for the Valentine's amorous asks you posted yesterday - 2, 4 and 51. Any OC you want although I think the questions would be fun for your oldest age-wise OCs.

haha agewise is hard because it's like i have ocs who are 200 yrs old [and some more] but look like they're 20. i think my oldest normally aged oc might be ... either pierre or andy [i used to have much older ocs but i havent broke 40 in a minute. gotta change that].

2. Does your OC remember their first crush? Would they ever admit to it now?

Andy: Yes (ish). No.

Zaine: If he had anyone prior to her Lady, then he does not recall it. Would she admit that she might have cared for someone prior to his Lady? Hrm. Maybe. It really depended on the situation.

4. Is there someone your OC has met who they would find physically attractive, if only their personality were not so repulsive? (Or that they find attractive and really wish they didn’t…)

Andy and Zaine: What does personality have to do with anything? ROFLMAO. I think both of their reactions, Zaine's especially, would be mild irritation. Andy's probably more exasperation before moving on from it. Not to say the thought wouldn't occasionally circle back but he wouldn't fixate on it. I don't think he has anyone specific though. Zaine does and she makes it the person's problem -- but then she makes a lot of things that person's problem so /shrugs.

51. Does (or did) your OC enjoy “the chase” or being “chased”? Or do such things appear to them like silly games? Or even as an unequal and unhealthy basis for a relationship?

Andy: Prefers to be in charge of things. And he's not opposed to games. I think, in a sense, he prefers games solely. In that everyone knows that nothing will come of it. He's the chaser, always. That said, Andy's current move is pick up at a bar, f*ck, and move on. It's rather straightforward, but I'm sure there's verbal games. The verbal chase.

Zaine: If Zaine is chasing you, you're prey and he is hungry. ROFLMAO. The only being Zaine might seriously consider playing such games with is her Queen, and she can't.

THIS IS NOT OUT OF THE BLUE ; YT22

yuki tsunoda x gasly!reader . . . in big brother fashion, pierre wants you to go on a date with yuki to convince him to move closer to milan. however, yuki already lives in milan, and pierre is still not putting the pieces together

amgf see this is what yuki brainrot gets you, i love this omg one of my best works yet, i might come back to this type of format because i am not writing pt2s anymore!!!!!! (lovingly ofc) just like always, enjoy 👍 @viennakarma it's done 🫡

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, francisca.cgomes, and 12 others

yourusername i get why my brother likes him so much now. he's a fucking child! feels like another day spent with pierre.

view comments...

francisca.cgomes awww they're bonding look pierregasly

pierregasly you had me in the first half, wym a child he's older than you

yourusername doesn't seem like it, seeing how you act, understandable

charles_leclerc oh chérie, what is your brother up to?

yourusername he's up to no good as usual, but if he's constantly yapping to you then you must know what he's up to

charles_leclerc i'm more surprised that you agreed to this?

yourusername he threatened to throw me back to university for a master's degree this time FFS

charles_leclerc well, if it's a master's degree or a date... understandable

yourusername control him please, i can't be the victim of his antics no more

pierregasly he said he had fun!!!

pierregasly now go on another date with him 🫣

yourusername ???? what is actually wrong with you

pierregasly you're acting like you didn't have fun, you even posted it for the whole family to see

yourusername get off my back pierre, my account my rules

pierregasly yeah you constantly yapping to your 20 followers which half are our family members

yourusername i'm blocking you next

pierregasly try me bitch

yourusername oh i will, you are no longer welcome in my account, get out

yourusername uploaded a new story

[he's taking me somewhere... i hope i come out alive 😀]

pierregasly replied to your story

oh my gosh, is this progress?

apparently he's in milan, and now we're on the coast so... i guess

wym he's in milan?

he's here?

he's with me atm but yeah

i saw him earlier and he asked if i was free

did he say ask about me?

sorry pierre 😐

non no, it's fine

i'm a bit sad he didn't contact me but i'm glad you're together

francisca.cgomes replied to your story

a boat date 🥰

it's not a date...

we're just hanging out

uh huh... cool

that's it?

wym?

that's it? you're just letting me off the hook like that? no teasing about being yuki's future lover or smth?

you want me to tease you about it?

non, not really i was just thinking about it

you're thinking about being yuki's future lover?

shut up kika, you know i didn't mean it that way

yeah yeah, sure 😏

you're absolutely telling this to pierre huh?

you know, i'm on your side for this one

your secret's safe with me 😉

what secret?

oh yn, for someone older than me you're a bit out of it but it's okay you'll get it one day 😊

get what?

kika?

what are you talking about?

yukitsunoda511 replied to your story

wow, you don't trust me one bit

i thought we had something going on

yeah right, shut up yuki

am i your boyfriend?

🥺🥹😭

yes

good girl 😊

yourusername uploaded a new story

[it's him again... annoying asf]

yukitsunoda0511 replied to your story

why would you lie to your audience like that?

because it's way more fun this way

duh???

everyday i'm reminded that you are pierre's sister when you pull shit like this

excuse me?

are you calling my soft launching methods shit 😕

i'm just kidding

you totally aren't

you're right, i am not

it's just i didn't think he'd be that dense about it

i'm sure i told him we were dating

he's forgetful like that

don't start talking, you didn't even tell him about us

i did!

uh huh....

well, it's funny to me because look, he's so desperately trying to get us together because we're so perfect for each other (ikr) and if he would've just listened like a year ago he would've known about us already

i mean, even alex knows what's up and she's seen us like twice already

alex has seen us a couple of times, even kika but pierre...

he'll figure it out, it's like he's been waiting so long for us to date, i don't know when he'll realize it

let's pray for him

praying for pierre 🙏

yourusername

liked by yukitsunoda0511, charles_leclerc, and 13 others

yourusername road trip with 💋 + we met alex on her field trip, it's a win 😊

view comments...

alexandrasaintmleux it's nice to see you two ❤️ have fun on your road trip

yourusername ahhhh thank you, we'll see you soonest 😠

charles_leclerc come visit us next time ^^

pierregasly are you in monaco? hello? who is that person 🤨 where are you going? you said to update me? where are my updates?

yourusername i told you where we're going dumbass, check your messages be for fucking real

pierregasly oh you did send me updates

yourusername 🙄

pierregasly OWAH? YUKI IN THE LIKES? liked by yukitsunoda0511!!!!! we're winning today

yourusername what is actually wrong with you?

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, yukitsunoda0511, and 22 others

yourusername milan. my man.

view comments...

pierregasly can't believe i'm finding out through an instagram post and not IRL, fake sister 👎

yourusername is it our fault if you didn't listen?

pierregasly i was already shipping you in my head with yuki, i thought of it first

yourusername okay and? doesn't change the fact that we've been mentioning it for a long time already

yukitsunoda0511 i mean yn is right, i did tell you as well

pierregasly okay everyone is ganging up on pierre for not knowing blah blah blah

francisca.cgomes i mean babe, you are the only one who didn't catch up

alexandrasaintmleux it was clear as daylight, they're not only dating but they're clearly fucking you're so dumb in your own delusions to see

pierregasly okay wow, i'm going to ignore the last few texts but first it was my sister, next my teammate, then my girlfriend, next my friend's girlfriend okay charles i know you're with me here buddy defend me please 🙏

charles_leclerc do you want me to add more salt to the wound? because i agree with all of them...

yourusername see? this didn't just happen out of nowhere, it was already happening and you were just too invested to see the truth

yukitsunoda0511 i look good there, next time i'm posting 😊

yourusername noooo i want to gatekeep you 😠 no no non

yukitsunoda0511 okay, whatever you say goes 🫡

yukitsunoda0511 can i soft launch?

yourusername yes 🥰

lestappen completed fic recommendations

If any of the authors of the fics mentioned here or are tagged and don't want their fics to be here, please let me know and I'll remove it!

Will update this list periodically

❤️ = favorite

⭐️ = I love fics by this author in general

❌ = triggering themes

🔥 = explicit

Devils roll their dice (Angels roll their eyes) - 55k - 🔥

It all started with a crash. Well, technically, it started with a blue-eyed boy with blonde hair getting screamed at in a language he couldn’t understand when he was only 12 years old. He remembered looking at the boy, who couldn’t be much older than himself - (two weeks older, to be exact, he’d learn later) - and watching the spark disappear right out of those icy blue eyes. That was the first memory Charles Leclerc had of Max Verstappen: Watching Jos Verstappen, Max’s own father, scream at this 12 year old child with an intensity that turned his face red and made every blood vessel in his neck look dangerously close to bursting. But if anyone ever were to ask Charles when he started to realize that his feelings towards that same Max Verstappen he had known since childhood had begun to change into something else, something bigger, something terrifying he couldn’t - or wouldn’t - quite put his finger on, he would say that it all started with a crash.Because of fucking course it did.--- OR: The slow-burn story of Lestappen that has brought me back from the dead, which starts with Max's crash at Silverstone in 2021.

salad days - 48k - ❤️ 🔥

“You think you are so much better –“ “I know I am,” Max cut him off again. “But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be beat.” “You want me to beat you?” “I want you to fucking try,” Max said, and over the phone, Charles could hear his cocky little grin. Charles found himself grinning back.

half of a heaven - 39k - ❌ 🔥

“Good evening. I’m Charles,” he offers his hand, which Max takes and for a second, Charles thinks he’s going to kiss the back of it. Some muscle spasms in the tight grip, rough velvet against soft skin. When Charles gets his hand back, it feels like he lost a finger or two in the fight. “What’s your poison, Charles?” Max asks, settling on the barstool like it’s not designed to be the most uncomfortable chair in the world. “Cyanide, usually. I’ll settle for a gin tonic for now.” or, Charles is a supermodel that has learned everything he needs to make his world turn. Now, he has no idea what Max Verstappen wants from him.

glitch - 26k - ❤️ ⭐️

Max hums. “Well, at least that means I won’t bump into Charles Leclerc again.” “Bummer, really,” Daniel says, moving back to his own seat and drinking the little bit of coffee that was still in the cup. “Could’ve been the start of a great love story.” Lando snorts. “Kids, it all started when I told your father, who had won two World Driver Championships at that point, that he sucked at driving.” Max sticks his middle finger up at them, and pulls his noise canceling headphones back over his ears. Only two hours left to go, he thinks, wistfully, and goes back to work.

all's well that ends well (to end up with you) - 21k - 🔥

"I was going to propose to him, and now I think he's going to leave me, so yeah, please… tell me how this could possibly get any fucking worse?" Lando gulps. "I uh... might have... misplaced the ring." *** In which it's summer break, and Max has an engagement ring with a gem the color of the Monaco sea locked in a safe in his closet. He wants to propose to Charles, and he enlists Lando, Oscar, Pierre, and a few other drivers to help make the proposal everything Charles deserves. But nothing in Max's life can ever be simple, and as Mission Lestappen Proposal™ unfolds, Max knows Charles is keeping something important from him. Max can survive Lando losing the ring. But he knows he can't survive losing Charles.

Rules of Engagement - 7k - ❤️ ⭐️

“Take me with you then!” Max felt his eyes go wide, his jaw literally dropping at the suggestion. “Tell them I’m like. Say I’m your fiancé, mate.” The heat had melted Charles’s brain, Max decided, staring at him blankly. “No.” He deadpanned. “Mate it’s genius! You won’t have to do anything, just stand there. Let me handle it. Them. The women.”

mr predestined and the flying dutchman - 80k - 🔥

Max Verstappen, an infamous child actor fresh out of rehab, and Hollywood's rising darling, Charles Leclerc, share nothing in common. Therefore, it's a field day for the public when the two are spotted out on a series of dates, days after they have been confirmed to star in blockbusters coming out the same day. It seems surprising that pretty boy Charles would dirty his hands with the complex intensity of Max, after the traumatizing scandal which led to Max being in rehab in the first place – but the press eats up their laughs like honey, and comment on their every single move. Perhaps this is where the ball drops – because Charles and Max are not as in love as they're portrayed to be. In fact, they're not even dating. Red Bull Records has already lost two of their celebrities to the whirlwind that was the infamy of 2019, and Ferrari Entertainment is dying to claim the next big star. What could go wrong in working together to kill two birds with one stone?

Second Time's the Charm - 7k - ⭐️

“Remember when you said you’d set me up with someone? A few months ago, at George’s wedding?” Charles’s voice is still pinched, as if his throat is trying to suffocate him and put him out of his misery. “Maybe you could do that? If the offer is still standing.” Simultaneously: “How did you know you liked guys?” Max’s tone is flat, as it usually is when he tries to come off as entirely disinterested, but Lando knows his tricks. He shoots upright, looking down at Max with wide eyes before exclaiming, arguably, one of the worst possible responses: “Oh my god, Max, are you fucking gay?” Or: Charles and Max don't know how to date; Alex and Lando try their best to make it happen.

Full time barista here I’ve always been envious of the men on stage especially the heavy weights. Don’t want to over work the chronivac but help me become a muscle bull as big as jean pierre fux.

