#4) i dont like being told what to do. dont do it. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

opal-owl-flight · 2 days

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I absolutely adore your agent lore SO MUCH it feels really canon to me, just in a darker and realistic way!!

I am kind of wondering what your thoughts are on octavio, especially in this verse- if you have any of course LMAO 👍 so fair if you don't he just lives in my braincells rent free.

"You. Were not so different, you and I."

"|Shut. Up. Dont compare yourself to me. I did everything for this fragile world. A world you yourself almost destroyed twice.|"

"Aah, so did I, young squid. So did I."

3 rounds on the imprisoned geezer. Some thanks he got, after saving the world. The Captain was almost as bad as their old superior.

He only crosses his arms tighter as they clacked their beak.

"|The destruction of my world does not justify yours' survival.|"

Theres a dry chuckle from within the glass globe.

"Which world has the zapfishes. Which world is close to the sky? Which world allows everyone to...act the way you do. That annoyingly fresh attitude that just rubs in our face how much better you have it."

3s looking more unsure now, their hands clasping tight on their arms whenever theyre not signing. Thats a surprise.

"Mm. Do you understand, agent?"

The hesitance disappears, and their eyes and spots glint threateningly. "|Im the Captain now, and I will prefer to be referred to as such.|"

The king rolls his eyes. Mocks a salute.

"Stuffy kid. Damn. Alright, Captain.

Let me illuminate it a little more clearly for you.

You train your agents to keep my people underground. Sometimes, to the point of breaking their spirit. Because you want to keep them safe -- from me, from my troops, from anything the rough seas can throw at em. Right?"

"|I dont do it like you do. Hypnosis? Mind control? Eight ran away because of that!|"

"Who told you I used that on my entire nation? Damn old fool, that Craig.

As for your "Agent Eight"...

that one...

...had her reasons.

I hold no ill will towards her, or the others, for running.

In fact, I dont blame them one bit."

3 squints.

"They wanted a life that I cannot provide.

Its hard, underground. Constant energy crisis. Constant food shortage. Constant resource depletion. Who would stay? Except those who want to make it a better world to live in?

And you, Captain. What would you do in my place?"

And they stay quiet...

Before their voice rasps through a low hiss.

"Act...in a way... you wont."

"Hoh! So you can speak! Impressive.

But you know youd do similar. Ive heard how much Agent 4 hates your guts. Its not as easy being a leader, isnt it."

3 hisses louder, balling their fists.

"I...am not...you."*

"Yes. You. Are." The king presses his tentacles on the glass. "I did all I did for my fragile world. I continue to run my nation the way I do so everyone stays safe from the danger YOU bring. You and the REST of your nation. My troops are family. My troops are all Ive got."

He casts a glance at 4 (pre-Captain my Captain), who was approaching for her training.

"Even if they end up hating me."*

3 catches 4s gaze.

"Even if they end up deserting."

4 turns her gaze away, to look directly at Octavio.

"Do you understand?"

Now its 3 who looks, understanding dawning in their eyes.

Hes right.

"I must do what I need to, even if it hurts me. Id risk my life, my honor, my everything, for my people.

If I dont, who else will?"

3 thinks of the times theyd swooped in to save the newly returned 4 from hazards in the newer missions. The verbal and physical abuse from her beak and fists. The way they had to give her easier missions despite saying that it was tougher, just so shed have a more gradual growth. Have higher chances of surviving. Even if...underhanded.

4 herself breaks the silence, and their train of thought.

"Talking to the damn geezer again, Captain?"

"|He spoke first.

...but he makes good points.|"

"You cant seriously- hey. HEY! CAPTAIN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!"

theres a loud crash.

"|I dont think it fair to keep him here after he helped us save the world.|"

"Hohohoh! You are not so bad, Captain."

"GRAMPS IS GOING TO KILL YOU."

"Hah! No he wont. I know your old man. And for once in his life, he actually made a good call.

Captain.

Agent Three."

The mention of their old number, to refer to them, almost made tears spring to their eyes.

Almost.

After all, this was the reason they were dragged into this mess. But can they really keep blaming him for all this, after all this time?

Octavio shows...a hint of a smile.

"You make a fine protege for the man I used to know.

Keep it up."

3 holds 4 back from rushing the Octarian leader. "Go...back. Take care...of your people."

"Aye aye. Heheh. So long, suckers!!!"

And he was gone.

