I'm probably nonbinary but I have college so idrc about that rn

hi cookie run fandom.

There is a serious topic I'd like to talk about.

tw/cw for opinions

(and lil warning for possible grammar mistakes, english is my second language ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ)

You may disagree with me, that's completely fine, but don't force your opinion on me.

So, what I wanna talk about is extremely childish and toxic behavior of this community.

For the whole time that cookie run exist there were a lot of completely USELESS and CHILDISH conflicts about any kind of ships and other people's headcanons for any character's sexuality. Especially nowadays, which always give me a lot of negative emotions.

Usually these arguing happens in the english part of cr community(which I'm not even surprised about), but it also happened in any other part of the fandom. Which always looks completely ridiculous and childish, don't you think?

y'all literally act like a walking circus or kindergarten whenever you fight over headcanons/ships

please understand that Cookie run franchise does not have any confirmed queer characters. The only exception is Cookie's with different genders, like bigender, non-binary etc.

And I'm so upset that I really have to explain this.

Cookie run's main focus is it's story. It doesn't focus on romance almost at all. Y'all fighting for no fucking reason

You can headcanon character's sexuality in any way you'd like, you can ship any character with each other (AS LONG AS ITS NOT PEDO/ZOO ETC, THAT'S DISGUSTING)

just don't force your, not gonna be sorry for saying this, shitty opinion on others. You shouldn't attack any person just because "YOU SHIP A (non) CANONICAL GAY/LESBIAN WITH THE OPPOSITE GENDER!!!1!1!!"

just stop making a fucking circus because of SOMEONE'S ON THE INTERNET, WHO YOU SEE FOR THE FIRST TIME opinion. I recently had a situation where I've received an insult simply because I ship red velvet with pomegranate, which made me not want to post any content with them in any other socials than my telegram channel

I was so insecure about sharing my comfort ship FOR A LONG FUCKING TIME, and after I finally felt confident enough I DONT WANT TO DO THAT EVER AGAIN.

Im starting to feel very disgusted and uncomfortable in this shitty fandom, because I can get accused of "being homophobic" just because I don't share the same headcanon with another person.

Again, cookie run focuses ON IT'S STORY, NOT ROMANCE, which means that people have full freedom to headcanon and ship characters in any way as long as it's not problematic

And if a character feels attracted to the same gender that DOES NOT mean that they're gay/lesbian, REMEMBER ABOUT BISEXUAL SPECTRUM FOR ONCE, GUYS.

I'm really tired of people fighting over COOKIE'S WITH ALMOST NO CONFIRMED SEXUALITY, I'm tired of people get hate for ships that are not that bad, JUST STOP THIS INSANE SHIT ALREADY.

Hey Cas, I’m looking for some advice (if you’re okay to give it, feel free not to)

So for reference, I’m an afab teen but lately I swear I’ve been questioning literally everything.

I know this is normal etc. but I really would just like to figure something out for once instead of questioning for years. I’m somehow questioning my gender and sexuality and I just want to stop stressing about it

My dilemma is mostly about my sexuality. Because I could totally see myself with a girl, I don’t think I would have any qualms about that. I mean, sure, I’d be confused but still. And I think I could like a boy? But I can only ever envision myself with a boy as a boy as well? I think I could also see myself as a boy with a girl. But I don’t know if the reason is because I really hate the representation of straight relationships in media etc where the guy has so much more power and influence etc. over the girl and all that (I’ve also had a couple of bad experiences with boys (mostly in primary and middle school, thankfully) not taking no for an answer when the asked me out and keep pursuing for literal years), so I don’t know if that’s influencing my perception.

There’s also a trans boy at my school, who just looks so… cool? And happy, free? And idk, I was just kind of envious of him for a minute before I sort of caught myself and now I’m so confused. I’ve always hated the way I look, but I always thought that would be more to do with not conforming to beauty standards, but thinking back it might’ve been gender dysphoria (to this day, I genuinely will cry when I have to try clothes on for too long and it often just feels… wrong? But I also hate the feeling of clothes so ???).

I’ve thought that maybe I’m non-binary, but there’s not much point in trying to identify with that as while my parents would definitely support me, I don’t think they really get the whole ‘gender is a spectrum’ thing or much else, and behind my back might be a bit like ‘they’re pushing the gay agenda on you’. And idk, maybe it is cos I can’t seem to see myself as… not gay???

I’m sorry for the sort of rant and if this doesn’t make coherent sense. I think I sort of needed to write things out. But if you have any advice it would be much appreciated. I’m sure you have so many people telling you this but scrolling through your advice is genuinely so helpful (and your microfics are awesome too!)

I also saw you were naming your anons, and I might come back with another question, so you can call me dictionary anon if you want, as my favourite thing to read is the dictionary.

Hi! <3 it sounds like you have a LOT going on in your brain right now, so let's try to piece some of it out, okay? I'm gonna give you some sexualities, genders, stuff like that, and I want you to think about how they feel for you.

So for sexualities, I think you should look at both bisexual and pansexual. Bisexual means that you are attracted to two or more genders, but gender is a factor. Pansexual means that you are attracted to people regardless of gender. You focus more on personality (and, of course, looks, to a certain extent).

For genders, think about bigender, genderfluid, demigender, and genderqueer. Bigender means you identify with two or more genders; genderfluid means your gender fluctuates depending on the day or certain situations, demigender means you have a loose connection to one gender, and genderqueer is a vaguer term meaning you just...don't have a traditional relationship with gender. When you say there's not much point in trying to figure out your gender, I don't necessarily think that's true.

Obviously, it's your decision and I respect it, but I think there's a lot of help in knowing more about who you are, even if you aren't in a space to share it. Whether or not you have a label (you absolutely don't need one), maybe deciding on things you like/dislike when you come to gender? Because you shouldn't...force yourself to think of yourself a certain way just to appease others.

I think it could be helpful for you to kind of...look at these terms and decide if they fit for you. But ALSO, it's okay if you don't know right now. It's okay to just say, "I feel like a girl right now." or "I like THAT boy." That's completely valid.

The last thing I'd encourage you to think about is something called 'gender envy,' which it sounds like you might be feeling for the trans boy at school. Gender envy is where you see someone and they're just so...gender. Like either their expression or their identity or just their confidence in their gender makes you want that. Conan Gray gives me BIG gender envy. So if you are feeling gender envy, ask yourself why? Is it because you want to also be more masculine? Is it because you want to be confident in your identity like he is? Either way, gender envy can help you understand your own gender.

