#im like damn i wish he didnt send me 4 messages and get all sad ant with bindle if i dont reply in 15 mins | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

horansqueen · 4 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 41

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- note for this chapter: short smut scene. also, tell me how you felt! and if you thought something would happen or not and what you think of what did or didnt happen. not clear? just read, thank youuuu!

still no request for this chapter but i have a few planned very soon! PLEASE KEEP SENDING THEM!!! i love getting them! (ill reblog the post about it)

Chapter 41 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I was surprised at how much Niall would insist to talk to me. I had heard about him a lot in the first week but when the second week started, he seemed to be a bit too busy and I totally understood. I missed him, but I didn't want to stop him from living his trip plenty and the way he had expected to, I just decided to be there when he had time and not make a big deal of when he would cancel our plans. It was only six weeks, and half of those were already over, I had a lifetime to spend with Niall, or at least I hoped for it, so there were no reason to try and make him feel bad about it.

Still, the fact that he called twice by himself on the same night and seemed impatient to talk to me made me feel slightly better. I wanted to believe him when he said he'd stay faithful, and I knew he loved me, but how many people have cheated on their lover even thought they loved them? I knew I was being insecure but I felt like I was also being realist. I was well aware we didn't play for the same league, and that our statuses were different, but I liked to believe it didn't matter to him.

"I wish I was there with you too, petal." he whispered as I stared at him.

I wanted to tell him that if that's really what he wanted, he should jump in a plane and come back to me but I knew it was not reasonable and that not only would I be disappointed, I would also end up feeling guilty for asking, whether he'd come back or not, and I was pretty sure he wouldn't anyway.

We remained a while just looking at each other without talking and i loved the way his eyes roamed on my face. He finally moved slightly in bed and leaned his head on the pillow behind him. He was in the dark, his face only lighted up by the weak light of his phone, and it hit me how tired he was but also how handsome he was. I always knew, of course. I used to spend so much time analyzing his facial epressions and enjoying the way he laughed, but at this exact moment, it was even more obvious and the good thing was, he was looking at me in a loving way. He was staring at me in a romantic way, a way I would have never even dared to hope for, but it was happening.

"What were you saying before I parked?" I asked with a smirk, raising my eyebrows.

His lips curled too and he chuckled, shaking his head slightly. I loved knowing I could make him laugh.

"I said I wanted to feel myself inside you so bad, darling."

And I loved knowing I could make him horny, too.

"Let me just get inside-"

"No."he cut me, surprising me a bit. "Start where you are. Move your shirt up, petal, let me see your tits."

"Are you serious?" I wondered in a low tone, noticing his eyes falling on my body and making me suddenly very self-conscious.

"Dead serious, Liv. I haven't seen or touched you in three weeks and i've been sharing rooms with my cousins every damn night." he groaned low. "Please, show me your tits."

I bit my bottom lip, glancing around to see if someone could see me but I ended up just moving my hoodie up along with the shirt I was wearing under. I had decided not to wear a bra at all and I had to admit I was being a bit lazy in the past weeks but I missed Niall and I was too sad to care.

"Fuck, I wish I could touch you." he groaned again.

I waited a few seconds and finally brought one of my hands on my breasts, rubbing them slowly as I watched his face change. He moved slightly on his seat and shook his head, his eyes following my hands.

"I want my hands all over you." he whispered, making me biting my bottom lip.

"I want your mouth all over me."

I watched as he moved again and he finally positioned his phone better. I held my breath when I saw his fingers wrapped around his cock and my whole body started throbbing at the sight. I looked as his hand moved up on his length, reaching his tip, and he squeezed it a bit before going all the way back down, letting out a groan again.

I couldn't handle it anymore and grabbed my keys but just as I opened the door, I heard my boyfriend's voice again.

"Stay right where you are."

His voice was louder than normal and firm, and it made my heart skip a beat as I stopped moving completely. After a few seconds, I closed my door again and licked my lips, staring at him. I loved when he told me what to do and I just wanted to do everything he'd tell me to.

"I'll let you know when you can get inside."

I nodded quickly and pressed my thighs together, feeling my inner thighs throb harder. Three weeks felt so long without him and the bed felt so fucking empty but at that exact moment, I realized how far he was even more. If he was a few hours away, i'd drive to him just to feel him inside me and then drive back, but it was impossible. I missed the warmth of his body and I was craving him and his hands on me. I wanted to feel his breath on my neck so bad that something in my stomach stirred.

"Move your phone a bit darling, and slip your hand in your pants. I want to watch you touch yourself."

I was grateful he didn't ask me to get naked because it was a bit cold outside and did exactly what he asked. I felt my cold fingers brush against my cit and let out a short whimper as my legs tensed.

"Haven't touched myself in so long, fuck." he admitted, making me bite my bottom lip. "Should have brought you with me."

My lips curled and I chuckled slightly, tilting my head.

"So you could just use me to get laid and then abandon me in crappy motels?"

"So what?" he smirked and raised his eyebrows. "Don't pretend you wouldn't want to be my little fuck toy."