#splatoon #splatoon fanart #agent 3 #captain 3 #dj octavio #agent 4 #opal owl’s nest #LONG READ HERE I DONT THINK I CAN DRAW ALL THAT IN COMIC FORM #again this takes place before the events of Captain my Captain #ALSO THANK YOU!! IM GLAD YOU APPRECIATE MY LORE

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nthspecialll · 1 day

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When it comes to Abigail Marston leaving John in 1907, a lot of people throw mean comments at her, say that she was unfair for doing so and a lot of other things, however I think that people fail to consider the time that this game is set. This is not our modern day woman, this is 1907, and it might sound like I am stating the obvious but by the hatred that she gets it I think it needs to be said again.

1907!

Do you know the rights that women had then? Or the lack of. Women were bound to their husbands, they weren't allowed to own close to anything and were only allowed to vote in about 4 different states, some women that is. Women were seen as a servant to her husband.

It was also hard for women to earn money, the average woman over 16 working in a factory (as the majority was) earned 5-6 or 6-7 dollars a week, a week! Eggs on average costed 29 cents by the doz, a pound of round steak cost 15 cents and half a gallon of milk costed 15 cents as well.

What about rent? New Austin, which Blackwater and the surrounding area is in, is based of Texas which in 1904 had a rent per room pr month of 28 dollars.

So why would Abigail ever go through all of that? Because of John, because of Jack. Abigail stuck around John for eight years, practically begging him to fix himself, to become better because she knew that she was pretty much dependant on him, because she needs his support to be able to live and she wants to give her boy a chance at a better life but she can't with John constantly picking fights and literally putting her and her son's lives at risk.

A lot of people make it seem like she just suddenly took that chocie, but she didn't, it was a choice that most likely took her years not just due to the financial burden but also the social burden that comes with being a single mom in a time where pre-material sex was seen as a death sin. She could very well be killed merely for being seen with Jack and without a husband.

And not just that, but it was probably also a hard choice because despite of everything she loves John, she really does, yes she screams at him for going out with Saide but who wouldn't. "She won't allow him freedom," no she is scared he is going to die, for us it is easy to say "he isn't going to" because he is a main character and we can just redo if we die taking on twenty skinner brothers or whatnot, but it isn't like that for her. I want you to imagine that your partner/friend/parent told you they were going to fight a gang of who knows how many, you are going to be scared no matter how skilled that friend is because you don't want to lose them. John himself admits it is dangerous work by saying "we always find a way to almost get killed, dont we?" Which Sadie agees to.

Abigail took the choice to leave, putting herself in a terrible situation, not for herself, but for her son. She gave up her one true love so that her son could have a chance at life, have a chance to be better than her and John. It was not easy and it is not something we should shame her for, if anything we should praise her for putting her son before herself.

I love John, I really do, but I think it shows just how shitty of a father he really was, and that Abigail leaving was exactly the push he needed to get himself together, it was the wake-up call he needed. He knew how shitty women had it, he would have to realize how terrible he must have been for her to prefer that over him.

Now am I saying Abigail did everything right? No, she did not. Although I understand her fustrations with him doing bounties she has to realize she is not in a place to be picky about jobs. She did ask John to take on a huge debt for the farm and John is right in one thing "it is legal work that I can handle," and while the farm is taking some time to get up and running it is the best form of income that they have access to.

Now to talk about her annoyance with John going after Micah, it is understandable as it could trigger a decline to their former life of crime or just lead to straight up death. It is unnecessary, revenge is unnecessary, meaning that John is risking their entire life for "nothing." He argues back with "I am doing it for Arthur" but again, yes Micah killed Arthur but killing Micah wont change that, killinh Micah will not bring Arthur back nor put him in a better situation, it is revenge, it is not nessesary, it doesn’t do any good.

If John had died she would not only have lost her husband but also the farm, as women could not own property. I am not that knowledgable on debt laws in 1907, but I would imagine that in some way or another the massive debt John got would end up with her or Jack either way, putting her in a terrible situation.

@heavenlymorals made a similar post back in may 11th where they also explore and explain Mary Linton and Abigail in 1899, it is really amazing and also puts some other light on it.

Sources:

Rent, page 369: https://fraser.stlouisfed.org/title/annual-report-commissioner-labor-6306/eighteenth-annual-report-commissioner-labor-608452?start_page=370

Food, page 233: https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=umn.31951000014585x&seq=233

Wages, page 15: https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=nnc1.cu56779232&seq=15

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knaveofmogadore · 5 months

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You ever have a customer with a legitimate problem but they're such an asshole that they extinguish the embers of empathy within you with their insolence?

