to look at me like that. Not because I told them I like them and they think they've injured me. Not because of my brother or their sister or the need to avoid the social season. And I do want to get to know you. But you have to talk to Aeneas first."

Xiphos glanced at the picture. He felt ashamed that he allowed his feelings to show so plainly on his face. He turned away to hide the tears that welled up in his eyes. She acted like it would be so easy. Sure, he can just text Aeneas and ask to meet him for cronuts so they could talk. And then what? What was he supposed to say? He took a deep breath and looked deep into Calais’s eyes his emerald eyes shone with tears.   “What am I supposed to say to him? ‘Oh hey Aeneas I’ve been secretly in love with you for years. How about abdicating and running away with me?’” He shook his head and wiped away a couple of stray tears that escaped from each eye. His voice was shaky and barely above a whisper. “No. He has enough to worry about without having to deal with a childhood friend being in love with him. I have to put him behind me and get over these feelings.”

  He sighed deeply and ran his hands down his face. He glanced at Calais and his sadness faded to determination. He grabbed her hand once more. “If I talk to Aeneas and confess my feelings and we both agree to move on, then will you agree to get to know me better? To spend this social season on my arm?”

  She shuddered as she closed her eyes. "Xiphos.." her voice dropped to a whispered caress. Then she opened her eyes and met his determined gaze completely vulnerable. Her fingers trembled as she gently stroked the planes of his cheek. "I would never hurt you. But don't you see?..... All these women and guys you go through... That's what you've been doing isn't it? You've been trying to get over Aeneas. But you're just like me. Well not marked; but neither of us could get over the illusion, the perfection of the idea. I'm not in love with you... I'm in love with this construct I've made in my head of you... I can't fall in love with you unless I do get to know you..   I'm tired of dreaming of your kisses." Tears traced down her cheeks but she smiled and dashed them away.   "I never told anyone. I wouldn't have told you now. But Aeneas is going to be like a bull dog trying to find out who I like. And while he's blind to himself and people looking at him, I knew he would see me and eventually he would know. And then it would mess everything up for all of us." She shook her head.   "As hard as it was. I'm glad I told you. And I'm so grateful to you because I think you're being as honest as you know how to be with me."

Xiphos sighed in frustration. She was absolutely maddening! But she had a point. He didn’t want her to be just another woman to help him forget his feelings for Aeneas. And he had to admit that she was right. He had to follow her lead.   “You’re right. I have to talk to Aeneas. I have to tell him my feelings. I can’t continue to live like this.” He looked down to avoid her gaze as he tried to hide his emotions. “I don’t think I can move on until he knows.”

He looked up into her eyes as he fought to control his emotions. “Thank you for having the courage to tell me your feelings. You have truly opened my eyes today.” He gently stroked her cheek as he traced the line of her birthmark lightly with his finger tip. He scooted his chair closer to her so they were next to each other then quickly pressed his lips to hers before she could react. He deepened the kiss as he parted her lips with his tongue.   After a few moments he pulled away breathless as he stroked her cheek and gazed into her dark eyes. “Now my kisses aren’t just a dream anymore.” He smiled and kissed her once more softly.

                                *************************

   Xiphos didn’t even bother to be sneaky when he passed his sister’s room. What was the point? She would harass him until he told her what she wanted to hear anyway.    He’d spent a good hour driving around after his conversation with Calais trying to get his emotions under control. He didn’t know what to think or feel about anyone anymore. He just felt like his life was about to change somehow and it was up to him if it changed for the better or worse.   The door flung open just as he passed by. He stopped and closed his eyes as he sighed deeply. Sarissa opened her mouth to speak, but as her brother turned to look at her she stopped. There were so many emotions swirling in those emerald eyes it left her shocked. This was her playboy brother. He didn’t have any real feelings. Or did he?

  “What’s wrong? You look like someone broke your heart, Xiphos. What have you been hiding from me?”   He stood up straight and looked at her. “Nothing. I’ve been hiding nothing. And nobody broke my heart but me. It’s nobody’s fault but mine.”  He turned away from her and slowly made his way down the hall to his room.    She called out after him. “Did you finally confess your feelings to Aeneas?”    He stopped in his tracks and hung his head low as he shook it. He turned back to face her. “What, am I suddenly an open book? The whole world knows what I am feeling?”   Sarissa gave him a doubtful look. “Come on Xiphos. You know damn well that anyone who has seen you and Aeneas together knows there is a definite attraction. Open your eyes. Be honest with yourself.”

  Xiphos ignored his sister, went to his room and locked the door behind him. He sighed in frustration as he threw himself on the bed and buried his face in the pillows. What a mess. He didn’t know what to think or feel about anyone. Calais was the first person he had felt a true connection with in a really long time. But his feelings for Aeneas were always there. And apparently he wasn’t as good at hiding them as he thought. He wondered how many other people knew.   He turned over on his back and stared at the ceiling, his hands under his head. He laid there and thought about his feelings for a long while, then pulled out his phone. He scrolled through his contacts until he found Aeneas’ name.

   It takes a while before he gets a response. Finally

    Aeneas frowned at his phone puzzled.

Xiphos frowned and sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

numb without you (part seventeen)

a/n: um I suck at updating but I guess you know that now. miss el keeps reminding me that we should write more so here I am giving you part 17 of my series that I swear has a whole two people reading on a good day. I’m gonna try to update at least once a week so please someone hold me to this because as much as I love this story, I need it to be OVER. Also these updates are hopefully gonna be a little bit longer than past parts because again I want the story to be done and I don’t have the time to write a bunch of smaller updates but I do have the time to write one big update every now and then so yeah that’s what’s going on. as always, a special shout out to miss el for being my main inspiration behind this story and all the little details. read part sixteen here x

pairing: readerxluke

playlist: numb without you by the maine, bruise by with confidence, easier by 5sos, changes by aster and ivy

word count: 2.1k

rating: PG-13

summary: after finally showing your feelings for luke you have to go back to reality and figure out everything between you and calum and the new addition to the family

warnings: swearing, mentions of nausea

Calum’s POV:

You just got off the phone with your sister for what seemed like four hours but only ended up being two at best. You didn’t realize how long it had been since the two of you had an actual conversation, and there was a lot for you to catch each other up on. Once you were both caught up on each other’s personal and professional lives, you finally asked Mali for the advice you were searching for. As always, she knew exactly what to do. You were glad you had her in your life at this moment, as she seemed to know step by step what needed to be done in order for you to keep your two favorite girls together.