If you need help talking through any of this, I'm always here- I know it can be a lot. Remember that the most important part is that you (safely) figure out who you are. Even if you can't label it, exploring your identity is awesome, and I'm proud of you for doing that!

<3 <3 <3

I would really like to hear all your theories on Duane Higgins in Wingmen! I also find him an intriguing character 🤔

It all comes down to the notion that he was in love with Jack, but didn’t realize this.

Unlike Fred and Jack, he isn’t fully homosexual — maybe he's even mostly attracted to women. Gay men simply can’t be unaware of their nature, even when trying to repress it, because we’re attracted to only one gender. There's only one option. But the situation is more complicated when it comes to guys like Duane. He was raised and lived in a deeply heteronormative society, where the possibility of same-sex romance wasn’t even considered. So he never considered the possibility of being attracted to Jack, and was satisfied enough to be friends with him while pursuing women on the side. The text itself explains a little about the social rules that Jack and Duane, as two adult men, were expected to follow in their interactions:

"He figured he felt as deeply for Jack Hardigan as he did for any man or woman alive. He never considered using the word “love” to describe the emotion—love being what mothers felt for sons and vice versa, what occasionally fathers felt for sons, and what infrequently and with great caution one felt toward a younger member of the opposite sex." [...] "the two had managed to hang together like husband and wife, or more accurately, like twin brothers." "Despite the closeness between these two, they had not corresponded while they were apart. Attachment for another man is not something two grown men easily admit, so Duane was flabbergasted and secretly overjoyed when the orders came for his transfer to Jack’s squadron."

That all changed when Fred entered the scene, though. Yeah, Duane was envious of Fred’s accomplishments as a pilot, but that’s only part of the issue, the part he allowed himself to admit. He was mad. Mad at Jack for breaking the social rules of male behavior. Mad at Fred for (successfully) pursuing Jack and creating this whole situation. And, deep down, he was beginning to get mad at himself for never having had the courage to try anything with Jack when he had the chance to. Notice that, despite being obsessed with finding out the truth about their relationship, he never threatened Fred and Jack. He knew this could ruin Jack’s life, and he didn’t want that. He was just mad this was happening, and couldn’t stop thinking about the matter.

The character is a representative of this “grey area”/bisexual kind of man. How many of them are there? Most of them spend their entire lives defining themselves as nothing but straight, simply because that's the pattern. In a society more open to accepting different sexualities, like the Western world is starting to be, they could’ve had very different trajectories.

The epilogue raises other questions, too. Was Duane conflicted about the end of his marriage? And he certainly reflected on his feelings for Jack in the post-war years. Did he ever try to approach another man? Fred doesn’t expect to hear from Duane after the funeral, but that’s his (very biased) take. We know he never liked Duane. But what if he saw in Fred someone he could confide his hidden feelings?

By the way, thanks for all the questions. I never had the chance to discuss Wingmen before, so I’m very glad to reply!

"maybe Albert'' do you believe he can be read as gay? :)

Ah, that's not what I meant!

What I was talking about was not necessarily that characters are coded or can be read as a specific sexuality, but more that they interact with the concepts of romantic or sexual attraction in canon at all.

So what I was saying was Albert "maybe" has a canon relationship to these things to even extrapolate off of.

For instance, Jack is clearly attracted to women (and possibly men on some level, given that he still propositioned Bond after realizing Bond was Bond, and I feel like his potential bisexuality is really not addressed enough thank you), because he is placed in a situation where he comments on it, because he is attracted to someone. There's something to build a headcanon off of.

Or Sherlock, where he mentioned not being interested in women, and also has a conversation with John about romantic attraction/marriage. People read this as "gay" but it could be ace, aro, gay, bisexuality with an attraction to multiple non-women or masc-leaning genders, or a combination thereof. There's lots of ways to potentially read it, but the fact is that he interacts, in canon, with the concepts.

Compare to someone like Mycroft, who is never in a situation where attraction becomes relevant to act or comment on, nor does he ever proffer commentary on the subjects. He does not in canon ever interact with the concepts, really. There's nothing to build anything off of in canon or extrapolate from, so any reading one way or another is pure fantasy on the reader's part.

Meanwhile, characters like Louis or Billy are sort of in a gray zone. They never really offer any commentary about their relationship or how they feel about sexual or romantic attraction, but they both sort of maye interact with it via Sherliam. You could potentially read something into their attractions via their understanding of Sherliam--for instance, Louis clearly does not get what is going on with them at first at all, or at least doesn't like it, and you could maybe argue he's ace or aro based on his lack of understanding of it in other people.

So whether or not they interact with the concepts is *shrug*.

Albert is sort of in this area. He never makes any comments and is not really ever put in a situation to act on or comment on his own or other's attractions. But in The Tea Party and his character profile, he does have a few notes about not being interested in marriage to these various women who are attracted to him. He doesn't talk about it ever or how he feels about it, but he's in a situation where he kind of sort of has to interact with the concepts of attraction on a sexual or romantic level. Of course, he may be attracted to women but not these kinds of women, or he may have been too focused on keeping the house safe, or various other reasons for not pursuing various romantic options offered to him, so maybe he wasn't really interacting with being attracted and the entire scenes were building up to characterizing his devotion to his goals, etc.

For what it's worth, Albert never actually indicates attraction to anyone. He could be gay, but he could as easily be ace and/or aro. I know people want to headcanon him as gay or the slutty bisexual, but there's really nothing in canon to support that. He's attractive and charming, and that's...it. He never flirts or seduces anyone. He never even seems to want to.

He could really be anything, or nothing at all.

Frankly, I think Albert is probably terrified of sex for religious reasons guilt reasons, and mental health reasons, and probably has never had sex or sought it out.

So that's what I meant by "maybe" Albert. Not "maybe" he can be read as gay, but "maybe" he can be read as anything at all.

Hey! Agree that erasure sucks big time. As a lesbian, I very often see that devs make every character in a game bi, with no lesbian rep at all. That puts me in a difficult situation when I want to respect bi people but also want to have rep of my own. :(

Though I admit, I can kind of read a bit of a tongue-in-cheek comment into this message (which could just be me feeling defensive in general over this topic, I'm fully aware that I am and definitely mean no ill will towards you), but I'll take you at face value on this and assume you meant no ill will either lol.

