#'please don't leave me. or abandon me'
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this story
#tears at my heart oh my goddd i love stories like this so much#'as i try to remember distant nostalgic sounds become audible in my head'#oh. 'you promised we'd be together forever. i can't believe i trusted you'#'i hate you' 'i don't care anymore' 'terrified of losing another person so dear to him' T_T#a third wheel huh#'but the fact that i was being left out of their world got to be so sad painful and lonely'#i'm crying i hate this so much#i can't even say or write anything anymore. this hurts so much#but... this is the exact dynamic and trope i love so much. the same as the one i wrote two years ago... 'starlit sky'#'please don't leave me. or abandon me'#'miku's heart skips a beat at the sight of a familiar figure'#'even though it's no different from the usual invitation miku finds herself pausing for a moment' and then she smiles huh...#pretends she's alright. i guess it hurts because i#nah. i just really appreciate the writing here#the subtleties and the way they describe these moments and feelings... sigh#wait no. i just wiped away my tears i think i'm gna cry again#fuck this 'when you only look down into yourself you can miss out on some things that you'll wish you hadn't'#'sometimes you need to bring those eyes up and look forward look around. sometimes the answer was right there all along'#i hate this. i fucking hate this#that smile huh. the way they wrote miku's thoughts here are so painful#she's crying too huh.#'the moment she realizes she is crying a complex emotion that isn't quite sadness pain or joy throbs within her heart'#... 'i'm fine. just stay here.' / 'please. just stay here. don't leave me alone. stay with me... even if just for a while.'#this writing hurts so much. 'a litany of stars light up the night sky as the sun sets on the horizon.'#UGHHH I HATE MISUNDERSTANDINGS LIKE THIS. oh. oh i can predict what's gna happen
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If there's one request I can make of you guys, it's that you please please please let me know if I upload something and it doesn't look right (ex: the audio is desynced, the visuals are glitchy, etc.)!!! It's embarrassing!!!!
#mod talk#Thank you#I was going through my tag and saw a 2 week old video tumblr absolutely munched up to hell and back#idk how I didn't notice that when it got posted#the audio is bugged the video is awful AND it's desynched which is a crime#but the biggest crime is NOBODY told me!!!!!#I feel betrayed. Abandoned. I'm leaving to live in a small cottage on the seaside and never coming back#Anyways Tumblr's been messing up a lot of my videos lately. I contacted them about it but they weren't much help#so relying on you guys. you know I'm a good editor. please don't let me post garbage like that and assume it's what I intended#genuinely scandalized. I'm deleting the post rn and will repost it in the morning
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I know I haven't said much about it, but legitimately, "running away" was one of the most pivotal life decisions I've ever made. Probably THE first major life decision I've made, and also the best. If you have an opportunity to go, leave. Get out of there. If you are not safe at home, emotionally, physically, whatever, and you're able to leave, do it. It's going to suck such major ass for a while because you're going to have to deal with the scars they've left on you, but I wholeheartedly, full-throatedly, with-my-chest promise you that it is going to be better. You're going to be better. If you have the privilege of being able to escape, no matter how difficult it feels, then RUN.
#whatever you leave behind is not your responsibility. sometimes you're gonna have a fucked relationship with the siblings you 'abandoned'#but they have to understand that you had to leave. and that you were actively fighting to take them with you the entire time#it's okay to be selfish. you need to be selfish to start to recover.#if you have to be homeless please look up and do your research on local resources first. plan things out.#i was lucky enough to have family who'd been waiting years and years for this moment to happen#if you can go and have your college dorm as a safe haven then absolutely take that chance#if you can go and rent an apartment with the money from your job then take that chance#plan shit. do it. even if your brain fights you. you do not want to be out there without proper precautions or else you could end up-#-seriously fucked over.#also i know i'm encouraging people to get out but in equal measure:#if it isn't safe to leave you are not lesser for staying.#if it's winter and you can't be out there alone you are not complicit in your own abuse yk?#if you have family you CANNOT leave behind like extremely young siblings then you are not at fault for staying.#i was lucky enough to be able to leave quickly and (relatively) painlessly and i'm aware that not everybody can do that#sometimes staying IS the better choice. but that's a choice YOU have to make not me#assess your situation properly. are you staying for your own safety or because you're scared?#etc etc. obviously take all of this with a grain of salt i don't have all the life experience in the world just what little i have#also: prepaid phones are a godsend. MRIs. canned food. make sure to have first aid kits if needed. plan ahead. have a stash somewhere safe#rox rumblings#me things
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no baby, this ain't "puppy love" this is abandoned wet dog love, I am afraid you'll leave but ill mark you down with my fangs everytime you trynna touch me while I whine and cry when you walk away.