Mate, I understand you only too well…. There are few things hotter than the real heavy beefcakes. I've tried it long enough myself… But I didn't make it either. Jean Pierre is a pretty good role model… But I have an idea…

Friday morning. It's 06:00, you have to hurry, in one hour you have to prepare the first coffee. You don't have time for much more than a few situps and pushups. In the bathroom you have to hurry. You need longer and longer to conceal your receding hairline. You are now 40 years old, slowly you just notice that you are getting older. If you go out tonight to party, it will take you almost the whole Saturday to recover. The cosmetic industry has nothing effective to offer against the wrinkles in the corners of your eyes. And even if you don't need to be ashamed of your body: You won't gain much more muscle in your lifetime.

Shit, at 07:00 o'clock people are already queuing up. You hate it when you can't open the store in peace. But as it looks, it will be 10:00 o'clock, until you have the first moment of rest. In fact, it's even 10:30 when your colleague thinks you can take a break. If you need it, he adds with a wink. You look fantastic today! You take a mineral water and sit down in the warehouse. In fact, you feel pretty damn good right now. You drink the water in one go. You don't have much time for a break. And you have to piss again before the lunch business starts. Your lower jaw drops as you wash your hands. Fuck, what happened to you. There are no more receding hairlines or laugh lines. You look ten years younger than when you got up today. The only difference is that you look as if you'd spent the last ten years doing little else but lifting iron. Your T-shirt is almost blown up by your biceps and pecs. And your jeans look like they're painted on your monstrous legs. How could you not notice that? As you tie the apron back on your way back to the counter, you wonder why you were just amazed. Since your 20th birthday, you've spent every spare minute at the gym, investing every penny you earn in protein and supplements. Hell, if you didn't look the way you do, you would have wasted a hell of a lot of time and money.

The calm in your coffee bar begins to subside again. The lunch business is starting up. There's a beefcake in your line that makes you jealous. Yo, bro! he greets you. It's nice to see that there are real men working here, too. What you can recommend to him. You suggest the protein bomb. A scramble of 10 eggs with 400 grams of chicken breast. He grins and nods. And a liter of still mineral water. The bro shares your taste. While you type everything into the register, he asks you if you're all-natural. Of course you are. With the money for the meal, he slides you a card. In case you want to think about it.

It is 17:00 o'clock, when you tie off your apron. Fuck' according to your watch you have walked 12,000 steps today on the few square meters behind the counter. But it also looks like it's been a pretty good day so far. You're 20 now, and the idea of opening your own café with healthy and, above all, protein-rich food came to you when you were 16. That's when you started getting into high performance bodybuilding. And a place like this was missing at that time. And then you built this place with your mentor and trainer as a straw man. But you can't stand behind the counter for more than ten hours. Even if you are the best advertisement for your products, you have to work out at least four hours every day. Otherwise you don't stand a chance on the big stage.

You might not be one of the big ones yet… But you are on a really good way to get there. You met Jean Pierre Fux once at a fitness fair in Germany. A great role model for you. And he said that at your age he would have been a linnet compared to you. The prerequisites for a brilliant career are there. Enjoy it and make the best of it!

This and other hot pics @anton227ludwig

hi frienddddd, if you're still doing the romance prompts, i would love to see you do 29: Casanova in love.

don't you think it just *screams* piarles? <33333333

HELLO DEAR 💖💖💖 I got a little carried away with this prompt (it's 1.2k words and hornier than intended lol), so I hope you enjoy it and thank you for sending it innnn

Pierre knows he has a reputation.

It started when he was just a kid, back in Rouen even. He dated the most popular girl in elementary school, and suddenly all of the others wanted to date him. 

As he grew older and more handsome, he learnt how to use that reputation to his advantage. A charming smile here and a well-placed hand there could do wonders, he knew. 

(The ‘racecar driver’ part also helped, to be fair.)

By the time he made it to Formula 1, his career allowed him to interact with thousands of people that were just looking for the same thing he was: some fun for the night, a body to fall asleep next to. Pierre liked to flirt and they liked to be flirted with, the rest just fell into place.

He always made sure to be the perfect gentleman: nice, respectful, always clear about his policy of ‘no strings attached’. The reality was that, no matter how much he might have liked a person or two, it wasn’t very practical to commit as much when he was jet setting around the world for half the year, amongst other things.

He didn’t particularly miss the emotional aspects of a relationship either. If he wanted someone that understood him, the truth is that the person that understood him the best in the world was always by his side, sitting in the red car. Charles was one of the only few people in the world that never fully bought into his casanova reputation, not because he didn’t think Pierre did it (“You like casual sex, calamar. So what?”), but he objected more to the thought of him leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake. He insisted time and time again that Pierre was incapable of breaking anyone’s heart, and that he would know if he had because he was his best friend.

It would have been a sweet comment, were it not for the fact that Pierre was completely, absolutely and irrevocably in love with Charles.

Being in love with Charles had become second nature at this point, as easy as breathing. As he grew up and learnt how to be charming and beautiful and untouchable to strangers in clubs, he also had to come to terms with the fact that feeling the way he did about Charles was not the way everyone felt about their best friends.

Pierre knew how to deal with it though. As easy as it was to love him (and, God, was it easy when Charles was the most wonderful person he’d ever known), it was also easy to shove all those feelings down his throat and behave the way he needed him to.

Charles didn’t love him back. He never reacted to any of his lovers (badly or not, he just never reacted at all), and he was the picture perfect image of friendship, only flinching or hesitating in small moments. Only in smiles that wouldn’t quite reach his eyes or sidetracked comments, but the hope that bloomed in his chest then was one that he had learnt how to quash. Pierre knew this, he did, but some days were harder to deal with than others. 

Today is one of those days. He’s trying so hard to concentrate on the gorgeous woman by the bar, but his eyes keep getting drawn to Charles sulking in a corner. They were out celebrating his P2! He shouldn’t be doing anything other than celebrating. If it were up to Pierre, Charles wouldn’t sulk again for a day in his life.

Even as Pierre walks up to him, trying to show the brightest smile possible, he doesn’t react.

“Charlito? Are you okay?”

Charles looks up at him, big doe eyes open wide and trusting. He hesitates, but starts to speak, “Trying to be.”

Pierre leans in closer, putting a hand on his shoulder, but that is when Charles flinches. “What’s the problem?”

“You,” he answers,suddenly serious, “or not. I don’t know. I’m fucking tired, Pierre. I’m tired of being P2 to Max, I’m tired of being fucking jet lagged all the time, and, above all, I’m tired of seeing you flirt and charm everyone, all the time. I’m tired, calamar, and I might just go home tonight.”

Pierre freezes. The music keeps booming in his ears and the strobe lights illuminate shadows onto Charles’ face, making him look tragically, wonderfully beautiful. He can’t quite… find the words to say.

“What?” is the only thing he manages to say, and he has to scream it to be heard even at a small distance. A million things flash through Charles’ eyes, the first of which is pain, evident and clear.

He speeds away, weaves himself into the crowd as quickly as he can, and Pierre is left to have his entire worldview rearranged to the beat of terrible electronica. Charles wasn’t entirely direct (he almost never is, preferring to sidestep things into being), but Pierre thinks he might have an idea of what he meant to say. For the first time in a long time, he allows himself to hope.

He runs out of the club and jumps into his car, drives all the way to Charles’ apartment and uses his spare key to find him sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

When he hears his footsteps, Charles whips his head up. “What are you doing here? Pierre, please, go.”

He hesitates for a second, but he knows this is his chance. If he doesn’t clear this up now, then he might never. “No.”

“Please.”

“Calamar, you said you were tired. I can do nothing about Max or the jet lag or the fucking FIA for that matter, but I can do something about what you said about me,” he steps closer, checking Charles’ reaction. “If you tell me to, I will stop. I will stop flirting, I will stop bringing anyone to my hotel room. A word from you and it will be over.”

“You have fun doing it. I don’t want you to stop enjoying yourself because I’m being stupid,” he answers and his voice sounds so small that it breaks Pierre’s heart.

“Charles! Don’t you see?” He sits down next to him now, and grabs ahold of both his hands. “Look at me, Cha. I love you. I love you! Casual sex is fun, but I don’t fucking care about it enough. It’s you I care about, so I’m telling you that the choice is yours. My cards are out on the table now.”

“You don’t love me like I love you.”

“For fuck’s sake, calamar,” Pierre grumbles and crashes their lips together. It’s very much a fuck it moment that he almost regrets, because he’s used to people melting to his touch immediately and Charles is frozen. He’s about to move away and run back home to cry about how he’s thrown the best relationship in his life away in a moment, but then he feels Charles’ arms wrap around his waist as jumps on his lap and all is well in the world.

Charles kisses like he speaks: seemingly wild and energetic, but actually measured and controlled. He’s good at it, and Pierre can’t believe he has been missing this all this time. As if any stranger could compare to the feeling of Charles’ soft lips under his, the sweet noises he makes and the way Pierre can feel his erection rubbing against his leg.

When they split apart for air, Charles looks frazzled but so alive. “I…”

“Don’t talk,” Pierre interrupts, putting a finger to his lips. “Now, I’m going to suck you off like God intended and you’re going to enjoy it. Then, we’ll have a good long talk about this thing between us, and after that I’m going to make you come as many times as I can, agreed?”

It’s forward, he knows. Far too forward, but the way Charles’ eyes widen and his cheeks blush makes it all worth it. “Okay.”

“Good boy,” Pierre says, and Charles lets out a keening, needy whine that lights a fire within him.

Oh, this is going to be interesting.

OK SO my wap design masterpost was admittedly incomplete because! Despite Tolstoy's robust (to say the least) description, Dolokhov gave me SO MUCH TROUBLE! Strap in for a design rant

I couldn't settle on an overall direction until I finally figured the best approach would be through contrast - stick him next to the character he's most frequently with, examine their differences and try to express them. This was of course Anatole (though I should probably look at him next to Sonya, Nikolai and Helene too) so the goal was to make dolokhov older, shorter, less bootylicious, more composed/sinister/shady etc... I gave him a broken nose because duels and whatnot, and then I thought maybe I could reflect that zigzaggy line in his face as well? Then I remembered split eyebrows exist... Eventually I had something I was more or less happy with! Body type wise he ended up a little like Andrei but that's not really a problem given they don't interact much. Anyway I guess there's some other characters in this drawing so let's talk about them for a change:

Anatole and Andrei because I felt like they didn't look right next to each other in my previous lineup - I think that was mainly because making Anatole that tall and that, cough, robust looking was really hard for me!!!! So I whittled away at it for ages until I felt like he looked more or less proportional. Then there's Pierre and Lise who I didn't draw last time - pierre is tricky because I REALLY like the Josh groban version of him but I'm also keenly aware that Pierre should probably be clean shaven and have shorter hair, at least at the beginning of the book... Tbh he changes so many times over the book that in order to be thorough I'd have to do a whole timeline but I think this Paul dano esque take works well enough for early book Pierre 🤷

As for Lise, there's tons of visual cues to take from so she was mostly easy - more than anything I want her to look really small and childlike to drive home the dread and horror that I always feel when her pregnancy is brought up - I might have been influenced in this by Lila from the Neapolitan novels, whose marriage and pregnancy at 17 is the source of some really good really unsettling writing - she changes physically as her pregnancy progresses so again I'd have to do a redesign to convey that but this works for her early on! And then of course her squirrelly smile and stache are a must.

This is probably one of the stranger asks, but how do you think the villagers would react to someone (maybe a young tourist during the fair) being way too forward and flirtatious with them. Also, if they have them, how their spouses would react to seeing that. You definitely don't need to do this if you don't want to, or it makes you uncomfortable btw.

You’re not wrong, this is definitely one of the stranger asks I’ve received!  But I have no problem with it, I love quirky asks because that usually means they’re a lot of fun to think about and answer!  I’ll answer anything that isn’t NSFW, so you’re good.  As for the ask, I went ahead and wrote it for the middle-aged villagers (excluding the kids for obvious reasons as well as the older residents).  Enjoy!

Caroline - Quite honestly, Caroline’s flattered.  It’s been quite some time since anyone showed active interest in her.  After 20+ years of marriage to Pierre, that spark faded a long time ago.  The idea that anyone out there is showing any interest in her is strangely exhilarating.  Caroline will glance in Pierre’s direction to see if he notices and WOW he sure does.  She can see him seething as his fists clench.  It’s at this point that Caroline has gotten everything she can out of this exchange and ends it quickly.  Just seeing Pierre’s jealousy is enough satisfaction for her.

Clint - At first, Clint is relatively sure he’s being teased… someone clearly put this stranger up to this, why else would some random stranger start making advances on him?  Clint becomes immediately flustered, acting nervous and awkward as he stumbles over his words.  Once he’s relatively sure that this isn’t some elaborate prank, he gets even more nervous.  What does this person want?  Are they truly interested in him?  Why?  His nerves get the better of him and he becomes so flustered that he excuses himself for some fresh air.  By the time he returns, the mysterious stranger is nowhere to be seen.