#messages from knave #her name is [redacted] and I've dropped from being her champion to wishing she'd lose internet #in about 4 hours #i felt. SO BAD. for this woman last night. only for her to call and scream at me #when the office phone turned on this morning #she's like 'the weather shouldn't have effected anything' when it was raining half this week #this same woman blew her top that people were late when a fucking tree was blocking the road #i tried so hard to keep feeling bad for her cause we (my boss) genuinely screwed up at her house #but she's made it extremely difficult to keep being nice to her because she's begun inventing problems #like for example #i say 'the electrician is gonna be there between 9 and 10am'#she says 'youre disorganized and confused because he said he cant be here at 9. why are you terrible at your job'#i send her a SCREENSHOT where the electrician says he's going to be there around 9:30 #she says 'thats not 9am' motherfucker that isnt what i said. He gave a timeframe of 930ish to 10am and that is what i told you.#between 9 and 10 #lord in heaven #i dont know why she hired us again she hates one of our techs enough to remember him by name and ask he not be sent #she's never said a nice word and threatens to sue us constantly like WHY DO YOU WANT US TO WORK FOR YOU IF YOU HATE US #YOU'RE PAYING. GO ELSEWHERE #and i tell her last night 'just so you know we're not done #'we have to come back #and what does she do but fucking call me at 8am yelling about why shit isn't done. ma'am. i told u it wasn't finished #im going to lose my mind #can't even make her my boss's problem because he threw a temper tantrum at the implication something was his fault #and fumbled their text chain so gloriously last night that he wont even share what he said to make her want to sue him specifically #I don't even WANT to know what he said because it'd give me an ulcer thinking about it #i need another job before this one gets sued into the ground #also im sick because my partner works retail and thats about as bad as having a kid in daycare

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arcaneyouth · 8 months

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rapidly approaching my 21st birthday is hard and weird but not for any normal reasons thats for sure

#not a vent post im just rambling in the tags #theres 4 main factors at play here.#firstly theres Society n all that telling me 21 is a Special Biethday!!! you'll be old enough to legally do adult things!!!#secondly theres the fact that i love being alive and celebrating it this shit rules like fuck yes i get to keep living hell yes #thirdly theres the fact that i kinda dont actually care. like its chill. ive reached the point where a birthday is a cute lil tradition #i dont gotta go wild with it and dont feel the need to treat it differently than any other day #but also the 4th thing which is 21 is yet another age my doctors told me id never get to see so like this is A Big One #so this is actually hard as hell because fundamentally i dont care that much n dont have strong emotions BUT FUCK DUDE WHAT IF BIG CELEBRAT #constantly sitting here going hehe yayy its my birthday soon cant wait to hang out with my friends and then go back to normal life #while also going I NEED BIG PLANS I NEED HUGE PLANS I NEED A CELEBRATION OFF THE WALLS OH FUCK OH GOD #it doesnt stop being funny. i dont even know what kind of big thing id do anyways #mom said i couldnt go to moterey bay aquarium too much money and that was my only idea #ive been thinking about this for weeks and have come up with 0 other plans #'we gotta do a huge party' ok then come up with one then dumbass #oh noooo guess ill have a nice time at home just like any other day oh nooooo #guess my 21st birthday will be unspecial. darn. anyways

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mainfaggot · 10 days

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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf

#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol #its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people #who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others #but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent #i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched #stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching #and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc #well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly #and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how #patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned #into a spectator #despite very much still being a fellow player #and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving #so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense #theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone #she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury #and then art is just in the middle of it all #and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi #and then he just became her little follower #he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport #(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post

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rosymorns · 8 months

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i keep trying to want to play starfield but the main plot has so profoundly failed to convince me to buy into it. and im not a guy who needs a lot of convincing.

#skyrim: dragons are back and they will kill people if you dont do something!#me: got it. i care about this plot. that is a clear danger.#fallout 4: the world ended and your baby was kidnapped! go find him!!#me: yes absolutely. that is something i can easily imagine my character as motivated to do. i want to protect this baby.#starfield: euuuuugh uh. you touched a rock and saw stars. fly across the galaxy and join this group of explorers now.#me: w. why?? it isnt like im suffering any ill effects from touching the rock so they cant help me. i dont care abt exploring the universe #i havent been GIVEN a reason to care. theres no stakes. im just being told to do something. fallout 3 had the same issue.#except at least in fallout 3 its your fake dad and i can imagine my character caring about him.#in starfield it is literally just being told what to do and being given no reason for doing it. and this is supposed to be a game #about exploration. yet the player isnt given any autonomy or anything.#its not even like barrett is like 'i have to stay here can you please go TELL constellation about this rock'#its. nope you have to join them and do what they say. why? fuck you.#i want to like it i really do but. god.#carly.txt

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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...

