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aforrestofstuff · 4 years

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What would happen at an s-class slumber party? Including Saitama I guess. Like who falls asleep first, who plays games, etc

I got these two asks like, literally ten minutes apart and idk what prompted all of these sleepy time curiosities pertaining to the S-Class but I am HERE for it. I’m gonna put them together into one masterpost because they’re roughly the same thing lol. Thanks for requesting stuff y’all! 😄💖

I was having trouble thinking of a possible scenario that could explain why the S-Class would even want to be in the same room together for more than 30 minutes, let alone have a sleepover. The best I could come up with is Sitch paid them all a handsome sum to sleep in the Hero Association lobby and stand guard because there’s an S-Class threat hit squad on the hunt for his executive ass. And, being the cheap-asses that they all are, they took the offer.

Now, with that out of the way, let’s get crackin fellas:

Tornado of Terror: She’s grumpy as all hell to be here (even though she got paid the most), so she just falls the fuck asleep and tells everyone to wake her up at the first sign of trouble because she thinks she’s the only one who’s capable enough to deal with it. She brings a pillow, a blanket, her jammies, and a teddy to sleep with. If anyone dares to open their mouth about Sir Stuffers then she’ll gladly explode their head.

Silverfang: Volunteers to take first watch, but because he’s an old shit he falls asleep 20 minutes into his shift. He doesn’t bring anything to sleep with because he convinced himself that he has the willpower to stay up all night but Charanko “accidentally” mixed melatonin into Silverfang’s tea before he left for the mission so now he’s passed the fuck out and not waking up anytime soon.

Atomic Samurai: Same as Silverfang: thinks he can stay up to stand watch and falls asleep 10 seconds into his shift. Except, he doesn’t need to be poisoned to accidentally fall asleep because dealing with his disciples is a triple full-time job and as a result, daddy Kami is always ready to pass the fuck out at any time. He’s basically a narcoleptic past 8pm. To sleep with, he brought a ratty-ass pillow and a bottle of night juice (saké).

Child Emperor: is nocturnal and completely fine with staying up all night, so he’s on watch the whole time. Although, the sound of candy wrappers makes it hard for anyone else to sleep and as a result, everyone is ready to punt this kid by 3am. He shows up in gym shorts and a t-shirt because what’s the point of getting dressed with these hooligans and spends the whole night hanging out with Zombieman. Although, he did bring a sleeping bag and pillow just incase he wants to take a power nap.

Metal Knight: Shows up in a power suit like this mf in Pacific Rim. Everyone thinks he’s just controlling a drone remotely but Sitch told him if he doesn’t show up in person then he doesn’t get the money, so he’s sitting in this tin can the whole time and trying his best to stay awake (he passes out by midnight). He’s also in his underwear. Idk why that was worth it to mention but there you go ❤️

King: Mentally on the verge of a breakdown at the thought of spending the whole night with these jackasses but shows up anyway because he wants that PS5 and is willing to do anything to get it. He gets there in his jammies, sets down his pikachu sleeping bag, and falls asleep without saying hi or offering to take watch. Everyone thinks that he’ll wake up naturally at the first sign of trouble and finds it really impressive that he fell asleep so fast, but he really just passed out from hyperventilating so hard. He would normally be perfectly fine with staying up all night because he’s a gamer and he does it all the time anyway, but anxiety really do be like that sometimes.

Zombieman: Is nocturnal like Child Emperor when he wants to be, but can also fall asleep in .2 seconds on a bed of nails. He’s perfectly fine with staying up all night because he constantly does it when following leads on a case and doesn’t bother bringing anything to sleep on. In fact, he shows up in full gear because he’s mildly paranoid and he wears it all the time anyway, it’s basically a second skin by now. He spends the night playing cards with CE and taking occasional sips from a flask to calm his nerves. They also take turns telling spooky ghost stories by the light of Zombieman’s lighter, to which he pretends to be scared. When he wants to smoke, he does it by Bofoi’s machine because fuck that guy.

Drive Knight: Forgot to change his Duracells the day before and falls over the second he walks in the door. Everyone thinks he’s a lazy ass for falling asleep so soon but he’s actually in a robo-medical emergency.

Pig God: is perfectly fine with staying up all night because, as I’ve said on multiple other hcs, he’s a hardcore gamer and being nocturnal is basically second nature. However, like Child Emperor, the sound of him constantly eating in the dark has everyone ready to jump his ass by midnight. He’s dressed in his pajamas as well, and they’re so big that they share the clothing measurements of an actual humpback whale.

Superalloy Darkshine: Falls asleep by 9pm on the dot every night and knows it’s pretty much impossible for him to stay up all night so he shows up in his Bedtime Thong(tm) with a sleeping bag and kindly asks everyone to wake him up if there’s trouble. Nobody listens but he pretends they do. He also brings a “small stash” (actual grocery bag filled to the brim) of protein bars to snack on incase he gets hungry in the middle of the night and offers a few to everyone, to which they decline (ultra-vegan keto-friendly gluten-free sugar-free flavor-free protein bars taste like actual garbage). And because he drinks a swimming pool of water every day (gotta stay at peak physique, yo), he gets up at least 12 times in the middle of the night to pee and he pisses so loud for no reason that it sounds like there’s a waterfall in the next room.

Watchdog Man: Carries his human-sized doggy bed in with his mouth and falls the fuck asleep without even announcing his presence. Nobody even notices he’s there. Sitch forgets to pay him.

Flashy Flash: Is fine with staying up all night to stand watch because he had to do it so many times in the ninja village anyway, but fuck me if he isn’t pissy about it. He shows up in full gear because, like Zombieman, he wears it so often that it’s basically a second skin at this point. By 2am he fucks off to take a shower because being in the same room with these people actually makes him feel unclean and he doesn’t leave the bathroom until the sun starts to rise. His hair, however, looks twice as shiny.

Genos: Shows up, points his arm cannon at the door incase of possible intruders, and doesn’t move for 12 hours. He brought Saitama along because why not and mr caped baldy greatly regrets it.

Metal Bat: Shows up in gym shorts with his bat, a blanket, and a pillow and fucks off to the corner of the room to brood. He takes watch for a few hours in between power naps, and sleeps with his phone .2 inches away from his face incase Zenko calls. When she does, he wakes up at the speed of light and loudly answers the phone like there isn’t at least 7 other people sleeping within close proximity to him. It’s never for an emergency, she just calls like 3 times into the night because she had a bad dream or she’s wondering how he’s doing. But regardless of what it is, Badd is ready to run all the way home and be with her. He just took the job because he wants to buy her a bigass gift with all the money he’ll be receiving.

Tanktop Master: Same as Superalloy, except he snores like a motherfucker. He doesn’t need waterfall piss to keep everyone up because this mf sounds like a lawn mower. He shows up in his Tanktop Pajamas (which is basically just a Tanktop with pajama bottoms) and takes watch in between power naps, to which he sleeps on a Tanktop Sleeping bag (just a regular sleeping bag, there’s literally nothing different about it) with his Tanktop Pillow (also just a regular pillow, literally nothing special about it).

Puri-Puri Prisoner: sleeps naked. Dick out.

Saitama: Gets bored as hell by 10pm and tries to wake up King so they can play video games together on his gameboy that he smuggled in, but the poor bastard is OUT. Saitama tries to sleep, however, he forgot to bring anything to sleep on so he tries to roll up his cape and use it as a pillow but, alas, he gets a neck cramp so bad that he actually almost starts to cry.

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charincharge · 4 years

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Cruel Summer, Part 17

cruel summer masterlist

AN: 17 is my lucky number, but it is not Rowan’s. Sorry this thing is still hurting some of you. I think it’s still going to end up about 25 chapters, so... we’re moving forward. I swear! Okay, byeee.

Thump.

Rowan wakes up, unsettled by a loud noise coming from the living room.

“Shhh…” A loud whisper hushes. “My roommate is sleeping,” Manon slurs, followed by excessive giggling.

He looks at the clock. Just past 3AM. Rowan frowns. This is not what the needs right now. ��

Another thump followed by an “Ow!” and more giggles wakes him up entirely.

Another too loud shush as he hears two bodies stumble towards Manon’s bedroom, laughter trailing after them the whole way.

Manon’s door slams shut, and Rowan tries to close his eyes and fall back asleep. But soon soft moaning begins. Rowan rubs his hand over his face and cringes. He is so not in the mood for this. He just wants to sleep and temporarily forget about all his troubles. Is that too much to ask for?

He usually sleeps through Manon’s exploits. But not tonight. The moans are interlaced with profanities and the sound of thumping against the wall. The moans reach a crescendo, and Rowan has never been so insanely grateful for people to orgasm and go to sleep. But, minutes later, the moaning starts again.

Rowan puts his pillow over his head, trying to block out the noise, but he’s too attuned to it. He hears every sigh and whisper and expletive, and his entire body is on alert, far too anxious to fall asleep. He stays awake until the wee hours of the morning when Manon and her paramour finally settle down.

Rowan’s alarm goes off far too soon, much to his dismay. His head throbs with the lack of sleep, and his hand itches beneath his bandage. He knows he’s in for a rough day – and not just because of the event that’s going to happen tonight that he definitely doesn’t want to think about yet.

As he gets ready, he’s shocked to hear movement out in the kitchen. He’s so tired, he can’t imagine anyone else being voluntarily awake right now. He peeks out of his bedroom to see Manon, in her robe, making coffee. Her hair is piled on top of her head, and she’s humming lightly. She smiles like the cat who ate the canary, and Rowan shudders. Smiles look terrifying on her.

“You look like crap again,” Manon says, sipping from her large red mug, eyebrows raised. “Want to tell me what happened last night?” She points to his injured hand.

“Not really,” Rowan says, reaching for the coffee pot himself, but Manon slaps his hand away.

“I’m making that for my guest,” she hisses, narrowing her golden eyes at him.

Rowan ignores her and pours himself a mug. “You and your guest kept me up all night, so I’m going to need some caffeine to make it through today.”

Rowan is dreading today. He really wishes he’d at least been able to sleep.

“Sorry,” Manon apologizes, though she sounds anything but.

“Hey, babe,” a warm voice calls sleepily. “I thought I heard noise out here.”

The woman who exits Manon’s room is absolutely stunning – she wears one of Manon’s tank tops and a pair of underwear, showing off the expanse of her dark skin, swirling with intricate art. Long dark braids fade to pink and fall down her back, making her look just as effortlessly cool as Manon. Her rich brown eyes flick to Rowan in surprise and she waves timidly.

Manon simply pulls the woman into her side and kisses her cheek. “Nimi, this is Rowan, my roommate. Rowan, this is Nehemia. We met on the yacht last night. You know, after you weirdly bailed.”

Manon is clearly asking Rowan to explain himself, but he’s in far too grumpy to attempt that.

