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crusherthedoctor · 3 years

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Can you list anything you unironically like in the games (and cartoons and comics) that you don't like?

I won't bother mentioning music, since that goes without saying and is to be expected for a Sonic game... unless you're Chronicles.

Sonic Adventure 2 (mixed gameplay-wise, annoying story-wise) - While I prefer Sonic's SA1 levels for a number of reasons, I still think his and Shadow's gameplay in SA2 is fun on its own merit. I also don't mind the treasure hunting gameplay returning or how big the levels are this time around, since Knuckles and Rouge are still fast and not '06 levels of slow. It's mainly the gimped radar that creates the unfortunate domino effect of making them a problem.

- Introduced Rouge, one of my favourite characters for how playful she is and how she's a lot more nuanced and intelligent than you'd expect.

- Some genuinely good scenes, like Eggman's trap on the A.R.K and Sonic escaping from the G.U.N. helicopter.

- Had some good ideas going for it, like the Pyramid Base and the Biolizard as a scientific monster instead of an ancient one.

- Despite my thoughts on the backstory itself (or rather, its execution), Shadow has enough depth and subtle qualities and occasional unintended hilarity to stand out from the typical dark rival characters you see in media.

- The Last Scene's music in particular is one of my favourite cutscene tracks in the series.

Sonic Heroes (mixed gameplay-wise, loathed story-wise) - The gameplay is fun when you're not being screwed over by repetitive combat, overly long levels and/or ice physics.

- Boasts some of the most consistently Genesis-worthy environments in the 3D games, up there with SA1's and Colours'.

- The in-game dialogue that isn't the same tutorial drivel repeated ad nauseam can be interesting, funny, etc.

- Reintroduced the Chaotix, which provided me with another character I quite like in the form of Vector.

- Bringing Metal Sonic back in full force and front and center in the plot after a long absence (not counting cameos and the like) is a perfectly fine idea. Just... not like this.

Sonic Battle (decent yet repetitive gameplay, mixed story-wise) - Emerl's arc is compelling, and it earns the emotional weight of having to put him down at the end.

- While some characters are iffy (read: Amy), other characters are extremely well-handled. Shadow is probably the prime example.

- Gamma's belly dance healing animation is fucking hilarious.

- When I was young, and the game was first announced, I was really excited about being able to play as Chaos. This proved to be my downfall when it turned out he was arguably one of the worst characters in the game due to being slower than me during the writing process, but I still recall that excitement fondly.

Shadow the Hedgehog (comedy classic) - The sheer amount of legendary stupidity this game has going for it makes it practically impossible to actually hate. It helps that it's not quite as white-knighted on the same level as '06... usually. You know you're in for a unique experience when you hear a gunshot every time you click something in the menu.

- By extension, Black Doom never gained an unironic fanbase like Mephiles/Scourge/Eggman Nega did, which means I'm a lot more willing to take Doom's dumbass brand of villainy in stride. He even has a unique design... a terrible one that rips off Wizeman granted, but alas, even that is a step-up from Fridge Shadow and Bumblebee Eggman.

- Despite being... well, Shadow the Hedgehog, some of the environments would fit right in with any other Sonic game, like with Circus Park, Lava Shelter, and Digital Circuit. Even the Black Comet levels look pretty cool.

- This game understands amnesia better than IDW does.

Sonic '06 (what do you think?) - The obvious one: Shadow's character was handled pretty well, even if it came at the cost of everyone else being a dummy and being forced to interact with Mephiles.

- Like SA2, there are some good moments, like the Last Story ending sequence with Sonic and Elise.

- In the greatest form of irony ever, I like Solaris as a concept and design(s), and its backstory has potential to serve as a parallel with Chaos without being a complete ripoff. Iblis sucks, Mephiles sucks, but I'm fine with Solaris.

- Introduced legendary characters like Sonic Man, Pele the Beloved Dog, Hatsun the Pigeon, and Pacha from The Emperor's New Groove.

The Rivals duology (apathetic outside of Nega-related grumbling) - There were some cool zone ideas in both games that were sadly let down by the restrictive and limiting gameplay. I particularly like Colosseum Highway for thus far being the only full-on Roman level in the series instead of merely having a couple minor hints of Roman, and Meteor Base for the unique scenario of the space station being built into an asteroid. These level concepts and others deserve a second chance IMO. (At least Frontier Canyon got a second chance in the form of Mirage Saloon, amirite?)