Honestly, I'll definitely always agree that there need to be more canonically queer characters and experiences portrayed of every orientation and gender, only I'd definitely argue that bisexuality specifically is kind of in a unique position where it's... it's so often used purely as a game mechanic that, despite its theoretical existence in a narrative, it can often, and to many players, not even be interpretable as any sort of real representation either. Especially with how many games, past and present, kind of conceal their characters' queerness behind the players' intentions to seek it out (basically treating them as "straight until proven gay"), which often implies monosexuality (at the lack of a better term) in the text regardless of the existence of another mechanic, even if the character could technically be considered bisexual.

There is a very clear difference in my mind (and in the minds of -as far as I can tell- the majority of other bisexual players) between characters being canonically bi, and them being mechanically bi, in that in that the latter case, you can often play and engage with, or even romance characters without ever needing to acknowledge them as anything other than monosexual (again, lacking a better concise term) in a way that happens to coincide with your PC's sexuality. They can be seen as gay if you're the same sex, and as straight if you're not. But in BG3 specifically, even though the dialogue with the player themselves doesn't really seem to address the companions' sexuality head-on (you can't, like, walk up to Wyll and ask him "so, hey man, what's, like, your.... whole deal, or whatever?", you have to listen to him and connect the dots), it IS really nice, and a nice change of pace that this is not a thing. That no queer content is hidden behind "the gay button", that you aren't limited to being exposed to their queerness while in a romance with them, and that you cannot, literally cannot, play the game in a way that would make the world less queer, or make it seem like the characters are merely adapting to the gender of the player character.

Because they all hit on-, or express attraction to at least a few others regardless of gender, without it immediately implying anything beyond them all just... being attracted to people of different genders.

I watched this slightly older video essay by verilybitchie just a little while ago that went into this exact thing in a lot more detail, and I honestly recommend it to everyone. Since the video is two years old now, she of course doesn't address BG3 specifically (I'd love to hear her thoughts on it though! the end note where she talks about how excited she is for what might be coming next really warmed my heart!), but otherwise it's a good runthrough of my thoughts and experiences on- and with the issue as well.

(And, to be honest.... as a side note, romancing a bi character is.... still respectful, if you play your own character as monosexual? Like I do that all the time too, so that part of your message... kind of confused me?

Like... the only way romancing, say, Karlach for example as a woman can be considered in any way disrespectful to us bi people, is if you play that in an angle that erases her bisexuality, simply because she happens to be in a same-sex romance in your game. But that's less an issue of representation in the game itself imo, and more just... this strictly theoretical player themselves being at least a little bit biphobic and erasing her sexuality based on the gender of her partner, even if that isn't their intention.)

For the past two years, I've been introducing a friend to Wizard School Mysteries by live reading the first two books over Discord, and she's loved everything about them so far (especially certain characters; I can confirm that Fafgander, Dhenregirr, Demonbone and Professor Spidergrin officially have the monsterfucker seal of approval). However, one line from Book 2 stuck out during one of these readings that made me wonder whether the impression we got was due to my own delivery or intentional on your part.

I reading the Needlessly Gendered Night Out chapter, and I ended up delivering Polybeus asking James to be his wingman as if it were a marriage proposal. On one hand, I just thought it was the funniest way to read that line at the time (which my friend's reaction confirmed), but on the other, it ties in so well with Margot's suspicions of Polybeus having a crush on James back in the first book that I can't help but wonder if that was the connotation you had in mind in the first place...

Well, firstly, thank you for that! I can't overstate how much I appreciate it when people spread the word about my books, and the idea of someone doing a dramatic reading of them in particular just makes the novelist AND theater kid in me very happy.

I've definitely written Polybeus and James's interactions to be very flirty, particularly on Polybeus's end. Polybeus is the Rival archetype, after all, and if your Leader of the Group and the Rival don't have some shipping sparks going on, you're probably not writing them right. So even as the nature of that rivalry evolves into something more friendly/healthy in book 2, it remains very flirty because Polybeus is, on some level, kind of obsessed with James.

Now, at the moment the exact nature of that relationship is intentionally vague. Perhaps not from James's end - we kinda know where he's leaning romantically by this point, right? - but for Polybeus it, like many things in his life, is in flux. A huge part of Polybeus's arc, especially in book 2, is figuring out exactly who he is and what he really wants.

Polybeus comes from Mediterra, specifically the part of Mediterra that's based on the Greek version of Greco-Roman mythology rather than the Roman version, which means homosexuality/bisexuality is pretty normalized where he comes from. His favorite hero, Achilles, is explicitly a gay man in Midgaheim canon. So Polybeus isn't unaware of homosexual attraction, nor does he have any reason to think he can't feel it. So him not knowing exactly why he's obsessed with James isn't a sort of "guy who's been raised to think he's straight doesn't realize he's gay" situation. He's been raised in a culture where people are kinda assumed to be bisexual by default.

But he's also raised in a culture with a strong emphasis on platonic homosocial relationships as well - warrior bonds and the like. Your closest buddy on the battlefield is just as important a relationship to a Mediterran like Polybeus as your romantic partner - and yeah, for some people those two are one and the same, but for others they aren't.

And then there's also just the fact that James is, in many ways, exactly who Polybeus wishes he was. James is clever like Odysseus, marked for greatness by a higher power, and capable of attracting friends and followers with what appears to be relative ease. He's confident (or so Polybeus assumes) and strong and brave, all traits Polybeus fully believes he himself lacks.

So what is the source of the obsession? Romantic desire? A warrior's bond? Envy? Polybeus himself doesn't know, just as he doesn't know what most of his other desires are or why he has them. But it's something for him to unravel as our story goes along.

And you know, we also have to take into account the fact that James isn't the only person Polybeus flirts with. He's infatuated with Gretchen too, even if he expresses it clumsily, and he's got a strange friendship budding with Charlotte, not to mention the somewhat Helga Patacki-ish treatment he gives Ivan. Polybeus contains multitudes, really.

u not a lesbian tho ur bisexual

Okay so let me clear this up not even for the benefit of anon but for my mutuals who don’t know me irl and may get the wrong impression from it.

what i meant to say in those tags is that the reason i still feel comfortable going to women’s places in my current state of existence is that 1) lesbianism AND womanhood both come in many diverse flavors of gender experiences so to speak 2) ERGO even lesbians who are straight up cis women can and will be attracted to people with various kinds of gender experiences, both “internally” so to speak (‘identity’) and “externally” (various configurations of genitals, breasts or lack thereof, body hair, presentation, etcetc.) this isn’t the case for ALL obviously but its certainly the case for some. Like I personally know lesbians who know about my gender situation and would still fuck me lol im not even being prescriptive rn as you point out i am NOT a lesbian and its not up to me to say what they should or shouldnt do. Im literally describing reality. 3) as i exist right now, i am a person with breasts, a pussy, and a relatively feminine face (though invisalign is doing wonders on my jawline, werk!). To say that no lesbian who sees me in a bar dancing could possibly be attracted to the person they see is genuinely so far out of the bounds of reality it boggles the mind. Also this is neither here nor there but i don’t exactly consider myself a “man”, like I would never want to fill the social role of ‘man’ the way a cis man does. That’s why i call myself transmasc but not a trans man. If id been born with a penis and assigned male at birth and raised a boy etcetc, i would STILL want to socially and/or medically transition bc I simply dont see myself as a genuine 100% man the way i dont see myself as a woman.