Nehemia holds out her hand, and Rowan shakes it. “You can call me Nimi,” she clarifies, her accent rounding out the sharp vowels of her name. “Like Mimi, but with an N.” She smiles at Rowan, and he’s again awestruck by how beautiful she is. He’s constantly impressed by the caliber of girls Manon brings home, but Nehemia is a step above and beyond. Despite being exhausted, Rowan returns her smile in earnest. He guesses Manon deserves a night of fun, too, despite his own drama.

“I’m going to be late for work,” Rowan grumbles, looking at the time.

“This is my surprised face,” Manon deadpans, making Nehemia giggle that same giggle that Rowan heard over and over last night.

Rowan wishes them goodbye, and as he closes the door he hears Manon laugh. “Thank gods. I want to hear you scream for me.”

Rowan flees the premises faster, not wanting to even imagine the volume they’re about to reach. Also, he has to desire to be around happily coupled people right now.

He’s never been so glad to go to work. At least at the park, he’ll be distracted all day and around other miserable people.

Except for some reason, everyone at the park is having their best day ever. Even Lorcan, who usually skulks around the ground with a permanent scowl is buoyant and grinning as he hands out tickets with Rowan at the front booth.

He finds out why during his lunch break when Lorcan tentatively approaches Elide and asks if the steak house is okay for dinner tonight, to which Elide readily nods, leaving the pair nervously smiling and blushing at each other.

Gods, does everyone have a date tonight, Rowan wonders to himself. What was in those cocktails last night? Some sort of aphrodisiac?

Rowan pulls out his phone, notably devoid of text notifications, and wonders if he should reach out to Aelin. He wants her to be thinking about him during her date. He knows that’s selfish and stupid and totally the opposite of what he asked for, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t trust Sam at all, and something plagues Rowan’s stomach; that Sam will be in Aelin’s life long after he leaves it. The thought makes him nauseous.

He sits, picking at his lunch, but unable to really eat. Elide takes the seat next to him and gives him a small smile.

“How’s the hand doing?” she asks, pointing to the bandage still wrapped around Rowan’s palm. He shrugs. “You were missed last night,” Elide says, her tone insinuating much more than her plain words.

Rowan chuckles softly and looks at Lorcan, who is staring at the back of Elide’s head. “Yeah, what the hell happened after I left? I got woken up by…uh…company.”

Elide laughs back. “Oh man, isn’t Nimi so cool? She’s a friend of Dorian’s.” Her eyes glaze over, as if she’s playing the night back across her memory. “Basically, we decided to get sloshed and be each other’s wingmen.”

“It seems like you were all successful,” Rowan says, stabbing a piece of his cold chicken. Elide smiles and looks over her shoulder at Lorcan, who immediately looks down at being caught staring. “So, how’d that happen?” Rowan asks, curious about his two managers. “When I left Lorcan was not at the party…”

“Manon told me to stop being a coward – except, she used a much crasser word that I don’t like saying out loud.” Elide scrunches her nose. “So, I showed up drunk on Lorcan’s doorstep.”

Rowan’s jaw drops. “You did what?”

“Shut up. I know.” Elide covers her face. “I’ve never done anything like that in my entire life.”

“So, what happened?” Rowan asks, leaning forward. This gossip is the best kind of distraction for his aching heart.

Elide looks through her fingers, embarrassed. “He put me to bed in his bed and slept on the couch.” She snorts. “And then this morning I got really mad at him for not making a move, and he said that he would never take advantage of a drunk woman.” She smiles softly. “And that he insisted on taking me out first.” Elide takes a large sip of her drink and frowns. “Gods, I’m sorry. You didn’t need all those details. I haven’t even told Aelin yet.”

Rowan clears his throat, unsure if he should ask what he’s going to, but he can’t stop himself. “And did Aelin meet anyone new?”

Elide furrows her brows and frowns. “No. I assumed she went to go meet you?” Elide says. “She left the party with her parents shortly after you did.”

“Oh.” Rowan isn’t sure what to make of that detail. He stabs another bite of chicken.

Elide starts to say something and then pauses, and then starts again. And then pauses. Rowan rolls his eyes in frustration. “Just spit it out.”

“You should just tell her,” Elide says. Rowan raises an eyebrow at the petite brunette. “That it’s not casual for you.” Rowan swallows thickly but shakes his head and scoffs. Elide continues. “I’m just saying it as a person who wishes someone had told me to stop being a…” she lowers her voice to the softest whisper, “pussy.” Rowan cracks a small smile. “…sooner.

“I’ll take that into consideration.”

Rowan nods as Elide heads off, left with his head spinning around.

He takes his phone back out and stares at it. He hates the way he left things with Aelin last night. But what is he supposed to text her? Best wishes on your date tonight? No. He can’t say anything. He has to just suffer through this hellish day and hope she wants to talk to him after. The longer he goes without hearing from her, the more he realizes that he doesn’t think he’ll recover if she doesn’t want to see him again. He’s an addict, in dire need of his next hit. He only hopes he didn’t fuck everything up. He’ll keep all his thoughts to himself for the rest of the summer, as long as it means he gets to continue seeing her.

Rowan’s mood worsens in the afternoon. With every minute it gets closer to 8pm, he pictures Aelin getting ready in a fancy dress and doing her hair and applying makeup. For someone else. He thinks of Sam’s disgusting comments from the boat and aggressively rips a ticket in two. His frown scares a little boy making his way onto the carousel, as he skitters quickly past an incredibly grumpy Rowan.

He wonders where Sam is taking her. Probably another fancy restaurant. Dimly lit and romantic. He can’t stand the thought.

By the time the day ends, everyone has learned to avoid Rowan. Even Fenrys, whose smile can always cheer him up, gives Rowan a wide berth in the employee breakroom after he practically growls at him. Fenrys had no idea what he was asking when he asked what Rowan was up to tonight, but he knows he’ll never unleash that beast again. Rowan has no idea how he’s going to distract himself tonight. He’s all out of whiskey.

On his way home, Rowan calls his mom. It’s been a while since he’s done more than text her, and he’s relieved when she answers the phone, despite the late hour.

She can tell Rowan is in a foul mood nearly immediately.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” she asks, and Rowan groans.

“I just got no sleep last night. I’m sorry,” he apologizes, wishing he could be more cheerful for his mom, who he loves so much. She seems unfazed by his crabbiness, though.

“I was going to keep it a surprise, but there’s a present in the mail for you,” Dora says.

“What?” Why?” he asks, shocked.

“Because I saw it, and I knew you needed it. Don’t argue with me.” Her tone is resolute. “Just say thank you.”

“Thank you, ma,” he says, his mood lifting slightly.

“You’re welcome, Ro,” she says with a yawn. “Get some sleep tonight.”

She kisses loudly into the receiver, and Rowan can’t help but smile. Maybe he can get through tonight after all.

When Rowan arrives home, he cracks opens his front door, unsure if Manon and Nimi are still going to be at it, but luckily Manon is alone, lounging on the couch, watching TV. He nods hello.

Manon gestures to his room. “Something came for you while you were at work. I put it in your room.”

Rowan finally smiles, excited to see what his mom sent him. But when he opens his bedroom door, he’s shocked to see not a package on his bed, but Aelin, curled up with her arms wrapped around herself, cheeks stained black with remnants of watery mascara, and turquoise eyes staring vacantly into the distance.

“Aelin?” Rowan rushes to her side, perching himself on the edge of the bed. “What are you doing here?” He pauses, but she still doesn’t answer. “Are you okay?” he asks, though the answer is incredibly obvious.

Tears spill from her eyes onto his pillow as she shakes her head and sniffles loudly. Rowan looks her over. She looks so small, knees tucked into her chest. He takes in her dress, now wrinkled and crumpled from laying on her side. He tentatively touches her bare shoulder, and she startles beneath his touch, jolting slightly, and Rowan narrows his eyes.

“Did…” He swallows nervously. “Did he… hurt you?”

Aelin shakes her head again, and Rowan releases a shaky breath. Thank gods for small favors.

“Aelin,” he pleads as he watches her helpelessly. “You have to tell me what happened. You’re scaring me.”

“I d-didn’t g-go,” she mumbles, so quietly that Rowan isn’t quite sure he heard her right.

She pushes herself upright, tears still dripping down her cheeks. “I g-got in-to a hug-ge f-fight with m-my mom,” she stutters between ragged breaths, clearly trying to keep her tears at bay.

Rowan wipes his thumb across her wet cheek, pushing the tears away, but they come in steady streams.

“Y-you were r-right,” she whispers through sniffs. She closes her eyes and takes a deep, centering breath. When she opens them again, blue gold eyes stare into his, and he’s nearly knocked out by the emotion he sees swirling in them. “No one can make me do anything I don’t want to. I’m done pretending.” She breathes heavily. “Sam s-sucks,” she says, her voice cracking slightly.

Rowan smiles softly at her. “I could have told you that,” he says, and she chuckles humorlessly.

“My mom did not feel the same way…” she trails off, and the flash of hurt in her eyes tells Rowan that there’s a lot more to her fight than she’s willing to admit to him. “It was the worst fight we’ve ever had.” She breathes deeply. “I can’t go back there tonight.”

“You can stay here as long as you want,” Rowan says, and he means it. It’s not entirely a selfless offer.

Rowan leans forward tentatively and kisses Aelin’s forehead. She exhales a shaky breath beneath his touch, and he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her onto his lap. Her tears return in full force as she cradles herself against him. Dark splotches mar his shirt with her running makeup. She leans back and swipes at her cheeks.

“Oh g-god, I’m getting your sh-shirt all d-dirty,” she cries, the small detail making her even more upset. “I’m s-sorry. A crying g-girl s-so isn’t wh-what you s-signed up-p for.”

“I don’t care,” Rowan says emphatically, drawing her closer, and Aelin settles against his chest again. He runs his fingers through her golden hair, starting at her scalp and running all the way down the middle of her back, repeating the movement over and over until it becomes meditative. She sniffles quietly against him, her tears running dry as she calms down.

When her breaths finally even out, Rowan kisses the top of her head and tries to lift her off his lap, but she clings to him harder.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers, and she nods, unclasping her fingers and letting him go. He goes to his dresser and grabs a worn in band tee and some boxers and tosses them onto the bed. He tugs his work clothes off and grabs some sweatpants from his bottom drawer. As he stands, two delicate hands wrap around his bare torso and soft lips press between his shoulder blades.

Rowan twines his fingers with hers as he turns around to look at her. She looks exhausted. The hours of crying have taken their toll on her. Her shoulders slump forward, and her sparkling eyes lack their usual luster. But Rowan thinks she’s never looked more beautiful.