- Ifrit has a better design than Iblis. Not saying it's amazing, but the Firebird motif it has going on is a lot more interesting for a fire monster than the Not-Chaos schtick they had with Iblis.

Sonic and the Secret Rings (a very frustrating gaming experience) - Erazor Djinn, A.K.A. Qui-Gon Djinn, A.K.A. Dr. N. Djinn, A.K.A. I'll Take It On The Djinn, A.K.A. Not From The Hairs On My Djinny Djinn Djinn, is one of the best villains not associated with Eggman in the series. He's a Mephiles-type character done right, and there's actual weight and reason to his actions, however sinister or petty.

- I don't have strong opinions either way on Shahra as a character, but the Sonic/Shahra friendship is sweet and well-handled.

- The ending is one of Sonic's greatest moments. The sheer contrast between how ruthlessly he deals with Erazor and how comforting he is towards Shahra speaks volumes... Still gonna make fun of the mountain of handkerchiefs though. (Before anyone lectures me, I understand the significance of it and can even appreciate it from that angle... doesn't mean I'm not allowed to poke fun at it. :P)

- Another game with some redeeming environments. I love the aesthetic of Night Palace, and Sand Oasis looks gorgeous too.

Sonic Chronicles (my personal least favourite game in the series) - Uh...

- Um...

- Er...

- I like Shade's design?

Sonic Unleashed (overrated game and story IMO) - The obvious two: the opening sequence and the Egg Dragoon fight deserve all the praise they get.

- Seeing Eggmanland come to life was an impressive moment to be sure. While part of me does feel it didn't quite measure up to what I had in mind (ironically, the Interstellar Amusement Park ended up being closer to what I had in mind), it still looks badass and works well for what it is. I also don't mind the idea of it being a one-level gauntlet... key word being idea.

- Obviously, the game looks great. Not a fan of the real world focus (real world inspiration is fine, but copy-pasting the real world and shoving loops in it is just unimaginative), but it can't be denied that the environments look good.

- This game pulled off dialogue options a lot better than Chronicles did, since they didn't rely on making Sonic OoC.

Sonic and the Black Knight (just kind of boring all around) - Despite my gripes with the story (Merlina wasn't nearly as fleshed out as her unique anti-villain status deserved, which ends up severely undermining the ambition of the plot in more ways than one, and the other characters go from being useless yes men for King Arthur to being useless yes men for Sonic), I will admit it provides interesting insight into Sonic's character.

- Like '06 and Secret Rings, the ending is very nice... well, aside from Amy being an unreasonable bitch ala Sonic X at the very end.

Sonic the Hedgehog 4 (apathetic) - The admittedly few new concepts sprinkled within had promise. They may not have been as fleshed out as they could have been, but level concepts like Sylvania Castle and White Park, bosses like Egg Serpentleaf and the Egg Heart, and story beats like the Death Egg mk.II being powered by Little Planet, all could have been brilliant had they been better executed.

SatAM (apathetic outside of SatAM Robotnik-related grumbling) - I'm not a fan of the environments on the whole due to them looking too bland or samey, but there are some exceptions that look pleasant or interesting, like the Void.

Sonic Underground (apathetic) - The character designs make me feel better about myself.

- Does "large quantities of unintentional meme material" count as a positive?

Sonic X (mostly apathetic outside of Eggman's handling) - Helen was a better human character and audience surrogate in her one focus episode than Chris was throughout his entire runtime.

- Actually, most of the human characters not named Chris were legitimately likable. Including everyone in Chris' own family not named Chris. Hilarious.

- Despite arguably having the most Chris in it, I actually don't mind the first season that much, partly due to slight nostalgia from seeing it on TV when it was new, but mostly because Eggman actually acted like a villain for the most part, and certain other characters weren't quite as flanderized yet. It's season 2 and onwards where things started going off the rails IMO. (Incidentally, Helen's episode was part of season 1...)

The Boom franchise (apathetic) - Along with Chronicles, the games provide yet more proof that just because someone isn't SEGA/Sonic Team, that doesn't mean they're automatically more qualified to handle the series.