If i ever do manage to get hrt and I acquire more masculine characteristics etc the situation will be different, like I wouldnt feel as comfortable going to spaces for women. Also I should specify that the bar i went to today does not call itself a “lesbian bar”, it is a bar for queer women of any sexuality (and their friends and allies of other genders). Not every single person in there was a woman, and not every single woman was a lesbian. Statistically in fact many of them were probably bisexual, and honestly assuming otherwise is lowkey pretty biphobic lol

lastly, i also want to specify that, even if im pre-transition and i look for all intents and purposes like a cis woman (something that makes my life hell in many generic lgbt places, where the general misogynistic and boys-club vibe makes it so gay dudes will tolerate me at best and assume im a ‘fag hag’) i still would never have sex with a lesbian without clarifying my gender situation to them first. I simply would not feel comfortable with that in fact the thought makes me pretty nauseous. But at the same time 1) i know (again, for a fact) there are plenty of people who use the label of lesbian who WOULD fuck me even after knowing and 2) i dont think grinding a little on a stranger in a bar you saw from a cross the room and found really hot, or even having a short dancefloor makeout with them, is anywhere on the same level.

In honor of rainbow capitalism, can you list characters that felt lgbt+, but was never confirmed because the executives were cowards?

I'll go first. Merula Sny-

Hahaha, she certainly dresses like half my queer friends. I mean, come on, the girl regularly wears flannel.

Jokes aside, I’m going to ramble on a tangent for a bit. I have a lot of thoughts. Bear with me.

With HPHM it is tricky because of the whole playersexual/bisexual button situation with half the cast, a lack of hints about sexual or gender identity, and nonexistent trans and nonbinary representation. In the game, (that I can remember off the top of my head) the only characters that show canon attraction to the same gender are Tulip’s grans and (albeit not actually represented) Dumbledore, and the only characters that show canon attraction to a different gender are Bill, Ismelda, Tonks, Diego, McGonagall, and any married couple (I refuse to believe Merula had a crush on Jacob).

Without a whole lot of evidence, I have mixed feelings about relying on stereotypes to guess a character’s sexuality or gender (e.g., this character doesn’t embody gender norms so they must be gay/lesbian/trans/etc.). That being said, most of my friend group is unabashedly a walking stereotype, and I fully support people’s rights to headcanons, especially if they see themselves in a character.

So, disclaimer over with, based on my experience as a queer, ace ciswoman, these are the characters that feel queer to me (all in good fun):

Merula: as stated above. Don’t tell me she’s not attracted to girls. She’s a lesbian in The Mad Witch.

Penny: this is mostly because her romance route cropped up very early on in the main story. I nearly wrote her as bi in The Mad Witch. The only reason I didn’t is because of how much I despise love triangles (never mind that it’s still a love triangle, just a different kind). There are some holes in that logic, I’ll admit.

Charlie: aro/ace. The dude was literally my ace awakening. (“Why do people keep saying he’s ace because he’s more interested in dragons than relationships? That’s not unusual. I’m more interested in dragons than relationships and…oh. OH.”)

Tulip: canonically would rather spend time with Tonks than pursue romance. Literally sees a future with Tonks in the freaking Mirror of Erised. Her relationship with Merula sometimes reads like a bad breakup. In The Mad Witch, queer is the label she uses, and she’s had a couple of relationships with women.

Tonks: it’s fairly popular fanon that’s she’s not cishet, especially with her relationship with Tulip, and I can see it.

Skye: purely because of that one loading screen with Penny. Some of my mutuals might call her je ne sais queer.

Jules: extremely queer-coded. Was introduced during pride month, said she wanted to be invisible because she thought no one would accept her for who she was—not to mention that outfit.

Barnaby: this is mostly because of the bisexual button where he has a crush on MC regardless of gender in Ismelda’s side quest, so I keep thinking of him as bi.

Rosmerta: is ace in The Mad Witch, although I haven’t found a way to work that in.

Rowan: popular fanon sees them as genderfluid and I love it. Headcanon fully accepted.

I mostly focused on wlw, so the list could probably go on. I know a lot of people see the characters differently, which is cool. Again, all in good fun!

I thought I was a gay trans man for many years, but after a prolonged identity crisis, I've come to the conclusion that I'm bisexual and bigender (both a man and a woman.) I've always felt an affinity for the word butch and related to (as well as was attracted to) butch women. But in my day-to-day life I'm stealth as a cis man. I want to embrace my butchness but I feel like there's nothing radical or nonconforming about my masculinity since everyone sees me as a man. Especially since I'm on the road to getting phalloplasty, I feel like this realization has been sort of pointless. I'm not like those strong butch women who are visibly gnc and unashamed, though I envy them.

honestly, i don't see anything unchallenging about any person who decides to craft a form of gender different from what they were taught was right. in even mentioning that embracing your butchness would be a decision, you are proving that there is something in that action that changes the way you think about your masculinity, and therefore how you perform it and how it relates to others. and personally, i find even the sheer use of the word butch (as a positive thing, an honorific, especially) to be radical in and of itself for the way it can open up a room.

you may come to butchness from a different angle than many butch women do, but then many butch women come at it from different angles than each other. plus, butches from all throughout history have physically transitioned for all kinds of reasons. look at leslie feinberg. to me, and to many people, i don't think it matters what people see you as, 'cause people are always going to put something on you no matter what you do. when i was younger for example, i identified as a butch lesbian, and i was just like. a teenage girl wearing masculine clothing, and in a lot of situations people just assumed i was a guy. (one time it even happened while i was literally wearing a jacket that had a double venus emblazoned on the chest.) but what they put on and expected of me didn't change the fact of what i was, how i identified, or what it meant for me to be navigating life that way.

idk, i understand where your concerns come from, but i really think this sort of self-analyzing insecurity regarding whether you're doing enough by being butch is like... one of the most prototypically butch things i've ever heard, and also one of the things i feel like all of us have to learn to shed one of these days. it's better for the soul

What's the difference between a bi lesbian someone who is bi or is a lesbian? Aren't they mutually exclusive terms? (Genuine ignorance but willing to learn.)