She turns around in his arms and lifts her hair. He takes the hint and unzips her dress. She steps out of it and he holds up the band tee for her. She snakes her head through, and Rowan can’t help the surge of delight he feels at seeing her in his clothes. Aelin steps forward and wraps her arms around his neck, holding him close. He returns the hug so tightly he can feel their hearts beating together.

“Thank you,” she whispers, and Rowan hugs her tighter in response. He’d hold her forever if she let him. “Can I wash my face?” she asks, and Rowan nods and points her in the direction of the bathroom. Rowan finishes dressing as she cleans her face, and gets comfortable on his bed. When Aelin comes back out, she frowns at him unhappily.

“What?” he asks, nervous that he’s done something to upset her.

“You put a shirt on,” she complains, and Rowan can’t help but smile widely at that.

“So thirsty,” he says with a laugh, and Aelin finally smiles for the first time all evening.

“I’m actually hungry,” she says, crawling onto the bed next to him. He’s about to call her out for her blatant innuendo when she continues. “With tonight’s upset… I didn’t get to eat dinner.”

Rowan lifts his arm, and Aelin snuggles underneath it. “What are you in the mood for?” he asks. He holds out his phone for her to scroll through the limited delivery options, and Rowan smiles again at the domestic scene.

Aelin decides on Chinese food, and as they wait for it to arrive, they turn on the TV to one of Rowan’s favorite cooking competition shows.

Cuddled together on his bed, Rowan’s heart feels full. He resumes running his fingers through her hair, and Aelin sighs happily. He thinks about Elide’s advice, wondering if he should just tell Aelin what he’s feeling when she breaks the silence herself.

“You’re a really great friend, Rowan,” she says, and Rowan nods, squashing his feelings down again. “Thank you.”

“Any time,” he croaks out, continuing his movements through her hair. She kisses his bandaged hand and holds it in hers. As they sit together, Rowan can’t help but think this doesn’t feel like friendship. In fact, he thinks it feels a lot like love.

~*~*~*~*~

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#aelin x rowan #rowaelin #rowaelin fanfic #rowan whitethorn #aelin galythinius #elorcan #cruel summer au #amusement park au #charincharge writes #tog fanfic #throne of glass

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felicityfiction · 4 years

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i listened to taylor swift and wanted to write a thing. woosang from ateez because their friendship is so precious!! this was written in like an hour. the grammar is bad and the tenses are alll over the place and theres nothing even resembling STRUCTURE but it’s 3am and i needed catharsis!

Wooyoung realises. Maybe a little bit too late.

the classic childhood best friends trope that i love because i think that the best kind of love develops slowly, and not all at once.

“The last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind”

Wooyoung glared at his phone, desperately wringing his hands together. pick up, pick up. fuck

the call went to voicemail. wooyoung dropped his face into his hands, pressing his palms into his eyes as hard as he could, breathing turning ragged. where are you where are you come back

he knew he had no right to demand anything at this point. this was his fault. but an eerily silent group chat sent chills down the back of his spine and left regret clawing at the back of his throat. i didn’t mean it.

he waited for a moment, then picked up his phone from the table. he scrolled down to his latest chat, rereading the messages that had already imprinted themselves onto the back of his eyelids, haunting him, taunting him.

me: god, san, please. just tell me where he is, if he’s alright.

san: it’s not my place to say anything. i can’t speak for him.

me: that’s bullshit. he’s avoiding me, not you. not all of you.

san: not the point

me: none of you are on my side.

san: how can we be? did you hear yourself last night, woo?

me: i get it i fucking get it. i was an asshole. i’m trying to make it right

san: i don’t know that you can.

the scene blazed across wooyoung’s memory, hot and painful. it was all clenched fists, parted lips and wide eyes full of-

of what, he didn’t even know. a mix of sadness, disappointment and regret.

the worst part was the lack of anger. his best friend had a temper shorter than anyone else he had ever met, but anger was easy. anger could be dispelled with time, breathing, and wooyoung’s self proclaimed irresistible charm.

wooyoung got scared when he saw emotions he didn’t recognise, not even after 10 years of friendship.

and because wooyoung was a coward, he pretended that he couldn’t see, and let his best friend walk out his front door to god knows where. that was a week ago. and in the span of that week, wooyoung spiralled. he was grasping at straws, trying to fix the situation.

nothing worked. his best friend had wiped himself off social media and gone radio silent on every messaging app. the number that he memorised like the back of his hand went straight to voicemail, every single time. the worst part was his house. it felt cold and barren, without the familiar voice trailing from the living room when wooyoung woke up.

wooyoung was missing something that he didn’t know he had.

—

“you gave me all your love and all i gave you was goodbye”

love.

wooyoung believed in love just as much as the next person. he was a clingy extrovert who thrived off attention. he had grown up with hugs and kisses from his mom, the occasional girlfriend, and hoards of his classmates in school that vied for his attention. jung wooyoung was the epitome of lovable.

jung wooyoung didn’t know how to love.

rather, he didn’t understand that love came in different forms. love could come from the most withdrawn, silent individual. you just needed to know where to look, beyond the physical affection and vocal admiration.

jung wooyoung couldn’t sense it.

not in the “tell me about your day” that always popped up when he ended dance practice at 8pm, exhausted and cranky but always ready to complain about every single thing that had ticked him off.

not in the magical cups of coffee that appeared on his school desk the day of exams, sometimes with a little post it note. “you got this”

not in the silent presence that was by his side watching him play video games with someone else. the presence that worked mutely in his kitchen, greeting wooyoung with a dinner that he never asked for, but was somehow always what he wanted. the presence that never uttered anything to ask for wooyoung’s attention, seemingly content with just being next to him.

jung wooyoung was a fool.

buried under his covers, he clamped his hands against his ears, pressing as hard as he could,as if he could drown out his own voice sounding in his mind.

are you out of your mind? he heard himself say, over and over again. this isn’t a good prank, man.

then silence. the silence that was always comfortable and reliable, suddenly turned suffocating and tense. it was as if a barrier had erected itself between him and the person he thought he knew like the back of his hand

again, those eyes. the eyes that conveyed everything his impassive face didn’t. shining with mirth when wooyoung lost a game, dripping with fondness when wooyoung danced on stage,blazing with irritation as he shoved wooyoung away from him if he was disturbing his studying.

blank, distant eyes. wooyoung felt his stomach drop, the same sensation that he felt

at that very moment, like he lost something very important that he couldn’t get back.

—

“so this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying i’m sorry for that night.”

wooyoung had had enough. all his friends wouldn’t give him a straight answer to a very simple where is he?

wooyoung was nothing if not stubborn. he was going to find him, and fix everything. he didn’t know how, but he was going to do it.

frankly, it was almost a miracle that they hadn’t seen each other in two weeks, not even by accident. it was like he was going out of his way to avoid the places in campus that he knew wooyoung was going to be at, as if he memorised wooyoung’s timetable and classes and oh

he memorised wooyoung’s timetable, classes and practices. wooyoung stilled, feet stopping beside an empty classroom as he stared blankly at the empty hallway in front of him. classes were starting, and wooyoung was supposed to be in his European History lecture, but he literally could not care less about world war 2 at this moment.

how had he never noticed?

he was always slouched against a locker when wooyoung ended a 6pm economics lecture, whining for food and sleep. always outside the dance practice room hidden in a far block on campus at 10pm on fridays and sundays, with a bottle of water and wooyoung’s favourite ice cream. he always knew when wooyoung’s exams were, and made it a point to appear after every paper, ready to take wooyoung out for chicken. as a celebration if he did well, as a consolation if wooyoung was ready to burst into tears.

always there,without fail. it was the perfect summary of their friendship for the past decade,really.

and wooyoung would be damned if he let that slip through his fingers.

walking with a flame of newfound determination, he wandered through the school until he arrived outside the science labs. as an Arts student, he was never here. perhaps because he was never the one waiting. never reciprocating.

but the large white doors of the biology labs seemed daunting to him, even as he came to a halt in front of one with a plaque reading “anatomy lab”.

anatomy practical, 5pm. block D, level 3.

that was what he found after searching up the timetable of the medical students in his year.

the clock ticked closer to 630pm, when the class would be released. wooyoung tried to use the remaining moments to compose himself. he wasn’t going to throw a tantrum, he was here to apologise. he couldn’t start with why the fuck have you not talked to me in two weeks you bastard.

he wasn’t the bastard. wooyoung was. he was prepared to start with hey, i’m sorry. can we please talk?

but then the doors swung open, and students in lab coats filed past him. some looked at him curiously, and some waved, asking about a party happening this weekend. wooyoung just nodded and smiled, chest tightening, body bracing, like he was ready to be slapped.

and a metaphorical slap had never hurt as much before.

black nike shoes screeched to a halt metres away from him. the same worn shoes that had a permanent place in the shoe rack in front of wooyoung’s door.

wooyoung was staring, and he forgot how to speak.

he couldn’t recognise the person with swollen eyes and messy hair standing in front of him. his best friend was always impeccably neat, something that wooyoung constantly teased him about.

now, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. maybe two weeks. he looked at wooyoung as if he was going to lunge forward and sock him in the stomach.he looked at wooyoung with fear.

his lips clamped shut, while wooyoung struggled to get out the words he practiced. “i-“

he ran. wooyoung could only watch as his best friend bolted past him, barely grazing his shoulder as he fled. it still felt like a slap to the face. wooyoung was rooted to the spot, his blood felt like lead, he couldn’t move-

“if you don’t go after him, i will personally destroy you.” seonghwa glared at him, taking the place of the boy that ran, but substantially closer to wooyoung. he poked a finger into wooyoung’s chest, sighing loudly.

“he refuses to leave his house except for class. he won’t talk to anyone. he won’t go for his drone flying club or whatever the fuck he participates in. he’s broken, wooyoung, and we can’t fix him.” only you can

“fix him. fix the both of you.”

—

“if we loved again, i swear i’d love you right.”

wooyoung stood outside apartment number 4B, and his heart ached at how familiar it was. he was always welcome, but now it felt as if it was an impenetrable fortress that would swallow him whole.

he had nothing. no food, which he always used to appease his best friend’s anger. because this wasn’t anger. no prepared acts of acting cute, because this wasn’t irritation. just his heart in his hands, ready to be bared and presented. perhaps as a gift, more likely as a sacrifice. it was a sacrifice he was willing to give up.

“i know you’re in there.”

nothing

“i didn’t come here to hurt you.”

quiet.

“please.”

all he could hear was the ringing in his ears.

wooyoung breathed in once, deep. “fine. it’s okay, i’ll talk from here. i’m just banking on the fact that you’ll hear me out. it doesn’t matter if you don’t respond.”

this was the hardest thing wooyoung had ever done.