Demetrius - Bless Demetrius’ heart, the man is socially oblivious.  It doesn’t matter how flirtatious or forward this person is becoming, in Demetrius’ mind they’re just being very friendly.  Of course Demetrius will chat with them in return, smiling as they speak and feeling an odd sense of pride when they laugh at his corny dad jokes.  Well of course Robin sees this from afar and NO WAY is some stranger about to show up and hit on her husband, that’s just not happening.  Robin’s at Demetrius’ side in seconds flat and practically shrieks at this homewrecker to beat it.  Demetrius is bewildered until Robin explains what just happened and Demetrius’ eyes go wide as realization strikes.

Gus - Gus is flattered, surely, but also incredibly confused.  He’s old, he’s overweight, he doesn’t consider himself to be very interesting or attractive, and there’s a sea of eligible bachelors in town that would probably make much better options.  There’s no way he’s reading this situation correctly, maybe this is just an overly friendly tourist.  Gus politely engages in conversation with them but as it starts to become even more flirtatious, Gus very nicely turns them down.  He’s been married before, he’s gone down that road, he’s not eager to go down it again any time soon and certainly not with someone at least half his age.

Jodi - Jodi is incredibly uncomfortable.  Jodi’s a bit conservative so to receive such sudden and forward advances is incredibly unnerving, especially by someone significantly younger than herself.  With a tremble in her voice, Jodi politely tells this person that she’s married, has no interest in a fling, and excuses herself from this person before she feels any further discomfort.  If this occurs once Kent is home, odds are he’s very close to Jodi if not standing right by her side and in that case… would anyone actually start flirting with Jodi while she’s on the arm of a man like Kent? XD

Kent - This is the last thing Kent needs right now.  He just got home from the war and reunited with his family, he’s certainly in no mood to deal with unwelcome advances from a stranger and he makes this fact abundantly clear right from the start.  While Jodi’s refusal was kind and polite, Kent’s is direct.  He’s married, this is making him uncomfortable, so please leave.  The exchange is so brief that Jodi wasn’t even aware of it.

Marnie - Marnie has to say, she’s simultaneously shocked and flattered by this attention.  She’s been single for quite some time and is very receptive to someone making advances and she flirts right back.  It may be petty, but she can’t help looking around for Lewis to see if he notices… he most certainly does.  Honestly, that makes it all even better.  Marnie spends a decent amount of her time talking and laughing with this person, possibly even exchanging phone numbers.  And yet when all is said and done, Marnie doesn’t pursue it after that day.  It was fun and it made her feel alive to be flirted with like that, but the fun’s over and she’s not looking for anything more.

Pam - Very similar to Marnie, she’s just surprised and flattered that anyone even picked her out of the crowd, especially someone so young.  Though unlike Marnie, Pam’s very suspicious from the start.  While the advances are flattering, she can’t help but wonder what this person is playing at.  Surely they have an ulterior motive, though she can’t imagine what it might be.  It’s not long before Pam convinces herself that this stranger, while quite charming, is trouble and she wants nothing to do with it any longer.

Pierre - Pierre isn’t quite sure what to do about it.  He was never very forward himself so to have a perfect stranger make forward advances on him is unexpected and very confusing.  Right away he gets flustered and stammers about being married, glancing nervously around to find Caroline in the hopes that she can get him out of whatever’s happening right now… and she absolutely does.  In moments Caroline is at his side, her left hand on his shoulder to show off her wedding ring.

Robin - This… is…. HILARIOUS to her!  Much like Caroline, Robin’s very flattered by the unexpected attention she’s receiving, but she’s also incredibly entertained by it as well.  It takes everything she has to not burst into a fit of giddy giggling, someone out there is actually hitting on her and she’s quite possibly old enough to be their mother.  Robin never thought of herself as a milf, but hey, here she is being hit on by a young stranger.  Demetrius, once again oblivious to exactly what’s going on, doesn’t see this happen at all.  Once Robin’s had her fun, she dismisses the newcomer quite plainly (she does feel bad for the sudden and potentially rude dismissal, but she’d had her fun and it’s done now) and goes off to find her friends and tell them all about it.

Willy - Willy has no clue what to do with this… absolutely no clue.  He didn’t want attention, he didn’t need attention, but now there’s this random person here and there’s not really a whole lot he can do about it.  He politely excuses himself to find the nearest source of water to go fishing or just to stare out at the water and if for some reason this person follows him, the plan is basically to just ignore them until they walk away.  (INCREDIBLY out of nowhere hc of mine is that Willy is asexual… I know, I know, I’m projecting. XD You don’t have to worry about a strange ask when I provide a strange hc in exchange.)

Roger Federer interview in l’Équipe for those of us who don't speak French

Romain Lefebvre: L’Équipe has awarded you with the title Champion of Champions in a tie with Rafael Nadal. Does that seem fair to you?

Roger Federer: Yes. Some will say no, some will say yes. I think you can look at our seasons however way you want. Both have done something extraordinary. He finished the year at number 1. He’s even the oldest player ever to have done that, which I didn’t know. It’s something no one has done before, so, from that angle, he deserves it. He made a comeback just like me. Me, I’m five years older, which makes things even more complicated. And I beat him every time. You can mix that all up whichever way you want, but I’m totally OK with it.

Q: Do you have the feeling that breaking back at 3-2 in the fifth set of your Australian Open win against Rafa was a determining factor for the rest of your season?

RF: It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s true. It was that moment that I proved definitely that I’m playing fabulously. I’m playing really, really well. You feel that all the backhands are aggressive, I’m calm, serene. It’s a big moment for the rest of the season, yes … Basically, you’re right!

Q: When we saw you at the inauguration of his academy, in October 2016 – you were both injured – you’ve almost never been apart since …

RF: Exactly. It’s interesting because it had never been that way before then. We understand each other. In the past, when he’s been injured or operated on, honestly, because I’d never been operated on, it was difficult for me to put myself in his skin. In 2016, when he was doing better, and it was my turn to be injured, for the first time I felt the way he did when he was injured. It got me even closer to Rafa, this understanding of what he went through in the past. On the one hand, it’s nice being at home, of being detached from everything, but, at the same time, it’s an injury. It’s not fun. It’s an operation; it reveals a weakness. I know there are a lot worse things in life with health problems. But for an athlete, an injury is difficult – it may mean the end. We both went through it at the same time, at the same moment. I think I understand Rafa more know than before. Before, for me, it was, ‘yeah, right, OK. I see what he wants to say, but not really … it’s clearer today.

Q: If someone told you in 2010, when Nadal was number 1 in the world, that seven years later he wouldn’t beat you once in four meetings during a season …

Rf: I would have said no way! At that time I had two kids, and I had even more desire. Now I have four. With four kids, I’m not going to beat Rafa four times! [laughs]. It’s neither reasonable nor realistic. But fine, the idea was to play for a long time. The question was: would we still be meeting each other? What will our rankings be? When you’re, I don’t know, fifteenth and twenty-third, I imagine we won’t be meeting each other four times during the year. To meet that often, you have to play at the highest level.

Q: Can you give three reasons why you won every time in 2017?

RF: There’s the Basel win first of all in 2015 [in the final 6-3, 5-7, 6-3] at home, which really did me good. It comforted me in the idea that if I play well indoors, or on a fast surface, it would always be tough for him. After, I think that our long break acted as a reset for our rivalry. In our head-to-heads, our 2004 matches have no relation to today. We’re now two guys who’ve had operations, among the oldest. It’s another era. I approach the matches telling myself, ‘OK, we’ll see what happens.’ My new racquet has given me more options than in the past. Before, my game was more based on a sliced backhand and my forehand. Now, I can do more things with my backhand, and I proved that to myself in Australia against him. That was it. And, tactically, I was clearer in my head about how to play him as opposed to before. The racquet, the surface, the momentum [the dynamic] of finally ending the wins against me, it’s all a package. Plus the fact that I possibly could have won some matches against him I ended up losing. I’m think of Dubai, here, once in the final [in 2006, loss 2-6, 6-4, 6-4], which I shouldn’t have lost, Rome, which I lose in five sets [6-7, 7-6, 6-4, 2-6, 7-6] in the same year which I possibly should have won, at Roland where I for once had a chance [2011, loss 7-5, 7-6, 5-7, 6-1] … All those matches created a sort of spiral which favoured him.

Q: If you’d met him on clay this year, would you have maintained your invincibility?

RF: It might have been interesting, with the year I had and my style of play, if I could have done well, even won, but no … for me, Rafa will always be the favourite against anyone on clay. So, Advantage Rafa! I say. [laughs]

Q: You played doubles with him for the first time at the Laver Cup. What did playing beside him do?

RF: It was magnificent. Honestly. Because doubles are even better than practice. In doubles, you have ten seconds to make a choice, and you talk to each other. OK, what will you take? Forehand and I cover that after? No? Go, we’ll change quickly! OK, agreed? Bang bang, boom, bing. And you do that fifty times during a match! Watching his intensity, his calmness, it made me think about myself. We’re similar, we’re always trying to find solutions. He’s a winner. He knows when it’s important, when it doesn’t matter if you miss a shot when you’ve made the right choice. If the idea was right, you accept it. You know when the opponent played well. All that fascinated me. It was really good.

Q: What does he have that you’d like to have?

RF: I’ve always loved his forehand and his intensity, his ability to concentrate.

Q: You’d like him to have been Swiss?

RF: Uhmmm … why not? Absolutely. I won’t say no! But with Stan [Wawrinka] we’re doing pretty well, eh! I can’t complain, Stan’s incredible.

Q: Which one of you is a better doubles player?

RF: Oh … interesting. We play completely differently. In Prague, I asked him, ‘How do you want me to play? More like me or more like you?’ Because I don’t know very well the doubles where you stay at the baseline after serving like he does. I was at the net and the balls we’re whistling by me [he mimes balls whistling by] voom, voom, especially against Jack Sock, who plays like Rafa. Me, I know doubles where both players are at the net, where you try and make a wall and you concentrate on the first volley. But that’s not the way we played. It was ultra interesting. It was modern doubles if you like. He plays that better, and I think I play classic doubles better. I know that’s not the answer you wanted, but sharing that thought is interesting. Let’s say it’s a draw!

Q: Can we imagine you playing doubles at a Slam?

RF: No. I don’t think that’s possible. We need our rest. We’re both tired after the singles. [laughs].

Q: What’s your best win over Rafa?

RF: Australia this year. [2017] Yes.

Q: The cruellest loss?

RF: Wimbledon 2008 or Rome 2006, where I have two match points, playing five hours on clay. It would have been nice beating him in that final, in that magnificent Rome stadium. But Wimbledon, there were so many records on the line: a sixth win for me, the first for him, in the dark like that at the end [night fell at the moment of match point, at 9.16 PM]. It was extraordinary …

Q: Let’s get back to this year. Did you play your best tennis in the States at Indian Wells and Miami?

RF: I played well, but I had trouble in a couple of consecutive matches in Miami. Against Bautista, against Berdych, Kyrgios. Finally, I had a lot of luck against Berdych. Everyone’s forgotten, but I had match point against me on his serve. On his second, he hits 190 to my forehand. It’s times like those that can change the course of a season. Against Kyrgios, too. It was very, very hot. I played well that day, but in Miami, during the day, I suffered a lot because of the wind. You don’t play your best under those conditions. Or the feeling isn’t always the best. It’s not like Australia, where there’s never a breath of wind. After six matches on Rod Laver, you know every inch of the surface. You can’t play any better in the fifth set. While in Miami, during the day, you have the sun in your eyes from an angle, it’s windy, and you can’t go for the lines! It’s still an excellent tournament, and I really surprised myself in the final against Rafa. Because I told myself, ‘OK, I beat him in Australia and in Indian Wells,’ but, honestly, I was tired. At the warm-up with Seve [Lüthi, one of his coaches], I told him: “Listen, I’m going to try my best.” And he answered: ‘If we’d told you at the beginning of the season you’d make a final in Miami, you would have taken it, even without Australia or Indian Wells. Just this final!’ It gave me a good feeling, good energy, and I ended up having a very good match. My head was clear one more time, after the break back at the Australian Open, I guess. I saw that certain things were working and I kept it up. It was pretty great, right.

Q: During all that, you make the decision of not playing on clay …

RF: Yes. Late on, actually. Because I was on clay. I told myself: I’ll see how I feel, where I’m at. Honestly, it was a coin-flip situation. I remember exactly where we were and how we decided. My entourage told me: ‘If you do it, Roger, think it over carefully. Because it will be a month where you’ll work like crazy. It won’t be easy, and what will it get you? Because if you don’t win Roland … And my physio was worried about my knee that had bugged me the year before. My conditioning coach, Pierre [Paganini] told me: ‘Listen, there’s so much work to do before playing on clay, and, in the end, what’s the goal? Just playing? It’s your decision.’ The coaches told me: if the priority is Wimbledon, you have to really think about it. Twenty-four hours later, I told myself: bah, you know what? OK, it’s tough, but it’s wise. It was the first time in my life I said no to a Slam while feeling healthy. Because the year before I pulled out of Roland with a bad back and knee, and I couldn’t play the US Open because of the knee. There was a solid reason each time. But this was a first and it was weird, yeah …

Q: In hindsight, wasn’t it the best decision you made this year?

