guys guys guys

I have done some personal soul searching and I know why jonathan jarchivist sims made the professional decisions he made when he was a Newly Minted Head Archivist

He tried to apply logic to the managerial decisions of a megalomaniac kind-of-immortal servant of a fear god, who was at the time posing as a Respectable Director of an Academic Institution

like listen. clearly jonah did not give a single flying fuck whether or not the archive was organized. all he wanted was for jon to nom on some statements and get soul-tattooed by nightmare-fuel until he was good and traumatized enough to read like… a couple dozen words that would end the world.

But jon doesn’t know that! So he’s a researcher at this academic institution, and he receives a promotion out of nowhere into a completely different department. Obviously, he thinks, elias knows what he’s doing - he wouldn’t be in charge if he didn’t.

So now jon’s trying to reverse engineer the logic, because there must be logic and he’s not going to question the head of the institute. Like, you look at me and tell me you think S1 jonathan sims, wearing his armor of Prickly Academic, is going to admit that he has no idea what he’s doing to the person who has just promoted him. Definitely not.

So why, jonathan sims asks himself, would elias bouchard promote someone from the research department into this position? Obviously he feels that, along with reorganizing the archive, it’s necessary to go back and research all the statements down there!

And then jon poked that theory a bit by asking for tim and sasha to be transferred with him, and elias gave him the green light! So now you’ve got three researchers, and elias throws in one librarian assistant (who has a lot of experience, but not the background needed to guide the whole team), and so jon assumes that the job of the archive is proportionate: 3/4 research, 1/4 cataloguing, with the department guided by the researchers.

I’m gonna go ahead and assume that the only concrete direction jon was given was to “create audio recordings of the statements.” And thus, we have an archive that spends most of its time on research, creates borderline-impossible-to-reference audio recordings, and then catalogues almost as an afterthought.

HELLO YES ITS ME IM COPY PASTING THE THING HERE:

YOU JUST MADE THE CHILD IN ME BLOOM. THE QUESTION LIST (THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IM SEEING THIS AU BUT GOD FORBID):

× Who's Hoodie

× Is it in the same time setting as MH

× Who PLAYS AS ALEX

× Did it start the same way as a dumb school film project?

× From what I understood Scar takes the role of Tim, is bro a chainsmoker too LMFAO.

× Is Grian canonically gay too

× Would it be a wild correct guess that Amy is Lizzie and Alex is Joel since yk based from obvious plot points?

(before I start, placing this disclaimer here at the top since I have friends who don't frequent mcyt and might get confused, but when I talk abt this au I'm specifically talking abt the characters, not the content creators themselves. Anyway)

SO IM GONNA GO AHEAD AND SHARE WHOSE WHO FIRST

Jay- Grian, it made the most sense in my head, but I actually flip flopped on this so many times bc he also works so well as Tim or Alex, but at some point I went "wait it's an au, we can see how the story changes with Grian as the protag" so Grian's the protag now

Tim/Masky- Scar, I'm a transparent desert duo enjoyer and had a similar flip flop with him as I did Grian bc he'd also work as Jay but I was halfway through that drawing and had a similar thought process to the one i had abt Grian

Brian/Hoodie- Jimmy, I wanted to keep the cast focused to life series and evo members and he made the most sense to me lore wise, especially with the idea that in this au he was one of the ones with the earliest exposure to The Watcher (bc I love Canary Curse symbolism)

Alex- This one was the toughest choice bc no matter what a fav is going to loose it. Good thing this based on the Life Series! As much as I Love the idea of Joel and Lizzie as Alex and Amy, I actually went with Martyn. Again, the character is pretty involved with the Watcher Lore so it made the most sense as the character that is arguably most effected by it. (Although for a brief moment I considered Mumbo Jumbo bc,,, how fucking funny would that be)

Jessica- Jessica's gotta be Pearl right? It makes the most sense for it to be Pearl, I don't even need reasoning for this it makes sense

Amy- So who's Amy then? Scott actually! He's not Martyn's boyfriend in this, he's just a really good friend of his who was super involved in the production. Also like in mh, he's Pearl's roommate.

