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margridarnauds · 2 years

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what's wrong with portrait of a woman on fire?

I mean, I don't know if there's anything *wrong* with it, just like I'm not sure that there's anything *wrong* with the 2005 Pride and Prejudice (my beloathed) or Outlander (ditto) or The Favourite (etc.) These are films that have accumulated a large audience, clearly they WORKED for some people, they just didn't work for me. Our visions clashed, it happens.

But, as for why I have it blacklisted, the short answer: I didn't want to see it on my dash.

The longer answer: It's from my least favorite genre of film, the one genre of film that I can never forgive for existing, the one genre of film that actively makes me want to tear my own eyeballs out and set them on fire. Slasher films? Don't like the gorefest, but at least you get some classic monster designs, and at least I can say Psycho II pissed me off enough for me to draft out a fix-it fanfic for it once (yes, really). Actions films starring a bunch of identical guys in not-so-subtle military propaganda? Don't LIKE it, but it's white noise. Like, if nothing else, you can drift away and not miss anything.

No, my one arch enemy, the bane of my existence...

Arthouse films.

Aka "films designed purely so that the overwhelmingly middle class audience can pat themselves on the head for being Artistic and Cultured, while not being a particularly enjoyable or pleasant experience for literally anyone else but the sort of person who prides themselves on watching arthouse films."

I hate it. I hate it.

I hate arthouse films with a fiery, burning passion.

(And, before anyone accuses me of anything so heinous as being a mcu stan: I'm going to point out that it's possible to create something that asks questions about the world, that makes commentary, while still being an enjoyable experience.)

Now, as for the film itself: I don't like the thesis of it. I don't like Schiamma's vision. I wouldn't say it's a shitty vision, but it isn't mine. It's this bougie, white sort of feminism that says that, essentially, if you take away the patriarchy, if you take away the men, there's this wonderful world that opens up where all these other things -- race, class, etc. fall away and are replaced by this wonderful collaborative world.

From the interview in the Independent:

“I wanted to use the tools of cinema so you would feel patriarchy without actually having to embody it with an antagonist,” says Sciamma. Free from the gaze of men, Marianne, Héloïse, and the servant Sophie (Luàna Bajrami) are in a sort of utopia. There, the women and their love can briefly flourish. “When a man comes back in the frame,” smiles Sciamma, “it’s a jump scare.”

In the Vox interview:

"For instance, ask yourself the question of “how do you embody sorority?” The answer being, a long take, a wide shot, of three women in the kitchen with social hierarchy being totally turned around, with the aristocratic women cooking, whereas the maid is an artist and the artist is looking at the maid. And they’re silent. This is such a powerful image, and it’s so easy to make.

People are telling me, “Oh, your film is a utopia.” And I’m like, “Yeah, but our utopias are not ideas we have in our minds. They’re not things we wish we were living. They’re rooted in our own experience.” I know about sorority, I know about an all-women world. It’s not a utopia. It’s part of my life. And that’s what I rely on to make these images."

And again, I want to emphasize that I'm not saying that sorority DOESN'T exist, I'm not as cynical about sorority as she is about love, but I do believe in sorority in the same way as I believe in "collegiality" -- that they are both very convenient terms that are often used to ignore the very real structural imbalances that many women do profit from and are generally incredibly one sided. I have never really had the same luxury of that sorority that she talks about, not because I'm a woman of color, but because I grew up poor and incredibly autistic in a small, restrictive community. Some of the best people in my life have been and continue to be women, but also some of the worst terrorizers in my life have been women. I don't believe in her Utopia, it has no appeal to me, I don't buy it.

Likewise, with it's ending, we have Sciamma, very insistently, talking about the necessity of it (from the Vulture interview):

The question we have from the old culture, and the old world, is, like, “Why do they not end up together?” And I’m like, no, this is not respecting the lives of these women. To make them even think, maybe we could escape. Once you actually play with the idea of this conflict and this resolution — that’s why sometimes they make people die [in period movies]. That’s why there was no room on that door for Jack. Because otherwise they would have to put up with that. Nobody’s gonna die in our movie, but we have to respect the fact that it’s not possible [for them to be together]. It’s a new kind of story.

How would it not "respect the lives" of the (fictional) women for them to not end up together? Why would it not be possible? This is a common refrain I've seen about it, including in Veronica Esposito's article, where she says:

"But what, really, does change? Yes, Marianne and Héloise get to express themselves, they get to know the pleasure of each other's bodies, but they will never be partners living together in a real relationship. Such a thing is not possible in their time, for society has no place for women like them. Accordingly, these women never evidence even the smallest idea of what life would be like if they were free to remain together. The circumstances of the world in which they live would prevent their imaginations from conceiving of such an impossible thing."

It ignores that, for a number of queer women of that era, it was incredibly possible to balance both a marriage and an affair, especially since it was set in the 1770s, before there was a widespread societal suspicion around romantic friendships (that came with the collapse of Marie Antoinette's reputation via the libelles). There would be nothing UNUSUAL about two women having a close companionship. But it ends, why? Because it has to. For all that Schiamma emphasizes that this is a new type of film, it plays into some old preconceptions about queer women throughout history.

She also shows it, again, in the vox interview:

"Héloïse’s character is much more restrained, even though she is an aristocratic woman, than Marianne’s character. The tragedy of lesbian life is not the tragedy of lesbian representation. It’s not the same. Lesbians have been activists. They’ve had the opportunity to live their life more freely sometimes, than straight women, because they could avoid a lot of things, like getting married and having children."

I don't understand exactly what her vision is for pre-20th century lesbians, given that we SEE Héloise being married off. Is it that lesbians could magically avoid the patriarchy, or is it that they were forever trapped by it, doomed to never have a fulfilling connection again, pining for their lost love? I'm very confused on this point, honestly.

I would also note Andrew Young's letter to The Times' Literary Supplement:

Perhaps it is possible to sympathize with much of Muriel Zagha's review (Arts, March 6) of Portrait of a Lady on Fire, and indeed with the film, while retaining a serious reservation. Gourenez Kiberen (Presqu'île de Quiberon) is not an island (contrary to the review's repeated suggestion) and, in 1770, the language we would have heard spoken there by nearly all of the characters other than the two principals and Héloïse's mother would have been Breton, not French (or, if French, then in a manner quite missing from the film). If this is an egalitarian link across time to the eighteenth century, it is one in which linguistic and cultural equality has been thoroughly buried - as it continues to be - by filmmakers and audiences alike.

This is obviously very near and dear to my heart, but I do not understand how you can just...use Brittany as pretty window dressing while ignoring the Breton people and the Breton language (except for when you want to show something #Pagan or #Rustic.

Not even the bonfire song was in Brezhoneg:

“I wrote the lyrics in Latin. They’re saying, ‘fugere non possum,’ which means ‘they come fly,'” said Sciamma. “It’s an adaptation of a sentence by [Friedrich] Nietzsche, who says basically, ‘The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.'”

...

"It was a way to also convoke the imagery [of] witches,” said Sciamma. “In the meantime saying, ‘Well, you know, it’s just women gathering, living their friendship, exchanging knowledge, wise women, doctors, whatever, and, you know, drinking. It’s cold, so there’s a fire, and they might do drugs, you know, they fly. We wanted to convoke the imagery around witches.”

This was the 1770s, the Revolution hadn't yet come to try to erase Brezhoneg off the map. The Breton language is still under attack, it is still under threat. She is a Frenchwoman using Brittany as a nice, isolated set for her love story but not doing the basics of respecting the culture.

"Should the entire film have been in Brezhoneg?"

Unironically, yes. Then it could have actually lived up to its hype of doing something new. If I could wait for five years to write a fic set in Brittany in the 1790s because I knew I didn't have the cultural or linguistic background for it, a filmmaker with much more resources and material, who actually IS French and therefore has easier access to French-language materials on Breton, could have bothered to do the research. Especially since the suppression of the Breton language is being done. By the French. And has been done. By the French.

For someone who is making a big deal about changing the world (and, God, I'm not going to lie, she sounds like that one person in your friend group who self-identifies as an auteur and refuses to read a single thing you've written while guilt-tripping you into reading their three hundred page novel that they swear is going to be the next big thing. Like, that's ad hominem, but...it's the truth), she clings onto some old, old cliches.

So, is it harmful? I don't think so, no. Is it bad? I don't know.

It's just personally obnoxious.

#long post #anti poalof

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themovieblogonline · 9 months

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The Collective Review: A Muddled Blend of Action and Clichés