RF: No, no. It doesn’t give me any pleasure withdrawing from a tournament. I’m still a competitor. In hindsight, it wasn’t a bad decision, but it wasn’t a good one either, if it had turned out I could play on clay anyway, and still play on grass after, like I’ve done my whole career, in fact. Even in hindsight, I see what you mean, but I won’t accept it. It was an important and difficult decision to make because I was healthy.

Q: And then there was Wimbledon glory. What do you remember?

RF: Oh it was quick. All of a sudden [snaps his fingers], I won my eighth … especially looking at Australia, where I didn’t know. Everything was fragile on my side. I had five-setters, Nishikori, Stan, Rafa, I fought a problem with my adductors for five matches … While at Wimbledon, I arrive, three sets, then three sets, and all of a sudden, I’m in the quarters, the semis, the final and it’s over. It’s a great satisfaction because I’d played so well and worked so hard since the previous year when I lost to Raonic. The idea was, if I made it back this year, that’s where I wanted to be at the top of my game. And finding yourself at Wimbledon in that situation, you, your team, your fans, Switzerland, it’s a very nice moment in the career of a player. Especially when you achieved what was your main goal the previous year. With my knee problem, I’d told myself that everything that came before Wimbledon was less important. I constructed the situation well.

Q: What gives Roger Federer the most satisfaction: the complicated fight at the Australian Open …

RF: [interrupts] That. Regardless, that.

Q: ... or the train that arrives on time at Wimbledon for a final without a lot of emotion against an injured Cilic?

RF: I didn’t realise that at the time, luckily. I still had the satisfaction of winning against him as if he weren’t injured. It’s only after the final that I heard how much he was hurt. Because I didn’t see him cry during the match. And I imagine it was better for me not seeing that. Regarding my 2017 season, it’s Australia above all for sure. With that incredible match, with everything that happened up to it, the comeback. The emotions were huge. While with Wimbledon, I looked at the record I’d achieved, my eighth. That’s it.

Q: Can you guarantee your numerous French fans that you’ll play again one day in Paris?

RF: No, I can’t. Because Bercy is always after Basel and Roland Garros on clay, I don’t know what will happen next year. I’d like to say yes, absolutely, I’ll come back and one day in Paris, and I think that will happen next year. It may be twice, it may be never. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees. The longer I stay on the tour, the bigger the chance I’ll return to Paris. Obviously, it’s tough for me to imagine never playing Roland or Bercy again, but the future is unknown.

SOURCE: https://tennistranslations.wordpress.com/2017/12/29/roger-federer-reflects-in-an-interview-in-lequipe-with-romlef-on-his-2017-season-the-amazing-nadal-and-his-amazing-ao-win/

Pretending I Don't Feel Misplaced (SL with @EverSoPatiently, @DoNoHarm_, and @IWillNotFade)