“i’m sorry. i know that’s the most useless thing to say right now, but i have to. i’m sorry i acted that way after what you said. i was being a complete idiot, and a jerk. you know i am that way, but that doesn’t excuse it. i’m really, really sorry”

breath two

“i miss you. it’s honestly been hell, these two weeks. my apartment’s a mess. all i’ve been eating is instant food, and honestly i couldn’t give a shit about all the tests we have right now. it’s always silent in there. i can’t blame all the guys for ignoring me, i deserve it, but it’s just- it’s just hard. i got used to you always being there. and it’s like i can’t function when you’re not.”

breath three

“i know i’m being selfish. i’m starting to think that i’m inherently a bad person, because even now i’m still thinking about myself. seonghwa said you haven’t left your house, that you won’t do anything. i’m sorry. fuck, i really am. you shouldn’t do all that. you shouldn’t have to suffer, you didn’t do anything wrong. i’m the one that made the mistake. so please, come back. you don’t have to come back to me, but the guys. they’re worried. so am I, but i’m past the point of deserving anything from you.”

breath 4

“i couldn’t stop thinking about that night.” wooyoung dropped his gaze, even though the door remained resolutely shut

“i know you can’t either. fuck, i messed up. i didn’t mean any of that shit, i honestly don’t know why i said that. but i’ve been thinking about it. about you. i think about you a lot.”

here goes nothing

“you’re important to me. you’ve always been, since we were dumb kids fighting over a soccer ball in the school playground. and i think i just finally realised how, how much i started to rely on you. i need you. it’s like i can’t breathe without you, and i just realised because you were always there,and i didn’t know to miss you. fuck, i miss you. “

“i’m pathetic. i don’t know how to understand you like you understand me. i don’t know why you put up with me, i’d probably get tired of myself. but you do. and i-“

wooyoung struggled to get his bearings through the shaky breaths that come through his lips, eyes blurry. there’s so much he wants to say.

like how he finally understands the meaning behind every little action that he took for granted. how his eyes have finally opened to another way of communicating, of expressing care and concern.

i know. i know it’s your language, and i must have been fucking blind my whole life to miss it but please don’t stop talking to me i’m just starting to understand.

how he realises just how much his best friend means to him, right when he’s on the brink of losing him

“i get it now. you’ve always been too good for me. and i’m sorry it took this for me to see what was always in front of me”

wooyoung can be brave for once. wooyoung can be the one giving.

—

“and if the chain is on your door, i understand.”

three words. just three words.

“i love you.”

wooyoung shuts his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in a bid to stop the hot tears. the door is still shut, and the silence is threatening to overwhelm him.

“i don’t expect you to accept that. i know i hurt you. but i had to come and say it. maybe this is me being selfish again.”

one last breath.

“but i swear on everything we’ve ever promised over the past 10 years. i mean it. yeosang, if you can hear me, i love you. i should’ve said it back that night, i don’t know why i didn’t, because now i look back and i think i must have loved you from the start.”

wooyoung blinked rapidly, and tilts his head upright to start at the block of mahogany in front of him.

“if you’re out of your mind, then i am too.” a wry smile found its way onto his lips as his mind replays a decade of laughter and memories, bitterly juxtaposed against the crippling loneliness and fear he feels right now. he’s going to walk away, and his best friend isn’t going to chase him.

“i’m gonna go now. i’m sorry, yeo. i won’t blame you for not believing me.”

—

but apparently jung wooyoung still doesn’t understand kang yeosang.

kang yeosang has never been able to push wooyoung away. not when they were 10, and definitely not when they’re 20.

someone grabbed the hood of his sweatshirt and yanked him back harshly. wooyoung stumbled, and his heart flipped in his chest. before he can comprehend anything, he’s being pinned against the mahogany door, but on the other side.

wooyoung loves yeosang’s eyes, because they burn with an intensity that is incomparable to anything else. wooyoung is still crying.

“if there’s one thing i hate about myself, it’s that i don’t know how to not love you, jung wooyoung.”

wooyoung thinks that he finally, finally, comprehends everything as yeosang crushes their bodies together in a semblance of a hug. but it’s tinged with desperation, and years of unspoken words and hidden actions. it’s the physical representation of please don’t leave me.

jung wooyoung is a fool. but he’s starting to learn.

lesson number 1: he’s in love with kang yeosang.

#ateez #fanfiction #woosang #wooyoung #yeosang #college au #friends to lovers #kpop #fanfic #its a mess

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grgop · 6 years

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Geneva, the French and the Međimurci

After months of residing in the darkness of inactivity here comes a fresh review of the recent trip to Switzerland. Those 3 days were without expectations and with plenty of spontaneous decisions that turned out...awesome. I even managed get my Master thesis done and sent to print hours before the trip thus not having to bring my laptop there and work at the airport. I would also use this chance to thank again our hosts for the wonderful time we spent there as well as for helping us with the stay in Geneve. Merci beaucoup...or whatever you write it. Now what was all this about, when, why and how...please start scrolling. The whole trip was planned a few months ago as one our best and closest Uni colleagues was going to get married. Since we were sitting next to each other since the day 1 of the University life (and were breaking the Erasmus Intership Exchange ice together writing the letters and creating our portfolios in the bars between the Uni lectures...) there was no way for me not to come there. Wait a bit more to see the wedding pics. The interesting story is that she had met her future husband during Erasmus internship in Paris while I was in Vienna (maybe I should apply again for the exchange?). One of the last things in life I imagined was ending up on a wedding in Switzerland and be surrounded with the French and the Međimurci. On the trip there and back again I was with a few colleagues whom we will refer to as “the Noone”. Let’s start with...

DAY 1: Travelling from Zagreb to Venice Marco Polo Airport. Getting lost in Venice. Evening arrival to Geneve

Just before our trip there were several problems that were kept in secret in order not to spread panic. Our return flight with EasyJet was cancelled due to French Airline’s strike and luckily I was online to check us in on the next one an hour later. Had we not had the second flight the same evening things would gotten nasty with the bus schedule and arriving home on Monday morning to hand in our binded Master’s thesises.

The second crisis emerged early in the morning around 3am when I realized:

a) I left the sunglasses at my barber’s desk the day earlier

b) I forgot the headphones on my desk!!

We travelled with Flixbus, direct line from Zagreb to Marco Polo Airport, at 7.30am and arrived a bit later than scheduled due to traffic problems on the Italian highway and a traffic mess at the bus station in Trieste (sorry Italians, it was another prejudice come true...).

We came to our destination around 2.30pm and had almost 5 hours free before the flight. And what should we do?

Go to Venice of course! For the price of 15 Euros you get the bus return ticket from the airport to Venice. My colleague was there for the first time and for me it was the 3rd. I honestly didn’t expect going there but ... was worth it. The plan was to drink coffee somewhere but we didn’t have time as...umm... I wanted to make a tour around and we got lost on our way back...just a bit. : -) In the end we managed to get in time back.

The overall impression of Venice?

Crowded, hot, stinky...few buildings and streets that impress you in the beginning and then you get bored and start counting nationalities and bricks in the walls. As well as the shades to hide in.

Just before the security check in I realized that I totally messed up with clothes and items in the travel bag...bringing unecessary stuff that took plenty of space. Never again listen to the others and just keep it simple. So I was forced to put my pants, part of ceremonial clothes etc. into the bags of my colleagues. :-D Just like Voldemort with the horcruxes.

Speaking of food and water supplies on your trips and specifically at the airports...there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who buy the bottled water in duty free shops... and those who drink and fill them in the restrooms (toilets). During my 3 days I only drank water from the restroom. Save money, save the nature.

Our flight was around 8pm and I spent most of it (one hour) sleeping dead tired. For those of you who’ve been following me from before you might remember I’ve already been to Switzerland but never in Geneve. (scroll down the blog for those posts).

Geneva airport? While going towards the exit you pass by numerous billboards of the Swiss watches...Rolex, Rolex, Rolex...and Rolex..and so on for the next 5 minutes. The good thing is that all the arriving guests have 80 minutes free public transport ticket so we went to the next stop (Geneve Cornavin). Our hostel (Geneve Hostel) was about 5-7 minutes by foot and close to the Geneva lake. Boys in one room, girls in another to avoid the potential problems. And unplanned weddings.

At the hostel we were also given free public transport ticket that was valid for the whole Saturday and Sunday which helped a lot. It included the train, the boats, the buses and the tram within Geneve. Since France was super close (cca 4 km) there was even a tram line leading there (about 30 minutes)...we heard you can have a cheaper lunch there and planned “to visit France” on Sunday but plans changed.

Before the sleep we searched around the hostel area for some cheap place to grab some food. Now, the word “cheap” in Switzerland is not as same as “cheap” here and the best for your psychological health is not to convert the currency. We found the Ali Kebab place right next to the hostel and ate Chicken Kebab with some salad and French fries for 17,5 Franks, a meal we split for two. This was relatively similar to some prices here so it was not that bad at all. I could have eaten though the whole plate again but my wallet couldn’t. No complaints anyway!

DAY 2: Morning tour around Geneve. Going to the ceremony. The wedding and the afterparty.

I’m a morning person and Saturday morning was no exception. Woke up early, took a shower, breakfast when there aren’t many people and already ready to go at 7.30am. I got the public transport and city landmarks map at the hostel staff and went to the lake with another early bird. Here are some impressions of the streets, people and cityscape.

Plenty of runners with bluetooth headphones, people walking with dogs, the cylists, expensive cars you see in James Bond movies, the specific architecture, plenty of hotels and banks, mostly clean sterile streets, the promenade and the boats. Pretty much international population and French language everywhere. And I don’t speak French except for few words but was interesting to be in an “alien” surroundings. The lake that is as huge as the sea yet fresh water. Ducks everywhere. What I loved was seeing the bike roads across the promenade and the streets of Geneve. More about it on Day 3. Speaking of traffic behaviour they all more or less stop when you approach the pedestrian zebra crossing and stop even 0,5 m before it if the red light turns on. On contrary, here you’d get run over even if you were sitting on your balcony.

We went back to pick up the third early bird and started our little tour around. There were several bridges in the center and you had a boat connection with other side of the lake. There is the huge wheel with cafes around the big bridge. One of the Geneve’s landmarks is the huge fountain which we reached later and had a free shower. One of the things that pleasantly surprised me was (as I had found out later) the artistic project “Happy City” where there were ca. 20 painted pianos placed around the city’s squares, parks, streets and bridges...where you do as it says “Play, I’m here for you”. So I did what they required you to do. Playing piano on Lake Geneva was another thing I never thought about ... but now I can say “new achievement unlocked”.

We walked a bit more to the inside of the other side up and down the streets, seen some churches and lots of interenational bars and restaurants. Expensive exotic cars again..and then decided it’s time to go back to hostel.

On our way back we checked out Lidl and took some emergency food to have just in case of unexpected hunger. This saved us on the next day. I also almost forgot that right now I can buy and drink Rivella.