I want to have you whole, I want to go on walks with you but try and put me a leash and your blood will run through my throat.
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So tomorrow marks three weeks of me having made a new friend.
I am terrified of loosing him, but at this point I know its inevitable. Our interactions have slowed down and I've already felt myself pull away in fear that he will see the parts of me that are too messy to be lovable.
Why can't I just grab all my favorite people up and put them in my pocket so they don't have to leave me.
Why am I the one always left behind?
I will be your friend forever, just please don't leave me. You're fun, you're interesting, I enjoy your conversation and company. Let's be friends please. Please.
I just tried to impress you again, to make you realize I'm an asset and an interesting person. Please don't look behind the curtain. you'll find i'm actually just a broken kid who was last pick and abandoned first.
#New friend#abandonment#abandoment issues#autism#I don't know how to make and keep friends#Please don't leave me#Why am I always left behind#Mountain lily#please stay#Don't leave me like she did#You came into my life right as she was fully existing#I'm sorry for grabbing on and latching myself to you#I just needed a friend#Someone who wanted to text me first
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the way one of my friends offered to get people drinks. one of the others asked for a rum and coke, so i asked for a vodka lemonade n then they stood right behind me and went 'is olive allowed to drink?' it killed something inside me a little bit. like i wasn't episoding i've been responsible about my drinking recently don't take away my autonomy when i'm capable of looking after myself please. i know i barely can but don't. don't make this one of the few things people will actually talk to me for
#sorry but i just feel so isolated in the friend group#like no-one's leaving me out its just everyone is coupled up and the only other single people are in a qpr and go home together to watch#korra everytime we hang out and it kills that i'm the only one who has to go and be alone. everyone else skips off all happy and i'm left#to go back to my little den of depression and fight through the panic abandonment response that i get every time i leave them#but if i isolate myself completely i will be even worse. my therapist told me to make myself socialise as much as i can and i've been tryin#and it's usually alright for most of the time when we're together. like nice even if its heartbreakingly lonely and i dont have the spoons#to contribute consistently to conversations#vent#sorry i'm just. i feel like i'm falling apart slowly#catching bits as they fall and shoving them back into me but still deteriorating faster than i can fix myself#i want to stop.#i can't be a human anymore#i can study and live in literature but i cannot be human#i can't be loved.#i just want to beg one of my tutors to let me camp out in their office for a few hours so they can help me somehow do my essay#like. i can't do it on my own. i can't think enough to scrape up my memory of the books i'm writing about#and i don't have time to reread them to find quotes#i just. want to be a cat hiding under people's tables with the occasional pet from people who are kind enough to like my type of creature#but be left to sleep and do what i need to at my own pace#is that really so much to ask? can i become smaller please. take away this body of mine and give me something that fits the shape of me
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abandonment.
saw (2004) / unknown / “b4 the flight,” jazmin bean / supernatural (2005) / “the hours,” michael cunningham / hannibal (2013) / “first love / late spring,” mitski
#web weaving#web weave#hannibal#mitski#saw#supernatural#abandoned#abandonment#abandonment issues#please don't leave me#that one scene in saw made me feel things so i made this
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POV: You've been scarred before so many times that your scared to get attached, but your having so much fun. So you want to enjoy it while it lasts. Even if they say they'll stay you can't trust it.