Tati: *Doc had called a million times asking me to stop. Telling me that he was coming to find me. I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to hide from him, but I couldn’t face Leah or Logan after I had walked away from everyone. I knew they blamed me. They hated me for leaving. For not being willing to help. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to face Malachi. He was just too much. I wasn’t willing to let myself be a pawn like he was. They claimed they weren’t going to use me as a weapon. Logan claimed he could play with my shifting. It wasn’t the shifting I was concerned about. It had never been the shifting. It was my temperament as a wolf that terrified me. I knew I was vicious. The only person I could be around when I shifted was Doc. But even that was a touchy subject. I didn’t trust myself around Spencer. I wanted to. I wanted to let him be beside me every step of the way. But this wasn’t easy for me. It hadn’t ever been easy. I felt myself shiver as I settled on a down tree branch. No matter what, I kept moving. I knew it was a matter of time until Spencer found a way to find me. But I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I wasn’t sure how he was going to find me. I didn’t know if Leah and Logan were going to be with him, or if he was going to be alone. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure I trusted Leah and Logan. I didn’t know if the two of them had what was best for me in mind when they tried to get me to be a part of their pack. In fact, I knew they didn’t. They were thinking about what was the best move for the pack. What was the best move to take down the St. Pierre pack. I didn’t hold that against them. But I stood by the fact that they didn’t know what they were asking of me. It was a scenario I had let go through my mind a million times. What if I did let Logan manipulate my genes? He claimed that he could give me the power to shift at will. But was I crazy to not trust the magic he was offering? I didn’t trust anyone. It was something that was always in the back of my mind. I was going to be used as a weapon. It was what the other wolves in my father’s pack had wanted. But my father knew it wasn’t fair to me. So he let me go. And issued the warning that if anyone came for me, they were dead. Even if I wasn’t a part of that pack, I was still his daughter. I always would be. I could have run back there. Arkansas was only a few miles away. I knew I was sitting close to the border. But I also knew that if I did go there, Spencer was going to find me. But I knew I needed to stop. I needed Spencer in a way I hadn’t ever needed, or wanted, anyone before. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to give him every part of me. But I wasn’t entirely sure how to do it. I didn’t know how to open myself up to him. Pulling out my phone, I sent him one message. I didn’t know if it would bring him to me, or drive him away, but I needed something. I needed him to know that I loved him. It was the only way he knew I was giving him something. I wasn’t sure if he was going to accept it, but I needed him to know that I was trying.* There’s a wooded area off of route 167 just before you cross the border into Arkansas. Spencer: -I didn’t even have to pick my phone up to know it was Tati texting me. I’d set her tones to something different than everyone else a million years ago. The sound alone told me everything I needed to know. I’d been trying to call her since she ran out that door, but I knew better than to think she was going to answer me. The fact that she was texting me now was more of a surprise than I cared to admit out loud. This wasn’t the first time that Tati had run away. She had a habit of avoiding everyone, even me, when things became too much for her to handle, when the time came for her to shift or when she just couldn’t take any more of the world. I’d learned not to take it personally a long time ago, but sometimes it was hard. This time was one of those times. The thing was, this time, I was already out looking for her. I hadn’t known where to begin, but Beezer had. He’d scented her at least this far, and judging from her text, we didn’t have much farther to go. I had no clue how she was going to react once we got there a whole hell of a lot faster than we probably should have. All I could do was take a deep breath and let the two weres who’d come with me this far know what the message had said.- So, she just messaged me. -glancing over at Beezer and Aurora with a soft exhale before I continued- She’s not far. A grassy area off route 167. Do you know it? Because I do if you don’t. -I’d passed it before, without knowing it was the place she would run to. Maybe it was where she always went, maybe it was somewhere else, a random place she’d just picked out of the blue. I had no way of knowing. I could only hope that she wouldn’t freak out when I didn’t show up alone and run again, this time to somewhere we wouldn’t be able to find. I grabbed my phone and tapped out a reply- I’ll be there soon. -sending it before I slid my phone back into my pocket, mind churning to try to figure out what to do when we got there. I didn’t know if I should go out and speak to her on my own before I let her know the other two were there or what. I knew she would probably know they were coming before she saw them, that she would smell them on the wind before she scented me if the wind was right. I had no clue what I was doing here. I just needed to find her.- Rora: ^As soon as Doc said she was in the area just off of 167, I knew where she was. It was a place I had visited one time, but I felt myself take in a breath of air. I didn’t like thinking of that time. I couldn’t ignore the look from Mal, though. And I knew I was going to have to explain to him why I knew it. But I also knew that we didn’t need to go barging in like we owned the place. As we pulled off the road, I let my hand rest on Mal’s arm.^ We can’t go to her just yet. Doc needs to talk to her alone. He’ll help in getting her to listen to us. ^I knew Mal didn’t like sending Spencer to talk to her alone. He didn’t know what was in these woods. But I knew what was here. It was relatively safe. Derrick was back in New Orleans with Mal’s family. I couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on there. I could imagine it, though. They were doing everything to prepare for battle. I knew Derrick. I knew what a battle meant to him. And if the stories Mal had told me were anything to go by, I knew that he would fit in with the St. Pierre’s.^ She doesn’t know you like I do. She knows the horror stories of your father’s pack, though. She knows you were used as a weapon, Mal. She has never seen you when we’re together. She doesn’t know that you can be the sweetest guy in the world. She doesn’t understand that. ^Taking a breath, I brought my leg up and folded it under me. As I turned to face Mal, I was struck by his beauty. I wasn’t sure if he was ever going to acknowledge it, but he was handsome. I had learned to stop telling him, though. All he saw were the scars and injuries. I saw them for what they were, marks of a survivor.^ When you’re alone, you’re a lot to take in. And that’s when you’re not a wolf. You know that as a wolf you’re big and imposing. You could give her a run for her money if you wanted to control her. ^Putting a hand up as Mal went to rebuke me, I gave him a look.^ I know you would never do it. I know that you hate what your father made you into. I know that’s why you and Leah are still together after all this time. But Tatiana doesn’t understand that. Logan and Leah might not understand, but she kept herself away from us for a reason. Not only does she not have control as a wolf, she’s in the same space as you. And everything she knows about you makes her scared. So she kept herself at arms length to protect everyone, even herself. You can’t give her another reason to be afraid of you, Malachi. She needs to see what I see. She needs to understand that you’re not the wolf your father or brothers are. She needs to know that you don’t want to use her as a weapon. Mal: -I made myself listen as my wife talked, despite my gut instinct being to disagree with her. I knew she was right. It wasn't what she was trying to tell me that I thought was wrong. It was just that I knew Tatiana’s gut reaction to me was the one I'd been fighting all my life not to be. My father had wanted me to be this fighting machine, a tool that he could wield as he and then my older brother saw fit. I wouldn't have used the power I had to control another, not when it was exactly what had been done to me. But I also knew Tatiana had no way of knowing that. She didn't know me, not at all, and I'd only ever caught glimpses of her in passing during the few times she'd been at the treehouse. I knew I could be intimidating. I was almost as big as my brother, and I was faster. It gave me the advantage in a fight and it was pretty evident to anyone who knew anything about a fight at first glance. I wasn't a fool. Never mind the scars I'd been left with after years of fighting both on behalf of my family and on my own just for survival after I left. I was strong, but I wasn't invincible. I'd been brought along to help find her. Doc was the one she was tied to, and as nervous as letting him go in to find her alone made me, I knew it was a necessary evil. I was still going to be on edge as all this happened though. There was no getting around any of that. If she saw me coming, her first instinct was going to be to run. He was going to have to soften her up for me to be able to get even close enough to her to get a word in. And there were a few words I needed to get in. There wasn't anyone here who understood that fear of being used for what you were quite like I did. There was more than a bit of terror in not being in control of yourself during a shift. The ability to recall what had happened when I shifted came and went with the moods of my wolf. If he had business he didn't want me to know about, I wasn't going to remember a moment of it. If he allowed, I would have perfect recognition. I supposed it was his way of protecting me from knowing about how he took care of business. And I supposed it was a mercy, but I was never in control. Reaching out to run a hand along Rora’s arm until my fingers found hers and I gave her hand a squeeze, keeping it there even after I could have pulled away- Then Doc goes in first, but I want to talk to her. I need her to know what's real. At least I need to try to tell her. I don't know how much good it will do. Spencer: -Beezer and Aurora were talking along the edge of the road, but I paid them little attention. I didn’t know what was passing between the two of them at the moment, perhaps it wasn’t my place to know. I did know them both well enough to know that they were going to try to help as much as they could. I’d tried before to explain a little to Tati about him, but she couldn’t get past the last name. I’d heard of the St. Pierre’s. I’d been in Louisiana for awhile now, and there was no way to be a part of the shifter world here without hearing about them. I had to admit that it gave me pause at first. His name, combined with his size, was enough to frighten anyone. I couldn’t blame her for that. But I’d gotten to know him since his arrival, at least on a few occasions. He didn’t remember what happened when he shifted, and he had a tendency to come back from those sessions with a wound or two. I’d forced him to come see me about the worst of them, the ones he couldn’t take care of himself. They healed fast, but they could still get infected, and they had a rough time coming back from something during the full moon when all their energy was focused on the animal within. He was a lot like her. He had a hard time controlling his shifting from time to time, but mostly he had a hard time controlling the wolf that came out. It was merciful enough to block him from remembering what it got up to when it was more than the man could handle. In truth, he was a giant, but he was fairly soft spoken and gentle. The man and the wolf were two different, albeit connected things. The scientist in me found him fascinating. He was bred to be a weapon, and he’d overcome all of that breeding and training to be what he had become. But I also understood why Tatiana was frightened. If I’d grown up with stories of what the family could get up to, I would be just as terrified. I had the advantage of coming at everything here from an outsider’s perspective. I left the two of them behind. I needed to go in first to try to explain to Tati what was going on, why the two of them were here and just pray she didn’t run again. The clearing wasn’t far from the highway, though it was concealed by a stand of trees I needed to make my way around to come out into the open. I had no idea what to expect when i walked into the clearing. She’d all but asked me to come with that text message, so I could only assume she wanted me to find her. My eyes darted around the clearing, looking for any sign of her as I called out her name- Tati? -The uncertainly in my voice was clear. She was here somewhere. I knew that much at least.- Tati: *I heard Spencer calling out, and I had been right. It hadn’t taken that long for him to come looking for me. It also helped that he knew where I was running to. I just knew that there was a risk with walking over the border into Arkansas. I knew that there was a chance I was going to be looked for. And I wasn’t about to go there. I wasn’t ready to give myself up to any one pack. I didn’t trust any person enough to be with a pack. In truth, Spencer was my pack. He was the only one I cared about. Stepping out into the clearing, I took a breath. My senses were heightened, so I could smell that he wasn’t alone. Or rather that he hadn’t been alone. But I knew he needed help in finding me.* I can’t do it, Spencer. I can’t let them do that to me. Am I insane for not being sure about Logan’s magic? Am I stupid for not being willing to see if it works? *My nerves were shot. There was no way to explain it. But I needed him to see my side of everything, and that had never been an issue with Spencer. He understood me in a way no one else understood. We had spent so much time talking about everything. He knew my fears and my reactions better than I did.* I understand that this is their family, and they want to do everything in their power to protect it, but am I crazy for wanting to protect myself? Spencer: -I could hear the fear in her voice. She was scared, but there was more behind it than that. She wasn’t just scared of Beezer. It was what he represented that terrified Tati. To her, he was everything she was afraid of being. I raked a hand through my hair listening to her as I slowly approached the edge of the clearing she’d appeared from. I needed to be closer to her, needed her to be able to look into my eyes so she could see that I meant what I was saying.- Tati, there’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself. I’d be mad if you didn’t. Don’t give up anything without a fight. That’s not who you are. I don’t expect you to just let anyone do anything to you. -I was close enough to touch her, though I didn’t. I just let the distance between us close to almost nothing.- I know you know I didn’t come alone. They’re waiting at the car, but I won’t let them come in here if you don’t want them to. -I couldn’t resist the urge to reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I wanted to take care of her for all the fact that she was in truth much stronger than I was.- Tati: *I could only press my face against Spencer’s hand as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I wanted to pretend that none of this was dangerous. I wanted to think that none of this had happened. We weren’t running for our lives. I wasn’t putting everyone in jeopardy by running. But I knew I was protecting them when they couldn’t see what I was for themselves. I was more concerned with them than they were. They were only thinking of the temporary. The immediate danger. They didn’t understand long term. They didn’t understand that this was my life. But as I relaxed against Spencer, I was hit with the sudden realization that it wasn’t Leah and Logan who had come with him. He had said they were in the car. He never said who it was. And him not telling me who it was should have been the biggest clue that he was hiding something. And I wasn’t going to like what he was going to tell me.* You didn’t, Spencer. Tell me you didn’t come with Beezer. Of all the people, you know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about why you thought that was a good idea. *I felt myself start to tremble as I thought about Beezer being so close. The man that was the physical representation of my fear. I didn’t know how to act around him. It wasn’t that I was afraid of him, I was afraid of what he was. I was terrified that someone would do that to me. And it was something I ran from. I didn’t want to give anyone the chance to see it.* If you thought him talking to me was going to be the best idea, you’re mistaken. You know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about it. Rora: ^I had given Doc the benefit of the doubt, but this was getting to be a little much. I could see Mal fidgeting, and I knew I needed to get him out of the car. I needed him to get some fresh air. I needed him to relax. Because the truth was that he was going to lose it. And that was when things were going to get dangerous. I wasn’t going to let him go to her, though. As I stepped out of the car, I lifted my hand towards him. It was a beckoning. I wanted him with me, and I knew he wasn’t going to let me go far without him. I wasn’t sure if it was a side effect of me being pregnant, but I wasn’t allowed to be on my own. And it was okay. I knew he was trying to protect me. They both were. But I knew how to protect him, as well. With my hand entwined with his, we started towards the clearing where I knew Tatiana was going to be. And I heard what she was saying. And I understood it to a degree. I could see the pain written on my husband’s face though. And that was the thing that Tatiana had never understood. She didn’t get that this wasn’t someone he wanted to be. He didn’t want people to fear him. It was something he hated about himself. My voice was soft as I walked into the clearing. I gave Doc a small smile as I walked forward.^ We didn’t bring Mal along to talk to you. It’s quite the opposite. I was brought along to talk to you. Mal came because he’s my shadow. Especially with this baby. He’s concerned about keeping it safe. He’s worried about keeping me safe. The last thing he wants is for anyone to be used like he’s been used. ^Coming to stand in front of Tati, I let out a soft sigh. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy for any of us involved. But I knew it was going to be painful if it all came from Mal. So I felt the words start to tumble from my lips.^ Mal wasn’t always a blackout wolf. It was a side effect of his training. And I am eternally grateful to that wolf of his. He protects my husband when I can’t. When no one else was able to, the wolf has always protected Mal. ^Casting a glance over my shoulder, I looked at my husband who was doing everything to not hear what I was saying. He didn’t want to admit any of this to anyone, but I knew the truth. Tatiana needed to hear this. She needed to know that this wasn’t something Mal wanted to do.