Travelling to Gland and the Wedding.

We jumped into our suits and wedding clothes and went to the train station around 2pm. We had to arrive to Gland which is ca 20 minutes away from Geneve and there our fiancée’s family was going to pick us up and transport to the ceremony’s place. While there we got to know our French roommates and colleagues offiancé.

What I liked (and probably others) there weren’t many people as it usually is the case here. I won’t go into details here and throw emotions but here are some things. Close friends and family from both sides, that’s it. The ceremony took place at the fairy location called Le Moulin du Creux. Beautiful house with garden, creek and forest around located 100 meters from the road. Check the nice photos of it and you’ll get the idea.

We had two-three pastors, the French ones and the Croatian one. Since most of us didn’t speak nor understood French we had a translator. And it was funny because she was a Slovene translating into Serbian mostly. :)) Nevertheless, an interesting ceremony and a special moment for our now married couple!

What was also new was that after taking pictures and rushing to the tables with food and drinks we also had a game organized - seek and answer game. They hid around 30 photos around the area and we got the papers with questions in French and Croatian. For my team it was kind of a fail in the end. We were trying to learn a few useful French phrases such as J'ai soif which means “I’m thirsty” when sneaking around the table with served drinks.

The other games included a catapult and a cubic football. There was also a gigantic version of the Jenga Tower which was fun to play. We took and received as a memory the polaroid photo with our couple and later moved inside for the dinner and the rest of the show. We watched short movie clips that fiance’s family created about him and our friend. The only problem we had was that we didn’t understand anything as there were no subtitles. :-)

After few more games and meals it was time to go out on the field and light the lanterns. This was a cool thing and my first time to show up and do the thing actually, I think we all enjoyed it. I have no photos of it though but you can imagined what it looked liked having many of them flying up. Let’s hope non of them fell on the forest below. :-D

Soon followed afterparty with some dance music. Some people already had to part and leave. Finally, around 2am we also decided to leave as we didn’t want to miss our train back to Geneve. And of course we missed the first one by being 5 minutes late.

We came to the hostel around 4am and straight to bed.

DAY 3: Tour around Geneve one more time. Coffee & city bikes. Departure.

The final day is here. So far everything great! We made a deal to meet with friends from Nyon around 10.30h at the giant wheel in the center. Shower, breakfast and baggage packed and locked in the hostel. Ready to go.

We took the boat to the other side and soon met with our friends. We then wasted around an hour going to the “old center” only to find nothing interesting there. However, we saw more of the public pianos and parks. For the next half an hour we were on a quest to find a solid cafe to sit and talk about life.

We ended up below the giant wheel and had a tiny cup of coffee for 4 Franks. Naturally, we stayed for 2 hours sitting & chatting there to compensate the loss. I ran out of cash and asked the waiter where to go. After all, Geneva is the city of banks and I hadn’t seen a single ATM machine there. Before running for some cash we decided to visit the giant fountain. On our way there I stopped by the public piano which was now free of ambitious moms and their kids who just pressed random keys but had a cool photo. Actually, I was doing the same. It was funny to have the unusual audience around you.

Soon by the fountain. Time for a group photo!

Time flew by quickly and our friends had to find the bus station as they were leaving sooner than us. We went to the center in search of places to eat and after parting with them three of the original squad left. We had a few hours left before rushing to the train station and the airport. Having lunch in France? Visiting France by trams? Visiting France on bikes? Using city bikes to go around? We rushed to the nearst bike station and...all the bikes were gone. Second chance at the one across the bridge. We somehow were lazy to walk and wasted time on the boat. What happened there? Only two bikes left. I agreed to run to the other station as the rest follows me. But the guy working there couldn’t find the keys of the bike so we waster 10 minutes there filling the papers and waiting for him to come to common sense. The third and the last luck before giving up was using the tram to the Station No. 5 ... and...three bikes left, keys in the hands and off we go!

There is no better feeling than going around the new place by bike. Pure freedom and flexbility. We gave 20 Franks deposit and decided towards the north along the lake. Bike routes almost everywhere. Going between the streets was fun. No fear of the vehicles around us.

youtube

We did cca 10 km in total in about more than hour stopping to take the pictues (the evidences). The idea was to go to France but by democracy 2:1 we gave up from that idea fearing something could go wrong and we get stuck in the middle of nowhere and miss the plane. So we returned the bikes close to our hostel, took the baggage and went to the train station. There we found a nice souvenir and chocolate shop....you can’t leave without one kitschy fridge magnet and a few Toblerones. We met the other Croats who were going back by plane to Venice and I again reorganized my bagge stuff into 2-3 bags of other people. The food from Lidl helped a bit. As well as the good old fresh water from the restroom. I slept again in the plane this time successfully hiding my cabin baggage under my seat as the plane was crowded and full of passangers because of the cancelled flight. New achievement unlocked. We had almost 3 hours to wait for the 2.15am Flixbus for Zagreb. Being dead hungry we checked the available offers at the backery there and found some snacks to survive till home. This time Flixbus didn’t have the second floor (on Friday we found the first row spots on the 2nd floor, the best view and the best way to get killed in an accident). But who cares, soon home! The route was shorter as we stopped only in Ljubljana...I woke up two times in total and the second on just at the Croatian border. The bus arrived precisely at 7.30am to Zagreb, to the most beautiful of the ugliest bus stations in the area. Finally, seeing “Mamiću cigane” grafitti around the station I can say “Welcome back home!”.

#geneva #switzerland #suisa #genf #geneve #venice #veneto #venezia #wedding #međimurje #međimurci

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thedivinefish · 4 years

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TGIWednesday and party like it's MY birthday

TGIWednesday News

Today is my birthday and yes, this is how I feel as my g'daughter Charlie represents another year has come and gone! Where does it go? I have a movie star client that always says, “The days are long but the years fly by!” The ultimate lessons that I have learned over time are as my sweet momma always said, “I don’t do rush.” So slow it down a bit and don’t hurry up into anything or anyone! Know that I appreciate you and every birthday. I am now making every effort to receive personal self-care, whether it’s a haircut/massage/reading or other. And with all of my birthdays I like to treat others...

So here you go in celebration of my birthday on August 19th we have activated a Special 19% off Discount on ALL Audio MP3 and eBooks in the shop for the next 19 hours! You'll see the price adjustment after you Add To Cart and begin Checkout. This deal will be gone in a FLASH so don't delay! Go here now and have fun shopping! (*sessions/prayers zoom videos and certification are NOT included - time runs out at 6pm ET/ 3pm PT on Thursday the 20th) Make it fun today and every day and know that I appreciate you and I plan on having my version of fun too!

Get Jimmy's Bday19 Discount Here!

TGIWednesday Download

~ CLEARING YOUR DAY AND EVERY DAY ~ I believe, think, know and feel that my day today is Clear. I know, when, where, how and why to release my day today from unclear. I am ready, willing and able to have everything today in this very day, running forward with grace and ease and I am asking in all time lines and languages and so it is.

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

AUGUST 19th- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Birthday Greetings from my Inbox: "Jimmy, Happy Birthday, listen my tooth is really bothering me and I have another dentist appointment tomorrow but I am hoping to get with you today to get rid of this pain and anxiety, so get me in on your first available, K?. "Happy Birthday, do you think my resumé is being received because the recruiters act skittish and I am wondering if it’s just me or the whole state of Florida? Can we schedule? "Jimmy, Happy Birthday my dear friend, I hope you are having a blast and I know that traditionally you don’t schedule clients on your birthday, but I am hoping you will make an exception for me because I just got back from the doctor, hit me back. "Jimmy, Happy Birthday, I forgot that you are a fellow Leo like me, listen, I cannot find my car keys anywhere.....Thoughts? Hints? Impressions? "Happy Birthday buddy, I know you’re not working today but my anxiety and loneliness is at a new level, honestly we have to get together ASAP anything available noonish today? Call, text or email asap. "Jimmy, I know that you’ve been working on me for attracting more women and I REALLY want to get with this new girl. I don’t think I told you that I found out her husband’s name is the same as mine and now she’s acting all cold towards me. Do you think that all the attractive good mojo stuff you’ve been sending my way went to the wrong Phillip? I know it’s like midnight but call me ASAP." Daily Affirmation: "Today I will remember that we have choices. That "No" can be a one word sentence. That other people are generally self-absorbed and that I can make the choice to buy into that as a belief and or as much as a choice that they have made. Today I will choose peace and quiet."

From the Fish Box

"Good morning Jimmy, When I woke up early this morning my cat still hadn't come home. So I got dressed and went to go look for her. After 45-min and feeling into where she was, I stood at a spot quietly calling (as it still was really early) and suddenly she started meowing from somewhere and found her way to me. After a bit of saying hello, she led the way home. So, she's back and I'm happy ;) Thanks for the session and assistance yesterday. It helped a lot!" - Nicky

From Jimmy: Some of you may have read on Facebook that MY sweet black male cat "Kitty" has been missing for over a week. If you can offer your prayers for his safe and quick return, we sure could use them! 🙏 It would be the best birthday present ever!!

Monthly LIVE Zoom Event

Next MySwitchWorks Live Zoom Event Wednesday August 26th 7:30-8pm ET August: Themes of Loss

Have you recently suffered a loss of work, a loved one in spirit, lost innocence, lost health, lost youth and vitality?

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divinefishingtips · 4 years

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TGIWednesday and party like it's MY birthday

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Have you recently suffered a loss of work, a loved one in spirit, lost innocence, lost health, lost youth and vitality?

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365dailyaffirmations · 4 years

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TGIWednesday and party like it's MY birthday

TGIWednesday News

Get Jimmy's Bday19 Discount Here!

TGIWednesday Download

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

From the Fish Box

Monthly LIVE Zoom Event

Next MySwitchWorks Live Zoom Event Wednesday August 26th 7:30-8pm ET August: Themes of Loss

Have you recently suffered a loss of work, a loved one in spirit, lost innocence, lost health, lost youth and vitality?

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

Thursday Sept. 23rd - The Global Gathering

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

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advancedthetapractitioner · 4 years

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TGIWednesday and party like it's MY birthday

View this email online

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Have you recently suffered a loss of work, a loved one in spirit, lost innocence, lost health, lost youth and vitality?

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Thursday Sept. 23rd - The Global Gathering

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

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Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

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**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

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svrpvnt · 7 years

Text

6am. Your alarm wakes you up and slowly you open your eyes. Your eyes flick around to room; the ceiling, the dresser, the window, the shadow takes up one side of the window. Oh? You reckon he’s a little late than usual. A hungry, flesh ripping sound fills the air. Your eyes never leave the vaguely human figure at your window. Within minutes, he slips back into the night, allowing the sunlight to filter through the rest of the window. It’s only then do you allow yourself to rise from your bed. The sound of vicious eating still lurks outside your window. Ignore it. There was once a time where curiosity begged you to investigate the noise. Don’t think about it. Ignore it.