From the surface, The Collective, directed by Tom DeNucci, appears to offer a promising blend of action and intrigue as it follows a young recruit's journey into the world of assassins and human trafficking. With a cast featuring Ruby Rose, Don Johnson, Lucas Till, Paul Ben-Victor, and Mercedes Varnado, the film boasts some star power. However, as the plot unfolds, it becomes evident that the film struggles to rise above its generic premise and clichéd execution, ultimately leaving audiences underwhelmed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UbiOLp-FsA The movie revolves around Daisy (Ruby Rose), a mysterious and taciturn young woman, who unexpectedly finds herself recruited into a covert agency of assassins. The agency, known as The Collective, is tasked with eliminating dangerous criminals and human traffickers. Despite her inexperience, Daisy is thrust into her first assignment, but things take an unexpected turn, forcing her to go rogue and track down a particularly menacing group of human traffickers. The Bad: One of the film's major flaws lies in its inability to present a fresh and original narrative. The concept of a young recruit going rogue and challenging an established system is hardly new in the action genre. The plotline proceeds predictably, with scenes that feel like they've been borrowed from numerous similar movies. Even the twist, which the filmmakers hope will elevate the story, is telegraphed early on and lacks the desired impact. Ruby Rose as Daisy delivers a competent performance, portraying the character's cold and detached nature effectively. However, the script fails to provide her with enough depth, leaving Daisy feeling like a one-dimensional action hero rather than a fleshed-out character. Don Johnson's portrayal of Liam brings some gravitas to the film, but his character's arc is disappointingly underdeveloped. Lucas Till's portrayal of Sam is spirited but often comes across as cartoonish, undercutting any serious tension the movie tries to build. A significant flaw in the film lies in its pacing and editing, which feel disjointed at times. Transitions between scenes can be jarring, hindering the audience's ability to fully immerse themselves in the story. Some crucial moments are hurried through, while others linger on less essential details, disrupting the film's flow and rhythm. Another aspect that fails to live up to its potential is the portrayal of the human trafficking subject matter. The film touches on this disturbing issue, but it does so with superficiality, reducing a grave global problem to a mere backdrop for the action sequences. The lack of sensitivity and depth in handling such a delicate topic is a missed opportunity for the film to provide a thought-provoking commentary on the matter. Mercedes Varnado, better known as WWE Superstar Sasha Banks, plays the enigmatic Nikita, one of The Collective's top assassins. Unfortunately, Nikita's character remains largely in the background, only serving to advance the plot when needed. Her character, like many others in the film, lacks the necessary exploration and development, leaving audiences feeling disconnected from her role. The Good: The action sequences in The Collective are the film's saving grace, providing some adrenaline-pumping moments. Choreographed fight scenes and high-octane shootouts showcase the characters' lethal skills and keep the film from falling into complete mediocrity. However, these well-executed action scenes are not enough to compensate for the overall lackluster narrative and character development. In terms of production design and cinematography, The Collective is competent but fails to stand out from other films in the genre. The dark and moody aesthetic suits the tone of the film, but the lack of visual flair prevents it from leaving a lasting impression. Overall: The Collective attempts to deliver an action-packed narrative with a dash of mystery and intrigue. While the action sequences are well-executed and Ruby Rose's performance is commendable, the film's lack of originality, shallow character development, and underutilization of its cast lead to an overall underwhelming experience. The potential for a gripping and thought-provoking tale of assassins and human trafficking remains untapped. Instead, the movie falls into the well-trodden territory of clichés, leaving audiences longing for something more innovative and captivating. Read the full article

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lunar-luminary · 3 years

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LIKING THE ATTITUDE on this one. 10/10.

#✰Showtime|(IC)✰#✰Lovely Audience|(Dash Commentary)✰#amcng-the-stars

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singingsphere-blog · 5 years

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“Uh, guys?”

#What's A Star Without Her Audience? (Dash Commentary)#Jigglypuff strangely hasn't been puppet'd yet

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trickstarangel · 6 years

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[Tag drop!]

#letters from beloved fans;; asks #a bird's eye view;; dash commentary #creating the avatar;; headcanons #time for a meet and greet;; tag games #here is the entertainment star;; ask meme #welcome to the duel club;; promo #alone in thought;; musings #the show has yet to begin;; queue #void within the mind;; ooc #become my dueling opponent;; open starter #message to the audience;; psa #calling for a star;; starter call

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archive-archives · 3 years

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Coming in April!

NEW 2020 1080p HD masters JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS IN OUTER SPACE

Run Time 352:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio 1.33:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color COLOR

Disc Configuration 2 BD 50

Rock stars Josie and the Pussycats are out of this world...literally! When the bumbling Alexandra accidentally launches Josie and the gang into outer space, they travel through the galaxy searching for a path back to Earth. Along the way, they meet cat people, robot monsters, evil dictators, space pirates and plenty of strange creatures, including their new companion Bleep, voiced by Hanna-Barbera legend Don Messick. Fortunately, everyone’s a fan of Josie and the Pussycats, including aliens! Rocket through the universe with your favorite superstars as they save the day, sing some songs and have a hip-happenin’ good time in a 2-disc, 16-episode Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space complete series collection that hits all the right notes!

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of preservation film elements!

GREEN DOLPHIN STREET

Run Time 141:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Lux Radio Theater Broadcast; Theatrical Trailer (HD)

The Academy Award® winner about star-crossed love that spans the years – and the globe. After her triumph as the lunchroom temptress in the crime classic The Postman Always Rings Twice, Lana Turner expanded her range with Green Dolphin Street. Set in 19th century Europe and New Zealand, this sweeping romance tells the story of two beautiful sisters, one headstrong (Turner) and one gentle (Donna Reed), and of the man (Richard Hart) who marries one even though he loves the other. The film’s riptides of emotion are matched by breathtaking physical tumult: a fierce Maori uprising plus a catastrophic earthquake and tidal wave that earned the film a 1947 Oscar® for special effects. With its dramatic story and spectacular visuals, Green Dolphin Street drew huge audiences for epic moviemaking, being one of the top-ten box office hits of the year.

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of Nitrate preservation elements!

BROADWAY MELODY OF 1940

Run Time 102:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Making-of Featurette: "Begin the Beguine" (hosted by Ann Miller); "Our Gang Comedies: The Big Premiere"; MGM Cartoon: "The Milky Way" ; Original Theatrical Trailer (HD)

The job – a career breakthrough – is supposed to go to hoofer Johnny Brett, but a mix-up in names gives it to his partner. Another example of Broadway hopes dashed? Not when Johnny is played by Fred Astaire. Sparkling Cole Porter songs, clever comedy and dance legends Astaire and Eleanor Powell make the final Broadway Melody (co-starring George Murphy) a film to remember. Powell’s nautical “All Ashore" routine (a/k/a I Am the Captain”), Astaire’s blissful “I’ve Got My Eyes on You” and Fred & Eleanor's elaborate routine to Cole Porter's classic "I Concentrate On You" are more than enough to please any fan. But they’re just a warm-up for the leads to tap one finale number into immortality: “Begin the Beguine,” introduced by Frank Sinatra in That’s Entertainment! with, “You can wait around and hope, but you’ll never see the likes of this again.”

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from a new 4K restoration of the last-known surviving nitrate Technicolor print!

DOCTOR X (1932)

Run Time 76:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color COLOR; BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Alternate B&W version of feature; DOCTOR X (HD): UCLA Before & After Restoration featurette (HD); New documentary: "Monsters and Mayhem: The Horror Films of Michael Curtiz (HD); New feature commentary by author/film historian Alan K. Rode; Archival feature commentary by Scott MacQueen, head of preservation, UCLA Film and Television Archive. Original B&W Theatrical Trailer (HD)

Is there a (mad) doctor in the house? “Yes!” shrieks Doctor X, filmed in rare two-strip Technicolor®. An eminent scientist aims to solve a murder spree by re-creating the crimes in a lab filled with all the dials, gizmos, bubbling beakers and crackling electrostatic charges essential to the genre. Lionel Atwill is Doctor Xavier, pre-King Kong scream queen Fay Wray is a distressed damsel and Lee Tracy snaps newshound patter, all under the direction of renowned Michael Curtiz. The new two-color Technicolor master was restored by UCLA Film and Television Archive and The Film Foundation in association with Warner Bros. Entertainment. Funding provided by the Hobson/Lucas Foundation. Also includes the separately filmed B&W version (which has been restored and restored from its original nitrate camera negative) originally intended for small U.S. markets and International distribution, and which has been out of distribution for over 30 years.

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of original nitrate Technicolor negatives!

ANNIE GET YOUR GUN (1950)

Run Time 107:00

Subtitles English SDH

Sound Quality DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English

Aspect Ratio 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color COLOR

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Susan Lucci retrospective & intro piece (from 2000 DVD release); Outtakes: Let’s Go West Again-Betty Hutton, Doin’ What Comes Natur’lly-Judy Garland, I’m an Indian, Too-Judy Garland, Colonel Buffalo Bill with Howard Keel and Frank Morgan; Stereo audio pre-recording session tracks including There’s No Business Like Show Business featuring Judy Garland; Theatrical Re-issue Trailer (HD)

Betty Hutton (as Annie Oakley) and Howard Keel (as Frank Butler) star in this sharpshootin’ funfest based on the 1,147-performance Broadway smash boasting Irving Berlin’s beloved score, including “Doin’ What Comes Natur’lly,” “I Got the Sun in the Morning” and the anthemic “There’s No Business Like Show Business.” As produced by Arthur Freed, directed by George Sidney, and seen and heard in this new remastered HD presentation, this lavish, spirited production showcases songs and performances with bull’s-eye precision, earning an Oscar®* for adaptation scoring. The story is a brawling boy-meets-girl-meets-buckshot rivalry. But love finally triumphs when Annie proves that, yes, you can get a man with a gun!

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master! QUICK CHANGE (1990)

Run Time 88:00

Subtitles English SDH

Sound Quality DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English

Aspect Ratio 1.85:1, 16 X 9 WIDESCREEN

Product Color COLOR

Disc Configuration BD 25

Special Feature: Theatrical Trailer

The star of Caddyshack, Ghostbusters and Groundhog Day headlines and codirects this uproarious Big Apple heist-and-pursuit caper. Bill Murray plays Grimm, a frazzled urbanite who disguises himself as a clown – and sets out to rob a bank. Geena Davis and Randy Quaid play accomplices in Grimm’s daring scheme and Jason Robards is the blustery cop caught up in Grimm’s “Clown Day Afternoon.” Swiping a million bucks is a snap compared to getting out of town. Grimm and cohorts commandeer a car, a cab, a bus, a baggage tram and a plane (and encounter future stars Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub in hilarious supporting roles) to make what becomes a less-than-merry escape. But for comedy lovers, Quick Change is a ticket to ride!

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of best surviving nitrate preservation elements! EACH DAWN I DIE (1939)

Run Time 92:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: Warner Night at the Movies including 1939 Short Subjects Gallery: Vintage Newsreel, WB Technicolor Short: "A Day at Santa Anita", WB Cartoon: "Detouring America"; Restrospective featurette: "Stool Pigeons and Pine Overcoats: The Language of Gangster Films" ; Feature Commentary by Film Historian Haden Guest; Breakdowns of 1939: Studio Blooper Reel; WB Cartoon: "Each Dawn I Crow"; Radio show w/George Raft & Franchot Tone; Trailer for "Wings of the Navy" and Original Theatrical Trailer for Each Dawn I Die (HD)

Framed for manslaughter after he breaks a story about city corruption, reporter Frank Ross is sure he’ll prove his innocence and walk out of prison a free man. But that’s not how the system works at Rocky Point Penitentiary. There, cellblock guards are vicious, the jute-mill labor is endless, and the powers Ross fought on the outside conspire to keep him in. Frank’s hope is turned to hopelessness. And he’s starting to crack. Two of the screen’s famed tough guys star in this prison movie that casts a reform-minded eye on the brutalizing effects of life in the slammer. James Cagney “hits a white-hot peak as [Ross,] the embittered, stir-crazy fall guy” (Leonard Maltin’s Movie Guide). And George Raft (Cagney’s friend since their vaudeville days) portrays racketeer Hood Stacey, who may hold the key to springing Ross.