My smile fell and I pressed my lips together, making him smirk even more. I pressed the tip of one of my fingers on my clit and whimpered more.

"I already am." I whispered.

"Yea? Tell me."

I pushed two of my fingers inside me and breathed in, my heartbeats accelerate at the feeling. I wanted him so bad it was barely bearable.

"I'm your little fuck toy." I murmured as I noticed his eyes dropping to my lips and then between my legs. "I'm all yours, you own me."

"Are you wet, petal?" he asked before I slowly nodded. "Take your fingers out and suck on them."

Reluctantly, I took my hand out of my pants and very slowly brought my fingers to my mouth, brushing them on my bottom lip and finally letting my tongue slide on them. After a few seconds, I pushed them in my mouth and sucked on them while staring at him. I had never felt as attractive to someone as I did to Niall and it was a great feeling.

"Okay just get in the house now." he ordered quickly. "You close the door behind yourself and get totally naked. Do it."

I didn't have time to time, I just rushed out of the car with my phone in hands and unlocked the door quickly before getting in and closing it behind me. I put the phone on the first counter I saw and took both my shirts off before pulling down my pants and panties.

"Get on the couch."

I tried to think of a way to make things easier and finally just leaned the phone on an arm's couch as I got on my knees, on the couch too, facing my phone. Quickly, I brought my hand between my legs and started touching myself again. I couldn't explain how horny I was and I was pretty sure I wouldn't last long.

"Mm, it's hell without you, you know it, right?" i confessed with a short whimper as I pushed my fingers inside me again. "I miss you."

I brought my free hand to my breasts and felt my eyes flutter as I was bringing myself closer and loser to an orgasm.

"It's hell without you too." he breathed, moving his phone a bit, making me see that he was jerking himself harder.

The sight made my whole body tense and my lips parted. I was about to say something when he groaned again.

"Pet, you're gonna make me cum."

That thought made me reach my peak and I started shaking. My eyes fluttered close but I forced myself to keep them open just to stare at him.

"Niall, fuck... oh god, Niall!"

I heard him moan louder this time and watched as his face twisted before my eyes dropped to his cock. Watching him cum all over himself made my orgasm even stronger and I let myself fall on the couch when my heartbeats started decelerating. I grabbed my phone and brought it up, biting my bottom lip as I looked at him slightly embarrassed.

"Three weeks without you, three weeks without an orgasm." I pointed out after a minute of silence.

"That's way too long." he chuckled. "And hearing you moan my name as you came? Fuck, darling, you need to do that more often."

"I agree." my lips curled and I just licked them as a shiver crossed my whole body.

"Cold?" he asked as I nodded. "You can dress back up, i'll wait."

I sent him a fond smile and put the phone done before getting up and going to his room to get a pair of sweatpants and when I came back, I grabbed his hoodie again and put it on, leaving the rest of my clothes on the floor. I knew he'd hate it if he was here and I did plan on putting them in the laundry basket but it could wait. I came back and lied down, grabbing my phone again. He noticed my hoodie and smiled, moving his chin in my direction.

"Did you at least wash it?" he asked, making me shaking my head. "Disgusting."

I grimaced and he laughed but I just tilted my head.

"It barely smells like you anymore." I explained with a shrug. "You've been away for too long."

We stared at each other for what seemed like an hour and he finally passed his hand in his hair, making a cute mess of it before sighing low.

"I know." he replied cautiously. "I'll be back in three weeks though, you think you'll be okay?"

Something seemed to break in my chest and I was scared it was my heart but i ignored it and nodded a bit, sending him a sad smile. It was unfair of me to make him feel guilty and I swallowed my pain. He brought his phone closer and I tried to focus on how blue his eyes were but he stopped himself as soon as his lips parted. The door flew open and I saw movements behind him, hearing someone laugh.

"You alone?" Niall asked with a frown.

"Yea I think he'll be back late, maybe only in the morning." Willie explained. "Mate, the girl you left alone at the bar to come here? She was dirty!"

I felt my heart jump in my chest, not really knowing what it meant exactly but I could swear it was not something good. My smile fell and Niall quickly got up, showing his forefinger to his cousin and locking himself in the bathroom.

"Niall?" I asked in a murmur, swallowing again but my tears this time.

"No wait, Liv, it was just a girl flirting with me, nothing happened."

"Nothing happened because I accidentally called you? Or nothing would have happened anyway?"

I didn't want to be the hysterical jealous girlfriend but my boyfriend was on the other side of the world and it literally took the smallest thing to make my imagination run wild.

"Nothing would have happened, Olivia, I fucking swear on my life." he replied low, staring in my eyes. "I'm so sorry, I promise there's no reason to stress or anything. I love you and only you."

"Love and sex aren't always linked, Niall." I pointed out low, closing my eyes a few seconds.

"You're right, but this time, it is." he replied, making me frown. "I mean that this relationship is different. I would never do that to you."

I stared at him for a while and finally nodded gently. I trusted him, I always have and there was no reason for me to stop.

"Okay." I whispered so low I was not sure he heard me.