#guess whos back in therapy bby 😎#the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover #and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol #i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4 #years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes.#and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd #but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this #i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that #i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck #also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not #give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care #i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess #but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol #i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^#the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur #here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school #i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional #so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-]#but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her #also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im #dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide #unrelated

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dallasstarsdyke · 2 months

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when yr having fun with yr dad but remember he doesnt respect young people or women and will never fully see you as a person

#was just bitching about how this guy is texting me a lot and was told by a friend that i TRUST #that he does this to 5 or 6 people at once #im like damn i wish he didnt send me 4 messages and get all sad ant with bindle if i dont reply in 15 mins #and MY DAD FUCKING DEFENDED THIS GUY IVE NEVER MET OVER ME JUST BECAUSE HE MIGHT BE ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED IN ME???#then i was like ohhh he doesnt believe anything im telling him because im under 35 and thinks its getting too late for me to not have a bf #< ive had 3 girlfriends is whats ironic #but my dad had to be reminded of the guys name TODAY but still would rather defend this. alright man 👍#i brought this up to him at one point where i was like i wish you didnt treat me as too hysterical to listen to #DO WE KNOW WHAT THIS MF SAID. 'well you were being hysterical back there 🙄'#LMAOOOOOOOIDONOTRESPECTYOU #say it with me. i am always and unequivocally better than anyone who would judge a 16 year old for things out of their control #if yr reading this you are too 🫶🫶

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odysseys-blood · 5 months

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theres a point where you HAVE to realize everyone is not the same. everyone does not think the same. the processes you use to better yourself will not match the processes of others. your healing will not align with someone elses. you will feel grief differently and you will deal with it differently. you won't even wake up in the morning the same way. grant others the grace and respect to live as themselves and not a mirror of your expectations based on your own life

#cliffnotes/.txt #brought to you by: 1) i dont like being told what to do #2) i dont like being told what to do by misunderstanding of my character #2a) dont tell me what to do based on what you do #3) i dont like being told what to do when i am aware it will make a situation worse #4) i dont like being told what to do. dont do it.#5) i have a short temper. dont.#6) what are you getting out of actively ignoring the feelings of those around you.

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userblaney · 11 months

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that was AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#physics exam in the LIBRARY w year 10s and 13s. then they forgot my namewhen they were calling the seats #turns out i was sitting right in the middle of the y13s but at least She was bheind me #She stole my pen LMAO idc tho Shes Her. wtvr #THEN they start 5 mins late and its already an exam that runs after skl.#then the questions were AWFUL like holy fuck i have never seen that in my LIFE what the shit #then we finished @ 3:20 and then i RAN home and my siblings were stuck outside 4 40 mins bc neither o them had their keys..#they KNEW i would be runninh late so thats theri fault #i almost had a coughing fit too #BUT. considering all of the above and the fact i didnt sleep till 3am and my tummy anf ear are being EVIL #i did good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 #also what the FUCK does a diode do i dont get it #EDIT: MY MUMS MAD BC I TOLD HER I DINT FINISH 2 QS #DGBIRDKFVJBGITREFKJB #GIRL TRY AND MEMORISE THE DEFINITONS AND EQUATIONS FOR HEAT LATENCY 5 MINS B4 THE EXAMS anywayzzzzzzzzzzz #my brothers getting a iphone 4 eid bro #im getting NOTHING LMAOOOOOO #whatd he do that i dint.................................................................anywayz idc #but i need to find my phone LOL #ok bye

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biblicalhorror · 2 years

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Reading a court of thorns and roses bc it's been rec'd to me many times (by the same two friends mostly) and also I've never really read a smut novel before and Jesus christ this protagonist is insufferable