NEW 2021 1080p HD Master Sourced from 4K scan of best surviving preservation elements!

ANOTHER THIN MAN (1939)

Run Time 102:00

Subtitles English SDH

Audio Specs: DTS HD-Master Audio 2.0 - English, MONO - English

Aspect Ratio: 1.37:1 4x3 FULL FRAME

Product Color BLACK & WHITE

Disc Configuration BD 50

Special Features: M-G-M Musical Short: Love on Tap; Classic M-G-M Cartoon: The Bookworm

Dum-Dum, Wacky, Creeps, Fingers: They’re just a few of the hoodlums in the world of amateur sleuths and professional bon vivants Nick and Nora Charles. And now there’s a new hood: parenthood. A birthday – make that boithday – party that some of da boys hold for infant Nick Jr. is part of the fun in this third film in the witty series. The case begins when the Charles family arrives for a weekend with a Long Island industrialist who fears someone wants to kill him. Sure enough, his fears come true. Nick (William Powell) is among the suspects. Asta scrams with what may be the murder weapon. And Nora (Myrna Loy) has her own ideas about the case and sneaks off to a nightclub to ferret out a clue. “Madam, how long have you been leading this double life?” Nick asks. “Just since we’ve been married,” she replies.

#wac

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unmeinoniwa · 1 year

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ㅤㅤ" BRO just kill him if he's an easy target. Isn't that the point of the game ? "

#✦ AN audience to the stars. (dash commentary.)#✦ SEEKING his own path of dreams. (alain ic.)#alain vc; listen if i was playing against my master in amogus i'm going straight for her head

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duskroine · 2 years

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Ophelia has barely been on receiving end of Rhajat’s hexes after the war’s closure. Though it seems that Fódlan can shift one’s intentions with the flick of fate’s wrist.

The heroine is given only a moment to collect themselves before the door to their dorm room is thrown open. They screech, voice immediately losing itself to the set of coughing that erupts in her chest. A sniffle is made as they wipe the tears pricking their eyes— only an effect of whatever curse that Rhajat had set upon her in the Golden Deer classroom.

“Ophelia,” and they look up at the voice, only to scream once again and attempt to push themselves further onto the mattress of their bed. Unfortunate, that Rhajat is a step faster than them; her hand closing around their uniform’s collar and pulling them forward with a tug.

“Haven’t you— ack— had your fun already?” Ophelia hisses out, a pout heavy on their lips. Rhajat does not look the slightest bit of amused. “My tongue lies u-unable to taste anything I’ve been given today! Not even the sweetest of nectar gifted by fate’s own—”

“Mitama told me.”

“—hands and... huh?”

Rhajat smiles, a delicate yet threatening curl of her lips. “And here I thought you were safe from my wrath.”

“W-Wrath?!” Ophelia laughs, awkward as their hands attempt to pull Rhajat’s from keeping their distance locked together. All proves futile, so they try to smile their way out of whatever anger Rhajat holds for them. Batting their eyelashes and smiling widely, “Whatever our g-great friend has spoken of definitely isn’t towards me! I mean, the Heroine of Dark?! Of all people?”

The diviner only stares at her. “You know why I attempted to curse your classmate, and yet you hadn’t even dared to come out of your own wrongdoings.”

“For the love of dragons, please tell me what it is that the Chosen has done!”

“Mitama told me that you’ve made attempts at her heart. You and another fool I’ll deal with later.”

Ophelia’s mouth opens to protest but the words register in their head and they blink. Either in disbelief or amusement, either emotion fitting but all too faint. And in the presence of Rhajat’s smile fading into something of wicked delight, they immediately attempt a response. “W-Wait, it was a joke! Rhajat, do you not understand the structure of japes? Jests?!”

“Yes, I do.” Rhajat lets go of Ophelia and reaches for the tome on her hip, “Fortunately, this curse is not a joke.”

“RHAJAT!!”

#〳◌ ⁀ « an audience! perfect for that of the chosen! » ( DASH COMMENTARY. )#〳✧ « darkness clings to you as the stars embrace me. we seek different warmth but is it all the same. » ( RHAJAT. )#{{ why did i add a rhajat tag? idk it seems fit #{{ blows a kiss at mitama #{{ i would tag this as 'ooc' but this is in fact happening so... rip to ophe ig

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beyondstupidityblog · 3 years

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On March 13th 2021, two friends and I did what never could have imagined possible, I watched Freddy Got Fingered for the ninth time, and it will by no means be the last. I’m explaining this to you, dear reader, so you and I have an important understanding between us. You will be reading the ramblings of one whose brain has curdled like milk left out in the hot afternoon sun. Now that introductions are out of the way, let us begin.

Freddy Got Fingered is a 2001 Comedy starring and directed by Tom Green as the Non-Titular Gordon Brody; an aspiring animator who goes to California to realize his dream, only to be constantly crushed under the weight of his father’s expectations. Sounds tame at first, but what lies beneath the veneer of mediocrity is truly impressive. Completely bombed, audiences hated it, and critics loathed it. Roger Ebert got angry, saying “it isn’t even below the bottom of the barrel” and “Green should be flipping burgers somewhere.”. “Tasteless”, “appalling”, “offensive”, “gross”, and “poo poo,” are just some of the things people have had to say about this film. Animal genitalia can be seen on screen for much longer than anyone could have expected, Tom Green swinging a baby akin to a morning-star with its umbilical cord, said umbilical cord being stolen and taped onto his stomach, gratuitous caning of a nymphomaniac paraplegic, and the dissection of a deer carcass. It is an abrasive experience that leaves a terrible taste in the mouths of those who mention it. Nonetheless, I love this movie.

You ever see a contemporary art exhibit that has a piece that just looks like garbage somebody left out but in actuality is a tongue-and-cheek allusion to the pitiful state of modern art? That garbage is Freddy Got Fingered, and that exhibit is Hollywood. At face value it just seems like a poorly done film by a comedian trying to use his name to get a few butts in the seats before his irrelevancy arrives, but when scrutinized as a commentary of comedy films do the pieces start to fall into place. Tropes like the Protagonist being an unremarkable honkey, gross-out designed to get some cheap quick chuckles, side-characters who occupy the space solely for comedic relief, a shoe-horned romantic side-plot, and an equally as shoehorned in happy ending are all present in a mocking fashion. So many of these Hollywood schlockfests that this movie is paying homage to abuse tropes in some vain attempt to trick the audience into thinking they’re having a good time, when in reality it just reminds viewers of films that they’ve already watched before and could be enjoying instead. All of the awkward and uncomfortable scenes of gross-out and romance are purposeful, because nothing is quite as awkward and uncomfortable than a film disengaging the audience with its own mediocrity. “This is what it’s like to endure this trash!” Drunkenly screams Freddy Got Fingered atop the tallest piece of furniture in the room, while also exposing its genitals to keep you from getting too comfortable around it. Unlike the films it is parodying, its obsession with making a fool out of audiences rips them away from the comfort of the cinema, making them genuinely ask if it is worth wasting their time watching a film called Freddy Got Fingered. Even the title is an intentional slight, as it seems to be completely untethered to the actual plotline and is instead a reference to a seemingly inconsequential scene. But then again, that is the point of it all. Tom Green is an artist, and on his canvas is a portrait of Hollywood with all of the ugly little imperfections that cause a movie like this to be created. But this is just the meta-narrative of Freddy Got Fingered, something that you could find all over the internet. Why do I resonate with it so much, and what about it makes it so exceptional that led to this unhealthy fascination?

Every instance that I’ve rewatched Freddy Got Fingered has always brought about a new side to it, and in the process leaves me craving for more. Gord is an interesting take on the average leading man. He is on the surface bland and inoffensive, made so in order to allow the majority of the audience to immediately identify with him, said group being 20-something skater guys with unrealistic expectations of themselves. Made especially ironic when after the introduction of Gord as an adept skateboarding rebel escaping from authority, he starts to show that in reality he is an unlikeable, bratty, entitled, and all around unpleasant person. Barely a scene passes before we see him masturbate a horse while exclaiming he is a farmer to his father who is not present, seemingly a crude gag but is in reality an insight into his low self worth caused by his imposter syndrome stemming from distant paternal relationship. I would like to remind you, dear reader, that I am still writing of Freddy Got Fingered, in case you were beginning to think I have lost my mind (The answer is yes by the way). All throughout the film Gordon Brody puts on masks for different situations, never allowing himself to be who he is. When infiltrating the Animation studio where he wishes to pitch his cartoons, he pretends to be a mailman to get past reception and then impersonates a police officer when the former stops being effective. Donning the visage of a British Bobby, he dashes into the restaurant where the man he is searching for, Mr. Wallace, is eating. Showing him his cartoons, Wallace is impressed with the potential they have, but says that they are incoherent and lack real substance. Upon rejection, Gord puts a pistol in his mouth before Wallace stops him and advises what he should do to improve. Gord was genuinely ready to blow his brains out the back of his skull if he wasn’t able to get his show greenlit, and it hit me in that moment that he isn’t just some random jackass, but a victim of detrimentally low self-esteem.

The origins of his complex are made apparent when he goes back home to Oregon and are reintroduced to his Family. We see that his father Jim, played by Rip Torn, is disappointed in his return and begins to sneer at him for his failure. This father and son dynamic always has tension in every scene from this point onwards. Gord, who just wants to be accepted for who he is and not judged by what the world expects him to be, is always at the receiving end of Jim’s wrath, who values his idea of a successful life over the happiness of his sons. From here it becomes little wonder why Gord is the way he is, all his life he was told that who he was is not good enough, he has to be what his father wants if he is to be considered worthy of not only love, but being treated with a modicum of dignity. Whenever Gord acts eccentric or divulges his interests to his father, they are met with either resentment supplemented by verbal assault, or physical violence. After a late-night skateboard outing to escape from his father’s wrath goes awry, he visits his convalescing friend in the hospital, whereupon he meets one of the more interesting characters in relation to Gord, the love interest Betty.