"I should sleep, it's late here." he replied softly. "But I'll text you tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded again, very slowly this time, and he raised his eyebrows, his facial expressions still very serious.

"Trust me, Liv. I'll never lie to you." he added. "I love you, goodnight darling."

"Goodnight Nee, I love you too."

The screen went black for a few seconds and then my phone's background appeared. I put my phone on my stomach and closed my eyes, trying to let my emotions get the best of me but after a few minutes I couldn't handle it anymore and started crying. I didn't even try to wipe the tears off my cheeks and I even allowed myself to sob for a while, feeling my tears slide down on my neck. I missed him, I was scared to lose him but most of all, I hated to feel like I was not enough, or like I didn't deserve him. It was an intense and disgusting feeling and it always made me feel like shit. I don't know how long I remained laying there on his couch crying but after a while, I took my phone and sent a quick text to Louis.

'SOS'

He replied so quick I sort of guessed he was already on his phone.

'I'm on my way.'

I turned on my side, my face pressed on the couch, trying to get rid of the bad feelings inside me without much success. It took me every ounce of strength I had left to get off the couch and walk to the door when Louis rang. He saw my face and immediately grimaced at my sight.

"You look horrible."

"And you look like that stupid emoji."

This time, he let out a short but loud laugh before wrapping both his arms around my neck and grossly kiss the side of my head, leaving a wet trace on purpose. I groaned and pushed him slightly.

"And suddenly it's like Niall never left." I half-joked.

I took a step back and sighed, closing my eyes. I felt Louis' hands on my uppe arms and opened my eyes again only to meet his. He sent me a small but understanding smile and my heart twisted in my chest.

"It's okay to be weak, Liv, you know?" he let out in a soft voice. "I know you, you're exactly like me. Let it go, okay? I'm not here to judge you and if it can reassure you, you're one of the strongest persons i've ever met."

I stared at him for a few seconds, swallowing hard again, and without thinking, I just threw myself in his arms. He held me tight against him and I buried my face in his shirt, crying without shame. I felt his hands rub my back gently as he remained silent. I was grateful for him and for his presence, especially since we barely knew each other, but I had to admit that he had been a real friend in the past few weeks.

"Come on, let's get you a drink darling."

I followed him to the kitchen, letting my feet rub against the floor in a lazy way, and watched as he took a few bottles out.

"Shooters and wine, how's that?"

I sent him a small smile and he replied with a big one, handing me the bottles as he grabbed glasses. We ended up on the couch and I brought my knees up, wrapping my arms around them as he poured us vodka in a shooter glass.

"To our new friendship." he said after handing me one.

I raised it up and quickly downed it and as soon as I put it on the coffee table, he filled it up again. I chuckled but accepted and drank it quickly, the liquid not burning my throat like the first one did.

I don't know how many glasses we drank but I was pretty sure the bottle of vodka wasn't even near being empty when we found it. The bottle of wine, on the other hand, I knew was full when Louis got it out of the fridge but I watched him fill my glass with what was left of it. I took a sip and put it on the table, leaning against the couch. We had talked a lot and I always enjoyed it. At first, I explained everything that happened with Niall and he told me how much Niall cared and loved me. The conversation changed and we literally ended up talking about anything that would come to mind, whether it was relating anecdotes or sharing our opinions of different subjects. Louis was funny and interesting and there was not a boring moment with him.

I felt a wave of fatigue hit me and leaned my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.

"I'm so sorry about El." I mumbled, feeling drunker suddenly. "I know how much you love her."

"Yea well, shit happens." he replied after a moment of silence.

I moved my head up and frowned, staring at him until his eyes met mine.

"It's okay to be weak, Lou, you know?" I let out, using his exact words and making him smile.

I could see his eyes sparkle, or maybe it was only the light of the living room reflecting in them, but it made me smile more.

"You're right." he just admitted, grabbing both my hands between his. "Thanks so much for being there."

I chuckled and shook my head.

"No thanks to you for being there for me." I argued. "I mean I know Niall asked you to but yea, thank you anyway."

We stared at each other for a while and I felt better knowing I wouldn't spend the whole night alone again. He was drunk, probably drunker than me, and there was no way he could drive.

"You can use one of Niall's guest rooms if you want." I shrugged, getting up.

He pulled on my hands and I fell back on the couch, laughing a bit.

"I don't think you realize how beautiful you are, Olivia."

His words took me by surprised and my lips parted. My eyes roamed on his face and his grip tightened slightly on my hands. Mine were cold and the warmth of his made me feel better.

"You think Niall is gonna cheat on you, or stop loving you, or stop wanting you..." he added, shaking his head. "It's not true, he won't. I don't know why you keep saying he's out of your league. There's no league. There's just this strong bond between you two that will never be destroyed. It's obvious for all of us. You need to see it, too. Because I know exactly what Niall sees in you, and what Harry saw too. Why can't you see it?"