- The show had some good episodes here and there, and Tails' characterization was probably the most consistently on-point out of the cast.

- Despite not exactly being favourite portrayals for either character, even I'll admit that many of Knuckles and Eggman's lines in the show on their own were genuinely funny.

Archie Sonic (pre-reboot is mostly terrible, post-reboot is mostly... bland) - Whenever I doubt myself as a writer, I think back to Ken Penders, and suddenly I'm filled with a lot more confidence.

Sonic the Comic (apathetic) - Fleetway isn't a comic I tend to recall much of aside from how much of a loathesome cunt Sonic is, but IIRC, Robotnik's portrayal is pretty good. Different, but good.

IDW Sonic (stop pissing me off, comic) - Putting their handling aside (and being too obviously "inspired" by MGS in the latter's case), Tangle and Whisper are good characters IMO.

- Same goes for Starline, before he was killed off-screen and replaced with Toothpaste Snively.

- Execution aside (noticing a pattern?), the zombot virus was a fine concept on its own and an interesting new scheme for Eggman.

- I get to remind myself that I've never drawn scat edits and posted them publicly on Twitter.

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kwa-aj · 5 years

Text

The Kind of Weird Adventures of Ana Jayanshakar - Episode 01

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Ancestry.com Doesn’t Tell You Everything

“Oh, shoot.”

It was August in London which meant the sun had officially taken its leave and skipped off to Hawaii and rain had staunchly taken up its post. But that never stopped the picketers.

Ana sighed, peering through the overtasked windshield wipers of her Honda Civic. “Dang it.” She flipped her black steering wheel around and pulled dutifully into the nearest parking space. She counted out two quarters and slipped them into the toll machine. Flipping up the hood to her rain jacket, she yanked on her zipper which immediately intertwined with her necklace. (An unremarkable opal-ly gemstone gift from her mother). After one tortured minute, she extricated the fine silver chain and zipped the blue jacket up to her chin. She stuffed her hands in her pockets and strode determinedly down the sidewalks of Finsbury Circus.

“Vote to keep Blackstone in Parliament!”

“Contractors are tearing up Rose Gardens!”

“Funds for the Crystal Palace restoration!”

“Shame on Pear, Inc.!”

Ana sniffled slightly and reached out a hand to pry open the glass doors leading to St. Joseph’s Medical School.

“Miss, do you know you’re an alien?”

That was one she hadn’t heard before. She turned her head and squinted through the rain at a bored green face.

“Do you know you’re an alien?” she asked.

“Yes, miss. Andromedan, to be exact.” In one jade hand dangled what looked like an iPhone if Nikolai Tesla had some say in its production. In his other hand, clad in a warm knit glove, he held an airport pick up sign scrawled with huge Sharpie letters. It simply said “Ana Jayanshakar.”

Ana stared. “That’s my name.”

“Yes, miss. We’ve been looking for you.”

“Why?”

The alien sighed like a teenager explaining to a technologically confused parent what the “Home” button is for the 112th time. “Because you’re an alien, miss. I doubt your maternal figure told you but your paternal figure is an Andromedan from our galaxy. I was given express orders to relay this information to you – “ yawn – “an employer who wishes to remain anonymous.” The last several sentences he rattled off like he had a couple rehearsals.

Ana sniffled again and shifted from one foot to the other. “My dad’s an alien?”

“Yup. Oh! Hold on.” He leaned forward and picked up Ana’s necklace. With one sharp movement, he yanked it off her neck.

“Hey!” Ana was about to protest further but was cut short by a very strange sensation. A sensation similar to when you put on platform shoes for the first time and all your proportions feel out of whack. She glanced down. Ah, that was it. She was at least half a foot taller than before. She pulled her hands out of her pockets. They were a pale green and her nails felt harder and noticeably thicker. Sharp canines descended and poked at her lower lip.

“Well, this is different,” she said.

The alien yawned again. “Quite. I believe your mother figure gave this to you so you could blend in with, erm, humans, as it were. Humans is PC, right?”

Ana raised an eyebrow. “I believe so. What else would we be called?”

“I wasn’t sure. Lately, humans have started to identify as apes, as I recall?”