A horny wheelchair bound temptress may not seem like it upon first glance, but Betty is actually the most interesting character out of the entire cast. She feels genuine, introduced as a bored receptionist flipping a coffee creamer idly. Gord immediately strikes up a conversation, whereupon he and the audience find out she has an interest in physics, and apparently an interest in him as well. Betty is strangely well written for what most considered at the time to be a crass sexual joke, so much so that she would actually be a better protagonist than him. She is everything Gord is not, she’s smart, funny, ambitious, and kind to a fault. Even her side plot to create a rocket powered wheelchair makes for a much more unique plot than the one given. Even Gord reciprocates this sentiment in their meeting, lying that he is a stockbroker in an attempt to impress her. In fact, sectioning her off as just the dull protagonist's love interest is a jab at how women in these movies are only there to serve in the development for the male protagonist, just nothing more than their muse. Nonetheless, without this relationship the movie would lose a lot of its soul. Romantic chemistry in comedy films is always hit or miss, but Gord and Betty do seem to have it surprisingly. They’re both silly and impulsive, creatively driven to a fault, but just different enough to eek out the best and worst in them. Gord thinks that what he wants to do with his life is wasteful, but Betty doesn’t. Now I don’t mean that she directly affirms that he is worthwhile like most poorly written love interests would, stroking their lover’s(and by extension the director’s) ego, rather she confronts him with her optimism. He asks if she would feel stupid and like a loser if her experiment failed. Taken aback at first, she questions why she would, relaying that her failures are just as important as her successes. Gord’s self-worth is directly tied to his ability to succeed, whereas Betty doesn’t need this affirmation. Their dialogue further cements how detrimental his father’s overbearingness was to his outlook, and how he is slowly beginning to realize how destructive that mindset is.

At their dinner date, Jim sees Gord and Betty across the restaurant, then reveals that Gord was lying to both him and her about his office job while poking fun at her disability, leading to a father-son scuffle that throws the entire floor into utter chaos. Cops show up, Gord and Jim are detained, and Betty bails Gord out. Most mediocre comedies at this point would have the love interest be upset that her significant other lied to her, leading to him having to make things right to repair their relationship before the happy ending. Breaking the mold, Betty does not get angry with Gord even a smidgen, choosing to be understanding of his situation now that she caught a glimpse into his home-life. She just plain likes Gord, willing to put up with him more than she really should, but still chooses to look past his lies and self-destructive nature for who he truly is, someone who just wants to be accepted by the world around him. Someone just like her.

Right after that enaction of social terrorism performed by the Brody father and son duo, they decide it would be best to go to family therapy and assail the audience with what I fondly refer to it as, “The Scene.” “The Scene” is Freddy Got Fingered’s statement to the world, it is what instills a man with the impetus to rewatch a glorified stoner daydream for the ninth time and leave him wanting more! Gord accuses his father, in a final act of defiance, of molesting his younger brother Freddy. During the ensuing confusion Gord picks up a bust of Sigmund Freud and throws it into the glass window pane, allowing him to escape into the evening sun. The authorities take Freddy away and send him to The Home for Molested Children, and the family slowly unravels from then on. Besides the heavy handed metaphor of Freud’s theories being used as a way for Gord to escape his predicament while simultaneously discrediting them, “The Scene” also recontextualizes Freddy, innocuous of a character as he is, as Gord’s foil. He is in the movie very little but when he is it is to serve one of two purposes: To be compared to Gord, or to be treated as an object. During breakfast much earlier in the film after a fight between Gord and Jim, Freddy tries to explain to his brother that he should grow up. Gord, surprisingly, talks down to him and halts the conversation.

Gord: “He's driving me insane.”

Freddy: “No. No, you're driving him insane. You're older than me and you still live at home. I have a job, you know. I pay my own way.”

Gord: “You work in a bank. Should I be dazzled?”

Freddy: “Well, at least I don't live at home!”

Gord: “No, you live in a tiny shithole and you come here to eat for free.”

With these lines it is plain to see that despite Freddy’s idea of success directly lining up with his father’s, he is even more pitiful than Gord. What little we know of him is to show that his acquiescence to his father’s expectations has left him bereft of not only genuine personal success, but of dignity itself. When child protective services come to take him away, he is half naked, mouth agape, watching open heart surgery on television, a palpable indication of emptiness. He isn’t treated as an adult either, as his protests to the police fall on deaf ears as both them and the psychologist infantilize him. Why would Tom Green name this movie after a character like Freddy, whose lack of presence and characterization make him little more than an afterthought when looking back on the story? Or did I just answer my own question? Freddy is not a character because he is not allowed to be one, he is just too passive and accepting of his circumstances for him to stand out. All he can be is a doll that Jim uses to dress up as the perfect son, and this passiveness leads to Gord, the “failure,” to both pity and resent what he let himself become. That’s why Gord accuses their father of molesting him, after all he does narratively violate Freddy’s autonomy by consistently making decisions for him. Evidently enough, as soon as Gord dons a suit for a quick bit Jim is elated because he believes that his son finally gave in to his demands for him to get a job, because he is acting more like his obedient brother. In this sense Freddy is the most tragic member of the Brody clan, a literal manchild whose growth was stunted by overbearing guardians. When I think of him, a bonsai tree comes to mind. Sure, it looks healthy, but when you realize that it could have grown into a much bigger plant if it were not for its small pot, that realization of wasted potential comes with a tinge of melancholy.

I want to end this essay with a moral that I took away from Freddy Got Fingered, as strange enough as that sounds, and what it has to say about art as a whole. Put simply, this is a story about revenge. Despite and because of his Father’s harsh ways, Gord managed to take from the trauma he sustained throughout his life and sublimated it into his animation. Creation not only lets him heal, but also acts as retaliation against Jim once he becomes successful. So long as you have the drive to prove everyone’s doubts and admonishments wrong by persevering out of wicked spite, you will have the last laugh. Freddy Got Fingered is a story about revenge through artistic expression, and I think that is quite beautiful.

#freddy got fingered #tom green #movies #essay paper #comedy

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thewhizzyhead · 3 years

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you very much Should Keep going (if you’d like) I’m reading your tags like 👀👀👀 I wanna know More!!!

dude believe me i only just thought up 90% 9f this while doing my math homework last night so yea this is very barebones and this is very very new have very little to offer but um imma try to explain a bit more fjdjdc SO ANYWAYS GRADE 11

Warning: this is very long and I am very sorry aaAAAA also i only just thought of this last night and a while ago while attending class so um yea it's chaotic.

the songs i've mentioned so far in the tag ramble aren't um consecutive so yeah there are a lot of blank spaces in between fjsjsj and yea I haven't figured out the other leads and their arcs yet (probably 5-6 leads). for now um the planned songs feature 3 of the leads:

Kate - basically answers the question of What If Eva Sanchez Was The Protagonist and What If Eva Sanchez Saw The Hell That Is Don't Even (in this show, this song is called "Anakpota?" or "The Fuck?"); she's a transferee and is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the new school environment; her reasons for transferring run a bit deeper than just "humanities is a lot more interesting than stem or business shits"; i guess her main character themes are burnout, the want for childlike wonder again and overcoming the fear that comes with chasing what you really want and no i am definitely not self projecting what are you guys talking about smh rhhdhs /hj (altho i admit that this is loosely based on my own experience with deciding to transfer schools) and yea she's a very closeted lesbian that slowly starts to comes out to others and to herself more throughout the course of the show. and also she gets a girlfriend YAY

Noel - rn i don't have that much planned out for him cause u know barebones plot but so far um i guess he's the chill dude, overall good guy, rantaro amami from danganronpa v3 vibes, and he's initially framed as the "love interest" for Kate esp in the song "Ikaw Ba Ay..." or "Are You..." (i wanted that to be a play on the typical Filipino Teen Hetero Romance CAUSE THAT SHIT IS IN EVERYWHERE JFJSJD I AM GONNA MAKE A WHOLEASS RANT ON THAT SOON AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME) but surprise motherfucker BOTH OF THEM ARE GAY AND BOTH BOND OVER IT AND BECOME BEST FRIENDS YAY WOOOO i kinda want him to be like the typical "Filipino Teen Heartthrob" star student with the twist being that he's gay and not make that a throwaway joke cause um yea that's a throwaway joke here that someone who is real catch for the heteros but is actually gay is "sayang" or "worthless" here.

Ella - ngl she is probably gonna end up as the main lead here fjdjd i'd say she has riley+chess vibes aka The School's Hotshot Achiever and Student Leader That Is Very Intimidating But Is Actually Really Freaking Kind and i guess with a dash of Kate Dalton-ish snark. Like i said the plot is barebones rn so i dunno anything but i do imagine them being the one that drives the plot forward due to her outspokenness. I also imagine her to be the one (along with Noel) that makes Kate a lil bit more comfortable with her sexuality and yup you guessed it Ella is gay too (bi to be specific oh and she uses she/they pronouns) and altho still a bit closeted, they're a bit more comfy with it. also they become Kate's gf yay!

those are the leads that i have kinda planned out so far but yea i still gotta expound kna lot of atuff and make up more leads for this but then again i just started conceptualizing this last night so ANYWAYS HERE ARE THE OTHERS SONGS THAT I LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT UP LAST NIGHT (aside from the ones already mentioned)

+ "Nakakapanibago" or "Well This Is New" - Ella and Kate work together on a school project aaand gay panic ensues. both of them take turns in addressing the audience and panicking over each other in um er an "Oh My God She's Very Fucking Cute What The Fuck" way. it kinda has What Is This Feeling from Wicked vibes if you remove the aggression and antagonization jdjsd and i kinda emphasize on how overwhelmed they are cause for Kate, everything - from the school to the subjects to the people - is new and her attraction to Ella is like a cherry bomb on top of a chaos cake while for Ella, who has studied in the school since kindergarten which is why nothing about the school fazes her anymore, Kate is a literal breath of fresh air and the spontaneity scares them and excites them at the same time. The number is comedic (and is chance for me to add a shit ton of wordplay cause yAY WORDPLAY) but i guess also hints at their fears which will definitely come into play later.