Moments after you got off the phone with your sister, you decide you should probably head to bed. You wanted to reach out to Y/N as soon as possible, but Mali told you she probably needed some space. You know she probably wouldn’t respond at this hour anyway. RM/N decided to stay at a friend’s house tonight because of all of the commotion, but you really know she just wanted to give you space as well. It has been a while since you had the house all to yourself and you wish you could actually enjoy it instead of wasting the night away by sleeping. The sooner you fall asleep the sooner you could contact both of your girls though, so you quietly made your way to your bedroom in order to change into your pajamas and head to bed.

---------------------------------------------

~the next day~

Y/N’s POV:

You woke up to Luke’s arm lazily draped across your chest. You can’t say you haven’t pictured a morning like this before, but you never really thought it would be a reality. At least not this soon. You felt yourself have a brief moment of panic, wondering if you and Luke went any farther than kissing last night until you remember you were five and a half months pregnant with Calum’s child. Of course, as soon as you thought about the little angel growing inside of you, she started to kick. You smiled, knowing that somehow some way she knew you were thinking about her. Once you finally got Luke’s heavy arm shimmied off of your body, you walked into your kitchen to find something to eat. It only took you walking out of your bedroom door to remember the shitty situation that brought you and Luke back to your apartment where you shared your first kiss.

You let yourself sleep in a little bit, probably because you were comfortable in someone else’s arms, and it was now almost eleven in the morning. You find some things to make peanut butter toast, something you normally wouldn’t eat for breakfast, but you can tell your baby wants some protein and this is all you can muster since making eggs now makes you nauseous. Making yourself breakfast takes all of five minutes and before you know it you have cleaned your plate as Luke walks into the kitchen.

You smile at him as he returns one to you sheepishly, scratching the back of his head before he joins you at your small island which doubles as a kitchen table. The air is still between the two of you, an awkward silence falling over your heads as you get up to put your plate in the dishwasher. You expected things to be a little weird between the two of you considering everything that went down last night, but the silence was agonizing. You sit back down next to him and whip out your phone. What you were about to do seemed a little too high school for your current age and situation, but it was the only solution your mind could come up with after being awake for not even an hour.

“So are we just gonna give each other the silent treatment after what happened last night…” you text Luke. You try to sneak a look at him as he is reading your text, hoping that he will communicate with you at least over text, making the entire situation a little less awkward for the both of you. You feel a twinge of guilt in the back of your throat because you are communicating with Luke before you even attempt to reach out to Calum, but you think it would be easier to figure things out with the tall boy in your kitchen before you deal with the father of your child who royally fucked up the night before. You see Luke smile a little before he quickly types a response back to you.

“That would be a pretty shitty plan on our end, wouldn’t it?” he adds a couple of silly emojis at the end of this message, trying to lighten the mood. You laugh at your poor attempt at communicating with the boy who could easily be the love of your life, your soulmate forever, but it is way too early to know such a thing as that, so you don’t allow your brain to travel into that seemingly unknown realm of love with him. Not yet at least.

“Do you want any breakfast? I don’t have much at my place, but I’m sure I can find something for you to eat along with the coffee that I know you’ll ask for,” you tell Luke, digging through your pantry for something easy to make him in case he takes you up for something more than his coffee.

“No, I can find something and make it myself. You act like I haven’t been over breakfast before, don’t worry about me… Have you talked to Calum since the whole debacle last night?” Luke questions as he finds the jar of Nutella, he has kept in your pantry for the past couple months. He moves around your kitchen with ease, obviously comfortable with your place and the current situation that the two of you experimented with the night prior. You smile at how comfortable he is around you, especially after the heated night the two of you shared in your living room. You finally gathered up the courage to kiss your best friend and you were so afraid that it was going to ruin everything the two of you had with your wonderful friendship, but so far you were in the clear for any mishaps between the two of you.

“Not yet…I was actually gonna give him a call sometime today to ask him if he wanted to meet up for lunch and talk this whole situation out a little more. I obviously can’t just ignore him until the baby comes, so I thought I better work this out now. I might even invite RM/N to tag along so I can talk to her about everything too. It seems like she is gonna stick around for a while whether or not she’s “the one” so we have to be on the same page about everything as well. Is it okay if I go into my room now and call him now so I don’t forget anything?” you ramble in response to Luke, hoping he respects that you need some privacy in order to talk to Calum.

“I’m so proud of you,” Luke states bluntly, barely looking up from his plate of breakfast as he says the rather shocking statement that caught you slightly off guard.

“What?” you reply, obviously confused by both his bluntness and the nature of this statement.

“I’m proud of you,” Luke responds, “This time last year you wouldn’t have been half as logical and forgiving in this kind of a situation. Not to mention the fact that you are reaching out to him first even though he is the one obviously in the wrong AND you are making an effort to mend things with RM/N even if she won’t be around by the time the baby is born. If I didn’t know any better, I would say you being a mom has already made you mature by like ten years.”

“Are you saying that mentally I am almost 40 years old?” you retort, goofily smiling at the man you so desperately want to be yours. But that is a hoop you have to jump through another day considering the amount of shit that is currently on your plate with Calum and RM/N. Luke smiles back at you and tells you to go call Calum while he cleans up after himself in the kitchen and jumps in the shower. And that is exactly what the two of you do.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Calum’s POV:

You just got off the phone with Y/N and to your surprise she wants to meet up with you to talk things out like the adults you are. You were to meet her at a local bistro about twenty minutes from your house and she even invited you to bring RM/N along. You were a little caught off guard with how quickly she reached out to you, but her idea for the two of you to talk things out is exactly the thing Mali told you to do when you asked her for advice. You were actually gonna call her up a little later in the day and ask if she wanted to meet you for dinner so you two could talk, but the sooner all of this is cleared up the better.