(Just in case my tone comes across badly, I am just happily sharing. If any good can come out of me being back on Tumblr it will be sharing my experiences of sex and gender so that maybe somebody understands themselves better.)

I want to start with the fact that I am not myself someone who uses the label. I usually identify as bi or pan. So I can explain coming from my perspective as someone who has talked to bi lesbians and even identified with their explanations, but I am not one. I love dudes too much.

Like any label it's super personal to the individual but from what I have heard over the years, some women use it because they functionally are a lesbian. Their relationship and presentation are such that society thinks of them that way. That may even be how they label themselves in less queer spaces. They face that discrimination and participate in those spaces.

For some others I've talked to, it's more about where they lie on the kinsey scale. Their relative attraction to women compared to men, making them feel the need for the distinction. Sometimes this is even more of a bisexual - homoromantic situation, where sex with dudes is fun but one loves women.

Since I believe this was in response to a support post, I just wanna say label policing is not good for anybody. This isn't aimed at you, nonie, just everyone, be kind and willing to listen. We're really not all that different and we're not free until we're all free.

(also vaguely related rant about being bisexual under the cut)

Being bi is really fucking weird. Nobody believes you no matter who you date. Unless you're poly and are dating multiple people of different genders at the same time, then you're just a slut. Like seriously I'm pretty sure the new Green Day song Bobby Sox exists solely to remind everyone they're bi as fuck. Because that happens when your romantic partner is the opposite gender. And then you feel like an asshole at pride because nobody is going to discriminate against you and your boyfriend in public. Everyone is going to treat you like you're straight and any gay stuff they remember was just “experimenting” or youth. But when dating the same gender there's a whole different set of problems. Society at large is now going to treat you as gay or lesbian and any attempts to say bi will be chalked up to internalized homophobia or an attempt to avoid backlash. And like you get that, because the hate you get calls you dykes or faggots, you don't get hate for you, because you don't even exist. This is to say nothing of the exclusionary pockets within your own community telling you you're confused. Or acting like you are icky and wrong and don't belong in queer spaces.

on the bbc article

The BBC published a horribly transphobic article using flawed anecdotes and studies (that violate the BBC’s own study guidelines!) largely from groups and organisations that were already devoutly anti-trans. The BBC framed these groups and anecdotes as representations of the broader lesbian community. An open letter with 20000 signatories has been published in response, and has garnered enough traction to force a dismissive, half-acknowledgement from the BBC, who continues to defend their transphobic rhetoric. There are a number of points I would like to make about this.

Firstly, we can no longer pretend like transmisogyny  isn't a public, structural, violent issue. The BBC is arguably the most influential news platform in the world, and it has actively positioned itself in favor of carceralism and violence towards trans women by making us out to be jealous men at best and rapists at worst. 

Secondly, this cultural structure of transmisogyny has a long and well documented history of resulting in anti-trans violence. Trans women are massively over represented as murder and suicide victims. 

Thirdly, this violence often comes from a very specific formula of attraction towards trans women. Let me elaborate: I’ve argued against essentialism in this class before, and let me make it very clear that these are the stakes in that argument. Sexuality and gender are not some kind of pre-discursive, physiologically absolute, a-priori categories handed down by god. Our attractions and identities are social phenomena, and so they will never conform perfectly to the identities we use to describe ourselves. In the real world, straight men fuck other straight men (like we read in this weeks assignment), bisexual people can develop preferences for specific genders, nonbinary people can feel really strongly connected to manhood or womanhood in some cases, asexual or demisexual people can develop rare crushes, lesbians date trans men and trans women all the time, gay men date trans men and trans women all the time, and we are all constantly in negotiation with our identities.

What does this tell us about this transmysoginistic rhetoric? It tells us that it is, in fact, defensive and reflexive. The fact is that those peddling the rhetoric and identifying with the labels of “same sex attraction” or “AGAB exclusive attraction” are, sometimes, attracted to people who do not fit within their physiological model. Often it is trans women, because many of us are extremely sexy, and because even if you are devout in your commitment to your AGAB based exclusion you CANNOT TELL whether or not a person is trans without a declaration from them. 

When a straight man or lesbian who believes in AGAB based sexuality inevitably ends up attracted to a trans woman (side note, any illusion that this issue is about trans women wanting to be fucked more often or feeling jealous of cis beauty can be put to rest by one look at the porn categories on any popular tube site, infatuations with trans women come in a ceaseless flood) they have two options:

The first is to throw trans women under the bus, declare their attraction to trans women  the result of a violent deception and crime of presentation, and dedicate themselves to the violent pursuit of a world where everyone is forced by their AGAB into a set of gender presentations, behaviors, and identities that are not a threat to their understandings of themselves and their own identities or attractions. Taking this route looks like men murdering the trans women sex workers they hire, enshrining the right to murder trans women for revealing they are trans in sexual or romantic situations into law, i.e. the trans panic defence, and creating dedicated transmysoginistic hate groups and political movements, i.e. the article being discussed here and so-called terfism as a whole.

The second is to go through the effort of challenging your preconceptions, growing an understanding of identity as non-essential, complicated, fluid, and beautiful, and joining the struggle for a world where people are free to explore and experiment with their identity, presentation, and gender performance.

Which of these are more conducive to gay liberation, I will leave you to ponder.

So, about Bi Caleb

Warning: very long post, discussing bi representation and biphobia.

*Sorry for spelling errors, English ain’t my firts language.

I can’t believe I have to tell you guys, but anyways: Caleb is bi whether he ends with a male character, a female character on a non binary character. That’s what bi people do, you know? they experience atraction for all genders. Saying that a bi character that ends with someone of the opposite gender is straight and queerbaiting is incredibly biphobic.

Yes, Vax was bisexual. Yes, he ended up with Kiki. Get fucking over it.

Now, I can understand why LGBT+ fans may feel disappointed when they tease a “gay couple” but the “straigth” couple ends up being endgame. Notice the quotation marks because there’s not such thing as a straight or gay couple for a bi person. They are bisexual in both situations, but I can see where the problem comes from. I’ve been queerbaited to hell and back by a lot of shows and it really hurts. It feels like they are laughting at you for caring. But I want those fans (whose feelings are totally valid, don’t get me wrong) to consider a few things when it comes to Critical Role, the first one being: it’s a D&D game.