+ "Mabuting Laban" or "Good Fight" - a group number led by Ella, this is the first song in the musical that isn't mostly comedic. like um the musical so far (before this song) is mostly somewhat of a parody-just-for-laughs-don't-take-this-seriously piece but with this, the show finally hints to something a lot more serious and insightful. so basically ella tells kate (this scene comes right after the Nakakapanibago sequence) that they have noticed that the latter is um very very shocked at the blatant show of LGBTQ+ stuff. Kate mentions that altho many students have since then spoke up for LGBTQ+ acceptance, things were a lot more conservative back in her former school (once again wooo definitely not self projection /hj) so like seeing all this is very new to her. Ella then mentions that things weren't always like that - a lot of fighting had to be done in order to get to that point. and because most of the students already were branded with a rebellious reputation (for a lot of delinquent behavior), they really didn't give a fuck anymore if they were being controversial or not. What mattered was that they would make the school environment a lot more welcoming for themselves and for others. That sentiment is also shared by other leads singing along as they go out of their way to ensure a much better environment for everyone (in terms of lgbtq+ rights, undoing the stigmatization of mental health matters, student activism yadda yadda)

(oh and also this kinda serves as something that bridges the prejudices between the two schools since Ella's school is famous for a lot of student delinquency while Kate's former school is famous for being known as the "Best School In The Region With The Best Students" (which is why Ella understands why the students in Kate's school are a bit more hesitant to speak up because Kate's former schoolmates got way too much to lose) and the rivalry those schools have with each other cause students from ella's school think those from kate's school are pompous little shits while those from kate's school think that ella's schoolmates are delinquents and yes this is commentary on the dynamic my former school'scstudents and my current school's students share) (i should probably give this its own song)

+ "Ayoko" or " I Don't Want It" - (this does not come right after Mabuting Laban fjsjd i honestly dunno where to put this) this comes right after a conversation regarding her reputation in her former school and yea this is Kate poking fun at the "I Want" song musical trope. Like um she addresses the audience saying something along the lines of "oooohh wow complicated backstory exposition! you are probably expecting a song rn ala "How Far I'll Go" from Moana but guess what bitches fuck you all cause i'm gonna sing a song about the things I don't want just to fucking annoy you." it starts off as incredibly satirical and um Kate Dalton-vibes all throughout the scene with lots of pettiness which will then gradually transition to her singing about how she threw all the opportunities presented to her by the former school just because she really didn't want to do them and was tired of saying "yes" just to be enough for them. She then starts singing about her taking control of her own narrative by finally leaving the school. She still laments about those lost opportunities and admits that she still kinda wants to pursue those, but if she has to sacrifice rest for greatness, then she doesn't want it. The song ends with a verse akin to most I Want songs as she finally admits what she really wants the most: rest and wonder.

also here's a verse i made up just a while ago

Diyos ko, sabihin mo, ano pa ang kailangan kong gawin/upang mabawi ang mga ninakaw sa akin/upang maibalik ang pag-asang nawala/upang sa wakas ako'y makakapagpahinga/sapagkat hindi na ako nagnanais ng kadakilaan/ang hinihingi ko lamang ay ang aking kabataan

translation (i'll try my best to make it rhyme): My God, tell me, what else do i have to do/so I can take back all that they have taken from me/so that I can bring back the hope I've long so been deprived of/so that for once in my life, I'll be able to breathe/ cause I no longer want all the greatness that you say I could've had/ I only want to wonder, I only want my childhood back

+ "Halos Lagi Nalang"or "Almost Always The Same" - if this sounds familiar yes i rambled about this before gjdjdjd I started conceptualizing this song even before i even started conceptualizing the musical. So yea this is in Act 2 the song starts with mentioning the exhaustion that comes with being an LGBTQ+ teen in the philippines cause yup same old conservative religious bullshit same old same old shit and despite many a lot of people advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, nothing ever changes around here because well conservative religious bullshit. so yea this is kind of an extension of "Good Fight" but make it more about the burnout felt by a lot of teens that want something better than whatever we have right now. Then it will also apply to the other causes that the leads fight for (activism,destigmatization of mental health stuffs, etc). I'd say it's a combination of Before the Breakdown + Move On musically speaking (yea PMA has influenced me by a LOT). eventually this becomes one of the star numbers fo the show cause yea all the leads will do a shit ton of singing and harmonizing (but for here i'd say Noel and Kate have a tiny bit more of the spotlight since for now they are the ones with the very LGBTQ+ based plotlines). I really REEAAALLY want this song to work aaaa i've been playing around with the melody a lot recently and if i can't write the whole musical, then i'll be content with at the very least writing this song

+ "Try Lang Natin" or "Let's Try It Out" - this is a very barebones sequence atm but basically it's a scene where both Kate and Ella come to terms with their fears related to uncertainty and go "fuck it we don't know jackshit about the future anyway so why not ondulge a bit and ejoy what we have today" and decide to start going out with each other YAYYYYY and also this is like one of the few scenes here were Ella is much more visibly nervous compared to everyone else in the scene so yay for helping each other come to terms with their own vulnerabilities WOOOOO (also paige i remember you saying once that kate and eva could've had a Forever reprise duet right? And correct me if i'm wrong but i think u said it could be about eva assuring kate that she won't go anywhere? WELP I'M STEALING THAT JFJSJJDF /lh /hj AND YUP KATE AND ELLA ARE BASICALLY UM KINDA KATEVA IF YOU SQUINT SO THANK YOU PAIGE FOR THAT IDEAAAA)

AND THAT'S IT SO FAR WOO THIS TOOK ME 5 HOURS TO TYPE IT ALL OUT FJDJSJFF i'm kinda impressed with this ngl considering that i literally started making this up last night and i hope that i can make something out of it woo

And if you guys somehow reached the end of the post and have read every single thing, I'm sending you a lot of hugs and a lot of milkshakes

#paige i am so so sorry it took a long time and i am so sorry that the response is VERY VERY LONG DJXJS #but i hope you liked it!#the ask cheered me up btw fjsjx like i wasnt expecting anyone to be interested but then u sent the ask and YAY KRKDJ #if anyone has any questions or comments or anythjng then um feel free to um hit me up with them YAYYYYY #okay to rb btw if you wanna express ur opinions in the tags #i like hearing other people's opinions on my rambles so feel free to do so if you wanna #thanks for the ask paigeee #paige! (literally riley)#ask me stuff #hmm i should make a tag for this #Izzy's rambles and shit #yea that

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cat-brodsky · 4 years

Text

The Secret History: Abridged (part 1)

Fair use disclaimer: The following text is intended as a parody and literary commentary of the published book “The Secret History” by Donna Tartt. Some direct quotations from the book, constituting a very low percentage of the original, have been integrated in the parodic text where appropriate. The author of this text neither profits nor intends to profit from it.

Dramatis personae

Richard Papen, the narrator, a perpetually starry-eyed youth with all the agency of the proverbial sexy lamp

Julian Morrow (played by King Julian of Madagaskar), a Greek professor who doesn’t actually teach

The Toffs, as viewed through Richard’s rose-tinted glasses:

Henry Winter, a young genius, deeply devoted to Julian

Bunny Corcoran, an uncouth older student with a heart of gold deep inside

Francis Abernathy, a refined yet sensitive youth

Charles Macaulay, a young man who sometimes has a bit too much to drink

Camilla Macaulay, an exquisite beauty, the only girl in the clique

Judy Poovey, the only character in the book with both brains and heart

Georges “I told you so” Laforgue

the greek chorus (played by a person in a floral bedsheet toga with two sockpuppets)

The Fans, seated in the front row of the audience

The farmer, brutally murdered by four rich kids on a drug trip

Chapter 1, in which Richard joins a cult (and the greek chorus monologues)

Richard: My name is Richard Pipen and I like pretty things. Maybe that’s cause my childhood was real poor and real awful.

Richard: I even picked Hampden College cause it looked pretty in the recruitment brochure. I have no friends, I failed pre-med, and the only thing I’m okay at is Greek language. …Guess I’ll take Greek.

Georges (the French teacher): Monsieur, I’m afraid zat will be a problem. You see, ze Greek teacher is incredibly… selective about his students. And by selective, I mean on a personal level.

Richard: oh, so he’s gay.

Georges: Non! He isolates his students, he grooms them to have ze same views as himself, and ze only reason ze school puts up with him is because he refuses his salary!

Richard: I dunno, my dad beat me before and after dinner, so this sounds perfectly healthy to me. Guess I’ll go knock on his door.

Richard: knocks on Julian’s door …Please let me study Greek.

Julian: Why, that’s rather quaint of you, young man, but I’m afraid my class is filled to the brim. Only got space for five people, you see. Very rigorous, that. Anyway, excuse me, I have a princess to tutor. Istrami royalty, though I don’t assume you would know. pauper

Richard: But-

door slam

Henry and the Four Toffs: stroll the campus, looking pretty

Richard: drools

But I watched them with interest whenever I happened to see them: Francis, stooping to talk to a cat on a doorstep; Henry dashing past at the wheel of a little white car, with Julian in the passenger’s seat; Bunny leaning out of an upstairs window to yell something at the twins on the lawn below. Slowly, more information came my way. Francis Abernathy was from Boston and, from most accounts, quite wealthy. Henry, too, was said to be wealthy; what’s more, he was a linguistic genius. He spoke a number of languages, ancient and modern, and had published a translation of Anacreon, with commentary, when he was only eighteen. The twins had an apartment off campus, and were from somewhere down south. And Bunny Corcoran had a habit of playing John Philip Sousa march tunes in his room, at full volume, late at night.

Not to imply that I was overly preoccupied with any of this.

the greek chorus: yeah riiight

Richard: totally not eavesdropping on The Four Toffs studying Greek

Bunny: Ablative!

Charles: That’s Latin, you dumb-

Richard: Excuse me? I’m sorry, but would the locative case do?