I felt my eyes water as I listened to him. He seemed sincere and I didn't know how to react or what to say. I just let my eyes roam on his face as I squeezed his fingers as tight as I could, nodding slowly. I couldn't talk, knowing y voice would crack, and moved a bit closer, leaning my head on his shoulder again.

I thought about Niall and how much I missed him. I thought about how he was everything to me, and about how bad I wanted this to last. I thought about everything we went through and every moment I was grateful for. I thought for so long that I ended up falling asleep.

When I woke up, it was already morning and I groaned, feeling the soft but annoying sun rays hit my face. I turned my head away and rubbed my face on the thighs my head was leaned on, feeling a shiver run up my spine.

"Mm, Niall." I whimpered very low, my eyes still closed.

"Mm, wrong lad, love."

Louis' voice took me by surprise and I quickly sat up, letting out a short wail and grimacing due to the sudden headache hitting me. Louis laughed and when I opened my eyes, he was looking at me with a big smile.

"'Morning!"

"Fuck mornings." I pointed out, making him laugh even more.

"Yea I hate them too." he admitted, raising his nose up. "How about we take some meds and go back to sleep in a real bed for a few more hours?"

"It's like you're reading my mind, Tommo."

He got up and extended his hand out. I grabbed it slowly and he helped me up as I grabbed my phone to bring it with me. I followed him to the bathroom but decided to check my messages, smiling suddenly when I saw Niall had sent me a few. I felt lighter despite all the alcohol still making me dizzy and read them all a few times.

'I'm thinking of you. I'm always thinking of you.'

'I wish you were here. I almost took a plane back after we hung up.'

'No one is you. I love you.'

The last one made my heart melt and when I looked up, Louis was smirking, reading Niall's texts over my shoulders.

"Hey! It's private!"

"Don't be all offended, you literally told me how you liked to be fucked last night."

I stared at him as my heart threatened to jump out of my throat. He laughed again and handed me two pills and a glass of water.

"Really?" I asked with a grimace after swallowing them.

"Oh really!" he chuckled. "Come on, go back to bed. I'll be right there if you need me."

He pointed out an other room and I nodded, walking to Niall's room and letting myself fall in his bed. His pillow still smelled a bit like him and I wrapped my arms around it, pressing my nose on it and inhaling deeply. I waited a few minutes but couldn’t seem to fall asleep without answering his text messages and I just took my phone that was laying next to me on the mattress, typing a message and trying not to make any typos.

'You are the love of my life. I'll always be waiting for you.'

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #amc #my fanfics #i never know how to tag this anyway

60 notes · View notes

yourjughead · 6 years

Text

Ghosts Pt.4

Pt.1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

Sweet Pea x Reader.

A/N: Finished another fic series i abandoned due to my commitment issues.

——————————————————————

Sweet Pea POV

“Shit!” yn dove onto the back seats floor, almost cowering, i wasn’t used to seeing our once great leader like this. I climbed back through the seat and back to my earlier position.

“Umm problem?” i wound down the window to see the three men properly.

“Oh its you, sorry we just had intel our girl got in this car” i could the taller one strain his neck to see behind me into the back seat. She wasn’t his girl. She was mine. He grunted before pulling his head out of my face and topping the roof of the car. The three then moved away from my car, nodded and then practically disappeared into the night.

“So you gonna ever tell me why your fan club is practically stalking you?” “Nope, taking that to my grave Sweets, they’ll leave town soon enough thinking I did the same” she jumped into the front seat next to me, cupping my hand in her after i put the car in gear and pushed off. I kissed the back of it and she seemed to blush. I missed this girl so damn much, i missed her calling me Sweets, i missed her relying on me. I missed her.

We arrived back at my trailer, crashing into bed together and while i wasn’t quite ready for round two, it was simply nice to be this close to my girl again.

“I know you said you don’t want to talk about it but I just know your dad is going to take you back”

“Would your dad take you back if you left your family business” “I wouldn’t even make it out of state before he’d have me caught by the scruff of the neck and hauled home” i felt her laugh alongside me.

“Im sure my dad would have done the same if he paid any attention to me” i felt her sadness ring through then.

“Hey hey hey listen to me-” i squeezed her in closer

“-Your dad loves you, he’s so proud of you i know, every kid makes mistakes. For example once i stocked the feminine hygiene products in the dog toy section and the shop received some super angry messages-” to feel her smile against my chest again was reassuring.

“-You just remind your dad and everyone else so much of your mom it couldn’t have been easy but i know he’ll be happy to have you back in his life…i know i am” i kissed the top of her head and she cuddled in deeper. I was falling for this girl all over again.

Yn had some serious work to do and when i woke up the next day with her not by my side my mind instantly went to she’s run off again. Seeing her note on the kitchen table was like seeing a rescue boat when you’re stranded at sea. She had already left to go see her dad and after a few worried texts later i had gathered it was going great. A knock came to my wooden door with Toni being the source.

“Listen SP, i don’t want you to get too attached to yn again” she barged in passed me after i had the door opened a crack.

“Good morning Toni, how are you? Im great. Oh please do come inside” she hit me into the chest at my teasing.