Let me explain, because I know a lot of CR fans haven’t experienced what D&D is like in real life (and that’s absolutely valid, you don’t need to play D&D to enjoy CR). This is an improvisation game, not an scripted TV show. In a Tv show you can plan ahead of time what ship is going to be endgame, what themes are gonna come up for each character and it’s easier to deeply explore sexuality and gender as different planned arcs. In D&D you character’s sexuality may or may not come up depending on how you play it. Take for instance how other CR character’s have stated their sexuality:

Beau: overtly. Very *In your face* kind of lesbian. Marisha said “fuck it, I really just want to romance girls and be bad ass”

Yasha: openly, but not as in your face. Ashley Jhonson wanted to drink from that WLW cup while also being a shy disaster. Seafood market is her favored terrain.

Caduceus: Our Ace king has never hidden his sexuality, and yet he didn’t mention anything about it until chapter 114. He didn’t had the need to either hide it or state it. He was simply vibing.

I think Liam is going that route with Caleb. He’s flustered by Essek and Edwulf (Come on you guys, he always asks Matthew if he’s still hot). He also had/has a thing for Astrid and a think he might have feels for our favorite Tiefling gal. I know we are all too used to characters being teased as gay/bi only to have execs pull a “haha jk they be straight”. But this is not Sherlock or Supernatural. This is a show that not only has queer rep, but also supports queer organizations and creators. Hell, I’m sure some of the cast members are LGBT (but I’m not here to speculate on real people’s sexuality). If Caleb shows attraction to men he is not just queerbaiting, doing it for fanservicing or tricking the fans in any way shape or form: he’s just portraying a bi character. The thing is, since this is not a TV show, he is not doing it por woke points or to send a message. He’s doing it because he wants to play a bi wizard with depression.

So maybe there will be a point in which he can explores his sexuality more deeply, but remember he is playing a game. And his character is one that has a lot of trouble opening up to his feelings. Caleb is not someone that makes sexual jokes or flirty remarks. He is shy, awkward and has developed a really fucked up sense of love that he is now slowly fixing. Hell, in the same Talks episode Liam explained that Caleb was trained on Honey-pot tactics. Which, for those of you who can’t stand Bond films, means seducing your enemy/target to get information, manipulate them or assassinate them. WHICH IS A REALLY FUCKED UP THING! Let’s remember how he was the one to push Fjord to sleep with Advantica so they could spy on her. That boy has Issues when it comes to relationships. So if we don’t see him being as overtly gay as Beau, Molly or Yasha, well maybe it’s because that’s the way Caleb is. Bi people don’t owe you flamboyance, or dating both guys and gals for your approval. I wouldn’t make a post if it was only that, because I do feel the people who are aching for good bi rep and would love some more explicit confirmation. But Vax exists, so I know we can’t have good things down here.

VAX EXPLICITELY SHOWED ATTRACTION TO GILMORE. AS EXPLICIT AS IT GETS. HE FUCKING KISSED HIM. THEY WERE PRACTICALLY DATING. AND YET SOME OF YOU FUCKERS CALL HIM QUEERBAITING. AND I SAY: NOT ON MY WATCH! NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH!!

How come a character can have canonically kissed another character in a romantic/sensual context and still be called straight? I know fucking Sherlock traumaticed y’all into having trust issues but believe me when I tell you: I’ts not that deep. This is not a “Haha I love u but in a no homo way bro”. It’s a “full homo darling, but also we’re gonna break up because I like someone else”. This is the opposite of queerbaiting. Instead of keeping a charade he was honest with Gilmore because he valued his feelings and realized that he couldn’t reciprocate them at that moment. And if you try to tell me that Vaxleth was forced and didn’t have a reason to exist except queerbaiting, let me tell you: you are wrong.

Vax saw Gilmore once or twice monthly while he spent a heck ton of time with Kiki. Sure, they didn’t had the kind of camera chemistry Gilmore and Vax had because Keyleth is not charismatic. She’s really awkward, and her relationship with Vax was more on the adorable and dorky side of things. I bring this up because I’m predicting something similar may happen to Shadowgast.

Trust me, I ship the hot wizards as much as any other critter (even though I’m a multishipper). But they haven’t talked to Essek in centuries. I think it may have been almost a month in rol and quite a few outside. And you have to take into account out-rol time to because they are humans (except Tal) playing a game and they forget about stuff (except Marisha and Matt). So Shadowgast may not happen because sure, they had really good chemistry for a month a month ago. People have crushes that die down over time All The Time. So maybe don’t be so butthurt about your ship not being canon that you accuse an ally of homophobia. 

The cast of CR put forward such an amazing representation for the LGBT+ community and it really hurts me that you gets stuck on the one thing that isn’t canon. Matt has created a world in which coming out is not necessary because no one assumes your sexuality. A world in which people respect pronouns and orientations (except Tary’s father, who is a villain). A world in which Cad or Caleb don’t need to explicitly say “I’m ace/bi” unless it comes up in conversation. A world in which his friends can be whatever they want to be without pressure or reprecusions. A world in which they get to explore different gender identities and sexual orientations with full freedom. Let’s not interfere with that (unless there’s missrepresentation), and let them play their game. If you really need mlm or wlw canon couples or more outwardly LGBT+ people you have plenty examples among NPCs and other cast members (Allura and kima, Yasha, Beau, Dairon, Keg, Reani, Tary, Molly and Vax among others).

There’s way worst shows taking LGBT+ cred for barely doing nothing. Fucking Supernatural is the most recent example! Critical Role works towards showing an honest portrayal of LGBT+ folk and accepts valid criticism from their fans on the subject (when they changed J’Mon Sa Ord pronouns from it to they/them). They don’t owe you making your ship canon or portraying their characters the way you want them to (again, unless when it’s constructive criticism). Stop being so Fucking entitled and enjoy the show for what it is

,Respectfully~

*Edit: I´m tagging Caleb’s ships into the post because most hate comes from shipping wars. Most Shadowgast fans are respectful of the cast’s decisions, even if it disappoints them. But since I’ve already seen people accusing Liam of biphobia in that tag and since I’ve already seen this shit with Vaxmore I’m tagging the ship. If you want to read my long ass post do it, if not, ignore it. I’m not forcing you to read it. I’ve also tagged it with biphobia so people can avoid it if it’s triggering. I’m sorry if it makes you mad that your ship is not canon, but that’s not an excuse to be toxic to the cast. Those of you getting mad are the ones that need to read this the most. Like I’ve said in the post: you’re allowed to be disappointed, you are allowed to want more, but you can’t force the cast to give you exactly what you want. And most certainly, you can’t accuse them of  some very serious stuff like biphobia and queerbaiting when it’s not the case..  