You were also surprised that she wanted RM/N to be involved in the conversation. You know that RM/N is going to be around for a long time, if not forever, but you really couldn’t tell if the guys and Y/N caught on to that yet or not considering they have all only known about each other for a few days. Obviously, Y/N caught on because she was inviting RM/N along with the two of you to seriously talk things out. You know this conversation will be centered around the baby and how she is due in the coming months and you’re sure that Y/N wants to work out all the details about how involved RM/N wants to be in her life versus how much you want her to be involved and considering how much Y/N wants her to be involved in your daughter’s life. You also mentioned to Y/N that RM/N had helped you with the specifics of her baby shower so you should probably update Y/N on that as well and see who all she wants to be invited to the party and if RM/N should even plan on attending or not. A lot of things are currently up in the air so this lunch should clear a lot of details up.

You decide that it would be best for RM/N to join you and Y/N later in the day to talk about her role in all of this. If you are being honest with yourself all of this confrontation and planning and working things out kind of stresses you out. No, more than that. This whole situation stresses you the fuck out, but you don’t want to lead Y/N or RM/N on to believe that because you are supposed to be the levelheaded one of the group. Before you could worry any more about the lunch you were about to have with the mother of your child you realize that you have exactly two minutes to gather yourself and your thoughts in order to get to the restaurant on time. You take a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly, before grabbing your wallet and your keys and heading to the place where you were supposed to meet Y/N to figure things out over lunch.

Could you talk a little about what being a professor/getting your PhD has been like? Do you have to constantly do research and publish, is it hard to find jobs, do they pay enough to relieve the doctoral debt? I know you’ve moved at least once and I wasn’t sure if it was to follow a job, or if it was for personal reasons and then, was finding a new job hard? Did you start teaching while getting your PhD? I’m just fascinated by it and you seem like the best to ask!

Yes! I can share my experience. Everyone’s experience is different, and mine is unique for a few reasons I’ll discuss below. It may also vary from field to field. My PhD is in literature/English, and from what I’ve gathered, your concentration can influence a lot of stuff, too. So, under the cut, I’ll try to share my experience as much as I can! This is VERY LONG, so be warned, nonny! :D

Before I decided to get a PhD, I got a MAT - a master’s in secondary education with a focus on English literature. My BA is in creative writing/english lit. I taught high school for three years, and for a lot of reasons said FUCK THIS NOISE and quit. I lived with my parents and they told me they’d help support me. I ended up with a college teaching job (you can teach adjunct in the states with a masters) and they told me to get a PhD if I wanted to do it full time some day. I love teaching, and I’m good at it. I especially love teaching literature. So, I decided to go get my PhD.

Choosing my specialization was kinda interesting bc I decided to go for medieval literature, which I hadn’t really studied up until that point. I had always done Victorian and Shakespeare/Renaissance, with a bit of dabbling into Native American and postcolonial literature. But I taught Dante’s Inferno to my seniors my last yr at HS and fell in LOVE. So, I thought, “Hey, there aren’t a lot of medievalists. Everyone gets a PhD in Shakespeare/Victorian lit, so I’ll do that. Maybe it’ll make me more marketable.” I have always loved medieval lit, so I figured lets go for it.

My original plan was to do something with romances, so late medieval stuff. I ended up with two professors in the dept, one who focused on Anglo-Saxon/Old English and one who focused on Chaucer/later medieval. I took multiple classes in both, and my second or third semester, I took intro to Old English. I fell in LOVE WITH IT. It was a linguistics course where we learned the Old English language (which is completely different than modern or even middle english) and translated. I was GOOD at it and took to it unlike anyone else in the class. It just made sense. I think probably bc I had a background in Latin and German (I was a German studies minor in undergrad until I realized I couldn’t speak German to save my life :P) and I took like 3 or 4 yrs of Latin in hs. Anyway, I was hooked and switched to Old English. I took a lot of postcolonial literature courses, like Indian lit, lit of SE Asian, and Native American lit courses, and through this I met another professor who I adored. I ended up working with her to do my minor/secondary specialization, which is literature of the indigenous peoples of America (Native American, Chicano lit, etc - mostly Native American). I ALMOST wrote my dissertation with her bc I loved her so much and I love Native American literature so much. However, as a white woman, I didn’t feel that I would make a good postcolonial/Native American scholar, so I stuck with Anglo-Saxon lit.

I used my class papers to start working on my dissertation ideas. I got obsessed with monstrosity and the narrow definition in AS lit, and connected that to ideas of reason, which I also became obsessed with, and ended up writing all my papers about some type of monstrous transformation and how it connects to the reason of the punished. Thus, my dissertation topic was born, which currently has the working title of Transformative Bodies and their Punishments as Social Control in Anglo-Saxon Literature. It’s a terrible title, but right now, at least it states the overall topic lol

My comps, which are the comprehensive exams you have to take, took me a year to read for. Most people take one semester, I took 2. I took mine in the spring and just read for two semesters. Now, to put it into perspective, the English dept standard was 40 primary texts and 20 secondary texts, so 60 texts. Mine was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over that. I ended up with over 16,000 pgs of texts to read. Hint: I DID NOT READ THEM ALL. And remember, half of mine were in Middle English, so they took 3 times as long to read, and half were translated OE texts. But I read a lot, read the secondary stuff, and took my comps. Comps were supposed to be 2.5 hrs. The director of graduate studies handed me my comps and said, “You’re the medieval one, right?” And I was like, “...yes...” and he looked at me and said, “You get 4 hrs.” THAT’S HOW FUCKING LONG MY ADVISOR MADE MY COMPS. I HAD TO GET EXTRA TIME. So, 4 hrs I did nothing but type. There were questions on there that were not part of my 16k words, but I answered everything. I wrote 9 fucking thousand words in 4 hrs. I was PUMPED. Then, he gave me just a PASS not PASS PLUS. I’m a straight A student, valedictorian, graduated cum laude and magna cum laude, mortar board, scholarships, etcetc. I WAS PISSED :|||| I MEAN I HAD 4 HRS AND WRITE 9K ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? It didn’t matter bc I still passed, but it was a pride thing lol

Okay, so that August I moved to Boston. My diss director was PISSED. I was ABD (all but dissertation, ie I had passed my comps), so I was going to work on my dissertation remotely. Many ppl do this. Well, he basically looked at me and said, “Yeah most ppl don’t finish who do this.” I cried for like 2 weeks. Then I got pissed and told myself I WILL FUCKING FINISH THIS IF IT KILLS ME. I regretted not doing the Native American diss with the professor I loved. My dissertation director is a dick. Hands down. I would be finished if I had a better director. I have had no support. Now, I did move to Boston, I procrastinated and took my time and had a lot of anxiety, but he didn’t help me at all. He made it worse. If you’ve followed me for awhile, you know I struggle with depression and anxiety, and at times it’s basically debilitating. So, it increased tenfold with the dissertation process. It took me a year to get my proposal submitted, finalized, and approved. 

