on easy does it on ao3 ————— are you KIDDING MEEEEEEEEE 😭😭 i did not expect this piece to resonate as much as it did with people oh my god. “zenith of my sexual awakening” that’s going on the back of a book cover WHAT 😭🥺
my stress levels have been do high lately I had a job interview today and since I’m so busy with other stuff I didn’t even have the time to worry about it
Do you guys ever think about how if redeemed!Durge pulls out of Gortash’s alliance after returning with Orin’s Netherstone that Gortash literally cannot rationalize their betrayal (and them now trying to kill him) by blaming their urge? Like how much of a complete mindfuck that would be for him. The Dark Urge just told him they’re 100% cured and now they’re trying to kill him? You know, the person who’s always been by their side, their partner in crime, their equal, and their (potential) lover; and now they’re trying to murder him. And prior to the amnesia, Gortash could always rationalize that if The Dark Urge tried to kill him one day that he could hand wave it as “they just couldn’t help themselves anymore” because of Bhaal’s hold on them. It doesn’t mean they wanted to.
But now, Bhaal is gone and The Dark Urge is moving in to kill him. There’s no way to rationalize it as anything else. The only person who ever cared about him is going to kill him, and he’ll die knowing everything they once had is completely gone. The Dark Urge doesn’t remember him. Their love for him died the moment Orin split their skull. The urge isn’t the reason they’re doing this. He’ll die knowing that they hate him.
was gonna make a little "if you enjoy my glitter & blinkies, send me a tip for my bday" post ...
but also the relative who'd agreed to help me with rent & college costs backed out because she doesn't want me to transition. AND my delivery of groceries & cleaning supplies was just stolen 😮💨 so help is super extra appreciated rn. I'm having dismally bad luck job hunting.
kofi or throne (you can send stuff directly to me through this + it has a wishlist. Brita filter & food are most important!)
the thing that makes "my closest companion of 13 years" so unsanity making is not just that nandor called guillermo his closest companion or that he actually remembered the amount of years per se imo.
it's more that guillermo has given time meaning for nandor again. i don't think that nandor messing up the years guillermo worked for him in the pilot was malicious at all, for example. i genuinely think he just stopped understanding the passage of time and how it works. even me, who was in quarantine from april 2020 to august 2021, barely leaving the house, i honestly lost track of what day/month/year it was. just now i'm starting to grasp that it's not 2019 anymore and when i look back that year and half feels both very short and like it lasted forever at the same time. imagine that magnified 700 years.
when nandor is seperated from guillermo he feels his absense, so he feels the passage of time again because he feels tethered to someone. of course he loves laszlo and nadja, but he also knows that they have a marriage that he is not part of. they have something outside of him that tethers them to the world and to each other, and he envies that without realizing he already has it.
when he remembers that they have been together for 13 years, we know that he FELT that year that they were apart. he thought about it. he counted the months. that time that they were together matters, but more so that them being away from each other affected him more than he has yet to admit in any other way.
there is this great quote by jorge luis borges that says, "being with you and not being with you is the only way i have to measure time." and it fits their relationship so well, especially from nandor's perspective.
I just wanna dissect Wyll's relationship with his Ulder so fucking baddd. Wyll sees the man who kicked him out at 17 and looks at him as if he hung the stars. And his father so obviously loves him back in his own “duty first” way and they haven't spoken or seen each other in seven years. yet Ulder hides away one of his most precious moments of his son in a locked vault and!!! he names his son the heart of baldur's gate!! the very heart of he city!!!!!