Sarah- Ren. Can't have a life series au featuring desert duo and not have some renchanting. Who else would be one of the leading actors in Martyn's short film?

Seth- Big B, again Evo connection made sense to me, and depending on your own personal theory on who the third person running the totheark account is, both Big B and Ren have interesting implications, even if both their rolls are p minor in this au

With the cast out of the way other questions !!!

It's set in a kind of nebulous time frame that's probably a little closer to present day, but it does still start with a student film project. When asked Why Martyn chose to use tapes he says something about wanting a more authentic feel to the film but in reality he just thought using tapes was a cool idea and doesn't want to admit that it's kind of impractical now.

In this au Scar doesn't smoke, but instead I like the headcannon that he just has boxes of candy/bubblegum cigarettes on him at all times. He'll pull one out, pause, and offer one to someone and when they say no he's just like "Okay, your loss" and watch as they get all confused when he starts unwrapping it asdfghkgkdjhfjsh

Is Grian gay in this au? Whose to say. (Real answer tho, I'm a notorious Jam shipper and while I'm not an active shipper when it comes to hermitcraft or the life series, I don't really mind it so the relationship is left kind of ambiguous)

But yes THANK YOU DO MUCH FOR GIVING ME A CHANCE TO TALK ABT THIS IVE BEEN RAMBLING TO MY FRIEND WHO DOESNT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING IVE BEEN SAYING FOR DAYS

Miss ma’am could I have an old fashion with Mr. Castle?👀

Creators choice, go wild my love <3

my fiesty little phoenix,

you can have whatever you'd like. thank you for letting me run wild with this one. I hope you enjoy. <3

headcannon below the cut

frank castle finally takes a goddamn day off

i personally think it's criminal we never got a single scene of what frank likes to do in his free time, so i'm taking it upon myself to make y'all feed into my delusions of what that would look like, because the man deserves a day of fucking peace, so let's give it to him

frank is an early riser. after years in the military, his body is just trained to wake up at a certain time, and no matter how much he wants to sleep in, he just can't

i'd like to think frank sleepily pads through his place, makes himself a strong brew of coffee, and goes outside to watch the sunrise. i think he would enjoy the peace, when it's early in the morning and everything is super still and quiet, and he just gets to exist for a little while, slowly let his body and mind wake up as he takes in the tranquil colors of the sunrise

maybe he'd make himself a nice lil breakfast. he strikes me as a bacon guy, so whatever he makes, just know there's bacon. he likes the applewood smoked thick cuts. don't ask me to explain, i can't. it's just something my soul knows

we saw that frank likes to read, so maybe he spends some of the morning working through a new book. he strikes me as someone that secretly loves murder mysteries, and mysteries in general. i'd like to think he gets really into them and really excited when he figures out the mystery before he reaches the end

"fuckin' knew it was the goddamn maid!"

frank also strikes me as a handyman, and i'd like to think he enjoys little projects. maybe he spends part of the afternoon giving his truck a tune up while listening to classic rock in the garage with a few beers (he's a classic rock guy, don't @ me. y'all saw how excited he got about those bruce springsteen tickets) maybe he's finally putting together some new furniture he got, or even building some new furniture bc he can fucking do anything. maybe he's repainting the spare bedroom bc the white walls were boring and frank's secret guilty pleasures are cooking and home makeover shows

in a perfect world, frank has a dog (it's definitely a sweet, beautiful pitbull) so maybe they go on a little walk together on a nice trail or maybe they go to the doggy park so they can play and when they come back they take a lil nap on the couch together bc it's fucking cute and they're sleepy so why the hell not

i'd also like to think that when the evening rolls around, frank goes to socialize bc the thought of him being lonely breaks my heart in ways i can't explain