I started working on my dissertation, which thankfully I had drafts of chapters from my class papers. As of right now, I have drafted 4 full chapters of average 40 pgs each and am revising. My director takes forever to get back from me, and my comments give me MAJOR anxiety. Part of the dissertation process is being told “yeah this needs work.” It’s like, hey, your ideas are great! You have a good point! But here are 100 ways you suck. Or that’s what it feels like. So, it became a major source of crippling anxiety for me. When I was in therapy, it was like all I talked about. I have to spend a week or two just pumping myself to check my fucking email. I have been trying to make an inface mtg with my advisor for a freaking yr. He blew me off to go to the bar with his friends at a conference we attended last yr (I only know this for a fact bc I SAW HIM AT THE BAR WITH THEM when he texted me and said he had “fallen asleep.”) So, needless to say, that has been a huge struggle and conflict. However, I don’t think that’s normal. lol I’m just cursed.

Right now, I’m trying to learn how to push myself as an academic writer and researcher to the next level. Something I need him to teach me, but still trying to meet face to face! I’ve gotten to the point in my drafts that I need to improve the arguments and research in a few places, but I’m not sure how to break through my wall. I need guidance, you know? Bc I don’t live around the campus, I’m doing this alone. I don’t have a writers group or any friends in the program. I’m pretty alone and isolated, which sucks. It’s also not the norm either, I don’t think. So, I have to push myself and keep myself going and write in a vacuum. I’m the only medievalist in the Eng dept getting a PhD, so there’s not even someone else writing their dissertation in Anglo-Saxon lit or even Middle English. The medieval dept is small.

So, that is my PhD schooling experience. Let’s talk about work and loans. I worked at a different college as an adjunct while doing my classes. I did not do a graduate research or teaching assistant job at the university, which means I paid for my schooling out of pocket/loans. I had someone tell me once, “If you’re paying for your own PhD, you shouldn’t be getting one. If you’re not being paid to get it, you’re not worth anything.” Pretty much, I feel like I was told the entire way I was doing everything wrong. I couldn’t get a GRA/GTA while teaching at the other school. I was an adjunct with a 3 class load, so I made decent, though not much. I lived at home w my folks, so I was okay with money. I was extremely lucky bc of that bc most ppl live on their own and have to work multiple jobs. When I moved to Boston, that’s when I got the 239847239 jobs. (also why I used to write a lot of fic and now I don’t write as much lol real life, man). When I moved to Boston, I taught adjunct, 3 classes. I also did freelance writing and worked at a farm, mainly bc rent was$2000/mth and I didn’t get paid during the summer. When I moved to SC, I also ended up with a 3 class adjunct job, but continued with the freelance writing. I have always been incredibly lucky with getting jobs. I think it’s bc I have a lot of teaching experience (this is my 10th yr teaching) and I have a background in English literature instead of education. I also wasn’t picky where I taught. I wasn’t teaching at Harvard, Boston College, or even something like the University of South Carolina. I taught at a small state school to start with, a community college in Boston, and now another small state school. But all experience is good experience. One thing that will make you marketable is your teaching experience. Everyone I’ve every talked to who hired me was interested in my teaching experience. 

For my career, right now I do a lot of conferences. I am doing 5 this semester, and I have done a ton of them. Graduate conferences, medieval conferences, lit conferences, pedagogy conferences, even library conferences. I give presentations/papers at each of them, bc I don’t see the point of going to a conference if you aren’t going to give a paper. I haven’t done any publishing yet. I have a few ideas for articles, but I’m terrified. It’s very hard to get published, so I haven’t tried yet :/ it is an expectation of all professors/phds to get published. At my current job, where I just got hired full time as an Visiting Assistant Professor, if I get a tenure track position, I have to have at least 1 publication within 5 years. That is a peer reviewed journal article or book. Getting published in English is SO MUCH HARDER than the sciences. I have a friend who works in Atlanta as a research assistant/lab technician/scientist (I’m not sure the title tbh) and she has like 3 publications bc she helped with these studies that they publish online that get published within like a month. My sister has a chapter in an art history essay collection, and it took 2 years to get published!! Academic publishing is the WORST. I’m hoping at least one dissertation chapter gets accepted as an article. I also did a project in my 102 class last semester that I have given multiple conference presentations and teaching workshops about, and I’m starting to work on turning it into an article. I want to be a teaching professor, not a research professor, so I’m trying to focus on the teaching aspect of my career. I just got a Brit Lit class for next semester instead of a sea of composition, so I’m trying to come up with a unique topical angle that I can use on my CV to show my teaching skills. So, part of my job is trying to find ways to increase my CV. Like, I run a panel at a regional literature conference (I kinda lucked into it bc my mentor used to run it, and now I do lol), so that looks good on my CV, too. So, it’s not constant publishing, but you are expected to do SOMETHING, conferences, publication, things like that.