“Sweet Pea, im being serious. Jughead is asking a lot of questions lately about-” “Me?” yn came in, door key and shopping bag in hand. Oh god Fangs…or the Navy Seals come help.

“Yeah. You.” her eyes narrowed and it is at this point i wish i wasn’t standing between them.

“Well i mean he could just come ask me or my boyfriend these questions” oh god.

“And who exactly is your boyfriend?” she stepped closer, voice seething. Oh god.

“Sweet Pea of course” toni crossed her arms and ran her tongue across her teeth. Oh god.

“Oh? Of course, southside highs very own power couple back together again, what? Did your last sugar daddy’ money run and you needed to starting sucking the soul out of someone else?” yn stepped forward quickly as if she might catch Toni by the throat again, i (foolishly) stepped more between them.

“Listen Toni if i want to be with YN, I’ll be with yn, hell I’ll fucking marry yn if i want to! Stop trying to micromanage me like you did when she wasn’t around and just give it a rest!” i hadn’t really meant to lose my temper with Toni, i never really mean to lose my temper with anyone, it’s just who I am I guess. Toni looked at me furiously before glaring at Yn and storming out of the trailer once again, leaving the both of us to mull over my words.

“Thanks Sweets” she pulled me down into a hug.

“Its okay yn, no need to thank me” i breathed against the top of her shoulder blade.

“Ill fucking marry you if i want to” she laughed against my neck sending shivers down my spine the way only she could.

“Well i mean i said it before you ran away then and I’ll say it now” she pulled her face away from my neck to look in my eyes at my words.

“Im sorry Sweet Pea. I’m sorry I did that to you” “I’m sorry i let you do that to me…i should have caught you by the scruff of the neck and dragged you back” my smile seemed to settle her again.

“Next time you ask me I promise I’ll say yes” another shiver traveled down my spine.

“Next time I ask just promise you wont leave”

“I promise”

“Yn will you marry me” it was hardly above a whisper.

“No” i pulled her completely from me, my hands still on her hips.

“WHAT?!” “IM KIDDING!” she laughed and i didnt.

“Not funny?” stupid question.

“I mean it will be once I restart my heart again yeah”

“Would it restart it faster if I said yes” “Probably yeah” i was hunched over half laughing and half almost crying.

“Yes Sweet Pea, I will marry you” i stood up straight again and found myself laughing at this goofy girl with a messy past, i missed this ghost and was so happy to have her in my life again.

——————————————————————————-

Chrissy Xx

#sweet pea #sweet pea imagine #reader x sweet pea #sweet pea fic #sweet pea x reader #sweetpeaxreader #sweetpeaimagine #sweet pea x oc #riverdale #riverdale x reader #riverdale fanfiction #riverdale imagines #riverdalexreader #serpent #southside serpents #riverdale serpents #southside serpent x reader #serpents

70 notes · View notes

poppunkdee · 5 years

Note

3-5, 28-30, 35-40

whoa okay everyone sorry for the long post someone decided to give me a million in one ask.

3. okay so this person idk what to even say about them anymore I hardly know who or what they are like now but I guess ill talk about them when I was irrationally in love with them. They had a way to make me feel at home no matter how far from home I was. That person was super smart (to me) they had a charisma that allowed them to creep into your life and later your heart, and had you liking them even if at first you thought they were just another fake person trying super hard to be “cool” they had a way to get under your skin, to make you laugh until you’re crying and hold your attention in a way that you never really thought they might be able to. Honestly this person made me feel so many things and not all of them were good, in fact looking back now I realized that I excused so much shitty behavior towards me because of a fancy dinner, or a cute poem, or a dozen roses. God i was so in love with them and its sad really how now its just a faded memory of a person who never apologized for the hell they put me through.

4. the thing I regret most so far is not going to the ivy league school I was accepted into bc it meant I would be far from the person mentioned above.

5. Oh fuck. Honestly I have not had any like “amazing” birthdays. My most memorable birthdays are seared into my memory bc I was either in a funeral home, in a hospital watching my cousin fight cancer, or I myself was in the hospital bc a car almost killed me(yay 24th birthday!) really I have most fun when I celebrate my birthday alone at disneyland, which I do every year although not on my actual birthday bc it seems that on my actual birthday I’m always caught up in some kind of hospital, or receiving bad news.

28. honestly idk if i have any like crazy out there fetishes, like dirty talk and rough sex is cool but like idk if i really have like one odd thing. I mean one of my exes and I got hella drunk one night and decided to do all the shit we had wanted to do and lemmi tell you that was a full weekend of endless orgasms and take out food. It was amazing. I had rope burn on my thighs and was sore for a week after and he had like a million hickies from his neck to his dick.

29. okay turn ons so like these depend on the person im seeing, like for one person their voice as they whisper in my ear might end me while for another the way they bite their lip and run their fingers through their hair might have me thinking of how those fingers might feel on me. so really I don’t have like one singular set of turn ons they just vary depending on the person.