#pov: ...#relatable#pov: me#fp bpd#bpd things#trust is hard#trust issues#favorite person#i can't trust you but i want to#please dont leave me#don't abandon me like everyone else
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it's so crazy that he makes up things to worry about as an excuse to not put any effort into the relationship when literally everything i say to him goes against the premise of his fake problems
#me every single moment: please communicate with me i don't care how you go about it or when as long as its direct#him: its never the right time :(((( (?????????????)#also hes whining about me hurting him do u not think i feel hurt. do you not think being ignored and neglected and used hurts.#not hurting him psychically btw i just hurt his precious feelings#like i wasnt so fucking hurt by his actions i had to STOP MYSELF FROM TALKING ABT ANYTHING SLIGHTLY IMPORTANT TO ME for at least a month#because i couldnt take the pain of being ignored and rejected and dismissed over and over and over and over and over#and i straight up ignored discord as much as possible for a week or so to try and stop hurting#like i wasnt hurt when he continuously and relentlessly made fun of me for having an attachment to orbit#and then forced me to admit who he was even though i was CLEARLY trying to keep it ambiguous by repeatedly stating who he thought i was#talking about at every opportunity#while still making fun of me.#i was clearly frustrated and upset when i admitted who he was too and they didnt care.#like it didnt hurt when he got the entire friendgroup ready to abandon me over not getting that he was being serious because he was#ACTIVELY TRYING TO BE VAGUE AND CONFUSING#i had a panic attack all because he didn't want to ask me something directly#and i still think about that event constantly it's like a fucking disease#everyone was so ready to leave me for one mistake.#diary#thistle tag#lol#this got so off track
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.
#everyone look away for a while i need to have a meltdown on a social media site and i would rather not do it in front of the people i know#on twitter so here we go i have too much anxiety to function and the person i currently love the most on this planet always sends me into#these anxious spirals and its horrible for my health because then i cant do anything but hyperventilate in my bed for hours like it is#unfair of me to expect everyone to accommodate to my problems but the least you could do is tell me whats wrong especially when it is#something that has to do with me like you say you love me and god fuck me you do yet you put me through this every single time and i am so#tired and exhausted and i want to not feel like a cheap sidepiece who can be tossed aside when you're done and i dont want to feel like you#are going to abandon me at any point of time and jesus fucking christ i need you to get some clarity on how you feel about me and what you#want from me because i have been there since day one but you don't know but you still feel that its your right to stop me from forming any#other relation and you leave me with my worry fears and grief for hours before you come back#and no explanation#never a fucking explanation#i love you so much and yet you make me feel like i am dying#please learn to love me back in a way that i can understand
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Am I just a bad person. I don't think anything I've done has ever made people bitter and have a years long grudge against me? Or I'm the only person in the entire world who experiences this kind of feeling and I'm just an asshole. I still hold very hard grudges towards even people I like and am friends with because they won't apologize for something terrible and harmful they did to me and I don't want to let it go because it changed the trajectory of my entire life.
#If you're reading this it's not about you#This is about people who don't use tumblr or follow me and don't use tumblr enough for me to be worried about them seeing it#I know no one ever ever ever has bad intentions and accidents happen and mistakes and stupidity happen#and I know you didn't mean it and you have your reasons and it sucks that I'm such a fucked up bitchy bitter piece of shit#But like I moved into the dorms specifically for you and then you abandoned me day of n had a whole house all ready to go with roommates :(#Roommates who weren't me and who you were infinitely better friends with and I wasn't invited to join. :((#You made me leave your house even though I said I couldn't and I had a breakdown on the highway and almost committed suicide :((#I said I was scared to be alone in my dorm and I was out of food and needed to go to store and too scared and after that my car#was longer a safe place either and I told you this and you said 'clean your car and buy yourself a trinket from goodwill' :((#All this semester I skipped so many meals becaus I couldn't go to the store and I told you and you said to 'just go to the dollar store' :(#You called the police bc I was 'missing' even though I was literally in the room next to yours and you didn't FUCKING BOTHER TO CHECK ON ME#WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU????#god im so bitter im such a genuine actual garbage shit person please don't ever be friends with me I am actually going to#throw up thinking about what a terrible piece of shit I am. what is wrong with me. why cant i just be a good person#I can't let these little fucking mistakes go why does anybody waste their time and energy and breath and life on me#nothing i say can ever be normal every word i say is a vent because nothing good has ever happened to me.#fucking apparently. I'm genuinely so sorry for ever making any of you cross paths with me.#I promise you I'm going to kill myself soon and I'm so so so so sorry it wasn't sooner :((