Really unpopular opinion: I don't exactly care about harry saying that ws it's about female orgasm. Obviously, when you put in the public narrative about him being straight and a womanizer the situation gets bad, but we can't be sure(not that it is possible to know exactly how the person labels themselves without that person talking)about him not being attracted to women. I obviously don't believe in any of his public relationships or random women who talk about sleeping with him, but I don't see it as impossible for him to be attracted to women so for me it was something that just maybe correspond to his sexuality.

Still on that subject, I don't understand why the fandom, at least from my experience that is a few years, is so reluctant about them being attracted to women.

*Before anyone brings this up, I don't think they cheated on each other or actually dated their public girlfriends.*

Regarding the “female orgasm” comment, I think people were mostly upset by it. The purpose of it didn’t sound like it had anything to do with his sexuality but rather how it was presented. It was really unexpected and out of character for Harry to comment on it, especially during a show. He was fidgety and awkward and mumbled through it. The whole moment was just weird and uncomfortable. I also think some people found it inappropriate to say during a show where young fans were present. 

Up until that point, Harry had never confirmed WS was about oral sex with a female. And suddenly, during a tour where fans were encouraged to bring signs at shows that showcased sexual harassment, the “female orgasm” is suddenly mentioned. Harry’s current fandom is fuelled by fans who are obsessed with the sex-crazed narrative HSHQ has been stirring up since 2017. He basically “confirmed” it to an arena filled with them. The comment didn’t feel like a statement about his sexuality and expression like Medicine does; it felt like a quota to be filled to guarantee money in someones pockets. That’s why fans don’t think it was genuine. 

To be fair if we want to discuss Harry or Louis being bi, I’d like to bring up the fact that multi-gender attraction is NEVER brought up when discussing Louis sexuality. When he’s technically the only one who has dated a woman in his private life. We don’t see it as impossible for Harry to be attracted to women either, but maybe consider the narrative and public perception at hand. There is a reason individuals brand Harry as bi daddy and Louis as a gay twink. It comes down to fans (Harries and some Larries) WANTING him to be available to women, and wanting Louis to be submissive to men and feminized. If you actually consider the kind of LGBTQ+ media/art/writing (specifically) Harry engages with, it is often related to mlm rather than related to multi-gender attraction. Fans (who believe Harry is gay and attracted to men) consider these long-standing aspects when acknowledging or discussing his sexuality. I’d check out this excellent post by @tellmethisisnottumblisnextfuckup.

Fans are not reluctant about HL being attracted to women. A lot of them believe they likely not attracted to women due to their public perception (surrounding women), their closets (where their ‘parters’ are women, not men), and their many failed PR stunts with women. It is simply not bi-erasure to consider that they haven’t shown any actual interest in women. A lot of what people in the fandom claim as biphobia actually isn’t, and they give actual biphobia a free pass. 

As a bisexual person myself, I was initially invested in the idea of Harry sharing my identity. And he very well could, we can’t be positive one way or the other. However, I came to the realization that my investment in the idea of Harry being bi (why never Louis?) was largely because of the demand of his public image that he be sexually available to women. An image that has been pushed since the boy was merely 16. Unpacking that as a fan is vital no matter what you think he might identify as!

hey sorry if it comes off as weird, but i'm a bit desperate. i had a real bad time figuring out my identity growing up and for like, the past 4~5 years i've become really comfortable and happy whenever i referred and thought of myself as a gay nb trans man; i experience legit gender euphoria whenever ppl address or acknowledge me as such, and the most connection i feel is to gay/bi men/men-aligned ppl. that said, i've struggled with obsessive/intrusive thoughts since i'm like, 12~13 due to (1/?)

a phobia, and they often appeared when i was already feeling low/stressed/anxious over unrelated stuff. y'know when you're having a good time and suddenly your brain goes 'oh hey, remember that thing you have doubts about and makes you distressed? and you think it's not true? well, here it is again (: you're welcome!'. that's it.

so social isolation due to the pandemic has taken a toll on my mental health and recently i have been... struggling a lot not only with dysphoria (i was supposed to start hrt last year but it was postponed due to, well), but also with obtrusive/intrusive thoughts over 'how i'm faking it, i am actually a cis lesbian' (i never felt attracted truly to women, even tho i had kissed two before, and i am Positively attracted to men in a way i can only describe as 'gay').

it has gotten to a point where i cannot think about, y'know, woman characters from stuff i like that i feel like this is somehow a sign i'm actually a lesbian; i have been dreaming a lot of situations i'm either framed as a lesbian or a straight girl, i have been hyperaware of how cis ppl perceive me (pre-transition, as 'girl') and obsessing over little shit like, if women are looking at me in certain ways when i have to go out (sometimes even 'wishing' it, as if it wanting to 'prove' anything).

i feel...... exhausted, none of these make me feel good, all of this makes me feel distressed. i get dreadful when i take 'lol ur lesbian' results at stupid internet quizzes too. i feel like i cannot talk to anyone about it bc i feel like they're gonna try to feed me either 'internalized lesbophobia' or terf rhetoric, which is smth im v aware of, and part of the reason i've been obsessing over as well.

i had mild doubts about stuff before (like if i was rly a binary trans guy or nb, or if i was bisexual) but none was... like this, y'know.  i was also dumb and read a bbc article about detransitioning ppl which opened with 'studies say most trans ppl dont doubt' etc. featuring two cis lesbians that detransitioned after entering a relationship with one another. i feel rly rly rly dreadful i wish i could go back to feeling like myself (gay and guy) like i did before.

i'm sorry for the longest fucking ask btw, and also, tumblr hadnt let me send the rest for like, Hours, i'm deeply sorry

[Edited for formatting]

I think a lot of this is very normal, especially for transmascs.

We’re constantly fed this idea that we can’t really trust our own perception of reality, that we don’t know ourselves as well as others do, and that the things we believe about ourselves are temporary, silly, and “signs” of some deeper reality that someone else knows for us. It’s only natural that we’d internalize some of those feelings, and struggle to trust even the most irrefutable evidence of our own realities.