^ Mal knows what it’s like to be used as a weapon. I understand why you’re terrified of him. But it’s not him that you’re afraid of. I know that, too. I know that you’re afraid of everything Mal was taught to be. But I can tell you that he’s not going to let that happen to you. You can say you’re protecting yourself, but the truth is that you’re protecting everyone else. Let Mal protect you. Mal: -Mal… Malachi. That name I hadn’t heard for a long damned time off anyone’s lips but Rora’s. It belonged there. No one had called me that since I was small, when my mother would call me in for dinner or from upstairs to come down for chores and school. Beezer had been the name of choice for the rest of the world. The name my brother’s had given me when Zeke gave me a broken nose as a seven year old. I knew Tatiana was terrified of me. I knew most people were. Leah and Rora were the rare exceptions. I couldn’t help how I was perceived by the rest of the world. I was what I was. My father had seen to that. But I was a lot more than that. Tati only saw the part that my father had wanted to project to the rest of the world. Rora wasn’t wrong about the wolf. He and I had been bred to be weapons. The blackouts had been trained into me to keep me from objecting or even knowing what was going on when my father was in control. But the wolf had kept them in place when we left. As much as I hated not remembering, at times it was merciful. I kept my distance as the two of them spoke, but I couldn’t help but overhear what they were saying. My ears could have picked up their gentle conversation at twice the distance even if I tried not to pay attention to it. They were talking about me. The thought made me uncomfortable enough without hearing exactly what they had to say about me. I could feel my chest tighten at the words that came from their mouths. Tati clearly didn’t want me here, and I couldn’t blame her for that. My wife was insistent that here was the very place I needed to be. Tati was afraid of not me, but of becoming me. I couldn’t say that I blamed her, but if she thought Leah was going to use her the way my father had used me, she was mistaken. It wasn’t something she would even do, but if she tried, I’d have refused to allow it. There was no way I was going to let that happen to someone else the way it had happened to me whether I knew them or not. I could only step forward, coming close enough to the three of them to make certain I was heard as I spoke- She’s not wrong… She never is really. -shaking my head before I ran a hand roughly over my face, taking a deep breath.- I’d die before I let someone get used the way that I was. I didn’t have anyone to fight for me, and the one person who tried to protect me paid for it with her life. -I took a deep breath, holding back the emotion I could feel welling in my chest, the wolf pacing slightly at the tension that wrought in my frame, though I knew he was going to stay put for now, at least- Protecting everyone else and protecting yourself… Those don’t have to be something you do on your own. Tati:*I was a little surprised when Beezer walked up to me. But he still kept his distance. Like he knew all of this was hard on me. The running had been the worst. Leaving Spencer behind was something I never wanted to do. I didn’t like the thought of leaving him. But I knew the truth. He loved his work with Leah. He loved being there for them. He wanted to give them a safe haven. He didn’t want them to have to answer questions. So he played doctor with them. He gave them the reassurances they needed. He was finding a home. I wasn’t sure what I was finding. But the truth was I didn’t know what the next step was supposed to be. I could only tell them what had happened in the kitchen of the Treehouse. I needed Beezer and Aurora to know the truth of what had happened.* Have you ever been told you have the choice of doing something? But really the choice has already been made? That’s what Leah and Logan did to me. I didn’t get a choice with them. They told me I didn’t have to fight with them. They told me I could walk away from it. But when I told them that I didn’t want to be a part of the fight, I got bullied. I got told that if I didn’t fight, the fight was going to find me anyway. So, essentially, it didn’t matter if I didn’t want to fight. I was fighting. *I felt myself lean against Spencer as the tears started to well in my eyes. I didn’t know how much Mal knew about the discussion with Leah, but he needed to know the truth. I had no idea how they had gotten him to come. I wasn’t sure what lies people had told him.* I have never had control over myself when I shift. And that is okay. I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve figured out how to protect Spencer. That’s all I’ve been able to focus on for the past few years. *I felt the tension in my body as I thought about how many years it had taken before I knew what the hell was going on with me. And in that time to learn how to protect Spencer from when I changed. It was a very long process.* I may have more time to practice, but all of that goes out the window for two weeks every three months. It takes every ounce of control to go somewhere where I won’t hurt people when it’s time to shift. Leah and Logan are now asking me to try to learn everything again. Even with Logan manipulating me into shifting whenever I want, the problem of my temperament remains. Should I risk everyone around me? Are you willing to risk Rora and the baby if I don’t have control when I shift? Mal: -I didn’t have the answers that Tati seemed to so desperately want, and the sheer mention of risking Rora and the baby had my wolf straining at the bars that held him in tenuously in place. I could hear the doubt and fear in her voice. I had no way of convincing her that she was going to be able to do this, and I could tell that she had no faith in her or Logan’s ability to make this work. She was telling me Leah and Logan had pushed her into this corner, one where she got told to shit or get off the pot before she got slapped across the face that this was going to happen whether she liked it or not. I knew Leah. I knew she wasn’t exactly a bully, but that she was going to do whatever she needed to do to protect the house and the people in it, which included Tati whether she believed it or not. I kept my voice soft for the moment, though I couldn’t stop the deep rumble that came with the effort of holding the wolf within me at bay- I thought the same thing the first time I shifted around her, around any of them. The black wolf in me… -shaking my head for the moment as I thought about the things that he’d done- he is ruthless, and I’ve seen the aftermath of the things he’s done. He was trained to be a killing machine. That’s all I was supposed to be good for. I can’t make you any promises except this one. Whenever you shift, he will be there. And I can promise you there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do to protect his family. I know you know me… even if I don’t know you. At least you know me by reputation, and I can’t say I blame you for being scared. I can’t tell you all of this is going to turn out alright. I can’t tell you my family isn’t going to come in teeth bared and snarling and take us all down. But I have to fight for what I’ve found. Life isn’t worth living without it. I was born into a family that only wanted me for what I could do for them. I stumbled into one that would do anything for me instead. You can be a part of that too. I know what it’s like to shut the world away, to keep yourself apart to protect others. It’s part of protecting yourself too. I’ve been there. I spent a long time on my own before I came here with Leah. She was the first person who took me in and made me part of her life when I had nothing to offer her. She’s ruthless too when it comes to protecting what she loves, but I’ll keep her in check, even if no one else can. She hates this whole alpha thing. I can’t say I blame her. It wasn’t the life either of us wanted exactly. She does the best she can with it. -I knew I was babbling. I was a little nervous. And I wasn’t sure I could convince Tatiana of anything, especially when I wasn’t good with words. Reaching out for Rora’s hand, I threaded my fingers between hers and drew her into my side.- I’ll protect my family. And I don’t just mean Rora and the baby… -trying to catch Tatiana’s eyes with my own- The offer to be a part of the family is there if you want to take it, the protection too. I won’t let them push you past what you’re capable of doing, but I think you’re capable of a lot more than you know. -I could smell the fear on her, but I could smell the wolf too. I’d scented her in the woods around the Treehouse on occasion, but that occasion was rare. I knew she kept to herself, and I’d let her. I knew that need to be a loner better than most around here. Leah knew it too, though for her it was for an entirely different reason.- Go ahead and slap me if I’m wrong here. I won’t stop you. And I won’t stop you from running if it’s the thing you need to do. Rora: ^I could only shake my head at Mal. The truth was that he was intense on a good day. On a bad day, he was downright intimidating. And I wasn’t entirely sure what kind of a day this was for him. It could be a good day when he thought he was being intense. But to Tatiana, it could be a bad day. Taking a breath, I couldn’t stop myself from joining in again. But this time, I turned my attention back to my husband. I could see him with that singular focus. He was defending Leah, and didn’t understand what it was like for outsiders. It was the same thing I had gone through the first time I had met Leah. He was underestimating Tatiana.^ Malachi. Take a breath, and listen to her. ^Moving to put myself in my husband’s line of sight, I needed him to see that this was serious. I had to make him realize that his blind trust in Leah didn’t always work for everyone. It hadn’t been a comfort to me, and it wasn’t a comfort to Tatiana.^ You’re making the same assumption that Leah made. You know your wolf because he is a part of you. You know that he was taught to be a killing machine. But the problem that you, Leah, and Logan are all overlooking is that Tatiana knows her wolf as well as you know yours. ^I couldn’t help the tinge of disappointment in my tone. Everyone wanted what was best for the Treehouse. They wanted what was best for the people living there. They wanted to get everyone they knew into the fight. But they didn’t want to listen when there was something to take into consideration.^ This isn’t about being like you. This isn’t about her being a weapon. This is about Tatiana being afraid to put everyone around her at risk. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. And that’s something she’s afraid of. It’s a valid point, Mal. What if she can’t control herself when she shifts? What if her temperament doesn’t change, and she’s still as vicious as she is now? Should we risk everyone’s life with someone that doesn’t actually want to hurt us? Malachi: -I locked eyes with my wife and instantly felt like an asshole. I knew I was being pushy, but I had a hard time turning down the intensity a lot of the time, even when I could sympathize with Tatiana. It would be easy to sit here and beat myself up about it. I was good at that, but it wouldn’t get anything done. I had to stop and take a breath, consider everything from someone else’s point of view. It wasn’t just about the what if’s. There was history there, and Tatiana knew it better than any of us, even Doc. I needed to listen to her.- Then I owe her an apology. I have to think that this is all going to work out, because I can’t think about the alternative, Angel. If it gives me tunnel vision, then I have to fight against it. Just keep reminding me. -The last thing I wanted was to get so single minded that I let it turn me into my father. He would have used anyone he could to get to the ends he sought after. And while his were always selfish, the fact that mine weren’t didn’t mean that the ends justified the means. I moved to be able to look Tatiana in the eye- Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it’s like for you. I can only tell you what it’s like for me. I wouldn’t want to put any of the people here or back at the house in danger, and I wouldn’t want to put you in the position of being responsible for it. It is a valid point. I just can’t help but hope that things will be different. In the end, it’s your call. I promise you that. It’s my fault that you’re in this position to start with, and I couldn’t begin to apologize enough for all of that. -I wasn’t sure what else to say. I wasn’t wrong, and I felt like I needed Tatiana’s help, but in the end it was her decision to make, not mine or anyone else’s to make for her- If you want to stay, I’ll help you. I’ll make sure no one else is around when you shift until you’re sure that you’re safe. If you want to run, I’ll make sure you get where you’re going safely. Just tell me what you want to do, and I’ll stand behind that one hundred percent. Tati: *I could only nod my head as Beezer apologized. I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of his offer, though. Was this something I wanted to do? Did I truly want to see if I could take control of my wolf? It was a silent need, though. I hated that I needed to protect Doc every time I went to shift. There was still so much going through my head, though. There was something about Logan’s magic that I wasn’t sure I trusted. I didn’t like how he could make promises of me shifting. I didn’t trust how sure he was of everything. But maybe it was just Logan himself. The first time we had met, and he basically threatened my life without saying the words. He was great at manipulating those around him to get what he wanted. I knew it wasn’t that way with Leah, but he had tried to do it to me. And I wasn’t sure I was willing to be put under his thumb that way. I let my eyes go between Mal and Spencer’s before I took a breath. Letting my gaze fall on Spence, I shrugged my shoulders.* The only thing I have ever wanted was to be safe for you to be around. I hate leaving you when I shift. I hate that you’re in danger for any amount of time. If you think this is a risk I shouldn’t take, please say the word. I won’t do this if you don’t think this is a good idea. Spencer: -I’d been studying Tatiana for a long time, longer than we’d been together. It was how we’d met each other. I had found a few of the answers she was looking for, but I was far from figuring it all out. The truth of the matter was, she had to leave whenever Mars was in retrograde. There was no way I was going to be safe around her until she could control herself, and at the moment, control was far from what she was capable of. I had no way of knowing if any of this would work. My world was steeped in the paranormal, but it was also grounded in the scientific. I’d done the best I could at consolidating both of the realms into one, but there were times when I couldn’t explain or predict things at all. This was one of those times. I had two options here, and I was fairly certain Tati would listen to whichever I chose. I could be selfish either way, even when that wasn’t in my nature. I could take her away from all of this and go back to living the fairly quiet life we were leading, even if it meant walking away from the work I’d done here. For her, it was worth it. Or I could stay, and chance this with her, just for the ability to be with her all the time, not having to have one or the other of us hide when she was out of control. Being in control would mean the world to her. It would mean she was in charge even when the wolf was out. It was something she never thought she was going to have. And in the end I thought that was worth a try, even if it didn’t work. - I think it’s worth a shot, Tati. You’ll never know what you’re capable of unless you try, and this is the safest way I can think of attempting it. I’ve seen him shift. If it’s just the two of you, he’ll be safe, and be able to protect anyone else from you if you can’t keep control. Go far enough away and even that won’t be an issue until you’re ready for it to be. It can go slowly, as slowly as you want. I say you set the terms of all of this. Let it be completely in your hands, not anyone else’s call. Tati: *I nodded my head at Spencer’s words. He was right. This had to be on my own terms. I couldn’t do this for anyone else. It was something that I needed to do for me. There was no other way I could think of it. Turning my attention back to Beezer, I nodded my head.* Spencer is absolutely right. This has to be on my terms. We do this as far away from anyone at the treehouse as possible. And it has to be just you and me. Aurora cannot be here, Leah can’t be here. The only time Logan can be around is to do his thing with my shifting. He can’t be there for the training. I won’t think twice about going after him. *I could only bite my lip as I thought about the next part of the request. I wasn’t sure it was something that could be pulled off, but they’d have to figure it out. I couldn’t change my thoughts on Logan right now. Not with what he had said or made me feel. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t want to trust him. And me agreeing to this was more for Spencer and Beezer than it was for Logan and Leah.* There has to be another witch there when he does his thing. I don’t trust him to do something more. I don’t care if you don’t think he will, I don’t trust him. He has shown me that he is nothing more than a guy that will do anything in his power to get what he wants. I will let him do his thing, but he has to watched by someone else. That’s my offer. Take it or I leave with Spencer. Mal: -I listened, and heard the demand in her voice. She wasn’t wrong, though. She didn’t know Logan that well. None of us really did except for Leah. That meant I trusted him, just because she did, but it didn’t mean anything for Tati. The only encounter she’d ever had with him had been him telling her to basically shit or get off the pot. Asking for a second opinion was just common sense. And I knew just who needed to be around. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be around during the training, and most certainly not Rora. So everything she said was making sense at the moment. Things were falling into place, and if we were careful, they just might turn out the way we wanted- Then we do it your way, Tatiana. No one needs to be around but you and I. I wouldn’t want any of them nearby until we’re certain you can trust yourself. Hell, I’m still nervous about shifting around some of them. Not Rora, because my wolf would die before he let her or the baby be hurt, but other people, yeah. He can have a mind of his own, but he’s usually ok with people he likes. As for another witch… -glancing over at my wife with a soft smile- I think Rora and I know just the person. It shouldn’t be too hard to get her here either. Not if I know her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew what was up before we got to her as a matter of fact. So, if you’re game. So am I. All that’s left to do is get our asses back to the Treehouse and get this show back on the road. -I slid my hands in my pockets with a smile. Things had changed quite a bit since we pulled over at the side of the road. The woman who had been terrified to even be around me was now insistent that I be around to make sure everyone else was safe around her, to work with her to make sure she could control her wolf. I knew I was in for a lot of work with her, but if I could save her even a quarter of the heartache I’d been through with everything then it would be worth every moment of it. I could only hope I was up to the job.- #PretendingIDontFeelMisplaced