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Man. Really feeling like this right now
#why is my mental health getting worse and worse the past 3 two years jesus CHRIST#like first Iw as like feeling stuff about my ex friend#like how traumatic it was that she betrayed me and abandoned me#she was the first and only person i have ever trusted and loved that much#I'm terrified kf letting myself be as close with anyone else as I was with her#what if when I get close with someone they realize how annoying and weird and stupid and clingy J am#and then they leave me?? and I'm alone again???#if I wasn't good enough for her how could I possibly be good enough for anyone else??#I don't want to let people see who I am because if the one person I loved and trusted more than anyone left me#because of who i am how do I know everyone else won't leave me for the same reason?#and now I'm sitting here like. paranoid that everyone is getting tired of me now#that everyone is starting to realize how mentally fucked up i am and how I'm nothing but a burden to be around#and how I'm stupid and annoying and weird#and that's I'm completely worthless and undeserving kf love#and now they're leaving me#god please I don't want to be alone again
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taking a moment to thank demi lovato for all they have done for me as a traumatized queer with daddy issues and an insecure attachment style
#i hate u . don't leave me .#i feel like . i can't breath .#just hold me . don't touch me .#and i want u to love me but i need u to trust me#but i can't back down no i can't deny that im staying now cause i can't decide#confused n scared i'm terrified of u#i admit i'm in and out of my head. don't listen to a single word i've said.#i hate u. don't leave me. cause i love when u kiss me#IM ADDICTED TO THE MADNESS!!!#IM A DAUGHTER OF THE SADNESS!!!#IVE BEEN HERE TOO MANY TIMES BEFOOOOORE!!!!#BEEN ABANDONED AND IM SCARED NOW. I CANT HANDLE ANOTHER FALLOUT. IM FRAGILE. JUST WASHED UP ON THE SHORE.#THEY FORGET ME. DONT SEE ME. WHEN THEY LOVE ME THEY LEAVE ME.#i hate u . please love me .#*breathe in the second tag#anyway i love u demi#mine
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why does the fear of disappointing someone feel like a knife plunged through my diaphragm
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❦ HOW TO GIVE HEAD
cw: mature, sexual content, blowjobs, swearing
here are the tips i give my friends so that they get 10/10 sloppy top ratings
"baby~" you coo from beside him on the couch.
the corner of choso's lips lift slightly in response, but his eyes still focus on the screen of his phone.
"babe~" you call again. "cho~"
although your voice is the most beautiful sound he's ever heard in his life, your boyfriend grants you mercy and finally answers you.
"yes, baby?" he asks softly, eyes not leaving his phone but the small smile still on his face. he can't see the beautiful, but maniacal, grin on your lips.
"teach me how to give a blowjob~"
the tendons in his hand tighten, nearly cracking the poor device between his fingers. besides his entire body going rigid, his eyes lock onto yours, only to nearly lose himself in the look of lust in your gaze.
"y-you can't just ask that shit with a smile on your face!" your boyfriend sputters, cheeks and neck blooming with a harsh blush.
"but who else am i supposed to ask?" your question is just too pure and innocent for the look in your face, and yet, choso can't help but fall victim to you.
"fine, just-fine." he takes a tense breath before saying "sit."
with a little too much enthusiasm, you kneel on the floor between his legs, hands gently resting atop your thighs. you look like a doll to him, so eager to please and so pretty that his cock would twitch even if he didn't know what was going to happen next.
he runs a hand over his face.
"fuck, baby, don't look so eager." his deep voice is muffled behind his fingers.
you giggle. "can't help it."
"'kay, now—um—fuck." choso pinches his nose for a second, gathering his own courage to say, "you're gonna need, like, a lot of spit." while he speaks, your fingers dance across the waistband of his sweatpants, littering his v-line with goosebumps as you free his half hard cock from his boxers.
"it needs to be messy, yea?" you look up at him and lick your lips, coating them with a shine that.
he nods silently, jaw clenched.
"t-then, you're gonna wanna -fuck!" you don't let him finish when you take a lick against his tip. the rough texture of your tongue dulled by the coating of saliva you gathered across it. as you continue to pleasure him, he lets out a low groan of satisfaction, his grip tightening on the edge of the couch. the intensity in his eyes tells you that he's enjoying every moment, encouraging you to take him further down your throat.
"fuck." he whines, taking note of your comfortability, just like always. "breath through your nose."
your head bobs up, taking a breath through your nose now that your throat is clear. swirling the tip of his cock with your tongue, you tease him with slow, deliberate strokes. his hips buck involuntarily, a desperate plea for more. the taste of his precum on your tongue only fuels your desire to please him further.
"the tip-the tip, baby." your tongue pays special attention to the slit at the top of his pretty dick that's leaking absurd amounts of precum, and your boyfriend squeaked out a small, "yes, fuck."
as you continue to focus on pleasuring him, you eagerly comply with his request, intensifying your attention on the sensitive tip of his throbbing member. the combination of his desperate pleas and the taste of his precum drives you to further explore and satisfy him, ensuring his pleasure remains at the forefront of your mind.