Is it hard to find jobs? I’d say yes. Like I said, I have been incredibly lucky to always have a job. My dissertation director told me last yr after I got my job in SC, “Well, I guess you’re doing something right. I mean, you always seem to find a job.” (thanks asshole for that BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT) I am not picky. Experience is experience, and you’re not going to find your dream job immediately. That sense of entitlement limits you and keeps you from finding a job to start. Right now, I teach 5 fucking composition 101 classes. I was bitching to my sister today about how I was teaching fucking TOPIC SENTENCES and my students don’t get it!!! It sucks!! But, it pays a full time salary, and it gives me experience. Do I want to teach how to write a FUCKING TOPIC SENTENCE?? NO!! I can translate Old English and have studied medieval and early British literature for almost a decade. THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO FOCUS ON. But, I’m not an entitled asshole and realize I have to work my way up. When I finish my PhD, will get the perfect medieval/early British job? NO. I hope to get a job as an early British person somewhere (not my current school, who has no need for a medievalist really), but I know it will take one to two jobs before my dream job. Everyone I know has done 1-3 jobs before their perfect tenure job. Of course, there are always people who have the magic CV or whatever who will get that perfect job right out of grad school. I have no delusions. That’s not gonna be me. I’m an okay researcher and scholar and a damn good teacher. The first part means more than the last part for colleges. I just hope to eventually find somewhere I can teach Medieval lit to undergrads, and maybe do a course on monsters in pop culture.

Money wise, professors make okay but not mega bucks. I make pretty good for my area. But, I grew up poor, so having a full time job is like WHOO. I’ve learned how to live a great life on a lower salary. If money is what you want, this is not the career for you unless you’re teaching business or accounting at an MBA program. However, I go to work at 10 am, I leave some days at 1 and others at 3, I get from May-August and all of December off, and I make a full time yearly salary. So...I chose my profession for the time off. lol That’s exactly why I became a teacher XD I’m in a lot of student debt, but I worked out a payment plan with the student loan ppl and pay my loans every month. I’ll be dead before they’re paid off, but oh well :P 

What other questions did you ask...yes, I worked the entire time teaching while getting my degree. At one point I was working 5 jobs lol but not while taking class, during comps/dissertation stuff. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask! Like I said, I have a unique circumstance, with a dick dissertation advisor, moving between 3 states and teaching at 3 different places, though I finally have landed a full time college teaching position lol When I finish my dissertation, I will be very happy with my career path. Right now, with it looming over  my head and making me feel like the fucking biggest idiot and stupidest person on the planet, I regret my life decisions XD But really, I don’t bc, you know, I work like 20 hrs a week XDDDDDD

Love Online, and The Single Woman & The Fairytale Prince – Jean-Claude Kaufmann

I have read two separate books by Jean-Claude Kaufmann; I have chosen to talk about both of these in one blog post as they both related closely.

‘The Single Woman & The Fairytale Prince’ was the book first released by Kaufmann in 1998, and ‘Love Online’ was later published in 2010 as an updated sequel to ‘The Single Woman’. Originally, I was focusing purely on the more up-to-date ‘Love Online’, however it frequently referenced his previous book and so I chose to read both.

Kaufmann mainly talks about the comparisons of the past against the present, to find the main reasons as to why love has evolved in to what it is in the modern day. There is a section in ‘Love Online’ called ‘Who pays the bill’ that says “Chivalry suggests that the man should pay [for dinner]. But after several decades of feminism, that might look like an affront to the woman’s independence” (Kaufmann, 2010, Love Online, pg. 40).  If you were to look in to what the modern version would be, whilst it still is sometimes expected for the man to pay, it is much more common to split the bill 50/50. The feminist movement has had a big part to play in the evolution of love and relationships; women rely less on men.

Through the feminist movement, it can be seen that far more women are choosing to be single rather than being in a relationship. Some women are preferring to sleep around whilst others just like the company of themselves. Jean-Claude Kaufmann has a theory about the stages that a single woman will experience in her life; the supportive stage that occurs whilst she is younger, in which her friends will encourage her to be independent and single,  then the expectation stage that occurs around the age of 30, when all of her friends will start to expect her to settle down with someone and will make her feel guilty for not doing so; “And suddenly the finger is being pointed. It is as though the sky had fallen in and values had been inverted. Being single then comes to seem weird, and something to be slightly ashamed of. At this point, they begin to torture themselves: what have I one with my life, and what decisions should I take now?” (Kaufmann, 1998, The Single Woman & The Fairytale Prince, pg. 41). Finally comes the relaxed stage, in which a finger is no longer pointed and as the social pressures ease a woman can relax in to being single; except in order to have this relaxed environment they must choose to give up being centre stage and learn to be more reserved. I believe that this theory is definitely outdated 21 years later; Kaufmann has not mentioned it in ‘Love Online’ so perhaps he too decided that the stages became outdated. Women can certainly be centre stage, single, and middle-aged these days without too much accusation; it has become a lot more normalised.

However despite women being more openly single, Kaufmann did debate whether there has always been a large portion of people choosing to be single that perhaps was never recorded; “Celibacy had not been unusual but, because single people were scattered across the countryside and hidden within their families, they succeeded in disappearing into ‘the grey background’ (Farge and Klapisch Zuber 1984)” (Kaufmann, 1998, The Single Woman & The Fairytale Prince, pg. 11).

Looking at the fact that women are now free to act as men (live as a single person and sleep with whomever they like and however many people they like), Kaufmann has described our modern world to be “not as virtual as it is sometimes said to be, but it is ‘liquid’ because it has been freed from the constraints that bind us to territories, groups, and established conventions” (Kaufmann, 2010, Love Online, pg. 87). Our world is constantly changing, including what is considered to be a social norm. By the end of our lives, society could be completely different once more, and relationships seen in a new light regarding both genders. This also links to “Liquid Modernity” by Bauman, 2000, and the consumerist life that is spoken about.

The theory from Kaufmann that interests me most is that relationships and love in the modern day have started to become viewed with consumerist intentions. He talks about this idea in both books regarding online dating; “Welcome to the consumerist illusion, which suggests that we can choose a man (or woman) in the same way that we choose a yoghurt in the supermarket” (Kaufmann, 1998, The Single Woman & The Fairytale Prince, pg. 117). Looking at the way tinder is set out – swiping someone left to show that you’re uninterested and right if you are interested – it acts like an online shopping system, or ever like the shelves in a supermarket. Similarly, with a supermarket making returns is easily done; with online dating you can resort to blocking or ignoring the person without feeling too guilty because of how detached you can feel from the other person; interaction online in comparison to in reality feels very detached and almost like none of it is actually happening until you choose to bring it into real life. This looks at the idea of ‘ghosting’, which I previously looked at in the documentary ‘Hot Girls wanted’. The realistic equivalent of that would be disappearing half way through the date and not coming back, leaving the other individual to wonder where you are and if they will ever hear from you again.