30.OHHH TURN OFFS THO. so these will literally dry me up like the Sahara desert and make me grab my shit and leave kyle’s house. If I say "men are trash” and the guy replies with “well not all men.... “ yeah ya cancelled. okay this one is shallow I know but its there and i really cant get past it, bad dental hygiene. the white ppl who try to have dreadlocks but really they haven’t washed their hair. ANY NON BLACK PERSON SAYING THE N WORD. I can go on really bc I’m super picky with the people I sleep with and i have actually mid thrust have told a guy to stop, got dressed, left and blocked him.

35. Things i wish I could stop doing, okay so like as yall know my anxiety gets the best of me sometimes and I wish I could stop the nail biting. Also I need to stop expecting my body to go back to how it was before my car accident, like my spine is forever hurt and i really have to learn to accept that there are somethings i just cant do anymore and its not my fault there are limitations on my body so i should stop expecting to be able to go back to the gym like i used to, or do all the adventurous activities i used to do, also I wish I could go back to driving like i used to without the PTSD fear running through me every time a big rig is next to me on the freeway.

36, okay so as of rn my guilty pleasure is that I read the twilight books bc my roommates got me into it and like holy shit i went through the whole saga in less than a weekend and I now need to rewatch the movies. honestly thank god for this gay twilight renaissance I’m living. But really tumblr is full of my guilty pleasures so like just scroll through my blog bc its all there, half of this shit is not on any of my public social media,.... or wait actually i think it is, i don’t really hide who i am so like it definitely has affected the way people judge me before they really know me but i know the people that are my friends after seeing the shit i post kinda really like me.

37. Damn okay so this is kinda, ugh, okay so im sure my best friend is tired of me running back to this person but like i like ppl who ruin me i guess. So this person and I started dating after i had gone through like a horrible breakup, AND I got the news that my uterus is like a war zone for new cells(make of that what you will). Anyways here I am five months into a depressive episode i cut off all the people that i had thought were friends but who turned out to abandon me when i needed them the most. so here enters this person with their puppy dog love and gives me wonderful dirty kinky sex along with the hugs, cuddles, after care and takes me to these cool experiences in the city I thought I knew. They support my dreams and help me work towards them, honestly it was a great three months, but this person told me they loved me one night while at a night club and i thought hey youre drunk pls don’t do this and honestly it was mostly cowardliness that drove me to end it bc i didn’t feel the same way and i felt like i didnt deserve this new pure love i was receiving. Anyways we hooked up a bit after we broke up and then they started dating someone else and we just kinda saw other people but would come back to each other after our different flings ended, until they got into like a real relationship with some one else and like I was cool like they deserve it, could have used a heads up but like i keep my space like the respectful person that i am, although lately this person has told me they are not into the person they are with and has been hitting me up and like the part of me that thinks im in love with them is really pushing for me to go for it but also they ARE STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP AND ITS NOT OKAY THAT THEY ARE SENDING ME MESSAGES LIKE THIS!! so anyways i think im more in love with the feeling they brought me those few months we were together bc i was just so fucking depressed and they helped pull me out of the hole i was in. So not really in love with the person but with the feeling i guess.

38. songs that remind me of people. oh god, yall can i just make a spotify playlist and link it later bc theres so many. I have a few songs for like everyone that I know that i can make playlists for individual people so like i’ll just link a playlist when get around to it pls remind me later.

39. OHHHH BOYYY. things i wish i had known earlier. i wish i had known men are trash earlier in life so that i would have been somewhat prepared for the men that caused trauma in my life. I also wish i had known how little time i had with certain people. (people i regret not making more time with) Also wish I had known about the accident that had me in a hospital on my birthday bc a year later im still plagued by nightmares, PTSD, and anxiety on the road. I also wish I had known about my cousin’s accident. GOd if there’s one thing i’ve had to learn the hard way this past year is that we never know when it will be the last time we see our loved ones and that we have GOT to tell them we love them bc we NEVER know when it will be the last time.

40.okay last one, the end of something in my life. I wanna talk about a good ending bc i feel like yall got some insight on bad shit so like good endings i’d say is when i left socal for norcal. I come back literally anytime im homesick but like it was a huge step for me to take to leave, I was given a full scholarship to the wilderness and an apartment thats a ten min walk to the beach. It was definitely hard leaving all my friends and family behind but it was also kind of refreshing to be able to go out on my own to make my own path and do something i love. im back in socal for the summer and although im so happy to be back in the warmth of LA im definitely looking forward to my small apartment that constantly smells like a mix of sea breeze and damp forest.

#Personal #asks #ask me shit #this was really open #remind me to do the spotify playlists #or ill forget

0 notes

ts-indonesia · 5 years

Text

Episode 3: “I guess he just wants to be homophobic or whatever” - Isaac

Motivated by a two round losing streak, the newbies battled against the returnees in the ‘bean dilemma’ challenge. After a tense 50:50 choice, the Obor tribe finally won immunity, sending the returnees (joined by Lorelei & Kenny) to tribal council - but Stoner went to tribal with an idol clue in hand.