Bunny: Thanks, man, you helped a lot. Wish you were in our class.

awkward silence

Henry, appearing out of nowhere: Ah, yes, the archaic locative. Are you a Homeric scholar?

Richard: …I like Homer.

Henry: Oh, you “like” Homer? Name all the 1,186 ships in the Catalogue.

Henry: fake fans smh

Richard: All my life, I’ve dealt with poor jerks, so dealing with rich jerks sounded way more appealing. I figured I’d do what worked with my old man - lie my ass off. Excuse me, Dr. Roland, I need uh two hundred dollars from my financial aid? It’s for my uh car, it’s the uh transmission.

the greek chorus: that’s 548 dollars in 2020 money. also, is everyone in this book named after a historical figure?

Richard: knocks on Julian’s door again, having bought one hundred [274] dollars’ worth of expensive clothes

Julian: Oh my, and to think I mistook you for a peasant the first time. Come in, young man - any relation to French kings? Are you from California? What do you do in California?

Richard: Oh, you know… money, orange groves, money, ennui and more money - wow, he’s actually buying it.

Julian: Even Plato knew that class and conditioning and so forth have an inalterable effect on the individual. cough that’s why I only tutor rich and classy students. cough I’m afraid my students are never very interesting to me because I always know exactly what they’re going to do.

the greek chorus: fly, you fool

Richard: listens with stars in his eyes

Julian: Young man, I will take you on as a student, but you must take me on as your academic counselor, drop all your classes and pick up the ones I tell you to. Most of them are going to be with me - you know, a great diversity of teachers is harmful for the young mind.

Richard: Oh wow, that sounds elite and exclusive and totally not like a weird cult.

Georges “The Voice of Reason” Laforgue: Mon Dieu, are you serious? Do you understand how isolated you’ll be from ze rest of ze college? What if you have a disagreement? What if he is unfair to you? And this man is so elitist - why, that’s ze first time he’s accepted a student on financial aid! …Does he know you’re on financial aid?

Richard: I’m not gonna tell him.

the greek chorus: annnd he switches majors

Francis: Cubitum eamus?

Richard: what? who?

the greek chorus: did he just say “Wanna fu-”

The Fans: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohh!

Bunny: Get a load of this guy. Henry actually bought himself a Montblanc pen just cause Julian loves them. And he used to say they were ugly. What was it, three hundred [822] bucks?

Henry: You “studied” Greek? Recite every single Greek poem.

Henry: fake fans smh. Now I’ll speak Latin and flex on you some more.

Bunny: Don’t be a prick, Henry.

Julian, coming in fashionably late:

He was a marvelous talker, a magical talker, and I wish I were able to give a better idea what he said, but it is impossible for a mediocre intellect to render the speech of a superior one – especially after so many years – without losing a good deal in the translation.

the greek chorus: do you know what it means when someone talks big and beautiful and yet you can’t remember the talking points? means they’re talking nonsense

Julian: Though after all your Xenophon and Thucydides I dare say there are not many young people better versed in military tactics. Because, as you know, ancient Greek battle tactics are still valid in our modern age! Do you feel sufficiently special and superior, my lab m- lovely students?

Henry: The six of us could conquer Hampden town!

the greek chorus: this is new england, you’d get shot like deer

Richard, stars in his eyes: Awwwww he said six of us!

Camilla: recites from Aganemnnon

How quiet he sinks now - his soul starts from his mouth:

with one jerked gulp he brings up his own blood,

spatters me dark with the scarlet dew in his breath.

And that dew falls on me as the gods’ spring rains

fall and bless harvest back to the long-parched earth.

Julian: Now, why is this so beautiful?

the greek chorus: cause there’s no mention of the dying king voiding his bowels

Francis: It’s the meter - iambic pentameter.

The Greek Chorus: In a way, the discussion that follows is some pretty hefty foreshadowing. The subject is horrible - a dying man gurgling, choking on blood, spits it out all over his killer - but the way it’s described is poetic and makes the reader enamored with the act of murder.

This is exactly what Tartt does later on.

Five rich, entitled young people have a drug-fueled orgy, trespass, and beat an innocent farmer to death. But call an orgy a bacchanal, and it’s suddenly classy and beautiful.

Henry: Death is the mother of beauty.

The Fans: oooooooooooohhh!

Julian: And what is beauty?

Henry: Terror.

The Fans: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!

the greek chorus: this toxic belief is so not gonna backfire

“Are we, in this room, really very different from the Greeks or the Romans? Obsessed with duty, piety, loyalty, sacrifice? All those things which are to modern tastes so chilling?”

I looked around the table at the six faces. To modern tastes they were somewhat chilling. I imagine any other teacher would’ve been on the phone to Psychological Counseling in about five minutes had he heard what Henry said about arming the Greek class and marching into Hampden town.

the greek chorus: richard, you idiot sandwich

Julian: The Romans’ genius and fatal flaw was their obsession with order! The Greeks knew not to deny the irrational! This is why Romans, usually so tolerant of foreign religions, persecuted the Christians mercilessly – how absurd to think a common criminal had risen from the dead, how appalling that his followers celebrated him by drinking his blood. The illogic of it frightened them-

The Greek Chorus: The Romans valued loyalty to the state, which meant practicing the state religion. Local beliefs were okay as long as they didn’t contradict that.

Christians placed their god, monotheistic God, above the emperor. The First Commandment forbids the worship of other gods, and this includes refusing to take part in feasts, to offer incense to the emperor - this was disloyalty to the Empire. Judaism, it seems, got a pass on the same because of the ancient origin of the religion.

Furthermore, the persecution of Christianity was sporadic until Decius’ decree mandating participation in public sacrifices, and even then this edict was not universally obeyed - the Empire was far too large and too diverse. Not to mention, a lot of the accounts of persecution and martyrdom were invented by Christian historians.

Julian is full of it, and a five minute Google search can tell you as much.

Richard: wow, #deep

Julian: …And that’s why Bacchanals are good fun for the whole family!

Chapter 2, in which Bunny invites Richard to dinner (and then nothing happens)

Judy: So you’re hanging out with those posh guys now?

Richard: What if I am

Judy: I don’t know, they’re bad news. Like, I was at a party, everyone was slam dancing, and this girl was walking across the dance floor for some reason and got mad when I slammed into her. And like I threw a beer at her, it was that kind of night, and this Henry guy and her brother Charles came to yell at me? And my friend Spike saw that and came to defend me, and then Henry and Charles beat Spike to a pulp. Those people are crazy.

Richard, stars in his eyes: Gee whiz, Henry is badass.

Judy: Aren’t you hot in this tweed jacket? Like, here, you can have another one for free if you like it.

Bunny: Nice jacket, dude

Richard: Thanks, it’s a family relic

Bunny: Anyway, why are there so many [slur omitted] working in restaurants? Oh man, I remember when we pulled a dine and dash here, all in good fun, and then Dad took us here for drinks and it’s a good thing he was so soused he didn’t notice the waiter putting it all on his bill.

the greek chorus: boy, it sure is a good thing the cops don’t get called on rich people

Bunny: And Henry’s so damn smart, you know? He was in a bad car accident, had to stay in bed reading all those old books, and now he’s really into it and he speaks seven to eight languages, even reads them hieroglyphics.

Richard: well, Bunny’s kind of an ass but he’s not an ass to me, sounds good

Bunny: Whoops, forgot my wallet.

Richard: …never mind

the greek chorus: the bill is, quote, two hundred and eighty-seven dollars and fifty-nine cents [786 dollars]. without the tip. twenty percent more is about tree fiddy [950 dollars]

Bunny: …I’ll call Henry. He’ll be chuffed to bail us out.

Henry: is not chuffed Bunny freeloads off people all the time.

Richard: wow that’s… imagine doing that haha

Richard: totally not eavesdropping again

Henry: Should I do what is necessary?

Julian: You should only, ever, do what is necessary.

the greek chorus: this will definitely not be taken at face value

if richard had a tweeter

“Reading The Great Gatsby. #relatable #billionaire-life”

“Attended a party, mingled with the hoi polloi. Plebs. How I long to be elsewhere.”

Camilla: Come to the country house with us

Richard: totally not freeloading

if the secret history was a movie

Happy times montage. Classical music plays over the country house; it is revealed that Charles, quite drunk but still composed, is playing the piano. Henry and Camilla are in a rowboat together, with Henry monologuing, unheard to the viewers, as she listens with rapt wonder. Bunny is pouring champaigne from a teapot. Occasional moments of foreshadowing in between the happy times - a pot of laurel leaves boiling on the stove, Richard wandering the house in the middle of the night and finding that everyone is gone - and back to happy times, playing cricket, fancy dinners with Julian. Everything looks pretty, classy, and expensive.

Chapter 3, in which Richard is more an idiot than usual

The Five Toffs: leave for the winter holidays

Richard: I need a place to stay. Henry’s place is empty, I could ask my other friends to sublet to me, or split the bills with somebody… Nah, there’s this hippie who lets you live for free in his warehouse. I’m in.

The warehouse: literally has a hole in the roof

The Hippie: It’s all a metaphor, man. The situation is obviously dysfunctional, but Richie boy just assumes that it’s normal and he’s gonna be fine. Deep, man.

Richard: I’m sure I’ll be fine. gets pneumonia

Henry: Good thing I came back early, or you’d be dead.

Richard: Y-you saved my life, man. …Can you please bring me a mag to read?

Henry: …You must be raving. Here, I brought you a Pharmacology Update from the lounge.

Bunny: comes back

Henry: is avoiding him

the greek chorus: that’s all, really

Chapter 4, in which something finally happens

Bunny: Richard, man, Henry is not who he pretends to be. Be careful.

Richard: You mean, he’s gay? That can’t be right. My gaydar says it’s Francis; Henry’s straight. And I’m not gay, but if I was, Bunny wouldn’t be attractive. I mean, he’s handsome, but he’s rough trade, you know what I mean. Not my type.

Richard: Oh no, I left my book in Henry’s apartment. I’ll have to find it there. …Weird, why does he have a flight to Argentina reserved? And why were the four of them, minus Bunny, absent from classes?

cheesecake in the fridge: please don’t steal me, I’m on financial aid

Bunny: Mm, too lemony but tastes better flavored with tears.