Other things that Kaufmann talks about comparing the past and the present include the sexualisation and interpretations of certain actions and how they are seen now. Years ago, a kiss would have mean a lot; it was displayed as extravagant and iconic within Hollywood movies, and scandalous in times before that. These days some people see kisses as nothing, just something to do with someone else. They don’t necessarily associate it with love and it is very common for most people to do so with strangers when intoxicated on a night out. Furthermore, sex is no longer seen to be such a big deal; sex on a first date has become a hot-topic in our modern day, with people debating whether it’s right or wrong. Previously, this never would even have been considered in the past. Jean-Claude Kaufmann also mentions that the significance of dancing; in the past people would participate in the waltz, tango, salsa etc. The close physical contact in these were seen to be very serious and loving. These days it is rare for these dances to be performed, they certainly are not as normalised as they used to be.

All of these debates could be considered pointless; it could all depend on the relationship between two people, the chemistry, the people involved. It can also be linked to social norms. If a boy were to have sex with someone on a first date, he would be praised, yet if a girl were to do so, she would potentially face being called names such as ‘slag’.

One of the main focuses of online dating is the profile picture that someone chooses to put up. The image chosen will be put through the judgement of everyone else viewing it; the viewers will make a decision of whether it fits their standardised view of beauty. Kaufmann claims that “Image are the real, absolute enemy” (Kaufmann, 2010, Love Online, pg. 30). Using statistics found by others, he announced the shocking fact that “Some 23% of the men who visit dating sites are married (Madden and Lenhart 2006), and they are looking for sex, not a soulmate” (Kaufmann, 2010, Love Online, pg. 18). These figures are based on America, but it is likely that the figures will be similar across the Western world. It was noted in ‘Love Online’ that these cheating husbands would almost never have a profile photo, for fear of being caught.

Finally, section 7 of ‘Love Online’ explores the idea of ‘The Game’. “Some men view sex in terms that have more to do with ‘game playing’ in a much stricter sense. We have already seen the way in which they use seduction techniques to get to a fuck close as quickly as possible, [Kaufmann explained earlier that a ‘Fuck Close’ is when someone has sex with someone and then leaves, never speaking or acknowledging them again]. There is a long tradition of male rivalry when it comes to female conquests… they compete to conquer as many women as possible in order to prove something to themselves and to have something to boast about to their friends and rivals” (Kaufmann, 2010, Love Online, Pg. 103). This can almost be compared to a competitive sport and a game, which has become much easier to play now that we have the internet. Jean-Claude Kaufmann explains that the main idea of the game is to not be tied down by one particular girl. If a game like this were to be played by a young male, it is almost no wonder that such a high percentage of husbands later use online dating to cheat; if society had not encouraged these boys to be this way then would the outcome be the same?

Kaufmann explores quite a few sociologists within his books. I will make a separate post looking at a few of these sociologists and their theories of modern love and relationships. This will include Emile Durkheim, Pascal Lardellier, and Bryn and Lenton.

Kaufmann, K 1998, The Single Woman & The Fairytale Prince, Armand Colin, France

Kaufmann, K 2010, Love Online, Armand Colin, France

How to Find Your Target Market for Personal Training

Success in business boils down to two things: effective marketing and a quality product.

One helps you get customers. The other helps you keep them. But first you need to know who you’re marketing to, and who your product is for.

Marketing to everyone is a waste of time and money. The more you focus your brand on the right target market for you, the faster you’ll build your personal training business. It’s the difference between throwing darts at a bare wall in a dark room and having a clear bullseye to aim for.

Another benefit of sharpening your focus: Once you stand out as the go-to expert for a specific niche, you can charge more for your services.

I know how well it works because, in nearly 15 years in the fitness industry, I’ve successfully targeted three unique markets: stay-at-home moms, people with obesity, and baby boomers.

I wish I could say it was simple, that I announced I wanted to work with stay-at-home moms between the ages of 30 and 50 who’re interested in health and fitness, and clients lined up to train with me.

Figuring out, and refining, my target market was an ongoing process. Still is. The following three steps allowed me to build successful businesses around each target market, and they should work for you as well.

READ ALSO: Create a Personal Trainer Business Plan in Six Steps

1. Begin with something you’re interested in or feel passionate about

In college, I belonged to a personal training program that let me work with dozens of clients right from the jump. I didn’t set out to work with moms, but by getting a chance to train a few of them, I realized how much I enjoyed it. By graduation, I knew that’s who I wanted to focus on.

Years later, I met marketing guru Joe Polish, who shared three powerful questions for launching a successful business:

Who do you want to be a hero to?

How do you want to be a hero to them?

What product or service can you create to do that?

The framework made sense because I’d already used it. Who did I want to be a hero to? Stay-at-home moms. How? By helping them be their healthiest, most energetic selves. The product or service: bootcamp-style training with free child care.

My inspiration was my own stay-at-home mom, who raised four children and always put our needs above her own. Growing up, I often felt she needed an outlet, a place where she could connect with adults and enjoy the kind of “me time” you get from a great workout. Now, as a trainer, I could give that outlet to other deserving moms.

Thus, my starting point was a population I wanted to serve. It should also be your starting point.

Now comes the hard part: making it work for you, and using it to reach your financial goals. In my case, I found a gym with on-site child care where I could lead my bootcamps in exchange for a percentage of my fees.

I had no idea if it would work. Would moms want to train with a kid just out of college? And if they did, could I make enough for it to be worthwhile? I admit I lucked out. I just followed my heart, and built a solid business.

Three important pieces of advice:

Train as many types of clients as you can for your first year or two. I was able to do this in college, but most trainers won’t get this opportunity until they land their first job.