#first of all its like the author tried to recreate katniss everdeen without any fundamental understanding of her character #like the reason the whole 'i hunt and provide for my family because no one else will' thing works for katniss is that her mother is ill #and her sister is like 8 years old #so like yeah obviously she'd be the one to provide #but feyre is like 'i have to do everything around here because my two OLDER sisters simply dont feel like doing chores'#like what????#i get that her dying mother for some reason put the responsibilities on her but it makes 0 sense #like whoever wrote this was clearly a youngest sibling with a martyr complex because its just. so heavy handed #also her insistence that nesta is simply too shallow and vapid to do what she does makes me roll my eyes every other page #honestly justice for nesta #1) if my sister started doing all of the hunting and providing without ever communicating why i would probably assume she wanted to do it #2) if after our mothers death she started completely resenting everything i do and glaring at me constantly id think she blames me for it #3) being around that kind of smug negative energy would absolutely make me start to be a little mean too even just as a defense mechanism #4) shes constantly assuming the worst in nesta and is proven at least twice to be an unreliable narrator in regards to nestas priorities #also that comment feyre made about how smug she felt after leaving knowing that her family would 'starve without her' god what an asshole #like you cant present yourself as so much morally better than your sisters and then turn around and say shit like that #anyway im hoping she becomes less insufferable as the story goes on #im told the first book is the worst in the series so i just gotta power through for the sake of world building #j reads acotar series #<<<feel free to blacklist if u dont want spoilers and/or critiques of this series bc i plan to vent on here a lot abt it

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impostorsshow · 5 months

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I love watching Tears of the Kingdom memories out of order /sarc /lh

It took my around 100 hours to even find out the tears were a thing and wondering wtf my mom was talking about when I kept asking for help on what to do but that aside, I had seen #1 and #2 in order, tried to find Tabatha stable for a good 2 hours and then decided to go take a break and got hit with #8, WHICH WAS LIKE GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN

#1: :0 time travel wow oh wait your my old grandparents

#2: "let's go to the castle dear and get some clean clothes"

#8: SHE'S DEAD AND GANON IS IN POWER AND YOUR FUCKING WIFE IS DEAD AND ITS YOUR FAULT RAARU

Also there's 18 memories?? Damn how the fuck is it gonna sucker punch me more than that fucking 180 in story but aside from that i. I really wish it gave you a little way to back out, like it tells you the memory of what your about to watch and if you wanna do it later, I wanted to watch them in order TT AND I STILL HAVENT FOUND TABANTHA STABLE

#once i lost a carton of milk in the fridge and genuinely stood there for like an hour i was later told trying to find it. and then #my roommate walked over and handed it to me in about 4 seconds so i am not surprised i cant find the stable #im gonna go use google now #im mostly posting since i realized i should make semi regular posts on this account for my own sanity even if its not s&m related #since im not really s&m related anymore aside from the occasional art i'll change my pfp to reflect that eventually #i want to start making zelda art but i would want to put ALOT of time learning a more realistic artstyle to be happy with that #and contrasingly im struggling to learn the really cartoony style of aga so uh. shit outta luck with all of my hyperfixations rn #i might make something genuine related to undertale in the meantime? i have some aus ive held incredibly close to my heart #talk talks #hmm okay yeah i should start using fandom tags but i dont want to clutter anything what do i do here #zelda ranch dip #hell if i'll remember that but i'll put it in my searchable tags as a hail mary #would anyone be interested in my wackass theory about how i think link is a witch #i have a giant ass rant in my discord i think as well as a few rants on the fae and the such #oh shit good tag to put in her actually right before i hit post #spoilers #totk spoilers #just in case cause i got spoilered a little bit? but i have really good luck and skill with avoiding spoilers about alot of games and #the only thing i really know is that zelda turns into the dragon..i think ive been told that was wrong but i might be being juked

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nomaishuttle · 6 months

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its also like . ok sry im going on bc im tired and ive upset myself lol but its like. to have somebody who knows i grew up in poverty call me greedy and selfish bc he pressured me into moving up here when i didnt have the money so i Had to rely on him financially. and then i couldnt pay him back while i was literally unemployed. to have him call me greedy and selfish and entitled and lazy was. insanely upsetting