“Um, well, not exactly.”

“I see. I sincerely apologize.” He handed the necklace back to Ana, metal chain neatly knitting itself back together. “Also, Earth is being invaded in five days. I think you’re the only one who can stop it, according to my information.” He grinned, slightly beast-like but mostly genial, and tossed his sign into a nearby trash can. “The name’s Nark. Have a good one!” He tucked his Tesla-Jobs phone into his pocket and jammed earbuds into his pointed ears before walking off, producing a weird vibration that counted as both a whistle and a hum.

Someone screamed. Ana flinched and hastily pulled her necklace back over her head. Realizing she was very wet, she slid between the university doors and retreated into the dry hallway. She stared out the glass window for two minutes, dripping water onto the grand marble floor. She finally glanced down and fondled her necklace delicately. “That was weird,” she said.

At 9 o’clock that evening, Ana stumbled through her apartment door and kicked off her shoes. She ran her fingers through her auburn hair, letting it fall limply around her shoulders, and released an enormous yawn. Even during third year, morning med school was rough on the sleep schedule. She shed her scrubs and hung them in her closet before collapsing face up onto her bed. She blinked at the popcorn ceiling.

“I’m an alien.” She flopped onto her side and creased her brows. Gasping abruptly, she shot back up. Her bangs flipped up and perched awkwardly on the side of her head. “Oh, my gosh. I’m Peter Quill.” Chuckling slightly, she crossed her legs and rested her chin in her hands. “So, I guess Earth is being invaded.” She rocked back and forth uncertainly. “He said I was the only one who could stop it. I wonder if that’s true?” Uncurling her legs, she sat back and stared at her laptop resting on her wooden desk. “Well, if it is…I should do something about it, shouldn’t I?” Shaking her head, she pawed around her nightstand for her glasses and scooched off of the bed. Sitting down on her creaky swivel chair, she opened up her laptop and waited a few seconds for it to stop spooling. The colorful lion adorning Santana’s 1999 album popped to life. Ana pulled up Chrome, already laden with 51 open tabs.

“space pilots with low rates,” she typed.

The next five minutes were interspersed with low grunts of disapproval and some tentative “eeehhhs”. At 9:09, Ana’s finger stilled on her mouse, eyes fixated on the last ad on the list.

“Estelle Livingstone

Holds five records for speed in Milky Way Galaxy. Certified in all classes of ship except for Ethiopian military tanker (still working on that one). Will fly for a ridiculous amount of danger and/or handsome men. Contact at (020) 340 – 418 or McQueen’s Pub in Whitechapel.”

Ana clicked on a fresh tab.

“mcqueens pub whitechapel”

“McQueen’s Pub

11341 Garden Street

Whitechapel, London

Hours of operation: 24 hours”

Ana shut her laptop. She stood up, grabbed her blue rain coat, and shoved her phone inside her pocket. “Here goes,” she said, and shut the door behind her.

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading! Blog design is credited to the fabulous and artistically talented thehappysammiedog. Also special thanks to all of those who helped edit. This wouldn’t have happened without you. The artwork on this blog is not mine and I do not take credit for it. New artwork should be coming soon. “Episode 02 - Rogue Pilots Know How to Navigate EBay” will be released within the next two weeks.

If you want to reblog or share, that’s all fine and good. I’m flattered. However, I do have a copyright claim on this so don’t try to, like, say you wrote it when you didn’t. Savvy? Thank you so much. Much appreciated.

Feel free to follow this blog if you want to be kept up to date on The Kind of Weird Adventures of Ana Jayanshakar. Also feel free to leave notes or chat if it so strikes your fancy. I’m happy to talk or answer anybody’s questions.