Richard: Haha, screw the poor

Bunny: Man, Henry’s a bit of a Jew. I like him tho.

Bunny: keeps making weird crime-and-punishment jokes before class

Richard: Good old Bunny, such a jester.

The Toffs: tell a weirdly rehearsed story about their absence

Julian: notices absolutely nothing

Henry: Don’t you want to know about our trip to Argentina? By which I mean, I know you snooped.

Richard: Man, why the secrecy? It’s not like you murdered someone.

Henry: Yeah, about that...

flashback time

Henry: The four of us must flee to Argentina. But there’s no way I can get my hands on more than thirty thousand [80,418 dollars]. Francis, you have a trust, right?

Francis: Yeah, I can withdraw one hundred and fifty thousand [402,090] a year. ...Bad news, my mum cleared it out.

The Toffs, in unison: What? Do you mean we’d have to live like the poor? Or worse, resort to menial labor? That is inconceivable.

the greek chorus: and they didn’t go to argentina.

Henry: We had but a meager five thousand [13,403 dollars] between us. Anyway, why did you cover up for us?

Richard:

Henry: So yeah we decided to take drugs, party, and fornicate, like everybody else in this college does. Except we’re rich and smart and we’re calling it a bacchanal, because it’s classier that way.

Henry: Julian knew and approved, by the way, but you’re not gonna learn this until chapter five.

Henry: And Bunny just wasn’t taking our posh rave seriously. I caught him eating when he was supposed to be fasting. Barbarian.

Henry: Anyway, when we all came down from our trip, we were drenched in blood and there was a corpse of a middle-aged middle-class man with his neck broken and his brains splattered and a huge gash in his stomach. And worse, he was wearing an ugly plaid shirt.

Henry: I haven’t been so upset since I hit a deer with my car. Oh, hi, Francis.

Chapter 5, in which we forget about the farmer

Francis: oh no did you just tell him

Henry: Oh yes I did.

Richard, still starry-eyed: Why didn’t you call the police?

Henry: Yeah, right. We’re too rich to be judged by poor people.

Francis: It was just an accident, a little harmless fun.

Henry: Imagine being tried for my life by a Vermont circuit-court judge and a jury box full of telephone operators.

Francis: They’d just say that we are a bunch of rich entitled kids who got high and trespassed on private land and tore an innocent man to pieces.

the greek chorus: THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID

Henry: If Bunny snitches, we’re dragging him in too. He has no alibi. Can’t prove he wasn’t with us. He saw us dressed in bedsheets and covered in gore and got upset for no reason at all. Dropped a pint of ice-cream on my antique rug. Honestly, that was the last straw.

Henry: I paid for our trip together in Italy to shut him up, but then he found my diary - in which I happened to write a poem about our Bacchanal in iambic pentameter. I didn’t think the rube could even read. I slapped him rather hard, and he took offense to that. And now we have no choice but keep letting him mooch off us!

Francis: It's a terrible thing, what we did. I mean, this man was not Voltaire we killed. But still. It's a shame. I feel bad about it.

Henry: But not bad enough to want to go to jail for it.

Francis: snorts No, not that bad.

Henry: So... wanna play cards?

the greek chorus: here comes a turning point in the story. will richard do the moral thing, will he turn his friends in?

the greek chorus: yeah, right

The Toffs: Time for a road trip!

Richard: It’s odd how little power the dead farmer exercised over an imagination as morbid and hysterical as my own. Oh well, nobody cares about poor people.

Julian: In America, the rich man tries to pretend that the poor man is his equal in every respect but money, which is simply not true. A poor man who wishes to rise above his station is only making himself needlessly miserable. And the wise poor have always known this, the same as do the wise rich.

Bunny: You don't care about a goddamn thing, do you? Not a thing but your own self, you and all the rest of them!

the greek chorus: edmund corcoran, the bigot, the idiot of the group - the only one who cares about the murder

Richard: And now Bunny’s acting like a huge ass to me and to my friends. Gee, that’s no fun at all.

Richard: He’s nagging Charles about him being a drunk, Francis about him being gay, and me about being poor! And Camilla about being a girl, but women are inherently inferior in Greek language, nothing personal. And he’s implying the twins sleep together!

the greek chorus: all of these are true

Henry: I know! I shall poison my traitorous friend with death cap mushrooms mixed in with fun trip mushrooms. The ancient Arabic treatises on poisons must still be relevant.

the greek chorus: textbook high Intelligence low Wisdom

Henry: Richard, my friend, weren’t you in pre-med?

Richard: Uhh I guess, let me just... add the number of mushrooms, carry the one - jeez, that’s some advanced calculus...You know, the concentrations in chemistry are measured in moles, so we have catch a mole first...

Henry: I tested it on two dogs. Sadly, one lived.

Richard: Oh, Henry, you’re such a rascal. First a farmer, now a dog? Anyway, those mushrooms are just too funny-shaped. It’s just too hard.

Henry: Why don’t you weigh - you know what, nevermind, I can see I’m dealing with a genius.

Julian: I’m so concerned for young Edmund! He’s such a lovely and smart boy...

Richard: yeah, right - I mean, bright. Very bright.

Julian: I fear he may be about to convert to Christianity! Not even Catholicism, but something plebian. He keeps asking me about sin and forgiveness - how very... not Greek of him.

Bunny, piss drunk in the middle of the night: Richard, man, I can’t take it, I just have to confess - they killed a man! Tore him to pieces!

Richard: Guys, this is bad, Bunny just told me.

Henry: Welp, got no choice but to kill him. He’s acting so irrational.

Richard: Yeah, and he’s been real racist and bigoted lately -

Charles: I know, right? Why can’t he be more like us and hate on poor, classless people instead?

Henry: re-rolls wisdom We’ll push him into the ravine in the forest he conveniently loves hiking in. Piece of cake.

Judy: Rich, there’s gonna be a big party, come have fun!

Henry: Who’d have known there would be a party? Aside from, I mean, everyone who doesn’t live in their own Greek bubble. Oh well, guess I’ll dig for ferns instead.

Bunny: Hey, guys, whatcha doing?

Henry: Oh, you know... killing time. Now, who wants to see a flying rabbit?

#the secret history #donna tartt #dark academia #henry winter #tsh

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wayward-delver · 5 years

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Made in Abyss X Smash Ultimate:

(DLC Wishlist/Discussion)

This one was just for fun and shouldn’t be taken completely serious otherwise we’re all gonna lose our humanity. As much I’d love to see Made in Abyss somehow miraculously get into Smash, I am well of how impossible it is.

Ok, we all knew what was coming, no bother denying it; you joke about DLC, you might as well spill the beans and say what you really want. I’ll make it clear that of course, I don’t want Waluigi, he’s an assist trophy and at his core a rather dull character in the face of his brother. Steve holds no strong attachment from me since I do not play Minecraft and I feel like his moveset wouldn’t interesting enough to warrant my attention,(basically a 3D G&W).

Now that’s settled with, let’s discuss who I truly want for DLC despite the stupidity of it:(Left to Right)

1.) Ratchet & Clank: This game holds a special place in my heart for being one of the first game I’ve ever played and one of the only franchises where I faithfully played through every game in the main series, even some of the spin-offs. The amazing characters, brilliant writing, great stories, fun/engaging gameplay, and vast and creatively deadly variety of weapons. I’d go on all day about why I love this series so much and why the movie disappoints me so much,(I will say the remake was fun though). Now to move potential he’s got everything a fighter can ask for:

His omniwrench would the staple of his melee attacks on both air and ground,(with any one of his shotguns/whips as smash attacks). His dash attacks could incorporate the Razor Claws.

Recovery (Up B) is an easy pick, just use Clank heli-pack to gain sufficient height than slowly glide down for a period of several seconds over a far horizontal distance. Drawbacks being wind-up time and having no defensive qualities.

Grapples would be simple tethers and throws with Omniwrench.

Neutral B would simply a blaster shot with minimal flinch damage that continues fire if held.

Side B would definitely be his signature boomerang wrench throw, homing in on Ratchet on its return and doing decent knockback with either hit.

Down B would have clank throw of his time spheres down talk cause a 5 second AoE that slows down opponents caught in the blast while dealing zero damage or knockback.

Their Final Smash would see Ratchet calling his ship to strike his opponents, sending them hurtling into space to be bombarded by various weapons in their arsenal before getting by clank in his giant form.

Ratchet’s skins can be all of his default outfits through the serious ending with a robot version of in reference to Dr. Nefarious’s evil scheme.

The stage would be Metropolis city on Kerwan.

2.) Rayman: This one is a bit more realistic than the last one seeing the series has had strong ties with Nintendo consoles and even sporting a Rayman Spirit in-game,(take that as you will, at least it’s something). Rayman also falls under the nostalgia factor, but nowhere the extent of Ratchet since I was pretty late to the series,(My favorite game being Legends). No doubt he’s one of the higher picks among Smash players and I can see why; he’s funny, energetic, a great platformer/fighter, and has a truly unique/iconic character design.

I’m not too familiar with the entire series though, so keep it basic with the moveset:

Rayman is a fast lightweight fighter that primarily uses melee attacks such as fast punches and kicks on both the ground and in the air. His smash attacks would be moderately slow wind-up punches and kicks with exceptional knockback and range. Dash attacks would have him spinning forwards at high speeds with little damage and knockback, but great for setting up a brief stunlock.

His grapple is a far-reaching chain arm tether with decent throwing power.

Recovery is a simple helicopter hair flight with similar mobility to Krool, but deals no damage and goes much higher.

Neutral would have him shooting burning fists at his enemies and can be charged up for increased power.

Side B has him rapidly shooting from his plunger gun, which can be a great edge guarding tool.

Down B turns one of his hands into a guided missile that will extremely powerful, leaves vulnerable to attack.

Final Smash has him uppercut the nearest players sending them to a zone where they’re dog-pilled by all his friends before unleashing a synchronized charged strike sending them flying into the stars.

The stage will be set in the Rabbids colosseum, where the audience holds signs and banners representing characters and series.

Rayman's colors would be based on the many characters of the series.

His taunt will feature a lum.