Don’t rush into a niche. Keep an open mind. See who you gravitate toward, and who is attracted to you.

When you get more referrals from one type of client than any other, you’ve probably found your target market.

READ ALSO: How to Make More Money as a Personal Trainer

2. Create avatars for your target market

When trying to define a new niche, it helps to start with a wide lens, and then systematically narrow your focus. You want to consider some or all these demographic factors:

Gender

Age

Income level

Marital or family status

Training experience

Learning style

Fitness goals

Identify three to five pain points within this audience, and build an avatar for each one. Here are some examples from my Fit Over 50 program:

A 55-year-old woman struggling with postmenopausal weight gain

A 65-year-old retiree who wants more energy

A 73-year-old concerned about falling

Now go deeper still: For each avatar, try to identify at least three reasons why this person might want to hire you.

Let’s take the 65-year-old retiree. Maybe she wants to:

Kick around a soccer ball with her grandkids

Easily get up and down from the floor

Take fun, active vacations

Return to hiking, tennis, golf, or another physical activity she used to enjoy, or start a new one that requires better mobility or a higher fitness level

You must let market research inform your avatars. I can’t emphasize that enough. It won’t work if you make assumptions about what your target clients should want.

Immerse yourself in your clients’ world. Visit the stores where they shop. Read the magazines they read. Talk to them, and pay attention to the language they use.

I do a lot of my market research on sales calls, which I never delegate to anyone else on my team. I talk to 100 people a month, and have spoken to thousands in my career. What they tell me about their frustrations and goals often makes it into my ad copy, using their own words.

But how do you do that when you’re starting out, and don’t have any sales calls? Host a gathering with some of the people you’re targeting, and just sit and chat with them. Ask about their goals and challenges. What have they done, and what do they want to do?

Whatever vision you started with, you must refine it to match the reality you see in your research.

A successful target market exists at the intersection of fantasy and reality. You dream of who you want to work with, and then you refine the dream based on who you actually attract. They may not match the avatar you created.

For example, when I started Killer Kurves, my program for people with obesity, I didn’t have any specific age group in mind. But I eventually realized some two-thirds of our clients were over 50. Now my marketing message speaks directly to the overweight 55-year-old.

READ ALSO: How to Get More Personal Training Clients in Five Steps

3. Keep researching, and be prepared to pivot

It may seem like I’ve followed a clear straight path, but pivoting has kept my business alive.

I spend a lot of time and money staying on top of industry trends, attending conferences (I like IDEA), visiting websites like the PTDC, and reading industry magazines like Personal Fitness Professional. I also regularly connect with friends and mentors in the industry.

But the most important conversations I have are with my clients. In 2012, I was able to recognize that the bootcamp market was becoming saturated. Despite my growing mom empire, I knew it was time for a change.

That’s where another type of market research came in: talking to clients.

One client who’d lost 60 pounds with me said she wished we had a program for obese people. Just like that, Killer Kurves was born, a program available only to clients with a BMI of 30 or more. Classes are half exercise, half group discussion. And nearly all the trainers have lost 40 to 80 pounds.

A couple years later, I noticed a lot of younger clients asking about programs for their parents. At the time, I had a brick-and-mortar facility that sat empty for much of the workday. So I launched Fit Over 50, a program that targets seniors. Now I have retirees in the gym while most of my other clients are at work.

Today I target all three niches. I still help moms, but that business isn’t nearly as robust as it once was. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the other two.

One final word of caution: I don’t recommend adding new niches before mastering those you already have. You don’t have to stop with one, but that’s definitely where you should start.

READ ALSO: How to Build a Personal Training Marketing Plan

          Ready to Start Your Personal Training Career?

Starting your career isn’t complicated. All you need is for someone to pay you to train them.

But how do you get that first client? What do you need to know? Where do you want to work, and how do you get hired?

If your answer to any of those questions is “I don’t know,” you need The Wealthy Fit Pro’s Guide to Starting Your Career, the ultimate launching pad for ambitious personal trainers.

Jonathan Goodman will show you how to …

Land the perfect job for you (pg. 17)

Attract more clients (pg. 95)

Keep more clients (pg. 55)

Get even more clients through a foolproof referral system (pg. 115)

Learn the no-fail secret to motivating clients (pg. 61)

Set yourself apart with programs your clients will brag about (pg. 71)

Master marketing skills that open up new income opportunities (pg. 152)

Become the best trainer you can be (pg. 46)

If you’re just beginning your journey in the fitness industry (or know someone who is), you won’t find a more authoritative or comprehensive resource.

Order this book in paperback today and get the audiobook and ebook 100% free (a $40 value).

It all starts by clicking here: The Wealthy Fit Pro’s Guide to Starting Your Career

  The post How to Find Your Target Market for Personal Training appeared first on The PTDC.

How to Find Your Target Market for Personal Training published first on https://onezeroonesarms.tumblr.com/

How to Find Your Target Market for Personal Training

Success in business boils down to two things: effective marketing and a quality product.

One helps you get customers. The other helps you keep them. But first you need to know who you’re marketing to, and who your product is for.

Marketing to everyone is a waste of time and money. The more you focus your brand on the right target market for you, the faster you’ll build your personal training business. It’s the difference between throwing darts at a bare wall in a dark room and having a clear bullseye to aim for.

Another benefit of sharpening your focus: Once you stand out as the go-to expert for a specific niche, you can charge more for your services.

I know how well it works because, in nearly 15 years in the fitness industry, I’ve successfully targeted three unique markets: stay-at-home moms, people with obesity, and baby boomers.

I wish I could say it was simple, that I announced I wanted to work with stay-at-home moms between the ages of 30 and 50 who’re interested in health and fitness, and clients lined up to train with me.

Figuring out, and refining, my target market was an ongoing process. Still is. The following three steps allowed me to build successful businesses around each target market, and they should work for you as well.

READ ALSO: Create a Personal Trainer Business Plan in Six Steps

1. Begin with something you’re interested in or feel passionate about

In college, I belonged to a personal training program that let me work with dozens of clients right from the jump. I didn’t set out to work with moms, but by getting a chance to train a few of them, I realized how much I enjoyed it. By graduation, I knew that’s who I wanted to focus on.