If it helps to have some tools in those moments, a couple of reminders:

Cis girls do not typically dread the idea of being girls. They might dread the social repercussions or expectations, they might hate girls who look/act in certain ways, but they do not typically hate that they are girls.

If you are feeling dread over the idea that you might be attracted to women, you probably aren’t! It’s good to work on feeling more at peace with the possibility, because orientation can be very fluid for some folks, and being ready to accept yourself if things change takes a lot of pressure off- but if you don’t want to be with women, you just literally do not have to be with women. For any reason. Even if you are “secretly” attracted to them, if you don’t want to be with them anyway, you simply do not have to be.

Trans people experience doubt. We experience it all the time. We experience it pretty much endlessly! Maybe there are trans folks who never, ever doubt their genders, and I’m very happy for them; but that’s the exception, not the rule, in my experience. This study talks about the steps toward trans self-acceptance, and finds each step is an ongoing process, and often a back-and-forth. It was very comforting for me to recognize the patterns & know I’m not alone.

The focus on AFAB detransitioners is driven by transandrophobia. Because saving the “poor little girls” is a compelling motivator in a misogynistic society. Most detransitioners are actually folks who were AMAB, and found the societal pressure and backlash was too overwhelming, or made things too unsafe, for them to carry on with their transitions. Most detransitioners, period, are people who had to stop because of safety issues, or lack of access to their transition needs.

It’s very normal to go through periods of high doubt, and periods of high self-assuredness. You may just have to ride this out; surround yourself with as much support and love as you can, remind yourself that those fears aren’t really based in reality, and be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Try to make choices that prioritize your mental and emotional health.

You will get through this period of doubt, and come back to finding love and joy in your identity again! It might just take a little time & patience.

(Also no worries over the sending confusion; Tumblr’s a lil broken sometimes, and it’s genuinely not even remotely an issue.)

Is it bad to enjoy smut between two gay characters? I’m a bisexual woman and people on twitter always talk badly about people who aren’t mlm reading it. I’ve always read smut with any characters I’ve shipped so it doesn’t feel like fetishizing, but people seem to think it is

okay yes let’s talk about this because i have thoughts

*cracks knuckles*

i know there’s a fuck ton of discourse surrounding fandom, slash writers, and the fetishization of queer characters. people’s concerns about this are completely valid and i never want to invalidate anyone’s opinion.

i’m a queer woman. i identify as a lesbian, and my pronouns are she/her. i’m married to an AFAB non-binary person who uses she/they pronouns. i’ve been in relationships with men in the past, before accepting my sexuality and coming out, but i don’t personally find men sexually attractive/want to have sex with men, though i have in the past (comp het is a bitch okay?). however, i enjoy reading and writing smut, even if it does involve men, because it’s fiction. but, i can only speak to my own experience here.

do i want a penis near me in real life? absolutely not. keep that shit as far away from me as humanly possible. like, put-that-thing-back-where-it-came-from-or-so-help-me vibes, okay? but does the concept of penis-adjacent sex make me ill? no. because sex is sex, whether it’s between two men, two women, a man and a woman, or any combination therein. sex is beautiful and exciting, especially when it takes place within the confines of love and passion (i don’t personally enjoy reading about graphic, emotionless sex unless i know it’s a slow burn or like, a fwb to lovers situation). idk, i’m a slut for those late-night whispered confessions of “god, i love you” while the characters are fucking under the covers, like inject that shit into my veins please and thank you 😇💕

twitter is uhhhhhhhhhhhhh something. definitely something. i’ve only ever engaged with fandom on tumblr or instagram, never twitter, because of how fucking insane it can get. my mental health is too fragile for that, which is why i don’t have a twitter account anymore 😬 i understand criticisms of people that aren’t mlm writing and reading mlm smut, just like i understand criticisms of people that aren’t wlw writing and reading wlw smut. the fetishization and commodification of queer sex for consumption by the masses is a huge issue, one i’ve felt the impact of in my own life (i get invasive questions about my sex life from straight and gay people, regularly, when they find out i’m a lesbian - how do two women have sex anyway? do you use sex toys? are you a top or a bottom? on and on, like uhhhhh babe it’s none of your business?)

however. i must reiterate. we’re talking about fiction here. sexy shit is sexy shit, regardless of the pairing. i’ve written and read wlw smut, mlm smut, and straight smut in the past. for me, sex is this universally applied concept that’s entirely genderless. yes, the functions are different depending on the parts and the pairing, but sex is sex is sex is sex, and reading about someone fucking someone else into the mattress, preferably someone they love, is hot regardless of who/what/why.

i don’t think there’s anything wrong with reading and enjoying smut that doesn’t align with you as an individual - that is to say that i don’t think it’s wrong for women to read mlm smut or men to read wlw smut. as long as you’re not actively dehumanizing or infantilizing the characters for your own sexual needs, like reducing them to nothing but the sex acts they engage in and refusing to see them as a whole person, i don’t personally think there’s anything wrong with consuming smut of any kind, regardless of your personal gender expression and sexuality.

also, bad smut is pretty easy to sniff out. like, it’s pretty easy to tell if someone is writing from a fetish-based viewpoint rather than a character-driven one. like when men write lesbian sex scenes and it’s like 90% aggressive fingering. like, excuse me? my good sir, that’s...not how that works. idk what to tell you. you don’t just jam your fingers up there and hope for the best, okay? like, it’s easy to tell if someone’s knowledge about wlw or mlm sex acts comes solely from overproduced, performative p0rn or if it comes from a long history of reading and writing smut or talking about sex with wlw and mlm themselves (i enjoy talking about sex with my wlw and mlm friends and a lot of my knowledge of mlm sex obviously isn’t first-hand since i’m a queer woman, but is largely shaped by my mlm friends themselves and the stories we’ve shared with each other - i’d trust them to write wlw smut as gay men because of the open, honest, and respectful conversations we’ve had and what i’ve shared with them about how wlw sex works)

all in all, i don’t think it’s fetishization to read mlm smut as a queer, bisexual, or straight woman. i don’t think it’s inherently bad, or shameful, or dirty. like, are asexual people not allowed to read smut if they enjoy it? they may not want to jump on a dick themselves, but if they enjoy reading about their favorite character jumping on a dick, they should be allowed to do that. fiction is fiction, stories are stories, and the great part about existing as an autonomous being is the ability to pick and choose the content you consume and create based on your own personal preferences, and extend the same right to everyone else. 💛