8am. Your mother kisses your head goodbye as you head out to school. The morning light shines over you, a warm glow on your face. Despite this, there’s still a cold wind that grips your ankles. You smile and wave to Old Lady Grenda as you pass by her white picket fenced house. She’s out gardening and she smiles and returns the wave before going back to her multi-coloured plants. She’s bent over at the waist in a pink floral blouse, beige capris and a straw hat adorned with yet more flowers. She looks like a Barbie doll, glassy eyes and shiny skin. Old Lady Grenda never stops gardening; she’s there when you come home, in the dead of night, in winter. The only time you don’t see her is at 3am. She returns shortly after, back to gardening. You’re not quite sure how her front yard doesn’t look like a jungle yet.

As you wander down the roads, you watch your neighbours rise from their slumbers, ready for another day. A black cat walks beside you. You lean down momentarily to stroke it. Its fur feels wispy, not quite there...unreal. You look into its amber eyes which stare intently at your grey ones. Its fur stands on edge, and it bares its fangs at you. It’s not angry; it’s warning you. You understand immediately. You walk on.

There’s a laundrette that’s open 24/7. You can’t recall ever seeing it close. Its neon sign is dull in the morning light and flickers on and off. No one’s in there except a man you swore you saw on your way here. He stares up at the TV playing the news. His clothes are but rags and mismatched swatches sewn together. He briefly meets your gaze with a bored expression before turning away. A shiver crawls up your back. You hope you never see this man again.

9am. You’re at school. A smile spreads on your face as you go to hang out with your friends. When you’re at school, you can pretend everything is normal in this town- that’s what everyone else does. There’s only a few who are curious about the mysteries of this town. They try to convince people to open their eyes and not be so blind. They gain no supporters. You float through your classes and breaks, never really paying attention to what’s really happening. You’re only clear memory from that day is entering the girls bathroom. Three teen girls glared at you viciously. Their cat eyes and sugar pink lips emphasising their anger. You were silent and they said nothing. Gargoyles. They heavily reminded you of gargoyles, especially the one who was perched on the sink, one leg dangling, the other close to her chest. You knew as soon as you left, they resumed conversation. Definitely gargoyles.

3pm. It arrives sooner than you expect. As soon as the bell rings, everyone deserts. Laughter and swearing and chatter fill the air as you crowd out of school. Reluctantly, your friends drag you to the 50s style diner with food that’s average at best but a fun atmosphere. The waitresses have large smiles painted cherry red and aging hair tied in top knots. All of you order milkshakes. You like milkshakes, especially strawberry ones. About halfway through, you realise something off about the strawberry flavour. It has a strange metallic taste and isn’t as sweet as usual. In the wrong light, the pale pink almost looks reddish. With a furrowed brow, you turn to the bar where the waitresses wash glasses. One is staring at you with vacant eyes, no hint of emotion. The air is still for a moment. The moment passes and she returns to her bright red smile and resumes chatter with the other waitresses. You turn around, unnerved. It’s better to just drink your milkshake.

5:30pm. Pastel coloured houses line the street as you walk back home. You’ve never been down this street before. You notice a couple of kids running up and down the sidewalk, playing Cops and Robbers. Huh, didn’t you just pass them? They go by so many times, like a looping film reel. You hope they’re having fun. As you’re making your way down the street, soaking up the afternoon sun, there’s one house out of place. A brown house with broken windows and bruised bricks. On the dead grass lay a variety of beer cans, cigarette butts and discarded snack wrappers. Ominous graffiti covers the wall. A crude arrow is painted next to door frame. “Hell is here”, it reads. From the looks of the house, you don’t doubt that statement.

8pm. The sun has gone down. You only notice when you’re in your room, tapping away at your laptop and the shadow has appeared. You drag your attention away from your work and smile at it. It’s a strange comfort. You wave at it. You’re not sure why. Well, you suppose he is quite like a childhood friend, watching over you since you can remember. He used the scare you. He doesn’t now. In a vague movement that seems to be just moving shapes, he waves back at you. Shifting your gaze, you catch Old Lady Grenda still tending to her garden.

10pm. Wrapping yourself in your fluffy blanket, you close your eyes and try to rest. Thoughts drift to your day tomorrow. You groan inwardly; you have a test in two days. That means going to the library. You’d rather do anything else. Slowly, you begin to drift in and out of consciousness. As you finally lull into sleep, the hunt begins.

#spilled ink #suburban gothic #modern gothic #writing #writers on tumblr #floral's writing #might as well post it

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whipplefilter · 7 years

Note

Um... im new here and i was wondering if you could write a sally/ lightning fanfiction?

I surely can, anon!

“I just wanted tonight to be memorable.”

“What’s so special about tonight?”

Lightning laughs nervously. He hadn’t thought about needing a reason. “We don’t get to see each other that much. I guess I just wanted to make something of the time, you know? So we can look back and think, that’s what we did that weekend. I don’t want it to just be like, oh, we existed.”

Sally looks ever so slightly disappointed by this explanation. But that vanishes quickly enough. “That makes sense,” she says. “But you know, all you have to do to make a weekend memorable is show up. You don’t need to bring a magic carpet. Where’s this coming from, anyway?”

Maybe it’s the nature of canyons to make you honest, or maybe it’s the sunset. Whatever the case, Lightning says, “I feel like there’s no possible way I could give you everything I want you to have.”

“Lightning–”

“But I figure I gotta try.”

Commune and Conquer

And see, there’s something you have to understand. This was all before the flash flood.

–

9AM

They’re already lost. Which wouldn’t normally be an issue–you know, file that under ‘we’re not here to make good time, we’re hear to have a good time’–except they’re not actually having a good time, because Lightning is lost and Sally didn’t want to go camping in the first place.

“I thought you were gonna take this time to unwind,” says Sally. She trails behind him obligingly, the epitome of cool. There’s a 50/50 chance she knows exactly where they are, and she’s just not telling him.

Lightning sighs. “This is unwinding! That’s what camping is for. You know, unplug, conquer nature.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to conquer nature. ‘Commune with,’ maybe,” Sally points out. “Where’d you get that from, anyway? A book? Please don’t tell me this whole obsession is just because you read some book.”

“Instagram,” Lightning admits. “Cruz showed me a– Oh hey, I think that’s our road!”

–

11AM

It was not their road.

–

12PM

“I didn’t say I thought your sense of direction was bad! I just think you’re too used to always knowing where you’re going, so you forget to think about it.”

“Were you like, a Girl Scout back in LA or something? Is this whole ‘I don’t want to go camping’ thing some kind of reverse-psychology–”

“Have I ever told you how attractive I find paranoia? Because wow–”

“See, now I can’t tell if you’re actually upset with me or not.”

Sally laughs. “Stickers, relax. That’s what camping is for, right? Besides, we’re still lost, so we’re not actually camping yet. This is just. You know. Driving.”

–

1PM

“I think I’m allowed to shout if there’s a tractor in the middle of the forest. It snuck up on us! Besides, what’s it even doing out here?!”

–

3PM

They’ve departed the forest. Now the canyon walls tower, blazing orange against the sharp blue of the sky. It’s narrow, comfortingly so–like the walls of a building, or even a cathedral. The stone, too, is a comfort beneath them after the unpredictability of the woodsy humus, and Lightning would be lying if he said that deep mud of any kind didn’t trigger memories of a certain school bus of death.

“This is nice, right?” Lightning glances at Sally.

Sally doesn’t need to voice her agreement. Of course it is.

“And we wouldn’t have been able to make it down here if we wanted to get back home tonight,” Lightning reasons.

Sally’s not willing to go that far. “Oh, I think there are probably more direct routes down here. You know, secret shortcuts–well-marked by signs and printed on your map. No, don’t give me that face– Stop! Stop, you know it makes me– I’m trying to– Stop!” Lightning nuzzles her fender. Sally stifles a ticklish giggle. “I’m trying to get you to loosen up!”

“Okay, mission accomplished.” He smiles as he brushes down her side, a light and unpredictable feather’s touch. Sally bats him away with her rear tire and plants a kiss on his lucky sticker.

“Shall we stake out our stargazing position?”

“Oh, good idea. Better beat the crowds. Looks like there’s gonna be a lot of competition for those prime spots.”

–

5PM

“Do you wanna build a campfire?”

“Oh. I, uh. I don’t know how.”

“Me neither.”

–

6PM

They sip treats from home as the sun goes down. It slips out of the slot canyon first, burnishes its flat top and all the sky above. The clouds are thick, dark bottoms bruising as the last of the sunlight turns their tops almost phosphorescent.

“You think it’ll rain?”

“I hope not.”

“If it does, will it make you wish you had a roof over your head?”

“You really aren’t enjoying this, are you? We didn’t have to come. I just thought–”

“Lightning. We went over this! Remember relaxing? Besides, if I didn’t want to do this with you, I can guarantee you I wouldn’t have come. Who exactly do you think you’re dating?”

“But you don’t even like camping.”

“Sure,” Sally allows. “But you’d never been. And it’s one night–it’s not a big deal. Plus, this really is beautiful. I mean that. I guess I just worry that–”

“That, what?”

“That you won’t like camping, either. I know you have this idea of it in your head, but–”

“I just wanted–”

“I don’t want you to be disappointed. I just– I always want–”

“–tonight to be memorable. Because I–”

“–for what’s out here in the world to be as good as it looks in your head. Because that’s so you, you know? And I–”

“–love you.”

–

7PM

“Hey. What you said earlier. What’s so special about tonight?”

“Lightning–”

“But I figure I gotta try.”

–

8PM

“So, how’s the crew chiefing going?”

“You know what you said about the directions, and like–I’m so used to knowing where I’m going I forget I don’t know where I am? Kinda like that.”

Sally edges closer. She’s running her heater, her metal pleasantly warm. “I’m sure you’re doing fine,” she says.

“She’s really good.”

“And how’s Cruz spending her vacation?”

Lightning rolls his eyes. “Roadtripping down to Peru with Danny, then backpacking Macchu Picchu.”

Sally whistles. “Kids these days.”

“But… this is nice, too, right?”

“LIGHTNING.”

–

9PM

“How’s the Cone?”

“We were just there. Less than thirteen hours ago.”

“It’s only been thirteen hours?!”

“Hey, don’t undersell that. Do you remember that one time–”

“Yes, of course! Mack should never have agreed to that. It was so–”

“Well, you can’t help Mack being a hopeless romantic.” Sally eyes him playfully. “Think about it. That was one breakfast. Then you turned back around and you were off again. And even that was memorable.”

–

10PM

“Remember that time your distributor changed their carpet brand? You were so mad you–”

“They didn’t match anymore! What’s the point of being newly refurbished if nothing matches?”