Years later, I met marketing guru Joe Polish, who shared three powerful questions for launching a successful business:

Who do you want to be a hero to?

How do you want to be a hero to them?

What product or service can you create to do that?

The framework made sense because I’d already used it. Who did I want to be a hero to? Stay-at-home moms. How? By helping them be their healthiest, most energetic selves. The product or service: bootcamp-style training with free child care.

My inspiration was my own stay-at-home mom, who raised four children and always put our needs above her own. Growing up, I often felt she needed an outlet, a place where she could connect with adults and enjoy the kind of “me time” you get from a great workout. Now, as a trainer, I could give that outlet to other deserving moms.

Thus, my starting point was a population I wanted to serve. It should also be your starting point.

Now comes the hard part: making it work for you, and using it to reach your financial goals. In my case, I found a gym with on-site child care where I could lead my bootcamps in exchange for a percentage of my fees.

I had no idea if it would work. Would moms want to train with a kid just out of college? And if they did, could I make enough for it to be worthwhile? I admit I lucked out. I just followed my heart, and built a solid business.

Three important pieces of advice:

Train as many types of clients as you can for your first year or two. I was able to do this in college, but most trainers won’t get this opportunity until they land their first job.

Don’t rush into a niche. Keep an open mind. See who you gravitate toward, and who is attracted to you.

When you get more referrals from one type of client than any other, you’ve probably found your target market.

READ ALSO: How to Make More Money as a Personal Trainer

2. Create avatars for your target market

When trying to define a new niche, it helps to start with a wide lens, and then systematically narrow your focus. You want to consider some or all these demographic factors:

Gender

Age

Income level

Marital or family status

Training experience

Learning style

Fitness goals

Identify three to five pain points within this audience, and build an avatar for each one. Here are some examples from my Fit Over 50 program:

A 55-year-old woman struggling with postmenopausal weight gain

A 65-year-old retiree who wants more energy

A 73-year-old concerned about falling

Now go deeper still: For each avatar, try to identify at least three reasons why this person might want to hire you.

Let’s take the 65-year-old retiree. Maybe she wants to:

Kick around a soccer ball with her grandkids

Easily get up and down from the floor

Take fun, active vacations

Return to hiking, tennis, golf, or another physical activity she used to enjoy, or start a new one that requires better mobility or a higher fitness level

You must let market research inform your avatars. I can’t emphasize that enough. It won’t work if you make assumptions about what your target clients should want.

Immerse yourself in your clients’ world. Visit the stores where they shop. Read the magazines they read. Talk to them, and pay attention to the language they use.

I do a lot of my market research on sales calls, which I never delegate to anyone else on my team. I talk to 100 people a month, and have spoken to thousands in my career. What they tell me about their frustrations and goals often makes it into my ad copy, using their own words.

But how do you do that when you’re starting out, and don’t have any sales calls? Host a gathering with some of the people you’re targeting, and just sit and chat with them. Ask about their goals and challenges. What have they done, and what do they want to do?

Whatever vision you started with, you must refine it to match the reality you see in your research.

A successful target market exists at the intersection of fantasy and reality. You dream of who you want to work with, and then you refine the dream based on who you actually attract. They may not match the avatar you created.

For example, when I started Killer Kurves, my program for people with obesity, I didn’t have any specific age group in mind. But I eventually realized some two-thirds of our clients were over 50. Now my marketing message speaks directly to the overweight 55-year-old.

READ ALSO: How to Get More Personal Training Clients in Five Steps

3. Keep researching, and be prepared to pivot

It may seem like I’ve followed a clear straight path, but pivoting has kept my business alive.

I spend a lot of time and money staying on top of industry trends, attending conferences (I like IDEA), visiting websites like the PTDC, and reading industry magazines like Personal Fitness Professional. I also regularly connect with friends and mentors in the industry.

But the most important conversations I have are with my clients. In 2012, I was able to recognize that the bootcamp market was becoming saturated. Despite my growing mom empire, I knew it was time for a change.

That’s where another type of market research came in: talking to clients.

One client who’d lost 60 pounds with me said she wished we had a program for obese people. Just like that, Killer Kurves was born, a program available only to clients with a BMI of 30 or more. Classes are half exercise, half group discussion. And nearly all the trainers have lost 40 to 80 pounds.

A couple years later, I noticed a lot of younger clients asking about programs for their parents. At the time, I had a brick-and-mortar facility that sat empty for much of the workday. So I launched Fit Over 50, a program that targets seniors. Now I have retirees in the gym while most of my other clients are at work.

Today I target all three niches. I still help moms, but that business isn’t nearly as robust as it once was. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the other two.

One final word of caution: I don’t recommend adding new niches before mastering those you already have. You don’t have to stop with one, but that’s definitely where you should start.

READ ALSO: How to Build a Personal Training Marketing Plan

          Ready to Start Your Personal Training Career?

Starting your career isn’t complicated. All you need is for someone to pay you to train them.

But how do you get that first client? What do you need to know? Where do you want to work, and how do you get hired?

If your answer to any of those questions is “I don’t know,” you need The Wealthy Fit Pro’s Guide to Starting Your Career, the ultimate launching pad for ambitious personal trainers.

Jonathan Goodman will show you how to …

Land the perfect job for you (pg. 17)

Attract more clients (pg. 95)

Keep more clients (pg. 55)

Get even more clients through a foolproof referral system (pg. 115)

Learn the no-fail secret to motivating clients (pg. 61)

Set yourself apart with programs your clients will brag about (pg. 71)

Master marketing skills that open up new income opportunities (pg. 152)

Become the best trainer you can be (pg. 46)

If you’re just beginning your journey in the fitness industry (or know someone who is), you won’t find a more authoritative or comprehensive resource.

Order this book in paperback today and get the audiobook and ebook 100% free (a $40 value).

It all starts by clicking here: The Wealthy Fit Pro’s Guide to Starting Your Career

  The post How to Find Your Target Market for Personal Training appeared first on The PTDC.

How to Find Your Target Market for Personal Training published first on https://onezeroonesarms.tumblr.com/