Pretending I Don't Feel Misplaced (SL With @IWillNotFade, @DoNoHarm_, and @InColdDecember)

Tati: *Doc had called a million times asking me to stop. Telling me that he was coming to find me. I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to hide from him, but I couldn’t face Leah or Logan after I had walked away from everyone. I knew they blamed me. They hated me for leaving. For not being willing to help. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to face Malachi. He was just too much. I wasn’t willing to let myself be a pawn like he was. They claimed they weren’t going to use me as a weapon. Logan claimed he could play with my shifting. It wasn’t the shifting I was concerned about. It had never been the shifting. It was my temperament as a wolf that terrified me. I knew I was vicious. The only person I could be around when I shifted was Doc. But even that was a touchy subject. I didn’t trust myself around Spencer. I wanted to. I wanted to let him be beside me every step of the way. But this wasn’t easy for me. It hadn’t ever been easy. I felt myself shiver as I settled on a down tree branch. No matter what, I kept moving. I knew it was a matter of time until Spencer found a way to find me. But I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I wasn’t sure how he was going to find me. I didn’t know if Leah and Logan were going to be with him, or if he was going to be alone. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure I trusted Leah and Logan. I didn’t know if the two of them had what was best for me in mind when they tried to get me to be a part of their pack. In fact, I knew they didn’t. They were thinking about what was the best move for the pack. What was the best move to take down the St. Pierre pack. I didn’t hold that against them. But I stood by the fact that they didn’t know what they were asking of me. It was a scenario I had let go through my mind a million times. What if I did let Logan manipulate my genes? He claimed that he could give me the power to shift at will. But was I crazy to not trust the magic he was offering? I didn’t trust anyone. It was something that was always in the back of my mind. I was going to be used as a weapon. It was what the other wolves in my father’s pack had wanted. But my father knew it wasn’t fair to me. So he let me go. And issued the warning that if anyone came for me, they were dead. Even if I wasn’t a part of that pack, I was still his daughter. I always would be. I could have run back there. Arkansas was only a few miles away. I knew I was sitting close to the border. But I also knew that if I did go there, Spencer was going to find me. But I knew I needed to stop. I needed Spencer in a way I hadn’t ever needed, or wanted, anyone before. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to give him every part of me. But I wasn’t entirely sure how to do it. I didn’t know how to open myself up to him. Pulling out my phone, I sent him one message. I didn’t know if it would bring him to me, or drive him away, but I needed something. I needed him to know that I loved him. It was the only way he knew I was giving him something. I wasn’t sure if he was going to accept it, but I needed him to know that I was trying.* There’s a wooded area off of route 167 just before you cross the border into Arkansas. Spencer: -I didn’t even have to pick my phone up to know it was Tati texting me. I’d set her tones to something different than everyone else a million years ago. The sound alone told me everything I needed to know. I’d been trying to call her since she ran out that door, but I knew better than to think she was going to answer me. The fact that she was texting me now was more of a surprise than I cared to admit out loud. This wasn’t the first time that Tati had run away. She had a habit of avoiding everyone, even me, when things became too much for her to handle, when the time came for her to shift or when she just couldn’t take any more of the world. I’d learned not to take it personally a long time ago, but sometimes it was hard. This time was one of those times. The thing was, this time, I was already out looking for her. I hadn’t known where to begin, but Beezer had. He’d scented her at least this far, and judging from her text, we didn’t have much farther to go. I had no clue how she was going to react once we got there a whole hell of a lot faster than we probably should have. All I could do was take a deep breath and let the two weres who’d come with me this far know what the message had said.- So, she just messaged me. -glancing over at Beezer and Aurora with a soft exhale before I continued- She’s not far. A grassy area off route 167. Do you know it? Because I do if you don’t. -I’d passed it before, without knowing it was the place she would run to. Maybe it was where she always went, maybe it was somewhere else, a random place she’d just picked out of the blue. I had no way of knowing. I could only hope that she wouldn’t freak out when I didn’t show up alone and run again, this time to somewhere we wouldn’t be able to find. I grabbed my phone and tapped out a reply- I’ll be there soon. -sending it before I slid my phone back into my pocket, mind churning to try to figure out what to do when we got there. I didn’t know if I should go out and speak to her on my own before I let her know the other two were there or what. I knew she would probably know they were coming before she saw them, that she would smell them on the wind before she scented me if the wind was right. I had no clue what I was doing here. I just needed to find her.- Rora: ^As soon as Doc said she was in the area just off of 167, I knew where she was. It was a place I had visited one time, but I felt myself take in a breath of air. I didn’t like thinking of that time. I couldn’t ignore the look from Mal, though. And I knew I was going to have to explain to him why I knew it. But I also knew that we didn’t need to go barging in like we owned the place. As we pulled off the road, I let my hand rest on Mal’s arm.^ We can’t go to her just yet. Doc needs to talk to her alone. He’ll help in getting her to listen to us. ^I knew Mal didn’t like sending Spencer to talk to her alone. He didn’t know what was in these woods. But I knew what was here. It was relatively safe. Derrick was back in New Orleans with Mal’s family. I couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on there. I could imagine it, though. They were doing everything to prepare for battle. I knew Derrick. I knew what a battle meant to him. And if the stories Mal had told me were anything to go by, I knew that he would fit in with the St. Pierre’s.^ She doesn’t know you like I do. She knows the horror stories of your father’s pack, though. She knows you were used as a weapon, Mal. She has never seen you when we’re together. She doesn’t know that you can be the sweetest guy in the world. She doesn’t understand that. ^Taking a breath, I brought my leg up and folded it under me. As I turned to face Mal, I was struck by his beauty. I wasn’t sure if he was ever going to acknowledge it, but he was handsome. I had learned to stop telling him, though. All he saw were the scars and injuries. I saw them for what they were, marks of a survivor.^ When you’re alone, you’re a lot to take in. And that’s when you’re not a wolf. You know that as a wolf you’re big and imposing. You could give her a run for her money if you wanted to control her. ^Putting a hand up as Mal went to rebuke me, I gave him a look.^ I know you would never do it. I know that you hate what your father made you into. I know that’s why you and Leah are still together after all this time. But Tatiana doesn’t understand that. Logan and Leah might not understand, but she kept herself away from us for a reason. Not only does she not have control as a wolf, she’s in the same space as you. And everything she knows about you makes her scared. So she kept herself at arms length to protect everyone, even herself. You can’t give her another reason to be afraid of you, Malachi. She needs to see what I see. She needs to understand that you’re not the wolf your father or brothers are. She needs to know that you don’t want to use her as a weapon. Mal: -I made myself listen as my wife talked, despite my gut instinct being to disagree with her. I knew she was right. It wasn't what she was trying to tell me that I thought was wrong. It was just that I knew Tatiana’s gut reaction to me was the one I'd been fighting all my life not to be. My father had wanted me to be this fighting machine, a tool that he could wield as he and then my older brother saw fit. I wouldn't have used the power I had to control another, not when it was exactly what had been done to me. But I also knew Tatiana had no way of knowing that. She didn't know me, not at all, and I'd only ever caught glimpses of her in passing during the few times she'd been at the treehouse. I knew I could be intimidating. I was almost as big as my brother, and I was faster. It gave me the advantage in a fight and it was pretty evident to anyone who knew anything about a fight at first glance. I wasn't a fool. Never mind the scars I'd been left with after years of fighting both on behalf of my family and on my own just for survival after I left. I was strong, but I wasn't invincible. I'd been brought along to help find her. Doc was the one she was tied to, and as nervous as letting him go in to find her alone made me, I knew it was a necessary evil. I was still going to be on edge as all this happened though. There was no getting around any of that. If she saw me coming, her first instinct was going to be to run. He was going to have to soften her up for me to be able to get even close enough to her to get a word in. And there were a few words I needed to get in. There wasn't anyone here who understood that fear of being used for what you were quite like I did. There was more than a bit of terror in not being in control of yourself during a shift. The ability to recall what had happened when I shifted came and went with the moods of my wolf. If he had business he didn't want me to know about, I wasn't going to remember a moment of it. If he allowed, I would have perfect recognition. I supposed it was his way of protecting me from knowing about how he took care of business. And I supposed it was a mercy, but I was never in control. Reaching out to run a hand along Rora’s arm until my fingers found hers and I gave her hand a squeeze, keeping it there even after I could have pulled away- Then Doc goes in first, but I want to talk to her. I need her to know what's real. At least I need to try to tell her. I don't know how much good it will do. Spencer: -Beezer and Aurora were talking along the edge of the road, but I paid them little attention. I didn’t know what was passing between the two of them at the moment, perhaps it wasn’t my place to know. I did know them both well enough to know that they were going to try to help as much as they could. I’d tried before to explain a little to Tati about him, but she couldn’t get past the last name. I’d heard of the St. Pierre’s. I’d been in Louisiana for awhile now, and there was no way to be a part of the shifter world here without hearing about them. I had to admit that it gave me pause at first. His name, combined with his size, was enough to frighten anyone. I couldn’t blame her for that. But I’d gotten to know him since his arrival, at least on a few occasions. He didn’t remember what happened when he shifted, and he had a tendency to come back from those sessions with a wound or two. I’d forced him to come see me about the worst of them, the ones he couldn’t take care of himself. They healed fast, but they could still get infected, and they had a rough time coming back from something during the full moon when all their energy was focused on the animal within. He was a lot like her. He had a hard time controlling his shifting from time to time, but mostly he had a hard time controlling the wolf that came out. It was merciful enough to block him from remembering what it got up to when it was more than the man could handle. In truth, he was a giant, but he was fairly soft spoken and gentle. The man and the wolf were two different, albeit connected things. The scientist in me found him fascinating. He was bred to be a weapon, and he’d overcome all of that breeding and training to be what he had become. But I also understood why Tatiana was frightened. If I’d grown up with stories of what the family could get up to, I would be just as terrified. I had the advantage of coming at everything here from an outsider’s perspective. I left the two of them behind. I needed to go in first to try to explain to Tati what was going on, why the two of them were here and just pray she didn’t run again. The clearing wasn’t far from the highway, though it was concealed by a stand of trees I needed to make my way around to come out into the open. I had no idea what to expect when i walked into the clearing. She’d all but asked me to come with that text message, so I could only assume she wanted me to find her. My eyes darted around the clearing, looking for any sign of her as I called out her name- Tati? -The uncertainly in my voice was clear. She was here somewhere. I knew that much at least.- Tati: *I heard Spencer calling out, and I had been right. It hadn’t taken that long for him to come looking for me. It also helped that he knew where I was running to. I just knew that there was a risk with walking over the border into Arkansas. I knew that there was a chance I was going to be looked for. And I wasn’t about to go there. I wasn’t ready to give myself up to any one pack. I didn’t trust any person enough to be with a pack. In truth, Spencer was my pack. He was the only one I cared about. Stepping out into the clearing, I took a breath. My senses were heightened, so I could smell that he wasn’t alone. Or rather that he hadn’t been alone. But I knew he needed help in finding me.* I can’t do it, Spencer. I can’t let them do that to me. Am I insane for not being sure about Logan’s magic? Am I stupid for not being willing to see if it works? *My nerves were shot. There was no way to explain it. But I needed him to see my side of everything, and that had never been an issue with Spencer. He understood me in a way no one else understood. We had spent so much time talking about everything. He knew my fears and my reactions better than I did.* I understand that this is their family, and they want to do everything in their power to protect it, but am I crazy for wanting to protect myself? Spencer: -I could hear the fear in her voice. She was scared, but there was more behind it than that. She wasn’t just scared of Beezer. It was what he represented that terrified Tati. To her, he was everything she was afraid of being. I raked a hand through my hair listening to her as I slowly approached the edge of the clearing she’d appeared from. I needed to be closer to her, needed her to be able to look into my eyes so she could see that I meant what I was saying.- Tati, there’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself. I’d be mad if you didn’t. Don’t give up anything without a fight. That’s not who you are. I don’t expect you to just let anyone do anything to you. -I was close enough to touch her, though I didn’t. I just let the distance between us close to almost nothing.- I know you know I didn’t come alone. They’re waiting at the car, but I won’t let them come in here if you don’t want them to. -I couldn’t resist the urge to reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I wanted to take care of her for all the fact that she was in truth much stronger than I was.- Tati: *I could only press my face against Spencer’s hand as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I wanted to pretend that none of this was dangerous. I wanted to think that none of this had happened. We weren’t running for our lives. I wasn’t putting everyone in jeopardy by running. But I knew I was protecting them when they couldn’t see what I was for themselves. I was more concerned with them than they were. They were only thinking of the temporary. The immediate danger. They didn’t understand long term. They didn’t understand that this was my life. But as I relaxed against Spencer, I was hit with the sudden realization that it wasn’t Leah and Logan who had come with him. He had said they were in the car. He never said who it was. And him not telling me who it was should have been the biggest clue that he was hiding something. And I wasn’t going to like what he was going to tell me.* You didn’t, Spencer. Tell me you didn’t come with Beezer. Of all the people, you know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about why you thought that was a good idea. *I felt myself start to tremble as I thought about Beezer being so close. The man that was the physical representation of my fear. I didn’t know how to act around him. It wasn’t that I was afraid of him, I was afraid of what he was. I was terrified that someone would do that to me. And it was something I ran from. I didn’t want to give anyone the chance to see it.* If you thought him talking to me was going to be the best idea, you’re mistaken. You know I can’t go there. I cannot begin to think about it. Rora: ^I had given Doc the benefit of the doubt, but this was getting to be a little much. I could see Mal fidgeting, and I knew I needed to get him out of the car. I needed him to get some fresh air. I needed him to relax. Because the truth was that he was going to lose it. And that was when things were going to get dangerous. I wasn’t going to let him go to her, though. As I stepped out of the car, I lifted my hand towards him. It was a beckoning. I wanted him with me, and I knew he wasn’t going to let me go far without him. I wasn’t sure if it was a side effect of me being pregnant, but I wasn’t allowed to be on my own. And it was okay. I knew he was trying to protect me. They both were. But I knew how to protect him, as well. With my hand entwined with his, we started towards the clearing where I knew Tatiana was going to be. And I heard what she was saying. And I understood it to a degree. I could see the pain written on my husband’s face though. And that was the thing that Tatiana had never understood. She didn’t get that this wasn’t someone he wanted to be. He didn’t want people to fear him. It was something he hated about himself. My voice was soft as I walked into the clearing. I gave Doc a small smile as I walked forward.^ We didn’t bring Mal along to talk to you. It’s quite the opposite. I was brought along to talk to you. Mal came because he’s my shadow. Especially with this baby. He’s concerned about keeping it safe. He’s worried about keeping me safe. The last thing he wants is for anyone to be used like he’s been used. ^Coming to stand in front of Tati, I let out a soft sigh. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy for any of us involved. But I knew it was going to be painful if it all came from Mal. So I felt the words start to tumble from my lips.^ Mal wasn’t always a blackout wolf. It was a side effect of his training. And I am eternally grateful to that wolf of his. He protects my husband when I can’t. When no one else was able to, the wolf has always protected Mal. ^Casting a glance over my shoulder, I looked at my husband who was doing everything to not hear what I was saying. He didn’t want to admit any of this to anyone, but I knew the truth. Tatiana needed to hear this. She needed to know that this wasn’t something Mal wanted to do.