maybe he goes over to the lieberman's for dinner and helps sarah cook, teaches david how to fix the sink that's broken in their guest bathroom, plays catch with zach out in the backyard, helps leo with a book report she's writing, and passes out with the kids on the couch twenty minutes into a movie they picked out

or maybe he goes out with curtis to a bar to have a few drinks, gets talked into (and drunk enough) to bust some moves out on the dance floor, giggles with curtis as they drunkenly stumble together to the closest twenty-four hour pizza joint, and ends up having a sleepover with him bc his apartment is closer and the pizza and booze made him sleepy

bonus points if curt doesn't make him take the couch and they just share his bed bc they're drunk and also brothers who cares (you're telling me all that time in the military together and there wasn't a "there's only one bed" situation? sorry, I can't suspend reality that much)

extra bonus points if he goes out with matt, karen, and foggy to josie's and is the only one that can keep up with matt in pool

"can't believe y'all let this bastard cheat you like this. this how you treat your friends, red? hustlin' 'em for free drinks? you're the worst goddamn catholic I ever met."

extra extra bonus points if foggy challenges him to a shot contest but then gets so drunk that frank has to carry him home over his shoulder and karen gets several pictures and videos and matt can't stop cackling

extra extra extra bonus points if he's having to carry matt AND foggy home drunk over his shoulder (bc he could) and karen is still being the absolute mvp getting so many pictures and videos while giggling

i just want this man to have a good fucking day that's all, thank you for coming to my ted talk

My dumbest headcannon is that hotch chews coffee grounds when he doesn't have time to make coffee. I also firmly believes he loves oatmeal cookies because he is anti-joy and is that person that is absolutely emotionless during horror movies and is just like "is this scaring you guys 🤨"

Also he's a giggly drunk. That's why he doesn't drink a lot with the team. He gets giggly and will lay on the floor laughing at absolutely nothing before he conks out. That and his fear of the alcoholism gene that he is deathly afraid of inheriting from his father but that might be a projection dbebbeeb

chews coffee grounds🥺🥺that fits him so well…. i bet penelope/emily get him chocolate covered coffee beans as a snack. he likes oatmeal ok!!! he’s valid for liking oatmeal cookies… thinking ab him eating raisins is probably the most old man activity he participates in and i KNOW derek is the only one brave enough to make fun of him for it.

i wish i could say he falls asleep during horror movies just bc its funny but tbh theater kid hotch is probably mesmerized by the effects and fascinated by the cinematography choices used to convey a suspenseful mood etc etc. but i dont think he gets scared At All. not even the jumpscares get him, which pisses derek and emjly off to no end

giggly drunk hotch…. thats such a galaxy brained take i dont think im brave enough to even consider… if foyet had shown up fifteen minutes later hotch woulda just been laughing at him the whole time…. “no haha dont stab me heeheehee”

with all due respect if you've never seen a south asian (the most common non-white ethnicity harry is headcannoned as) mixed with white person just say that jsdfjdskjfkj

i've always viewed the way you draw harry as your just personal stylistic choice, but now that i know your intention was to draw him "a little browner"... you know that brown people, even if their skin is on the lighter side, don't look permanently either orange or ashy right? the only harry you drew which i say realistically is "a little browner" is your kiss of death harry and a small handful of harry's from before that. you /have/ shown you know can draw amazing and representative-of-real-life portrayals of characters with not-fair skin (claude, adorable badminton couple etc), so why can you so rarely draw a realistic light skinned brown person? like... you know what we look like right? you must have seen pictures of us, right?

also why do you say "and i know dark-skinned biracial people exist" as if they are only a small minority of/an exception within mixed people, who are nonetheless worth recognising, rather than the majority of them lol. telling us your reason for not drawing harry darker is grounded in facts from canon is invalid + has little basis in reality - the majority of half-white poc (especially in the UK) are darker than your orange harry. mixed people in media, when they are actually included, are commonly from the lighter end of the skin colour spectrum, so that might have biased you in believing your harry was sitting in the middle of the spectrum.

but even aside talking about the "average" skin tone of people who are half-white, pretending that your reasoning is "canon tells us this, therefore i am giving him this skin tone" is so ...false. because canon tells us next to nothing, and because there is huge variety in the skin colour of half-white poc, whatever skin colour you give him is ultimately a result of your own projections onto him (what you think half-white poc look like, or should look like) and has very little to do with canon.