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katherine-rambles · 6 years

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good birthday! busy, but good! ty everybody for coming!!! ✨💖✨

this is a ridiculously long post, and it keeps getting longer. so, everything’s under the cut

on the day itself, in the morning, i went to petsmart because we found fleas on one of the dogs last night, so i (as the only one in town with money or a credit card) had to go spend almost all of my money between flea meds and flea shampoo. i was NOT expecting to spend ~400 bucks this week on doctor shit and flea shit. but i gotta, so... :/ and probably more in the future! gghuhugh

then i came home and did some more computer cleaning & organizing. i have... so much of that to do........

then @lordsoth42 came over! and we went to the mall and pizza schmizza (they got some, i got NOTHING because CURSE my stomach) and then got donuts.

then we went back to my place and people started showin’ up fer my low-key party! @onilinkplus, @angrymamabear, @soycoffeewithcoffee, danny (i don’t think he’s got a bloggo here, but he’s got a twitch over at... um... kazstein), thank you all so much for comin’ and hanging out! and bringing food and gifts and stuff!

we got to play ARMS, 12 orbits, a lil’ bit of Once Upon A Time, Sumer (interesting platformer/boardgame mix), watch kody play Snake Pass, and see the demo of Octopath Traveller thanks to Danny having the energy to play it (which, by the way, that looks Goddamn Gorgeous!)

then sleepover w/ tristan because Wow Eugene Is Far Away, Six Hours Of Driving In One Day Is No Fun! but also more time with tristan!

on the 25th i woke up super early again thanks to Stomach Hates Me Syndrome and i got to cleaning up, which was nice. i still have some more to do but i figure i may as well do that after everything is over this weekend. but i did get like. all the plates and shit put away so there’s tablespace again.

some lowkey hangouts with tristan before they went home and I went to hang out with @jirajara at the woodburn outlet mall to find shoes for her... i did fairly good in not spending money, by which i mean i was very thankful she & her crew paid fer my lunch, and i avoided spending money on trinkets and shoes and this one FUCKING BEAUTIFUL pleather light pink jacket.... anyway it was fun, if tiring. i forget how tiring Looking For A Good [insert specific item here] can be when you’re not doing it over like... years... on the internet.....

then today i got to go to an actual SPA with super swanky everything and have a MASSAGE for the first time ever w @becna n’ @keketar. the wet sauna is not an experience i’d pay to repeat but the dry sauna & hot tubs? good stuff. burn my skin off. and the massage was really great! my masseuse was really fun to talk to and we just talked about all sorts of stuff and the back & head parts of the massage i could definitely see being useful in a headache/chiropractic sense in the future.

sarah got me a Gay Flag Colored Lovebird bag......;;;; i love it.......;;;;;; 😍💖✨💯🐦

an’ then sarah n’ i went to my place and had a low key Craft Party wherein we tried to get each other hooked on anime we haven’t been able to talk to anyone about: me w/ revolutionary girl utena and sarah w/ voltron:legendary defenders. what I learned is, I love pidge and am totally down for this mystical bullshit AI tiger mech thing. my headcanon so far (probably easily proven wrong, i’m on like episode five) is that a lot of the “mystical” connection is [a.] propaganda (what better propaganda than DESTINY?) and [b.] a result of a networked/distributed intelligence not unlike the geth from mass effect.

but also early utena episodes are so lighthearted! i always focus on the later stuff and forget how... innocent it seems at first. additionally, paying extra special attention to chuchu and anthy after reading a bunch of meta is a fucking TREAT like? episode four with the lil’ elephant doodle?? anthy!! an’ nanami is great also, and just how EXTRA all these highschoolers are.... my poor children....

i also learned/recalled that needlefelting... is a lot... of work...... i’m basically going to have to reskin my needlefelt mew entirely to make it look decent again. it does look REALLY nice again once i do that, but s’just gonna be a lot of work. (maybe this time i won’t like... have it on my bed and in high-use areas. there was so much pilling, oh my god.)

oh! and sarah’s being so nice and letting me share her netflix! and merlot’s gift was adding me to her fam for the nintendo subscription service!! this is a good year for me & freeloading media, i guess :P (but srs, thank yooou both!)

anyway now i have a lot to clean up, and work tomorrow. hopefully i’ll be able to vacuum once i get home: we NEED a big vacuuming. ‘specially since the doggo parasite circus is in town...

and birthday celebrations are extended because i’ll see becca on monday and there may or may not be a present involved there, but there sure as heck will be cute lizards, and really, what else could a girl ask for?

then it’s tuesday and the.... ct.... and man why is medicine so expensive

but. overall.