^ Mal knows what it’s like to be used as a weapon. I understand why you’re terrified of him. But it’s not him that you’re afraid of. I know that, too. I know that you’re afraid of everything Mal was taught to be. But I can tell you that he’s not going to let that happen to you. You can say you’re protecting yourself, but the truth is that you’re protecting everyone else. Let Mal protect you. Mal: -Mal… Malachi. That name I hadn’t heard for a long damned time off anyone’s lips but Rora’s. It belonged there. No one had called me that since I was small, when my mother would call me in for dinner or from upstairs to come down for chores and school. Beezer had been the name of choice for the rest of the world. The name my brother’s had given me when Zeke gave me a broken nose as a seven year old. I knew Tatiana was terrified of me. I knew most people were. Leah and Rora were the rare exceptions. I couldn’t help how I was perceived by the rest of the world. I was what I was. My father had seen to that. But I was a lot more than that. Tati only saw the part that my father had wanted to project to the rest of the world. Rora wasn’t wrong about the wolf. He and I had been bred to be weapons. The blackouts had been trained into me to keep me from objecting or even knowing what was going on when my father was in control. But the wolf had kept them in place when we left. As much as I hated not remembering, at times it was merciful. I kept my distance as the two of them spoke, but I couldn’t help but overhear what they were saying. My ears could have picked up their gentle conversation at twice the distance even if I tried not to pay attention to it. They were talking about me. The thought made me uncomfortable enough without hearing exactly what they had to say about me. I could feel my chest tighten at the words that came from their mouths. Tati clearly didn’t want me here, and I couldn’t blame her for that. My wife was insistent that here was the very place I needed to be. Tati was afraid of not me, but of becoming me. I couldn’t say that I blamed her, but if she thought Leah was going to use her the way my father had used me, she was mistaken. It wasn’t something she would even do, but if she tried, I’d have refused to allow it. There was no way I was going to let that happen to someone else the way it had happened to me whether I knew them or not. I could only step forward, coming close enough to the three of them to make certain I was heard as I spoke- She’s not wrong… She never is really. -shaking my head before I ran a hand roughly over my face, taking a deep breath.- I’d die before I let someone get used the way that I was. I didn’t have anyone to fight for me, and the one person who tried to protect me paid for it with her life. -I took a deep breath, holding back the emotion I could feel welling in my chest, the wolf pacing slightly at the tension that wrought in my frame, though I knew he was going to stay put for now, at least- Protecting everyone else and protecting yourself… Those don’t have to be something you do on your own. Tati:*I was a little surprised when Beezer walked up to me. But he still kept his distance. Like he knew all of this was hard on me. The running had been the worst. Leaving Spencer behind was something I never wanted to do. I didn’t like the thought of leaving him. But I knew the truth. He loved his work with Leah. He loved being there for them. He wanted to give them a safe haven. He didn’t want them to have to answer questions. So he played doctor with them. He gave them the reassurances they needed. He was finding a home. I wasn’t sure what I was finding. But the truth was I didn’t know what the next step was supposed to be. I could only tell them what had happened in the kitchen of the Treehouse. I needed Beezer and Aurora to know the truth of what had happened.* Have you ever been told you have the choice of doing something? But really the choice has already been made? That’s what Leah and Logan did to me. I didn’t get a choice with them. They told me I didn’t have to fight with them. They told me I could walk away from it. But when I told them that I didn’t want to be a part of the fight, I got bullied. I got told that if I didn’t fight, the fight was going to find me anyway. So, essentially, it didn’t matter if I didn’t want to fight. I was fighting. *I felt myself lean against Spencer as the tears started to well in my eyes. I didn’t know how much Mal knew about the discussion with Leah, but he needed to know the truth. I had no idea how they had gotten him to come. I wasn’t sure what lies people had told him.* I have never had control over myself when I shift. And that is okay. I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve figured out how to protect Spencer. That’s all I’ve been able to focus on for the past few years. *I felt the tension in my body as I thought about how many years it had taken before I knew what the hell was going on with me. And in that time to learn how to protect Spencer from when I changed. It was a very long process.* I may have more time to practice, but all of that goes out the window for two weeks every three months. It takes every ounce of control to go somewhere where I won’t hurt people when it’s time to shift. Leah and Logan are now asking me to try to learn everything again. Even with Logan manipulating me into shifting whenever I want, the problem of my temperament remains. Should I risk everyone around me? Are you willing to risk Rora and the baby if I don’t have control when I shift? Mal: -I didn’t have the answers that Tati seemed to so desperately want, and the sheer mention of risking Rora and the baby had my wolf straining at the bars that held him in tenuously in place. I could hear the doubt and fear in her voice. I had no way of convincing her that she was going to be able to do this, and I could tell that she had no faith in her or Logan’s ability to make this work. She was telling me Leah and Logan had pushed her into this corner, one where she got told to shit or get off the pot before she got slapped across the face that this was going to happen whether she liked it or not. I knew Leah. I knew she wasn’t exactly a bully, but that she was going to do whatever she needed to do to protect the house and the people in it, which included Tati whether she believed it or not. I kept my voice soft for the moment, though I couldn’t stop the deep rumble that came with the effort of holding the wolf within me at bay- I thought the same thing the first time I shifted around her, around any of them. The black wolf in me… -shaking my head for the moment as I thought about the things that he’d done- he is ruthless, and I’ve seen the aftermath of the things he’s done. He was trained to be a killing machine. That’s all I was supposed to be good for. I can’t make you any promises except this one. Whenever you shift, he will be there. And I can promise you there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do to protect his family. I know you know me… even if I don’t know you. At least you know me by reputation, and I can’t say I blame you for being scared. I can’t tell you all of this is going to turn out alright. I can’t tell you my family isn’t going to come in teeth bared and snarling and take us all down. But I have to fight for what I’ve found. Life isn’t worth living without it. I was born into a family that only wanted me for what I could do for them. I stumbled into one that would do anything for me instead. You can be a part of that too. I know what it’s like to shut the world away, to keep yourself apart to protect others. It’s part of protecting yourself too. I’ve been there. I spent a long time on my own before I came here with Leah. She was the first person who took me in and made me part of her life when I had nothing to offer her. She’s ruthless too when it comes to protecting what she loves, but I’ll keep her in check, even if no one else can. She hates this whole alpha thing. I can’t say I blame her. It wasn’t the life either of us wanted exactly. She does the best she can with it. -I knew I was babbling. I was a little nervous. And I wasn’t sure I could convince Tatiana of anything, especially when I wasn’t good with words. Reaching out for Rora’s hand, I threaded my fingers between hers and drew her into my side.- I’ll protect my family. And I don’t just mean Rora and the baby… -trying to catch Tatiana’s eyes with my own- The offer to be a part of the family is there if you want to take it, the protection too. I won’t let them push you past what you’re capable of doing, but I think you’re capable of a lot more than you know. -I could smell the fear on her, but I could smell the wolf too. I’d scented her in the woods around the Treehouse on occasion, but that occasion was rare. I knew she kept to herself, and I’d let her. I knew that need to be a loner better than most around here. Leah knew it too, though for her it was for an entirely different reason.- Go ahead and slap me if I’m wrong here. I won’t stop you. And I won’t stop you from running if it’s the thing you need to do. Rora: ^I could only shake my head at Mal. The truth was that he was intense on a good day. On a bad day, he was downright intimidating. And I wasn’t entirely sure what kind of a day this was for him. It could be a good day when he thought he was being intense. But to Tatiana, it could be a bad day. Taking a breath, I couldn’t stop myself from joining in again. But this time, I turned my attention back to my husband. I could see him with that singular focus. He was defending Leah, and didn’t understand what it was like for outsiders. It was the same thing I had gone through the first time I had met Leah. He was underestimating Tatiana.^ Malachi. Take a breath, and listen to her. ^Moving to put myself in my husband’s line of sight, I needed him to see that this was serious. I had to make him realize that his blind trust in Leah didn’t always work for everyone. It hadn’t been a comfort to me, and it wasn’t a comfort to Tatiana.^ You’re making the same assumption that Leah made. You know your wolf because he is a part of you. You know that he was taught to be a killing machine. But the problem that you, Leah, and Logan are all overlooking is that Tatiana knows her wolf as well as you know yours. ^I couldn’t help the tinge of disappointment in my tone. Everyone wanted what was best for the Treehouse. They wanted what was best for the people living there. They wanted to get everyone they knew into the fight. But they didn’t want to listen when there was something to take into consideration.^ This isn’t about being like you. This isn’t about her being a weapon. This is about Tatiana being afraid to put everyone around her at risk. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. And that’s something she’s afraid of. It’s a valid point, Mal. What if she can’t control herself when she shifts? What if her temperament doesn’t change, and she’s still as vicious as she is now? Should we risk everyone’s life with someone that doesn’t actually want to hurt us? Malachi: -I locked eyes with my wife and instantly felt like an asshole. I knew I was being pushy, but I had a hard time turning down the intensity a lot of the time, even when I could sympathize with Tatiana. It would be easy to sit here and beat myself up about it. I was good at that, but it wouldn’t get anything done. I had to stop and take a breath, consider everything from someone else’s point of view. It wasn’t just about the what if’s. There was history there, and Tatiana knew it better than any of us, even Doc. I needed to listen to her.- Then I owe her an apology. I have to think that this is all going to work out, because I can’t think about the alternative, Angel. If it gives me tunnel vision, then I have to fight against it. Just keep reminding me. -The last thing I wanted was to get so single minded that I let it turn me into my father. He would have used anyone he could to get to the ends he sought after. And while his were always selfish, the fact that mine weren’t didn’t mean that the ends justified the means. I moved to be able to look Tatiana in the eye- Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it’s like for you. I can only tell you what it’s like for me. I wouldn’t want to put any of the people here or back at the house in danger, and I wouldn’t want to put you in the position of being responsible for it. It is a valid point. I just can’t help but hope that things will be different. In the end, it’s your call. I promise you that. It’s my fault that you’re in this position to start with, and I couldn’t begin to apologize enough for all of that. -I wasn’t sure what else to say. I wasn’t wrong, and I felt like I needed Tatiana’s help, but in the end it was her decision to make, not mine or anyone else’s to make for her- If you want to stay, I’ll help you. I’ll make sure no one else is around when you shift until you’re sure that you’re safe. If you want to run, I’ll make sure you get where you’re going safely. Just tell me what you want to do, and I’ll stand behind that one hundred percent. Tati: *I could only nod my head as Beezer apologized. I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of his offer, though. Was this something I wanted to do? Did I truly want to see if I could take control of my wolf? It was a silent need, though. I hated that I needed to protect Doc every time I went to shift. There was still so much going through my head, though. There was something about Logan’s magic that I wasn’t sure I trusted. I didn’t like how he could make promises of me shifting. I didn’t trust how sure he was of everything. But maybe it was just Logan himself. The first time we had met, and he basically threatened my life without saying the words. He was great at manipulating those around him to get what he wanted. I knew it wasn’t that way with Leah, but he had tried to do it to me. And I wasn’t sure I was willing to be put under his thumb that way. I let my eyes go between Mal and Spencer’s before I took a breath. Letting my gaze fall on Spence, I shrugged my shoulders.* The only thing I have ever wanted was to be safe for you to be around. I hate leaving you when I shift. I hate that you’re in danger for any amount of time. If you think this is a risk I shouldn’t take, please say the word. I won’t do this if you don’t think this is a good idea. Spencer: -I’d been studying Tatiana for a long time, longer than we’d been together. It was how we’d met each other. I had found a few of the answers she was looking for, but I was far from figuring it all out. The truth of the matter was, she had to leave whenever Mars was in retrograde. There was no way I was going to be safe around her until she could control herself, and at the moment, control was far from what she was capable of. I had no way of knowing if any of this would work. My world was steeped in the paranormal, but it was also grounded in the scientific. I’d done the best I could at consolidating both of the realms into one, but there were times when I couldn’t explain or predict things at all. This was one of those times. I had two options here, and I was fairly certain Tati would listen to whichever I chose. I could be selfish either way, even when that wasn’t in my nature. I could take her away from all of this and go back to living the fairly quiet life we were leading, even if it meant walking away from the work I’d done here. For her, it was worth it. Or I could stay, and chance this with her, just for the ability to be with her all the time, not having to have one or the other of us hide when she was out of control. Being in control would mean the world to her. It would mean she was in charge even when the wolf was out. It was something she never thought she was going to have. And in the end I thought that was worth a try, even if it didn’t work. - I think it’s worth a shot, Tati. You’ll never know what you’re capable of unless you try, and this is the safest way I can think of attempting it. I’ve seen him shift. If it’s just the two of you, he’ll be safe, and be able to protect anyone else from you if you can’t keep control. Go far enough away and even that won’t be an issue until you’re ready for it to be. It can go slowly, as slowly as you want. I say you set the terms of all of this. Let it be completely in your hands, not anyone else’s call. Tati: *I nodded my head at Spencer’s words. He was right. This had to be on my own terms. I couldn’t do this for anyone else. It was something that I needed to do for me. There was no other way I could think of it. Turning my attention back to Beezer, I nodded my head.* Spencer is absolutely right. This has to be on my terms. We do this as far away from anyone at the treehouse as possible. And it has to be just you and me. Aurora cannot be here, Leah can’t be here. The only time Logan can be around is to do his thing with my shifting. He can’t be there for the training. I won’t think twice about going after him. *I could only bite my lip as I thought about the next part of the request. I wasn’t sure it was something that could be pulled off, but they’d have to figure it out. I couldn’t change my thoughts on Logan right now. Not with what he had said or made me feel. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t want to trust him. And me agreeing to this was more for Spencer and Beezer than it was for Logan and Leah.* There has to be another witch there when he does his thing. I don’t trust him to do something more. I don’t care if you don’t think he will, I don’t trust him. He has shown me that he is nothing more than a guy that will do anything in his power to get what he wants. I will let him do his thing, but he has to watched by someone else. That’s my offer. Take it or I leave with Spencer. Mal: -I listened, and heard the demand in her voice. She wasn’t wrong, though. She didn’t know Logan that well. None of us really did except for Leah. That meant I trusted him, just because she did, but it didn’t mean anything for Tati. The only encounter she’d ever had with him had been him telling her to basically shit or get off the pot. Asking for a second opinion was just common sense. And I knew just who needed to be around. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be around during the training, and most certainly not Rora. So everything she said was making sense at the moment. Things were falling into place, and if we were careful, they just might turn out the way we wanted- Then we do it your way, Tatiana. No one needs to be around but you and I. I wouldn’t want any of them nearby until we’re certain you can trust yourself. Hell, I’m still nervous about shifting around some of them. Not Rora, because my wolf would die before he let her or the baby be hurt, but other people, yeah. He can have a mind of his own, but he’s usually ok with people he likes. As for another witch… -glancing over at my wife with a soft smile- I think Rora and I know just the person. It shouldn’t be too hard to get her here either. Not if I know her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew what was up before we got to her as a matter of fact. So, if you’re game. So am I. All that’s left to do is get our asses back to the Treehouse and get this show back on the road. -I slid my hands in my pockets with a smile. Things had changed quite a bit since we pulled over at the side of the road. The woman who had been terrified to even be around me was now insistent that I be around to make sure everyone else was safe around her, to work with her to make sure she could control her wolf. I knew I was in for a lot of work with her, but if I could save her even a quarter of the heartache I’d been through with everything then it would be worth every moment of it. I could only hope I was up to the job.- #PretendingIDontFeelMisplaced