I'm sorry I upset you. I'll address each paragraph point by point

1. actually you're right. I've never met a south asian/white biracial person. I've only met east asian/south asian biracial people and their skin tones were generally were somewhere in the middle of their parents' skin tones, so I just assumed it would be the same for south asian/white people, that their skin tone could be somewhat of an average of their parents'. I see I was wrong. sorry about this.

2. I think that while the rest of your paragraphs have merit and are reasonable criticisms of me, this one isn't. When i said "a little browner," what I meant by this is not literally brown the color. I just meant darker skinned. I didn't mean it to be literal and should have used clearer wording especially when not everyone understands color theory. idk if you've noticed but I don't really use realistic/local colors, and I only used realistic colors for the "kiss of death" poster bc I was emulating the style of vintage horror posters which do that. I did my best to make sure not to draw harry ashy or orange in that piece (but draco is ashy bc he's nearly dead). you can consider the "kiss of death" poster as the skin tone I actually headcanon for harry. when you say I drew harry orange, I think I know which pic you're talking about, but I also drew draco orange in that picture. you can color drop it and see for yourself. same for when I draw harry "ashy" in a desaturated picture, draco is also ashy. it's not like I'm drawing only draco's skintone accurately while I'm making shit up for harry. plus for the badminton picture, didn't I color both of them kind of pink? I wouldn't say they're entirely realistically colored either. I think it's good that you're looking out for unrealistic ashy brown skin in drawings, and I know that's an issue so I do my best to avoid that when I have to color realistically. but I also think you are misinformed about color theory. I know that people are not literally orange.

3. "and i know dark-skinned biracial people exist" – sorry, this was definitely poor wording choice on my part saying they "exist" as if they're just an afterthought. I just meant it like "I know there are dark skinned biracial people." But I didn't know that dark skinned biracial people exist as the majority rather than the minority in the UK. thank you for informing me about this. I have to say though, the area where I live in the US has a large Indian population and there are a lot of them who are light skinned while not being biracial. so I think the Indians in my area, rather than my knowledge of biracial south asian/white people in the UK, is what skewed my perception of the common skin tone.

4. The only thing I claimed was canon was that lily was white, and thus harry is at least half white, even if james was not white. If i were drawing james, I'd draw him darker than harry. but yes by now I understand your point that there is a wider variety of half-white skin tones than I have personally witnessed in my life and that I should keep that in mind.

all that being said, I'm not going to change the way I color harry's skin since it's still a viable skin tone for biracial south asian/white people, but I am more informed now, so thank you.

Regis for the “send me a character” list!

AW YEAH THANK YOU!

favorite thing about them: I love how he’s simultaneously extremely eloquent and dignified but he’s also a troublemaker and a rabble-rouser. Like I love that he says he not only thought about becoming a burglar, but that the only reason he didn’t is that he thought it would be boring. He’s so chaotic and I LOVE IT

Least favorite thing about them: This one was really hard, but probably that he seems to kinda to take the world on his shoulders. Like he makes himself responsible for things out of his control and is willing to sacrifice himself and his happiness for others. An example I think of is him essentially torturing himself at Tesham Mutna as a way of repaying Dettlaff. And when we meet Dettlaff for the first time he says he’s working on helping Dettlaff be less bestial as if it's his responsibility and his fault if Dettlaff doesn’t integrate successfully into human society. Idk, I just feel like he’s really hard on himself and doesn’t give himself enough credit.

Favorite line: Okay this is several lines but it’s so Regis and it makes me happy. 

“When speaking of facts, tangible matters, I do indeed strive to express myself precisely and at length. However, when our discussions center on affairs of the intuition or things vampiric, my utterances are indeed towards the taciturn. For even the longest discourse would not allow me to explain to my interlocutor any issue of this purview satisfactorily.”