i’m so glad to have my vivacity, my motivation, my drive and passion back. last year on my birthday i hadn’t planned anything really and it just happened to be a nice coincidink that sarah was headin’ down to eugene for a concert anyway. when i’m under like 70% planning things, hosting things, going to things is just... so... too.... much.... but when i’m 100% (mentally, at least, lmao i hate my stomach right now) it’s one of my FAVORITE things to do. people!!! friends!!!!! happy making!! i just feel... very satisfied and content in a way i haven’t been able to access in a while. s’a shame that my stomach has decided to stage a civil war on my esophagus, but... it’s discomfort, something i have to live with, not a drain of my life that i’m living. ya feel me?

like, FUCK! this linked post was my birthday two years ago. it wasn’t weird because ANYTHING except depression! depression fucked me up! i didn’t spend it doing things i love with people i love because i couldn’t DO love!

the b-day before that was good but lowkey because i couldn’t plan much, and it was surrounded by me just being.... tired... which was depression shit

and i think... the b-day before that was before i’d gotten depressed? i think late 2014-2015 was my first Major Episode... but i’m not sure because i started this blog sept. 2014. i do distinctly remember my internal grade-o-meter being off as like... an early sign of my troubles.

this ended up so long haha

i’m so grateful that all y’all awesome friends of mine (both who i mention here because i saw them this past few days and those who are not mentioned) stuck with me despite the Depression Fog. y’all deserve the best and i’m honored y’all let me into your lives.

i’m so happy i have so many projects i’m jazzed to work on, even though the work is sloggish and boring i can DO IT and BE HAPPY that i’m doing it?!? it’s been so long since i could do that

lately i feel like a little kid who cries because they learned that those cool snakes have to eat those sweet little mice. everything is so new and fresh and lovely again.... like rediscovering your first favorite teddy bear or something in the closet. just a persistent strong warmth

i’m so lucky 💖

#text #present #happy #philosophy #curiosity #media #gratitude #lordsoth42 #becna #keketar #jirajara #onilinkplus #angrymamabear #soycoffeewithcoffee #kazstein #vld #rgu

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marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer · 7 years

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MTVS Epic Rewatch #168

BTVS 6x16 Hell’s Bells

(aka the Xander-and-Anya-were-having-it-way-too-easy-this-season-and-it-was-high-time-they-got-their-lives-ruined episode)

Stray thoughts

WILLOW: Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god, Buffy. Look at its arms! BUFFY: I know. But it's my duty.

Why did Anya get them these awful dresses, though? That’s such a crappy cliché - the bride having awful bridesmaid dresses made because she’s the only one who can look beautiful at her wedding - and I hate that they had Anya do that. Also, notice that Buffy’s dress is slightly less awful, so I’m guessing Sarah pulled her weight to have it that way.

2) Yet another example of how people in Sunnydale are bound to believe anything in order to remain oblivious of the supernatural.

BUFFY: I just can't believe everyone bought that story about Anya's people being circus folk. Did you see the guy with the tentacles? What's he supposed to be? Inky the Squid Boy?

3) Why did they want these people at their wedding, though?

WILLOW: And Xander's family. I haven't seen them that bad since my bat mitzvah. Ugh, did you see how much they drank? BUFFY: Kinda. Mr. Harris threw up in my purse

4) Of course, following Anya’s declaration of how that day was the happiest day of her life, we see the going-ons at the Harris’s household… and this is what we get a glimpse of…

His uncle Rory half-naked suggesting Xander should use Velcro in his cuffs.

His uncle Rory trying to make himself an Irish coffee (in the morning…) and then pretending to get electrocuted.

Xander’s father giving him a hard time because he’s not ready yet

Xander’s mom guilt-tripping him about her not getting to be in the pictures (why did she think that?)

Krelvin recalling how Xander’s father had compared him to his mother-in-law and then proceeded to hit him and insult his heritage

Xander’s father making fun of Anya’s whole family

Xander’s cousin Carol asking him to get her date with “Kevin” while wearing Xander’s cufflinks as earrings.

I ask again, why did they want these people at their wedding? Except for Krelvin, he seemed like a cool dude.

5) I love how Buffy takes care of Xander and then shows how truly happy she is about him and Anya.