“I mean, it’s been a decade. Maybe it’s time to re-newly refurbish! Put some iPod docks in, hang some mason jars–”

–

12PM

Sally is falling asleep against him. “You’re okay, right?” she asks drowsily.

“Um, yes?” Lightning answers.

“That’s something I wonder about, you know,” Sally continues, the words muffled by Lightning’s body and the haziness of slumber. “Like, did he not call because he’s busy, or did he not call because there’s actually something he wants to talk about.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Mmm, it does. I know you.”

Lightning looks up at the sky–full clouds. So much for sleeping under the Milky Way. But he supposes it doesn’t matter much, since when you’re asleep you can’t do much stargazing anyway. The whole concept is flawed. “Would you be happier if I were home? If I weren’t–”

She’s supposed to be asleep. It’s a question he wants to ask but is afraid to know the answer to, and she’s supposed to be asleep. But she’s not–not quite. “I would never ask you to do that,” she says. “We’ll get there when we get there.”

Then she’s asleep.

“Don’t try to read the map,” she mumbles, some minutes later, when her breath is slow and warm and comforting over his hood. But that, too, Lightning figures, makes a lot of sense.

“I know,” he says. And he gives her an experimental jostle, to make sure she’s really asleep this time. “I just feel like I can’t ask you to marry me unless I know for sure that I can give– That I am–”

–

1AM

Enough.

–

2AM

He is. He knows this. Because he knows Sally, and he knows what they are together and he knows exactly how much he loves her. How much she loves him. He knows all of this.

But if there’s anything that can throw that all out the window (if they had windows right now, Lightning thinks morosely. Its cold out here, and unlike Sally, he doesn’t have a heater)–

If there’s anything that can throw that all out the window, it’s a proposal.

Even though it’s just four words.

–

3AM

Lightning has decided he does not like camping. He’s also decided that if he ever gets the urge to sleep outside, there’s a perfectly good impound lot back in town.

Oh, and it’s started to rain.

Cruz has one of Hamilton’s ringtones set to the sound of rain. Not her wake-up alarm–her 4PM alarm. The one that reminds her to take time to meditate.

How rain helps meditation, Lightning’s not sure, because all he’s really known it to do is cancel races and turn tracks green, which is a holy pain when it’s a race you know you have to lead early, or not at all. Rain also makes mud. Which again, Lightning still hasn’t quite recovered from–

He feels water under his tires.

Not puddles, but water, moving, water in rivulets. Then water in an even sheet, moving westward through the canyon.

Moving fast.

“Oh no. Sally–” Lightning jostles her tire urgently. “Sally–!”

Already, the water’s up to his hubcaps. And he can hear it now–the rest of it. It sounds markedly less meditative than rain.

“What'sit?” Sally yawns.

“Uhhhh–”

The water rushing around her does the talking for him. Lightning’s engine roars to life, the sound dancing against the surface of the water, and so does Sally’s.

“LET’S JUST SAY THIS WEEKEND IS ABOUT TO GET REALLY, REALLY MEMORABLE.”

–

9AM (again)

“I knowed you was gonna take Holley’s advice!” Mater crows. Then he recites, “For optimal and most expedient intelligence, always conduct your interrogations in the heat of battle.”

“Battle?!” Lightning exclaims, incredulous. But it’s an actual question. He feels half-dead and very, very damp; it’s entirely possible he missed a crucial part of this conversation.

“Your battle against nature!” Sarge supplies.

“You don’t conquer nature,” Fillmore objects. “You comm–”

Sally sneezes.

Mater leans into Lightning conspiratorially. “Now I personally’ve never thought much about proposals bein’ like interrogations, but now that I done some of that thinking I do see the resemblance! That flash flood was a nice touch!”

Lightning blanches.

“So what’d you say?” Ramone asks Sally.

Sally settles her towel more evenly down her back. “Um. I said yes.”

Red honks and Lizzie, begrudgingly, dispenses quite a bit of cash.

“When!! Is the wedding!!” Luigi asks. It’s more of a shout than an inquiry. He bites his lip to keep from exclaiming more.

Sally looks at Lightning, and Lighting looks at Sally, and the say, in unison, “We’re not in any rush to decide.”

“So you’re one of those couples,” Sarge grumbles. Which Fillmore meets with, “Of course, as an institution, marriage is really only–”

Luigi frowns. “Guido, he say he cannot take this kind of suspense for much longer. Luigi agrees.”

–

9PM (finally)

They are safe and sound in a very cozy cone.

“You know,” Sally says off-handedly.

“Mm,” says Lightning, when she doesn’t continue.

“Flash flooding. That’s pretty dramatic. But I don’t know if I actually remember much of it? Blind panic isn’t, I dunno. It’s not all that specific.”

“We can do it again if you wanna reinforce the trauma,” says Lightning. Sally smacks his nearest headlight.

“Oh, shush,” she says. Then, after a moment, she adds, “I’ll remember this part, though.”

The radio’s abuzz with a song neither of them know; it’s set so low Lightning can still hear the streamers on Sally’s fan as they slap against themselves. She strokes one of his tires with her own.

“I’ll remember this exactly.”

#cars fandom #pixar cars #salqueen #lightning mcqueen #sally carrera #cars fanfiction #asks

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mostlybats-partiallyrats · 5 years

Text

BITCH SATAN HAS IT IN FOR ME

Honest to God, I've been trying to fix my sleep schedule. Bits at a time. So instead of going to bed at 3am, I go @ 2, y'know?

EXCEPT, at like 1:30/40 a HUGE FUCKING SPIDER shows up on my CEILING. I thought it was a HOUSE FLY, SHE (more likely female due to Animal Science™) WAS T H I C C like holy shit.

So I fussed over what to do for like twenty minutes to half an hour, like grabbing a glass, and fetching the fucking HOOVER (vacuum). And then she Moved™ and I SHAT myself, I squealed and ran out of my room and woke up my brother (by accident, he was like stumbling out his room all confused).

Anyway, he quickly agreed to dispose of Brunhilda (that's her name now), but then my MUM came in and started yelling bc we woke her up (We weren't being deliberately loud, I was (am) autistic and Stressed, she wakes up to anything, we've recommended she buy earplugs. It's a problem for everyone in the house bc she's Old and goes to bed at like 8pm). But yeah, we eventually disposed of Brunhilda, my brother stepped on a slug under our bins, and I am now too hot to sleep.

Me: *is pursuing self improvement and attempting to Fix My Goddam Bullshit for once*

Satan: oh here, have a phat eight legged arachnid of death; you're welcome ;)

My mum: *being unreasonable*

Brunhilda: *m o v e s*

The Planet: *global warming*

Me:

Me: Choke. All of y'all.

#this is why I can't have healthy things #Like sleep #or stability #or a childhood free of trauma #my post #personal post

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slowlyfadedz-blog · 7 years

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I knew he was the love of my life the first time he made me laugh. Oh boy my naive 9th grade self was no where near prepared for the bound of emotions to come pouring out. I was so star struck by one of my high schools big time football players, he was a whole year older than me. He was a receiver and he was amazing at what he loved, so it wasn’t a shock everyone wanted to be his friend. He wore the number 42 for as long as I can remember, it became his identity. He had many different names but Well call him “The boy”. “The boy” was beautiful to me like nothing I have ever seen. I truly did not think someone so perfect would pay me any attention. But he did, he gave me every ounce of his attention and I yearned for it daily. Slowly he was starting to not just be the boy from 1st period. We would walk everywhere together, after every period. We made up special meeting spots in the hallways, people started to catch on. But back then I was a nobody, a tiny little freshmen in a big high school hanging out with the hot shot star athlete… who the hell did I think I was right? We hung out constantly but never would kiss or do anything. We just wanted to be with each other. “The boy” made me feel secure at a very young age. We started dating at the end of freshman year. I trusted him with my life… literally. I decided to start bringing him around my best friend at the time… that was my first mistake right there. 10th grade came around and she had bio with him. They were lab partners but I was cool with it because you think you can trust your best friend right? No wrong. Very very wrong. One Friday night I’m sleeping at his house and his phone goes off unusually late. So I pick it up to look at it, it’s my best friend sending him nudes or herself. Her message read “Don’t let her see”. Don’t let her see… don’t let your best friend see that you’re sending her boyfriend