#like he knew that a lot of the money i earned went directly to paying my families bills and literally feeding them and he still. said that #to me. and then when i got upset he spun it as me being irrational and playing the victim and always guilttripping him like. idk. idk.#i try rly hard not to think abt that bc it just makes me feel horrific but like. i was already so insanely paranoid about spending money #any Non essential purchase made me spiral and then that just made it. so much worse . i told him from the start i didnt have much money and #he said it was fine and i told him from the start id pay him back as quickly as i could and he said it was fine and then he just #he completely ghosted me he never talked to me he slept downstairs and he spent more time with one of our roommates than he did me #and now i. know why he did that lol #but whatever. but he iced me out and the only time he ever talked to me was to tell me i was being greedy for not paying him back #or if i literally fuckjng. begged him to do skmething with me #and then hed spend like 1 hour completely checked out but technically sitting in the same room as me and i just. idk. that relationship #genuinely like. fucked me up. and now i reakize it wasnt Just since i moved here and a lot of the like. stripping me of.my identity and #pressuring me into doing. certain things when i wasnt comfortable with them and guilttripping me if i did try to stand up for myself. now i #realize that had been going on nearly since the start but it fucking. rly hurts. basically #and to top it all of he knew i struggle with very severe depression and i have since i was a kid and he knew i specifically struggle a lot #with hygiene and he knew how gross that makes me feel. and he still called me disgusting for it. and in every argument he had he would #hold the fact i owed him money over my head and i judt. i dont know what i was supposed to do. and i realize now there was jothing bc he #was already. yk. and probably had been for a while but it just. rly fucking sucks basically.#like even now a few months out i get genuinely nauseous when i buy something that isnt Absolutely essential.#and i try to force myself to buy like. a small nice thing for myself every once in a while i buy 1 coffee and 1 breakfast food every week #on saturday to try n like. make sure i know its ok 4 me to do that and it doesnt make me selfish but like. it still makes me feel sick

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origamiyoda · 10 months

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Motherfucker don’t tell me “I can’t make you go” and then get pissed at me when i dont go!!

#google search how to blow everything up forever #I told him for. Two weeks i dont want to go. AND NOW #hes all pissed off! Ok damn!! What the hell!#You don’t have to make me CRY & feel like an asshole fer not going to something I frankly do not have the energy for much less WANT TO GO T #I dont Like these people! Give them 4 years and they’re going to be talking about how confused I am and how gross they think I am!#Shame shes fucked in the head etc etc!!!!!!#jesus fucking christ #I looooove being. Here. Anyway #whatever. i dont care #Love and peace forever #vent #I GUESS ignore this lolz #It’s gotta go SOMEWHERE.#ALSO MOTHERFUCKER DONT THREATEN TO TAKE MY FUCKING? DRAWING SUPPLIES AND IPAD *I* FUCKING PAID FOR BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GO TO ONE PARTY #Jesus CHRIST you jackass

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yuridovewing · 11 months

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Oh god the “tell don’t show” syndrome is. Bad. It’s bad here.

#i know about twigbranch’s apprentice problem being solved offscreen but damn #so. needlepaw joins the kin. she takes violetkit with her. we do see that scene #but we skip to a gathering where THERES BEEN AN OFFSCREEN BATTLE??#why are you skipping the battle in the battle cat books. especially when shit actually happened during it #why not show that through violetkits eyes?? that sounds terrifying for her!#show her desensitization to violence show how needletail functions in battle #but instead we get alderpaw being Told this secondhand bc we gotta get a useless alderheart chapter in #and we dont even get twigkits reaction bc WHAM 4 MOON TIMESKIP she’s already accepted this whooooo cares #bc alderhearts reaction to violent cats holdimg violetkit hostage is so much more important than her ORPHANED SISTER.#its not even like twigkit has been hogging the book at this point! i gotta count but im pretty sure most of this has been alderheart!#twigkit didnt get a pov until like chapter 5 or 6 and im 180 pages into this #im pretty sure she’s literally only had two up til this point. we REALLY couldnt sacrifice the pointless alderheart chapter?#im not opposed to multiple povs in one book. i am doing that. a lot of books do that really well (read bullet train)#but you have to balance them and decide ‘’what needs to go to this character to progress the plot’’#they shot themselves in the foot with alder as a pov bc he adds jack shit at this point that twigbranch cant #avos liveread

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thunderboltage · 1 year

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i know i said no more negative posting but it hurts so bad to feel like im backsliding and steadily gaining momentum like a snowball

its like everything that i was worried about and reassured wasnt an issue, is an issue and man...

im as miserable of a person as i once thought, but possibly worse! 😊

#love getting reminded how im only really called on when i can be useful at the time #love being shut down mid-sentence with an 'i dont care' when talking passionately about something -#but in turn im readily there to listen to everyone elses love and joy with sincerity - even if im clueless about what its really about #love being reminded of how much of a drain i am - and all that you do that i '''cant'''#love being told one thing only for you to NOT do the things you said you were going to do - im offering my help and time but ehh who cares #love the feeling that im feeling - like im failing at everything and doing and thinking things i know better than to do/think of #at least 4 different people who are supposed to be the closest to me...#so...no - i feel like no one really has the right or privilege to get to know me any more #if that means im an automaton or just hollow with how i treat others then so be it #crazy how loneliness has become such a good friend to me after all of this time and never really left me when i thought i did #ami sez

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