BUFFY: Look at you. You look great, Mr. About-To-Get-Married. Glowing.Oh my god! Maybe you're pregnant!

XANDER: Maybe. I dunno. Maybe I'm just happy. Teary.

BUFFY: Oh! Good. Good teary. XANDER: Happy teary? Not frustrated with bow-tie teary? BUFFY: Yes. Happy. Happy for you. That makes me happy for me. You and Anya give me hope. It's like... you two are proof that there's light at the end of this very long, long, nasty tunnel.

6) Ugh these two flirtatious vixens!

7) Anya’s vows attempt #1

ANYA: 'I, Anya, promise to love you, to cherish you, to honor you, but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something? I do however entrust you with my heart. Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because it's all that I have. And, if you let me, I'll take care of your heart too. I'll protect it and tend to it, like a little stray.' Wait, no. 'Like a, a little mangy stray that needs a home.'

And as funny as each of her attempts were, there was always so much of her heart in them, which makes everything that happens afterwards so much more heartbreaking.

8) “It's just I'm so excited and I want to share it all with my best friend. I get to be with my best friend forever! Yay!”

9) Why would D’Hoffryn attend Anya’s wedding, though? Don’t weddings go against everything he believes in, sort of?

10) My trash son being his usual trashy self…

11) Let’s be real, Xander was unconsciously looking for someone to tell him this and confirm his fears and doubts…

OLD MAN: You can't get married today. It's a huge mistake.

12) Xander’s dad is all like “I paid for this so shut up” or something, and I’m like ?????? He paid for the wedding? 1) Why? Really, why would he? He didn’t care for his son, he had Xander pay for rent the minute he turned 18 and have him move to the basement. 2) How? I always got the impression the Harris’s weren’t exactly can-afford-a-wedding wealthy...

13) So these are the glimpses we get of Anya’s and Xander’s “future”…

Xander has decided to follow his dad’s footsteps and become a drunk.

Anya is a cosmetics salesperson for some reason. What happened to the Magic Box?

Xander had broken his back trying to fight a battle alongside Buffy. Buffy died in said battle. She wasn’t brought back, apparently.

Anya thinks Buffy’s death ruining their lives.

Anya owns a pink car.

Pretty early into their marriage, Anya cheated on Xander with a demon and got pregnant. They stayed together, and Xander raised the girl as his own.

Xander and Anya stop having sex after Buffy died, for some reason...

In spite of everything, they were married for 30 years.

It really does seem like this fake future is a mixture of Xander’s own fears about marriage, his insecurities and his misconceptions about who Anya is.

14) I both love and hate that these two started acting mature once they were broken up. She’s finally being honest and treating him with respect, and he’s acting out but he still shows he cares about her feelings…

SPIKE: It's a happy occasion. You meet my friend?

BUFFY: No. Not yet. But she seems like a very nice attempt at making me jealous. SPIKE: Is it working? BUFFY: A little. It doesn't change anything... but if you're wildly curious, yeah, it hurts. SPIKE: I'm sorry. Or, Good! You want us to go? BUFFY: No. No, I... you have every right to be here. I pretty much deserve... SPIKE: That's not true, you... God, this is hard. BUFFY: Yeah. SPIKE: I think we'll go. BUFFY: Go where? To your place? SPIKE: Yeah, I suppose. That was the idea. BUFFY: Yeah. SPIKE: Evil. BUFFY: Of course. SPIKE: But I won't. Or I... I'll just go. Give 'em my best or whatever. The happy couple. BUFFY: I will. SPIKE: It's nice to watch you be happy. For them, even. I don't see it a lot. You, uh... you glow. BUFFY: That's because the dress is radioactive. I should... SPIKE: Yeah. But it hurts?

BUFFY: Yeah. SPIKE: Thanks.

BUFFY: You're welcome.

15) I love the callback to “Homecoming”…

WILLOW: You're getting married. My little Xander. XANDER: All growed up. WILLOW: It's a good thing I realized I was gay, otherwise, hey, you, me and formal wear...

16) Anya’s vows attempt #2

'I, Anya, promise to cherish you...' Ew, no, not cherish. Uh, 'I promise to have sex with you whenever ... *I* want, and, pledge to be your friend, and your wife, and your confidant, and your sex poodle...'