As Cahaya scrambled, it became clear the vote was to be between two names; Julian & Isaac. While Stoner & Owen attempted to save Julian, his relative challenge/social inactivity and Isaac’s ability to get in with key returnees like Olivia, ensured Isaac’s own safety.

Before tribal council, Julian called out the tribe for voting him out, which alongside Lorelei’s messages in the tribe chat, sent the returnees into a tailspin. At tribal, Julian was sent out unanimously, with Julian calling out Stoner on his way out of the door.

JESS

These newbies.. TRYING TO SET ME UP? I- I'm shook. I don't know if I should tip my hat off to them or punch them all in the neck? JKJK.. But honestly, if I was a newbie I would blame the two random vets who just strolled in for the day to try and cause some conflict with a potential swap near. I'm probably once again overreacting but this just seems so suspicious to me... We lost :( which makes me sad. I didn't want to participate in this challenge but there seemed to be some urgency to get it over with and I didn't want to be "That bitch". I'm trying NOT to get involved in too many things and I'm failing MISERABLY. I hate this. Did I want to be an infiltrator? Kind of. I just honestly want to pull my weight on the tribe and make sure no one wants to murder me. I think I have enough ammo to murder Julian here sadly. So if it is me this vote I'll be the most blindsided I've ever been in my life. Michael and I are sharing idol clues which is pretty cool. I'm convinced there are NO IDOLS on this god damn map though or someone got lucky and already has it. I was contemplating going for the idol in this challenge but honestly... the risk wasn't worth the reward in the end which blows. Sorry if I sound like a god damn ROBOT this confessional. TOODLES

OLIVIA

Had a super great talk with stoner tonight. What a cool guy

I feel like Isaac is on the bottom and I fucking love him I literally don’t think I could vote him out (not that he’s on the chopping block) and he’s not in my alliance :( Also Owen and I agreed to keep our close bond a secret, secret o alliance hehe. But we called and talked tonight I love him too

I guess it’s a good problem to have that everyone on your tribe is fucking awesome but man it makes me nervous for the future. Damn can a tie or something. Isaac-Owen-Olivia-stoner-foxx-Jess-Matt you ALL WIN SURVIVOR!!!!

FOXX

So the challenge ended up being a disaster and we’re going to tribal. Although *technically* I didn’t compete so I’m going to say I have a perfect challenge voting record. That’s how that works, right? I’m just being petulant? Ok. Not much resembling an actual plan has come up yet. We formed an alliance with myself, Jess, Olivia, & Stoner and everyone has come to me about what the plan is so that’s just fine by me since it means I’ve given a good impression to my fellow tribemates. The consensus seems to be Julian since he seems to have contributed the least to the tribe thus far, sitting out of 2 challenges, being inactive, and having a not-great attitude when he visited the other tribe. Stoner is pushing for Isaac but I have a better working relationship with him AND he’s from my homestate so we have that. In the end though I’m fairly indifferent as to how things go. At least in the early stages where I haven’t been given eTrauma by have the cast it’s not fun to vote people out when everyone’s been nice to you but I better get used to it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Someone talked. I made a couple of throwaway comments about Julian’s comment at the first Obor tribal and apparently he came and told Jess he was sorry about them. The only people who I talked about it with was Jess & Stoner. Both Isaac and Julian know they’re being targeted so somebody has done some talking. It’s been one week and I'm already hyperventilating.

TRENT

So tribal last night didn't go exactly as I thought. Close but one little thing stuck out. I got a vote. I'm not too worried about it but it's a little strange. I think someone wants me to think it's the returnees but idk why. My theory is that it's chris. I think he's realized im his biggest threat and he wants me to get paranoid or rattled or wants me to lose my temper. We then went to immunity challenge and killed it for our first win. Later that night anabel told me something very important. That she has the immunity idol. I'm about 95% sure she's telling the truth because I can't possibly think about why you'd lie about that because it would make a huge target on your back. She also told me she would be willing to use it on me if she had to. I told her she shouldnt do that because i don't want to ruin her game, but of course i'd want that. We will see. Going to be interesting who goes home on the other side. IF jess was being super honest with me the other night (which i think she was) I hope it's not her and that swap happens and that the Indonesia gods will bless me and put me on a tribe with her and Anabel.