3.) Okami, Amaterasu: Ok this is sure to please many fans since she’s quite often requested and very popular on her own. She also has a much higher chance than the rest since she’s a part of Capcom like Ryu/Megaman. Personally speaking though, I want her to join for the sake of how amazing and artistically beautiful the game the is. The mythology, characters, story, music, art style, and the gameplay just screams traditional Japanese culture/painting in the best way possible.

I list the moveset down here, but someone else already did a much better job than I ever could. @panaran

3.) Hollow Knight: Ok this steps far down in terms of likely solely because it’s an Austrailian indie game. Otherwise, this would be one of the biggest crowd pleasures in the line-up. A legendary title for its striking animation, unique world/story, deep lore, magnificent soundtrack, and memorable/diverse cast of characters. I love for all these reasons, but I truly support cause it’d represent to the newest milestone in gaming history, indie studios.

I’d go over moves again someone also solved that problem for me.

4.) Kid Icarus Viridi: Of all the characters, she has the most right to be a playable character. She and her home franchise are so deeply rooted in Smash that they literally are the commentary for the game. Don’t say no moves cause Palutena was never playable in their game, but she still got in. And about her being on a stage, Chrome is a Final Smash and piranha is a stage hazard. Mii costumes also don’t prove anything since many characters have them. This would also be the first in-person appearance she’ll make in any game, something she was denied in her in Kid Icarus Uprising. Personally, however, I want Viridi cause she’s basically the Peridot,(Steven Universe), or the Max,(Camp Camp), of Nintendo. The sassy, cynical, and destructive little gremlin that talks shit to everyone but in end is a complete tsundere with an adorable nerdy side and heart of golden amber beneath her thorny exterior.

(Not my waifu, goddess or not, she’s a ‘child’ and I am 19, it’d be messed up)

Her moveset would be difficult to decipher since she doesn’t fight in-game, but I can draw up a few ideas

Viridi won’t be as angelic/divine as Palutena, preferring to walk and run in a more grounded manner with a trail of plants sprouting behind her as she moves. She’ll be one of the lightest characters in-game due to her small stature, making her very nimble but easy to launch.

She’ll be more we versed in melee than Palutena, incorporating her staff/agility into her fighting style. Using many fast and disjointed blows at once like Mii swordfighter, but her smash attacks would instead unleash vines from the ground that would strike opponents.

Her grapple would be a vine tether she could use to constrict/launch enemies.

Her Recovery would be another vine tether that goes farther and does higher damage than Ivysaur.

Neutral B she’d fire a lightning blast at her opponents,(a reference to her ally Phosphora).

Side B Viridi would slash forward sending a small twister that can launch enemies,(Slower and larger Mii Sword)

Down B is a parry using Clobbler in a similar manner to Toad.

Final Smash is, of course, a rush down that sends foes into ground-zero of a Reset Bomb strike.

Taunts will be her making witty remarks and poses, often times waving her staff around like a wand.

So that’s my wishlist, do you like and if you have a character for smash. By all means, share it with me in the chat or reblog.

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singingsphere-blog · 5 years

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“So I ran into this guy today.”

“He was Oddish.”

#did someone say lame pokejokes??#What's A Star Without Her Audience? (Dash Commentary)

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brokehorrorfan · 4 years

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Blu-ray Review: Big Trouble in Little China

While cinephiles reflect on John Carpenter's output from the '70s and '80s with great reverence - some might argue that it's an unparalleled run of genre classics - many of his films were considered failures upon initial release due to a lack of commercial success. The Thing is the most well-documented example, but Big Trouble in Little China suffered a similar fate. Produced by 20th Century Fox, the film's domestic gross of $11.1 million only covered about half of its budget, and the critical reception was mixed.

Disillusioned by the Hollywood system, the production influenced Carpenter to return to his independent roots, where he would stay for much of the remainder of his career. But, like many of the master of horror's works, Big Trouble found a cult audience through television and home video. Difficult to classify, the genre-bending adventure combines elements of action (martial arts, no less), comedy, fantasy, horror, western, and even a dash of romance.

The film follows swaggering truck driver Jack Burton (Kurt Russell, The Thing), who finds big trouble while passing through California's Chinatown. He becomes mixed up with Lo Pan (James Hong, Blade Runner), an ancient, evil sorcerer with a legion of warrior followers. Burton has a crew of his own, including his newfound love interest, Gracie Law (Kim Cattrall, Sex and the City); his friend with a vendetta against Lo Pan, Wang Chi (Dennis Dun, Prince of Darkness); and Egg Shen (Victor Wong, 3 Ninjas), who shares his expertise in magic.

Big Trouble in Little China plays out like John Carpenter's answer to Indiana Jones. In lesser hands, it would be little more than a campy B-movie, but Carpenter's unique lens elevates the material without losing the quirkiness. Aside from a plot that's more complicated than it needs to be, this is the closest Carpenter ever came to making a children's movie, complete with an extremely '80s end credit theme song performed by The Coupe De Villes (consisting of Carpenter and filmmaking friends Nick Castle and Tommy Lee Wallace).

The screenplay began as a cowboy western that incorporated Chinese fantasy elements, written by first-timers Gary Goldman (Total Recall) and David Z. Weinstein, before script doctor W.D. Richter (Invasion of the Body Snatchers) adapted it from the Old West to a contemporary setting. When it came time to shoot, Carpenter smartly solicited input from the Asian cast and crew members to ensure well-rounded portrayals rather than stereotypes.

The introduction of Chinese mysticism allows for the inclusion of monsters, which were created by Steve Johnson (Ghostbusters, Species). The special effects guru was initially disappointed to have to make cartoony characters, per Carpenter's request - but, after seeing the final product, he conceded that the filmmaker was right. The creatures are not a far cry from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles villains, but there's a charm to them that fits the picture's atypical tone.

Jack Burton is ostensibly the prototypical action hero, as the story is framed around him. Upon closer inspection, however, the character is little more than a bumbling sidekick to Wang Chi, who actually knows what he's doing. Burton serves as the voice of the Western audience, ignorant of the mythology and incredulous to the sorcery. Russell, in his fourth of five collaborations with Carpenter, tackles the charismatic part with aplomb.

Big Trouble in Little China has received a new Collector's Edition Blu-ray courtesy of Shout Factory. It's available in both standard and limited edition Steelbook packaging with artwork by Laz Marquez and Nathanael Marsh, respectively. In their final collaboration, Carpenter and longtime cinematographer Dean Cundey's (Halloween, Jurassic Park) widescreen visuals shine even more in high definition, utilizing an existing transfer that’s sharp.

The first of two discs features three audio commentaries, two of which are new. The first is more of an extended interview with producer Larry Franco, hosted by special features producer Justin Beahm. Rarely mentioning what's on screen, they discuss Franco's entire career - including his lengthy stint on Carpenter film's from Elvis to They Live - in chronological order. The second new track finds Johnson in conversation with Sharknado filmmaker Anthony C. Ferrante. Thanks to Johnson's unfiltered nature, it's a fascinating and entertaining chat in which he divulges that he funded his early makeup supplies by selling marijuana, beer, and shoplifted goods to friends.

An archival commentary with Carpenter and Russell, recorded circa 2001, is full of laughs between the two friends. They poke fun at the fact that the movies they do together don't catch on until later, while Carpenter acknowledges that the Big Trouble set was reused in Janet Jackson's "When I Think of You" music video. An isolated score track, featuring 5.1 DTS-HD Master Audio of the synth soundtrack composed by Carpenter in association with regular collaborator Alan Howarth (They Live, Christine), is also available.

The first disc also includes: a vintage audio interview with Carpenter promoting the film; electronic press kit interviews with Carpenter, Russell, Dun, Cattrall, Hong, and visual effects artist Richard Edlund (Star Wars); deleted and extended scenes, including the extended ending; a gag reel; the Coupe De Villes' music video, which somehow makes the song feel even more overtly '80s; three theatrical trailers, one of which is in Spanish; five TV spots; and three photo galleries: movie stills, posters and lobby cards, and behind-the-scenes pictures.

The second disc contains a whopping twelve new interviews with cast and crew members. Dunn discusses his transition from marketing student to actor on a whim. Hong, equipped with a paper fan that he puts to good use when discussing Big Trouble, calls Lo Pan one of his best roles. Actor Donald Li, noting the stereotypical nature of most Asian roles in Hollywood, says he identified with his happy-go-lucky character of Eddie Lee. Actor Carter Wong discusses how his martial arts training led to a film career and his explosive death scene as Thunder. Actor Peter Kwong, who plays Rain, details the racial prejudices he faced early in his career, driving his aspirations to spread a message of humanity rather than race. Actor Al Leong, who plays the Hatchet Man, is animated in his praise for Carpenter.

Richter details how he turned the original period western script into a contemporary film. Goldman provides additional context to the earlier script, including original scenes that were modernized. Martial arts choreographer James Lew explains how he was drawn to martial arts because he saw Asian representation in Bruce Lee films. Castle - best known for playing Michael Myers in Halloween and co-writing Escape from New York - tells more of his origins and musical background that led to The Coupe De Villes. Wallace - who directed Halloween III and It - calls music his first love as he discusses his lifelong friendship with Carpenter, including their earlier musical collaborations. Legendary poster artist Drew Struzan (Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter) shares his fascinating backstory and admits that he posed for his own reference photo for Kurt Russell's body on the poster.

Although they did not participate in new extras, 2013 interviews with Carpenter and Russell offer their recent thoughts on the project. The straight-talking Carpenter is open about his unpleasant experience dealing with the studio, while Russell looks back on his Carpenter collaboration with fondness but reveals that the studio intentionally buried the release. There's also interviews from the same period with Cundey, who briefly touches on his many Carpenter collaborations; Franco, which features a lot of the same information from the commentary; and stuntman/actor Jeff Imada. Extras are rounded out by an archival interview with Endlund, who breaks down several visual effect gags, and a vintage making-of featurette.

Big Trouble in Little China is available now on Blu-ray and Steelbook via Scream Factory.

#big trouble in little china #john carpenter #kurt russell #kim cattrall #james hong #jack burton #victor wong #dennis dun #scream factory #dvd #gift #article #review #dean cundey #laz marquez

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