nudes of yourself. I was so livid I didn’t know what to do, how could I possibly sleep next to the person who is getting nudes from one of my friends I mean who knows if that was the first time right? I told him to make it stop or lose me. And I thought it stopped until a month later same scenario but he was in the bathroom this time, looked through “The boys” phone and still saw nudes of my friend well used to be friend.. I haven’t spoken to her since I first found out, I think she knows why… I called my mom and left that night. I didn’t answer any of his calls or texts. They started dating. They dated for two weeks before he left her. “The boy” texted me and said it was just to get back at me for leaving. He was petty. But I was petty too never with him. Why would I be? The dynamic of our relationship changed this day. I didn’t answer him. I was strong. I was strong for the summer. I ignored the fuck out of “The boy” . He didn’t know what to do with himself. Junior year began and I was so excited to get it over with and be a senior. But it was his senior year… our last year forced together everyday. I started the year with a empty feeling in me. Going through the halls I saw him a couple times. Of course I did, a school filed with thousands of kids and some of his classes are by mine. Lucky me. I tried to act like I didn’t see him, become overly involved with my friends conversations protecting myself from hearing his voice or feeling his eyes burning into my side. Remember now he was a tower compared to me… I couldn’t hide… ever. 4th period came and I had study hall, I walk into the class a minute late and every seat is filled.. except one. The tables were set up in pairs. Lucky me. It was “The boy”. I sat there and wouldn’t look at him for a couple minutes.. but I felt them.. his eyes burning into the side of my face. He was staring at me. The class attendance came around and as I went for my pen in my bag he handed me his and held it too long for comfort without letting go. I let out a small thanks and said to myself fuck. Fuck. It was over. Why did I have to see him. A whole 38 minutes sitting next to each other. I tried to throw myself into my phone… he snap chatted me.. it was a picture of me. I got up and told the teacher I was going to the bathroom.. I went to Lopez’s office and sat with her. She knows everything she was my therapist. I never went back to study hall that day. Next period came and I had gym. I had gym with all of the athletes and a couple girls I was close with. First day of gym you sit on the bleachers and they have a mini orientation. I’m having a conversation with my friends about summer and how I didn’t talk to “The boy” at all. I felt someone sit on the other side of me but I was talking so I thought oh just someone else in this class. My friends looked like they saw a ghost. I turn around and almost choked on my “oh hey”. It was “The boy” again. Lucky me. I had gym with him? Really why me. I couldn’t escape I felt my chest getting tight. He kept trying to talk to me about nothing really. Passing me the ball, he ignored his friends everyday. We started talking more and more. I thought to myself… fuck.. its happening. And I let it happen. Again I was right back where I was comfortable. With him. But I refused and I fought myself. I told “The boy” to go get another girlfriend… I was happy with someone else… it was a lie…but he really got a girlfriend. He rubbed it in my face as much as he could. But I remained strong. We were best friends. I wouldn’t let him touch me. But we would still talk everyday. I started going back to study hall. We started walking together till he had to meet his girlfriend. I hated her. I didn’t know her. But she had him. And he was mine. I hid how I felt. For a while. We teased each other.. I went crazy and kissed him. Bad idea. We had sex for the first time in a while that night. I loved every second of it. I didn’t even think about his girlfriend… immediately didn’t feel good. I made him take me home and I ignored him again. I told myself no more. But I was lying to myself. I let him back in, we started hanging out all the time. His mom and sister loved me.. they hated her. We started talking more and more as if that was even possible. Texting all through school, walking in the halls, he started driving me home, wed text all through the night if we weren’t together.. once it hit 8pm we were on the phone. We would be on the phone until 3am. We never ran out of anything to talk about. Every single night we did this. And it became our new thing. We never grew tired of it. I started calling him in the morning to wake him up for school. I was shocked I was even up on time. His morning voice was the sexiest thing i have ever heard in my life. I loved it. We would never be all over each other in front of anyone. The end of junior year was coming for me but remember this was his senior year. So many things going on. Homecoming was amazing, big shot athlete scored the first touchdown on the new field. He was so excited. I couldn’t be more proud of him. That night was the dance and we grinded all night long. He’s so sexy. But he didn’t go home with me that night. He went home with her. It was the first time they had sex. He called me after it crying saying it wasn’t like me. I loved hearing him cry that he missed me. I hated him for being with her. He told me he couldn’t break up with her. I didn’t know why. He still told me he loved me everyday. Our relationship became toxic at this point. I just didn’t know it yet. We started fighting more and more. I would get mad at him for telling me things about other girls, he was a big flirt and I knew it. But at this point I didn’t like hearing it. I was insanely jealous. He got mad at me for being mad… he would stress that we were just friends when this happened……. we never acted like just friends anymore. He would get mad at me if I was out when we were supposed to be on the phone.. I couldn’t be out past 8… he’d be so mad. I started listening for a couple weeks. Then I hid going out. Graduation was in a couple weeks. He was leaving me and going to Utica to play football. I didn’t know what to do. But I was so insanely proud of him. I spent 300 dollars on him for graduation. He broke up with her. We were together and we had the summer. I couldn’t be happier. We did everything together, I slept at his house every night. I thought I could never be happier. We still did our old little things years later. He was leaving me soon. I didn’t wanna let go. I helped him pack and stayed with him until he left the next morning. I have never cried so hard in my life…or so I thought at this point.. and like that he was 400 miles away. Our daily phone calls increased. From mikes away he held on harder. We would constantly text. I knew his every move. And at night we would skype till 3 am, I needed to see his face. It was still summer for me.. he left early for football camp.. I wasn’t me. I threw myself into working, he would blow my phone up with messages and voicemails telling me I’m beautiful and he missed me. I was still so in love. Senior year came and again I started the year empty. My heart was not here in the building with me. But I was so excited to graduate.. and I had my girls by my side this year. We were doing good. It was just missing him that hurt the worst. Remembering everything we did here together. I only saw him holidays and a couple weekends I would take the 4 hour drive up to stay the weekend in his dorm. We would still fight constantly, over missing each other and him talking about girls. I never wanted to e jealous. I was just jealous they were seeing him and not me… even though they were just in his class. I couldn’t really complain. He never went out. He wasn’t a partier.. he stayed in Skype with me still all night. I loved him with everything in me. He only lasted a year in Utica, he transferred to temple hoping to walk onto the football team. He always had huge dreams. I loved that about him. I always pushed him to reach for them. Summer came back around and I didn’t see him as much. We were both working a lot. The fighting increased. We were both crazy. He cheated with his ex. I was so mad. I left him and he begged for me back. I said we remain friends and that lasted a week. I was too in love. He left for temple. Although closer still in a different state. We still were on the phone everyday. I tried giving him a little space to settle down. He refused to take it lol.. typical SJB. One day he didn’t answer all day. It was weird but I ignored it.. it’s rare that happens.. but it started happening more and more. The phone calls started stopping… I was confused. I was hurt. I was angry. I wanted to get in my car and drive there so bad. I wanted to know why but there’s not much I could do from miles away. He would tell me it was homework, or he was sleeping bc of practice. We had the same friends back home. One of them slipped up. He told me “The boy” was probably ignoring me because of some girl who goes through his phone. I didn’t know what to say. I was confused. I was that girl… who else would do that. I confronted him and he laughed. It was a friend and the person who told me was lying. He told me not to worry. Obviously I worried. Things got worse. They would tweet to each other. He said they were jokes. Then one day he tweeted something about “when bae leaves in the morning”… he ignored me the night before. I tried confronting him. He ignored me. She started commenting on his instagram pictures calling him babe. I commented the same thing. He deleted it. He ignored me. I was relentless. I told him she was ugly. He got angry. But she is ugly.. really ugly. Why would he do that? He told me I was too uptight, and she was there for him when no one else was.. it’s hard to be there for someone when they ignore you. He didn’t let me be there and he blamed me for it. He says he was depressed being in temple and she helped him. I tried helping him. I began to feel guilty for not being there. Was I pushing too hard? What did I do wrong? He asked her out on his birthday. March 25th 2016.

I was broken.

#love #bokenheart #highschool #sweerheart

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eternallement · 7 years

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have you ever thought about conversation fillers, like when people go “i don’t know” but they really do they just need to say “i don’t know to be able to start what they’re saying? like, i don’t know, (yes i see the irony) when i told myself i hadn’t fallen at all and sure this is what normal best friends do. i never really liked the phrase "falling” in love because i don’t think it should ever be seen as something where you’re hurt. yes you can become vulnerable because of love but i don’t quite believe love can ever hurt. betrayal hurts. change hurts. fear hurts. love, though. love is what saves us from it all and your love saved me from these things wherever they appeared in my life. back to the story, though. sunny mexico, white sand beaches and spicy mexican food. it was great, i loved it, but god knows the best part about each day there was when i got back to the hotel and i could speak to you. it was ridiculous, really, i don’t know why you stayed up even when it was 3am here and it was 8pm where i was. i’d like to believe it was for me but i don’t really know anymore. i remember one day in particular though, i was sitting in bed and it was dark out for me, so god knows how late it was here. you weren’t doing good, life was getting to you the way it had gotten to me a few months before. and it killed me to know that you felt like that, but you know i’d never leave your side even if i was a transatlantic flight away. and so i just spoke to you, kept you talking and told you what i’d do when i felt that way (glass of cold water, just breathe and talk to someone you trust (of course i said me) and cry if you need to, it’s never a sign of weakness). i just guided you back to a little self-love, but i remember you saying how much you wished you could hug me at that moment. at that point it was like, 3am here, so i told you same, and you should really get some sleep. another mexican night and i was staring at the stars, captivated as i always have been by the twinkling lights in the sky. i don’t know what it is, there’s just something about the little dots of light shining against the dark nothing that is just… captivating. there’s no other word for it. and of course, as my best friend, i had to tell you about how much i love the stars. the mexican sky was clear and i could see hundreds, it was actually amazing. so then you knew about it too, and the stars are gonna be something i’ll keep coming back to over our story. one thing i can’t forget to mention is there was a tree just outside the balcony. well, there were many trees, but that one tree in particular was inspiration. you called me orange for literally forever (you still do!) and i never said anything back because I never had anything to say back, but i figured why the hell not so i looked out from where i was pretending to sunbathe and i saw the palm tree in figurative golden light and a halo. well, quite literally, i saw the coconuts too, so there. you called me orange? fine. i’ll call you palm tree/coconut. mature right? but no, here’s what it is, i feel like i’m so serious and grounded and sensible and proper and i have to be a good older sister so much of, if not all, the time so it was so nice, with you, i could act like a little kid and there were no consequences, nobody fell over and started crying, nobody fought, it was so good. i also remember figuring out your favourite colour, when i asked red or green and i just knew you’d say red. i remember smiling a little victorious yet timeless smile at that moment and it’s the same i wear now, just for a moment, remembering those times. there’s a picture on my instagram from when i was in mexico, with my hair being blown by the wind and vivid shades of blue and green and sandy white. the caption on the picture’s the important bit here, “and for the first time, what’s past is past”. because of you, i could finally let go of any hurt and fog from before and i could enjoy the moment of things without being anxious for the next. instead i was excited, even, and you must have been a miracle because i don’t know how someone goes from feeling suicidal on the twenty fifth of december to feeling on top of the world despite the chaos surrounding it in the space of four months. so when i was in walmart for the first time and they had a bunch of keyring souvenirs, of course when i found a red palm tree i couldn’t resist. i also picked up a pinky blue dolphin for myself and a frosty blue one for alisa. but i remember walking around the rest of the shop and continuously checking to make sure the red glittery palm tree was still there, as if it could’ve vanished mysteriously. but then again you vanished mysteriously, so who knows. (okay that last line wasn’t fair, i know it wasn’t. i take it back but it stays there because i’m still hurt.) and of course, when it was time to leave mexico, you sent me a bunch of messages telling me you’d miss me during the time i’d be flying and i promised to try and send you a message while i was transiting in washington. just for the record, the wifi wouldn’t connect so i couldn’t. not for lack of trying, though. the day after, i had to drag myself into school even though there was still half a week left of easter break because i made the mistake of taking a gcse in art. i don’t even need to expand on this, you know how much i hated doing art with school. (is it bad i can imagine you saying “yup” to this with a single assured nod and then i’d make a joke about how you’d probably learnt more in my art lessons than i did?) we were painting cardboard sculptures today. i don’t really think they counted quite as sculptures because, well, they were cardboard, there’s only so much 3D you can get from that. but anyway, i was painting mine (a lollipop) a bright candy pink, and i remember sending you progress pictures along the course of the day (once you’d woken up at least!). i sent you practically every piece i was a little bit proud of over the month we had left i think, so that maybe you could appreciate the work and be a bit proud too. and you were, you really were! except, maybe, the cherries, but that was supposed to annoy you. i did those just for you, if you remember. i think maybe i’m starting to get a little too much into the next bit of the story, so i’ll stop here, at the end of the easter holidays. it’s funny because right now i’m writing this at 2:30am at the end of the easter holidays a year later, and everything’s so so different. but that’ll all be explained one day too i guess. to keep things interesting, i make my wishes at 11:11 too, now. they’re still for you.

colours and promises, part ii

#colours and promises

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