MATT

ok so after last tribal, we pretty much head right into the next immunity challenge. it only required four of our nine members, chris, owen and i stepped up and said we would do it. however the battle for fourth was a DOOZY!!! Michael was online but said he had a limited amount of time because he goes into work soon. Issac, Julian and Olivia weren’t online, Foxx didn’t seem interested in it, so that left Jess. However Jess decided she wanted to put on a whole production of “I can do it if y’all want but i don’t want to”. For god knows how long, she went back and fourth between some variation of “i don’t mind doing it” and “michael you can do it idk if i wanna do it”. like jess. we get it. you don’t wanna do it so literally just say so. like foxx has no problem doing that so why can’t you?? But after this whole charade Jess ends up participating. The four doing the challenge were myself, Chris, Owen, and Jess. Owen and myself seemed to be the ones who spoke the most and were tying to plan our moves while Jess and chris were just like “ok what am i doing”. We lost 3-2 and it sent us to our first tribal council. While on call for the challenge, Chris( i think) brought up what if we lose, what’s the plan. and mentioned how he wouldn’t go after any of us doing the challenge, we all agreed naturally. And then it was brought up either Issac or Julian as potential votes. Which is exactly what i would wanna do. Both of them seem to be the least active and haven’t really done much for us. i think issac is probably going to be the target this week simply because he has been the least active, rarely pops into tribe chat, and even chris said he hasn’t spoken to him. (same goes for me). So i do think Issac being the boot makes sense here especially with a swap on the horizon. However i’m not going to make too big of a push for him to go because again, unnecessary target early on. i want to make it deep into this game. So my strategy is to make it seem like others have influence over me, agree with them, and subtly push my agenda towards them in a way that they can do what i want . i think being three rounds into this game, i do have somewhat of a solid footing in my tribe and could definitely have some pull later on, it’s just a matter of getting to the end game.

OLIVIA

I feel like everyone’s lying to my face and I’m gonna leave but I also feel like that about every tribal but idk. Something is up with Jess

ISAAC

This round has been genuinely so fucking stressful. It’s our first tribal and Julian says my name because I guess he just wants to be homophobic or whatever. As of right now I’ve been told by multiple different people that it hasn’t been able to pick up much traction (eat your heart out Stoner) and I thank god for that but I’m also dead inside. Like I didn’t wanna see Julian go but he also couldn’t keep his mouth shut which is ironic because the very reason he’s going home is because he doesn’t talk. In terms of sociability I’m really close to Olivia, Owen, and Jess. If we ever make an alliance I’d dub us the losers club but it hasn’t happened yet. Foxx is cool but I’m very weary of him. Chris Stoner is hard to hold a conversation with but I think that’s just because heavy faker than a 3 dollar bill. Michael is an adult and I’m a different time zone so it’s hard to talk to him physically. Matt just started to talk to me today which left me shook like it’s Day 8(?) This game has started out so rocky for me but I genuinely think I’ve found a friend in Olivia

OWEN

ngl i dont remember what i said last kjfhasdkjfhkjds ??? i volunteered for challenge bc i wanted to slay the strategy but then i didnt listen to my gut in the last round and cost us the win :((( i shoulda know round 4 theyd do 0 so they could go all out round 5!!! but tbh im not sad at all about losing.... the more newbies i can reserve to work with at a swap, the better. plus i got to talk to lorelei again <3 and meet kenny!!!! i tried talking to ppl + fortifying relationships. i called olivia and that went rlly well, i love her and honestly she could be my f2 in this game. the double o alliance? its real !!! i brought up the idea of the foxx/jess/chris/me/her alliacne and said foxx wanted michael and she told me she liked/talked to matt more than michael and i was like OMG GIRL ME TOO !!! and then I had an idea to make a chat with me/her/matt which i rlly love it seems like julian is goin which i dont mind, would rather michael/foxx go but im not tryna make waves and i want to buld trust this tribal. the only prob is chris told julian and now julian is freaking out. i really fucking wish jess/foxx/chris/olivia didnt have a four person alliance. like why wouldnt jess try to include me on that!!!??? vgrrrrr so idk about her but i like chris olivia and matt rn we definitely swapping tonight so imma gear up1

ali asked me some questions and now i will answer them. first he asked how my time as infiltrator went and if it impacted my game... it definitely benefit me i believe. I made connections with chris o/lorelei/leigh/anabel, and I believe those will help me a SHIT TON if we swap tonight. jess let me know anabel likes me, lorelei has been talkin to me as an infiltrator, and im so excited to meet up with chris again if i can. i definitely used it to my advantage and i think it could save me in this game later on another question was what my plan is to avoid being sent out as a threat since i am a former winner/"big-brainer" ali said lmao im dumb af. i think part of that is gonna come from who i choose to play with. part of the appeal of the newbies is some of them might not know/care that I have won before. and chris stoner is a winner too so working with him kind of brings that down a bit. when I get voted out of this game, it will 100% be because im viewed as a threat i think. whether its like bc i won comps or bc people like isaac who have been around a while paint me as one idk but im going to have to work rlly hard to build trust with people and make them want to keep me here. other than that its just like...mapping out a path to the end and keeping big threats in the game. uhhh the last question was about who i'd like to see leave if we went to tribal again. definitely foxx, he's working with all the people i want to be working with and for some reason they put him in their alliance and not me :)) soooo love that for me xo bye bye furry

OLIVIA

Julian went awf and Lorelei is a crack addict and we’re about to have tribal and everyone is so fucking paranoid and on edge I can’t handle this

I literally only believe and trust Isaac at this point

MATT

Julian was very quickly the target thrown out for this round. i had no qualms with that. Julian was one of the two options on the chopping block. Everyone seemed to agree on him pretty quickly. also during class, owen approached me about an alliance with him and olivia which i absolutely ADORE!!! Those are two people i 100% wanted to work with and i’m glad an alliance was made

#whenyourfiresout

0 notes