"b-balls."
your manicured hands cup his balls. you gently massage and caress them, feeling their weight in your palms. the soft moans escaping his lips encourage you to continue, as you use the pads of your fingers and palms to fondle them.
"oh fuck."
it feels like a shame to waste your nails, so with one of them abandoning your boyfriend's sensitive balls, it creeps up to his v-line. You trace teasing circles along his v-line, feeling the shivers of anticipation ripple through his body. the combination of your delicate touch and the sensation of your nails grazing his skin heightens his arousal, making him tremble with desire.
the combination of all your minstrastions causes choso to buck against you, whimpering out obscenities as he jumbles out a warning of going to cum.
"fuck!" he whimpers as your lips release him.
spurts of cum fly into the air, landing in splats across choso's thighs, pants, and your hands as you lazily jerk him off.
the fucked out expression on his face and the mess he made of himself all because of your doing just made you crave him even more, so with one last move, you gave his angry, red, tip a soft lick, nearly causing him to cry in ecstasy.
when he calmed down, he gave you a look.
"you've done this before."
#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen choso#choso kamo x you#choso kamo smut#kamo choso x reader#choso kamo x reader#kamo choso smut#choso smut#choso x reader
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Haven't heard from family in days. I feel like it's time to accept they're gone. I know in my heart Palestine will, one day, be free, but it wasn't supposed to be like this.
We feared another Nakba, and it happened. 700,000 pushed out of their homes in 1948 to 1 million being forced to leave their homes in 2023.
We thought it couldn't get worse or more deadly than the Israeli invasion in 2014, and it happened. We lost 2,251 people in 50 days then. Now we're past 2,300 in one week.
What I heard most from my grandmother the first days it's that "this time is different". And I feel like a rock is crushing my heart in pieces because i've been hoping that speaking out, teaching people about the historical oppresion of Palestine would help but it's not helping. Nothing is changing.
I feel like I'm screaming into a void. There's some sympathy from people online, until I see content documenting Palestinian oppresion being flagged as 'hate speech' or check the comments of any updates on Gaza and it's: "blame it on hamas", "tell them to give up hamas", "the hamas asked for it". They're not even among civilians!!!!!
My heart feels full seeing the manifestations in favor of Palestine, then I see police forces breaking protests apart and remember that the people that can actually save Gaza don't care.
If there's nothing left to do but to watch the extermination of my people, then I'm going to beg for anyone reading this to please don't forget. Please.
Israel is hiding behind Judaism to commit genocide against Gaza. Netanyahu supported the Hamas militant group to prevent the establishment of the Palestine State, and now he's using them to justify his agenda of ethnic cleansing. He abandoned Israelis and left them to die because he cares more about seeing Gazans dead!
Every single person and institution supporting and financing Israel is complicit. I hope the deaths of every Palestinian haunts you for the rest of your lives and that you never find an ounce of forgiveness, for you do not deserve it.
Just as in the Iraq War, the US government is financing and cheering for the slaughter of millions of innocent Arab lives. The media is complicit by engaging in biased propaganda and other nuclear powers, such as the UK and Germany, are complicit too. You are fascists and war criminals and every drop of Palestinian blood is in your hands. I hope every single day, for the rest of your lives, you look in the mirror and see nothing but the blood you've helped spill.
This serves as yet another proof that not a single Western in a position of power, be it in the media or in government, sees Arabs as humans beings.
For decades, the US has comitted terrorism and crimes against humanity in the Middle East and has NEVER been held accountable. Over one million in Iraq; over 150,000 in Afghanistan; and now they'll turn Gaza into a graveyard. Punishing selected soldiers over the years does not erase the fact that the American military and its government validates their crimes during execution and are never punished for it.
Please never forget: Joe Biden is a genocidal terrorist, Rishi Sunak is a genocidal terrorist, the American Democrat Party and UK's Labour Party are led by genocidal terrorists, the European Union is led by genocidal terrorists, fuckass Walt Disney Company is led by genocidal terrorists; every celebrity that called for Palestinian death or stood by silently while ignoring our suffering is a genocidal terrorist.
May Allah protect the people in Palestine and grant the martyrs the highest level of Jannah. Wallah what keeps me here is knowing that the Akhirah is theirs. May Almighty Allah grant us imaan and Taqwa as high as the people of Gaza. Ameen.
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