17) I LOVE YOU BUFFY, YOU PRECIOUS UNICORN.

BUFFY: Uh, sorry about that. Um... there's just gonna be a little bit of a delay. ANYA: Why? What's wrong? BUFFY: Nothing! Nothing's wrong, it's just, um, it, the minister. He had, uh... to g ... and perform an emergency C-section. ANYA: A C-section?!

BUFFY: Yeah! You know, he's, uh, not, not just a minister, he's also a, a doctor. You know, he's half-minister, half-doctor, he's a mini-tor. Not, of course, to be confused with a minotaur! Because he's all, you know, man, this doctor minister man, no bull parts whatsoever.

18) Anya’s vows attempts #3

'I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because... I love you and I'll always love you. And... before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. Not even a person, really... and I had seen what love could do to people, and it was... hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly there was you, and... you knew me. You saw me, and it was this... thing. You make me feel safe and warm. So, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do.'

19) Buffy trying to stall the wedding is my favorite thing ever, okay?

And Clem being a supportive marshmallow…

20) Also, I low-key ship these two.

21) These two are super horny amidst the whole family feud, love it.

22) It’s actually odd that there weren’t more people coming to get their revenge on Anya, don’t you think?

DEMON: You did this. You brought this on. I've waited a long time for this, Anyanka. ANYA: Who are you? DEMON: Remember Chicago? South Side, 1914? Stewart Burns. Philanderer! You'd think you'd remember. I remember you. But then again, you ruined my life.

ANYA: You were a ... I punished you. DEMON: That's right. Some hussy I'd been taking around summons you, next thing I know, I look like this and I'm being tortured in another dimension. ANYA: I forgot. DEMON: Well, I didn't.

Also, this is a very interesting character moment for Anya. She feels almost ashamed she’d forgotten about him. For so long she had focused on exacting revenge on those she deemed deserved it and yet she had never paused to think of the ripple effect her acts had on those people. She had probably ruined thousands of lives, and they weren’t even an afterthought to her. And more importantly, did all of them truly deserve it? And who was she to decide they did?

23) And I’m always a sucker for Buffy ripping her skirt to fight!

24) So Xander comes back…

And he helps save the day…

But the damage was done. Well, it wasn’t “damage,” really. It was Xander owning up to how he really felt…

ANYA: So... we're ready now. Let's get married.

XANDER: I... I'm not. I'm not ready. I can't, An, I'm sorry.

ANYA: But it wasn't real. What he showed you, it wasn't real.

XANDER: I know it wasn't real. But it could be.

ANYA: What was it? Was it about me? 'Cause he wanted you to hate me, Xander.

XANDER: It wasn't you. It wasn't you I was hating. I had these thoughts, and ... fears before this. Maybe we just went too fast.

ANYA: Look, everybody has thoughts. It's natural, it doesn't mean that, that getting married is wrong.

XANDER: I know, I know...

ANYA: Look, you're just shaken up, okay? You just calm down and we'll start over, okay?

XANDER: We can't start over. If this is a mistake, it's forever, and... I don't want to hurt you. Not that way.: I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

And even though it was extremely bad timing to call off the wedding right before it took place, this might be one of the rare moments in which I 100% have Xander’s back. He wasn’t ready, and he knew it for a long time. I think he was hoping that by the time the wedding approached, he’d be ready. But that didn’t happen. I think a lot of it has to do with this line “It wasn’t you who I was hating.” More than anything, he was afraid he’d be his father’s son and become a lousy husband and a despicable human being. And I get why he wouldn’t want to be that person with Anya. He did love her, that much I’m sure of. And he took the getting married thing seriously. He knew he wouldn’t back away, no matter how ugly it got. So, yeah, bad timing. But right call.

25) But.. this… wasn’t really gentlemanly of him, though…

Leaving Anya to break the news to everyone all on her own after breaking her heart? Not cool…

26) And this whole scene is so sad and beautifully shot…

D'HOFFRYN: It's time you got back to what you do best ... don't you think?

#Buffy the Vampire Slayer #BTVS #Anya Jenkins #Xander Harris #Joss Whedon #Hell's Bells #MTVSepicrewatch #BTVSrewatch2015 #recap #mine #btvsrecap

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