(side note for below, I think OTP means one true pairing but I have no clue if that's right and if I interpreted the three OTP questions right but here we go) 

brOTP: His friendship with Geralt is such goals. They banter, pick on each other, and yet they’re best friends and each would throw hands for the other. I haven’t gotten to the point in the books where we meet Regis but I am SO EXCITED. And again while I haven’t reached that part yet, I feel like he and Dandelion’s relationship would be super fun too.

OTP: While I don’t really ship characters with other characters, (I'm an x reader xOC kinda gal) I really feel like he and Dettlaff have a relationship that could be suited to a relationship rather than just a friendship. They’re personalities just feel like they would mesh well together in that dynamic. 

nOTP: If it weren’t canon that they’re friends I would never expect him to get along with Orianna. She actively participates in several activities that go against his current moral compass. And while it’s true that he used to do similar things as far as blood-drinking go, he overcame that addiction. It kinda reminds me of when you overcome any addiction and you sometimes have to part ways with the friends you had while you were still addicted because they either don’t understand you getting clean or try to drag you back into it. I kinda feel like she would be one of those friends for him. The game doesn’t say if Regis knows about what she does at the orphanage but if he did, I don’t personally feel that he would be okay it. While she isn’t killing the kids it’s still a really messed up Stockholm situation. Idk though, since he’s also a vampire he may be more empathetic or apathetic towards it especially since she doesn’t kill them. But again, idk I may be totally wrong. Sorry, that turned into an unnecessarily long thing lol.

random headcannon: I definitely headcanon Regis fidgeting when he’s deep in thought/ reading/ studying. Bouncing his knee, fiddling with his fingers, adjusting his clothes, running his tongue across his teeth, tapping his nails on the closest hard surface available, all that stuff. Idk if I’m projecting bc I do those, but the way he always holds and moves his satchel and messes with his gloves makes me feel like he has those tendencies.

Unpopular opinion: This one is kinda weird bc he also gives off mad vibes that he's a boss bitch and he knows it, but I think he has an underlying sense of self-loathing and depression. Living as a higher vampire among humans for eternity while never fully fitting in and having to watch the few mortals you become close to grow old and die would make anyone depressed. He says vampires don’t understand why human cling to life, so it’s not like he ignores that people are going to die, but I feel like it really bothers him that, for example, Geralt will die one day. He also just gives me a feeling of not being happy with himself but burying and masking it. There’s definitely guilt from his younger years but like the little journal he kept by his bed, he questions his choices in life and is at times unsatisfied that he’s chosen to ostracize himself from his peers. I think that may cause some more guilt as well since the opposite is how he used to live when he was young. Idk, I can’t really explain it, and the examples I gave weren’t all of why I think this, but I just feel like he hides self-esteem issues under a guise of eloquence and intellect.

Song I associate with them: Okay don’t laugh, but going by lyrics I think of Boulevard Of Broken Dreams by Green Day. It’s frequently pointed out that he’s a loner and yet he seems to have a hankering for company. And now that I’ve written this down, I now have a vivid image of emo young Regis with black eyeliner and an MCR teeshirt jamming to Green Day.😂

Favorite picture of them: There re a TON of screenshots posted on tumblr that I adore but since I don’t want to repost something, I’ll include my favorite of the ones I’ve taken. (which isn’t a lot I need to work on fixing that. Getting screenshots off my ps4 is a bitch tho lol) I WILL, however, tag some of my favorite blogs that post amazing screenshots and other awesome witcher content. @wholelottatiffy @gharashambles @witcher-not-quitter @mackallackattack @assbuttfromhell

He looks all focused and badass. I also just like how he looks in candlelight.

I do not think the answers were supposed to be this long but boy do I have feelings about Regis lol. Thank you so much for the ask! Also if you follow me and don’t follow @dreamerlavellan, you need to! Both she and hers blog are amazing.